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dansantat · 3 years

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NOW WE ARE TWO: A Eulogy for My Father

Adam U Santat (October 21,1943 - April 27, 2021)

Today is April 27, 2021.

When I was very young and we lived in New Jersey my father took us to the beach and he lifted my tiny frame over his neck and we walked out into the ocean together. My mother watched us from the coast as we wandered 50 yards into the shallow sea. I was terrified of whatever lurked in the water convinced that sharks would come and eat us. My father gripped my legs and whispered, “I’ve got you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

I don’t exactly know why this particular memory rests so clearly in my mind, but it’s a good one. That was my father in a nutshell.

I interviewed my parents for a memoir I’m currently working on. This is what I know of my father.

He was born in the small village of Khlong Dan, Thailand on October 21, 1943, though the official birth certificate indicates October 27 because of a typo (21 sounds like 27 in Thai) He was the youngest of nine kids. His parents immigrated from China and started a merchant business. For fear of being racially ostracized by the local Thai people the oldest brother changed their name from “Lim” to “Santativongchai” (he found the word in an old book)

They collected rain water off the storm gutters in order to drink. He didn’t get hie first pair of shoes until he was 10 years old. They were sandals, really. Knowing facts abut Western culture was cool and he had an insatiable desire to learn everything he could about America. Coming to the United States was a dream of his obsessed with Elvis Presley, Paul Anka, and movies like “Shane” He admits to being spoiled by his mother and says he was lazy during most of his childhood, but was gifted in math and science. And he truly was. He attended medical school, paid for by his older sister, Yawanit, and he came to Newark, New Jersey in 1969 to do his internship.

My mother followed a year later

His first car was a Red ‘69 Camaro. No air conditioning. He ran the car into the ground because he was unaware of the fact that you had to change the oil. He never owned a car before then.

This was the American dream.

I was born in 1975 and they soon made a mass exodus to Southern California along with many of their Thai doctor friends with brief career stops in Wykoff, New Jersey and Hopedale, Illinois until we settled in our newly built four bedroom home in Camarillo, CA.

He worked for the state of California as a pediatrician, and eventually as a cardiologist, and then a psychiatrist continuing his education over the years to fill the needs of the state. He was an accomplished man in his field.

He loved golf, tennis, and buying things he would see on TV. He loved Ralph Lauren clothing, he owned one of the first Apple computers, and he loved making weekly trips to Los Angeles to buy classical CDs and audio equipment.

Three weeks ago I stepped inside my parent’s home for the first time in over a year. The COVID-19 Pandemic had kept us apart . “Stay at home. We’ll see each other after this is all over.” my parents told me.

Under normal circumstances I would happily avoid their company for fear of constant nagging about a plethora of reasons which mostly dealt with my weight, or my political views.

But this was different.

My father had been diagnosed with Stage 4 liver cancer and he returned home to hospice care. My mother was helping him get situated on his favorite couch because he refused to use the hospital bed that hospice had offered him and recommend that he use.

They say that doctors make the worst patients.

Besides his stubbornness my mother was angry at him for not putting up a fight, turning down Chemotherapy and Immunotherapy and opting to just let the cancer take him. She herself having been a breast cancer survivor over 25 years ago (along with living with lupus for 45 years) could not comprehend the thought of just giving up. But my father knew the odds. He had taken one look at the CT scan and he knew the primary source was in the liver and it has metastasized to the lungs, his jaw, and his pelvis.

His body was dying but his mind was still as sharp as a tack.

I understood the diagnosis, as well. When speaking to the doctor on the phone he did not mince words by emphasizing quality of life. My father’s days were limited, and I was there to make the most of the time that was left between us before he departed.

“I have one last question for you before I go.” he said to me.

“Anything. What’s your question, Dad?”

“How much....do you earn annually?”

My mother and I quickly glanced at each other and we both immediately let out a huge laugh. “HA HA HA! You have one last question and that’s what you want to ask me?!”

He was always curious about my finances.

He is my Asian father.

Normally, this type of question would be a point of heated contention and it would typically result in an argument at a restaurant, and yet, here he is living his last weeks and he STILL wouldn’t let the question go. And this time, without argument, I simply tell him.

Why deny a dying man his last wish?

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” he shouts as we all share in a good laugh.

“I have one more question...”

“What is it, Dad?”

“Why do you always get upset when I ask you that question?”

This too would have normally resulted in a heated discussion, but I simply gave him an honest and simple answer, “Because you taught me that it was rude to ask people that question.” And I left it at that.

My mother gets up and heads to the kitchen and it’s in this moment that my father pulls me in closer to discuss more pressing matters.

“I don’t want you to worry about me. I’ve accepted my fate and I’ve lived a good life. I’m worried about your mom. I want you to take care of her after I’m gone.”

“Of course.”

“I’ve saved up a lot of money. Use it to buy a house with a guest house for her. Make sure it has a big yard so she can do her gardening and she’ll be fine.”

“I promise, Dad. I’ll spoil her.”

“Good.”

My mother returns to the family room with an assortment of shirts for my father to wear. I grab a blue button up collared shirt from Tommy Bahama. “This shirt actually isn’t too shabby.”

“It was originally $125 and I got it for $90!”

Always in pursuit of looking his best while also landing a great deal.

He is my Asian father.

“If you like the shirts they’re yours now. All of this is yours.”

None of the items that my father owned interested me. What interested me was giving him one last amazing experience before he was gone. The one thing my father truly treasured among all his possessions was a one of the finest wine collections I had ever seen. It contained over 500 bottles of wines he had collected over the course of twenty years housed in three separate wine refrigerators, which were spread throughout different rooms in the house and sent their electricity bill skyrocketing to the moon, and my mother’s nerves to the very edge of insanity.

“Hey, what do you think about going into your wine collection and we drink the most expensive wine you have?”

“No,” he says hesitantly.

“But don’t you want to know what you bought? Don’t you want to at least know what the best wine you own tastes like? I don’t think you should leave this world without enjoying your one great vice in life.”

My father looks away from me and mutters, “No...It’s yours now. All of it.”

This is not how I want it to end. I want him to have one last good memory.

My mother interrupts, “I’m hungry. What are we having for lunch?”

I try to keep my father focused on his bucket list. I’m hoping for just one last memory, “Whatever you want, Dad. My treat.”

He looks at me and says, “I want a Pink’s hot dog.”

My mother and I look at each other in shock. This request from a man who was obsessed with his blood pressure. A man who constantly avoided salt like it was Kryptonite to Superman was now requesting for one of the saltiest most nitrate rich foods in America.

“With mustard and relish.”

25 minutes later I returned home with three sodium bombs per his request. My father, who hadn’t eaten in three days, grabbed a hold of his hot dog, and ate the entire thing. My father, a man who did everything in his power to stave off death by cardiovascular disease to the point of obsession, was indulging in the one thing he avoided like the plague.

SALT.

As I sat on the couch and watched him eat his hot dog I could see the look on his face as he solemnly took each bite thinking, “What was the point of being so scared for all these years?” I took solace in the fact that for the first time in my life, I saw him as a person unafraid.

Later that day, a few of his closest friends came over to wish him well. I met them at the front door, “Hey, do me a favor. Can you see if you can make him agree to having one last glass of wine?”

It was a good idea.

HIs friends all walked in, paid their respects, and then peppered him with little hints like, “Hey, how about one last sip of wine before you go?”

My dad finally agreed.

“That fridge has the best stuff!” my dad shouted as he pointed to the fridge closest to the door.

I was not as knowledgable about fine wines as my dad and his friends were. That’s what Google is for.

I reached into the back of the fridge and found a bottle of Opus One from 1995.

This was $600 bottle of wine. It wasn’t his best but it it would do nicely.

The room let out an audible “oooooh” when I entered the room with the bottle.

His best wine glasses were brought out, we each poured a glass, and we toasted my father. We share stories about his life, he boasts to his friends about my accomplishments, and we are basking in a moment of complete harmony.

For this moment in time, I was his perfect Asian son.

He thoughtfully studied the peaks generated by the swirling of the wine on the edge of the glass

“It’s been a good life. No regrets.”

I was glad I could give him this.

This week I bought that house for my mom. I told my father this as I fulfilled his last dying wish while I held his hand.

“I’ve got you, Dad. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“I’ve got you.”

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seostudios · 4 years

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middle of the night: all about luv - p.js

ALL ABOUT LUV ‣ MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

you just needed to pass your classes and you'd be out of this hellhole but of course you couldn't do it alone! it was a two man job with your lifestyle so the school assigned you to the one and only park jisung, clumsy straight a student who you may or may not have now taken a liking to....

pairing: park jisung x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 4.5k

info: rebel!reader, nerd!jisung, strangers to lovers!au, non-idol!au, high school!au

warnings: explicit/vulgar language, mentions of drugs, alcohol, little bit alcohol consumption

a/n: hey omg i can’t believe i finally posted a part to this series, i hope u guys enjoy it and PLEASE tell me if you want a taglist okay? thanks!

You were fierce, everyone knew. Even those who haven't even seen you and your tricks in-person feared when you attended school. Although you were known to play tricks, rough-house, and start problems with the other kids who didn't even bother attending school or pursue their actual desires- you had one and was determined to make it come true one way or another. But unfortunately, you were pretty dim compared to the students who roamed the hallways, it never stopped you, Today you decided on approaching your math teacher since she was surprisingly the only one who cheered you on with your aspirations,

"So...I'm passing three of my four courses this semester!?" You eagerly questioned the woman in front of you, "Yes, you are" confirmed with the recent grade updates, you sigh in relief knowing you were passing most of your classes with satisfying marks, so you made your way to the exit.

However, she pulled you back down to your seat. "You're failing Science Y/n," she added pointing at the 34, "Well I don't even know what's happening in there, how can I pass in such a short time?"

He stared out the window of the Science lab. He had plans after school, "Jisung? Park Jisung?" an unfamiliar teacher called from the door frame; his attention was mainly towards the girl behind her which sent shivers down his spine.

"Can you meet me in Room 284 after school?" Of course not, he's finally scored a fucking date with Lee Jieun one of the prettiest and popular girls of the junior division, he looked over to Jieun in the back of the class who was listening in on your conversation along with everybody else in the classroom, she looked disappointed but nodded permitting him to ditch their date, he smiled apologetically at the girl before focusing his attention to the door,

"Sure."

Knocks were heard from the door which made your busy teacher who was marking work signal you to go open the entrance to this quite cold classroom. Roughly around 5'11 probably 6'0 boy is wearing a worn-out white shirt, with a navy blue blazer, pants and a poorly tied tie. His attire was mandatory but his hair was unique, rocking pink-brown hair was not something you see every day unless they were idols. The sun shined passed the windows onto the boy making his rosewood hair turn into a more dark salmon colour. "Jisung!" Your Math teacher chirped to the boy pulling out a chair next to yours indicating you two to sit back down. She took a good two minutes out of your time to finish up on marking and organizing the sheets sprawled across the desk, you and Jisung just sat in silence. In all honestly, Jisung was shitting himself. You and the reputation you had here were most definitely the reason why. Shifting his position every ten seconds, the occasional glances to you, and bouncing his leg. Finally, she turned her attention to the pair in front of her, "So you two are probably really confused."she stated looking at Jisung, then you."Poor Y/n here, my favourite student-"She pauses looking at you with a smile and towards Jisung who looked confused on how,"which is surprising to the staff apparently which I have no idea how...she hasn't been...rebellious in a few weeks since she's trying to pass before the summer break."Clasping her hands together she looks up at you two, "Jisung I need you to tutor Y/n until she gets her final grade in." When I tell you his eyes widened enough for you to see the wrinkles on his forehead form, you did. You smiled accepting the help but it quickly seeing his distressed self, "Are you okay? Do you not want to tutor me?"You asked, and it was your first time ever speaking to the boy he never expected you to sound so soft and gentle; predicting beforehand that you had a rough deeper voice. His facial expression softens slightly at your hopeful gaze piercing through him- hoping he'd tutor you, cause frankly, you needed it more than anyone in your division at this point (Maybe you're being a little selfish but who cares.). Jisung was sitting in his seat, zoned out, probably processing all this. It took him a minute, but he finally looked up from fiddling with his fingers. "Oh Of course I will! I can do Wednesdays after school and Saturday around noon?"It was pretty shocking how confident he sounded ordering you around that second- which made the teacher grin at the shy boy's sudden dominance. Chuckling a little with a small smile plastered on your face you say "Works perfectly, I'll be leaving now. Bye Ms.," You said jolting up grabbing your backpack walking towards the door, but before you leave you gotta leave a nice impression on the boy plus its rude to not say goodbye isn't it.

"Goodbye Jisung Park."

It was Tuesday and Jisung was sitting in the Music room during lunch eating and catching up on his Health papers when you walked in. This was your usual spot in the late spring when you needed AC and a place to lay down. On a regular day for Jisung, he'd be in the front of the school on the bench working however it was too hot for him today so he opted to break into the already unlocked classroom to eat and study in. Sitting on top of the sink counter you lean to open a window pulling out a cigarette, you came here to smoke and it was a great place since it was deserted. "W-What are you doing?" Jisung asked looking up from his notebook sitting on the carpet. "Do I look like I'm about to jump out the window? no. I'm gonna smoke."You informed sarcastically on the boy. He was slightly taken aback you were so sweet yesterday and today your back with your bad girl reputation still strong. He threw you a quick look before getting up, putting his things in his bag, and throwing out the rest of his lunch. Now, walking towards you he takes the cigarette out your hand before you could even light it and threw it out the open window. "Hey! I wasn't done with that, and I didn't even start with it!" You raised your voice at him which did make him flinch but provoked him to argue back, "Yah! Your smoking is unhealthy and against school rules." He paused but started again, "You want to pass, don't you? I'm helping you pass, aren't I? Get your things together if you want my help Y/n."He spat. Honestly, you didn't think his words would affect you so much but it fueled the fire you started a minute ago. "Shut up Park, stop acting all tough when you know nothing about me, I never needed your help I was just going along with Ms." you argued back before grabbing your backpack and the lighter on the counter before hopping off pushing the tallboy to the side rudely, muttering something about bullshit.

"I was helping her! And she says you know nothing about me Park! like of course I don't butt why does she need to be an asshole when I'm trying to help her out." Jisung complains to Chenle in front of him. "Maybe she's like addicted," Chenle says trying to make the best out of the situation "Look, she'll warm up to you eventually cause you two will be spending lots of time together now." Jisung huffs in disbelief that Chenle is basically on your side here, getting up from the grassy field to join the rest of his gym class in soccer.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees a figure under the bleachers; you. He knows you are upset with him as much as he is with you but he still wants to encourage you to pass Science with his help. "Park! Get your ass over here!" Yedam, his classmate calls him to grab his things on the field before heading into the change rooms.

The school bell rang, you watched students walk out of their classrooms to their lockers, friends, lovers. You were leaning against the wall beside the empty Music room contemplating if you should leave and hang out with some friends by Unjeong Lake Park or stay in with Park Jisung to study for Science. Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by a voice, "Hey." Jisung stood in front of you, backpack resting on one shoulder and a Science textbook in his hand. "Hi," It was awkward being around him after you little tilt.

