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#you dont know if its gonna work but by god you hope so
angellurgy · 3 days
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its my fault its all my fault and its too late to go back on it everyone hates me or ignores me now even more than the casual exclusion from before. i dont even have the irl friends i came here for i dont have az i dont have anyone and the more im forced to rot away the more i rot the more it festers the more you all forget me but you already forgot me anyway bc i scared ppl too much and one attempt is bad enuff so you cant be worried about more or care after ur just burnt out and i get it but fucking. nothing. i used to be at least like, smth a little. like ppl talked to me sometimes. now im just nothing, isolated little freak who tried to kill itself so gets the ultimate punishment of everything that was the problem before times 1000. mental illness so bad talking is like a battle against myself because ive doing it so little, i cant do anything and i have no help and im too hopeless to even die im trying to work up the effort and energy but it doesnt come so i just rot and dissociate and ramble incessantlt on here hoping someone who i would kill to hear from will msg me or something to tell me that im noy hated or that ppl will start liking me again but it never comes because im rotting so it never changes and i know people hate me for not responding to them while i post shit like this which just makes ppl dislike me or be dissuaded from msging me even more but im just fucking in a pit and every single thing pushes me back in it. im trying to write poetry of the places i go in my dreams but i cant even muster the brajnpower must of the time. even when i retreat into myself and try to think about a future i know from what i see that nothing is possible because of what i am - and i am so fucking sorry for being what i am. i want so much, but i need too much help in order to do it. im too contradictory. too stupid. too 'kicked dog'. ill never escape this at this point. never. all i do is lose more and more, even if the passport application goes thru at this rate idk if ill have anyone to stay with/visit. i just needed fucking help. need help. but im too. helpless. so im just ranting here to no one, annoying my mutuals even more, the ones that have forgotten any memory of me except bad things, and losing even more when i come back. but i cant stop myself from posting bc i have nowhere else to put any thoughts n its the only chance of anything. ive been fucking trying. but. i cant do everything. i cant do most things right now in this state. i need help. but all i do is lose. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sorry. sorry for not dying. i feel so so so fucking bad. all the time. for not dying and for wasting everyones thoughts and energy. for wasting their hope and their anger. even if im cracked open mentally now i dont think ill ever make up for it until i die. im sorry. no ones gonna fucking read this lol. im still sorry. god i wish anyone still thought abt me. i sont get msgs from anyone anymore except for a couple family. i feel so detached. even tho i want back in. i cant. i forgot how it works. sorry
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griba · 3 years
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16 for the hermitcraft ask game?
16: Have you ever laughed so hard at a Hermitcraft moment that it hurt?
after getting this ask i realized that i've already reblogged that ask game before, oops :'D i answered the same question here, but here's a summary anyway!!
"well haven’t laughed at any clips to the point of it hurting, but ive definitely had some come up in my mind every now and then that send me into tears /lh some are:
- bdubs doing a bit where doc cheated on him for ren after they killed the ender dragon together
- grian and scar scaring bdubs with the proximity mod
- xisuma accidentally blowing up the paintings of bdubs’ shop
- xisuma taking .5 seconds to make fun of iskall"
sooo i was a bit unsure if i should just add some new ones, but i just went with it anyway!! :]
there's already a ton of clips out there of bdubs being Average Height™ which are always hilarious, but here's one of my own lol
actually all the s7 decked out stuff was always super fun to watch, and definitely had some pretty funny momence :] honestly it's a shame that tango couldn't really participate, considering he has a habit of making Those Weird Noises™ when he's surprised lmao
so many of my other favorite clips are just Hermits but not Hermitcraft :sobsobsob:
in s8 e1 zedaph called chickens "slightly older eggs" and that knocked me out
seriously i keep finding links and realize they're all from 3rd life or among us streams :'] maybe i'll post them later lmao
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rockandroobuckaroll · 3 years
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Seeing Ryan so happy at the big ol house of mouse today makes me feel warm inside
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szappan · 3 years
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feels like ive let all my opportunities slip away but i would so love to end up in an orchestra
