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messedupfan · 2 years

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I Can't Do This Anymore

Summary: The third and final part to whatever it is that this is haha

A/N: because I can have no peace hahahaha here y'all go. Also I've been seeing something about little me being CEO of Leigh Shaw??? What's this about? As always, let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

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Rolling over in the bed as you wake up, you find that Leigh isn't beside you anymore. Quickly sitting up with a frown, you scan the room and find her sitting in a robe in front of the window. The two of you were in Scotland. You were here for work and Leigh was here for you. It's the first time she has ever joined you on one of your trips. She only made the trip because every plan for you to fly out to her was canceled for one reason or another. Your boss wasn't very happy about some decisions you've recently made and it was starting to feel like you were getting punished for it.

“You’re up early,” you say, noticing that the sun isn't even up yet.

“Couldn’t sleep, actually,” Leigh keeps her eyes locked on something outside of the window.

“I’m sorry, I know how tough jet lag can be—”

“It’s not jet lag,” she interrupts, and this time she does look at you. The expression behind her eyes makes it hard for you to breathe. This is it, you think to yourself. “It’s us,” her voice cracks a little, tearing a piece of your heart with it.

You look down at your hands and think what is more important. A perfectly planned out and overly cheesy grand gesture? Or this moment, here and now, when she needs you? “What about us?” You ask, preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

It's quiet for a moment. Everything feels still, frozen. As if time has stopped for the two of you. So that this can happen for the both of you, right here, right now. The first sound you hear in the long ten minutes that you sat in silence is her sniffling. This isn’t how you wanted things to go. She shouldn’t be crying because of you. At least, the tears shouldn’t be sad ones. You loved that you were able to make her laugh so hard that she cried before. That you’ve gotten happy tears out of her. Those are the ones she should have right now. Not the sad ones that she’s shedding.

You can’t look at her, at least not yet. “I can’t do this anymore,” she says finally. Making you shut your eyes, you take a deep breath through your nose. Bracing yourself for her words. Allowing her to speak before you swoop in and make a fool of yourself. “I love you, so so much. I…” she pauses as she wipes a few tears with her thumbs. “I thought I knew what love was before you. But,” she shakes her head and looks back out to the window. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone the way that I do you.”

You’re confused, you thought this would be about not loving you. That it wasn’t worth it anymore because she fell out of love with you. “Why are you saying this as if it’s a bad thing?” You finally look towards her.

“It’s not, except when it is.” She states as she plays with the necklace you bought her a couple of years ago. “I, when we, when this became a real thing. I thought I was okay with the distance. It was working, we were working. But then, I had to move out on my own again and there was no one to come home to. Then I got a roommate but it didn’t matter. It didn’t help the loneliness I felt when coming home. They weren’t you. I wanted to be coming home to you. I want to be coming home to you. But,” she sighs and she turns her head to you. “I love you. I would never ask you to give up the life you love. I mean, this place is amazing, I can only imagine all that you’ve seen of the world. All that you still have yet to see. I can’t ask you to give any of that up for me, but I want to. Because I am selfish and I want you all to myself. I want to come home from a long day at work and have you there too. I want to share ideas with you while we’re snuggling on the couch, watching a movie or a show together. I want to, I don’t know, raise a couple kids with you. I want them to have a stable environment and not worry about when you’ll come back, if you’ll come back. I want to go to dinners with my friends and not have to show up alone and have them look at me like I’m some poor cause. Did you know that they started to call you my snuffleupagus?”

“I’m sorry, snuffleupagus?” You ask, unfamiliar with the funny name.

“It’s from Sesame Street, he was Big Bird's imaginary friend that only children could see,” she explains.

“Ah, so they think you’re naive for being with me?” You inquire, she nods. “And what do you think?”

She looks down at her nervous fingers as she continues to play with her nails. She shrugs her shoulders, “Maybe I am, for thinking this could work forever.” Finally, you stand up from the bed and move closer to her. “Please, don’t come near me. I won’t be able to get this out if you come any closer.”

You sag your body as you hold back a laugh or a smile and your body fills with relief. She has no idea yet, the thought makes it harder to remain stoic. You continue to move in her direction but you pass her to get to the safe in the room. You put in the combination and you grab the small box. Then you get down on both of your knees in front of her. “Leigh,” you start and play with the box in your hand, careful to keep it out of her view. “I want those things too. I don’t want this life anymore. Being away from you has been killing me. I applied for a stable job in LA and I got it. This last year, all I’ve been working on is getting out of my contract because I don’t love this anymore. I love you, and I want to be with you. Leigh Shaw,” you open the box and hold it up for her to see. “I can’t do this anymore either. I want to build a life with you and I can’t do that if I don’t settle down and come home.”

