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justhereforthemeta · 8 months

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Romantic expectations and the story we didn't see: A magic trick hiding in plain sight

Here's a hopeful meta for all my fellow celestial brainrot sufferers out there. Cheers! :)

This idea started as a dead end, trying to track the movements of Crowley’s sideburns/tattoo because I thought time travel shenanigans were afoot. I had to abandon that theory when it was pointed out that David was simultaneously filming as the sideburns-having Fourteenth Doctor, and in-universe Crowley can do whatever he wants with his facial hair whenever he feels like it. But hey - null findings are still findings!

On the bright side, pausing the show to make notations in a spreadsheet forced me to slow down and notice other changes I'd overlooked the first time around: acting choices, costuming choices, references to book lore. And possibly a few surreptitious flicks of the wrist, in places where we’re meant to be focused on the magician’s other hand.

@amuseoffyre and @ineffablefood had a great exchange recently about romance and “the significance of misdirection and three-in-one (magic) tricks” throughout the show. I suspect Neil has done something brilliant with the audience’s long-standing expectations (since the 1990s, really) for the love story between Crowley and Aziraphale to develop. And while it is a wonderful story indeed, playing to this expectation lets Neil distract his audience from the blink-and-you'll-miss-them seeds he's planting for the final chapter.

Continued below the cut...

Let’s start at the beginning of Episode 2. First, context: In the previous installment, Crowley stormed out of the bookshop, was whisked away to Hell by Beelzebub where he learns about the Book of Life threat to Aziraphale’s existence, then returned to the bookshop to dance a little apology dance and hide Gabriel with an unintentionally massive joint miracle. In S2E2, we and Shax catch up with Crowley as he's snoozing in the Bentley.

Shax: “You’re in trouble”

A. J. Crowley, cool as a cucumber: “Obviously. Former demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?”

Interesting! Sarcastic? Yes, absolutely; but that’s also a good 4500 years and an averted apocalypse away from “I’m a demon. I lie,” wouldn’t you say? Someone is sounding a whole lot less depressed and aimless and navel-gazey (do snakes have navels?), and a whole lot more like he’s got a project to focus on, since his "what's the point?" ruminations on the park bench in E1.

And of course we all noticed the costume change right away. Hello, black turtleneck. Feeling cute today, thought I’d cover up my graceful long neck? That sounds unlikely. Let’s put a pin in this one.

There’s also an interesting acting choice going on here. Crowley speaks to Shax in a funny, drawling, too-cool-for-you voice that we haven’t heard in a while. Specifically, not since 1967. If you go back and give the S1E3 scene in the Dirty Donkey a listen, you’ll hear it (and if you know of another instance of it that I've missed, please let me know!). In S2E2, he keeps up this odd voice (if anybody knows what kind of affect this is supposed to be, please do tell!) throughout this dialogue with Shax, except for the brief moment when she first surprises him about the joint miracle having been detected.

1967 was a fun year. Crowley masterminded a heist! And seemed like he was having a ball doing it, right up until his little caper was called off after Aziraphale brought him the thermos of holy water. Crowley spoke to his co-conspirators in that same funny, very 60’s-caper-film voice. He wore a hip 60’s turtleneck. He bought petrol for the only time ever, so he could get those sweet James Bond bullet hole decals for his car (per the book, seen on the Bentley in the show).

Those James Bond bullet hole decals would of course have been part of a promotion for this 1967 release, which you just know our film-enjoying demon went to see in the theater:

Starring this suave, be-turtlenecked guy:

And now - begging your forgiveness - a brief rant.

There are a number of posts out there that refer to Crowley’s S2E2 turtleneck as a flirtatious sartorial choice - actually, ‘slutty’ seems to be the favored accusation. There are even a few posts floating around commenting on how sweet it is that Crowley swaps out his slutty, kinky, throw-me-over-your-desk-and-take-me turtleneck for a more dressy and appropriate collared shirt specifically to attend Aziraphale’s Jane Austen ball.

Now this is all in good fun, and Crowley does indeed look fantastic here, and I do love a good fangirling sesh as much as the next person. However, fandom’s collective tendency to interpret what we are seeing on the screen through the lens of romantic expectation can, at times, give rise to a kind of blinkered enthusiasm that obscures the original text in a haze that is part Mandela Effect, part unrestrained horniness, and part in-group code talking and identity reinforcement.

Respectfully, Crowley’s black turtleneck does not appear at all in S2E5: The Ball. In fact, it never appears again after the end of S2E2.

For Someone’s sake, let’s collectively pull our heads out of the romantic fog/gutter for a moment and focus on what we are actually seeing in the book and on the screen. For Crowley, this is an uncharacteristic within-period costume change. There is a surreptitious flick of the wrist happening here, out in broad daylight, and we are all missing it.

So here’s a thing. Aziraphale appears to have settled comfortably into life on Earth, his neighborhood, his books, using Crowley as an outlet for sharing his good deeds that he would once have reported to Heaven. Meanwhile, at first glance, Crowley appears stuck in a rut. There he slouches on a park bench with Shax in S2E1: a guy who lives in his car, stagnantly clinging to old familiar habits, mulling over the pointlessness of it all.

Setting aside the bit about living in the Bentley (I’m going to attribute this to well-documented issues between him and Aziraphale, discussed in many other excellent metas, and move on), Crowley has at least two very good, proactive reasons for maintaining his contact with Hell through Shax. First and foremost, it’s a source of information he can use to keep ahead of potential threats to Aziraphale and himself.

But also, I would posit…he kinda likes it.

Recall that book GO was first conceived as a parody, with Aziraphale and Crowley as spy-against-spy (but not really) field operatives in an ages-old cold war between Heaven and Hell. Their entire book dynamic is rooted in the trope of two opposing agents who have been in the field for so long that they now have more in common with each other than with their respective head offices. Their St. James’s Park meetings among other spies and ministers trading secrets are a sendup of what was once a well-known Cold War-era cliché.

Our contemporary Crowley still likes slick outfits and hellaciously expensive watches and high-performing vintage cars and pens that write underwater while looking like they could break the speed limit. He coaches Shax on how to blend in as a demon on Earth, and he helpfully redirects the wayward contact looking for the Azerbaijani sector chief. He loves improvising and getting away with shenanigans under the institutional radar. And boy golly was he impressed with Jane Austen: master spy, brandy smuggler, and mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery.

And if you look at it a certain way, for as long as Crowley has considered himself to be on “[his] own side” - going at least as far back as Job - he could almost think of himself as a sort of double agent. It’s actually a very romantic sort of notion, befitting our hopeless romantic of a (professedly former) demon; but it’s romantic in a very different way than we, the audience, have been primed to watch for.

In other words, in a very “on my own side” kind of way, Crowley really gets a kick out of being a spy. Or at least, dressing up and accessorizing as one, and moonlighting as a good-doing double agent when he can get away with it. And also being a plotting criminal mastermind. Two sides of a coin, really. Just look at Jane Austen.

My point is: No, Crowley did not wait around for Shax to come find him in a turtleneck so that he could go flirt with Aziraphale later. He’ll flirt with Aziraphale no matter what. No, this:

is actually this:

Much like the one he wears to the Dirty Donkey in 1967:

whilst holy water heist-plotting. Here's a clearer shot with gratuitous Bentley, because I love them:

…and which he'll wear again, with appropriate camouflage, while infiltrating Heaven in S2E6:

That is the 1967 planning a HEIST turtleneck for committing ESPIONAGE and STEALING THINGS in. Because turtlenecks are what modern human master spies wear to get their hands dirty - after all, he saw it in a movie once.

