sdmnluvs

[sdmnluvs]

I wrote this back in December 2022 after a tough few months, never finished it but thought id share it.

‘I don’t think it was my fault. The immense loneliness every evening, refreshing Snapchat for a text, blaming the shit internet we have because dad refuses to spend the extra money. Looking at snapmaps as my heart drops or standing in work fighting back tears because of the loneliness that I couldn’t explain. Coming back from sobbing in the bathroom to see them standing in the que. My coworker gives me a look and I just turn around, call one of the boys onto the till because my heart can’t take it anymore.

I think the feeling began to drift away at the start of the September. I didn’t cry myself to sleep anymore and I didn’t have bags under my eyes. And then I turned 18 and it at changed. The anxiety creeped up on me again, I couldn’t focus in school and eating became a chore. I was the bad person in their eyes. Yet when talking to a mutual friend I was in the right, they had no reason to ignore me yet they did.

In the end I didn’t know whose fault it was. Perhaps I had been over dramatic but they ruined my 18th. Maybe I should’ve just accepted the apology and moved on but they had to be told agat they done and sent me a proof read apology. Maybe I should’ve just been the bigger person like I always am, came into school with a smile and a story to tell but they could’ve done the same.

And when asked why I don’t make an effort I fight the urge to tell them “you don’t understand how alone I felt over the summer because of you both. You’ll never understand how I cried for days on end because I never got invited anywhere. That instead you would “visit” me in work and think it wouldn’t make me sad. You would go out for dinner every Monday, my work night and expect me not to care? Constantly sending me snaps or see your BeReal. I had nobody over the summer and you didn’t care. You made me feel worthless and that nobody likes me but I’m still making an effort. Even though I owe you nothing”. ‘

I later forgave those two girls and surprise surprise, the cycle repeats itself!! Although I call out bs now because nobody ever deserves to feel that isolated in a friendship! Never ever let them define your worth

#words #writing #friends #best friends #you’re worth the world #truly thought I’d never see Xmas that year #April-December is a long time #be kind #love your friends #my 18th is my Roman Empire

[sdmnluvs]

When the girl who I crushed on for like a good 8 months and finally got over maybe 2 months ago cornered me on a night out and said if it wasn’t for her bf she’d be with me 🤘🤘🤘🤘

#slay #wlw #like girl #I just got over you fr #oh well #drunk thoughts = sober words?? #jokes she’s told me this on multiple occasions #I love her bf too #he’s the funniest and best #slay living in a small town #bi

[sdmnluvs]

When the tuiseal ginideach (genitive case) is used

1. Seilbh (Ownership)

Hata Sheáin (Seán's hat) Seol an bháid (The boat's sail) Teach Mháire (Máire's house) Cóta an f hir (The man's coat) Gúna an chailín (The girl's dress) Geansaí an bhuachalla (The boy's jumper)

2. Dhá ainmfhocal le chéile (When two nouns come together)

Seomra ranga (Classroom) Mála scoile (School bag) Clár ama (Timetable)

3. An t-ainm briathartha roimh an ainmfhocal (Verbal noun aka ag in front of the noun)

Ag imirt peile (Playing football) Ag dúnadh an dorais (Closing the door) Ag léamh leabhair (Reading a book) Ag foghlaim gramadaí (Learning grammar)

4. Réamhfhocal comhshuite (Following a compound preposition)

Ar fud na tíre (All over the country) Ar feadh seachtaine (For a week) In aice na háite (Beside the place) Ar chúl an tí (Behind the house)

5. Cainníocht (Measurement)

A lán oibre (A lot of work) Beagán airgid (Some money) Go leor trioblóide (A lot of trouble) Níos mó matamaitice (More maths)

6. I ndiaidh na bhfocal seo a leanas (After the following words)

Chun oibre ([Going] to work) Timpeall na scoile (Around the school) Cois tine (Beside a fire) Trasna na farraige (Across the sea) "Dála an scéil" ("By the way")

[sdmnluvs]

I am Ireland: I am older than the Hag of Beara. Great my glory: I who bore brave Cú Chulainn. Great my shame: My own children that sold their mother. Great my pain: My irreconcilable enemies who harass me continually. Great my sorrow: That crowd, in whom I placed my trust, died. I am Ireland: I am lonelier than the Hag of Beara.

- I am Ireland by Patrick Pearse.

[sdmnluvs]

The way I was on a school trip from 7am to 10pm and BeReal goes off as soon as we all get home. The rage is very real within us 😭

#Ireland #Irish #bereal #Belfast for the day #very fun

[sdmnluvs]

Prom today!!! Feel like such a princess rn

#I’m buzzing #I’m so excited #I’ve waited so long for this #prom #prom 2022 #time to get fucked

[sdmnluvs]

Uhhh I uhh I kissed the girl I have a massive crush on???? And she asked to kiss me and I’m apparently on the top of her kiss list???

#what #I feel insane #I was trying to get over this girl #I’m in love with this girl #bi #bisexual #she’s so gorgeous!!

[sdmnluvs]

Pub quiz tomorrow to raise money for prom and none of my really close friends can go

The girls in charge (super close with both of them) texted me to tell me and hope they see me there and one is being the absolute sweetest because she knows how bad my anxiety but I just don’t think I can do it

Im way too socially awkward and even tho I’m close with a good few girls going I don’t think my anxiety can take it especially because I’m not drinking this weather

#I’m so conflicted #I just want to support my friend #why is everything happening the same week #I could cry #social anxiety #anxiety

[sdmnluvs]

14.06.2022

[sdmnluvs]

I wish I had someone to talk to about my wee girl crushes!! I’m only out to 4 people (one being the girl I have a wee crush on) but it’s just awkward to start chatting to my straight friends about these crushes.

#I just want to talk about how pretty girls are #that’s all #I was in my ELEMENT at Harry styles #all of those gorgeous girls #was in love #bi #bisexual #I literally feel like I’m 8 again oh god #girls are just pretty

[sdmnluvs]

NO BECAUSE IM SO HAPPY

#talia mar #simon minter #miniminter #I love them #I’m so happy!!! #they deserve all the happiness ever #sidemen #sdmn #harry lewis #ethan payne #tobi brown #vik barn #olajide olatunji #josh bradley

[sdmnluvs]

klaus & (sparrow) ben

[sdmnluvs]

!!!!!HARRY STYLES TOMORROW!!!!!

#harry styles #love on tour #Harry’s house #Dublin #I’m so excited

[sdmnluvs]

Ehhh so the girl I like just saved a snap I sent her in our chat???? Like it was just of me smiling from last night and miss gal fully saved it with no shame and told me I was gorgeous

#this girl #I stg #she’s the best #it’s that fact we’re not even THAT close but gal is still such a hype queen #she’s v hot too tho #bi #bisexaul

[sdmnluvs]

I can tell my best friend is uncomfortable whenever I talk about my sexuality and I don’t know what to do. I’m only out to 4 people and I feel like none of them will understand where I’m coming from if I spoke to them.

#she’s uncomfortable yet feels happy enough to call herself and my other friend “lesbians as a joke #the silence whenever I mention my sexuality #I just want to cry #bi #bisexaul #I hate myself #I wish I never told her

[sdmnluvs]

As someone from rural Donegal, the culchies do not deserve the hype 😌😌

no harm to michelle, but we as a society need to stop riding farmers, the agri-lads cannot win

#derry girls #I agree with the brown shoes #culchies are the worst #rich tho #worse than car boys #no they’re both equally bad

[sdmnluvs]

My dad>>>>>>

#I love him #the Craic we have #just sat chatting for 30 minutes #after his night out #and watched the news lol #he’s set the standards high