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jrueships · 1 year

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what are the best wire ships?

YALL SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED ME THIS LMAO 😭😭 i am so not serious to be the header on the wire fandom resurrection front but here we go 😭 i guess 😭! I HOPE URE READY CUS IM NOT LMFAO

FYI this post might contain some spoilers to the show but if u want a nonspoilerly version, just asked! it's pretty old so if yall haven't seen it i 10/10 recommend!!!

im painfully trying a rewatch of the show, i say painfully because my attention span watching a show vs a movie is KAPOOT! i can't stream 30 hours of a show but i can sit thru a 3 hr movie (if i haven't seen it before. Ill still have to get up and stretch sometime in the middle of it but ill be attentive nonetheless). LIKE... sitting thru a long movie holds more accountability to my mind i think. If i can't binge thru multiple episodes and end on a comfy, even number like episode 10, i can't bring myself to sit thru one without checking my phone 😭 BUT IT IS A GOOD SHOW! i just suck at watching shows in general, especially past the 1st season.. idek why.. it's like i get thru the 1st season in a happy binge breeze then BOOM! no more motivation... BUT WHAT I MEANT WITH THIS IS!!!!

This 1st post will mainly just kinda lightly touch on general knowledge from season 1 then expand in detail the more seasons i rewatch (with more ships too probably). This is mainly my fav ships i noticed now or back then

TO BE NOTED THO!! the wire isn't a really shippy show tbh, it's mainly about dynamics thru relationships contributing to story/effect on the story rather than romantic relationships. Every plot point has to have an eventual purpose for the story, every interaction, etc. It has like one will they won't they mainly for angst, and it's for Detective McNulty who has a general 'will he won't he' beat the Irish drinking gene or whatever lmao. If u wanna ship, u gotta really take the few nuggets the show might give u and REALLY turn them to gold. Cus they are gold in general, but it's up to you to make them really profit! IN CONCLUSION.. u gotta be. A little delusional. Hence our first 'ship' introduction..

🩵 stinkum & bird 🩵

... i told you we had to be a little unwell to really indulge. Sorry.

this is a totally biased list so please excuse me. Stinkum n Bird are two of Avon's muscle in the game and they both get outta it pretty quick. Involuntarily, of course, because they're the typa freaks that love it. With these two, you need context clues n connections. Almost EVERY scene Stinkum is in, he's GOT TO bring up his boy Bird. Hell, it might just be every. This is mainly due to the writers knowing the actor of bird is a big shot cameo, so it'd be too expensive to have Bird in a lot of scenes, especially in a TV show budget. And they also knew Stinkum wasn't made to last long so why not just use him as a substitute introduction to Bird's character so we don't have to pay that much for personal appearance in prologue? Bird's supposed to be the 'unhinged' one in the crew, the Crazy Guy. Crude, rude, cruel, & ruthless. Don't have the budget to show it, cheaper to tell it instead. Stinkum's just the hype man to Bird, essentially. Also he has another thing going on that leads to his early demise, but besides that, that's pretty much it. Goes to show how the show wants every dime spent for a strategical reason. Good TV shows need Causation, not 'and then's, but 'therefore' 'so' ETC.

... doesn't mean we can't have fun with it ourselves though. See, The Wire brings you quality entertainment, & it's up to us what we make of that quality to be entertained. Up to our love of the show to keep coming back to it and exploring the prime time possibilities it presented/hinted/hid. Which is a lot since practically every part of it is practical. The beauty of Stinkum n Bird to me is Stinkum being some wide-eyed doe eyed obsessed little freak who woobifies n glorifies n babygirlifies Brutal As Fuck bird because? He's insane. I guess? They both are! This is evidenced in the show, on purpose for plot! But this purpose can be made even better if we make something accidental out of it. Take the gold and spread its profits through smaller amounts, cut the product for bigger prices! LISTEN LIKE.. they made stinkum's character constantly bringing up Bird's name for plot... but him always yammering on about Bird can mean other things...... dare i say... gay things 😈. WHY does he always talk about Bird? For cheap character intro to get us ready when Bird makes his short appearance eventually yea but WHAT ELSE? they're giving us an ELSE without rlly GIVING us an else! Stinkum, who's a bit of a dopey lil goon guy, might have been unknown to a certain shooting danger one night when BLAM! He turns around, not filled with lead, but with awe for the guy he just saw skin a man alive... save HIS skin by dealing with his unforeseen assailant. Stinkum sees a softer side to the craziest, cruelest guy in their group, and has his respect eternally earned. Does Bird ever return it?? We don't know.... Bird never mentions Stink. Which creates more fun for us cus we get bounce off that with whatever the hell we want. It always goes back to the source! IF YOU WANT.. i recommend looking up 'the wire stinkum' / 'the wire bird' and ull find their scenes that show more of their character. I can elaborate on a single ship in more detail if u want, just ask ! trust me, id be MORE than happy to lmao!

🩵 Bird n Omar 🩵

Apparently, thanks to Stinkum, we know Bird n Omar jailed with each other. And STINKUM heard from BIRD that Omar was gay?? Which is like.. ok. Thanks stinkum/bird??? That's a bit.. what do u mean by that... have you, Bird, man whose little scenes he's shown is spewing same sex sexuality slander 99% of the time, Experienced that info Firsthand? Are you. Perhaps. Were you... One of Omar's whole stable of boys he had while locked up at Jess Up 🤨? ...the public needs to know 😈. Is all this talk you have against the lgbt.. perhaps... coming from a bit of internalized Rage 🤨? hm 😼? AND THIS ISNT JUST MY SPECULATION EITHER!! Other wire fans thought this!! They were sus on stinkum n Bird's relationship too!!! hell i GOT that idea from one of the wire's youtube COMMENTS!! yall we see it.. we do. Also Omar is 5'10... Bird is 5'3 at worst (says he's 5'5 but trust me. That is a definite lie.) .. Bird's also Omar's type too (which i find hilarious).. lightskinned. some may say, even, a little bratty BUT HEY! HEY!! im just usin my context clues given to me from THE SHOW ok! dont shoot the messenger bird... Omar looked like he was enjoying Bird getting his comeuppance a little Too well in that police interrogation scene.. i wouldn't be surprised if there was a deleted scene of him saying 'oh what a mouth'... BUT FROM THE SCENE GIVEN TO US THO.. what do you Mean 'bird really knows how to bring it out of people', Omar 🤨? What do you. What do you Mean by That 🤔? something.... explicit 🫣?

ANYWAYYYSS... smthin Bigger.

🩵Avon & Stringer 🩵

u rlly do have to see the show for all of these to rlly land with u tbh, the bigger ones especially bcs when the show has two characters they keep close for long... u know they're gonna be in pain. And u are too. I love avon and stringer man they make me so 😭😭!! One bleeds red the other bleeds green... ones all for family, the other for profession but DAMN IT! He thought he was family too, isn't it? Aren't i... Avon ? If the other ship types were doofy tongue out loyal to the bone tail wagging dumbly following dog Stinkum x asshole cat with claws who Maybeeee has a Slight soft spot for the dog where only HE can scratch it sometimes Bird, or elegant silk n clever streetcat with a semi bitten ear who steals fish with class Omar x rowdy rabid orange tabby cat who jumps at windows trying to eat other cats Bird..... this one is . Opposites attract. Unlikely friends to the end. Unlikely betrayal in bonds. Unlikely.. Unlikely. I don't wanna speak on it too much incase u haven't seen the show. It's just so good, it needs a justification thru watch. Avon and stringer together.. u can just feel the connection. Like these two Were childhood friends and now all this shit is happening to them.. this rift. It sucks!! It makes u wish the old days with them!! It makes u feel like an old head! Makes u feel what they're probably feeling but can't express cus they don't have the power or the pride rn!! I love them. They make me miserable. Avon and stringer were THE powercouple on the wire. They were THE girlboss malewife powercouple takeover. THE adhd bf Autistic bf romance. OKAY??? I just have to tell u the terms, it's up to u to see the show explain it. Watching stringer infodump about whatever smthing new he learned in his community college econ's is so cute. His finance bro business bro interests 😭 Avon acknowledging it and helping him indulge in it!! Making it a giant part of his organization!!! Avon the hardworking son from a long line of feared bad blood incorporating his businesstime consigliere godfather type shit ! Seeing avon get all excited at the bball game, jumping up n stomping the ground when he's winning or losing Lmao. Stringer roasting the competition, joining in on the pettiness. I love them. They're my petty powercouple and I GET TO SAY THEY DESERVED TO KISS EACH OTHER!! And GET MARRIED and LOVE EACH OTHER!!! okay!!! In another life avon is the prideful n stubborn basketball coach for their cc's poor basketball team and stringer is the sexy rich new econ professor who got demoted for being too harsh on his past private college students. D'angelo the spoiled nephew hates going to Stringer's class and hates Stringer even more when he becomes his strict new stepdad thanks to googly eyes at Avon. The coparenting comes with its troubles..

Another big crime dealing (literally) powercouple on the newer side..

🩵 marlo & Chris 🩵SHUTUP ABT CHRIS'S HAIR I TRIED OKAY IM NOT TRYING THAT HARD OKA

this one is mainly dynamic, there are some works for marlo/chris, but it's mainly dynamic exploration or relationship hinting if u squint but kept kinda dim under the surface. What's interesting abt these two is that.. They're just so interesting. It's like.. how Did they meet? WHY is chris so loyal to marlo? Also it's on misinterpretations too cus people might look at chris and think he's the ruthless killer who takes joy in his killings since he's big muscle for marlo's group... but actually he's a very chill (unless ur crime is Bad.) kinda kind n polite guy with a butler-like professional nature in his affable behavior sometimes . VS everyone thinking marlo is some emotionless, bug-eyed freak who just watches from the dark. And he is LMAO. Just like how chris CAN be ruthless, marlo CAN be hauntingly apathetic. But he can ALSO be very petty. I mean, half his Google images are of him looking disgusted LMAO. He's almost always vaguely annoyed, impeded upon, or intrigued. And chris n him Both know the other should not be messed with when pissed. If avon and stringer are the more kind of 'front and center' powercouple at the party, Marlo and chris are the two lonely assholes sitting in the dark corner (uninvited btw) of the party, vaping and judging people. Marlo doesn't drink, so he's just sipping ice water out of a red solo cup telling chris to kill whomever marlo finds insignificant (so everyone) while chris stares at the weather app on his phone, not knowing what to do. I love them in the goofy sense. They're just so awkward. Bruh girl 4 bruh girl. When two mfers with social skills where u can tell it's ok Except there's just smthin kinda Off about them, keeping them from being normL, find each other... the world burns. And it Did. They both have insane trauma and i think they should kiss. Ill def reblog with more abt them when i get to the later seasons rewatch..

🩵 Omar's og crew with him, Brandon, n bailey 🩵

i loved Omar's og little Robin hood crew so much 😭 it's a shame the wire back then didn't know how successful it'd be, so they introduced n had the other members live so short for story. They shouldve had more screen time fr! Doing shenanigans!! i just love the dynamic of Omar n Brandon being best bfs... Omar simping for Brandon n letting his mistakes slide bcs hes down bad for the lightskin.. and then there's lone wolf John bailey who just has to third wheel with them. Bailey is known to just go wherever the money goes, do whatever to get whatever, mix with whatever for whatever, so gotdammit if he has to spend time stealing money n drugs with gay people, he'll spend time stealing money n drugs with gay people!! i guess 😭. he definitely will be using that time to side eye them tho 😭😭. The funny gay couple and the straight man (literally) doing stealing shenanigans.. smh. We were robbed 😭 from their robbing!!!!!!!! i wish we saw more of them (dont get it twisted from all the praise the wire gets, it does have its faults, every show does!).. got to explore them more! We barely get to see Brandon before he dies n we don't even get to see John bailey's end result! Just hear it passing by! SMH!!! they were a cute lil ragtag group and i wanted to see them successful!!! also.. just saying John but... if u stayed n had a threesome instead of going to see ur 'mom', you wouldve lived longer...... probably not that long when you've got avon n his muscle minions after u... but still. You missed out big time bro. It's time to consider switching sexuality sides, methinks !

AS CLOSING SINCE WE'RE RUNNIN A LIL LONG!!

🩵 gay ppl.. everywhere

🩵 The Baltimore fuzz can also be poly excluding kima as platonic <3. Herc n Carver have too many sus conversations to be just bros at this point ... but ill talk more abt them later probably! They're rlly cute tho! And bunk n McNulty have their buddycop banter that's very domestic and assholic because they are domestic assholes. Bunk made lester bow-legged. Bunk ALSO outside of police stuff, has some childhood lore with Omar, of all people. Perhaps Omar had a schoolgirl crush on THE JOCK bunkster, feared star of his... school's game with the stick or whatever lol it sounds cute though! I'll talk more abt the fuzzy side of the show if u want, but they're pretty big so ull see more of that for urself with less explanation needed if u watch it !

🩵 avon's barksdale crew could be a poly powercouple gang takeover !! As could marlo's! With obvious platonic pieces as snoop probably has her own gf n such. Wee-bey is just so beautiful he needs to be a bf!! he needs someone to listen to his fish facts!! Him and stringer probably trade fish facts n finance facts! Avon and his gang kiss <3

🩵 bodie/Wallace have some fans! The stubborn kid playing tough guy to survive trying to steel his heart and the smart kid who's a little too soft and a little too supportive.. it's sweet and sad :( .

🩵 Bodie n poot are cute too. The second coming of girlboss malewife. Lil Kevin had to be in a poly with them or smthin cus there's no other reason why they should keep him along 😭 he was so shit at being muscle. It's not even funny LOL. Poot was also kinda shitty at being muscle too. Lil spoon headass, desperately debilitatingly declining hairline headass. Fuckin poot 😭.. bodie rlly spent his whole life carrying the team tbh. No wonder he's always such a crabby Lil guy! Yall make him do too much! By the time he was 26, he felt 86 probably !!

🩵 there's also cutty n slim charles, n other people that show in the later seasons that i can address later in a reblog, but yea! So far those are my favs mentioned n can be elaborated later! thank u SO much 4 asking, this was SUPER fun n appreciated 🩵🩵🩵 i doubt many ppl will read this n i don't blame yall but TRY if u can.. to watch The Wire if ure ever bored n have some freetime!! it's so good 😭

#if u dont have the span i def recommend watching youtube clips of it! searching whatever character ure interested in #cus the clips are golden!#they got a lot of good characters in the wire man!! and i love good characters!#if one doesnt hit another probably does !#anyways yea!!! thanks for asking !! this was a blast <3 #ted longer #ted asks #enjoy my images at least if the words are too much for the brain which i totally get #ALSO DONT TAKE THE IMAGES TOO SERIOUS LOL u know ted is having a time when u see a photoshopped ted post #i am Never serious with those

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beltiel · 11 months

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I'll Keep You (My Fuzzy Little Secret)

Errant plotbunny that won’t leave me alone and might/maybe/potentially get turned into an actual fic...

AOS!Jim's time on Tarsus triggers a dormant gene in his genetic make-up. Cue True Alpha, Werewolf Jim.

Yeah. I went there. (I came to Star Trek after five years obsessing over Teen Wolf, please for to forgive 🙏)

Getting thru the academy without Jim getting found out is responsible for a majority of Bones (scarce) gray hairs. I'm thinking a five plus one fic where Spock almost finds out multiple times, and one time where he either knows and uses it to their advantage, or finds the eff out.

1.) Lake Day for Puppies- Bones and Jim head to a local lake to relax after finals and Jim takes the rare opportunity to stretch his four legs. Amanda is there walking the park and has gotten some bad news; Jim dog shakes and gets her all wet and interrupts the call she's on with her son. An aggrieved Bones drags Jim away, tho not before professor Spock notes the unusual size of the 'dog' and his piercing blue eyes over the vid call.

2.) After they've finished with the Narada and are heading back to earth/vulcan sans warp core (I refuse to let Vulcan be destroyed in my head canons. You can't just take the single most interesting culture that Trek introduces and get it gone, JJ.) and Spock realizes that Jim's taken a hell of a beating. A beating he really doesn't seem to be showing signs of at all. There's 'having a best friend with a dermal regenerator on quick use' and then there's 'conveniently don't have broken ribs/tentacle burns/frostbite/ busted wrist anymore'. It's not til a recovering Pike tells him firmly to be a 'good boy' and 'go lie down' that Jim does take any rest. (Obvs dadmiral Pike is in the know)

3.) Angsty one. Turns out Scotty is totally in the know. He's from a small pack back in Aberdeen. Drunk on a shore leave at one point (Scotty's stash of wolfsbane 'shine ftw), Jim bemoans his loneliness and Scotty asks about his mate- most 'wolves have met theirs by his age. Jim laments that his mate is actually his True Mate, but… they're already as good as married. (Spuhura for a beat here, sorry) Scotty weasels out of Jim that it IS someone on the enterprise tho. When they get back to the ship, Spock is there to berate the Captain, Bones tells him to shove off, and Scotty drags Bones to their end of the officers deck while a *very* handsy Kirk is escorted back to his quarters by Spock. There's a lot of scent marking going on. When Spock mentions that he will be returning to Uhuras quarters after this, Jim full on whines at him.

