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lizzielikeborden · 2 years

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can you please make a sparrow ben hargreeves imagine a fluff if that’s okay :)

2.3k words

“God, do you have to be so annoying!” Ben waltzed his way around the furniture in the room picking the chair nearest the couch you were sitting on.

Scoffing and rolling your eyes, you just ignored him. He had been doing this all week, the annoying, obnoxious, and negatively talkative towards you act was getting really old. You had tried everything, being nice, throwing the same energy back at him, and acting like it hurt your feelings but none of those had worked. If there was one thing you could call Ben that could possibly be considered kind it was persistent.

“Excuse me, did you just roll your eyes?” Leaning forward out of his chair he put his elbows on the armrest, his forearms didn’t touch the chair, but his hands linked with one another as he sneered in your direction as if you had done anything other than mind your own business only to be insulted.

“You’re looking right at me, you saw me do it, that’s a really stupid question.” You didn’t even look at him as you talked, rather you focused on the task at hand: relaxing. You had decided to just take a nap, that’s all you wanted to do. Your pillow at the end of the couch facing Ben’s chair, you already had your blanket on your body since the house was frigid.

“Do you always have a bitchy attitude?” Getting comfortable on the couch you still paid him no mind, but you could hear the condescending tone in his voice getting stronger, even though he had no right or reason for his behavior. It was easier to just close the eyes and lay down.

“I didn’t know you had a mirror over there.” Sighing into the comfort of your pillow you got into a comfortable position hearing Ben scoff.

“What did you just say to me?” You had told yourself you were gonna ignore his never ending presence, in fact that’s what you had told yourself all day long up until this point. But it was just so hard to not get involved in his banter.

“Did you not understand the comment or did you not hear it? So either your subpar physically or mentally you pick.” Digging at his ego would almost always get him to fuck off, even though it was the meanest way to strike at him it usually got him riled up enough to not wanna be around you.

“Is this how you treated other Ben?” And suddenly your closed eyes became wide ones, the only thought in your head was “what the fuck did he just say.”

2 times. 2 entire times you had someone extremely close to you die, once in front of your eyes, and once from the echoes of other voices explaining the situation. Neither of which were under normal circumstances but both stung just the same, the shock was like accidentally touching a pan that just came from the oven bare handed, then not being able to take in air afterwards. Like touching a hot pan quickly the scar stayed mostly internal, more fearful and careful of what you were doing remembering what happens when you don’t do those things. But why was he digging all of that back up? Did he know what he was doing or was it just a coincidence that his dickheadedness had finally struck the wrong bundle of nerves.

The nightmares were the worst part, but could you even call them nightmares? Memories of your Ben. Of trying to teach each other to slow dance because you saw it in a movie you weren’t allowed to watch, but somehow managed without getting busted. Of reading in a book, each of you getting a character and sharing space to read the lines of your characters back and forth. Of playing tic-tac-toe on a handmade board the two of you constructed so you wouldn’t get caught with the papers covered in them. Of drawing back and forth on the same picture until it was done and then hiding them. Of the late night talks when neither of you could sleep, whether that be out of fear from a threat Reginald made earlier, actual nightmares, or just pure energy. Especially the way Ben’s words would always be that of intelligence and to lighten the mood you’d point at a blinking plane and call it a moving party planet, then ask him what he would do if he could jump up there and be on that planet. Of watching your siblings argue and or fight, then taking bets on who would win with specifics. Of watching them talk to one another and adlib what they were saying. Of sharing a seat next to his no matter what you were doing. Of hiding in each other's rooms when that dark looming cloud of an angry old man rushed down the hallway, holding each other taking deep breaths in sharing air knowing that it would all need to be held the moment that dark cloud struck. Of Klaus always making eyes and assumptions on your relationship with one another that was dead silent, not even noticeable enough to blow out a candle.

You would think that your brain would notice that these dreams gave you nothing but negative emotions. The crying, the screaming, the internal anger that couldn’t be resolved, and the silence that held you captive. But every night you got a peaceful night of sleep where there were no other concerns. That's where your mind went instantly. As much as you blamed the others for certain aspects of Ben’s passings that wouldn’t bring him back, but neither would the constant reminders that you loved him and never once got a real chance to tell him. There was no way in hell you were gonna tell this asshole how everything used to be. God no, what would he even do? Just laugh, make fun of it, bring it up as a weapon to use against you in verbal disputes.

The house had always divided into little groups, like sibling pods of who was more like family than others to each other. Then others of you were friends but not like siblings, and then there was the oddity, you and Ben. You weren’t at all in a sibling pod, you were always friends but the older you got the more it became prominent that wasn’t the direction you were supposed to take. But now he wasn’t even in the Umbrella Academy he was with an entirely different group of siblings, raised by the same rude ass old man. That really struck deep, that Reginald could get your Ben taken away from you then have another chance with Ben and turn him into someone insufferable.

