ne0n-and-garbage - Tumblr blog

ne0n-and-garbage · 1 hour

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an open letter to my most recent ghost

I'm pretty sure you're fucking haunting me. It sounds crazy, I know, But if you were going to come back from the dead to haunt anyone, it would be me. I've felt this way ever since your funeral, but recently it's been worse. Ever since your ring broke last week, I have been seeing you everywhere. In the shards of crushed metal that I still carry in my pocket, even though they no longer resemble a ring. In the way he looks at me like I'm his whole world, even though I'm my own apocalypse. In the movies we used to watch together, as I still quote our favorite scenes word for word. In every pair of intense grey eyes hidden under wavy blonde hair and dark clothing. In the colour of the sky when it rains. I hear you in my favorite song- you first played it for me as you drove me to Taco Bell after picking me up at 2am when my dad's alcohol-soaked fury made my home unsafe. I hear your name shouted in the hall at school, and it makes me freeze for a moment before I realize your name is so fucking common, and it's not you, it's a short, energetic, freshman with dyed black hair. I feel you in the tender way he holds me together when I'm falling apart. I feel you in the silver of the necklace that you gave me, and I never took off. I feel you in the crushing weight on my chest, dragging me down and making me want to join you. Because I think I may follow you. I've tried unsuccessfully seven times. I'm getting tired of coping in this strange world without you. Without you holding me when I'm sad. Without you convincing me to eat even though I curse the calories. Without you telling me I'm beautiful even though I want to claw my reflection to shreds. Without you defending me from people who mock my Russian accent that I try so hard to conceal. Without your late night talks. Without your contagious laugh and nerdy enthusiasm. Without your love. Now all I have is your improbable ghost. You chose death over me. Please don't stop haunting me. -k.n.a.

#personal #poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #original poem

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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#exit music (for a film)#radiohead #ok computer

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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The sinking feeling returns (I heard the first few notes of a Radiohead song.)

#radiohead

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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A heart that's full up like a landfill A job that slowly kills you Bruises that won't heal You look so tired, unhappy

#radiohead #no surprises

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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i'm done trying to cope anymore.

#personal #ignore me

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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I'm not here This isn't happening I'm not here, I'm not here

In a little while I'll be gone

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And you can laugh a spineless laugh We hope your rules and wisdom choke you Now we are one in everlasting peace We hope that you choke, that you choke

------------------------------------------------------------------------------A heart that's full up like a landfill A job that slowly kills you Bruises that won't heal You look so tired, unhappy Bring down the government They don't, they don't speak for us I'll take a quiet life A handshake of carbon monoxide

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She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing My fake plastic love But I can't help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling If I just turn and run

And it wears me out, it wears me out It wears me out, it wears me out

If I could be who you wanted If I could be who you wanted all the time

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#radiohead

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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okay but the reason I love exit music (for a film) by radiohead so much is really fucking complicated.

not only is it an amazing song by one of my favorite bands, but also i have a complicated relationship with it to begin with.

my boyfriend, who i dated off and on for over three years killed himself in october. he was the one who first played this song for me. it was one of his favorite songs in the world. i loved him and i love this song because it reminds me of him. even though he isn't here with me anymore, the song is. he was here for me until the end, and i just wish i could have been there for him.

god, i wasn't expecting to get emotional.

i loved you, alex.

#personal #excuse this #ignore my rambling #i did not mean to get this heavy with it #radiohead #exit music (for a film)

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ne0n-and-garbage · 5 hours

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OKAY BUT EXIT MUSIC (FOR A FILM) IS THE REASON I'M NOT DEAD YET. I AM STAYING ALIVE PURELY SO I CAN LISTEN TO THIS SONG. IT IS ACTUAL PERFECTION IN EVERY ITERATION. THE LYRICS. THE MUSIC. THE FUCKING MEMORIES IT BRINGS UP.

RADIOHEAD IS A FUCKING GENIUS.

#radiohead #exit music (for a film)

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ne0n-and-garbage · 6 hours

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I was there when they wrote this.

julius ze/zir, a gen-z translation

act 1 scene 2 (part 1)

Scene 2

Enter Caesar, Antony in a tracksuit, Calphurnia, Portia, Decius, Cicero, Brutus, Cassius, Casca, a Soothsayer; behind them, Marullus and Flavius (and Comminers.)

CAESAR

Calphurnia.

CASCA

Quiet down! Caesar’s tryna say something.

CAESAR

Calphurnia.

CASCA

Yes, king?

CAESAR

If you see Antonius, make sure you’re directly in his way. Antonius.

ANTONY

Yes, king?

CAESAR

If you see Calphurnia in your way, make sure and hit her with your goat bits. Hit her real good. We’ve been trying, and apparently she’s infertile. Fix it.

ANTONY

Yes sir. Whatever you say, my lord.

