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janewayintersection · 9 months

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the amount of people who are like "omg i ditched kaidan for garrus after he was mean to me on horizon!!" baffle me. shit on bioware's writing for making shep work with cerberus all you want, but kaidan calling shep out on this and not joining them is NOT the issue. in fact, him reacting like this is why i love him??

he specifically states he trusts shep, just not cerberus. which is the only rational response in that whole entire goddamn game!! like?? you spend all of me1 stopping cerberus operations. they kill several alliance soldiers and admiral kahoku, try to make a rachni army -- they are WELL known for cloning and ais... miranda even outright states she wanted to plant shep with a control chip. there is literally zero reason for kaidan to believe the shep in front of him isn't some cerberus sleeper agent. or an ai. or indoctrinated. or being manipulated (THIS ONE IS CANON BTW). even if he trusts shepard, he doesn't trust cerberus not to pull any of this. quite frankly, i'm baffled more companions don't have this exact, entirely justified concern.

loyalty is important, but blind loyalty is dangerous.

honestly, the crew in me2 is lucky that the illusive man was so weirdly and uncharacteristically insistent on shepard remaining untouched. things could have gotten very bad otherwise.

being best friends with someone, or more notably, being in love with someone, isn't the end all be all magic potion in this world. being in love with someone doesn't mean you should blindly trust their actions. if my significant other joined a terrorist group, you can bet my ass i wouldn't join them! sorry! if anything, it's healthy that kaidan has his own sense of morals and priorities he follows over shepard. he's his OWN person, love shouldn't be something that makes you suddenly give up who you are and what you believe in.

not to mention kaidan is entirely out of the loop for the whole game. his intel states that cerberus is behind the abductions (the horizon incident is partially a result of cerberus' fiddling btw), and that shep has been alive and never even reached out to anyone. he doesn't have the information we the players have. he doesn't know that the illusive man insisted on no control chip. he doesn't know about the lazarus project or its specifics.

and as for the "cheating" discourse if you romance someone new in me2, i do personally believe shep getting with one of the me2 love interests is cheating on their me1 love interest. to shep, they skipped those two years. they wake up as they did during the me2 prologue. no time has passed. and then they immediately get with someone else after one (1) argument with their love interest over them, may i remind you, joining a terrorist group. even if you don't think it's "technically" cheating, it's at the very least pretty trashy and flakey.

if anything, i'm gonna say it! kaidan is more forgiving than i'd be! the fact that he even sends an email saying he still cares and that they can see what happens after this is all resolved is WAY more than i would have done. the fact that kaidan will find out shep got with someone else, and STILL be willing to give shep a chance is like. man. it's saying a lot. i am just saying.

imagine losing someone. you see them literally die as your ship explodes and they burn up in the nearby planet's atmosphere. you grieve. you put yourself into your work. then suddenly, two years, later. they pop back up again. ALIVE. and with a terrorist group. and basically tell you the equivalent of "just trust me bro" despite the fact that while you trust them, you don't trust the terrorist group. so you're like hey, what the fuck. why are you with a terrorist group. and they're like i'm not with them, we just have common goals. and you're like. i'm gonna say it again. i trust you, not the terrorist group. okay?? i can't join you for this reason. please be careful out there, seriously.

and then they immediately jump into the pants of that one guy you knew back on a mission from two years ago.

what would you do?? would you not feel hurt? betrayed? upset? confused?? i'm sorry, i'm completely on kaidan's side. i'd go as far to say that he's far more understanding than he should be in me2.

me3 is all about regaining that complete and undying trust back, and that cerberus didn't fuck around w shep. or that being with cerberus didn't change them. his "loyalty" quest is just visiting him in the hospital and showing him shepard still cares. that they're still the same. that cerberus truly didn't alter them. that there was more going on. that shepard was forced to work with cerberus out of complete necessity and only did what they thought was right. and i think that's neat!!!!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #shenko

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icannotgetoverbirds · 5 months

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Email template!

So your local mall has a Papa John's inside, or maybe there's a Domino's operation out of the nearest Walmart. But wait! Those are both being targeted by the BDS boycott list at the moment! Why should you care if you're not getting food from them?

Because, my friends, you can also stop others from getting food from them as well.

Sure, you could arrange a sit-in (highly recommended), but maybe you're just too busy to do something like that. Capitalism, right?

Are you too busy to send one extra email per day using a template? If you answered yes, I wish you the best of luck avoiding burnout. You'll need it.

If you answered no, boy have I got the direct action for you!

So you're gonna want to find a company that's partnered with a BDS boycott target

The restaurants in the bottom right are probably your best bet, but by all means feel free to translate this to work for other targets. Just be sure to share so that others can get in on the fun!

Find their contact information, preferably an email. Here's what you're gonna send them.

"Hi there! I am extremely disappointed to see that you are still partnered with (bds boycott target), as they are currently sponsoring/profiting from an ongoing genocide in Palestine. I'd hate to see (target partner that you are emailing) on the wrong side of history, especially when it's clearly repeating itself. Might I suggest a partnership with (non-targeted non-partnered competitor of previously mentioned bds boycott target) instead? Their (product - specifics optional) is far better, anyways. (optional bonus: list some benefits of choosing the competition!) Thank you for your time. I look forward to seeing (partner) back on the correct side of history where it belongs. Cheers, Your name/pseudonym (Bonus: Add a ps full of evidence of the genocide!)"

All you have to do is find a partner of said target (for instance, the aforementioned walmart location with a bds boycott target operating inside), track down their email or contact page, fill in the blanks accordingly, and send your complaint their way.

If you can send one email per day, fantastic. If you can send more, even better. I would, again, highly recommend arranging a sit-in and other kinds of physical direct action. Remember, do NOT harass the workers.

For those of you working at bds targeted locations, i would highly recommend that you look for some other form of employment. I know it's a shit job market out there, but the sooner you start looking the more likely it is you'll be able to find something. This is especially true if you are in a location that is partnered with a non-targeted corporation.

I have no hopes of this email campaign getting big enough on its own to make significant change, certainly not if I and my friends are the only ones participating, but I have to do something or else this sense of helplessness will eat away at me. One more voice amplifying the message of the victims and survivors can only help.

Please reblog! If enough people get in on this, we could make these corpirations hemorrhage out more money! I know y'all like to see them get their asses whooped.

#tw politics #tw genocide #free palestine #free gaza #byrd chirps

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kalgalen · 1 year

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Open letter to my mother

(or, a rebuttal to the 1k email my mom sent me about my upcoming transition. Tw: transphobia, self-harm)

First, and I say this will all the love in the word (and an healthy dose of disbelief): what the fuck is wrong with cis people?

I'm gonna skip right over the fact that you had the gall to call this a "text analysis" when you actually dedicated only one paragraph to actually describing the text I got published and used the rest to utterly dismiss my community and I. That disappointment, though, is nothing compared to the anger and grief that the rest of your email has awaken in me.

You talk about respect, but you refuse to respect my decision to make my own body more comfortable to me. Worse than that, you disrespect my friends by deciding you get to be the judge determining who conforms to your outdated ideas on gender enough to be allowed to transition. How dare you?

Speaking of daring, how dare you imply that we, the LGBTQIA community, need to be more tolerant and inclusive of people who don't understand us? Do you realize that in many cases it means they want our death? You're a white woman. You've never had to deal with a huge portion of the population wanting you to stop existing, or at least to stop "putting your identity in everyone's faces" - aka, essentially, to (hope you guessed it) stop existing. I'm not asking for understanding from every single old crusty conservative guy, just that they leave us the fuck alone.

You make wild assumptions about me in your email. Do you really think my therapist helped me accept myself? I only came out to her last year when I decided to medically transition, because I was finally confident in my ability to make that choice. We had never talked about gender before. Why would you want to take that away from me? Why would that "self-respect" you're talking about entail me going back on my steps? Why can't it be about me embracing my identity, making my body mine in a way that doesn't involve self-harming?

