itsstreamofconsciousness - Tumblr blog

itsstreamofconsciousness · 2 years

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https://diaristonline.blogspot.com/?m=1

#virtual diary #my thoughts #online diary #diary entry #diarist #tumblr diary #diary #my diary #dear diary #blogger #february 2022

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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12/9/21

I deleted Twitter yesterday, for too many reasons to mention.

Thought of deleting tumblr too but I feel like I'll feel weird? I really do check out every social media app I have on my phone.

Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest when I'm feeling creative, Reddit.

I think somewhere I do wanna connect because I don't have any close friends that I can connect with on that level (a bit complicated to explain why but one of the main things has to be me being picky about everything)

It feels weird, almost everyone I talk to say they relate but I see them and there situations and where they stand are...much different than mine. I mean heck I'm out here having parasocial relationships cuz I think I've had since like I was 14 but it's tiring and stupid and it makes you feel dead? Empty.

Idek how I got into parasocial relationship with anything tbh, I can't stand fandoms also one of the reasons why I deleted Twitter.

I think it's really really easy to get obsessed with things on the internet and even tho I'm always wandering and looking for a connection to something or to have with someone; it's tiring now.

It's 00:58 rn and I'm really tired, more mentally than physically, forget physically cuz I barely did any work and didn't even clean my room.

I don't know what to do most of the time, I mean rn I have my projects to do so my focus is getting than done before it's due.

I feel the need to reach out, I think too much that it eats away at me, what's worse is when you don't know who to talk to? Parents? Done. Tried. They are done with there's and I don't wanna burden them with anything, not my pain.

I don't know, I'm sleepy rn. I'll listen to music and then sleep.

P.s. I can't consume any more media to get away from my lack of proper IRL social life and just myself.

Watching a movie will definitely take my mind of things for like 2 days tho.

Then it's back to a vignette disappointment.

I hate sounding depressed? I believe I'm not? I'm not but just out of solutions and remedies for whatever is going on. Best option is to just let this pass and do my best.

Ok Goodnight~

Skeletor gif because I love skeletor

#virtual diary #my thoughts #online diary #moving on #ok ill shut up now #quarentinelife #septiembre2021 #september 2021 #im sad and tired #parasocial relationships #goodnight #my life #late night thoughts #diarist #daily blog

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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Will just make art I guess?

artist: ana leovy

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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I wanna move to nyc

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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I've become really fatigued and I don't like it. I wanna work and learn I can't just keep waiting for things to get better. My room is really messy rn so I'm gonna feel good after I've cleaned it up!

Will update you later

#virtual diary #my thoughts #online diary #quarentinelife #june 2021 #my life #self care #work hard #excerpt from a story i'll never write #helloworld

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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This is the best thing I have seen today! My life motto !

i dont get paid to make sense! so i wont

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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I think my bio is kinda..weird. is it time to change? Idk I sound like an ad....I don't think I am trying to pitch followers or I am simply overthinking about this

And yes, I have Gemini nn, just mentioning.

#virtual diary #my thoughts #online diary #may 2021 #yes #gemini north node #photobyme

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 3 years

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I know I want to rant and share my thoughts on here about a lot of things and feelings but then I just...don't? Idk why there's a lot that goes on with posting, like do I want my stuff to be read?(well I don't mind that's why it's on here, on the fucking internet lol) yes but mostly I don't care. I don't exactly know why I feel this sudden need to type my thoughts on here and just let them out, a lot of my thoughts whether good or bad have been kept in my head too long and also I'm bad with what I should say I guess idk you're the judge but I definitely do feel like I give TMI - well the reason why I give TMI is because when I'm sharing my thoughts or a story or just ranting; I want whoever it is reading or me just typing it in its truest form, ya know what I mean?

Anyway so I feel the need to type a post and most of the time it's me just thinking “oh I should write(type but in my head write sounds more sophisticated) this on the blog" but then I'm like is this even a blog? I don't think I need to label it whatever it is that I'm doing because this is meant to be more of a therapeutic kinda online journal thing and I'm doing this here just cuz I think it'll save paper cuz I have a lot of useless rants I'll post on here then look back and feel at least a bit stupid lol. Anyway posting whatever I have till now makes me feel like I overthink or when I try to Google what I'm feeling and it says that I'm “Overthinking” so I just try to brush off whatever that it was that I'm thinking if what I was thinking was really bothering me in not a completely negative way but more like “well yeah guess I am really overthinking”

Overthinking really isn't good for your mind - says me an overthinker. In fact I feel like the word gets thrown around and used pretty easily in memes and jokes like a joke, now look I'm not trying to judge and I may just be wrong on this all together.