Crowley dons his tactical turtleneck sometime during the first major break in the action (which doesn't happen until after the joint miracle to hide Gabriel) after he learns about the threat the Book of Life poses to Aziraphale. Loverboy started mentally preparing himself to go after that book immediately upon learning that it was in play as a genuine threat.

Now let’s pick up at the S2E2 Dirty Donkey scene, reading the story from this angle. Of course, Crowley enables Aziraphale’s delusions about Heaven by hiding information from him, and does not disclose the Book of Life threat when they meet again. They go into the pub, Aziraphale shamelessly paws Crowley’s chest like the seductive Bond Girl he is, and Crowley gets to act all smooth and suave and intimidating as he chases off the interloping Mr. Brown (or Mr. Collins for the Pride & Prejudice fans, take your pick).

Ergo, theory: beginning in S2E2, Crowley is already thinking of himself as a Jane Austen/James Bond action hero (“How will our hero cope?”), psyching himself up to rescue Aziraphale by getting his spy game on and stealing the Book of Life.

Now, watch closely...This is where Aziraphale and Crowley brainstorm their plans to solve the problem they both know about: getting Maggie and Nina to fall in love and thereby get Heaven off their backs. Crowley’s vavoom plan is drawn from yet another movie (“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes - vavoom, sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film.”). But Crowley also implicitly shares his solution to the problem he hasn’t told Aziraphale about. And true to form, Crowley’s Jane Austen solution isn’t the same as Aziraphale’s Jane Austen solution.

Two solutions that fail by the end of Season 2, and a secret third one that might still work...and there's our magic trick of three.

‘“I’m lost. Am I doing a rainstorm?” Yes, babe. And a heist, too - just not until season three. Can I get a wahoo!?

I won’t spend time on A Companion to Owls during this meta, except to note that in all three minisodes, we get to watch stories that involve Crowley acting as a double agent on “his/their own side” - successfully making Hell and Heaven think he’s fulfilling their will while saving Job’s goats and children; failing to fool Hell when he does a good deed in Edinburgh; and of course, collaborating with Aziraphale whilst evading detection as an infernal turncoat during the Blitz.

(Because this is getting long, I'll also skip over Crowley's interrogation of Jim in this episode - I'll probably come back to that in another meta. But interrogating is a rather spy-ish thing to do.)

When we catch up with Crowley again later, he’s already slipped out of the bookshop, having left Aziraphale to his biblical reverie about Job. He saunters snakily down Whickber Street as usual, but with a very pointed and swift glance over his shoulder (see pic above). This demon is up to something - possibly something we didn’t get to see, something that may have happened offscreen while he stepped out. In any case, knowing there’ve been unfriendly angels in the neighborhood that morning, he’s rightly concerned about being spied on.

From this point until the beginning of episode six, there isn’t a whole lot of opportunity for Crowley to make any next moves. He babysits the bookshop, during which time he manages to wring some crucial information out of Jim; he follows his Crowley’s Angel around like a puppy, and downs a bottle of red like a good old fashioned lovesick boy once that’s been pointed out to him. If any plotting or scheming is underway, this occult being is keeping stumm for now.

This has been a long one, so I’ll wrap up with Crowley’s infiltration of Heaven with Muriel. The turtleneck disguise works (Archer fans, be vindicated!) long enough to gather some information that will be crucial not just to the denouement of S2, but also to Crowley’s journey in S3 (previous post on Crowley's Fall, Saraqael, and memory wiping). And Aziraphale gets to enjoy that view exactly zero times. The point isn’t oh, a turtleneck! How flirty! So cunty! So cute! Y’all. Everything matters. The costume change was a deliberate choice. In-universe, Crowley’s decision to wear his special spy turtleneck for spying in is a signal that he is out doing spy things, even as we watch.

In sum: Beginning in S2E2 and continuing through the end of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley are actively living out the scripts of two parallel, concurrent, and completely different Jane Austen stories. But you and I, dear fellow audience member, we came here for a comedy with a hefty jigger of romance, and that’s what Neil gave us to focus on. And right up until the Final 15, that was the only story we saw.

Meanwhile, Special Agent A. J. Crowley doesn’t have time to mope around at the end of S2E6. He’s kicked down, but he’s not out. He's got a Book of Life to steal, a very serious bone to pick with a certain memory-wiping angel, and his Angel and the world to save.

“‘Heigh ho,’ said [romantic, optimist, former demon, hero, master spy] Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway.”

#so honestly #I think the biggest mark against this conclusion is that Crowley sees his mirror Maggie taking a nap at the end of S2E6 #there is a strong chance of a depression nap before any further spying gets underway #but I am counting on Muriel to be a dorky ray of sunshine and snap him out of it with Clues #good omens #good omens meta #good omens 2 #crowley in a turtleneck #demon bookseller plantdad spy

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sunflower-lilac42 · 28 days

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✧ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞 || luke hughes ♔

summary: when she gets cold on the boat, luke gives her his hoodie and all the emotions come out.

warnings: reader feeling crappy about herself, negative thoughts

publish date: 03/31/24

notes: this is for my plus-sized girlies coming from a plus-sized girlie. i am here for you and i will give you as much content as you would like. this really healed my inner child fr, so i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i had writing it. i love you and give me three-eight business months for a next fic | add yourself to the taglist ➺ taglist!

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A lot of the time it felt like that was the only feature people noticed about her. Not that she was funny, or smart, or insanely good at making a spreadsheet for anything and everything. It was the fact that she was fat, or excuse people’s language, curvy. It had been what labeled her for her whole life it seemed like. And no matter how hard she tried to stop it from happening, it never did.

She heard the whispers every time she was in the hallways in high school, every time she sat down and the chair would creek even the slightest bit, every time she’d accidentally brush someone’s shoulder. It was horrible, something that would haunt her for years to come no matter what happened.

When she went off to college, her voice was the only one that stayed with her. She met Luke through mutual friends and while she loved their relationship, she always thought it put a damper on her mind especially when she realized she liked him. Luke was Luke, he was tall, handsome, adorable, cute, charming, and all of the above. And on the inside, he was funny, smart, kind, nice, everything a girl could ever love. He made it impossible not to fall for him.

But why would Luke want her, when he could have anyone he ever wanted? This put a strain on their friendship during sophomore year especially. She would go to games, supporting the hell out of him because he asked her to be there. And always somewhere further down the row, in a different section, wherever, there was a group of girls who looked nothing like her. They were skinny, and pretty, they wore outfits that looked not only good on them but just good in general.

They were standing there, looking like that, while she looked like this. Wearing leggings that were too tight to make her look thinner, they pressed too hard on her stomach. Wearing the largest sweatshirt in her closet to hide the way her hips bulge a little, to hide everything if she was honest. And while she knew it shouldn’t have bothered her, that she shouldn’t have been mad at them, she couldn’t help it.

However, when she was around him and it was just the two of them, she couldn’t help but notice the thoughts dissipate. There was something about him that made her forget what she was thinking, forget what she was feeling besides happiness. He made her feel beautiful even if he didn’t know it.

But, when he went away to New Jersey, there was no one to block out those thoughts anymore. Every day she thought negative things about herself, and compared herself to her friends, to those she passed on the way to class, those in the dining hall, everyone. She was left feeling alone with her thoughts, which made her feel all the worse.

