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#why cant my brain HOLD ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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so upset and disgusted my stomach hurty </3
#mine#💿#im not upset bc of him im upset bc of something else but i wanna rant abt him anyways#he isnt good at holding conversations w me but tried to cheer me up which is nice. an attempt was made#im being less of a weirdo freak around him and distancing more ?? which is good i suppose#i love yandere culture and everything but i only want a yandere relationship thats not based on exploiting weaknesses#like a thing where each partner consents to whatever non traditional act etc. none of this weird stuff#the thing im upset about is sort of regarding my views abt it but not a ref to anything on here ugugugghrg#i dont understand why thered be people who want to see the light of their life in pain and hurting. its about worship and adoration#and treating your love like the object nearest to your heart. like an extension of you. not fucking abusing them#not abusing those who cant do anything for themselves. who cant fight back. who dont have the slightest idea#dont drag people into your sick fantasy just because it gets you off usdhwkffjdkgke im seething rn#anyway i tagged this abt my cd guy so i will continue to talk abt him. when he was messaging me i was very happy#i was so happy i could make him laugh and his happiness made me happy<3 but like literally i cant trust anyone anymore#i know one person cant take care of all my problems but i feel like they could contribute a little more. instead of ignoring me#idk maybe im being weird and everyone acknowledges me a normal amount.. i have irreversible damage in my brain<3#im being good about not obsessing. having other interests and goals. having a LIFE on my own without craving him everyday#i dont know if im doing it purposefully though or im just afraid. i know i am afraid but is that the only reason? i really am trying#i feel so heartbroken the way i felt more love when a cashier was being nicer to me than almost any of my friends#im like oh ill get doxxed writing that. but i dont think anyone is paying enough attention or cares enough to find me out anyway.#i will settle for second best even if it means they simply regard me positively :( i want to be liked so so badly. just for who i am#not anything like talents or appearance. just me. why doesnt anyone desire me for who i am? maybe its because who i am isnt the best yet#but i want to be loved even if im not the greatest and i dont think thats too much to ask. i want to be loved the way all humans love#but there isnt much of that any more. or if there is they sure have a funny way of showing it. im not supposed to rely on people for things#like this. but i cant just keep telling MYSELF i accept me. that i love me. because i know this already. im fine with me. but no one else#is. ive submitted to the ordeal of being known. to being vulnerable. to pouring my heart out. but everyone who touches it is filthy.#ive fixed myself to the best of my ability yet why am i not being taken notice of. i make myself look nice everyday. what does it take#its so sickening that its hard to find a kind person in the world. you ignore me. i was going to go great lengths to get you a present too#i was gna try so hard but its so easy for you to not try at all. oh well i cant cntrol others i can only sit being tormented by thr actions#i cant work hard enough to make you care about persevering. to not be indifferent. to not be boring. to not be neglectful
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mysicklove · 7 months
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𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄
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DAY 10: SOMINOPHILIA
With: Levi Ackerman
Word Count: 3.2k
Warnings: gn! reader, sub! levi, nightmares + insomnia mentioned, oral (m! receiving), handjob in dreams, implied age gap, set in around season 2 timeline? im kinda forgetting which season erwin was in... kissing..lots of kissing, reader being puppy coded and levi is sick in love
A/N: sorry this is late!!!! i hope this also isnt too confusing considering it switches back and forth between his dream and irl. idk. also title is named after a song by The Mamas and The Papas that i LOVEEEE
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Levi Ackerman finds himself plagued with nightmares. It was always like that though, since he could remember at least. Three to four nights a week he awakes in the middle of night dripping with sweat with his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He has grown used to the lack of sleep by now, it barely bugs him anymore.
That is, until he found someone to share his bed with. 
You were his light, as dramatic and sappy as it sounds, and something he will never admit out loud. But it was true, finally in this dim world he finds himself in, you came crashing in, brighter than the sun. He had fallen for you in record time, and you, drawn to his stoic and feisty aura, came tumbling down after him.
It's been a year now since you've gotten together, and Levi swears the nightmares are getting less frequent. 
Well, at least in the nights where you lay beside him. The nights where you hold him, and he has easier access to your heartbeat. The steady rhythm of your chest rising and falling. Alive.
He doesn't go into too much depth about the nightmares, but you know the general scene of them, usually relating back to his comrades deaths. He has mentioned that the recent ones involve you, and it makes your heart crumble for your beloved each time his voice cracks through the explanation. You don’t press too much on the matter – the nights he wakes up in a cold sweat, you are there to ease him back to sleep, reassuring that you and he are safe. He almost gets a full night of sleep with you around.