As you can see this post is getting looooong and I'll end this here, I really need to complete this project that was due 5th Nov, today's 9th Nov so I better submit it before Prof. calls me out, and others who haven't submitted

And then there's 4 other projects due this week + a book to read for an assignment + try to get some of my shit together this week too + create something. I'll update later

~ D

#virtual diary #my thoughts #ok ill shut up now #online diary #quarentinelife #tmi sorry #covid 19 diaries #sorry for the rant #i think too much #overthinking #year 2020 #november 2020 #assignments #college life #ugh my mind #procrastinating

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 4 years

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Hi,

I didn't post after my previous post, idk why I got busy. Nothing much, seeing people like my post feels good ngl(but I don't think anyone actually reads it or idk for sure)

As of currently- I've been sneezing a bit and seemed to have caught a cold, this is normal and happens often cuz my nose is sensitive. I want to write/update more but I'll do that next post.

Hope everyone's doing great!

~

29/9/20 2:59am

#virtual diary #online diary #september 2020 #diary log #tumblr diary

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 4 years

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Part 1 : Pages Of My Past / Past Diaries

I've never fully and properly been able to get this off my chest and typing this on a social media app- a non-living thing just makes it worse but I also don't have any better option so…

I hate and feel angry and still somewhere hold grudges for how people my age, when I was a kid treated me, yes other kids and I'm saying “kids” because they never became friends or to put it properly didn't ever behave like that.

Growing up I was naive and..dumb like most kids but one thing I feel only I've been through is not having friends to ever open up to or literally ever do friend things with. I've had friends but they never became close enough as much as I'd wished or hoped. I had one friend, a close one because she stood by me through most even when all the kids at school didn't like me or asked her “why are you friends with her??” and she came and told me this and I asked “so what did you say?” she said “I told you guys don't know her” - I don't think I ever felt that understood ever, in all seriousness we may have not been very very close because school ended and I moved away and we went our own ways, I'm still in contact with my bestfriend, I call her that because she's the closest a friend has been.

I feel like a mess having to open about it in an unconventional place like this but ironically the internet has always been my place since I was 12, it's almost like a friend? Idk it sounds weird I guess. But I'm sure someone can relate, but overall that's not the point, I just want to unload things. Put out my side of the story.

More in Part 2~

#online diary #past #moving on #virtual diary #my thoughts #ok ill shut up now #september 2020 #facts about me #diary entry #my life

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 4 years

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I used to watch this cartoon after coming home from school

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 4 years

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Haven't made a post in a longgg time

Oh its September, Happy September!

Sad they took That '70s Show off from Netflix, a great show and personally my comfort show but I had already started watching How To Get Away With Murder(on S2); few weeks before and I've been hooked! I love the plotwists, there's always too much going on all the damn time; bet that's what it's like being a law student. I find cases interesting if they're told well by whatever if it's a show or a movie.

I've been very lazy lately and I just feel like I'm making myself do things and just work but I don't even do anything. I really need to start working, I've got so many projects and assignments; but a part of me just feels like not wanting to do it but I also know I have to work hard and that the only reason why I feel lazy is because I'm not used to working hard. I mean seriously, I've never worked hard in my life before at least not something too hard that I can remember of but whatever I guess this is my lesson...I really need to stop slacking

9/9/20 ~ 11:02pm

#virtual diary #september 2020 #my thoughts #netflix #online diary #that '70s show #quarentinelife #lazy #small rant #blogger #slacking

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 4 years

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When cats meow echoes it almost sounds like a peacock

I love both cats and peacocks, especially peacocks because they're majestic and aren't talked about enough- ofc cuz they can't be domesticated as pets(now I wonder if that's a thing? Update on that later), as far as cats go, I plan on adopting one..? Idk let's see if I can in the future lol

21/8/20 ~ 1:50am

I missed 20/8/20

Just two months from now it will be my Birthday hehe

#august 2020 #my thoughts #late night thoughts #cat #catlover #peacock

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itsstreamofconsciousness · 4 years

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Finally got done watching the last episode of That '70s Show...it was emotional, everyone in the episode was so teary eyed.

Omg Donna & Eric really made me sad tho, hopefully I can talk about it more in the future to explain why this matters so much now. They made me happy and sad, taught me a lot too.

Ugh it hurts now what do I do? I think I'll sleep I got done watching at 1:10am it's like 1:13am now. I am sleepy because I watched season 8 the whole day today. Just started raining really heavy for like 30 seconds as I type this wth..