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kattegat-kittycat · 4 years

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Fates Entwined, part IX: Claim Me

The story so far and a short synopsis are over here.

A/N: Fun fact, the Head Meadow at Ribe is in fact believed to be called “head meadow”, “Hovedengen”, because the Vikings used to display the heads of pirates and criminals on stakes in said field as a warning to others. Depending on who you ask, people will tell you they *might* have done that or they *definitely* did it.

Fair warning, there is a slight dub-con scene in this chapter, also, sex, but nothing shocking really if you have watched the show. But if something like that bothers you, then this might not be for you. Also, this one became kinda long, you might wanna bring snacks ;)

Lastly, thanks to the people who asked to be tagged: @youbloodymadgenius @xnnskwjeheb2j @blonddnamedhandz it’s appreciated and I hope you’re not already regretting being tagged in here.

You love to bring me down But I'll stay to hear you out Some might say that I'm the fallen one

Free me now Crawl out of my soul

Bring it on Tear me down May the world go round and round At the end of desire Your world falls down and dies

(Entwine – Break Me)

It was a short ride to the marshes beyond the Head Meadow, where the remains of my uncle’s head and the heads of the other traitors could still be seen. But once I had reached the edge of the marshes, I had to leave my horse behind and go on by foot, too treacherous were the paths through here and more than once did we lose a good horse to the bogs. I had felt around my head for Ivar, but he wasn’t there, so he was probably awake planning things somewhere in Kattegat. I set my foot on the sandy path that led me past small bogs and ponds, until I saw the first signs of the völva’s homestead. There was a large wooden frame that held the hide of a horse, a few feet further down the road a ram on a similar wooden construct. Then I saw the small hut, which – to be honest – reminded me a bit of Floki’s home. Yrsa was sitting in front of it, sifting through herbs she was preparing to dry. Her head shot up, when I moved closer, the sharp green eyes in her ageless, yet old face scanning me and trying to see through me. Even from where I was, a couple hundred meters away, I could see the shock in her features. This was nothing she had ever expected to see walking across her doorstep.

Still, when I reached her, she silently motioned to a rickety stool across from her and made me sit. I stared at her; she was still the same weird old lady, I remembered, but how could that be? It had been at least ten winters since I had last seen her, but she hadn’t changed a bit. Her long white hair fell onto her shoulders, which were warmed by the pelt of a white wolf. Beneath that the same dark brown clothes she had worn a decade ago.

She shook her head. “Those are similar clothes, my child, not the same. But that is not why the two of you are here today, is it?”

Confused for a moment, I looked around, but couldn’t see anyone except for me and her. She sighed, slightly exasperated. Then I caught on. She was talking about me and Ivar. I almost groaned about my own stupidity, which made her chuckle.

“So, you are not stupid, only nervous, but why is that?” she asked me, her eyes studying my face with unveiled interest.

“I… I always thought you to be scary, to be quite honest. And I don’t even know where to start, what to ask you, what to tell you…” I started rambling.

She chuckled. Again. “My child, I understand that we and our way of life might seem scary, but all we want to do, is help the living. Help folks like you, caught in between issues of the divine. And when it comes to what to tell me, you can tell me everything. Or nothing at all. Most of it I already know just by looking at you and feeling your…cracked aura. So, the easiest way to start this is to tell me what it is you want to know.”

I looked at the earth to her feet and felt incredibly vulnerable and helpless for the first time. For the first time, I realised how deep this thing went and how little Ivar and I knew.

“What… what is happening to us? What has been done to us? Why?” I had to hold back tears. Speaking those three questions made it real. Something we had no power or influence over had been done to us, and it did something to us, and we didn’t even know why Aslaug had done it.

Yrsa smiled calmly. “She didn’t know any better. She was afraid of things she had seen and she wanted to save her little son. That is why she did it. But why the things which happened and are happening to you are going on, that is written on another page. She invoked magic, she had no experience working and the Gods grasped at their chance, because the seeds she sow fell into readily plowed and fertile earth. You and Ivar have been favoured by the Gods since you have come into this world, they had plans for you, so calling upon them to bind you into an unbreakable union was like unleashing a beast.”

My eyes found hers. “So, what exactly did she do?”

Yrsa took my hand into hers and her long and bony fingers followed the veins on the back of my hand up my forearm into the crook of my elbow. There she pressed on the most prominent vein, then pricked it with a long thorn from one of the spindly rose twigs that lay to her side. A thick droplet of blood came from the little wound and she dipped her middle finger in it, then spread the blood over the whole tip of her finger with her thumb. I looked at it, fascinated by the deep red of my own blood.

She raised her eyebrows and looked at me, then shook her head. “This is not your blood. Not yours alone. Not anymore.”

I frowned. I meant to show her the wound on my shoulder, but she raised her hand and motioned me to stop. “I know. I know all about that. I know more about you than I want to. More than I am allowed to share. But I can tell you a few things. Do you know what blood was used in the blót ritual during your wedding? Which God was supposed to watch over your marriage?”

“I was told we were going to sacrifice a goat’s blood, so Thor, I guess?” Margarete had told me about the goat that had been bled dry, so they would have enough blood for the ritual.

“A lie. Your marriage was consecrated to Freya with the blood of a sow being sacrificed. Aslaug had the blood swapped out. She wanted to make sure you would have children, I suppose. What she didn’t know or didn’t care enough about, was the fact that the blood that runs through you is that of a magical woman. Like Aslaug, your mother was a seer, and we völvas and seers are under Freya’s protection. What this did to you, was amplify the powers that lay dormant within you in one single moment, making you something more than a seer but less than a völva the moment the blood touched you. And weddings to magical women, they are tricky. Are you familiar with the stories of Hávamál?“

I tried to remember the things my mother had taught me, but the name did not sound familiar.