"Let's go," You trailed behind Jisung watching him take you to an unfamiliar part of the school, the West End. "Why are we here?" You question the pink-haired boy, but all you get in return is silence. At last, he brought you two to the old gym, it hasn't been used in almost 6 years but somehow it looks squeaky clean. "This is my hangout spot after school, I kind of made my friends go down to Unjeong for the day so we could study here until I find a proper place." He explains to you placing his books and bag on the stacked mats, offering to take your bag too, you let him. "So what Unit is your class working on now?" He asked you once the two of you sat on one of the many beanbags in the gym (Probably brought in from his pals), "Well my mom made me take Biology I and I know you are in my class I just don't show up..." You lean back on the beanbag playing with the lighter in your hands "What are we learning Park?" He visibly gulps at you doesn't even know why he's nervous himself, maybe because your scary? Probably.

"Well we're on our last unit of the year and the Unit test and Final Exam are what can get you to pass the class with at least a 60," He said moving to grab his textbook flipping to a page with sticky notes plastered all over. "We are in Unit 5, Plants: Anatomy, Growth, and Function. It's an easy Unit so we could go through it in two months then spend the two weeks before the final exam prep." Jisung finished speaking and handed you the textbook that was on the Unit page, it didn't look hard but you knew better to judge a book by its cover. "Alright, where do we start." You smile at the grinning boy who's suddenly amused by your aspiration to pass the course.

It's 2:45 and you are in the middle of the last period, Science. It was your last day of the Science of the year, technically. You still had to prep for your final exam, but this was the final unit test which meant for the next month you'd be stuck in a silent classroom with your peers all silently studying over and writing recap notes for the final exam. You finish writing the date on your page and adding a little smiley face at the end of your name, flipping your paper over you take out your earbuds, and play music to pass time.

Good, 15 minutes have passed, and you see students getting up to hand in their papers, this where you tag along and hand it in too. Patting the eraser ends on your skirt off you make it back to your desk sitting then turning to look behind you, a few desks down to a now chocolate haired boy. He was finishing up his test when he looked up to see you basically ogling at him. Throwing you an awkward half-assed smile he looks back to the girl behind him, Jieun.

Jieun and Jisung took a very bad turn once Jisung agreed on tutoring you. She's ghosted the boy and took a liking to her lab partner, Taehyun. It was disappointing to see a girl get jealous over her date tutoring a very incompetent girl like you. If you were in her position, you might've gotten scared but wouldn't drop the kid; it was rude, and honestly, you were glad Jisung accepted that fate and moved on from her. He played with the end of his test sheet before sighing thumping his head against the desk, okay maybe he wasn't that over her yet but he's doing better than you ever would. Over these four months you and Jisung surprisingly got along well, you've opted to occupy a booth int he back of your town's ice cream parlor for studying instead of that abandoned gym in the West End.

In all honesty, you felt bad about how you treated the tall boy in the first few weeks of tutoring. You showed up late which strung the classes longer making one hour, two. You complained, never listened, argued, actually punched him once. But after warming up to him you've started to take a liking, noticing his features a little more than you did last week, finding his beauty mark under his lip stunning. Nowadays he seems ten times more charming, appealing, engaging, and irresistible to you, memorizing his favourite things how he looks up to Kai, the teacher assistant for the seniors. And that he actually hates Science and prefers Gym and Sociology class. He likes all kinds of ice cream and tries new flavors every visit, he never writes with a red-inked pen since he prefers the black one and always lets you know that too ("Y/n did you know red ink stains are a nasty stain to get out, always use black ink."). You aren't the only one who's learned to love the newly blossomed friendship as he's learned as much as you about him, on how you've always wanted to become a Veterinarian, that your love for animals is just unexplainable and the only things holding you down is this horrible reputation you've built yourself over the two years of attending. But better late than ever to change your ways and Jisung was absolutely mesmerized by your determination to achieve the new milestones you've set for yourself.

"PARK JISUNG!" You shrieked barging into the empty ice cream parlor to see the boy sitting idling on his device, he looks up at you running towards your booth. "Hey, shhh", he quiets your overly excited self-telling you to sit."I got my Unit Test mark," you stop talking to take your backpack off and pull out your Unit Test which was graded and with a big fat A on it. "Holy shit! Y/n this is amazing!!"He exclaimed eyes going wide seeing the mark, his hard work really did pay off.

"Now we can start prepping for Finals," Jisung told you after handing your papers back, your shoulders sagged and your smile disappeared, you were hoping to possibly celebrate with your tutor and newfound friend. Shaking your head, you look at him again, "No sorry, I wanna celebrate this tonight," you inform Jisung who looks at you with a somewhat annoyed expression. "Sorry Y/n but one A isn't going to help you get to a passing mark, you need more than that and the only thing that'll help you pass Biology is your Final Exam which is what we need to prep for." What the fuck? Jisung Park, the golden student, and who you thought was your friend basically telling you that your grade wasn't worth all that cheering two minutes ago. That was unbelievable what type of asshole does that, oh wait apparently Jisung Park. You knew you weren't gonna pass with one test, of course not. You might've been dumb but not to that extent, you clench your fists wondering how all that admiration you had for someone just got poured down a drain so quickly. You chuckle heartlessly ' that thought lingered before you look at him and speak.

"Yea of course I know that but do you not understand how big of a milestone this was for me? I am one step behind passing my hardest subject of the semester and you telling me that it's not enough and we need to prepare for a final at the end of a month that has just started is fucking rude Park."You hiss at him now baffled on how he couldn't comprehend after four- almost five months of knowing you. Getting up you grab your backpack and phone and turn to exit the ice-cream parlor.

You were now outside of the small store, and Jisung didn't even come after you. Sighing knowing you should've known associating yourself with someone with a better reputation wouldn't have been smart. Pulling your phone out, you dial in a friend who you knew would be there for you and who had more free time than most students his age. "Jeno," You stammered through the phone "Y/n? Are you okay?" You smile weakly at his concern, not even a minute into a call."Can you pick me up?" you asked quietly to the older boy. Looking through the big glass window to the back of the shop, you see Jisung sitting there watching you intently, and he knows he hurt you. It wasn't his intent to; he just wanted you to reach your goals and he thought celebrating could've been done another time instead not today, I guess he hit a soft spot seeing your facial expression so fragile.

He saw a motorcycle pull up beside you and a muscular guy go and place a helmet on your head after holding you in his embrace for a moment before the two of you hopping back on the ride driving off to god knows where.

You kick around an empty pop can on the sidewalk waiting for your ride. Jeno knew something upsetting you over the phone so he decided not to question it and get you riled up but to drink a couple of beers and play darts at his crib. A Black 2018 Kawasaki Ninja pulls up in front of you, the driver removes his helmet revealed to be your dear friend, Jeno. He felt your gloomy aura already deciding to just embrace you tightly, "Whatever it is, you did amazing." He assured you before breaking the hug to plop the helmet on you and hopping back on with you behind him seated.

"Great job Y/n, I can see you making it through the year, I just finished putting in your final mark 89 is an amazing score and all on your own is shocking." Your Science teacher complimented you after holding you back to show your improvement to you, Jeno encouraged you to still study hard solo after acknowledging that you didn't want to work with Jisung anymore, hard work did pay off now your officially finished with your junior year and with flawless grades. "Have a great summer break," You tell her before walking out for lunch. Last day of school before the summer break, it's been a crazy weird year but you don't seem to be upset. Jisung seemed happy without you anyways, you've been skipping Music to sit out on the bleachers while he had gym class, and made sure to visit the West End more often. You didn't realize it yet but Jisung looking happy stung more than it should've.

Fuck that bullshit Y/n is on, Jisung is miserable without her. He didn't take note of it but he was more than happy to spend his Wednesdays and Saturdays with you. He liked the way your eyes widened or how your jaw almost touched the floor when he teaches you something new, or when your eyed shimmered when your grades went up every quiz. How your nose scrunched up at a difficult question, the way you organized his pencil case when he wasn't looking because 'it had to be cute like him'. He was too much of a coward to keep you by his side, it's safe to say Jisung Park likes you back. Head over heels in love with you probably, but we shouldn't stretch it that far knowing he's working his ass off to get over you, and of his mind but when does he even succeed. It's the last day of school and possibly the last time Jisung gets to see you roam the halls, watch him in Gym class fooling around with his friends, or just see you until the next school year. No, Jisung made it his goal to win you back. He's never seen you that way, never thought he'd need you, all he wants is to see you, hold you.

"No Park. She's not even here kid," Your friend, Yuna told Jisung who was at your doorstep asking for you. "Just, just tell her to text me." He said frustrated now leaving.

"I thought you said he didn't want anything to do with you?" Jeno asked sitting on the couch of Yuna's living room beside you. "He doesn't, I don't know why-" Yuna was quick to argue with you, "He likes you and you left." Jeno nods agreeing, "I see that happening..." He half-joked. "Listen I know he was a jerk in May, but it's June- July tomorrow! He's not being a jerk right now because what freaking jerk comes to your doorstep BEGGING to talk to you?" Yuna ranted.

You know he's not a jerk and he meant no harm that day but it hurt. Everyone always sugarcoated things with you so when Jisung was pretty blunt with you, it stung. You whine at all this thinking about Jisung and feelings, plus even if he did like you, there was so much to unravel than just some lame highschooler who wanted to get her shit together. So so much more than just that. Drinking the rest of the alcohol in your plastic cup you sit up straight staring at the two in front of you who were dying to hear your say in this, "Okay so what if we have our happy ending, what'll happen then? He'll figure out how toxic I am and go running back to Jiwoo or whatever name is."Stopping and using a couch pillow to cover your face- did you seriously imagine yourself with a happy ending, you've fucked up so much that it seems impossible to turn back. Yuna notices your heartache and decided to tone down on his jokes and talk to you 'for realsies',"Sweetheart if he leaves you because your teeny issues were too overwhelming for him it's not worth it but from his recent actions it looks like he'd want to be there with you through those issues. Honestly, he could live a little too so dealing with you- and giving me and Jeno here a break should be thrilling."Adding a light-hearted joke was what you needed to place a soft smile on your lips.

“Now go get your man” Jeno says slapping your back playfully encouraging you to leave the house and venture off to him- wherever he is.

"Can I help you?" A boy wearing Yonsei University sweatshirt asked you. 'This must be Jisung's older brother he told me about' You thought to yourself, "Oh Yes, is Jisung home?" You ask him looking up trying to look as innocent as you can. "Oh you just missed him, he went to get ice cream with his friends," he said. Shouting a quick thanks you run down to the only ice cream parlor Jisung probably knows in town.

CLOSED is all you see in front of the ice cream parlor. Did Jisung's older brother lie to me? Now that you think of it, he and his brother aren't close enough to share those type of things from what you heard, and what type of boy would avoid the girl he supposedly likes. You sit down on the curb looking off into the little soccer field, watching kids play with their friends thinking, then it hit you. Did Jisung lie to his older brother? C'mon Y/n think of the one place Jisung and his friends could be...The park? Nah, too crowded. The mall? No, too far. Think Think Think, one place. Where in the world could Jisung- WEST END! God, why didn't you think of that in the beginning, of course, he's there. Getting up off the curb you make your way quickly to the back of the school, remembering Jisung telling you a back entrance to the West End.

Reaching the back entrance you see it open indicating someone (Jisung and friends) was inside. Maybe you shouldn't barge in and ruin their fun...opting to send Jisung a text you search your pockets to find, nothing. How could you leave your house without your phone? You're like addicted to it. "Excuse me?" A deep voice booms behind you, turning around you look up at the man. It's Jaehyun, the volleyball team captain. "Y/n." You know him, through Jisung, of course, why else would he be at the West End or know your name. "Hi," your breath rather softly which throws the older boy way off since he knows you for your snarky remarks or overly confident aura...Today you seem the opposite really. "Can you tell Jisung to come out for a second?" you ask avoiding eye contact and resorting to looking at the chalked up pavement. He gives you a thumbs up and heads in.

"Park Jisung-ah!" Jaehyun shouts for Jisung loud enough for it to echo in the empty gym. Looking up and seeing Jaehyun, Jisung excuses himself from his current conversation with Doyoung, Yuta, and Renjun to jog over to his Hyung. "Your chick is here," He says pointing out the door to you, Jisung's eyes lit up already knowing who Jaehyun was talking about peeking his head out the door to see you looking off into the parking lot, watching the sunset. He was pulled right back in by Jaehyun, "You better fix whatever's been going on between you, Y/n looks like an actual school girl being all shy and soft. I'm actually disgusted I need that spunky girl back before I force you two to kiss or some shit," Really Jaehyun? Some advice you got there.

"Alright kid go get your chick" Jaehyun cheered before pushing him and closing the door loud enough to alert and make you turn back.

It felt like a dream, none of this felt real. It hasn't even bee 24 hours since you last saw Jisung, but it's been a month of not interacting to get your heart racing this much. You looked unreal to Jisung, out of a fairytale actually and he looked amazing, like always. This is when he started to panic, you smiled weakly and started walking up to him. He looked down at his shoes not having the balls to look you in the eye, "Jisung look at me you pussy." You said so calmly but so rudely(?). It was funny and made Jisung giggle which made you short circuit.

Jisung looks up from his feet to see you staring into his brown eyes, taking in all his features again looking at him from head to toe; how fluffy his dark coffee bean hair was or his cheeks- god you always took the chance to pinch them when you could. His broad shoulders you always wondered how his hugs would be, probably so comfy and perfect. The beauty mark under his lip, fuck always wanted to kiss it. Your thoughts were disrupted when you felt two large hands enclose you in a tight hug; reacting almost immediately you wrap your small hands around his waist and rest your head on his chest while he brings his large hand to caress the back of your head. "I'm sorry, I know what I said was wrong and I shouldn't have made you seem so slow-witted when you totally aren't. I think over that conversation almost every night. I'm so so sorry Y/n," He finishes tightening the hug for a moment sympathetically.

You loosen the hug and tippy-toe up to the boy placing a small peck on his pink lips which caused his cheeks to go crimson. "You're forgiven, Park," you say giving him a tight smile. You see the tall boy pout a little and turn his reddened face to the side before mumbling "I was supposed to do that," which caused a fit of giggles from you.

"You'll have plenty of opportunities in the future Jisung."

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vinyls-and-valentines · 4 years

Note

Ghoul backstory?? 👀👀

Oh boy, Ghoul backstory. Let me break out the 10 25100 reasons why i hate Ghoul’s parents list /hj. Put under cut for censoring & formatting reasons because this isn’t the prettiest story. There’s a reason i hate Ghoul’s parents to the point where i kill them off and it’s a damn good one.

