#will never take me anywhere but here

[rustbeltjessie]

i'm back with scars to show (October 2003)

the soundtrack to the last month and a half of my life. you wouldn't think such a short period of time would have its own soundtrack, but so much has happened. the title comes from the weakerthans song "left and leaving."

World/Inferno Friendship Society - Tattoos Fade

Murder City Devils - 18 Wheels

Queens of the Stone Age - Mosquito Song

The Cure - Pirate Ships

Tom Waits - Shiver Me Timbers

Reid Jaimeson - Grass and Dirt

The Weakerthans - One Great City!

Carla Bruni - L'Amour

Leonard Cohen - Chelsea Hotel No. 2

The Black Heart Procession - Tropics of Love

Pony Da Look - Dirty Nails

Buck 65 - Wicked and Weird

The GC5 - Culture Wars

Pretty Girls Make Graves - Holy Names

The Libertines - I Get Along

Rancid - Indestructible

Beehive and the Barracudas - One-Way Ticket Outta Here

The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving

#mixes #playlist #from the vaults #music #youtube #2003 #i'm back with scars to show #back with the streets i know #will never take me anywhere but here #whyyyy am i doing this to myself???

[lemongogo]

sry i dont know what 2 draw anymore T_T . elendira portrait #999

#trigun #trigun maximum #elendira #elendira the crimsonnail #my art #im sure u can see it but ive been so uninspired w art lately T_T #ive tried to remedy it by just looking and observing. breaking down other works that i want 2 take direction from #but i tjknk its like . just jamming ME UPPP #and now im tjinking Too much ab it and psyching myself out #help me sorry i blow up the tags on every drawing i post ab my art struggles😭😭 #its like im whispering in here thouggh. just talking 2 myself and no one has 2 know except the ppl dealing w the same feelings #HAJAHA #anyways. i drew this just to say i finally drew smth agajn and im just going to be ok w it #like sure its not exciting but i like the colors and that shld be enough . OK !!!! #smth smth saw a post that talked ab how u get too in ur Head about this and then u dont share stuff and it becomes cyclical #and youll never get anywhere unless u just throw ur hands in the air and let it Be . #creating 4 the sake of creating . love and joy in sharing what we made and what we like #YAAAY #and bc i love elendira so much.. my go to girlie 4 art block #i need to draw her in fight scenes . i need 2 make art of her like sweaty and bloody yah . clenching my fist #maybe a livio fight scene bc i love it so much T_T

[s0fter-sin]

09 soapghost au, ghost was a member of soap’s unit before roba and they were together until he was taken. when he comes back and takes up the ghost mantle, simon riley is declared KIA and the hope that soap had let kindle in his heart that he’d come back to him dies. he throws himself into training, into becoming captain so he won’t let down another soldier the way he let simon down

then he recruits ghost to the 141 and ghost sees how much he’s changed, how much harder he is; slow to smile, never relaxing and he realises how much he fucked up by never reaching out. he’d thought he’d be better off without him, without the shell of the man he used to love but he’d done nothing but hurt him

after the close call with shepherd, soap wants to get right back into it, wants to hunt makarov down for almost getting his sergeant and lieutenant killed and ghost is yelling at him to just take it easy and heal first when soap snaps back, “i can’t lose anyone else! not again!” and ghost just rips his balaclava off, showing his face for the first time in years…

and soap says nothing. he just looks at him, completely unreadable. ghost clenches the balaclava in his hand, waiting for anything; even injured, soap can still pack a mean punch and he’s waiting for it, almost hoping for it… but he still does nothing. just stares

“well? c’mon!” he growls, stalking in closer. “let me have it! tell me how pissed you are! that i left you alone! that i ruined you the moment i touched you! that you regret ever fucking looking at me! scream, shout, say something!” until he’s leaning over soap’s chair, chest heaving

soap’s hand lifts and ghost can’t help his flinch before planting himself, ready to be struck, longing for it, to be punished the way he punishes himself-

soap’s hand gently cups his cheek and he freezes, breath catching as his thumb caresses the snake bite scars on his lip; feather-light and reverent. just like he used to

“you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you”