“It is said within its verses that you risk getting trapped in a magical bond. Which is exactly what happened to the two of you. This magical bond is only hinted at in the Hávamál, but either the two partners are suitable, which means they will be bound together and share one life for the rest of their life and in the afterlife, or they are not, which means that the husband will die a slow, drawn out and painful death. You can probably already tell, what happened in your case.”

I blinked a few times. “So Aslaug made me…”

Yrsa smiled an unsettling smile: “Yes, she made you one of us.”

“And then she bound me and Ivar together for life.”

“No, you will not be able to escape each other in the afterlife, either. He dies, you die. You die, he dies. Where ever one goes, the other will follow and nobody will be able to keep you apart.”

I swallowed hard. Sat in silence for a moment. Looked out over the marshes around us. This was all too much too fast.

“And is there any possibility to break this bond?” I did not exactly want to end things with Ivar, I just wanted to know if it was even possible to not get a flesh wound everytime he decided to ride into battle.

“For that, you would have to wage war on Asgaard and defeat the Gods, I fear.”

“Huh”, I pondered for a moment. “And this connection we have? Why do we keep seeing what is happening in the other’s life?”

She shrugged. “That’s part of your unique bond. But mostly it is things that move you on an emotional level, the two of you will see. And I believe with some practice of your abilities, you could gain more control over it, maybe even guide and control the thoughts you let him have a part in. The things you see and access.”

I took a deep breath. “My abilities? And what exactly are those?”

And this was, where Yrsa smiled broadly. “So many questions… I have given you a lot of answers today and I believe you have heard a lot your mind needs some time to work on. This is also the one question I am unable to give you a straight answer to, because the truth is, nobody knows until you start practicing those. So, if you want to know and explore the answer to this question, you know where to find me. For today, it has been quite enough for your pretty little head.” She got up and went into her hut, and I was wondering if I should just leave, when she came back and gave me a small vial with a greenish-yellow liquid.

“If you wouldn’t mind, you might want to give that to your friend from Hedeby. It helps with physical trauma. She might need that sometime soon.” I got up, slightly confused, then went to pay Yrsa for her services, but she held up her hands.

“It would be enough if you came here and worked with me when the dust has settled. See your husband off to fight the Saxons, afterwards we will meet again.” And with that she turned around, making it clear that now, now she wanted me to leave.

Ivar knew everything she had told me by the next morning and seemed taken aback by some of the information. He had not thought that his mother had done something that went so deep without telling him. Then again, he knew that she had wanted to save him by all means and the völva had told me that Aslaug hadn’t known herself how deep the consequences would run.

I, on the other hand, had hesitated to tell Ragnheiđur what I had come to find out. After I came back from the marshes, I found her waiting for me at the market. She jumped up as soon as she saw me riding across the bridge into the city, greeting me with an easy smile, as always. She took the reigns of my horse as I jumped off, then cocked her head.

“Did she tell you what is going on?” she then prompted.

I shrugged. “Yes. And no. I am supposed to come back when we are done with…” I waved my hands around in the general direction of all the busy goings-on around us: “With all of this. But she gave me something for you…” I felt around in my pockets for the vial and as I found it, I handed it to Ragnheiđur.

She looked at it, puzzled. “What is it?”

I frowned. “She told my, you might need it. It is for treating physical trauma.”

Ragnheiđur looked all the more confused. “But why? Am I going to get injured or hurt?”

I shrugged again. “I don’t know, all she told me, was to give it to you and well… I did. I thought maybe you knew.”

Ragnheiđur shook her head. “No, but she might know more than me, so I’ll take it. Who knows what it might be good for.” She grinned again. “Are you ready to see your husband again?”

I sighed. “Yes”, I smiled, “I am actually looking forward to seeing him again. He might not share the sentiment, though. But I never know with Ivar. I guess, Ivar never knows with himself, he is so unpredictable.”

Ragnheiđur gave a small nod, as we started toward my estate. “Just take all the time you need. I will keep everything in order over here with Ole and the council by my side.”

I looked at her profile as she led my horse and looked straight ahead. “I still don’t know how I earned that level of support from you. What do you want for your life? Why are you here?”

She looked to the ground. “I don’t know”, then she looked straight at me, “But something in me tells me that this is the right place for me to be. For now.” She smiled.

I shook my head. “You know, I would give you your own estate if you decided to stay here.”

She gave a laugh. “I might just take you up on that offer if life leads me that way. You know I love the old Hviding estate.”

“Noted.” I smiled, half hoping she would decide to stay.

The next morning, we were on our way to Bork by boat. We did have some longboats, but as Earl Magnusson had promised to take some of the warriors on his boats, some of us also travelled aboard smaller trading ships, which also meant that we took some trading goods to Bork, maybe not to repay Magnusson for the ships, but to show good intent and work toward good neighbourly relations. I really disliked politics.

We were given a warm welcome and were able to see the forces Jutland had sent to Bork first hand. It was a proud sight, an army by itself, but only part of the greatest army our countries would ever gather. Ragnheiđur and I were still looking upon the camp all around the towns walls, when Earl Magnusson appeared behind us.

He seemed chipper enough for someone who had just had to pry his look away from my lands, lands he had wanted to incorporate into his own. But then again, if the stories were true, he and his two younger sons would leave for Northumbria and probably hoped to gain wealth over there.

“I hope you found your way to my humble lands well, Earl of Ripa?” he asked more than just politely.

I smiled back at him. “Very well, thank you very much. It was an easy enough trip with the boats. Your lands are beautiful with the fjord and the sweeping meadows. And your fleet of ships, it is impressive.”

He patted my back. “You sound just like your father. He had a knack for boats, but you knew that.”

