#why the fuck is it still cold outside

[vrell-is-not-alone]

#5: Gendering actions sucks.

TL:DR: Gendered actions make life harder to live sometimes. So today started rough when I went to get into my car and found that it didn’t start. Now, I’m not a car person, but luckily I have a car with some fancy computer shit in it, so my dad was able to tell me what was wrong from all the back where he lives. It turned out that the battery was fucked and needed replaced. This sucks since batteries aren’t cheap, but overall, not too bad. I’m handy enough to do it. So I got the help of a friend (Thanks again if you see this!), bought a new battery, and we got it all taken care of. However, it did kinda hurt to do it. And it reminded me of another incident I had earlier this week. At work, someone came in and asked me, as the person sitting at the front desk, to find someone not scared of spiders to kill a spider for them. Well, I’m not scared of spiders, so I got up and did it myself. But afterwards I felt terrible. Not just because I probably should have captured and released the spider (which I totally should have) but rather because, growing up, I was expected to take care of things like spiders and wasps for my mom and sister because I was one of the “big strong men” of the house and they were afraid of them. And so, in doing the same thing now, I had unfortunately taken on a masculine role and was feeling dysphoric due to it. And the fact that this is a thing is kinda stupid: actions don’t really belong to gender identities. However, from years in an upbringing with decently enforced gender roles, it is still a thing that wears on me to this day. And my experience today with the battery was the same thing. Growing up, neither my sister nor my mom were expected to know how to fix things or do mechanic work. So doing something like handling a battery replacement isn’t a thing that that they would ever be doing. And here I was. Doing it. Doing the thing that I was told I would need to be able to do as a man. So uh, lesson for y’all: be careful with gendering acts. It might just make it harder for someone else to get done whatever responsibilities they may have in day-to-day life. Then again, I love how some acts I like to do are female gendered because gender euphoria, so... Your mileage may vary?  - Vrell, Depressed Trans Girl

#RoaDTG is a terrible acronym #why the fuck is it still cold outside #car parts cost a fuckload #pointlessly gendered #girls can kill bugs too!

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[pinolitas]

Orville peck on tour but if I've learned anything about gays and this specific venue it's that I am not gonna see SHIT

#have I told the crj story?? I'm gonna tell it again #my friends who said they'd go canceled on me #and I got high as shit cus I was going alone #and the edible immediately won I had to get off the bus and get a donut so I could stop breathing on manual #I was already late to the show #I missed the opener #and I love empress of #anyways I get there and it's just tall white men as far as the eye can see #I've literally never seen this venue so packed people standing all the way up against the bar #and this is the largest non stadium venue #I start chugging waters cus I cannot let this edible beat my ass like this #I am wearing a mock neck idk why I wanted to be stylish #she finally plays call me maybe and like a fraction of people leave but it's not enough I still cannot see shit #I cannot see the stage at ALLL #she plays my fav song and decide I'm leaving #no signal in this bitch so I have to walk all the way outside to call my friend to pick me up #it's so fucking cold and all I got is a denim jacket and my friend is like 20 minutes out so I just walk west while she drives north #I guess that's the edn of the story it might have been lightly raining but I think it only rained the way there #I spent like 30 minutes at that concert max cus I got so fucking paranoid with that edible #sorry guysss I am not a sativa girl that shit scares mee

[draconicace]

i don't have enough medical knowledge to say the Correct way of handling it, and, also, stories don't have to be accurate to real life anyway.

but if and when i write an immediate post-tribunal fic, those bullet(s) are staying in. i am going to lead poison harry

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #kim's trained in first aid but he is Not a surgeon #and the thigh is a terrible place to try and get a bullet out of #i am still and forever mad at gottlieb and the unnamed 57th's lazareth #why was kim operating on his partner. why'd you do that to him #in the other scenario gottlieb does come. and removes the bullet. and leaves. #i'd rather harry have to deal with eventual bullet removal due to lead than #bleeding from a cut artery. on a couch. in a hostel. the sea gurgling outside #the 41st was very much willing to abandon them both. and the 57th wasn't far behind #57th really said 'oh our own isn't actively dying? ok he can fit some more trauma in him he'll he fine' #just relive your trauma over your last partner dying. over the first person you've had fun with in years bleeding out #the images overlaying.... #And harry was hitting withdrawal. the fuck even. i am of the opinion revachol will not let him die #ignoring all the uh. false? endings where he does die. from sleeping outside in the cold and whatnot

[caramelcuppaccino]

.