4.) The enterprise is sent to a planet that ONLY Jim and Bones are allowed to beam down to. Upon discussion with Pike, Jim argues to bring Scotty and an ensign from the sciences department (who's also a 'wolf, tho younger). Turns out the planet is pack full (ha) of werewolves and humans and they don't really want to join the federation, but star fleet (not in the know) has given Jim a chance to change their minds. Jim spends the week stretching his four legs and reveling in a 'wolf culture that he's never known. Bones soaks up information like a sponge, finally having someone to talk to about the medical aspects of having a best friend who's a werewolf. Scotty makes friends over his wolfsbane 'shine recipe. Ensign Danvers meets her mate and decides to resign her commission to stay planet side. Everything pretty fine and dandy, by the 3rd day the locals even let the Enterprise send down their science team to do some local science-y things. The local Alpha invites Jim 'and his 2nd' to a run with them that evening. Spock overhears Jim accept, and arrives at the appointed place (ha) late due to a science hold up; only to find that Jim is there with Bones and was not, apparently, expecting Spock. Jim is shirtless and flushed with exhilaration, having just come back from a 'lap around the lake' (unlikely, the lake is 10 miles around, Spock isn't THAT late)(except if you're a 'wolf, that wouldn't take very long at ALL) and Jim is hanging all over Bones, punch drunk on adrenaline and happy, but he snaps to when he sees Spock. Bones is his second in Jim's pack- the local Alpha can smell/tell that Spock doesn't truly belong to Jim (yet). Negotiations break down a bit when Spock alludes to the captains penchant for going dangerous places with/doing dangerous things. He is, after all, surrounded by a group of the locals wearing their four legs. Jim does damage control- Danvers helps, since she's now mated to the alphas son.

5.) Bones gets away to do some camping, Spock goes looking for Jim who's beamed down to join Bones last second in an attempt to get away from Uhura and Spock celebrating their anniversary or whatever. Jim's clothes are at Bones campsite, but Jim isn't, and Spock is (livid) confused, but the verbal sparring is cut short when a local predator pack approaches the campsite. They growl menacingly and Spock shoves Bones behind him- only to hear a far more menacing and wet snarl erupt from the tree cover behind them. Curiously, McCoy actually *relaxes* and is flooded with relief (touch telepathy, plz n thnx) by the sound. The creatures however, are not, and they turn tail and run. Jim shows up shortly thereafter, wrapped in a towel, apparently back from a 'washing up'. (He left the enterprise an hour ago, why didn't he just use the sonics? Spock ponders)

6.) Spock gets a new incense. One of the ingredients is a variant of wolfsbane that gets Jim high as balls and his control starts to slip on the bridge. Like catnip. Bones has to quarantine the bridge and holler at Spock about not checking things first.

7.) Obligatory, stranded in a cave on an ice planet and Spock is freezing to death/delirious. His fever dreams of snuggling up to Ichaya are just fever dreams, tho, pay no mind to the blonde wolf fur clinging to his away science blues…

8.) Yes, this is more than 5. Oops.

#plot bunny #ficlet #fanfiction #writing is hard #star trek #star trek aos #teen wolf #if you squint #miscommunication is my fic weakness

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bluexiao · 3 years

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Bestie imagining these men with their kids is a blessing I swear to god!!! I may hate kids but having kids with fictional men hits different. On that note I raise you this: Zhongli and Xiao believing that they won't be able to have children with their partner/wife because of their past deeds/karma but then oop surprise she gets pregnant and they almost faint. I see Zhongli having twin girls that are identical to each other and have his eyes and it makes him so happy bc he sees himself in his girls but also they're a carbon copy of their mother. Xiao also has a little girl who is an exact copy of him. Shy, reserved and only likes certain people. Her dad is always by her side and if he could he would never let her leave his arms. She has his pretty eyes and hair, the mother/reader had none of her genes transferred lol *this is all based on that one post you made about the boys and their kids so if you aren't into these types of asks anymore delete this and I won't send another one in for the rest of the husband squad lol*

Being a Parent — headcanons

Character/s: zhongli, xiao; implied f!reader

Word count: over 2k can you tell how dedicated i am to this post

Note/s: so a reminder that this is purely fiction and a headcanon. i named the kids and believe me i’m not well versed at chinese names so i’m sorry if i ever did something wrong with it or so. i’ll place the meanings below if you’re curious about them^^ also i’m so sorry this is REALLY long i did not expect that i’d write a lot until i’m halfway thru zhongli’s and realized i’m at 800 words. and wow…. you could tell who’s my favorite between the two if you read this whole. anyway thanks for those who requested! this is totally one of my personal favorites. enjoy!

also to the person who requested for venti, it’s coming soon! i literally forgot about scanning my requests so these two are the only ones i finished writing today don’t worry i’ll write for venti too!!

ZHONGLI

First things first, I can't believe we have the same image in mind! i also had imagined before that zhongli would have twin children or at least two and they will grow up with him whilst being half adeptus

Of course, he had thought of the consequences before; maybe an ancient god like him wouldn’t be able to reproduce, like the other adepti, maybe this is dangerous for you. However, after being proven that he can indeed produce a child, he couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride and joy in his chest.

I can see your family to be composed of twin girls and a younger son, a new addition to the family just a few months ago after your twins turned two. You and Zhongli did not expect him to come, but alas the gods had decided to bless you two with another one, and the both of you couldn’t be much happier.

The twin girls, Meiyin and Meilin, usually called Yin and Lin fort short, look a lot like you, but they have their father’s eyes and his personality. They may have body features of a dragon, however, you were quite surprised when you saw the tiny, golden horns that the twins have on their forehead. But then, it’s not like you two did not expect it. Zhongli is a dragon, of course his children may embody features that were like his.

They are the calmest babies you have ever seen and they grew up to still be as calm as they were when they were babies. They rarely had tantrums but if they would, your eardrums would hurt. It’s to the point that your husband will be the only one who would have the capability of calming them down.

“Must be an adepti trait?” you lightheartedly say, whilst still holding onto one of your ears, leaning by the door frame of the twins’ room, looking at Zhongli who held both of his daughters in his arms, one of them clinging onto his neck while the other leans on his chest.

You see him softly smile, and you thought it was because of your words, but it was because of you. You who still thought positively about the situation even if you probably knew that this kind of tantrum is not much of a positive trait that one should have—but they do because of their blood, blood that came from him and his past.

Yin and Lin can be quite different at times. Despite being twins, there are certain qualities in their personalities that differ. For example, Yin is really good with money, and she has her own savings at the age of, what, five? On the other hand, Lin is a huge spender, especially when she grew up. When Lin was a kid, she’d throw a tantrum if you won’t let her buy a toy or a dress she likes. Sometimes, Zhongli indulges her with her desires, but it would be Uncle Childe who buys a lot of “gifts” for her. Also, he’s the twins’ favorite uncle (poor Xiao).

As for your youngest son, Jianlei or Lei, he’s a total carbon copy of his father, from head to toe. If you’ve never seen him cry, this would be one of the rarest times you would. He felt happy when the girls came, but when he saw a little version of him, sleeping softly in your arms? That is a sight to behold and something he’d cherish until the end of his days.

Lei doesn’t have horns though. He’s the one who has the least noticeable features since he only has a set of fangs. They weren’t too big but they’re not that of a mortal one. However, Zhongli did mention that it might change when he grows up. You still haven’t asked him about it but you have an idea as to why he said that.

Your youngest son’s personality is kind of a mixture of you and Zhongli but his maturity sure came from his father. He doesn’t rush on things and solves problems in a tactical and orderly way. However, he can be pretty stubborn because he wants to go things his way—you’re actually debating in your mind if it came from your side or your husband’s.

Shockingly, it is Jianlei who likes Uncle Xiao the most. Even if the yaksha rarely visits, Lei remembers him very clearly and admires him a lot.

Only a trusted few knows about Zhongli’s identity and even so, the children were gems of the harbor. People believe their golden eyes are very intriguing and they are all beautiful. A photographer may even try to get your family as models or so and ever since, Lin would be interested in being photographed whereas Jianlei, your son, would grow up to be surrounded by girls who have a crush on him. Like his father however, he’s very dense. Yin on the other hand will be the one who’s interested in history that she may even ask if she can study at Sumeru someday when she grows up.

Zhongli is the type of father who is not too strict on his children but he would surely be protective of them behind the lines. If someone ever does wrong to any of his precious kids, there are heavy consequences for such actions—maybe except if they’re children or so. Either way, I see him as a family man and he’s a natural at it. Your children will always feel the genuine love and support from their father no matter which path they take. As for you, of course his attention may be divided but he’ll always look at you the same way he had always done so ever since. You are part of his family, and he’ll prove it to you every single day.

MeiLin can mean “beautiful forest” or “beautiful, fine jade/gem” or “plum jade”

MeiYin can mean “beautiful money/silver”

JianLei can mean “building/establishing a pile of stones” or “strong/healthy pile of stones”

XIAO

Ironically, I agree that Xiao will certainly have an only daughter. I mean you can have more but he really hates seeing you in pain during labor. He doesn’t like it when he couldn’t do anything but wait outside or sit by your side, urging you to hold his hand and squeeze it to somehow ease the pain—as if it would.

He’s extremely overprotective during your pregnancy, and yes that’s to a very high extent. He would be like that at the very start and also when you’re nearing your due for the sole reason that you eased him into thinking that he should calm down for a bit. He did, but when you get more vulnerable by the months pass, he’s back at it again, and you’re fine with that because it’s for the right reason anyway.

At first though, he was really hesitant and scared, you could see it in his eyes. The moment you revealed to him that you’re pregnant, no matter how hard he tried to mask his emotions, it’s still obvious.

“Y-you’re what?”

He stiffened in your hold and your eyes instantly saw the change in his own. If you didn’t know better, you would have seen this as a negative note, but you waited patiently in front of him, nodding your head and a reassuring smile forming on your lips.

You then caressed his hand slowly with your thumb and gently pulled it to your clothed stomach, letting his open palm rest on it while your comforting hand stayed on top of his.

“We, Xiao. We’re expecting.”

He visibly gulped as his gaze drifted down to where your hands were linked and you wouldn’t have to look closer to see that his eyes were tearing up. You could say that he was holding them back but a tiny, single tear made him lose. However you didn’t have time to raise your other hand to brush it away when he pulled you into a loose embrace—might be because he thinks if he held you tighter, something might happen.

You wouldn’t see, but you could tell that Xiao is now crying.

He wouldn’t say anything about his worries but you’d know it, especially if you had been with him for a long time.

When your daughter, whom you named Annchi, arrived, she peaked her eyes up to you and the moment you saw them, you saw her father. Xiao on the other hand noticed her great resemblance to you, from hair to nose to lips—except for the eyes. That one feature was what made him tear up again. Although he did not cry, it was obvious that he was close to anyway

He would be wary of holding her at first, but then Verr, the one who assisted you and the doctor during labor and the whole pregnancy, insisted him to since you had fallen asleep at that time. When he held your baby the first time, Verr guided him at first, but he got the hang of it in a minute or two. He’s uncomfortable at first but when his baby looked up at him again and reached out her small hands to play with the tips of his hair, he melted. It felt as if his world lightened up more once his daughter arrived.

He has a soft side on his daughter and you would always catch him looking at her with a gentle look on his eyes, sometimes even paired with a small smile.

There are times when you have to reassure him still, especially if he’s still suffering from his karmic debt. He wouldn’t let himself hold his daughter and even so far as be close with her. It will hurt looking and seeing him like this, but he’s doing it to protect her. Although it’s not like your daughter was very fragile like a normal mortal would—she has an adeptus’ blood, his own blood.

Deep inside him though, he hopes that his suffering did not pass onto his daughter. He’d worry about it sometimes but when he sees her smiling up at him, those thoughts would instantly vanish.

Like the previous children, Annchi also has a feature that came from her father’s blood and it's the wings on her back. It was quite small of course but as she grew up, it became more noticeable. Of course there were people who questioned it, and it was one of the reasons why your husband were more alert, especially when she started going to school. Too many people are quite interested in knowing your daughter that you two eventually decided to have her home-schooled instead—of course with the permission of your daughter. Surprisingly but kind of expected, she accepted. As long as she thinks it’s reasonable, she doesn’t mind going along with it.

She also has a tattoo on her neck. It was not quite obvious when she was a baby since it only became more visible during her toddler years and by the time she was a teenager, the tattoo was clearly of an image of a bird.

Your daughter is reserved, just like her father, but she can be a mixture of you and him at times. Although, it’s quite obvious that she and her father have more understanding towards each other. Even if her father wasn’t saying anything, she clearly knows what he thinks.

She will be closer to you in an emotional aspect though. She respects her father that she understands that he is not like an ordinary mortal who can understand emotions, that’s why it’s probably best to talk to you about those.

Lastly, since this is getting longer than it should be Xiao is the type of father who would stand at the sidelines and watch his child grow. He’d support her, sure, but he would like to see them independent and not blinded by the dark side of the world. He will keep his karmic debt from her and she won’t even know about it but she might see it a couple of times but she won’t question it. It’s unknown whether he has knowledge about these times but going back to the point, he wants to protect her and he would from other people, but he would show her that the world is harsh and cruel, despite its beauty. He wants her to learn to fight and protect herself because there might be a time when he wouldn’t be there to do so. Thus, it is only best that he shall pass on his strength, so that she may live longer and have a happier life than his.

Annchi means “amazing, peace, angel” or “angelic peace”

Trivia: I kind of based my own family on Xiao's part. I’m an only child and my family works exactly that way. Me and my dad are introverts and we understand each other in a different way than me and my mom would. Only at that aspect though lmao.

#genshin x reader #genshin drabbles #genshin oneshots #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #zhongli x you #xiao x you #xiao headcanons #genshin headcanons #zhongli headcanons

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i8jisoo · 4 years

Text

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

changbin x reader | part three of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & angst for a lil bit woo

↬ warnings; talk of perinatal depression, cursing, n labor

↬ notes; changbin babi 🥺 ALSO ITS CHANGBIN DAY WOOO ITS MY BABYS BDAYYYYY SO I HAD TO POST THIS |

u two had just freshly started an official, public relationship

ofc changbin was freaking out while he was chilling in the bathtub behind the curtain so u could pee on the test already

u two were looking at the line coming in, praying that there would be only o n e 😳

slowly the other line comes in, dark blue n clear alongside the other one

“holy fuck—“

“what do we do?” you asked, your voice wavering while setting the test back down

his hands cupped your face, giving u a soft kiss n hugging you

“we got this, we’re having a baby, baby!” he started to joke and yall burst out laughing while crying in the bathroom

the first few months were amazing

ur lil bump sprouted out n u two were so happy about it

changbin is just so attentive and excited about this pregnancy and his first born

u really couldn’t have been better with ur lil family that was starting to become realer with each day

u two r such bullies yall r like

“what happened? ur a softie now binnie!!”

n he’d say shit like, “well at least i don’t pee every hour on the clock!!”

he makes u cry one time n u use that against him everytime u want something bc he feels guilty >:)

cute lil things like asking the baby what they want to eat or talking to it before the bed

(changbin reads the baby goodnight moon one time and ur just so in love like wow 🥺)

he secretly talks to the baby when you sleep every night because hes waiting for when ur little bean will reply back with a kick or a hand

he is W H I P P E D for u n ur baby bump

nursery is already done at five months

he needs all of the boys to come over though to help him figure out the instructions 😳 these are co nfusi ngg

they notice how smiley n giggly he is when he talks about u two and looking at the finished crib hes just so proud

yall r so happy and content with ur baby that was an accident, but u guys are so happy this happened

but something changes within u

changbin notices your lack of interest in the pregnancy during ur sixth month

ur sleeping pattern was off n u would sleep for hours during the day and night

u were very irritable, not wanting changbin to cuddle with u or kiss u like he did everytime he came back from practice :(

u were always unhappy and always so moody, he just wanted u to be happy 🥺

he is so confused and worried ab u, some days ur not eating or some days u don’t even wake up in the mornings like u used to

sometimes— just sometimes he’d come back home to find u in the same spot, asleep

he’s so fucking scared when ur around seven months that he can’t hold it in anymore

“are—are you okay?” he questions u from the doorway, making u stop to look at him in the mirror

ur eyes were cold, setting down the towel u were drying ur hair with and leaving him by himself while heading into ur bedroom

“don’t you dare fucking walk away from me.”

ur s h oo k

he was really nice during the pregnancy everyday, super bubbly and kind so u were shocked to hear his upset tone

“i can and i will, i’ll just go sleep in another fuckin room.” u mumbled, changbin grabbing ur hands and turning u around to face him

u struggle for a bit while ur arguing with him and telling him to let go so u could go to sleep

“stop! i am your boyfriend, i am the only one who is going to care for you like this. i am the only one who is dying, seeing you like this. do you understand? we’ve been through seven months of this together, it was fine for awhile and now you’re fucking turning me away?”

hes shouting at this point, hes just so pissed after three months of not having answers and your attitudes and arguments, he cannot handle it

u start crying

hes quick to hold you, pulling u down to the bed so u don’t have to stand on ur tired feet anymore

“i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 🥺🥺🥺

he insists u two will find out n u both will get thru this rough patch together

perinatal depression, they diagnosed u

changbin is so upset when he hears the doctors tell u

everything is making sense to him and he’s just so heartbroken he didn’t put two and two together earlier

he takes time off for the time being to make sure ur taking care of urself

hes watching u like a hawk but trying not to make it evident

the first time u ask him for a kiss, he gives u dozens

he hadn't been asked for kisses in so long he was so relieved 🥺

he’s constantly telling u how beautiful u r and talking to ur bump about how they have the best genes and their uncles

this man is a father already it seems

he is ur #1 face mask partner cause he buys the cute ones only because u deserve the cute ones that r ur favorite ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

cooking together is something that happens, not often but every once in awhile he will let u do small things

cut up some lettuce? sure! pour in the soup broth? of course u can! taste test his food? always.