I bowed my head and smiled to myself. My father had always been fascinated with boats and their building, that much was true.

“He was a good friend of mine, and I hope we can continue that tradition.”

I wasn’t sure how forceful I could react, but I decided to mark my territory clearly. “As long as you stay on your remarkable lands, I don’t see anything that could stand in our way.” I smiled friendly enough to show that my comment was not meant as a threat, but more of a friendly reminder.

Earl Magnusson barked a laugh. “Forgive me for that, but you will find that we all have a tendency to test boundaries, especially with a new earl in our midst. But you did well. Had I known who you are, I might have reacted differently. Then again… probably not.” He laughed again.

I shook my head with a crooked grin. Maybe I might like him a little. “I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for that.”

He shrugged. “Oh, you’ll learn about these games of power, little annoyances and small arrangements soon enough. I have always quite enjoyed politics.”

I looked at Ragnheiđur and rolled my eyes, when he looked away, something that made her smile.

“But Earl [Y/F/N]sdottir, Ragnheiđur Tokesdottir, where are my manners? Would you mind joining me and my sons for supper?”

We followed his invitation and soon found ourselves around a small table eating some meat, vegetables and bread with only him, his wife and his three sons.

“You might be a little confused as to why I asked you to be our guests this evening, but there are several things that I thought we should talk about without an audience.” The earl started after we were finished with most of the food.

I looked at him, now a little suspicious. “I am all ears, Earl Magnusson.”

He smiled at me. “You truly are your father’s daughter. He raised an intelligent woman. And I have to tell you that it plays into my cards pretty nicely, because I have to ask you a favour.”

Ragnheiđur became slightly unsettled and nervously moved in her chair, but I tried to remain calm. We had to hear him out before we could see if there was anything we had to or should do. I gave him another nod, to proceed with his request.

“I am going to join the raid against the Saxons, I guess you heard that already. I decided to stay home when Ironside wanted to explore the Mediterranean and I am still mourning the chance, but somebody had to stay here and take care of my earldom. Now, fate has intervened and my son Birger cannot join the raid, but he can very well hold my place here in Bork. I hear you are staying in Ripa as well, is that true?”

I gave him a crooked smile. “My husband doesn’t think it safe for his wife to traipse around the battlefields in a foreign country, so I will be staying in Ripa. But I will come to Kattegat to say my goodbyes to my husband, Ivar Ragnarsson. It might be the last time I will see him alive.”

Earl Magnusson smiled fondly. “Yes, yes, you should come to see him off. It is a rare gift to have a husband care so deeply for your safety. I trust that you will leave Ripa in the capable hands of your second, Ragnheiđur Tokesdottir then?” His eyes darted to her, just as she was stuffing her face.

Ragnheiđur looked up, gave a nod and tried to swallow quickly. “The one and only. I will return to Ripa as soon as our troops are off and will have a watchful eye on all matters of the earldom.”

Birger now entered the conversation. “I heard you learned to fight under Queen Lagertha, is that the truth?”

“Lagertha taught me far more than just to fight. I was her second in Hedeby before she asked me to come here with Y/N, so I learned everything necessary to lead an earldom and its people from her. She is an extra-ordinary woman, Lagertha is.” Ragnheiđur beamed.

Birger smiled at Ragnheiđur. “You sure make it sound like she is.”

Earl Magnusson looked from one to the other. “Would you be willing to help and advise my son if need be, as he will take care of Bork for me?” Birger wanted to protest, but his father shushed him with a gesture of his hand. “It’s not that I don’t trust him, but his wound is still fresh and other Earls might see it as a weakness. I don’t want to come home and find my earldom claimed by usurpers. Also, he has been away for a long time and it wouldn’t hurt for him to be able to ask the opinion of one or two people in matters of ruling a people and preparing this town for the winter.”

Ragnheiđur smiled uneasily and I frowned. Then she looked at me, looked for my stance on this matter. This conversation had taken a turn I hadn’t expected and I knew that Earl Magnusson could read it on my face.

He sighed. “To be honest, I would have asked you to consider marrying my son, but seeing that you are already married and that my son is a cripple, I cannot do that.” He chuckled, but I knew it was to hide the insecurity and slight shame he was feeling.

I cocked my head to the side. “You haven’t met my husband yet, Earl Magnusson, but I believe your son is more than able to manage your estate and earldom. However, I do understand your fear of your son seeming weak in the eyes of possible usurpers. But you should keep one thing in mind: it is always an advantage if people underestimate you. Just ask my husband and you know what I am talking about. I believe that because people are going to underestimate him, Birger will be more than fine. You have our support, but I sincerely doubt that you will need it.”

I heard Birger whisper to Ragnheiđur “What is wrong with her husband?” and Ragnheiđur answer “Nothing, he is just a cripple that cannot use his legs.”

Birger chuckled nervously, not sure if she was being serious or making a joke, but he didn’t dare ask and Ragnheiđur just shrugged and grinned at him.

“So, we will set out tomorrow morning and you will be coming with us to Kattegat, and in the meantime, Ragnheiđur will take care of Ripa and any issues Birger might experience. Do we have a deal?” Earl Magnusson asked.

I gave a nod. We had a deal.

Never before had I approached Kattegat by ship, but it was an impressive sight. The city in the heart of the fjord gently stretched across the coastal line and even a few of the rolling hills surrounding it. A shiver ran down my spine, when I smelled the familiar scent of the fjord; its sea, its fir trees, its craftsmen’s fires. It felt right to come back here, like coming home, even though deep in my heart, I knew that the only thing that made it feel that way, was the man waiting for me in this town. Even before I saw anybody else, I saw Floki stealing looks at the different boats tied in the harbour, judging their handywork, looking for differences in technique, ways to improve his own ships, if he wanted to or found anything worth adapting. I jumped off the longboat I had been on to the jetty and walked toward him, smiling, but shaking my head.

