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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 8.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 & Part 7.

Content Warning: HIV/AIDS and problems surrounding it. Depression.

August, 2018.

"Remus?"

"Over here!"

Remus saw Grant approaching with a smile on his face. Remus concluded this was the best Grant. Happy Grant was so handsome. Remus smiled as Grant leaned in for a kiss.

"I jus' talked with the doctor" Grant took a seat next to him.

"And?"

"I'm not dyin'" Grant sighed.

"That's good" Remus said softly, now stroking Grant's blond hair.

Fuck the book he was reading. He even took off his glasses.

"I need to take some meds" Grant continued "An' I could 'ave a normal life... Like anyone else..."

Remus nodded. He knew all of this. He had secretly read a lot of Grant's condition lately. But of course Grant would trust a doctor.

Remus had focused all his life in Grant and his condition. That was more important than any depression he had. And Grant had been so strong. He had cried a couple of times. But now he even joked about it. Remus didn't know how he could do it. How he could be so strong.

Now Remus' issues seemed silly.

"An' turns out I can 'ave sex" Grant winked.

Remus tried not to giggle.

"That's good news for you..."

Grant poked out his tongue.

"I reckon no one would like to 'ave sex wif meh, though"

"I would"

Grant turned to look at him, and he grinned.

"Oh sweetheart" he snorted.

"Honestly, I'm not scared" Remus said confidently "Maybe some people will think your dick is a tickling bomb..." he smiled. And Grant let out a chuckle "But not me"

Grant stared into his eyes. And Remus realized he couldn't get over the ocean blue.

"Wha' did I do to deserve yeh?"

"I think is the other way around"

Grant kissed him. And Remus kissed him back. Remus just didn't care about his feelings anymore. He wasn't scared to fall for Grant. How could he? Grant was amazing. Why not fall for him? Remus wasn't scared anymore. So he let his chest go warm, and his heart beat fast.

"I need to tell the boys now" Grant hissed.

"Alright" Remus nodded, putting back his glasses. Grant smirked, he had said Remus looked sexy in them "I'm gonna help you"

"Are yeh gonna call them fo' meh?"

"No Grant" Remus giggled touching his cheek "What am I, your assistant?"

Grant pouted.

"I think is a call you have to do yourself, honey"

Grant sighed, then he nodded. Remus knew it would be difficult to be in his shoes.

"So... we are gonna make a list" Remus grabbed a piece of paper and a pen

"A list?" Grant grinned.

"Yeah a to-call-list of all your lovers"

Grant laughed at this. Remus loved to make him laugh.

"Do yeh thin' I'm dat slutty?"

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Names..."

Grant giggled.

"And you have to be honest, if you want me to help you"

Grant looked at him for a while.

"Think about your shags, three months ago"

Grant nodded, and opened his mouth.

"Alrigh'..." he hissed "Amm..."

"Jeremy" They both said at the same time. That was obvious for Remus. So he wrote it down.

"That's gonna be hard..."

Jeremy was the other bloke that Grant hang out with. Not only had sex. Remus knew Grant somehow had feelings for him. Jeremy had felt like a competition for Remus many times.

"Who else?"

"Scotty..."

Remus nodded

" 'E passed it to meh"

"Dear old Scotty" Remus joked. Grant snorted.

"Next?"

"Yuh..." Grant smiled "Thank God yeh don' 'ave it"

Remus knew that he was special for Grant. And he liked that.

"Anyone else?"

Grant started thinking, rubbing his own neck. Remus prayed the list was short. For Grant's benefit and Remus' jelousy.

"That bloke from the bar... The cute one with brown skin..."

Remus had seen Grant dance with him plenty of times.

"Rafael"

"Yeah..."

"Do you have his number?"

"I can write 'im on Facebook"

"Grant, love" Remus shook his head "Probably ask for his number first, before dropping the bomb"

"Yeah yeah"

"Okay" Remus sighed. Two blokes. It would be fine. "Tell me we're done"

Grant bit his lip.

"Oh we're not done, okay" Remus said "Who else?"

Grant didn't answer. He started biting his nail.

"Grant you have to be honest with me" Remus warned "Grant..."

"A married bloke..." he whispered

"Sorry?"

"A married bloke"

"A married bloke?" Remus gasped

Grant nodded embarrassed.

"One of the gay dads that wants to adopt a kid at work"

"Oh fuck..." Remus sighed.

"Yeah, I'm a slut, aren' I sweetheart?"

Remus smiled at him. Remus didn't judge him. He couldn't.

"You whore..." he teased.

Grant giggled, hitting Remus' shoulder.

"So just three guys" Remus said looking at the list "Who do you want to begin with?"

Grant stared at the list like a kid about to give a test he hadn't studied for.

"I can start texting Rafael on Facebook, to say hi"

Remus sighed, stroking Grant's hair.

"Good luck, love"

**************************************************

Jeremy waved at them from the spot he was waiting in, near the beach. Remus and Grant waved back. Remus could tell Grant was breathing hard. He was nervous.

Rafael had yelled at Grant in spanish and hang up. And the other bloke had cried for hours on the phone, and Grant had to calm him down. Grant didn't know their test results, he didn't want to know.

"Yeh should probably wait 'ere"

Remus sighed. He wanted to go with him, be there to support him. But it wasn't his decision. Remus nodded.

Grant started walking towards Jeremy.

"Grant?" Remus called him back.

Grant turned to look.

"Good luck"

Grant gave him a tiny smile, before getting his way towards Jeremy.

Remus took out a cigarette. He perhaps was more nervous than Grant. Probably Jeremy would tell everyone. All Grant's friends. Or so called friends.

Remus began smoking as he observed Grant and Jeremy hugging as a greet. And they began talking. Grant seemed to be choosing very carefully his words. He wasn't looking at Jeremy. He kept looking to the floor, the beach, Remus, anything else. And Jeremy had a confused expression. He kept side glancing at Remus, as if he was the problem.

Then Grant stopped talking, and he kept staring at the ground. And Jeremy seemed very pale. And then he started screaming. Screaming so hard, that Remus could hear him, even if they were far away.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING" Jeremy seemed super aggressive. And he was pushing Grant as he spoke. Grant wasn't doing anything to defend himself. Remus turned off his cig. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL OTTIE... FUCK GRANT... YOU LITTLE SLUT..."

So Remus ran towards them furiously, and he pushed Jeremy away.

"Get your hands off him, wanker" Remus grunted.

Jeremy was panting, it looked like he was about to cry.

"No no... You don't understand how he fucked my life..."

"Relax, man. You haven't even got tested"

"I'm upset, aren't you upset?" Jeremy sounded scared.

"Yeah..." Remus said carefully, he knew Grant was listening "But I got tested as well, like a responsible adult, and I didn't blame Grant"

"He's a little slut"

Remus got furious.

"Don't fucking start!" Remus said, raising his voice "You are not a freaking child. You're a grown ass adult who took the fucking decision to be with Grant, multiple times" he snorted "Grant didn't know about the illness when he shagged you. And for that matter, you're a fucking slut too! You and your little girlfriend!"

Jeremy was shocked.

"You shag who the fuck you want. She shags who the fuck she wants. If Grant doesn't pass it to you, I'm pretty sure you'll get it anyway"

Jeremy snorted, shaking his head.

"And don't you call Grant names in front of me, you manipulative son of a bitch!" Remus continued "I know Grant only stood your bullshit because he had feelings for you or some shit.... But that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. Grant doesn't deserve you"

Jeremy didn't answer. He kept side glancing at Grant. Who was behind Remus.

"Now go and get the bloody test, and grow up!"

It seemed like Jeremy didn't have anything else to say. Because he walked away. Remus watched him go furiously.

And then Grant started laughing. Remus turned to look at him. He was bouncing and grabbing his belly like a little kid. And Remus smiled because he had missed that.

"Fucking hell" Grant laughed "That was brilliant, sweetheart!"

Remus giggled embarrassed.

"That bloody wanker deserved it"

Grant kept laughing as he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck.

"Ye're bloody hot" Grant added. And he kissed Remus.

He kissed Remus' lips. And then Remus' cheek. Remus' nose. Remus' forehead. Remus' chin.

"My sweet love"

Remus laughed too. He was happy. He was really happy to be Grant's love.

"Yeh know wha'?" Grant said once he let a very flustered Remus go "I'm gonna buy yeh that telly"

Remus smiled, raising an eyebrow.

"Finally!"

Grant laughed.

***********************************************

November, 2018.

Remus had a new job. Well an additional one. He had overheard some students discussing History events while they studied. And they had everything wrong. So Remus couldn't avoid correcting them. And they started asking questions. And Remus explained. Because he loved explaining history events, the way he used to do with his classmates back at Hogwarts.

"I passed the test!" one of the girls came bouncing into the Library.

"Great" Remus had answered awkwardly. The girls must've been fifteen or so.

"Remus was it?" she asked

Remus nodded.

"A bunch of friends and me were wondering if you would like to be our tutor?" she asked "We'll all pay you and all. Please! I need to get into a nice University"

Remus fought the urge to say Uni wasn't that important. But he stopped himself. He accepted. Because he had extra money, and he figured he loved tutoring people. Especially in History. Like his mum.

So they bought the T.V. between the two. And it had been an adventure taking it home. Yeah, Remus liked to call Grant's flat home. Even in his head, even if it was a small place. Even if Grant hadn't say it yet.

And for the first time in ages, Remus was seeing his future together with Grant. Grant and his family got along pretty well. Sophie was always asking about him.

Grant hadn't seen anyone since he was diagnosed. He didn't want to touch Remus as well. They just wanked each other occasionally. And Grant would always whisper: "I'm sorry, love". And Remus didn't mind. Honestly he didn't. He loved acting all couply with Grant.

They lived together. They visited Lyall and Sandra often. And they had a T.V.

"Oh shit... Fuck Grant quicker! My arms are burning!!"

They were getting the new telly inside the flat. And Grant was laughing at Remus' misery.

"Let's leave it here! Let's leave it here! Let's leave it here!"

"WE'RE ALMOS' DER!!" Grant yelled. And then he laughed again.

They dropped the heavy object in an empty spot by the end of the sofa. Near the window.

"OI!! Ma foot!" Grant groaned.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked worried.

Grant giggled "Yeah I was joking"

"Asshole" Remus smiled.

Grant kissed his cheek as they both observed their new acquirement.

"Great" Remus put his hands on his hips "Now we have to take it off the box"

Grant tried not to smile.

"Let's do it"

"Now?"

"Come one, lazy boy!"

"Bu' I'm sick"

Remus snorted "Don't you dare play that card on me"

Grant giggled again.

So they began tearing the box open. And as they worked, Grant spoke. Now in a serious tone.

"Hey, darlin'..."

"Mmhm?"

"Would yeh..." Grant cleared his throat "Would yeh like us to be exclusive?"

Remus stopped working. Remus stopped breathing.

"What?"

Grant was nervous, trying not to blush.

"Yeh know..." Grant shrugged.

Remus smiled. He smiled so widely.

"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"

Grant shrugged. But he was smiling. He was blushing.

Remus thought what it would mean. Being Grant's boyfriend. Being someone's boyfriend again. Someone else's boyfriend.

Remus was suddenly kind of scared. He had given everything before. He had fallen in love with Sirius without caution. He had made him his life, his world, his happiness. Although it had been beautiful, and Remus was on top of the world for a while, when everything was over, it hurt Remus like nothing before.

And now, Remus wanted to go through that again. He was ready. But this time, he was going to be careful. Remus knew what to do. How to treat Grant. How to be a good boyfriend. How to take care of himself. Because Sirius had taught him that.

There was still a part of him that missed him, that missed his friends. But he wanted to try things with Grant.

Remus approached.

"Of course I would like to be your boyfriend" he whispered as he cupped Grant's face between his hands. And Remus kissed him.

Grant kissed him back fiercely. And Remus found himself smiling through the kiss. They kissed for a while. Taking some breath and continuing. And then Grant stopped.

"I wan' yeh so much, sweetheart" Grant confessed "Bu' I'm bloody scared"

Remus touched his cheek.

"Then we'll have to go very slow" he said "Like two teenage virgins"

Grant snorted. And Remus smiled.

"I'm not scared" Remus wasn't. Remus was ready to fall in love again.

So Grant kissed him again. And they slowly started taking off their clothes. And then Grant took a deep breath, before grabbing Remus' hand on his, and dragging him into the room.

They had to be careful. And neither of them enjoyed it that much. But they had touched. And it had felt nice to be that close again.

"Hey Grant?" Remus whispered afterwards, as Grant layed in his chest, and Remus was stroking his hair.

"Yeah?"

Remus wasn't sure to pronounce those words. It surely felt like it. His chest was warm, his heart was glowing, he felt a rush of energy and happiness. Maybe in a long time.

"I... I love...you"

Remus felt guilty somehow, but it was true. Those words were true.

Grant turned to look down at him.

He smiled.

"Luv yeh too, sweetheart" he said "Luv yeh too"

And they kissed again.

*************************************************

February, 2021.

"Hey Remus!"

Remus looked up from the computer. He had been working for hours at the Library.

"I got into Uni of London!!"

