potamides-enyo-keres

[potamides-enyo-keres]

[potamides-enyo-keres]

How tf do y'all get over writers block??? Like seriously. I haven't written in almost a year and any time I try I just end up staring at a blank document until I get too damn frustrated 😤

#writing #writers block #adhd problems #fanfic

[potamides-enyo-keres]

[potamides-enyo-keres]

#overstimulated #adhd rsd #anxitey

[potamides-enyo-keres]

[potamides-enyo-keres]

Causation ≠ correlation...

So why does it feel like broken home = broken person.

In my almost 24 yrs on this earth no one has ever told me I'm just being Leo, it's always 'you're acting like your mother/father' depending on who was yelling at me... when I can shave down my expressions and personality to fit who I'm around I wonder if it's the adhd or the trauma response of having to be the good kid... why does no one tell you how hard you have to work to find your Actual personality after a lifetime of fight or flight...

What even is a personality? Where can I get one, because this whole glacialy irking it out is getting old...

#actually cptsd #emotional labor #adhd problems #broken home #divorced parents

[potamides-enyo-keres]

I am in the process of moving from TN to WY.

I am 3 seconds from a nervous breakdown atm.

How do you deal w anxiety spirals over things like this when there are so many variables to deal with???

#moving #neurodivergent #anxienty #wtaf do i do???

[potamides-enyo-keres]

Jaskier had made it his mission to help one Witcher... but no one had ever said he was good at math because now he has three deeply devoted witchers that he doesn't think he'll ever deserve

#fan art #witchersexual jaskier #polycule #polyamourous witchers

[potamides-enyo-keres]

Baring your neck is still seen as an act of deep trust... maybe that's why when I wish for comfort I want someone to hold my face.... fingers splayed out across my jaw and neck... someone to just rub their thumb back and forth across my cheek while I lean into their comfort...

#comfort #cuddles #instinct #safety #couple cuddling

[potamides-enyo-keres]

I just wanna be held...

I wanna be small. He cuddles me, but he is somehow a jetpack to me even when he's got 3 inches on me... he doesn't feel comfortable to lay on, and not just because he's a string bean. Because he doesn't make me feel small and safe and comforted.

I'm always the one comforting, I'm always the one calming. He doesn't calm, comfort, or center me. Idk how to explain that without sounding moronic but it's the truth....

I just wanna be held and feel taken care of...

#affection is needed #comfort #need a big boy #or big girl... #or a big ngc person... i don't judge. #relationship....? #biromantic #cuddles

[potamides-enyo-keres]

I love you.... But I don't love you...

I'm safe with you... but I'm not safe with you.

I don't wanna fold myself into your hugs. I don't wanna curl into you to fall asleep, I don't hope that you'll tuck me into your chest when I'm struggling to sleep or settle down.

There are so many ways that I know you aren't the one, and I hate that. You'd marry me tomorrow if I asked. But that isn't what either of us need.

I need someone who really cares, not someone who likes me because I know the damaged parts of them and am not scared of them. However, you don't know all my broken pieces. You don't wanna really listen to them. You compare and try to one up with trauma. You'll always win.

I want the real, hard earned we both put in effort kind of love. The hallmark love isn't real... there's no easy way to just magically find who you really need in life... and I don't want that because I know how easy it is to wake up from a honeymoon phase and realize it wasn't real. The love you have to constantly work on and maintain because that's the only stable way for relationships to work is constant effort from all parties...

Like where I yell because I'm tired and you didn't put the meat from the freezer to thaw, and you fix it by figuring out something else for dinner while I relax from work. And where you get mad because I forgot to get your snacks at the grocery store, and we fix it by making a quick trip for junk food.

Where I make hard days or times just a little bit better by being my idiotic ass self, and when I have a bad day you let me raise 18 kinds of Caine and then you hold me after because that's what I needed in the first place...

Love and safety are both hard to come by, but if it's real, it's easy to see if it's there. It's one of those things you can't force just because you hope hard enough.

#comfort #emotinal #relationship....? #how do we relationship

[potamides-enyo-keres]

I want a gf....

But talking to girls is v scary... how tf am I supposed to get a gf if I can't talk to a girl... 🫠🫠🫠

#wlw #bi #biromantic #lgbtqia #how do we relationship

[potamides-enyo-keres]

Literally working split shifts. Leave house at 1pm, getting home at 2am.... no sun for me...

[potamides-enyo-keres]

When they can recognize I'm suffering...

I am wearing my over the ear headphones.

I don't do it often.

Usually when I'm overwhelmed or about to have a meltdown (or ya know actively having a meltdown), and they stop to ask.

But like what's the answer to that? I'm exhausted mentally from carrying all the emotional labor in the house, which yall wouldn't understand without a 20 minute power point and a 8 minute TED talk?

That he keeps touching me, using me to self soothe and its making my emotions rattle within my skin, but I can't just push him off without a reason. That he wants to date me but he doesn't want the responsibility or actual consequences of a relationship (like MY emotional needs??).

Or that I am emotionally breaking bc I feel so fucking alone in a house full of people bc none of them can recharge my emotional battery or my need for affection without an explanation. Or the fact that their affection feels not right. Like how do I answer "what's wrong/are you ok/what's going on" with a sufficient answer...

I wanna feel better, but I wanna feel better without relying on other people to help, cause I know I won't get the help that I ask for, because I can't even get the help I need, let alone want.

#emotions #emotional labor #i dont want to be alone #adhd rsd

[potamides-enyo-keres]

Smell is a comfort thing for me.

All my friends smell like safe/comfort/love... he doesn't. It's not bad, but it's not what I need. All my skin contact with my people feels like connection/peace/safe/sleep his feels like how long is he gonna be laying on me, how long til I can move and squirm again. Hugging my people feels like support/comfort/strength his feels like when you're overstimulated at a family event and then are forced to hug all your family members that you see twice a year... it's hard to put into actual words bc how do you explain that without sounding like a bitch... especially when he's hoping for another chance at dating... I don't know what I feel for him I don't even know what I do feel for him...

#emotinal #comfort #relationship....? #how do we relationship #neurodivergent #adhd problems

[potamides-enyo-keres]

It's weird to wish for things...

Some things are actual possibilities... some things are things that only happen in fairy tales or in those people that are chosen to be happy.

I want someone to actually rub my head, or run their hands through my hair thoughtlessly....

I want someone to hold my face and read that my eyes are screaming help me while my mouth is stating I'm fine.

I want someone to just watch me with love evident while I clean the house like a tornado rather than in any kind of logical NT pattern.

I want someone to just want the kind of love I want.

#comfort #I want #emotinal #fairy tale dreams

[potamides-enyo-keres]

such rage in such a little body