autistic-polarbear

[autistic-polarbear]

Since I discovered that “step out of your comfort zone” is supposed to mean “safely experiment with doing small things to expand your life experience” and not “ignore the fact that you are disabled and cause yourself physical and emotional pain until you have a meltdown and then stay in bed for two days straight”, my life has drastically improved.

#autism things #autistic experiences #autism positivity #autism acceptance #autistic #self diagnosed autism #actually audhd #actually autistic

[autistic-polarbear]

Cats painting studies by Paul Rabaud

[autistic-polarbear]

Being alive is meant for reading good books & being around the people you love & looking at the moon & falling in love and being loved & drinking coffee and being kissed & eating new foods and finding new feelings that make you want to keep being alive .

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark acadamia quotes #classic literature #english literature #lit #literature #light acadamia aesthetic #light academia #grey academia #chaotic academia #chaotic moodboard #poetry #writing #words #art #quote #quotation #poets and writers #aesthetic

[autistic-polarbear]

Neurodiversity

Funny Neurodivergent, ADHD, ASD Meme (Facebook)

#the accuracy #really calling me out huh #kinda rude tbh #but you're not wrong... #self diagnosed autism #autistic adult #actually autistic #autistic brain #autistic #autism #adult adhd diagnosis #adult adhd #adhd problems #adhd #adhd brain #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #actually neurodiverse #neurospicy #neurodiversity #adult autism #adult autistic

[autistic-polarbear]

hello and welcome to my weird brain

hi. um. realized that i hadn't introduced myself yet. anyway. my name is eres...not really, but it is on here because it's a better name than my actual name. so. basic info?

university student in oregon but originally from colorado

journalism and philosophy major, creative writing minor

autistic, adhd, depression, anxiety, the whole shebang (does anyone say shebang anymore? i'm a gen z, but heavily disconnected from the world of gen z happenings...)

lesbian and always looking for queer friends and mutuals

book lover, bl/gl watcher, library worker, writer, artist, tumblr gremlin, night owl, morning hater, ao3 reader, constant homework do-er

always down to chat about anything and everything, so long as it's respectful

my bl/gl tumblr: @neverpresident

youtube videos and ao3 fanfics are my sources of motivation

wanna exchange book and drama recs?? my inbox is always open!

spotify full of random hits such as twilight vibes, in my villain era, and chaotic academia

special interests: books, mainly queer romance, but love a good slice of life or comedy; writing romance and dark fiction; bl/gl dramas, mainly thai, korean, japanese, and taiwanese; politics, please be warned a conversation may last hours prior to engaging in political discourse with me; kpop, indie, folk, and alternative music; making lists for everything (please ask me to make you a list, it's my love language)

[autistic-polarbear]

hey! i haven't ever posted anything on this blog...i prefer to be a silent observer in all aspects of my life. but i recently (okay like nearly 2 months ago) got my dream job working in my university's special collections and archives library. over the past few weeks i have stumbled upon some of the most interesting books and manuscripts that i just have to share with anyone interested because it is absolutely fascinating!

inside cover of a book from the 1800s. my roommate said it looked like the bottom of an untouched stream. i didn't see it until they pointed it out, but it is so accurate

staircase to get to the collections. pictures don't do this wood grain justice, it is gorgeous up close, especially when the early morning sun hits it just right...perfection

inside of the elevator we use to get to the different decks. it's the oldest working elevator in all of oregon !

one of the most popular requests in our collections: an original, handwritten copy of ken kesey papers. we have over 100 boxes of his books, papers, manuscripts...anything of his you could possibly think of, we probably have it

for fellow comic fans, we have an entire shelf dedicated to various books on fandoms, including marvel and batman! i have never pulled one out for anybody, but i'm hoping somebody will request one so i can look more in-depth without looking suspicious to my fellow coworkers and the librarians...