Remus smiled. It had been almost two years since he had been tutoring Julie. And he was proud, considering the fact she had been one of his first students. And she asked him to do this in the first place. A job he loved.

Remus stood up and opened his arms for her.

"Come here!" he said. And Julie hugged him "I'm so proud of you Jules"

"Have I told you, you look sexy with glasses?"

Remus hissed "Many times" he nodded "Does Daphne know?"

"I'm planning to tell her today" Julie said embarassed "Do you think she'd want to come to London with me?"

Remus sighed. Highschool romance and all. He had been through that.

"Whatever happens Jules, just know that it was meant to be. And if you have to break apart, you'll find your way to each other again"

"Arrg" Julie rolled her eyes "You sound so experimented, like you were 40 or something"

"It feels like I am forty" Remus laughed.

"You're about to turn 25, drama queen" Julie rolled her eyes, and turned to leave.

"Just wait until you are my age!"

"Say hi to Grant for me!"

"Remember you still have graduation!" Remus sighed.

His phone rang so he picked it up.

"They grow up so fast" he said.

"You sound like a dad" the voice said "Please don't tell me you're a dad now"

Remus froze. He thought it was Grant. No one else called him. He had assumed it was Grant so he didn't check who was calling.

"Remus? Are you there?"

"I'm not a dad, James" Remus said carefully, now that he had found his voice "I'm not like you..."

James laughed. For a minute, Remus smiled enjoying that moment. It felt as if no time had pass. As if he had seen James last week, not five years ago.

"So how are you Remus? Everything alright?"

Remus was confused. Why would James Potter call him?

"I'm... I'm alright. You?"

"Fantastic!!" James beamed, if Remus didn't know how energetic he could get, he would've sworn James was drunk. And then he got nostalgic, James hadn't changed at all.

"Anyway... I'm calling because something great is happening..."

"Aha..." Remus waited for James to continue.

"I'm marrying Lily!" James exclaimed "Lily is marrying me! We're marrying each other. I'm marrying her, yes!"

"Oh my God..." Remus said, he didn't sound excited.

Because he was confused. And he felt guilty. He realized he didn't know anything about his friends... Former friends? Mary kept chatting with Grant. And Grant updated Remus about her. And Lily didn't write emails anymore. Only on special occasions, like Christmas or his Birthday. And Remus did the same.

The last time he knew something was when he saw Sirius in the paper, dating a famous girl or something. Abigail Whatever. And Remus had been so angry that he tossed the paper to the bin, before reading anything.

Sometimes, he entered Grant's socials and saw something there. How Harry had grown. How Peter met a new girl. How Sirius was rich and dated this girl. Sometimes it hurt. But mostly were pictures of them having fun without him. And Remus got so angry, he stopped looking.

"Congratulations..."

And now James was calling as if they were still good pals. It wasn't true. Remus was no longer part them. A long time ago.

"Cheers..." James snorted "I'm so excited. Finally! After a lot of waiting and issues..."

"Yeah..." Remus said, casually "Didn't you fancy her since you were fourteen?"

James laughed "I know! Blimey, ten years ago"

Ten years ago. It felt stupid to had been through so much with them. For what? Nothing.

"Anyway... I'm calling to invite you over, Remus"

What?

"You'd want me there?" Remus asked, hopeful.

"Of course, Remus" James said immediately "You're one of our best mates. A Marauder... Moony..." Remus hadn't heard that name in a long time. I caught him off guard. "Lily and I want you here"

Remus contamplated the two possible situations.

1. James and Lily were calling long time friends to fill the room. Probably they said the same to Frank, or Alice. "You're one of our best mates, we want you here"

2. James was being genuine, and he and Lily really missed him. Which made Remus feel guilty because Remus hadn't reach to them. And his new life and routine had made him not think about them as much.

"The ceremony will be next Saturday" James continued "I know you live in Brighton now, but you can come for the weekend. You can stay at ours. So you don't have to come back in the middle of the night. Oh... And you can bring... Lily told me you... Grant, I believe it is?"

"I can bring Grant?"

"Yeah sure, mate"

"I'll...ah... I'll have to check if we're free"

They were free. At least Remus was. But he had to say that, in case he chickened out the last second. Because, knowing himself it could happen. Remus was a coward.

"Oh... of course Remus..." James said "I really wish you could come though. I mean, it's my wedding"

Remus felt guilty. Of course it was James wedding. James and Lily's wedding. James and Lily. They were part of his family once.

"I'll do my best, James. Don't worry"

"Cool... " James sighed in relief "I'll see you there then"

"Yeah..." Fuck, Remus was accepting.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"It will be so nice to see you after all this time"

James hang up. And Remus was left with nothing more to say.

"It would be so nice to see you" Was it true? It would be lovely to see everyone. Remus thought about James silliness when it came to Lily, the way he rubbed his hair, did he still do that? He thought about Lily, her softness, and smile, her "free hugs" to make Remus feel better. He thought about Peter, and his way to make Remus laugh, how much Remus liked to tease him. He thought about Marlene, the way she pretended she was a badass but loved everyone. And Mary... Was Mary going? Remus hadn't asked. He hoped. Mary was the glue to their group, the life of the party.

And he thought about...

Oh no...

That was a different story. Because Remus now, was overwhelmed by a sea, an ocean of his memories. The laughs, the conversations, the kisses, the touches, the fights, the reconciliations, the 'i love you's, the breakup. He had enough to write a book. He had been part of Remus' life for almost ten years.

Remus shivered. He was going to see him again. He was going to see Sirius again.

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #grant chapman #james potter #sirius black #wolfstar

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 7

Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 & Part 6

Content Warning: Severe illness (HIV/AIDS), problems surrounding illness. Depression.

July, 2018.

Remus felt closer to Grant once he told him everything. Grant understood completely. He didn't judge. Didn't comment or make jokes about it. Remus told him everything since he left Hogwarts. How everything changed. How everything felt wrong. The events of that Halloween night. And everything he felt. How low he had reached.

"I would've run too" Grant said once Remus finished, holding him, stroking his hair "Bu' it's not yer fault, sweetheart. None of it"

Remus couldn't expect a better response. Grant was amazing.

Since then, everything felt pretty normal. Mundane. Remus had his sad days, when a leather jacket reminded him of Sirius. Or certain glasses reminded him of James. Or red heads reminded him of Lily. He even freezed when he saw a bloke that looked like Peter once. But most of days, Remus was fine. He laughed and was normal.

Remus had even apologized to Etienne saying he had been vulnerable, that he got like that on birthdays.

"Okaay..." Etienne had nodded "But I'm not shaggin' u again. I hate gremindin' people of otherg people"

Remus thought it was fair. He didn't care anymore. He didn't see Etienne as this Greek God anymore. Just a regular boy.

Remus had Grant. As little as he could. Grant still enjoyed his flash romances with others, Jeremy, Scott, the new bloke he met at the bar. Remus was okay with sharing. Being exclusive with Grant would make everything be so real.

Remus was happy to play house with Grant everytime something got broken in the flat, or when they cuddled to watch a movie in Grant's tiny phone. Or when Grant pretended to find a spider just to make Remus sleep in the bed with him.

Remus was getting used to Grant. He was becoming his life and his routine. And it was scary, because constantly he was thinking that he might lose him. Like he had done with everyone else.

And then everything changed one summer morning.

It was the hottest day of the year, Remus thought, as he laid naked with Grant in the mattress, next to the open window. They were only covered by a thin sheet. They couldn't bare more.

Remus didn't want to touch Grant. He was too hot. He needed space.

"I think I'm actually melting" Remus groaned.

Grant laughed. They were listening to Remus' playlist made in Grant's Spotify. The one that contained very old and sappy songs. Grant was hating it, Remus could tell.

"Let's go to the beach!" Grant suggested "Make a beach party, swim naked... Yeah?" he grinned, looking down at Remus.

"You'll do anything to get away from my music" Remus smiled.

"Nah, I like it"

"You hate it"

Grant giggled. Remus was so used to Grant. He had adapted easily from being a night person; moon and stars, to be covered by the sun. Burning and melting all the time.

They were interrupted by Grant's phone ringing. And Grant picked it, stopping the music.

"My music!" Remus protested.

"Shuttit" Grant patted his chest " 'Ello?... Oh Hiyaa Scotty" Grant grinned raising his eyebrows. Remus rolled his eyes. "Wha' do yeh wan' to tell meh?" Grant stood up and went to talk in the room. Perhaps he needed his privacy.

Remus sighed. He closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the sun in his skin. The Sun. That was Grant. Warm, welcoming, gave life, light; Remus had to be careful to get burned.

Remus felt Grant sitting next to him again. And he was silent now.

"What?" Remus teased, rubbing his back "Are you going to cancel our beach day to shag Scott?"

Grant didn't reply. He didn't laugh, anything.

Remus sat up, worried.

"Grant?"

Remus moved closer to see Grant's face. He was pale. Very silent. And very still. Grant was never like that. Never.

"What happened?" Remus was panicking now.

"Scotty has it..." Grant whispered " 'E has it, Remus"

"He has what?" Remus suddenly felt very cold. Even with the sun on his face.

"HIV...'E has HIV" Grant said very carefully " 'E said I should probably get the test too"

Remus felt the world he was building, suddenly cumble. And everything was wrong again.

****************************************************

The beach day turned out to be a trip to the clinic. To get the test. THE TEST. Remus was very silent when he was sad. But when others were sad, he'd talk and talk until he could see the other person feel better. Usually it didn't work. Remus remembered he did that on Regulus' funeral. It didn't help Sirius. Nobody could. And this situation was the same.

"Maybe it's all a false alarm... And we will laughing about this, having margaritas in the beach" Remus snorted.

Grant was very silent. Grant was very slow. Grant was very still. As if someone had turned him off. Or taken away his battery.

Remus' heart ached.

And they finally reached the entrance of the clinic.

"Yeh... hadn't slept with Scotty..." Grant finally said, very slowly, and low "I should probably get the test first... An' yeh can do it if I get it positive"

This was a nightmare. This was a nightmare. Remus wanted to wake up.

"Okay..." It was all Remus could say.

Grant got inside. And Remus followed.

"Hi" Grant grinned at the nurse in the counter. It was nice to see him smile again

"Hello sir" the lady smiled.

"I... I would..." Grant started nervously "I want to take the test"

"Sir?"

"Fo'... fo' HIV" Grant immediately started bitting his nails. Remus fought the urge to stop him.

"Of course, sir" The nice lady smiled at him "Come with me"

The lady started walking to a room. And Grant followed.

"Can... can I..." Remus asked.

The nurse looked between the two and smiled.

"Of course" she said.

The lady took them to a clean room. The was a litter next to the window. A desk next to it, with a chair there. Remus saw all the posters with instructions and tips about health. HIV included. And a no smoking sign next to it. Remus looked away.

The nurse gestured Grant to take a seat. And he did so. Grant reminded Remus of a little kid, about to be vaccinated. Nervous for the needle.

"Give me your hand, sir" the lady instructed.

Grant gave her his right hand. The nurse cleaned it.

"Wha's yer name?" Grant smiled at her.

The nurse smiled as she worked.

"Monica"

"I'm Grant" he said "An' tha's my best mate Remus"

Remus smiled embarrassed.

"Hi Monica"

"Hello Remus" she smiled, she turned to Grant "This is gonna stinch a little..."

Grant nodded. And then hissed as Monica introduced a needle in Grant's finger. She placed Grant's finger full of blood in a little sitch. Kind of the ones for pregnancy tests. Remus was nervous.

Please... He begged God, the Universe, anyone.... I cannot lose him.

"It will take a minute to see the results" Monica explained "Please hang on here, I'll be right back"

Grant and Remus smiled politely as Monica exited the room. Remus looked at Grant. And Grant looked at him, hopeless. Remus gave him his best smile.

"Do you think she'd give you a lolly?" Remus joked.

"Blimey! I hope so" Grant smiled "I loved goin' to the nurse back at Margot's. I though' I had a crush on her. Then I discovered I was gay" he snorted "It was fo' the lollies"

Remus laughed. He hadn't heard him talk about that woman or that house in ages.

"Can yeh hold my hand?"

Remus obeyed immediately. Remus even kissed his knuckles. Grant's leg started moving.

Monica was back in no time. And smiled seeing his hands intertwined. But she stopped smiling when she saw the test.

"So?" Grant asked desperately.

Monica swallowed. And Remus knew it was the worst.

"It is positive, sir" Monica said carefully "You have HIV"

**************************************************

"Mine is negative..." Remus said when he was out. God he felt so guilty "But Monica said I should retake it in a few months"

Grant gave him a small smile.

"I'm glad I didn' pass it to yeh, sweetheart"

"Grant..." Remus felt so so guilty.

"Can I 'ave a fag?" Grant demanded.

Remus didn't know what to say. So he gave the pack to him. Grant lit a fag and started smoking. Remus didn't know what to say, do, act, believe.

"I'm sorry..." Remus said with tears in his eyes.

"Yeh didn' give it to meh, did'ya?"

"Not but..."

"Then don' say sorry, sweetheart"

They were silent for a while, smoking in the street. Remus kept looking people pass. Innocent, happy, without a worry in the world. A group of friends laughing, a lady with a dog, a man with his kid.

