#writers. me. an absolute fool: oh they really do just make it up as they go along and not plan things out. its always been like this...

[a-shoebox-named-meap]

aight. have some nimona canon divergence AU fic ideas because i’m no writer but i AM going insane

as a huge fan of canon divergence AUs where One Small Decision Changes Everything™ i can’t stop thinking about little bits and pieces from the nimona movie like:

what if the squire had shown ambrosius the video (ohh a fic like this would be Delicious) (mm ambrosius x squire tag team) (ballister’s two biggest fans) (this might be one of my favorite ideas so far) (lots of potential here i feel like)

now there have been a lot of people asking “let’s feel some ANGST what if real ambrosius had walked into the director’s office before nimona” but i will take that and raise you: what if ambrosius had walked in while nimona was doing her thing in the director’s office. perhaps around the time when the director stabbed fake!ambrosius. please consider. may the chaos ensue

ballister had noticed his sword-laser-cannon powering up and moved it away from the queen but it hit something else! or someOne else! (or it killed the queen anyway but still hit somebody else in the process) (oh gods what if it took off his own arm) (or even ambrosius’s—) (can you imagine the kinda twist that would occur if he took off ambrosius’s arm by accident and ballister not resting until he found out who the real culprit is skdjdjdjdjddj) (oh but wait let me make this WORSE what if he hit ambrosius instead of the queen ((don’t worry ambrosius is wearing armor, he doesn’t die he’s just,,, gravely injured?)) and ballister, even if he still gets framed for it, will stop at nothing to find out who did this to ambrosius) (now incorporate nimona into that storyline and hoohoohoo) (i’m rubbing my hands together like a maniacal fruit fly right now)

what if they had uploaded the squire’s video when they got it huh. what then. back it up to the cloud. or just TEXT it to ambrosius you Fool. you absolute Buffoon. (but perhaps this seemingly obvious course of action results in some unexpectedly dire consequences oh no—)

“ooh… nemesis.” “nemesis?” at which point nimona and ballister get stuck in the closet, nimona reveals her shapeshifting abilities, and oh, screw it, if ballister’s situation with his arm-chopping nemesis is really so cOmPLiCAteD then maybe since they’re breaking out of jail anyway they might as well kidnap ambrosius while they’re at it. aka the au where nimona breaks ballister out of jail and she takes ambrosius with them. (i am FEASTING on the possibilities of this one)

let’s take todd’s suspicion and blame directed towards ambrosius (“why didn’t you tell us ballister was working with whales?”) and dial that up to 100. slowly, though, not too fast, it’s gotta build momentum. let’s breed some mistrust in ambrosius. let’s see people refusing to let ambrosius lead the manhunt for ballister on account of their close relationship. let’s see people turn their backs on him thinking he was a conspirator. let’s see ambrosius losing the public’s favor. let’s see ambrosius starting to feel some doubt when he’s alone in his room — let’s see ambrosius wondering what if people are actually as wrong about ballister as he knows they are about ambrosius himself. (what if everybody hates ambrosius too—)

this one is not nearly as straightforward a canon divergence but ponder this: the director noticed the squire was there in the locker room (?) that day and swapped out the swords after the squire had left. or maybe she swapped it out before the squire was ever there. the squire never knew the director had been there. there was no video evidence. now what? up to you >:)

ok hear me out. the squire is a #1 ballister fan right. the squire is probably very careful with the swords and armor he handles. the squire is probably intimately familiar with the swords and other various weaponry and armaments of the institution. the squire is probably very familiar with ballister’s in particular. when ballister first picked up his swapped-out sword he noticed something was off about it, but what if — WHAT IF — the squire had noticed something was off about it first. now of course there’s Possibility #1 where he sees the director swap the sword, and then he checks out the sword and feels that something is wrong with it etc etc (or maybe he mistakes the sword change for an equipment upgrade) BUT now let’s combine this with the previous bullet point for Possibility #2 where the squire DIDN’T see the director swap the sword but he DID notice something was off about the sword before ballister did and actually investigated it. would he discover the hidden weapon, or not? if he did would he bring it to ballister’s attention? ambrosius’s? the director’s? what if he caught the hidden weapon but didn’t mention it and then the queen died and the squire was left fully believing ballister killed the queen (ballister knows mechanics, you’ve seen his arm, it’s plausible he built the weapon into his sword himself) and then ballister and nimona kidnapped him and interrogated him and ballister and the squire were left spiderman meme-ing each other like *points* “i thought YOU were behind all this!” and now the squire is an unwilling sidekick dragged into this by nimona and ballister to figure out who the real culprit is and there’s ACTION and ADVENTURE and COMEDY and it’s absolutely metal—

the squire really feels like a lynchpin in this story is all i’m sayin

if you can’t tell i’m also a fan of happy endings. in my brain most of these canon divergences result in a similar happy ending as the movie. except maybe faster (not always). which i enjoy because i’m sappy and silly anyway thank you and goodnight

#nimona #nimona fanfic #nimona fic #nimona netflix #nimona au #ballister boldheart #ballister blackheart #ambrosius goldenloin #nimona spoilers #nimona squire #nimona director #i don’t write fic but for the fic writers out there (i appreciate you all dearly) pls accept my humble offerings #i’m sure i’ll have more ideas later #my head is spinning #meap posts #nimona stuff

[dailyadventureprompts]

What’s fasinating about the d&d movie is that it is all the fun of d&d removed from the rigid restraints of the the clunky game system: Thrills and laughs and hairbrained schemes minus the minutia of needless rolls or waiting for your turn in initiative to circle around. Part of this is idealization, but as someone who’s obsessed with making my favorite game system the most fun possible I can’t help but draw some comparisons.

Combat: Holga’s fight scenes were a highlight of the film for me, displaying a huge amount of kinetic creativity as she pinballed between different combatants swapping out weapons, bouncing off the surrounding terrain . This is a far, far cry from how being a fighter plays out at the table, as most martial characters are focused into doing just one type of attack as good as they can because it’s their only reliable contribution to combat. Try to model Holga’s fights in game and you’d be caught in a boring slog of dealing 1d4+STR damage to a bunch of guards whittling away at their hitpoint pools, a far cry from the lighting quick flury of smashing, bashing, and flips that make her the film’s action setpiece.  

What d&d needs is a system for combat that exists alongside the traditional damage/HP paradigm: an additional layer of complexity for martial characters that encourages tactical thinking and lets those who do their damage up close feel just as cool and as clutch as casters. My mind’s already whirling thinking up something that revolves around stuns, suckerpunches, and positioning, so expect it later this week. 

Powercreep: This might be subjective but I find it fascinating that the official stats put out for the party has them hovering around level 16, a point in character progression  a)that  most characters never get to b) by which the game’s difficulty systems have begun to break down. I suspect this was done in order to keep their on-screen abilities in line with how they are in the base rules, but I can’t help but feel like its odd for the “idedalized” dnd experiance to be playing around with toys that most groups will never get their hands on. 

In my experience d&d is on a sliding scale of stakes V Shenanigans, with the exact ballance evolving over the course of a campaign:  Your group starts out as a bunch of dumbfucks and at some point while you’re making  making absolute fools out of yourselves you become a found family just in time for the consequences of your actions to circle back around and threaten the realm. First the characters start caring about eachother, then they care about the world, then they have to save that world. Level 16 is, for me, distinctly in “save the world” territory, despite the fact that the HaT crew are clearly still figuring out who they are and what they care about.  It makes me wish D&D was more free with its shenanigan enabling magic/items/class features at lower levels to help fuel these kinds of antics.  

Attunement: Perhaps the best “ oh I’m totally going to steal this” moment came from Simon’s attempt to attune to the helm of disjunction. Turning what was otherwise a rote game mechanic into an oppertunity for character growth was genius on behalf of the writers, though one I’d only really employ with items that were as necessary for my plots as the helm was for the heist. Just like Simon’s major flaw was self doubt, I could easily see delicious storytelling potential in throwing up other emotional hurdles depending on the situation: A hero’s sword refusing to attune to the haunted survivor until they’ve come to terms with what they’ve done, an otherwise altruistic character being forced to admit their sin and self interest by an evil-aligned artifact. 

Over all, I really enjoyed the movie, though paradoxically It didn’t hook me as much because for me one of the biggest charms of fantasy is the feeling of discoverying a new world, and I’ve been living the d&d world for the past 20 years so it didn’t come of as wild and magical as it could have been, having hewn so close to established d&d material. 

#dapper digresses #dnd meta #d&d hat #honor among thieves

[bonefall]

I’m not sure if you talked about it, but what do you think about A Thief in Thunderclan? I actually liked it, though it definitely had a few ehhh moments

Eh, honestly? Im kinda disappointed that James Barry had to go out on such a low note. I did not like it, it felt like a waste of time.

It wasn't like... offensively bad but I have very little good to say about it. It was fine. If you want to see more ThunderClan you can check it out?

(A lot of Thief in ThunderClan critique below the cut, I didn't like it much)

First of all, the mystery was just bad. I'm sorry. An owl? Swooping in at night for dead animals and leaving perfect scores in the dirt? It felt like a real "running out of ideas" type plot.

Brightheart was NOT fun to follow. She was uncomfortable for most of the story and secondhand embarassment is an emotion I really don't enjoy. Even moments that were supposed to be thought-provoking (like the Brambleclaw name confrontation) just felt like cringe because they were written so poorly.

Like, seriously? "Firestar why did you name Bramble after his father who disfigured me?" "Oh its because i uhhhh wanted to remind ppl of it so they would stop being reminded of it eventually" WHAT? That was a brainless enough choice when it was FIRST made, you can't fucking tell me any cat with a brain cell would go "wao... really makes you think... hngsociety"

I disliked the fact they decided to give Brightheart serious suspicion towards people like Longtail and Brambleclaw, I strongly disagree she would be like that. She feels so much to me like someone who would feel awful for doubting people she logically knows are innocent, and express to Cloudtail that it makes her feel like a bad person, but she CANT help it. She is such a kind, loving, and self doubting sort of cat... or, was, I guess? Or maybe it was never there at all and I'm the fool.

On that note? Her character arc was a mess. As much as I hate Shadow in RiverClan, I can say that Feathertail's arc was a competent *story*. Brightheart is having nightmares, suspects Bramble and Long of treason, is trying to figure out this mystery, trying to help train Rainpaw, the fact she resents not being his mentor is mentioned and dropped, she is pregnant... so much shit is going on and it feels absolutely unfocused.

And even worse, because it's overlapping with the beginning of Firestar's Quest, we end up having to Show Off The Continuity instead of telling a cohesive story. Oop Willowpelt died and Rainpaw is kind of sad about it! But wait we have to say bye to Firestar, make sure to squeeze in the Brambleclaw name confrontation before he goes! GO BACK Longtail has been blinded!! ALSO THE OWL! HERES WHY THE OWL WASNT MENTIONED IN FQ!!

And DUDE if there's anything that's a SERIOUS problem, it's Brightheart's stupid ass cutesy "look who's being USEFUL in here!" When blinded Longtail is helping out in the medcat den

First of all fuck you for the wording of that line! Second of all, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD that disabled people shouldn't have to find a way to be "useful" to belong to their society.

The fact we're getting a book from Bright's perspective as a disabled person and the whole thing is chock full of "useful" language as she struggles with PTSD makes the fact this is COMMON in WC sting so much more.

Anyway back to just, normal critique and not frustration with ableism in wc.

I feel like they really wasted Brightheart's family. I enjoyed finally getting Cinder and Bright hanging out as sisters, but we got a MENTION of Frostfur, and barely anything with her brothers. It's already a mess so why not go the whole way?

Ashfur also has his post-TBC personality retcon which absolutely kills me. Why do we need this shitty "foreshadowing"? Why do we need him to have been so obviously controlling and argumentative? Why are these writers fucking allergic to having a villain that people thought was nice and normal once?

NITPICK: if i have to see another cat gently picked up by a large bird of prey without at LEAST getting a cracked rib I will shapeshift into 10,000 crows and fly away forever

I have some good feelings towards it though, and I have to be clear, this is actually Ambivalent Bones. I'm only mad at the "Usefulness" rhetoric, the rest is just my normal amount of whinging lmao.

I do really like Cinderpelt and Brightheart finally getting some interactions. It's long overdo lmao

I like Cloudtail and Brightheart as a ship so it's nice to see them hang out.

Uhhh this is a bit of a backhanded compliment but I liked how she was upset at not getting one of Whitestorm's children to mentor? I don't like how it bodes for the wider narrative though, because we know this ends in her getting shafted FOR YEARS and unable to get an apprentice. But I liked the plot setup of her having resentment for Cloudtail because of this. I thought that would make a really good plot point for putting a wedge between them to work through. Like, stop being cowards, LEAN INTO Firestar making some very serious, insulting, short-sighted mistakes, and it interfering with Brightheart's ability to heal. Kill your darling.