#i am not immune to the romantic scene of all time ft mr stoic how to train your dragon 2 #og soap is Young for a captain #like even if we arent given a canon age hes still like 30s maybe 40s if were pushing it #i dont know a lot about military shit but that seems young to me #so just soap who let himself become cold and focused everything on forcing himself to be better faster strong to protect everyone #until he finds himself as a captain of his own elite unit #handpicking men #and if he loses a single one it will be unequivocally his fault bc he chose them to be here #even ghost #this man that has no history beyond a few years of military service #no name no family even getting his blood type out of him was like pulling teeth #but sometimes #sometimes his complaints ring just a little too familiar #the way he holds himself tugging at his memory #even the way he idly flips a knife when waiting to be called in to interrogate someone #he doesnt dare to hope not when hope has never gotten him anywhere before #but then ghost takes the balaclava off and his walled off heart beats anew #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #talk to me ghost #soapghost #ghostsoap #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #soap cod #ghoap #09 soapghost #09 ghostsoap #save post

[aurosoul]

turned 30 yesterday and thought about how incredible it is to be publicly trans in a very prominent tech field, and how amazing the outpouring of support has been. feeling good about life and happy to still be here :)

#incessant meowing #me #and the best part is that i'm not the only public figure trans person #the awful hateful people are still out there for sure but like..... the support is stronger #we are finding community and employment and it's NORMAL #it's still hard sometimes but for the most part i realize that i am just.... /safe/ #and the realization hits me like a freight train every time and makes me want to weep with gratitude! #like i'm still here!! i'm still here and i'm not going anywhere!!! #it's bittersweet to think about the fight that went into this and still goes into this #not just for me but every lgbt person in america right now #but i am never ever going to take for granted the fact that i am standing on a mountain built by decades of activism #and i hope i can help pave the path up it for others to follow

[hide-your-bugs-away]

wet beatles jumpscare 😔

#wet beatles jumpscare 😔 #from 'keen teen' april 1965 #got this issue to read a huge article talking about the animals' wmca good guy-related stuff 👀👀👀 #there are some g o o d photos to go along with that article..... though hilton and chas may disagree #got jumpscared by wet beatles though 😔🙏 i had to do a double take to make sure i was looking at george #at least the article itself doesn't use the word 'beatle' as a prefix every other word like my issue of 'teenville' #they were in sydney here right??? so no ringo.... guess jimmy got wet too 😔🙏 #george harrison #paul mccartney #john lennon #mclennon #because i'm sure y'all love your wet mclennon #the beatles #not a second mag #the stones were on the cover of this which was really cool!!!! #also eric and alan touched shoulders in one of the photos so that's a hashtag win for me 🙏🙏🙏 #i'll post the animals photos sometime soon because eeEEE I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM ANYWHERE BEFORE

[bonesofhoney]

☁️i miss being in a dreamland turned reality✨

#take me baaaaaack #I miss it 😭 #I’ve never been anywhere more magical #also hi yes hello 👋 #it’s been a while #and I realized I never posted these! #:) so here I am #mine #Scotland #selfie #ish

[antisocialxconstruct]

good news: it is real 👍

bad news..... it is so so small 😂😂

tell me in WHAT universe this is an XXL..... I might still be able to style it somehow but I am a little disappointed it isn't the slouchy sweatshirt I was dreaming of. Trials of online shopping I suppose

#rom speaks #as far as i can ascertain the label is 'universe funnel' but if you search that..... there's nothing. it doesn't exist #i tried to buy this exact sweatshirt from a site that turned out to be a drop shipper years back #i ordered it with a pair of shoes. shoes arrived and i still have them. They’re great #sweatshirt just never even shipped and they had no good explanation for me. #when i tried to scrounge it up again from some other vendor it kept getting associated to a brand called club giv #but everything i could find emphatically implied club giv was a scam and they just take your money and send you nothing #found it listed on one other very sketchy site where the images were poorly edited with slightly different text #genuinely if i didn’t have this one sitting on my bed right now i wouldn't be convinced this sweatshirt ever existed anywhere in the world #so..... i just have to live with it being LITTLE #tbh i think the real solution here is i have to make one myself with the fit i want. I'm not in love with how the text is distributed either

[tealeavesandthorns]

// I'm really sorry guys but I need to take a break, a real break.

