#why i am so dramatic lmao

[bununuu]

zhang hao and hanbin before the p01 candidate announcement:

and after the announcement:

#i'm so so sorry i literally cannot get this moment out of my brain #also fyi some fan speculation ahead that is more about their dynamic rather than the Actual People #i wonder if part of hanbin's relief was not knowing if he would've been able to handle being a p01 candidate without zhang hao #in an alternate universe where hao was p09 it's actually devastating to think about him standing there alone #and hanbin having to walk up without him and leave him behind... #why i am so dramatic lmao #haobin #boys planet #zb1

[xamaxenta]

Kind of whelmed

#isgh. like i dont try to dwell on it much #but i really am so incredibly envious of people who have good relationship with their parents #i havent had a good relationship or trusted mine since i was thirteen #NC is great its fine im doing great #but mentally theres a part of me that cant get over it its fucking ass lmao #an extremely childlike part of me that really needs an older person to tell me its ok??? #i guess? #dont really have anyone like that #so i exist as i am and i hold no love for myself and i hold too many expectations #and im like does this make me happy or accomplished? #idk #not really #not really so why do i have the expectations in the first place #its a disgusting culmination of identity crisis and lack of self esteem/love idk #augh. #i just want to be a little beast #like bog witch turns me into a frog kind of thing id be so happy #maybe #anyway thats dramatic its nothing important #ill put it away and think about it again in like four months time

[solitarelee]

I actually have a unique reason why I can't use tampons and use pads instead!

Tampons make me pass out. Immediately.

Let me explain my tmi story.

Initially, I thought it was just a panic attack because I was freaked out about putting a tampon in. It happened twice, a couple years apart, so I just didn't use tampons. But, somewhere in my early twenties, I was like, I've had sex now and am comfortable with my body and tampons are no longer scary and I'm sick of pads. It was July 4th and I was wearing a cute dress and wedge heels. My sister and mom re-explained how to use them to me and I went and bought some. We went to my dad's house to pick something up and I decided to just do it there.

Now, my family is very open about bodies and sex and things like that, but I didn't mention to my dad that I was trying tampons again because it just didn't occur to me to do so.

I go upstairs, insert the tampon, pull my underwear (with a pad in it just in case) back up, and stand up to look myself in the mirror over the sink.

Immediately, I feel like I'm going to pass out. I've passed out many times in my life and know what it feels like. The color drains from my face, my ears start ringing, I break into a cold sweat, the works. I stumble over to the bathroom room, leaning heavily on the handle, and call for my sister.

Me: "[Sister]!"

Sister: *annoyed* "What?"

Me: *trying not to pass out* "[Sister]!!"

Sister: *more annoyed* "What?!"

Me: *losing steam* "[Sister]...!"

Sister: "Fine! I'm coming."

She takes one look at me and goes, "oh my god."

Thankfully, my sister was a certified nursing assistant and much stronger than me, so she has no trouble moving me back over to the toilet. I'm mumbling that I'm gonna pass out and she's trying to talk to me but I'm having trouble communicating at that point.

Then my head hits the back of the toilet and apparently I twitched weirdly.

My sister screams, "DAD, GET UP HERE!!!"

He comes up the stairs and, remember, he has no idea what's going on. Usually he's very confident in situations like this, but I think because my sister already had a hold of me and he had nothing to do, he just stood there in shock.

A few seconds later, I'm conscious again, but not fully lucid. My sister asks, dead serious, "Do you want me to remove the tampon?" And I say yes.

Hilariously, she tells my dad to turn around, even tho I would not have cared if he saw.

My sister, absolute hero, removes my tampon for me, tosses it, pulls my underwear back up, takes off my heels, and helps me into my bedroom next to the bathroom to lay down in bed.

Eventually my mom comes over to check on me as well while I have water and the a/c going to cool me off. We're all discussing it, trying to figure out what happened.

Panic attack? No, I wasn't nervous at all.

Incorrectly inserted? No, my sister confirmed it looked correct, since she got a look at it.

Toxic shock?? That shouldn't happen immediately tho...

Allergic??? Would I be allergic to cotton only vaginally??????