Thanks to Reginald neither of you had ever heard someone genuinely tell someone else “I love you.” No, not the way it was meant anyway. So, you opted not to say it, every swallow of spit when the air was hot because with the letters falling out of your throat onto your tongue stung. In fact you were allergic to them the way they made your throat tighten ever so slightly. Had anyone, just one person in your physical life had said to literally anyone “I love you” and meant it the two of you would’ve had no excuses at all. One of you would’ve said it before, well before Ben died the first time.

The second time you hadn’t been there, you had been busy helping the other half of everyone figure things out, you had missed him. Even though these weren’t your powers by any means it almost felt like when he was truly dead in sacrifice of Viktor you felt him go. Nausea struck you and so did the feeling of crying. No not crying, falling to your knees and balling. But you didn’t, not until the others explained the circumstances you were alone. No one knew a damn thing about what the two of you had, except Klaus who was too fucked up in his own right to come and check on you. But just like the first time you had to push through and move along.

You thought that losing him was hard? No. What was hard was getting him back physically but missing him in every single goddamn way possible. They could’ve been somewhat similar but you refused to see any of it.

“You wish I talked to you the same way I talked to other Ben.” Swallowing your feelings you gritted your teeth and spit the fire right back at him, he wasn’t about to just bring that up and then pretend like it was okay or right by any means.

“Why is that?” You could’ve sworn he was being genuine or at least as close to genuine as was physically possible for him. Which by nature made you roll over onto your back and out of being in a comfortable position because whatever he just did took you out of a comfortable position by all means.

“No, you know what, it doesn’t matter because he’s dead. There’s nothing I can do about that and you don’t need anymore ammunition to fire at me.” Tears, not tears, at least you didn’t want them to crawl out from your eyes but they were burning in the ducts waiting for you to miss a blink.

“Do you really think that low of me?” Your brain was screaming at you that this had to be a trick, that you needed to get up and run the hell away from him. But you couldn't. He had found your venom and gave you just enough to paralyze you.

“You know what I think of you? I think you’re mean, I think you’re nasty, I think your attitude problem has a lot to do with your daddy issues and the fact that someone basically forced you to be a walking second place metal. I think that you like to fight with me because the universe hates me and absolutely loves to see me suffer. And before you say anything mean like “you’re not that important to the universe” I know that okay? I would just rather blame anything else but you for your own actions because you look just like him. And I cannot stomach the idea of blaming anything on him.” Word vomit, way too much of it. There was no getting out of it now, he was going to hang this over your head for the rest of however long you were gonna know each other.

“You are a headache, you showed up and started being nice to me even after I spoke to your siblings in a way I’m sure you didn’t like. You continued to show me kindness no matter how mean I was to you. Then you started being a bitch, then you started getting sad. You went in circles around me and I never changed. Yet everytime I come around you’ll talk to me no matter what I say. I could scream at you and even then if hours later I spoke to you you would respond. Do you know how hard it is to be mean to someone you feel you can actually talk to?” He stood up, you could hear him standing up and it sent a panic through your body, you didn’t have a single idea how to take the comment he had just made.

“Even worse, I was drinking a bit and your idiot brother Klaus went on a rant about how hard this must be for you. How close you were to the other Ben.” Klaus. It was always Klaus. You wished your peripheral vision would just give out because you could see him sitting on the table directly in front of you. You just couldn’t turn your head knowing he wasn’t sneering at you. He was actually looking at you and it was like Ben had come back to life and that’s the last delusion you needed to have.

“I’m sorry, you win, Klaus is an idiot, you’re right, I won’t fight with you anymore, I’ll get them to stop fighting with you, I’ll get them to stop talking to you. Whatever you want me to do, whatever you want me to say to get this over with I will say it, I will do it, just leave me alone. I know you don’t care, but I can’t handle having him hung over my head.” There were the tears, but why not? You had just given in, admitted defeat, told him everything you assumed he would love to hear, and offered him anything he could ever want.

“No.” Ben just shook his head, stayed seated.

“What do you mean no?” You mimicked his voice in the best way you could.

“I’m not gonna leave you alone, you haven’t left me alone, apparently you have never once left me alone until I died. I’m not a monster by the way, I won’t hold my death over your head.” Ben was staring bullets into your head. Waiting for you to respond to that, wondering how many times he was going to have to explain himself and rephrase what he had said. Just this once he was being dead serious, not sarcastic, not with an evil ulterior motive.

“If this is all a sick joke, I don’t wanna hear it. It’s not funny.” You were more than serious, this was the last thing you needed to be thrown at you. But then something touched your arm, gently, awkwardly, kindly. Ben’s hand. It was on your bicep.

“I’m not making a joke, I want to start over.” It was almost like he was saying words that he was being forced to say, in his defense he was forcing himself to say them. He had planned this conversation in his head. At least a little bit if not all the way Wondering what you were gonna say…

#ben hargreeves imagine #ben hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves #ben hargreaves x reader #ben hargreaves imagine #the umbrella academy imagine #umbrella acedmy

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lizzielikeborden · 2 years

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no dying

1.1k words

“There is no way you’re gonna get anyone to join Reggie’s cause. I think it’s sweet you guys made up, but I don’t think that the others are gonna see him that way.” You walked with Klaus down the hallway trying to get him to understand that not everyone was going to be willing to accept the idea that this timelines Reginald was a totally different guy then the one that abused them as children.