On that subject, you've never shown concern when I was cutting into my arms on the daily. You acknowledged it, sure, but what did you do except demand that I stop? You have no right to criticize my choice of changing my body. You lost it long ago.

You encouraged me to get a breast reduction last year when I started the process of wanting to transition. You still thought I was cis then, but since it was a surgery for cis people, it was fine and dandy. Now that I want to cut it all off so I don't have to deal with binders anymore (which are indeed quite dangerous for the person wearing them, not to mention uncomfortable) you believe you can go against that. You have to see how irrational that is.

You talk about detransitioners but I'm willing to bet you haven't done more research past "some people regret transitioning." Do you know most people stop transitioning because of transphobia? You, cis people, are killing us one way or another.

Why do you fucking think you can explain gender to me. "We all have a part of masculinity and femininity inside of us" yeah no kidding?? You're telling that to a nonbinary person, that's the whole concept (although not only - but I won't get into it since it'll just confuse you more.) You dare "explaining" to me what androgynity is and why it would "fit me more". You think your couple of hours of half-assed research are enough to compare with my lived experience? With my discussions with like-minded people? With decades of self-determination by a community that is older than you? Also fuck you for implying I've only decided to call myself nonbinary because it's "fun". You don't know anything.

You ask me if sexuality is involved in choosing a gender - and it might be for some but newsflash, trans gay people exist. Additionally, I am asexual - not that you bothered to do research about that. "Before loving a sex we love a way to be, a philosophy, a way to think" fuck off I've known that since I was old enough to fall in love.

Anyways. You'll never read this, because you would only think I'm throwing a tantrum - because you're so sure you're right, and not ready to listen. Whatever, I don't give a shit. I will try and answer your concerns later when I'm not so pissed off, but for the moment I cannot help you.

Lovingly, your child.

#perso #transgender #ok to rb #actually - encouraged to be rb #don't let me be alone in my rage

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wttcsms · 4 months

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this trope's got a little kick to it, sleepover event ;

one intro in celebration of the upcoming new year & the fact that i desperately want to give you all the content you crave, i am hosting an impromptu sleepover event that closes on jan. 1!!!

two about this event tropes are so fun & i have so many faves. considering the fact that you follow my blog and (im assuming here) that you enjoy my writing, i figured that you all would have similar preferences as me. but, doing "enemies to lovers", "friends to lovers", "oh no there's only one bed", etc. seems too plain and simple. we are doing oddly specific tropes that wttcsms pulled out of her ass and thought "this sounds like a good pairing"

three how to participate — choose a trope from the list — choose a character from any of these fandoms: hq, bnha, aot, jjk, blue lock, cod — send me an ask with the character & trope, and get ready to receive your drabble x

four tropes — "i bet on losing dogs" x the losing dog — the closed wound x the bleeding heart — on a road trip with your ex — ghost who needs help passing to the afterlife x reluctant person who does not want to help but is currently cursed and helping this ghost is the only way to lift it — knife to the throat but the blade can't seem to cut this weird sexual tension we've got going on — ex-thief trying to live a straight & narrow life x their original partner who drags them back in for one big heist — getting person a to do something ridiculous because they owe person b a favor — when person a realizes they're in love with person b, but instead of it being cute and generating butterflies, their internal monologue is disgust and shame — person a who thinks person b is in love with them and p.a. tries to actively avoid p.b. because they think they're trying to confess their love, but p.b. keeps trying to get them alone to explain that it's not p.a. they like, but p.a.'s best friend — wrong number, right person — royal who thinks they're picking a safe option as their betrothed x the betrothed who is actually an undercover spy working for the very kingdom that wants to kill the royal — drunken confessions — party game that results in the beginning of a relationship — kissing as a distraction to avoid being caught — the invisible string theory (or: 5 times you almost met each other + the 1 time you do) — sunshine x midnight rain — when the rebound is your ex's brother — grumpy tenured professor x new, sunshine-y associate professor — womanizer x maneater — love story told in untraditional format (ex: voicemails, email exchanges, hinge dms, twitter beef, etc.)

five current requests — on a road trip with your ex, megumi fushiguro — womanizer x maneater, satoru gojo — grumpy prof x sunshine prof, naoya zenin — when ur royal betrothed is ur backstabber, katsuki bakugo — rebound is ex's brother, eren yeager — sunshine x midnight rain, toji fushiguro — party game, shinsuke kita — kissing as a distraction, levi ackerman — shame over the realization you love him, satoru gojo — knife to the throat, megumi fushiguro — closed wound x bleeding heart, yuuji itadori — when ur royal betrothed is ur backstabber, kento nanami — i bet on losing dogs x the losing dog, kento nanami — wrong number, right person, hajime iwaizumi — i bet on losing dogs x the losing dog, armin arlert — love story told in untraditional format, dabi — when ur royal betrothed is ur backstabber, tooru oikawa — invisible string theory, kiyoomi sakusa — drunken confessions, hiromi higuruma — womanizer x maneater, michael kaiser — closed wound x bleeding heart, simon riley

#sleepover event

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littlespoonevan · 2 years

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Buddie AU Rec List 💙

Hello!! So back in the day in my older fandoms I used to live for aus but with buddie i - like many others, i know - can sometimes struggle with aus because they’re identities are so intrinsically linked to their jobs as firefighters that it’s hard to picture them Not being that??? Even in my own aus that I’ve written I always find a way to make them both firefighters in the end lmao.

But I’ve read quite a few fics recently that reminded just how fucking delicious it can be to sink your teeth into a damn good au askjdkfh so with that in mind I decided to compile a little list of some of my favourite aus that I’ve come across in the past couple of months bc every single one of them made me lose it in the best way 💖:

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by rarakiplin

One day, Buck will tell an interviewer that he would be happy to make movies with Eddie Diaz until the day he dies.

But first, years before that, he sees Eddie for the first time on the set of Chimney’s fifth movie.

or, the actors au

Let My Ink Stain Your Pages by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Having just killed off his popular character, bestselling author Evan Buckley needs some new inspiration and fast. Luckily for him, Det. Eddie Diaz is about to stroll into his life.

The last thing Eddie needs is a reckless mystery writer partnering with him and causing trouble. Or, rather, the last thing he needs is an inappropriate crush. Too bad he doesn't have a choice, because he's about to become the main character in Buck's new book series.

...everyone, place your bets.

dance, for all that we've been through by catchingpapermoons

The Los Angeles Ballet’s 2022-2023 season ends with a bang with their fresh take on a ballet staple, Swan Lake. Artistic Director Bobby Nash is in his eighth season with the Los Angeles Ballet, and it has flourished under his direction.

However, his associate, Eddie Diaz, is the one whose reimagining of the choreography has caught our attention...

(or, Eddie Diaz moves to L.A. to restart his dance career, and ends up choreographing a show, finding a family, and falling in love. Not necessarily in that order.)

like the petals in our pockets (may we remember who we are) by evcndiaz

His name is Evan Buckley. Alias: Captain America. The year is 2022. He is not on the battlefield. This is not World War II. He is alive. He is alive. He is alive. What a goddamn curse that is.

or; seventy years is a long time.

Don't Play Games (Come My Way) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Buck hates Eddie Diaz.

Ever since his publishing company and Eddie's merged, the man has been nothing but a pain in Buck's ass. The way he nitpicks all of Buck's company emails, the way he spends half his day bickering with Buck, the way he makes Buck's stomach flip and the way he's started haunting Buck's dreams... yeah, it's one hundred percent hate. Definitely. Buck's sure of it.

Because what the hell else could it be?

keep me as your finish line by thatbuddie (talktothesky)

“Oh no, we’re not doing this.” Chimney pops a bubble with the gum he’s been chewing as he moves one of his fingers back and forth to point between The-Man-who-isn’t-Buck’s-man-he’s-just-The-Man and Buck. “You didn’t drag me to the gym just so you can ditch me to fuck some guy in the showers."

Buck lowers his voice, leaning forward as if trying to make the words’s journey shorter between him and Chimney so they can’t escape and reach anyone else’s ears,“I wouldn’t fuck him in the showers.”