Grant wasn't speaking. He kept smoking and thinking. And Remus didn't know what to do to make it better. He kept swallowing his tears.

"Soo..." Grant finally spoke, after a while "Do yeh wan' to have the beach day still?"

Remus didn't want to. He didn't feel like doing anything at all. But perhaps that was what Grant needed.

"I'll do whatever you want"

"Yeh say that 'cause I'm sick"

Remus snorted wiping the tears in his eyes.

"You're still a wanker though"

Grant smiled.

****************************************

They went to the beach. And they sat on a deserted part of the beach, even though it was full of people in the summer. Remus got distracted by the sound of the ocean. Children laughing. The sound of the wind. It seemed as if the place was full of happiness. And Grant and Remus were in a sad dark bubble.

"I wan' to hear to hear yer favorite song" Grant said after a while "The favorite favorite... that yeh wouldn't get tired of"

Remus smiled at Grant's request. He was starting to be more himself.

"I thought you hated my music"

Grant giggled "I could like it" he said, and he took out his phone and gave it to Remus "Jus' play the song, convince me. Make it be my favorite too"

"Okay..." Remus said "Be prepared Grant Chapman"

Grant giggled, looking at the ocean.

So Remus did. He put his favorite song ever. Just because it was his mother's favorite. And she used to sing it to him as a lullaby. And it was a pretty good song.

Wait a minute baby Stay with me awhile Said you'd give me light But you never told me 'bout the fire

Grant turned to look at him, smiling. Remus smiled back.

Drowning in the sea of love Where everyone would love to drown But now it's gone It doesn't matter what for When you build your house Then call me home

Grant finally stood up, and offered Remus his hand. Remus took it.

"You liked it, didn't you?" Remus grinned as he stood up.

"Shuttit, darlin' " Grant giggled.

And they began dancing. Remus wrapped his arms around Grant's neck. And he grabbed his waist. And they began swaying around.

And he was just like a great dark wing Within the wings of a storm I think I had met my match He was singing And undoing, and undoing Ooh the laces Undoing the laces

Grant spinned Remus around. And Remus laughed. Now that the music was more upbeat, they started bouncing, and dancing widely. People at the beach, probably thought they were crazy, but Remus didn't care. He was happy that Grant was happy.

Said Sara, you're the poet in my heart Never change, never stop But now it's gone It doesn't matter what for But when you build your house Oh then call me home

"Let's go swimmin'" Grant yelled, and started taking off his clothes.

Remus stared at him.

"Come on!" Grant insisted.

They hadn't brought swimming suits. Grant was only in his underwear. He started walking towards the shore. Actually running.

Hold on The night is coming and the starling flew for days I'd stay home at night all the time I'd go anywhere, anywhere, anywhere Ask me and I'm there, yeah Ask me and I'm there 'cause I care

"Grant?" Remus shouted.

Grant was already getting in. He got deep. And then, suddenly, his head disappeared.

In the sea of love Where every woman would love to drown But now it's gone They say it doesn't matter anymore If you build your house Then please, call me home

Remus waited for him to appear again. But he was taking so long.

Remus panicked.

"Shit" he whispered "GRAAANT!"

Remus took off his own clothes. He hated being naked around others, part of his dysphoria, but he didn't care right now. He needed to rescue Grant.

Remus yelled his name as he ran to the shore.

"GRAANT!! GRANT!!"

Sara, you're the poet in my heart Never change, and don't you ever stop And now it's gone No, it doesn't matter anymore When you build your house I'll come by

There was no sign of him. Remus got under the water. Grant was a few meters away. And Remus could see he was yelling, or trying to under the water. Remus swam to him.

Remus grabbed Grant by the waist, and pulled him to the surface. The sea wasn't that profound. So they could touch the ground. They both coughed the water away.

Remus took his wet hair from his face. And did the same for Grant.

"Grant?" he panted "Are you okay?"

Grant hugged him, tightly, for dear life. And he started crying. Not only crying. Yelling. Sobbing. Grunting. Remus had never seen Grant like this. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen Grant crying at all. Ever. He had always been so happy, positive, like a little kid.

Seeing him like this, breaking down, was disconcerting. Remus hugged him back, trying to show him all the love and support he could.

Sara All I ever wanted, was to know that you were dreaming, Sara There’s a heartbeat that never really died Oh, won't you swallow your pride?

"It's okay, love" he whispered what he would had whispered to him, tears in his eyes as well "It's gonna be alright..."

***************************************************

Remus' favorite song: Sara by Fleetwood Mac.

I want to let it clear that HIV/AIDS should not be taken into the LGBTQ stigma. I didn't want to do that with Grant. I thought this would be a good arc for Grant's and Remus' characters. Any person with any sexuality can get it. Not only queer people. People with this illness can be treated and live a perfect healthy life, with medication and care.

I'm not an expert, but there are many resources surrounding this topic. Don't doubt in educating yourself and others.

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #grant chapman #trans remus lupin

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 6.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 & Part 5.

Content Warning: Depression.

December, 2017.

Having a crush on Grant was wonderful. It was like having a pretty best friend. And having someone to snog once in a while.

But this wasn't like with Sirius. Remus didn't feel like Grant was hiding him. Remus didn't want to make it official. Remus wanted to keep snogging Grant without the commitment.

The snogging had started casually.

Remus and Grant had been shopping for Christmas. And Lyall had invited both for dinner. He had called several times acting all nice and worried as if nothing had happened. And when Grant heard he was invited to meet his father, he began bouncing. And Remus couldn't say no.

And Remus had been smiling watching Grant searching for the perfect Christmas presents for everyone. He looked so excited.

"Wha' kind of licor does yer father like?"

Remus shrugged. He actually didn't know. Maybe he should have.

"Maybe...We should cancel and go to get drunk instead?"

"Nah nah nah nah" Grant shook his head "I'm meetin' yer daddy, wanttit ot not"

Remus couldn't do anything else.

"He's gonna think you're my boyfriend"

Grant just giggled. The truth is that he was scared of a relationship. He was scared to fall for Grant like he did for Sirius.

"I have to tell you something..."

"Mmhm?" Grant was very interested in a scent candle.

Remus wanted to tell him his secret. But with Etienne had been easy. He wanted to shag him. But Grant was very important to him.

"I've been shagging Etienne"

Grant turned to look at him, as if he didn't believe him.

"Naah" he smiled.

Remus smiled too.

Grant laughed so hard, a few people in the store turned to look at him.

"Blimey, sweetheart!" Grant poked him "Etienne?"

Remus nodded.

"When?"

"It started on Halloween"

"Started? Yeh mean it's still a thin'?" Grant sounded surprised.

It wasn't actually a thing. It happened again. Etienne invited Remus to a party in his hot tub, while Grant was at work. But Remus thought there would be more people there.... Nah he didn't. But he was trying to convince himself that.

Remus shrugged. Grant laughed again.

"Etienne and his seductive powers" Grant shook his head. And continued searching through the store.

"How'as it?"

"I was drunk" Remus shrugged.

And thought about my ex.

"Now we have one thing in common" Remus followed him amused.

Grant turned.

"A little birdy told me you shagged Etienne too"

Grant smirked.

"Jesus! That 'as a long time ago" he snorted. And continued walking. Remus followed.

"But you did.... Yeah, act like you don't remember"

Grant stopped. He turned and raised an eyebrow.

"Are yeh jealous?" Grant bit his lip.

"Not in the slightest" Okay, Remus was flirting. He even had a pose to flirt. His hands on his hips. A half smirk on his lips.

Grant laughed.

Remus grabbed something from the shelves.

"Look" he said, putting it on top of their heads "Mistletoe"

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me.

Grant smiled and leaned to give Remus a tender kiss. So tender that it left him wanting more.

It happened naturally. Like it was normal. And they let it happened. And then laughed about it.

"Yeah, yer jealous..." Grant snorted, and continued walking.

"Not I'm not!" Remus protested, following him.

So Grant had met Lyall, Sandra and Sophie. And of course they adored him. Grant was talkative with Lyall. Asked him about sports and work. He was helpful with Sandra in the kitchen.

Lyall never liked Sirius. But that was because he kept comparing him with the Blacks. He didn't give him much opportunity to get to know him. Remus had discussed a lot with Lyall because of that.

And Sophie found their favorite person. Grant made them laugh, dance, sing, giggle. Sophie ended up sitting on Grant's lap all evening. Remus had never seen someone so good with children. It was easy for him.

Watching Grant with Sophie, made Remus feel something he didn't want to feel. Something warm. His chest burning. But Remus shook it off. He couldn't.

It was desire. It was need. It was loneliness. That was all. Not love. Never love.

Desire for Grant. Desire he had never felt before.

So when they arrived home, late at night, Remus jumped to kiss Grant fiercefully as soon as they closed the door.

"I wanted to do that all night" Remus whispered, catching his breath.

Grant smiled. And kissed him again. And Remus stopped him before things got heated up.

"I have to tell you something"

"Who else did'cha shag, sweetheart?"

Remus laughed, as Grant grinned. Remus shook his head, now nervous.

"I'm... I'm trans..."

It was hard to come out like that. He hadn't come out to anyone, except to Etienne when he was very drunk. The rest of people had figured it out, or knew because someone else told them.

"Alrigh' " Grant said after a while, licking his lips.

They were still very close to each other. Remus swallowed.

"Do you know what that is?" he asked carefully.

Grant finally smiled, like he always used to "Darlin', I'm queer. O'course I know what dat is"

Remus smiled relieved.

"And your not freaking out?"

"Why would I freak out?"

"Because you're... you're into boys..."

"Exactly, luv..." Grant nodded "I'm into boys, so I'm into ya...I'm very much into yeh righ' now" he snorted.

And that was all it took to make Remus melt for Grant. His chest was burning. And he wasn't able to stop it anymore.

Remus kissed Grant again. And he let himself be carried away by this feeling. It was beautiful.

They began taking their clothes off. And this time, all Remus could think about was Grant. No one else. He was thinking of how amazing Grant was. And how Remus was lucky to have him in his life.

That was what he was trying to tell Grant, as Remus kissed his body. They stumbled like that to the bed. And Grant tripped with one shoe, and fell in the bed. Remus giggled as he climbed on top. They were laughing as they snogged for a little while.

"I have a shameful crush on you" Remus confessed, looking down on Grant, and running his fingers through his hair.

Grant laughed openly at this. His laughs were the only think that broke the silence in the silent flat. And Remus giggled as well.

"No waay, sweetheart..." Grant said sarcastically.

"Shut up" Remus grabbed Grant's chin playfully.

And then, he kissed him again. It wasn't long before their bodies had heaten up again. And they wanted to feel each other. Remus gave Grant a blow job first because he was familiar with that. And then, Remus was all Grant's to take.

It felt sweet and tender. Like two best friends trying something new. It felt comforting and nice. And by the end of it, Remus panicked for a second.

"Oh yeh go' so much better since the last time, sweetheart" Grant joked. And Remus giggled.

I could fall for you. Remus thought, as he layed in Grant's chest and let him stroke his hair. I could fall for you, but I don't want to. I can't.

*****************************************************

March, 2018.

Keep it casual. That was the motto. No commitement. No stress. Remus tried to focus on work. He finally began enjoying reading again. He stayed away from Grant's social media as possible.

Grant finally finished his Uni classes. They celebrated with champagne. And Grant applied for a job as a social worker. He got it. They celebrated with dinner and a good shag session. You know, things that friends usually do.

And when Grant went to "Play footie" with Jeremy, Remus could casually call Etienne. And they could have fun in his hot tub. Nobody got hurt. Everyone got what they wanted.

Remus could do this. Remus could enjoy his youth. Remus could forget about him. No more suffering for love. Not anymore. Never again. Remus was in control.

Until everything went down, the morning of his twenty-second birthday.

It was the second birthday he spent with Grant. The first one had been a nightmare. He had been too depressed to move. Now, Remus was in a better mood.

"I finally know what I want for my birthday" Remus said as they were having breakfast.

"Oh yeah?" Grant asked, hopefully with his mouth full.

"A telly..." Remus smiled.

"Ha ha ha...." Grant rolled his eyes. Remus had been complaining a lot of how annoying was to watch movies and series in Grant's phone.

"I think I deserve it" Remus nodded "I think my back deserves it"

"Yer back is fine, luv" Grant took a large sip of his orange juice.

Remus giggled.

"An' ma wallet deserves mor' money!"

Remus smiled, as he watched Grant get up and take the dishes to the sink. Not before giving Remus a kiss in his head.

Look at us. Remus thought. We discuss couple things. We're practically a couple, aren't we?

Remus' thoughts were interrupted as his phone rang. And he jumped, picking it up. Probably Lyall.

"Hello?"

"Oh hi Remus"

Almost two years. Almost two years that he hadn't heard that voice. Remus went pale, and he started sweating. He shouldn't have.

"Hi... Lily..."

"I..." she snorted "I didn't know if you were going to pick up"

Remus didn't know what to say. Remus didn't know how to talk to her anymore. It used to be so easy. And that thought made him feel worse.

"Anyway... Happy Birthday!" Lily sounded nervous too. Like she was talking to a distant relative whose birthday she didn't care, but had to call, kind of an obligation.

Lily used to be my best friend. Remus thought.

