#willy wonka is illiterate

[oneawkwardwriter]

Bedtime Tales

pairing: Wonka!Willy Wonka x literary nerd!gn!reader warnings/tags: Wonka spoilers!, just a lighthearted story, reader being a huge nerd totally not inspired by myself no... summary: reader finds out that not only has Willy never learned how to read, he was also never read to as a child, so they make a deal a/n: I'm lowkey obsessed with the new Wonka film, I can't even learn for major tests without seeing connections wc: 942

"What do you mean you can't read?" You asked in astonishment as you stare at the chocolatier in front of you.

"I just can't..." Willy said rather matter-of-factly, shrugging his shoulders as he took in the shocked expression on your face. "I never needed to, so I never learned it."

"Would've come in handy at zoo," Noodle muttered under her breath, "We nearly got eaten by a tiger."

"Keyword: nearly," Willy emphasised, "I've nearly been eaten by a lot of things, and they only got as much as a nibble."

"Okay, yeah, that's... that's not really comforting," You replied, shaking your head as if to process the thought, "So, you don't how to read... but at least you've been read to when you were a child, right? Right...?"

But Willy only shook his head, making your eyes widen more. "You've never been... right, okay, uhm... right, yes..." You're stumbling over your words, trying to form a coherent sentence and failing miserably. "Right, well... I'm sorry, but how has someone with so much imagination never been read to? Where do your ideas come from if not from stories?"

"I don't know, they just... form in my mind?" Willy answered, not sure how to respond to your questions. "I think you're making this a bigger deal than it has to be."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. the Chocolatier," You reply sarcastically as you look him dead in the eye, "I didn't realise that you were capable of such great things. Why would you even need to read? You already traveled around the world, so there's no need for you to immerge yourself into another."

"Are you sure she's still talking about my non-ability to read?" Willy asked Noodle, still confused but also slightly intrigued by your apparent affinity for reading.

"Hey, you pissed off the literature nerd, not me," Noodle simply answered before going back to her chores.

"Okay, you're exaggerating, I'm not pissed off," You clarify as you shake your head, "I'm just... baffled by the fact that you've never bothered with anything related to reading."

Truth be told, they could've gone around in circles like that forever if it hadn't been for Mrs. Scrubbit checking everyone's attendance and sending them to their separate rooms.

You leaned against the door and sighed, tired from yet another exhausting day at the bleachers. You sat down on your bed and let your head rest in your hands. Having been at the laundromat and bleachers for a few years now and still having several years ahead of you, you had given up on dwelling over your miserable predicament.

So instead, you got out a book from your suitcase, one of your very few possessions. Seeing as the lightbulb above your head kept on flickering and wouldn't provide much light, you moved over to the window, where the moon casted a dim glow over the pages.

After a while, you heard a soft psst coming from the window of the room across from yours. You looked up, only for your eyes to catch the gaze of the brilliant, illiterate young man.

"So, I had a talk with Noodle, and she offered to learn me how to read," Willy said, "She said it would be necessary if this whole chocolate selling operation works through."

"Well, that's a nice offer," You reply, "And I agree with her. You won't always be able to depend on others to do the reading for you."

"Now that you mention it, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing," He comments, "I mean, you seemed to be a advocate for being read to, right?"

You can't help but lightly chuckle. "There's a massive difference between having someone read for you and someone read to you, Mr. Wonka," You say, "One creates a depency, the other provides an escape."

"Well, if that's the case, let's hope that prisoners aren't being read to," Willy joked, lightly grinning when he saw a faint smile creep up your lips. "See, who needs to read when a clever choice of words can make even the most stubborn of people crack a smile?"

"Who are you calling stubborn, Mr 'My near-death experience doesn't mean I should learn how to read'?" You ask rethorically as you raise and eyebrow at him, "Besides, it's often a clever choice of words that makes reading so worthwhile."

"Well, I suppose you'll have to prove that to me in order for me to believe it," He argued, secretly hoping you'd concede.

"Oh, is that how it has to be?" In your mind, you were somewhat thrilled to indulge and with that, be able to share something you were passionate about. But what's the fun in simply saying okay? "Well, I suppose if you asked kindly enough I would think about it..."

"Alright, alright..." Willy said as he stifled a smirk while rolling his eyes. "Would you, please, read to me so I may realise at last what I've been missing out on?"

"Because you asked so politely and totally weren't forced to do so, I will indulge you, Mr. Wonka," You say, fighting back a smile of your own.