“But Y/n he’s changed! He’s also got a plan to save us all.” He walked ahead of you and then stopped moving completely putting his hands on your forearms.

“I would love to believe that, I really would, and I understand that it’s easy for you to think that he’s changed because you see how different Ben is. You remember him best, you had him longer than any of us,” you returned Klaus’s gesture and put your hands on his forearms as well, “I know you miss him, but that doesn’t mean Reginald is any different. If he took someone as good as Ben and turned him into whatever the hell that is, how good can he really be?” You felt bad for bringing up his Ben, you knew how bad that got to him, but you couldn’t let him blindly trust Reginald, not this time.

“He gave me ice cream, he wants to help me learn how to actually do something with myself.” Klaus was talking quietly, almost like he was just now hearing the words that were coming out of his mouth. He was hurt, torn, tired, and unsure.

“He gave you issues, he knows that, and he sees them,” taking one of your hands off his arm you touched his cheek, rubbing the other up and down his arm, “I am not saying that you are by any means easy to pick on, he just knows how to make people, especially his kids, feel small and then use that to make them fuck up.”

“Five isn’t helping, no one else is, and dad’s the only one who’s doing anything. I wanna learn how to use this,” he flashed his hands at you, taking them off of you for just a moment, “It’s the only chance we’ve got to live.”

“Klaus, are you scared you can’t die? That you can’t control how long you’re dead or how you come back to life? That you’ll be alone?” His head was bowed, he wasn’t speaking anymore, just taking in breaths getting ready to say words each time.

“That’s just a bullshit question, I wouldn’t let you die.” Suddenly Klaus was back, hyper, overactive, and acting like the conversation you had just started was over. He wasn’t ready to really answer those questions or even begin to have that conversation. Everything was already confusing to him, this whole situation had him messed up in many ways for many reasons. It wasn’t that he didn’t wanna break down in front of you, this just was not the time.

“But this is out of your control, you can’t stop the apocalypse.” You giggled and played along with what he was doing, holding each other's hands and swaying around while you talked. His eyes were bright like they were most of the time, for someone who was considered lazy he was certainly full of energy right now.

“Right, but I could march,” He started doing all the things he was saying, keeping his hands in yours, “right down to hell and drag you back up here to live in apocalypse land with me.” It was almost like a dance the way he marched in place and then took both your hands pulling you forward like a dragging motion.

“What if I was fully at peace and didn’t wanna come back?” Klaus immediately looked offended as he took one of his hands off of you and put it onto his chest. But kept one intertwined with yours, he knew he had to keep this conversation running as long as he could so that you wouldn’t go back to the other one.

“If you didn’t wanna come back to be with muah?” Pulling his hand off his chest you just kept laughing and messing with his hands as the two of you talked in the hallway barely moving.

“Yes, if I decided that I was happy, content, and ready to stay in the afterlife.” You were just messing with each other's hands now he was pulling you close against his chest.

“I don’t care what you want, you think I am gonna live without you,” he bopped the tip of your nose before continuing his speech, “who’s gonna wake me up in the morning? Who’s gonna baby me when I make bad choices? But most importantly, who is gonna get drunk and dance around with me?” Spinning you around in a small circle he smiled at you the moment he saw your face again.

“Awe, honey, you’re gonna have to make some new friends.” You thought about him for just a minute, what would he do without you? What would he do without his siblings? Without people to care about him, look after him, and be there for him he needed people to just exist around or possibly annoy? That had happened before and he turned to drugs and alcohol to make his way, but even then he had Ben in his ear. He had never been truly all alone before, even though he had certainly felt like it. You played the words he had previously spoken in your head and then realized something he had said, “Wait, why would you be pulling me up from hell? Why am I in hell?”

“Is that really a question?” Klaus seemed surprised that you questioned him at all.

“Yes!” You giggled and let him put his hands on your waist, placing your hands on his face waiting for his answer.

“Have you met yourself? You act and fight like my siblings which makes you evil, and anyone who acts like they’re a part of this family heaven is not gonna just let in. The gates are not gonna open for any of us and that’s okay!” He was really trying to be reassuring and kind about what he had said since he hadn’t meant it with any malice.

“I’ll take that any day.” You hugged him around his neck encouraging him to hug you. Maybe he didn’t wanna talk about all of that with you just yet, and maybe he never would. Maybe he was right and all of this would fix itself somehow. Maybe you didn’t wanna live in the afterlife if it meant that you had to be without him. You couldn’t trust him to be alone, to survive without you to help him and take care of him. Either way he would follow you around, no, you’d follow each other. No matter what…

#klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves imagine #klaus hargreeves #klaus x reader #klaus imagine #klaus hargreaves x reader #klaus hargreaves imagine #klaus hargreaves

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