In the weeks following her last day of class, she got a text from Luke. He had asked her to go to the lake house in Michigan. She wasn’t expecting it, to say the least. It meant that she would have to spend at least a week around Luke and his brothers and their friends in shorts and shirts. The things that made her uncomfortable when she was alone.

She reluctantly agreed to his invitation and the only reason she did agree was because she knew Luke wouldn’t stop texting her and calling her until she said yes. She didn’t like summer, it meant that she couldn’t resort to her long sleeves and leggings due to the temperature. It was too hot for that. At least when she was at her own house, it wasn’t bad, she could do that and wouldn’t be hot due to her being able to set the house to a cooler temperature.

But, Luke was Luke, and it was hard to ignore him. They hadn’t seen each other since he left for New Jersey, keeping up only through texts and FaceTime (which was not her favorite thing in the world). So, when that text came through that she had said yes to coming, he was bouncing off the walls for hours. He had run to tell Jack and Quinn, immediately, yelling at them to get a room set up for her and to make Trevor and Cole or whoever share one.

It was rare that Luke got excited to see someone besides his brothers and his closest friends, so when Quinn and Jack heard him rambling a million miles an hour, they knew that this “friend” was special. Luke picked her up from the airport, having flown in from her home state. He was quick to bring her bags to the car for her, open up the passenger side door, and everything in between.

When he saw what she was wearing, he curled an eyebrow, “Aren’t you hot?”

“W-what? No.”

“Y/n/n, you’re wearing a literal sheep right now and it’s like 80 degrees.”

“I’ll have you know, I’m quite comfy.”

“Whatever you say.” He muttered but he made sure to turn the AC on full blast so she wouldn’t overheat more than she already was.

Y/n was trying to prolong the time she would have to be around Luke, and his brothers and their friends, in shorts and t-shirts and tank tops. And while she knew it was going to have to happen soon, it didn’t mean that it had to happen now. She was beyond grateful that Luke turned the AC on, it was a blessing in disguise.

When they pulled up to the house, he wasted no time in doing the same things he did at the airport; grabbing her luggage, opening her door, and leading her up the steps. He opened the door with his elbow and pushed it open with his back, or well more or less his butt. Y/n giggled at the action and stepped inside after him, looking around in disbelief, “Can’t believe you get to spend every summer here.”

“Yeah, kind of lucky to have two-”

“Heads up!”

The two turned to see Jack hurling a football in their direction and Luke dropped her things to catch it. Due to Luke’s reaction time, he spared his best friend from getting hit in the face, “Dude!”

Y/n stood in shock, blinking even as Luke’s hand was taken away from her face. Jack winced, “Sorry.”

Luke threw it back at him and hit him square in the head, “Well, that’s Jack, which means…”

As he trailed off two more voices and two pairs of footsteps came from the hallway, “Cole and Trevor aren’t too far behind him. Blonde one is Cole, the douchey looking one is Trevor.”

“Douchey?”

She stood there in the entranceway, raising a hand as if to say hi. Trevor and Cole walked in and took her bags for her, “M’lady.”

She giggled again as she watched the two bumble around the house like idiots, all while Luke’s face heated up in embarrassment. When she looked at him she threaded her arm around his waist, “Don’t worry. I have my bunch of idiots back home. They don’t compare honestly.”

Luke’s arm wrapped around her shoulders in habit, slightly tightening as a way to ground himself. He looked over at her to see her still watching the three 22-year-olds, who were now dancing around the living room playing Just Dance. His eyes were filled with fondness, he couldn’t remember the last time or if there was ever a time he felt like this about someone.

“You must be y/n! I’m Quinn, Luke’s oldest brother.”

Y/n smiled at him and Luke swore he could’ve died right there, “Nice to meet you, Quinn. Oh! I saw your guys’ last few games of the season, you guys played well.”

Quinn’s cheeks flushed, “Oh, thanks. Well, listen, your room is right next to Luke’s if you need anything. Anything in the kitchen you are more than welcome to have, we do have some things that if you want to cook you can. The bathroom is at the end of the hallway and the campfire is out back. I won’t tell, but I’m fine if you drink, just don’t do it outside the property or when our parents get here.”

She nods, trying to keep up with all the information he is spitting at her. He walked away and let the two be on their own, going back to his room. Luke picked back up her things and led her into the hallway and to her room. He placed her bags on the foot of the bed and looked back at her, “Well, I’ll let you get settled. I think we’re going out on the boat tonight.”

She didn’t think it would be this soon that she would have to wear them. Luke could see the panic that showed in her eyes for a brief moment, “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I'm just not a huge fan of the water.”

“Oh, that’s okay! You don’t have to go in it if you don’t want to.”

That sent some relief through her body, “Okay.”

“I’ll come back when we’re ready to go, okay?”

She nods and watches as he leaves, worried about what was to come.

✧༺✎༻∞

Two hours later, Luke came back into her room. He knocked before coming in, of course, looking down, “Hey we’re just about- holy shit.”

Y/n stood there in her ripped jean shorts that didn’t come down fully because she had gotten them last year, her oversized UMich hockey shirt that was beginning to fade from the number of times she’d put it through the wash. Her hair was in two braids with her UMich baseball hat on and her makeup was done in the slightest bit. She was wearing a pair of gym shoes, her trusted ones that she’s had since she started college. When she heard Luke’s voice and then it cut off, she shied away, wrapping her arms around her waist.

“What?”

“Nothing, you just look-”

Here it comes. The fat jokes, the “you should get clothes that actually fit you” monologue, the snide remarks about her working out, and everything in between. But what hurt more, was that it was going to come from Luke, her best friend, her crush, her seemingly everything. The one who made her forget about those things.

“Really pretty.”

Her head snapped up and her eyes opened wide, “I- what?”

Luke’s face flushed, “You look pretty. Um, we’re getting ready to go! You ready?”

“Oh, uh yeah.”

“Did he really just call me pretty?” Her thoughts ran a thousand miles an hour as she grabbed her bag from the bed and followed Luke. There was no way he said that, was she imagining things? What had she eaten for lunch?

Luke helped her onto the boat, holding her hand as she stepped up. She sat down and immediately pulled out her computer, connecting it to her portable hotspot. The boys watched her both in confusion and in awe, but Jack was the only one to speak up, “Why are you on your laptop? Dude, you’re gonna get it wet.”

“I just have to do something quick.”

Jack watched from beside her as she pulled up her spreadsheets and started typing information in it, “Holy shit,”

That was the second one of the day, and both of them had been directed at her, “What now?”

“Dude, these are insane.”

He stole the laptop and started scrolling. Now she felt ten times more embarrassed than she was before, “It’s nothing.”

Luke was the next to steal the computer, sitting in awe at the payrolls among other stuff she created, “Damn girl. How much free time do you have?”

She toyed with the ends of her shorts, starting to fray, “A lot.”

She was glad once they moved on from the topic and she was able to shove her computer back in her bag after updating a few things. She watched as the boys went out on the water, Luke staying with her, claiming that he didn’t want to go in the water either. However, as time went on it got colder and colder, yet none of them wanted to go back.

It was now nighttime and y/n was cold from the drastic temperature change. Luke watched as she shivered and instantly took off his sweatshirt and handed it to her, “Here.”

Her eyes looked between him and his hoodie before shaking her head, “I’m okay.”

