#you need an extrovert to adopt you in those cases im not one of them im literally trying to socialize on my own

[sugaroto]

Well. Long story short uni-friend said she doesn't support the lgbtq community and I felt really awkward

"Δεν το υποστηρίζω, μακριά από εμένα. Είναι έναντια στην θρησκεία" I don't support it, should be far away from me. It's against religion

And dude??? Like I know a bunch of religious people... the only thing they hate about the gays is that they can't marry that hot 40 years older than them actor from Hollywood cause he's married to a man (or at least that was the mindset when they were 12)

And most of my friends are kind of atheists

It just came of as a surprise?? Cause a lot of people we've talked to are gay and any time they mentioned stuff like "I want a masc woman" she said stuff like "oh I don't know what that means... I don't know much about lgbt" and we were like "haha we're teaching you now" and laughed about it

I mean I thought it was bc "there were no lgbtq people in her village" but I didn't thought she was actually homophobic?

She didn't say it in a mean way? She is very very shy and her boyfriend is studying to be a priest and she is looking forward to becoming a Presbytera (I just found out there's no English word for it jeez) And like... idk good for her I'm used to the παπαδιά being my grandma but you do you

And anyways she was like "I don't support it" and all and I was kind of like "Well I'm a part of it, I thought you knew"

Like literally another girl made fun of my past hair color choices by saying "she wanted to let us all know that she's gay so she did all the rainbow in her hair" and she was sitting with us? I thought she heard it, I thought she knew

Honestly when [friend] called me gay bc of my hair for a few seconds I kind of froze bc there was another girl there to whom I haven't said I'm gay and it felt like outing me, but fuck it I'm out I don't care I don't need to announce it to anyone, the rest of the girls know cause they literally asked me

And anyways yeah I felt really awkward when religious friend said that, she started apologizing when I told her I'm also gay and that she didn't mean it like that but dude-

How have you befriended so many queer girls and don't support it

You're like the 2nd/3rd? Straight person here? The rest are on the community you don't like and want to stay away from you

#by *here* i mean the group of friends #now that i think about it I'm not sure if shes close with all of them #neither am i tbh im still figuring out friendships #but i know she also talks to these 2 girls #one of them mentioned she was a lesbian the first time we met her (she was telling a story to the other friends she knew and us i guess #cause we were there and it wasn't personal or whatever) #and the other girl (Who is kind of besties with the lesbian i just mentioned) said her type is masc women the first time we met her #(i dont remember how the conversation lead to that but whatever) #imma be honest at first i didn't really want to be friends with religious girl cause of how shy she is (among other things) #you need an extrovert to adopt you in those cases im not one of them im literally trying to socialize on my own #i cant do it twice #but i felt like an asshole #cause just bc shes shy doesn't mean we can't be friends and i think she likes me cause she hangs out with me usually #so im trying #and just when i started liking the fact that we are friends she goes and tells me shes homophobic #sugar uni life

[bratz-kitten]

attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby. 

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it.  intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR. 

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone  mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed. 

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it. 

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists. 

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him. 

Mikasa Ackerman 

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger. 

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation. 

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined. 

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING 

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.  

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #levi #levi ackerman #eren #eren jaeger #eren yeager #mikasa #mikasa ackerman #armin #armin arlert #birth chart analysis #astrology

[veryvincible]

Do you think you could share some of your Tony Ty youth/relationship days hcs? hehe

Yours truly,

Tys obsessed fan

Oh boy! I have been sitting on this for a few days now, because there is, uh, a lot. Also, I adore you, and I love every Ty ask I receive.

I think this post would end up far too long if I responded the way I desire to in my heart, so I’ll keep it relatively simple (edit: it did not stay relatively simple, and also it branched out slightly into other topics. This is so very long. Be warned.)

Content warnings here for psychological/emotional abuse/domestic abuse/child abuse!

I like to think they didn’t really have a “let’s get together!” moment. I think they ended up becoming close, they were casual with each other, and it just kind of... became what it became. I think they probably ended up using labels at some point, but I don’t think there was ever an official, “Would you like to go out on a date with me?” or “Would you want to be, like, boyfriends?” moment. 

I think Tony was a generally isolated kid (obviously, he gained acquaintances like Bruce and potentially Reed as he grew older, but you know) and Ty was... probably also a generally isolated kid. Ty may have had a few other “friends” around, given what we know about him; he’s certainly charismatic. I don’t think Ty would have really developed close friendships with many people, though, given that his personality seems more rotten the closer you get to him.

We don’t see a lot of their childhood together at all, so this is almost entirely shit I’ve come up with for the sake of fic writing and general note-taking for the sake of coherency with how I write Ty, but.

One thing I tend to lean toward is the idea that Ty had kind of an awful home life. This isn’t really an, “Aw, boo, so sad, what a tragic man,” sort of thing so much as it is that... I think Ty and Tony are at their most interesting when they’re contrasting forces, and the idea of Tony (a victim of abuse who broke the cycle) becoming friends with Ty (a victim of abuse who perpetuates the cycle) at a young age, not in spite of their differences but because of them, is something I really like to think about.

We don’t actually get much of Ty’s parents in canon-- they’re kind of implied to be, like, Fine Parents. They’re contrasted with Howard Stark, who pulls the shark-eat-shark business motherfucker thing and basically causes Mr. Stone’s business to, like. Drown, or whatever. You know. The contrast there is implied, and I respect that for what it is. That being said, that’s not what interesting for me to write, and as such, I’ve chosen to tweak these little details for the sake of my more personalized (and slightly more self-indulgent) fic writing experience.

