esmeraldahatesyou

[esmeraldahatesyou]

Hey friend, How are ya? How have things been?

It's been over a year since I rejected you.

Don't worry, I was rejected to.

Were you able to thug it out?

I'll tell you something, I couldn't.

Being rejected hurts. That shit hurts man.

Even worse, I was never properly rejected, I got thrown away.

My feelings were never dignified with a response.

I'm bitter, How about you?

Hey you, do ya still think I'm pretty? This never changed, how easy it is to talk to you. I don't have that with a lot of people. You've always been good at this, talking.

Hey, you're somebody that I used to know. Let's not get to know each other again. I'm bitter in my heart.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

The anxiety man, the anxiety is so real. I'm always this close to throwing up, to shitting myself. I wake up thinking every single day: What if this is the day everyone decides they hate me? They don't like me anymore. I shall not be tolerated any longer. I'm trying my utter best to not be perceived guys. I'm not ever really there.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

As much as I like him. I adore him. Want to be near him. All he's making me feel as of late is anger and frustration. I'm hurt. So every encounter leads to bitterness harboring in my heart.

-------------

My last ditch effort at a confession part2

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

It should be that the same amount of days has passed for the both of us.

Then how, could it be my calculations are incorrect?

How is it that only you are older?

I have not moved since December. I have not changed since the hour. I am still holding on tight.

How is it that only you are over it? And I am over?

It's strange to crane my neck further, to hold out my hand to empty space.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

The pleas of a little girl fell silent on the ears of the adults around her.

Could not make herself known, didn't communicate.

Too scared to be hushed. So uncomfortable being silent.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Can't we just all agree life sucks? The economy? Wack. The environment? Wack. Politicians? Wack. This shit ain't fair bruh. I just wanna be a little kid again man. I ain't about this life dawg. FUCK!

[esmeraldahatesyou]

There's so many things I want to tell you, I'm ashamed

You weren't there in the beginning

You never saw me back then

I don't think you'd laugh

It's not funny, I shouldn't be

The things I keep from my witnesses

I document sentences I should say

Finding the right time to speak my mind

At the right time, when nobody will mind

To hear your reply, just yours, that would be fine.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Subsequent joke, parachute holder

But I never land right

The punchline knocked the air right out of me,

Everybody jeered as I fell without a white cover over me.

Hit the ground, except it's the curtain that falls, no more else to see

Scraped knees, wet face.

The laughter still rings in my head.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Your existence is no longer maddening.

Your words no longer smart.

The way you stare no longer entrancing.

Any time now the residue will slip away.

You were my muse for years before this moment. At least some usefulness came of it all.

This feels like an end of an era.

Oh of course it does to me! I'm a poet, I need to find new source material pronto! Haha!

Don't you remember? Bad things don't happen to me.

Don't you just dig the avoidance?

#poems on tumblr #poetry #poets on tumblr #my thoughts #spilled poetry #reading #prose #drabble #original poetry #original poem #ive changed my mind about you dearie

[esmeraldahatesyou]

Hideous and horrendous part of me within, crawling towards you. Clawing to be in reach.

Amongst all the wanting you, it feels like a disease.

Its slick coming from between me, its oozing from my pores, threatening to sully you.

Take my fingers and spread them across your canvas. All your musk I can inhale, intoxicate.

Intoxicated, blind, the touch is astounding. I can hear you breathe from miles away. I can smell you bleeding.

This is how much I,

To have you.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Have you seen me?

Have you seen too much of me?

Were too many questions answered?

Did you like it better before? With question no answers.

Did you prefer the illusion?

I'm riddled with muck. So matte now.

The polish is clean off.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Would you take my wounds as they are? Open and bleeding

Did it ever occur to you to comfort me? In my time of need

Despite my wishes of your embrace, if I could somehow hide my face from you

To somehow prolong the cementation of my burden on you

That your eyes never meet my red ones, the blotchy redness of my portrait always away

That would be lovely for me

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Was it a bad idea then? Not to publicize all of my experiences.

Is everyone else existing more than I?

While I was documenting. Everything, any and all last details I can remember.

Such a feeling was never allowed to pass me by. I clawed and tightened my fist for all fleeting moments.

Everyone else was seeing, smelling, doing.

My head was down, thinking.

Like an egg soufflé at a buffet line.

Who said anyone would eat me ?

#poems on tumblr #poetry #poets on tumblr #my thoughts #spilled poetry #reading #prose #drabble #original poetry #original poem #can't believe i included a food wars reference

[esmeraldahatesyou]

I know it hurts, but just for me, can you recall the time you were a hero?

I wish to know more, of how the hero in you saved an entire village. Gave your heart to your duty. Put your own love aside for the greater good.

But lost the one life that truly mattered. The one you loved the most. How the villain in you wailed with bitterness. Not being able to sacrifice the village for your beloved.

Some gave their hearts to your cause. Others will curse you for forever, for killing his heart.

You did so well my boy. Why can't they see that? That even now your step may falter. You can't catch your breath. Your fingers itch to touch once more that splendid skin.

But no, they aren't heroes, you are.

____________

I really wrote a poem about Munakata reisi. Help. Mmmm will most likely come back to rewrite.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Y que?

Podemos solamente estar aqui sentadas.

No tenemos que hablar.

Podemos disfrutar el sol, el aire.

Podemos simplemente tener la presencia del otro.

No se por que sigues enojada, yo no estoy enojada.

De hecho, en este momento he escojido no estar molesta contigo,

Madre.

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[esmeraldahatesyou]

Forgot about this charm hehe

I've been tired for the past 20 years

Head going in circles, trying to find my way to a straight line

Then came crashing you

You made it look so easy

So unhinged, so deserving

Meeting you was like a breath of fresh air

[esmeraldahatesyou]

Maybe I am rightless.

My skin, being shameless for demanding to be touched by you.

My conscious guiltless for holding on to your sweet memory.

Well maybe I am the crook, for trying to move past what I've done to you.

My love has grown into the root of my insanity

I'm losing control in my own head

I've yet to find any release!

From anything, anywhere

From anyone,

But you dear.

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