#i am so sick and sad and tired #i am a 22 old young adult and this is what i have to see #people of my country under wrecks #the dead bodies of the people of my country #my own relatives spending a fucking cold night outside fearing to enter their own houses #the official organization of rescuse of my country lying to my people and not sending enough help #the fucking religion ministery of my country saying they will pray instead of donating their fucking unnecessarily high budget #i don’t deserve to go through this #those people don’t deserve to die #i have seen people of my age tweeting they have lost their siblings fathers mothers and still trying to help others- #-without even processing their own pain #people of my country not trusting their own goverment’s organizations and relying on a singer’s organization #why #just why #why must we always go through so much pain #i’m so sick of it #i’m so sick of seeing my people suffer cry scream for help #why can’t i live like my peers around the world? why can’t other people live like their peers in other countries? #i am just so tired #i was not even a teenager when i read rape news animal murder news earthquake news rebellion news teenagers death news #i just hope we will not hear any more bad news #because i am so tired #tw death #tw anxiety #tw earthquake #i just needed to get this out #tw rape

[bo0zey]

every time my dad yells even if he’s just “raising” his voice to call one of my brothers over to him i flinch and my heart rate speeds up n my stomach drops n churns n i feel sick n if i think abt it too much like i am now my eyes sting just slightly like something inside me wants to cry from fear even tho i’m many many feet away safe inside my room alone w the door shut i still feel so so unsafe and it takes many many minutes and moments for me to calm down again i really hate this reaction i’m 22 years old why am i still responding like this trigger as if i’m a child i’m an adult he can’t yell at me anymore in fact he’s not even yelling AT me he’s yelling at someone else but still i jump n i feel my pulse pounding in my ears n temples i wish i would just stop being such a baby i wish i was stronger i don’t want to be afraid of people anymore

#‘im not yelling i raised my voice’ that’s what i heard my entire childhood growing up he even said it to me a few weeks ago when we #got into a heated argument and he kept pushing and pushing me and trying to gaslight and manipulate me and accusing me and i remember #thinking just before i snapped ‘im not a little girl anymore i can yell back’ and so i did and we yelled back and forth a few exchanges #until HE started to backdown a little like did he realize too that i’m an adult now and if he wants to scream and yell i can too??? #we were outside im sure all our neighbors could hear us i was embarrassed but seething #if he wasn’t gonna be embarrassed then i wouldn’t either #sometimes i am so disgusted by my father and the way he treats the people he claims to love he makes me so angry and disgusted #but then he has this hold on me??? as soon as he starts to cry/get choked up then immediately all my rage n disgust seep out of my body #from the core of my heart to the tips of my fingers those emotions bleed out of me and dissipate into the air and i’m left feeling guilty #instant guilt and for WHAT???? for making HIM upset???? after all the times he’s made me breakdown and hurt myself bc no one would comfortme #and still yet everytime i feel the need to comfort him and downplay my emotions and i KNOW he’s manipulating me it’s so OBVIOUS but i #i fucking Can’t Not protect him i can’t let him sit there in that hurt guilt shame WHATever it is #and the reason i’m torn and feel like this is bc i genuinely think he believes what he’s saying and isn’t purposely TRYING to manipulate me #but he doesn’t realize how MANIPULATIVE and SELFISH he truly is he’s Delusional and has ZERO emotional intelligence 000000000000000000000000 #so how can i be angry when i know he doesn’t understand he’s just too stupid to understand he’s like a child the child doesn’t understand #they don’t understand complex emotions #i don’t understand why daddy makes me cry and stares at me with cold enraged eyes but when he cries i fold everytime #it’s so gross of me how weak i am disgusting who could ever love someone so pathetic #ramblings #tw childhood trauma #tw trauma

[cass-cc]

it's been a hot minute since I've been this physically uncomfortable somewhere I pay rent