I think there’s a lot of potential in considering the differences between how they act at home as opposed to how they act with each other, too. I think Home Tony is generally apprehensive and subdued, but more uncertain and anxious than outright fearful 24/7. In IM Vol. 1, Howard was shown to be unpredictable; we got to see a lot of bad, but there were also sparkling moments wherein they seemed to be bonding as a father-son duo, and Tony would actually get to work with his father and learn from his father. I think that very well could have exacerbated the anxiety he felt, because he’s not being taught to never touch anything ever-- he’s being taught that there are very specific circumstances under which he’s able to explore as he’d like to, and those circumstances are 1) virtually impossible to accurately predict and 2) subject to change at the drop of a hat. So, Tony has been shown to be at least a little bit capable of testing the waters with what he’s allowed to do in the house and what he’s not allowed to do. That doesn’t make it any less anxiety-inducing, it just makes him a tiny, tiny bit of a more active child than one who’s constantly paralyzed.

Home Ty, to me, would be the opposite-- he is fearful 24/7, and as such, his behavior as a child is kind of... flawless, at least in the eyes of parents who think that children should be seen, not heard (and sometimes not even seen). I think both of his parents were abusive-- his father more so than his mother, but certainly both of them, if only because I think it would be yet another nice contrast between him and Tony, whose mother wasn’t perfect but certainly tried harder and felt more for Tony than Howard did. I like to think Ty was kept on a very short leash at home; boundaries were predictable, there were no “glimmering moments” he could grasp onto in order to make him feel like there was ever a chance of having normal family dynamics, and he was too afraid to really... do anything about it.

In contrast, I think Boarding School Ty was probably a lot pushier, a lot more risk-taking, and generally just... took up more space. I think he was still pretty fearful of authority and nervous about punishment, but he was well aware of the fact that this was distinctly different from being at home and that most people at school didn’t give a flying fuck about him. It likely could have been both liberating and anxiety inducing for someone so used to being around people who found it important to control him. I think he was probably pretty manipulative at this point, but I don’t think it was at the point where you would point to him and go, “Oh, what a fucked up, toxic person!”, especially since he was, like... a little fucking dude. Like, a fucking young’un. But I think the seeds were sort of planted here, and given that he had no healthy relationships to model himself after, he worked off of the assumption that in order to have control as opposed to being controlled, he needed to 1) possess things, 2) protect them aggressively, and 3) make sure his authority wasn’t threatened.

Boarding School Tony (from what little we’ve seen of him, though we can imagine he was probably similar to pre-boarding school Tony for a while, just with more Issues now) was probably the opposite-- less willing to take up space and less willing to take risks. It’s not unimaginable to assume that he might have thought his (extremely) mild exploratory tendencies might have had something to do with the abandonment, and he very well could have adjusted accordingly; if him causing trouble for people was what pushed his parents to leave him, he would very simply not cause trouble. A lot of this is nabbed from Adult Tony tendencies, wherein pretty much everyone else is prioritized over himself and he’s practically incapable of finding himself worthy of anything at all.

It’s the classic “extrovert friend-adopts an introvert” trope, except... it’s a severely damaged child feeling gutsy enough to finally, finally take up space and find something to possess and control for his own for once... friend-adopting a severely damaged child who very likely feels like the best way to proceed in relationships is to very clearly identify boundaries, figure out what it is the other person wants from him, and try to adhere to those desires as much as he’s able.

Of course, canon portrays the relationship as a “friendly rivalry” that Ty takes much more seriously than Tony does. From what we’ve seen of Tony, though, Tony doesn’t actually want to be better than anyone. In fact, he tries his best to make it seem like the opposite. He treats everyone like they’re on the same level, he tries to simplify the concepts he’s explaining so no one feels inferior to him, and, generally, he just... isn’t much of a braggart. That isn’t to say competitive/proud people can’t be kind and gentle and want to level the playing field often, but in Tony’s case, it seems that competition is best for two things: 1) having two intelligent, capable people trying to outdo each other and, in the process, creating better and better technology for the betterment of society at large, and 2) lighthearted fun.

For Ty, it very clearly wasn’t just lighthearted fun, and I think most of their childhood rivalry would have become formulaic at a point: Tony would put a good amount of effort into their competitions, but if it seemed that Ty was lagging behind too much, Tony would simply back off and let things even out. I don’t think Ty was predictably a sore loser; in fact, I think he was unpredictable, and I think a part of Tony that had only known life to be unpredictable found some level of sick comfort in that.

For Tiberius Stone specifically, I tend to read more into the unintended consequences/implications of his character based on one-off lines that... weren’t really intended to say much. The story canon gives us isn’t incohesive, exactly! It’s a pretty good story, especially if you’re not hellbent on analyzing character motivations. There’s just a lot about Ty that doesn’t seem very stable. Obviously, he’s not a stable person, given that he, uh, freaked the fuck out and tried to take over the world. But when I say Ty doesn’t seem very stable, I mean his character doesn’t seem the most stable at a second glance; we’re given conflicting accounts about his motivations, his intentions, his past, and even what he’s trying to do in the moment. And some of these inconsistences can be found in dialogue from Ty’s own mouth.

Now, if you read into it from a point of view that’s canon-adjacent as opposed to canon-compliant (i.e., assuming there’s much more of a story there than canon offers, and canon’s “case closed!” for the timeline of Ty’s life isn’t actually a closed case), you can gauge not only some level of dysregulation, but also... a level of delusion, almost. Ty seems disconnected from reality, but it’s not like there’s one single alternate timeline of events that’s cohesive in his head. It feels like his view of the world and, most importantly, himself (and this is excluding dialogue wherein he’s explicitly lying to Tony in order to manipulate him).