Chimney’s response is wordless in the form of an eyebrow raise.

“Not anymore, okay?” Buck clarifies, rolling his eyes. “That’s not who I am now."

(spoiler alert: Buck does fuck the guy in the showers. but that comes after nicknaming him Big Beautiful Brown Eyes, finding out his name is actually Eddie, becoming his best friend, and falling madly in love with him.)

All I do is keep the beat in bad, bad company by HMSLusitania

It’s the last day of break when they grab lunch together and Buck calls him on it.

“You know, you look pretty beat, like…all the time,” he says. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, more or less,” Eddie says. “My neighbour is…”

And then he trails off because yeah, his neighbour is still loudly on the phone every night at three, then four, then back to two, then one, then three again, but from what little Eddie can hear, the calls he’s making have become entirely one sided. Like he’s leaving voicemails.

“Oh, that blows,” Buck says, taking an indecently large bite of his sandwich. “I either have really, really great insulation or the quietest neighbours ever.”

“Either way, be grateful,” Eddie recommends and Buck gives him a quick smile in response.

A buddie college AU

all above, all your waiting coming home by probieravi

The route itself is pretty simple. From their apartment in Scarborough to Christopher’s school, it’s a bus ride and a trip on Line 2, and then from the school to SickKids, it’s just another few stops on the train and a transfer to Line 1. They’ve got it down to a routine, him and Chris; back home, Eddie could never quite figure out the transit system, but despite all its many, many flaws, the TTC seems to have their back.

It could have warned him about the guy, though.

or, eddie and chris meet buck on the train.

your dreary mondays by hammersmiths

“Wait, you need a sitter?” Chimney says. Eddie nods. “Maddie’s brother got back in town a few nights ago, he’s looking for work.”

Eddie frowns. He doesn’t know much about this mysterious brother of Maddie’s – doesn’t even really know much about Maddie, either, aside from being Chimney’s girlfriend – but he’s pretty sure every time he’s been brought up in conversation it’s not been particularly inspiring. “Is this the brother who flunked out of college because he spent all his tuition on a motorcycle?”

Chimney colours a little. “Um. No?”

or, Buck babysits Christopher and Eddie is—fine about it, actually.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (But Love is Undefinable) by extasiswings & letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Eddie Diaz is a professional.

It’s not like he didn’t know who he was going to shoot when he got the call. He’s good at his job, even if he’s a bit of a recluse by industry standards—he knows who Buck is. Knows the name, the pictures, the reputation.

A bit of a wild child. A bit of a party boy. Maybe more than a bit. Rumor has it that right before he made it big he almost got dropped by his agency for being a little too reckless.

But that's fine by him—Eddie can handle beautiful people, he's around them all the time.

Eddie doesn't sleep with models. And Buck doesn't sleep with photographers. They're professionals.

Until they aren't.

#buddie #911 fic #buddie fic rec #i read the actor au the dance au and the winter solider au one right after the other and my heart was in pIECES by the end sadkjfh #but they're all amazing <3 #so happy reading folks!!!#give some love to the au writers among us #they're a gift 💗#long post

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meretrifles · 8 months

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Public Library of Ruina - Yesod

I still dither a little about Yesod. He's either Information Technology, Information Services, or both. Both feels a little self-indulgent, but it's kind of what I want.

Information Technology is basically regular IT-- have you tried turning it off and back on again. The library doesn't add a huge amount to that-- more databases, a website, shitty civic budget, unpredictable public users. You're gonna replace a lot of keyboards. (You should probably take the ones where people rearranged the keys into swear words out of service. Or at least fix them first.)

Information Services is, at this point, extroverted IT. Back in the day, this was the department that specialized in "reference" questions-- the weird stuff. People would ask librarians for all sorts of weird facts in the pre-google days. It does still happen, but less and less every year as search engines become ubiquitous and the people who remember that was a thing slowly die off. Still, reference will never completely die. People are always going to come to libraries with weird questions; that's kind of the point.

So why am I calling it extroverted IT? Because that's the primary function. There's the fairly obvious part-- people sometimes need help searching the catalogue or reading e-books. But here's the less obvious part. Myrtle has a new laptop, but she's not sure how to do anything with it and her kids all live hours away. Who's she going to call? Who can help people learn how to use technology? Without many other options, the answer frequently is-- the library.

Think everyone has a cell phone? Ask a public librarian. We know there are still plenty of people without a phone or with a secondhand POS with no sim card. Curious what happens if someone can't remember their gmail password? If you're prepared to deal with a post-traumatic response, ask a public librarian. Have you ever tried to help someone with no available cell phone recover their google account? It would probably save a lot of time if we could just tell them at the start they're SOL. But maybe they can remember the password, and technically there's a reset function that might work in a few days if you're approved.... Fun times when you're dealing with an upset person who can barely type on a good day and has just lost a ton of personally valuable and literally valuable information, probably forever. Think 2-factor authentication is great? It sure is, if you have a second factor. We have a list of free email sites that don't require you to already have an email address or a cell phone. It's hella short. And we took one off cause it was too Russian. Protonmail is a good bet if you can remember passwords. Which is a significant if. Some people just can't. Which is OK if you can save them on your computer. Oh, you don't have one and you have to use public devices all the time? Well, write it down and hope it doesn't get stolen and that you can remember which one is which. (Have you already guessed that sometimes people ask librarians to remember their passwords for them?)

In short, the library also serves as a public IT department, for services and devices it has zero control over.

Whether he's internal or public IT support, Yesod is also going to snap. Though, he will also have access to an abnormality that can affect people outside the library, which is a nontrivial perk. He will use it exclusively on vendors. I am hoping some of his bullets bend space and time to successfully hit whatever asshats decided it was OK to build the entire backbone of library ebook lending on Adobe Fucking Digital Editions, an old ass program with literally zero support. It would seem impossible for them to still be shackled to it in the City, but it also seems impossible that we're still shackled to it now, so I'm pretty sure the ultimate capitalist dystopia couldn't let it die.

Hmm? My specialty? I'm a reference librarian. Why do you ask?

#yesod lor #public library of ruina #library of ruina #bad librarian!!#polite ways to explain what the shift key is #the sheer number of weird printing workarounds i require every shift i s2g

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thegeminisage · 6 months

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tng night SIGH number four. tonight's eps were uhhh [checks] "lonely among us" and "justice." verdict: idk, i kept getting bored and looking at my phone

"lonely among us" was about a little electric thing that kept hopping bodies. this was initially kind of fun, if stupid, because it seemed SO OBVIOUS that crusher should report missing time right away and she just didn't lol

i do like that deanna finally got something to do (hypnotizing them) but it just made me remember that in tos they werent allowed to do that and this hypnotism could have been an email (vulcan mind meld). i'll get there. i just miss him.

the aliens who wanted to eat live animals were like. unfunny. especially when menacing tasha yar. idk, she always looks incredibly tense and it's starting to make me feel bad for her. she seems to hate everything. poor ms whoever is playing her

data's bit with the sherlock pipe was kinda cringe but i love him anyway. i was VERY mad when picard told him to knock it off. you're stopping him from stimming!!! leave him alone!!! also, in the next episode, he got onto him about babbling and watching data shut down in response was SOOO sad jail for picard for ONE THOUSAND YEARS im glad his ass apologized

unfortunately during the middle of the pipe thing is when i found out about the loz movie via destiel meme (ep was boring i was looking at my phone sorry) so i ruined the best part of the episode for myself

i am coming to understand that generally speaking data is the best part of any given tng episode <3

there was a moment in this episode where wesley was once again right and told to buzz off. in the next episode he does something stupid and they spend the entire time defending him. i DONT understand why it always has to be like this. i don't even dislike wesley, i just dislike the way the other characters are written is reponse to him. he's like the theo teenwolf of tng (dont get me started)

big moment in this ep was the potential mutiny. once again it's too early for this shit. i wanted some episodes where they explore planets and fight some guys (like the ferengi ep!) before we did anything deep. i bet if this happened in like seasons 3-5 i'd be beside myself about it the way i was when it almost happened in tos. but i don't like some of these guys yet, let alone care deeply about them (except data, who is my best friend).