Leigh’s eyes fill with more tears, “I, but, LA isn’t your home. You have one, you love it there. You would leave your family for some girl?”

You break into a smile, “Leigh, first off, you’re far from being just some girl. You’re my home. Besides, I was leaving them all of the time for some job. I highly doubt they’ll be upset over this.” She lets out a small laugh at your remark. “Anyway, I don’t have much of a life back there anymore. Sure, my parents and my brothers and sisters and extended family are still there. But, with this job I barely saw them anyway. And as you already know, any friends I had before, we fell out of touch years ago. This is what I want,” you assure her, “You and sunny California and your slightly crazy family that are always badgering me about quitting my job because you’re a nightmare when I’m gone apparently.” You laugh as some of their messages enter your mind. Leigh shakes her head, still annoyed by her mother and sister for doing that. You set the ring box on her lap and rise from the floor. “I love you and I want a life with you. So what do you say?”

Gingerly opening the box, Leigh looks at the piece of jewelry inside and covers her mouth. She looks up at you and opens her mouth to answer.

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“I do.”

“With the power vested in me, by the state of California and get ordained dot org. I hereby pronounce you, MARRIED!!!” Jules says excitedly as she tosses up the papers that had her speech written on them. “Kiss now!!” She directs and you stare at your stunning wife in her white dress with the sun setting behind her, providing an array of colors in the sky behind her making this more magical than you ever possibly could have imagined it being. With a content breath, you hold her face in your hands and kiss her as everyone on the beach cheers.

#sorry for your loss #fanfiction #leigh shaw #leigh shaw imagine #leigh shaw x reader #sorry for your loss imagine #leigh shaw x y/n #leigh shaw x you #Can I See You Again?#You're Here #I Can't Do This Anymore

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messedupfan · 2 years

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You're Here

Summary: A sort of part two for "Can I See You Again?"

A/N: I think my mind is prolonging the ending for WILAY because it's not ready for it to be over yet haha. Anyway, enjoy this little short.

Masterlist | All Stories Taglist | Requests~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I wish you were here, I miss you,” Leigh’s frown on the screen tugs at your heart.

“I miss you too,” you say as you adjust your position on the bed. She was calling you on her break before you went to sleep for the night. At the moment you were in a hotel room in London. This time difference had to be the worst one yet. But she was willing to make it work and you appreciated the effort she made for you.

What easily could have been a one-night-stand has turned into a four month long distance flirtationship. The two of you weren’t necessarily official. If you wanted to date someone else, you were allowed to. But all you wanted was Leigh. Besides, you didn’t have the time. She, on the other hand, was very active in dating. The only good thing about it was that she would call you and tell you all about the horrible experiences.

As much as you wanted her all to yourself, you were aware that taking the risk of being in a relationship with someone like you wasn’t something many people were up for. At the end of the day, you were just grateful she wanted you to be part of her life. No matter how much it stung to hear that she was out having dinner with someone that wasn’t you. Bright side being that she never took or went home with any of them. So far.

“Alright,” she sighs as her alarm goes off. “I guess my break is over. Get some rest. I know that you don’t think so, but you need it.”

You laugh through your nose, “Excuse you, I get plenty of rest. But I would rest easier if you were in my arms right now.”

A quick smile jumps on her face as her cheeks redden. “Great, now I’m going to have to teach with a blush.”

“It’s exercising, everyone is red in the face with a good workout,” you explain away for her.

“You’re a little too good at that. Should I be worried?” She asks jokingly.

You sit up a little, not entirely sure what she meant by that. “What? Making stuff up?”

“I’m sure some people might call it lying but sure. You’re a little too good at making stuff up,” her smile doesn’t falter in the slightest which tells you that it was only a playful comment but you didn’t want her to think you were a liar. Although, you were always prepared with an alternative explanation when you didn’t want someone to know the truth. You just weren’t a liar with her. She needed to know that.

“No, you never have to be worried about me lying to you. I wouldn’t do that to you,” you say in a soft tone so that she knows you mean it. So there is no mistaking it for a joke or a lie.