Most notably, we can kind of gauge fluctuations in his own views of his self worth. He engages in constant competition with Tony, he refuses to come back to America after leaving until he’s more successful than Tony, and pretty much everything he does is to prove he’s better than Tony. So, he thinks he’s better than Tony, right?

Well, not really. Because so much of his life was spent with the understanding that he wasn’t better than Tony. That was the whole reason he was gone for so long. He said he’d come back once he’d beat Tony, and... he still hadn’t beaten Tony. The beginning of the narrative leads you to assume that he thinks his big victory was being richer somehow, but it was all a set-up to bait Tony into Dreamvision. He comes across like he wants to kill Tony at first, and when that doesn’t work, he wants to... keep Tony. Like a pet, almost. But he also wants Tony to... kill him?

It’s a lot. It’s messy. It’s inconsistent. And that’s kind of what’s interesting about it. It (unintentionally, probably) suggests that Ty doesn’t have consistent motivations, which is something you do see often in people who are in survival mode in environments that don’t necessarily warrant it. It suggests a psychological wound that’s easy to poke at.

Essentially, Ty just comes across as very... hurt. Which, y’know, doesn’t justify shit and doesn’t make him any better of a person, but it provides the opportunity for some interesting narratives to sprout. Figuring out all the ways that Tony could unintentionally pick at this psychological wound of his and all the ways Ty could poorly respond is neat, I think, and I feel like these kinds of narratives tend to be very... raw, I guess, is the word I’m looking for. They just kind of hit hard, especially for those who have experienced similar situations.

It’s just something that’s terribly common in abusive relationships-- any implication that the traumatized abuser is doing something wrong can be a trigger for a borderline nervous breakdown, which makes communication practically impossible and, if the victim of the abuse feels obligated to stick around or take on the role of caretaker, turns the relationship into a cycle of insecurity and misery on all fronts. That’s not to say the abuser and the victim are suffering equally or are equally justified/valid, but it is a kind of relationship dynamic that can be incredibly cathartic to both write and read, and it’s also just... I don’t know. It just, as the kids say, hits different.

So, rewinding about four paragraphs there (whoops, this is getting long), I think most of my feelings about youth/relationship days Ty/Tony kind of center around this concept of two suffering people handling their trauma in totally opposite ways. I think it’s especially interesting to look at it from the point of view of them as younger adults (or teenagers, or children) who aren’t so set in their ways quite yet. You see these redemptive qualities and you see these children and these teenagers who are so, so ready to be helped and saved and cared for, but with the knowledge that they just... don’t get that. Not for a long time, at least.

It can feel fatalistic from a narrative standpoint, and... I mean, it kind of is. There are very few circumstances under which I could see Ty getting a redemption arc of any kind, and that’s kind of what makes a younger Ty so tragic. Everything he does is born of insecurity and anger, and everything Tony does is born of insecurity and love.

I think (for a short period of time, at least), they molded each other. Ty’s anger and competitiveness only solidified Tony’s inferiority complex and Tony’s inability to really, genuinely stand up against Ty in a way that would make any lasting meaningful changes only cemented the idea in Ty’s head that this was an acceptable way to be.

Now that that’s out of the way, here are some more simple and concise headcanons, because you asked for them and I’m sorry this became so terribly long and broke off in so many different directions:

- I think Tony and Ty bickered a lot as they got older. I don’t think Tony was totally incapable of standing up for himself, but I do think Tony probably had a tendency to call Ty out in the moment, and when Ty became too agitated and too unreasonable, Tony just left it alone and let it settle. 

- I think Ty can play house extremely well. He probably remembers all of Tony’s favorite foods, favorite songs, favorite fabrics, favorite... I don’t know what other favorite things you could have, but you get my point. I don’t think he always used this information, but I think it would be incredibly important for him to know how to make someone feel loved, even if he didn’t always employ these methods (and in some cases, may have actively withheld certain kindnesses as acts of pettiness). I think it was also incredibly important for him to know Tony’s dislikes, for... obvious reasons.

- As I said before, I think Ty had a tendency to become terribly dysregulated; I think he was more than capable of both premeditated manipulation and unintentional manipulation. I think he very likely could have fallen into a spiral of thoughts that could make it pretty clear just how easily his self worth and his view of Tony’s worth fluctuated. 

- Tony’s just... a stronger person than Ty. That’s a given. That’s been proven. And I think a lot of Tony’s willingness to put up with Ty would have come from this idea that he was more resilient and Ty was more fragile and volatile, so if Ty needed to take shit out on him every so often, that was fair enough.

- Another factor that may have played into Tony’s tolerance of Ty’s behavior in their youth (which, again, wasn’t nearly as awful as what Ty did as a grown ass man, given how Tony responded to Ty post-Dreamvision and how he pretty much immediately broke things off-- though, I very much enjoy the concept of Tony making some effort to make amends and Ty failing to meet him in the middle yet again) could have been the fact that it feels like Ty probably didn’t have a lot of other friends at all, especially not close friends. I think Tony would very much carry the weight of this “Maybe I’m the only person in the world who loves him” mindset. He values human life quite a bit, and I believe that even on a less intimate scale, if Tony tried to view the situation through the perspective of an outsider, he would still feel terribly, terribly saddened by the very human tragedy of being forced to take more than you can reasonably handle and becoming difficult to redeem as a result of this-- not because there’s no good left in you, but because you’re so frightened by the idea of even touching the trauma that you can’t force yourself to acknowledge you have a problem to begin with.

