alculai

[alculai]

the thing is, dick has been a children's performer since before he could speak. he was, presumably, never allowed to swear on the job. the "holy contributing to the delinquency of minors batman!" approach makes perfect sense.

i do think at some point, maybe in his early teens, robin takes a nasty slip on the zipline and an "oh fuck!" slips out. that evening he asks, "wait, b, am i not in trouble for the swearing?"

batman is baffled. no? it was a pretty reasonable response to thinking he was gonna die for a second there? and dick swears when appropriate out of costume?

dick cannot believe this shit. he was allowed to swear? the whole time??? when two-face shot him he could have said "fuck that hurt!" instead of "holy haemorraging, batman!"?

#dick grayson #robin #nightwing #batman

[alculai]

Alfred has a relative???

Recently, Alfred had received a letter from a 'relative' of his for reasons unknown to the batfam. Alfred seemed happy about it so none of them minded too much, even when the butler said that said relative would be visiting since they hadn't been able to see each other in many years.

A few days later there is a knock on the manor's door and one of the batkids opens it to see this young adult dressed in modern yet formal attire asking if Alfred lives there.

They assume that the man is a cousin or something similar of Alfred's, until the man all but squeals like a banshee at the sight of the butler and beelines for him before doting on him.

None of them were prepared for the young adult- if he even is one at this point- to call Alfred "his boy" and for Alfred to refer to him as "father/papa".

-----

*knock on the door*

Tim: *opens door* hello?

Danny: Hi, does Alfred Pennyworth live/work here?

Tim: Yes??? Why do you ask?

Danny: Well you see-

Alfred: Young master Tim, who might be at the door?

Danny: *Squeals* My little Alfie!!

Tim, watching Danny rush over to Alfred and start pinching his cheeks: what the-

#YES #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #alfred pennyworth #fav thing #alfred is danny's son

[alculai]

Can someone write a fic where Bruce is on a JL mission and they somehow get a baby that they need to take care of until they find their parents. And all the JL members just cannot stop this baby from crying (this is before Clark has Jon so he’s pretty clueless with babies still) and eventually Bruce is like, “give them to me.”

And the JL is like “uhh, we don’t know if we should trust BATMAN with a baby, but at this point… fuck it.” And hand the baby over to him.

And Batman tucks the baby into his chest and softly bounces them, talking to them gently in a deep rumbly voice. “It’s okay sweetheart. Shhh, you’re safe.” And eventually, the baby doesn’t just stop crying, but falls asleep.

And the JL just stand there, gobsmacked. Because what the fuck??? Why is the Batman so good with babies??? And the rest of the mission Batman just has the baby because a) they don’t want them to wake up and start fussing again. And b) because Batman looks genuinely happy (as happy as Batman can be without deeply horrifying the JL).

#YES #batman

[alculai]

Can someone write a fic where Bruce is on a JL mission and they somehow get a baby that they need to take care of until they find their parents. And all the JL members just cannot stop this baby from crying (this is before Clark has Jon so he’s pretty clueless with babies still) and eventually Bruce is like, “give them to me.”

And the JL is like “uhh, we don’t know if we should trust BATMAN with a baby, but at this point… fuck it.” And hand the baby over to him.

And Batman tucks the baby into his chest and softly bounces them, talking to them gently in a deep rumbly voice. “It’s okay sweetheart. Shhh, you’re safe.” And eventually, the baby doesn’t just stop crying, but falls asleep.

And the JL just stand there, gobsmacked. Because what the fuck??? Why is the Batman so good with babies??? And the rest of the mission Batman just has the baby because a) they don’t want them to wake up and start fussing again. And b) because Batman looks genuinely happy (as happy as Batman can be without deeply horrifying the JL).

#batman #batman has an adoption problem

[alculai]

Puns and spoilers.

Stephanie Brown aka batgirl aka spoiler, in her civilian guise [currently a now freed hostage from the jokers elaborate scheme to kill the bat]: "is that seat taken?"

Danny Nightingale aka phantom, ex hero, exhausted mechanical engineer [who just embarrassed the hell out of the joker by ruining his plot, disabling his traps, freeing hostages and mocking him as the joker failed to land a single hit on danny]: "uh, that's my lap?"

#long post #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #stephanie brown #spoiler #danny x spoiler #danny x steph

[alculai]

Some Justice Leaguer: so who’s the most likely among you to turn into a supervillain?