There were some nice lines. I do remember Ashfur's lame "greedyclaw" insult, which was funny.

I enjoyed the cute moments between the cats in ThunderClan. Ferncloud chasing after her kids, Brightheart convincing people to help her investigate, the Willowkin being upset about their mom. It's a mess but there's some nice stuff in that mess, y'know?

Overall, my memory hasn't been kind to it. I think I was giving it a 6/10 when I first saw it, but it's dropped down to a low 5/10. Not (very) offensive but too messy and pointless to revisit.

#bone babble #Also funfact in bb im turning cinders weird purple snail into a special leech #Little gave it to her because there is literally no stronger display of autistic affection than gifting your best friend a favored creature

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Bad Faith, Fandom, and Respect

All right. You know what? Screw it. I saw one post I just cannot ignore anymore that encapsulated all of my problems with the fandom right now. Personal rant incoming.

I understand that there's a nuance to the discussion of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death, and that there are people going a little too far with both their critiques and their support of the show. But oh my God, I'm tired of being straw-manned and made fun of for legitimate critiques of the show.

I just used the block button on someone in this fandom for the first time. Some of you might think I'm overreacting for this, but I saw a post that I could not on any level stand. This person, who I will not name names of, because I'd rather just block them and never deal with their level of bad faith again, took their one legitimate criticism of those of us who critique the show, the back and forth on whether or not Izzy's death was homophobic or not, and used it as the first in a literal list of straw man critiques that no one I've read in the OFMD Critical tag has made (and I check it like once a day bc I like reading meta, sorry), proceeding to absolutely make fun of the legitimate critiques that people have of the show, parodying them in the worst possible ways. They took our legitimate critiques about everything from the sexist handling Zheng Yi Sao's character, the absolute ableism of the finale, the questionable optics of the handling of trauma, etc. and stretched them into things that they very much were not (two examples were that we were crying ableism bc of something to do with seagulls and that we thought the problem in the Stede&Zheng dynamic was the "emotional labor" involved).

Now I'm pretty sure this post was a joke. I *think* it was a joke. But how in the world am I supposed to feel comfortable in the main section of a fandom like this when the comments and replies to this post were full of people agreeing sincerely that this is what the critical section of the fandom is like? How am I supposed to feel when I just see people making fun of me for my analysis of the show? I love this show. I adore season 1 and I'm clearly still making fan related content (moodboards) for season 2 along with my critiques.

Sure, I vibe way more with fanfiction than the actual canon at this point, but I still genuinely engage with the show. And to have the critiques that I made in good faith, regarding issues that I sincerely care about such as ableism, sexism, homophobia, and the handling of trauma, made fun of and taken out of context and straw-manned to their extreme, makes me feel so absolutely unwelcome in this fandom.

Other than keeping up with the couple of fan series that I'm currently still reading, I don't know if I can stay in this fandom any longer. I can't say that I'm excited for the new season if this is the kind of response that any good faith critique of the show is going to get. I can't say that I feel safe or comfortable when there are this many people ready to dog pile on me for a critique I made with ACTUAL TEXTUAL EVIDENCE to back it up.

I would like to thank all the people who have been making excellent critiques of the show. Their meta-analysis is what got me into making my own critiques, which I was nervous about making in any other fandom. I don't think I've in any way tagged them all, but just a few I can remember off the top of my head. Go read their critiques/meta- it's really good!

@sky-fire-forever @carrymelikeimcute @blue-b-bro @bougiebutchbinch @treesofgreen @sixstepsaway @alex51324

And from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has engaged with my mood boards or my critiques or anything else that I've made, as well as the amazing writers and artists in this fandom (such as @ruecrown, @aletterinthenameofsanity, @fool-for-luv, and @possumsmushroom). You guys have kept me going with my love for the show and engaging with it for a while now. Despite the stuff that is making me take a step back now, I really did love this while it lasted! I'm still planning on making a few more mood boards, but other than that, I'm going to take a step back from engaging.

Hope this post can spread enough support/joy your way to counteract the ache I'm currently feeling!

Sincerely,

Ashley (aka @khruschevshoe)

#ofmd critical #fandom critical #ofmd #ofmd season 2 #this show was supposed to be a source of joy and kindness and it become something sour #izzy hands #zheng yi sao #stede bonnet critical #ed teach critical #I'm not tagging them bc I don’t want hate #fandom shenanigans #meta #analysis

[complexcritterscave]

HI I’M SORRY FOR THE SPIVE ANGST SORRY CHAT PLEASE LOVE ME I’M SORRY PLEASE LOOK I’M DOING FLUFF TO MAKE YOU HAPPY PLEASE DON’T PLACE MY HEAD ON STICK PWETTY PWEASEEEEE I’M JUST A BABY A BABY WRITER DON’T HURT MWEEEEEEE

Fanfic based off THIS LOVELY PERSON’S ART PLEASE SHOW THEM SOME LOVE NOWWWWW 💛🖤💛🖤💛🖤💛🖤💛🖤

Anyway fanfic starts now :3

Mornings…

Who would want to leave the soft and warm comfort of their bed? The embrace of one’s sheets wrapped around them as if they were but a small infant once more.

There was not a single person in the world who actually enjoyed getting up.

Absolutely no one..

Not a single person…

Nope!

Okay that might have been just a teeny tiny lie…

Well… Not really a lie? How am I supposed to know, I’m just a narrator get off my back!

Moving on…

There really was one person who enjoyed mornings. For her, that meant she had lived to see another day. That she had evaded capture once more. No one could catch a genius, a reborn, intuitive Einstein as she would say. That’s right! Bive was the smartest cookie there was!

Mornings were a sign of hope, that she still had a chance to spread the truth! A chance to save everyone. Of course some were too far gone to be saved and would have to suffer the consequences for when the clowns came and snow soldiers took over but they picked their poison. They made their bed. They dug their graves. Now they had to lay in them when the time came.

Besides! Even if she couldn’t save everyone, she could save some of them! She could use her cleverness to think of plans to save those who listened. Her brains to find solutions to their biggest problems. She could accomplish anything as long as she was wide awake, as long as the gears in her head were constantly turning!

…

So why weren’t they spinning now?

She stared at her corkboard, her expression dull as she leaned against the brick wall of the maze. She felt horrible. Her head was killing her and her special brew wasn’t helping her in the slightest. If anything it made it worse! She felt top heavy and ill, her arms and legs acted as if they were a fruity gelatine. Maybe even a sweet lime flavour gelatine…

If that didn’t sound awful already. She was groggy and irritated. Her cat-like reflexes were more like a snail’s and her vision would occasionally blur.

What in the name of Clown Militia was going on with her?!

She let out an annoyed groan as she used the wall to keep herself upright before eventually succumbing and falling over. It was as if her own body were betraying her!

Useless vessel. Didn’t know she was the reason it was even alive! Talk about ungrateful…

There had to be someone she could trust to assist her. DrRETRO? No. That furball thought she was insane. Poob? No. They’d make it worse with their constant partying. Mark? He’d try and fix her with some sort of wood trick. Wallter? He trusts the flowers… Absolutely not…

Wait… God it was worse than she thought. She couldn’t even CONTACT any of them! None of them had her signal! Oh the fool she was! A complete and total fool!

Who had her radio signal..? Her memory was a bit fogged at the moment but she knew she gave it to someone..

Aha! Split! At least she thinks so? She couldn’t remember very well. She reached for her radio, twisting and turning the knobs as she attempted to reach the fruit-taur, letting out a cry of pain from the feedback and hissing through her teeth.

She let out a quiet sigh, trying to ignore the splitting pain that shot through her head, with every knob turn a new static frequency filling the air. Her voice croaking as she spoke into the radio.

"Split?"

"Split are you there?!"

The fruit-taur was sleeping peacefully in her own bed, a small banana-themed night light shining on her nightstand beside her alarm clock. It was still frankly early, only about 4am.

All was quiet…

"SPLIT!"

… Until it wasn’t…

Split immediately shot up, breathing heavily as she was suddenly awoken from her restful slumber. Her heart racing as she glanced around frantically.

"WHO’S THERE?! SHOW YOURSELF! I KNOW KUNG FU! I’VE SEEN ENOUGH MOVIES TO KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!"

Despite being unable to see, she immediately went on the defensive, tensing up as she tried to look as threatening as possible.

"Split…? Split are you there? Split..? Split!"

She turned towards her nightstand, the adrenaline dying down as it slowly became replaced with tired realization. She grabbed her glasses, putting them on before reaching for the radio.

"SPLIT?! Oh no. DID THE CLOWNS GET YOU?! OH GOD THIS IS AWFUL THEY KIDNAPPED HER?! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! If they got her… THEN THEY’RE ATTACKING NOW! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! THAT MEANS THEY’RE COMING FOR ME NEXT! I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THEY CATCH ME AND-"

"Bivey, you’re spiralling again…"

Bive’s side of the radio went quiet, as if she were processing the moment before answering.

"SPLIT YOU’RE OKAY- AcK- Ow ow radio feedback ow."

Split couldn’t help but smile, finding her worry endearing before speaking up.

"Yes, I’m fine. What’s going on with you? It’s uh…"

She glanced at the clock.

"Four in the morning. I don’t even think the early bird gets up this early!"

"IT’S AN EMERGENCY! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!"

"What-?"

Well that was concerning news.

"What do you mean something is wrong with you?"

"MY BODY IS ACTING WEIRD. I THINK I MAY HAVE BEEN POISONED! SOMEONE POISONED ME!"

She listened as the detective rambled on and on, blinking as she tried to slowly put everything together.

"Poisoned-? Bive what-? No one poisoned you. You probably just have a cold."

"THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE! I CAN’T GET SICK! I-"

"Okay okay fine! You’re not sick! Just calm down."

"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN I’VE BEEN POISONED?!"

"Oh my… Bive? Just… Stay calm for now? I’ll be over soon."

Guess she wasn’t sleeping in like she originally planned. She sighed as Bive rambled some incoherent words before the radio went dead, having no clue what she said before she got up. She was just in a comfortable T-shirt, that’s decent enough to go out.

It’s not like anyone would see her, it was too early for someone to be out and about on the elevator… Apart from her of course…

Bive was leaning against the wall, her head still throbbing and body still weak. She felt awful. There was no way she WASN’T poisoned. How was this even possible?! Even if they DID make it through the maze, how did they catch her off guard?! She was awake the whole time!

This was worse than she thought. Her enemies were getting smarter. They had found her location, slipped through the maze, and caught her off guard while she was on guard! Oh this was horrible. Truly terrible! How could she save anyone in her weakened state?!

The next hours were spent in agony. Well at least it felt like hours, it had really been only thirty minutes as she sat there patiently. Waiting for the Split’s arrival.

Speaking of Split, she was already stepping off the elevator, standing outside of the maze as she yawned. The sun hadn’t even risen yet, it wasn’t even dawn. She entered the maze, knowing her way decently enough to where she couldn’t get lost and only worrying about Scary Mike and an overly excited Fleshy, more so Mike, as she navigated herself through it.

Turning one of corners, she noticed the soft glow of a yellow light. Bingo. She quickened her pace down the hall, the strong scent of coffee wafting over her as the glow became stronger. Soon enough, she was met with the living quarters of the paranoid detective.

It was just as unorganized as she remembered, red string and empty styrofoam cups littered the floor. At least she listened to her the last time Split was over and picked up the thumbtacks, those were just accidents waiting to happen. Her floppy ears lifted as she heard a quiet and pained groan, looking down to see that Bive was on the floor, against the wall, with her head in her hands.

"Bive?"

She let out a startled yelp, trying to jump back only to met with a brick wall as she hissed through gritted teeth. That didn’t help with her headache and weak body at all… She looked up at the fruit-taur, a wave of relief and realization washing over her.

"SPLIT-! HI! HELLO…"

"Are you okay?"

"No! I’ve been POISONED! I’m going to DIE!"

"You’re not going to die."

"YES I AM!"

"Why do you think that?"

"BECAUSE THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!"

She winced in pain as she felt another debilitating stroke of pain shoot through her head, gritting her teeth and using the wall to stand as she leaned against it. Seeing her state, Split grew concerned. Her being poisoned was a stretch but there was very well a chance she may have done or eaten something that could cause her this much harm.

"Can you tell me exactly what you’re feeling right now..?"

"Er-! A stupid headache… I feel a bit nauseous… lightweight… Annoyed with everything.."

"Have you eaten?"

"Yes…"

"Have you had some water?"

"..Yes…"

"Have you slept..?"

"…"

"Have. You. Slept?"