next ep: The Sex Planet. once again, it is inappropriate to be having children on a starship, but it is especially inappropriate to send your fifteen year old """honorary""" """""ensign"""""" down to a planet that you don't know anything about except how they LOVE to fuck. the greeting party literally didn't even know what to do with him if they couldn't feel him up. he had to explain in 1987 hays code that he was a fucking virgin. maybe some research besides "they love to fuck here" would have helped with this situation but also "let's not send the 15yo to the brothel planet" would be a good line of thought too???

anyway he breaks the law has to die and theyre twisting themselves into knots over the prime directive and the setup was ACTUALLY almost interesting except they just beamed away with him in the end without finding a third option, which they could have done like 20 minutes in. also, if theyre trying not to break the prime directive, why are they allowed to tell the aliens they're from space and beam one aboard their ship? like, i actually love ethical questions posed by the prime directive, so this episode is cool on paper, but the execution flopped

oh i nearly forgot worf was bragging about his prowess in bed and how he was too much for weak human partners and riker looked SO intrigued which was like the funniest fucking thing. good for both of them. also it was androidphobia that they didn't let data go to that planet to get laid

anyway, as of now, i have been OFFICIALLY DITCHED. catherine maulthots has decided to let me do s1 and s2 of tng on my OWN and then show her the relevant ones so it's time to watch this shit on 2x speed until i hit the good parts

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #i miss spock. and bones and kirk ofc but mostly just spock

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nani-nonny · 6 months

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I swear nonny am about to go to your house and enter just to ask you; WHY YOU MADE IT SO SHORT?!?!?!/HJ

Ngl, i was watching gameplay of video game call " ghost trick " until i got email notification about your " am blue " it took me half minute to realize it's; 1- from you. 2- it's " I'm blue " fic 💙💙💙💙.

I start reading and what else?! Mf Old timer strick again with LCD, am.so close to tackle that mf to STOP BULLYING HIM!! He had enough!/j

Like the cry bullied baby he is, LCD leaves immediately to his tent to cry leaving the big boys to talk.

Blue chewing the jerky reminded me of that one obnoxious kid who chew gum just so he doesn't focus on the lecture in classroom 🤣

When DMD asked old timer why he get called old timer i felt; 1- bruh moment because " old timer = old as fuck ". 2- What if LCD's turn came up?!? ( now idk what i must get worried about?! LCD get exposed to the rest of the leos or WDS's fic end & bishop... Nani you're torturing me).

So back to the name choosing and no lies or disrespect? I feel you took half of chapter describing what old timer feels whe he got asked the question 😂 it made me think " yo nani are you trying to skip or give little details in the fic?! Answer me! " 🤣

After 24 years, old timer finally answer with he's obviously older which wants me to pull the " you don't say " meme xD

Then here comes the age reveling where i get to know REUNION IS 61!! AFTER THAT IS DMD WITH 49 And WDS is 44 and i bet you money on it; LCD is the youngest!! I just know it!! (Which make it more funny because the middle kids are gonna bully the youngest for begin a killer)

Reunion's Audacity calling them " children " made me laugh, imagine his old ass whenever he regroup with them he say " okay kids/children... " or " kids that's enough " 🤣🤣

And then he turns to LCD's tent and called him out remind me of mom when she says " you're (name doing something) tomorrow " which DOESN'T help me sleep at all.

It would be funny if LCD wasn't sleep but after hearing Reunion's order he REALLY isn't getting any sleep LOL.

AND THEN THE BIG STUFF HAPPENS!! My dude slips and admits he didn't win the war on his first try and man oh man!! He cracked some gears into the two (who knows maybe 3 if LCD wasn't sleep).

And then dipped and left like a dad announcing he's going to get the milk.

Leaving DMD & WDS, am sure WDS WANTS to share about his ghost brothers but after knowing DMD lost everyone... Yeah he said nope to that, NANI YOU'RE TORTURING THEM!!!

Hahahaha! All I’m Blue chapters are about 1-2k words long heheh

Also, you have me on your notifs? :((( thank you /pos

Achilles(LCD) just makes it so easy for Old Timer (Reunion) to tease him. /j Old Timer’s totally not trying to see where Achilles’s limits are so that he knows where are the good places to step in a field of metaphorical landmines /hj

“Nani you’re torturing me” I’m not trying to :) /t

Old Timer is a sentimental old man whose therapist told him it was okay to take a moment to himself to think long and hard. And he’s trying not to spill too much about himself, so he has to take a moment to think or he’ll say too much, as seen at the end of the chapter :)

Yess!!! Age reveal! Old Timer is the oldest at 61, Barbarian (DMD) is 49 (I thought a lot about what his age is and nearly made him 53 because it made more sense for the DMD fic but he also greatly exaggerated his age in his fic so… *shrugs*), and Big Blue (WDS) is the youngest at 44 (he’s currently 1 or 2 years younger in his fic at the moment).

Old Timer’s original age was going to be 70, but I cut him some slack and reminded myself that he’s not that old, I’m unconsciously trying to make fun of him. But he does have some elder rights to call them children, they are almost 2 decades younger than him hahaha

And it would be funny if Achilles (LCD) was awake through it all *sweats and runs away*

And oh how the mighty have fallen! Old Timer slips up his words and spills more than he would have liked hahaha! He really kicked into high gear and left as quickly as he could, can’t risk spilling more beans!

“Nani you’re torturing them!!” Nuh uh /t

#I’m blue… da ba dee da…#nani nonny answers #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt future leo #future leo au #nonny peepaws #nonny’s corner of the peepaw multiverse

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blacksupremacy86 · 1 year

Text

One Genre Label: Luke Bryan

I secretly begins buying shares to take over a old school country music label to expand in to my own super stardom.

My best bet is to coax Luke Bryan to meet me he did begrudgingly for a later night out dinner.

He enters the area his entourage standing out of the door he sighs sitting down across from with a attitude.

I ignore him knowing he thinks very highly of himself staring down at me because I am not good enough.

I laugh a bit offering him a cigarette he grab gladly placing it in his mouth I light up the bud a bit.

He sucks it up a bit inhaling everything he can then blowing it out instantly sinking in to his chair.

“So! I am sorry about the attitude earlier.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“You join my label, I will craft your images and transform you for life.”

“I don’t care for the world, neither does it for me and I am in control.”

“Sounds good man! Hahaha “

“Excellent! You should agree”

He smirks offering his hand for me to shake firmly I nod at Detective Dale who gets to work.

He leaves the room entering a car heading out to the label brainwashing all the crew and employees their with a email.

He walks in to the label pulling out his cell phone pressing a app causing all of their cells to vibrate.

They press the app which opens spiraling out of the control forcing them in to a void of nothingness.

Everyone mindlessly submits to my will as they cancel his contract instantly setting a media frenzy.

They respond by emailing a rebuttal press response and to let all know of Luke’s choice.

“Thank you for attending to this signing of the contract so fast.”

“It is a dream come true so yes “

“Here it is, sign on the dot and let’s make beautiful music.”

“There we go, I am under your control from now on.”

“Perfect! Follow me to the studio my love “

“Grab your guitar, sit down right here and read these”

“Ooooooooohhhhhhhh! Yyyyyeeeeaaahhh!”

“Baby! We are dancing on the moon, staring at the stars.”

“Staring in to your eyes, I can’t feel you any more”

“All I care about is lost, I falling on the run”

“There is no more escape and I am so in love”

“I had to learn to move myself, I am really good “

“I am kind vain, living for the freedom and so rock hard”

“I mean watch this raging hard on”

“Bounce a coin on my butt”

“Come join party with me”

“Let me shake you to the core”

“I’ll shake my ass”

“Noting better then being a slut in bed”

“A bitch on the streets check me out “

“Wow! So not like you “

“I don’t know, all my worries are gone “

“I am so sorry about my past behavior “

“You keep on saying “

I kiss him letting my ass lay on to his lap as he delights in it and submitting.