#like an actual good orchestra. having that as a job. imagine me working in madách theatre even#god that would be good. unfortunately i have an extremely complicated relationship with the cello so i dont practice nearly enough for that#but like. i could get back into it. im gonna moot the idea tomorrow and hope not to get yelled/scoffed at#should i explain my Extremely Complicated Relationship with the Cello here? no i wont. but it does involve being yelled and scoffed at to#some extent#anyway any conductors here? hire me i promise ill be an asset to the team dont you sir#my post#it's like im good at it i Was good at it i never was good at it i wont ever be as good at it as someone whos been doing it for as long as i#have should be and its like i like it i love it i hate it im bored of it i dont want to perform those fifteen minutes i spend performing#after perfecting what im playing for months are like shots of glory and pride and its like i spend more years with the cello than without#and i cant stop now because i still like it but its hard because i have no motivation and i dont practice and i only practiced because my#mum was forceful about it and i started pushing back a few years ago bc i wanted her to make an effort about me but like metaphorically ve#cause i knew she wasnt stable enough to do so literally but instead she let me go and do it on my own when i still wanted her to yell and#scoff at me about it because at least that showed she cared and i also miss the quartet but also the quartet man is the only person i#genuinely strongly dislike and i dont know enough people to join another one and i miss playing music with other people but im never needed#anyway. im quite hurt about it still but if i ever tell my mum i wanted her to push me she would just get offended so#ik i said i wouldnt get into it but apparently i lied ok bye guys#if i bring this up shell just say im too lazy and i need to practice more and cant go to an okj or whatever the fuck anymore anyway or what#and also the double bass! my mum told me not to start it but she did it in such an annoying way that i did anyway and like i wasnt instantl#good at it and its too heavy and my hand hurts because of it and i hate online music classes and im wary of my teacher and it's not how i#wanted it to be but i have to reap what ive sown#and pretend that it's what i wanted because i cant let her be all smug and i-told-you-so but i want to give it up already#anyway shes going to therapy now so maybe ill be able to talk to her about this sometime. like 5 years ago she became very depressed and#kinda left me and my brother to fend for ourselves but like i dont want to put it this way because depression is fucking hard and she was#alone and this sounds extremely petty and entitled and shit but. im gonna shut up now.
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mothpile · 3 years
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litreally going to kill something
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luhman16 · 4 years
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Mannnn :/ it didnt turn out that great and how i wanted it to. I'm going to have to make it again but better. At least i learned something from this one :/ it was supposed to be the Deceit from Sanders Sides patch but embroidery and i modified the colours a bit to make it more interesting and better. It didnt work out tho..... oh well, better luck next time, me
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honeycrisp · 4 years
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oh my god
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dirt-grub · 4 years
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oh i forgot its friday!!! wonderful im gonna have my dinner and a beer and watch twin peaks c: possibly finish my little sister’s scarf too since im almost there and i want to get working on commissioned ones though they’re not like official yet 
#setting up a storefront is gonna be a touch more complicated than i thought im going to need a PO box i think#i live with my parents so giving out my actual address isnt a choice i can really make#but yeah after that it should be smooth sailing ive got the material cost figured out and an estimation of the shipping#then im just gonna have to figure out labor costs which i'll check the NY minimum wage and start from there#like i dont get tired fast when im doing it for fun but also like theres no deadline or need for it to be perfect yknow how it is#this is kinda neat im actually gonna sell my own work... :)#connor talks#idk i hope i get buyers its pretty good work i think#its just yknow people dont think homemade clothes are harder to make than fast fashion n stuff#just the material costs of a scarf is a lot when you use good thick yarn... like my trans flag scarf was a little over $30#and shipping is annoying like deadass for my irls who are asking for scarves im delivering them in person its just easier#but like yeah i feel like apologizing when i say its gonna be $50+ but... it kinda has to be or its costing me to make ya feel#could make em smaller but that only shaves off probably 10-15#im getting ahead of myself its okay to ask for the appropriate cost for a product i spent time making#capitalism brainrot... god#us poor folk are like damn i dont want to charge my neighbors so much meanwhile people b screwing us at every angle#well let this be assurance i guess that i dont want to screw y'all outta money i just wanna make some money on the side#ahhhh things are gonna be cool tho i know it...#its not often i get the satisfaction of making something for someone who truly wants what i have to give
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roaringheat · 4 years
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hmm hmmmmm still thinking abt that wild ass hot chocolate quiz