"Uh… No…"

"When’s the last time you have?"

"…"

"Bive… When was the last time you slept?"

"Hold on. I’m trying to remember…"

"You shouldn’t have to remember! It should’ve been recently!"

"BUT THAT LEAVES ME VULNERABLE TO THE CLOWNS AND SO-"

"You’re also vulnerable to them if you DON’T sleep!"

Touché…

"Oh please, I’m not even tired!"

"Doesn’t mean anything!"

"I think it means a lot!"

"Do you want to feel better or not?"

"I do."

"Then go to sleep!"

"But-!"

"No no! I don’t wanna hear it. No buts! If you’re that worried about being attacked by someone, I can just stay with you! Problem solved!"

Bive stared at Split for a moment. She’s never had her stay over. But seeing how much the fruit-taur wanted her to sleep, she knew she didn’t have much of a choice.

"Fine."

"Thank you…"

Split watched as the detective huffed and left to go get ready for bed, smiling as she grumbled underneath her breath. Even if she wasn’t happy with the idea, it was certainly necessary.

She continued to wait patiently before Bive reappeared, no longer in her classic coat and pants but in her own sleepwear.

"I don’t like this."

"Too bad. You need it."

"Do I though?"

"Go to bed."

Seeing as she wasn’t going to be able to wriggle herself away from this situation, she groaned before heading off back to her room, falling onto the bed and just laying there while waiting for fall asleep. She wasn’t very good at this thing…

Split stood outside the door, still feeling sluggish but forcing herself to stay awake. She had no idea what time it was since Bive owned no clocks; something about time being stopped and how every other clock was a fake, but it felt as if it were still early. She felt herself dozing off, but tried to fight against it. Right as she was about to drift off to sleep, she felt someone tap her shoulder.

"Split…? I can’t sleep."

She jerked awake, staring down at Bive before sighing.

"Are you okay?"

"I’m fine! Just tired.."

"Oh…"

"…"

"Do you wanna sleep in my bed?"

"What?"

"I MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE TO! I just thought.. Ya know!"

She stared tiredly down at the stammering and jittery detective, a small grin appearing on her face.

"I’ll take you up on that offer…"

Bive paused, looking at Split before forcing out a nervous laugh.

"AHAH! Uh OKAY!"

She led the fruit-taur into her room, watching as she dragged her paws towards the bed. She paused midway before looking towards Bive.

"Wait. Where are you gonna sleep?"

"Uhh… I just… won’t? Since I’m not tired..?"

She gave her a nervous smile, flashing her yellow tinted teeth at Split. Unfortunately for her, the other’s gaze hardened.

"Alright, I’ll just fix it this way."

Before she could get a reply out, she was dragged into the bed with her, the fruit-taur was holding her close as she sighed.

"This… This isn’t necessary you know?"

"Yes it is."

"But-"

"Bivey?"

"… Yes?"

"Goodnight."

"… Goodnight, Split.."

Bive fell quiet, listening quietly as Split’s breathing eventually slowed into quiet snores. She laid there a moment, before clinging onto the other, snuggling against her before sighing. A sudden wave of exhaustion washed over her as she began drifting off.

"Goodnight…"

RAHHHHHHH FANFIC FINISHED. Sorry if it isn’t as good as my angst fic, I hope you enjoyed it though!!!!!

Omw to work on the Cheshire Cat doomed yuri fanfic someone double dog dared me to write now bye sillies <3

#regretevator #regretevator bive #regretevator split #bive regretevator #bive #split #split regretevator #bive x split #split x bive #regretevator spive #spive regretevator #spive #she regret on my evator

[yandere-daze]

Waa congrats on 3k daze! i've been here since 1400 (or maybe even before that. I can't quite recall) and it's really heartwarming to see my favourite writer grow so much ♡ For the event, can i please ask for the tower, the hierophant & temperance from the tarot prompts for mika? :)

Whoa, it seems like you´ve been around for quite a long time then! A lot of time has passed since the 1.4k followers event so it´s kind of impressive to hear that someone has been reading my stuff for that long, thank you for sticking around!☺️ And your favorite writer? Omg you´re flattering me and it´s working😳

And of course I´m always happy to write for Mika <3 I guess you can consider this a late birthday gift? Since I haven´t actually written any of the other stuff I´ve been meaning to write about him yet silnfls

gn reader

tw yandere, obsession, delusion, violence, allusion to murder, possessiveness, stalking, taking pictures of the reader (mentioned), worshipping the reader, implied kidnapping as a throw-away line

The Tower - If this yandere saw their darling in danger, how would they respond/react? 

Okay so if you somehow got put into a dangerous situation, there´s no way Mika is going to be unaware of it because he´s always by your side, whether that´s him just tagging along no matter where you go and being generally clingy, or him stalking you from a safe distance away to “make sure you´re safe”.

And well, either way, he´s very glad that he made that decision to stay close to you ( and totally not for his own interests) because his beloved darling actually is in danger now, right in front of him!

Of course, Mika´s first reaction is one of shock and panic but that quickly turns into a blind rage after he has fully assessed the situation.

You´re right in front of him, calling out for help while someone else is endangering you.

And Mika just can´t have that. No one is allowed to touch his darling and he sees it as his duty to save and protect you.

So how does he deal with this tense and difficult situation? Violence.

Charges in screaming, probably yelling death threats and demanding for you be let go while he jumps at the attacker´s throat, fully intent on just killing them if you weren´t there to ground him a bit.

He doesn´t want you to see him as a violent person because that wouldn´t make for a good romantic partner so Mika hesitantly refrains from actually killing this person right in front of you and instead just beats them into a bloody pulp until he´s sure that they´re never ever going to try and put you in danger again.

Immediately afterward makes sure that you´re safe and checks up on any wounds you may have suffered while offering you words of comfort ( and candy from one of his pockets). Don´t worry, he´s going to take great care of you while you recover from that horrifying situation, he´s going to serve you in any way he can!

Of course only after searching out your attacker once more on his own and actually finishing the job now. They didn´t think they could get away with putting his darling in danger, did they?

The Hierophant - Could this yandere´s darling fool them easily? Or be manipulated by them? 

Oh, it´s almost too easy in fact! Mika is an obsessed and worshipping yandere that puts his darling onto the highest of pedestals, you´re basically a deity to him.

He´s absolutely hellbent on pleasing you in any way he can, so it´s very easy to get him to do things for you. Mika will bend over backward just to hear your praise.

On that note, yes, praising him will get you pretty far and it will keep him satisfied for quite some time before he starts demanding more attention and affection from you.

He sees himself absolutely beneath you and so anything you say goes. In his eyes, it´s all to show you what a good boyfriend he could be for you by doing things for you all the time.

There´s also the fact that Mika is a very delusional yandere so as long as what you say or do fits with his ideal fantasy of you being a loving couple destined to be with each other for all eternity, he´ll believe it.

He´ll believe almost anything you say with a smile on his face because you could never be wrong.

He also just sometimes.... outright ignores things that would go against the delusions he had built himself about your relationship. All the times you accidentally let a hateful comment toward him slip? Oh, he simply didn´t hear you correctly!

The only thing that might be your downfall is Mika´s rampant jealousy though. If he has even a hint of suspicion that you might like someone else more ( even if it´s completely unfounded), he´s going to be quite a bit warier when you try to manipulate him.

The same counts for when you´ve done it too many times or have, in his eyes, “betrayed his trust”. Like trying to escape from him by making him take off your shackles.

Temperance - What made this person yandere for their darling? 

Most of all, I feel the cause of Mika turning into a yandere is a combination of his childhood and his linked self-esteem issues.

As we know, Mika was given up by his birth parents into an orphanage and he had wondered for many years if they simply found him hideous. Always wondering about why they didn´t want him.

Mika is also very touch-starved and has said that he just craves love, it doesn´t matter how much it hurts him, how painful it is.

So when he meets you, someone that is so kind to him and willing to give him the attention and love he never really got? Well, he´s smitten and quickly starts to idolize you.

Mika is experiencing a feeling he has never felt for anyone else before and he soon grows obsessed with it, wanting to keep feeling all warm and fuzzy when you look his way or give him a compliment. Wanting to finally feel alive.

And while their relationship has grown and gotten a lot healthier in recent times, Shu´s past treatment of Mika also probably had an impact on him turning out this way.

He tries to accept that he´s no longer a doll, he´s a human with his own thoughts and feelings.

And yet. And yet he still wants to be controlled by you, he wants to have a purpose by serving you and making sure that you´ll always be happy ( with him at your side of course!)

Watching you every single day and taking photos of you when you aren´t looking just makes him even more enamored with you.

Mika is convinced you´re the most wonderful and divine person that has ever walked this earth, your beauty and benevolence second to none.

And he almost thinks he doesn´t deserve you.

But maybe just this once, he wants to be selfish too

#yandere enstars x reader #yandere ensemble stars #yandere mika kagehira x reader #mika kagehira x reader #ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #enstars mika #mika kagehira #ensemble stars #enstars #valkyrie #yandere ensemble stars x reader #yandere enstars #yandere mika #yandere mika kagehira #yandere #gn reader #cw yandere #cw obsession #cw stalking #cw delusion #cw murder #cw violence #yandere x reader #yandere tarot #male yandere

[iheartjohnlennon]

PLEASEE DO A NSFW ALPHABET OMG THE WAY YOU WRITE THE BEATLES IS MY FAV😭😭

The Beatles NSFW Alphabet - John

@heiterhund <<<<<<<<<<<< CO-WRITOR TO THIS, WOULD NOT HAVE DONE ANYTHING WITHOUT HER, BEST BEATLES WRITER (OTHER THAN ME) 😍🩷🎀

A is for Aftercare (How he treats you after sex, what happens after sex, etc...)

• John is an absolute sweetheart.

• After sex he's all quiet, attentive and mellow. He talks to you without really talking to you. 

• He comes down hard from his orgasms, feeling as though you and him are the only ones on planet earth.

• He's definitely a cuddler too - big spoon.

John turned to you, his hair dishevelled, his face flushed. You were the same, though you looked a lot more messy. 

His cock was still slightly hard and in his fist, but he wanted to rest.

"You okay?" He breathed. 

"Yeah," you smiled.

John slowly shifted around to hold you in his arms. His chest warm against your back. Naked and satisfied.

B is for Body part (His favourite body part of yours)

• John loves your legs and your hips and your feet. Every inch, from your hips to your soles. 

• He loves them because he likes interacting with them in various scenarios.

• When he's holding your hips to fuck into you as you ride him...when he lifts you by your legs...when you playfully wrap around each other...when he kisses and licks your toes...

• Yes, your legs are very versatile for him.

C is for Cum (Where and why he likes to cum) 

• Facials are most definitely his go to.

• John loves cumming on your face more than anything, it's degrading yet loving.

• He loves how he can see your eyes looking right at him as he does so.

He usually slaps the tip against your cheek, grinning as he sees his semen dripping to your lips and chin. If he’s feeling caring, he’ll use his thumb to wipe it off, before pressing it to your lips.

How sweet.

D is for Dirty secret (Something filthy that he did/or does/or wants to do behind your back.)

• John takes pictures of you, explicit ones.

• Sometimes he's fooling around. You're both out of it. But you're so out of it you forget he takes them. He doesn't forget though.

• Sometimes he takes them secretly, through a slightly open door as you undress…

• He's your own personal voyeur. You never even notice. 

• He keeps the pictures safe, admires them every so often and rubs himself off to them like the man that he is. It's his collection of sorts. 

• John thinks you're absolutely gorgeous, you are gorgeous. He imagines you being on the cover of Playboy or something, but his jealousy and possessiveness would never allow you to be seen by masses of men.

John turned away to retrieve his camera from the bedside table.

"Let's capture this moment, love," he whispered, his lips grazing against yours. 

Your vision was hazy.

"Oh, that's a bit filthy isn't it, John?" You said, sighing. 

John smirked, the corners of his mouth quivering. He liked you like this. 

"Filthy? Well, that's the whole idea." He whispered, sitting up. 

He pulled your bra down further, your nipples were perfectly exposed now, he laid quick kisses against them. 

You were an absolute vision to him.

Laying on his silk hotel sheets, drinking, smoking and eating yourself blind - all simultaneously.

And he was definitely ready to have you afterwards. 

Your laughter bubbled over as you teased, "I hope you're not planning to sell these to the papers."

He chuckled nervously, he had thought about it before - just a little fantasy.

The camera clicked in one hand, his cock was being rubbed through his boxers in the other. 

"No," he breathed, palming himself harder.

"This is just for our little memory vault. These photos are like all our other photos, right?"

John massaged his balls, eager to cum.

"You're the star here." He groaned. 

You giggled.

"Me, a star? Oh, stop it, you're making me blush."

