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icedteasandparliaments · 7 months

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Rant: Love life, story, troubles, venting, need advice

This is a long rant, but something that has really been consuming me. Its about a guy I like, and I desperately need some advice. It is a pretty interesting read, so if you have the time to, please read or share.

So there’s this guy. Let’s call him James. We’ve known each other for two years, and we were both in open relationships when we met. Nothing happened, we just hung out, met up at bars, were affectionate (pecks and some light cuddling). I did ask if he wanted to get fully undressed once while we were cuddled up and about to sleep, and he said no (I dont exactly remember the phrasing), so we just kissed and went to sleep, and I left it at that.

Anyway, this past May we were both at EDC. My bf was with me on Friday and went back to LA Saturday morning. James and I unfortunately didn’t get the chance to meet up inside the festival on Saturday, but I met up with him Sunday evening before the festival started. He was about to head back to LA in a few hours, and his roommate was going to end up there by himself. I obviously invited his roommate to tag along with us since he needed a ride too.

We get to the festival, and his roommate tells me that James thinks I am really special, and that I should really go for it with him. I was confused, as I didn’t really feel that from him and I was beginning to see us as friends. Oh, and we were both still in the same relationships I mentioned earlier.

A few months go by, and my bf and I are arguing all the time. I know he cares about me and loves me so deeply, and would do anything for me, but it is clear now that we are not very compatible. We see things very differently, and we argue about the dumbest shit (he’s the instigator, as he’s OCD and insecure, and the fact that I am so laid back actually upsets him further so I was at a loss, as even my tools of diffusion, talking calmly, trying to use reason and logic, would upset him even more)

Towards the end of July, I could feel my depression coming back. My bf and I get into yet another argument, and my energy felt so depleted. I fully withdrew - emotionally, mentally, physically. The next few weeks were tumultuous to say the least. Another major argument followed by the end of August. I ask for a break, to which his response was “that’s a break up with extra steps. If you’re already there we should just break up.” … and so we do.

2 days later, James texts and invites me to a pool party at his friend’s place. I really needed a change of scenery, and I haven’t seen him in a few months. I drove up to his place and we drove another hour to his friend’s place. We talked and laughed the whole drive up, and right before we get there he tells me he called it off with his boyfriend, and I tell him the same happened with me. I felt an energy shift, but that was that.

We get to the pool party, and he introduces me to his friends. It turns out, I spoke with one of the hosts on grindr so many times, and we just never met up (he lives an hour away, lol). We didn’t realize it at the time, and it’s not relevant to this story I just thought it was a funny coincidence.

The party was more-so a gathering, as we were just around 10 people. I was getting to know them throughout the party, and I don’t remember spending much alone time with James. I really hit it off with one the guests though (much older and ruggedly handsome), and we ‘snuck off’ for a bit to make out. We left about an hour later, and James drove me back to his place. We saw an episode of Ted Lasso. He got up when it was over and said he was going to shower, and I could crash on the couch (I think that’s what he said, I was pretty tipsy). I said I should probably head back and I gave him a quick kiss good night and left.

Another week goes by, and I hit him up first. We made plans to drive up to Tahoe with my friends but a storm came and we cancelled. He travelled to see his family instead. I waited until he came back and texted him first again, which is when he invited me to an overnight gay event in the woods. I wasn’t going to go, especially since my bf and I had talked and said we’ll do the break instead of a breakup. Friday night passed, and he calls me Saturday morning asking me to come for the last night of the event. He got me a ticket and a place to stay, so I didn’t really have an excuse. I went, and I am so glad I did because it was a very magical night to say the least, and we were really vibing with each other. I met some more of his friends, but I was now mindful of the fact that what we have going on might be more than a friendship. I wanted to shoot my shot and let him know I am starting to like him, but more on that later.

He was truly the life of the party. He befriended everyone. He’s so sweet and special, and his energy is truly infectious. I started feeling myself blush and getting butterflies when his attention was directed my way (which it was for most of the night). He is just so charismatic. During a show that night, we were cuddled up and holding hands the entire time. His head was resting on my shoulders as he hugged me and wrapped his legs around mine. It felt amazing. We go back to the cabin, and he jokingly says that we should date (in front of his friends) after celebrating that he’s single. We ended up on different substances that day, and so were on different wavelengths.

