theplantparent

[theplantparent]

Why do I keep letting everything affect me so much?

I don't understand how I keep coming back, I've started cvtting again and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I should be better, I need to get better but it's so easy to give in.

#tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #thin$p0 #self destruction #cvtt!ng

[theplantparent]

50 excuses for ed <3

1. You’re not hungry

2. You don’t like that certain food

3. You ate a big breakfast and are still full.

4. You’re allergic to that food

5. You ate earlier

6. You have a sore throat

7. You’re vegetarian/vegan

8. You’re saving your hunger for a big family dinner

9. You have tooth ache

10. You have stomach cramps

11. You feel sick

12. You have a stomach ache

13. You’ll eat something later

14. You have a mouth ulcer

15. You bit your tongue and it hurts too much to eat

16. You’ll eat when you get home

17. You’ll eat when you get hungry

18. You don’t have any money to buy anything

19. Invent an illness where it hurts when you eat but when you don’t it’s fine

20. You don’t feel like eating right now

21. You just ate something

22. If you have braces say you just got them tightened and they hurt

23. You’re still full from lunch

24. You have a nut allergy

25. You don’t like that food unless it has a particular sauce/dip/dressing that isn’t there

26. You’re craving one particular food which you’ll have later

27. You ate too much earlier

29. You ate all your food and have none left

30. You can’t be bothered right now

31. You’re fasting for religious reasons

32. You ate with someone else

33. You need to finish your homework

34. You need to finish studying

35. You’re busy doing something ‘important’

36. You have an intolerance to a kind of food

37. You want to go for a run later and don’t want a full stomach

38. You forgot your lunch

39. You forgot to bring a snack with you

40. You overate earlier

41. There was a bake sale earlier and you’re stuffed

42. You’re going out to eat later

43. You ate out earlier

44. Your doctor put you on a special diet

45. Your dietitian put you on a special diet

46. You’re fasting because you have a fasting blood test soon

47. You don’t want anything right now

48. You’re taking part in a famine

49. You don’t have time to eat

50. Nothing looks appealing

[theplantparent]

i find myself falling into a viscous cycle of depression and numbness. the fact that i have medical issues i don’t have an appointment till early june annoys the fuck out of me. it furthers my anxiety, i cant deal, my therapy isn’t working and i want to switch it but i’m worried that my mom will know it’s getting bad again. i don’t want to put her through that again.

i’m always uncomfortable whether it’s mentally or physically

#tw self destruction #tw self loathing #self h@rm #tw sewerslide #thin$p0 #tw depressing stuff #tw s3lf harm #tw selfhate #tw self destructive behavior #self destruction

[theplantparent]

vent

Damn seasonal depression hits.

i havent had therapy in such a long time and im off my meds... i hate it so much, it sucks not having a proper outlet all im doing now is internalising it. it SUCKS so fucking much i need to talk to someone about my shit but i dont want my mom to know it got bad again. i dont want to worry the people i care about but the days keep getting longer and longer and life is becoming so obsolete  

ive developed a nic addiction and i hate the person ive become, everything sucks.

this rant dosent even make sense 

#tw self loathing #self h4rm #thin$p0 #tw depressing stuff #tw self destruction

[theplantparent]

October 15 is the anniversary of  my first sui attempt and every year since then i get supper depressed around that time. i dont want to feel that again, but its all that’s in my mind and I can't stop it.

i dont know what to do 

#tw self loathing #self h4rm #tw depressing stuff #tw sui #tw: suidice #tw self destruction #self harrrm

[theplantparent]

I wish I could have an invisibility cloak. Not for anything nefarious, just so I can be in public doing my own thing without people ever seeing me, judging me, or talking about me. 

#tw selfhate #social anxiety #eating problems #tw self destructive behavior #tw self loathing #tw depressing stuff

[theplantparent]

i’m getting rlly scared for my friend, he’s have been spiralling with drugs recently. he had problems with fentanyl before… and it hits too close to home.

i’ve seen first hand how drugs can fuck up your life so bad and i don’t want it to fuck it up his life like it did to my dad

#tw self destructive behavior #tw depressing stuff #personal vent #tw selfhate #addiction

[theplantparent]

i don’t know why but i love this pic of me :)

#tw depressing stuff #disordered eating tw #self h4rm #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #self harrrm #tw self destruction #personal vent #tw selfhate #tw sui #cvt

[theplantparent]

[theplantparent]

the sweet release

#tw depressing stuff #tw self destructive behavior #disordered eating tw #self h@rm #tw self destruction #self harrrm #tw ed related #personal vent #tw sui #tw selfhate #self h4rm

[theplantparent]

welp... havent been here in a while, great time to get back in the loop of st@rving, cvtting and binging. 

hope everyone stays safe

love theplantparent <3

#disordered eating tw #CVT #tw self destruction #self h4rm #fuck my life #tw depressing stuff #tw ana stuff

[theplantparent]

i cant remember the last time i felt fulfilled 

#tw depressing stuff #sorry for being depressing #vent #cvt

[theplantparent]

the urge to cut on my face rn 

#self h4rm #tw self destruction #tw depressing stuff #tw selfhate

[theplantparent]

EDs are so hard cuz i want to be skinny but at the same time i want to have bigger boobs, I DONT KNOWHOW TO FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS

#disordered eating tw #self h4rm #ED stuff #tw ed related #tw self destruction

[theplantparent]

the last time i tried to off myself was to be in the ward cuz it was a safe space for me i was calm and had a routine however the fucking doctors just released me after they saw i was medically good wtf

#tw sui #tw selfhate #self h4rm #tw self destruction

[theplantparent]

i can feel i getting worse but i don’t want to stop it

#ed stuff #tw depressing stuff #self h@rm #personal vent #tw selfhate #tw self destruction

[theplantparent]

So i was bored a few days ago and looked up some excersises n stuff and found this and so far ive been doing alright. Ik it looks like the cheesiest fuckin thing but it was a monday and i was lookin for something to do so why not yk. I missed tuesday so i did the tuesday workouts earlier tday and then did the wednesday ones later. I might post a before and after body check at the end of the two weeks to see how it went cause why not tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we'll see how it goes ig.