Ghoul was born in Battery City, in Neon District, which is where all the rich assholes who work directly under BLi live </3

his parents were lead scientists in their respective fields and often would take their work at home with them, which uhh...kinda tricky with a toddler around, especially when you’re a pharmaceutics chemist and a genetics engineer, y’know?

for the most part he was a good, quiet kid, spending his time in his crib and playing with his toys, but then...oh, the dreaded day arrived and he learned how to walk. he’d go every day around the apartment just fucking exploring (and getting kicked out of his parents makeshift lab in the rare occasions he managed to get in)

the earlies memory he has is being somewhere around five and walking into the living room to see this beaker that has a liquid that looked really cool inside it perched on the bookshelf and immediately wanting to stick his hand in it. So, he did what any ambitious 5 y/o would do: found a bunch of boxes and created a precarious looking pile like he’d seen on Mousekat <3. Now, five year olds aren’t the best at estimating heights, so the pile was just tall enough four Ghoul’s fingers to brush against the beaker and he tried to grab it, but accidentally knocked it off instead. It immediately shatters, staining the carpet and getting all over the floor

Ghoul’s dad immediately rushes in because of the noise and looks between the mess on the ground and his child and just...snaps. He grabs Ghoul off of his stack of boxes and practically escorts him to his room while ranting about why did he do that? u know how many of that thing there are? only 25! but he doesn’t care because he’s just a kid who knows nothing else than break shit. As u can tell 10/10 dad /s

Ghoul didn’t go on house laps after that, instead just pacing inside his room (which was fairly big for a kid his age, but still too small to be as efficient in getting out that good ole adhd energy) and reading books when he was starting to push on 6 years and the homeschool program was teaching him how to read

his parents were always very happy and approving when he did learn and solved problems correctly, so he spent a lot of time studying science-y stuff to be able to some day follow in his parent’s footsteps (not that he really wanted to- he thought robots and mechanical stuff was miles cooler- but because he knew his parents would be proud if he did)

obviously, there still was the occasional slip up and break something because he was just a kid, but he learned quick enough how to deal with any “accidents”. It didn’t stop his dad from making snide comments, but it was better than shouting

at 9 he got a chemistry set he didn’t want and the news that in two years time he’d be sent off to study at Better Living’s most prestigious school. He smiled tight-lipped and nodded like a model citizen

at 11 years he realised his mum wasn’t that much better than his dad. She had brought him along to the Silicone District (district dedicated to shopping) to buy some stuff for the start of school and Ghoul was just excited to actually get to go somewhere right about until they exited the train station. The streets were absolutely packed and everything was so loud and Ghoul froze in place at it because that’s so many stimuli holy hell. Obviously, his mother didn’t see it like that, so she just yanked on his arm to follow her, which he did, trying his best to suck it up until he just couldn’t do it no more. He let go of his mother’s hand and curled into a ball right were he was standing on the pavement

His mum picks him up and complains the whole time about how he’s being selfish for throwing a tantrum and not letting her buy nice things for him and he’s overreacting while Ghoul just really really just wants to go home because he feels like he’s going to pass out (which he does, on the way back in the train)

when he arrives at the Academy (aka BLi’s fancy school), he’s excited to meet new people and make friends, but it becomes clear to him that the other kids don’t want to be his friend as they start ignoring him and straight-up pull some excuse that “different majors can’t interact”

on the first night he jumps the fence of the Academy and takes a train to the Lobby because that’s really the only place he’d felt safe before, even though the only time he did go to the Lobby he was 9-10 and got lost in the maze of streets and alleyways

lo and behold he gets lost again and runs into a juvie who unwittingly drags him into some illegal shit (vandalism), but also ultimately she helps him find his way out of the Lobby

the next 3 years he’s studied at the Academy all blur together in boring classes about bases and acids and reactants during the day and neon lights and spray paint at night. By all means, he becomes a juvie in this time, befriending the juvie he’d met on his first day, getting a shitty stick and poke tattoo on the back of his neck, figuring out he’s not that cis or straight and stirring up shit in the Lobby along the way

at 14 he meets Kobra, who sits at his table one day and he nearly spits his food because a crow cadet just randomly decided to sit at his table. They both eat in silence and Ghoul thinks that’s it, but as this fashion in his life goes, he is wrong. The next day Kobra sits there again and again and again and again. It takes Ghoul a week to work up the courage to say anything to him

after that they become quick friends, Ghoul even managing to make Kobra tag along w/ him to the Lobby sometimes, but as all nice thing this comes to an end when the dean calls in Ghoul to her office. She chastises him for “distracting their most promising cadet” and tell Ghoul to stop being friends with him

Now, some of the juvies’ cockiness in the face of BLi had rubbed off on Ghoul and he ignored the order at first. Then the “check-ups” started. At random times of the night on seemingly random days of the week. It takes less than a month for him to breakdown, only not in the way BLi intended

he tells Kobra everything one night and...well, lets say it’s a lot of processing to do for the both of them, but the next night Kobra just shows up with two bags on him like “pack up, fucker, we’re going to the zones”

they have to actually delay their breakout for a week something in order to get everything set up, but when they do make it out of the City, they have a bike and make it to Paradise Motel by midday

now, all WKIL members have this tendency to pick up stray kids off the corner of the street and Cola is not immune to that. Only difference is that they got their nose broken and kicked in the groin because they tried to approach two undergrads very very distrusting of adults

eventually they both agree to temporarily come stay at the station and that temporary doesn’t end up being that temporary, but hey- that’s how the Fabulous Four were formed. The four resident teens at the WKIL station

The End of the backstory. Also, ik this is like...really long and it took me more than an hour to type out, but this is genuinely the shortest serious answer i can give

#answered #anon #fun ghoul #character backstory #childhood trauma tw #childhood trauma //#abuse tw #abuse //#ask to tag #killjoys #ttlotfk #this backstory WANTS to hurt u <3

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bubblesuga · 4 years

Text

By My Side

Summary|| Kim Namjoon- Teacher’s Assistant, Sex God, and the last thing you expected to have in your mouth. Name or otherwise. When Namjoon offers to tutor you, you couldn’t pass up that offer even though he didn’t give you much of a choice.

Word Count: 8,892

Warnings: smut, fluff, and everything in between

Part 3 of my College!AU series

Astrophysics wasn’t top of your list on things to minor in.

You could have chosen Literature, Creative Writing, hell you would have even been happy in Art. However, you took Astrophysics. Of all fucking things.

For a while you wanted to drop the class, change your minor or just solely try to focus on your major which was Business Marketing. You hear you have a higher chance of obtaining a job in that field anyway, and you got a real ass chewing from your friend when they found out you signed up for Astrophysics.

The problem was that the day you planned on dropping the course, Kim Namjoon of all people convinced you not to.

It’s not like you had a reason to listen to him, and he wasn’t talking directly to you but instead offered his reasons to the class as to why he stuck through it and decided to become a TA the following year. He loved space that much.

So now, every time you walked into the lecture room you couldn’t help but look to see if Mr. TA was at the front of the class.

The thing about Namjoon was that he was smart, beyond what you believed anyone could be at your age and although he was only a little older than you, you still felt like he had the knowledge of the entire universe in the palm of his hand.

You suddenly became much more interested in Astrophysics after that.

“...and that makes a bit of you as old as time. While the heavier bits in your body were formed in the hearts of stars, the hydrogen in your body was formed a mere three minutes after the initial Big Bang,” you professor spoke, your pen scrawling across the paper, “but the protons in your body was made a millionth of a second after the Big Bang. Some of the protons that formed in the earliest parts of the universe, are in you today.”

As he continued to speak, you watched Namjoon with a red pen, marking various papers. He gnawed on his nails, then looked up, sensing his eyes on you. You quickly looked away, clearing your throat quietly and looking down at your paper.

Your professor glanced up to the clock, “Okay. I want to go home early today so get out of my classroom please. Everyone except for Miss. (Y/L/N).”

Confused, you stayed seated while you watched everyone else pack up and walk out of the classroom. The professor made his way up to your seat, sitting on the desk with a sigh. “So, I really don’t want to have to fail you. Your last two terms showed 67% on both of your finals.”

“U-uhm, yeah I’ve been struggling a little bit.” You noticed Namjoon watching you, his eyes peaking softly out from his glasses. His hair was done so well, gelled up with the lilac color framing his face nicely.

“Do you want to be in this class? Because I’d rather you drop it if you feel like it’s a waste of your time.” The professor came off harsh, but you knew his intentions were kind.

“No! I love this class! I’ll work harder, I’m so sorry. I promise by the end of this term I’ll give you an A.” You explained, your voice coming off both apologetic and defensive at the same time.

“Okay, I’m looking forward to giving you that A then. You may go.”

You stood abruptly, trying to ignore the embarrassment you felt from Namjoon hearing that conversation. He didn’t seem to react to the things the professor said, and you were sure that he was used to hearing conversations like these but that didn’t take away your embarrassment nonetheless.

As you were about to walk out, you heard your name. When you turned around, Namjoon was stood from his desk.

“You know, I could tutor you if you want.” His hands gestured picking up and dropping the pen on the table. If you didn’t know any better, you’d assume he was nervous.

“Oh, no thanks. I can’t afford a tutor.” You gave him a sheepish smile, shrugging and slipping your arms through the straps of your back pack. Mostly filled with math text books, you felt the weight take an immediately shift on your shoulders.

Namjoon returned the smile, “I’ll do it for free.”

“Really?” Your eyes went wide, “You don’t have to. I’m sure you have a busy enough schedule as it is.”

“Not really, I’m ahead in all of my classes. I think by the time I have to start worrying about them again I can have you up to par in here.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

You pondered for a moment, wondering if it was really worth it to have the hottest guy you had ever seen tutoring you in a subject you had no idea about. He seemed to notice your ponder, chuckling softly.

“I don’t bite.”

Finally, you nodded. “Okay, when?”

“I’m free right now.” He picked up his things, walking towards you. You allowed him to pass you, leading you out of the doors. He stopped walking in the center of the grass in front of the science building. Plopping down, he waited for you to sit.

You raised an eyebrow, the grassy area shaded just well enough with trees but the warmth of the sun still hitting your skin. The grass was damp underneath your mostly bare legs, your shorts short enough for you to have to sit on your feet otherwise you would have a flashing situation that you really didn’t want to have to deal with.

“Okay so the main test you need to worry about is the General Exam. A lot of the questions are on ancient science, more specifically how the Greeks began the human ascent into our knowledge of the stars and space itself.” Namjoon began, and already you felt your brain being clouded over with blank thoughts.

“Okay.” You nodded, trying to follow along to the best of your ability.

“How did the Greeks determine the size of the Earth?”

You stared at him, your eye twitching while you dug around your brain for the answer. You knew the answer was there somewhere, so you open your notebook and flip through the notes from last week.

“Uhm... They waited until a lunar eclipse and measured the shadow that the Earth cast on the moon.” The tip of your pen clicked against the notebook. Namjoon met your eyes, kindness lacing them while his eyebrow raised. He genuinely wanted to help you, and you prayed you didn’t become too enchanted by the way he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Correct. What did they study specifically though?”

You stared down at your notes again, “The diameter of Earth’s conical shadow, which they found that shadow’s diameter was about two and a half times the moon’s diameter.”

“Good again.” Namjoon said, encouraging you while he continued to ask you questions.

When it got to parts that were particularly hard to remember, he was patient while you sifted through your notes and textbooks to find the answer. Although your conversation with him previously was limited to asking him for a pencil, you found yourself comfortable with him quickly.

Namjoon finally reached into his bag, pulling out an older textbook and opening it to a bookmarked page. Carefully, he explained Maxwell’s equations as if he was born to teach. You admired his intelligence, seeing a blush grow on his face once he noticed that you weren’t looking at where his finger’s were pointing on the page.

“Uh, (Y/N)? Focus.” He snapped in your face, breaking you out of your trance and causing you to flip your eyes down to the paper.

“S- sorry. You just have cute dimples.” As the words left your mouth you wanted desperately to swallow them back up and then sink into the ground in embarrassment.

You expect him to laugh, but you didn’t expect him to laugh this hard.

“H- holy shit, that was out of nowhere!” He hollered, clutching his stomach as he fell back into the tall grass. People around you two were beginning to stare, each holding a smirk of their own while you covered your face and fell backward into the grass yourself.

Still laughing, he uttered his next sentence, “I mean, I knew you liked me but damn. I thought I would have to work you a little longer to get you to admit it.”

“What?” You pulled yourself onto your elbows, staring at him with a gaunt expression, “who said I liked you? I just said you have cute dimples! I say that to everyone who has dimples!”

“Don’t bullshit yourself, babe. I see the way you stare at me in class, you can’t deny it. Especially with how obvious you are about it.” He rolled his eyes, his laughter finally calming down while he reopened his book.

“Whatever. Just tutor me.” Your voice came out in a growl, grabbing your pencil. Namjoon’s dimples deepened, deciding not to press the issue any further as he noticed your. . . agitation? Embarrassment? He couldn’t tell exactly.

~*~*~

“Joon!” Namjoon’s head whipped towards the direction of his name, spotting Taehyung running towards him in his apron. Blue paint dripped from the ends of his hair, a trail of different colors in his wake while he rushed towards Namjoon.

“What happened to you?” He couldn’t help but laugh, seeing Taehyung’s usually bright demeanor had been replaced with one of annoyance.

“She happened!” Taehyung cried out, pointing to a girl across the campus yard with equally bright amounts of orange paint on her. She shot a middle finger his way and turned towards the girl’s dance hall.

He turned back to Namjoon, “Can I shower at your place? I really don’t want to walk all the way to mine.”

“Uh, yeah. I’ll give you my key, I’ve got a date.” Namjoon said, pulling out his keys and slipping his house key off the key ring. He dropped it into Taehyung’s red colored hands, sighing and rubbing his face from annoyance once he realized the apartment would be messy when he got home.

“A date, huh?”

“Well not really,” Namjoon and Taehyung walked somewhat briskly, ignoring the stares of passerby, “I’m tutoring her, but she likes me.”

“And you like her?” Taehyung, ever so curious, walked passed the turn to Namjoon’s apartment to get an answer.

“Go get cleaned up before the Dean spots you.” Namjoon turned back with a smirk, watching his younger friend roll his eyes. His shoes squelched as he walked, signaling the paint had made it’s way down into his socks.

After the first tutoring session ended, Namjoon was sure to set up the next. Then the next, then the next. He found your reluctance to continue with tutoring sessions after he called your crush out somewhat cute.

He had yet to bring it up again, instead opting to watch you while you drank way more water than you needed and stared at his lips while he explained formulas. Whether you believed it or not, he did intend on teaching you what you needed to know to pass the class. He knew you were absorbing the information, so he didn’t necessarily mind when he saw you licking your lips subconsciously while he slipped his jacket off his broad shoulders.

Nonetheless, he felt that you were doing well.

As far as class went, both of you always seemed to know when to look at each other. The professor would be droning on about topics that you and Namjoon had already covered, so you rested your head on the desk. Namjoon would mouth words to you, usually ‘pay attention’, but you knew he was always making sure you were okay.

One particular class, Namjoon tapped his leg impatiently while he waited for you to enter the room. His favorite part of the day was seeing what you were wearing, because everything you wore seemed to compliment your shape in the best way. Not that he didn’t look before, but now that he knows you on a bit more personal level, he didn’t constantly tell himself it was wrong to look.