CAESAR

Have fun. (Trumpet signals.)

SOOTHSAYER.

Caesar.

CAESAR

Ah! Who goes there?!

CASCA

Shut up! Be quiet!

CAESAR

Who said that? Who’s unbearable voice cried my name? I’m listening.

SOOTHSAYER

Beware the ides of March.

CAESAR

Who is this guy?

BRUTUS

Some shaman guy is telling you to beware the ides of March.

CAESAR

Show yourself!

CASSIUS

Come on out dude.

(The Soothsayer comes forward.)

Look at Caesar.

CAESAR

What do you have to say now? Not so big and scary now, are ya? Say that again to my face.

SOOTHSAYER

Beware the ides of March.

CAESAR

This dude is crazy. Let’s flew.

Trumpet noises. All but Brutus and Cassius exit.

CASSIUS

Are you going to see the Achaeans and the Argonauts tonight?

BRUTUS

Nah.

CASSIUS

Oh, well I am. You should come with.

BRUTUS

I’m not really a sports kinda guy. Not like Antony is, anyway. You should go anyway, man. I’ll leave you.

CASSIUS

Brutus, I’ve noticed something lately. The way you look at me isn’t as soft and gentle and loving as how it used to be. You can bring your walls down around me, y’know. Your friends love you.

BRUTUS

Cassius, don’t look too much into things. If I’ve been acting weird, I’ve tried to keep it to myself. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about some things, which is probably the cause of all of this. So don’t let my friends be too upset (which you are a good friend, Cassius) or take any more of my BS, when I forget to love my friends.

CASSIUS

Well sorry man, I just thought maybe you were going through something. I was really worried, but maybe I just got my head and my heart mixed up a little. Brutus, love, can you see your face?

BRUTUS

Uhm… No? A person can’t see himself with his own eye, not without a reflection.

CASSIUS

Right, right. And what a shame that there are no mirrors to show you your beauty, Brutus. When I hear Romans talk about anyone other than Caesar, they’re admiring your name. The people of the Roman streets wish that you could see yourself through their eyes.

BRUTUS

What do you have planned that would prompt this kind of reflection, Cassius? What could possibly need such sincere emotional caution?

CASSIUS

Alright, man, I’ll tell you. And since I know you need a reflection in order to see yourself, I will be your mirror so that you can find the handsome things about you that you don’t see yet. You know you can trust me, Brutus. The laughter and smiles I use with you are not worn our, nor do I swear on my love to every passerby to the point of making them stale; if you ever heard of a time that I loved and held a man dear and later dishonored them, then lose any trust you had in me.

Flourish and shout.

BRUTUS

What’s all this shouting for? Cassius, what if they’re crowning Caesar king?

CASSIUS

Do you think so? If you’re so worried over it, I would hope that wasn’t the case.

BRUTUS

I wouldn’t want him to be king, but I do love Caesar. But what are you keeping me here for? What do you mean to tell me? If it were for the better, I would put honor in one eye and death in the other and look through both lenses indifferently. I would do all of this because, in the name of the gods, I love honor more than I fear death.

CASSIUS

I know that you’re that kinda guy, Brutus, and you do have that outward appearance. Well, honor is the subject of my story. I can’t speak for you or other people, but I would rather die than live to be in awe of anyone no better than myself. I was born as free as Caesar; so were you; We’ve eaten just as well as him, and we can both live through winters just as cold as he can. One time, when it was windy and stormy, and Tiber’s waves were crashing really hard, Caesar was like “Cassius, I dare you to jump into the river with me and swim out to that point over there.” So, in my street clothes, I jumped right into that river and called him in; so he did. The waves crashed and we went right through the strong muscle of the water, pushing it aside and fighting against it. But before we could get to the point I wanted to swim to, Caesar cried “Help me, Cassius, or I’ll sink!” I pulled him onto my back and walked him out of the water, him like Anchises and me like Aeneas, pulling him out of the flames of Troy. And this man is seen as a god, and Cassius is a wretched creature and must bow to the will of Caesar. He had a fever when he was in Spain, and while he was sick, I saw how he shook. It’s true, the god-like Caesar shook. Color drained from his cowardly lips, and the same eye who’s glance brings awe from the world lost its glimmer. I heard him groan. Yeah, the tongue that demands the Roman’s attention, and the one that writes his speeches cried “Please, Titinius, bring me some water,” like a sick girl. Gods, it amazes me that such a weak crybaby of a man gets so much praise from the world.

Shout. Flourish.

BRUTUS

There they go again! It has to be for Caesar’s crowning. Has to be.

