the-everlonely-poet

[the-everlonely-poet]

{Quote by Chris Mc geown}

[the-everlonely-poet]

4 - 21 - 24

If I wasn’t a monster then,

maybe I am now.

That little girl didn’t

understand

what she was doing wrong

but I’m not that little girl anymore.

I’m older,

and wiser,

but probably not

smarter.

I make the same mistakes

over and over

expecting it to end

differently.

It’s insanity.

Am I insane?

Maybe not

but I’m definitely not stable.

There’s holes in the wall

and holes in my heart.

I’ve stitched myself

back together

so many times

but I just keep

falling apart.

I’m not depressed -

just unhappy.

The voices are back

I can’t drown them out.

Is this all worth it?

Or has my hard work

been in vain?

The devil’s on my shoulder

and he’s screaming my name.

My head’s a mess

I can’t think straight

am I doing this to myself?

Will I ever

be okay?

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #art #sad poetry #originialpoetry #poets

[the-everlonely-poet]

Fogged windows

tinted with my breath,

words carefully written

and smeared with the swipe of a hand.

“I love you”

simply is not enough.

It goes so much deeper than that

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry

[the-everlonely-poet]

7 - 12 - 23

I thought I had come to terms

with the fact that he’s gone

but I guess not

It’s one of those things

where you’re fine

and then one day

you realize you bottled it all up

and it comes pouring out

There’s nothing I can do

to stop it

I can’t bring him back

I can’t rewind time

I can’t forget the pain

of rushing to the hospital

every day after work

praying that I wasn’t too late

sitting beside him

holding his hand

wondering if he even knew I was there

making sure his hair was combed

because he hated looking unkempt

just trying to soak up

every minute I had left

The sadness comes in waves

and this one

feels like a tsunami

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry

[the-everlonely-poet]

“Just because you’re struggling, doesn’t mean you’re failing.”

— Unknown

[the-everlonely-poet]

-Jodi Picoult

[the-everlonely-poet]

4 / 22 / 23

I don’t know how to say it

I want to tell them everything

how much they hurt me

how caged I felt

trapped, stuck, and alone

on the brink of insanity

wanting to tear my skin off

hating every inch of my body

avoiding the mirror

because my own reflection

didn’t look like me anymore

she had cold dead eyes

a soulless look

that shook me to my core

How do I tell them

that all I wanted was

to be heard

to be seen

to be taken seriously

I wanted freedom

I wanted to feel normal

I was tired of being me

and I wanted them

to fix it

as my parents,

that was their job

and it seemed like

they never cared

like they looked right past me

refusing to acknowledge

the pain I was in

I wanted to die

I wasn’t going to do it

I couldn’t bear to hurt them

I didn’t want them to think

it was their fault

even though they had a

part to play in my pain

I’ve worked so hard

to fix this relationship

I don’t want to fuck it up again

But I want to get rid

of this burden

it’s been weighing on me

for entirely too long now

How do I say it

without breaking their hearts?

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry #poem #poets on tumblr #poet #poems #originalwriting #writeblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #writer #excerpt from a book i'll never write

[the-everlonely-poet]

In my Eras era. 💅

[the-everlonely-poet]

2 - 24 - 23

I used to dream of the future because I thought it would be better than the pain I was in. I’m still in pain, but it’s not the same pain. It’s evolved. I used to be angry and exhausted. I used to tear my hair out and scream at my own reflection. I used to cut my arms just so I could feel something.

Now I dream of the past - of when everything was ok. I dream about a time when I didn’t even know pain. I’m not angry anymore. I’m just sad. I can’t even say I’m depressed because I’ve been depressed and this doesn’t feel the same. I’m just tired. I’m burnt out and I’m only nineteen. I work all day and it’s still not enough.

I want to be a child again. My childhood was stolen from me. I will never get over that. No amount of therapy could make me forget it. No amount of love could make me forgive them.