And so, you start to read, occasionally looking up only to find fim listening attentively. Right before the story reaches its climax, you shut the book.

Being surprised by the sudden halt, Willy snaps out of his hazy state of drifting off into the story and looks confused.

"Hey, why did you stop?" He asks in astonishment, "How am I supposed to know how the story ends?"

"I guess we'll find out another time," You say, a slight smirk forming on your lips. "Good night, Willy."

© This work belongs to @oneawkwardwriter, please do not copy this work to any other site or claim it as your own. Reblogs are allowed and appreciated!

#writing prompt #writeblr #writing prompts #willy wonka x reader #willy wonka fic #wonka 2023 #x reader fic #noodle wonka movie #willy wonka is illiterate #just a nerd who loves to read #this doesn't make any sense at all #divider by saradika #oneawkwardwriter fics

[thatmultifandomchick]

Just saw Wonka, and I cannot believe that they made Willy Wonka illiterate. Like he’s straight up Jared, 19.

#wonka 2023 #willy wonka #jared 19 #illiterate #lol #meme #funny

[meat-church]

the only willy wonka prequel I want is what prompted the weird hell boat ride. what happened so slightly eccentric timothee chalamet to make him turn into incredibly unhinged gene "not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing are the fires of Hell a-glowing? is the grisly Reaper mowing?" Wilder??

#i did see the wonka movie today #it was okay #i had fun but i wouldn't call it a roald dahl's willy wonka prequel #it was a decent slightly eccentric chocolate man destroys weirdly religious chocolate cartel movie #but wonka? nah #also cgi hugh grant oompa loompa was a weird choice #AND WHY WAS HE ILLITERATE #FOR NO PURPOSE #played for like 4 jokes it was odd #i did love the landlady representation #ya know? from roald dahl's the landlady #anyway it was a fun time i just would not call it a wonka prequel #wonka #willy wonka #timothée chalamet #would i watch it again? yes i liked the music even if his rendition of imagination wasn't as charming

[catherine-sketches]

Just watched the Wonka movie.

I enjoyed it as a standalone film but especially enjoyed it as a prequel to the Gene Wilder Wonka. It retroactively made Wider’s Willy so much more tragic.

And that’s because Chalamet’s younger, earnest and kind Willy Wonka is CONSTANTLY having his kindness and compassion and belief in the good intentions of others thrown back at his face almost. Every. Single. Time.

What happens to him, in no particular order: People take advantage of him when he is at his lowest; they sabotage his chocolate; Hugh Grant steal his chocolate and beats him with a frying pan; he is nearly drowned by the chief of police; a boat he’s in is rigged to explode; they try to drown him AGAIN but now in melted chocolate under a church; he is tricked into debt and forced into indentured servitude; the chocolate mafia wants him dead; he has to crawl in the sewers just to sell his chocolate without the police beating the shit out of him at the chocolate mafia’s command, and a bunch of other moments either his earnest nature (or the fact he is illiterate, because by the way he is illiterate) is taken advantage of.

But he keeps believing in the good of others. He has friends, and a pseudo daughter that taught him how to read and his mother’s memory and so many dreams…

And then we arrive at Wilder Wonka. Who was betrayed one too many times. Who had his recipes stolen from him. Who shut himself from the world and trusts no one.

Who doesn’t care for these spoiled people walking around his factory, even if they were his last attempt at proving to himself that good people, good kids (Like Noodle) still exist.

Who is alone.

TL;DR: seeing a young Wonka who is so optimistic knowing how he is going to end up after being betrayed over and over and over again is a emotional experience that I was not quite ready for.

#wonka 2023 #wonka movie #willy wonka #gene wilder #timothée chalamet #wonka #the bitterfication of the candy man #watch in real time as you realize that this man will be betrayed into bitterness and madness and a dash of anger too #Gene’s Wonka truly gave the vibes of a man that had snapped a long time ago #now we know how #they took advantage of his kindness one too many times #wonka spoilers

[vainvenus]

⌲;꒰ Wonka Welcome! ꒱

Pairing :: Willy Wonka x Fem!Reader

Synopsis :: There's a new bakery in town and Wonka stops by to give the owner a warm welcome.

Includings :: Slight spoilers, events happen after the movie, Wonka speaking nonsense/being illiterate, him pulling shit out of hat, slight flirting, this is really short (im just trying to dump my drafts), nothing but fluff

An :: "He's the worst Wonka" ok but he's the hottest so send requests!