#please please im begging you if youre too hot just open a window downstairs #its 53 fucking degrees outside and i am so god damn cold im getting ready to send myself back to my parents place #i agreed to 69-73 degrees not fucking 60 #im sorry that it gets warmer downstairs #im sorry that id like more than 1 shelf in the pantry and half of a shelf in the fridge #im sorry that im thinking about bringing my tv upstairs and sending my couch back to my parents #im sorry that i hate taking you to work and back #im sorry that i hate my job and want to quit #im sorry that the things i want inconvenience you #and im sorry that i cant communicate any of this to you in a way that i feel would uphold the #kind (read: nonconfrontational) and caring (read: sacrificial) #nature i try and have #because i only ever feel like an inconvenience #and having wants and needs is antithetical to this persona #anyways with the weather changing its been so cold inside and out that my body is curling in on itself #so any progress made at the chiropractor is immediately fucking negated #and my back pain still returns #i want my suffering to fucking end please god #i cant fucking do this #why am i paying $600 to cry myself to sleep #and theyre STILL talking about getting a cat even though the lease specifically says we cant have pets (service animals aside) #shut up shut up this is making me hate being alive #i should not feel like this i need to get OUT

[girlwithfish]

i had such a good day yesterday i needed it 😌

#did fuck all literally just did things to enjoy myself and it was nice!!! saw a movie w my bf AND went to a restaurant after 😶‍🌫️ #Bc why nott #The only thing was itsl ike actually spring weather rn and like 50-60f degrees somehow even tho #i swear like a month ago itwas really hot and in the 80s but now itslike moderately cool again #and i only brought one sweater 😭bc i didnt expect it to be like kind of cold out lol #And its been rainy the past two days ive been driving in heavy gross rain on the highway to meet my bf and i hate itt #it was gross outside and we walked in light rajn after but idc #it would hav been nicer if the day was nicer and sunny out but i still had fun and we went to b&n before the movie #bc we had time and looked around #It was the same b&n we went to on our 2nd date over the summer two yrs ago and we kissed in tje parking lot first time when the place was #empty nd no one around and just us at nightt :* #and then we saw the movie and went to one of the onl restaurants open bc it was like 10 by then and then we left at 11 and walked around #and kissed for 40+min and saying goodbye and kissed a lot in the parking lot b4 we had to go #we werent exactly in the same spot where we had our first kiss bc we parked like a parking lot over at the time #not directly in front of the b&n like now but it was basically the same area ;) #so romanticc and we were like the onl ppl there bc it was so empty at that time #:* then i went home and played fort ite online w my bf and we won both games twice in a row Lmfao 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

[liebelesbe]

bed warm and dark, world cold and bright :(

#why did my mom wake me uppp it's the weekendddd :( #I'm still in bed but she keeps yelling for me to get up but the heating in my room isn't on it's so fucking cold outside of my bed 😭 #doddie redet

[elytrafemme]

today might be a lyric posting on main kinda day

#nightmare.personal #GF said she was excited to see me later and sent me a heart and a smiley emoji #and it's the PINK hearts which I think in her heart rankings I learned last May that's a good thing? #but maybe purple is better but like why would she make me the worse one compared to what she made my ex #that doesn't make any sense also did i mention that my ex's first kiss i think was with my current girlfriend #i feel like this is some ruse but i was the one who pitched the date so nothing bad is going to happen but i don't think she likes me? #like i don't think my girlfriend actually likes me because i haven't seen her in forever #like i didn't see her at ALL yesterday and i mean i had to mediate an argument with her and my other friend #and that was like a week ago and we definitely spoke after that but i think she still remembers #and i HAVE to look good today but it's really cold outside so i don't know how to impress her #because I don't know what traits about me that she actually LIKES and that's like so difficult? #because I don't know what i need to play up to get her to really like me she isn't giving me ANYTHING #does she think i'm attractive? does she think i'm smart? does she think i'm kind? like WHAT IS IT. #because if i don't KNOW then i have to just be me and that's not going to work! #dating is so fucking difficult what the hell i'm going to explode #maybe I do my makeup today OOH I COULD PAINT MY NAILS #maybe that iwll make me better #no but then i have to hide the nails from my mom God dammit. #oh and i can't listen to music because my brother wants me to change my spotify username!!! #so if he sees me listening! he'll know i haven't! but i also don't think he follows me? #i don't think i like my brother very much #i keep trying to decide if there's something wrong with me and honestly i'm not so sure i think there isn't #but the fact i said that will make you think there is so there's no point anyway

[maudit-innocent]

.

