oceanhead

[oceanhead]

“How right it is to love flowers and the greenery of pines and ivy and hawthorn hedges; they have been with us from the very beginning.”

— Vincent van Gogh, from The Letters of Vincent van Gogh

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“Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.”

— Iain S. Thomas, Intentional Dissonance

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chances to play pretend

schuylerpeck / instagram: hiitssky

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I never truly realised how afraid of change i was until i saw my dad take down the wall clock in his room from the place where it's always been just because he wanted to put it somewhere different. I couldn't stop myself from speaking, "No that place is fine! It's perfectly fine! It looks good like that, any other place just won't feel right!" When i paused to take a deep breath I realised that the mere thought of the clock's place being changed knocked the air out of my lungs, and suddenly i was struck with this blind panic of keeping things as is. Because why must it change when there's no immediate need to? The fear clambers out my throat sometimes, at the mention of any miniscule change, as if there's nothing that could be worse than changing the path i take everyday back from school, or the way i wear my hair, or the way I walk down a crowded road. Some days everything comes down to the fact that I can't handle change, even when it's necessary, even when it's inevitable and even when it's good. I can't help it, i feel change everywhere and it haunts me, so much so that I can't sleep until the curtains are drawn just the way they've always been and the room is just as dark as i remember it. I'm scared change would change me, even though i know I've changed since yesterday. Everything changes right? Isn't that the only constant of life? Then why does it feel so foreign?

[oceanhead]

the worst part about adulting is realising my mom is also getting older

[oceanhead]

-ON BEAUTY AND WOMEN

credits:

in the dream house- carmen maria machado // unknown // anne carson // brand new city- mistki // @heavensghost on tumblr // macbeth act 1 scene 5- william shakespeare // white oleander- janet fitch // a woman’s beauty- susan sontag // pinterest

[oceanhead]

Even in winter it shall be green in my heart

When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy

And the dumpling stream runs laughing by

When the air does laugh with our merry wit

And the green hill laughs with the noise of it

As long as you're green, you're growing. As soon as you're ripe, you start to rot

A man who contemplates revenge keeps his wounds green

oom sha la la, Haley Heyderickx//Lydia Reid for Harper’s Bazaar Australia//Gwendolyn Brooks//The green knight (2021)//Frederic Chopin//William Blake//Oribe ware ewer, Japan, Edo Period 1615-1624, glazed stoneware//Ray Kroc//Francis Bacon//Solar power, Lorde//Franny Choi

[oceanhead]

Es ist so einfach diese Welt zu fürchten

mit all diesen Greisen

und Geiseln

und Geistern

mit all diesem Schwarz-Weiß

alles durcheinander

alles verschwommen

alles schwarz

alles weiß

gar nichts mehr

Es ist so einfach

hin und her

ihr seid mir viel zu schnell

kein wunder dass ich

keinen platz finde

man kann euch gar nicht sehn

schwarz weiß

hin und her

gar nichts mehr

Es ist so einfach

Bundeswehr

und Militär

vierhundert Helme

oder ein Panzer oder zehn

Ihr müsst jetzt leider nach Hause gehn

schwarz weiß

hin und her

Bundeswehr

gar nichts mehr

Es ist so einfach

die Welt ein schwarzes Meer

wie tief ist der Boden

ich glaub

eure Augen leuchten

so viele

so weiß

so schwarz

hin und her

Bundeswehr

die Welt ein schwarzes Meer

gar nichts mehr

Es ist so einfach

kleines Heer

seid ihr denn nicht müde

wo sind eure Füße?

Trip trap

wird euch denn die Luft nicht knapp

schwarz weiß

hin und her

Bundeswehr

die Welt ein schwarzes Meer

kleines Heer

gar nichts mehr

Es ist so einfach

nur ich bin schwer

schreien tausend Münder

seid ihr denn nicht müde

Du bist eine Feder

schreibe tausend Worte

schwarz weiß

hin und her

Bundeswehr

die Welt ein schwarzes Meer

kleines Heer

nur ich bin schwer

gar nichts mehr

#poetry #gedicht #poem #original poem #gesellschaft #krise #krieg #schwarz #weiß #society #thoughts #gedanken

[oceanhead]

https://evelionheart.medium.com/on-the-intimacy-of-the-mundane-863f9efb3c39

#a love letter to you #from a larger piece i’m working on in honour of deborah levy :-)

[oceanhead]

She preferred most of all to live with flowers and music and to have a book, in quiet solitude.

- Hermann Hesse

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so many worlds to see through the window

(via)

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“When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.”

— Nicholas Sparks

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I think you are having a different sort of heartbreak. Maybe a kind of heartbreak of being in the world when you don't know how to be. If that makes any sense?

- Kathleen Glasgow.

[oceanhead]

I want to dive under the surface of the water

and never come up again.

Because every time I try to breathe in the air above the water,

it hurts my lunges, it hurts my heart and it hurts every single blood cell.

It seems like I’m not made for the air up there.

It seems like I’m not meant to see the sky without a blanket of water covering it.

It seems like I’m meant to stay in the silence of the depths,

like it has always been my destiny to become indistinct here.

I know that, because now the drowning feels safer than the breathing

and because now the thought of touching the ground of the depth,

feels more natural than reaching up to the sun.

#thoughts #mental health #poetry #darkacademism #dark acamedia #writer #anxiety #water #drowning #poem #original poem

[oceanhead]

the garden.

i’ve always heard the saying that

“time heals all things”

but now it’s 2 in the morning

and all i have are flashbacks

of the moments we had together

flipping through my mind like a magazine.

if “time heals all things”

why hasn’t time taken the memory of you

from my mind and buried it

deep within the garden of the things

that once hurt me?

underneath the roses with their thorns

and wilting, decaying yellow daisies.

i don’t know; maybe time heals all,

just not for me.

--original poem

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“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you will still be worth it to the right person.”

— Karen Salmansohn 

[oceanhead]

What happened to the eleven year old me who would read 27 books per month? I seriously want her back!