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steddieonrepeat · 2 years

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Can You Hear Me Screaming?

Word Count: 2108

Pairing: vague/implied Steve/Eddie

Warnings: suicide attempt, self harm reference, weed, death, ambiguous ending, depression, drugs, angst.

Synopsis: Songfic based on Hold On by Chord Overstreet. Steve finds Eddie after a suicide attempt.

So far this is just me being sad but i might turn this into a multi part fic so just lmk if that something you would be interested in?

Not Beta’d :/ sorry

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“Eddie!!” the word was screamed in a hoarse voice as the front door of the trailer exploded open, banging harshly against the wall it flew into. “Eddie!” Steve cried, his voice forcing its way through the soft sobs that wouldn’t stay down no matter how hard he tried. Steve stumbled through the living room, eyes locked on Eddie's bedroom door. The door was cracked open only an inch, and although he knew Eddie wasn’t there, he hoped with all of his heart that when he pushed the door open he would find find Eddie sitting on his bed, headphones on and joint spiraling smoke into the thick air. He would have his hair back in a low pony, and that smile that Steve had seen on his face a million times before. He could see it perfectly, yet the illusion was shattered when his fingertips tapped the door open, the creaking sound filling up the silent trailer. There was no Eddie on the bed, no warm smile there to greet him, and only the faint residual smell of stale weed, likely a day or two old. The blanket on Eddie’s bed was crumpled in a messy pile, and the window above his bed was cracked in the way it had been stuck for years, ever since he broke it trying to sneak out when he was 17. The room looked completely normal, lacking only its resident. “Ed-“ Steve choked again, spinning around to see if there was anywhere else he could have missed the boy. There was only one other door in the place, Wayne having offered his bedroom to his Nephew after Eddie’s mom had died, a bathroom. A dull yellow light flickered underneath the door frame, as if it was calling to Steve, begging him to open the door. In only 2 steps Steve was jiggling the knob, dejected when the door didn’t open. “Eddie I’m not fucking kidding you better be in here.” he shook the door more, putting force against the structure, mentally begging for a response. “Eddie! Answer me for fucks sake! Eddie!” he threw his body against the door, his eyes locking on the way the wood splintered near the hinges. It took him a half a second to decide Wayne would forgive him, and if he didn’t, a summer worth of lawn work would be worth knowing Eddie was still alive. Steve launched his body back at the door, twice as hard, nearly falling as the door splintered off the hinges and allowed him into the dingy room.“They need you Ed- the kids, your uncle, me.” His voice broke. “please- please don’t leave me. you cant. you cant-“ he was interrupted by his own voice giving out, turning into a raw choking sob as opposed to his shaking voice. “I need you.” He struggled to shove his hands under Eddie’s body, an act that would easy if he wasn’t so distraught. He had to get him to the hospital as soon as he could. He had to go himself, the cops would take forever to get there and… what if they didn’t let him go with them and- his breath caught in his throat at the mere thought of letting the boy out of his sight.

He rushed out to his car, not even caring that he was getting his leather seats covered in blood as he pushed Eddie into his back seat. “For fucks sake if-“ he couldn’t finish the thought as he climbed into his own seat and peeled out of the driveway faster than he had ever driven before in his life. Of course, the Hawkins hospital was on the other side of town, as far as you could get. His eyes were barely on the road as he drove, too busy trying to watch the boy in his backseat, too busy praying to some god he wasn’t sure was even real to save his friend.

He remembered the first time Eddie had ever gotten into his car, jumping in the front seat before Robin could even squeak a protest out. He flashed the biggest smile, scanning his eyes over the driver. “You must be King Steve-“ he snickered, “a pleasure to meet the legend himself.” Robin climbed into the back seat with Dustin, all four of them headed to the movies. “Hope you don’t mind the intrusion, Henderson wouldn’t let me skip when I told him I had no interest in fuckin ghostbusters-“

“It’s gonna be a classic!” a familiar voice spoke up from the back of the car. “And we’re gonna be late if we don’t start driving Steve.” He rolled his eyes and backed the car out of the school’s parking lot. How little he knew at the time.

Steve’s car pulled into the Hospitals emergency lane going nearly 70 miles an hour, enough to have the few elderly people in the parking lot sending him concerned, albeit judgmental glances. He threw the door to his car open and scooped Eddie up into his arms, tears starting to swell again as he was snapped back into his horrific reality. “fuck-“ he breathed out as he felt the cold of Eddie’s skin against his own. It was Jarring how cold and frozen his nearly translucent arm felt. “I need help! Anyone!” He stumbled into the emergency room, knowing he probably looked insane carrying a boy who looked dead and covered in flaking blood. “Please-“ In a whirlwind of people and voices Eddie was whisked out of his grip, placed into a hospital bed and wheeled towards a giant pair of swinging doors. The doctors were swarming him, checking for a pulse and holding him tight in search or any fleeting sign of life. Steve used what was left of his energy to push past the nurse trying to ask him questions and reach out towards Eddie.

