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ok guys, ive got some good news and some bad news:

good news: 10 species of birds have been taken off the list of endangered species!

bad news: it was due to confirmed extinction.

#birds #birdwatching

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tfw haze machines leave residue

#haze #haze machine #this is bullshit

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i built my own dad bod, with blackjack, and hookers.

#dad bod #futurama #blackjack #hookers

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grocery shopping is like using a public restroom. u go in, dont make eye contact with anyone, take your shit, and leave

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GOD, i love turmeric

#turmeric

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i got enlisted to look at a mathematician's C++ algorithm. we're getting a multidisciplinary team together for a "we're not leaving until this makes sense"-type meeting on my friday off. I'm showing up and buying pizzas.

AMA

#ama #work #workaholic #software development #pizza party

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bitch i already drink my meals. it's called "shower beer"

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at&t, why in the hell would i be car camping if im looking to watch a movie? and howd they pop that popcorn? on a campfire? how long did she have to wait to be able to hold the bowl? did they use another bowl? it looks like theyre "glamping," and, kids, ill be honest- that car looks like it has the back seats up, so i highly doubt they've got enough space to hold supplies enough for glamping, let alone extra popcorn-popping bowls or dishwashing means. and, yes, the car has to be running for the wifi to work. i mean, are they just gonna let the car run all night? are they sleeping in there? are they just here for one night? could whatever theyre watching not wait one day?? so many questions, and "mobile hotspot" answers approximately 0 of them.

better for long drives, when your passengers are a bunch of gamers. LAN party on the go, baby. i mean, i guess who the fuck knows? one of them probably likes to drive while the other just wants to game. from their faces, looks like shes over there like "bro, isnt audry hepburn just the baddest of bitches??" and the dudes like "my wow team is raiding tonight, and im missing it. but sure. audry hepburn's a babe. (christ, the things you gotta do for love...)"

overall, 9/10 image. leaves ya wondering. point taken off because that man is holding the beer with his hands like he wants to warm it up. are his hands too hot? is he trying to hide the logo, or something? probably that one, because he's embarrassed that its a shitty beer.

NOT TO MENTION THE-

jesus fucking christ. i must be stopped.

#camping #glamping #gaming #at&t #mobile hotspot #wifi #people are just realizing there are six common wifi mistakes you must avoid – including putting router behind your tv #people are just realizing wifi signals are blocked by six common materials – move your router now for faster internet #advertising #advertisement #long reads #long post #long rant

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when youre vibing in the desert mountains

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#tfw your water heater maintenance guy steals your bath towels:

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

fml

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the sun came up, and the snow is melting.

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apparently, im an awesome person, according to the internet maintenance guy.

thanks, internet guy.

(he was really cool)

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my landlord raised my rent.

my water heater just exploded.

theres something wrong with the internet.

i have broken my nose.

there are pests everywhere.

and i think ive started losing my hair.

that wasnt a poem. all of that really happened this week. (it is tuesday, my dudes.) two of them just happen to rhyme.

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guess who doesnt technically meet the criteria for alcohol use disorder, according to his therapist who got, like 3 second opinions!

this guy! 🥳👍

still an alcoholic tho. just, not one with alcohol use disorder.

#alcoholic #alcoholism #mental health #alcohol

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still hate pizza. mine was good, though.

what ego?

tfw u rant and rave about how much u hate pizza while accidentally drunk cooking a pan pizza from scratch.

just me?

ok.

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tfw u rant and rave about how much u hate pizza while accidentally drunk cooking a pan pizza from scratch.

just me?

ok.

#pizza #cooking #food #pan pizza #drunk cooking

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is there really a spider here?

i think its trying to get away from me.

godspeed, little dude. i wouldnt wanna be around me either.