he wants to make sure ur comfortable with him touching u or kissing u or what hes saying

“i love you.” he’s mumbling, quickly placing a kiss against the fabric of one of his own shirts that was worn by u and fit u like a dress still

he then goes up to ur cheek n presses a kiss to it, ur hand cupping his jaw and letting him kiss ur lips >.<

also u guys let out a quiet talk of pregnancy to the public, letting jyp release a notice on changbin’s absence from live-streams and posts with the boys

u two received a lot of positive feedback which changbin let u read the positive ones n loved when u smiled at each one

u were overdue by a week which was the worst, ur back hurt and u had migraines

u also were put on bed-rest for the next week before u could be inducted

u guys waited out the week and u got scheduled for an induction

the labor was really slow which sucked because u just wanted to hold ur baby already :(

rly intimate moments like chan just holding u n rocking u like a baby

u guys are given this position to move the baby down, your knees on the ground so u could kneel against the bed and changbin would hold ur hips n rock them

he just feels so bad he can’t do anything to help u with the pain 🥺

yall kinda vibing with the hospital food (idk bout yall but some food from hospitals smack chile)

“i just want to go home.” :(

u bet ur ass he scoots into ur hospital bed, holding ur hands n u just cry into his shoulder

he feels like his heart is being torn to pieces when he listens to u cry out of pain

his free hands holds your jaw, making u look up at him

“we’re almost done baby, okay? i know it hurts, if i could i would take your pain in a heartbeat. you are incredibly strong and i’m so proud of you. you just need to hang in here for a few more hours, yeah? you think you can do that?”

u give him the weakest smile ever but its better than nothing

u reach 10cm!!!

now the part that wasn’t fun was the pushing :/

u were hurting, u were tired, and u had been promised almost seven times that all u need was one more push but no matter what, it seemed like the baby wasnt budging

“the cord is wrapped around the neck, we need you to stop pushing. okay?”

ur too tired and stopping the pushing sounded good so u did as they said but when they told u they needed to actually reach in and unwrap it ur blood ran cold

u both were worried about how much u could take

u screamed, god it hurt and it felt like hours of them twisting but it was a mere minute

the labor progressed n there it was

“a girl!”

u two are like faucets or waterfalls

shes literally the perfect mixture of u both 🥺

he washed her hair n helped wrap her up in a blanket, giving her over to u for the first time

u both were just in love with her, she was absolutely perfect

he’s obsessed with her, taking in that baby scent, the scent of the light baby shampoo and the bit of baby powder that lingered throughout her onesie

her hair wooooww its so soft n fluffy

her little baby pout and her puffy cheeks

i can see him calling her bunny for awhile as a childhood nickname

he’ll just be like

“oh that’s my bunny!!”

weird look from u but ur heart melts while he bounces her in his arms n gives her some kissies and running his fingers thru her hair

he’s also rly soft, i don’t see him singing but i see him definitely whispering to her about how she’s gonna grow up and have the best life because thats his little girl

“ur gonna have eight uncles, they are crazy but it’s okay. u definitely lucked out on fathers though, i’m pretty good at lullaby's. u did get great genes too, u have a handsome daddy and a gorgeous mommy. we worked really hard on making u, please don’t hurt ur cute little face. u also have a storm coming, there’s a thing called stays, they are gonna adore you, i promise.”

omgomgomgomg jejejejeje im blushing at the thought of this i just adore dad changbin

u guys may or may not be planning for another but it definitely would happen in a few years

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goldvnboy · 3 years

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screams hi guys im gemma && im so excited to be here !! on today’s disaster episode im introducing my boy, park jaehyun, a whole ass snake in sheep’s clothing 🤪 if u would like to plot w me, pls hit the LIKE button && ill come runnin into ur dms ( or more preferably u can add me on discord @ gemma#8039 ) !! also under the cut is some fun facts abt him bc ya bitch and straight to the point simply do not gel so a lot of this info may not be immediately evident in the bio huhu

@virtuemedia

( stats \ bio \ plots )

gemini sun, aries moon, leo rising / enfj / chaotic neutral

momma’s boy thru && thru, his dad cheated on his momma so the man can go to hell ( nah jk deep down jaehyun still hella thirsty for his dad’s approval also who else is gna give him all this good ass STATUS )

jaehyun is honestly a perfect mix between his mom && dad !! his dad tends to be p in ur face but that can translate into him being p easy to read and sorta relatable while his mom tends to be more enigmatic and does a lot of work behind the scenes huhu

so at face value he is like those sports captains that give rlly motivational yet kinda crass pep talks + a lil slow at times + can get pretty aggressive if u challenge him ( thx 4 yo dominant genes dad ) so everyone who comes across him doesn’t think he has the wits for it bUT PLOT TWIST !! he is p familiar with manipulation / underhanded tactics thx to his mom who whipped his stupid ass into shape !!

honestly the best descriptor i can give is imagine a loud, kinda dumb jock taking a bachelor in snakery hurr durr

but him being manipulative doesn’t necessarily translate to him being hella evil ?? it’s honestly v similar to his momma, who is v manipulative too but in a way that she thinks it’s for the greater good ( i.e. keeping the peace, calming the situation, thinking she knows better, the person she’s manipulating doesn’t know what’s good for them etc )

speaking of, my boy honestly just wanted to be a pro soccer player && yeah he’s great and all but his skills are probably juuuust shy of being considered to play pro, but also his parents have alw wanted him to go into politics to follow after his dad’s footsteps && when he didn’t want to at first, his mom basically manipulated him into thinking this is def the Superior Option and So Much Fun

so yeah he enjoys politics rn but deep down there is that child that just wants to play soccer yknow

that said his manipulation can turn really Ugly and evil when his competitive side comes out !! case in point back when he was a charity pledge, he basically disqualified the other charity pledge by managing to get his hands on a sex tape ft. that pledge and a [ redacted ] initiate !! he also coulda sent the tape to the regent at the time, but he decided it would be more fun to play it for the whole uni to see and let em find out that way :)) of course if anyone asks him this he’s gna be like ?? huh ?? i didn’t do that but man what an asshole that other pledge was breaking the rules like that i would n e v e r do that e v e r ( also if ur wondering, jaehyun is not the greatest schemer on the planet so a lot of his brilliant ideas can be attributed to his mastermind bestie fthv )

also one defining feature of jaehyun is he is the biggest sore loser in the milky way && if u > him in literally anyth, he will secretly hate ur ass ( he may even plot ur downfall depending on how important this competition was to him el oh el )

like no joke, this man could decide not to participate in a race thinking nah it sounds boring the stakes are lame, then when the winner for that race is announced hes like >:( basically if he doesn’t win in anyth he qualifies is eligible to apply for he gna >:( not him dreaming of random committees hes barely even heard of barging into his room w a gold medal w his name on it

ok enough shading my boy huhu jaehyun is v v aware of his strengths and weaknesses and he’s honestly an amazing team player !! like he understands his role v v well espc in schemes and such, so he’s not the type to try and do someone else’s job and he knows if you’re the expert, he’s not gonna mansplain u cause obv u know more than he does l o l so he is v aware of his stupidity role and he executes it to perfection !! even if sometimes that role just means lookin pretty

he is also known to be flighty but that’s just him trying people out for wear, cause he knows his weaknesses v well and lets that guide him as to the kind of people he needs on his team and if u don’t fit the bill he’s simply gna *andy from ts2 vc* i don’t wanna play with you anymore

but to the people he considers part of his *vin diesel vc* family, he is Omega loyal to u and if he goes up, yall go up tgt !! rule of thumb is his family can win ( ideally not in smth he rlly cares abt or he gna semi >:( again ) but everyone else who isn’t part of his family can only lose or he gna try knock ur ass out :)) but if he smells any disloyalty he is gna end u x100 compared to if u were just some random

#( 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚍'𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚎 ) \ * ooc .#virtue:intro

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tendoki · 4 years

Note

pulling up with a baby with tendou bc of the quarantine and how the team would react pls 🥺 i feel like coach washijo would be happy and would try to convince yall to let the bby go to shiratorizawa 🤣

anon ive been having the worst day but this request made me lose my shit thank u so much GOOD LORD LMFAOO

I did my best to do this request JUSTICE lol. it turned into general baby havin hcs but I hope you like it regardless!! its rlly long so my bad 🥺

Shiratorizawa reacting to Tendou + his s/o leaving lockdown w a mfin BABY

OK. so he was prob at your apartment when the lockdown was announced

so since all his shit was already there, he had clothes and a toothbrush n it was just generally more convenient for him to stay at your place

he did! he messaged his mom to let her know where hed be, she Didnt Mind lol (we dont know much ab tendous family so?? aah)

now. not saying yall spent all ur time fucking. but u 100% did

and since u ran out of birth control and condoms pretty soon into quarentine......... 👀

both of u sorta just went

FUCK IT

both of you were pretty in love anyway, and even if things didnt work out, you guys figured that youd always work together to be the best parents for the kid you could possibly be

which led to were ur at now. a measly week out of quarantine. n ur being rushed to the labour ward.

tendou is RUNNING AFTER U W HIS LONG ASS LEGS

shiratorizawa closed for the rest of the academic year, which meant that as a 3rd year, you guys and a lot of the team wouldnt see eachother in uniform again

but not to worry!! to make up for the missed celebrations theyve organised a prom and a couple days where 3rd years can come in and give proper goodbyes to everyone, including the coaches!!

everyone on the team showed up, because they wanted to say bye to their senpais 🥺🥺

but. that's like 3 months from ur labour

so when u n tendou pull up to the school, with a 3month old CHILD they r. astounded.

they know its u guys' tho

literally theres not even the possibility for a JOKE that u cheated on tendou because the kid has the same fucking hair.

it's only a little tuft (u know what anime babies look like lol) but that nose n that hair? TENDOU SATORIS GENES CAME THRU

the baby has ur eyes. and compared to the rest of its tiny little face?? they're fucking HUGE

you guys let ushijima hold him (I feel like youd have a son?) and ngl ushi cries.

it's a single tear but tendou will INSIST that waka was SOBBING years afterward

everyone is so attached to the kid sorry

USHIJIMA IS THE GODFATHER LMAO DID U EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE???

the baby is so attached to semi tho!!! the second semi reaches forward to hold the kid and poke at its fat lil cheeks, hes giggling and blubbering up at his uncle semi 🥺

JWJDJD GOSHIKI FREEZES WHEN YOU OFFER HIM TO HOLD THE KID. HE JUST GOES PALE AND FREEZES UP

REON IS SO GOOD WITH THE BABY

he offers to help you guys go shopping for more baby stuff 🥺🥺 and when his mom finds out ab the kid (team sleepovers were at reons house n u were ALWAYS invited so she LOVES U sorry I make the rules)

she gives u some of reons old baby clothes!!! n ur LOSING ur mind because WDYM THIS TALL MFER WAS ONCE LIKE A FOOT TALL AND WEARING A BLUE BEAR ONESIE???

she doesnt judge u for being a young mother!! I imagine she was too?? Reon is real respectful n I'll be damned if she isnt just as sweet

the coaches are already on your ass about toddler volleyball. they call up a couple friends and have already organized a group for teaching young Young YOUNG kids how to play despite ur son being. 3 months old.

the whole team is Maybe in love with your son

sorry. it's our son now. shiratorizawa owns ur kid :/

when shirabu is holding your boy. the whole team watches as semi get jealous????? over a kid that's NOT his???

hes petty and tells him that hes holding him wrong (hes not)

washijo is obsessed with ur baby. hes so proud of tendou. insisting that ur son being 'the size of a FAT volleyball' is a great sign for his skills in the court

the whole team. is offering money. they know u 2 are JUST out of highschool and with quarentine, are probably pretty low on cash??

BUT !! I 100% hc that tendou draws!! nd hes been doing a shit load of commissions for like. years LOL

n hes always saved that money!! he only spent it on shounen jump, which dont make too much of a dent in the money pile lol

besides he took emergency comms the second you guys found out ab the pregnancy

if you draw/write/do any work from home that's gets you money, then you do that too!!

he forces u to do less work than him tho because hes WORRIED AB U N THE BABY 🥺

but you guys appreciate the offers from your friends!!! Reon and Ushi's mom both volunteer to baby sit when you guys want a date night, thus ur child creating one hell of a friendship between the ex-captain and his vice's mothers 🥺

I'm not gonna go thru ALL the team members reactions

but they're all really happy!! ofc they scold tendou for not using protection and are MAJORLY GROSSED OUT KNOWING THAT THE TWO OF U HAVE INDEED HAD SEX

even tho the fact that satori is a Horny boy should be universal knowledge by now

the team is there for you guys while the baby grows up!! the second the kid can walk ushi is kneeling down and teaching him to spike

tendou is just as bad and insists that his son is a prodigy and should be a pro volleyball player already

LISTEN

TENDOUS SHIRATORIZAWA NUMBER??? HIS JERSEY

U GUYS GET A TINY VERSION OF THAT MADE

EVEN OF HE ISNT DOING VOLLEYBALL ANYMORE THIS MAN IS SO PROUD TO SEE HIS NUMBER ON HIS BOY 🥺🥺🥺👉🏻👈🏻

ur son is a mamas boy n it breaks tendous heart ngl

u make up for it by having a daughter a year or two down the line 😳 n shes OBSESSED with her dad it's cute but also BABY ur 4 please stop sleeping in mommy n daddies bed 🥺🥺🥺

also ur sons first words

oh boy

u can tell that the whole fuckin team has been teaching ur son volleyball stuff

u came home n ur son is sat in the living room SURROUNDED by ur (other) boys

ur (main) boy starts blubbing and bouncing at the sight of his mama 🥺 (or dada/other parent if ur an afab trans person!!!)

you tell off the team for tryna get ur baby into vball when hes barely 6months at this point

but before the boys all leave 🥺🥺 ur son grabs his favourite uncle semi and just goes

'sehtah!!!' (setter)

SEMI BREAKS DOWN CRYIBG LMAOOO

ngl tendou n u r kinda pissed that ur babies first words werent mama or dada. but then u see how happy semi is n u both just 🥺

semi is soft for your son and as the kid grows up hes still attached to him

he cant get away with being a brat though, boys got a whole mfing TEAM of dads/uncles PLUS grampy Washijo are ready to scold this boy

your son (and future daughter) are both SO loved though

theyve always got SOMEONE they know they can depend on

the team loves tendou and they love u, so OFC they ADORE any kids u guys have EVER.

they stay in contact with both of you even if you split up later on, they care enough about you guys that the y/n tendou powercouple is something every new generation of shiratorizawa volleyboys are taught about and introduced to

and YES ANON. WASHIJO DOES INSIST ON YOUR KID(S) GOIN SHIRATORIZAWA

they're guaranteed a spot!! they dont even have to work for it lmfaooo

mostly because coach threatens to leave the school and work with karasuno if they dont confirm them a place

it's an empty threat but it WORKS

the worldwide lockdown of 2020 is something you and tendou remember fondly forever 🥺

even if it was in bad circumstances the two of you made something so positive

this turned into general baby hcs with tendou MY BAD LOL IM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN AND ALSO CONSTANTLY GOING THRU BABY FEVER

#tendou satori #tendou satori x reader #tendou satori fluff #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #yeah i love kids so much #long post

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yvnglvke · 5 years

Text

new york’s very own luke jeong was spotted on broadway street in nmd r1s. your resemblance to jackson wang is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twenty-first birthday bash. while living in new york, you’ve been labeled as being egotistic , but also independent. i guess being a leo explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be the scent of new shoes, sweat dripped down your forehead, fingers adorned with rings. & ( cis male & he / him ) + sam, 21, she/her

hiiii everyone !! my name is sam and i’m very excited to join you all !! this is my trash son luke and he’s my baby. if you would like to plot or chat or anything hmu on discord @panquekes#1948 !!

basic info

NAME: luke haneul jeong NICKNAME: L AGE: 21 ETHNICITY: mixed korean and chinese NATIONALITY: american HOMETOWN: new york, new york SEXUALITY: bicurious STAR SIGN: leo OCCUPATION: influencer/souncloud rapper ( so, basically, unemployed )

infodump

so luke’s parents are the well known, bestselling author haneul jeong and a doctor named lily wu

luke certainly inherited the creative gene, but in a more artistic sense –– he enjoys making music, as well as designing stickers and spray painting. he’s only gotten in trouble for vandalism once, and he only had to pay a fine, which he’s clearly rich enough to do

on social media he’s known as ‘pulitzer prize winner haneul jeong’s cool, hot son’, which he has to admit he really likes

because of his dad’s massive following, luke has amassed one of his own, having about 2m followers on instagram (which is nothing compared to his father’s 13m on twitter)

when it comes to following in his father’s footsteps, he has absolutely zero interest.

luke never got into writing, and although he’s sure he could write a book and publish it and make tons of money off his dad’s name, he doesn’t want to do that

he would rather profit off of his own abilities, like his soundcloud rapping career or his art

for high school, he went to a prestigious boarding school in new england and hated every second of it

that boarding school left a bad taste in his mouth, and he had no interest in going to university, so instead his parents set him up in an apartment in the city while they hope he reconsiders

he would never admit it, but he is considering going to university. he thinks maybe it’ll be different if he goes somewhere in the city.

but for now he’s focusing on his soundcloud rapping career, which is going moderately well

he raps under the pseudonym yung luke, and has opened for a few minor-to-medium level names

his music is nothing special, as in pretty generic, but he’s getting better!

personality wise, he’s a bit arrogant and egotistic, and kinda a fuckboy,. but he’s young and free! he’s also independent, creative, and can be kinda sweet at the right times.

he’s into being the center of attention, whether he’s performing onstage or has everyone staring at his lavish outfit on the streets he’s THRIVING in it

and i’ll probably add more later !!

wanted connections

music producer / backup vocals –– he produces his own music and does his own vocals most of the time, but he would love a collab !!

vandalism buddy –– this is pretty self-explanatory. he needs someone to hold each other up to get to those hard to reach places lol

FWB –– self - explanatory. he’s not an innocent boy. could be male or female, but he’d need some convincing if male lol

best friend –– everyone needs one!

ex girlfriend –– i want at least one angsty relationship. i imagine he did her dirty, like cheating on her or dumped her for a hookup or something when they were younger (or recently! up to you!)

past hookup –– self explanatory

drug dealer –– self explanatory. ya boi needs his supplier.

alright if u read thru all this ur a trooper and ilu, thank u !!