“Floki, did I just catch you stealing trade secrets from my people in Jutland?”

He jumped, looking at me with wild eyes. “I am not stealing any….Y/N! It is you!”

He took a step toward me and gave me a hug that smelled of tar and wood and I would not have wanted it any other way.

“Does Ivar know you are coming?” he then asked. “He might be in need of a little lightening up. He seems pretty intense these days.”

“I know Floki. And he should know. He should have felt me coming deep in his bones.” I smiled at the boat builder.

He shook his head. “How did Aslaug know that you would be the Skagerrak to Ivar’s Kattegat? You two are crashing into each other in heavy waves, but one without the other? Impossible.”

“How is Helga?” I asked him and his smile became strained.

“Good, she is good. She found herself a child. Tanaruz. But…” his voice faded.

“But what?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing. I don’t know.” He giggled. “Speaking of Helga, I should see how she is. But it was great seeing you again.”

I smiled after him. “You too, Floki, you too.”

Earl Magnusson appeared behind me. “So, you know your way around here, don’t you?”

When we reached the Great Hall, Torvi told us that Lagertha was in Hedeby, but also took the troops off my hands and showed them where they could set up camp. As she went with them, to show them the site, I made my way through the narrow lanes of Kattegat to see if I could find Margarete somewhere, but I didn’t exactly know where I should start, because she was no longer a slave and probably didn’t stay in their quarters anymore. Just as I considered to go to our home and look for Ivar, I bumped into Björn who came sneaking out of a house that I knew was not Torvi’s. He looked at me with wide eyes, then put his finger to his mouth. I rolled my eyes at him and we started walking a few feet into the direction of the harbour.

“Y/N, it is great to see you…I…” he began.

I just looked at him and then could not keep from breaking into laughter. He looked dishevelled and his shirt was half open and he still tried to act like nothing had happened.

“Björn, you smell of sex. And that was not Torvi’s door. It is none of my business, though, you don’t need to try to get me to keep my mouth shut. Whatever there is between the two of you should stay there. I got enough drama in my life.”

He laughed, relieved. Then threw me a sharp look. “Are you here for Ivar? Because he is going mad. He thinks father chose him for this, he wants to be our leader on this raid.”

I gave Björn a level look. “Well, he did. Your father, I mean. Still, you are not wrong in not trusting him with all that power by himself. But you would do well to consider his input. He is not as inexperienced as you assume. And he is a brilliant tactician. But you knew that already.” I smiled coldly.

Björn looked at me for a long time then shook his head. “Forever his advocate, aren’t you? I will never understand the two of you.”

I shrugged. “Somebody has to be on his side, when he is right. But can you tell me, where I can find Margarete these days?”

He pointed me into the direction of a small house Ubbe had built, and there she was, hanging the laundry. I slowed down my steps when I saw her. She looked so happy, I had to smile. When she looked up and saw me, her mouth fell open, then she started toward me, gained speed and before I could think anything of it, she hugged me tight, tears in our eyes.

“You are back! I thought, Ivar had driven you away for good!” she exclaimed, taking a little distance to look into my face.

I shook my head. “I had to take care of important business back home and Ivar just happened to speed up my departure. I cannot stay long, but I had to see you and wish my husband good luck on his raid.”

Her eyes were big and blue and innocent when she looked at me, absolutely frightened: “You cannot go back to him. You should avoid him as best you could, he is even worse than he was before he met you!”

I closed my eyes. “It is not as easy as that. Leaving him does not resolve any of our problems.”

She swallowed thickly then smiled a brilliant smile: “But you can come to our wedding! Ubbe asked me to marry him, we are getting married tomorrow. Are you coming?”

A laugh bubbled from my chest. “How could I stay away?!”

I tried to think of other people I might have to meet, other ways to delay the reunion with Ivar, not because I did not want to see him, but because I did not know, which version of him I would find today. Not even today, but the moment he saw me. Had I wronged him with the way of my departure? Probably. Had he wronged me with the way he tried to manipulate me into staying? Probably. In the end, I thought, it shouldn’t be so hard for two people who wanted to stay together, to be together. It should not be so hard for two people to love each other. I sighed and my feet slowly but steadily carried me to our home. The garden was a little less cared for, but other than that, it looked the same. My chest felt slightly compressed, which made it harder to breathe. I closed my eyes against the pictures of the past that threatened to wash over me, slightly shook my head. There was the slight prick of tears when I thought about the way we had left things. I had left things. There had been so much else to do that I had never confronted my own feelings of guilt until I saw the place it all had happened. I took a deep breath, exhaled and stepped closer, then entered the house.

“Ivar? Are you home?” I asked into the dim light inside. There was no fire in the fireplace and only little light filtered in through some cracks in the wood. I looked around the living area. Ubbe had moved out of the family home since I had left for Ripa, but judging by the belongings strewn around, Hvitserk and Sigurd still lived here with Ivar. I groaned. No wonder everything was in disarray and chaos, I shook my head, but smiled. “Hvitserk? Sigurd?” I asked, just to be sure, I was alone.

I entered Ivar’s space and put my bundle of clothes onto the bed. I looked around and found Ivar’s room unchanged, there were still the table and the stool I had sat on, when he had first washed me. I smiled a small smile. Then I saw a wooden box in one corner that hadn’t been there before. It was beautiful, probably Floki’s work. I went over and wondered what it held inside, wondering if Ivar would be angry if I had a look inside. I looked around again, as if to make sure that Ivar didn’t hide in some corner of the room, then I opened the box and peered inside. It drew the air from my lungs and I had to sit down on the ground before it, when I saw my meticulously folded wedding dress and the dried flower crown I had worn inside. I took the crown and placed it carefully on the table, then took out the dress and held it up, held it to my cheek to feel the material. We hadn’t been able to get the bloodstains out, so I had never been able to wear it again. When I looked back at the box, I saw something else inside. It was a beautiful necklace that held a moonstone in its center. I knew it, it had been my mother’s and I had given it to Aslaug when I had arrived in Kattegat. I stared at it on the bottom of the box, when I heard his familiar sing-song voice from the door.