When you finally did enter the room, your tight leggings and red heels made you look like a goddess. After that, his feelings were set in stone.

His plan today was to tutor you, as always, but then he wanted to make you feel good. After having spent so much time with you over the past couple weeks, he saw your personality blossom and suddenly he liked more than just your body. As he got to know you, he wanted you. More and more.

He just had to make you beg for it.

Namjoon knocked on your door, hearing squealing from behind the thick metal. A girl he didn’t recognize opened the door, leaning against the door frame. “Well hello there, I’ve heard so much about-”

Just as she was about to finish her sentence, your hands snaked up from behind her and covered her mouth, yanking her backward and away from the door.

“You said you’re leaving, Tamara. So leave.” You gestured, pointing out the door. Namjoon slid to the side, seeing her friend leave while sending a wink his way. He chuckled, waiting for you to invite him in.

Your house was small, quaint, and old. It felt like you, though. Namjoon could tell you decorated, bits and pieces of things he learned you liked scattered throughout each room.

He took a moment to look around while you told him to sit at the table, his finger running along the pictures on the walls. When you reentered the room, your hair was now pulled up and the bright blue fluffy pajama pants donned on your waist with a black tank top.

“Sorry, it’s my house and I hate not wearing comfortable clothes in it.” You explained, crossing your leg and sitting on the chair across from him.

You knew what Namjoon was playing at. After your third tutoring session, you noticed he became increasingly. . . sexy. Not that he wasn’t sexy before because you couldn’t deny your attraction, but the shirts became tighter, the hair was always styled, and his smirk. That damn smirk.

It was there, on his face. All the time. It was driving you absolutely insane. His tongue darted out to lick his lips and everything he said was so smart.

Namjoon saw your wardrobe change, ignoring your skin peaking out from your tank top. “I can’t fault you for wanting to be comfortable.” He finally manages.

You two got right to work, your eyes reading the numbers on the page. Namjoon leaned on the table, getting right into tutor mode and explaining a book he read that helped him understand advanced equations.

You wrote down the book name, rubbing your forehead to get rid of your headache. Despite finally beginning to understand everything, your head still hurt at the prospect of taking the test in a few weeks.

A couple hours later, your notebook was officially full. You tossed the pen onto the table, stretching your arms, “Yay! Done for the day!”

Namjoon shut his own book, “I think we’re done forever.”

“What?” You suddenly began to panic, did you do something to scare him away? Sure offering for him to tutor at your house was nerve-racking, but you didn’t think that he wouldn’t like it.

“We’ve covered pretty much everything on the test. All you have to do is remember what I taught you, and then you’ll be good.” Namjoon stood, sliding his books haphazardly into his back pack. He slung it over his shoulder, giving you that same dimpled smile you had grown to love.

“Wait- I know everything?”

“Well not everything, but enough,” He grinned, “I’ll see you in class, (Y/N).”

Namjoon turned to walk away and suddenly he was paranoid. He wanted you to call after him, to stop him and tell him to stay. However, as he made it closer to the door and began to slip his shoes on, he still hadn’t heard your call.

He paused for a moment, a sigh leaving his lips while he turned his back and squeezed the doorknob in his hands.

“Wait!”

There you were.

“Let me make you dinner! You know, as a thanks for teaching me so well.” You said, coming into view. Namjoon turned around, “Dinner?”

“Yes! I- I have steak that I was saving for Friday but I could make it now.” Your words became quieter as your spoke, your hand rubbing your arm nervously. There was no way that you wanted him to leave yet, and you weren’t sure how else to thank him.

“I like steak.” Namjoon said, slipping his shoes back off and laying his back pack on the recliner beside the door. You grinned, letting out a nervous laugh, beckoning him into the living room.

“Make yourself comfy and I’ll cook for you.”

“Why don’t I help you?” Namjoon offered, following you while you walked out. You tilted your head to the side, “You can cook?”

Namjoon, for the first time in a while, felt a blush creep on his cheek. The way you looked up at him, expectant and suddenly excited, made his head spin. He actually had to admit something that he couldn’t do to someone who he was trying to impress, “I didn’t say I could cook. I said I would help.”

You giggled, “I’ll have you toss the salad.”

“I like the sound of that.” Namjoon teased, following you into the kitchen. You began to prep everything, Namjoon watching in awe while you moved around the kitchen with ease.

After setting a pan onto the open flame, you turned and connected your phone to the speaker and flipped on your cooking playlist. Namjoon, impressed with your taste in music, continued to watch you as you started dancing along to the beat.

The sear of the steak against the hot pan was a welcoming sound, Namjoon’s mouth suddenly watering as he saw you toss butter and thyme into the pan. Your voice sang along with the song, your movements fluid.

“You have a beautiful voice!” Namjoon called over the music, watching your face turn red. He sat on the other side of the island, waiting patiently for instruction. As the steaks cooked, you reached into the fridge and pulled out a head of lettuce, setting it down in front of Namjoon and rummaging through the lower cabinet for a bowl.

Namjoon leaned over the counter, admiring your curves as your back peaked out from your tank top. The shirt you wore hugged you perfectly, he could see your heart-shaped ass squeezed into your pajama pants. Once he saw you stand up, he sat back down quickly but over corrected and managed to slip right off the stool.

With a loud crash, he toppled over the stool beside him and let out a groan.

“Are you okay?” You yelled, pausing your music and rushing around the counter. Namjoon’s eyes were shut tight, “I’m good.”

“What were you doing?” You question, reaching your hand out. His large hand dwarfed yours, and you knew you weren’t any help to pull him up but you still tugged on his arm nonetheless.

He smiled sheepishly, “I was just trying to see what kind of bowl you were grabbing.”

“Oh?” you watched him dust himself off, “why are you so interested in bowls?”

“More like the girl who was holding the bowl.”

“I knew you weren’t tutoring me just to help me,” you roll your eyes, the feeling you had in the pit of your stomach finally coming true, “so is making you steak a dumb idea? Would you prefer I suck your dick as thanks?”

Namjoon was somewhat shocked by your cool tone, watching you flip the steaks and almost cringing at the loud searing returning. Although he liked the words that came out of your mouth, he would have preferred if it came out in a moan. Something about the way you refused to look him in the eye caused him to swallow nervously.

“N- no, I didn’t expect an extravagant thanks. The steaks will be fine.” He explained, sighing softly and allowing his face to fall into his hands.

Silence fell over the two of you, Namjoon suddenly missing the blaring music that filled his ears 10 minutes ago. He nervously listened as you explained how to make the salad. He did so quietly, his hands carefully shredding the lettuce then mixing the ingredients to make the vinaigrette.

You rolled your neck, exhaling through your nose. When you heard him admit his interest in you, you immediately wanted to hide yours. Sure, your feelings were reciprocated but he was a TA, he was basically your teacher. You couldn’t do anything with him, he’s likely the one to by grading your test. If anyone found out, favoritism would be called even if you did get everything right.

“I’m sorry, I must have read you wrong earlier.” Namjoon’s voice sliced through the silence. His hands held the whisk loosely, dipping his pinky in to make sure the vinaigrette tasted good.

“No, you didn’t.” You spoke carefully, pulling out plates and setting the steaks on each plate.

“Would you be upset if I said I was confused?” Namjoon felt like he had to walk on eggshells. Sure, you didn’t necessarily yell at him earlier but he was much more careful of every word he said.

“We can’t do anything, Namjoon,” you cut up a couple of hard boiled eggs and threw it into the bowl of salad, “you’re my TA. It’d be inappropriate. Believe me, I’ve been imagining going down on you for ages but it’s just not in the cards.”

This whole conversation was so mature, Namjoon wasn’t used to so much honesty from women and he certainly didn’t expect it from you. Especially since you denied your interest in him so vehemently on the first day. It was new territory, he never had a problem waning women in his direction before.

“Teacher’s Assistant or not, I still feel like we’d be good. Besides, I’m only your TA for a couple more months.” Namjoon said, finally tossing the salad together.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because I like you. Genuinely. You’re smart, funny, and one hell of a gorgeous girl.” Namjoon explained, using tongs to lay the salad on the plate beside the steak.

You smiled at his compliment, grabbing forks and knives out of the drawer. Initially you planned on eating at the table but you decided to stand at the island, sliding a plate over to Namjoon and watching him cut his steak and eat. He moaned at the taste, gesturing wildly at his plate while he chewed.

“This shit is immaculate.”

After a few moments, Namjoon had eaten half his steak and you finished your salad. You found a good moment to speak again, “You’re saying you want something more than sex?”

“The sex would be nice, but I’d like to take you out on a date as well,” he takes another bite, “dinner and dessert.”

You chewed slowly, thinking over his words carefully. It was true, you’d only have to hide it for a couple months. That is if everything lasted that long. You looked him up and down, weighing the pros and cons. As far as you were concerned, there couldn’t be a con.

If anything, dating him even briefly would be fun. A college romance.

“What would be the dessert?” You questioned, taking his now empty plate and slipping it into the sink.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin, revealing a devilish smirk when he was done. “Well, you of course.”

You inhaled, watching him stand from his stool and walk around the island. “That is, if you want to be my dessert.”

Finally, you nodded. Namjoon took your nod as permission, leaning down carefully and pressing a small kiss to your lips. You could taste the raspberry vinaigrette on his tongue when he slipped it gently between your lips. His hand held the back of your neck, his thumb stroking your soft exposed skin.

Nothing about how he looked could prepare you for the sudden arousal you felt just at his touch. His hands were large, you wanted them all over your body but the stayed at the back of your neck.

He gave no hint of taking it any further, pulling away just as softly as he started. His lips pressed a kiss to each of your cheeks, then the tip of your nose before pulling away completely.

Your eyes fluttered back open once you felt his touch leave your body, and then you felt cold everywhere but where he once held you. “Thank you for the dinner, (Y/N).”

“Wait! You don’t get to get me all hot and bothered and then leave after kissing me!” You yelled, calling after him while he once again made his way to your front door. He paused, turned, and grinned, “Believe me, there is nothing I want more than to bend you over the counter and fuck you into oblivion. I just- I don’t want to mess it up before it even starts.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, trying desperately to find the words you wanted to say. Your mind was reeling with him, even though it was only a few seconds, his kiss was the most sensual thing you had ever experienced in your entire life.

“I don’t think fucking me over the counter would mess anything up.” You replied, both shy and ready to rip your clothes off at the same time.

Namjoon’s cock twitched in his pants at your words, swallowing. “So you’re okay with me fucking you before I take you on a date?”

“Namjoon,” the way you said his name, desperation rolling off the tip of your tongue, turned him on more than anyone ever has, “I’m begging you to fuck me.”

That’s what he wanted to hear.

Namjoon rushed back over to you, his hands at your hips and gripping them roughly in his fingers. His lips were much more rushed, hard against yours. His teeth captured your bottom lip, tugging it gently.

You grinned at the feeling building in your core, his strong hands lifting you onto the counter. He rested between your legs, only pulling away to take his shirt off of his body. His golden skin shined beneath the lights of your kitchen, your eyes scanning him for just a moment before bringing him down to your lips again.

You lifted your hips enough for him to slide your pants down your legs. You wrapped them around his hips, grinding softly against him. The whines that left your mouth were sinful and it took everything in Namjoon not to cum just to the sound of your voice.

You pulled away, breathless. Your lips latched onto his neck, biting and sucking harshly.

“Still want to go down on me?” Namjoon grinned.

You didn’t hesitate in dropping off the counter and onto your knees, unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them down his legs. Before moving on, you removed your Tank top from your body, your chest bouncing while you excitedly moved.

Namjoon’s mouth went dry as he spotted your hard nipples, wanting desperately to latch his lips around them.

Urgency was felt between the two of you, both of you waiting to feel the rush of pleasure. You pulled his cock out from his jeans, already hard and ready for your lips to wrap around it. You pumped it a few times, smearing precum across the tip before looking up at him through your lashes.

His hand stroked your hair softly, giving you a subtle nod and urging you to continue. Finally, you licked a long stripe on the underside of his pulsing cock and hearing him moan loudly. You couldn’t help but moan back, watching him throw his head back.

It was the perfect size, you were able to swallow his cock with ease. Your eyes began to water when he held your head all the way down, burying your nose in his pelvic bone.

His chest was heaving, and you had never felt sexier.

Even though you were only going down on him, you still felt pleasure in giving him pleasure. The way his hips tutted into your mouth, shoving his member further down your throat, had you reeling. You slipped your free hand between your legs, rubbing harshly on your clothed clit.

Your hips lifted and dropped while you tried to find the best angle, you knew you could come just from sucking Namjoon dry.

“Fuck, you feel so good baby.” Namjoon cried out, watching as his cock thrust in and out of your swollen lips. He continued to guide your head, your other hand dropping as he began to fully fuck your mouth.

He noticed where your hands were, electrifying pleasure rushing through his body at the sight of you rubbing your clit beneath him. “If you don’t want me to cum on your tongue then I suggest stopping now.”

There was no way you were stopping now, you felt yourself grow closer and closer to your release. As your movements sped up on your clit, you sucked harder.

“Ah, ah! Princess please-” Namjoon pleaded, “(Y/N)...” Your name rolled off the tip of his tongue with a grunt.

As you felt your release wash over your body, cum sputtered out of Namjoon’s cock, coating your tongue and the back of your throat. He pulled out until the tip of his cock rested on your tongue, finishing off his orgasm.

You knew you had soaked through your panties, but you had never came so hard just from touching someone. As Namjoon pulled away, you swallowed the bitter taste and looked up at his completely fucked out expression.

“Holy shit.” He pulled you up, capturing your lips yet again. It shocked you, as every other man you had been with refused to kiss you after they had cum in your throat. “You are amazing.”

“S- same to you.” You stuttered, your legs still weak from your release.

Namjoon dipped his hand down your panties, shocked by the wetness enveloping his fingers. “You’re so wet.” He grinned, he knew he had an affect on you but he didn’t know it was this strong.

He slid onto his knees, panic rushing over your features, “What are you doing?”

“Well you made me feel good, now it’s your turn.” He explained, pulling your leg over his shoulder and slipping your panties to the side.

“I already came...” You said shyly, Namjoon’s pupil’s blown at the sight of your soaked slit.

“Really? Just from-” you nodded, seeing his shocked expression, “well you get to come again.”

Before you had a second to gather your thoughts, Namjoon buried his face between your legs. Already weak from before, you felt yourself lean back on the counter for support while his tongue attacked your entrance. You gasped at the sudden feeling of his warmth, his fingers holding open your lips as he moved against you fervently. You don’t think you had ever came so quickly after another, but in seconds you found yourself releasing on his lips, feeling them turn into a smirk while he excitedly lapped up your juices.

As you tried to gather yourself, you heard your front door unlock. Both of you shared a panicked look, Namjoon slipping his jeans back up his legs and doing the belt up quickly. You looked around, noticing your pants on the other side of the kitchen, and it was too late.