"What's that you got there, Noodle?"

Willy questioned, brows furrowed but eyes full of curiosity as Noodle walked back into the shop. She had a small tart-like thing in her hand, a few crumbs dusted across her chin as she licked her fingers.

It was small yet colorful, some sort of filling under a few fruits as Noodle held it out to the brunette to take a bite.

"A tart."

He hummed, taking a bite from it and his eyes went wide as he hummed again after tasting it. The crust had a perfect crisp taste to it, the fruit each tasting perfectly ripe.

"Delicious! Did you make that all on your own? How? Where?"

Noodle shook her head as she finished the rest of it, wiping her fingers down on the bottom of her pants. "Not me. There's a baker, she just opened up across from us, don't know how you haven't noticed."

"What!?"

Will practically teleported over to the window, hands pressed against it like a child who was passing his shop for the first time. His eyes were glistening as he saw there was a Bakery shop positioned right across from him.

"Well, I think I ought to say hello! Give her a warm Wonka welcome!" He hummed, adjusting his top hat as he walked out the doors and across the street.

He looked up, eyes scanning across the shop's sign and he narrowed them a bit. Noodle had been continuing to teach him how to read but of course, he still had a few issues.

"[Mispronounced version of name]'s blissful bakes." He muttered to himself before pushing the door open, the sound of a bell chiming above him as he did so.

"Welcome! Menu's right above me and you can order when you're ready." He heard a soft voice chirp.

He walked a bit closer, seeing a girl wearing a simple outfit with a white apron that had red hearts printed all over it. Her hair styled in [hairstyle]/wrapped up. She was mixing something in a bowl before turning around.

She turned her head to Willy and he had felt his heart stutter for a second when their eyes had met and a smile automatically grew across his face.

"Oh! You're the Willy Wonka, right?"

"The one and only, ma'am!"

"It's so nice to finally meet you!" She set the bowl down, walking back to the front counter as she held out her hand. "I'm [Y/n]."

Oh. That's how it was pronounced, he thought it seemed a bit odd when he said it out loud earlier.

He took her hand, turning it so he could place a soft kiss upon the back of her palm. "A pleasure! I can't believe we haven't talked yet!"

"I'm a homebody. I don't roam around town too much unless it's to get here or more ingredients." She answered and he had nodded.

"Well, I believe a warm Wonka welcome is far overdue."

"A warm Wonka welcome? Just what is that?" She asked, smiling a bit out of amusement.

"This!" Willy exclaimed, taking off his hat as reaching his hand into it and pulled out a chocolate bouquet of flowers even equipped with a chocolate bow.

[Y/n]'s eyes widened with surprise as she smiled and took them, surprised that they weren't sticky at all but felt as if they had been in the fridge.

She had broke off one of the petals from the chocolate rose, popping it into her mouth. She hummed in satisfaction as she grabbed another.

"Oh my god. This is the best chocolate I've ever had."

"Thank you! I get that a lot." Wonka smiled and she had giggled, taking another bite of the bouquet.

"Please, let me give you a warm welcome as well. Choose anything and it's on the house."

The brunette tilted his head, brows furrowing a bit. "Why would it be on your house?"

"Huh?" Her expression matched his confusion as she shook her head. "No- that just means it's free!"

"Ohhh." His eyes scanned the menu, there were a lot of choices he honestly felt a bit overwhelmed. He finally decided, pointing to it.

"What're you pointing at me for?"

"Can I not have you?" He asked, his tone a bit playful as he leaned against the counter with a smug smile.

"Why don't you pick something actually on a menu?" She giggled, rolling her eyes playfully and he chuckled.

"Alright, alright." He hummed. "How about one of your tarts? One with strawberries, blueberries and kiwis."

"Alright, one tart coming right your way."

#willy wonka #Wonka #wonka 2023 #wonka movie #willy wonka x reader #willy wonka x you #wonka x reader #wonka x you #wonka timothee #timothee wonka #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader

[ohnoall3ofmyemotions]

went and saw wonka today….

how the fuck does willy know what a neural pathway is but is also illiterate?