"Thanks Lily"

"Oh well... amm... I hope you have a wonderful day..." Lily snorted "And... oh and James wants to speak with you..."

Remus didn't even have time to protest. He heard some noises in the other line. And he stared at Grant in panic. Sirius was everywhere James was. Sirius was everywhere James was.

"What?" Remus heard James whisper

"I told you, it's Remus' birthday" Lily whispered back "Just talk to him"

"Lily but..."

"Do it!"

"Who's Remus?" Remus assumed that little voice was Harry's.

"Let's go upstairs, love" Lily said.

Remus trembled. He almost hang up.

"Hi Remus, mate" James said on the phone "How are you?"

It took more than necessary for Remus to be able to speak.

"Hi James..." Remus said, almost in a whisper "I'm fine. And you?"

"Good... Everthing's fine" James cleared his throat "Happy Birthday"

"Cheers..."

"Doing something special?"

Remus looked at Grant. He was staring worried, cup of tea in hand. He smiled comfortably.

"Not really..."

"Oh well... have fun"

"Yeah..."

Remus reminded himself that he was taking to James, Prongs. The boy Remus knew since he was eleven. One of his best friends. The one who always made him feel better.

Then, why it felt he was talking with a stranger?

"Everyone says hi"

Remus didn't believe that for a second.

"Say hi to them"

"Alright... I better go... ah... Harry is being annoying. You know, children"

Remus let out a soft fake snort.

"Bye Remus, have a nice day"

"Bye James"

Remus hung up as quickly as possible. In case they decided to include anyone else in the call.

"Alrigh' luv?" Grant asked.

Remus was not alright. He wanted to cry, scream, and never get out of bed again. He had a knot on his throat.

But he swallowed it.

"Yeah..." Remus nodded "Happy Birthday wishes...you know?"

Grant seemed concerned, so Remus smiled.

"So what are we doing today?" Remus said "Are you gonna buy me the telly?"

Grant snorted "Better" he grinned.

******************************************

Grant made sure Remus had a good day and forgot about the morning... eh incident? But hell no. Remus couldn't forget something like that. How could he? He hadn't received texts, calls or emails from any of them. Well Mary sometimes. Her and Grant exchanged friendly snapchats in which Remus participated often. Lily's emails had been shorter and shorter. But nothing else. Nothing from Sirius. Nothing from Sirius. Why did he hate him so much? Didn't Remus give him everything?

It was as if he was dead. It was as if they had forgotten about him.

Grant prepared a picnic for Remus and the others in their little flat. And Remus was sad and dull. Overthinking. Remembering. Missing. He was trying very hard not to get drunk to avoid another humiliation. But hell, he wanted to be drunk.

He was having a cigarette in the window when he felt Etienne approaching.

"Hey sweet petite"

"Hey..."

"Pfft" Etienne snorted "Yu look misegrable"

"Cheers"

"How old arg u?"

"Twenty two"

Etienne laughed "Bébé"

"How old are you?" Remus replied kind of offended.

"Twenty seven"

"You're old"

Etienne laughed. Then he leaned to whisper in his ear.

"I could gif u yourg birgday cadeau" Etienne said "It would make u feel betterg"

"You're too egocentric to think sucking your dick would be a good birthday present"

Etienne laughed.

"Come on, Mon petite" he said "You can call me anytin else this time. Sometin morg creative than Paddifoo"

"Padfoot" Remus said very annoyed

"Well dat horrid thin" Etienne grabbed Remus' waist

"Nah Etienne, leave me" Remus was very irritated. And the others were just there, watching. The flat was small. Grant was there.

"Ehm... you smell so good..." Etienne kissed his neck.

Remus felt wrong. Surrounded by the wrong people. Being kissed the wrong bloke. What the hell happened? How did he got here? And why did his friends forget him so easily?

Everthing was your fault. A voice said in his mind. And they know it. They are better off without you.

"Etienne..."

But he didn't listen.

"Not in public, please" Lola joked.

And Remus finally pushed him away.

"I SAID GETOFF ME, WANKER"

They were all staring at Remus. Like he was insane. They probably thought so, he always ended up making scenes with them. Remus looked at Grant. He was concerned, ready to fight Etienne if he had to. Remus adored him.

"Whut's yourg pgroblem?" Etienne said offended.

"By the way, I used to call my ex Padfoot" Remus said "I only shagged you because you remind me of him"

Actually no. Sirius was better. A gentleman. Or so Remus thought. And the others started teasing of course. And Remus rolled his eyes. He hated these people. He locked himself in the room instead.

He ignored Grant's yells and angry protests at his friends. Remus sat down in bed furiously. Tears threatening to fill his eyes. Not today. Not in his birthday.

He grabbed Grant's phone which was charging to distract himself. Sometimes he let him borrow it. Remus had an old phone. And he didn't have social media like everyone else. It was dull.

But right now, he made the terrible mistake to open Grant's. He needed to know. He needed to see if his friends missed him as much as he missed them.

He opened up Peter's Instagram first. Most of his pictures were old. Back to were they were still friends. Remus was even in some. There was a picture of all of them in the Halloween Party Remus and Sirius prepared in the apartment. They were the Scooby Doo gang. Remus stared for a minute at their happy faces. And his eyes filled with tears. How much fun they had that night.

He moved to Marlene's profile. She had many many pictures with Sirius, it was difficult to bear. James had pictures of Harry mostly. The boy had grown so fast. He looked like mini version of James, with Lily's green eyes. He had pictures of Lily with Harry. And one of Harry asleep on Sirius' arms, he asleep too.

Remus was openly crying now. Actually sobbing. Trying to control himself. And as a masochist or a very crazy person, he decided to skip directly to Sirius' account.

Back in the day, Sirius became obsessed with social media. His Instagram was a hit. For being a Black. For being handsome. He had over a million followers. Took lots of selfies. "For the fans, Moony" he used to joke. And he adored uploading pictures of Remus. Sometimes cute, sometimes embarrassing. Pictures Remus didn't noticed he had taken.

His profile picture was one of him and Harry, the boy in his arms smiling to the camera. One of the most recent ones he had. His hair was longer, wrapped in a bun. Remus cursed how gorgeous he was.

I miss you so much, Pads.

And he scrolled down. Big mistake. Because the pictures were still there. All of them. He hadn't deleted them. His whole profile was of his art and pictures of Remus. Remus sleeping. Remus making faces. Remus being angry. Even one of Remus eating. Why hadn't he deleted them? Was he an idiot?

The comments said things like: "Sirius is in love", "I can't get over the two of them", "Remus is cute", "Are you gonna get married?"

And one picture got Remus' attention. In the picture, there were Remus and Sirius, lying in their bed. Remus was wearing a big blue hoodie, and he was covering his eyes with his sleeve, but his smile was clearly visible. Sirius was next to him, with a plain white shirt, his favorites, burying his face in Remus' neck. Smirking like a fool. And pointing the came at them.

The caption read: "My beautiful Moony, my love, my life".

Remus just felt the tears running down his cheeks without restriction. He was having a hard time breathing. He was panting. And his chest hurt. It hurt so much, it was about to explode. Remus couldn't breath properly, he needed some air.

"Remus?" Grant opened the door carefully "I tol' those motherfuckers ter leave..." he stopped when he saw Remus' state "Oh sweetheart"

"He used to love me..." Remus sobbed desperately "He used to love meh... Why did he stop? Why did I do wrong? Why..... Why...."

"Oh no no darlin'..." Grant approached Remus to hug him "Sh sh sh, it's okay" he took the phone away from him.

Remus yelled desperately on Grant's chest as he cried. He couldn't stop. He was choking. He couldn't breath.

"It hurts...." Remus sobbed "It hurts so much...."

"I know, luv..." Grant said in a sweet tone "I know"

Grant didn't say anything else. It was the first time he broke down in front of him. Grant let Remus cry all he needed. He gave soft strokes to his back. They laid down on the bed, and Remus hugged him wanting comfort and warmth.

And his brain was saying: "He is not Sirius. He is not Sirius. You need Sirius". Remus ignored it.

When Remus was a bit more calmed, Grant spoke again, and he whispered:

"No more takin' ma phone to stalk yer exes, okay?"

Remus didn't answer.

"Grant?"

"Mmhm, luv?"

"I want to tell you everything"

"Everythin' with Sirius?" Grant asked carefully

"Everything you need to know" Remus said "How I got here. And why I needed to run away"

"Alrigh' darlin'" Grant said after a while "A cuppa o' tea to calm yer nerves first, yeah?"

Remus nodded. He felt so secure in Grant's arms. So much better. But the whole in his chest was still there.

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #trans remus lupin #grant chapman #sirius black #wolfstar

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 5.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & Part 4.

Content Warning: Depression, Alcohol. Sexual Content.

October, 2017.

Halloween was a terrible holiday for Remus. For obvious reasons. And today was the anniversary of that terrible night. Remus and Sirius announced their breakup. Snape kidnapped Lily. James almost died. Peter was hurt. Remus had flashes and flashes of those terrible memories. And in a few days, it would be Sirius' birthday. Remus would not be there. Should he call? Should he send a message? Was that allowed? What would happen when Remus heard his voice?

The terror was so big that Remus didn't sleep last night. He kept pacing, sweating, smoking. And Grant slept like a baby.

Remus refused to share bed with Grant. He was using the sofa which could turn into a mattress. Grant had protested and insisted of course. But Remus was stubborn when he wanted.

Remus was tired, dull, and grumpy that morning. He had kept himself busy, he found a job in a local Library. For now, he had to clean. But it felt nice to be surrounded by books.

But this particular morning, Remus didn't want to get up, to breathe, to live.

"We 'ave a party!!" Grant came in bouncing, tooth brush in his hand.

Remus didn't answer. He was hugging his knees for dear life. Smoking as drinking water. So healthy.

"Etienne and Anne Marie are makin' it this year" Grant grinned looking through his phone "They make bloody good parties" then he noticed the human ball Remus was "Remus?"

"Mnomnomin" Remus murmured, hiding his face.

"Wha' was dat?"

Remus sighed clearing his mouth "I'm not coming"

"Whaat?" Grant came closer "I don' think Remus Lupin said no to a bloody party...."

Remus could smell Grant's fresh smell, he smelled like aftershave, candy, the kind of candy you couldn't get over. He smelled of the beach, he irradiated heat, he smelled like sand, salty sea, and sunblock.

I need him. I need him. I need him. Remus thought. I'm confusing the need with a crush. That's all. I'm still in love with someone else... Fuck, and it hurts thinking about him.

"Heeey...sweety...." Grant poked Remus, Remus hid his blush "Tell meh yeh wan' to come to the party..."

"Mmhm..."

"I didn' heaaar yeeu...." Grant chanted, now tickling him.

"Graaant!" Remus groaned

Why do I have to fancy party people? Remus thought.

Because you have a type. He answered himself.

No! I don't fancy Grant. He is my friend.

"Come on..." Grant continued "Yeh've to come wif me, sweetheart... Yeh need to relax, yeh've been so grumpy and stressed..."

"Nah... I haven't..." Remus pouted like a little kid.

"Yeah yeh haf, ma little booooy" Grant grabbed his neck and pulled Remus for a kiss. A friendly kiss in the head.

Remus found himself disappointed.

"Are'yeh comin' wif meh?" Grant pouted this time "Pleasee. Pretty pleasse...."

Glorious fuck.... Remus had a crush on Grant. This couldn't be happening. No no no no.... He felt like a bloody teenager all over again.

"Alright... assholee..." Remus blushed. He blushed. "I'll go with you"

Grant grinned deliciously. And as he kissed Remus' cheek, he realized he was fucked.

*******************************************

This crush felt different. With Sirius, Remus always hoped that he would look at him the same. That he would feel the same way. Remus had done the impossible to make Sirius fall for him. But it had happened naturally in the end. And Remus was finally happy to have what he had wished for.

Now Remus didn't want Grant to feel the same. He wanted Grant as far as possible. Remus knew this rode already. Illusion, flirtation, romance, love and then pain. And then nothingness. Both of them didn't have to go through that.

The crush would eventually be over. Remus told himself it was more need than anything. Because he felt lonely. And Grant filled a void. Perhaps that was true.

Etienne and Anne Marie had lovely apartment near the beach. With a nice terrace with a view to the sea. People with money. Not rich like Remus' previous friends had been. Remus was not impressed. Neither was Grant. Perhaps he had been there before.

Luckily, Grant refused to wear a costume. And not so many people were wearing costumes.

Etienne, to Remus delight, was wearing an angel costume. Matching his sister's. A little devil.

Tight white leather trousers. Shirtless. Glitter all over his body. Remus couldn't be gayer in that moment. Having a crush on the boy next to him. And drooling for the boy in front.

"Welgcom to dee afterglife" And his accent was cute.

Remus had learned through Grant, that Etienne and Anne Marie's parents got into a terrible fight. Infidelities and such. Their father took Anne Marie to the UK, to live with him. And Etienne stayed in France with his mum. Only seeing each other in summers and special holidays. Now they did everything together. And that explained why Etienne had a stronger accent.

Remus was fascinated by his beauty.