Unable to figure it out that day, once I was more recovered, we moved on to celebrate the fourth of July.

It was another year or two later, when I had to get my first pap smear as an adult, that I discovered that speculums ALSO make me pass out. They couldn't complete my pap smear because of it.

Was I allergic to cotton and surgical steel only vaginally?????? That made even less sense.

It was when I was seeing a different doctor the next year, this time at Planned Parenthood, for a pap smear that we discovered a probable explanation.

It's probably pressure on a vasovagal nerve, the rectal one specifically.

There's a rectal nerve that they have to be careful about with enemas and colonoscopies because it will sometimes make people pass out, according to this doctor.

But every body is shaped differently and the nerve must be just close enough to the vaginal canal that pressure will activate it. It doesn't help, I later discovered, that my uterus tilts fairly far forward (more than most people's but not outside the norm), so to get to the cervix, a doctor has to use the lip of the speculum to dip under my cervix and tilt it upwards in order to get the pap smear. So they're directly putting pressure downwards, toward that nerve when doing so. It likely doesn't happen during sex or masturbation because the area engorges with blood during arousal and the vaginal canal actually extends, so the pressure downward doesn't penetrate. Plus, during sex, pressure typically doesn't direct downwards anyways.

And that's why I can't use tampons!

I've considered the cups, but those seal with pressure and I worry that would press on the nerve as well. I have since been able to successfully complete a pap smear a couple times with caution, using a smaller speculum, and warning the doctor beforehand, altho I alway feel bad afterwards cuz I get close to passing out and feel nauseous for a while.

it's her.................... it's the vagina that makes you swoon dramatically

btw I also have a VERY VERY VERY tilted uterus (mine's to the point where it causes issues) and I have the same problem re: pap smears. my bro my guy my sis my fam they hurt so fucking bad when ur tilted and i don't think that's very known. my gyno is very apologetic about it but i get horrible cramps for weeks after due to the maneuvering they have to do to get in there.

#hysteria located #solitaretalk #JOKING JOKING I AM JOKING IM SORRY #it's just so funny to me #RIP ur vasovagal nerves they are a DRAMATIC QUEEN and we stan #I think you guys can probably see why i was hesitant to publish LMAO

[chilei-the-hotsauce]

pirate sona thing because @whatcouldpossiblyg0wr0ng

lore: "the suspiciously rich merchant that is seen frequenting the docks. has a knack for scamming their customers but getting away unharmed. surprisingly knowledgeable about sailing, despite claiming to have never stepped onto a sailing boat or ship in their life."

white background version under the cut

#white. shoes #why #idk lmao looks good at least #not necessarily pirate actually whoops #anyways #slightly sampo coded maybe i think #my art #art #oc #oc reference #they are so dramatic OUGH #anyways i am they lol /hj #ey whys that pose kinda good

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[taegularities]

…

#i'm always gonna work at my own pace but i've been sooo slow with writing!! #like the last cmi update's gonna be 2 months old soon lol and i am so excited for cmi11 but oh my gosh it's been so hard bc im like #'is that scene boring? too dramatic?? worth it all??' bc i want this chapter to be p e r f e c t so im worried of not doing it justice and #then my brain goes so blank!!! #worried about* #like the plot has my heart so i wanna do my best!! which is why it still might take a lil bit to finish and drop it #let's see! i don't wanna rush this one.. but i do also feel so badddd :') #i promise im gonna work extra hard on it n when it comes it's gonna be worth it !! or at least i hope so!! #i really hope you guys like it a lot :') don't let it flop LMAO!! 🙈 but fr cmi11 means a lot to me so any interaction is 🥺 #the comfort is crazy in this one rlly rlly <33 so pls wait for me <3 sorry again <3 ily and ill do my best <333 #fic: colour me in #might delete AHHH LOL

[funkytoesart]

.