#acro posts#it was like telling you why u have trouble formimg emotional bonds or something#and i took it cause i was haha this is gonna fun#i wasnt expecting it to open my whole ass third eye tho??#like i KNOW its dumb getting so moved by someones personality quiz lmao but god damn#but it put into words something ive known was an issue for awhile but couldnt really pin down what was happening#basically the result it gave me was 'it only works in the moment' and the description basically said:#that you want a connection but that love for a person is only there for now and never for long. and that u can never agree never decide#and basically cant settle down and need to learn how to make things last long term#im paraphrasing that from memory lol theres a screenshot of it in the actual post if u need to see that to know wtf im saying lmao#but anyway that really helped me actually put into words an issue ive had for years??#i just get so insanely infatuated everytime i meet a new person i really make a connection with#and i care so intensely but within like a month its gone#its not like i dont care abt ppl its just that its so hard making new bonds cause i cant carry that same energy long term for some reason??#and i dont THINK i hve commitment issues?? although it probs sure as hell looks like it to an outsider lmao#funny thing is im literally going through this rn with someone rn i met a bit ago and im so aware of it now oh my god#yall probs know who it is ive already made several posts mentioning them lmao#i so badly hope this time i dont go through that same cycle tho#maybe now that im aware of it itll be less likely to happen??#yea this post was an excuse to rant lmao#we gettin philosophical in here#i just realized i typed a month when i meant to type a couple months in an earlier tag ffs#im not deleting all that just to fix that tho so UH lmao oops
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ap-sadistics · 5 years
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ive been working on my portfolio for art school applications for the past several months and the deadline for one of the colleges i wanna attend is coming up real quick and im not fucking done and im stressed and ive been So Stressed that ive had a persistent eyelid twitch for my right for like a week and its so fucking annoying i want to stab my eye with a fork when will FUCKING STOP DOING THAT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS BASICALLY COLLEGE APPS *PEGGLE 2 JUMP* 2!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE IM RELIVING ONE OF THE MOST STRESSFUL TIMES OF MY LIFE AGAIN (SHRIEKS INTO A PILLOW) 4 YEARS LATER AND IM LITERALLY STARTING COMPLETELY OVER AGAIN
#I HOPE MY EYEBALL FUCKING EXPLODES FUCK MY SHITTY FUCKING EYE STOP IT!!!!!#IF I CAN GO BACK IN TIME AND WARN MY YOUNGER SELF ILL SAY#*firmly grasps younger me shoulders* you. really fucking hate academia. you hate studying you are Not cut out as a chem major#you ended up changing majors from chem eng bc Its Really Fucking Not Anything You Thought It Would Be Like Its Not Like Chemistry#and also turns out theres 4 types of chemistry beyond gen chem and you are really bad 2 of them#organic chemistry is fun maybe BUT INORGANIC CHEMISTRY IS NOTHING LIKE IT AND IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE TURN BACK BEFORE ITS TOO LATE#dont go to ucsd dont do it. youll be so fucking depressed. youll have a fun roommate tho and thats the ONLY UPSIDE#younger me you definitely not in the right mindset to know what you want to do in your life but trust me you fucking hate academic work#you like art... go for it... start making a portfolio and draw more.. do some studies... youll save so my time and energy....#also fucking money.#well at least i have most of my GEs done considering i went for more than 3 years#but god im so behind my peers. all my friends have jobs probs.#meanwhile im gonna have to spend more money on tuition *cries*#AND ITLL BE EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE BC NO MORE GRANTS AND ALL THE GOOD ART COLLEGES ARE PRIVATE..... I HATE HIGHER EDUCATION TUITION#ITS FUCKED UP WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE WHY DO THEY NEED SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY!!!!!!!!#this post has been a long time coming But Thats My Life Update Yall.#dropped out of a UC like a fucking loser so fucking pursue something that im hoping ill actually be happy doing...#bc i couldnt see myself being happy doing stem work at all...#honestly i stopped being depressed when i dropped out it worked like a cure... stopping what made me so unhappy...#but im worried that i wont be cut out as an artist also but i hope not.... wish me luck yall...#jem's miscellany
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mapleshmaple · 5 years
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,
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francofolle · 5 years
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So okay those of us in espresso/front end have been mostly trying to laugh about this but it’s not really funny at all. I’m lucky bc this job’s always been temporary and turns out this kinda works well for me. But there’s people who’ve worked here for nearly two decades and this is their job and they have families and they have to find new jobs now after 10+ years.. Not to mention corporate really fucked up with a lot of vendors (not just at our location) and I’m positive people are really really gonna hate us once they find out we’re done.. people of course keep asking if we’re closing or what’s going on and we were not allowed to say (so that vendors don’t come in and yell at us for things completely out of our control that we can’t help them with) and I keep saying I don’t know but people are asking if we’re having a closing sale or when our last day is.. it’s all awful. Honestly this whole year working.. watching the store slowly decline, having deal with angry people, being understaffed, having no idea what’s going on.. it’s been awful. And the fact that people are gonna hate us for what’s gonna happen this week even though it’s not our fault is making me feel worse. The whole thing is really depressing.
