vxm1tcxre

[vxm1tcxre]

Lemme take a moment to deromanticize 3ds, if you don’t mind.

I have severe bul1m14. for years now, I have been trying to quit bping, only to get progressively worse as time has gone on- to the point where I get lucky if I make it through a single day without binging and pvrging once. On bad days, I will do so up to 5 times. Hell, I even have ever-so-slight bruising on my knees from spending so much time kneeling in front of bags and toilets, among countless other symptoms and places where my 3d has left it’s ugly mark.

Today was my birthday party. A celebration of my life. I had friends over. We visited a fun place in my city. They gave me gifts and we played games.

And did I get to enjoy it? Did I get to have fun with my friends and appreciate spending time with the people I love? Was it a good day? Will I remember it as such?

Of course not.

Like clockwork, I b1ng3d on the pizza and cupcakes my mom bought for me and my friends. I have consumed approximately 4800+ c4lories in a single day.

I have spent the last three hours after my friends went home locked in my room, trying to pvrge, but since I have abused my body so much, my gag reflex barely works. All I managed was to cough and choke up thick, viscous mucus and tiny chunks of pizza crust.

I am so full I can’t move without excruciating pain. I swear I can feel my bloated stomach pressing against my ribs, pushing them out. It feels like I’m about to explode. I want nothing more than to v0m1t- not only because I fear the weight gain, barely at this point. But because I am in such excruciating, unbearable pain and I just want this alien invader of carbs and sugar out of my damn body.

I have shoved an extension cord, the eraser end of a pencil, and the dirty toothbrush with bite marks on the handle from exclusively using it as my tool to pvrge because my fingers no longer suffice as far as they can possibly go down my throat to try and get some relief. Nothing.

I swallowed 3 heaping spoonfuls of baking soda and chugged seltzer water to try and give myself sodium poisoning.

I swallowed about 8 of my adhd pills and whatever antidepressants I had left, hoping they’d make me sick and push the food out of my stomach.

Nothing has worked. I am sitting in my bathroom, because I can’t lie down without acid flooding my esophagus, and praying that my stomach doesn’t burst open from the sheer volume of food I’ve shoved inside myself, begging the universe to not let me die.

I don’t want to die curled on the bathroom floor around my horrendously distended stomach, next to the scale I’m terrified to have to step on tomorrow morning. I don’t want my heartbroken parents to look through my things after I’m gone and find the bags of cold, rotten v0m1t hidden around my room.

Today was my fucking birthday party.

And instead of looking back fondly at this day, looking forward for things to come, I’m crying on my bathroom floor because I’m so fucking f4t and in so much pain I wish I could just sl1c3 my stomach open to remove a single ounce of the pressure against my insides.

But I can’t.

It will never stop.

I will never be able to enjoy days like these.

#skinandbonesfightback #skin&🩻 #m14blr #anna rex #trans ana #tw eedee descussion #bullemya #im fat and disgusting #💡as a 🪶 #actually bul1m1c #m34n$p0 #th11n$p0 #skin&bones #skinand🩻fightback #sk1n&🩻 #skin&🦴fightback #trans ed #bully mia #th1np0

[vxm1tcxre]

Unpopular opinion but I love liquid cals when I’m fasting like this 60 cal hot chocolate stopping me from stabbing everyone in sight

[vxm1tcxre]

CAN THIS FUCKING BITCH GET OUT OF YHE FUCKING BATHROOM I NEED TO PVRGE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHATS TAKING SO DAMN LONG OH MY GOD GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT ALREADY I CAN FEEL IT DIGESTING EHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN THERE

#skin&🩻fightback #skin&🩻 #skin&🦴fightback #m14blr #trans ana #bully mia #tw eedee descussion #@n@ thoughts #bullemya #im fat and disgusting #skin&🦴 #💡as a 🪶 #🩻 #actually bul1m1c #trans ed #anna rex

[vxm1tcxre]

Testing today at school. I ate 900 c4ls. not one of my friends bothered to wait, or even ask when I’d be done, and they all went off to celebrate without me. So for the next two hours, instead of having a little treat at a restaurant with them, im gonna walk around the track until I feel like v0m1t1ng and can’t summon the strength to think about it anymore. :)

#skinandbonesfightback #skin&🦴fightback #skin&🩻 #🦴 #🩻 #sk1n&🩻 #sk1n4ndb0n3 #anna rex #m14blr #trans ana #actually bul1m1c #skin&🦴 #skin&🩻fightback #skin&bones #bullemya #im fat and disgusting #💡as a 🪶 #trans ed

[vxm1tcxre]

My toxic trait is that I genuinely don’t care about your partner and legitimately would rather talk about literally anything other than how much you love your pookie. romance is repulsive to me. No, your partner that I’ve never met can’t come when we hang out, I want to spend time with my friend, not be a third wheel on some impromptu date. I don’t want to try and pry you two off of each other with a fucking crowbar because you act like you’re parasitic twins siphoning nutrients from one another and will die if you stop holding hands for .26364772 seconds. I hate you I hate you I hate you

#borderline thoughts #bpd vent #arospec vent #aro vent #anna rex #personal vent #bpd thoughts #possibly borderline #possibly bpd

[vxm1tcxre]

I drink an unhealthy amount of artificial sweeteners daily

[vxm1tcxre]

I’ll also add that brushing your teeth right after if you do it isn’t a good idea- it rubs the acid into your enamel, furthering damage. Rinse your mouth with baking soda (neutralizes acid- swallowing some will help if you get acid reflux as well) and water or some mouthwash, then brush your teeth later. No hate to this person ofc, just offering some harm reduction if I can.

