ponderlust - Tumblr blog

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

I'm never gonna matter to anyone.

#depression #please let me die #it hurts

0 notes

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

If I weren't just one of the poors, I'd pay someone to fucking kill me. Begging hasn't worked. Praying for death has fallen of God's deaf n dumb ears. I've even reached out to death himself. I never knew I could be so hated by all of existence that even death fucking rejects me.

0 notes

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

PRETTY WOMAN (1990) DAISY JONES & THE SIX (2023)

1K notes · View notes

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

The only purpose for my existence was for other people to hurt. Mission accomplished. Can I go home now?

0 notes

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

Every time I reenter this dark place, it's worse. Every time, I find myself here with people who supposedly care about me giving nothing but apathetic bullying and straight up getting ignored. "She's back on that suicide bullshit just wanting attention." These savages do not care so why am I still too chickens hit to put a bullet in my brain?

0 notes

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

1 note · View note

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

Every time I think the despair can't get any deeper...

0 notes

ponderlust · 3 months

Text

0 notes

ponderlust · 5 months

Text

25 posts!

Yay 25 posts... and about 3 views total. 🙄😞💔

#25 posts #tumblr milestone

0 notes

ponderlust · 5 months

Text

#ponderlust #art #divine feminine #divinity #dicotomy #collage #artwork #alchemy #surrealism #magic #repurposedtrash #oldmagazines #vintage #alchemicalart #framedart #metaphor #psychology #jungianphilosophy #dreams

0 notes

ponderlust · 6 months

Text

The Rainbow Serpent

Prologue

In the beginning, she existed as a vast and deep nothing. For many eons she existed that way. Quietly unaware and content. Then in an instant, outside of all other instances, in one moment removed from the many, she thought. Suddenly, for the first time in the ever, she thought, “I am here.” All at once, it seemed, she perceived not only thought itself but also the vastness of the nothing that was her. She was content to exist without form. She remained this way for some time. Time. Her first creation.

She had just noticed that from the moment of her first thought until now, a vast amount of time had come and gone. She was pleased to spend time thinking wondrous thoughts. After a few more eons, she had decided to form an identity. She whispered into the dark, “I will call myself El Tehom.” She giggled to herself and then said aloud, “ I am the God of the Deep!” She was thunderstruck by the sound of her own voice. Louder, she exclaimed, “I am El Tehom, God of the Depths!” She listened as the vibrations of sound expanded into the nothingness and slowly disappeared into the darkness. For the first time she felt alive.

She was, however, still a young God as yet unaware of the boundlessness of her true power. So it was that she remained El Tehom, God of the Deep reigning over the dark stillness brimming with potential. After a long while of quiet contemplation, she again lifted her voice, "I am the creator of all!” This was the loudest vociferation she had ever produced and from it came the most curious shift. It was as if the entirety of the nothingness began pulsating. Something from the deep that was her, had awakened and stirred. Singing into the void became her new favorite pastime and before long, she began to feel the vibrations she had created. She had produced so much noise that even when she remained silent, there was now an ever pervasive hum throughout the deep.

Another moment stood apart from all other moments as she was contemplating the feeling of the nothingness that was her. She decided that she would like to exist now as a form and explore more feelings. She began concentrating all of her formless self into a singular point inside of the vast nothing that was her. For several forevers, she labored so intensely, she thought she might never succeed in this dream of becoming a form. She wailed and contracted and wailed louder and expanded and contracted again. Repeating this process and not ceasing despite the incredible torrents of feelings that came which were almost too much to bear. The nothingness was rippling and twisting in all directions. The nothingness seemed to be tearing itself apart from her. Then, just when she thought she had annihilated herself completely, finally, her sacred work had come to fruition and she gave birth to herself as a tiny form. Weak and exhausted she whispered, “I am a tiny sphere.”

As she recovered, she was in awe of her new abilities as a sphere. She could move across the face of the deep. She giggled with joy as she zipped around in all directions experiencing the freedom of movement. The void that was her now existed separately from her and became the medium through which she could create. She still possessed the power to affect this medium with her voice and to move through it as quickly or as slowly as she cared to. From the nothing, she created more tiny spheres. Even tinier than herself and with the power of gravity, another of her wondrous creations, she set them in motion around her. In their perpetual dancing orbit, she became strong, balanced and powerful. She felt that she could indeed create anything she desired.

There came a time when she had dreamed up the most ambitious project yet. She decided that she would like to have a companion. Another being like her with the powers of creation. An equal partner to build an entire universe with. She began the work slowly knowing that this will be her greatest creation and that it would not be easy. She began by making space within her tiny spherical body. She pooled all of her consciousness to one side and then spread out around the edge of herself, encapsulating her entire form. Into the space she whispered her incantation and imbued this womb with her most powerful magic, love. As she did this, the tiniest of tendrils began to form within. As they wiggled around excitedly, a wondrous thing began to happen. These diminutive strings began to glow ever so slightly. She understood in that moment that this creation would be her equal and her opposite. She observed as the new being began to slowly organize itself within her protective shell. Some of the tendrils joined together making curious shapes. There seemed to be an intentionality to all of the ecstatic movement taking place. There was suddenly a great pulse and with it a wave of warmth and her strength began to wane. She was finding it harder and harder to hold herself together for him. More pulses came and with each one, the glow from inside became brighter and brighter. It was the most beautiful and terrifying thing she could have ever imagined. She felt herself weaken with each pulse just as they began coming faster and faster. She had never experienced a pain so great and terrible. In that final desperate moment, knowing that she could no longer contain him, she tore herself asunder as she screamed into the abyss, “Let there be light!”

0 notes

ponderlust · 6 months

Text

Desperate starving author.

I'm writing a book. I am devastated because I want to share my work with people, chapter by chapter and see how it is received. The problem is, I cannot figure out how to use medium.com or any such site for that matter. I am not tech savvy, I would even go as far to say that I am tech illiterate... like, wtf is even affiliate marketing?! Do not answer that, I will not understand. I am disabled and destitute therefore, I cannot afford to subscribe, to any platform, or pay for ads to get seen anywhere. All I want to do is share the stories I have created. So, I have surmised that my only option is to post my story here. Chapter by chapter, starting with the prologue. I am interested in constructive criticism, not of the story but of the writing itself. Please be kind and please share the story if you enjoy it. If just one soul out of the many finds value in my story and shares it, that would mean the world to me. Thank you so much and please stay tuned for future stories as well.

#ponderlust #neurospicy #author #books #fiction writer #stories #story #writers on tumblr #sharing is caring #support writers #book writer #literature #modern storytelling

0 notes

ponderlust · 10 months

Text