He kisses me back unknowingly erasing his mind of all things in his life.

Dale joins us in a hot sweaty moment of lust the heat rising.

“You are our God!”

“Fuck us! Own us”

“Bitch us!”

The end

#Hypno Label

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rebrandedbard · 1 year

Note

Alright so, I’m gonna send this as an ask instead of clogging your comment box on ao3. And I’m still laughing at the fact you call these essays when it’s just unedited night ramblings. 🫡

Full disclosure, I have absolutely zero knowledge about music. I’m not even going to pretend like I knew what I was doing with those annotations and I certainly don’t know enough about poetry to articulate how that would work either… But I still very much hold firm to the belief that this would make an excellent recitation. The only other way I can articulate it is by insisting that it is a melodic kind of language. I see what you were going for and you’ve done it so well and I am so excited to see this kind of style and specific diction of language.

My education and experience is more in painting, art history, critical analysis so you know I’m not a complete hackjob and just blowing steam out of my ass! But I really have like no knowledge of music. 💀

I also very much hold firm to the belief that Jaskier is always going to be a choice. That is ultimately at the heart of the found family trope/genre. It’s not about shoehorning people into traditional family roles, but rather and I’m going to borrow from your fic here to support this, it’s about people coming together and the care and love that exists between them regardless of background, experience, and pre-ordained fates.

“Ciri put herself between the stranger and Jaskier, waving a large branch in warning. “Keep away,” she growled. “If you come any closer, I’ll scream.”

This is great. This is important. This is also really funny. A small child protecting a larger child. I know Ciri is more powerful, and perhaps even stronger than Jaskier. But the mental image of her defending Jaskier against a witcher with a branch is hilarious. I bet Lambert was telling everyone about it when they got to Kaer Morhen.

What’s important about this observation is that Jaskier lets her. It cannot be easy for a grown man to suddenly have to rely on a child to take care of him, but he lets her and there isn’t a shred, not an ounce of resentment between them.

Also, I did not originally mean to analyze this against the hero’s journey and the monomyth, but the witcher so often explores the concept of destiny and fate that I find myself falling into it constantly. What this fic does though, as I’ve mentioned before, is refuse the call and subvert the myth which I love.

I’m very interested in that perspective, thank you. I was a little suspicious because Jaskier was clearly picking up on something but I knew from his reaction at the end that he really didn’t know. It’s that thing where as an audience we have more information than the characters which again very much puts me in mind of a play and the fics other artistic qualities. I think I feel more like Ciri in this instance, and also a little like Jaskier. One is kept in the dark because she’s a child and the other because he’s literally blind.

Omg okay last disclosure… I couldn’t remember the word for prose poetry (idk why) and it sent me on a deep-dive. I just really love writing, and fanfiction and all this shit. It’s my goddamn jam, and I’m literally incapable of shutting up. I’m about to vibrate out of my skin.

I never ever ever forever want you to shut up. I love this. I love ALL of this. I want to read this analysis like I'm in an english lit class. I am eating it up with two serving spoons like I've been given the entire tray of sweet potato casserole to kill off at thanksgiving. PLEASE I beg of you, CLOG MY INBOX. I would LOVE to have this in my inbox to keep and to treasure. In fact, I keep my favorite ao3 comment emails in a special folder! Please please PLEASE copy and paste this and put it beside the other half so they are together. Your comments are FAMILY you can't separate them! They need a loving home!

#my asks #I love you i love you i love you hi hi hi

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aramastus · 9 months

Text

God’s Sight ch 4

Hivion pulls into the driveway, the "house" was more mansion at least 4 stories, with four car driveway and garage. Golden fenced around the front and back house. The bricks outside the wall stuck out among all the normal colored houses. "This Mansion not house" Enddy was wide-eyed and giddy just waiting to get out and see the place. Hivion laughs I bet the old man did this on purpose.��

They head inside and before Hivion can blink Enddy zipped off upstairs. Rubbing the back of his head " That girl" Hivion was right tho this place is insane 8 bedrooms 3 baths, a huge yard, and a stone patio. Even a large Gazbo. What are they or should they even use all those rooms for? Enddy flops on a nice large black square couch " Is ok for us to live here? Won't Zinc lose a lot of money?" Hivion laughs "Money is not an issue for that old fart" sitting down next to her. Enddy pouted at him "That' 's rude don't call your dad that!" Hivion puts his hands up "Alright alright just saying he's pretty old is all" hugs Enddy who fights against his grip "Back you foul beast you will not eat me today?" Trying not to giggle. Hivion "Oh poor sweet human think you can stop me?" Leans in to give her a kiss which stops her squirming. Enddy "My heart has been stolen by this demon what shall I do!" Hivion smiled glad she was back to her normal self he was worried sometimes when those incidents happen it takes her a while to go back to normal. Enddy bonks his nose lightly" your not thinking about eating me again, are you?”

Titles her head sideways.

He was not but now he is "Well no but thanks now I am" half frowns. Enddy shakes her head " your becoming a gluten you know"

Hivion"Well if someone didn't tell me I can eat them when I feel like it or need maybe I’d not indulge so much" Enddy" Oh is it my fault I see" laughing. Hivion rest his head on her shoulder just hugging her. "Oh right Dad said you could come to work with us as mine or his assistant so that way you are around one of us at all times"

Enddy "What do I have to do as an assistant?"

Hivion" take a call, make an appointment, get us food or drinks, and a small thing like mail off stuff, send some emails to confirm appointments. Notting to big"

Enddy " So I'd just be aired girl?"

Hivion "Well ya kinda I guess…or I could just keep it in my belly while I work" he purrs into her ear. She jumps and would have fallen off course if he was not holding her. "Hivion!" Blushing.

Hivion " So easy to tease but I did mean it, if I have to you will spend the work days in my gut, I'm sorry but that was too close of a call". Enddy looks down that right either working with him. Or Inside him when he works is the safest option she got.

Enddy "Won't it be hard on you being around me all day and night?

Hivion "No as long I eat you once a week maybe for the whole day . If does become an issue I will just eat…you did say I could when I want" a sheepish grin. Enddy " Maybe I should take that back" Hivion " Too late no takebacks!"

Enddy playful pouts "Just cause your bigger than me!" Hivion burst into laughter" Well yes in both my human and demon form I am. Come on we should order you some food"

Enddy "Ooh do I get to pick where?"

Hivion " Of course sent you are the only one who eating" takes out this phone and lets her go through and pick out what she wants to eat.

Enddy “Why is so hard to pick!” flop over his lap. Hivion looks down at the woman who now laying halfway in his lap “Don't know it's not hard for me to pick what I want to eat~” Enddy “ Hey I don't count!” Hivion “Oh but you are my source of food and my fav~” Enddy mumbles “Shut up..”

After about 30min Enddy picks food, and Hivion shakes his head at how long it took her. “Wanna play some Smart Kart?” He asked plugging in the switch. Enddy “Oh sure I will soo kick your ass!” Hivion laughs “ As if!” Spending the rest of the night playing games only took a break for Enddy to eat. Hivion smiles at half sleepy woman in his arms heading to the Master bedroom. Pulling back the blanket tucks her into the right side of the bed then slides in next. “Good night Enddy”

Hivion starts to sit up groaning “Huh..” Realizing there is something in his way looks down “ fuck… am I eating her in my sleep now?” Poking his Enddy full gut. “Enddy… sorry love I ate you in my sleep” This going to be an issue he thinks. Enddy “Not… exactly..” Hivion sits up leaning against the bed broad resting a hand on the stomach “What do mean by that?” raising a brow Enddy “I… kinda feed myself to you last night….” Hivion “Um why…? You should have just wake me up”

Hivion pushes in the stomach feeling Enddy squirming a lot “ Hey it ok….Calm down you can tell me I’m not… 'd never be happy about feeding yourself to me” Was a kinda nice surprise to wake up to he thought honestly.