Her smile disappears but not because she didn’t like hearing those words. Because she did. It just made her wish she didn’t have to be wasting her time with the people that are around her. She wished she could just be with you. But she would never ask you to change your entire life for something that might work out. That was too much to ask out of someone. Especially when they love their life the way it is as much as you’ve told her that you do.

You get nervous seeing her expression change so fast. She didn’t look upset by what you said. She didn’t look happy either. “I really have to go. I’ll call you later, or you can call me or something. Bye,” she says before hanging up without giving you a chance to say anything. You begin to chew on your fingernail as you calm your mind. She still wants to talk to you later and you were going to hold onto that.

Unfortunately, you find it almost impossible to fall asleep with your racing thoughts. You couldn’t hold off or wait for your job to send you back to California. You’re pretty sure that you only went there once or twice a year. That wasn’t fair for Leigh and now it wasn’t fair for you.

Once your alarm goes off, you finish packing your things and head for the airport. As soon as you’re there you have the destination changed on your flight. It was a major extra cost but that didn’t matter to you. What mattered at the moment was seeing Leigh in person. Holding her in your arms. Hearing her laugh next to you. Having her whisper in your ear. Kissing her, if she lets you. That kind of thing would make spending all of the money in the world to have that worth it.

You send a text to remind her that you’ll be on a flight for several hours. Unfortunately, you have to turn your phone off before you get a response from her.

“I just checked into my hotel,” you say to the voicemail. “Thought I’d call you to let you know. But it is pretty late, so I don’t blame you for not answering.” Once you did land and you could turn the airplane mode off of your phone, there were a couple texts from Leigh. Telling you to travel safely and to call her when you land.

In the morning, you look up the location of the place she works and check the online schedule for the time her class is. Part of you felt a little odd for finding this stuff on your own instead of asking her. But you wanted to surprise her and this was a good thing.

With the time you have before her class, you stop by a mall to get some workout clothes and something special for her. It takes a couple different stores in order to find something that you think will be perfect for her. Stopping in a jewelry store, you find a simple necklace with an emerald gem on a white gold chain. You smiled at the thought of her playing with it while she talked to you or anyone. Your heart jumped at the thought of her thinking about you every time she wore it.

As soon as you leave the store, you change into the workout clothes in a bathroom and get back to the rental car so that you can see her. You were glad that she hadn’t called you back. Made it so that you didn’t have to lie to her and you could keep your promise to her.

“Hi, I saw your special on two free classes,” you say to the girl at the front desk. She smiles up at you as if she recognizes you but can’t tell if she is allowed to say anything.

“Um, one second. I’m, I, my sister knows more about that than I do. Let me go grab her,” she leaves to the back and returns, almost pushing the person you came here for in front of her. Who is too focused on her phone to notice that you are standing there. “This person wanted to know more about our new free class program.”

“Jules, you're acting like you weren’t there when mom told us about all of – oh!” She stops mid sentence and drops her phone to the desk. Leigh blinks a couple times in disbelief. Excitedly, she walks around it to greet you with a tight hug. “You’re here,” she grins. “You’re really here.”

Holding her just as tight, you nod, “Yeah, I’m really here.”

Pulling away, Leigh takes a look at you and is confused. “Wait, are you really here for a class?”

You shake your head, “No, I came to surprise you but figured you would still have to work. I have no intention of leaving your side unless you want me gone.”

Leigh grins and stretches her arms out in front of her, doing her nose scrunch that you have fallen for. “I don’t think I’m going to want you gone for a long time.” She leans in to kiss you on the lips. Then a frown replaces the bright smile. “How long do I actually get to have you this time?” She asks, keeping her eyes to the ground.

You put your finger under her chin and lift it up to have her look at you, “Let’s not worry about that right now. Okay?”

“Okay,” she agrees in a whisper. Her fingers curl in your shirt as she pulls you closer for another kiss. Then Jules, in your opinion, rudely interrupts the two of you.

“I’m sorry, as happy as I am for you, Leigh. There is a room full of people waiting for you,” she says, pointing to the room. Leigh sighs as she lets you go. She promises to talk to you once the class is over. And she does. She wastes no time in kissing you again, despite how out of breath and sweaty you were, and it makes you laugh having missed her just as much as she appears to have missed you.