The party picked up throughout the night, and I start to back out of telling him I like him. Just as I was texting that to a friend, I see that he’s kissing someone else. I shrugged it off and went back into the crowd to dance. He finds me 20-30 mins later, says he’s been looking for me, grabs me and we start making out. It felt surreal (I am sure it was the drugs too, and the fact that I wasn’t really knowing whether to expect that). He came up to me another hour later and asked if I was hitting it off with a guy I was talking to, to which I replied that it wasn’t sexual. He then said not to worry, and that he’s very easy, and we made out again. I saw him kiss two other guys that night, and back and forth we went. It started feeling like we were just special friends, and I began to accept that by the end of the night. I finally gave some attention back to a cute guy that’s been checking me out all day.

James and his friend (our cabin mate), the cute guy I just met, and I started walking towards the afterparty. The cute guy asks me how I know James, and I stuttered before saying “we’ve known each other for 2 years … and I guess we’ve been friends ever since.” A few minutes later, I turn around and see that James and his friend went in another direction (presumably to check out an orgy), so I just texted him to check up and said ill be at the afterparty. He said he was just in and out and it wasn’t his vibe, but I didn’t see him at the afterparty for a while (it was small, and so super hard to miss).

So the cute guy and I go to the afterparty, with the trippiest music, bohemian decorations in an indoor/outdoor space with blankets, pillows, and super cuddly vibes. He pulled out some Ketamine and asks if I want some. I am very used to psychedelics, but I have never tried K, and it was honestly the perfect setup for it. I tried to get a hold of James, but he didn’t respond. The K hit me fast, and I immediately wanted to lie down and cuddle up. I lied down and the cute guy started spooning me. I look up and see James, call him and he just says hi and that he’s looking for other people. I said okay and lied back down. He was within earshot most of the time, but I was too out of it to actually hear anything besides his voice. He came up to me before he was heading out, knelt down and kissed me. “Good night babe, Ill see you back in the cabin.”

I got up a few mins later and told the guy I should head back too as to not wake them up. I go back to the cabin, and he asks why I didnt bring the guy back and jokingly said he’d be down to watch. I just laughed and went to sleep. I debated asking if he wants to cuddle, but we were in bunk beds and he fell asleep really quickly, and I also felt odd about having just cuddled up with someone else. The next morning as I was heading to the bathroom, he saw me getting up and reached his hand out to hold mine as I was passing through. I gave him a quick kiss good bye, and I drove back home.

A couple of days later, I hit him up again, and ask him out to a show that upcoming Friday with my friends under the guise of “an extra ticket”, especially since he had gotten one for me the weekend prior. He said yes, but I started feeling sick that day. I later tested and I had COVID. I called to let him know, and that Friday would be my 5th day. He said he doesn’t mind and would still like to go if I am feeling fine. I was still really tired, but I really wanted to see him. I was planning to have my mask on all day, but he asked me to take it off after we sat down “so he could see my face”.

We had a really great time, and even snuck into much better seats (they weren’t taken), so we ended up spending the entire concert by ourselves w/out my friends. We took a little bit of mushrooms, and we were so intimate all night (his arm around me, holding hands, slightly squeezing my butt, my arm was wrapped around his thigh, my head on his side (he was sitting on top of the chair while I was fully seated, so he was significantly higher most of the time. I am pretty sure he saw me visibly blush a couple of times but I really tried to hide it for some reason, I didnt want to come off too strong …). The show ends, and he asks if I want to go out to a gay bar. I was so tired and just wanted to cuddle up and smoke a bowl and watch tv, but I said yes only because I wanted to spend some more time with him.

Before going, we decided to check in with my friends and quickly met up with them at the bar they were at. My friend’s coworker (a woman) was so into him, and after telling her he was gay she wanted to set him up with her husband’s brother. She asked if he was seeing anyone, and he stuttered before saying he’s here with me. When she asked if we were dating he said that we’re just friends and we both recently got out of a relationship (this conversation was relayed to me by a friend). Anyway, we leave 30 mins later and go to the gay bar.