#wonka #wonka 2023 #willy wonka

[lizardsfromspace]

This movie doesn't add a lot to the ~mythos~ but I'm grateful its chief addition is "Willy Wonka is an illiterate who travels via the sewer system"

#film #movies

[wpureimagination]

Here's some personal Wonka headcannons that I've been keeping in my back pocket as part of my portrayal of Wonka in case anyone's interested:

Due to an illness in his childhood, Willy does have some trouble with pain in his leg that tends to be worse on days when the weather is poor or when standing for prolonged periods; for this reason he does find actual use in his cane even if he doesn't always need it--it is nice to have around

Although he doesn't realize it, willy is hard of hearing in both ears, though one ear is far worse than the other and will only get worse as he ages if not tended to (which it won't be since he's completely oblivious to it) Eventually in later years he goes completely deaf in the one ear.

Willy is neurodivergent, likely on the autism spectrum, possibly ADHD, and deals with some mild PTSD symptoms such as anxiety, being easily startled/jumpy, and mild occasional flashbacks. He is also dyslexic and considers himself illiterate despite being able to read some (in his main verse specifically)

Willy's experience with dogs is minimal and, therefore, he has developed a slight fear of them--at least the bigger ones. Tiddles has given him some growth in this area, but their barks still give him a start every time, even Tiddles' bark.

Although he doesn't necessarily think about this or label it himself, I've taken to considering Willy asexual, generally s3x averted, and probably aromantic. While I'm not opposed to potentially shipping with him, he's definitely somewhere on the aro spectrum, so it will take a while for him to develop any sort of feelings like that and he has not ever had them so far in his lifetime (in any verse). That said, I guess shipping isn't off the table but it's also something that has to be discussed or has to develop on its own

#headcanons #hc #wonka hc #for my portrayal #mun stuff #about muse #musings #wonka headcanons

[thenightling]

Wonka review Warning: This review contains spoilers.

I just got done watching the new 2023 Wonka movie and... It's good. Not the best film ever but the ending is fantastic. And the ending really sold me. It's sweet. It's a musical. And it has the whimsy Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them *should* have had. First, the superficial. Visually it's gorgeous. And I absolutely love his velvet frockcoat. And the finale, when they recreate the chocolate room of Gene Wilder's Wonka but using modern technology... Oh, my God, that put the Johnny Depp / Tim Burton version to shame! This is set at the start of Willy Wonka's career. And it's clearly Gene Wilder's Wonka. He has that manic personality. Also he has the orange faced, green haired Oompa Loompas. And his business rival is Slugworth, who only exists in the Gene Wilder version of the story. Also you see a gorgeous re-creation of Gene Wilder's Wonka's Chocolate room at the end. At the start of the story Wonka gets taken in by what I can only describe as the Thenardiers from Les Miserables who trick him into signing a contract with tiny print resulting in an indefinite indentured servitude. (Don't worry, he gets out of it by the end but it's an annoyingly drawn out thing in the story). At the start of the story Wonka is a illiterate. He was so busy teaching himself about making chocolate that he forgot to teach himself to read. And a little bookworm girl called Noodle teaches him how to read. In general this is actually very creative and original story for a prequel to an existing property. It is very refreshing to hear original songs again, and not a remake. I even teared up when they did the backstory about Wonka's mother even though I could tell from the trailers she had passed away. A lot of it was quite predictable but that's okay. It was the predictable, familiarity, of ... well, a Dahl children's book. Even the gradual fate of the corrupt chief of police felt right out of something Roald Dahl would have written. I was surprised at how sweet it was. It has some cliches and borrows elements from other musicals but it's configured in a new way and Wonka, the character, is written really well. Clever, whimsical, sneaky, and sweet. If you go to see it, be sure to stay through the end credits. There's a little bit of an epilogue where "Lofty" tells us what became of the story's antagonists. This was a decent movie. It's not as good as Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory but it was good in its own way. In fact this felt like it was originally meant to be a Broadway musical but someone decided to make it into a movie instead. This was the first good family film I'd seen all year. I hope it gets nominated for best original song for at least one of the new songs. It's better than anything Disney's done lately. It's also nice to see a musical that isn't just a remake with a shoe horned new song added.

Yes, pure imagination is in the movie but not until near the end. It's a good, sweet movie. Not perfect but good. And the ending is what really made it for me, when I saw that recreate of Gene Wilder's Chocolate room while Pure Imagination was being sung, that's when the nostalgia hit hard. This has potential to be a well-remembered movie. I think my mother would have liked it. She liked all versions of Willy Wonka. I wish she could have seen this. My only complaint about the new Wonka movie is I think "Lofty" the Oompa Loompa should have had more screen time. He only had what felt like three scenes. A lot of creativity and heart went into this script and you can tell it was written by a fan of the original film and Dahl. Despite the cliches there were some great original ideas. I liked it very much.