"I'm about to corrupt you" Anne Marie laughed evily "Booze and drugs"

"No!" Etienne added "Don let yourgselves be corgupted so easily... Betterg danz in a healthy way"

"Pfft... That's for losers" Anne Marie commented and everyone laughed. Remus smiled "Come to the dark side my loves..."

"I bloody choose the dark side" Jeremy snorted.

"Yeah right" Grant agreed.

Remus had also found out that Ottie's grandmother was very sick. And she couldn't assist to the party. Guess who was being touchy touchy with Jeremy.

Remus sighed as Grant and Jeremy giggled and jumped to the bar table.

"At least somebody stayed..."

Remus realized Etienne and him were the only ones left. And he was staring at him intensely.

Remus hated his ability to blush immediately.

"I would pick your good side, but I actually want to get drunk tonight... So..."

"Oh dearg Remus" Etienne laughed. His name sounded angelical in his accent "What no one knows ivs dat angels 'ave morg fun than devils" he winked "We jus' don' get caught"

Remus swallowed.

"Follow me" Etienne demanded.

And Remus obeyed. Like and idiot. Like he had been bewitched.

Etienne took him directly to the dance floor. And he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck. Remus could smell his cologne. And he closed his eyes intoxicated.

Etienne approached closer. And Remus felt goosebumps.

"Les get you waistegd" Etienne whispered I his ear.

"Yes please"

****************************

True to his word, Remus got waisted. And he stopped fearing, being a coward. He felt powerful and strong. He felt happy and loved. He was having an excellent time.

"Heeey.... Heeey ma lil devil... Yur time to drink wif me"

Remus was even giving everyone shots. And each time someone had a shot. He had a shot himself.

Until the point that Remus couldn't stand still.

"Graaaaant" he yelled, asking around "Grant! Where's Grant? Have you seen Grant?"

Most people ignored him.

"Where's Grant? I need to tell him something..."

"He disappeared with Jeremy hours ago" Lola suddenly said from behind. Where did she came from?

"But I love him"

"You're just drunk...."

"Can I hug you Lily?"

"Fuck... You're knackered" Lily giggled. But Remus decided to hug her anyway.

"Ur smaller"

"Ahaa"

"Luv u"

"You love everyone tonight"

"James got shot because of meh"

"What?"

"Hey... Hey hey.. Hands off my girlfriend wanker" Anne Marie approached "Is he bothering you?"

Remus realized Lily was gone.

"Annie..." Lola snorted "This is fucked up. I think he shot someone"

"What?"

"He just told me so"

"He is just drunk"

"Snape hated mee..." Remus pointed to himself "And James got angry that he was insulting me. So he bullied him. And Snape became crazy. And then he shot James and he almost killed everyone. And it's all because of meh...."

The girls in front of him laughed. And Remus didn't understand why.

"I feel dizzy...." Remus thought perhaps the floor looked comfy and he would feel less dizzy there. So he lied down.

He saw a group of people looking at him. And then they were moving in circles.

"Whut is goin' on?"

"Pads?" Remus whispered "Take me home, luv"

Sirius opened his way through the crowd. He was wearing angel wings for some reason. But he looked gorgeous anyway. His Padfoot. Sirius kneeled to check on him.

"It's alright, Moony" he said, with a soft smile "I'll take care of you"

Remus was too tired that he closed his eyes. And he knew no more.

*****************************************

Someone was stroking his hair. It felt nice. It felt familiar. Remus felt protected. Eventhough he was still dizzy.

"Grant?"

" 'E's not 'ere, mon petit"

Remus sat down ignoring the buzzing in his brain. He was in a large room. He could see the ocean through the window. The curtains were red. The bedsheets were red. And fancy. And soft.

And then Remus saw the owner of the place. Gorgeous, half naked, only illuminated by the moonlight.

"Etienne!" Remus exclaimed embarrassed "What happened? Where am I?"

"My groom" Etienned sat down too "You passed out. Me sigster said you got intoxicated by the licogr"

"I'm fine" Remus cleared his throat "Where's Grant?"

"Wif Jegremy" Etienne said "Prgobably doin' it"

"Doing what?"

Etienne laughed. He had a deep masculine laughter.

"Yourg adorrable"

Remus felt like shit. He had embarrassed himself in front of these people twice. He didn't remembered what he said. Why did he agree to come? Grant wasn't even here. At least, Remus was sobber. Well less drunk.

"I should probably go..."

Etienne touched his arm. Remus was frozen.

"Stay..."

Remus let out a soft giggle of how comical it all was. This couldn't be happening to him. But he relaxed now. Probably it wasn't a bad thing to spend some time with a gorgeous angel.

"Fuck Etienne..." Remus lied back "You remind me of my ex, you know?"

It was the alcohol in the system that was making him say all of this.

"Oui?" Etienne smiled, playfully "How so?"

"Well for starters, you're gorgeous"

Etienne laughed.

"And you speak french..." Remus continued happily, he was definitely drunk "He spoke, speaks french too, he's not dead... And I found that so sexy...."

"Je vous trouve plutôt adorable"

"Arrrg...." Remus groaned "Don't do that...It's hot!"

Etienne smiled, scooping closer. Remus closed his eyes as he felt Etienne's warm breath on his neck. Remus felt shivers down his spine. God, how much he wanted him.

"Whut else?" Etienne whispered. His lips were rushing Remus' neck. If he would be standing up, his knees would've crumbled.

"Amm..." And now Remus had a hard time concentrating "He...You..." Etienne was kissing and sucking his neck. Remus didn't stop him. "You both are very egocentric...amm.... It is annoying"

Etienne sneaked his hand below Remus' shirt. Even though Remus was on fire, he decided this was the best time to stop him.

"I... I have something to confess"

Etienne stopped to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Oui?"

A little voice in Remus' head said that it wasn't a good idea. Etienne might not like it. He hadn't even told Grant. Grant...

But the urgeness and horniness were stronger at the moment. Bloody hell, he hadn't had a good shag since Sirius. And probably that motherfucker was doing it with Benjy and others. And Grant was probably doing it with Jeremy. Fucking wankers.

Remus gave Etienne a very long, hungry kiss.

"I'm trans..." he said after.

Etienne looked at him curiously. And for a second, Remus thought the illusion was over.

"It means I don't have dick" It sounded funnier in his head.

"Take yourg shirgt off" Etienne said after a while. Remus concluded that his voice had some sort of magic powers because Remus obeyed immediately.

Etienne stared. And Remus was reminded of the way Sirius used to stare too. With such intensity, that made Remus shiver. Etienne touched his scars, the top surgery ones. Remus was breathing hard. And when Etienne kissed his chest, Remus let out a little gasp.

If Remus closed his eyes, he could pretend it was Sirius kissing him. It surely felt like it. Strong arms, biceps, abs, warm as Sirius'. Remus could pretend Etienne's lips were Sirius'. They tasted sweet, soft and with that cigarette essence. Etienne's hair was shorter, but Remus could pretend Sirius had cut his. He looked gorgeous with short hair too.

Remus realized that he couldn't get over Sirius. Not even if he wanted. Sure, he could have crushes on Grant, Etienne, whoever. But nobody was going to replace Sirius in his heart. His Padfoot.

Why not pretend? He was drunk. He was lonely. He was completely in love with Sirius. So Remus could have him one more time.

Remus let himself be kissed. And Etienne was all over him, his hands were everywhere. And he was rubbing his hard member on him. He was breathing hard, letting out soft gasps and moans. And when he whispered something in french, probably a curse, Remus pretended Sirius whispered: I love you Moony.

"Oh Padfoot...." Remus moaned his name out loud.

Etienne stopped for a second. And he stared at Remus. Or he guessed he was staring, because Remus kept with his eyes closed. He wanted to stay in his fantasy.

I'm shagging Sirius. This is Sirius. Sirius is with me.

And Etienne, no Sirius snorted "I guess you can call me whut you vant ma petite"

Remus felt how he opened his trousers' button and zipper. Taking everything off, leaving him completely naked. And he let everything happen. Only thinking about Sirius, and only Sirius.

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #sirius black #trans remus lupin #wolfstar #grant chapman #atyd

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 4.

Check out Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3.

Content Warning: Transphobia, Depression.

September, 2017.

"Dear Remus,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you lately. Things are crazy at Uni, I have a lot of projects to do, even James complains I don't spend enough time with Harry and him. I feel guilty about that. But nevermind...

Harry's first birthday was lovely. I sent you a lot of messages to invite you over. But I guess you didn't receive them. Effie and I prepared the biggest cake to ever exist. I don't know why since babies usually don't eat cake. But we invited The Weasleys, our neighbors, and they all finished the cake between themselves. That's what James says anyways.

I hope you're well. That you're taking care of your mental health. And you follow the yoga and meditations I recommended, trust me they are really good. Tell me how is your dad, and your step mum, and your sister. I was thinking, she is around Harry's age. Maybe we can gather them together so they can play. Harry loves other children. And right now, I'm not in the position to give him a sibling. The youngest Weasley, Ron, keeps him company. They are the same age. And the twins, they remind me of Sirius and James sometimes. With this you can imagine how they are like.

In case you're wondering, because you asked about this is your previous emails, Sirius is fine. We all are. Missing you, love. Sirius dropped out Arts. And he is currently unemployed and he feels lonely, I can tell. He worries me, Remus. And I know you still care for him. Perhaps you can talk to him.... Gosh... I know it is too much to ask, but I am worried, For both. And I have a one year old child.

Anyway. Don't mind me. I miss you a lot. Maybe you can visit some time. I have so much to tell you. And you know how sentimental I am. And... oh here they are... the bloody tears. See? I told you.

Lots of love,

Lily.

*************************************

Remus felt worse and homesick everytime he read one of Lily's emails. He felt guilty for feeling that way. But hearing about everyone and how good they were, triggered him into a terrible mental state.

The words: "They are better without you" kept repeating in Remus' brain over and over.

He wasn't going to talk to Sirius. Sirius hated him. Why would some words Remus told him would change his mind? If he quitted art was because he was a privilaged rich boy who did whatever he fucking pleased. And then, Remus felt guilty for thinking that way. Maybe he was as miserable as he was... But everytime Remus picked up the phone to call him or text him, he had a panic attack. He sweated, his heart raced, he trembled. It was horrible. That was it, Remus was a coward.

So he marked Lily's email as read. As if he lost his email access or he didn't have time to read it. That was better.

"Remus?" Sandra interrupted his thoughts.

Remus had to use Lyall's computer since his phone was too basic. And unfortunately Sandra was there.

"Can you watch Sophie? I have to run to work, they need me for something"

Sandra was holding the baby in her arms. And Remus swallowed.

"Amm..."

"You're a life saver" Sandra placed Sophie in his arms. They were heavy.

"Remu..." Sophie whispered.

"She's fed, and changed. She won't give you any problem" Sandra kissed her child's head "Your father will be here soon"

"Alright no problem"

"You will have fun with Remus, won't you?" Sandra talked to Sophie.

"Piggyback!" Sophie exclaimed. Remus snorted.

"I'll be back soon" Sandra smiled "Thank you Remus"

Remus smiled at her awkwardly. And in a matter of seconds, Remus heard Sandra close the front door.

"Hi..." he told the child on his lap

"Hi..." they giggled.

Remus was never good with children. It was Sirius who was excellent with Harry. And Grant who always had a story of the children at work.

"What do you want to do?"

"Piggyback!!" Sophie ordered.

Remus sighed.

Remus had to piggyback the child for an hour until Lyall arrived. Remus had been constantly thinking how boring he was for his own sister. And he felt guilty and miserable.

"DADDY!!" Sophie ran to hug Lyall as he entered.

And Remus felt his back crack. He was getting old.

"Hello beautiful girl..." Lyall smiled "How is my princess doing?"

"I 'as doing piggyback wif Remu!"

"That's lovely..." Lyall looked up at Remus "Thank you for taking care of her"

"No problem" Remus sighed "I think they need a new diapper... Someone is smelly!" he grunted at Sophie in a funny way. And they giggled "And I need a change of clothes" he smelled himself and wrinkled his nose.

Lyall smiled awkwardly.

"Go upstairs Sophie, Daddy will be there to change you"

Sophie ran upstairs practically bouncing. And Remus gave them a sweet smile.

"I've noticed you use they and them with Sophie" Lyall started, taking out his jacket.

"Yeah..." Remus shrugged. He walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Lyall followed.

"Why is that?"

"Why is what?"

"Why won't you call her she and her like Sandra and I do..."

Remus sighed trying to be patient. Lyall was getting old. And he didn't understand modern things. The other day he struggled for hours trying to turn off the washing machine.

"I reckon it is fair to give Sophie that space"

"What space?"

"What if Sophie realizes they are not a girl? Maybe they feel like a girl, maybe they don't. I don't know..." Remus snorted "I just would've liked to be given that opportunity as a child. I was treated like a girl, you called me princess, and I didn't feel like a girl at all..."

"Okay... But Sophie is not like that"

Remus let the glass on the sink "How do you know? Sophie is only three, they can figure out things"

"No, Remus. Sophie is not like that. She is a girl. She is not like you... she's not..."

Lyall didn't finish. But Remus knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Sick?" Remus asked

"No..." Lyall shook his head "I didn't want to say that"

"That's exactly what you wanted to say" Remus said, now irritated.