His eyes softened, growing increasingly worried and confused, “Y/n/n you have goosebumps all along your arms. You’re not ‘okay’.”

“No, I promise. I’m okay.”

“Please.”

She hesitantly took it and unfolded it to hold it up and look at the size. This had always been a worry for her, fitting into other people’s clothes especially when it came to boys. Sure they were ‘bigger’ than her, height was and all, but was that enough to counteract? She nervously put her arms through it, being careful not to stretch it out. She pulled it over her head and was pleasantly surprised when it fit a little baggy on her.

However, her mind clouded with negative thoughts and it started yelling at her that she was the one that stretched it out, that that was the reason why it was baggy. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You can tell me.”

She tugged slightly on the hoodie, feeling it start to cling to her impossibly tight. It wasn’t the hoodie, it was her mind making her think that it was smaller than it was. She tried to get out of Luke’s gaze but it was no use. She cursed to herself before looking out at the water, watching the boys splash each other like immature 10-year-olds, “I’ve never been the skinniest girl out there, Luke.”

Her words caused him to frown. ‘Is that seriously what she’s worried about?’ He brought his right hand up to her face, placing her chin in between his index finger and his thumb. He turned her head so her eyes had no choice but to look at him, “You listen to me. You are beautiful, okay? You are the prettiest girl I have ever laid eyes on.”

She moved her head away from his grasp and wrapped her arms in front of her stomach. Luke was determined to convince her that he wanted her. That she was the only one for him, so despite her worries and insecurities, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap. She yelped in surprise and as soon as her butt touched his legs and squirmed, “Let me go, Luke.”

“No.” His voice was stern as he spoke.

“Please, Lu.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can. Not when you are talking about yourself like this, out loud or in that beautiful head of yours. Listen, y/n/n, I know it’s hard, believe me. And while I might not know exactly what you’re going through, I have had my fair share of insecurities myself. You are gorgeous and I love every single part of you there is, okay? I cannot tell you one moment that I have seen you look ugly.”

Completely brushing over the fact that he said ‘I love’, she continued trying to prove him wrong, “What about that-”

“Nope! Doesn’t exist. And I’m going to tell you that if you do not come to at least one game of mine next season, wearing my jersey I might lose it.”

Luke’s words had her blushing in an instant but her mind did not want happiness to be a thing tonight. Her thoughts of this being a prank clouded the intense blissfulness she felt for a few seconds, “Why?”

“Why what, sweet girl?”

The nickname passed over her, “Me. Why me?”

“I’m going to tell you my favorite moment of you and then we’ll see if you know why,” He removed one of his arms from her waist to wrap his fingers around the back of her neck and rub his thumb against her cheek before continuing, “Freshman year. First game you ever went to. I had just bought you a jersey and wrote on the back of it with a sharpie my name and my number. It wasn’t the prettiest thing in the world, obviously because that’s you, but it made sure everyone knew you were supporting me. You wore it with those jeans that I like, the ones with the rhinestones bordering the pockets, and you wore these gym shoes, the ones you’re wearing right now. You had your hair in two ponytails and this hat,” He flicked the brim of it, “and you brought two of your other friends for whom the life of me I cannot remember.

“But you stood for the whole game with this little pompom thing in your hand, cheering every time someone got a goal and booing every time whoever we were playing got one. And then after the game I met you outside and then we went to go get ice cream and you got vanilla with sprinkles and we tasted each other’s because I kept looking over at yours and you finally gave in. And then I took you back to your dorm and you stole my beanie. Which you didn’t give back for another two weeks.”

Her eyes watered as she listened to him, “Y/n/n. Don’t cry, please.”

She shook her head, “I’m not, I promise.”

“No matter how long it takes, what it takes, I am going to prove to you that you are beautiful no matter what anyone says. And as long as you love yourself, that’s all that matters. But you’ll always have my love, okay?”

“You love me?”

“Of course I do! I know we’re in college, or well, you are, and we haven’t really dated, but when you know you know.”

She smiled at him and closed her eyes when his lips made contact with her forehead, and then her cheek, “Can I kiss you?”

She nodded and leaned in to meet him halfway. Once their lips connected they heard ‘whoops’ from the water. They pulled away, both red in the face. And as they drove back, y/n sat next to Luke with her head on his shoulder and his hand resting comfortably on her thigh.

𝑵𝑬𝑾 𝑱𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑬𝒀 𝑫𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑳𝑺 𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

#sunny lune writes #luke hughes #lh43 #nhl #hockey #luke hughes x reader #nj devils

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volatile-shorty · 2 years

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im very sad im forgetting my ocs names nowadays. i need to make a toyhouse or a spreadsheet sometime

#i have like a 100+ so its not that surprising but. i just. idk #OH i want to put prowler on artfight too yes yes dont forget them #but yeah i feel bad. i have not forgotten your stories #i totally forgot tobias' name i had to go looking for him on my artblog #hes like. one of my oldest ocs #yeah ill make a spreadsheet or something #doctalk

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olderthannetfic · 27 days

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I thought it would be interesting to see if I could easily determine which ships had the most works updated in 2023.

It turned out to be fairly easy, though a little time consuming. I think these results should be reasonably accurate.

Some points to note:

I did this on my own account, and I have like 2 people muted. So I am capturing the effects of archive-locked works, but my numbers might be off by one or two works due to muting.

Works updated in 2023 is a number that constantly changes as works are deleted or updated again in 2024.

I didn't scrape the entire archive or anything like that, so it's possible I missed a ship that would bump one of these down below 100. I'd take the last few at the bottom there with a grain of salt. But I think we can be reasonably sure the top ones are accurate and that the kinds of numbers that we see at the bottom there (eighteen hundred plus works updated in 2023) are about where the cutoff will be even if we find a ship I missed.

As for how I did this, I went to the category tags and the rating tags, filtered for updating in 2023, then excluded ships in the sidebar till I got to 130-150 ships excluded. I also grabbed ships that are big in general from tag search, which you can use to find all relationship canonicals, ordered by frequency.

I combined those lists of ships, cleaned off the works numbers, and generated a list without duplicates. That got me three hundred and something (yes, they were mostly duplicates). I generated the relevant AO3 URLs, opened them in batches with Open Multiple URLs, and copied the works totals into a spreadsheet. Not as tidy as using a script but honestly pretty easy if you know a few spreadsheet formulas to clean up data.

The key here is that if you're only going for pretty good and not accurate beyond a shadow of a doubt, all you need to do is generate a list of likely ships, then check them.

It's possible that there's some much-updated ship that is so evenly spread across these various other tags that it just missed showing up in the sidebar. Hopefully, grabbing more than just the top 100 avoided this problem.

This method also doesn't take into account backdated works. If a whole archive was imported in 2023 but all backdated, there could be some ship that didn't have new works but where AO3 users experience in 2023 was of an influx of content.

I also did this just now, in late March/early April, so some 2023 works have inevitably been deleted or updated again. So the exact work counts don't represent the experience of using AO3 throughout 2023. A fandom active in early 2023 might not have much updating in early 2024, while a fandom active in late 2023 would. This could demote the latter a few places in the rankings since I didn't grab numbers on January 1st.

Even if a person scraped AO3 every day or was monkeying around in the databases, you also have to ask what conceptual answer you're after. Is it works a user could have read at some point during 2023, whether they were deleted by the year's end or not? Is it new-to-AO3 works or only newly-created ones, not including imported archives? Does it matter if the works are fic? If they're in English? What about accidental double-uploads or translations of a single work?