#wealthyhq:intro

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firebuug · 5 years

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ok here’s this. pokemon au ramble. because this week has just been me loving my ocs but bass boosted. under the cut!! this post will be REALLY long mainly because of the teams sorry!

pokemon au is pure bc no deaths or rlly bad things happen

buggy is a trainer who went on the pokemon journey for fun and as a coming-of-age kinda thing(also because he may or may not have burnt his house down with a litwick), but kinda stopped getting gym badges half way and decided to settle down and just take the road casually. he settled down with apoccy and they both run a little pokemon sanctuary and care for pokemon that aren’t able to go back to the wild or have some little quirk (for example a litwick that cant keep itself lit easily). he likes battling for fun rather than for glory, and when his rival (farrow, obvs) was like “ha im gonna beat u and become the champion and ur not” he was like “i mean ok have fun!” which makes farrow pissed. he’s a guy who really cares about pokemon’s feelings and basically got back into action from pokemon santuary-ing and fought against the coven (the bad guy team) to stop them from hurting anyone.

team:

- Ari (talonflame) (he flies around on her!)

- Lulu (chandelure) (his absolute baby and child)

- Fluffy (ampharos) (he named it fluffy when it was a mareep but then it evolved a bit and it wasnt fluffy anymore. its name is still fluffy tho)

- Big Boy (pelipper) (he’s a big ocean enthusiast but can’t swim and is a bit afraid of the water, so he uses pelipper to navigate over it and help him fish)

- Ellis (sylveon) (he wanted him to be a flareon but he loved them a lot and he ended up becoming a sylveon but buggy still loves him 100%)

- Musha (musharna) (musha helps him go to sleep easier and stay awake better as well, it’s basically his service pokemon ahghjhdjkf. she’s usually floating by his side!)

i think mendel would be a pokemon professor bc he studies pokemon. how he was even trusted enough to hand out pokemon to small children is a mystery, but gene takes care of most of the friendly stuff with handing u ur pokemon and stuff, mendel just does the research. later on it’s revealed that mendel is part of the region’s bad guy group, the coven! (>:3cc) their goal is to fuse multiple powerful pokemon together into the perfect pokemon that is able to beat everything and everyone else, in a combination of every type in existence. (Idk if this is the plot of any game bc i dont remember the plot of any game past pokemon b/w honestly) eventually the protag gets them to not fucking destroy everything and befriend the big boy pokemon (juggy, but like pokemon) and the coven disbands their group and just live life as normal people not criminals bc pokemon verse is best verse

team: - Juggy (sivally) (idk shit about sivally or the sumo plot but it looks like a fusion pokemon and its cute so like um there we go ig. in the actual au itd probably be a completely new pokemon but im lazy)

- Cofagrigus (obvious reasons. if i didnt want to keep this au pure i wouldve mentioned he still grave digs)

-Mimikyu (shut up its cute)

- Flabebe (flowere) (”oh what a pretty flower, it will be great to work on. oh no its a pokemon. guess its my child now”)

- Arbok (its a snake he loves snakes he gives it little pats on the head and rattatas)

- Claydol (it has a ton of red eyes and its black and red what more do you want from him. also he thinks it is cool and its psychic so like hhuiionnghgh yeah)

gene is a pokemon docdor (he heals those boys up for you and takes care of them) and helps mendel out in research since they both share an interest in researching pokemon!!! he doesn’t know that hes part of the bad guy team that snatches up pokemon and doesn’t question any weird things he decides to research about until like the end. he’s really nice and’ll probably catch up to you along your journey just to see how you’re doing, check up on you, and give you cool stuff like the master ball n stuff. he has a big greenhouse where he grows berries and’ll give you some as gifts along the way. he battles you occasionally to see how strong you’ve gotten and’ll heal your pokemon when your done, giving you tips. he likes hanging out around forests and little garden areas.

team:

- Serperior (long boi. good noodle boi.)

- Comfey (C O M F E Y flowere boi)

- I lost my old gene team im so sad so i dont remember any of it

- Bitty (budew) (BABY BOY BABY! he loves them sm) (it evolves into roserade later on but shhhshhh baby budew)

- Swanna (pretty birb!!) (helps him water the plants in the greenhouse!!)

- Ana (unfezant) (HE NEEDS ANA OK)

- Audino (mega) (he needs that healy pokemon it’s essential) (theyre his little helper)

farrow is the stereotypical rival guy tbh. with buggy he was like “im gonna be better than u” and buggy was like “stop bullying me” but then just “ok” so he got bored. with skuggy it was more competitive, and they even battled each other right at the victory road’s entrance to see who was better, but they never got to complete the elite 4 trial since the coven juggy shit happened and they basically had to team up temporarily to stop these guys. when all of that was done farrow got back to challenging the elite four and trying to become champion, but he’s still struggling and is trying to train his team to become better while skuggy went “eh i’m done that was fun tho” and gave up. farrow hates being seen as weak and wants to have the strongest team, but he still loves his pokemon even if he pushes them near the limit sometimes while all focused up on winning.

team:

- Ally (linoone) (theres no possum pokemon and im mad but he likes ferrets too so) (or uh. long raccoon?) (either way he loves ally and she’s kind of a tank)

- Mittens (incineroar) (this was his starter, somehow, since he took the traditional trainer coming-of-age path and went to become the best.) (he loves his cat even if it did become....bipedal and buff??????) (They share the same big ego and victory flexing) (he rides on mittens’s shoulders sometimes or mittens carries him with arms in the air like a king)

- Rogue (liepard) (cate!!) (also it really fits him!!!) (he loves his thief cat and steals everyone’s items with it and makes them mad) (skuggy has cursed this cat out for stealing all his pokemon’s items at least twice before while both her and farrow looked on grinning smugly)

- Jasper (noivern) (i associate farrow with bats a lot, i think he likes bats now) (big fuckig boy who farrow flies on and farrow really likes battling with) (when farrow is out travelling and is tired and it’s late but he can’t find anywhere to stay, jasper shields him and makes whats basically a mini tent with his wings around him)

- Doggo (houndoom) (Farrow named him doggo as a joke but it stuck) (Fire dog with evil aesthetic! Farrow loves this) (He’s a good dog and farrow pats him for doing good work. he sniffs out berries and items for him on the road and is like his guard dog.)

- Snippy (gliscor) (another bat babey) (i might change it but idk) (it’s a sneakey boy) (he is also a tank and poisons everyone’s pokemon) (farrow accidentally gets stung by him like twice a week)

skuggy is a trainer who set out on the pokemon journey as a means to get out of his shitty house and family, collecting pokemon to help defend himself, but ended up really loving pokemon (especially bug types) and trying to take on a few gyms while he was at it. eventually he met farrow and it became kind of like a little race to see who can get the most gym badges first, giving him a motivation to travel the region and take on the elite 4. after the juggy fiasco he got a bit tired of fighting and decided he valued his pokemon a lot since they defended him and helped him fight back so he said “yknow what im gonna take a break from our race thing, im just gonna find somewhere to finally stay and chil out” while farrow was shaking the elite four’s door like “LET ME IIIIIN”. he’s kinda chill now and is thinking about going back and trying to fight the 4 someday, but for now he’s just a guy who catches bugs. he and gene hang out sometimes and go into forests n stuff. he’s still a butcher in this world ig. mans gotta make some money

team:

- Clove (scolipede) (his first pokemon, he caught it and went with it, but got really attached really fast) (she is his baby and he made it so far with her by his side and is really proud of both clove and himself for getting this far)

- Big Tony (armaldo) (he found a fossil pokemon and kept it since it’s rock type and can help ward off fire types, which is a big weakness of his team, but he ended up loving big tony too. i know theyre supposed to be like 4 foot 9 but please imagine big tony as a BIG boy that skuggy can ride on its shoulders and back to get around.)

- Babie (ribombee) (he caught this thing and said “this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.” went on to destroy dragon types and be the best bee ever.) (actually it’s pretty weak but skuggy believes in them)

- Toaster (heracross) (heracross was too cute for skuggy NOT to catch. it’s the powerhouse. this boy rips thru pokemon likes it’s nothing. unless it’s a fire or flying type. then it dies.) (it likes to f i t e and shares skuggy’s quick temper, because u know what they say, like pokemon like trainer)

- Big old boy (stoutland) (this was also one of the first pokemon he’s ever caught and it was really strong, defended him well and was kind of like the tank of the team, so he kept it. he likes sleeping on its back, and sometimes it has to remember it isn’t a tiny dog anymore because it tries to jump at skuggy to greet him and he gets fucking smashed.) (hes a very good boy, he’s very fluffy, and skuggy loves him so much and owes him his life)

- Jeff (swadloon) (skuggy loves his emo-looking son.) (ever since he beat depression in the dick he just cant help but see himself in swadloon) (but swadloon is happy, just very comfy and grumpy) (swadloon loves skuggy and skuggy loves swadloon) (i mean just look at him) (it’s perfect for skuggy)

okay i’m done here there’s obviously more people but this post is getting alarmingly long and i still need to make their teams. if u read this entire thing u deserve 20 cat images and more jesus christ u madman !!!!!!

#shut up bug #rambles #LONG post #txt #ocs #buggy #gene #mendel #juggernaut #farrow twells #skuggy #pokemon #happy #i really love pokemon au!!!

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newagesispage · 4 years

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JULY 2020

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Tammy Duckworth or Stacey Abrams for VP PLEASE!!!!! Thus is one of the most important Vice Presidential picks ever. Since Biden was not the first choice for a lot of people, I think many want to see if at least he will make good choices for the slots he must fill around him.** Shut up Klobuchar, nobody was going to make you VP, why do U need more spotlight?

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Hooray for the LBGTQ community! The Supreme Court has ruled that a human can’t be fired because of sexual orientation or gender identity.** On the down side, the Trump administration overturned protections for transgender people against sex discrimination in health care. It now defines gender as a person’s biological sex.**Also, Single sex homeless shelters can turn away our trans friends. ** The Supreme Court also ruled that Trump is blocked from ending Deferred Action for Childhood Arrival.** Another court ruling struck down the Louisiana law that had never really went into effect. The rule was to make Dr.’s register with hospitals. Next up: The Court is taking on the issue of Trump’s tax returns.

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You have to check out Kubrick.life. It is fab!!

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The reason there’s never been a Rolling Stones musical is that it’s so hard to find a casting director without sin. –Gary Delaney

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Native Americans are set to protest Trump’s visit to Mt. Rushmore for the 4th.

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AP Bio is moving to Peacock.

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Great to see Search Party back for season 3 now on HBO max.

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The Brockmire jacket is on display now at the Baseball Hall of Fame.

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Hooray for Pete Davidson and his basement living. Times have changed and families are living together again, often because financially, they have no choice. ** Pete and Colin Jost will star in worst man.** Jost also has a memoir, A very Punchable Face, on the way. He will also star in a live action/animated Tom and Jerry.

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Days alert: I think Brady is beyond redemption. ** I am always so glad when Lucas or Wilhelm come back!!!!!** Jack and Jen need a story! **I hope Sarah gets over her shit and runs to Xander before he starts acting like a thug again.** Marci Miller is on the way back. ** The Daytime Emmy’s were held on June 26. There were wins for Ellen, The View, Heather Tom and Sesame Street. Days did not fare too well this year but did honor Olivia Rose Keegan. ** So glad to some returns for Eli’s wedding!!!

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Can’t wait for the film, Never too late. The Michael Lembeck directed project stars Ellen Burstyn, James Caan, Ann-Margret, Jane Curtin, Loretta Devine, Christopher Lloyd and French Stewart.

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Other Countries are starting to ban us from travel in theirs because of our rampant covid-19.** The WH wants to end Federal funding for testing and research in parts of the country.** 1.4 billion in taxpayer $ went to aid dead people since the Government did not check death records.** Kid Rock’s bar had their liquor license revoked for covid-19 violations.** There are so many spoiled rotten Americans who seem to care nothing for the safety of others and only their own “rights.” People are dying, how long do we ignore the crazy people?? Can we stop harassing law abiding minorities and protestors and start arresting those that refuse to wear a mask? Thank you to the Governors, like JB Pritzker who have been level headed and kept us safe

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I am so looking forward to I’ll be gone in the dark. We miss you Michelle McNamara..

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Ozark will come back for a 4th and final season!!!!!

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“Shaming doesn’t lead to learning.” –Willow Smith

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I wanna see a buddy movie with Amy Sedaris and Amber Ruffin!!! Wouldn’t that be delightful?? They could be besties running a shop or estranged sisters or long lost cousins. I just think they would have great chemistry.** At least we can look forward to the Amber Ruffin show which has been in the works for a year, coming to Peacock!

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The RNC had not updated its platform since 2016. Their site said “the current administration has abandoned American friends and rewarded its enemies.”** The much touted Oklahoma rally was a complete dud. Word is that campaign manager Brad Parscale and Jared are getting most of the blame. They and the secret service are reportedly in quarantine now. Next, Mr. Brilliant was off to the equally intelligent Dream City Church in Arizona. The mega church said that they had installed an air filtration system that kills 99,9 % of the Corona virus in 10 minutes. Their FB page soon took that statement down. ** “Still the most believable thing that’s ever been said in a mega church.” –Stephen Colbert. The administration uses the lag time between exposure and test results. By the time these crowds of people may start to test positive, Trump will have moved on and take no blame. ** It seems all that has been accomplished since Scary Clown 45 took office is angst. From reporters to Doctors to politicians to the public there have been disagreements and turmoil. Behind the scenes, however, the agendas being pushed thru are trampling all over our rights.

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The Government has purged 174 thousand fake accounts that originated in China.

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Studies show that cop shows make us believe that police are mostly good and mostly break the rules only for really bad perps. 21% of the public interact with police on a regular basis. Can we not separate fact from fiction?

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Paul McCartney is pretty pissed at the Italian government after they gave no refunds to fans for a cancelled concert. ** A story that turned out to be a non-story is Penny Lane. Someone wrote ‘racist’ above the famous Penny Lane sign because they thought the street was named for slave trader James Penny. It turns out that this had been researched before and this is not a true story . The street was originally Pennies street and had no connection.

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Jimmy Kimmel is taking a couple of months off. Guest hosts will pop up in July. He has had some backlash from old blackface controversy and some questionable interviews.

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What we’ve seen now is how fragile a democracy is. –Sherilyn Ifill

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70% of companies have cancelled internships. The rich have gotten a lot richer.

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Hooray for the young! Many are volunteering for the Corona virus trials in which they will have to be given the virus.** What a wonderful world it would be if we could all get along and play fair and help each other. Why do some so hate that idea?

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Army for Trump.com???? Did he get this idea from Gene Simmons????** People are starving, there is unrest in the streets, protesters beaten, racial inequality, over 110thousand dead to a virus and Trump wants a military parade for the 4th of July??? WTF?? The people of Washington are not too happy as they ponder the weight of tanks ruining their streets.

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Why does Trump talk of his love of Police and yet in Dallas he did not have the Police Chief, the Sheriff or the DA at his event?

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The Senate armed services committee has adopted an amendment to remove the names of confederate General from military assets within 3 years. ** Traitors statues are being removed. Will the faces of slave owners on currency be next???** Princeton is taking Woodrow Wilson’s name off of the school. ** Why do we even have to take flags, statues and imagery from Naval ships and the halls of our Government buildings?? They should have been removed long ago.** We do not live in a country to which Braxton Bragg, Henry L. Benning or Robert E. Lee can serve as an inspiration. –Gen. David Patraeus**Perhaps Scary Clown could just be President of the Confederacy since they seem to want it miss it. Is it time to secede and this time, just let them go??** Free speech is very important in this country and those who want confederate flags on personal property should be able to. It is good to know who the traitors are. Things do not change, from parading the possible communists to Japanese internment to Native Americans to the Irish, the Jewish, to Black lives matter. The uninformed, the bully’s and the haters just seem to need someone to blame for their problems.

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Dolly Parton and Nina West will sell products which declare, “Kindness is Queen.” The sales will fund Imagination Library and Nina West foundation.

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This month in “alleged” creep news : Actor Danny Masterson has been charged with 3 counts of rape.** Chris D’Elia is accused of sexual harassment and grooming under aged women. **Justin Beiber is accused of sexual assault from 2014.** Ron Jeremy has been charged with the rape of 3 women and sexually assaulting another. His bail is 6.6 mil.** Mythbuster’s host Adam Savage has had a lawsuit filed against him by his sister, Miranda Pacchiana for sexual abuse.** The Weinstein global settlement is 46.7 mil.