"Remus..." Lyall sighed.

"No!" He interrupted "For you I'm a woman in disguise, right? A woman pretending to be a man..."

Lyall didn't answer. He kept shaking his head.

"You're such a hypocrite..." Remus snorted.

"Stop... That's not what a meant at all"

"You pretend everything is fine. That we are all this happy little family, But the truth is that you don't care"

"Of course I care for you!"

Remus didn't believe him. He had tears in his eyes again. For the tenth time today.

"You never cared about me or mum..."

"How dare you! You and Hope were everything for me!"

Remus nodded in disbelief "And now you have the perfect little family that you wanted, don't you?"

Lyall shook his head, he was getting furious. But Remus continued.

"You have the perfect happy wife. Not the depressed one you had before..." Remus began crying, remembering his mother

"No..."

"And you have the perfect cis daughter you always wanted"

"That's not true" Tears were in Lyall's eyes as well.

"You replaced us with them! You never cared" Remus continued, now he was furious "You are the reason my mum is dead! GOD! I WISH IT HAD BEEN YOU!"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH ROSALIND LUPIN" Lyall hit him. A good punch.

And Remus realized that the punch didn't hurt at all, even though he was sure he was bleeding. What hurt is the fact that Lyall used his deadname. He hadn't done that it years. Remus thought he was learning.

Sophie started crying in the stairs. And Lyall covered his mouth realizing what he had done.

"Remus... I'm sorr...."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Remus pulled away.

"What the bloody hell happened?" Sandra's voice was heard from the door "Lyall what?.... Oh Sophie!!" she ran to hug her child.

And Remus decided that was his queue to leave. To leave forever.

Remus heard Sandra and Lyall discussing downstairs. And Remus got flashbacks of Lyall fighting with Hope when he was little. It had been his fault that they had divorced. Probably his fault that Hope had killed herself. And he didn't want to do the same to Sandra. And he didn't want to ruin Sophie's childhood. He was the mess. He had to go.

Remus packed up his things as quickly as possible. And then he sneaked into Sophie's room. The child was asleep by now. Remus kissed their forehead. He promised himself to visit Sophie now and then, bring them gifts.

Remus got down slowly, so nor Lyall or Sandra would hear him.

"I can't believe you said that to him, Lyall. He is your son!"

"I keep fucking it up with Remus..." Lyall cried "He made me so angry"

Remus didn't want to hear more. He opened the front door.

"Remus?" Lyall called from the kitchen, he probably heard the door.

But Remus ran away before they could reach him. As he ran through the street he could still hear Lyall and Sandra screaming his name, calling him. But he didn't look back.

**************************************************

Remus cried all the way to Grant's flat. Grant was everything he needed at the moment. His smile, his positivity, the way he made him laugh, maybe a hug, maybe a kiss. Maybe Grant was all he had right now. And Remus wanted to hold on tight. Grant was the only thing he had left.

Remus had steadied himself as he reached Grant's building. He knocked the door, almost desperately.

The moment Grant opened the door, Remus desperately hugged him.

" 'Ello sweetheart..."

Remus snorted, letting out a few tears fall. And then he noticed, Grant was shirtless. Only wearing underwear.

I could fall for you. Remus thought. You're not bad at all

Remus leaned to kiss him. But Grant pulled away.

"Oh oh... Hold yer horses..." Grant smiled "Are yeh drunk?"

"Yeah..." Remus lied. It was easier that way to avoid the humiliation.

"Well there's three o'us" Grant said "Come in...."

Remus followed Grant inside. And he stopped on his tracks as he saw another half naked man on Grant's sofa. He had to be in his thirties. With a funny mustache. His hair was short, mousy blond. He wasn't muscular or anything. But he had a ship tattoo on his arm. The man was surprised to see Remus as Remus was to see him.

"Sweetheart..." Grant patted his shoulder "This'is Scott..." he pointed to the man "Scott.... this's ma frien' Remus..."

Friend. Friend. Friend. Just friends.

They both stared at each other awkwardly. The man, Scott waved first.

"Hiya mate"

"Hi..." Remus answered.

"I'll make tea fo'all of us" Grant grinned and turned to the kitchen. But Grant was still next to them, and could hear them just perfectly. They didn't speak. Remus took a seat.

"Talk to each other, pleaaasee" Grant chanted as he prepared tea.

"Amm..." Scott started, scratching his neck.

"Are you Grant's friend as well?" Remus didn't like the sound of as well. As if Grant had plenty of friends. And Remus happened to be one of them. Nothing special.

"I just met him last night" Scott said embarrassed.

"Oh..." Remus answered.

They could hear Grant trying not to laugh. He started whistling instead.

"Are you... Are you Grant's...." Scott began.

"I'm his friend, yeah"

"Okay..."

Remus checked to his right. Through the half opened door. The bed was unmade. Of course they had shagged.

"I'm currently homeless, Grant" Remus continued, breaking the silence "Is it okay if I stay?"

Grant, who was serving the tea, turned, with two cups in his hands.

"Oh darlin' I though I 'as gonna meet yer daddy..."

Scott stared at Remus awkwardly as Grant placed the cups in front of them.

"I don't want you to meet him" Remus said.

"Alrigh'" Grant said "Of course yeh can stay..."

"Thank you" Remus wrapped the cup into his hands to warm himself. And took a sip.

"Scott works at the store yeh like...." Grant told him

"Oh..." Remus answered looking at him.

"I haven't seen you around" Scott said.

"Remus doesn' go der at night" Grant snorted "And Scott works only on the night shift"

"Oh..." Remus and Scott said at the same time. Almost in a comical way.

Grant let out a chuckle.

Remus was expecting to cry in Grant's arms. Perhaps kiss him and shag him senseless to forget about everything. He couldn't tell if he had a crush or of he needed him desperately. He couldn't tell the difference.

"I should probably go" Scott stood up, looking for his clothes.

Remus and Grant observed him. The first with hateful eyes. And the latter amused.

Finally, Scott was dressed. And he stood there awkwardly.

"So..." he cleared his throat. Grant grinned "It was nice... I mean... that was nice..." he kept side glancing at Remus. Remus looked down.

"Yeah Scotty...."

"I gave you my number, didn't I?"

"Yeh did" Grant smiled.

"Right..." Scott snorted "I'll call you then"

"Sure..."

Grant gave him a quick hug. And a kiss on the cheek. And Scott walked awkwardly towards the door. When Scott closed the door, Grant bursted into laughter. He laughed like a little kid. Even bouncing.

"That'as delightful...."

"Not really" Remus whispered. He didn't find it funny.

Grant finished laughing and sat down next to Remus. Remus was... Remus was angry. Angry to want Grant's attention all to himself. Angry to be an idiot.

Grant took out a pack of fags and offered one to Remus. Remus took it, angrily.

"Now now, love" Grant said, now more softly "Tell meh wha' happened with yer dad"

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #grant chapman #remus x grant #atyd

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 3.

Check out Part 1 and Part 2.

Content Warning: Depression, Thoughts about death.

March, 2017.

Remus woke up feeling like hell. His head was bumping in pain. He felt weak, dizzy and sick. The room he was in was very small. A window on the back, but those that were blurry and he couldn't see through. But enough to make the sunlight crept into the room, making it warm. The room didn't have more furniture. Clothes were hung in dressers and boxes. And there was a tiny bathroom at the left. The wall in the right, next to the bed, was full of magazine pictures. Most of them queer people in rallies and protests back in the 70's. The first pride parades. Men kissing men. Women kissing women. Drag queens.

Remus smiled figuring this was Grant's room. He'd be the kind of person to have that on his room wall. Remus checked himself. And luckily he was still dressed.

Remus decided to stand up and take a look around.

Remus exited the room. And he figured out there was nothing more to see. The little kitchen was in front of him. A round table in front. A sofa to Remus' right, next to the window. And actually nothing else. Remus found Grant seated by the window, having a cigarette and presumably a cup of tea.

"Finally" Grant grinned at him "The sleepin' beauty is awake"

"Hi..." Remus said awkwardly, walking towards Grant "How much did I sleep?"

"Hours an' hours" Grant looked at his phone "It's almost midday"

Remus took the seat next to Grant, feeling the sunlight warming him up. And he took Grant's cigarette pack, and a fag for himself.

"Is this your place?" Remus said putting a cig between his lips.

"Yeah..." Grant said looking around himself "I know it's no' much bu'..."

"I like it" Remus interrupted.

Grant smiled "It was all I could get"

Remus smiled too.

"Wha' can I get yeh?" Grant stood up immediately, as Remus smoked "Do yeh wan' tea?"

"Cheers..."

"Amm..." Grant said now in the mini kitchen "Yer dad called a lot las' night"

Remus' eyes widened.

"You spoke with my father?"

Grant raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah... Nice bloke..." Grant shrugged, sitting in the counter as the water boiled "I told 'im I was yer friend. An' ye're stayin' with meh. I reckoned he was worried"

Remus was not embarrassed of Grant. But of his father. He had told Sandra about his identity. And he could tell anything to Grant. And Remus wasn't ready for that.

"I didn't know that man could get worried" Remus whispered mostly to himself. And he noticed Grant was staring at him with a big smile on his face.

"Did I do something stupid last night?" Remus asked, trying to change the subject.

Grant laughed, now getting off the counter.

"Yeh were the sweetest..." he said "I was actually impressed"

"Why?" Remus raised an eyebrow.

Grant smiled to himself.

"Ye're not the innocent lamp I used to remember, yu'v changed"

Remus wanted to protest, but Grant stopped him.

"It's a good thin' love" Grant said "Ye're actually more attractive"

And in that moment, the water boiled. And Grant smirked triumphal before turning it off.

******************************************

May, 2017.

Remus spent every day with Grant. Or at Grant's mini flat. Anything to avoid his father's perfect new family. Remus reckoned Lyall didn't care either.

And just like that, Remus was introduced to Grant's life, friends, routine and also Grant's issues.

When Remus met Grant, sure, they had told each other a lot of stuff. But Remus believed he actually didn't know Grant that well. Remus had spent a couple of summers with him, not actually living with him. Kind of.

Remus learned many things about Grant in a very short period of time. Grant was like a kid and watched cartoons, and laughed with them. Grant had a Netflix subscription but not a T.V. and had to see everything on his phone. Grant was a morning person. Grant was an early sleeper. Grant was responsible and clean, even though he owned very few things.

Grant was easy to learn, like pop cheesy song. Not like Sirius. Anything like Sirius. Sirius had been a very long french rap song in comparison.

But Grant also had his mysteries. Especially when it came to romance.

Grant was a flirter. Remus knew that very well. He had flirted with him in many occasions. And he got partners easily. When they got out, Grant always ended up snogging a random stranger.

Remus didn't mind, did he? What did he expect? Having Grant free and willing to be his boyfriend? Grant was not a second option after Sirius. They were just friends. Remus needed him as a friend. That was all.

But Remus discovered Grant had a reputation when he was questioned by Lola and Anne Marie.

"How long have you been sleeping with Grant?" Anne Marie asked him, at a frat party once.

Grant was talking and talking with Jeremy, so Remus was left alone and defenseless.

"Oh..." Remus tried not to be intimidated by the two girls, especially Lola's penetrating eyes "We are not... We haven't... We are just friends"

Apart from the snogging on previous summers, and the only blow job, Remus and Grant haven't done anything else. Grant kept flirting with him, but Remus had been through that before to not noticed how it couldn't work out. Perhaps if Remus and Sirius had stayed in that stage of their relationship, things wouldn't had gone wrong.

"Right..." Lola nodded "Grant isn't just friends with blokes..."

"Besides, you practically live with him" Anne Marie added irritated.

Remus smiled awkwardly "Grant has male friends... What about... Jeremy and Etienne?"

"Had slept with both" Lola said.

Remus was actually surprised.

"Wh-what?" Remus continued "I.. I thought Jeremy was straight"

Anne Marie let out a snort "Jeremy and Ottie are both bi. They have an open relationship and shit"

"Etienne was a drunk mistake long ago" Lola explained "And Jeremy is still his usual shag..."

Remus turned to look at Grant, chatting and laughing with Jeremy. How couldn't he see it before? There was definitely more than friendship.

"And Ottie doesn't mind?" Remus asked curiously.

"Nah..." Lola shrugged "She shags more people than Jeremy"

"But... We think Grant is desperately in love with Jeremy" Anne Marie added "Right?" Lola nodded "It's really fucked up to still be there"

Perhaps Remus had been in a very conservative school. But he had never heard of things like that happening before. The worst that happened at Hogwarts was the Alice-Frank-Mary incident.

"Have you had an open relationship, Remus?" Lola asked curiously.

"No..." Remus answered "My ex and I were very monogamous"

Remus had even been jealous of Benjy. They had broken up partially because Sirius had kissed him.

"Well..." Anne Marie continued "If you want that with Grant, you're very mistaken. Grant has never settled down with anyone. He is a free spirit"

********************************************

June, 2017.

Remus tried not to be bothered by the Jeremy business. Maybe he just didn't understand. Maybe he was too old fashioned for this. Remus had been trapped in the ideal of love. Through novels, through James and Lily. Through him and Sirius. And he should've definitely stop thinking about them.