- I don’t think Ty feels the same comfort and warmth from physical contact that most people do, not because of anything innate (i.e. a natural preference), but because the only physical contact he received for a long, long time was, uh... Awful! That being said, I think he enjoys physical contact on the basis of being the center of attention, and he probably initiated physical contact quite a bit. I think Tony’s very big on physical contact, and Ty would very much play into Tony’s preferences here, too. Just to make himself seem like a better, more attentive boyf.

- This one is less tragic-- I think Ty and Tony get pretentious together! While I adore in-canon comparisons between Tony and the rest of high society, I also think a long-forgotten part of Tony’s character in fanon is the fact that he really does fit in with a more yacht-having crowd just as much as he fits in with your average Joes. He was raised by them and with them, after all, and his education was shaped by this. Of course he doesn’t love a lot of the culture around it, but with regards to the more harmless aspects of being a privileged kid in the environment he was in (the experiences one might have that aren’t inherently negative, that is, like having certain extracurriculars or being exposed to certain educational content), I think Ty and Tony really mesh here. Tony’s sense of humor with Ty would be totally different from his sense of humor with someone like Steve, which would also be totally different from his sense of humor with someone like Rumiko. Tony’s incredibly well-rounded, and I think he could match Ty’s Classics-loving, borderline classical theater kid tendencies very well.

- This one is 100% headcanon, based on virtually nothing other than, like, one comic panel... that isn’t even awesome evidence. It’s just a personal hc. I think Ty’s gay. Like, obviously, he’s gay for Tony, w/e. But I think Ty’s gay as in, Ty is exclusively attracted to men. The only women he ever had eyes for (or showed interest in) were the women that Tony had shown interest in/dated first, implying that there’s more of a possessive/competitive aspect than anything really... genuine. Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t be bi, pan, or anything else (or straight, obviously, but this whole post is about him and a guy he likes to fuck, so that doesn’t really fit into the theme, here), but I prefer to write him as someone who’s only really interested in men (Tony specifically), and I prefer to write Tony as a bisexual man with a preference for women. This wasn’t really intended to be a big contrast between them; I had the headcanon for Tony already set in stone (haha), and for a long while I wrote Ty as a bi man, but recently I’ve kind of shifted things around to better accommodate my feelings about these characters.

- I love, love, love tattooed Ty. Get this man a quote in Latin on the base of his neck. Get this man some symbolic tattoos. Let this man be a poet who simultaneously wants to appear profound for appearances and wants to have these symbols on his body just because he likes them, and he likes to look at them, and they feel reflective of who he is. I have very specific Ty tattoo thoughts that I do not remember at all, but this is the gist of it.

- I think Ty handles the “normal” adventurous stuff, but he’s far more of a, uh... I don’t know, a pussy? than Tony is. Tony deals with actual threats; Ty deals with fake, stupid threats. Ty is the guy who rids the dorms of cockroaches when Tony’s too afraid to and Tony is the guy who handles home invasions.

- I think the vast majority of Ty’s abuse is emotional/psychological, not only because this is what comes most naturally to him and it’s easy for him to fall into these manipulative tendencies without necessarily thinking about it, but also because physical abuse would cross a line for him in his head that would be very difficult to ignore. I think, if you take into consideration how volatile he seems, his flip-flopping back and forth between how he feels about both himself and Tony could become more exaggerated and more severe, possibly leading to an irreversible breakdown of his psyche. I think there could very well be an, “Oh, I’ve become my father” moment if that were to happen, which is exactly why it doesn’t happen. Ty’s too wrapped up in this idea that, so long as he doesn’t cross that line, everything he does can still be justified. Which is garbage.

- Tiberius did not like Sunset Bain. Sunset Bain did not like Tiberius. 

There’s a lot more that comes to mind, but this is already upwards of 30 paragraphs, and I, uh. Do not want to make this longer than it already is! So, do with that what you will.

Again, obligatory note here that this is canon-adjacent and canon-inspired, but not an analysis of canon material in the sense that I’m attempting to pick apart what the intents of the writers were. What canon provides is much more straightforward. These are headcanons, this is for funsies, and a lot of less important background details have been tweaked for the sake of the narratives that I, as a fanfic writer, would like to write and see written.

Thank you so much for the ask! This was legitimately so nice to write. I rarely ever get to spam about this, which is very likely why there’s just so much text every time I receive an ask like this, but. Again, it was very nice and I’m very grateful for you, anon.

#obligatory note here asking people to please not come into my askbox telling me about how much they hate- #- even the slightest implication that there might possibly be a single abuser out there not 100% rotten to their core #i have received. a lot of asks like this #and again as a victim of abuse whose views do not align with this it is so so so distressing to receive these #once more i am not saying anyone is wrong to believe what they believe #or to process things how they process things #but please please please don't ask me again and again to explain why exactly it is so draining for me to respond to these asks #you are valid! you deserve health and recovery and happiness and you need to do what you need to do to get that! #but please extend the same kindness to me and allow me to have my little corner of fandom wherein i also am able to find myself represented #tiberius stone #tony stark #cassks #abuse tw #abuse #child abuse tw #child abuse #long post #tyny

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE 

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so! 

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down) 

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building) 

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively! 

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major) 

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything) 

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak. 

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies 

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop 

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others. 

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself. 