Enddy stops squirming and replies “... I… saw…Ghost with half her face missing, and bones sticking out everywhere it would not stop staring at me and felt like it was getting close. And it gave off bad vibes” Hivion pats his stomach “You should have woke me up and pointed it out to me. But I will make sure to get rid as soon as I can until then you can always sleep here don't mind~” Purrs Enddy “O-o-ok” Hivion sighs getting up and making breakfast she has ended up in his gut a lot more than normal lately… not that he mines all that much but it is worrying that he had/ or she wants cause of how scared she is. Maybe I should keep her in there for now… she keeps ending up in their lot lately anyways…Hivion was pulled from that thought by the sound of his phone going off.

Zinc “Hello Kiddo!” Hivi “You're calling Early what up?”

Zinc “So I need to come into the office today” Hivi “ Alright I will bring Enddy” Zinc “Well ya that to expected either in your belly or just with”

Hivi “Ya… she already in there” Zinc “Gezz have become Addicted to eating her now?”

Hivi “No there was an evil ghost and she jumped down my throat last night while I was half asleep” Zinc “ shit? I thought I had the place cleaned out will I get that fix”

Hivi “ your better old man” hangs up.

“Enddy im going to let you go so you can get cleaned up and eat and go work with me ok?” He feels what he thinks is her trying to nod. Lets her out in the bathroom and goes cook some eggs and bacon.

10mintues later Enndy screams Hivion rushes into the bathroom she is in the corner crying in nothing but a towel “ Enddy what's wrong?” She shaky points in the middle of the room. His eyes turn red as he Actives his true sight. The true sight has been ne acted, unlike Enddy god’s sight that is always on. Standing in the middle of the room is a large brown skeleton. Rushing forward grabs the middle of its spine apply as many forces as he has to shatter the spine. The bones sink to the ground. He starts to speak in a demonic Tounge turning the room into sana form heat rafting of him and the portal. A large black-rimmed firey circle opens up under the bones. Bone clinking as fall into the portal closing behind them. Hivion breathing heavily leans on the wall next to the tube. He is knocked over by crying Enddy. He just holds her. His body is telling him to devour her right now. He needs to reset his magic he uses more than half of it to open that portal. Portals to the underworld have always been difficult for him he has no idea why but it takes so much out of him. Smelling her Scent being so close it almost painful how bad he wants to eat her. Even tho she would not care he just let her back out. Hivion inhales “Enddy…” Enddy looks up at him her eyes are shallow and red from the crying she still shaking. Damn it that just make him want Eat her more. He knows she feels safe and relaxed inside him. “Why don't you get dressed and I will wait right side the door” She nods Hivion leaves the room and the door open but keep his back to the room. It is not like he has not seen her Naked before but still respectful not to stare at her when she is. Enddy slowly walks out and puts a hand on his back “A-a-all done” Hivion takes her hand and heads into the kitchen has sat down at the table and starts cooking again. Enddy says nothing but looks down at the table holding back tears still. H..Hivion…” Hivion looks over at her. She a mess trembling hugin herself. He can not only see but smell her fear. It breaks his heart. Why did the attacks get worse so suddenly? Waiting for her to speak but words she specks make Hivion almost go feral “E..at… me… forever…” Hivon bites his lips why did have to say words eat me right now... Wait forever? “Enddy I'd never do that” Enddy “ WHY NOT! ALL I DO IS CAUSE PROBLEMS! If just I live inside you I will be safe always with you and no cant hurt or would even find me” Hivion pulls her out of the chair hugging her tight “Enddy no I would never want that ... Yes, I enjoy eating you and some keep you for a while but forever never… I couldn't… I love you… not being able to hug you, kiss you, see your smile, watch you light up rooms, Enddy I will keep you safe I promise please don't talk like that… it would be like losing you if I did that” Enddy clings to Hivion warping her arms around his back just bursting into tears.

#male pred #female prey #safe vore #fight

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anonymous-ace72 · 2 years

Text

So let's talk about Tokyo Mew Mew New

So first of all, apologies to everyone who followed me for anything else because I’m gonna be reverting back to 13 year old Sam for the duration that this show is going for lol.

Second of all, I’m just honestly ecstatic and my inner child is screeching.

When I first found the original anime, the series had already been finished for like, ten years. An old friend of mine found the first episode on youtube and sent me the link via email. There wasn’t much of an active fanbase in 2013 from what I could see, but I like to think that it was my first internet fanbase. It was also the first anime I was exposed to (aside from a few episodes of Pokémon from a vhs tape back when I was like, 4). I wasn’t much for fanfiction but you can bet your ass that I consumed just about every youtube amv, took about every quotev quiz (and even made a few myself) and dug through every page of google images. A good chunk of my early oc’s came from this show, and I still use most of them (though they are mew mew’s no longer. I might be willing to draw a few of them again with modifications). I have many fond memories of roleplaying and making up stories of said oc’s with my friend (even though we no longer speak), as well as pretending to have a crush on Kisshu because my friend had a crush on him and I wanted to feel like I was hip and cool (I wasn’t). My first official piece of fandom merch was Ichigo’s bell collar, I made my dad buy me the original Tokyopop manga set, and I just recently was able to get myself the first Kodansha manga at a con. I tried to make a Littlest Pet Shop version to post on youtube, using that manga set as the script and stayed up till 3 AM making props and figuring out which of my little plastic figurine’s would be who (fun fact, I got two episodes in and then promptly deleted my youtube channel when people from school found it. I still have the videos on my old laptop. No you cannot see them). I made tons of fanart on drawcast, most of which has been sadly lost to time when the app shut down a year or so ago. I made one of those truth or dare stories that for some reason got really fucking popular (look it up. It’s the first option on google, somehow. No I don’t know how that happened, it’s on wattpad under the user spirit_writes).

I’m super excited to see where this reboot is going to go. I already love how everyone looks and how the characters are being presented. I’m glad Aoyama is more than just a wooden puppet (I never understood the hate for him, but yeah he was a bit bland looking back). I feel for Lettuce, because back in middle school I was her, and sometimes I still feel like her even now. We love our chaotic alien bastard child, and I can already see he’s going to be particularly unhinged and I love it.

Seriously, look at this little shit. Iconic.

I’m curious for Deep Blue's appearance, because he scared the shit out of me as a teen, and I am mildly curious to see how they work with him this time around (I can’t being to explain why he scared me so much, maybe it’s because of those crazy-ass faces he was pulling in those final episodes, maybe it’s because I had a nightmare where he was strangling me to death. Maybe it's because I was a little bitch. But seriously, wtf man).

I can’t wait to see what stays the same and what may change; even though I pretty much know what’s going to happen, it’s like watching it for the first time. It somehow feels very special to see it as it airs and watch the events unfold week by week. I like feeling like I can finally be a part of this series that consumed so much of my life when I was a young teenager, rather than watching it all over a decade after it ended initially.

The first few episodes are definitely promising. I can’t wait to see where we go from here.

#tokyo mew mew #posts from the void #tokyo mew mew new #tmm #tmmn #anime #magical girl #shut up sam

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calypso-finale · 1 year

Text

Seventy Three.

