#why do I have to keep TRYING

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

HOW am i meant to find photo reference for my stupid underfed old sweatshirt too-short jeans currently living his sad backstory 17-year old looser boy? What are the search terms for this?

#how #this is impossible #this is about an oc if that wasn't already clear #am I just supposed to go to public places and look for people????? #HOW do you look up 'ill-fitting jeans' references #i suspect you don't I am made to suffer #all this because I need something/one else to thumbnail for an assignment because the character I WAS gonna do it with is already past the #thumbnail stage apparently #given I can't thumbnail her #I'm in the refinement stage with her #Willber could still do with some fundamental conceptualization #but how am I supposed to do that EFFECTIVELY without REFERENCES #rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm just going to have to settle for completely wrong references and fix them myself aren't I? #i might give up on either of them for this assignment and do something completely unrelated #just so the darn art mentor I'm not on the same page with doesn't get to say irrelevant and useless things about my personal art projects #only one more month and then I'm out #not a waste of money but I'm disappointed that this [online art course] doesn't seem to be a useful path to take #I just want a dang PATH #why do I have to keep TRYING #just give me a clear goal and insurmountable enemies I'll stick to it #feather rants

[arsenicflame]

hit by the 'what is even the point of life anyway' bug again lol

#ooooh it about spending time with ur friends and having fun and BLAH BLAH blah #those things r fun but they are not worth the rest of it #it feels pointless and purposeless and i jst #why do i have to keep trying #whats the fucking point???? #nyxtalks #im trying to find joy in the little things bt. i don't think it outweighs the rest #the fun fantasies of a life ill never lead #the reality i just gotta. work the rest of my life for nothing and never have the energy to do what i like #n not liking things enough anyway to make a life with meaning #you try and you tryand you make tiny changes wnd. its not enough #lol friday depression day is back #shut the fuck up nyx

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite

[lostlegendaerie]

there's something deeply gutting about being a writer right now. watching studio execs brag about starving people like you out of your very house just to not pay you anything above the pennies you currently make. watching some people cheer over AO3 being targeted for a DDOS attack. the complete lack of profitability of writing commissions or writing in general in transformative spaces, especially in contrast to fanart. the pivot of so many social media platforms to be video and image based near-exclusively.

I don't know. it just makes me sad to know that the hobby that kept me alive while growing up homeschooled with dial-up internet and local antenna TV... is only ever gonna be a side job with minimal engagement. I know this site is good about supporting libraries and the concept of books but, do me a favor? Reach out to a writer friend you know. Leave a comment on your last five read stories on your favorite website.

Tell us you care.

#maybe that's why I've been so stalled on my novel #I keep trying to convince myself there's a POINT to it #but I look at how BRUTAL the publishing industry is and how I can't even consistently break ten reblogs on writing I post here #and I just. it hurts. and I have other hobbies I could fall back on!!! I could do art and cosplay and cater to the immediate engagement!! #but writing is my LOVE and my PASSION and I just wish. I wish the current climate CARED about us #TALKED to us the way we talk to cosplayers and artists and the chocolate guy #UGH. Wednesday blues hitting me NASTY today

[koipepo]

That omake of little Kabru not being able to show off his howetown sweets because of Misril gets to me a lot so...

Here's a happier Kabru (and Lairu)

#kabru #lairu #labru #laios #dungeon meshi #my art #my fanart #fanart #idk why i resort to fluffy fanart even tho i keep thinking and seeing gag/hornt lairu stuff #kabru is just so.. fascinating and actually endlessly tragic #i kinda like that ryoko kui doesnt try to over-explain or dramatize her characters that have tragic backstories. it makes her world that- #-much more believable and realistic. that being said i will devour more kabru stories from her #i kinda cant stop thinking abt kabru (and to an extent lairu) #ik in Lairu/Labru fanart Kabru is usually depicted as humorously in denial guy #but i see it everywhere and it made me think more of their more understanding phase in the epilogue #maybe laios is ooc here but i think he will also warm up to human connection now that he actually has people he cares abt around him #(and maybe because kabru is teaching him tips and trick to be a Normal Guy lmao) #im also not very good at humor so theres only so much i can do with gag lairu 😂

[turtleblogatlast]

Love the thought of Leo just casually being well traveled to absurd degrees. Like one day they’re facing their new Big Bad of the year and like, Draxum or whoever says that the key to their fight is located somewhere in, like, Latvia or some place, but no one knows where to start.