John grinned, adjusting the camera.

"Blush harder. Now, can you slip out of your skirt for me, lovely?"

You did so, and slowly. It slipped off your hips nicely, leaving your bottom half only in your knickers. 

"You're so demanding, Johnny."

With a sly wink, John retorted, "Demanding? Maybe a bit. But you can handle it, can't you, hm?"

And so the camera clicked, again.

E is for Experience (How experienced is he?) 

• John lost his virginity to some whore in Liverpool well before he was eighteen. So he lost it well before he legally even could. 

• He knows enough, he knows a lot in fact, way more than you do definitely.

• He knows enough to please you more than you can please him.

• He loves teasing you about it, saying how much of a square you used to be.

• Something about your lack of experience is hot, especially because it makes him feel in control. 

F is for Favourite position (How he loves to fuck you.)

• John loves cowgirl. 

• He loves when you ride him, your hands flat on his chest.

• The sight of you on top of him just really does it for him. His hands get to roam every where.

• And though it seems like you're in control, he'll often grab your hips and thrust himself up and down, fucking into you. 

• If he's feeling energetic, sometimes he'll flip you onto your back so he can finish in missionary. His head deep in the crook of your neck as he gets closer.

G is for Goofy (How silly is he during sex?) 

• John likes making jokes here and there. He's funny, even in something as serious as sex.

• You'll moan "Yess" and he'll moan "Yess" right back - mocking you.

John will ask "Just like that?" when he knows he's really hitting the spot. He'll ask you questions he knows you can barely answer as your being fucked.

And when you moan something that isn't his name like, "Oh, God." He'll reply, "My name's John, thanks."

He's just a goofy guy. 

G is also for Goal (What's his goal and/or dream in relation to sex.) 

• John's goal is to have you in as many places as possible, places within reason of course. 

• He'll challenge you as well, whispering into your ear, "Do you think we could fuck here without being heard?" or "You'd look so pretty bent over that, y'know."

• He's had you in the classic places, like a car, a broom closet - but that just isn't enough for him.

• John won't stop until he makes you cum in as many places as possible.

H is for Hair (How well groomed he is, does the carpet match the drapes, etc..)

• John doesn't particularly care for grooming and he can't be bothered to regularly trim, shave or whatever.

• If he ever does do anything to his pubes, just know he was definitely fucking bored. 

I is for Intimacy (How romantic he is during sex, etc..)

• John just isn't the type for candles or music or rose petals. He just wants to get right to it. 

• Though, if it's a special occasion like Valentine's day or your birthday or something, he'll put in the effort to serenade you and fuck you on a bed of roses.

• Though he may say some things that are sweet and fluffy, the only thing he needs to show you is his cock, that's his romantic gesture. 

J is for Jack off (Masturbation headcanon) 

• John occasionally rubs himself off when he doesn't have access to a cunt.

• He thinks of you deeply whenever he does so, cumming hard all over his fist. 

• It’s annoying to do, because nothing feels better than your vagina- but if he uses his imagination ( or those dirty photos he’s taken ) jacking off is the best feeling ever.

K is for Kink (One or more of their kinks in relation to you) 

• John has a moderate pain kink and he's definitely the sadist in most situations, the giver.

• If you ask him to hit you (erotically) he'll do it, hesitantly but happily.

• John has a mommy kink (duh).

• He'll suck your tits and get you to cradle his head whilst he does so. Sometimes he calls you the m-word...mother.

• John has feet kink...

• He likes when you paint your toe nails nice colours. He's like massaging your feet. He's taken your toes into his mouth a lot of times.

L is for Location (Favourite places to do the deed) 

• John loves obscure and semi-public places way more than a mere bed. 

• So places like broom closets, a car, a park - all that jazz.

• He enjoys the risk and the fun involved in those places. 

M is for Motivation (What turns them on about you, gets him hard, makes him cum, etc..) 

• Your voice turns him on the most, before and during sex. Especially when he knows you want it bad.

• Your little moans before your orgasm, those get him there. 

N is for No (Turn offs, what pisses him off, etc..) 

• When you argue earlier in the day, like a proper bad argument, that turns him off for the rest of the day.

• When you can't resolve your issues he doesn't even look at you. He feels detached from you almost.

O is for Oral sex (Does he prefer giving or receiving? How does he give, how does he receive?) 

• John 100% prefers both, he just can't choose between the two. Both bring him immense joy and pleasure.

• He eats you out nicely, enthusiastically. He usually doesn't make you orgasm with just that, it's just a fun, little extra to him.

• Prepare to have your mouth absolutely run through when you're sucking John's cock. No part of his cock is left unlicked or unsucked or untouched by you.

P is for Pace (Fast or slow? Rough or sensual?) 

• His pace is gradual and building.

• He starts slow, then gets faster when he's about to make the both of you cum.

• John leaves being rough for when he's hate or jealous fucking you.

Q is for Quickie (His opinion on quickies, how often they happen, etc..)

• He's not opposed to them, he quite enjoys them actually, but of course he'd prefer having you all by himself with all the time in the world. 

• They happen when you're both drunk or high, it's a moment of irresponsibility. 

• Or they happen when you both haven't seen each other in a while and you just can't wait.

R is for Risk (What kind of risks will they take)

• He'll take public risks, so sex in public. He finds it thrilling, you know, the thought of getting heard and caught. 

• He gets off on someone hearing, someone being a voyeur. 

S is for Stamina (How many rounds he can last, how quickly can they cum, etc..)

• John can last one round but it's a nice length, 20 minutes minimum. 

• He doesn't cum too quick, well, depending on the situation, if he has to cum quick he will, so if you're having a quickie.

• But yeah, he doesn't cum too quickly, so expect that twenty minutes of that cock.

T is for Toys (Does he own toys, use them, what kind of toys, etc?) 

• John personally doesn't own toys because he wouldn't be able to get over the embarrassment of buying and owning them.

• He does try to coax you into buying them for yourself though, he would like watching you use them on yourself.

U is for Unfair (How much does he like to tease you, how does he tease you, etc..) 

• John isn't that unfair. He's not the type to edge you or delay orgasm. 

• Verbal teasing 100% though. 

• And he teases you before he fucks you anyways. So by kissing and rubbing you in areas that make you want more...neck...clit.

V is for Volume (How loud is he, what noises does he make, what does he say, etc..) 

• John groans like a wild animal, he's talkative as well, loves making little comments before and during and after. 

• People can definitely hear him through the walls.

W is for Wildcard (Random sexual headcanon) 

• Lennon loves a good roleplay situation - anything sexy. Nurse and patient, teacher and student, etc…

• He has such a big ego, so he particularly likes when you pretend to be some beatlemaniac.

• Yeah, he always cums so fucking hard during your little role plays.

“Oh my GOD! IS THAT JOHN LENNON?”

You screeched, feet stomping in place as you jump and giggle like a virgin schoolgirl.

John can’t help but look annoyed, his brows lowering as he quickly looks around. 

You just blew his fucking cover with your high pitched squeals and your bouncing up and down.

Oh, how he hated these types of fans.

“Yes! Yes! It is, oh my GOD.” 

You all but scream, throwing yourself on the man.

He doesn’t stifle the annoyed groan that leaves his mouth, sounding like some primal snarl deep in his throat. 

“If I fuck you in the bathroom will you leave me alone and stay quiet?”

X is for X-ray (His cock) 

• A bit above average, so...6 inches and he's not circumcised and his balls are massive.

• He has a good girth as well. John's penis is quite proportionate!! 

• He has a bush because he very rarely shaves or cuts.

 

Uuuuuurgghhh, I want him and his cock so horrendously. 

Y is for Yearning (His sex drive, how much do they want you?) 

• He wants you whenever you're both most available, both physically and emotionally. 

• John most definitely has a high libido. Sex and you occupy his mind at the same time, everywhere.

Z is for Zzz (Sleep afterwards?)

• John doesn't get excessively tired but he does feel it. 

• His after sex sleep depends on you. If you're sleepy, he'll settle and sleep, if you want to stay up, then he's good with that as well.

OTHER BEATLES ALPHABETS COMING SOON XOXO

PAUL

GEORGE

RINGO

#the beatles #george harrison #60s rock #the beatles imagine #the beatles smuts #the beatles x reader #vintage #paul mccartney #ringo starr #i need him #john lennon x reader #john lennon #john lennon fanart #the beatles fanfiction #the beatles fandom #the beatles fanart

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

hi! I want to familiarise myself with John Robins's work, I was wondering if you could recommend a good starting point? the radio show? standup? just thought to ask you, my favourite comedy connoisseur! thanks :)

Oh wow, I thought you’d never ask! By which I mean, when you spend as much time as I do putting completely unsolicited screeds into the internet that I’m pretty sure are of interest only to me, it is rather fun to write one for someone who has specifically said they want to read it. Though I don’t know if you’ll feel the same way by the end of the post, given my penchant for detail and the multiple unnecessary caveats that I’m already planning for this. I will add a cut to spare everyone else the unnecessary detail.

Okay, so. Weird thing about me, given the current state of my blog, I actually disliked John Robins for the first few years that I knew who he was. That is because the first time I saw him was on Mock the Week, where he appeared alongside Sara Pascoe just as their relationship was about to collapse, and he was an absolute dick about it. So definitely don’t start with that. I mean, Sara Pascoe also wasn’t great in that episode, but I already knew and liked her, so I forgave her. I had no such goodwill toward John Robins, and it completely turned me off him for a long time. After that I saw him pop up on other shows once in a blue moon, but found him annoying because I’d already decided I didn’t like him based on Mock the Week. Definitely do not watch him on Mock the Week.

What turned me around was in November 2022, when I came across a copy of The Darkness of Robins, his 2017 stand-up show that won the big Edinburgh award and was made into a Netflix special. I really, really loved it. I remember making a post at the time when I said this is the fastest I’ve ever turned around on any famous person, the biggest swing from disliking them to thinking they’ve made one of my favourite stand-up shows ever.

After that, I did exactly what you’ve done here, which was ask around on Tumblr for where you can go if you’ve just decided you want more John Robins if your life. Because I knew he had a radio show on one station and then another station with that guy who’s (not) married to Isy Suttie, but I also knew those had about 150,000 hours (slightly exaggeration) worth of episodes and obviously no one has time to listen to all that, that would be absolutely ridiculous, what sort of fool would take that on? Obviously I could have just jumped in at the most recent episodes of their radio show, which is something you could do as well if you want, but my brain’s relentlessly completist nature wouldn’t let me do that. I needed something I could watch/hear all of, but have that be under 150,000 hours.

I asked Tumblr about this, and the best recommendation I got was to check out A Robins Amongst the Pigeons. This started as a feature on his radio show in which he read out loud from the autobiography of broadcaster Tony Blackburn, which was meant to be a serious book, but it’s so self-important and unintentionally hilarious that John got quite a few good weeks worth of content from reading out bits to make fun of them (if this seems mean, it helps to know that one of the passages he read said women working outside the home is bad for children, so I don’t feel bad for the guy). Later on, John Robins mentioned that he’d learned the writers of the Alan Partridge autobiography – I, Partridge – had based it partly on Tony Blackburn’s book.

After he finished reading the Blackburn autobiography, John Robins started to write his own autobiography, “in the style of Tony Blackburn”, and read out a chapter each week on the radio. Basically, John Robins is a huge Partridge fan and took the opportunity to write out his own life story the way Alan Partridge would tell that life story, and it’s really, really funny. It’s a good introduction to John because it goes through his life and lets you know what he’s like, and that gives you an idea of what sort of things he’ll say if you get into the rest of his work. And it’s also a good introduction to John because it’s really, really funny. If you listen to that and don’t find it funny, you probably won’t like the rest of his stuff.

Someone on YouTube compiled all the clips of John reading chapters from A Robins Amongst the Pigeons, and put them on YouTube so you can hear the all as one long string:

I downloaded that YouTube video, converted it to mp3, put it on my phone and listened to it like an audiobook. My biggest recommendation for someone who wants an introduction to John Robins would be that you do the same. He’s also released it as a paperback book, and did a few live performances where he read it out loud to an audience back when he first wrote it (2015), which is good because it’s too funny to have remained just a feature on a weekly radio show.

The next thing I did when getting into John Robins was go to his Bandcamp page, where he’s released three of his old stand-up shows:

They’re his 2013, 2014, and 2015 Edinburgh shows, with the dates listed on Bandcamp all being from a year later because they were recorded on tours the following years. I think they noticeably get better with each year, and his writing and delivery skills improve. Speakeasy is objectively the best one, Where Is My Mind not quite as good but still made me laugh more than a lot of stand-up hours do. This Tornado Loves You is, I think, not quite objectively as good as Speakeasy. But might edge Speakeasy out as my favourite of the three because it hits some things that I subjectively really love in stand-up.