We order drinks and food, and he was hitting it up with some cute guy for a bit while our order came (which is fine). We went to see a drag show and he again put his arm around me. My friends came an hour or so later, but one of them was too drunk so I went to meet them outside. My car was already at my friend’s place, and I wasn’t going to kiss James anyway seeing as its just my 5th day still. I waited for him to come out, hugged him good night, walked him to his car, and went back home with my friends.

He asks me to let him know when I get home, and I can physically feel the butterflies in my stomach. I feel like I am falling for this guy fast, and it is starting to scare me. I don’t know what we are, or where this is headed, and whether he’s even emotionally available. I seem to always be hitting him up first, and he’s so different in person than he is over text (one word responses, never initiates, feels like its a chore, only calls me “babe” and says I am really cute when we are together in person). Even when I say “hey babe”, his response back is “hey” or “hey you” … which is 🤦🏽‍♂️. Then he keeps inviting me to places and agreeing to go places with me, so I am really not sure what’s going on.

We made plans to spend 4 back-to-back weekends together starting a month from now. Yes, FOUR. It seems like we’ve confirmed on 3 so far, with one being tentative, but that’s still really significant. The last weekend is an out of town trip. I figured id just lay back for a while and let my emotions process. Out of sheer curiosity, I go online to check the compatibility of a Pisces-Pisces relationship. It was … SCARILY on point. This is what I found:

“At first glance, two Pisces representatives might become a perfect couple, but when we scratch beneath the surface, we might see that they have real trouble getting close to each other. Their sex life can be magical, but in many cases they will not even get to the physical contact, keeping their relationship senselessly platonic.”

“Trust is a very difficult subject when two Pisces representatives begin a romantic relationship. Their main problem is in the fact that they know each other too well. They can both recognize their own unstable and unreliable nature in their partner, so instead of building trust and changing them both for the better, they will easily get caught in a circle of attempts to be honest and dishonest, without the need for their flaky nature to change. The best way for them to create a safe and trustful atmosphere is in a lot of meaningful communication that they both usually find obsolete.”

“Although they will share their dreams with one another, and probably inspire each other in many ways, it will be difficult for them to have discussions on ongoing things in their lives. They will both have their own image of what is important for their partner to know about them. It is a good thing they will have such a strong feeling on each other’s point, because they would probably never meet each other at all if there was no emotional connection between them.”

“They will have a tendency not to move from a certain point, both of them intensely focused on the idea of love, rather than actual activities. This will easily lead them to a place where there is really nothing else to share and talk about especially if they don’t share the same group of friends, or have other joined activities that they can discuss on a daily basis.”

“When they fall in love, this is a fairytale romance and their emotional contact is something that no other sign can reach. Two of the representatives of Venus’ exaltation in the same relationship, are love multiplied. Their tenderness and the way they nurture their emotions toward each other, will be a true inspiration for everyone around them. There is no better partner to understand the emotional nature of a Pisces partner, than another Pisces. Their mutable quality will show through emotional changes and apparent inconsistency, but in truth, they will know exactly when to separate and when to be together in order for their love to remain exciting and beautiful.”

I truly wanted to just let it be and go with the flow, but I am worried that we are both taking the same exact approach, and we will just be stuck in this will-they won’t-they forever. Honestly, all I want to know is whether this is just a friendship or if there’s something more, and if he’s willing to explore things emotionally. I am at such a loss because I don’t want to keep texting him first either, and I am a little worried still that he sees me the same way I see all my friends-with-benefits (hot men whose company I enjoy and who I care about, but nothing more).

Should I just wait and see what happens over our next few outings? The last weekend of the 4 is an out of town trip (with friends). Do I tell him then, or before? Or just let it be? I am just torturing myself here. Can someone please offer some advice? (He is 11 years older in his mid 30s if that makes any difference).

What the hell should I do and how do I handle this? He already knows I think he is super cute (to which his response is always “so are you, so sexy”). He already saw me staring into him a few times and saw me blush when he caught me. The way I smile and look at him would give me away to anyone else. I also kept noticing him looking at me from the corner of my eye during the concert. He also just got out of a relationship, and said he’s young and wants to enjoy his life without the confines of a relationship. We’ve been friends for two years but we’ve never had sex … Why is he so confusing? 😭 please help. What would you do in this situation?

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