“Look who finally came home.” His voice was neither hostile, nor friendly, but then he saw what I held in my hands. His eyes widened and his mouth set in a strict line. “Put that back.” He demanded.

I took a last look at my mother’s necklace then folded up the dress as neatly as I could and let it as well as the flower crown drop into the box, which I closed.

Ivar gave a small snort. “Look at you, listening to what I tell you. Must be the first time.” He crawled into the room, then dragged himself up onto the bed.

I looked at him from my spot on the ground. His face had grown sharper and his eyes seemed darker than before, though that might have been the light. I smiled slightly at his sight. Looking at him still made me feel like I was right where I was supposed to be.

He looked down to the ground. “Same with me.” He said, answering to my unspoken inner monologue. Then his eyes went wide and the two of us just stared at each other.

“She could not tell me how deep and how far this goes.” I told him.

He gave a nod. “I know.”

Then the two of us just looked to the ground, two people wanting to be close but too torn apart by the words said and deeds done before. So we simply breathed and sat together in our awkward mixture of feelings. I could feel my own feelings echo within Ivar, which made me breathe a little easier. If neither of us knew how to go on from this, we could choose a path together.

“Ivar, I…”

He shook his head. “Don’t. Don’t try to explain anything. It’s not worth it. I will be leaving for Northumbria in a few days and you will be back in Ripa. I know why you had to leave. But you also have to understand why I have to leave.”

I hung my head. Then looked up and smiled at him crookedly.

He closed his eyes and let himself fall backwards onto his bed. “For what it is worth, you are a good leader. Politics? You are better at it than I thought.”

“Please, come back to me.” was all I said. It was all I really wanted. For him to be with me. To really be with me.

Another snort. “And how do you imagine that? Me settling down with you in Ripa? Leaving Kattegat to that murderous snake on the throne right now? Or her son, the ‘oh so brave and strong’ Björn Ironside?” He sat up and looked at me with fire in his eyes. He was too consumed by his own mission right now to talk about us. So I changed the subject:

“Speaking of Björn, who is he bedding now? I ran into him sneaking out of a house that was not Torvi’s. He tried to keep me quiet.”

Ivar rolled his eyes. “His mother’s lover, that Astrid. But well, at least he is not offering up his arse to other men.”

I was slightly confused at that comment. “What?”

“Sigurd. Where Björn doesn’t care about his lovers’ other partners, Sigurd doesn’t care if they are men or women. He just… he’s into people.” Ivar said with a playful lightheartedness that sounded false.

I shrugged. “Well, I can see no fault in that.”

“Not unless you let yourself be mounted like a donkey. He is too submissive to be a son of my father.”

“You never liked him and he never liked you. Don’t let that cloud your judgement when it comes to his sexuality. Remember, you have to be a united front if you want to beat the Saxons.” I replied.

“I hate it when you try to reason with me, because sometimes, you are right.” Ivar whined, but then grinned.

I laughed. “Well, somebody has to be the voice of reason in this madness.”

Ivar groaned. “But sometimes, I don’t want to hear it.”

Hvitserk’s voice came from the door. “Ivar, get your cripple ass to the Great Hall, we have people to meet, Y/N sent a whole fleet from Jutland to support us!”

Ivar’s eyes met mine and he nodded slightly impressed. “Did you now?” he asked me.

“Who are you talking to?” Hvitserk’s voice came again, slightly annoyed. Then his head popped in the door. As he saw me, the whole viking followed and he quickly made his way to me, still sitting on the ground, hugging me tightly as he reached me. I hugged him back and grinned broadly.

“I heard that you were seen around town, but I thought people were making it up.” He said with sparkling eyes.

“You mean, you saw Margarete and she told you, but you thought, she had dreamt it, because it’s her wedding tomorrow.” I chuckled.

Hvitserk shrugged. “Maybe that as well, but it is great to see you. Now come on, you two, there is going to be a feast for our troops.”

I looked to Ivar, who inclined his head, even though he rolled his eyes. “You go first, Hvitserk, we’ll be right behind you.”

Kattegat did not hold back on its hospitality when it came to the Great Army and its supporters. The whole town seemed to be in a constant state of festivities, but the feast that night was impressive, even to me that had seen a few feasts in this very hall on several occasions. I said as much to Earl Magnusson, who had found me after the dinner was over and everybody had started to greet each other.

“So this is where you spent your days after you had to flee from your uncle? You could have had it worse.” He smiled and for the first time it was open enough that I did not get suspiscious of any ulterior motives. “It is good to see that you were well cared for.”

“Oh, but Kattegat has grown, even since then. I assume some of the warriors coming back from the Mediterranean just decided to settle here as well. And the feasts were definitely smaller back then.” I laughed lightly.

“I definitely think that an alliance with Kattegat is not the most stupid thing you could have gone for. They have capable craftsmen here, not to mention the trading goods…”

He trailed off, as the crowd to our left parted and his glance fell on Ivar crawling towards us. He tried to hide it, but a frown appeared on his forehead.

Before he could say anything that might infuriate Ivar or just annoy him, I decided to introduce him.

“Earl Magnusson, that is my husband Ivar Ragnarsson, one of the sons of Ragnar leading the army. Ivar, this is Earl Magnusson from Bork, he is the one who supplied us with most of the longboats we have.” I bent down to give Ivar a cup of mead from a nearby table, so he could drink with us.