He did a stand-up show in 2019 called Hot Shame, which I'd really really love to hear, but he's said he never recorded a version that was far enough along, with high enough audio quality to publish (though personally, I would happily take a version with shit audio quality and/or early WIP). In 2023, he did a stand-up show called Howl, which he's recently said he has on audio recording and is planning to publish on Bandcamp at some point, but it's not there yet. I am very much looking forward to hearing that one when it come out.

(Disclaimer: This Tornado Loves You has a routine about PMT/PMS where I see what he was trying to do, it’s not just an average “women be crazy on their periods” routine, he says it with an understanding that the victim here is the woman suffering from painful symptoms, and has said similar things at other times. However, I don’t think the stand-up routine does enough of that to make up for the inherent shitty-ness of a cis man making a joke about his girlfriend getting disproportionately emotional on her period, and I just want to clarify that, because I don’t want anyone to listen to that stand-up show, hear that routine, remember that I said that stand-up show is my favourite of all the Bandcamp releases by one of my favourite comedians, and therefore, I must think cis men telling jokes like that is a good idea. I don’t, I think that was a misstep in an otherwise great show.

The reason I add this caveat is because in the last months, I’ve had three different people watch The Darkness of Robins at my recommendation, and all of them came back with the comment… so this thing that you’ve been calling one of your favourite shows ever – did you mean to go so hard on endorsing a show that ends with a really inappropriate amount of sexual detail about Sara Pascoe, a woman whose name the audience knows, and it’s probably not cool for him to be saying that about her in public? Because this has happened before, I feel the need to say, again, in case anyone watching Darkness of Robins as a result of this post: I don’t love the part at the end where he describes sex with a person the audience can identify in an inappropriate amount of detail. When I endorse the show, I do not endorse that. I hope he asked her if it was cool to talk about that on stage before he did so, but I don’t know if he did, and I have a feeling he probably didn’t. Having said that, I recently watched a bunch of Sara Pascoe’s stand-up from across the years, and I hugely enjoyed it because she’s very funny, but I also learned more sexual details than I wanted to know about John Robins from her stand-up, so I would argue that they are, at best, even in terms of inappropriate talking about each other on stage. Also, for anyone who’s reading this but hasn’t seen the show, I’d like to clarify that it’s not like he goes on some misogynistic rant about her, he just describes sex with her in detail that gets a bit graphic for a couple of minutes.

While I’m caveating, I’ll just throw all my disclaimers in together, I did also have someone watch Darkness of Robins and say they were surprised I liked it so much because the stuff near the beginning, where he talks about how his relationship fell apart, feels a bit like the misogynistic stand-up trope of Man Complains About His Girlfriend For Being Less Logical And Rational Than Him. I’d like to say I actually stand by that routine, he’s built quite a bit of his comedy on talking about how he is compulsively and maladaptively meticulous about everything and is therefore more logical than everyone, he spends half his radio show complaining about how Elis James isn’t logical enough and doesn’t put enough thought into planning and organizing and getting everything right, that’s not a gender thing, that’s just his thing. A lot of his comedy is about his obsession with being precise about everything to the point of overthinking that ruins his life, and if you are reading this post in which I’ve just spent three paragraphs adding unnecessary caveats because I get paranoid about anything I say being misinterpreted, you might understand why that appeals to me so much.

Summary: I do not endorse the menstruation routine of 2014 or some of the sex details of 2017, but I do endorse the many parts of his comedy in which he comes off as an exhausting nightmare, that is very much part of the appeal, though it may not appeal to everyone.)

Besides his stand-up, he’s done some guest appearances on TV, radio, and podcasts. I was about to start listing the ones I’ve found, though it’s probably easier to just give you a screenshot of my folders of his audio guest spots:

and TV guest spots:

I've watched/listened to everything in those folders up to October 2018, since I'm currently working through the radio shows and going through all those other things chronologically alongside it, so I haven't seen the things past 2018 and can't speak to what's in them. Technically, it's possible that he became a flat Earther. So there's another disclaimer: any views expressed by John Robins after October 2018, I haven't heard and cannot endorse. But there's definitely some good stuff in the earlier years.

If any of the shows in the above screenshots are one you already like, then tracking down John Robins' episodes of them is probably a good intro to John Robins (or send me a message if you want a link). Except that second Mock the Week one - don't watch that no matter how much you normally like Mock the Week.

Of his guest spots on TV and audio, a lot of the best ones are better if you're already familiar with John from his radio show or at least from his stand-up, but some hold up pretty well even without that context. His Live From The BBC episode is a shortened (half an hour instead of an hour) version of his Speakeasy show, if you want to see a (shortened) video version of that instead of hearing the audio (and if you are a completist like me, it has a bit of material that's not in the Bandcamp version so it's worth watching). His other TV stand-up guest spots are mainly just little repeats of stuff that's in his longer published shows, except the Russell Howard's Good News extra, which has an older routine that's not in his Bandcamp shows.

I'd say his episodes of Alan Davies' show are particularly fun, though warning that there is a story in the episode he did with Russell Howard that's really weird. There's also another story that he either stole from Adam and Joe, or he was the person who sent that story into Adam and Joe, and I fear it was probably the former, but he wouldn't be the first to steal someone else's story on As Yet Untitled.

On the subject of people who steal other people's stories on As Yet Untitled, I found him very very funny on Isy Suttie's podcast, though he was quite drunk and I can imagine a person with less tolerance for drunken shoutiness could find it annoying. He's good value on Pappy's, a lot of fun and usually drunk (pre-2023, at least). He has a nice rapport with Richard Herring. He played a really weird song on Jon Richardson's old radio show. He told us about a sex dream he had on The Horne Section podcast. And he bickered with his girlfriend on Do the Right Thing. I also thought the Robins/James episode of Comedian's Comedian was excellent (Robins and James both did individual ones that were also both good, but the one they did together is one of my favourites out of the 76 episodes of that podcast that I've heard (I almost wrote ~75 there so I could pretend I don't have a spreadsheet to know the exact number, but why pretend that at this point?)), but it gets pretty deep into stuff from their radio show, so probably isn't worth a listen unless you've heard that show.

John Robins also released a book in 2018, called The Holy Vible, co-written with his radio buddy Elis James. I'm currently nearly done listening to the audiobook of that, and to be honest, there's a lot of filler that will be of interest only to someone who's already very, very interested in whatever John and Elis have to say. Which I am, so I'm enjoying the book, but I definitely don't recommend it to anyone who's not already very much into the radio show.

And that brings me to the 150,000 hours of their radio show, since that's pretty much the only place left to go. It was early 2023 when I listened to his Bandcamp stand-up shows, said I love these and I loved Darkness of Robins and I loved A Robins Amongst the Pigeons, I guess the next step would have to be the radio. But I don't have 150,000 hours to spare to listen to all that. So I guess that's as far as I'm going with the Robins fandom. I even made a post in which I said "John Robins is dangerous - not in general, but to me", because I like him so much that at any moment I could slip down the radio rabbit hole, and then I'd lose 150,000 hours of my life. I held out for nearly a year after I wrote that post, but here I am now.

The radio show with John Robins and Elis James started out in February 2014 on the indie music radio station XFM. XFM rebranded as Radio X in 2015, and they continued to make the same show on Radio X until they left in February 2019. In May 2019, they began broadcasting pretty much the same show (I think, haven't heard it yet, he might be a flat Earther) on BBC Five Live. They continued to do that until the end of 2023, and in 2024, they started doing some other thing that I don't understand. They record it as a podcast first (as opposed to live radio that gets edited and released as a podcast, which is what they did from 2014 to 2023), and then highlights from the podcast get broadcast on the radio, and it's released twice a week, also there are videos, I don't know, I haven't got that far in the chronology. I'm still on October 2018.

I can say that the XFM/Radio X episodes they did between February 2014 and October 2018 are fun, engaging, very funny, often interesting, and I think have been worth the several months of my life it's taken me to listen to them. They go up and down, like anything else that's produced that many hours - there have been a few times when I've thought the show was in a bit of a slump and hasn't been that funny for a couple of months, but just as I'm thinking that, they'll pick it up and do a run of like eight great episodes in a row. Overall, in my subjective opinion, they've had far more strong periods than weak ones. They have a great dynamic with each other and with the features. They spend too much time reading out emails but that's going to happen on a radio show. I'm not particularly into their food tasting segments but that's just because food shows don't generally appeal to me, I love their running quiz segments because competitive features do appeal to me. Your mileage may vary. Also, you don't have to do the relentless completist thing that I do. You could just jump in now at the latest episodes of whatever the hell their BBC show is now.

Oh, and he plays golf on YouTube with Alex Horne. I haven't watched that because I dislike golf and I haven't got there in the chronology yet, but I'll probably end up watching it at some point. A lot of people like it and I think it's probably funny, but I haven't seen it myself so I can't speak to that. It's called Bad Golf and you can find it on the internet.

To give a proper shot at answering the original question, which I now feel like was asked 100 years ago: I think the best introduction to John Robins is a Robins Amongst the Pigeons, linked above, that I recommend listening to like an audiobook. I did Darkness of Robins first, but I think the best order for a good introduction would be Robin Amongst the Pigeons first, to get a good overview of what he's like and what you're getting into with him, and you'll get that overview via 100 minutes that you'll either find very entertaining, or you won't and you'll know not to bother with the rest of his stuff.

After that, I'd say, if you have any completist tendencies, or tendencies like mine toward doing things in chronological order because I think everything is better if you have all the context for it first, then I would recommend listening to his Bandcamp shows in order (Where Is My Mind, then This Tornado Loves You, then Speakeasy), and then watching Darkness of Robins. If you're not bothered about that, just skip to Darkness of Robins because it's the best one. If you do all that and are still interested in finding more John Robins content, then I'm afraid you may have to set off on a journey to give up 150,000 hours of your life the way I have.

Well, there might be one other option. There are other clips and clip compilations from their radio shows, and while I personally have difficulty doing anything in clip form if I haven't gone through the full-length version first (Robins Amongst the Pigeons was an exception because that was its own thing, it was a collection of radio clips but they've also been released as their own book), some of those may be fun in isolation. You can flip through this playlist to find some of them (you can CTRL+F the word "complete" on that page to find compilations of their features and running topics):

One time, in a fairly early XFM episode, Elis informed the listeners that someone had written an email to the show that asked what their five favourite albums were, and John had written a reply that was an essay of several thousand words, and then apologized on the radio by saying there was no way this person wanted their inbox taken up by that much rambling. That may be what's happened here, the difference being that I don't have the status of a (then-future) Perrier-winning comedian to justify why anyone wants to read this many of my words. But still, I'm glad you asked.

[aria-ashryver]

Positivity Chain!

Please recommend 3 favorite fanfics by other creators and 1 of your own.

Then tag 5 other creators to do the same.

This is the sweetest ask, thank you anon! 🌷

Choices Fandom

Incident in the Ghostland (AO3 | Explicit) by @dreamscapingsblog

sorry for the notif my sweetest bestest friend, I know tumblr isn't your vibe but I can't have the opportunity to rec your works put in front of me and not JUMP at the chance to put Ghostland out there first and foremost!! Your prose is poetry, your angst makes my teeth hurt, and I will forever be in awe of how you capture such beautifully emotional motifs in the most unique and expressive ways. I'd put this whole fic in an art gallery if I could. Love you, love you, love your writing 💖💖💖

Let Me Be Your Valentine, Saint Valentine (AO3 | Teen) by @aallotarenunelma

Another beloved ID writer, but a MAH fic this time! I was tossing up between this and Indigo Blood because I adored the bond between Skylar and Saini (see how I'm cheating by linking both? 😈💞), but they way you told Donovan and Edelmina's story just brought me so much peace. I always loved their bond in canon over their shared grief, and seeing in here as this deeply vulnerable and trusting relationship just made my heart so happy (and it was really cool to read about Edelmina's aspecness)

The 2AM Christmas Tree Farm by @thosehallowedhalls

Listen I'm a fool for only having just caught up on CoP, because I have been missing out on all this goodness, and I just know I'm going to have so much fun making my way through the rest of your works, but holy hell what an introduction to your Emma and Trystan this was!! You can perhaps tell, from the absolute chaos that was my comment, that I rather enjoyed this one!! And with the way you write? I know I'm going to find some more gems to adore in your masterlist 😊

Non-Choices Fandom

For a Good Time, Call (AO3 | Explicit) by ScarlettStorm

I gotta take a second to rec this, because it might be hands down my favourite fic of all time. The authorial voice is just ✨DIVINE✨, and it is just so deeply moving, I have no words. Its just so... healthy? Portrayal of sex and consent and sex work? Amazing. Attitudes towards trust and communication? Wonderful. Exploration of mental health, PTSD, panic attacks, ASD, inward growth as well as fostering something beautiful between the two romantic leads? Fan-freaking-tastic. Plus it also features lines such as

He wonders if Wei Ying would keep talking, even while being kissed. He thinks he probably would.