Leaving the studio, the two of you go somewhere nearby to grab some lunch before she has to return for her last class of the day. You opt to sit across from her instead of next to her. Otherwise, you’re certain you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off of her and it was a very public restaurant. The last thing you needed was to risk spending your time here in a jail cell. It was nice to get to really talk to her without the disruption of a phone dying or having to lay or sit in awkward and uncomfortable positions just to accommodate a short phone charger. Or even having to wait for a text because one of you had gotten distracted by a task or someone else around. She is there in front of you and you are here in front of her.

After her final class, Leigh hugs her sister goodbye and tells her not to expect her at the house. She has you follow her to her home and drags you inside while she packs some clothes. “I think you’re going to have to fess up on how long you’re here for. Otherwise, I’m not going to pack enough things to wear.”

“Mmm, trust me,” you hum as you approach her from the doorway to where she stands by her bed as she folds clothing and drops it into her bag. “You already have way more than you’ll need.”

Leigh shakes her head, “Is this just a long distance booty call for you?”

You’re shocked by the question, “No, of course not. I didn’t show up here just for that. I was only being flirty and mysterious.” As you talk, you wrap your arms around her waist from behind her and kiss her shoulder. “If you want to take it slow, that’s fine by me.” You reach in front of her to look at what she has in her bag and consider if it’ll be enough. “I think another outfit or two will be enough. I’m only here until Monday,” it was currently Thursday. “Do you work at all from now and then?” You ask, not realizing how inconsiderate it actually was for you to show up unannounced and expecting her to drop everything for you.

“Yeah,” Leigh starts with a disappointed tone, “I have an early morning class tomorrow. I would cancel, but I’m already covering for someone.”

You kiss the back of her neck and smile against her, “That’s okay, I’ll join you.”

She spins in your arms to face you and gives you an apologetic look. “You can’t without a membership. You used up both of your free classes today and if I could get away with it, I would give you another but–”

“Leigh,” you call to stop her rambling. “It’s okay, I’ll get a membership.”

“Oh you don’t have to do that,” she says. “You don’t even live around here, it wouldn’t make sense.”

You shrug, “Maybe it’s just another reason to come back. Although, you are more than enough of a reason.”

She finds herself unable to contain her smile and her eyes widen ever so slightly. “I think you like me,” she says with a bit of hope for confirmation in her tone.

With one hand, you tenderly place your hand against her neck so that your thumb rests on her cheek. “I know that I like you,” you say confidently before leaning in for a kiss. You sigh through your nose, savoring the feel of her lips against yours. Committing her to memory while she is still in front of you. Knowing how fast the time will fly. You motion to make it more than it is and she pulls away before you can deepen it. You quickly step back as you apologize for overstepping.

“No, you didn’t. That wasn’t the problem. It’s just, I would rather not run the risk of this being cut short because of my mom or sister coming through.” She explains as she walks to her closet to grab a few more items of clothing.

“Ah, I see,” you say as you stand closer to the door. “So we better get going, yeah?”

“Yes,” she zips her bag shut and moves to leave the room but you catch her by the arm. She looks at you weird, not understanding why you stopped her. Then you ask her if she likes you too. Her pale cheeks redden once again as she licks her lips in thought. “I guess you’re going to have to wait and find out.” You narrow your eyes as you let her go. She winks at you and blows a kiss before walking out of her room.

Watching her go before you follow, you think to yourself how screwed you were for having fallen for someone like her. Someone that lived so far away from you. Someone that you had very limited access to. Someone whose life would be nearly impossible to weave with your own. Part of you wished your heart could’ve been stolen by someone easier. Someone that lived where you do, where you grew up. There were plenty of good women there. A few that even liked you almost as much as you had liked them. Unfortunately none of them worked out and you almost wish that one of them had.

Or even someone from work with a position like yours. Someone that gets your crazy work schedule. Someone that you could be partnered up with both professionally and personally. Then you might not have to give up your dream job. But when she calls out your name from down the stairs, asking if you’re coming, you realize that there isn’t anyone you’d rather your heart belong to at this moment.

The thought scares you for only a second before you’re brought back to the present. “Yeah, sorry, I saw a cute picture of you on the wall,” you easily make up as you quickly run down the stairs to join her side. “Shall we?” You say opening the door for her. She kisses your cheek on her way out and this time you follow her without standing back. Deciding that you could think about all of this another day. As of right now, you were spending time in person with Leigh. That’s all that matters.

#sorry for your loss #leigh shaw #leigh shaw imagine #leigh shaw x reader #fanfiction #leigh shaw x y/n #sorry for your loss imagine #leigh shaw x you #Can I See You Again?#You're Here

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