I hope this makes it clear why a definitive ranking is not actually possible.

However, despite these drawbacks, I am confident that the rankings above accurately represent the broad trends on AO3 in 2023. Just don't get too fixated on whether a ship should be at number 73 or number 74.

And, of course, I excluded these from the top 100:

Original Character(s)/Original Character(s) - 20,026

Minor or Background Relationship(s) - 16,187

No Romantic Relationship(s) - 8,052

Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s) - 7,195

Original Male Character/Original Male Character - 6,283

Other Relationship Tags to Be Added - 5,618

Original Female Character(s)/Original Female Character(s) - 3,990

Original Character(s) & Original Character(s) - 3,210

Here's a spreadsheet if you want to see the actual numbers not as a shitty screencap. I left the next few below 100 for context.

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phantom-0-writer · 7 months

Text

original prompt: Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program

scene 1

table of contents

------------

scene 2: tim’s arch nemesis

“Have a good day at school Masters Tim, Thomas, and Damian.” Alfred wished, as they all got out of the car.

“Later, Alfred.” Duke waved as the car left the drop off zone.

The three of them walked together until Tim remembered the conversation from Bruce’s study. He peered over his shoulder at Damian who was trying to act nonchalant as he ditched the principal's office. Tim turned and stopped right in front of Damian ``Ohoho, and where do you think you’re going Damian?” Sneaky little plans for a sneaky little kid, huh.

“Tsk.” He rolled his eyes at being caught

Tim smirked at him, the words hillbilly civilians echoing in his head. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the principal’s office?”

“I was just on my way.” Damian said, trying to seem unbothered as he walked away.

“Y’know one of these days he’s gonna snap and finally murder you.” Duke mused next to him, before they split into their separate hallways.

“Better people than him have tried.” They shared a small laugh. Finding his usual seat in homeroom, Tim scrolled through his phone until class started.

At the bell Ms. Kross stepped to the teacher’s podium to start the daily announcements. “Hello class, happy Wednesday.” She smiled at them, “You’re all chipper as usual,” she commented humorously to herself at the silent audience. “Well today is the day I’m sure all of you have been waiting anxiously for. Before I announce everyone’s placements after the midterms, I just want to remind you all that grades only matter so much in the grand scheme of things, and if you did not score as well as you would’ve liked, there's still time to do better.” Ms. Kross gave them the yearly pep talk, as the system booted.

Tim had been attending Gotham Academy since the first grade, and he was familiar with the ins and outs of the system now, as opposed to the many students that often filtered in and out of the Academy. Gotham Academy is one of the best schools on this side of the coast and many affluent families would send their kids here. So naturally the Academy was incredibly competitive and so much as one point could move you from 5th place to 50th.

The competitive atmosphere of Gotham Academy had never been too hard of a burden on Tim’s shoulder. Since grade 3 Tim has easily been placed first in his grade without so much as a sweat, no matter the amount of Robin, or Red Robin responsibilities on his shoulders. Knowing this year would be no different, Tim let his chair lean back leisurely as his other classmates sat forward in anticipation.

“With no further ado, this year’s first place as for now is Daniel Fenton.” Yup, just like every other- Wait.

“What?” Tim asked, the front two legs of his chair hitting the floor hard. Tim looked at the screen in disbelief, only to have his suspicions confirmed.

“Mr. Drake, is there a problem?” Mr. Kross asked, surprised.

“Are you sure this is right?” Tim asked incredulously pointing an accusing finger at the screen, there's no way that he- Timothy Drake - placed second?

“Yes, Mr. Drake, I assure you this sheet has been double, triple, even quadruple checked. There are no errors.” Ms. Kross smiled exasperatedly.

Ms. Kross continued down the list of names in the class, announcing their places but Tim wasn’t paying attention. Tim glared at the spreadsheet at the front of the class, waiting for it to correct itself. But no changes were made. The name placed at the top of the list had been burned into Tim’s skull.

Who the fuck is Daniel James Fenton?

----

Bonus:

Bruce waited his turn in the pick up line, ready to see his kids' surprise when they found out that he came to pick them up instead of Alfred. When it was finally his turn to pull up to the curb he smiled happily as Tim, Damian and Duke entered the car.

“Surprise.” Bruce smiled at them.

“Oh, Bruce. Alfred didn’t come today?” Duke asked with a smile.

“Nope!” He said driving into the street. “Since it’s just us today, how about we go grab ice cream?” Bruce offered, looking at his passengers in the rearview mirror.

“Ooh ice cream after school!” Duke cheered.

“I could appreciate some ice cream.” Damian nodded from his seat.

“Oh how did meeting Daniel go today, Damian?” Bruce remembered.

“It was fine. Daniel is not entirely despicable.” Bruce blinked in surprise, Damian seemed to have taken a great liking to the kid if he was already calling him by his first name, especially on day one. “Not entirely despicable” and “it was fine” in Damian-speak usually meant that he had had a phenomenal time.

“That’s great, buddy.” Bruce turned to tell him when he stopped at a red light. “Duke, how was your Chemistry Test?”

“It went okay, I think. We’ll just have to wait till the results come out, I guess.” Duke shrugged.

Bruce nodded at the information. He was doing a good job. Engage, Assess, Appreciate. That’s what Dick had said.

Tim. There was something today, he had mentioned it offhandedly. What was it? Right! The placement release.

“Tim, how did your-”

“Shut up.” Tim seethed from the back seat. Bruce saw the irritation radiating off of him and decided that today, nor any day, would he be ready to deal with that.

“Ok.”

#timothy “never been academically challenged ” drake #danny “my grades suck bc i have to fight ghost all the time” fenton (there aren't any ghosts now)#danny and tim academic rivals #except danny doesn't know they're academic rivals #bruce is trying ti earn good dad points #dick totally walked him through the whole thing #but hey he's trying #bruce: tim #tim pissed: no #bruce: i dont get paid enough for this #also you can tell a lot abt damian and tim's relationship so far based on the difference in how they thought the morning scene played out #danny mentorship au

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forever-rogue · 7 months

Note

Could I request some Eddie. It’s the readers birthday and Eddie gives her a mix tape of all her favorite songs. But instead of it being the original artist’s versions is Corroded Coffin doing covers?

AN | No but this is the sweetest idea?! Imagine getting this from Eddie! 🥰

Warnings | Language

Pairing | Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2.8k

Masterlist | Main, Eddie

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hey there birthday girl,” you playfully huffed as you walked into Eddie’s shop, finding at the counter, pouring over some spreadsheets. He wasn’t bothered in the slightest by your response, pushing everything away in order to give you his full attention, “you look pretty.”

“It’s not my birthday, Eddie,” you hopped onto the counter without a second thought and Eddie leaned in to kiss you, lips lingering against yours, “hi.”

“Hi almost birthday girl,” he hand setted on the back of your neck as he pressed his forehead to yours. You groaned softly; your heart was both so happy at how sweet he was and heavy because you didn’t want him to make a big deal of your birthday. You’d never really been a fan of celebrations or parties, but Eddie insisted on doing something to celebrate you. You knew that he would listen and respect your wishes, which was one of the many things you loved about him. He always saw you, even when you felt invisible, “missed you today.”

“I missed you too,” you promised, putting your hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, "are you almost done here?"