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders

#my au #My writing #sander sides au #sanders sides #sander sides fanfiction #human au #lamp fanfiction #LAMP #ts demus #ts remile #ts #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #ts virgil #ts deceit #ts remus #dukedontlook #roman sanders #virgil sanders #fanged virgil #patton sanders #logan sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #remy sanders #ts emile #emile picani

[philcphobic]

[ ONE / THREE ] hello ! it’s KRIS with my first of three muses, and she is known as ANGEL, an assassin for the most iconic gang, DRAGON EYES ! she is a FORMER MEMBER OF RED LIONS and lasted almost two years, before taking her leave about a two months ago because a dragon eyes member ( shout out to @bladehoney ) convinced her to ... so ... there’s that. if you’d like to plot, smash that heart & i’ll come to you as soon as i can either through tumblr im’s or through discord !

[ TRIGGER WARNING ; DEATH, PARENTAL LOSS, BULLYING, VIOLENCE, RUNNING AWAY, UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUGS, MANIPULATION, MURDER ! ]

LIFE BEFORE GANG ACTIVITY !

born as kim jangmi on november 05, 1997 and she was born to two loving parents and the youngest of five children in total !

( DEATH, PARENTAL LOSS ) paradise doesn’t last forever, and she and her siblings lost their parents when she was 7 years old. she doesn’t know much about her parents, as she lost them to what police would call ‘ an unfortunate accident that should’ve never happened ’, but she knows that her father was a big time attorney & businessman.

he’s known to never have lost a case up until his death. let’s just say some people higher up on the ladder were NOT fond of him and wanted him GONE.

after their death, all five kids were sent to an orphanage. one by one, she would watch as her siblings were either all adopted or headed to live with a foster parent, and wondered if they were all ever going to see each other again. reassurance can only go a long way.

eventually it was just her and her oldest sister, and they were considered a package deal, which is why no one wanted to adopt them; everyone that came around always wanted one & one only.

they soon entered the foster care system but it turned out to be a lot more hellish than they’d presume. the first family was extremely promising, and could’ve been their best bet to a normal life again if jangmi just wasn’t so disobedient.

jangmi was confused and scared, and wanted to go home to what she was used to. she wanted her parents and these people were not them.

it was an endless cycle of going back and forth between new homes for a couple of years, and by the time jangmi was twelve, she and her older sister were finally separated, everyone believing they would be better apart like their brothers were.

all she had of her family now were unspoken goodbyes and one last family photo, taken on christmas day, a month before everything shattered.

luckily, a family chose to adopt her. they had other foster kids, troublemakers like her, and they wanted to test if adopting one would change them for the better before adopting the rest.

this … did not sit well with these other kids.

( BULLYING, VIOLENCE ) these older kids did not like her. they had a lot of reasons, but usually pinning it on her beauty at a young age. jangmi was used to rough housing with her own siblings before separation, but the way they ‘ played ’ with her was nothing like that.

she always had cuts and bruises, and told her ‘ parents ’, she was just really clumsy when they asked. her foster ‘ siblings ’ frequently told her that she wasn’t pretty, forcing her to look in the mirror with all of her injuries and tell her this is what she truly looks like.

( RUNNING AWAY ) there is only so much a young girl can actually take. she thinks it’s easier to run far away, where no one else could hurt her or make her cry. she takes whatever can fit into her backpack, and runs as far as she can physically handle.

an old couple end up finding her passed out on a bench in the park late in the night and take her home. they end up becoming her new parental figures, and they take care of her ( and hide her as she pleaded them to, ) as she is still considered a missing child.

the woman is an ex-professor and the man is war veteran, so she believed she had all she needs in order to live what’s considered a ‘ normal ’ life. she plays with the other kids in her neighbourhood leisurely, but is homeschooled for the fear of being found out, despite already having another identity as ANGEL. she’s taught everything she needs to know from them; everything from english & japanese to self-defence & how to use a gun.

life is perfect with them, and they’re the kindest, most understanding people she’s ever met. they give her a lot of freedom to be her own person, and they usually don’t discipline her, partially because they feel bad about her messy childhood and also because they thought she’d rebel if she was contained in a certain box …

despite their efforts, she turned out to become a rebel anyway.

( UNDERAGE DRINKING, DRUGS ) with so much freedom and little to no discipline, it was easy to push her boundaries away from her. they didn’t know about her getting involved with alcohol and drugs underage, her equally troublesome friends, nor did they know about her first boyfriend three years her senior, at the age of sixteen. they just believed she liked the freedom, and since she was obedient when around them, they didn’t feel the need to be suspicious.

( MANIPULATION, RUNNING AWAY ) it’s good up until she turns eighteen, when she’s about to attend university and meets … [redacted], and they hit it off quickly ! they convince her that she doesn’t need her parents anymore, and manipulating her into thinking she’s a burden for being so troublesome, and should leave them alone. this marks the second time she runs away from home, but this time hurts more than the first.

she left nothing but a letter and a necklace they gave her for her fourteenth birthday, and hasn’t seen them since. in her letter she apologizes for taking a gun from her father, and hopes they don’t try to find her.

[redacted is somehow connected to the gang red lions. she doesn’t understand why someone with so much money would be involved with a gang, but she doesn’t question them ... mostly for safety, in case this person was dangerous, but she’s always been curious.

( VIOLENCE, MURDER ) it takes a year for her to stop being naive with this person, who has isolated her for her ‘ safety ’ while being her biggest threat as they stay under the same roof. she realizes this one night when she looks in the mirror and sees a reflection of the same girl she was when she was thirteen, living with a bunch of foster kids who hated her. a fight ensues, and it’s clear who wins.

meticulous as ever, she erases her presence in their life to avoid trouble with the law, but realizes she’s alone again for the fourth time in her life.

