its my fault its all my fault and its too late to go back on it everyone hates me or ignores me now even more than the casual exclusion from before. i dont even have the irl friends i came here for i dont have az i dont have anyone and the more im forced to rot away the more i rot the more it festers the more you all forget me but you already forgot me anyway bc i scared ppl too much and one attempt is bad enuff so you cant be worried about more or care after ur just burnt out and i get it but fucking. nothing. i used to be at least like, smth a little. like ppl talked to me sometimes. now im just nothing, isolated little freak who tried to kill itself so gets the ultimate punishment of everything that was the problem before times 1000. mental illness so bad talking is like a battle against myself because ive doing it so little, i cant do anything and i have no help and im too hopeless to even die im trying to work up the effort and energy but it doesnt come so i just rot and dissociate and ramble incessantlt on here hoping someone who i would kill to hear from will msg me or something to tell me that im noy hated or that ppl will start liking me again but it never comes because im rotting so it never changes and i know people hate me for not responding to them while i post shit like this which just makes ppl dislike me or be dissuaded from msging me even more but im just fucking in a pit and every single thing pushes me back in it. im trying to write poetry of the places i go in my dreams but i cant even muster the brajnpower must of the time. even when i retreat into myself and try to think about a future i know from what i see that nothing is possible because of what i am - and i am so fucking sorry for being what i am. i want so much, but i need too much help in order to do it. im too contradictory. too stupid. too 'kicked dog'. ill never escape this at this point. never. all i do is lose more and more, even if the passport application goes thru at this rate idk if ill have anyone to stay with/visit. i just needed fucking help. need help. but im too. helpless. so im just ranting here to no one, annoying my mutuals even more, the ones that have forgotten any memory of me except bad things, and losing even more when i come back. but i cant stop myself from posting bc i have nowhere else to put any thoughts n its the only chance of anything. ive been fucking trying. but. i cant do everything. i cant do most things right now in this state. i need help. but all i do is lose. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sorry. sorry for not dying. i feel so so so fucking bad. all the time. for not dying and for wasting everyones thoughts and energy. for wasting their hope and their anger. even if im cracked open mentally now i dont think ill ever make up for it until i die. im sorry. no ones gonna fucking read this lol. im still sorry. god i wish anyone still thought abt me. i sont get msgs from anyone anymore except for a couple family. i feel so detached. even tho i want back in. i cant. i forgot how it works. sorry
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16 for the hermitcraft ask game?
16: Have you ever laughed so hard at a Hermitcraft moment that it hurt?
after getting this ask i realized that i've already reblogged that ask game before, oops :'D i answered the same question here, but here's a summary anyway!!
"well haven’t laughed at any clips to the point of it hurting, but ive definitely had some come up in my mind every now and then that send me into tears /lh some are:
- bdubs doing a bit where doc cheated on him for ren after they killed the ender dragon together
- grian and scar scaring bdubs with the proximity mod
- xisuma accidentally blowing up the paintings of bdubs’ shop
- xisuma taking .5 seconds to make fun of iskall"
sooo i was a bit unsure if i should just add some new ones, but i just went with it anyway!! :]
there's already a ton of clips out there of bdubs being Average Height™ which are always hilarious, but here's one of my own lol
actually all the s7 decked out stuff was always super fun to watch, and definitely had some pretty funny momence :] honestly it's a shame that tango couldn't really participate, considering he has a habit of making Those Weird Noises™ when he's surprised lmao
so many of my other favorite clips are just Hermits but not Hermitcraft :sobsobsob:
in s8 e1 zedaph called chickens "slightly older eggs" and that knocked me out
seriously i keep finding links and realize they're all from 3rd life or among us streams :'] maybe i'll post them later lmao
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fuck it up.
frank castle x f!reader .
warnings : 18+, smut, unprotected sex, penetration, choking.
i’m just now noticing y'all don't even know my name?? hi! im jay. and a fun fact about me is i cant write smut without overthinking unless im high (and it usually turns out so much better?). i listened to f it up by tank while writing this - hence the name. anyways i'm gonna kinda try to work on dialogue? so ofc that means talkative frank. i hope it goes well for your sake. and are we surprised to see another self-indulgent fic? no? didn't think so. its only 624 words but - enjoy babes.
“c’mon, ya’ got it princess” frank states, looking down at where you’re sinking onto his cock.
and all you can do in response is drag your nails down his pec, because god, do you feel so full. and you can't help the little whimper that tumbles out of your mouth once all of his cock is inside you. you don't bother giving yourself anytime to adjust though, no you cant help yourself.
“attagirl” frank groans, hands raking the side of your torso.
and you also can't resist the temptation to wrap your hand around his neck. it just looks so, so pretty covered in the marks you left not too long ago. you can't help making a few more with how good he feels inside you, so soon enough you're digging your nails in his neck. and he cant help but let you. you thinking you're in control is just so cute. you just look so pretty like this - and he already knows there's no way you can keep it up for long.
so he finds himself revelling in the grip you have around his neck. how pretty you look using that grip for leverage to bounce on his cock. how pretty you look thinking that grip on his neck makes you in control.
just like he expected though, you can't keep it up long. you're breathing heavier, you're slowing down, and most importantly you've got that needy look on your face - and hes letting a groan out at it all.
“y’need help, baby?” he questions, but it comes out a bit (a lot) like a statement.
“please.” you can't help but shamelessly whimper.
before you can even realize what's happening his hands are on your hips, and in an instant he’s bouncing you up and down by himself. and you can't find anywhere with a steady grip, well at least not until you're grabbing your own tits. truly, frank loves the sight. and he's sure you're making crescent shaped dents into your own skin.
but he ruins the sight himself. the sight of you beneath him was just too alluring not to. but now instead of grabbing your boobs - youre grabbing him. and while both are great, he’s pretty sure he prefers the latter.
“feel good, sweetheart?”
since you’re biting your lip quite hard, you just find yourself whimpering and nodding at the question.
and then you hear frank grunting in your ear “why can’t i hear ya’?”, right before he’s gripping your jaw.
“let m’hear those pretty noises,” he starts “don't get shy now, princess.”
not like you really had much choice. the grip on your face basically had your mouth wide open, and you were practically drooling by the time he let go.then he’s hitting that spot, and at the moan you let out he’s holding in a chuckle.
“take m’cock so well,” he groans mainly to himself “like ya’ were made for me.”
with the way youre squeezing him though, he feels so close. franks a prideful guy though, and he takes pride in making you cum first. so while your heads back, and your eyes are squeezed shut from how good hes plowing you, hes sneaking his hand in between your thighs.
and almost as soon as he starts making circles on your clit you're shaking. you're exactly where he wants you.
“not yet, baby.”
“pleas-” you dont even get to finish, before his lips are smashing onto yours.
and everything is just so precise. the way hes hitting that spot inside you, his thumb making circles on your clit, and even the needy rushed kiss is. and youre sure you cant hold it for long. and frank really cant either - you just feel too good.
“g’head princess.”
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