#Wonka

[thefaggifier]

Willy Wonka is canonically illiterate.

[rickchung]

Wonka (dir. Paul King).

An appropriately unhinged Timotheé Chalamet stars as a younger, illiterate version of the eccentric singing chocolatier, based on the classic Roald Dahl literary character, in an enjoyably whimsical musical fantasy about his magically sweet origins. King creates a lavish world akin to Harry Potter, wearing its confectionary style bursting off the screen. It's an amusing retelling of the chocolate tale grounded by teenage actor Calah Lane's lovely performance as Willy's orphan sidekick "Noodle" (an obvious Charlie Bucket analogue). There's an overall joyfully innocent sense of fun and found family consistent with King's previous films.

#wonka #features #willy wonka #timothée chalamet #reviews #charlie and the chocolate factory #timothee chamalet #paul king #wonka 2023 #warner bros #warner bros. #warner bros pictures #hugh grant #warner bros. pictures #movie #movies #movie review #film review #film #musical #roald dahl #david heyman #cinema #keegan-michael key #calah lane #keegan michael key #paterson joseph #sally hawkins #olivia colman #natasha rothwell

[lucyghoul]

willy wonka is illiterate that is so feyre of him

[meat-church]

the only willy wonka prequel I want is what prompted the weird hell boat ride. what happened so slightly eccentric timothee chalamet to make him turn into incredibly unhinged gene "not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing are the fires of Hell a-glowing? is the grisly Reaper mowing?" Wilder??

#i did see the wonka movie today #it was okay #i had fun but i wouldn't call it a roald dahl's willy wonka prequel #it was a decent slightly eccentric chocolate man destroys weirdly religious chocolate cartel movie #but wonka? nah #also cgi hugh grant oompa loompa was a weird choice #AND WHY WAS HE ILLITERATE #FOR NO PURPOSE #played for like 4 jokes it was odd #i did love the landlady representation #ya know? from roald dahl's the landlady #anyway it was a fun time i just would not call it a wonka prequel #wonka #willy wonka #timothée chalamet #would i watch it again? yes i liked the music even if his rendition of imagination wasn't as charming

[noicloud]

I’m obsessed with illiterate timothee Willy wonka

[smorxy-moved]

Me: what if I wanted to be named after beluga whales and be called mr beluga whale

Dad: that’s ridiculous

Me: I’m going to be named Smorxy Willy Wonka Buffkin Sardza Saddle Sonic Bear when I’m older

Dad: reasonable

#hows that reasonable #beluga whale is more resonanle yjan smorxy willy wonka buffkin sardza bear #or hcjdbcjsncdi #i cant spell #i cant read #i am illiterate #AND I WILL NOT CHANGE #I AM PERFECT JUST HOW I AM

[monkeystrokes10]

We gave birth to the concept in the wee hours in the common area, aka Creative Lounge. Gustaf was sitting cross-legged on the air hockey table, meditating. Ben, doodling body parts, Jaime in headphones, and me Scrabbling With Friends.

It was our third consecutive all-nighter brainstorming next week’s Whole-Heart Brown Rice presentation, and from an idea standpoint, had what we needed. However, Malcolm Bain, agency founder aka work/life balance denier, insisted on these idea-generating marathons. “That's when the genius happens," says the man who considers Wes Anderson films a yawn. "When you are exhausted and spent.”

Bain. Former business-park developer whose favorite pastimes are power-washing his Cessna 172 and guesstimating his net worth with each Dow closing. His favorite director is Oliver Stone.

Whole-Heart Brown Rice tastes like gerbil bedding. Milled just like white rice, nothing whole grain about it. The brown is food coloring.

It took the account team a two-hour powerpoint to convey to us dope-smoking "creatives" that most consumers combine rice with other foods, including the Asian demographic. We pay these people?

Ben came up with "Everything's right on Whole-Heart Brown Rice." Jyoti added the Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike popping out of the box, flashing a shaka. "Right on!”

The account people would eat it up, pun intended. Bain too. “Right on!” over-designed into billboards, TV, digital, email, point-of-purchase, translites, and oh yeah, fidget spinners. Anything to justify the iceberg-sized invoice of billable hours. Right on!

Gustaf opened his eyes like a genie from a lamp. "This is boolshit."

There’s a picture of Gustaf on the agency website. When Diversity and Inclusivity became buzzwords, B(r)ain Power Inc. hired man-bunned Gustaf “who enjoys tai-chi and rock climbing.” Also Jyoti, Head Designer, sporting chartreuse buzz cut and choli top.