Its absolute ADHD meets Autism solidarity, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. (Plus, the smut is seriously god-tier.)

Oh, yeah! I was mean to rec one of my own!

Uhhh... Snow in Crimson, Starlight in Gold (AO3 | Explicit) is very much my baby, and every time someone tells me they liked it and/or my charactersation of Cas, Gabe, and Luca, I go ugly cry for ten years

But also! If you want something about a million times shorter, Whatever You Say, President Adalhard (AO3 | Explicit) is a wlw!Gas fic which is pretty cute. (and I'm trying so hard to finish chapter 2, I swear)

#asks answered #damn i'm getting good at remembering to use that tag

[hkblack]

Hi! I hope you are doing well! I decided to spend my evening like Crowley, asking an important question from fellow GO writers! What's your current favourite story you yourself have written? Tell me why you like it!

Not gonna lie, I saw this and went "MIRJAM WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME ASKS!? you can just dm me on discord you fool" but then I saw what the ask was and got all excited. Thanks darling, this is delightful.

Right now my fave fic from my catalogue is:

Ever-Fixed E, 19,552

Aziraphale Fell had a plan. Go to school, get his degree, and start his life with his beloved at his side as man and wife. Until one day Crowley disappears. Decades later he meets a man, and finds the love of his life again. Anthony J. Crowley, suave, cool, masculine, in control, unflappable, has spent decades building himself up. He refuses to let his confident facade disappear for Aziraphale, who once almost tumbled down the stairs to certain death because his nose was stuck in a book. It’s just sex, and they’ve been dating for months, this time around. There’s no need to get his knickers in a knot. But the past isn’t easy to let go of, even if you’re both avoiding it. A story about love, intimacy, and finding each other again. (Alternatively: Tender smut, but then I wrote love story flashbacks, and now it's just emotional and there's plot in my pornography)

So why?

First, context: this was written for Fandom Trumps Hate 2023 for Andromeda4004. We went back and forth and I almost went "no wait no, I'm not trans I can't write a transman Crowley. oh no. I'm not good enough to pull this off" and then I got bit by a bunny and couldn't not write it.

It's my favorite, and I think it's going to be my favorite for a while because it's the best writing I think I've done to date. It's incredibly emotional and tender. And sitting with this Crowley has been good for me as a person. He's got a few more stories about him he's trying to pull out of me, so actually if you've already read this fic, go click the link and subscribe to the series I dumped it into in case I cave and do write some of the slice of life shit he's calling for. But... in making sure I wrote something that was respectful and joyful for the people who can immediately see themselves in Crowley (as a transman), I not only did a lot of research, and listening, and fretting at my amazing sensitivity reader because oh god writing with no pronouns at all is SO HARD (yeah, YEAH, go reread those flashback scenes folks.), but I also did a lot of soul searching.

Am I trans? No. Nonbinary? Don't think so. Cis? Eh. Probably?

This is something I sort of felt before writing this fic but now, hanging out with this version of this character and trying to do right by him, I'm a bit more comfortable in my Gender Fuckery (or lack thereof depending on the day). And I think that personally I keep rereading this fic not only because this Crowley is seriously not done living in my head shouting ideas at me, but because it's got the soft tender romance that I absolutely live for, and a Crowley who knows who he is, and is comfortable with himself, and is excited for you to get there too. And I appreciate him for holding my hand and letting me tell his story. Also fucking Aziraphale in this fic is a PUMPKIN. ABSOLUTE PUMPKIN. We don't get to live inside his head as much as we do with Crowley, but let me tell you. He's ultimate supportive partner. He is rub your feet unasked for after a long day cause it brings him joy. He knows your favorite color down to the exact shade. He is bought you VIP tickets to your favorite band he doesn't really like, but he likes how you sing their songs in the shower. PUMPKIN.

#from the ask box #good omens fanfiction #HK Writes

[dovahkinniez]

You are a god in this fandom oh my god your writing is absolutely chef kiss

Would I be able to please request nsfw alphabet for LucienFlavius? I wanna smooch that boy so bad 😞

` 𖤓 . . . NSFW ALPHABET: LUCIEN FLAVIUS.

PLS. THATS SUCH A COMPLIMENT. I'm glad people enjoy my writing. I don't see many other elder scrolls writers anymore so I'm happy to be the one people can come to.

I love my boy lucien, let's get into it.

Remember, most likely not proofread, if any mistakes please tell me so I can change it!

18+ only! Sexual content ahead, minors dni!!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Our lil prince is so giving and so kind. He loves deep conversations as you both pamper each other before you go sleep. He likes to have his hair played as he traces the curves on your skin as you both relax. He's loves the Intimacy of aftercare where you both take care of each other gently.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: his lips. He likes his lips because he loves kissing you all over. He loves feeling you against his mouth.

You: everything. But your eyes and chest area (female bodied), and thighs. Likes to lock eyes with you, use his mouth on your chest and thighs, hold and play with.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

I'd say he's pretty shy about it :( he's a sweet baby and doesn't want to make a mess and if you like it messy he loves it when you tease him to the point he can't help himself. So you'll have to be the one to tell him you like it a certain way.

With time he realises he loves to cum in you and on your chest and mouth area, has a thing where he'll use his fingers to swipe it off your lips and into your mouth, he likes it when you suck it off his fingers. He could go again just by the feeling of your mouth alone.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes it when you boss him around. When you're teaching him something, training him or whatever he loves it when you order him around so when you use that energy in the bedroom he's so eager it's cute, but he's never said that every time you're like it in a non sexual way he has to hide how painfully hard gets.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

None until he met you. He never told you though. First time you even fool around without actual sex he has to calm himself down because he doesn't want to cum too fast and embarrass himself.

But he is a fast learner. He picks up on ques, asks you what you like and really let's you take the lead as he studies what both he and you like. He pretty much becomes the perfect partner for you specifically because everything he learnt is based off watching and following you.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying)

Any where you're on top. Likes to watch you bounce on his cock, grind on it. Whatever. Likes to watch you pretty much use him, especially when he feels the weight of you on top of him, he loves it so bad.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's more clumsily Goofy. Makes the odd mistake here and there which you two find highly hilarious. A few times you've had to stop because you both laughed so hard.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I don't think he's the type to grow much body hair. It's there but it's not a mass of it. He has very fair hair so he body hair is minimal. He does have a happy trail but he always shaved it off, if you like it he'll keep it though. But I don't think he'd shave anything else, he doesn't feel the need too.

He wouldn't care if you shaved or not either. He loves your body as it is. And he's one of those smarty pants so he'd probably prefer you more natural for health reasons, bc it's there to protect your privates innit. But yeah, your body, your choice.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Our boy can be a bit cheesy at times but it's his charm but in the bedroom he's shy. He doesn't really voice things out much Intimacy wise because he might say the wrong thing. But he loves the physical aspect of it. A lot of touching, hand holding, deep kisses, hands all each other.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He didn't very much until you. You basically became his sexusl awakening tbh and made him realise how good it actually feels. He likes to do it with you too, you don't need to escalate it, you both sometimes just masturbate together.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Mutual masturbation: as stated above, he just likes it. Likes to chill and watch you play with yourself as he rubs his palm up and down his dick. He loves your body, he loves to watch you so it's a win win.

Body worship: he will literally get on his knees and worship you from head to toe. His hands and lips everywhere as he murmurs how perfect and sweet you are. He loves it so much.

Face riding: ride his face. Do it. No holding back either. Loves it when you rock your hips, against his tongue and he'll touch himself while you do it because he can't stop himself. It feels too good.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He's traditional so bedroom mainly. But he found out he likes it in his study. Riding him at his desk after writing for hours, or even sucking him off when he works. He loves it.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Lol. You. Just you. Even a wink could make him pass out from the blood rushing down.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Degradation, especially towards you. He's a sweetheart.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Guide him the first few times and boom he's good to go. Again, as I said. Loves it when you ride his face. He loves to go down on you, more so than the other way around. He loves pleasing you.

But when you do go down on him, he loves it too. I think he prefers giving because he doesn't last long when you go down on him, he's sensitive and the visuals make it worse because you look so pretty :(

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast but sensual. He's needy and his actions show it, erratic and excited even as he gets lost in the feeling but he's very attentive and loves to play with your body at the same time for added stimulation.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He doesn't mind them, especially if it's just oral because it's not like he lasts very long anyway and when he goes down on you he's like a hungry man if he's ready enough for a quickie so you don't last too young either.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

In public. He doesn't seem the type but as you tease him under the table at an Inn he can't stop you when you undo his trousers to play with him, so he wants to escalate it like a game until you're sat on his cock.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He cums faster than most others, he makes up for it in rounds. He gets excited fast and he's just ready for more. He wants more. Not saying he'll cum in 5 mins though, just don't expect hours.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

You'll have to teach him that stuff. He's shocked when you bring up using toys but once he gets the hang of it, he loves using them!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He prefers it when you tease him. He loves it when you're being unfair with him, even if he acts like he doesn't like it.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Hes a vocal man. Not afraid to moan. He's a whiner and whimpers. They're cute and needy and often followed by a string of praise or begs.

W = Wild Card

(If you are female bodied) would let you peg him.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

He's around 5.5 inches. He's not as big as the others. It's got one distinct vein and it's pretty thick, but not like ... girthyyyy. Ya get me lol. I gotta say, he's got a pretty one. It's pretty. Tell him it's pretty, he'll moan. 😭

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He more you do things the higher his sex drive will become. He becomes addicted to you.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He sleeps after you've fallen asleep. Sometimes he'll read to you as you both cuddle and then will join you when he knows you're fast asleep.

#skyrim x reader #elder scrolls x reader #skyrim headcanon #skyrim scenarios #skyrim x dovahkiin #elder scrolls skyrim #skyrim #elder scrolls #lucien flavius x reader #lucien flavius

[loserchildhotpants]

Fic Writer Q & A

Tagged by @casdeans-pie :3333 (thank you for tagging me!!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on loserchildhotpants I've got 151

on someonetoanyone I've got 30

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

on loserchildhotpants it's 1,614,148

on someonetoanyone it's 370,992

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Oh, so many. Right now, I'm writing strictly for Supernatural bc i have too many ideas to split my time lmao but I still v much enjoy writing for Good Omens, Star Trek, Star Wars and IT : )

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

On loserchildhotpants my top 5 fics by kudos are:

Madman and a Fool (w over 9k kudos y'all are insane ilu)

Seeing Wolves (Where There Are No Wolves)

Just to See You Again

Derek Hale's Possible Heart

The Witching Hour

And honorable mention to surprising me by showing up in 6th place: The 'Do Not Fucking Touch Me' Tour which is my reddie post-canon fic that i wrote an entire, original, actual stand up routine for skjdhf

On someonetoanyone my top 5 fics by kudos are:

Being Lead Home

Threw Stones At The Stars (But The Whole Sky Fell)

Years of Sorrow Wash Away

What Used to Be Mine

Perihelion

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I try my best to reply to every single comment a person leaves on any and all of my fics, no matter how old! I hope it encourages them to KEEP writing comments, not just to me, but to any authors. Fic authors suffer a huge disparity between kudos/views/bookmarks and actual comments written. The ratio sucks so bad, actually, it's kinda disheartening.

There's a big difference between eating someone's homemade cookies at an event and giving them a thumbs up before walking away, and staying at the table to tell them how the texture and sweetness was PERFECT, and they don't even usually like snickerdoodles, but you made them so well, they want more and more, they're so glad you're at the event and so glad you brought your cookies!! -- like, that really is the difference between leaving a kudos and comment. Comments are my lifeblood.

I've also made great fandom friends in the comments section of my fics lol

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

On loserchildhotpants the angstiest angst I ever wrote is in the Angst November collection for kylux -- none of them have happy endings, and happy endings are sort of my staple! It was fun to write a series of tragedies though. Beyond that, probably my kylux series Not About Angels

On someonetoanyone, probably The Levee Breaking, which is just a specific scene rewrite that offers an alternative to Despair where Cas' body is left behind by The Empty or One And Only, Time And Again which is endverse, so.....

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A curious question! The HAPPIEST? Huh.... uh.

On loserchildhotpants probably Seeing Wolves (Where There Are No Wolves) or Madman and a Fool. The endings for both those fics are gooey and tooth-rotting lmao

On someonetoanyone maybe Being Lead Home or It Won't Be Perfect ? idk this is a hard question lmao what makes a happy ending happier than another?? sdljkfh

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes! I have had to delete several fics in the past because the threats, suicide-baiting, slurs, and absolute vitriol was actually too much for my heart.