the past will not sleep, printed on shiny gold paper in a book from the 1800s (i was literally shaking holding this, it's so cool)

original journals of the lewis and clark expedition (again, i was literally shaking; this job is amazing)

as a journalism major, these were particularly fascinating...we have several books of famous journalists from our university, but all around the world too. gotta find a way to get my hands on these outside of my shifts...

the back cover of a book in our oregon collection. i believe this had something to do with farming and agriculture, but either way it was so pretty

nonsense songs, stories, botany, and alphabets by edward lear; this book was literally falling apart in my hands but wow. just the title alone is so interesting, not to mention it's from london !

songs and sonnets by shakespeare...not an original unfortunately but still super amazing to see, and be physically hold his writing in my hands

sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that i am literally living my childhood dream. then that realization sinks in and i am absolutely shocked about it.

anyway, that's all for now. i will definitely have more to share because these finds are so interesting. if anyone has any requests they want me to look for, please let me know and i will do my best to scavenge around these stacks like a creepy little gremlin and take pictures for the people in my computer.

#university #library #academic libraries #university library #special collections #library archives #books & libraries #book #books #shakespeare #william shakespere #lewis and clark #oregon #edward lear #the past will not sleep #journalism #marvel #ken kesey #ken kesey papers #old elevator #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academism #dark academia #chaotic academia #chaotic academic aesthetic #soft academia #academia aesthetic #academia #batman #light academia

[autistic-polarbear]

i’m like if a man and a woman had a baby and it grew up in a tumultuous society with undiagnosed mental disorders and unrestricted internet access

#oop #autism #actually autistic #autistic #autistic adult #adhd

[autistic-polarbear]

i love talking to people in real life and being like “oh yeah i have instagram but i don’t really use it… i don’t have facebook or tiktok or anything like that either… idk i just don’t want to waste my life on social media, i prefer to live in the moment” and then i go home and spend 12 hours a day on tumblr

#help someone is describing me verbatim again #are you in my brain?? #have you found the enterance to my house? #what is this sorcery #also its so hard explaining this to people and then panicking when they ask what i do all day #...like yeah i just sit around staring at things...? #what do you say in this instance i need help

[autistic-polarbear]

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."

-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

[autistic-polarbear]

OK OK I DID SAY I WAS GONNA STOP THINKING ABOUT MSP.

But isn't it so cute that in that week they stayed together Gun was able to perceive how much does Tinn overthink?

And then he just recognized it in the dance scene and reassured and helped him through that??????

#my school president #geminifourth #tinngun #my school president the series

[autistic-polarbear]

thanku 2022 bl for my whipped and autistic representation

#gmmtv #thai bl #my school president #taiwanese bl #my tooth your love #jin xun an #tinngun #yu jin #snoopy yu #gemini norawit #autism #autistic #autistic representation

[autistic-polarbear]

The Ultimate Dark Academia Book Recommendation Guide Ever

The title of this post is clickbait. I, unfortunately, have not read every book ever. Not all of these books are particularly “dark” either. However, these are my recommendations for your dark academia fix. The quality of each of these books varies. I have limited this list to books that are directly linked to the world of academia and/or which have a vaguely academic setting.

Dark Academia staples:

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Dead Poets Society by Nancy H. Kleinbaum

Vita Nostra by Maryna Dyachenko

Dark academia litfic or contemporary:

Bunny by Mona Awad

The Idiot by Elif Batuman

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever

White Ivy by Susie Yang

The Cloisters by Katy Hays

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

The Lake of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman

A Separate Peace by John Knowles

Black Chalk by Christopher J. Yates

Attribution by Linda Moore

Dark academia thrillers or horror:

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead

The Maidens by Alex Michaelides

Ghosts of Harvard by Francesca Serritella

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth

They Never Learn by Layne Fargo

The It Girl by Ruth Ware

Never Saw Me Coming by Vera Kurian

Dark academia fantasy/sci-fi:

Babel: An Arcane History by R.F. Kuang

The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

Vicious by V.E. Schwab

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

The Betrayals by Bridget Collins

Dark academia romance:

Gothikana by RuNyx

Alone With You in the Ether by Olivie Blake

Dark academia YA or MG:

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik

Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

Crave by Tracy Wolff

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

Dark academia miscellaneous:

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Disorientation by Elaine Hsieh Chou

Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip

[autistic-polarbear]

you ever just look at neurotypicals and be like "wow how do you do that so effortlessly" and they say it is effortless

and you stare at them trying not to reveal that it took you three hours to do because you were focusing on how bees make honey on youtube

because thats what happened right now and i want to die

yes. ALL THE DAMN TIME.