Purging

Honestly, I went through a purging and binging phase when I was struggling freshman year...and I cannot warn people on here enough to AVOID PURGING!!

If it's laxatives or vomit, both will mess your body up for life! I used to vomit after every meal and even after doing it for only a week, my teeth and gums were disgusting!! I always brushed my teeth after and I've always had good hygiene, but the acid from your stomach can wreck your mouth in just a few days.

I used to be addicted to laxatives, the problem was I was in public high school and even after taking then the night before, the effects can last HOURS! I was always embarrassed to constantly be asking to use the bathroom every few minutes but it was that serious. They don't even help you lose weight unfortunately, just help with the mental idea that food is in you and you want it to not be there. They make you extremely dehydrated, so your body fights back by holding on to tons of water weight. I only saw the scale go up after that, no matter how disciplined I was.

Please please please listen to people when they tell you the dangers of purging! I can only try and keep people from doing it cause I can't change the fact I wish I never did it.

[vxm1tcxre]

Ntm these people have such a complex while actively having the grammar and attitude of a 13 year old who just discovered toxic whisper girls on Pinterest, and have decided it’s coquette girlbosscore to be a bitch to everyone and that they’re cool and mysterious and manic pixie dream girl coded. when in reality they’re just corny, self-centered, and no one takes them seriously

unpopular opinion maybe but we’re all on ed tumblr because we’re sick/mentally ill and most of us are just seeking comfort bc ed’s are lonely af and it sucks to struggle alone. nobody asked you to post meanspo/bully the people in your community that are just seeking a sense of connection/comfort/safety. pretty sure we don’t need strangers to bully us about the mental illness that we struggle with. go be an ana coach or log off and make an edtwt account if you wanna be weird and toxic. i hope you feel as gross as you are.

[vxm1tcxre]

if youre gonna write meanspo atleast proof read your post. i dont wanna be told to "loose wait" anymore

[vxm1tcxre]

To the bone was mid. I’ve been lied to

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“Guys don’t like f4t girls 🤭🤭🤭🥰🥰🥰🧸🧸🧸🧸🎀🎀🎀🎀👹👹👹👹🥀🥀🥀🥀 st4rv3 2 be dainty and feminine and petite so he’ll love you!!!!”

My reaction (I am aggressively ace+arospec, a whole ass trans man, and actively fantasizing about looking like a repulsive skeleton):

#@n@ thoughts #anna rex #m14blr #trans ana #tw eedee descussion #bullemya #st4rv1ng #im fat and disgusting #trans ed #💡as a 🪶 #bul1m1c #actually bul1m1c #skin knee #i need to be weightless #@nor3xia #th1np0 #m34n$p0 #3d33 thoughts #33d33 #disordered eating rant

[vxm1tcxre]

Id like to see you live a single day as someone with B3D or bul1m14 so you can understand how horrifically difficult it is, maybe then you’d have perspective instead of making tone deaf ass posts in an online space dedicated to including and supporting all those with 3ds (which admittedly tumblr already doesn’t do a great job of so what do I know).

The same traumas and societal pressures that could cause someone to turn to 4n0r3x14 cause b3d in others, and they are remarkably similar pathologies.

Y’all are really starting to get on my nerves with this it girl Regina George-esque #femalemanipulator high school preppy girl bully wannabe act. No one cares that people with b3d can’t sit at your lunch table, please for the love of god log off

Binge eating disorder is just a cover up for fat behaviour. Stop making your decisions seem uncontrolable.

[vxm1tcxre]

i hate how much i dont hate food

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is it just my tumblr feed or dod a shit ton of 4n4 tags get removed/ all the posts are gone? wtf i need this place to cope.

[vxm1tcxre]

I feel like a lot of people don’t actually know what a binge is on here 😭 I see so many people say they binged when they actually mean they just overate

[vxm1tcxre]

Ah yes, because there definitely aren’t EDs out there that include or primarily consist of binge eating. 4n4 is in fact the only ED.

Next week 26/02 until 3/03 is E@ting D!sorder Awareness Week. I’m manifesting us all to lose weight!

Like imagine how embarrassing it would be to binge during ED awareness week💀

[vxm1tcxre]

Not much compared to what other people do but I’ve been liquid f4sting for 23 hours and plan on going longer. 34 hrs at least if not more.

I consumed a little under 200 c4ls from coffee, monster, and protein hot chocolate but have burned all of that and then some, so I’m in the negatives, and hoping to get some more steps in before bed :)

I’ve been so off track for so long with constant b1ng1ng and pvrg1ng that this feels like a huge step.

(Even tho I’m at a higher w31ght than I’ve been for a while, but I prefer not to think about that)

#@n@ thoughts #anna rex #tw anna fast #tw eedee descussion #trans ana #bullemya #im fat and disgusting #st4rv1ng #💡as a 🪶 #m14blr #trans ed #3d c4ls #3d f4st #@n@blrr #@n@ trigger #actually bul1m1c #m14 thoughts #m14 rant #m14 diary #anna diary