One of the reasons I made a new account was to outrun that sort of abuse. There were people that knew and fucking hated loserchildhotpants and among several other reasons, i decided making a new account was a good idea, but the hate i got on fics under loserchildhotpants was definitely a contributing factor.

I've had people be shitty about my fics on someonetoanyone in the bookmarks and on twitter and tumblr but not on the fics themselves.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i write so much smut sldkjfhsldkjfhksdhj now, i'm generally a p vanilla smut writer; some end-of-fic, on-top-of-the-covers w the lights on missionary stuff, but I've been widening my horizons as of late.

I went outside my typical comfort zone for Red, Red, Red (sterek), and Arrows Made of Desire (sterek), and I've got an unpublished WIP on someonetoanyone rn that's sitting in the drafts and it's... perhaps the most animal, insane, monsterfucking smut i've ever written lmao sdlkjfhsdkfjh but y'know, after writing so many years of original flavor smut, you wanna take up new challenges!

Like, im not into food play, so i would have never thought of it on my own, but someone prompted me w it and i was like '.... you know what, i bet i could write the shit out of that' and i did! lmao (the fic in question is on someonetoanyone; Lost In The Sauce lmao) it's not my usual gig, which made it exciting and new and fun! so, i'm usually v vanilla but i am starting to try new flavors lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not written any crossovers, but I'm attempting my first one! It's for a dear friend, and I'm trying to make it just right, but this is way harder than i thought it would be lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Several! Oh my god, so many of my fics have been stolen, and I always find out through a reader. Someone always lets me know through a comment like 'hey, head's up, [x] has literally copy and pasted this entire work and replaced the names w their current ship' and every time my shit is stolen or reposted on different sites without credit, i see fuckin red, dude.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Many! I was going to list them here, but it's actually a v long list lol if you look at my top kudos'ed fics on loserchildhotpants, you'll find several translations and podfics of those available, and i think maybe two of my fics on someonetoanyone have been translated as well : )

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Sorta? We haven't published it yet, but once it is published, I'll have officially cowritten a fic lol check back in

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i have stared at this question for 5 full minutes i have no idea sdkjfhlsdkfjh i can't choose!!!! i love them all so much T A T my top five IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER are probably destiel, bagginshield, kylux, spirk, and johnlock (this list being comprised of who i have read the most fic for - although, sterek also deserves a spot tbh)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I do not have an unfinished work currently that I have no intention of going back to. A few months ago, I went to loserchildhotpants and deleted all unfinished works that would not be finished, so if it's still up on AO3, it's JUST a hiatus and i WILL be returning to it someday

16. What are your writing strengths?

... uhhhh... huh. Does tangential, narrative metaphor count? Tbh I'm not sure. When folks have told me what they specifically like about my writing, the consensus has been that it 'feels like [i am] ripping [the reader's] heart apart and then tenderly putting it back together' and that my stories on the whole are 'satisfying.'

I have a certain speaking cadence, and I write like a talk, and I talk like I write, so people can usually hear it in their heads as they read. Whenever I am composing what I hope is a deeply emotional crescendo, it appears to land ?

Again, no idea what I'm doing there, idk the technical word for that. Maybe pacing? But it feels tied to diction too... composition ??? idk skdljhfksjdh if anyone's got an answer to this, lemme know

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Exposition and character introduction skdjlfhslkdjhf too many years of writing fic have allowed me to neglect these skills and i'm really bad at them. i just hate exposition!! just let me psychically transfer the information to you!! how do i write out the rules of the universe in a way that doesn't feel like a boring info-dump ??? thiS IS HARD

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Back during my FF dot net days, I'm p sure my first fic was an Inukag fic for Inuyasha. Back in the day, I majorly wrote for Inuyasha, OHSHC, HP, Death Note, Star Trek and South Park. But yeah, I think the first time i was like 'i need these two to kissy kiss right on the LIPS' was when i was 10 and watching Inuyasha for the first time sljkdhfskjdfh

Idk who to tag! If you see this and you want me to tag you in future stuff like this, consider yourself tagged by me! I'll make a mental note!

#destiel #deancas #sterek #ineffable husbands #reddie #good omens #loserchildhotpants #someonetoanyone #my stuff #fandom stuff #melanie writes #long post

[eldritchsun]

I found my Realm Of the Elderlings opinions in my diary and I still stand by them almost 5 years later

first entry and it's already terminal :

aug 30 2018

OHHHHH my god fitzchivalry YOU ARE THE REAL FOOL

i am so fucking done with this ABSOLUTE dumbass i can’t deal. the farseer books got me fucked up. he is SO stupid sometimes!! [ranting in french] fitz you are so self absorbed!!!! you really are just furious because u love the bastard. i swear to god fitzchivalry, just square the fuck up i’m teleporting to les six duchets just to shake you a lil

sep 26 2018

My ass is losing it reading The Liveship Traders!!!

Altheaaaaaa!! Mrs Hobb I BEG you!! We’ve suffered enough with One Dumbass Teenager! Fitzchilvary growing up is enough Pure Dumbassery-driven decision making for the next ten years of my life, and that’s from someone who’s still running on dumbassery themselves!!

The worst of it is... rn I’m like Althea... hoe plz... stop... but I can feel it. This is how Fitz got me... is this a stupid teenager with Big Problems who’s gonna grow through and despite them? What is this within my heart?

And Robin Hobb bursts through my door, my beating heart in her hands, slams it on the table and bellows “ITS THE SEEDS OF LOVE”

oct 19 2018

Kennit “[wintro's french name] is beautiful” Pirate King

Hobbs recurring gay themes r so ??? To me but at the same time bring me so much joy lol

Canon nonbinary Annoyance Fool “in love with Fitzchilvary” Prophet

Althea “drag king” Vestrit and lesbian/bi girl solidarity friendship with amber.

Malta “Homophobic Queen” Havre.

And now, absolute legend kennit “surcoure do you love me” pirate king. I know one gay couple is actually endgame over the course of Hobbs books [ndlr i don't remember wtf i was talking about] and I’m thinking it might be this one. I mean, it’s not great hashtag representation but it’s great story telling!

Sweet monk Wintrow with dumbass pirate kennit? Who’s completely and irrevocably in love and admiration for him?

This idiot of a kennit is literally constantly like [french ranting about kennit etta hate and wintrow love]

Lol kennit mate come out

however the next entry doesn't make much sense but features the sentences "kennit thinks he’s so smart!! Fuck you, half a pirate!!!" (the title of the entry (oct 26 2018) is "kennit bitchass of the century" so clearly he fell out of favour)

nov 26 2018

Literally in ROTE if I was there for one of Ambers prophecies I would legit be like... ok sis... wig?

nov 30 2018

Checked the notes on that women writers rec list and several other people already wrote “this is Robin Hobb erasure” in those exact words :’)

So in honour of this hivemind I must say : I am having the time of my life with the Liveship Traders, excites rant with (huge) spoilers ahead :

I am at that point where Kennit is about to get absolutely WRECKED and I swear to god it feels so satisfying. The character arc and development for every single character in these books is pure mastery. In the case of Kennit you really go from “what a despicable man he really just has luck on his side” to “well I guess even if he did good accidentally he still did good... I almost love this Awful Imbecile” and finish straight into “OH!! NEVERMIND he really was a despicable man the whole time!!!”, a pit of disgust right on time where the whole story is setting up to absolutely destroy him. Kennit is a great example of how “does the right thing for the wrong reasons” is not equivalent in terms of ethics as “does the right thing for the right reasons”. But to quote a great thinker “they really had us in that first half I’m not gonna lie!”

What I really like in these books is that the centristTM opinions of certain main characters are not automatically & heavily presented as the right ones. I am still cackling at Hiémain’s “but they didn’t deserve to die!!” bullshit not being put on a pedestal. Ms Hobb did that! Her mind! Also the Vestrit family not being given an (entirely, let’s be real) free pass for not standing up to Kyle and letting Vivacia happen. The main characters, the actual heroes try to pass off responsibility for bad things and in most media it’s like “but they didn’t directly kill someone with their own hands so aren’t they kinda innocent?”

and then it skips to a single entry line (dec 3 2018) "reyn khuprus is a massive idiot" :')

dec 12 2018

Fitz I missed u so much

I have not seen this boy for 9 books and this hoe is worried abt being ugly, please never change boo

dec 14 2018

Fitz and the fool interacting is genuinely maddening I’m just walking along like KISS! KISS! KISS!

Fitz you are an immense idiot and the smartest one of the bunch is the goddamn wolf.

Jan 8 2019

Ohhhh my goodness gracious

I have gone full baby on Dutiful, he is the sweetest most cute drama teen since Fitzchivalry himself. I love him with the force of an exploding sun. His interactions with every other character are both precious and absolutely hilarious. He’s got a great mini-me vibe going on with Fitz, wrapped in Hobbs usual delicious irony.

Also poor Dutiful so lonely and starving for warmth, human attention!! The bit where Fitz is like all them hoes been begging me for this for MONTHS but I just can’t say no to those baby blues. I was like congrats Dutiful you just got a dad! Free dad with your meal!

And the Fool interaction like Dutiful you lucky boy you! You went from zero dads to TWO! It’s buy one get one free.

This dad was kinda mean so I had to get another one to counter balance it.

Jan 15 2019

Fitzchilvary « Homophobia » Farseer

Fitz!!!!!!!! Fitz!!!!!!!! Robin Hobb I swear to god you better gay these boys up or i will see you in court

the latest entry is apparently post "the golden fool"

Jan 29 2019

BELOVED WENT HAND TO MOUUUUUUTH!!!!!!

I am absolutely losing it! hand to mouth hand to mouth !!! Fitz called him BELOVED!!!!!! YAS MF QUEEN! Icon! legend!

and if i remember rightly (which i don't, it was five years ago, i don't remember anything) i got real upset at queerbaiting and stopped reading. i like googled "are they actually gay" the answer came back hashtag no and i stopped reading out of disgust :/

#rote #fitzchivalry farseer #well i still love these books intently but i did get really cross at the time

[beardedmrbean]

Ah the theology of the Nation of Islam…the Yakub shit…which makes me want to play the orchestra version of uncle ruckus theme.

“There’s white officer, there the crazy ass imhotps that trying to destroy our precious America!”

Also it started here in Chicago, how the fuck we got Mr T from here but then Nation of Islam?

Also like the uncle Ben and Jemma thing, um white liberals have been to the south and meet southern blacks? Like…there a reason those images exist.

Also I been looking into pre 2010’s stuff, yes there are zoomers that remember stuff before the 2010’s. And when we talk about black struggles…expect roots…that really damage how we actually came to the Americas.

But back in the day we went “Yes there are still bigoted white people and politicians that trying to keep us down. But not every white person is evil.”

Now it’s since BLM “I AM BLACK HITLER, COMMANDER OF THE FOURTH REICH!”

Then the whole Killmonger thing where far more educated people will say he the voice of black Americans

So an Oakland [REDACTED N WORD] who joined the cia to being in destroying countries represents the issues between black Americans vs native Africans?

I’m pretty sure that the pan African bs is causing most strife between the two groups.

Seriously if Killmonger was written by a black writer without a persecution complex (not saying Ryan Coogler is super racist just…god idea modern black creators can’t leave the plantation)

Killmonger would have his jaw punch off by another black American character like War Machine and Nick Fury.

Also give Wakanda the middle finger it’s desperately needs

“Fuck you aristocrats, black Americans are part of space travel history while your asses did nothing for us. Byyyye 🖕”

Though probably I’m not race obsessed as the current black panther writers. But I would make black Americans characters that ensured the Wakandans are uncomfortable af around them.

NoI is fun because they're not secretive about anything really, not their weird ass Yakub invented white people to punish black people, they blatant racism which they just seem to feel really really proud of for some reason (should have linked up with mugabe and moved to Zimbabwe formed their own little commune where they could be super black), their Antisemitism, oh and the fact that they've stolen pretty much every part of the 3 main Abrahamic faiths they liked and then claimed they were doing that first even though Wallace Fard Muhammad didn't start proselytizing till 1930.

And that was in Detroit not Chicago, they moved their home base, you can scratch that off of your shame list.

First real leader of the group Elijah Muhammad is absolutely not fooling anyone with that name choice.

Also like the uncle Ben and Jemma thing, um white liberals have been to the south and meet southern blacks? Like…there a reason those images exist.

Free to make their own decisions people took up these roles and became icons, but ya so many decades later people with no grasp on history screw it up.

Really should have done some polling on that one, and several others.

