Gov, after New York said something completely out of pocket: I sometimes wonder what goes on in your head. It keeps me up at night.
New York: I don’t like that you think about that.
(pause)
New York, again: I don’t like that you think about me.
—
(1950’s)
Massachusetts: No, York, you can’t do that, fucking dumbass
New York, really quickly: onlyredbloodedcommunistssaywhat
Massachusetts, puzzled: what?
New York: HE’S A COMMUNIST!! HIM!
—
Random Person: I can show you a magic trick!
Massachusetts: Really? Show me.
Random Person: Is this your card?
Massachusetts, horrified and frantically pointing at the person: WITCH!! WITCH!
—
Young New Jersey: Well, York’s got a bad case of “stupid disease” that unfortunately gets worse as the days go on.
Pennsylvania, almost losing it: What?
Young New York: Stop telling everyone I’m stupid! I am not stupid-
Young New York: OHMYGODAKITTY!!
Young New Jersey, overdramatic : What did I say? It’s so hard to see such a young child suffer.
—
Gov: Tell me truthfully, how old do I look?
California, a people pleaser: You look not a day older than 24!
Texas, an honest soul: Around 32-ish?
Florida, the one who’s whole purpose is to flex his age: You look like you’re 10 to me.
Louisiana, who is too drunk to say anything relatively normal: Uh.. 53! Yeah!
New York, too tired to care: You look fine. Can we get back to the meeting now?
—
New York, boasting about his height: You wouldn’t believe what it’s like to live with these short fuckers.
New York: I mean just look at them!
New York: It’s like im Snow White with the.. *counting* 9, sometimes 10, little dwarves. And they’re all the grumpy one!
New York, arguing: You about the same size of one of “Santa’s Little Helper” yet you don’t even help the fatass!
New York, still: You fucking elves. Go make toys or something.
—
credits: me!!
I’ve been thinking abt these for a while
sorry they’re very NY-centric 😿
oh yeah I’m alive btw
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Utah: In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost-
New Mex: Head, shoulders, knees, and toes-
Arizona: Turn up your nose and strike that pose-
Colorado: HEYYYYY MACARENA!!!
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Texas: *looking around his room with a closed and locked door to see if anyones around*
Texas: *puts on his glittery red cowboy hat and matching sunglasses*
Texas: Oh me, Oh my.
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louisiana: You know, people treat me like a god.
Gov: How?
louisiana: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
California: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.
California: No thanks.
California: I'm god.
New York: You’re such a dumbass (affectionate).
louisiana: Aww, you’re such a whore (complimentary).
California: How are you talking like that in real life?
louisiana: Witchcraft (derogatory).
Florida: I’m quick at math.
Texas: Ok, what’s 38 times 76?
Florida: 24.
Texas: That wasn’t even close.
Florida: But it was quick.
New York: Texas, fuck off.
New York: And by "fuck off" I mean "fuck off right back here and listen", you insufferable prick.
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Alaska being woken up by a ruckus and light in the kitchen, open garage door, a views upon a very clearly just woken up California, who is just murmuring to themself.
Alaska: Hay, ca-
Cal in a low, murmuring voice: The bear was late for his plane in the bearport.
Alaska: Wha-
Cal standing up now and looking at Alaska: In my dream, the bear was late for the bearport. What could that possibly mean?
Alaska walking back to his garage: I think I’m gonna go back to sleep.

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