Ivar took it, while he eyed the earl suspiciously. He knew that man had meant trouble for me, but he also saw us relatively relaxed with each other, so he decided to give an appreciative nod.

“Earl Magnusson. I have heard a few things about you, it is nice to finally make your acquaintance.” Ivar raised his cup.

The Earl of Bork however gave a short laugh and clapped my shoulder. “This is what you meant when you said that my son would not be too crippled to marry or lead my people when I meant to offer you his hand.” He seemed honestly delighted that Ivar was living proof that his son could still amount to something.

I saw Ivar’s jaw set, though. He did not like to hear that I had been proposed to, even if he did not know the circumstances, because somehow I had been able to keep this detail from him.

“It is great to see you, Ivar Ragnarsson, and I hope you can show me how you overcame the obstacles your…circumstances confronted you with.”

Ivar smiled superficially, but it was a cold, reptilian smile that let cold shivers run down my spine. “It is always a pleasure to be a good example. If you’ll excuse me, I believe my brothers wanted to see me.”

And with that he crawled away.

Earl Magnusson looked at me, slightly unsettled. “I hope I did not offend your husband.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes. “Don’t worry about it. He just has a lot on his mind at the moment. I am sure he has some important business to sort out with his brothers. One of them is getting married tomorrow, so I am actually surprised they showed their faces tonight.”

That was when Lagertha waved me over and I had to excuse myself from Earl Magnusson myself. In a corner of the room I saw King Harald and Halfdan talk to someone I had never seen before. When he turned to look at me, I felt slightly nauseous and I didn’t know why. Probably just too much ale and not enough to eat, so I shrugged it off and walked over to Lagertha, who wanted to know how Ripa fared and if Ragnheiđur was well.

I left not long after my conversation with Lagertha was over, mostly because I could not shake that feeling of nausea. Shortly after I had left the hall, I could feel a presence that I knew all too well by this point. I didn’t even need to turn around and look at him, I could feel it in the air, when Ivar was close. It was a certain electric quality to the air around us, it was charged with his anger and my stubbornness and a pull towards him that almost made me afraid.

“Wait up, Y/N! You might remember I am not as fast on my hands as you are on your feet.”

“I do remember you being faster than people tend to think you are.”

He reached me and looked up to me with his unbelievably blue eyes that even shone in the dark of the night out here. There was something like hope in them for a moment, but that was quickly washed away by his constant guardedness and an anger, I could not place this time. Normally, I could at least tell what angered him. But all emotion was shut away right now, I had to navigate blindly.

“Why are you here, Y/N?” he asked me directly.

I started walking in the direction of our – his? – home.

“Our home.” He said softly. “It will always be our home, that small room in my family’s house.”

I looked straight ahead, carrying a small smile in the corner of my mouth.

“I had to…no, that is wrong. I wanted to say my goodbyes, wish you luck and see you off. This is your fight and I wanted you to know that I am on your side.”

He chuckled. “Funny. For someone claiming to be on my side, you are gone quite a lot. And you are rather quick in telling me how wrong I am in what I do.”

I chuckled. “Because I love you, Ivar. I only want, what is best for you. And sometimes that means giving you an opinion you don’t want to hear when I believe you are going down the wrong path. Sometimes loving somebody means not letting them get their will, but telling them they are wrong to keep them from harm.”

We had reached the threshold I had carried him over all those moons ago and I heard him laugh.

“So, you claim you love me, but why should I believe you?”

I was getting annoyed. I had honestly told him how I felt and he contested it. With a dark look at him, I entered our room and sat down on the stool to take off my shoes. “I guess you just have to trust me on this one.”

He shook his head. “But how do I know that nobody else is calling you their own?”

Incredulously I stared at him. “How do you come up with things like this?!”

His voice sounded almost reasonable when he explained: “You have been away quite a while, my wife, and now I have to hear that you have been offered the hand of another man in marriage. And even though I know everything that is going on, you decided to hide that fact from me. What do you think, how does that make me feel?”

I rolled my eyes. “Ivar, stop the games, I was never actually offered the hand of Earl Magnusson’s son, because I told him I was married. Besides, you know what I have been doing most of the time I was away, you probably just overlooked it.”

His jaw clenched. It actually bothered him. “I have seen how they looked at you. The men from your town. The earls at the Thing. Do you have any idea how many of them wanted to claim you and that earldom of yours?”

Still sitting, I started taking off my jewellery and put it on the table. “But I am not interested in them and I am very well capable of defending my honour. I am only interested in my earldom and in you, my husband.”

He came up behind me and I could feel his hot breath on my neck. “So, you have not come to stay in Kattegat and wait for me to come back? You are still holding on to that little earldom of yours?”

“Ivar, you are going to Northumbria, you won’t even notice I am not in Kattegat.” I tried to reason with him. With his jealousy of my earldom.

“So, you will be here when I return?” he asked darkly.

I gave a sigh. “If I…”

He groaned like a wounded animal. “No! There is no If! You are mine! You don’t belong to that earldom of yours, you belong to me!”

I turned around on the stool to face him. “I have seen your thoughts, Ivar”, I said, sounding as menacingly as him, “I know that you don’t plan on coming home after you have had your revenge! I know the schemes you are putting together; while your brothers only want revenge for your dead father, you want more. You seek glory, fame and notoriety!”

Our faces were only a few breaths away from each other and his eyes glittered coldly, his lips were pressed together tightly. He exhaled a quick breath through his nose.

“What is it to you? You are not here, so don’t tell me that you will miss me!”

“Did it ever occur to you that it numbs the pain of you being away when I have something else to do than to just wait for your return? I do miss you, I miss you badly. And if you want me close then take me with you to Northumbria! Let me fight by your side.”