You heard footsteps approach on the wooden floor, and Namjoon slid you behind him, hiding your unclothed torso.

“Hey (Y/N) did your hot tutor le- oh my god.” Tamara was cut off by the scene in front of her, Namjoon pushing you to his back while you hid behind him. Peaking your head out, you let out an embarrassed laugh, “I thought you were spending the night at your boyfriend’s.”

“You said he was just tutoring you and you had sex in our kitchen?” Tamara’s mouth dropped open as she looked around at various items of clothes thrown around.

“That’s my bad,” Namjoon spoke up, his face warm. From the sex or the embarrassment, he wasn’t sure, “I couldn’t help myself.”

Tamara only raised an eyebrow at him, shaking her head and turning away.

You let out a breath, sighing and hugging Namjoon’s back. He chuckled, turning in your arms and hugging you back. “Well that was a fun ride.”

“Joon,” you still hid your face from him, his laugh filling your ears, “we can’t have sex in my kitchen again.”

“Awe,” he pouted, grabbing your chin and lifting to meet your eyes, “but I still haven’t bent you over the counter.”

You gasped at his words, slapping his chest playfully before leaning away and slipping your shirt back on. He dressed himself as well, handing you your pants and watching you cover your gorgeous body.

“Are you going to stay the night?” You question innocently, most wondering if you needed to grab more pillows for your bed. Namjoon smiled softly, his hands yearning to hold you again but he held himself back, opting to scratch his neck to keep himself busy instead.

“Do you want me to?”

“It’d be nice.” You grinned, excited at the prospect of falling asleep in his arms.

Namjoon nodded, following you to your bedroom.

~*~*~

The next morning was busy. You both woke up late, mostly because every time Namjoon’s alarm went off he snoozed it.

The rest of the night was spent in your bedroom, talking about your aspirations while a movie played in the background. Your fingers clasped together, your heads on the same pillow. He never seemed to run out of things to talk about with you, and for that he was grateful. Never has a woman been so intellectually stimulating to him.

When you did finally manage to tear yourself out of bed, Namjoon reached out for you in his half-asleep state. “Come back,” his voice was deep but still came out in a whine, “we can skip today.”

“No we can’t,” you murmur, laying down beside him and pushing his hair from his face, “I already missed my first two classes. The next one is the one we both have to go to, if you and I miss it on the same day it’ll be suspicious.”

Namjoon sighed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and sitting up. You pulled an outfit out from your closet, undressing and changing. Namjoon still sat on the bed, watching you in awe while he learned your morning routine.

“What’s that perfume you use?” He asked after a moment, remembering the distinct strawberry scent that he always smelled radiating off of your clothes. You held up a perfume, “Gucci flora, it’s my favorite.” You smiled.

Finally, he got up and slipped his clothes from yesterday on. You cringed, “You’re gonna have to go to class in the same clothes as yesterday.”

He shrugged, “I’m sure no one will notice.”

Namjoon pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, fluffing up the back of your hair for you.

So quickly did he fall into you. Everything about you was so captivating, down to the way you brushed your teeth. He knew from the first day you walked into that classroom that you were a heartbreaker, and he just prayed every day since he started tutoring you that he was an exception. He wondered how deeply you felt about him, or whether it was on a surface level. Trying not to think about negative things, he shook his head and followed you out of your house.

When you both made it to the science building, Namjoon waited a moment to walk in after you did. As you sat down at your seat, you couldn’t help but watch Namjoon as he slipped into TA mode. Ready for him was a stack of papers to grade, and you knew you weren’t getting much of a look from him today. Either way, you were happy with the progress the two of you had made in one short night, not that you were expecting any of it to happen.

The class went by a lot slower than you wanted, and it wasn’t until the professor dismissed you did you realize you had almost fallen asleep while you watched yet another video on Tycho Brahe.

Everyone filed out of the classroom, and as you got up to leave you stole a glance to Namjoon. He dawned a pair of glasses and read intently on whatever he had in his hand.

As the professor spoke to a student at the door, you made your way over to Namjoon, tapping your finger on the desk quietly to get his attention. He looked up, slipping off the glasses from his face and grinned, “Well hello gorgeous.”

You blushed at his words, “I’m going to head back home, you can come if you want?”

“Hm, I think I’m going to the arcade with my friend. I can come by after that?” He suggested, and you tried to hide your disappointment. Namjoon could sense it, “I’ll come by tonight for sure. Do you like take out?”

You nodded, “I’d like that.”

“Miss (Y/L/N)! I’ve seen your improvement and I’m glad, Namjoon has certainly helped you.” The professor walked over to you to, pulling you out of the trance that was Namjoon’s deep brown eyes.

“Uh, yeah he’s certain good at teaching,” you stuttered, “I’m glad he offered to tutor me.”

The professor nodded, “Well like I said before, I can’t wait to give you that A.” He patted your shoulder, and you took that as an opportunity to slip out of the room. Namjoon waved to you before discussing something with the professor. You watched for a moment, biting your lip then walking down the hallway and out the door.

When you made it back to your house, your roommate sat on the couch in her pajamas. You rose an eyebrow, “I thought you had a lecture at 2 today.”

“I skipped it,” She shrugged, “where’s your boytoy?”

“At the arcade with a friend of his,” you explained, plopping down beside her and cringing at some reality show she watched. She paused occasionally to explain why some person was yelling at another and you tried to listen to the best of your ability but you couldn’t help but think back to last night.

Sure, you enjoyed the physicality of everything but once you two began talking about things other than Astrophysics, you learned a whole lot more about him than you expected to.

His love for rap and music in general was heart-warming, mentioning briefly on how he wished to one day drop a mixtape and maybe get signed. You encouraged him even though you hadn’t heard a single second of anything he’s ever written. Either way, you knew that he could do it because there wasn’t anything in the world you could imagine him being bad at.

When he asked you about your dreams, you weren’t sure how to answer. You had always taken a, ‘it is what it is’ approach to everything. Yes, you did preemptively take Business Marketing as a gateway into adulthood, but as far as everything else went, you were unsure.

Eventually you managed a small, “I’m happy to be alive.”

Namjoon smiled, enjoying the simplicity of your answer.

You shook your head from thoughts of last night, wiping the grin off your face.

Just as you saw Tamara drift off to sleep, your phone lit up.

friend is being lame, can I come over?

Your heart was giddy, excited to see the man who couldn’t leave your mind. Quickly, you responded.

please do

You locked your phone and waited on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through the TV while Tamara snored softly. You sighed, wondering if you should tell her to leave for a bit. You decided against it, knowing that he has had men over many times when you were just a thin wall away.

You hopped up at the sound of a gentle knock on the door, practically throwing the door open to see Namjoon. His smile stretched across his face, “Hi baby.”

You pulled him into the house, shushing him when you walked passed the living room. He chuckled softly, and when you were down the hall and in your room, he slipped his jacket off of his shoulders.

“Soo,” you were suddenly shy, realizing you weren’t sure how tonight was going to go, “how was the arcade.”

“Dumb,” Namjoon replied honestly. You noticed he went home and finally changed from yesterday’s clothes, a tight black T-shirt now hugging his skin. He hopped on the bed beside you, “my friend refuses to let anyone ruin his high score.”

You giggled, “Ah KSJ? Some girl in my Marketing Research class has been talking about him a lot.”

Namjoon nodded, “That man has more of an affect than he realizes.”

It was quiet for a moment, and you watched while he adjusted himself onto your bed. He closed his eyes, and it amazed you at how quickly he became comfortable with you. He was already treating you like you had been together for a while, and you couldn’t complain. You enjoyed skipping the ‘get to know me’ phase, because you know as time goes on you will learn more about each other and in better ways than the standard first date.

Still, even though you had already done some of the most intimate things with the man, you found yourself in awe of him. His chest rose and fell softly, and you realized that you hadn’t kissed him since this morning. You yearned for his touch but tried desperately not to come off as needy.

You laid beside him, just far enough away for him to notice. Namjoon opened an eye, “You okay?”

“I’m good, yeah.” You smiled, swallowing nervously.

“How come you’re not touching me?” His question was loaded, though it came off innocent. His eyes were closed again, waiting for your verbal response. His hands, clasped behind his head, made his biceps flex beneath the tight black fabric.

Earlier hesitation gone, you leaned your head onto his shoulder, feeling his arm move and fall around you as if he had been doing this for years.

You snuggled into him, your eyes growing heavy.

“Did I really come over here just to nap?” Namjoon asked outloud, more to himself than you. You nodded against him, feeling yourself fall asleep on his chest.

~*~*~

Namjoon hadn’t been around since he fell asleep with you, and you assumed with everything going on that he was busy. He was sure to send a few texts your way a day, being sure to let you know that he can’t stop thinking about you. Even in class, you didn’t talk much but you didn’t mind, focusing on things that you needed to.

Now it was Saturday night, your legs crossed on your bed and copious amounts of homework and papers surrounding you. Almost finishing, your hands filled out each question when you heard your ringtone throughout the room.

“Hello?” You answered without looking, putting on your customer service voice out of habit from many years ago.

“I still haven’t bent you over the table.” Namjoon sounded through, music coming through the speaker. You gasped at his words, immediately dropping your pencil, “Are you drunk?”

“No,” he giggles, shushing someone else beside him, “I just want you. This bar is boring without you.”

“You haven’t drank with me though?” You tease, questioning his motives for calling you. He shouted to someone in the corner, telling them to stop talking shit, “I bet you’re sexy when you’re drunk. Not that you aren’t sexy all the time, but I think you’d be even more wet than before if you drank a little with me.”

“I really hope you aren’t saying these things in front of people, Joon.” You scold, but you can’t help but feel the heat between your legs at his words. You imagined him at a table with his friends, his hand over the speaker while he spoke dirty words into your ears.

“I’m coming over.” Namjoon said, and he hung up without another word.

You look around, quickly cleaning up your papers and books, sliding them onto your night stand. You rushed to the bathroom, brushing your teeth quickly. You weren’t exactly sure what to expect, so you changed from your sweats and into a satin nightgown. You studied your reflection carefully, shaking your head and changing into something else.

Black and red lingerie rested on your body, and you knew you were finally ready. As if expecting that you were ready, Namjoon knocked on the door. You rushed to the door, the knocking not stopping until you were opening it. He took a moment to look at your scantily clad body, an audible groan slipping from his lips.

He was drunk, or at least tipsy. He’s eyes were clouded over and every inch of your body only turned him on.

No words were exchanged, only Namjoon grabbing your face in his large hands and kissing you passionately. He pushed you into your house, his lips not leaving yours. You silently thanked your roommate for leaving, not having to worry about be walked in on until the morning. He already had the layout of your house memorized, carefully navigating through your hallway until he reached your bathroom.

Confused, you pulled away when you heard the door creek, “What are you-”

“I want you in the shower,” Namjoon said, already ripping off his shirt, “and as much as I would love to fuck you in that tiny little outfit, I like when you’re naked even more.”

It didn’t take much to convince you. He stumbled out of his jeans, no boxers to be seen underneath. You watched him with a smirk on your face, his hand turning the shower on and testing the temperature.

When he turned back to you, it felt like something switched in him, “Why aren’t you undressed?”

Your core twitched at the demanding tone of his voice. He wasn’t hard yet, he held himself off from stroking himself until he saw that you were wet and ready.

You unclasped your bra, slipping it from around your shoulders. He grabbed your arm, guiding you to the water and silently asking for you to test it. When you felt the warm liquid surround your hand, you nodded and stepped out of your panties.

Without giving you much time to adjust, Namjoon was behind you, pulling the shower head off of the mount and switching it to massage mode.

“I thought you wanted to fuck me?” You questioned, such dirty words falling from your sinful mouth. Namjoon smiled down at you, his cock rutting against your backside in anticipation, “I do, but I want to make you feel good as well.”

He brought the shower head over the front of your body, running the water over everywhere he would kiss if he were in bed. Your tits were perky, a perfect handful for Namjoon to grab and tug at while the water moved down lower.

His feet kicked yours apart, spreading your legs ever-so-slightly and allowing the harsh water jets to hit your clit directly. Immediately, your legs grew weak. Namjoon wrapped his other arm around your waist, holding you up while the jets pounded against your clit.

“Oh my god,” you moaned, Namjoon’s cock twitching from behind you, “more.”

Suddenly, he felt much more sober than previously, “What was that, baby?”

“More, please. More.” Was all you could manage out, your head thrown back onto his shoulder while you clawed backward, desperate to touch him in any way you possibly could. When your hands settled on the back of your neck, you felt yourself growing closer and closer to your orgasm.

Just as quickly as it started, it stopped. Namjoon pulled away, his lips attacking your neck while you whined from the lack of sensation against you. The water jets was replaced with his fingers, “I can’t take it anymore. I have to be inside you.”

Catching your breath, you turned to him and kissed him harshly. Your nails raked down his abs, feeling the muscles clench at every touch against him. You gripped his now hard cock in your manicured hand, pumping it up and down quickly.

“Are you sure you’re ready for me?” If he could tease you, you could tease him right back, “you might cum too quickly. I don’t know if you could last inside of me.”

“Cocky, huh? Bend over. Now.” Namjoon demanded, not having any of it. As you turned around, your head under the water, Namjoon rubbed the head of his cock up and down your slit, collecting up your wetness and groaning at the feeling of you finally so close to him.

He didn’t ask if you were ready like he wanted to, but the feeling was overwhelming, just running his cock over you was enough to send him into the most intense rush of pleasure he’s ever felt in his entire life and he forgot how to move his tongue to create the words running through his head.

All he could do was slowly sink into you, earning a delicious moan from you. You gripped onto the railing in front of you, his length filling you and stretching you out in the best way possible. Even with the water running over both of you, you were numb to everything that wasn’t him. His fingertips digging into your hips, his length moving in and out of you at an agonizingly slow pace. In that moment, your entire being was consumed by him and him alone.

“More.” You moaned, much like earlier except your voice was filled with much more need than before. Namjoon couldn’t help himself, though, continuing his slow thrusts. Whines, glorious and loud, filled the shower, echoing off of the walls. Namjoon was quiet, just listening to you while your knuckles turned white from gripping the handles.

“Fuck!” you shout, letting go of the railing and leaning up, just enough for Namjoon’s hands to return to your breasts, massaging them as he finally began to speed up his motions.

“I love that you’re so loud,” Namjoon manages, grunting while he spoke, “tell me more. Tell me how much you like it.”

“You feel so good, Namjoon,” you look back at him, his eyes screwed shut and his hair soaked, droplets of water dripping from the ends of his hair, “you’re so big, I love your- I love-” your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You weren’t able to form anymore words as Namjoon’s cock hit just the right place to have you rolling in pleasure.

“Come on, babygirl. You have to tell me.” His thrusts were faster, sloppier, and his fingers found their way back down to your clit. His calloused fingers spread your lips, moving in a figure 8 while he timed his thrusts with each twist of his finger.

“I want you to fill me up!” You cry out, and you knew you weren’t helping Namjoon in anyway from the way your legs gave out. His arms held you close though, keeping you up so easily.