Tim: well, Damian, obvio—

Everyone else, simultaneously: IT’S TIM

Tim: wait what? I would’ve figured at least one of you would say Jason

Dick: Timber how many war crimes did you commit yesterday

Tim:

Tim:

Tim: four

#tim drake

[alculai]

... ♥

been thinking about them a lot lately

#YES #dick grayson #jason todd #art

[alculai]

Breaking news! Vicky Vale leaks footage of Brucie Wayne following the new teenage rogue 'Phantom' around the city saying "Please let me adopt you 😭"

Phantom refuses and saying he's a supervillian not a lost puppy.

Turns out this was a part of Bruces plan however as Phantom now sees people all over tv talking about him and the Waynes and already considering him a new member of the family. They're even asking when there will be a face reveal. There was a reason he was wearing a mask! He. Is.. A. Villian. What about that do these people not get?!

Sure he doesn't kill people. Or hurt people at all really. Or steal from small family owned businesses. Or...yeah ok. Just because you're a bad guy doesn't mean you have to be a bad guy, ya know? Apparently Gotham doesn't.

Cause they insist hes just a very confused hero

#dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #jazz fenton

[alculai]

I just started watching The Orville, and finished episode 4 ‘If the Stars Should Appear’

The only thing I can think of is how the power vacuum went after the Orville left. I mean sure, they’re sending an education vessel. But what happened before it arrived? Did Hamelac try and retain control? Did he tell the truth?

I really want a fic about what happened, and I can’t help but feel like Tomilin should be a major character.

I checked and there don’t appear to be ANY fics on ao3 about the bio-ship. I find that to be a travesty. And yet I cannot correct it. For I am a terrible writer. 😢

#the orville #the Orville season 1 episode 4 #‘If the Stars Should Appear’ #tomilin #hemalac #other stuff

[alculai]

This is why you don't sleep with the Tyrant King - The consequence is children

Constantine avoids involvement with the Infinite Realms for two reasons.

Who wants to deal with all those Ancients in the first place?

He’s avoiding yet another unhinged ex of his.

Of course, hooking up with Pariah Dark wasn’t really an actual relationship, more like a one night stand via dream walking (Nocturn owed Pariah, but seeing as it would be insane to release the Tyrant King from his endless sleep, he’d give him a dream partner every couple centuries) - regardless, Constantine doesn’t want to deal with that.

So yeah - the fact that the Justice League is attempting to summon the High King into the Watchtower has him wanting to drink more than usual.

Of course he gave warnings, but they’re dead set on doing so. A green folder had appeared in the secure “cursed artifacts” vault with no trace of whoever left it there. How else were they gonna find out how it got there?

So Constantine’s stuck there to set up wards, and is trying to find his way out of this one.

When the summoning circle worked, no one expected the teenager to pop out of it. 

Instead of Pariah Dark, or even the sarcophagus showing up, there was a white haired ghost boy with glowing green eyes the same color as the flames of the Crown of Fire. Except he didn’t look exactly like the others ghosts. He had a human skin tone, his proportions were exactly like a human teenager’s, and he was wearing a black and white hoodie with black sweatpants, for God’s sake. 

… Were ghosts able to reproduce with humans?

Before any of the Justice League can get into questioning, Constantine speaks up:

“You’re not the Ghost King.”

Green eyes settle on him, lighting up with recognition - Danny knows exactly who this is, with the amount of complaints on his desk about the blonde. Clockwork also informed him (he didn’t want to know but now he does) of the man’s stint with Pariah. 

Daniel “Commit to the bit” Fenton chooses to do just that.

“Of course not,” The confusion crosses the face of the heroes present- “That’s just because I haven’t had my coronation yet! I’m the Crown Prince, it’s practically the same thing!”

Oh, and the dread and realization crossing Constantine’s face is almost enough to make his core purr in amusement. 

“Now I will gladly answer all your questions, but first!” His eyes swept over the heroes before raising his hand and pointing accusingly at the British warlock.

“John Constantine,” his voice boomed, the temperature of the meeting room dropping as his face stretched with a smile too big and too pointy, “You owe me fifteen years of child support.”

#dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #john constantine #johnny 13

[alculai]

Please stop trigger tagging with #epilepsy tw/cw/warning/etc.

I need every single person to understand how horrible tumblr’s tagging system is

I go into the tag for epilepsy and its all flashing lights. We can’t use our own tag because people without epilepsy fill it up with improper warnings.