"Yes ma'am," he tossed everything off the counter and onto the floor, causing you to laugh at his dramatics, "anything for you."

"Such a dork," you slid off the counter and held out your hand for him. He eagerly took your hand and brought it to his lips to press a kiss to your knuckles, “my dork.”

“And you’re mine too.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Hey," you couldn't sleep and had spent almost an hour staring at the ceiling. You weren't sure if Eddie was awake but figured it was worth a try, "Ed?"

"Hmm?" He rolled over so he was facing you, eyes closed and a sleepy smile on his face, "what's wrong baby?"

"Nothing," you sighed lightly, relaxing when you felt him reach for your hand, "its just…its dumb."

"Tell me."

"You don't have anything planned for my birthday right? I don't want a big celebration or anything," you exhaled slowly as he squeezed your hand, "I just don't want anything big. I'd rather just have it be another day."

“I know baby,” he scooted closer to you and nuzzled his face next to yours on the pillow. You felt his lips kiss the tip of your nose, “it’ll be just like any other day. If that’s what my baby wants for her birthday, that’s what she’ll get.”

“Thank you,” you closed your eyes and snuggled up to him; he instantly wrapped his arm around your waist, “I love you Eddie.”

“I love you,” and with that, you allowed yourself to relax and give into sleep, “so much.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Your day at work had gone by without anything noteworthy happening. That would definitely have everything to do with the fact that you hadn’t told your coworkers or boss that it was your birthday. You knew that it was your personnel file somewhere, but you doubted anyone ever checked them. It still didn’t stop you from startling a few times and bracing yourself for the worst when your coworkers came up to you. But if anyone actually knew that it was your birthday, they didn’t comment on it.

Which was exactly what you wanted.

It wasn’t that you were vehemently against birthdays or celebrating them - you loved helping friends celebrate. You just didn’t want to celebrate your own. At first it seemed like Eddie had been upset when you told him you didn’t want to do anything, almost like it was some sort of slight, but he quickly came around and realized that it wasn’t personal. It was just your preference, and he always wanted to respect your wishes.

The only issue you’d experienced all day was the fact that Eddie seemed to be almost completely radio silent. You knew that some days he was extra busy and didn’t have a lot of time to text, but it was strange to hear nothing from him. You’d seen him when he left for work as you were getting ready, and he’d seemed fine. But now you were almost worried with how quiet he was being; you hoped he was okay.

When you pulled up to the house, not a single light was on. Only the porch light flipped on as you walked up to the front door. But Eddie’s truck was parked in his usual spot which didn’t do anything to reassure you. You almost ran inside, almost dropping your key in your haste to open the door.

“Eddie!?” you made your way into the kitchen and flicked on the lights to have some sort of balance.

“Surprise!” As soon as you flicked on the light, Eddie jumped out from the other side of the counter, blowing on a noisemaker with a little happy birthday hat on his mop of curls. You yelped in surprise and jumped back, clutching at your wildly beating heart.

“What the hell, Edward?” you took a moment to catch your breath as you looked around to see if anyone else was in your house. But you didn’t see any movement or anything to suggest anyone was there. He came around the counter and threw his arms around you, pulling you into a big, warm hug. You relaxed into his touch and hugged him back just as tightly, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

“Sorry baby,” he peppered kisses to the side of your head, rubbing your back soothingly, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought it would be a fun surprise.”

“Oh Eddie,” you pulled back and kissed him softly, “it’s definitely a surprise. I was starting to get worried since I hadn’t heard from you all day. I was hoping nothing happened, and then you had to go and give me a heart attack!”

“I was…I had to finish a few things up today on top of work so it was just a long day,” you could tell that he was being honest…but giving you all of the story. But you didn’t want to push him either - he always came around and told you the entire story, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to be so absent today.”

“It’s okay - I’m glad you’re okay,” you took the noisemaker from his hand and blew into it loudly. That caused him to laugh, shaking his head fondly at you, “what’s all this for?”

“First of all, let me just say that I haven’t gone and planned a huge surprise party or anything. It’s just me and you,” his promise allowed you to relax, “I have a few things planned for tonight, if that sounds good to you.”

“Just you and me?” your voice was small as he beamed at you, big brown eyes bright and shining.

“Just you and me.”

“That sounds perfect,” the idea of spending some time along with your love sounded like the best thing in the world, “what’ve you got planned then? Should I be concerned?”

“Not at all,” but yeah, there was still that little mischievous glint in his eye, “but first things first.”

He ran into the living room before coming back with another party hat and putting on your head. You couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up as Eddie snapped a few pictures of the two of you.

“I’ve ordered dinner from your favorite place - it’s on the way and should be here soon,” as if on cue your stomach started to rumble, “I didn’t think about asking if you wanted to eat at the restaurant, fuck! But I figured it might be nice if it’s just here with the two of us.”

“That sounds perfect,” you promised, “can we also change into pajamas and eat on the couch?”

“Blankets are already on the couch and I already put out the clean pajamas," he was such a sweetheart, always thinking of the things you liked. Your expression softened as he slowly started to usher you toward the bedroom, "but I think we have just enough time to take a hot shower before the food is here and we get comfortable."

"Eddie…I - this is wonderful," the way your face lit up was enough to make it all worth it. Truthfully he would have done anything for you, but then again, you would have done the same for him, "you didn't have to do all this though. Seriously."

"It's your birthday," he reminded you, "and even if you don't want a big celebration or want to make a big deal of it or anything, I want to do something special for my girl. I want to celebrate you. I love you, you know.”

“Yeah,” you blinked back a few tears that his sweet words had caused to spring up as you took one of his hands in both of yours and held it gently, “I love you too, Eddie. Thank you for all of this, it’s…wonderful. This is perfect. Are you going to join me in this shower?”

“Only if you want me to…”

“Of course I do,” this time you were pulling him to the bathroom, already trying to pull off your clothes in your haste to get into the shower. The two of you were fumbling around as you turned on the shower and tried to pull off his and your clothes. Hasty kisses were exchanged along with soft smiles and laughter; the two of you were just so…meant to be. That’s what Eddie always said and you didn’t disagree with him. It was all true.

“C’mon,” Eddie pulled back the curtain to make sure the water was warm enough for the two of you, “let me take care of you.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

By the time the two of you were on the couch, clean and in fresh pajamas with the remnants of dinner spread on the coffee table, you were already growing tired. The shower had been so warm and comforting, along with Eddie going down on you which he insisted was part of celebrating you, and the food was delicious. It all led to you feeling the tiredness in your bones as you cuddled with him on the couch, with warm and soft blankets covering the two of you.

“Don’t go falling asleep on me, pretty girl,” your head was resting on his chest, lulled by the steady beating of his heart. You mumbled something in response as he pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

“I’m not,” you insisted softly, badly stifling a yawn as you pulled back and blinked up at him with heavy, sleepy eyes, “just resting my eyes for a moment.”

“Mhmm,” he tenderly took your chin in his hand and turned your face up to his, “is that why you were snoring?”

“Was not!” your lips pulled in a playful little pout as you looked at him. He raised an eye but didn’t say anything, “I was just heavily breathing as I watched the movie.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm.”

“Alright then, what’s happened in the movie so far?” judging from the surprised look on your face, Eddie knew that he had you trapped. You opened and closed your mouth a few times before leaning up and kissing him. You figured if there was one way to shut him up it was through a kiss. He leaned into you, your lips still sugary sweet from dessert, “it’s not really an answer but I’m willing to accept that.”

