prismgrl

[prismgrl]

yeh so as i predicted he left me on seen. and made the additional effort to MUTE me and hide his ig stories from me, seems like overkill for what coulda been a healthy communication but ummm ok...

no because every time i've had the urge to send a long paragraph to someone explaining how i feel about something, i give myself like two days to think about it and i'm always grateful that i didn't send anything to give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.

#situationships #heartache #this actually hurt a lot at first #its been nearly 3 months since that happened now so idk whatever

[prismgrl]

it's more painful to heal an old wound, to rewrite the script, to have a second chance to make things right;

to have hope that things will be different this time around.

because the first time, you were young and immature.

and then the painful disappointment when you realize that other person doesn't share the sentiment. they came back to get what they wanted from you and dip, and hurt your feelings on their way. simply because they don't care.

the audacity it must take to waltz back into my life after all the pain they've caused me, knowing fully well that they don't care is mean and awful.

i couldn't imagine doing that to someone who I knew cared about me. it's rare to have someone who still cares about you even when you don't deserve it.

but assholes will behave as such and cannot be helped. my mistake was thinking that the pain and scars that that person caused me could be healed by that same person.

[prismgrl]

learning to trust my inner voice after yrs of being gaslit by dusties, a novel

[prismgrl]

being an intuitive is kind of cool until one night you are standing at your front door, having a hard time saying goodbye to someone because, despite them reassuring you otherwise, you have a deep deep down feeling it will be the last time you'll ever see them and then it is

#emily.txt #actually made me cry #i fail to see how this is a gift #all it has done is bring me sorrow #psychic #spirituality #situationships #heartache #intuition #intuitive #breakup #empath

[prismgrl]

It happened again. This time with a different person. I had this same eerie feeling. When they were getting ready to leave, I couldn't shake this feeling of dread and sadness. It was ridiculously difficult to let them leave. And I selfishly kept prolonging their departure. I remember at the time thinking that would be the last time I'd hangout with them, and even though they said that we would hangout again "soon", they kept making excuses, and that never happened, I last saw them the end of December. It's almost April, and now we haven't had any contact in over a month, and I don't foresee us hanging out again in the future. So it just goes to show. I guess I can sense that. Which is an awful feeling.

06/03/23 — It was a stupid argument. I just wanted to go home for the night to cool off, I had no idea you were done with me, or that walking out would mean goodbye forever.

#situationships #grief

[prismgrl]

but after months of contemplating whether to voice my irritation to the person for the ways they've treated me, i decided to write a small paragraph. i knew they wouldn't respond anyway, solidifying my resolve to just tell them off since it made no difference anyway

no because every time i've had the urge to send a long paragraph to someone explaining how i feel about something, i give myself like two days to think about it and i'm always grateful that i didn't send anything to give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.

#story progression #character growth #felt better than saying nothing #i say nothing too much #time to start being mean to meanies

[prismgrl]

I really don’t like when people say stuff they don’t mean to keep me at a position in their life that does not align with how it actually is. Like not making effort to hangout but saying they want to but not replying to texts to hangout. Stop that

[prismgrl]

no because every time i've had the urge to send a long paragraph to someone explaining how i feel about something, i give myself like two days to think about it and i'm always grateful that i didn't send anything to give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.

#breakup #life #toxic people #situationships

[prismgrl]

Not me desperately wanting connection and validation that I become a pick-me who ignores her own boundaries.

Not me jumping to give them my time, effort, and care until time reveals that they were using me to get their needs met and didn’t care. :)

Not me being aware they're giving bare minimum effort, breadcrumbing to keep me around but only interested in taking advantage of what I have to offer.

Not me NOT confronting them about it because although I notice EVERYTHING, I don't confront. But maybe it's about time I start. After all, what do I have to lose? People who weren't even friends to begin with?

#life #fake friends #situationships #toxic people

[prismgrl]

If I were rich I’d wake up every day and immediately go run outside to my massive yard and just run around, all that empty space, much better than going to a gym, just playin’, doing cartwheels and stuff

#ifs

[prismgrl]

The fact that whenever I feel any inkling of happiness towards someone's presence in my life, it falls apart, no matter what I do. I'm so tired of being lonely and friendless. It's been this way for so long it makes me lowkey wanna fucking end my life. I'm actually scared of how this is beginning to make me feel. I don't know what to do.

#heartache #loneliness

[prismgrl]

e.m.d.

#breakup #heartache #life #grief #love #emotions #prose #writing #creative writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #letting go #trust #excerpts

[prismgrl]

I finally deleted your number. I don't know it by memory, so that's one of my ways of saying goodbye and letting you go. I still need to delete your pictures from my phone and laptop. A part of me still holds onto the good memories, but that's another thing that I have to work myself up to. It just takes time. No point in rushing the healing process. It's taken me two months, and they say it takes half the time you were together to get over it, well, I'm 1/4th of the way there.

#breakup #heartache #moving on #letting go

[prismgrl]

I think that’s how you know you’re really in love with someone. When you’re loyal to them, not because there’s a social responsibility to be loyal and to not cheat, but because you genuinely don’t want anyone else. Even if you break up and there's no longer that social responsibility, you still only want them. Your heart is loyal to them, for a while afterwards, you can’t see anyone else in the same light. No one else takes the same place in your heart.

#breakup #heartache #life #love #loyalty #prose

[prismgrl]

i don't wanna miss you but i do another heartbreak i can't undo

i ask myself

why you are not here with me if things were as i thought them to be?

i wanna start over be wiser be kinder

i wanna be held be loved be yours

but after 9 months together you no longer want me and i will never know why you decided to ghost me

#breakup #heartache #life #sad #poetry #is this a pOeEM lol

[prismgrl]

Well I’ve been thinking and come to the conclusion that I loved my ex way more than he loved me, if he even loved me at all.

I'm measuring this based on all the things I've done for him, and how he didn’t do much of anything for me. Not to mention. How he chose to end things between us really seems like he had zero love or compassion for me. After 9 months of being together all the time, giving me a key to his apartment, he ended things with me during an argument without even looking me in the eyes or giving me any chance to reply or even to say goodbye? When i reached out for an explaination or closure, he confirmed we were done through a text message and blocked me on everything? I have nightmares about this. Why? Why? Why why why? It hurts so much. I never thought he'd hurt me like this. This is exactly why I can't imagine loving someone and then doing this to them! If you love someone you don't throw them away!

#breakup #heartache #this is so painful i'm so upset still a month later #ughhhh

[prismgrl]

I thought I was getting over you, but you’re still the first thing I think about when I wake up.

I wake up thinking about how you could throw away what we had for 9 months so easily; wondering if you ever loved me; wondering what the hell happened in your mind that changed everything because it was a blindside to me.

#breakup #heartache #sad