CASSIUS

Why does he hulk around like a Colossus, and why do we petty men sulk around crawling under him like trash until we die? We can take our fate into our own hands. Brutus, it’s not because of the fault written in our stars that we’re below him, but it’s the fact that we have yet to do anything about it. “Brutus” and “Caesar” — what’s so great about “Caesar”? Why should his name be said more than yours? Write your names next to each other, yours is just as cool as his. Say them together, your name is just as good to form your mouth around. Weigh the names, yours is just as heavy; if you were to do conjure with them, “Brutus” would bring a spirit along as soon as “Caesar” would. Damnit, in the name of all of the gods, what does Caesar eat that makes him so high and mighty? It must be the times, and what a shame the times bring. Rome, you’ve lost all of the honor in your blood! (when went there by an age, since the great flood, but it was famed with more than with one man? that her wide walks encompassed but one man? now is it rome indeed, and room enough when there is in it but one only man.) Our parents gave us folktales about a Brutus who would have let the devil walk Rome before letting a king rule it.

BRUTUS

Without a doubt, I know that you love me. I can also make some guess at what you’d do for my happiness. All of these things you’ve brought to me, I’ll make sure to think about. For now, in the kindest and most loving way possible, I couldn’t be any further moved. The things you’ve brought to my attention are worth thinking on; what you have to say, I’ll patiently listen to, and I’ll listen and answer carefully. Until then, my big strong man friend, chew on this: Brutus would rather be a villager than call himself a son of Rome under such uncertain times as these.

CASSIUS

I’m glad that my silly little rant brought such a fire from Brutus.

#julius caesar #shakespeare #gen z #HHS MENTIONED #ACHAEAN REFERENCE

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ne0n-and-garbage · 2 days

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ballet is genuinely making me want to kms...

being a Russian woman in ballet is hell... gotta love the stereotypes.

I'm the alternate for Odile in my company's production of Swan Lake, so my feet are DEAD...

#ballet #russian #ballerina

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ne0n-and-garbage · 2 days

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me. me when a poem says something ive felt before

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ne0n-and-garbage · 2 days

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what the hell, J? It's... beautiful...

heres my gen z translation of julius caesar act 1 scene 1. if you even care.

Enter Flavius, Marullus, and certain Commoners, (including a Carpenter and a Cobbler,) over the stage.

FLAVIUS

Hey! Get off my lawn! Don’t you hooligans know you can’t just walk around without us knowing what color collar y’all wear? Speak up! What’s your profession?

CARPENTER

Well sir, I’m a carpenter.

MARULLUS

Where’s your leather apron and your tools? What do you do while you’re in uniform? You, boy, what do you do for a living?

COBBLER

If I’m honest, handsome- I mean sir, I’m watcha might call a cobbler.

MARULLUS

Whatever, soy boy. What’s your job? Tell me!

COBBLER

Well sir, in a way, I’m a mender of bad soles.

FLAVIUS

Dammit boy, what makes your bread? Quit being a saucy moron and tell me!

COBBLER

Sorry! Sorry. Don’t freak out. But, if you did freak out, I could make it up to you. Wink wink.

MARULLUS

Hey! What’s that mean? Mend me, zest fest?

COBBLER

Why, sir, cobble you.

FLAVIUS

So you’re a cobbler, yeah?

COBBLER

Well to be quite honest sir, I ain’t got no business but with the awl. I got no business in sales, nor any business with the ladies, but I really do fix shoes: if you got a hole in your heel, count it done. I’ve been the mender of some real rich men’s shoes.

MARULLUS

Then what business do you got out here? What’re you hootin’ and holl’rin’ about? What handsome, strong fella do you know who’s out there saving Rome? Y’all are a bunch of dimwit sopbrains who ain’t got no heart. Didn’t you know Pompey? Did you not hold your babies to your chest and watch over the fields to see our triumphant beauty come home? And when you did see him, did it not bring you to tears as you shouted in solidarity to his efforts for Rome? And what now? Don’t you dress for his excellence? Do you not bring flowers to honor Pompey’s bloodline? Get on! Go! Go pray to the gods for forgiveness. Your sinful lack of gratitude offends them.

FLAVIUS

Yeah! What he said! You best cry me a river right into the Tiber banks, and I better see y’all fall to your knees at the shore.

All the Commoners exit.

Now we’ll see if those low-life kids feel remorse. Look, you can see the guilt in their walk. You go to the Capitol, I’ll meet you there. If you see those pigs honoring the statues there, you better pull the ceremonial robes off of that sucker.

MARULLUS

Is that safe, Flavius? Y’know, it is Lupercal. It’d cause quite the ruckus.

FLAVIUS

Whatever. Don’t care. If I see another statue of Caesar, I’m going to go insane. I’m about to chase off all of these hobos. Together, we can pluck each feather out of his big stupid wings so that he can’t fly above us anymore. We can’t fear him if he’s just as powerless as us.

They exit (in different directions)

#julius caesar #shakespeare #gen z #william shakespeare

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ne0n-and-garbage · 11 days

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