#Not to be dramatic lmao and it's probably just burnout but i am SO tempted to quit making BTCT altogether :/ #I've been working on it for like... idk 2.5+ years now? and i'm just... t i r ed #also it's not like i'm even monetizing it atm. I'm literally just making it in my spare time (for free) and #I don't suspect it would do well if i Tried to monetize it again #and it's far Far too time consuming to continue if i choose to not monetize it #which is why lately i've been feeling like it would be better if I just.. quit making it entirely. #which would suck bc i love the story and the characters but at the same time i feel like it's just not worth continuing? #idk maybe i just have a case of burnout and imposter syndrome lol but #it feels pointless to continue? #I want an art career. And I need to earn more money. #but... i've kinda lost hope that it could be by/through making webcomics #or at least this webcomic #funky's personal tag #i say all this as if i'm not Just About to wrap up the first season production lol #i have like 1-2 more episodes left of season 1 to finsih #maybe i'll just finish making season one and Then call it quits #although season 1 ends on a cliff hanger so that would probably be pretty mean of me LOL

[katierosefun]

one day i won’t start crying the second i leave my college friends to board a train! today is not that day!

#caroline talks #i’m so dramatic lmao we all live in the same state/practically the same state #but it’s been a brutal month so far and a really brutal and sad last few weeks #and my friends walked me down to the train station i used to go on every time i returned from home #and i realized very suddenly that this was the first time i was going to this station with my friends #and for some reason that made me tear up #i don’t know. i got hugs from all my friends and they yelled ‘WE LOVE YOU’ as i walked off #and i think that’s what did it! #whatever! I feel so lucky to have friends where i can just sit and listen to them #and everyone is kind to one another #and makes sure no one is interrupted #and also makes sure that no one is hogging the conversation at a time #and it’s just. not me dumping all this when i should be journaling #but. #i remember someone once tried to learn why i was sad and they later used that to hurt me some more #but my friends know i am sad sometimes and instead they look at that sadness #and go ‘let’s eat food. let’s walk around. let’s jump into the water.’ #and i don’t know. #i love my friends a lot. whenever i’m around them i feel like life will be okay. #and you know! #if i had to go through all my broken and sad friendships in order to meet the friends i have now. #then i’d gladly go through all of it again! just to now have friends #who walk me to the train station and hug me goodbye

[kimmkitsuragi]

not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything

#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh #dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol #im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so #i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today #bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao #ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome #stupid girl as always #anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry #if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this #well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid #got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3 #truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao #what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗 #i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao #and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao #truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc #all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry #and that's because im stupid #🗒 #i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/

[fluent-bilingual]

they need to invent a desire that doesn't feel so rotten

#i will hang on‚ however hard it is. // but when the waves have smashed my raft to pieces‚ // then i will have no choice‚ #and I will swim. #ty emily wilson 5.362 #i'm not feeling well :( #ARGH i learned how not to withdraw when im feeling unwell but i cant again?? do i have to keep learning this 😭😭 it's not a one and done??? #why is the ordeal of being known mortifying again :( #it's so dramatic too like why am i crying so hard about just wanting to be held. why do i feel rotten #like whats wrong with me lmao what went wrong

[archduke-enver-gortash]

oh my god i need to stand under an ice-cold waterfall for 5 hours to cleanse myself. a hit with a sledgehammer so hard that i permanently lose my memories of the last few hours would also be fine. or just a straight up exorcism if nothing else is working

#sorry for being dramatic but I DON’T WANT TO HYPERFIXATE ON ENVER FUCKING GORTASH #HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP HELP ME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i’m not even exaggerating when i say that i feel nauseous rn lmao #this is so insane because his fucked up shit in the mind flayer colony disturbed me so much that i was genuinely not feeling well for a bit! #WHYYYY HELP PLEASE #i feel like that person in those zombie movies who got bitten but is in absolute denial and sticks with the group #this is insane why is my brain forsaking me #i can feel the symptoms of hyperfixation but i am choosing to be in denial i do not want this

[hiding-under-the-willow]

I need you all to know that I have been struggling to write a singular chapter of Inheritance for the last like month and I am just now actually making progress 💀

