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raeraeray-blog · 2 months

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How I’m doing right now…

I don’t know. I’m feeling everything at once and nothing at the same time. I’m no better than anybody but I think I can also say that I’m tired, I’m tired of everything. Tired of not knowing what to do and tired of everything weighing to heavily on me at this moment. Home doesn’t even feel like home anymore. I feel I’m losing my mind and my grip on what I thought I was is loosening.

Being asleep and in the dream state is better than all of this. Maybe that’s a glimpse of heaven, a glimpse of something that feels more like home. Maybe my time is approaching. Everything just doesn’t make sense anymore. I feel like I’m lying to myself at every turn, trying to make myself feel better about something but the truth still stands, the truth always reminds you. I’ve been feeling empty. Like I woke up from a nap and I’m just droning around. I’m not looking for love, or to be told I’m special or anything like that. I just want peace. I want for the trees to blow from the light wind and feel like I belong or feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.

I’ve been questioning my faith. Questioning so much at times I think I might end up throwing in the towel. I don’t want to but again if feels like I’m lying to myself. At every turn I’m confused, left to face decisions that don’t have a clear answer or where the road taken has no destination.

I don’t know, maybe I am losing it. I feeling like nothing and it all doesn’t matter.

#sad poetry #deep thougts #sad thoughts #thoughts of the day #thoughts of mine

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raeraeray-blog · 3 months

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