Then Leo’s like “oh I know a place” and when asked how the heck he could know of one it smash cuts to Leo falling through the ceiling of said place due to a portal mishap.

Also love the idea of Leo, being as accidentally (and then later, purposefully) well traveled as he is, sometimes taking his family on outings to different places all over, maybe to some new Yokai spots he found along the way.

In these places, Leo 100% lets his bros get scammed by tourist traps.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #rottmnt headcanons #bro was so excited about buying stuff that he didn’t realize it was a scam until too late #so now he’s super sus of all that BUT super willing to laugh at his fam for making the same mistake #anyway yeah I love Leo being well traveled because it honestly makes sense? why NOT use your teleportation to travel if you can do it fast #all his portal mishaps in the series as well as that time he accidentally went to Paris (+ once a diff dimension?) live in my head rent free #Leo destroying the stall of some random family’s restaurant in Paraguay and having to work it off the rest of the summer #he’s just like ‘hey guys I’m heading out’ but doesn’t mention it’s for a part time job in a different country #he only knows like English and Spanish BUT he’s picked up on a lot of other languages too due to his misadventures #tho he mostly knows a whole lot of various swear words #leo about to tease donnie for getting banned from witch town only to remember HE’S banned from a place in Turkey: 😬 #he keeps trying to find where he accidentally put his brothers in Tahiti but he can’t find it and he’s so salty about it lol

[bratm0mmy]

i need to get drilled into the mattress so fucking hard that i can’t think anymore

#i’m tired of being here #why do i have to keep trying #all i’m good for is someone else’s pleasure

[ccassettetape]

i am writing an accidental haiku to attract haiku bot

#haiku bot #🦾 finn txt #normal post. average. average words in these tags. #need to catch it. with a net maybe. like those ones that they always show ppl catching butterflies and junk with on shows. pspsppspspspspsp #ooooooooooh u wanna look at this post so bad oooooooooh #<- attempting to attract haiku bot to this post #wowoowoooowowowowowoowowowowowowoowowowoowowowoowowiwoowiwiwoowowowowoowowwwww (<- normal noises) #I wonder if there’s a limit to how many tags you can add #time to begin the haiku bot summoning ritual um #oooowowowowoowowowwwwooooo haiku bot haiku bot haiku bot oooowoowowowowwwwwwwu you wanna look at this post haiku bot ooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoo #throws flower. get over here please. #man. my arm hurts. #its weird bc one #why does my arm hurt thats really donking random but two im not?? why do i have an arm. i still get kinda surprised by it when i front lmao #why am i rambling so much in the tags #oh right trying to figure out if theres a limit to how many tags there can be dhdjdjndhdjsjmsjdjd #i think lesbians are cool. girls who like other girls are awesome. keep existing 👍 #uhhhhhhhh #never mind im done with that now i dont anything more to say :( #never mind again #tags tags tags tags tags #LISTEN IM BORED AS HECK AND WANT TO DO SOMETHING RANDOM AND SILLY SHUSH #journal

[nonpoppie]

played the space train anime game . guess who i fixated on

#sampo koski #honkai star rail #star rail fanart #my art dump #wow i hate all their clothes why r they so hard to draw #HE'S SO [incomprehensible hand gestures] #pathetic and silly and highly suspicious. My god #i hesitate to say evil bc i just dont know !! bro is speaking lies !! #im kind of obsessed with him highkey #also LMAO im trying to get back into the vibe for drawing so bad its so bad for me rn #now i have a game to hyperfixate on too. Will i never function properly again #im FINISHING THINGS . he cant keep doing this to me

[astralzeraphias]

“You would place Cybertron at the center of the universe.”

“Cybertron is the center of my universe. How is it not at the heart of yours?”