“As you should, my love,” you managed to work your into his lap, snuggling up to him and wrapping your arms around his neck, “thank you for tonight - everything. It means the world to me - you mean the world to me.”

“Well, if you’re amenable, I have a little something for you - another little thing. But it’s actually tangible,” your eyes widened in curiosity as he nodded, “so…yeah.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” you loved him. You really loved him, “ugh, stop, you’re so disgustingly amazing.”

“Anything for you,” he pressed kisses to your cheeks, forehead, nose and stopped at your lips, “and I’m really excited for you to have it. It’s - can I go and grab it?”

“And just who would I be to say no?” you slid off his lap and cuddled up in the corner of the couch under both blankets, “I’ll allow it.”

“Be right back!” he almost jumped off the couch as he ran into the bedroom. You heard him rummaging around for a few minutes before he came back out, his arms behind his back, “close your eyes.”

You eagerly complied and made a show of squeezing your eyes closed and draping one arm over your eyes. Eddie snorted in amusement as he reached for your free hand and set something small and square into it.

“Alright - you can go ahead and open your eyes,” as soon as you did, he watched your face go through several different expressions as you tried to figure out what the small wrapped item was. You pulled off the big, golden bow and looked at him, “go on - open it.”

You slid your finger under the messily wrapped paper - you loved that about him - and pulled out the item inside. Your face turned into a huge grin as you realized what you were holding - a mixtape. An actual, real life, mixtape. You weren't sure if you'd ever seen held one before.

“Eddie. Y-you made me a mixtape?” you felt the tears prick up again as he nodded excitedly, biting on his bottom lip.

“It’s not just any old mixtape either,” he watched as you turned it around and looked at the label, “it’s your favorite songs but umm, well, it’s all Corroded Coffin covers. I think it’d be neat you know to have something just your own, so yeah. I-I hope you like it.”

“Edward Munson,” you jumped up and quickly closed the small distance between your bodies, almost throwing yourself into his arms. He let out a nervous laugh, relieved at your reaction. It had been an idea he’d had for a long time, but it was never anything he’d actually planned on doing. Then one day, he realized just how much he wanted to do this for you. He felt your tears soak into the thin fabric of his t-shirt and gently rubbed your back, “this is the nicest and most special thing anyone has ever done for me. I love it. So much.”

“You haven’t even listened to it yet baby,” every nerve and worry he’d had about sharing this was relieved, “can’t judge it just yet.”

“I can and I will,” you took his face in your hands and kissed him sweetly, “I can’t wait to listen to it. I love this so much. Thank you.”

“Happy birthday baby,” he put his hand on your face and brushed his thumb over your cheek, “to this one and to many more. I love you so much.”

“I love you, Eddie,” you looked towards the old radio that was next to the vintage record player; Eddie followed your line of sight as his smile grew, “you’ve made this one of the best and most special birthdays ever. Can we give this a listen?”

“Oh, you don’t have to…are you sure?”

“Of course!” you bounced over and popped the cassette in, “and it’s still my birthday and this is one of my few requests. And that you dance with me.”

“What if it’s not danceable?” he took your hand that was already outstretched to him, as you pulled him closer.

“Then we’ll make it danceable,” you sighed softly as he kissed you, reaching behind you and hitting play, “you’re going to have a lot to live up to next year.”

“Don’t worry, I plan on surpassing even your biggest expectations,” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, “was this okay then? Nothing too much or not enough?”

“This was perfect,” you promised, “I couldn’t think of anything better. Best birthday ever.”

The new mixtape became a part of your regular rotation.

It was your favorite gift ever.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson one shot #joseph quinn #st

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pilfappreciator · 4 months

Text

Part 1 | Part 2

WAKE UP BABES!! DINNER IS SERVED!!!

Bruce/Brandi x Reader: part 2

Includes: GN! Reader, Vacay Lovers, polyamory, relationship headcanons, slight Bruce Jr. slander

💜 These two took things slow when they were wooing you, you better BELIEVE they're gonna do the same once you've actually been bagged

🧡 I MEAN DON'T GET ME WRONG!! They're not any less passionate about you or anything, but like... c'mon. They're middle-aged, run a full time business and are married with kids. They've got a lot on their hands already so chances are they're not immediatly urging you to move in with them or just straight up sign marriage documents (sorry to disappoint u_u)

💜 But like I said: this doesn't mean they're not good lovers

🧡 In fact I'd say in my entirely unbiased opinion that they'd make fantastic lovers! Wonderful! Superb, even!

💜 So naturally, once you find yourself added to the relationship? Expect all that supportive energy thrown your way too lol

🧡 No matter what endeavor you choose to pursue, rest easy knowing you'll have your own personal cheerleaders having your back at all times. You got a hobby you're really into? SAY LESS BABES!! Gift-giving is Brandi's love language so you bet your ass she's buying you everything you could possibly need. Wanna pursue some form of higher education, maybe get some fancy degree? BOOM, you've just signed yourself up for study sessions with Bruce

💜 (I mean like... he might not be much help if you're studying for something shmancy like law or medicine, but he will happily hold and read out flashcards for you :3)

🧡 Or maybe you just wanna help out around Vacay Island which? Yes hello they would love that??

💜 Running a business is no easy feat so the couple definitely welcome the extra set of hands (paws??). If you're more social and outgoing then chances are you're out on the front lines with Bruce, taking orders for food, welcoming guests and getting them settled in, leading activites like volleyball or the weekly shuffleboard tournament, etc.

🧡 Obviously if you'd rather remain behind the scenes, you're more than welcome to join Brandi on her end of things. Making food, booking guests into their rooms, keeping track of all the finances, etc.

💜 Maybe you're crap with spreadsheets and numbers and just wanna like... keep her company while she works at her desk? Grab her some refreshments every now and then?? Maybe even offer a shoulder massage once you've noticed she's been hunched over for too long???

🧡 I swear this woman will cherish you forever

💜 Whether you're another troll like Bruce or a fellow Vacationer like Brandi, the way you spend time with either of these two can differ

🧡 If you're on the smaller side? Bruce just enjoys getting to hold your hand while walking alongside you on the beach. The man spends pretty much all his time around literal giants and it can get a little overwhelming sometimes, so he can definitely appreciate having someone around who's more on his level (hehe). Brandi on the other hand just thinks your small size is cute! Hands down one of her favorite things is when either you or Bruce (OR BOTH) just like? Casually hitch a ride on her shoulder?? Or she'll hold you both in the palm of of her hand and just go "omigosh it's totally like holding a couple of grapes haha :D"

💜 Reader POV: Ah yes. Me, my boyfriend, and our giant girlfriend/wife

🧡 On the flipside, if you're closer to Brandi's size? This woman is taking every available opportunity to take full advantage of the fact. She's laying kisses all over your face, running her fingers through your hair, cuddling with you after a long day of work, etc etc. Technically speaking she COULD (and DOES) do all this regardless of how big/small you are... but at the same time it's just soooo much easier when she doesn't have to constantly watch herself so she doesn't accidentally crush you ://

💜 Meanwhile Bruce is just like "if either of you DO crush me... you won't hear any complaints from my end, just sayin"

🧡 Man is horrendously down bad 😳

💜 Last post i was like OUTINGS WITH BRANDI, but this post?? SURFING LESSONS WITH BRUCE! This man will not rest until you know how to ride a wave, okay, he is DEDICATED. Once you've gotten good enough, expect regular invites to the beach so you two can hit the ocean asdjahdslak

🧡 I like to think that even while running a business and family, Bruce and Brandi are still perfectly capable of maintaining a healthy love life— both with each other and you. Partly because they're just that in love but also cuz they don't let ANYTHING get in the way of weekly date nights (yeah that's right, plural)

💜 Bruce, on the phone: "Hey honey, me and (____) are outside the resturaunt. Where are you?"