So Remus stupid and innocent had brought up the subject one afternoon as they watched a movie on Grant's phone, which was causing Remus a headache.

"So my father wants to meet you"

Remus realized that was the worst way possible to start a bloody conversation.

"Yeah?" Grant answered still looking at the screen.

"He thinks we are dating"

Shit. That was even worse. But it was true. Lyall had been on an on about Grant, and asking questions like: "Is he your new boyfriend?", "What about Sirius?", "Does he know you're trans?". It had caused Remus to be very annoyed. And avoid him.

Grant let out a chuckle.

"It would be lovely to meet yer ol'man"

Remus wasn't looking for a relationship. Not after Sirius.

"Can I ask you something?" Remus continued. There it was.

"Aha..."

"What's the deal with you and Jeremy?"

Grant turned to look at him for the first time.

"Ye're not jealous, r'u?" Grant grinned.

"Grant" Remus protested trying not to blush.

Grant giggled a bit, and then he sighed.

"Remember I was robed? I told'cha dat" Remus nodded "Well, that day I met Jeremy..." Grant snorted and smiled at the thought " 'E was the only one dat helped meh. 'e ran after the bloke n' all. Bu' couldn' reach 'im. An' then 'e as all like: 'I can' believe nobody helped yeh, this stupid society. Buglars 'r the worst... Blah blah blah'... And I started laughin' because 'e was bein' so cute. An' ridicously stressed about ma phone..." Grant smiled shaking his head "An' since I got nowhere to go, Jer took meh with 'im. We spent Christmas together..." Remus remembered that was the Christmas Sirius had said 'l love you' for the fist time. "An' we shagged afterwards, kind o' drunk n' all. I honestly though' I found the love o' my life...." Grant sighed "A few days after New Years, 'is girlfrien' Ottie arrives. An' you would imagine my surprise..." Remus nodded " 'E said: Look Ottie, this is Grant, ma new conquest... An' then they explained the whole open relationship thingy to meh..."

"And you don't mind?"

Grant shrugged "I 'ave assured shags now n' then" Grant smiled "Yeh know, how we play footie every week?"

Remus nodded. Remus had wanted to come. Just to watch, he wasn't a sporty person. But Grant had denied.

"We always shag afterwards..."

And now Remus knew why.

"And Ottie?"

"She knows...She probably does the same wif others"

Remus was silent. Containplaying the situation. He was no one to meddle into Grant's life. But he wanted to tell him he deserved better. Grant had gone from homophobic rich boys to this. Remus didn't know if Grant wanted a serious relationship with someone nice, but Remus wanted to let him know he deserved it. But didn't dare to say anything.

But Grant was looking at him amused, smiling slightly.

"What?" Remus smiled.

"Am I meetin' Mr. Lupin?" Grant said "Am I meetin' yeh daddy?" he teased.

"Shut up..." Remus rolled his eyes, embarrassed.

Grant laughed. Tickling Remus.

Remus giggled too.

"I'm gonna help ya" Grant said

"Help me?"

"To get a job" Grant nodded "Ye're gettin' me broke here, always feedin' yeh"

Remus laughed.

"Asshole" Remus said "Selfish wanker"

"Oi..." Grant tickled him more "Don' insult meh...."

Remus' giggles could be heard all around the small flat. And Grant joined him.

"Stop... AHAHA... Grant stop...."

Grant finally stopped. And they were both out of breath. And Remus caught himself staring into Grant's blue eyes. They were like the sky in a very sunny day. Like the ocean in a beautiful beach. They were warness, and happiness.

Remus was darkness, dispair, coldness. And he needed the sun to survive. Grant leaned first. But Remus kissed him first.

Remus wanted to feel warm, he was freezing.

Remus wanted to feel joy, he was sad.

But a tiny voice in Remus' head said:

"Pull away, he is not Sirius"

"Pull away, it's not fair that you're using him"

"Pull away, you're not okay"

So Remus pulled away. And he realized only seconds had passed.

"I'm going to pee" Remus broke the silence.

Grant smiled "Alrigh' sweetheart" he said it as if nothing had happened.

Remus locked himself in the tiny bathroom. Remus felt guilty and selfish. Remus thought about death. He took a few deep breaths to stable himself.

Not falling in love. He silently told his reflection in the mirror, a reflection he hated. Not ever again.

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #grant chapman #wolfstar #atyd #remus x grant #all the young dudes

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again. Part 2.

Check out Part 1.

Content Warning: Depression, Alcohol, Thoughts about death.

March, 2017.

Grant invited Remus to a pub a few days later. He sent the following text:

Never losing ur number again, sweetheart. Wrote it everywhere. XOXO

Remus adored Grant. But he didn't want to meet new people. He sucked at making friends. The friends he had, he met when he was eleven. And it had taken years to feel comfortable with them. But Remus didn't want to think about them now. How much he missed them.

It had taken a couple of days to feel comfortable with Grant, so Remus remembered. But Grant was special. Anyone would feel comfortable around him.

So Remus forced himself out of bed. And got dressed as nicely as he could. It was practically impossible, practically all he owned were cardigans.

"Where are you going?" Lyall asked as Remus crossed the kitchen.

"Out with some friends"

"Your friends are in London"

"Well I made new friends here"

Remus felt irritated to even listen to his father talk. He got the worst out of him.

"That's nice" Sandra broke the silence.

"Yeah..." Lyall agreed, trying to sound casual "I'm glad... Remus"

He still struggled to call him by his name.

Remus just walked out. Lyall and Sandra were the best option he had. It was that, or be homeless. And he didn't want to come back to London.

He met Grant at the entrance of a big pub. It had a big pride flag in the entrance that said: BULLDOG, THE OLDEST GAY BAR IN BRIGHTON, SINCE 1979.

"Impressive..." Remus said, putting his hands on his pockets.

Grant giggled "I bet yeh never saw anythin' like this in London"

Remus didn't frequent gay bars. Sirius didn't like them also. And he shouldn't be thinking about him.

"Gayest city in the UK" Grant continued.

"So cool..." Remus sounded sarcastic, but he was actually nervous.

"Ye're gonna love it!" Grant took his arm, and dragged him inside.

********************************************

The place was crowded with people. Mostly shirtless men. Remus didn't complain as he looked at them dance. Grant took him to a table with a group of people, openly discussing about something.

Remus immediately felt intimidated.

" 'Ello beautiful people!" Grant exclaimed as he approached.

The group of people stared at them. They were five. Two boys and three girls. With Grant they made the perfect six. Remus swallowed.

"Finally you arrive, Grant" a girl with a shaved pink hair groaned "We were waiting to do shots"

"Firs'of all, let me introduce yeh..." Grant put a hand on Remus' shoulder "Ma long time friend, Remus Lupin"

All Remus could do as they stared at him, was wave awkwardly.

"Hi... everyone"

"I 'as his first kiss" Grant added "Isn't that sweet?"

"Aaaw" another girl commented.

"The sweetegst" one of the boys said. And Remus noticed his french accent. His tanned skin made him kind of hot.

Remus couldn't help but blush.

"Alrigh' " Grant continued "Remus... these are... Lola..." he pointed to a blond girl in a ponytail and a big nose, "Anne Marie..." the girl with the shaved pink hair "And her brother Etienne" the french hot guy "And Jeremy..." Grant pointed to a tall bloke with wild curly hair "And his girlfriend, Ottie" Ottie looked like a bad ass. She was had black hair. Piercings on her nose and ear. She was wearing black, with black nails. And she had a lose belly.

"Nice to meet you" Remus said politely.

"He's a sweetheart, isn't he Grant?" Ottie smiled.

"The best of the best" Grant grinned. Gesturing Remus to sit down. He took a seat next to Grant.

"So you're from London too?" Lola asked. She had a scottish accent.

"Yeah... I met Grant there"

"Why did you move here?" Jeremy asked, he didn't have a friendly expression.

"Amm..."

He couldn't tell these people his real reasons. About his depression. About his story with Sirius. About his nightmares of James actually dying after Snape shot him. How everything brought him to dark places.

"They say it's the gayest city in the UK" Remus tried.

The group laughed, luckily.

"So you arg a gay fellow?" Etienne asked. And Remus felt his cheeks going red. He was a hot guy.

"Very much" Remus nodded "Gay as fuck"

The group of friends laughed again. Except Jeremy and Anne Marie, they didn't seem to like Remus.

"I can confirm that" Grant winked at him.

***************************************

As Remus got drunker, he started to know these people. And the more he got to know them, the more they reminded them to his own friends. Something like this.

Lola: She was passionate about things like Lily. She looked into Remus' eyes when he spoke. Like she genuinely cared. But she had Peter's innocence and humor.

Anne Marie: She was tough like Marlene. But quiet and insecure. She adored her brother the way Marlene adored Sirius. Messing up with him and pretending she didn't care. And she had the same Dorcas' style.

Jeremy: His hair reminded Remus of James'. He talked about sports like him. Even though he detested Rugby, he was more of a footy person. And he was responsible with his girlfriend, like Lily would be of James. He took care of everyone like a father would do.

Ottie: She had Mary's self esteem and personality. She had Marlene's passion for discussions and political and social matters.

And Etienne: He was gorgeous to look at, and he knew it. He spoke french. It was obvious who Remus thought about. But sometimes, he was feminine like Edgar. And Remus was reminded that... Sirius wasn't like that.

And there was Grant. Who laughed and drank like his life depended on it. He was simply Grant. Unique. One of a kind.

But as the alcohol hit the system, Remus started to act foolish. And oh boy, he was drunk. He had been trying to drown everything. How everything reminded him of his friends. And Sirius. And he hadn't dared to call them back. How he occassionally responded Lily's mails. And Mary's texts. But nothing else.

Remus became confident. And he began joking around, making sassy comments to everyone. And flirting with Etienne, calling him gorgeous and blowing him kisses. The group was fascinated.

Grant looked worried.

"Sweetheart, don'cha think yeh had too much?" Grant whispered in his ear after Remus compared Jeremy with a donkey.

"Honestly, I'm fine....Pffft.... I'm alright!" Remus said, giggling "Oh oh oh... We should dance. I wanna dance... I wanna dance with somebody..." he started to sing.

"Somebody to love mee..." Lola sang with him.

"Yeaah..." Remus pointed at her "Thank you, Peter..."

"Did you just call me Peter?" Lola asked amused.

But Remus ignored her.

"Come on... Grant" he dragged him up "Dance with me.... Dance with meee"

"Alrigh' alrigh'... Easy..."

Grant grabbed Remus as he stumbled to the dance floor, giggling.

There was a slow song playing. And Remus wrapped his arms around Grant's neck. And began swaying ridiculously.

"Love ya Grant!!" Remus whispered in his ear.

"Okay, love...."

"I love you!" Remus pouted this time, not being taken seriously.

Grant smiled at him. And Remus leaned in to kiss him. But after a little while, Grant pushed him away, licking his lips.

Remus began giggling for some reason. And then he stopped because he felt immensely dizzy. Oop, he didn't feel good at all.

And before he could stop it, Remus vomited everything in the middle of the dance floor. A horrible feeling crept into Remus' chest, seeing what he had done. Everything he had done. The mess he was.

"Sweetheart, are'ya alrigh'?" Grant kneeled down to help him.

And Remus couldn't contain it anymore. He started crying. Sat on the floor, in front of his own vomit, with everyone staring at him. And he cried more for the humiliation.

"Wha' happened to yeh?" Grant whispered "You weren' like this"

Remus had heard those words before. It had been all his fault. He used to be fine, back to when he met Grant. A common teenage boy, having a crush, having fun, doing pranks, maybe with dysphoria, but relatively okay.

And now, he was a mess. There was nothing that made him happy, or whole. He felt constant pain and nothingness. Remus used to blame Sirius. The breakup. But he was like this long time ago. Remus couldn't even place when. Remus was not okay.

Remus only remembered pieces after that. Grant and Jeremy fighting with the manager of the club, while Remus cried. How they got kicked out. Some hands with black nail polish stroking his hair while they took him home. Etienne calling him adorable with his gorgeous french accent. Grant's face staring down at him with concern.

I want to die. Remus thought. I want to die now.

And then he blacked out and fell asleep in a forgein bed.

#marauders #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #grant chapman #sirius black #wolfstar #all the young dudes #atyd #trans remus lupin

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

It's good to see you again, Part 1.

March, 2017.

Remus went to the same store to buy fags. It was a repetitive pattern. Remus did patterns now. Routines, to keep him busy, and kept him from thinking too much. His thoughts were a dark place.

But Remus never imagined how that routine would take him to his new destiny. To him again.

Remus walked into the store, and he went directly to the cashier. He was talking his wallet out when he heard his voice.

"REMUS.... JOHN ..... LUPIN"

Remus was frozen. Because he was sure nobody knew him at Brighton. Well maybe... That voice sounded familiar.

Remus turned around to see him.

"Grant?"

He had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real.

But Grant's gasp, yell and laughter sounded too real. And people at the store were looking at him. So it had to be real.

"Blimey Mother of Jesus Christ!! You've to be kidding meh!"

Remus smiled widely. For the first time in weeks. For the first time in months.

Grant looked the same. His clothes looked better, clean, new. He had the same charm necklace he always wore. And his hair looked messier and longer.