#optimus prime #megatron #transformers #maccadam #transformers devastation #hey why do i draw op from behind so often???? whats with that #that axe isnt in the game i just didnt want to have to spend time trying to look one up #this was fun! can you tell i tossed random colors around until i was satisfied with it akdhsjbdjxnd #tfdevastation my favorite tf media of all time <3 i adore u #im not fully satisfied with everything in this but i cant keep working on it otherwise i’ll explode so

[snekdood]

"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.

#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else #you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should #change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting #affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree #with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them #or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation. #the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this. #and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough. #you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you #an authoritarian. #i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont #set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU #FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police #n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be. #you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all. #what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you #throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh. #accelerationists should never be taken seriously.

[skunkes]

old drawings i found and enjoyed while looking for something else

#a doodley #i dont know what happened. some of these are from so little ago and i cant do em anymore #i used to take full color full body couple comms now i cant even draw oc self ship interactions anymore. #granted the comms werent that good either but ykwim i cant even do it for leisure anymore #and its also so weird when i look at my old stuff that i always have like. non linear improvement. it rises and falls all the time #thats not good! why cant i Keep what i learn! and why does Learning make my art worse when im trying to make it better.... #its crazy seeing how well i could draw faces (sometimes) before i started studying faces. now they rarely look as good. #alas. once again i feel im the result of a non artist forcing their way to it ykwim #an equivalent of a land mammal trying to live underwater

[royalarchivist]

[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]

Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*

–

Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.

Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!

Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.

* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.

#Pactw #QSMP #Pac #March 18 2024 #As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators #I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore #I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know #like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on #And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation #but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk. #I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about #esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources #and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive'' #but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this'' #''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?'' #And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know #idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info #Happy to hear other folks' perspective #I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those #but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric #which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs #but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying #Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript #that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing #and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate #idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags #But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter #Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn

[winged-bat]

Bernard definitely has multiple bats stashed around his apartment cuz you never know when you’re gunna need one, honestly I say he sleeps with one under his pillow or some shit too

#we already know he definitely keeps a bat bc of tim drake: robin but i see him having at least one in every room #and at minimum one spiked and/or nailed one #just bc i think it’d be cool af for him to have a spiked bat #also just image #tim: bern why is there a bat in your shower?! #bernard: someone could break in and try to murder me while im showering #bernard: they pull back that curtain and boom I hit them over the head #bernard: what are they gunna do dodge they’re not gunna expect a bat in the shower are they #bernard dowd #tim drake #timbern #timber #dc

[thatonechocogirl]

bers sleeping :)

#disney #fanart #my art #don’t steal #brother bear #bers #kenai #koda #for some reason i almost started tearing up while drawing this #idk why #anyways i have SO many ideas for brother bear #like you don’t understand i have a whole note of drawing ideas that’s a page long #im gonna try doing some though since its artober #edit: sorry i keep changing the alt titles :´)

[ministarfruit]

bad ending

#vtuber #holostars #holotempus #regis altare #and the rest of the guild but I shan't tag them #I consumed too much horror content lately #it tickles my brain #alas that filters straight back into tempus #because I am but a little lamb to my hyperfixation #I DO THINK ELYSIUM BEING A DIGITAL WORLD #MEANS THAT THEY CAN RESET THOUGH #why am I enabling time loop regis altare. as if he doesn't have enough to deal with #I mean it's TECHNICALLY time loop but it's also not #because the time itself isn't resetting #it's just the memories that everyone has #so the corruption gets worse and worse and altare keeps trying to put his guild back together again #it feeds back into the fact that all of VG are corrupted #I DO THINK THERE IS A HAPPY END #it's just not this one #I actually think 'time loop but not really' works for them because #flayon. for one. will always remember due to being an anomaly #and magni. for two. will always remember due to being a clone that has memories stored separately #and BETTEL. for three. due to whatever the hell he has going on with phantom. might also remember #SO THE LORE YOU SEE- (I am dragged off stage) #I'm literally writing all these layers of nonsense in my brain like people know what I'm talking about #those three are particularly interesting because neither mag or betsy actually want to be heroes #and flayon is already baseline upset that altare is trying to save a world that didn't want to save itself until he stepped up