I keep saying I'm going to take a break and then a day later I come back, fighting the- whatever this is- burnout or whatever.

Im just completely exhausted.

Popping the rest below a read more.

I'm exhausted.

Since I've discovered my autism I've gone through a lot, well what feels like a lot and it feels like I've disappeared and I don't know where I've gone. Reading became hard, writing became hard, watching movies became hard. I want to escape and the closest I've gotten is watching Queen Charlotte the other week.

At the moment though I feel like I'm taking care of everyone but myself, I'm watching out for everyone but myself and then I come on here and write Maria taking care of everyone else or another character taking care of everyone and there's no let up.

I don't get to breathe or escape.

I need a break so I'm giving myself a week. A week to read, to escape (when I can) and to just be.

Ill be back. I just need time.

#;out of teaandplants #//I really need to just be and take a break and stick to it #To not just say I'm taking a break then come back tomorrow or whenever. #I've never really gotten fomo for anywhere or anything but I do get it on tumblr and #It does effect me because even here I feel isolated #Sometimes #Not all times and it's nobody's fault but I just need to breathe and sort myself out

[mortellanarts]

2023 go bye bye

#999 spoilers #art summary #art summery 2023 #my art #shoutout to all my monster high drawings that are still in the oven #I haven't posted them anywhere but! my friends made them pins and I've sold them on cons throughout the year :3 #I only started drawing them as a request from a boothmate actually and they're such fun designs to draw!!! #I went to a lot of local conventions to participate in the artist's alley and made so many friends that way it was wonderful #I think the next thing I'll reblog will be the game I worked on! #found out the nda doesn't cover me simply saying 'hey I worked on this thing coming out in a few months!' #so I made artist and cosplayer friends selling my art on the beach and I got my first proper job #....then I proceeded to give me a shoulder inflammation because my setup was terrible and it had to catch up to me eventually #but! already managed to get a new tablet and desk for myself!! it's even a screen tablet so there'll be a learning curve but I'm excited #I'm hoping this display will make things easier I always had trouble sketching on digital #and I am more carefully taking breaks now also because turns out relying on hiperfocus is bad for you? never knew #I was going through some stuff in the middle of the year there though I had so many vent drawings of akane from may to october qwq #not featured here are the tons of utena and umineko wips I have accumulated those were my favorite new media I got to experience for sure #in fact I'm watching the adolescence movie rn!! what in tarnation is this last act lol whatever! go Anthy go!!! floor it queen #also not featured the tons of oc stuff I made :D I'm glad I feel like I can start properly working on them soon ^^ #but yeah that's that I felt like writing a whole diary entry in these tags and you read it and that's what tumblrs all about ♡♥︎

[thediktatortot]

.

#I'm literally never going to own a home of my own #I'm going to live and die in the same house as my parents and I'm never going to have my own space to call my own #to make my own or to spread out and have my own space #People wonder why I don't feel like a fucking adult #and I can tell them plain as day that it's because I live at home with no job and all I do all day is draw read and look at fucking #fictional shit all day #sure I work on the property but so fucking what #I'm still just wasting away at home with no life no friends nothing to do #I dont want to volunteer anywhere because it's only hard labor shit and I cant physically do those things #and the only other volunteer shit around me is church stuff and I will NOT be helping any churches anywhere fucking ever for anyone #idk #I try to meet people and I have nothing to talk about #everyone else seems to be having their own lives with shit going on and multiple social circles and here I am unable to even string togethe #more than two sentences because it usually only takes that long to get to “so what do you do?” and I have to figure out a way to explain #that I'm living at home with no job no friends and no life in a way that doesn't look fucking pathetic as fuck #I'm not well educated so I just fall behind in most conversation #I can't contribute so whats the fucking point #The only people I have to talk to are my parents because what else am I gonna do? I can't keep complaining to you guys all the time #not like it's going to change anything #if anything it will just make people avoid me more for always being a fucking downer all the time #my parents vaguely get my frustration but they can't do anything #not like we have money or connections of any kind so there's no 'setting me up' with other people my age #honestly I just wish the fucking internet would go away #maybe then more people would get out of their houses and go outside and meet people #idk i'm just fucking done with everything #I'm so numb and so tired and so lonely and I don't know what it is I want because every time I meet someone knew it's like I can't get clos #I don't feel ready for a relationship but I also feel like I'm fucking wasting away alone by myself and I really crave closeness #but I'm also not a dating person #I'm not here to waste another 5 years to someone just fucking around #i want a life time relationship