Namjoon buried his face in your shoulder, “You’re so fucking hot, please tell me you’re close.” His words were muffled but you could understand him loud and clear.

“Mmhmm.” You managed, biting your lip.

“Say it.”

“I’m going to come,” you moan, and then your release washed over your body in waves. Everything was too much, the way you came undone beneath him and the feeling of you squeezing his cock. He was a mess, and after a few more thrusts, he pulled his cock out of you and released onto your ass, letting you go in the process.

You fall forward, grabbing the railing yet again for support and feeling his hot cum drench your lower half. With your orgasm still running its course, you felt your knees buckle while you dropped.

Namjoon was quick to reach forward and catch you, setting you down on the ledge of the top and moving the hair out of your face. “Are you okay baby?”

You nodded, “I’m more than okay.”

Namjoon grinned, leaning down and kissing your cheeks, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

After cleaning you up, Namjoon massaged shampoo and conditioner throughout your hair, inhaling the sweet scent of coconut. Afterward, he even brushed your hair while you were wrapped in a towel, then finally handing you his shirt to sleep in.

“So,” you said later that night, stroking his hair while you listened to music, “we going to go on that date you said you wanted to take me out on?”

“Breakfast tomorrow?” He looks up at you, that dimpled smirk stretching across his face.

“I’d like that.” You grin, leaning down and giving him one of many kisses.

#this took longer than expected but i had a lot of fun writing it!!#hope you guys like reading it <3 #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon x reader smut #kim namjoon x reader fluff #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon x reader fluff #namjoon x reader smut

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ccatskies · 4 years

Text

sciflash | chemistry class

rasa’s request

★━━━━━━━━

"Chemistry is the study of matter and energy and the interactions between them. This is also the definition for physics, by the way. Chemistry and physics are specializations of physical science."

There goes that voice. Flash resisted the urge to let a groan slip out and annoy the teacher who had just commenced the said class. He knew Chemistry, but today was awfully boring. No matter how much he despised a few subjects, it just wasn't his thing to barge in like a despicable roach and get on a teacher's nerves.

That would be his complimentary rascal of friend's field of expertise.

His eyes darted towards one of the tables in the third row, snorting as he suppressed a laugh. There's the adorable rascal.

Dash was, as usual, being a brat about things and getting her hand slapped from time to time by Shimmer, who had mentally declared that life was quite meaningless at this point, especially if you had to deal with Rainbow touching random potions for entertainment to bust everyone's asses six feet into the sky and out of the Chemistry Lab.

"Chemistry tends to focus on the properties of substances and the interactions between different types of matter, particularly reactions that involve electrons - ah, wait a second." Mr. Cranky interpolated, holding up a finger prior to walking off to the teacher who had been waiting for him at the door to deliver a message on the urgent change of routines.

Sentry suppressed a yawn, shyly glancing at his partner from the corner of his eye. In an instant, blood rushed up to his cheeks, coating it with adorable pink tints scattered across them like a pretty bunch of full bloomed roses. He brought his hands closer to his chest and leaned back on the chair, while the latter stood straight, fiddling with the bottle of a potion and going through her notes once again.

Sparkle's hair was in a messy bun, tied up with a rubber band while a big gold star laid on top of it. Few strands of her indigo hair gave her side profile astounding visuals for him just stare at. Her rosy cheeks had a special warmth, radiating a glow over her honey bronze skin. Her white laboratory coat only added onto her daunting look, as she maneuvered her finger tip through the pages of the Chemistry book.

She looked to the side once again, her alluring side profile snatching his view once again.

Fuck, he mused, one hand flying up to his face, as he cupped his right cheek to feel the warmth that generated from the abrupt blood rush.

Sure, it wasn't his first time looking at her, and definitely not the last.

More importantly, he wasn't sure how she did that to him like it was simply nothing, whereas it took him ages to have her blush in front of him. Of course, he knew she might've been hiding those blushes which burst out like balloons only when he took special measures but when it came down to him, she didn't need to even life a finger.

"Hey."

She was honestly so breathtaking - did no one tell her that?

"Huh, Flash?"

Breathtaking was an understatement too, he figured. She was just drop dead gorgeous, as if she was a beauty hailing from the heavens above - and Flash definitely didn't exaggerate that. He's seen Shimmer casually flirt with her, while Sparkle would laugh and playfully slap her shoulder.

Sunset's teeny tiny crush on the adorable bookworm justified the class Twi fell under. She's dated Timber, prior to ending the relationship on a good note. And all they had to say about his best friend was that she was so worth it.

"Flash!"

He broke out of the trance, blinking twice as he found his stinging eyes water, before squeezing them shut, a small drop traveling down his lashes, "h-huh. . .?"

"Your eyes!" Sparkle gasped, drawing herself closer to the teen boy, resting one of her warm hands on the surface of the table and the other on his left shoulder. She subconsciously brought herself to examine those pretty cornflowers, bearings her face towards his. Her breath fanned over the tip of his red nose, as she tilted her head, worry evident in her tone, "do they sting?"

"Wha-" he opened his eyes at the sound of her honey voice, a little taken aback as he registered the proximity, "ohh, fuuck."

She only made it worse for him, furrowing her brows at his words, as she dragged her lower lip under the edge of her teeth, "what? Does it sting too bad? You're tearing up, so - "

"N-not that!" He sputtered, biting his lip as soon as he stared up at her violet globes, "umm, I. . ."

"You what?"

"Your eyes." He immediately blurted, his cheeks betraying him once again, as he gazed into the most beautiful pair of eyes ever, astounded by the way they carried themselves. He swore that he could see the entire galaxy and at least a thousand constellations imprinted on those small captivating sultry orbs, reflecting back on his like the sun's rays.

She suppressed a giggle, breaking into a small smile, before she brought up her index up to his visage, cutely booping his nose, "my eyes? Ooh, are you flirting with me?"

His cheeks flushed into the shade of red - almost as red as the color of a scarlet Dahlia. Damn it, Century! Not now!

"Uh, no?"

Twilight snickered, not taking his response seriously, "is this the time to make jokes? I thought that's our thing only when classes are off."

"Wow," he scoffed, warm air purging through his nose, as he tilted his head to the side opposite to hers, "I'm mad that you don't take hints."

She raised a brow in amusement, letting a lighthearted laugh break through her system, "hint? What hint?"

"That I'm genuinely trying to compliment you for a reason."

She leaned back and flopped down onto the sit next to him, propping an elbow on the armrest as she cupped her cheek, "oh really?"

"You're pretty, am I not allowed to say that?" Flash rolled his eyes, groaning in exasperation, "fuck that, you're beautiful."

That had her blush. No matter how experienced she was at hiding those, she could not get do so for long.

Twilight smiled and bit her lip, vanquishing her urge to press him further but rather have him blurt out things (so that she could put them to use the next time she felt like embarrassing him). He had immediately caught onto the look on her face, growing a little shy at the indication.

"Why are you giving me that look?" Sentry huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "am I not allowed to call my best friend pretty?"

"U-uh. . ." she laughed a little nervously, her thin silver glasses sliding down a little down the bridge of her nose, as she concealed her cheeks from his view with her hands over them, "noooo."

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, curving into an attractive grin as he reached out his arm to pull down her hands from her face, leaning in closer to catch a sight of her turn to be red, "awww, did I finally get you?"

She caught both of his wrists as they neared her, looking down on her lap, as she felt the burning sensation course through her. The boy only smiled, his insanely attractive dimples glowing from the corners of his wide smile, as he trailed his bigger hands down, smoothly intertwining his fingers with that of the Teacher's Pet.

She looked up at him holding back a few giggles, as she snorted, her honey cheeks tinted pink like cotton candy, "are you playing with me, Flash Century?"

His smile instantly dropped as he scoffed in disbelief, "did you really just say that, Twinkle Sprinkle?"

"Twinkle Sprinkle?" Twi's jaw hung low, as she maintained her posture, still having her fingers locked with his tan ones. Her face was a mess right now, red with embarrassment as well as flattery, showcasing the cute freckles splattered across the area surrounding her nose. "Oof, you're gonna get it. That's the childish nickname you gave years back. I thought we settled that you won't use it anymore!"

"I - " he laughs silently, as she frees her hands from him, standing back up and maneuvering her hands through several potions, desperately wanting to free herself from the situation.

Flash stood right next to her, his seraphic smile as heartwarming as ever, as he whispered next to her ear, warm breath hitting her skin like a steam and making her freeze on the spot, "cute little Twinkle Sprinkle."

She turned to face him, but was rather met with his chest - curse her shortness. She blushed profusely once again, prior to staring up at him, as she scoffed, "you're certainly hitting on me."

He moistened his lower lip, the same warmth radiating from his presence, as one hand slipped down to her waist, "of course, you pretty little thing."

"You are pretty," she immediately snapped back nonchalantly, her face as straight forward and genuine as ever.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The boy bit his lip, the shyness slipping out again. It took him a while to get her flustered but how the hell did she do it within a second?

Was this the Sparkle effect?

That made him feel magical and helpless? That made his heart beat like the thunderous sound of drums?

"You're staring again, Flash," Twi coughed, masking her flustered front, and replacing it with a terrible poker face.

"I again do that for hours actually." He removed his hand from her waist, dragging his lower lip under his teeth, as he shyly looked down on the table.

"Wow," She playfully punched his chest, letting out a laugh which rang through his ears like a serene and paradisiacal euphony, "you're. . . unbelievable, Sentry."

She pursed her lips into a thin line, prior to gazing at his features with a goofy grin, "unbelievably gorgeous, that is."

"Stop," he bit his lip, letting out a sigh in disbelief, "how can you just do that?"

"Do what?"

"Fluster me easily."

"I do that?"

"Yes."

She scrunched up her nose, smiling adorably, "well, then. Guess I found my new hobby!"

"What? No."

"Definitely."

"You're not - "

"You're the cutest."

"I - "

"Softest - "

"A little marshmallow. That's what I think of when I look at you. A sweet and cute little marshmallow." She snickered, "I can poke and kiss your squishy cheeks all day - "

"H-huh?" He had the cutest face on - with utter disbelief was etched on his features, while the pink blush never seemed to go away. If Flash could recall all of his shit talk with the tiny bookworm, he would swore that she never played the flirty card. It was either getting flustered or masking it.

Did he hear that right? From Twilight?

Twilight stepped back, a triumphant smile playing on her lips. She held back a boisterous laugh from breaking out and destroying her system as soon as she spotted her so-called friend's lips quiver, with the biggest flustered look on his face, screaming what just happened?

"Guess I won this time, Habibi."

━━━━━━━━━★

#sciflash #sci twi #flash sentry #drabble #writing #nivia writes #rasa take my love

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eliteprepsat · 1 year

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Most universities are not particularly interested in students who approach college as the 13th grade—just the next step on a path laid out for them by their parents since before they were born. They instead seek out students who demonstrate passion and curiosity, especially about their chosen field of study.

In your college applications, it’s important that you demonstrate your interests (not just state what they are, but show them at work in your life) and that those interests inform your prospective major. You can and should demonstrate your interests in your college essays, your activities lists, and even in your transcripts.

Here are some specific tips on how to prove you’re invested in your intended major:

1. TAKE AP, IB, AND HONORS COURSES IN THAT FIELD

If your high school offers advanced courses in a field you’re passionate about, take those courses. Honors, AP, and IB credits demonstrate that you’ve devoted ample time and energy to a given field.

I would also recommend approaching advanced classes from the opposite direction. If you’re like most high school students, you’re not yet sure what you want to major in or what your academic interests are. Take advanced classes in subjects that you perform well in. You might find that these courses create entirely new interests for you that weren’t there before.

Throughout high school and college, you will likely develop new passions and a deeper understanding of what you love. Advanced courses are one of the ways in which you can discover what those passions might be.

2. JOIN A STUDENT ORGANIZATION … OR START YOUR OWN

Interested in computer science? Join a coding club at your school. Or, if none exists, create one. If you’re interested in something—whether it be coding, poetry, chess, or pottery—chances are there are other students at your school who are interested, too.

You can demonstrate passion for a field or cause by joining an organization on campus and working your way up the ranks to, say, secretary or even president. You can also demonstrate initiative and leadership by starting an organization of your own.

Not sure where to start? Ask a counselor or teacher at your school about how you might get something new off the ground. With the right support, you can develop your interests and set yourself up for a strong college application.

3. JOIN A CLUB AND VOLUNTEER

You can also look beyond the walls of your school for club and volunteer opportunities. Join a mystery book club or a Spanish conversation club at your local library branch. Volunteer as an elementary school assistant at your local school district. There are so many possibilities that you can find with just a quick Google search.

4. TAKE FREE ONLINE CLASSES

There are a ton of free online courses on subjects ranging from psychology to political philosophy, from computer science to principles of accounting.

You can find courses on the iTunes U app, many of which include syllabi and course readings alongside lectures. There’s a drove of Massive Open Online Courses available, many of which will even provide a certificate for completing the course. MIT hosts a wide range of free courses online, such as this Introduction to Computer Science and Programming in Python.

Many of these free online courses are offered by prestigious universities and taught by some of the most renowned faculty in their respective fields. By completing one of these courses, you can get a head start on university-level work and develop a new or existing passion.

5. CONTACT AN EXPERT

Do you live near a university? If so, reach out to faculty members to ask if they might be interested in your volunteering as a lab or research assistant, or even if you could stop by just to ask them some questions during their office hours. You might receive no response from a number of professors, but you would be surprised by how many would be more than happy to at least discuss what they do and why.

Along the same lines, if you’re passionate about business, reach out to local business owners. You might even find opportunities for employment. At the very least, you’ll gain vital insights into the kind of work you might want to do in college and beyond.

6. READ, WATCH, AND LISTEN ON YOUR OWN

Subscribe to The New Yorker, or The Economist, or Wired, or any number of magazines focused on literature and culture, or economics, or technology, or whatever it is you want to major in. Watch documentaries. Listen to podcasts. Finding media that will fuel your passion and leave you informed has never been easier.

The kind of knowledge you can gain from reading, watching, and listening first-hand cannot be matched by second-hand commentary. No visit to Sparknotes, or advice from your uncle, or other kind of second-hand knowledge can stand in for the real thing. Hearing or reading about the thing is no match for hearing or reading or doing the thing itself.

With a novel in your hand or even a computer science course on your screen, don’t just be a passive consumer—take notes not only on the content, but your reactions to it. What makes you excited? What leaves you confused? What gets you frustrated?

By staying engaged in a field of study, you shouldn’t only learn new information. You should also learn a lot about yourself.