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There is word that they may replace Tennessee’s statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest with Dolly Parton. That is pretty good thinking!!

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Don’t worry about those confederate statues being torn down. They’re getting what they always wanted: Out of America.** I think the statues of the white European they claim is Jesus should also come down. They are a form of white supremacy. –Shaun King

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Slavery is still legal by way of the industrial prison complex and privatized prison systems. –Wolfe the Chef

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Trump has a half billion in loans coming due. –Mother Jones

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Perhaps Trump thinks between, the protests, the Covid and the cop killings, many of those against him will just die off. Moscow Mitch and the boys are right there with him. Bill Maher would call it the red wall of silence. Next up to kill us off: the draft?

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The Senate armed services committee has adopted an amendment to remove the names of Confederate Generals from military assets within 3 years.

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Trump signs executive order renaming the Pearl Harbor memorial, ‘Fort Yamamto.’ –Danny Zuker

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Asst. Secretary of State for legislative affairs, Mary Elizabeth Taylor is out.

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Let us never forget the name Darnella Frasier, the 17 year old girl who took video of George Floyd’s murder.

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Hollywood never told us that 1 in 3 cowboys back in the day were black. Legend has it that the Lone Ranger was based on one of those very cowboys by the name of Bass Reeves.

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Nascar has banned the confederate flag from events thanks to Bubba Wallace, the first black driver in 50 years to win one of the top 3 National touring series. He has introduced his new #43 Chevy which states Black Lives Matter with black and white fists clasped with the caption, “Compassion, love and understanding.” Fans were asked in 2015 to stop with the flag but many ignored the request. Driver Ray Ciccarelli says that he will leave at the end of the season. Kyle Larson was suspended from Nascar and fired by his team for a racial slur during a streaming event. Kyle Weatherman unveiled a blue lives matter flag car with the slogan “Back the Blue.”** Why was taking a knee so bad? The NFL says they made a mistake. This country is so slow to change which is why we must keep the pressure on. To focus on punishment after and not prevention of these crimes is a huge mistake.** The June 21 race was delayed for rain but it will be remembered for the plane that flew overhead with a confederate flag that declared ‘Defund Nascar’ and a noose that was found in the garage stall of Bubba Wallace. The next day at the postponed race, the other drivers walked Wallace to the front. It was something to see. Mike Skinner’s son, Dustin wrote, “My hat is off to who put the noose at his car. I wish they would of tied it to him and drug him around the pits.” **The next day the FBI declared that the noose was just a garage pull that had been there for months. WTF???? The right has gone crazy with clever turns of phrase like, ‘fake noose.’ Was it an honest mistake? I suppose these things can happen when everybody gets jumpy . The crew member that found it asked others what they thought so it wasn’t lie they jumped to conclusions. It was Talladega that should have known. Mike Skinner’s son,

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Trump began his term promising to build a wall to protect America from the world. He ends it building a wall to protect himself from Americans. – Nick Confessore

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The Dems are happy to let Biden stay safe at home. Journalist Jonathon Lemore mentioned that with all the polls, mishandlings and faux pas from Trump, he may want to change the nickname he has given from sleepy Joe to President –elect Joe. Not so fast, we know the die-hards will not give up even in this ‘Trump fatigue’ slide, but voting is happening in record numbers.

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A judge has ruled that children must be released from the detention centers after 20 days.

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It has been reported that Scary Clown found out in March that Russia offered Afgan militants bounties to kill US troops. Once a traitor, always a traitor. Of course he supports confederate traitors.

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The Georgia Secretary of State spent $400thousand on a commercial. He wanted to pat himself on the back for buying new voting machines.**The Republican party is reportedly spending $20 million to hire people to intimidate voters that they call ‘pollwatchers.’

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Blue Apron will close facilities on Election day and give employees a paid day off. Anybody else wanna step up?

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Raven Symone married Miranda Maday.

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Michelle Williams and hubby Thomas Kail had a baby.

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There are no good cops as long as there are bad cops.** With all the insanity, Marianne Williamson sounds pretty good right now.

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If you have not seen this Trump coloring book that sells for $20, it is something to see. He looks like a super hero which seems like just one more step to dictator.

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AG Barr told the US attorney for the Southern District of NY, Richard Berman that he was stepping down but he refused. Barr then said that Trump was removing him. Trump says he has nothing to do with it. Have we ever heard of a bigger coward?

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I suppose it is too much to ask but I hope the people who still don’t get what is going on in this country will pay attention and at least try to understand. There are such intelligent points being made and we need to listen. I will share many of those with you. U may have seen a lot of these for yourself but I wanted to highlight some wonderful words. Slavery, minimum wage, payday loans, can you blame the few looters? Some may be protesters but most are profiteers . Corporate America does not keep a lot of their promises so many feel they have no deal with these people. Most of the protests are peaceful so leave them alone. When the police go after innocent people who assemble, they prove the point that the force is out of control. It is time to demilitarize and defund the police. Changing policy is nice and all but there are still many cases and those officers remain on the job. ** The protests are about a lot more than George Floyd.** Is this true that some police are covering their badge numbers and names?? Why wouldn’t a person want to serve and protect instead of being so covert? They are proving the point of the protests.

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It’s Boogaloo, not Antifa.

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James Bodenstedt, CEO of Muy who has stake in many Wendy’s, Taco Bell and Pizza Huts has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Trump campaign. ** Defund Tucker Carlson, let’s keep an eye on all who advertise on FOX and boycott those. Disney and T mobile have pulled out. I cannot believe Disney was showing ads on there anyway but they claim that it was some 3rd party ad buyer and they did not know. In return, Tucker is telling his listeners about the nasty companies that support Black Lives Matter. ** Why have so many of the Fox employees and their frequent guests been arrested?** I suppose many republicans are quite happy that the Federal government is doing next to nothing to help its citizens. They often scream that they do not want the government involved and we should all be on our own.

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Oh Joy, to wake up and see that The Politician S2 was up! Woo Hoo!! I saw a review in the Reporter that stated , ”Nor does it have anything vaguely insightful to say.” Well I enjoyed it , mostly due to the wonderful Bette Midler, Judith Light, Joe Morton and the fashion!! Not everything needs a message. There is some outright preaching and a few clever lessons here though. The last episode could have been better but the line about the older generation and game theory really hit home. Not only do older generations think different, we were taught different. Computers can confound them, gaming can confuse them. Of course, this does not include everyone. But it does seem that the logic we use is just different. As far as season 2 though, sometimes you just want to watch something delicious and ornery FUN!!

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Givers beware: Many have been finding out that when they donate to the Black Lives Matter Foundation, it is not the Black Lives Matter movement. Do your research!

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I saw a point from a talking head that answered the question of why do blacks keep killing each other? She wondered if people have seen the ID channel which is whites killing each other every day. There seems much plotting and hiding on these shows and somehow they get away with it for so long. I myself have seen much violence in my own family.

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North Carolina would not let the RNC hold its big night there because of restrictions. West Virginia Gov. Justice welcomed Trump to have it the convention there and in fact invited any President there but not Obama. Scary Clown went with Florida.** A white hate group opened a FB page to pose as ANTIFA.

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Scary clown 45 can’t legally employ army against citizens. He declared a dictatorship. –John Cusack** Never forget: Posse Camatatis: The President can’t use the military as his own posse. The insurrection act is the exception if there is an ongoing problem and the Governor has to invite them in.** It is confusing in D.C. for there are secret service, local and Federal all vying for jurisdiction. There is also the ‘correctional police force.’ The AG is combining multiple forces like the DEA, military police, prison and National Guard. Huh? It is time to make D.C. a state. ** After his big show of force for his Bible day, he sent most military leaders back to their home bases.** General Milley has apologized for being a part of the photo op.

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Intel reports show that Russia is so happy with their plan to destroy us from within. It has worked like a charm!** Many in China are saying that Trump is a godsend because he is ruining the rep of the U.S.** It is quite sad to hear leaders and journalists from around the world reporting that America’s time has passed and is no longer a super power.

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He desecrates the Bible. He desecrates a Christian church and he desecrates the Presidency. Shame. –James J. Zogby** The Episcopal Bishop of DC who oversees the DC church that the President stopped at to hold up his book, was outraged. Neither she nor the rector was asked or told that they would be clearing peaceful protesters with force and smoke bombs or that one of their churches would be used as a prop. ** A truly sacrilegious use of the Bible to bless a brutal stunt. –Michael Gerson, GW Bush speechwriter

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Trump has asked CNN to apologize for a poll that claimed that Biden was winning. Fox had a similar poll so WTF?

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Oh no, I see that Loews gave 25 mil to help minority owned business’s while Home Depot gave 7 mil to Trump. I have my own issues with service at Loews in the past and good things to say about the Depot. Thus does make one think.

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White supremacists and racist terrorists pose a greater risk of violence. –FBI

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Judge Jed S. Rakoff has declared ICE’s policy of courthouse arrests to be illegal.

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He who is reluctant to recognize me opposes me. –Frantz Fanon

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ABC senior executive Barbara Fedida is on administrative leave after allegations of racial remarks and insensitive comments.

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Kristen Wiig and Ari Rothman had twins.

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The Hollywood walk of fame is adding Kelly Clarkson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Dom McLean, Zac Efron, Shia LaBeouf, Missy Elliott, Luciano Pavarotti and August Wilson.

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Holland Taylor and PBS have brought us Ann. The Tony nominated play is about Governor Ann Richards.

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North Korea has recently added enough material for 20 more nukes. While we are distracted, Kim Yo-Jung, Un’s sister had come front and center. She has said, it’s time “to break ties with South Korea.”

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Employees had told me that Costco samples were a thing of the past but it looks like they are coming back.

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A new book about Melania, which she calls fiction is here. There are many stories inside like how Ivanka calls her step mother, The portrait because she never smiles. ** A Trump niece, Mary L. Trump has also written a tell all. The courts have it held up at the moment. ** A judge denied an injunction to block Bolton’s book. Did he think he would be a savior because he says he is telling the truth NOW?

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A judge had to order Mnuchin to give $679 mil in emergency covid-19 relief funds to Native tribes.** Be aware- Covid tests are free but they sometimes test for flus first and they are not always covered. This happened to Katie Porter.

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“There isn’t a coronavirus second wave.”- Mike Pence. This is also a man who once wrote ,”smoking doesn’t kill.”

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Save the Merit System Protection Bureau!! The backlog gets bigger and bigger and will cost the taxpayers more and more.

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The U.S. now faces allegations of human rights abuse because of treatment of protesters.** Private jet companies got $300 million in bailout $. What about small business?** Bullfighters in Spain have asked for Government help since they can’t kill their bulls.

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It is such a shame that George P. Bush (who I once thought could steer the Republican Party back) is solidly in the Trump camp. Yikes!!

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Doug Mills won the WH correspondents Association photo of the year for the Pelosi clap pic from the State of the Union.

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The ACLU has filed suit against Minnesota police for ‘targeting’ journalists.

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How can the black community dismantle a problem they did not create? – James Corden

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Mississippi voted to remove the confederate emblem from the state flag.

*****

I swear if I ever hear Stephen Colbert talk about his hair again, I will scream!! The rest of us need haircuts too. I wish he would stop whining about it before he turns to the “dark times” of the day. But hugs for Colbert though for his Bolton interview. It is pretty sad when a comic minded talk show host digs deeper in an interview than the news pundits. The jack ass needs to be called out cuz his arguments are ridiculous. ** Oh no, Since I wrote this, Seth Meyers has now bitched twice about his hair.** They are teaching the thoughts of Trevor Noah in classes now. And BTW when will we have more diverse late night hosts?

*****

Hooray for John Cusack, Elizabeth Warren, Madonna, Tammy Duckworth, Dick Durbin, J.B. Pritzker and Mitt Romney for coming out to march. More of that!!

*****

There is word that an old sketch from David Cross and Bob Odenkirk is being pulled. I am not sure that what they were doing was understood. There are many shows taking out the blackface scenes such as Scrubs and 30 Rock.

*****

I just keep seeing the scene in my head from The Wall: “UP against the wall.”** It is simple, I always think, half of this country just has a completely different idea of what America is or should be than the other half.** And what kind of number did Trump’s parents and Roy Cohn do on him? He really has this thing about weakness.** Why was Trump allowed to visit a swab production plant without a mask? They had to throw away the days production. President does not mean ruler.** Trumpism is that state of having insane racist moron candidates running for offices that they’re completely unqualified for is alive and well. – Molly Jong-Fast

*****

Hurry up Fall so we can see The Trial of the Chicago 7 with Eddie Redmayne, Sasha Baron Cohen, Joseph Gordon- Levitt, Frank Langella, Jeremy Strong, John Carroll Lynch, Yahya Abdul- Mateen II, Mark Rylance and Michael Keaton.

*****

HBO Max has pulled Gone with the Wind and sales skyrocketed. Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar but was seated separately at the event. It is now back with a discussion.

*****

How many broken or new machines or outlets that don’t work do we have to put up with before we strictly go to PAPER ballots?? I get so tired of writing this. I am all for states running their elections but this is ridiculous. In the elections that I have worked, the only real problems were with machines!!!!!!!!!!

*****

Planet of the Humans was banned for a time it now it is back. Don’t they get that it only makes people want to see it more?

*****

The DOJ filed a civil action against Bolton to stop his book but it did not work, It is chock full of info that would have come in handy months ago.** This whole administration is one big reality show, move in, move on and make $ out of it. They have no shame!

*****

No one is ever a victim, although your conquerors would have you believe in your own victimhood. How else could they conquer you? –Barbara Marciniak

*****

R.I.P. more Covid victims, Bonnie Pointer, Christo, Joanne Lara, Robert Fuller, Michael Daly, Rayshard Brooks, Victoria Sims, Oluwatoyin Salau, Sirlan Holm, Jean Kennedy Smith, Dame Vera Lynn, Keith Blocker, Mary J. Wilson, Joel Schumacher, Steve Bing, Mexico city earthquake victims, covid victims, Stuart Cornfeld, Lucius J. Barker and Carl Reiner.

0 notes

tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

Vol. 14

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

--- MTV's 120 Minutes w/ Alan Hunter:

*Alan has to be pulled out of his dressing room listening to George Jones (Sure, George is way too manly for Alan)

*The pinnacle of man towered over by skyscrapers in a very 20th century modern art ad for athletic 80s yuppies who drink milk. Yuppies listen to Phil Collins on evening MTV, not late night 120 minutes alternative bands.

*Wrigley's gum w/ nutrasweet for sweater wearing 80s families to chew on long bike rides.

*Awesomely 80s retro ad for a Casio keyboard drum that has a dorky guy walking around the type of alley Michael Jackson would dance in until he meets a sexy looking keyboard player who would fit right in with Prince's band at the time.

*TSOL "Colors": Another edgy new wave The Cult-esque sounding music video featuring cowboys. What was up with these bands & cowboys? Depeche Mode did it too. Decent.

*Walk in the West "Lonely Boy": Another edgy cowboy themed video? This time with the alt version of Cougar Mellon? This is more bluesy & has some of those awesome 80s video editing techniques with the band superimposed over shots of driving through rural America. Decent.

*The Descendents "Kids On Coffee": Very 80s punk/hardcore aesthetics featuring mugs of coffee & pictures of Molly Ringwald for some reason. Decent.

*Some new alternative records for the week are gone over by Alan. A few hip hop show up. Not sure if these were quirky hip hop acts or if hip hop was still considered a niche.

*Nickelodeon tips from Dennis. Nick still aired the Menace at this point. Now the black & white, non-trying-to-be-a-Teeny-Bopper-Pop-Star-themed show would give tween brats a seizure.

*Hey, "hoppin' & bobbin'" 80s family, sign up for HBO & cable. You'll get a free phone alarm clock too. Huh? Phone alarm clock? Whose dumb idea was that invention? People will never sleep beside their phones & use them for alarms *wink*

*Vomitous preview for a Joan London talk show about being a great mom & Mother's day on the Lifetime Network. Now, Joan stars in a commercial about putting her dear old mom in a nursing home to get rid of her. Ha!

*A generic new wave pop band "The Hooters" in an MTV bumper & performing & bowing, in front of a concert crowd, as a god awful song by them with the lyrics "Day by day" plays.

*Another cartoon graphics bumper for MTV featuring a jackpot machine scroll. More imagination went in to all these old bumpers than has gone into actual MTV programmingin the last almost two decades since the early 2000s.

*Joe Piscopo in a Miller Lite beer ad playing an over the top 80s wrestler, named Python Piscopo, taking over a seedy dive bar

*"Captain EO" a strangely forgotten Disney theme park music video / movie attraction produced by George Lucas & starring Michel Jackson. Looks good if you like MJ's 80s videos & Star Wars.

*James "So Many Ways": An Aussie sounding new wave singer is dancing, around a field of amber grains, like a spastic. Something new wave singers were known for doing. Dancing like a spastic. Nice, soaring, Bono-esque vocals. More than decent via video cliches.

*The Housemartins "Happy Hour": Quirky U.K. band in a pub partying themed video w/ California Raisins style animation. Terrific.

*Get a KODAK Supralife battery & be able to play air guitar longer beside your giant 80s ghetto blaster boombox. Awesome.

*"Did You know?" ad w/ 1-800 number for ordering a Yugo compact car. Pretty cheap too for a new car under 4,000. Not sure how much a new car cost in the 80s, but it would be hard to get a used car w/out 100,000 plus miles on the motor for anywhere near that amount today.

*Pringles Sour Cream & Onion dip chips has the Royal Family going goofy for the flavor.