LIFE WITH GANG ACTIVITY !

she slides her way into RED LIONS just days before her nineteenth birthday, already having connections on the inside. it’s the second ‘ unfortunate accident ’ in her life, but this time she’s involved and it’s anything but an accident.

she doesn’t know whether they genuinely thought she’d be a good addition to their growing empire or if they pitied her circumstance ( since she didn’t tell them the blood is on her hands ), but she finally found a stable family.

she is the story of [drake vc] started from the bottom now we here, as she went from having nothing for to her name to rising in the ranks as she proved her worth time and time again. she somehow rose high enough to be one of the trusted assassins in red lions, and was also taking money from outside sources ( coughs aka sugar daddies / mommies ) when she was really in need.

targets are mostly the wealthy, as it’s easier to maintain secrecy when they have reputations to live up to. she usually takes her sweet time with targets, ( no longer than a month ) just to know their schedules and … them as a person. sometimes there are hit & run opportunities but she doesn’t like doing spontaneous jobs like that too often … they get messy.

so she’s there for nearly two years, but during then she befriended sienna and she somehow managed to convince angel to leave red lions and join DRAGON EYES …

or is there more to the story? yes, but it’s not important tbh since it’s minor.

she left red lions at the beginning of september 2018, and joined dragon eyes at the beginning of october 2018. no one outside of dragon eyes knew this until recently … for obvious reasons. hopefully there’s no hard feelings because she still loves the members of red lions !! ( most of them, maybe? hopefully? )

still an assassin, that hasn’t changed ! — not sure what happened to their old assassin, but that’s not her problem — she’s still the same girl, who has tattoos for both gangs despite being only in one. she has been mostly independent in red lions ( except for those times she needed a warm body if ya’ get what i mean, ) and that hasn’t and won’t change. her allegiance is with one gang, but she usually works by herself unless specifically requested to do something other than kill.

red lipstick, pistols & pretty chrome daggers are part of her aesthetic.

ANGEL AS A PERSON !

she wasn’t always a strong person, but she’s stronger than she’d ever thought she’d be. there were nights when she didn’t think she’d see the sun the next day, so she’s proud of her growth. she’s not too in-touch with her negative emotions, so pride is what she feels.

this girl is always looking for improvement, and is constantly challenging her skills, her strength, her mind, & her perseverance when she has the chance. if you look at her desk, there are files of herself with records of her improvements. she’s extremely organized and careful, which helps for her job too.

she is a university student during the day, just to keep as a front if she’s to be acquainted with targets. she majors in criminology, ironically enough. she minors in chemistry, which is also useful if ya’ get what i mean.

she has a lot of money now, mostly because she has a bunch of unknown sugar daddies / mommies funding her every need. if you need anything just hit her up and she’ll get it … with a small price. it’s two way street, but she is more lenient.

she’s a social person, but she’s not extroverted … does that make sense? she doesn’t go out of her way to go out ( unless it’s a target ) and likes staying home a lot. she likes staying with her persian cat, sumi, and her cute lil rosy boa, nagini.

skills include self-defense, knowledge of & experience with most weaponry, lying, forgery, stealing, disguises … uh … driving? maybe one or two more but … whatever. she’ll do whatever the gang needs her to do, no doubt !

( DRINKING, DRUGS ) she drinks every week, but usually tones it down when she’s got a job. luckily, she doesn’t really do as many drugs anymore, but she smokes marijuana occasionally ( when someone offers it to her ) and smokes cigarettes when she’s really stressed, but also once biweekly if anything.

this girl is pretty much a clean slate. ever since she met [redacted], any life with the elderly couple is erased, and her life in and out of foster homes is so far gone that no one knows about it. her name was kim jangmi back then; NO ONE knows she’s kim jangmi unless she’s told them, or made the connection by themselves on their own time. as far as anyone is concerned, kim jangmi died as a missing child back in early 2010. she’s secretive about her past; don’t try digging into it unless you plan on digging your grave too !

she has a lot of repressed emotions, sadness being the biggest one, and isn’t the type to get angry very often, if at all. annoyed is the most she’d get, but she wouldn’t raise her voice. to be honest, she’s decent as long as people are as well? again, it’s a two way street. give respect & you get respect !

uh … these repressed emotions will eventually spill over : ) one day !

ummmm that’s it for now folks !!!!! pls plOT with Me !!!!!

#pabintro #oof this one is LONG AF ladies !!!!!! #⟨ 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂. ╱ out of character ⟩ * 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

[listenmidnight-blog]