His eyes were wet. “No.” he simply said. Then crossed his arms in front of his chest. “No!”

“And why not?”

“We have talked about this, Y/N.” he growled. “You are mine!”

My stare became furious and I wanted to hurt him. So, I pushed his shoulder. “Then stake your claim, cripple!” I snarled at him, pushing my face even closer to his, baring my teeth. “Show me that I am yours, Boneless!” I shoved him a second time -

It was as if a switch had been flipped, as white-hot anger washed over Ivar and he only growled deeply, before he leapt forward kissing my lips hungrily, so he accidently bit my lower lip. Then he shoved me so hard, I toppled backwards off my stool. He grabbed it and threw it aside, before I felt his familiar weight on me, his lips back on mine, then on my neck, biting, drawing blood. His hands pushed up my skirt and pulled down his pants. He looked at me, eyes dark and a feral fury within them. He only gave a gutteral grunt when he suddenly and unexpectedly pushed into me. My eyes went wide with shock at what was happening and I drew up my knees, as if to shield me, but it only helped him to push deeper. A moan was drawn from my lips and I dug my nails into the fabric at the back of his tunic. He didn’t care, didn’t stop to think, fumbling at my still clothed breasts, as he started to move faster and harder, chasing for release. I crossed my ankles over his ass, to answer his rhythm, let my head fall back and my eyes fall closed. His fingers caressed my cheek and then his mouth was at my throat again, kissing, biting, licking. I moaned again. Let his name roll from my lips. He rolled his hips more violently to answer. Once, twice, and as his hips started to stutter, he finished with one final, deep push that made me bite his collarbone to keep from screaming, not from pain, but from pleasure. As suddenly, as it had begun, it was over and Ivar collapsed on top of me. His eyes found mine, as he exhaustedly mumbled:

“You are mine, Y/N. Mine alone.”

We lay in a heap on the floor and didn’t move for a moment. I did not argue.

“And you are mine.” I sighed and let my head roll back, exposing my neck, so Ivar could see the marks he had left. I was about ready to drift off to sleep, when Ivar pulled himself off the floor and said my name.

“Come on, get up from the floor, you’ll get sick.” He said in a weird tone of voice, I had never heard before. I glanced up into his face and found genuine concern in it, so I reluctantly got off the floor, took off my dress and brushed off the sand off my legs and butt, then quickly dried off the juices from between my legs with the dress, before getting into the bed and beneath the furs. He followed quickly after, but kept a safe distance. I felt his hand touch my shoulder hesitantly.

“Did I… did I hurt you?” he asked, still in that weird tone. I turned around to face him and frowned.

“No Ivar, you didn’t. Why do you ask?”

“You… you screamed. And not quietly, like…really loud. And then you bit me and almost passed out.”

I looked at him. Was that what had happened? I tried to clear the warm fuzzy feeling in my head.

“No, it was… it felt… I have never had sex before, but I guess this was not bad.”

Suddenly, his eyes went wide and then his whole face lit up with joy. “I am not boneless.” he whispered in awe.

I smiled before I rested my head against his strong chest. “No, you are definitely not.”

He chuckled. “I don’t even really know what happened.”

“You lost control, that is what happened. You were scary angry, Ivar.” I told him in a level tone of voice, to cover my concern. Then again, I had pushed him into this fit of anger.

“I could say I am sorry, but that would be a lie.” He grinned smugly.

We lay in silence for a while then he asked:

“There is no getting out of this? You die, I die, right?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, breathed in his scent. “Yes. Also, your mother made me a völva or something more than a seer and the Gods might have plans for us.”

“You have to admire my mother’s handiwork. She did not hold back. The way she brought chaos to our lives, she did it properly.” He said quietly.

“I don’t think it was all her fault. Someone must have given her the idea.”

“Oh, believe me, my mother had that idea all by herself. She did it for me. She did everything for me. She loved me.”

I gave a small nod. “I will go back to Yrsa, once I am in Ripa. She wanted to practice with me, teach me how to controll our bond.”

Ivar looked at me curiously. “And why would you do that?”

I hid my face in his chest. “To be able to check in with you at will. See what you are doing.”

“Winning battles of course. The Saxons won’t know what is coming for them.”

I smiled sadly against his body. “Promise me to come back alive.”

Ivar kissed my hair and smiled into the kiss. “Even if I die, we will go to Valhalla together. No one can keep us apart.”

My arms wound around his torso and hugged him firmly to my body. “Yes, but I would love to spend more hours like this.”

“When I get back, we’ll see.” He replied hesitantly.

The next couple of days flew by in a rush; Margarete’s and Ubbe’s wedding went by quickly, it was a beautiful ceremony and I was happy I was able to attend it. Hvitserk gave her away and I could feel there was something going on there, but I did not want to snoop and I had a lot on my mind already. I promised Margarete to meet her when we had said our goodbyes to the men and then left the festivities rather early to get some time for myself.

I went down to the beach a little outside of town and looked out onto the sea. It was a clear day, yet the sea was restless, just like myself. I closed my eyes against the breeze and took in a deep breath. Suddenly, I felt snowflakes on my skin, was back in the city, looked around the new reinforcements of the city, there was a shieldmaiden lying in the newly fallen snow. Her blood had tinted it a dark red, molten it in places. There were people fighting all around, Kattegat was under attack. I opened my eyes and was back at the late autumn shore I had been a moment ago. This was new. And unnerving. I sat down on a piece of driftwood in the sand, when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You are awfully alone out here on a day your family is welcoming a new member.” Floki said, before he dropped down onto the log as well.

“Well, shouldn’t you be at the wedding as well?” I looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.