My eyes shot open hearing my phone ring out “what’s up?” I answered, I know who it is already at this time of the morning “did I wake you?” Ybeez said “oh maybe, it’s ok. Time difference, I did call you in the middle of the night there” Robyn groaned out and pushed the back of my head in annoyance “yeah, it’s ok. I apologise though, I got your message too” moving onto my back “yeah we got the email and Herb was a little upset about it all, what is happening? Can’t be because of sales so yeah?” The line went silent “erm it’s erm, just you know. The dates weren’t good for him, and it clashed with Aziel, he wanted to see him grow” that makes no sense “you lying to me right?” I said “just he couldn’t do it Chris, there is nothing else I can say. I can’t tell you anymore and I can’t give you a date, I don’t know what you want me to say!?” He snapped “relax that is what, you don’t need to be getting all angry now, I am asking. Something is off and for him to cancel but ok” I said “nothing else I can say and there is no date” this is crazy and as his manager he ain’t saying “ok, fine. Thanks for calling back” disconnecting the call “you woke me for what?” She asked “Oakley postponed his tour; I need answers why. Something is off” looking at Robyn, she yawned “my god Chris, who cares. You’re just bored” Rylee answered my call “you good?” I asked her “yeah I am dad, you?” I bet she is thinking why I am calling “why has he postponed the tour?” Rylee let out an oh “it wasn’t fitting his schedule, he jumped with the dates that’s all dads. He’s sorry because I know Herb was excited” I know his ass isn’t busy “anything to do with Aziel?” I asked “oh no, why would it. It just doesn’t fit that’s all dad, look I need to go I’ll speak to you soon” I don’t believe them at all, I was going to speak but she put the phone down on me “whatever, also you” I spat “stop leaving Rylee messages, we spoke on this! She said she can’t make it! She can’t fucking make it!” I spat getting out of the bed “now what the fuck?” Turning to Robyn “leave her alone! She can’t come to my birthday party, so what leave her be. I am so sick of hearing this shit, leave her alone” this is driving me crazy “I won’t don’t worry” she won’t and that’s the joke of it all, she’s been saying she will leave her and still hasn’t done that, she can’t keep her mouth closed about anything “I do nothing wrong; I care and that my issue really” waving her off as I went into the bathroom.

Robyn and her Fenty business all up in this house “what is this?” I asked Jah “it’s designed by me, wear it for Rih. A male G-string” pulling a face “it looks uncomfortable” that doesn’t look well “you telling me you haven’t worn that for Rih?” I chuckled “nah, I mean she has played with my bootyhole because she is nasty but that is it” Jah cackled “tell me you hated it?” he smirked “erm first it was weird, but I think it gradually got better, like now it’s loose and ready” Jah screamed out laughing “you nasty, Christopher Brown you nasty man” he pointed “what he say now?” Robyn asked “he is flirting with me, teasing me. He wants a threesome with me” Jah is smiling too hard “I think that is what he desires, he wants a threesome with us. You can watch if you want” Jah hit my arm “would you let me?” I squinted my eyes “further proves you fucking do” I laughed out “you know what I can’t lie but who doesn’t want a piece of Chris Brown, I mean you still got it” Robyn cleared her throat “enough, leave my man alone” Robyn isn’t liking it “anyways, have fun at the meeting. I am going out, be back later” Robyn made her way over to me “I will stop” she said “that’s all I want from you” pressing a kiss to her lips.

My life is literally the studio now, but I do love hanging with Herb, he just makes me laugh about everything, he is so random too “you making romantic rap music now, something telling me you showing off because you back with Taina” Herb shook his head “I ain’t saying shit” looking at my phone “oh shit Rylee actually FaceTiming me” answering the FaceTime and waiting for it to connect “look at the screen Aziel” Rylee said, he looked at the phone and then gasped “who is it?” Rylee asked “papa” he pointed “hey big A, oh my god. I miss you” I said, Aziel is pointing and looking at Rylee “what is it?” She asked him “papa” he said again “you miss him?” He nodded his head “you want to go with him?” I cooed out “don’t be sad, he’s right there” I don’t want him to be sad “I’m here Aziel, don’t be upset. I love you so much, I miss you boy!” He blew me a kiss “you’re making me sad Aziel, I don’t like this” I mumbled “tell papa you see him soon” he looked at me “soon” he repeated “how are you Rylee? Hiding away from me” I said “just making food that’s all, but Aziel asked about you” smiling at him “what you been up too? We miss you home you know. Come back” I mumbled “papa I miss you” I gasped, my whole heart “stop it, I’m going to come right now” Rylee is laughing “calm down dad, you can stay home” she doesn’t understand that I will.

A sob left my lips, looking away from my phone. Oakley rarely does anything, he doesn’t show us off too much and his Instagram is just pictures of him really, he will post on his story but then he knows that can get removed, it’s never malicious but he’s private about that really. He does monthly dumps of pictures, but he’s posted a dump early and it’s just pictures of us that he’s had of us and just private pictures, not something I want to see really when I’m feeling like this. Seeing the drop down in the group chat ‘Awh his post!?’ Lillian put, I sniffled looking at the first picture and it’s really just a simple picture of us in a resteraunt in Spain that Wadz took but it was off guard really of us laughing, looking at the caption ‘Europe with my best friend’ I remember going around Europe with him, sliding across oh he’s really showing private pictures here, he isn’t like that at all especially with his loved ones. He has posted again too, tapping on the notification “I can’t” I breathed out, I sniffled ‘Baby on board’ he’s posting today, wiping my tears seeing the first picture that nobody has seen, I was about five months here “oh my god” I breathed out, the girls are calling on the group chat, answering the call “we know you’re crying” Halle said “I can’t do this” I said shaking “I feel so choked up, the pictures nobody has seen, especially you pregnant” I sniffled “I can’t lose him, I can’t do this. I can’t be strong, nobody knows us! Nobody knows anything between us, and he’s showing it now. I can’t lose him, what am I going to do, like this. Everything, I can’t do it” I sobbed out “Rylee, think positive. He caught it early; I believe he will pull through. Stop it! Suck it up! Listen to me Rylee, you won’t lose him. It was just nice to see a different side to what is barely known publicly, he’s private and to see him exposing that” I can’t stop crying “is he not there? Girl stop it” Lillian asked “he’s out, I’m just sat on the floor in the middle of his walk in closet just crying, I was putting his clothes away and I just broke down” rubbing my face “oh he posted again” tapping on the notification, looking at the caption ‘Homeless at fourteen and now with a fourteen million pound home’ tilting my head to the side, the picture of us when we first moved in “even then he wasn’t really happy because of his nana but it was better than this news, my god. I just don’t know what to do, it’s so hard. His emotions are everywhere, my emotions are” I just don’t know what to do, everything is a mess.

Looking at the cameras, why is Wadz outside. Pulling a face and opening the gate for them “ah! Aziel! Those stupid cars” hurt my foot thanks to him “ouch!” He said on my behalf “thank you” I huffed out, making my way to the door with Aziel behind me. Opening the door and then seeing Oakley coming out of the car “erm?” I am confused because where is the G-Wagon “alright Rylee” Wadz said “where is your car and the keys?” He has the fob on there to just come in, he could do that. Oakley walked by me “he totalled the car and he’s still alive” my mouth hung open “Oakley!” I spat “what do you mean!?” He turned to me “I’m alive aren’t I!? The crash didn’t kill me, but something will” he laughed, is he serious “it’s not funny!? What the fuck!” I shouted “Wadz go, and I don’t want to hear it, it happened!” He half shouted, “relax man” he went upstairs “damn, he’s so moody” turning around “how did he total the car and he’s ok!?” I am shocked “he said he wasn’t paying attention, hit into someone from behind and then someone hit from the back, then he jumped out of the car and some beef started, you may see videos and then he called me I came, the guy was bringing his people, it was a mess but like he didn’t care at all, and everyone was just gathering around him, he told the guy to take the car and got his phone, are you ok? You look drained” smiling at him “it’s fine, Wadz in that car he has the keys to this house. He just posted the house too; I need to get someone out to change this up. It’s fine, just take care” he is just driving me mad with all this shit he is doing “you sure you good? You want me to stay around?” Wadz asked “no it’s fine, thank you though” I don’t want to argue with him but he just doing stupid shit and I hate it now he’s done that and for what reason.