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virmillion · 2 years
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tag talkin’
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mihotose · 2 years
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calling a service just to hear the music they play while youre on hold
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night
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mrsswaino · 2 years
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fuck it up.
frank castle x f!reader .
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warnings : 18+, smut, unprotected sex, penetration, choking.
i’m just now noticing y'all don't even know my name?? hi! im jay. and a fun fact about me is i cant write smut without overthinking unless im high (and it usually turns out so much better?). i listened to f it up by tank while writing this - hence the name. anyways i'm gonna kinda try to work on dialogue? so ofc that means talkative frank. i hope it goes well for your sake. and are we surprised to see another self-indulgent fic? no? didn't think so. its only 624 words but - enjoy babes.
“c’mon, ya’ got it princess” frank states, looking down at where you’re sinking onto his cock.
and all you can do in response is drag your nails down his pec, because god, do you feel so full. and you can't help the little whimper that tumbles out of your mouth once all of his cock is inside you. you don't bother giving yourself anytime to adjust though, no you cant help yourself.
“attagirl” frank groans, hands raking the side of your torso.
and you also can't resist the temptation to wrap your hand around his neck. it just looks so, so pretty covered in the marks you left not too long ago. you can't help making a few more with how good he feels inside you, so soon enough you're digging your nails in his neck. and he cant help but let you. you thinking you're in control is just so cute. you just look so pretty like this - and he already knows there's no way you can keep it up for long.
so he finds himself revelling in the grip you have around his neck. how pretty you look using that grip for leverage to bounce on his cock. how pretty you look thinking that grip on his neck makes you in control.
just like he expected though, you can't keep it up long. you're breathing heavier, you're slowing down, and most importantly you've got that needy look on your face - and hes letting a groan out at it all.
“y’need help, baby?” he questions, but it comes out a bit (a lot) like a statement.
“please.” you can't help but shamelessly whimper.
before you can even realize what's happening his hands are on your hips, and in an instant he’s bouncing you up and down by himself. and you can't find anywhere with a steady grip, well at least not until you're grabbing your own tits. truly, frank loves the sight. and he's sure you're making crescent shaped dents into your own skin.
but he ruins the sight himself. the sight of you beneath him was just too alluring not to. but now instead of grabbing your boobs - youre grabbing him. and while both are great, he’s pretty sure he prefers the latter.
“feel good, sweetheart?”
since you’re biting your lip quite hard, you just find yourself whimpering and nodding at the question.
and then you hear frank grunting in your ear “why can’t i hear ya’?”, right before he’s gripping your jaw.
“let m’hear those pretty noises,” he starts “don't get shy now, princess.”
not like you really had much choice. the grip on your face basically had your mouth wide open, and you were practically drooling by the time he let go.then he’s hitting that spot, and at the moan you let out he’s holding in a chuckle.
“take m’cock so well,” he groans mainly to himself “like ya’ were made for me.”
with the way youre squeezing him though, he feels so close. franks a prideful guy though, and he takes pride in making you cum first. so while your heads back, and your eyes are squeezed shut from how good hes plowing you, hes sneaking his hand in between your thighs.
and almost as soon as he starts making circles on your clit you're shaking. you're exactly where he wants you.
“not yet, baby.”
“pleas-” you dont even get to finish, before his lips are smashing onto yours.
and everything is just so precise. the way hes hitting that spot inside you, his thumb making circles on your clit, and even the needy rushed kiss is. and youre sure you cant hold it for long. and frank really cant either - you just feel too good.
“g’head princess.”
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