#test prep #college admissions #college #college prep #high school #major #college major

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kathryncawley · 3 years

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The Real Meaning Behind a Liberal Arts Education

Kathryn Cawley

The Real Meaning Behind a Liberal Arts Education

The Importance of a Liberal Arts Education:

A liberal arts education equips students with a foundation and multiple tools to prepare for a life long learning experience. An element of my education that I found to be essential to my development as a student is the emphasis that Union College puts on discussion based classes. Mark William Roche values the topic of discussion in classrooms in his work, “Why Choose the Liberal Arts.” He writes, “To participate in the give-and-take of discussion by asking clarifying questions of other students, offering evidence to support your own positions, or proposing alternative perspectives in the light of disagreements is to exhibit respect for other people and for the common value of truth” (Roche 111). Roche believes that a combination of curiosity and respect influences a positive learning experience that encourages the birth of new ideas. If professors are able to foster a comfortable learning environment, students will discuss new thoughts and tackle more complex concepts in the classroom. At Union, this is a regular practice. I find that when classrooms are designed for collaboration, such as having desks face each other, communication between the students and professor is highly encouraged. On my first day of class at Union College, I had my first-year preceptorial course. I walked into the classroom located in my minerva house and noticed that the seats were in a U shape. Each student was able to make eye contact with one another and it was easier to make connections. As a liberal arts college, Union has small class sizes that provide students with the opportunity to participate and engage in the topics they are learning about through speaking in class settings.

What Happens if The Arts and Humanities Stops Being Taught?:

The arts and humanities are key for education. Unfortunately, the humanities are severely underfunded. There is more energy and money being poured into STEM programs and limited money left over to support the arts. Without humanities, students would not truly be able to understand the world around them. They would be limited in what they know about society if they were not taught topics such as politics, culture and history. If history courses lost their funding and were not taught, students would misunderstand the world they live in today. Learning history is essential for seeing mistakes made in the past and applying them to the present and the future to gain a sense of past dependency. History is a necessity for students to have more appreciation for how far society has progressed. For example, Ken Robinson talks about the importance of the moon landing in his TED talk, “Do Schools Kill Creativity” (Robinson 2007). The moon landing would not be as important to society if the humanities were not taught. People would find out about how the United States landed on the moon later on in life and with a lack of context. Learning about the moon landing in schools provides children with imagination, curiosity and a drive to learn more about space and the universe they exist in. Stories involving history, culture, and accomplishments would soon be forgotten and life would start to lose purpose if the humanities dissolved because of underfunding.

The Meaning of Life:

The humanities help human beings discover their own purpose and passion in life. Schools teach certain subjects and limit how much exposure children have to the arts and humanities. I felt the effects of a restrictive education throughout my time at public school. In my own personal experience, I felt like the math and science classes were more valued over the other disciplines. Everybody, including myself, stressed about challenging math tests. I truly believed I was a terrible student because I could never achieve straight A’s since these classes brought me down. Education should inspire children, not discourage them from what they are interested in. Human expression through the arts and humanities gives a meaning to life. Arts such as movies, paintings and sculptures help students find the beauty in the mundane school day that society has designed. I believe that these subjects should be encouraged and required in schools. Underfunding the arts and humanities in the education system brings about a darkness. Slowly, art forms will be diminished because of the lack of proper education and tools to find one’s passion. The arts and humanities are incredibly important to maintaining a vibrant life. If these topics are more encouraged in schools, children will be more creative and willing to contribute to the world.

Keep Reading:

Learning is a life-long process. Learning does not just come to an end when you walk across the stage at graduation. People learn new skills and information nearly every day. For example, the political climate in today’s world is particularly interesting and constantly changing. There are opportunities to educate oneself about current events and doing so requires research and lots of reading. Reading is one of the most valuable skills a liberal arts education can provide. A structured education full of books, newspaper articles, magazines, court cases, and more forms of literature help to maintain a well-rounded college experience. Constantly immersing oneself in reading and keeping interest in current events helps to enforce a life-long learning process. Despite the underfunding of the arts and humanities, it is important that every person stays connected to their individual creativity and engages in reading. As a result, the chances of this field of studies dying off are lowered.

References

Roche, M. W. (2012). Why Choose the Liberal Arts? Notre Dame, Ind: University of Notre Dame Press.

TEDTalks: Sir Ken Robinson--Do Schools Kill Creativity? [Video file]. (2007, January 7). Retrieved January 28, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/book-dog-fairy-tales-child-kid-794978/

Image by Comfreak from Pixabay

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spacetimewithstuartgary · 3 years

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SOHO: 25 years of solar imaging SOHO’s pioneering 25 years in orbit 02/12/2020 The ESA-NASA Solar and Heliospheric Observatory (SOHO) is celebrating its twenty-fifth launch anniversary. Two and a half decades of scientific discovery is a major milestone for any space mission. But when the spacecraft at the heart of the celebration was only designed to last for two years, and operates from an area outside the Earth’s protective magnetosphere, it’s an unalloyed triumph in the history of space exploration. SOHO launched on 2 December 1995. It is stationed 1.5 million kilometres closer to the Sun than the Earth, from where it enjoys uninterrupted views of our star. The mission was launched with three scientific objectives in mind. The first was to study the dynamics and structure of the solar interior. The second was to study why the Sun’s outer atmosphere, known as the corona, is so much hotter than its surface, and the third was to study where and how the solar wind of particles is accelerated. Almost 6000 papers have now appeared in refereed journals based on SOHO data, many of them representing significant progress in our understanding of the original objectives. In addition to investigating how the Sun works, SOHO is the most prolific discoverer of comets in astronomical history, having spotted more than 4000 of these icy mini-worlds during the sunward leg of their journeys. But perhaps the most important aspect of SOHO’s work has been something that was only just coming to prominence at the time of its launch: the study of space weather. Space weather is the term for disturbances in the solar wind; the constant stream of electrically charged particles expelled from the Sun’s corona. Major events in the corona, known as coronal mass ejections, or CMEs, can propel billions of tonnes of these particles out into space at millions of kilometres per hour. If Earth lies in the path of a CME, it can trigger a major geomagnetic storm, in which satellites may be damaged, telecommunications disrupted, astronauts endangered and power lines subjected to dangerous surges in electrical currents. Together these events and their consequences have been colloquially termed solar storms. “The reason why SOHO is flying now is for space weather research – to understand how the Sun impacts the earth,” says Bernhard Fleck, ESA’s SOHO project scientist and mission manager. SOHO has been a game changer in the study of space weather because it plays a vital role in forecasting potentially dangerous solar storms. This is because SOHO carries the Large Angle and Spectrometric Coronagraph (LASCO) instrument, which studies the structure and behaviour of the tenuous corona by creating an artificial solar eclipse. By doing this, operators and space weather forecasters on Earth can see when solar storms are heading our way, one to three days before they arrive. There have been a number of other solar missions launched since SOHO. For example, NASA launched the Solar Dynamics Observatory and most recently Parker Solar Probe. For its part, ESA now has Solar Orbiter. And yet SOHO remains unique because it carries the only coronagraph on the Sun-Earth line, and this makes it invaluable. SOHO’s 25-year mission has not been without incident. Two and a half years after launch, on 25 June 1998, the mission almost ended during a routine spacecraft manoeuvre. Contact was lost and some wrote off SOHO as lost for good. However, the team refused to surrender, and after painstaking work over a three month period, they managed to bring the mission back online by the end of September. Following a period of re-commissioning the spacecraft and its twelve instruments – all of which survived despite the extreme temperatures they suffered during the blackout – the mission was fully back online in early November. But the troubles were not over yet. By the end of the next month, all three of the spacecraft’s gyroscopes had failed, igniting a new race against time to save the mission. New software was developed that could control SOHO without the need of gyroscopes. Installed in February 1999, the code allowed the spacecraft to return once more to full scientific operations. In the process, this made SOHO the first spacecraft to be stabilised in three axes without gyroscopes. Despite these problems, SOHO has remained a stalwart on the ESA roster ever since. Engineers have kept the spacecraft healthy and functioning, with all its instruments performing well, and providing there are no major malfunctions in the coming years, the spacecraft could make it to its 30th anniversary. Bernhard believes that SOHO’s mission will end in 2025 after a couple of successor missions have taken to the skies. One is the so-called Space Weather Follow-On mission from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), the other is NOAA’s GOES-U satellite. Both carry coronagraphs and space weather monitoring instruments that look set to take over from SOHO. ESA too has new missions on the horizon. It is studying the Lagrange mission, which would function as a dedicated space weather observatory to warn of potentially harmful turbulence in our parent star. In the shorter term, ESA’s Proba-3 is aiming for launch in 2023. This satellite will test a new way of studying the Sun’s corona that significantly improves on the performance of traditional coronagraphs. But before then, there is still a lot of great science to look forward to from SOHO. “I would say the next couple of years will be more exciting than the previous ten years,” says Bernhard. This is because SOHO can integrate its readings with those from Solar Orbiter and Parker Solar Probe to provide ‘multipoint measurements’ that give a more complete picture of the space weather conditions. For example, SOHO can see the corona through which those two missions will fly, thus providing the context into which Solar Orbiter’s and Parker Solar Probe’s ground truths can be fitted. And it is not just the scientific achievements that are being celebrated on this anniversary. SOHO’s longevity is a lasting testament to the teams of dedicated individuals who built the spacecraft and its instruments three decades ago. “The world was very different 30 years ago, yet they built such a solid piece of hardware that it still works, and has instruments that are still relevant, 30 years later. That is quite amazing,” says Bernhard. Then, of course, there is the team that runs the spacecraft. “They have operated the mission day in and day out for 25 years, even in the difficult conditions of the COVID-19 pandemic over the last year, it is such an extraordinary achievement,” says Bernhard. Especially since technology continually changes, and so the team is required to keep adapting their practises to modern requirements. “SOHO is based on their commitment, dedication and diligence,” says Bernhard. In short, SOHO has not only changed the way we think about the Sun, through the amazing bounty of knowledge and understanding it has provided, but it has also established the blueprint for how we study space weather in order to keep Earth and its technology safe. No matter when the mission eventually comes to an end, its place in the history books is secure. TOP IMAGE....The ESA/NASA Solar and Heliospheric Observatory (SOHO) has been observing the Sun for 25 years. In that time, SOHO has observed two of the Sun’s 11-year sunspot cycles, as solar activity waxes and wanes. This montage of 25 images captured by the spacecraft’s Extreme Ultraviolet Imaging Telescope provides a snapshot of the changing face of our Sun. The individual images show gas with a temperature of about two million degrees Celsius in the Sun’s atmosphere, or corona, which extends millions of kilometres from the Sun. The brightest images occur around the time of solar maximum, when the Sun’s magnetic field is strongest and highly dynamic, changing its configuration and releasing energy into space. SOHO (ESA & NASA) LOWER IMAGE....Launched 2 December 1995, the ESA/NASA Solar and Heliospheric Observatory (SOHO) has been observing the Sun for 25 years. This graphic highlights some of the mission’s impressive numbers to date, which will continue to increase over the coming years.

#space #science #Astronomy #physics #news #soho

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startledstars · 3 years

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How can for (extreme) example kids being physically abused/raped by strangers/parents be a trial to overcome for good? Girls being kidnapped and sold for sex? Students stepping on a little puppy for views? If this is a sometimes situation where god lets evil thru, then its everyday 24/7 around the world not just sometimes. God cant stop evil, bacause we are everything between good and evil. Not god makes live wonderful nd miserable but we do. Towards us and others. Being afraid of live being meaningless none guiding us, that is what makes religioun(and other factors) u are free when u are open to see. There is no pure good and evil. Whatever you wet thru its not your fault, you happened to be where its bad but you are grown up indipendent and you can choose to be 'good' or 'bad' in order to help u or other people so long u live. But this god, at least how christianity potrays him, is a fear in your head that prevents you at crumbling infront of the worlds truth to make this all more bearable. People should believe whatever they want as long as it gets them going. But saying all you want is the truth, and yet believing in a god as the catholic religion and you present him. You seem to scared for the truth if you are willing to leave it at that. A simple as god knows. What kind of truth are you after? Be at least honest with yourself

Hi,

These are the right questions. The problem of evil is a Big One.

In the past century, we’ve had:

two cities decimated by a nuclear bomb

hundreds of millions of people killed by their own governments (socialism is orders of magnitude worse than the holocaust)

famines that lead to parents killing and eating their own children

a global “pandemic” that governments used as a power grab, shutting down the global economy, causing millions of people to starve

And these are only the things we know. For every rape, abuse, and act of violence that is reported, there are many more that go unreported and unpunished. However, almost every rapist/abuser/theif/murder/politician is justified in their own mind. The true mark of an evil person is that they believe they are righteous, to the point where they are above any laws, and will never be sorry for anything they do.

So, in a Godless world with no objective standards, it’s anyone’s game. Evil is simply a perception; an opinion. Same with good. You can choose to believe in a random, meaningless world where Shit Just Happens and humans are the highest power. You can choose to ignore the fact that there is an undeniable order to reality, where even atheistic scientists admit the universe is so finely tuned, they have to reevaluate their own theories. (That’s actually why the multi-verse theory exists. Scientists have no solid evidence that our universe is one of infinite parallel universe. Watch this video, time stamp 43:19 where famous athiest Dawkins admits the multiverse theory has no scientific evidence.)

You can turn your back on God because He allows things you disagree with. That’s what it usually boils down to: we look at evil with our limited intelligence, perception, and imagination, and decide that because we can’t find a reason for every single instance of wrong doing, no reason can exist.

It’s like a teenager getting mad at his parents because they enforced curfew. Like a toddler raging because she was denied that fifth piece of candy. In those moments, because the child can’t comprehend their parent’s decision, the parent’s character comes into question.

This is pride and short-sightedness, especially when we’re talking about an infinite creator operating on an infinite universe over an infinite span of time.

Again, I’m not condoning or justifying evil. The question of evil and human suffering is extremely valid. And I’ve never shied away from looking at the darkest parts of humanity, because that is an important piece of understanding reality. If you do a little digging, you’ll find that this world is so much more evil that you or I could begin to comprehend. People are evil, and it’s going to continue to get worse.

In the face of such evil, it would be easier to not believe in God. (There’s a post sitting in my drafts about how I actually tried to be an athiest because I couldn’t justify evil.) So I think you’re saying that I’m not sincere when I say “search for the truth,” because from your perspective, I believe in God either out of fear, or because it gives me a false sense of comfort. While I can understand why you might think that (because this is how I used to feel about Christians) it’s simply not the case here.

No one forced these beliefs on me. I am not part of any church or denomination-- the ‘catholic’ comment is a bit out of left field. I don’t blame myself for what happened to me. I don’t blame any victim for their circumstances. Idk there’s some level of misunderstanding and too much to unpack entirely.

But, if you’re looking for real answers to the problem of evil, I’d suggest approaching The Big Man himself. I do this all the time-- when I see something absolutely horrible, I ask Him how he could possibly allow that. Sometimes, He will give you answers (if you’re willing to hear Him out) and almost every time, He will send a sense of peace. This is something you have to experience for yourself to understand.