*The low fi "do it yourself" aesthetics of videos by bands like Gene Loves Jezebel are something corporate produced videos can't re-capture.

*Gene Loves Jezebel "Heartache": Okay, I might have spoke too soon. The band had signed with Geffen records by the point of this video & the earlier clip doesn't apply. This video is slick w/ better camerawork, but the band's music still manages to shine thru. ---- Decent.

*The Bolshoi "A Way": This Brit band takes over some nice mum's quaint home to film aspooky little number for I.R.S. records 80s R.E.M.'s label

*"The Long Ryders" a hopeful "band" (not sure if real), in a Miller Beer ad, perform theircorny bar band rock & roll in a bar in Hollywood near Tower Records.

*Another stereotypical 80s dorky teen (the kind in every 80s teen movie) plays a CASIO keyboard in his totally 80s bedroom for his bored out of its mind hound-dog w/ big ears

*A 50s via the 80s "Leave it to Beaver" type nerd talks in the mirror about Cracker Jacks & then shares them with his sweetheart.

*Wrap up Hollywood hit movies like "The Karate Kid" & "The Al Jolson Story" (complete w/ him in facepalmingly funny black face) for only $29.95

*Soft & Dri ladies deodorant helps a cute black chick get ready for her tv news debut

*MTV's "Make My Video" contest for a chance to make a video for Madonna. Wow! 80s Madonna was iconic, I'll have to admit. Right up there with all the other 80s icons. Pretty to boot. Also included, in winning, is a surplus of Twix candy bars & a Levis wardrobe. I'd like to see some of the terrible entries from the contest.

*Bang "Summertime" an MTV Basement tapes winner: This NYC street video featuring a garage band that looks like KISS minus makeup feels like it would belong more on regular MTV or Headbangers Ball. --- Fair.

*Cactus World News "The Bridge": A big, soaring U2 sounding band plays for a concert festival. --- Decent.

*Alan insults Cactus World News & blames it on a music article. I admire the bite that MTV wouldn't show today in insulting an artist on their network. They'd be considered a product that would be above criticism today, if they still had vj's or music videos. Still, Alan is the wrong person to be hosting this show, as MTV would soon figure out.

*The Go-Betweens "Head Full Of Steam": Video w/ a band that has a prissy looking leadsinger & Cure video style aesthetics. Nice crooning. -- Decent.

*80s mallrat teens tired of waiting forever for zits to go away get Clearasil & then beat it on their mopad or skateboard to the local foodcourt to gawk at each other while screwing up their skin even more with chocolate milkshakes & greasy pizza slices. The winner: corporate America. The loser: hormonal teens & their scraping to get by parents.

*Toni volumizer makes any 80s chick look like a high fashion sex kitten.

*"Heartbeat of America is today's Chevrolet"... This was a time when picturesque Americana actually might have meant something before global trade sent automotive jobs overseas.These quirky Americans & American made autos have vanished. Replaced by crumbling urban landscapes (Detroit), jobless & depressed people, along with foreign made products & autos.

*Sammy Hagar era Halen takes over MTV for a week. Would have been more fun w/ Diamond Dave. Can't imagine any band taking over MTV anymore much less one like Van Halen.

*The Wind "Good News, Bad News": A funny semi-acoustic duo music act performs for their neighbors in block party black & white video. Close to decent.

*A Brit rock (nobody that I recognize) ex-junkie for a "No Drugs & Alcohol" sober music making experience 1 - 800 recovery number. Being sober is probably why his music career is so forgettable.

*James Brown for MTV. James Brown popular in the 60s & here still recognized on MTV in the late 80s. Current MTV doesn't recognize music much less music legends.

*Cryin' Out Loud "Live It Up": "I ain't no Marxist" a lyrical band w/ "a message." Fair.

*Awesome post-apocalyptic arena combat ad for a "Lazer Tag" toy. "Stadium not included ."Ha. Someone must have complained that their backyard wasn't as fantasy like as this ad.

*"VCR Theater," every night at 2am on The Movie Channel, helps rock lovin' chicks, who sleep with their electric guitar, record a flick. Why the rock & roll theme was included, in the ad, must have been because the ad was MTV specific. Otherwise, it makes no sense.

*Penn & Teller have "blood & fire" as they guest host MTV. "Born to be wild" badasses.

*A rock & roll hotel in "Playin' For Keeps" rated PG13. 80s PG, which GoodBadFlicks.com would tell you might equal a little R rated sex & nudity & language w/ the comedy. I had forgotten this 80s movie. Might be a forgotten gem, might be well a forgotten dud.

*Christy Brinkley for taking a shower & using Prell shampoo. I, like Chevy Chase, am all for getting a little wet w/ the very sexy 80s model Christy Brinkley.

*More bad jokes & bad silver jackets from Alan.

*Timbuk 3 "Future's So Bright, Gotta Wear Shades": A minor classic. terrific.

*Christmas "Big Plans": Clever points for the band name. Clever & quirky video featuring mailroom drudgery. The band escapes into a fantasy world filled with cliche 80s cheesy & weird video editing techniques. Close to terrific.

*Alan's head is now a talking head in an 80s tv set. Silver 80s tv sets w/ either a rabbit's ears antenna or a dial cable box are more art & make me feel more happy than a 60 inch flat screen wall hanging home movie theater experience to watch crappy 20 tens era reality shows on. Those old tvs played awesome UHF local tv stations & awesome at the time cable channels.

*Every day Joes drink Miller beer after they get off work from their blue collar jobs. It's the "American Way" of getting liver disease & addiction & emotional / relationship problems when you're "Born & raised in the U.S.& A."

*"Top Gun, the number one soundtrack" w/ music from Kenny Loggins, Berlyn, & Loverboy. Coming to a yuppie moron's car stereo near you! (unfortunately)

*"Dippity Do" hair styling gel for futuristic 80s weirdos.

*MTV was hip in the 80s, I might not say this enough, & for clarity on how "cool" it actually was... it had guys sticking their fists up chicken butts & wiggling said fist, while their bald heads were covered in whip or shaving cream. Why? Why not?

*The Rainmakers "Let My People Go-Go": Funky, bluesy, quirky, top hat wearing band rocks the house (literallY) while their horn section blows it up out in some rural decay while walking around w/ the bulldog from Little Rascals. Decent.

*Billy Chinmock "Somewhere in the Night": tape cut out, so who knows, didn't look like it was gonna be great for an alt video what w/ its aesthetics of a high style 80s babe walking down a foggy back alley. zero.

I think at this point in 1980's 120 minute alt rock history, they had mistaken alot of the popular bluesy rock of the time for alt rock & mixed it in w/ the Brit new wave. It didn't mesh together well. I guess none of the music on 120 minutes history ever truly did through the changing time periods & trends. At least it existed for a while & was something a bit different.

*Limited Warranty "Hit You": 120 Minutes has definitely gone off, at this point, but the tape has another video for me. It's a new wave pretty boy group. In the style of A-Ha "Take on Me." It's nothing terrible for what it is. Pretty catchy like most of that kind of music was. Decent, I guess.

close to 2 for Alan, close to 3 for MTV, 2 1/2 for videos, 2 1/2 for ads

--------------------------------------

Geraldo Rivera: Exposing Satan's Underground *"This is a horror that will give children bad dreams." We're not talking about Satan,no, it's Geraldo's mustache. Jokes & utter stupidity aside... Seriously, after all his 80s & 90s tabloid garbage "news" hysteria, it's unbelievable that Geraldo still has a career in journalism.* zero stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Ouija Boards & Near Death Experiences *The mind can be deceived through cheap games & brain power-outs.* close to 3 stars

--- DinosaurDracula.com presents Creepy Commercials Countdown:

*Sunkist Spooky Fruit (1989): Eat enough gummy fruit flavored snacks & wake up, from a candy coma, in a cemetery filled w/ animated trees, lounge about skeletons, & purple people eaters from the stars.* 2 stars

*Easter Seals Halloween Coupons w/ Vincent Price (1990): "Halloween doesn't have to be spooky." It's blasphemy for a lame organization to get one of the most symbolically spooky actors of all time to say this. "It should be warm & friendly." Even if it's meant to be ironic & Vincent Price sure reads it that way, it sucks. I want Halloween to be like Halloween 3, and end horribly. Well, at least in my imagination. Candy & fright. Not "safe" coupons.* 1 star

*Coors Light Beer w/ Elvira (1991): If I were an Addams family style disembodied hand & I met Elvira, I would do more than try to hand her a beer. I would crawl down the front of her very open black dress & never come out. Also, I wouldn't mind being at a Halloween party stuck behind Elvira in one of those two person horse costumes.* 3 stars

*Spooky Goop Halloween Make-Up (1988): Be the coolest & weirdest kid on the block going from cheap ghoul face paint to full on Fulci's Zombi grotesque skin.* 3 stars

*The People's Court Frankenstein Promo (1988): Village idiots will kill over daytime trash tv. Dr. Frankenstein & his monster (son?) would have been great guests on Jerry Springer.* close to 3 stars

----------------------------

Public Access: "My Name Is John Daker" *A mumbling piano lady, of some Methodist church according to her, & a mumbling male singer who couldn't be more stiff. They attempt a song about "The Lord" only for it to devolve into jaunty number about the moon hitting one's eye like a big-ah pizza pie.* either 1 star or 3 stars terrible becoming terrific

--- Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst: Shakma, Python II, and Beaks the Movie

*Shakma: A crazy baboon on the loose while its victims live action role play in a college animal testing lab.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 (for primate slasher premise cuteness)

*Python II: One of those crappy CGI snake genre flicks. A genre that would be further made worse by SYFY & Asylum later on in the 2000s. The python looks startling, in its scenes, but I do not know if that's just all the taco soup, that I ate earlier, talking or what.* 1 1/2 stars

*Beaks the Movie: The VHS box cover says "unintentionally funny." See, hipsters, our VHS ancestors were self aware too. So, this is pretty much an Italian exploitation version of Hitchcock's "The Birds" complete w/ that Eye-Talian auteur creative cliche of animal cruelty. Such a dumb premise taken to its heights of ridiculousness, but M. Night would try it with "The Happening" & there's the "wants to be so bad so bad it's good" but isn't "Birdemic 1 & 2." Not really all that fun, except to Red Letter's Rich.* 1 star

According to Red Letter Media, Beaks is best (by default) Shakma is divisive & Python 2 was supposed to get destroyed by beach birds but they don't like birdseed covered VHS tapes

-------------------------------

Classic Comedy Central: Buddy Scott trio in the elevator *An office worker ant is trapped in his coffin falling a hundred plus floors to hell. He cheers up when a lounge act sing to him the message that he's "heading to the top." Penn Jillette (then voice of Comedy Central) says to "Think positive."* 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*You Gotta Be Kidding Me: The customer is always a pain in the rear of the golf shorts.* 1 star

*They're Coming For Your Kids!: "For the cost of two Cokes," & one soul, they'll become manipulative salespeople of religious literature on their school campuses.* 1 or 3 stars

*The Net: "From astrology to gardening & punk rock."* close to 3 stars

*Telephone Song!: Be correct when you dial collect. Tween girls discover the power of the telephone. They all do.* 2 1/2 stars

*Rock Music & the Occult: "God isn't interested in impressing teenagers." Hence the reason that Satan's rock music is so successful.* 3 stars

----------------------------

"B Videos 101 Vol. 1" *"Perfect, no one suspects" that Andy Griffith is a bar brawling deviant, that Redd Foxx is from a galaxy far far away, or that Papa Smurf likes to have his salad tossed.* 2 1/2 stars & zero stars for the doo doo Jackson Pollock porno finale

--- Phone Losers:

*Security Cam Pranks - The Kitchen Couple: An outrageous & short lived invasion of boring breakfast table privacy.* either zero or close to 2 1/2 stars

*Home Security Prank Call - Peace of Mind: Every hour on the hour reassurance is bothersome & as comforting as forced prayer.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Rich Neighborhood Prank Calls: We've been going through your trash, & we don't like what we find.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tenants from Hell - Archaeological Dig Site: Before you hear it on the news, we want to let you know about the giant skeletons & the buried alien technology that we found.* close to 3 stars

-----------------------

Beavis & Butthead: It's So Cold in the D *"This is hard to dance to." Detroit has fallen on such hard times, the very danceable to hip hop sounds more like a funeral song.*

2 1/2 stars w/ riffing

1 star w/out

5 Dollar Wrestling: Death Match Dance Party *"Blood in the roller-rink."* 2 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*How To Have Cybersex on the Internet: "those who have mastered the art of one handed typing."* close to 3 stars

*It Only Takes A Second: "to be safe" or die in a hilariously horrible accident.*

3 stars

*Mr. Nasty - Insult VHS Tape: Mr. Nasty is such a bad insult comedian, he makes Andrew Dice Clay look like Jeffry Ross who looks like Nazi propaganda of a Jew on marijuana.* 1 star

*What Does God Say About Worldliness: "It's better to go to a funeral than to go to a party." Maybe so, but it's not as much fun. So this failed comedian, turned touring for money evangelist, says one can have a fine stable of horses, cars, or women... but HaHa, it's a one way ticket to H-E-L-L. The evangelical sort of brags about having a stable of finely bred horses, by the way. His audience looked like they were at a funeral. No smiles, no laughs, no horses, just misery. I thought they called it the gospel (good news).* 1 star

*Something's Happening: Watching the mucus sizzle. The "stuff that's killing the world" (mucus) of a old man / mucus conspiracy theorist. (What did I just watch?!)* Uh? stars?

------------------------------

--- Monstervision w/ Joe Bob Briggs: Coma

*Joe Bob has on his gloriously un-politically correct rebel flag western shirt (Joe Bob is just too un-PC for current tv) & he does a funny editorial on the world's obsession with wrapping the everyday garbage products we produce & consume up with so much other wrapping that there's no real garbage anymore just the plastic we used to hold all the crap we consumed.

*TNT had such a hard on for E.R. coming to TNT, Joe Bob says that's the reason the first flick is E.R. creator Michael Crichton's "Coma"

*Drive In totals: 77 dead bodies... 8 breasts 2 living 6 dead (censored)... Brain slicing kidney weighing.. vegetable handling.. organ donating.. plastic covered peni (Devious look on Joe Bob's face as he says this).. death by electrocution... gratuitous New England antiquing... fire extinguisher fu.. cadaver fu..

*Huggies ad w/ a baby parachuting out of a plane thru fluffy clouds. Don't diapers sell themselves? Babies are cute, sure, but is this to convince new parents of that fact & to make the awful reality of changing shitty diapers not have them wanting to put their brat up for adoption?

*Dennis Miller for dollar collect calls & being a smug asshole. Only good thing that he ever did was Weekend Update on SNL, & Norm was better at it. Fallon & Tina not my choice...Colin Quinn pretty okay...

*Fisher Price Rescue Mission toddler action figures ad... Huh? This isn't Saturday morning cartoon commercial breaks? This is after 11pm TNT. Why the ads for kids & their parents?

*A dog dreams about bacon in the classic "Beggin Strips" commercial. I think this would not be politically correct now either. Dogs can't eat bacon because their owners have to feed them liberal nazi approved gluten free & non-processed healthy meat dog food. Surely no bacon, a little chicken (no hormones) & they'd just love to take meat away from dogs & make them vegans. They don't go that far yet, but PETA probably does with their pets.

*Leann Rimes (sp?) croons the classic country song "Blue" while images of picturesque Maine play in a Red Lobster commercial. Nice combo.

*An ad about the type of toothbrush (Oral B) a dentist uses, & so should you. Dentists also have free access to all the high tech dental cleaning & surgery tools in their office, so why does it matter that they use a certain toothbrush at home? It doesn't.

*WCW's "The Giant" has nostrils so big that he could inhale most normal size people. Check him out on TNT's WCW Monday Nitro.

*Ikea turns a subway train into a kitschy living space for the daily grind passengers. Ikea furniture also is the decor of one of the sub levels of Hell.

*Joe Bob reads from the "trashy" novel version of Coma while he sips from his Budweiser covered in a TNT logo coozy.

*Another of the countless "never need another" "get back to your outdoor life" allergy rx ads. I wonder if evolved alien civilizations, out there in the stars, still deal w/ allergy problems on their planets filled w/ lush plant life...

*Firestone helps a young college age guy & his dog get back out on the road of life in his beat up convertible. "Saved money too." Sure, mechanics aren't rip off artists.

*Visit the TNT website for NBA news, a Babylon 5 chatroom (you were a legit nerd if you were on a chat site like this in the 90s, not a hipster nerd), even a Monstervision page

*$1.99 Disney toys in Happy Meals has a future out of the closet broadway kid putting on a living room show, along w/ his sister, for his parents who are too cheap to buy real toys or cook an actual healthy dinner for their kids. Harsh, but whatever.

*Kevin Nealon, another Weekend Update SNL alumni, sells out to a collect call ad.

*Antz, one of the early CGI Pixar style movies. Has some of the charm, if I'm remembering correctly, of those CGI cartoon movies for kids, not as obnoxious as most, but the animation hasn't aged well (imo).

*Monks avoid breaking their vow of silence by chewing "Beano" before eating gassy salads at dinner. First semi clever & funny & not despisable ad of the night.

*Digitally restored, & w/ dvd style extras, episodes of Star Trek coming to 1990s Sci Fi channel hosted by Shatner.

*Joe Bob has an I.V. drip ran into his beer to keep with the medical theme.

