Okay, so, full disclosure I have only seen Top Gun 2 (I know it’s not called Top Gun 2; I apologize) BUT I wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE the different ways Tom Cruise’s characters approach Things That Can Fly.
Like, in Top Gun, Maverick (?) is, obviously, a Maverick, and very skilled at what he does, the hallmark of a genius is when they can teach it, etc. etc. Like the man sees the thing go up and just vi br a t es with the thought of Go Up!!!! I love that for him, but he also knows exactly what every button is and why he can do certain things that he does. Pretty sure you have to have some sort of masters or PhD in Air Flying Vehicles or something equally smart.
Now, with this knowledge, watching Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible is so funny. This man has a PhD in hanging off airplanes. He stepped foot (metaphorically) into a helicopter and was only able to figure anything out because it was labeled. The entire time!! he was flying!! it was screaming at him!! and he decided to keep going through pure willpower!! It was ON FIRE!!!
Like, circumstances aside, Maverick is a Certified Pilot (tm) while Ethan Hunt is a Certified Mess (tm).
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Fun fact! You know that room that Romeo was keeping Kaito in? The one with the big cages?
The file name for these backgrounds calls them the "auctionhall"
And given those cages are big enough to fit a human, either Sinostra occasionally sells anomalies in what is definitely not a Darkwick approved business, or there's some human trafficking going on in Sinostra. Which I find hilarious. Who do you think's buying other students? My money's on the Frostheim and maybe Mortkranken students. Frostheim can afford it and Mortkranken need bodies volunteers for Yuri's experiments.
Also that means "sold to [character]" is a valid scenario for a fanfic if you're into ~the classics~ kekw
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Tentative Heartless Playlist baybeeeeee
These are just songs that I am pegging to them. It can be either vibes or lyrics (most of the time its lyrics). I'll probably post a better one one day. Enjoy the implications folks! (by folks I am looking at kitkatriel and tallyhoot EDIT AND tadsstrange).
Heart songs:
Evl Ppl - Chonny Jash cover (yes I failed to avoid CJ rip)
Scum (it eats you alive) - Lovejoy
Home - Cavetown
If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking - Honkai Star Rail OST (not officially released or smth?)
Goodbye to a World - Porter Robinson
Shinkai Shojo (Deep Sea Girl) - Yuuyu BUT SPECIFICALLY this cover here by Lizz Robinett for the english lyrics I want (the vibes are also impeccably sad)
Perseverance songs:
MKDR (DSCF) - DECO*27
Throwdown - Milgram: Shidou trial 1
花に風, Wind Over the Flower - balloon (?)
Penitence songs:
Cosmic Rendezvous - DECO*27
Consequences - Lovejoy
quiet room - Yoh Kamiyama
Perseverance and Penitence songs (duo):
Weight of the World - Nier:Automata OST BUT SPECIFICALLY this cover here by Amalee and Peter Hollins for the VIBES
Hated by Life itself - Iori Kanzaki (please please listen to the relay chorus tho)
Regression - Honkai Impact 3rd OST performed by Ayanga
Song that I have no idea if it should go to Heart or to Penitence:
我問天 (I ask Heaven) - Theme song for a Taiwanese Love drama? apparently? I only know it for the memes (I wish i could give yall an english translation for this hokkien song but I only found this one here and its still pretty inaccurate)
Also head in hands I couldnt quite fit it but go listen to JJ Lin's 修炼爱情 (Practice Love) I swear to god that it fits the story of Heartless entirely or something. I'm just. Not Entirely Convinced Yet. But I swear the vibes are too strong for it not to. This is me shoving old chinese songs at my audience go listen to chinese songs.
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Conditioned whumpees who respond realistically to being on the outside
Whumpees who display appeasement or avoidance or incessantly apologizing or fleeing when they think someone might be upset with them
Whumpees who are afraid of the punishment they've become accustomed to
Whumpees who recreate lesser punishments to reassure themselves that they will not get the worst option
Whumpees who yell and berate themselves loudly when they make a mistake because in their mind, as long as there is yelling, the consequences end there
Whumpees who inflict small violences on themselves, hitting and pulling so that their caretaker won't have to
Whumpees who hide all the knives/potential instruments of torture if they suspect someone will be angry when they come home
Whumpees who take the initiative to try to influence or control how people respond to them and what they do
Whumpees who push boundaries, who test the waters by doing things that the whumper would have punished them for
Whumpees who keep pushing, for whom life becomes about doing the most terrifying thing they can think of just to see if no one will hurt them for it
Whumpees who do this to the point of self-detriment because their concept of what constitutes dangerous behavior is completely fucked
Whumpees who are people thrust into a world with rules they no longer know with people whom they can no longer read
Whumpees whose stories are about them and their journey into that world, not about their caretaker's shock and horror at their condition
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
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