Also, here are some debates between Atheists at the top of their field and Christians. Both sides present arguments better than I ever could, and I actually watched these videos thinking the Atheists might sway me but. Well, see for yourself:

Does God exist? William Lane Craig vs Christopher Hitchens

Richard Dawkins vs John Lennox - The God Delusion Debate

William Lane Craig and CosmicSkeptic Discuss The Kalam Cosmological Argument

(Not a debate but worth checking out) Stephen Meyer: The Return of the God Hypothesis

Would God Allow Evil? CosmicSkeptic vs InspiringPhilosophy

And here’s a muslim vs. atheist debate to round things out

Bolded my favorites. These take a few hours to get through, but if you’re really interested in the problem of evil or the proof for God, these guys present it well. (btw surprisingly there is more logical/scientific proof for God’s existence than for the athiest or pantheistic model of reality. Check out this short clip. Science and religion used to be two sides of the same coin; people took an intelligent, ordered approach to studying the universe because they believed in an intelligent, ordered creator. So God answered the “why” and science answered the “how” of existence. Just some food for thought.)

I’d also recommend you look into the biblical story of Joseph (his own brothers sold him into slavery, but because of this, Joseph ended up ruling all of Egypt and saving the very brothers who betrayed him). And also the book of Job. While we can’t know everything about the mystery of evil, we can know enough to make an informed decision about God’s existence/character.

Anyways, thank you for this message. I hope you’ll consider the information in this response. I’m glad that you are asking the hard questions, and assure you that the answers are worth seeking and finding. Good night and God bless you :)

#spiritual awakening #spiritual awareness #wow anon really dropped the whole problem of evil\#literally the biggest problem in human history #right in my ask box #i rlly did my best #also lets not forget the jesus death at the cross #arguably the ultimate evil would be to punish an innocent man for the sins of the guilty #but god did that #because to defeat death you gotta die and come back #you can only defeat the ultimate evil by subjecting yourself to it first #and because of jesus' suffering literally billions of people are living better lives and have hope for the future #again its hard to understand unless youve experienced how REAL the peace joy and good health is #all the blessings are tangible #but it starts by searching for the truth #god actually wants you to ask him the hard questions #he does not command blind faith #he reveals his character to you first and allows you to make a decision

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2ugars · 5 years

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ੈ♡˳ having a crush on hyuck, part one.

an au of the high school senior!hyuck au.

you met your best friend, dahyun, when you were in seventh grade

after the little science experiment mishap during the second half of the year that involved bubbles and the weird smell of pee,

you and dahyun were almost inseparable!

you loved her lots

especially when she made you cry from laughter instead of crying over some boy who pushed you over during a field trip

you knew everything about her

she’d hiccup when she’d get scared,

she likes the color blue the most and absolutely despises hot pink,

dahyun’s nickname is duckie,

and finally, she was an only child!

cue: donghyuck

you: “have you heard of lee donghyuck? the one who face-planted in the mud while looking for soil samples for ms. berklee’s science class? i heard he’s a bit strange…”

dahyun, laughing nervously: “yeah… that’s. he’s my twin brother”

you:

you: “i’m sorry what”

THSI WAS LIKE A MONTH INTO UR BEST FRIENDSHIP OK LAMAO

but yeah not the best way to be Informed that there are actually two (2) of your best friend,

just .

one is a little . . . . . . ..

dumber

and louder

and

boy-er

than the first one

turns out dahyun’s the oldest twin by three minutes

and apparently those three minutes was enough time for dahyun to absorb Mental Older Sibling Energy

there were plenty of situations where you found yourself having to endure a bickering session between (literally and figuratively) the two

donghyuck’s salty that he’s the younger one and dahyun uses those three minutes to her advantage for the better

and for the worse

frankly, it was a little awkward between you and donghyuck at first because you didn’t know how to act around your best friend’s . twin brother. . . …. . ..

like one day when you were in eighth grade you went to the lee household

and it turned out dahyun was still off somewhere running errands for mama lee

so the one who accompanied you until dahyun arrived,

was none other than donghyuck !

(thereafter, mama lee would always force him to accompany you if ever that happened again)

(it was only until you guys started being okay w each other that he accompanied you without mama lee asking)

(rip)

you were in the living room with a sort of tense, awkward silence between you two.

but maybe it was just you being paranoid!!!!!

because there hyuck was, in all his thirteen-year-old boy glory,

playing slither io with an ice cream power cap dangling from the corner of his mouth,

completely ignoring you as you scrolled through social media.

he didn’t turn to talk to you at all throughout the hour dahyun was away

and when she finally arrived,

he looked up,

spotted her,

then gathered his belongings,

before going straight to his room.

you: “bro does your brother hate me”

dahyun: “??????no??????i’ll beat him up if he does?????why???”

you: “idk, it just feels like he does…”

dahyun: “look, honestly, if he doesn’t talk to you, it actually means he’s pretty comfy. not that comfortable, obviously, but comfortable enough. you know?”

you: “ . huh”

dahyun: “it’s weird. he’s weird. you’re fine.”

after dahyun’s constant reassurances that “everything was fine” and that he was pretty ~~~chill~~~

you forced yourself to started regularly treating donghyuck like you would a good or close friend

by the time you did so, the three of you were in junior year

and it all began w Food

you would offer the boy a bite of your food every now and then and at first, he would politely say no

a month later into the school year, you’d offer and he would agree

three months in, he started to ask if he could have a bite

six months in, he would come over if you had food, wordlessly take a bite, and waddle away while muffling out what sounded like a “thanks”

in senior year (currently),

once everything between you and hyuck settled into place,

he would quietly stand beside you until you would offer

and he would lean over and take a huge bite

that one would result in a Very Violent kick to the Butt

it’s all fun and games!!!!!11!!

donghyuck started teasing you and making fun of you

like you had your hair up in a bun once, okay

you were walking down the school hallways, minding your own business

then you hear someone running up behind you

and suddenly grabbing hold of your bun and using it as if it was a shifter with Vroom Vroom noises to finish!!!

u look up,,,,,,, ,, , ,

to see hyuck smiling at u very cheekily

(he’s so h*ckin annoygin. god .)

and you’ve whacked him so much to the point he’d flinch

and cover his stomach every time you’d move your hand towards him

(you apologized profusely the first time you noticed and he, of course, played victim even if he wasn’t at all bothered)

you’d exchange fondly exasperated looks with dahyun

together,

w ur Best Friend Telepathy

ur ……. Palepathy. if u will .

i’ll stop now i PROMISE

whenever hyuck would do somethig stupid

which was all the time

it’s a wonder how your eyes aren’t stuck to the back of your head with how much you rolled your eyes at him

things were fine!

fine and dandy!

until he starts seeming like . not a good friend

soon he starts seeming like a b*y

a very C*te one at that

a C*te B*y

and so what do u do w this newfound information?

well u panic of course!

and it went a little smth like this:

donghyuck approaches you after school one day, having just come from his chinese class,

while you start to place your books and laptop in your bag.

when you see him, you find it odd, knowing that he doesn’t really visit you at your locker (especially if dahyun wasn’t there)

but you nonetheless beam up at him when he walks up to you.

“tired?” you ask him, noticing that his usually bright eyes have a dull, sleepy glaze to them.

he nods, smiling at you slightly. “liu laoshi had us do a writing exam for the first hour of class. i spent half that time looking outside.”

“there’s not much of a view outside, though,” you say, an amused smile playing on your lips.

“eh, the sky’s gray enough for me to be entertained.” he gently gives a knock on dahyun’s locker door. “did she get the chocolates?”

“yup, it’s still there,” you say, opening her locker (dahyun never used the lock) and revealing the surprisingly organized interior — which is a contrast to your messy locker with old assignments pushed to the back and books precariously piled atop each other.

one square of chocolate sits neatly on dahyun’s ap biology book.

donghyuck snorts. “god, she really had to leave it for an after-school snack, huh??”

“you know your sister.” you respond laughingly. “how’d you know that someone put chocolate in her locker anyways??”

the boy squints at you.

“oh, it was you??”

“obviously. who else?? no one in this school likes dahyun enough to get her chocolate. psh.”

you whack his chest. “you say that as if she wasn’t nominated, and won, class president of senior year.”

donghyuck grins widely, cackling as he backs up a step to avoid your hit. when the both of you settle down, he leans forward to peek into your locker. you follow his line of sight, suddenly getting embarrassed from the chaos within your locker.

“i was gonna give you one too, but i didn’t want to place it on your—“

“my papers? don’t worry, it’s a mess in there anyways—“

“no, your little blanket.”

he briefly picks up said your blanket — a lap blanket;

one that’s a very pale lilac with cute white hearts embroidered onto the fluffy cloth, one that’s mostly to chase the classroom chill away during classes with dr. grace, and one that’s being held by donghyuck right now. he rubs the material between his fingers, seemingly entertained by the softness.

“you can use it if ever you want to take a nap during study hall,” you say.

he contemplates for a moment then throws the thing back inside, closing your locker door. “nah. unlike you, i actually do work during my study hall.” he quips, then straightens, looking down at you with an air of importance.

“shut up,” you say, pushing at his bicep in retaliation.

then you spot a stray eyelash on his cheek while he’s talking, and you’re humming to show that you’re listening to him rant about soccer, and on impulse, you reach up,

and brush it away.

it’s a minuscule moment.

it’s fleeting.

and you don’t think too much of it, because it’s over and done with in literally a second.

but when you get it off of him, you don’t notice that hyuck is looking at you very intently.

more people start exiting classrooms and heading to their lockers and with this, you absentmindedly return to packing up your bag. you look up to see hyuck standing there, his gaze elsewhere.

“i’ll see you later?”

hyuck’s eyes meet yours and he smiles. “yeah. maybe sooner, actually, since you basically live at our house now.”

“your parents love me is why.”

he gags.

“go away,” you laugh, pushing him away. he giggles then leaves with a small skip in his step, and you see him tackle jeno just as the poor boy steps foot from his honors algebra class.

you shake your head fondly and close your locker door after retrieving your scarf, leaning on the door as you wait for dahyun.

it doesn’t take long for you to recall the situation at hand just minutes ago,

and when you lean your head back to close your eyes to ease a short dizzy spell……

a jarring thought enters your mind.

i never realized there was a mole under hyuck’s eye. was it a mole? a freckle? trick of the light? fleck of stardust, perhaps?

wait.

what the heck.

you raise your head so quickly you see stars, some of which, you realize in frustration, closely resemble the moles on hyuck’s neck.

dahyun appears next to you with a bright smile and a heavy backpack and gives you a strange look as she opens her locker.

“you good there?” she asks, popping the chocolate into her mouth while beginning to take some unneeded books from her bag to lighten the load.

you laugh sheepishly. “uh…yeah.”

“alright. you coming over later?”

“don’t think so,” you say after thinking about it.

“homework?”

“yeah,” you smile as the both of you start walking out of the building, “i have some research to do.”

later……,,,,,,

google search: wht do u do if u start likign ur best friend’s twin brotheaaaAAAA NO

you close your laptop lid with a firm thud and move it away from you, hugging your legs to your chest

you Don’t knwo what the HEK TO DO!!!!!!!!!!

because here you are, unsure if you have feelings for your best friend’s brother and oh no, you’re really hoping donghyuck didn’t think you were some type of weirdo for keeping a little blanket in your locker, it’s just that dr. grace’s classroom is so damn cold and—

wait

When Did This Ever Both er y you

you fall backwards onto your bed, looking at the ceiling, mind discombobulated

in the following few weeks, as you battle with your emotions and what’s left of your sanity

(thanks, senioritis!)

you start noticing things you’ve never noticed about you and hyuck that happens so frequently,

with so much ease,

and nonchalance .

you always knew that he was fine with sharing food, that was for sure, but has he always been so tall that he needed to actually bend over a little to take a bite from your croissant?

the answer is yes.

unfortunately.

and what is with boys (donghyuck, mostly) and their tendency to crack thumb knuckles????? (yours, specifically)

it was only until recently that you noticed how at ease and how gentle hyuck is when he takes your hand in his,

that oftentimes you don’t pay mind to him, your attention more focused on people you’re talk to or your work,

and the only time you’d entertain his knuckle-cracking ministrations would be when he’d look at you to gauge your reaction

and you’d give him an enthusiastic nod as a good job, you have relieved the arthritis in my thumb!!!!! my savior!!!!!

and every time you’d forget your jacket or cardigan at home, you’d simply walk up to him and look at him a certain way and he’d sigh and take his hoodie from his locker and chuck it at you

hyuck: “you’re doing this on purpose aren’t you”

you: “no i swear this’ll be the last time i’ll ask you for your hoodie—“

hyuck: “the last time you said ‘last time’ was FOUR DAYS AGO”

you: “but—“

hyuck: “AND YOU DON’T EVEN ASK ANYMORE, YOU JUST STAND THERE.”

you: “???????but—???”

hyuck: “AND LIKE. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. SAY NO???”

you: “i mean…you could say no if it bothered you that muc—“

hyuck: “OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!! i swear it’s like pavlov’s dog all over again…”

you: “what…what’s the correlation…”

hyuck: “bro . Bro. every time you’re within a two-step radius, i catch myself taking my hoodie off.”

you: “that isn’t???? that isn’t remotely related to—????????”

hyuck: “this is borderline SEXUAL HARASSMENT.”

you: “!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!”

coincidentally, hyuck would have a brief five minute break during a class at the same time you would have a study hall

on days he’d feel tired or bored, he’d come and visit you in the library where you would be working or reading

all he would do is flop on the chairs across from you, complain about the assignments, maybe doze a little, and then head on his way back to class

on the days he’d feel a little more human thanks to the wonderful invention that is Hot Bean Juice (…….coffee….)

he’d linger behind you while you’re seated on the chair,

hands placed on the backboard of said chair and on either side of your frame

and literally. hovering over you.

so that if you looked up, the tip of your nose would poke at his chest

on the days that he’d feel clingier, he’d flop down next to you, especially if you were on a couch, and lean against you briefly to take a look at what you’re working on

and the thing is!!!

THE THING IS!!!!!!!!

his class is on the other side of the building!!!!!!and two floors up!!!!!!!

so he has to RUN!!!!!!to get back to class sometimes!!!!!!

and when you realized this!!!!!! !!cue heart malfunction goodbye, y/n

you try not to overthink it

you really do

but it’s hard

even still, you try not to distance yourself too much with donghyuck

because you know that it’s not fair for him to feel confused even if you feel confused

so you act as if everything is fine!

which, really, it is, for the most part

you still walk with the lee twins upstairs to your lockers before school starts and downstairs to your buses after school

if dahyun is running late or has to go somewhere to do something, donghyuck and you still go ahead and walk together

you still punch him when he makes fun of you or when he scares you

he still makes you shriek from laughter and snort out milk from your nostrils

“i might as well be a quarter in love with your brother,” you jokingly said to dahyun in sophomore year, and she gagged in response before throwing her head back, laughing.

you’d said this right after donghyuck tried to trip renjun while renjun was skipping down the hallways. donghyuck ended up being choked.

but he was laughing hysterically, hiccuping in between giggles, and the scene had made you squeal softly and your heart do a weird spasm thing.

everything was the same.

the only difference was that you were probably a little more than a quarter in love with donghyuck, at this point

maybe two-thirds?

yeah

maybe

it’ll fade away soon, you tell yourself.

winter break is coming soon.

three weeks is enough time for your crush on your best friend’s twin brother to fade away, right???

right…??

(hint: no.)

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