*Joe Bob makes a joke about Dustin Hoffman being a midget who has to wear platform pimp shoes. ha

*Two patronizing ads to talk about. One w/ a less manly man who needs to get a mid sized Sonoma pick up truck like a "real man." Another about a old maid going to Tru Value to pick up (not truck) a can of paint to match her cat's furball.

*Eggo's new microwave pancakes (I'm sure they're edible?) make a dad believe he's a short order breakfast cook at a greasy spoon diner. One where truckers show up in a family's kitchen in the morning. If truckers are showing up in your kitchen, uninvited, it's not for griddle cakes. It's cause you're gettin' raped.

*Wanna check out what whitebread 90s peoples looked like, view this "So easy to use, no wonder it's #1" America Online 1 800 number commercial

*"Come see the softer side of SEARS" Short story, every time I used to go to the mall ,I somehow ended up entering thru the SEARS appliance section. So, first I was greeted by refrigerators, washers, dryers, color tvs (Dire Straits, wink). The softer side, the SEARS clothing section, was way off in another part of the mall. Some tucked away corner. By the time that I was there, mall anxiety was really getting to me. I wanted to Tom Savini "Dawn of the Dead" special fx kill a few mall motherfuckers. Not really. I'm more timid & just wanted to run back out the way I came thru all the appliances.

*Joe Bob talks about Rip Torn being a good ole Texas boy & having starred in an episode of I Love Lucy. Joe Bob doesn't really like Lucy (me either) but feels like he's seen every episode (me too for some reason).

*Joe Bob blames Nick at Nite for classic tv osmosis, & says we're better off watching "hick at nite." I definitely digged TNT's Monstervision & 100 % Weird, but there were a few late nite Nick at Nite shows worth watching like F-Troop & Dobie Gillis among others

*"Get back to the groovy 60s" w/ flower power & free love? No. McDonald's Big-Macs & fries instead. The secret sauce is almost as good as sex & for 49 cents, the same price a burger was in 1969, I'm in. Don't take the brown acid or Grimace will really freak you out, mannnn!

*Kinkos guido competitors think it's better to have comedy than color printing. Not a bad ad going off one viewing & not having it ran into the ground like tv ads' fate goes.

*"Smile you got French's Smile you got fun." French's mustard. Smile you got heartburn. Smile you got a nasty yellow stain on your white t-shirt. Points for the dog, in the ad, w/ a whole hotdog held sideways in his mouth w/out swallowing. That had to have lasted all of 2 seconds. Dogs swallow everything whole in seconds.

*Cute commercial w/ live bears dressed up like a mama bear & her school aged children little bears. She dresses them up in backpacks & sends them off into the woods to go to school. She packs a lunch of rice krispie treats in wrappers. Bears & people food don't mix. The bears probably destroyed the set to eat all the sticky candy & mauled a few school children once they got to school.

*Motorola phones & pagers give NYC hipster yuppies "wings." It's a fashion model / actress who attended suit & gown parties while also keeping it real w/ her across town jeans & t-shirt boyfriend. Not sure how many regular folks had a cell phone at this point. Pagers were pretty popular yet ghetto.

*Campbells tries to give moms the delusion that their teenage sons will leave the bedroom & the Playstation long enough to have a family meal in the kitchen.

*Hip Hop tapdance meets RiverDance meets the Salsa dance in a TOPS appliance ad. Why they needed to spice up an appliance store grand opening is just a sign of the popularity of River Dance crap at this point in the 90s.

*TimeWarner cable, it's like a bagel penetrated by the Empire State building. No, really, that's the image they put on the screen. Not sexual subliminal at all, wink wink. Either that or they're saying, "Fuck you, New York, pay your overpriced TimeWarner cable bill, 'cause we got our figurative giant dick up your ass!"

*Joe Bob claims to have been kicked out of a convent of nuns. Fox in the hen-house.

*I think it's important to view these old (not too old) ads, because the sinister hand appears, & is more visible given the historical context. It shows that sinister hand has always been around trying to make the world outside the hamster wheel seem prettier than it really is.

*Wear Target clothes & look like a model photographed in stunning black & white photography Yep.

*Tony Danza is the boss of fifty percent off collect calls. These collect calls ads were the pathetic celebrity precursor to things like Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice & Dancing w/ the Stars.

*Preview for James Garner in a TNT original movie along with Kathleen Turner. Ted Turner had a real hard on for old actors like Garner.

*A Geico car insurance fairy ad. Geico were already torturing people at this point? Hmmm.

*Another Geico ad w/ a business guy bumming a ride on the back of a chicken truck w/ feathers flying in his mouth & all over the place. Quirky, but still Geico, & they've worn out their welcome long ago.

*Joe Bob & Reno the Mail Girl discuss Bill Clinton lowering the standards of America's women w/ his flawed Southern charm & looks.

*"Words instead of letters" to the tune of "Sweet nuthins" on Motorola Wings pagers. The era of text messages has begun. Interesting ad for historical purposes.

*A pretty lady leans out of the darkness, turns on a light, & says "Do you see the tar stains on my teeth or smell the tobacco on my breath?" Well, no I don't have smell-o-vision & whatever happened to Targon mouthwash? Smokers just don't give a shit anymore. The rising price of smoking (health, money, & legally) has worn smokers down.

*Clairol hair color. Coloring one's hair can make that person feel like a "natural wo-man."

*Joe Bob thinks that the TNT censors are out to blur comatose boobs because they mistakenly think the sight of them will make people wanna screw nekkid corpses.

*Joe Bob ridicules the plot holes & foolishness involving bumbling security guards & a heroine who is clued in but clueless.

*Coma: A sleuthing surgeon almost sinks trying to stop a corrupt hospital conspiracy of organ harvesting for profit & having a social climbing coworker boyfriend (Michael Douglas) who doesn't, til almost her end, believe her conspiracy.*

running from 2 to 2 1/2 stars for Coma, 3 for Joe Bob, & 1 1/2 for the ads

--------------------------------

The Young Turks: Fox News's War On... Sharks *Clear the waters, sharks, people are number 1.* 2 stars (edit years later: I used to occasionally get news from the turds at Turks. how dumb.)

Public Access: "Live TV Prank Calls To Pro-911 Communist Public Access Host" (youtube) *Bluff & guff.* either 1/2 or 1 star

James Randi & Psychic Crime Solving *Police don't officially use psychics but often rely on their illogical detective work.* either 1/2 (what'd you expect? other than sensational lies by the psychic. which this time didn't happen. therefore dull reading.) or 3 stars

==== The Comfort Zone w/ Ray Comfort:

"Ray Comfort's New Homosexuality Movie" ("Audacity" ha...)

*"People were begging" this Aussie sounding evangelical, Kirk Cameron's buddy, the guy who debated, along with Kirk, atheists.

They were begging him to make a movie about gay ole homosexuality in the non-happy sin sense.

He's also infamous for a video where he talks about evolution & creation using a banana as an example.*

runs from 1 to close to 2 stars

(He's rather polite & there's not a lot of hate towards gays as usual w/ these things.)

(edit, years later:

when you're a shitlib supporter of gay rights, you put them up on a pedestal.

not realizing how truly degenerate they are.

this is way before I saw pics of what really goes on at pride parades.

where oral & anal sex takes place on the street along w/ half naked men in leather & clown outfits performing spankings & bondage acts.

many times, other non-gay themselves equal rights, for queers, supporters (like i was) would bring their families (including children) there to support these pride marches. that's a folly that should open more eyes. not sure it does when one is that blinded w/ the mindset of "don't judge" & "love is love"... ugh... smh in disgust & shame

here I was poking fun at a dumb evangelical (man of faith in a faithless world. an easy target.) & his banana folly

while thinking anyone else was intolerant or ignorant for holding onto tradition in the face of such odd & socially dysfunctional behavior.

forgive me.)

================================================================================

Conan on TBS: James Bobo Fay Got His Hands On Sasquatch Semen *Bobo is willing to "take one for the team" of bigfoot hunters. In the name of pseudo-science & love.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: Who Is Cooler? *Kenny overdosing on black tar heroin or Spenny, Kenny's caring nurse, dressed up like a "Greek rapist" (Johnny Depp)? The obvious loser gets locked in a cold meat locker.* close to 3 stars

"Fan Made Dominos Pizza Commercial featuring a fake The Undertaker" *Okay, so it's the Summer of 1992? It's a few months before the World Wrestling Federation pay per view wrestling show "Summerslam." Beware though The Undertaker has been missing for months. That's not the strange part, no, the strange part is that The Naked Gun's Leslie Nielsen had been out searching for him in vignettes. Dominos pizza was the sponsor. Here, some real nerds borrow a vhs camcorder, their Dominos delivery gremlin of a car, & a nighttime cemetery to film one of their friends dressed up like their hero, The Under-taker, lurking behind a tree while, in said graveyard, ordering pizza through the power of the darkside? Not exactly sure, but he got them to deliver w/out paying for the pizza & only leaving an autographed picture of himself as a tip.* 3 stars for absurd effort

Look Around You: Food *Vegetable orchestra for the Feast of Saint Frankenstein. Featuring a piping hot casserole made out of recycled & dehydrated food that pushes the fat right out of the skin. Or you could stay home & celebrate your birthday with a delivery medicinal-pizza.* close to 3

"New Orleans Airwaves - The Mystery Morgus Episode" *Serialized & shot on grainy film, circa 1960s, mad science lab hijinks w/ all the gloriously ghoulish trappings.* more than 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Christian Star Wars: It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for an Imperial lazer beam to penetrate the soul of a believer.* 3 stars

*Anybody Can Make Chili Dogs: Knock on a stranger's door & share the message of love topped w/ a variety of condiments to mask the bland taste of grinded pig's anus packaged in a tube form.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Machine Gun Magic: "They're not for everyone." Just those who can't get enough of that tat-a-tat-tat action.* 1 star

*Police Scanner: The suspect appears to be an obese house-cat.*

either 1/2 a star or fair

*Why Wait For Heaven: The babyboom generation were really susceptible to cult thought & behavior.*

either 1 or 2 1/2 stars (eye opener, I'm now a mindless believer)

-------------------------------------

Manimal: Night of the Beast *Simple bear necessities of wildnerness life trying to be corrupted & turned into a casino resort for the mafia. Robert Englund (not quite Freddy just yet) vs. Manimal. There's a destructive claw, in the movie, but it's not Freddy's. It's Manimal in a ridiculous looking bear suit.* 2 1/2 stars

Men Without Hats - Safety Dance (Literal Version) *"Whack a midget's ass."* 2 1/2 stars for literal 3 stars for original

Angry Video Game Nerd: Seaman for Dreamcast *It has Leonard Nimoy. It eats time & knowledge. It says / does "fuck." It's not logical... or is it? (Cue creepy sci fi music)* 3 stars

The Young Turks: Man Breaks Leg Attempting To Rape Horse *Sadly "it wasn't his first "rodeo"..."* 1 star

Hannibal: Fromage *Lures & lutes. Hannibal gets into a kung fu showdown w/ a fellow serial killer.*

3 stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: PETA & Eat This! *Ethical? No. Infact, insanely evil. Emaciated? Yes. ------ Stop expecting results. Start exacting change. Avoid batshit crazy activists at all cost. They'd starve us all.* 3 stars

---- Memory Hole:

*I'm Obese Song: Just tryna tell you people that I'm messed up.* 3 stars

*Meatsack Worshipers: It puts the cow tongue on its skin or else it won't ever get Fritos again.* close to 3 stars

*Salad Tossers: Hidden Valley's behind closed doors food fetishes.* 2 1/2 stars

*Satan's Dinner Prayer: Dig in, hooves first.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Dance Til U Puke: Achy Breaky Rappers never die. They cry "unbutton my fly."* 3 stars

---------------------

"Munchies" (1987) *Roger Corman produced Gremlins ripoff starring Harvey Korman as a polyester sleazeball bumbling villain. Exists in a quirky America similar to Tim Burton's "Mars Attacks."* running from 2 down to 1 1/2 stars

---- Reel Wild Cinema w/ Sandra Bernhard : Supernatural Sirens

*Creepy Mexican 1940s Universal Horror looking horror short called "Curse of the Crying Woman." Pretty darn creppy, and much more depraved than Universal Horror.

*Sandra wants to slap a bitch (The Crying Woman) & then go get a massage (ha)

*Sandra says not to mess with the hearts of Texas witches or sell your soul to Hollywood

*"The Naked Witch" a story about Bruce Campbell's hipster twenty something year old uncle riding the backroads of Texas, in the 1960s, accidentally bringing back to life buried & vengeful femme fatales. while all the time narrating to himself about it.

*Sandra drops some info about the director of "Naked Witch" filming another flick called "Naughty Dallas" in a strip club owned by Lee Harvey Oswald's assassin Jack Ruby

*Comedian Dana Gould joins Sandra to talk about capes, masks, & restraining orders.

*Sandra gives a hilarious history lesson on Mexican imports including pain killers, ponchos, various other things from Tijuana, & most of all El Santo horror/sci fi movies

*"Samson vs. The Vampire Women"... Watch as El Santo gets "monkey flipped," then puts a werewolf in a "camel clutch" wrestling submission hold. I love typing that sentence.

*1950s retro ad where a woman shows off her Playtex magic plastic bra as she turns completely invisible, except for her underwear, in a grocery store of all places.

*Dana talks w/ Sandra about his friendship w/ Ed Wood's starlet Vampira (sp?). Great story about how she met a rollerskating Bela Lugosi on Hollywood Boulevard. Ha. awesome.

*"The Girl in the Cage"... a 1960s kooky nudie short minus the nudity. We can watch the kitschy siren paw at her bamboo prison, but no nudity. 'Cause even though we're all adults & this is late night, the Puritans who wouldn't ever watch this, & the kids, whose parents ought to have them in bed by late night tv time, might get offended. Nice jungle girl strip tease, none the less.

*Buy a Viva Santo t-shirt from this 1 800 number ad. Do it before Hot Topic puts it up at their store & makes it not cool to wear anymore. Shortly after, they did.

*Grindhouse coming attractions commercials for "The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Woman"... "Devil Woman" a cobra charming she bitch flick from Asia.... "Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico" a Frankenstein sexploitation feature....

*No surprise to find out, via the credits, that the show's "Film Doctor" is none other than the director of "Basket Case" & "Frankenhooker"

3 stars for the shorts & 3 stars for Sandra

----------------------------------

--- Crematia's Horrorscopes (old school tv horror host):

*Aries "A man w/ a glass eye will try to catch yours as his rolls under a table"... Not a bad way to meet. "Meet cutes" make me wanna puke. Glass eyes usually make me want to puke, too, This however I like.

*Taurus "A gardener will ask you to propagate. Don't do it. Ask him to fix the latch." If you have to be told not to screw your gardener, you need more than your horrorscope read. Gardeners don't look the way sexless middle aged women imagine them to be. No six-pack & tan. Only a mustache w/ bread crumbs in it. "Fix the latch." He's not a gynecology expert, either, I'm sure. If you can afford a gardener, you can afford a trip to the vagina doctor. We're already asking enough work, at slave wages, from our illegal help.

*Gemini "Cockroaches will stage a counter-revolution in your kitchen." Wouldn't that make the cockroaches already the oppressive regime in one's house if that were so?... No hiding when the lights come on. It's the humans crawling around in the dark trying to throw molotov cocktails in order to get access to the cereal cabinet or the fridge. Are they gonna booby trap cans of roach spray so that it will explode in the human's hands? That sounds more revolutionary than counter-revolutionary.

*Cancer "You'll be given a gift that requires batteries." This had to be tame in order to be on basic tv. But is a sex toy joke being worked in here? Not funny & probably not.

*Leo "A poultry farmer will ask you to do foul things, but you'll chicken out." Okay, maybe I was wrong about the last one not being about a sex toy. This is getting pretty grotesque. "Chickening out" hints at being interested in the first place. I don't know too many women or men who'd have to turn over in their heads the notion of doing foul things w/ a guy who more than likely smells of chicken feces even after bathing. Someone might be in to that. Someone w/out a gag reflex (I don't mean that in an oral sex sense).

*Virgo "A woman will view your clothing w/ disdain & offer you club soda." Bad joke.

*Libra "You'll attend a party that reminds you of a bowl of cereal full of fruits, nuts, & dates." First, you need some fruits & nuts to spice up a party. Aren't dates dried up fruit? Who'd want a dried up date? Not the fruit but an actual romantic interest... Who'd be at a party thinking about cereal? besides a really high stoner who couldn't wait to get back to their apt & watch cartoons....

*Scorpio "You'll be invited to the neighbors for a matzo ball but you won't know what to wear." If you're that culturally ignorant, then wear some of your Nazi memorabilia attire.

*Sagittarius "A grammarian will make rude comments about your dangling participle" that's pretty clever, I guess. unless your sexual partner is the grammarian.

*Capricorn "A fisherman will invite you to dinner. Go just for the halibut." Stay to look at his small dinghy. Surprised that she didn't say that too.

*Aquarius "A foreigner will misinterpret your body language & take you up on an offer." What's w/ all the references to stumbling into a bad sexual situation? People who follow the nonsense of the zodiac must be really paranoid about rape.

*Pisces "A phrenologist will ask to look at your wife's bumps." He's a doctor of small bumps. He's not a plastic surgeon wanting to give your wife bigger boobs.

Crematia has a dirty mind.