#atlas speaks #it's not the next chapter. but the one after that #there's a post sitting in my drafts explaining. why. its taken so long. bc it did take me this long to realize why i was struggling with it #and the reason is so silly and stupid lmao #but i refuse to post that draft for fear of spoilers. for the like ten people who actually read it lol #but i did want to make light of it bc i think it's so silly #it is the sole reason we've caught up with my backlog of pre-written chapters #without getting into specifics. really it's just cause i feel so bad for Maya lmao. and it's not even like a particularly wild chapter. #but despite how calm things actually seem on the surface. i know things she doesn't and the dramatic irony is killing me #everytime something seemingly innocuous happens i am sitting there with my head in my hands like 'oh my god she does not deserve this' #it's literally so ridiculous

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[bunnihearted]

🎂🧸🚬

#now my least favorite day has started .... >.< #i normally dislike my birthdays but this one... this one is rough. more than any before #and ofc i got to start this shitty day with a headache :D so idk how well i'll sleep #i just hate hate my birthday so much. there's nothing abt me being born that is worthy to celebrate #and ngl.. it hurts that im not important to anyone. no one to congratulate me.. my sisters wont. no family or relatives.. no friends #like i dont even exist. my mom hasnt even said anything yet #tho i lowkey hope she'll forget abt it bc i dont wanna think abt it. i hate this day. why was i born lol #and i am extra dramatic abt this i think bc i have never been allowed to think that my birthday matters or that this is a special day #everyone have always shown me how little i matter and how much they do not care abt me. or my birthday lmao #like im selfish and demanding if i even wish for just one congrats. im not allowed to want to feel special or cared for #so thats why im extra emo abt it lol. T-T #i just cant help but feel soooo fkn bad rn but i have no one to talk to or distract myself abt it #my mom wanted to watch tv and have it be quiet. it is night now i get it. but i feel so so alone #nd worthless and useless and uloved. i dont matter i dont matter i know! but i wish i did. i rlly wish that i mattered... #anyway... gnna try not to kms today. life goes on. even if it all fkn sucks and i never get to feel happy fkn ever

[irritablepoe]

one thing about me is that i'll freeze to death when angry. like i'm shaking and not from anger, it's just that i get so cold

#johnny's silly rambles #surely this is normal right? #or is it the lonely having a grip on me and making this all dramatic like “there's not warmth in my life *faints dramatically*” #but i mean am i wrong??? #lmao why use a tma ref but i've been thinking about this a lot recently but ANYWAYS #i hate being angry :( #i'm meant to be pet.. #he's not answering now too. ofc. he probably doesn't even know what he did wrong... #fuck off dude. i was angry at him before for pressuring me to do things i don't want (like using tinder or sth which... wouldn't make- #-much sense to me... if you were listening to me??? maybe??????? but he never listens.) but now it's just- argh i want to punch him #yeah another #vent #sorryyyy but i can't let this out anywhere else #if you're reading all this ily <33 #and dw i'm gonna be fine #just so frustrating to deal with all of them nowadays

[myersesque]

damn . internalised ableism got hands

#and in disability pride month too! disgraceful #anyway i can't shake the feeling that i'm a fucking disappointment #i can't cope with. anything #and i know it's. neurodivergence and physical disability and my Ever Concerning untreated mental illness lmao but #i just feel like. a failure. how am i supposed to cope with actually doing the job i love so much if i can't even get through- #-the leadup? #i can't physically keep up. i can't mentally keep up. i can't emotionally keep up #but if i say that it feels like quitting #even though i'm barely contributing anyway. most people there won't give a fuck if i never turn up again. i hardly know the blocking anyway #it's 6am and i can't sleep #my knees r throbbing n my brain is screaming and all i can think is how much of a disappointment i am #and how pathetic i must look from the outside. how much people must judge me and my fucking dramatics #because normal people don't have fucking breakdowns over the tone of their texts. #and normal people don't stay awake until dawn bc they can't sleep until the sun rises. #and normal people don't feel like they're walking on fucking shattered glass every time they go outside #i just want to curl up into a ball and scream #why can't i just pause the world. why can't i leave this whole fucking thing and come back when i'm ready to keep going #god. fuck #i need to sleep but it's rlly hard when my knee hurts every time i move #og #vent #internalised ableism tw