“Fuck you aristocrats, black Americans are part of space travel history while your asses did nothing for us. Byyyye 🖕”

I remember hearing about something in the comics wakanda had a cure for cancer but wouldn't share it, which there was some cheering for that right up till it was pointed out to the cheering readers that this meant more than white people would be dying of cancer as a result.

Maybe sickle cell would have hit harder.

But back in the day we went “Yes there are still bigoted white people and politicians that trying to keep us down. But not every white person is evil.”

Almost skipped this bit.

Check the timeline for the death of the occupy movement and the birth of the blm movement, as I've said before it's not a coincidence, once again class solidarity was forming.

That's not allowed because then the elites get voted out.

Staci Abrams and Maxine Waters are just as scared of that as any white politician you can think of.

#anonymous

[ultraericthered]

When some fool interjects onto one of my posts (responding to someone else) about Disney's Wish discourse:

Okay. Just for clarification. I am an English major and I am only a semester away from having an associates. Breaking down movies and books is a hobby and a past time. So here are my thoughts.

Oh, so immediately this "clarification" doesn't sound very humble.

Without a doubt whether or not you consider this to be good or bad is opinion. It's debatable. I personally fall on the side of not liking it. I see why people can like it and I'm not gonna dox people for liking it. It's definitely one of those movies where you could "theoretically" like and enjoy despite it's multitude of flaws.

Wow, this is a mature, civil, level-headed and reasonable tone to take, and for a rational statement! You almost never see that on social media! I'll give this good sir or miss props for that. Will it last?

The plot was overall basic and uninspired.

Unfortunately yes, it absolutely was. Not one of the film's stronger qualities, I'm afraid, and with such a solid, captivating premise too!

What I mean by this is this... The plot was a carbon copy of other ideas and thoughts previously done from their other works. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, for this movie it brings it down BECAUSE it relies too heavily on them.

✓Sweet dreamy eye protagonist who is so sweet that everybody loves her

✓ talking animal side kick who provides comedic relief

✓wishing on a star

✓ female leading crying on an inanimate object because something didn't go her way

✓evil villain

✓magic saving the day

Nice checklist. Again, nothing too disagreeable so far....

These are all not necessarily bad. In fact these are good ideas to have. We have seen them before. AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM

Oh no. Is this Doug Walker argument really rearing its ugly head? A work of art or entertainment is allowed to derive from earlier made works of art or entertainment as sources of inspiration and creative intake but are not permitted to straight up repeat ideas, scenarios, plot beats and character archetypes "we have all seen before" in other works, at least not without "adding anything new of its own"?

Call me crazy, but I think Disney was heavily considering not only children born in the late 2010s, but also the current 2020s-born generation when putting this picture together. A bunch of youngsters who might've not once seen anything like what's featured in this movie before in their early years, which would make this their first big exposure to Disney animated fairy tales just as the animated fairy tales of old were the first exposure to children of those films' eras. Because every time a type of story is retold and ideas are recycled into that story could be someone's first time. That is a fact of life.

I understand that uniquemess and originality are hard to come by nowadays. I'm a writer and original ideas are the hardest to find. What you have to do is take those old ideas and make them new. What Disney did was not make these old tired tropes their own, they rehashed them and expected us to go, "Oh! That's just like this movie!"

It makes the movie lose its own voice. This movie is too wrapped up in references and tropes they've used before to try and capture nostalgia, that wonder they used to have. What made those movies so special was the heart and care that went into them. This is Disney's 100 anniversary, but instead it feels like Disney's catch 100 references to when we were a better and a more creative studio.

This would be speaking to the side of the movie that was NOT geared towards the kids, however. The side of the movie that, because it's a celebratory centennial milestone event, caters to longtime hardcore Disney fans who will immediately get all the references, recognize the homages and callbacks, spot all the little Easter Eggs thrown all over the film. I've said before that I do not believe Disney should've put so much attention and effort into this side of the movie compared to the original story, especially when they made Once Upon A Studio to better serve the centennial celeberation purposes, and that they did so was a huge mistake, being easily the movie's biggest handicap.

Why is this bad? Well don't I have the answer for you!

Alrighty then, thanks again for the honesty!

They HAD a beautiful story!! The idea and premise for this movie is probably my favorite thing but the execution from a professional and eye is awful! You cannot look at this movie and tell me that it is the Mona Lisa when it is nothing but a carbon Copy of what once was.

No disagreement there. I pray this fellow's not seen the concept art and all the information floating around about what we might've had.

It was done in a manner that was so half hearted and so clearly a cash grab they practically insult themselves. The plot was predictable and falls flat.

I love how the second sentence reads like a non sequitur to the first. I've heard the "half-hearted, cynical and desperate cash grab" accusations and I don't quite think they're accurate. I think this was a production that began with a lot of heart and care put into what everyone was designing and realizing in order to make a worthy new original Disney fairy tale for the 100th year mark, but ended with micro-managing corporate stooges "doctoring" the scripting, the scoring, the pacing (via editing), and the overall presentation of the work to turn out something safe and crowd-pleasing that hits off as much Disney quota as possible. Again, for the 100th year mark. And so what we ended up with was what I've called a "beautiful mess."

The villain was interesting at first! He was giving me a similar two sidedness as Frollo and then the back track his character by throwing in an evil maguffin to make him evil because it is clear to anyone who knows basic plot structure that it was rushed and they didn't know what else to do to progress the story. WE COULD HAVE HAD ANOTHER FROLLO WITH HIM, BUT WE GOT A HALF HEARTED GASTON!

This is starting to ramble, but I'll try to make sense of it. For one thing, I do not think Magnifico was ever at any point of the film's development set to be like "another Frollo". His core influences clearly come from Queen Grimhilde, Maleficent, Gaston, and Jafar. And the evil maguffin was not "thrown in to make him evil" - the tome of forbidden dark magic was set up as a Chekov's Gun earlier in the picture because it was what would be A: what would make Magnifico such a formidable threat to everyone, and B: what would serve as the catalyst for Magnifico to break his bonds of well-meaning rationale and discard the mask of mental and moral soundness. The prompt for him to turn to it was very rushed, yes, and his backstory and motivations behind his possessiveness, paranoia, and iron-fisted tendencies needed to be better set up and conveyed prior to this turn. I will not dispute that. But Magnifico, both in his own character arc and in how his spiral into villainy progresses the story, is so much more than "half hearted Gaston", and it really ain't nothing to do with "knowing basic plot structure" or whatever pretentious rhetoric is being used as criticism here.

Speaking of Gaston: You mentioned that The king being shoehorned in as a villain was like saying Gaston was shoehorned. I have an explanation for this. The reason why...

Yeah? What's the reason why?

Now I hope I don't loose you here. This will get a little difficult...

WHAT'S THE REASON WHY? GET ON WITH IT!

In order to PROPERLY set up a character, this goes for Asha too (more on her later), you have to set up their character and what they are about in the first 5-10 minutes they are on screen. In the movie what we are told is that the king is noble and loves his people. There was no shadow of a doubt if this. And then as the movie progresses, specifically at the 30 minute mark it is revealed that oh hoho he is a narcissist and is obsessed with himself. The way they did this was out of the blue and off putting. It came out of nowhere. There was no build up. It was a sweet song about the wishes and then BAM I'm a narcissist who cares about no one but myself. That 180 came so fast they did not even prep themselves for it. It felt like this was a last minute idea.

Well, King Magnifico was noble in regards to his ideology and his aspiration to see his kingdom continue to prosper while also being the one to safeguard the most precious wishes of the hearts of his subjects. And he loved his people...so long as they loved him, gave him constant appraisal and attention and undying devotion, and remained the good little dreamless drones he wanted them to be. Noble intentions can give way to indulgence in one's darker qualities and impulses if "the ends will justify the means" is subscribed to, and not all love is unconditional love. I have heard the complaints that Magnifico's unveiling plays out like a Twist Villain and that he was likely not intended to be really evil but they changed him last minute to pander to the "bring back traditional Disney Villains!" fan crowd. And I personally find it bollocks when the simpler answer is that King Magnifico is a corrupt, narcissistic manipulator with a God Complex whose benevolence is illusionary and whose wish-keeping system is an oppressive, dishonest, self-benefitting sham. Was the execution of the idea notably off in terms of the pace it moved at? Absolutely. This does not make Magnifico any lesser a villain, at least not to me.

Don't get me wrong, I love Asha.

This is a lie. There doesn't seem to be any "love" for anything in this movie coming from you.

She is sweet and funny, but she is poorly written.

Not only have I not argued that, I have actually stated as much!

We are not shown why she is sweet or why she is caring. We are told.

So we're just told that she's sweet rather than seeing her being so get shown, yet you like her for being sweet and funny? Which is it?

With her fatal flaw, caring too much, she is told this is her fatal flaw. The movie doesn't trust us enough for us to figure out her fatal flaw. And it doesn't even really show us that she cares too much to begin with.

Uh, yes it does. Her interactions with her mother and how far she's willing to go for her grandfather Sabino and how quickly she gets to being protective and cherishing of Star show us this. Like, if Sabino really is 100 years old and gave Magnifico his wish when he came of age years ago, that is years and years and years of life that Asha was not around to witness, as she hadn't been born yet. So you'd forgive her if she didn't invest all that much in getting Sabino's wish granted at last because she doesn't know her grandfather all that well as the gap between how long he's been alive and how long she's been alive is so huge, yet her heart cares so much about him and the idea of his wish being granted to him before he passes away that it becomes a fixation to her. She'd been spared lots of trouble and heartache had she cared less.

There are so many unexplained why's, to her it makes my head spin. Why does she care? Why does she want to be an Apprentice?

She wants to be an Apprentice so that she can be close to the king and the wishes he keeps, learn the inner workings of the system, and ensure that the king grants wishes to those she feels ought to have their hearts desires granted and their dreams realized. And this brings us to another flaw of hers that I wish the movie itself took time to notice and actually address as being such - well meaning or not, Asha was hoping that being in Magnifico's favor would get Magnifico to allow her to push for nepotism in regards to Sabino. It ended up backfiring and unveiling the king's darker nature, but it also unvelied something about Asha that the movie then sadly paid no mind to.

Why is she sweet? Why is she the way she is? Is it cause she is naturally that way like snow white? Was she raised to be that way? Or did she have a rough upbringing that made her this way? We don't know. That's the bottom line.

This movie has so many analytical flaws that I physically do not have the time nor the words to accurately explain to you why this movie is technically bad. But I doubt you care to even consider my points and come up with a half baked response.

Aaaand there's the condescending attitude you were holding back! Aaah, color me so disappointed! The "I cannot accurately convey in words how technically bad this movie is" is a cop-out, but one I'll let slide as it gets you off my back. But that other part? I DID consider your points and have in fact agreed with a few of them, and even ones I disagreed with I can see why you'd think that way about those matters. Yet you pre-emptively say "half baked response?" Sheesh!

I bid you a due. I'm gonna go watch an actually good movie.

"An actually good movie". There's another tacky, needless potshot.

Also, you fool. You absolute buffoon. It's "adieu", not "a due!"

#Disney #Wish #criticism #controversy #opinion #hatedumb #haters #disney villains #King Magnifico #disney princess #Asha #references

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Fandom ask game: 6, 9, and 11!

omg yay thank you, let's gooooooo

6. something you see in art a lot and love

I am weak for Ruthari art where one of them is sleeping on top of the other, and they're both just completely crashed out. Absolute epitome of "let them rest." So many artists draw and writers write this very specific pose that I feel we are all just sleep deprived fools who need a full night's sleep but we can't get it so we give it to them instead and I love that for us actually.

Let them rest. Let us all rest. So say we all.

9. a ship that isn't your OTP but that you enjoy

Kimditi. They jumped me in a dark alley! I was unprepared! 22% of their fics on ao3 are mine, as of today.

I also really enjoy Janaya, who are far calmer in vibes and whom I can actually watch on the screen anytime I want to.

11. if you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

OH THIS IS HARD HOW DO I CHOOSE AMONG MY CHILDREN LIKE THIS

uh uh ummm uhhhhh

Probably either Moonberry Wishes for feel-good feels,

or Taking the Plunge for BH-canon compliant Ruthari,

or Free Rooster for being absolute guano loco hilarious,

or House Rules for moonfam feels, god I love this one,

or A Hundred Hellos for a fun format I just made up and stuck with for 100 separate scenes AND ACTUALLY FINISHED,

or my unfinished modern AU Ruthari longfic Seeing the Light which ended up hitting me like a truck

I just. love writing. so much okay. I love making stuff up, I love writing it down, it's all so different and it each has an emotional niche and I really really really can't pick one, this was hard enough as it is!!!

#asks #ask game #thanks for the ask! #sleepy ruthari #kimditi #my fanfic #aaaaaa