Fuck being an adult. Nobody really wants this.

#writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #writers #poets on tumblr #poem #originalwriting #writeblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write

[the-everlonely-poet]

I need a father, I need a mother, I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God but the sky is empty.

Sylvia Plath

#quotes

[the-everlonely-poet]

2-24-23

I can feel myself slipping again

it’s all coming back

it’s all happening at once

I’m trying to stay sane.

This shit isn’t easy.

How am I meant

to take care of myself

and someone else?

I can’t watch him

destroy himself.

I flash back to sixteen

laying on my bedroom floor

scratching at my skin

desperately trying to get out

wanting it all to just end.

I had nobody

and he has everything

he could ever need.

I begged for help

and now I’m begging him

to let me back in.

It’s a slap in the face

to know I’m right here

doing all I can

but when I needed it

I had nothing -

no escape

and no way to fix my pain

It’s not his fault.

He didn’t know me then but

when we did find each other

he pulled me out of it.

He saved me.

So why won’t he let me

save him?

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry #poem #poets on tumblr #poet #poems #originalwriting #writeblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #writer #excerpt from a book i'll never write

[the-everlonely-poet]

I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like when I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.

Haruki Murakami

#quotes

[the-everlonely-poet]

Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.

[the-everlonely-poet]

12/28/22

I knew it was coming

it’s inevitable

I told myself not yet

it can’t happen yet

but it’s happening

right now

I’m not ready.

I don’t want him to leave.

He can’t leave me.

He won’t be at my wedding

or live to see my children

I was going to name my son

after him.

He doesn’t get to see me grow

into the person I am so

desperately

trying to be

I wish he could stay

just a little bit longer

but he’s stayed long enough

He’s ready

to go home.

I need to let him go.

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry #poem #poets on tumblr #poet #poems #originalwriting #writeblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #writer #grief #loved ones #death cw

[the-everlonely-poet]

12/04/22

I love him

I love him so much

so why do we fight

over such trivial things?

Why do I get mad

I get so angry

I can’t control my emotions

but then again,

neither can he.

We’re stuck in a loop

I don’t want to fight anymore

I want things to be

the way they used to

I want to feel safe again

he made me feel so safe

so loved

he made me realize

I deserved to be loved

before him

I couldn’t look at myself

I hated every inch of me

he made me see

my beauty

I still don’t feel beautiful

but with him

I feel different

I want to go back

to when we were both happy

when happiness

was just being with each other

when nothing else mattered

he was my escape

my way out

he still is

he lets me be me

that little kid inside me

she’s free

I want to fix

whatever I broke

because I’m sure I did

something wrong

I always do

It’s always me

isn’t it?

I break everything I touch

I’m like Midas,

but instead of gold

I bring pain

I can’t push him away too

He is my safety.

I need to fix this.

He’s my only safe space

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry #poem #poets on tumblr #poet #poems #originalwriting #writeblr #writer #excerpt from a book i'll never write

[the-everlonely-poet]

12/04/22

I’m stuck

I’m tired of making beauty out of pain

making poetry out of anger

I’m fucking stuck

I do the same thing every day

we argue

every

night

I’m falling back into

the old me

every so often

I catch myself

slipping

the bad thoughts

coming back

I’ve worked so hard

to keep them away

doing everything

I can

to be safe

It’s unfair

I’ve worked so hard

yet they don’t go away

why can’t they go away

why can’t I be sane

this is unfair

in every way

Most people don’t struggle

with hate

hatred towards themselves

If you were to ask me

If I love myself

the answer

comes quick

No

I don’t

I don’t

at all

#twcpoetry #writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writerscommunity #24hoursopen #poetry #writing #original poetry #writers #originalpoetry #poem #poets on tumblr #poet #poems #originalwriting #writeblr #writer #excerpt from a book i'll never write

[the-everlonely-poet]

“Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was always just red.”

— Kait Rokowski