He shrugged and giggled. “Maybe. But I don’t feel much like celebrating these days. There’s a change in the wind and strange tides are coming in. But I don’t need to tell you that, now, do I?” His grin was replaced by a serious and questioning look.

“Floki, do you believe our Gods are on our side? That our Gods are friendly?”

“I don’t know if one necessarily includes the other. I believe they test us. Some more than others. Some are born into greater fates and have to fight harder than others. I believe that you and Ivar are two people that will have to fight a lot. Not with each other, though you keep getting better and better at that.” Again he giggled.

“Oh, Floki, where do we go from here?” I didn’t expect an answer to that question, it was just a genuine question I asked myself, and he understood and we sat in slience for a while.

Then he cleared his throat. “I have a feeling, Y/N, that I won’t return to Kattegat. Helga says, she is going with me, she is taking Tanaruz. There is nothing left for me here. Ragnar is gone, all of our old friends, they have gone to Valhalla before me. Only Lagertha remains, but she is not the same. Kattegat is not the same. I am tired of the constant fighting and scheming, everybody wants to be king or queen. It hasn’t been like this in the old days. I feel like our lives were easier back then, when Ragnar was just a farmer and I was just his boat-building friend.”

Floki’s eyes searched for mine then I gave a slight nod. “The tides will turn once again in Kattegat, but also in Northumbria. Nothing will be as it was. I feel it as well.”

Floki took my hand. “Don’t tell Ivar what I told you. It would hurt him and he would not understand. He is young and looking for infamy, just like his father when he was younger, but with more to prove.”

“I don’t know if he hears what I am saying. I try to save him from the path he is sliding down, but he doesn’t want to be saved. It is like trying to sail a boat in a storm. I fear I will lose him out on the waves.”

Now Floki giggled. “Y/N, use that pretty little head of yours. What do we do when there is a storm while we are out at sea? We wait for it to pass and cut our losses. Maybe you will have to take a step back and let Ivar’s boat take a few hits. You can still send a boat to save him when the storm has passed. You don’t sail into the storm.”

I had to laugh at his comment and shook my head. “To see the world through your eyes for only a day would probably change how I look at a lot of things.”

He cocked his head. “If you don’t go crazy in the first couple of hours. It is funny in that head of mine.” He giggled again and I only shook my head.

I stood in our garden when Ivar came home from the wedding and he saw me instantly. I could feel a sense of nervousness radiating off of him and his movements toward me became more urgent. I frowned at that. And it broke my heart when I understood where his reaction came from. His eyes scanned the garden quickly and I knew, he thought I was leaving again. Still, as soon as he had made sure that there were no packed bags and I did not intend to leave, his pokerface returned. We were broken in a way. Tied together, but broken apart.

“Back home, my husband?” I asked him playfully.

Ivar smiled back. “And happy to find you here. What are you doing out in the garden?”

I shrugged, looking around. “You know what I always loved about this garden, small as it is? In the spring it was so full with Blåveis blossoms, I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was just, maybe looking around if I could find any of its beauty right now.”

Ivar scoffed. “It’s almost winter, there’s nothing blooming right now.”

I let myself fall to the floor next to him. “Yes, but it will all be in full bloom again next spring, even if we would never suspect its beauty right now.”

He let his head drop to the side and was facing me now. “Why do I feel like you are not just talking about flowers?”

I wriggled my eyebrows and smiled at him. “Because maybe, my dear Ivar, I am not just talking about flowers.”

Ivar looked at me and could not surpress a small laugh. “You look ridiculous when you do this thing with your eyebrows.”

I wriggled them again. “You mean this?”

He let his head drop back in mock-exasperation. “Y/N, why do you have to be like this?”

I grinned. “Because I know it annoys you. No, come on, let’s get inside. It is getting cold out here.”

Ivar followed me inside the house and we noted that neither Hvitserk nor Sigurd were home. The house was quiet and dark except for the two of us. We quickly washed off the day and got into bed. Today, Ivar moved closer to me as soon as we were beneath the furs. He kissed my shoulder.

“I would love to try the thing we did yesterday again.” He whispered close to my ear and I felt a shiver running down my spine in anticipation, as he started to kiss along my spine. Then I turned around and looked into his eyes and kissed him slowly. I could feel his hands on my body and let mine explore as well, as I started to kiss along his neck and collarbone. He started playing with my breasts, but after a while I noticed that something was off.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him, as a deep furrow started to form between his eyebrows.

“It’s…”, his voice was small and pressed, “…nothing is happening. It’s like before. I don’t understand…”

I looked at him and felt my heart break for him once again. My hand found his cheek and I pulled him closer to me, as I closed my eyes.

“It’s okay Ivar. You are just putting too much pressure on yourself. Let’s just… let us just be for a moment, okay?” I kissed his cheek and I felt a hot tear falling from his lashes. He was feeling ashamed and worthless again and buried his face against my shoulder. I kissed his temple. I was there with him, but I knew that this broke something in him he had thought fixed. I saw him fight with Sigurd, but I beat down the images, because I did not want to see them now. Or ever. I had seen how that situation played out the moment we got married. Maybe the Gods had tried to warn me back then. But even if they had, by now, I was too far down the rabbit hole to get out of this. Right now, I felt my broken husband cry against me and tried as hard as I could to hold the pieces of him together.

“I love you, Ivar.” I whispered against his hair.

I felt him laugh humorlessly. “How could you ever love a cripple like me? How can you say that?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. And believe me, sometimes I don’t know why. But I do. I do love you.”

I knew that right now, he did no believe me. But I also knew that he needed to hear it before he left.

#vikings fanfic #history vikings #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar the boneless #ivar lothbrok #ivar imagine #ivar the boneless imagine #fates entwined #tw: dubious consent #tw: dubcon #ivar ragnarsson

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