He sat in Aziel chair in his bedroom watching him “go on then” he just said, “no Oakley don’t go on then, what the fuck is that all about!?” I spat “it happened, what do you want me to say” he shrugged “but why!? I need to know why Oakley I am begging you to stop this. Why do you keep getting yourself into shit, you go out to do bad shit, you have stage two Oakley you can heal from this, you can there is hope” he shrugged “there was nothing to it, I was driving and my mind went elsewhere and then I only snapped out of it when I banged into the car, the person behind hit into me, yes it may have been bad and yeah I could have been hurt more but it’s fine, I didn’t do it on purpose, stop making it a big deal, I promise it isn’t” taking in a deep breath “I am getting a hire car coming, things are fine. That is it, I am ok we good” shaking my head turning around, I am drained. Wadz is right but yet he can’t tell his friend what he has, answering the call form Halle “girl why your man out in West arguing with men that hate him?” I groaned out “his car is fucked up too? It’s gone viral” I shrugged closing the bedroom door “he doesn’t care, he is so calm about things, I don’t know what to say anymore, he knows I am hurting, I told him I disagree with it, but he doesn’t care, he says it's nothing. But I know it will be more” I feel I have aged five years; I have aged a lot since this but him doing this is hurting me “I am just letting you know the video is different from what he is saying” shaking my head “thank you for letting me know” I mumbled “it’s ok, and tomorrow we coming down. Spa day for you, you need to have some peace” I breathed out smiling “you girls, what would I do without you both” I adore them so much.

I haven’t spoken to Oakley since, I am not happy with him and he knows “every day counts” he spoke “until you can admit to what you actually did and then tell me what you did and why then we can speak, I have had to get an emergency locks man to come and change everything, you can’t fucking leave things like that out there! They come here with the fob then it’s doors open” I said “alright, I get that. Look I may have went to Kairo” I groaned out “why!? Then what?” I said “I went to see him, he disrespected me, I ain’t going to let him rest. Then I may have I don’t know fought him, then I left, they came chasing me and then it was a knock on affect of hitting into someone in the back, then yeah it happened. I am fine, whatever” he makes me sick “I really can’t fucking stand you, fuck you Oakley!” I pointed “all those posts you put up mean shit to me when you’re acting this way” I think the girls are here “tell your friends to not come every day Lee, what is this” he can go and fuck himself, I have had enough. Dragging the door open “free for all?” she pointed “he is changing the locks and whatever, I have an idiot I love but good park on the drive” hugging Halle “oh my girl, I love you so much” I cooed out hugging them close “I love you too” hugging Lillian “your nails need doing” I chuckled “I need a lot really, I do need today really don’t I” closing the door “yeah you do, why do you have to be so slow?” Oakley is just stood staring “how so?” he said to them “you know what I mean, why you in west my boy you from North now, you need to mind your business” Oakley laughed “come on now, I am always from there, I just had things to handle that is all. Women get highly emotional, let me borrow your Audi” Lillian gasped “negro!?” she spat “oh he is playing me, I ain’t borrowing you shit, how you roaming like that. Move!” Lillian spat “he called my Audi old by the way and he asked for my car” she kissed her teeth “you hurt her feelings with the old comment” Halle added “mhmmm, Lee can I speak to you though” I shrugged “girls, just make yourself at home, Aziel is in the living room” Oakley makes me so sad.

He is just staring at me “what is it?” I said “just thinking, people that did me wrong. Maybe I did do some fucked up shit, maybe I deserve this I don’t know but Kairo deserves to feel like I will always come for him, he is only good with a gang, I don’t care. Ok I am sorry for it, I apologies but he messed with someone he knew I love and he knew that, like even if we wasn’t together he knew what I felt so to me that was a shit move and it hurt me, but I get why you mad? And the posts, I did it because it’s what mean the most to me” I sighed out “you say Wadz means a lot to you, but you won’t tell him? How does that make sense Oakley” he looked away from me “all I know is that I don’t know what is happening in my life, every day is different. Some days I feel ok, and everything will be fine, like today. Yesterday I felt anger and vengeful and the next I can feel it’s my last. I am so scared Lee, I am, and I don’t know what to do, I have people, fans, just everyone thinking why has he done that, your dad being on Ybeez ass about it, everything is shit and I didn’t think it would happen, but it has but I don’t know what to do Lee, I don’t. And to tell Wadz that, I can’t” he shrugged, I swallowed hard “Oakley, he deserves to know. He has been there for you, and Wyge” he put his head down “will you be there? Like when I do it?” nodding my head, Oakley rubbed his face “if I die you tell my mom then, you tell my family then. But nobody, I mean nobody, but you sees me in that coffin but you” I can’t do it “please stop it, please” I clasped my hands together “I am being serious” he placed his hands over mine, now he has got me crying again “I am sorry” he apologised, wrapping my arms around him as I sobbed out, it’s so hard to hear.

Halle shook me, looking over at her “you’re really in your own world, we just been watching you all this time and you haven’t once looked away, in your own world aren’t I” I breathed out laughing “I just have too much on my mind, all the what ifs and what will happen, I just don’t know. I am drained thinking about it all, I am drained just thinking on what things could happen. Just don’t know, what if they do the surgery and they find more, they are doing more checks when he’s under, I am trying to be so positive about it all, I am in my heart but it’s that what if and it’s hurting, I feel so old. I really can’t sleep, I am stressed out and then he does dumb shit, I appreciate you girls. Bringing me to get my nails done and whatever but my mind is on him, like every minute, every hour it matters and if he does beat this, it’s just always going to be there” my voice broke “stop it Rylee” Halle rubbed my back “it’s always going to be a worry, he just said to me that he wants another child, he wants to give me that and then he come around and says, I will put my sperm away for you, then he come back to me. This is him all day, he just flips and flops, then he came to me and says I will be happy for you to move on, I am giving you my blessing with that, I won’t do any baby thing, but you got Aziel. But he doesn’t get saying this hurts me, who would I be with? What guy? Who would want a broken woman? I don’t want anyone, he doesn’t get that, then he just gives me a list. Everything he wants to do; he just doesn’t stop it’s draining. And he put in that note, I want you to move on, but he again doesn’t get that hurts me. Just a mess” I sniffled “girl, you know what, it’s draining to hear but imagine how draining it is for him thinking he needs to do this and that, he wanted another then he realised that’s selfish and then he’s like oh you need to move on, it’s hard on you both. I think you both need to just take every day as it comes and not think until after the surgery, to see him it’s hard because we all have to be normal and he is normal to us, so we have to be, and to see him just making little jokes and it’s hard, Rylee I am sorry” nodding my head “I don’t see myself with anyone else, not even when I am fifty, I don’t see it. I am a hard girl and I only do things if I want to do” Halle smiled at me “just let’s take it easy” nodding my head.

Oakley is going to tell Wadz about it and I am glad he is actually; I want him too. Made me drag Aziel out but right now I will take every moment with him. I could have got out of the car and stood there with them, but I can’t, I don’t want to hear it again. It was hard to hear it with Ybeez, squinting my eyes seeing both Wadz and Wyge face change, pressing my lips into a hard thin line trying to supress my cry but I can’t, seeing Wadz just hug Oakley, oh he is crying. Putting my head down “mommy!” Aziel spat “yes” I said “look” he said, looking behind me “your shoes are off” I said, she kicked his legs around “lovely, you can walk around like that then” looking back at them “mommy!” he spat again “yes Aziel” he loves to annoy me “kiss” he blew me a kiss “awww thank you, softening the blow. You sound like your dad” they are so devastated, putting the window down a little “you my brother man, why you? Out of every person, out of every evil why you! You got the good and it’s like we here and god wants to do that, bro I can’t do this shit without you” Wyge spat “god said he was getting me out of here somehow” Oakley said laughing “it’s hard you know like, I don’t know what to do. I feel very indifferent about it all, people hated me and wished death on me so much so that it’s happening, like the mandem that got it before me, my brother getting stabbed, it should have always been me but I wish that I didn’t love so I didn’t care because I have a reason to live, I have a family” Oakley looked at me like I can’t hear him but I put the window down a little so I can “support her though, push her to move on. She is young still” Wadz also looked at me “bro I don’t fucking care, you ain’t leaving us! This isn’t your time, I ain’t doing shit. Shut up” Oakley got to understand we don’t want to hear it “Imagine life though, fourteen seems to be a number that attracts to me a lot. Just shit” this situation is so hard.

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