#youd think working in an enormous fucking ice rink would have me used to how fucking cold it is here #but im having trouble typing my finngers are so cold #like christ is colder inside than outside ans its fucking January #there isnt even a game on tonight why is the ice still on are the zamboni drivers bored or smth #ignore me pls im being a whiny bitch because i forgot a sweater like an idiot

[bootyful-seventeen]

God this weather can go and suck my dick

#it’s way too cold outside and I’m starting to feel it even tho I’ve been inside all day long #my one comfort is the space heater I have in my room that’s cranked up to 35° #and Ngl I kinda wish I had a bottle of something alcoholic to also help keep warm #and maybe have some people to talk to cuz today is just dead as fuck #and I think a few of my friends went out and I’m at home so it’s double dead #triple dead if we count Tumblr but it’s always dead and sometimes I forget why I have the app still downloaded lol #so I’ve been bouncing between twst YouTube and Netflix all day long and I’m dying

[kuiinncedes]

my dad: dont worry about boyfriend/girlfriend (idk why he said girlfriend or if he was serious as far as i know he's still homophobic lmfao but ppl change ig) just worry about making friends (or something)

me: OHHHHHHHHHH DONTTTTT YOU WORRYYYYYY about me worrying about a bf/gf i dont give a SHIT lmfao

#me and my friend were dissecting my queerness the other day XD #idk how we got on the topic but i was eventually like i think kissing just seems awkward and like even in shows w couples i like im like #i mean im happy for them and stuff and i like the couple but im still just like . ok lol sure #and then my friend said she noticed i kinda point out 'attraction' to women much more and i was like oh . ok #hearing it form an outside pov was kinda interesting XD #but who knows what the attraction is not me #no but lol also my roommate whose bf is out of town and so he drives an hour and stays here the entire day :\ #yyyesterday i think lol my friend was like oh i gotta wake up early to let him in and hang out w him whatever #and i was just like nahhh get ur sleep like he can wait outside at the picnic table in the cold dsjhgjfhfd #and then she told him that the next morning and i was like ya if i were her you'd still be out in the cold <333 romance <333 #it helps that i dont rly care about this bf . he seems nice enough but i am wary of him #bc mans is yrsss older than my friend #and idc about getting to know him lmao i alr have to spend time w him somewhat against my will by just sharing the apartment w him #(well like im fine w it mostly) and also i keep like third wheeling them bc i like spending time downstairs too not just in my room #and theyre usually downstairs when hes here so im just like *intently looking at whatever im doing/looking at* lol #WHY am i here making this post i have shit to do i have stayed up til 4 the past two nights and it doesnt feel horrible so i think im gonna #do it again woohoo /sarcastic mostly but i do think i have to bc i have essay due friday that this piece of shit still hasnt started 🤩 #bc i also have presentation tomorrow :'''''') also very hard hw due thursday i havent started that i usually do a lot of over the weekend #rip rip rip kdjhgfdfghsg lmfaooo #AFTER THIS WEEK IS FUCKING FALL BREAK HANGING OUT W GLOWSTICK CLUB I JUST GOTTA DO THIS SHIT LMFAO #jeanne talks

[princess099]

.

#ok just finished the first 2 eps of lovely runner #I like it #the beginning had me so stressed tho like oh my god fuck the interview go to your concert ughhhhh and like why didn’t the staff just let her #in they really just let her outside in the cold like what the hell #also like it’s 2022 in the drama don’t mobile tickets exist who still uses paper #also why didn’t her ‘friend’ come running outside to help her like mf like someone anyone keep insisting to the staff to let them in like #this is ridiculous you really just wasted all that money

[crowcryptid]

they should invent some kind of system that cools the air and reduces humidity

Would be very useful.

#it’s cooler outside than it is in this room at the moment #ac at work is fucked and won’t turn on unless you put it under 70 #my coworkers are cold blooded so they control the ac #I can sit perfectly still. still sweating. #HELP ME. ZhelpBELPHELP. help help. help. #I want to quit so bad #this place is a nightmare #let me out #im done with work already why do i have to be stuck here for another 3 hours

[fabulouslygaybean]

trauma is fucking weird. why did i panic because the room got too cold

#im still at work. in the cooler room. the room kept really cold because it's got mini coolers and freezers full of ice packs. #ive cleaned everything so im just waiting for a bit for my shift to end (there's no cameras and ive already done what im supposed to. so.) #but my hands + feet started going numb (a very normal occurrence bc ive got poor circulation) all of a sudden #and i think someone's smoking outside and it's drifting in #because the smell of distant smoke and feeling myself go numb in a freezing cold environment made my heart fucking stop jesus christ #cigarette smoke doesn't even bother me!! why did it make me freak out this time!!! #anyways. #im good now #just had to fight thru the panic for a few minutes #but that was so weird. ive never had this kind of thing happen before #like ive had weird responses to other things but they're always more direct. they make sense #this one's just weird