[magentagalaxies]

just realized how fucking funny it is that like. yeah scott thompson's gonna be doing an event on campus next semester and i've already accepted that most students don't know who he is (yet). however. it only just dawned on me that like. a significantly large percentage of the people who recognize the name scott thompson at my college aren't gonna be like "oh the comedian from kids in the hall" but instead be like "oh that's jessamine's guy!"

#like yeah there's some air of legitimacy here but for a significant number of people this is me celebrating take-your-blorbo-to-school day #shoutout to my roommate last year who has never seen a kids in the hall sketch but knows too much about bruce and scott and paul #just from me talking about them like they're my uncles #but yeah like i'm the only one bringing up scott ever in my comedy classes rn #and he's obviously gonna get more recognition now that the school knows they have to get people interested in this event #but even still. all this is specifically tied to me. so in the minds of all these gen z college students #they know scott as being JESSAMINE'S friend and not the other way around like it would be almost anywhere else #this is gonna be such a funny dynamic i'm so excited

[koheletgirl]

genuine question what’s the difference between a palestinian state in which jews can stay and a secular state with right of return and reparations and whatnot? i mean i can make some educated guesses just from that description but i feel like im missing something regardless (i could totally be overthinking this though) no pressure to answer this if you don’t want to of course!!

basically, the way i understand it (please correct me if you're more knowledgeable than me), the difference is between a palestinian nation state and a civic state.

the thing is that this notion implies that jews will be given the choice between living as an ethnic minority in palestine and leaving (or maybe i'm interpreting it wrong!). but the simple fact is that jews are not a minority in israel and nothing short of a mass emigration (or worse) will make them one. so i don't see how that could happen unless the jewish population collectively decides that they're ok with becoming citizens of a palestinian nation state. again, i completely understand the ideology of this suggestion, what i don't understand is the practicality of it. what are you suggesting? how are you suggesting this will happen?

but i am going to reiterate that 1. i could be misinterpreting what i have read, and 2. it's not my place as an israeli jew to suggest a solution here. my support for a one secular state solution comes from conversations i have had with palestinians (as well as my life experience here), but i have no intention of speaking over them or claiming to represent them.

#the thing is. and this is smth standing together put very well. no one is going anywhere #there are millions of jews here. there are millions of palestinians here. the only way forward is together #as much as i wish israel had never been founded #i cant make anyone disappear #ask #anon #please take this in good faith. and correct me if i made any wrong assumptions

[taeyungie]

hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️ #from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/ #even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️ #soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

[the-kestrels-feather]

I'm so tired of my mom.

So my dad made gumbo tonight because my sister is home and she LOVES it. which I also LOVE, and he puts big chunks of green peppers and onions in it, which I don't. I'm not a big vegetable person in general, but most I'll eat. I don't like green pepper, so I just pick it out. And I like onion but I don't like the big pieces so if they're too big I'll pick them out. And when I went to go out my dishes away she side eyes my pile of peppers and goes "this is ridiculous" in the most passive aggressive condescending tone and I just????? I'm sorry I've told you I don't like them?? I don't care that they "don't have a taste", I can taste them and it's also a texture thing?? Like??? I eat everything else in the gumbo, including the diced tomatoes, why the fuck does it matter leave me the fuck alone.