Use ‘flashing’ in place of ‘epilepsy’ in your tags. You aren’t warning people of epileptics, you’re warning us of flashing lights. Please please tag properly. Epileptics say this endlessly and constantly and it’s ignored. You are risking lives by doing this.

Here’s proof of what I mean:

THIS POST IS 100% OKAY TO REBLOG, I ENCOURAGE PEOPLE WITHOUT EPILEPSY TO ESPECIALLY DO SO!

#other stuff

[alculai]

GIW finds out, but Tucker and Sam run with Danny too. He's pretty sure there's no place on Earth they can hide that the GIW won't hunt them down eventually. Unless...

He takes them somewhere the GIW can never go. He doesn't want to leave Earth, and he won't, because there might be another option.

Liminal Abilities are meant to adapt with the user. They're meant to guarantee survival.

Danny's adapted so much he became only half human. His ghost form can very easily adapt to pretty much anything, so his insane plan isn't so far fetched for him.

He, Sam, and Tucker steal a boat. It's technically a yacht, and it's technically Sam's parents, but they got rid of the GPS tracker and drove it out to sea until it ran out of gas.

He has Sam and Tucker ingest straight ectoplasm, and then hang out in the water for a few hours.

He's trying to trigger their liminality to make them akin to Atlanteans; able to breathe and thrive underwater, but still able to go to land if the need arose.

They develop mer tails instead.

Whoops.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #mermay #merfolk trio

[alculai]

I like to imagine that, after Jason stops trying to kill Tim, he still doesn't like the teen. It's not outright hate, but he doesn't really like the kid anyways.

However, anyone Tim doesn't like, Jason immediately doesn't trust them. He's seen Tim work with and forgive people who have literally tried to kill the teen. If Tim doesn't like someone, they had to have done something really fucked up. If Tim doesn't have proof, Jason's still willing to trust the kid over the other person.

#jason may not like the kid but he's a damn good gauge of whether someone else is a decent person #the best dynamic for them #‘I dont like you. But I trust you’ #<previous tags #tim drake #jason todd #red hood #batman

[alculai]

laundry day

(pls click for better quality!)

#dc #art

[alculai]

Batman: Why didn’t you tell me?

Batkid: You didn’t ask.

This is a regularly repeating conversation that covers anything and everything. Lost an organ? Well, you didn’t ask. Secretly eloped? Never came up. Adopted a child? Well, I’m telling you now. Spent four months in an alternate dimension and came back ten minutes after you left? Huh, could have sworn I mentioned that, but to be fair it’s not like you asked.

And every. Single. Time. Batman is just like… No? It’s not? Why would I have thought to ask that?

Barbara tells Bruce it’s karma for never telling the Justice League anything. Bruce is not amused. Barbara proceeds to invite him to her wedding.

Bruce: I didn’t know you were dating anyone?

Barbara:

Barbara: Well, it’s not like you asked.

Bruce: *eye spasms*

#bruce wayne #batkids #batfam #batman

[alculai]

Dick is losing his mind at this point.

There is a very cute guy flirting with him in and out of the mask.

This usually wouldn’t be a problem. If he didn’t want the attention, he would make himself very clear.

No, the problem is that Danny is significantly younger than him.

Like he’s around little wing’s age right now age gap.

He knows he should shut this game down.

He’s older and he knows that if he mentions it to Danny he’ll stop.

But it’s not just simple compliments about his body.

No these are sweet and genuine.

And they’re making Dick’s brain go to mush.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #dick grayson #ghost circus

[alculai]

The batfamily, after finding out another really important secret, are under the impression that Tim doesn't trust them. Why else would he wait for the last possible minute to inform them of his personal information?

Bruce sets up more team bonding (family time) to try to mitigate this.

Dick drops by Tim's office more with lunch to hang out.

Jason uttered out a really awkward but heartfelt apology about some past wrongdoings.

Steph hauls Tim over her shoulder and then plops him down into outings such as the movies or zoo.

Damian told Tim that his photos are so bad he might as well just give Damian copies of them.

Duke, trying to get to know Tim better, challenges him to see who can solve puzzles faster. He also brings fun inventions to Tim's workshop for them to do together.

Barbara sets up monthly code nights with Tim. She also occasionally passes along fun missions he could do with his siblings.

While all of this is nice, Cass and Alfred know the truth. Tim just finds it funny to watch his family blink rapidly and then go through five stages of grief whenever they unlock more background lore.

#YES #tim drake #damian wayne #steph brown #duke thomas #jason todd #barbara gordon #dick grayson #bruce wayne #batman