memyselfandtrev

[memyselfandtrev]

previous diary entry TW

So I am sat here crying, whilst also feeling numb. Listening to BMTH in the dark whilst he is upstairs playing Xbox. 

Now in Mother Tongue he mentions that his guardian angel must be on a break. 

I’m sat here thinking mine has taken a gap year. They must of left when I felt good enough to move on from the trauma in February of 2022. Now this was alright until somewhere deep down in my head the pills stopped working, like this virus in the back of head. Just subtle to start with, upped the meds thinking I just needed that bit of a boost since I came back. Maybe, slightly too early.

Now it’s worked before I thought, it’ll work again, just need that small boost to really sort myself out.

Turns out this is when I started walking on glass, this would have been my sign I was going down what is a painful, spiralling black hole. But the meds made it bearable to keep on walking.

It wasn’t until I got too far to return and stupidly thinking I was already near the end to turn back at this point.

Turns out as I was slowly bleeding out with no indicator but the odd angry outburst, and that familiar feeling that demon was moving back into the hardest to reach parts of my head. That I was in fact at near total blood loss when I worked it out.

The feeling of nothingness, hopelessness and what’s the fucking point any more. This is when I hurt myself for the first time, that feeling of too many emotions to know what to do with. Feeling like one more moment of this and I will combust. I needed to let it out some how.

#mental health #triggering themes #depression #medication #darkdays #thestruggleisreal #memyselfandtrev #telltrevtofoff

[memyselfandtrev]

The speech that got me out of bed and re focus...

#anygivensunday #inches #living #dying #motivational #mindshift #mental health #depression #darkdays #Youtube

[memyselfandtrev]

one inch too fast or too slow and you don't quite make it. The margin for error is so small...

[memyselfandtrev]

hey,

So I thought this would be a great way for me to share my darkest days and take you on a walk through the deepest parts of my mind... some parts have been edited to remain somewhat anonymous and to protect those I love, if you're interested I invite you to take a walk with me

#mental disorder #mental breakdown #mental health awareness #depressing post #darkness #take a walk #new to this #be kind #safe space #me #myself #trev #memyselfandtrev