i’ve been awake since i woke up at three in the morning. i’ve just been thinking all of my thoughts over, and i don’t really have anyone to tell them to so here i am telling tumblr them. i keep telling myself that i’m okay. that maybe if i just ignore my thoughts, the problem will go away. but i also know that they won’t go away, that they will and are continuing to grow. my hand are shaking while i’m writing this, that’s how much i don’t like opening up. telling someone what i feel scares me, i’d get if they were shaking if i was telling someone in person but online? i guess i never realized how bad i’ve gotten. last night i gathered a bunch of pills and took them. about 35 maybe? and then i took a lot of melatonin. i’m a small person, supposedly more than one is supposed to kill me. but it hasn’t, not the first time i tried, or the third time. not this time either. i’m just going to be completely honest, i don’t know if i’m happy or sad that i’m still here. it’s been a couple hours since i woke up, and i still feel empty. i want to feel something, anything, but nothing is coming to me. i used to be afraid of what death would be like. now i don’t fear it, i find myself waking towards it. i don’t know what life after death is, but then again no one that knows is able to tell us. i know what i want to happen after death is, but i try not to give myself false hope. i don’t like wanting things that i tell myself are not achievable. i’ve been a dreamer for a long time, i used to always stay up late reading. it think it’s cool, all the endless possibilities that can happen, its like you’re experiencing everything without all the consequences. or you’re experiencing things that aren’t possible. being a dreamer isn’t bad, but i guess i got caught up in all of my fantasies. but they weren’t goals because some of the things i wanted and still want are impossible to achieve. in the end, i feel really motivated, sad, or guilty, and sometimes all at once. there are things that i want that are selfish but some people are able to get. sometimes i find myself wanting to be famous. being a singer, actress, or social media ‘influencer’ appeals to me, but i don’t necessarily want it for the money, (although that would be a good addition). i want to make an impact on the world and people. we all look up to people, and i think it would be amazing to impact a big group of people. i been part of army for a little less than a month, but they’ve already helped me and millions of people because of their music and personality. i’d love to use my talent or a cool hobby and make it my job while being able to help anyone that’s going through a rough spot in their lives. i know how it feels to hate yourself, the world, and to constantly doubt your own abilities and worth because i still find myself doing it. but being in a fandom has helped me a lot. i also find myself wanting things to be real. just silly things like wishing things that happen in a book were real, or just me wanting to change how i look, or just wanting things that happen in a dystopian book to happen to me. or wanting to have someones room, clothing style, etc. of course i’d like world piece, and everyone to be happy, everyone to be healthy, and all of those things too. basically, i wish for a lot of things that i probably won’t end up doing. it’s okay to want things once in a while, but it’s obviously not healthy for me to tell myself i’ll only be happy if all of my wishes come true. and it also doesn’t help when i don’t have any urge to live. i have no idea the exact day or month of when i began to hate myself and started to loser will to live. i just remember one of my friends at the time saying i had a unibrow (in reality it was just hairs that were in between my eyebrows since i had never gotten my eyebrows done back then), but i guess that’s when i began to lose my self confidence, but i don’t think i had much to begin with. now, i’m very insecure about myself and lack self confidence and self esteem. it’s been like this for a few years. i’ve grown used to it, and i honestly don’t remember now being in this low state. i’ve never been one to open up to anyone about my feelings or anything like that. i was more of an independent kid growing up, and i just didn’t feel the need to ask for too much help, so i don’t do it today. something about it scares me, but i can never figure out why. whenever i think about why i’m so scared of asking for help, or opening up, or relationships, it’s almost like the answer is just out of reach. i’m adopted, so i don’t if subconsciously i’m afraid of being abandoned when sharing my feelings, or if it’s another deeper meaning. it’s aggravating for me though. i often contradict my thoughts, like i’m having a war between myself with a lot of things. for example i know i should want to get better, learn to love myself, enjoy life, and die from natural causes. but the urge to get better, the little bit of hope i once held onto isn’t here anymore. it’s gone. last night i was ready, i downed the pills before going to bed, listening to my playlist on spotify, and this is really messed up but i was looking forward to a ‘new beginning’ or life after death. i’ve done this a couple of times, probably once every year, so maybe 3 or 4 times now. people either believe suicide is selfish or isn’t, but you never truly understand what it’s like unless you’ve attempted or been in a suicidal state of mind, although that’s just my opinion. here are my thoughts about attempting suicide, because i have tried (just an opinion, i’m neither wrong or right): all of the negative thoughts that go through your mind are see never-ending, and in my case i tried to hard to hide it. you should never keep these types of thoughts to yourself and ask for help, but unfortunately i’m so scared of asking for help and i can never find the courage to do so. some people feel they don’t have anyone to talk to, can’t find the courage to do so, or maybe they really don’t, but i believe that there will always be someone that’s willing to listen. i’m aware that i can confide in my parents, aunts, school counselor, teacher, if i need to ask for help. but it’s so hard for me to even think about telling someone all oft emotions without me automatically telling myself that i’ll be fine on my own. and even if i suddenly have been motivated or am hit with the courage to do so, i chicken out. i almost told my parents about how i thought i had depression, attempted suicidal, and had very low self confidence, because i was trying to make them understand why i couldn’t continue to play or try out for a sport. i ended up writing a google doc about everything that i had been holding back for about 2 years, because i don’t think i would be able to tell them everything face to face without backing out or having a break down. whenever i think about telling someone, usually it’s an internet friend or my parents, i always ask myself how much am i going to tell them. is it gonna be the whole suicidal/depression story of how i’ve been in that state for one or two years and how i don’t think i can handle it alone, or will it be me having low self esteem and hating myself and thinking i have depression, or will it just be me lacking self confidence. i usually don’t want to tell anyone the whole story, not only is it a lot of information because i’d have to explain the start of it and everything from the beginning until present day, but i don’t want to overwhelm them. i know it’s a lot of information and if someone told all of that to me at once i’d definitely feel overwhelmed. if i’m ranting to internet friends, i’ll usually say what i am currently going through, because i also don’t want to overwhelm them, or for them to worry about my safety too much. i would never rant to my irl friends, one because i only have one really close friend, and another close friend, but our