“Sir- Sir! You need to tell us what happened.”

“I have to go with him- I need him- please I need to be with him.” a strong hand placed itself on his shoulder, pushing him back towards the waiting room.

“get him some water and keep him out here. Marie- watch him.” A powerful voice commanded, leaving Steve no choice but to let Eddie be rolled out of his sight, the second scariest thing that could happen. He choked out a broken synopsis of what had happened, or at least what he could assume had happened based off of what he knew and had discovered. After that he was left alone in the waiting room with nothing but his thoughts and the silent buzzing of a static tv

His mind retreated back into his memories. The first time he had smoked weed, Eddie choking on his laughter as Steve sputtered and coughed from the smoke. The two of them had been reclined in the back of Eddie’s shit van when Steve had tentatively asked what it felt like to be high, a light blush darkening his freckled cheeks. He was embarrassed to ask, but if there was anyone to confess to, it was Eddie. Of course, Eddie didn’t even try to explain the feeling, he had just leaned up to his passenger seat and dug around for his shitty black lunchbox, opening it up to reveal several little baggies of weed.

“Here.” He had pushed a pre rolled joint into Steve’s hand gently curling his fingers around the younger boy's hand. “Hold it like this, and when I say go, suck, but not too hard.” How the fuck was Steve supposed to know what ‘too hard’ was? He had inhaled like normal, but ended up being bitch slapped by the smoke and ash entering his lungs. It had taken him three minutes to start breathing again, and had taken Eddie two more to stop laughing at him. They had spent the rest of the afternoon together, telling dumb stories and laughing at even stupider jokes. Eddie hadn’t made him pay for the joint, nor any he shared in the future.

He remembered the second time he had come to Eddies house, a stupid reason really, but he knew Munson would want his dumb vest before he had to go to school on Monday, and Steve really just wanted a reason to see him. It was already after dark as his wheels crunched over the loose dirt in the driveway. Eddie's van was parked off to the side, but his uncle seemed to be away at all work. Fine by Steve. He had hopped out of his car and jogged to the front door, the vest folded over his shoulder as he knocked. A few minutes passed with no answer before he knocked again, eliciting an annoyed groan from inside of the trailer. Steve rolled his eyes at the sound, waiting for the door to be pulled open.

“For the last fucking time I don’t sell to-“ Eddie’s voice was cut off as he flung the door open, clearly suprised to see his classmate. “Uh- Steve?” He closed the door slightly, trying to shelter himself, but the damage had already been done. Steve's eyes were trained on his lower arms where thin white lines were mingled with fresher pink scars. The skin was only barely visible, usually hidden under long sleeves or his leather jacket, but Eddie clearly hadn’t been expecting company. He was wearing an older t-shirt with sleeves that only came down 3/4ths of his arms. “What are you doing here?” He probably could’ve phrased it better, but he could feel the laser focus on his arm.

“oh… uh” Steve fumbled over his words, his thoughts moving faster than they had ever before in an attempt to come up with something smart to say. Brains was never his strong suit. “you left your jacket- uh vest- um your…thing in my car.” there was a beat of silence “are you okay?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, pretending he didn't know what the question was referencing. “My bad- I could have just grabbed it at school you know?” his face burned, hoping Steve would just hand it to him and leave. “thanks.” He jut his hand out at the other boy.

“yeah. yeah right. i just…” Steve suddenly felt stupid for making the drive. He clearly wasn’t welcome and had stopped by at a bad time. “thought you might want it…. now?” His voice was so unsure it was embarrassing. He grabbed the vest off of his shoulder and held it out. “well uh.. there. There you go. Bye.” He turned on his heel and got back into his car. On Monday, they acted like nothing had even happened.

Steve could feel the glare of the receptionist on him as he paced the room for what must’ve been the thousandth time. He didn’t understand how he was just supposed to sit and wait in a chair, left to wonder if he was ever going to see Eddie’s bright doe eyes or crooked smile ever again. If the receptionist wanted to strangle him, so be it. He turned to look at the shoddy clock on the wall, frowning at the numbers that showed jim he had already been waiting a half hour without the slightest hint at if his friend was still alive. He had been tempted to call someone, anyone really, but he knew better than to pollute Dustin's mind with the fear of his beloved Dungeon Master being anything but fearless, and the kids had honestly been through enough in their own lives. Robin was sweet, and would truly care, but he was certain he would lose his mind hearing her worried rants echo in the tiny waiting room for what could possibly be hours. And she never did really know when to stop. He didn’t have anyone but them to turn to though, so there he was, waiting alone, swimming in his own thoughts.

#my post #steddie #steveddie #eddie munson #st4 #steve harrington #steve x eddie #stranger things #stranger things 4 #song fic #stranger things fic #eddie munson fic #angst #content warning #fanfiction #fanfic #format: fic #formatting on tumblr makes me suicidal #Spotify

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