"Oh, I'll probably be a few minutes. Bruce Jr. just set off a firework in the kitchen, you know how he is. But you two should go get us a table while you're waiting!"

"Alright, we'll see you later, love you :)"

"I love you guys more~"

🧡 And then Bruce just... hangs up and leads you inside the resturaunt, meanwhile you're just?? Very concerned????

💜 Dates with these two are pretty casual ngl. Neither feel the need for extravagant displays of love, so chances are the three of you are just spending some quality time together. Chillin at home without the kids, cooking/baking food together, watching reality TV

💜 (Tbh there's probably some trollverse version of The Bachelor/Bachelorett and lemme tell you that these two EAT THAT SHIT UP)

🧡 Of course if you wanna go out somewhere fancy then no worries!! Your girl Brandi knows the downlow on all the hottest spots in town and Bruce likely has enough connections to get you three reservations at even the fanciest restaurants

💜 Simply ask and these two will find a way to get it done <33

🧡 LOTS OF FAMILY OUTINGS WITH THE VACAY LOVERS HOUSEHOLD!!!

💜 At some point in the relationship Bruce will approach you and go "Hey, our son Benni has a dance recital tomorrow, did you wanna come?" and the second you say yes is the second you offically become a permanent member of the family. You are joining their monthly family camping trips. You are helping Brandi make cupcakes for school soccer games. You and Bruce are sitting down with the kids for homework help

🧡 Hopefully you've got good memory cuz you're gonna need to memorize 13 different fast food orders whenever the kids drag you to Bergen King askdhalslk

💜 Speaking of the little shits

🧡 You thought you were spending a lot of time with them BEFORE you were smoochin their parents?? Well congrats because the second you start becoming a permanent member at the dinner table, expect to have all 13 of them constantly hanging off you

💜 Maybe one of them needs your help practicing a new move they've learned from their martial arts class, maybe another wants someone to listen as they info dump about their latest hyperfixation, or maybe they just need help kickstarting their underground fireworks selling business

🧡 Cough cough (Bruce Jr) cough cough

ASJKJDHALJSKD THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN, I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH!! There were a for more headcanons i wanted to touch upon but the post was getting long lol. Definitely plan on doing more for them tho so no worries uwu

but i mean like if you guys got prompts/questions then go ahead, my asks are open 👀👉👈

#bruce jr. had like 10 seconds of screentime total #10 seconds is all i need to clock him as the family Shit-Stirer(tm)#(was gonna shorten his name to BJ but like...)#(i mean i'll slander him alright)#(but im not gonna do him THAT dirty)#trolls #trolls band together #bruce trolls #brandi trolls #Vacay Lovers #brozone #headcanon #brozone x reader #trolls x reader #x reader #spruce trolls

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cantheykillmacbeth · 9 months

Text

In Shakespeare's Macbeth, there is a prophecy made to the eponymous Macbeth that "no man of woman born can kill him." Ultimately, Macbeth ends up being killed by MacDuff, who sidesteps the prophecy due to being a C-section baby.

With the wording of this prophecy, it can be said that quite a few fictional characters could, theoretically, kill Macbeth if they wanted to. Several factors could make you exempt from this prophecy: being any gender other than a man; not being conventionally "born"; and birthing parent is not a woman. Here are the three main criteria that will be analyzed for a character:

Gender Clause: A character applies for this Clause when they do not identify with the term "man" in reference to themselves. Inversely, the are disqualified from this Clause if they do identify with the term "man." Since characters' gender identities are rarely looked this far into, it will be assumed that if a character uses strictly he/him pronouns, then he will be disqualified for this Clause by default.

Unconventional Birth Clause: A character applies for this Clause if their inception was done in some way other than a conventional live birth. This could mean they were extracted via c-section, delivered posthumously, hatched from an egg, manually constructed, etc.

Birth Parent Clause: A character applies for this Clause when the person attributed to their creation does not identify with the term "woman." This functions similarly to the way that we handle the Gender Clause.

Unique Exception: This is used for any character with some other loophole, such as being able to canonically change the path of fate.

FAQ under the cut, PLEASE READ BEFORE SUBMITTING:

Why isn't there a Species Clause?: A character's species is not taken into account for the "man" portion of the prophecy, as a character of a different species can still identify as a man. Why isn't there an Age Clause?: Unless the character specifically says that they are not a "man," but a "boy," (See: Peter Pan) then a young male character will still be disqualified for the Gender Clause. How would a genderfluid/trans character be counted?: Whether or not a character applies for the Gender Clause is determined by how they personally identify at that specific time. A genderfluid character could kill Macbeth one day, but not the next; a trans woman could kill Macbeth, but a trans man could not. Who runs this blog?: It's just me, one person. I haven't disclosed my main account yet, but another gimmick blog I run is @periodiccompletionist. Could the owner of this blog kill Macbeth?: Yes, I apply for the Gender Clause due to being a demiboy(? it's complicated) who does not identify with the term man. How do I know if a character has been done already?: I tag all submissions with the character's name and associated fandom. A spreadsheet is in the works as well, but that's not yet public. Could [character] kill Macbeth?: This is what the ask box is for! Feel free to submit whoever you want when it's open. Is the ask box open?: Check my bio for ask box status updates. :) I sometimes close it to work through backlog, and have anon turned off to cut down on the amount of asks coming in. Can I submit real people?: Yes, but I will most likely not give an answer in my post; these sorts of details are often highly personal, so I will not be doing research on them for this without their consent. If they're on Tumblr, they can respond to the post itself and give the definitive answer if they so choose. What should I do if I have a correction/rebuttal to a post?: Please do this in a reblog instead of an ask/DM/reply; it makes things much easier for me. My submission didn't get answered. Should I submit it again?: I would strongly advise against it. It's most likely that I didn't answer it for one of the following reasons: I haven't gotten to it yet through the backlog; it's a real person not on Tumblr; the character/media was too difficult to research (I'm not going to be reading/watching through the actual source material, sorry); the character/media makes me personally uncomfortable; or someone has already submitted your character. If you're REALLY curious about what happened to your ask, you can send me a DM and I will give you the reason why or tell you if I didn't receive it. Are you dead?: No, I just have ADHD. Errm, actually, wasn't the prophecy just a trick to fuel Macbeth's hubris?: Great job, you just defeated the entire point of this blog! What the hell do expect me to do with that information? Delete my account?? Ruiner of the spirit. Jarvis, piss this guy's pants. How do you pronounce axolotl?: a-SHOW-loat.

What media properties should I avoid submitting?: Dialtown (makes me uncomfortable), Homestuck (personal reasons), Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss (or anything vivziepop-related), Harry Potter (JK Rowling is a bitch and I'm the only god here), Hi-Fi Rush (want to play; avoiding spoilers), Slay the Princess (want to play; avoiding spoilers), FNAF (you actually can submit this one but be aware that you will not view me the same afterwards also all my homies hate Scott Cawthon)

#pinned post #faq

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