Grant bounced like a little kid towards Remus. And he climbed onto Remus' waist. And Remus was caught by suprise.

"I can't believe wha' ma bloody eyes are seein'..." Grant climbed down. And Remus could see a big smirk on his face "Remus... It's Remus!" he told the cashier "My lifetime mate..." he patted Remus' shoulder.

"It's so nice to see you" Remus was overwhelmed by the warm feeling in his chest. It was as if he missed being happy. Perhaps he did.

"Are you gonna buy these, sir?" The cashier was getting a bit impatient.

But before Remus could speak, Grant spoke first.

"Oh! Let'me let'me..." Grant took out his wallet, a wallet that he didn't own before "It's ma treat now" he smiled to the cashier "For ma good friend"

"Grant..."

"Hush hush..." Grant shooed him off.

As he payed for the cigarettes, Remus heard Grant whispering to himself.

"Remus Lupin..." And he giggled "Remus Lupin...."

Remus smiled.

*****************************************************

They went outside. And Remus couldn't get over the way Grant was staring at him, and smiling. Like someone would've bumped into their celebrity crush or something.

The old Remus would've blushed. And perhaps secretly enjoyed the attention. But Remus felt different. Perhaps having been stared by the brightest star made him more confident. Who knew?

"What?" Remus grinned, lighting a fag.

"I can't believe ye're here, sweetheart" Grant said "I honestly though I'd never see yeh again"

Remus knew Grant was in Brighton. But never thought he would see him around.

"Wha're yeh doin' here?" Grant asked "In Brighton?"

"I live here now"

"Really??" Grant was surprised "Since when?"

"A few months ago" Remus took a drag "December"

"Blimey!!" Grant blinked "You should've said somethin' "

"I would've... But you haven't been answering my calls... For years..."

Remus didn't intend it to sound accusatory. He said it casually like he didn't care.

"Oh... sweetheart" Grant sighed "I'm sorry... I know yeh won' believe this, but I 'as robed"

"What?"

"The first day I arrived..." Grant nodded "A bloke came to meh..." he imitated the bloke's walk "And he 'as like: Oi! Give meh yer money... And since I didn' 'ave money, I gave him ma phone..."

"Oh..." Remus didn't expect that "I'm sorry"

"I lost yer number n' all" Grant continued "I really wanted to talk to yeh, darlin'. I even looked for ya. But someone... doesn' 'ave socials" Grant grinned.

Remus grinned too. Remus found Social Media a waist of time. He didn't have any. If he needed something, he would ask.... Never mind.

"I don't believe in that shit" Remus took another drag, shrugging.

Grant laughed tossing his head back.

"Blimey! How much I've missed yeh, sweetheart"

Remus smiled at that.

"I've missed you too"

He had.

******************************************************

They smoked a lot. Walking through the city. Remus was actually getting lost and away from his father's house. Grant spoke the most, as always. He told Remus about his life in Brighton. It was so much better, he said. He had found queer friends. He was taking a few classes in Uni. And working too. He even gathered some money to buy his own flat.

"I wan' to be a social worker" Grant commented later, while they were having some chips. Grant's treat. It seemed that Grant had more money that Remus.

"Yeah?"

Grant nodded excited "I'm cleaning in a Children's home..."

"Oh..."

"I like it" Grant shrugged "They let'me play with the kids sometimes. They love meh...." Grant smiled "I'm tell ya, sweetheart. Ma heart feels with joy fo'these kids. I wan' to be a good social worker... To find the best places fo'them. They won' 'ave to wait to be eighteen to leave, like I"

Remus smiled, amused at how much Grant loved talking about it. Remus thought social worker could be the best job for him.

"You're going to be the best social worker ever" Remus said, not even hesitating.

Grant smirked widely at that.

"Oh!... Where're yeh staying at?" Grant asked

"With my father, his new girlfriend and my baby sister"

It had actually been horrid. Remus spent discussing with Lyall about everything. Or depressed in his room. And Sandra didn't let him too near Sophie, his sister. Sandra was a bit over protective.

"Yeh've a sister?"

Remus nodded "Sophie. She's 3"

"Lovely..." Grant smirked "I wan' to met her"

Remus shrugged. He didn't know if Sandra would allow it.

"Sure..."

"An' the Prince Charmin'. Is he with yeh?"

Remus wanted to stop hurting everytime someone mentioned Sirius. He missed him like breathing.

Grant must've noticed Remus' pale expression because he said:

"Sorry, darlin'"

"We broke up" Remus said, trying not to feel anything "Actually, he broke up with me"

Grant hissed, looking uncomfortable.

"Is dat why yeh ran from London?"

"I didn't run from London"

Grant gave him a comforting smile.

"I know, sweetheart. I'm messin' with'ya!"

Remus decided to keep eating instead. He didn't want to talk about Sirius. Or anything related to him.

Thankfully, Grant decided to change the subject.

"Do'ya wanna meet ma friends?" Grant smirked "Now that yeh live here, we 'ave to hang out"

Right, Grant's friends. Grant had a new life now. Grant had moved on.

"Okay" Remus said politely.

Remus hadn't interacted with another human being that weren't his father, Sandra, Sophie and the cashier from the store. He needed to find a new job, new friends, a new life. And it would be easier with Grant by his side.

"Oh sweetheart..." Grant continued "Now that I've got yeh back, I'm not lettin' yeh go again, do yeh hear meh?"

"Then don't give your phone with my phone number in it to buglers on the street"

Grant laughed.

"Deal"

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #remus lupin #grant chapman #wolfstar #sirius black #remus x grant #all the young dudes #atyd

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maraudersbutmuggle · 2 years

Text

Remus & Grant

Content Warning: Homophobia, Violence, Bullying.

This is a phone call between Remus and Grant in October 2013.

Remus woke up very early in the morning. He was nervous, that's why he had to be careful and in check. And he needed to call Grant.

Grant was the only person who Remus could talk about this. Grant was Remus' best friend. The one he could tell anything. Remus even kept things from the Marauders. But Grant was someone Remus didn't need to impress.

So Remus tiptoed to the bathroom and opened the tap, running the water down, to drown the sound.

And Remus called Grant.

" 'Ello?"

Remus smiled in excitement. How much he had missed him.

"Hi Grant" Remus made a pause, to steady himself "It's Remus"

"Hiyaa Darling!" Grant exclaimed, and Remus pictured him smiling widely "O'course I recognized yer sweet voice"

Remus smiled embarrassed but pleased.

"Ho'is it goin'?"

"I'm alright..." Remus nodded "You?"

"Oh 'avin' a blast 'ere at Uni"

Remus knew how much Grant had saved to get into Uni. He was proud.

"I'm so happy for you"

"Cheers..." Grant hissed "Now tell meh all about yeh, sweetheart"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on... Yeh called me to tell meh a juicy gossip, didn' yeh?"

"I actually called to say hi"

Grant laughed, openly and loudly. Remus believed it was the most contagious laughter he'd ever heard. It made him even giggle a bit.

"I don' believe da' for a second"

"Shut up" Remus blushed.

"Wha'is it?"

Remus bit his lower lip.

"I kissed Sirius last night"

Grant was silent for a while. It sounded as he was exhaling air, and Remus assumed he was smoking. Remus would've loved being next to Grant smoking too.

"Finally!" Then Grant whistled. "The Prince Charmin'. I've never kissed a posh bloke. How 'as it?"

Remus giggled. How can he find the words to describe the kiss?

"It was... magical?"

"Magical?" Grant snorted "Wha're yeh? A Disney Princess?"

"Asshole" Remus said smiling.

"Come on, sweetheart. I wanna know everythin' "

"Okay..." Remus sighed "We were in the nearby town Hogsmeade with a group of friends. I was trying to date a girl..."

"Wha? Weren' yeh a butterfly like me?"

"I never said that" Remus smiled.

"Oh so did yeh fancy this girl?"

"Not in the slightest"

Grant laughed again.

"Then?"

Remus sighed again.

"I kind of yelled at her because she was being annoying again..."

Grant let out a chuckle.

"Oh sweetheart, I forgot how can yeh make meh laugh"

Remus was lucky Grant wasn't in front of him to see him blush.

"Well... I was sad and grumpy after that..."

"As always..."

"Hey!"

Grant laughed again.

"And?"

"Sirius said we should get out of there" Remus continued "And he took me into the forest"

"Uuuh I'm lovin' this story, darlin' " Grant interrupted "Sexual content ahead?"

"Noo..." Remus rolled his eyes, smiling. "Can I continue my story?"

Grant giggled "Carry on"

Remus smiled "We got a bit drunk... we went skinny dipping in the lake and then I kissed him"

Grant went into another session of laughter.

"No way..."

"Yeah" Remus smiled

"Are yeh sure yeh no' tellin' me one of yer wet fantasies?"

Remus laughed "No! I promise that's what happened"

"So?"

"He kissed me back" Remus smiled remembering it.

"And?"

"It was fucking amazing" Remus groaned "Best kiss I've ever had..."

Then Remus realized what he said.

"Well you were good too"

Grant giggled "Nah don' worry sweetheart... Kissin' someone yeh fancy is ten times better"

"I fancy you too" Remus said embarrassed.

"Not like yer Prince Charmin' I'm sure"

Remus didn't know how to respond to that.

"Yeah..." he sighed "But now I don't know what to do"

"Wha'do you mean?" Grant asked "Kiss'im again!"

"I'm not really sure if he wants that" Remus hissed.

"Well bloody try..." Grant snorted

"Yeah?"

"That's wha' I did with ya"

Remus blushed again.

"I miss you" Remus dared to say after a while "I wish you could be here"

"Ye're sweet but I'm a Uni bloke now"

Remus giggled.

"Everything is fine there? Do you have friends?"

"Uuuf plenty..." Grant exclaimed "I'm surrounded by people all the time... Actually I'm seein' the boys later... I'm livin' the dream sweetheart. And there are fine smart posh dicks 'ere..."

Remus laughed "Well I'm glad"

"Are yeh comin' for Christmas?" Grant changed the subject "It would be nice to see yer lovely face"

Remus sighed "Sorry... My friends and I are staying at school... Last Christmas at school. It's a big deal and all"

Remus wished he could just bring Grant or visit.

"Oh it's alrigh'" Grant tried not to sound too disappointed.

"I'm sorry Grant" Remus felt guilty.

"Blimey love!" Grant snorted "Don' worry abou'me. I'll probably spend Christmas with ma new mates and all"

"Okay..." Remus said "But don't replace me"

Grant let out a chuckle. And Remus smiled.

"Never!" Grant exclaimed "And yeh don' replace meh with yer posh prince"

Remus smirked, thinking how Sirius would hate being called that.

"Never!"

"An' good luck with 'im an' all" Grant continued "If that wanker doesn' want cha, yeh still 'ave me"

Remus felt his heart growing warm. Why did he have to like Sirius so much? Why not someone like Grant?

"I know..."

Thank you for being there. Remus wanted to say. I like you a lot. I wish I could kiss you again.

But he didn't say it. He didn't dare.

"I've got to go, sweetheart..." Grant interrupted the silence "Uni class, yeh know" Remus imagined him winking.

"Okay..." Remus had taken so long in the call. And haven't gotten into the shower yet.

"Uh... And let meh know everythin' about, Prince Charmin' "

Remus giggled "Promise"

"Love'ya, darling"

Remus felt a sort of electricity and goosebumps hearing those words. But he dared to speak too.

"Love you, too"

And Remus smiled, knowing those words were true. It wasn't like the desire and passion he felt for Sirius. It wasn't like the friendly love he felt for his friends. It was something in between. Something different. Something new.

What Remus didn't know was that Grant wasn't happy at Uni. He was in a living hell. Trapped and couldn't get out.

Grant wished he was someone else. Perhaps Sirius. All posh, gorgeous, in a nice school, with a future. With someone like Remus fancyng him. Kissing him in the water. Under the moonlight.

Grant had no one.

As he turned off his fag, he heard voices.

"Look Richie.... Isn't that the faggot who'd been stalking you?"

Grant rolled his eyes. Richard and his mates had been tormenting the living shit out of Grant. If only Richie's friends new how much Richie enjoyed the blow job had Grant given him.

Grant grinned and turned to face them.

"Wha's happenin' lads?" Grant said loudly, opening his arms "Are yeh lookin' fo' a blow job? Richie must've been delighted to recommend meh to his friends..."

"Shut up Faggot..." Richie jumped and spoke up "Honestly he's obsessed with me"

Grant laughed. Because they were all Uni boys in 2013, and there were still homophobic assholes out there. But Grant's laughter died out when someone kicked his stomach, making him crumble down.

"Shut up, you lunatic!"

Grant was in the floor. Defenseless. With five athletic boys in front of him, ready to hit him. And Richie, trying not to feel embarrassed and guilty. Grant cursed himself for ever liking him.

Grant, still, smirked. Looking up. Without a trace of fear or vulnerability.

"Make me... pretty boys..." he said.

And as expected it started. A parade of punches, kicks and spits. Grant beared it as a tough boy. And after they were gone, finally Grant let himself cry in the ground.

#marauders era #muggle au #marauders muggle au #all the young dudes #atyd #remus lupin #grant chapman #sirius black #wolfstar #remus x grant

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