2 1/2 stars

---------------------------

GoodBadFlicks.com : "Bad Channels" *Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" radio airwaves alien panic meets early 1990s rock & roll cheese plus Full Moon Horror productions animatronics special fx work. Starring quirky & energetic MTV vj Martha Quinn.* close to 3 stars for the review

Idiot Box starring Alex Winter: Episode 1 *Raw animal urges & accounting.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Clerks TV Show Pilot (Disney) 1995 *So sanitized, Silent Bob would have Tourettes trying to sit through it. Jim Breuer would fit in pretty well w/ Jason Mewes.* close to 2 stars

The Daily Show w/ Craig Kilborn: 1996 Bill Clinton & Bob Dole Presidential Debate Coverage *Kilborn struggles to connect w/ the studio audience (I believe there was one & it wasn't just the crew laughing. Or maybe it was. Often quiet.. only minimal laughing noise). The correspondents of the Daily Show invade their first of many major political events. You could tell that the major news journalists didn't really know how to react to it. Nothing interesting to report from the snoozer debate. News of Sammy Hagar fired from Van Halen. A funny bit called "Tesh History" that I forgot about & remember liking back in the day. Craig interviews old school entertainers Joe Balogna & his wife Renee Taylor.* 2 stars

Nickelodeon Arcade (featuring the stars of Nick's Salute Your Shorts) *Donkey Lips & Buttlick (the redheaded scumbag pal of Edward Furlong in Terminator 2) go to a gameshow arcade ran by a quirky black dude in a colorfully loud shirt. The type of arcade that moms imagine. Ones w/ a green screen like on the weather channel & where kids wear bike helmets plus elbow & knee pads just to be safe.* 2 1/2 stars (fond childhood memory)

Reading Rainbow: The Salamander Room (1994) *LeVar visits a NYC zoo rainforest enclosure. Much love to Lynne Thigpen who was the voice of reading the story. An unsung hero of the show. Also, there's a reason the theme song is stuck in many an adult's head years & years after never hearing the song again. Good reason that is.* 3 stars

James Randi debunks an aura reader (youtube) *The aura reader had to pick out the auras or actually sillhouettes of strangers behind a thin white sheet. 2 out of 5 ain't bad, given it's all a game of chance & aura reading is bullshit. But, if I were the aura reader, I would claim that the 1920s style barbershop quartet top hats threw off their chakras.* 2 stars

---- TV Carnage:

*Seamless: On Dr. Phil, today a murder confession, tomorrow the tale of a clutterbug.* 3 stars

*The Bottom Line Is Nice Hair! No Matter How You Get It!: "There's a new you waiting" & he has teased bangs but no bald spot.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Your Inner Piece: If you are wise, you won't let a white guy wanna be yoga master (yogi) put you into all kinds of awkward stretching positions that resemble sex positions.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Women Look Amazing When They Fight: Noogies & short shorts. I miss America's Roman gladiatorial days of sexist lady athletics.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sylvia Dogs Do Rule Heaven: Saint Peter has a St. Bernard.* 2 stars

----------------------

Beavis & Butthead: Don't Call Me Dude - Scatterbrain *If you don't know the dude, it's rude.* 2 stars w/ riffing close to 2 stars w/out

Uncharted Zone: Gemma Cretella - Thesis Antithesis Synthesis *Pretentiously wordy hipster techno music white rapper.* 1 1/2 stars

Robocop: Zone Five *This series continues to borrow heavy from Batman & Frank Miller. There's a drug hitting the streets of Old Detroit that's similar to The Joker's laughing gas. The bureaucrats have turned a section of the most crime ridden part of the city over to vigilantes who secretly are the criminals supplying the drug. There's a psychiatrist agreeing w/ the criminals & he's a lot like Dr. Crane in Batman Begins. Robocop's son almost gets corrupted by the vigilantes, similar to a lot of Robin stories.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax versus 70's Commercials from CBS's presentation of the Star Wars Holiday Special *"Always look for the union label" & the "extreme melodrama."* 3 stars w/ riffing 2 1/2 stars w/out

Occult Demon Cassette presents "Never Be A Victim" (1990s Stranger Danger) *Be alert, aware, & filled w/ awful anxiety. Has friendly Irish-Canadian police officer Jim scared the shit out of you, w/ his helpful hints about the horrific, yet or not?* either 1 or 2 stars

"Madman" (1982) w/ commentary from cast & crew *Trends don't always have to be a bad thing. Following in the footsteps of Friday the 13th & Halloween, some young, determined filmmakers scrounge together enough resources to take a camp legend & turn it into another great entry into the early days of the 80s slasher genre.* 3 plus stars w/ commentary 3 stars w/out

American Gothic: Inhumanitas *To living we owe respect. To the dead we owe the truth. To the devil, Lucas Buck, a crooked lawyer owes money & also a corrupted preacher owes his soul.* close to 3 stars or 1 1/2 stars for the horrible CGI / unintentionally funny scene of a poor, old, black man's head on the body of the angel sister pretending to be a waitress.

"Warlock Moon" w/ audio commentary from Joe Bob Briggs *According to Joe Bob, San Francisco & Austin indie filmmakers may have traded ideas about turning the classic children's fable "Hansel & Gretel" into a horror flick. He suspects much marijuana was smoked in the process (ha). San Francisco produced this one, Warlock Moon, which Joe Bob says should have went by its other, much better title "Blood Spa." The Austin connection makes it very similar to & almost a sister film of "Saw" (Texas Chain, that is).*

3 stars w/ commentary & 2 stars w/out

The Higgins Boys & Gruber: Skinny Wizard *Tired of spending your weekend either jamming out to metal in your kitchen/den/living room combo or going to the mall w/ your devil worshiping friend Thad? Straighten up, thanks to The Parents Coalition for Good Tunes.* 2 1/2 stars

Jerry Springer: "I'm In Love With A Gay Vampire" *You'd think that it'd be a drain, but they're great emotional & spiritual support in a relationship or affair.* 1 star

Duran Duran: Rio (Literal Video Version) *"Sweet air saxophone dude, dude, dude, dude..."*

running from 2 to close to 2 1/2 starsw/ literal & close to 2 1/2 stars for actual

"Dirty Shary" ---xxx--- (1985) *She's got a 44. No, not a handgun. A 44 double d breast size & she's using it to somehow help take down a white slavery sex ring.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Cheaters: Anesthesiologist Finds Cougar Wife Cheating *Menopause shouldn't mean a skanky girls nite out addict should pause gettin' some from douchebag hunks just 'cause her hubbie specializes in dulling sensitivity.* zero stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Mitchell *"Leaves behind the "great" smell of brute." Joel also leaves behind a great legacy, fleeing in an escape pod after this awful movie. This movie is more anti-drug idiotic than Reefer Madness. Joe Don runs around being a supposed to be loveable drunk, but isn't, always chugging a six pack & shooting first or causing someone else's violent demise, even at one point an innocent helicopter cop partner. However, he's on his moral high horse in forced comedic interactions w/ his high class escort girlfriend who he's always shoving around & hauling off to jail for a small amount of marijuana. Hypocritical. That's on top of the rest shit movie smeared in 70s era country western trucker lowlife swagger Americana b.s. (not just in the also awful soundtrack & not in any cool way).*

more than 2 stars w/ Joel's last MST3K riff & 1 star w/out

5 Dollar Wresling: Storm Maverick, Your Next 5 Dollar Wrestling Superstar *He body slams his pillow, even though it's also his amigo, on his grandma's living room floor.* close to 3 stars

--- TBS Commercials May 12, 1988 (Part 3 on Youtube) ran during the Superstation Movie Presentation of "The Savage Bees":

*The announcer lady talks about how Thursday at 8:00pm prime time, TBS will be showing The Dirty Dozen w/ Lee Marvin & Ernest Borgnine. That shows the huge difference in old school TBS & modern "Very Funny" TBS. The Dirty Dozen is very manly whereas TBS's modern primetime lineup of "Big Bang Theory" is very unmanly.

*Preview for Frank Sinatra as a guest on Larry King Live on sister network CNN.

*80s mallrat tween girls dance about because Lee 'Press On Nails' have just been made for smaller hands.

*Partly animated Murine earwax removal system commercial. My grandparents were of the Depression/WW2 generation. By the late 80s, they were already retired & living comfortably. Products & ads like this remind me so much of their medicine cabinet. TBS reminds me of them, as well. Old war movies, westerns, & Americana sitcoms / dramas.

*A New York Giants linebacker, in full gear, in his locker room spraying athletes foot cure spray on his toes. The brand is NP-27, & the can couldn't have a more generic yellow & red color scheme design or bland logo. Probably why the product didn't last...

*Sleepinal to help 80s adults fall asleep fast. The milquetoast ad man for Sleepinal puts me to sleep just looking at & hearing speak.

*Quirky promo for prehistoric time travel feature "The Land that Time Forgot" on Grandpa Munster's Super Scary Saturday on the Superstation.

*Remember those old Time Life music compilation commercials? The ones where some forgotten entertainer would stand alone in a studio & sing a few lines from each of their hit songs? Well, here's one for "Get the Very Best of Ray Stevens" & Ray is at his best (worst?) as he sings his tunes while dressed up in costumes fitting each silly song. Whitetrash variety

*"Munster, Go Home" promo coming on Saturday afternoon on the Superstation.

Ah, I so miss old school TBS Superstation

A very biased for nostalgia reasons 3 stars

------------------------------------------------------

Extended Play on Tech TV 10/12/2001? *Extended Play was such a better name than X Play. X for xtreme, I guess, sounds like something a group of smarmy ad people sat around & did focus groups to come up with a "cool" title. Adam Sessler a thick head of spiky Billy Idol hair too. There's also no nerd sex object Morgan Webb to lust over. Talk with a visionary computer gaming studio ,Xulu, who wanted to have a realistic space travel simulator. Sad news that the already dead, at the time, Sega Dreamcast wouldn't be getting Shenmue 2, & instead X Box would. Preview for the classic, cute, & addictive "Super Monkey Ball."* 2 stars

Cracked.com : Why 28 Days Later is Secretly About Sex *Everything in this running zombies(? infected?) flick is a metaphor over frustration about humans' urges surrounding fucking.* either 1 star or 3

Brass Eye: Science *Some people say that heavy electricity isn't real. Those people aren't idiots or celebrities looking to be cool standing up for a cause they pretend to understand.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Forbidden Transmission 2: Cultural Fallout *Let's all smoke pot, dat damn fried chicken, do fag stuff. Shucky ducky, quack quack. Grab a slut & pee in her butt* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Baby Grobags *Planned Parenthood presents Baby Grobags from the makers of Hot Pockets. These bundles of joy are smarter than a 5th grader & an adult.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Cinema Insomnia w/ Mr. Lobo: Bigfoot, Mysterious Monster

*Retro 1970s ad for Mattel's Creepy Crawlers 'Thingmaker 2' from an era when little girls wore granny sized eye glasses. Awesome.

*Some 1960s era Go-Go dancing w/ upskirt shots of nice legs in pantyhose & white jungle babes.

*Mr. Lobo wants the viewer to suspend disbelief for the "Godfather of Grunge" Bigfoot

*1950s sci fi film star Peter Graves comes on camera, very grim, to tell the viewers of the film about its earnestness in documenting the truth about Bigfoot (snicker) & to warn them of the horror (let the exploitation begin).

*Vintage trailer for King Kong vs. Godzilla. In it, an American scientist talks about how King Kong's brain is bigger. Go America, boo Japan! Our monster is smarter. But did we not kidnap Kong from Skull Island in the Pacific? Shhh! He's a Yankee, now!

*Lobo & Graves both talk about the Loch Ness monster. Of course, Lobo does it more tongue in cheek. Loch Ness vs. Bigfoot... about as close as we could actually come to King Kong vs. Godzilla. That is if all the crazies are right & reality isn't.

*Parody of those old soft rock romance cd ads that would play on t.v. This one is for cult sci fi character Krankor. For only 9 payments of $9.99 own Candles, Krankor, & You. It will make you want to hug your significant other on a sunset beach while the waves gently break on your feet. Ah... romantic.

*Nice bumpers for Cinema Insomnia using old cartoons. One has a giant, angry motor oil can chasing a cute something or other...

*Lobo is keeping up w/ the latest crypto weirdo through UFO magazines & such.

*Graves tries to pass off modern lizards' ties to ancient times, including the funny little running on two legs lizard complete w/ wacky sound effects, to prove the possibility of Sasquatch... He's no Darwin.

*1950s ad for Gravy Train dog food "Makes it's own gravy" & "looks like beef stew" if you believe Johnny, the hound's owner. Go ahead, Johnny, take a bite. You know you wanna.

*"This could be your terror!" "This could be your city!" so it says in a vintage trailerf or Rodan. The early days of the atomic age had people actually wondering if that were true or not. Or at least shelling out a nickel or dime to see monster carnage.

*American history lesson on Sasquatch. He ("they") migrated from Asia. Oh, no, don't tell Donald Trump. Also, a Brit team, in the 1800s, possibly captured a young one & named it "Jacko." Hmm... a young, repressed weird boylike creature named "Jacko"... Why am I reminded of a chimp named "Bubbles" & a pursuit of The Elephant Man's bones...

*Lobo is having stomach problems out in a park restroom on his hunt for Bigfoot. He'll find another big, hairy manlike creature instead. The North American Gay Bear fetishist.

*Gigantis, the Fire Monster trailer. Bigfoot as an excuse for all the kaiju krazy

*Graves tries to argue the importance of oral statements on Bigfoot to a scientist. The scientist doesn't buy it. He wants hard scientific evidence. Graves brings up the fact that the courts relied on such testimony. Thank science for physical scientific evidence coming into play more now in the courts. It's not 100 percent perfect, yet, but it's far better than a jury believing the same person, in a real trial of importance, who had earlier given a sworn report on their encounter w/ a mythical creature.

*An adult Bigfoot believer recounts his time out camping w/ his Boy Scout troop when Bigfoot was caught sniffing their underwear late one night. This caused the boys to squeal like a Girl Scout. This only proves that Bigfoot belongs not in the list of known species but instead on that of sex offenders.

*Chilly Dilly "The Personality Pickle" a cartoon pickle spokesperson who looks like Jimminy Cricket. A portable pickle snack. Snacks have come a long long way. Picklemania ran wild.

*Lobo visits w/ the director of "Bloodthirst, the Legend of the Chupacabra." American woodsmen are afraid of Bigfoot & Mexican desertmen(?) fear "Goat Sucker."

*Trailer for the above mentioned flick. Looks very low budget & shot on video. Also like a vampire flick instead of a monster flick. The director explained that he believed the Chupacabra was actually another Mexican/South American legend called the Mocha or something Vampire. He admits fans & critics hated his Chupacabra re-imagining & I can easily see why. It sucks.

*Chocolate Toddy dairy bar snack in a can. It's 1950s white people approved. Mooooooo! The poor dairy bar worker guy. What a lame uniform.

*Suburban Sportsman is odd & I don't know what to make of it. A sort of travelogue of Area 51 conspiracy theorist visiting the base, looking at dead sheep corpses, & then going out on the salt desert to use their high powered pistols to shoot lizards for lunch.

*Again, Cinema Insomnia makes good use of stock footage for their bumpers. Comforting midnight jazz & a moon filmed for some long ago tropical flick now shown in timelapse sliding across the night's horizon. Doing late night tv, right.

*Escape from the Planet of the Apes trailer. When the apes arrived here via space ship to the astonishment of the U.S. army. The Ancient Aliens tv show guy w/ the crazy hair... He looks like a Tim Burton concept sketch for his Apes failure of a movie.

*Graves visits a psychic detective w/ a Bigfoot plaster cast hidden in a suitcase. The quack guesses correctly. If it weren't obvious that Graves was fucking w/ the viewer, before, it should be now.

*Lobo tries to hypnotize a waitress into revealing whether or not she served Bigfoot a cup of Joe as one of her countless customers over the years.

*Trailer for the awesome looking stop motion 50s giant monster flick "The Black Scorpion."

*Lame & long winded joke interview w/ a 5th grade teacher about Bigfoot being his former student. Only gets funny w/ a short part about Bigfoot hitting puberty & being smelly.

*1940s looking safety film clip about numbskulls taking risks & turning into grotesque looking figures wearing scary as shit masks from that time period. I think the masks were supposed to make them look like comical fools, but to the modern eye it's ole timey uncanny valley horrifying.

*Lobo sits on a nice pier interviewing Bigfoot's awkward prom date who seems to never have gotten over that night. She claims Bigfoot had a tiny penis.

*Lobo talks w/ Bigfoot's former roommate in college. The hipster playing the part makes sure the shot is framed w/ a Buffy cast photo magazine, a Doctor Who laser disc or vinyl album, & his Superfriends cartoon t-shirt.

*A bunch of hippy investigators went out in the woods w/ tranquilizer guns & cameras to find evidence to force the scientific community to "take a more active role in the hunt for Bigfoot" according to Graves. Also according to Graves, they only came back w/ a handful of fecal matter & hair. Sounds about right. Hippies + or - Bigfoot = Hair + Shit.

either fair or folly for Peter Graves pseudo documentary, 3 stars for Cinema Insomnia's ads & bumpers, more than 2 1/2 stars Lobo, close to fair for the guests

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Chiller Theater Presents: Doctor Moreau's Happy Pills (youtube) *If only they'd invent a solution to everyday ills.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Marc Maron Predicts the Future" (youtube) *Doomed, bored, & further restricted. Marc nailed it.* close to 3 stars

Rich Hall: Supermarket Sniglets --1983-- (youtube) *Made up words that should be in the dictionary. An early urban dictionary, but more cleverly absurd & stomachable & not awful slang related.* close to 3 stars

Bill Maher's "Religulous" *Take it on faith & do it because you've always done it, dammit.*

more than 2 1/2 stars

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