friendship isn’t really ‘serious’. we’re really sarcastic, and have a a good sense of humor and are always cracking jokes, so usually we don’t take each other seriously. they’ve still shared secrets and some deep thoughts, but we usually cope with humor. i’ve known them since grade school, but like i said, i don’t really like opening up to anyone, especially if they’re my best friends. i feel awful, but i wouldn’t want them to treat me differently, or tell my parents. i still shares my thoughts about school, and we’ve told some of our breakdown stories, or small opinions, but we don’t really talk about dee stuff too often, and we’re confortable that way. i guess im more comfortable with my internet friends because one you usually don’t judge each other off of looks or petty stuff like that (not that my friends do, but it’s more genuine i guess that way). anyways asking for help is just hard for me. i’ve become more of an introvert growing up, because as a kid i wasn’t too focused on what people thought of me. but i’m a perfectionist, which impacts me sometimes. i don’t really like raising my hand in class because i don’t want to get the answer wrong, and it’s also the fear of failure, so i don’t really participate. as for being extroverted, i’ve lost a lot of my self confidence and self esteem. people see me as the shy girl, but i’m really loud and crazy once people get to know me. i think a part of it is just not connecting with people that well and then i’m not very good at starting a conversation and i’ll practice what i’ll say in my head but then the opportunity usually passes. and like i said before (did i?) i find myself contradicting my thoughts. i’ve gotten so used to changing my opinion, views, beliefs, or just personality to fit in better with people that most of the time i’ll find myself subconsciously wondering if i should say or even think to myself certain things. like i’ll hear myself in my head say “what will they think if you say that” or “don’t say that, that’s controversial” or just me deciding wether i should or shouldn’t say/think that. i guess u can see how much i care about what other people think of me since i tell myself to not think of certain things, which is really stupid because no one’s gonna read my mind. rip i’ve gotten so off track. i was talking about my thoughts about suicide. from what i was saying earlier, most people have people that they can talk to or ask for help, it doesn’t matter if you’re close with or not because i’m sure there’s someone out there that will listen. but it’s hard for most, and i usually don’t. people always say ask for help, that it’s okay, or that it’ll get better if u ask for help, which i know and i tell myself that i need to if i’m gonna get better, or that i should just try, but fear of change usually stops me. i don’t want to be monitored closely, babied, and be treated like i’ll break at any moment. i know that in order to get better, things will have to change because if they stay the same, that won’t improve anything. but i don’t want to be constantly asked if i’m okay, or for my cousins, aunts, relatives, and friends and adults to view me as weak, fragile, and broken. even if i may be some of those things, i think it would just anger me more. for some odd reason i don’t like when people show a lot of affection to me/praise me. i obviously want people to say good things to me, and compliment me, but i don’t really like when they say it? i know that doesn’t make sense because those statements literally contradict each other. i bet there’s some psychological reason, but i don’t really feel like researching about that. from what i know, part of me doesn’t like hearting that from family members. i get that they want me to know that they’re proud of me/love me, or whatever they’re complimenting me for, but because they’re family i kinda just ignore what they say? i don’t show it, but it’s like your grandparents telling you you’re pretty/handsome, they praise you for anything and they’ll support you, but that’s because they’re your grandparents (i know that not all grandparents are the same but this is for my family and stereotypically) and i just don’t really take any compliments to heart from anyone because i don’t believe them, or i feel like they’re just being nice. which is sometimes true but on the other half that’s just my self confidence not being here. i think all of those pills are kicking in and that’s why my hands are really gittery, not bc i’m nervous like i said. damn this is like a full ass essay, i just go into big rant mode or i don’t say anything at all, no in between. but it’s fine because no ones reading this, is mostly just doing this to get my feelings out. is it weird that i talk to myself, i pretend like i’m a youtuber talking to a camera when i’m alone because i feel like i’m telling someone which makes me feel better about myself. lmao, okay i’m almost done with this. in all, i think suicide is both selfish and not? i know that some people think that no one will miss them, which i somewhat feel. i know that my family will be sad, but i think eventually things will move forward. believe me, the last thing i want to do is hurt anyone. if anything, i realized i’m too empathetic, because i know that i’m not alone on feeling like this which makes me really sad. no one deserves to feel this way. wether that’s just being sad and only temporary, or being depressed because they can grow and control your life and consume your thoughts, which impacts your decisions. for me, i don’t know what i am. i know that i’m suicidal, because i’ve tried to kill myself, and i had/have suicidal thoughts. i don’t like self diagnosing, because i don’t want to offend anyone that has professionally been diagnosed. but i’ve taken a few quizzes online and i think it’s just pretty apparent to say that there’s something messed up with the way i think. i used to be afraid of death. i was better back then, and i had little things that were keeping me alive. fear, idol (tom holland, which also shows you that no matter how big, small, or stupid the reason you’re hesitant to end your life, it’s still important). right now, i welcome death. there are the little things that i’ll miss/that i’m sad i’m leaving behind. i’ll miss my family, the friends i have, and all of the people that i look up to. if i don’t make it till the end of today or in a few days, weeks, or years i ever get tired of fighting and i succeed, i hope my family will stay strong, i hope my friends will move on, and i hope everyone that i have met, talked to, seen, and everyone in the world will do what they love and be happy. maybe that happiness won’t stay for too long but i hope it’ll always be there. and i hope bts continues to make amazing albums, breaks even more records, and continue their close friendship with one another. i recommend listening to their music, it’s beautiful written, sung, and preformed by seven amazing members. i don’t know where i will end up. if whatever greater being or rule that has made the universe, is nice enough to allow what you believe in happen. whether that be going to heaven, being someone’s guardian angel and looking over them, or being reborn. but if i ever do figure out the purpose of living, if i do make it and continue to fight, and make it, then i hope i can look back on this and see how i grew as a person. i’m sorry if someone is actually reading and has read all of this, because it’s only just a bunch of what i’m feeling and probably doesn’t make sense. damn this took me about an hour to finish this, time wasted? this is very hypocritical of me to say, which annoys me when others do it, but if you’re reading this stay safe. stay happy, stay alive. be stronger than me, and fight a little longer. for your friends, family, or future family, hold onto what’s making you stay. you were loved, you are loved, and you will be loved.