"Look at us,” Gustaf said. “We’re pathetic. Selling fake brown rice.” He bounced a nerf basketball off my head. "Locked in a playpen with toys, spinning gold for shysters."

We laughed. Gustaf did not. "We are better than this," he said.

Erika wasn't laughing either. "I have a gay friend who works for Chick-fil-A."

"She's a whore." Gustaf put his foot behind his head. "We all are."

As introvert copywriter dork, I keep my mouth shut unless I have something on paper to read from. But it was 3:30 a.m. and I just cracked an Allabash Truepenny from the pretentious agency beer fridge, my fourth. "Can't argue,” I said. “Those illiterate cows want to kill the Equality Act.”

Boycott posts had been on my newsfeed for years. Fundamentalist chicken-sandwich billionaire isn't open on Sunday and believes in conversion therapy.

Despite the headphones, Jaime could hear everything. “Advertising feeds the monsters,” she said a little too loud.

Ben flipped an Exacto knife into the drop ceiling. "We are better than this. We should do something worth a damn.”

Erika went for more beer and creative genius struck. An hour later we made a run to the 24-hour home-supply box store.

Tomorrow night, we go into production.

***

The billboard was just off the beltway, at Exit 10. A rusted frame of girders and I-beams supporting the weight of two three-dimensional life-sized fiberglass cows.

One cow stood on the back of the other, hoof reaching up to paint the headline, "Eat Mor Chikin.” I hate it. Bos taurus telling you to eat Gallus domesticus. So creepy.

Jyoti thought of the white coveralls to look like a Chick-fil-A work crew, painting them with big black splotches to match the Holsteins.

Gustaf in his harness scaled the thing and rigged a pulley system off the scaffolding, hoisting Jaime, Ben, and Erika behind him onto the narrow work platform. Jyoti waited below with art supplies. I manned the other end of the base in charge of tools, including the crowbar I used to pry open a breaker box and flip-switch the board into darkness.

Jaime and Gustaf switched on their headlamps and crawled under the cows. A bucket lowered on a rope. “Half-inch drive ratchet, three-quarter socket, combo wrench, cutting wheel," Jaime called down. I rummaged her toolbox, took my best guess, and tugged. The bucket ascended.

Erika lowered a bucket from her end of the platform. “Red, white, two angle brushes, nine-inch roller," she stage whispered. Jyoti filled the order.

At 3:00 a.m., traffic was scarce, but my heart was banging away like Sheila E. Gustaf grinding sparks and Jaime in a ratcheting frenzy as Ben performed the sex changes with a handsaw, epoxy, and four Sculpey horns.

Then the three of them grunted the two transgender Holsteins into Verse 37 of the Kama Sutra.

Erika brushed away at copy revisions on her side of the billboard, teetering horrifically on Jyoti’s shoulders, who’d somehow climbed up to get in on the action.

I could hardly watch. If someone got hurt, we'd all be touring emergency rooms, central booking, Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe law offices, and unemployment lines.

On a lighter note, my headlamped co-workers in makeshift cow-coveralls looked like Oompah Loompahs working Willy Wonka's milking machine. I heard nervous giggling, and realized it was mine.

In five minutes, it was a wrap. After everyone rappelled to terra firma, I flipped the power back on so we could admire our work.

As an ad, it put the mess in messaging. A convoluted shitshow. But to overworked, frustrated, guilt-ridden creatives, it was the best thing we'd ever done.

The receiving bull, standing on its hind legs, gazed dreamily into the night while the servicing bull fellated its single modified udder/penis.

An LGBTQ rainbow was art directed over the bovine lovers. Erika had rendered the cow scrawl like a photoshop wizard. Gustaf was right, "Home of the Homophobe Sandwich" would’ve been copy heavy.

However, "Suk More Dik'n" was One Show Pencil gold. Underneath, the tagline in pink script. “It’s Natural!”

Erika took the low-hanging fruit. "The client's going to have a cow."

***

A celebratory IHOP blueberry stack, and we were back in the office. Bain didn't show up until after 11, wearing an Adidas tracksuit and a Tag Heuer.

"It's nuts out there this morning. Exit 10 is backed up like you wouldn't believe," he said.

Jyoti, still in her cow get-up, gave a triumphant moo.

Bain didn't blink. “Well, team, did lightning strike?"

"We're in a good place, Chief," I said.

"Right on," Bain said.

Right on, indeed.