#personal #it's just little things like this that she does that remind me she has no use for me #and she keeos acting like im actively choosing to live here with her #bitch i hate it here!! im here because i dont have another option!! id rather live out of my fucking car than live here but I have no car!! #i would take not having anywhere to live over dealing with this!! but i dont have an option #so here i fucking am!! #i don't know what you want from me!! im fucking TRYING to get out of gere because I can't STAND living here!! #i hate it!! #i know this is a small thing i know that but its just. this and the not being allowed to have any opinion that contradicts hers and the #having her “generosity” touted in my face and the not being treated like an adult despite veing almost 25 but reminded im “gonna be 25 and #need to start acting like an adult“ and her just outright ignoring everything i say or do and the fact that i know no matter what i do itll #never be enough to please her and hearing about how sges so miserable all the time but does nothing to change it #and every other fucking thing about living with her that ive hated for the last 24 years #toxic parents #toxic mom #toxic mother

[godofsmallthings]

i love acting like 1989tv is going to catapult me into a 1989 phase when we've done this three times already so i know that actually i'll listen to it once in full and be like huh these sound mildly different in a way that is so uncanny to me because of how well i know the originals and then i will only listen to the vault tracks and in a year will finally warm up to the album and have a belated 1989 phase :)

#and honestly? not complaining at all #i keep forgetting speak now tv is out #and i had my taylor discography playlist on the other day in the car and a speak now song came on (mean maybe?) and i was like half paying #attention and halfway through the song i'm like why the fuck does this sound so weird? #like girl did you forget about taylor lautner backflip?? hello???????? #it's wild how ppl moralize liking/not liking the rerecords on here (on both sides of the equation) and it's such a tired convo so i hate #posting about it bc really what am i adding to this discussion #but if anyone cares my stance is that music and memory is so personal and if your excitement about the rerecords #and the technical/vocal improvements in the (earlier especially) recordings works better for you then that's so awesome!! #i wish my creature-of-habit brain could work a little more like that truly bc i think i would have a teeny bit more fun with this #but if you're like me and have gotten used to/emotionally attached to specific vocal performances and tiny details #take ur timeeeeeeee <3 the best part about music is that once it's out it's not going anywhere #the best feeling is when you start having those attachments to the rerecorded version of a song (state of graceeeeeee) #and if that adjustment never happens for u then that's also fine (although it takes two seconds to put those mp3s of all the albums u def #have lying around somewhere into a silly little spotify playlist and listen to those instead of streaming the ogs. turn on local files!!!!) #anyway. i love not giving scooter braun/ppl who treat music as an investment instead of an art money <3 #and i love that the rerecords have bene giving us a chance to really reflect upon and celebrate specific albums and eras for a prolonged #period of time. especially as someone who missed most of these when they were happening. #vi is typing...

[tardis--dreams]

There's silverfish in this apartment so the only chance for my body to get some rest would be collapsing from exhaustion otherwise i will not sleep for a While

#how long does it take to get rid of them? #ages probably #and i have only one room (+ a tiny bathroom) so i cannot avoid them #they're in my bedroom therefore the bed isn't safe #god i hate it here #i had them in my first apartment too for a short time and i hoped to never experience this again #well #also the guy living here before me apparently has never cleaned the shower or the toilet in his lifetime #the shower is filthy and I've been cleaning it for 3 hours in total already #I'll have to scrub it everyday in order to get a chance to get rid of these years of dirt and limescale #(like scrub it for 30 minutes using cleaning supplies and all. not just clean it after showering like usually #which would have prevented this from happening in the first place if that guy had done this even just once a week) #also cannot fathom how my landlord accepted this bathroom to be left like this #there was literally still toilet paper in the toilet and there is dirt so bad i haven't gotten rid of it after scrubbing for hours #but yeah #the insects are the worst #i mean in korea i had actual bugs but there weren't as many and i think they couldn't climb the walls so i felt less #disgusted by my bed and everything i touch #(there was one in my bag and in the kitchen sink and in my blanket once and #I'm not exactly scared by them but actually disgusted #i guess this is what some people mean when they say they aren't scared of spiders but don't like them anyway #it's just gross and i don't want to see them) #and i will tell my landlord about it and ask if he can at least fix the bathroom silicom so maybe some of their hiding spots are gone #I'm just very tired of everything rn lol #still not using that extra time i have during the night to work for university so that's great #not getting anywhere #void screams