NO, CLEANING THE SINK IS EFFORTLESS TO YOU TO ME IT TAKES HOURS OF MENTAL PREPARATION I WILL MURDER YOU PLEASE STOP

[autistic-polarbear]

I think the best thing I have taught myself while learning to live with ADHD is that it’s okay to cheat.

Yes, brushing your teeth is hard, but only doing it for 30 seconds is better than not doing it at all, and it makes the days where you can stand at the sink for the full 2 minutes all the more triumphant.

Sometimes, washing my face is just beyond me, so cleansing face wipes are the hero of the day when I can’t handle the sensory ick of splashing my face with water. The face lotion’s in a pump bottle right next to the wipes, so even if I take the easy way, it’s simple enough to then grab a pump, slap it on and go.

Washing my hair is a monumental task for me, so dry shampoo lives on the same shelf as the face wipes and lotion. If I get out of the shower and my hair is still dry, I can grab the bottle and dust out my hair to get another day or two out of it.

My deodorant also doesn’t live in the bathroom, it lives on my bedside shelf, because I get dressed in the bedroom so my brain automatically connects putting on deodorant with putting on a shirt.

Even with the stuff that feels like a Big Chore, sometimes you have to cheat and break tasks into smaller steps. Sure, “doing the laundry” is big and nebulous, but when you break it down like this,

Suddenly, you have a bunch of really small, easily manageable tasks. (I also highly recommend, if you own an apple product, taking advantage of the checklist function in the notes app. It’s a game changer.) With each one you finish, you get closer to being done the big thing, and you get a little dopamine for acknowledging you’ve finished each step!

Anyway, I think my whole point is that life and success and care isn’t measured by how you get things done. You’re the one playing the game. You can use whatever cheat codes you want, in order to win.

[autistic-polarbear]

some 'energy givers' for the new year :

glasses of water, sunlight, nourishing food - remember that you're just a plant with more complicated feelings!

reading, music, creativity, writing and setting intentions - things that'll cure the feeling of 'being alive but not living'.

laughter with loved ones and cuddles with a pet - do I really need to explain this one more?

[autistic-polarbear]

any other autistics ever feel like they’re a lightning rod for FixersTM

i feel like so many of my friends who i’ve had falling outs with are allistics who saw me being autistic and went “oh!!!! i can fix them!!!!! i can make them Functional and Cool like me!!!!!!!” and then when they realized it wouldn’t be like a netflix makeover series, that i was, at my core, autistic as fuck and totally fine with that, and that they wouldn’t be able to mold or shame me into being more like them, they did a 180 and were like “ur making me parent u!!!! it’s always The Avi Show!!!!!” like brother u signed up to be friends w an adhd autistic who did not once ask u to fix them idk what u expected. u don’t have to live in my apartment or even go to it bc i hate having ppl over bc of how thoroughly i’ve been shamed for not being able to keep my apartment tidy. u don’t have to hold my hand while i get groceries. u don’t have to spoon feed me ur oh so wise Allistic Knowledge. literally just be my friend why is that so difficult for allistics to grasp.

[autistic-polarbear]

Neurotypical Person: "Everyone's so easily offended these days."

Neurotypical Person: "HOW DARE YOU HAVE A NEUTRAL FACIAL EXPRESSION WHEN OPENING THAT GIFT! THAT'S HORRIBLY OFFENSIVE! YOU NEED TO BE FORCED INTO ABUSIVE THERAPIES!"