thatnightstar

[thatnightstar]

I’m in the mood to wander — not the tasseled boots, music festivals, and peace signs stuck skyward — but creep silently, observe, take everything in and not say a word. live only as a pair of eyes, ears, and hands. dress myself invisible and haunt the antique store around the corner, poke and peruse and hold belongings someone once loved; curious if a whisper of them can still be felt. I want to trek a crumbling city, blow the dust away from the staircase railing and feel the hair at my neck stand at attention with every step forward. bump into someone I’m not convinced is planted both feet in this world. stay quiet enough to hear the echo of dining hall chatter, dances in the ballroom, events from ages ago held in the square. I want to part thick vines and feel the forest pull me into her arms. an audience of one to the songbirds, the croaking frogs, the springing crickets. tread so lightly, I barely leave a footprint.

[thatnightstar]

Crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.

[thatnightstar]

Postcolonial Love Poem, Natalie Diaz

[thatnightstar]

purple dream by  geir tønnessen

[thatnightstar]

sometimes I feel out of place and sometimes I don't want to fit in

-bini

#series of conversation #tired #mixed emotions #writers of tumblr #tumblr quotes #quotes #life quotes #quotes of the day #qotd #lost #night #long night #excerpts from my writing #excerpts from my life #feelings #thatnightstar #bini #love #tumblr

[thatnightstar]

[thatnightstar]

[thatnightstar]

I blink but there's nothing quite to it. Eyes are meant to perceive, but I'm not really seeing anything. Just a blank screen, with words being typed monotonously. I'm trying, but does it really matter when I don't feel anything? I'm taken away from reality, my mind's gone off living somewhere else and I'm residing absently. Dissociating creeps, I feel it tell me I'm in a fantasy; just forget myself and feel nothing for a while. My face has no expression, if you looked into my eyes you'd see a soul that's left home. Like magic, it's as if I disappear, yet the trick is I never know when I'm coming back here; back to where I am mentally. I'm just gone, gone, gone. Fickle, isn't it? The way our brains can shut off entirely, and we just stare. Stare off into space, laying down straight-legged and on our backs; and it feels a little cowardly. Frozen in fear describes this perfectly. Fearful of real-life hitting me with the memories, the past, the truth of where I stand. I think that's why I feel my body separate as it shivers, shakes, and rivets in pain. It's too much, and numbing is a crutch; but I'm only saying this because I don't know differently. When you go on for so long living life through an outer shell, all translation is lost and redirected and manipulated to parts unknown; I call this the abyss. Now it's scarred the deeper parts of me and all I can do is hurt until the feeling fades to nothing.

[thatnightstar]

little ways to romanticize your life

make it pretty. buy colorful pens to write, download cute templates for a journal, make a vision board.

surrounded yourself with favorite scents. whether that be a candle, perfume, essential oil, body wash, etc.

wear something pretty every day. no matter if it's a necklace, headband or whole outfit.

redecorate for your mood. put plants and cute décor around work, your car, your home. use lights that remind you of the sunset or the twinkling night sky.

appreciate the little things. the smell of coffee in the morning, the sound of the rain hitting the ground, the warmth of the sun on your face.

take pictures of every beauty you can find no matter how small.

turn up the music when you have to get chores done and dance your way through them

[thatnightstar]

“He was silent and reserved. But he talked to me. And out of every sentence that guy ever said to me, my favorite line might have to be: ‘I don’t talk much, but it was easy for me to open up to you.’”

— walkingirony   (via pocmuzings)

[thatnightstar]

In my mind, you were mine

[thatnightstar]

It ain't that easy

[thatnightstar]

I don't wish for you, I wish for me; even when I am blessing you a good life.

#bini #ink #10122020 #words

[thatnightstar]

In the moonlight,

we danced.

In the shadows,

we loved.

Under the starless sky,

we lingered.

In the deepening of night,

we shared.

Come the first lights of dawn,

we parted.

In the blinding sunlight,

we disappeared.

- A Heartbeat in Length

[thatnightstar]

“Don’t think about making a million dollars, driving a fancy car, or owning an expensive house. Instead, focus on the next 24 hours. That’s right. Only the next 24 hours. Simply work on mastering today, and putting in your best effort to take you closer to your dreams. Don’t think a thousand steps ahead of yourself, for we must first be able to take the first step.”

— Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

[thatnightstar]

[thatnightstar]

Stay.