But alas, you aren’t all sunshine and rainbows, and neither is he. Nope, you happen to be one of the most erotic people have ever met (though, he hasn’t met many). A sick brat is what he calls you, or sometimes a disgusting pervert, if he’s feeling extra grumpy. The nicknames fly past your head, as you pepper his face with kisses. It was all in good spirit, is what you remind yourself at least. 
“Soooo, Hange recommended–”
“No.”
You pout at the man, pulling away from his chest to glare at him. “You didnt even let me finish my sentence.”
His cold face doesnt let up, even if his eyes hold a playful light to them. “I am smart enough to recognize that anything having to do with Hange is a bad idea.”
You playfully hit his chest, and the man raises his eyebrows at you. A smile pulls at your lips, and Levi cant help but stare whimsically at you. It was unfair, really. “Fine, get on with it, brat.”
“How would you feel if I woke you up with a blow job?” His reaction is immediate, first shock, and then as a couple seconds go by he seems to be much more inclined to agree, but then finally settles on an scowl.
“Why were you talking to Hange about these things?”
You cock your head to the side, tapping on your chin. “Well, I mentioned that your nightmares have started again, and they told me that oral sex helps stop them. Something neurologically with your dick and brain? I don't know.”
He stares at you for a couple of seconds, bewildered at your explanation. But, he realizes quickly what is up, and he immediately pinches the bridge of his nose with a long sigh. “They are fucking with you, idiot. Just trying to get me laid. Hange has always been like that.”
Your face falls at the words, and Levi swears you managed to master the kicked puppy look. He grabs your hands and pulls you back onto his chest, rolling his eyes when you hum into his skin. The warmth brought him comfort, and he finds himself more at peace. “I mean…It won't help with the nightmares, but who would turn down waking up to a blowjob?” Levi mumbles into your hair, while rubbing his hands up and down your arms.
You twist to look up at him, the familiar grin back on your face. “Yeah?”
He scoffs at you, an embaressed blush coating his cheeks. “Just dont wake me up early, alright. Just gonna piss me off.”
He swears he can see you wagging a tail. “Of course, Captain!”
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Two weeks have gone by, and Levi has not woken up to your face anywhere near his dick. He has awoke to kisses along his cheeks, and neck, but that wasnt new, you were always disgustingly affectionate in your half awake state. He holds a content (half) smile for about ten seconds as he shuts the door of your room, only for it to drop when he sees Hange.
He wasnt the one to complain though, maybe you were just teasing him. You always did like to press his buttons. He wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of knowing he wants it. So, the dark haired man continues on, nightmares and all, through the weeks.
By the time a month came passing by, he knows that you forgot all about your stupid little promise – your stupid naive words that only worked to piss him off. He glared at you from across the halls for a whole week – never daring to actually show you real signs that he was upset. But after you accidentally caught him frowning at you from across the training grounds, he was immediately dragged back your shared rooms, and fucked lovingly, as you apolgized for everything you could think of that would piss the man off.
You didnt mention the blowjob, but Levi was content with the disheveled hair, and the hickeys and bite marks littering his body, so he forgives you. 
He forgets about the blowjob after two months. You were more horny than usual, so the two of you were at it multiple times a week. He would end up too exhausted to hold any real dreams, including his nightmares.
Levi was okay with it.
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9 am. Levi, for the first time ever, was oversleeping. Of course when you woke up at 8 am, on your day off from training, and found your lover by your side, you couldnt help but be shocked. He was usually gone by 5 am to get to training. 
But you heard him woke up multiple times in the middle of the night. The nightmares were back. His shaky hands wrapped around you, and he panted into your neck, trembling like you've never seen before. You don't know what triggered it, but Levi seemed to have a really bad night. 
He deserves to sleep in. So, at fifteen past 8, you scamper to Erwins office and beg the commander for Levi to have a day off. He always did have a soft spot for you. For one, you brought happiness to humanities strongest, and also because his friend silently threatened him death if he was to mistreat you. Erwin agreed without much hesitation. 
You crawl into bed next to your lover, and begin to trace his content face. At least the nightmares were gone for the night.
Then, the realization hits you. This was the perfect time for you to finally do as promised.
You waited months because you wanted Levi to forget about your words. Of course, you assumed he forgot them after a couple of days, paying no attention to your promise, but you waited it out just in case. 
And now, the both of you dont have any plans today. A once in a lifetime experience, it has got to be.
So with one more glance at your lover, you kiss his cheek, hold back a small giggle, and slowly remove the blanket from his lap. Then, you slide yourself down on the bed, and carefully manevuer yourself in between his legs. He doesnt sleep with much attire, growing hot in the night. Plus with the addition of the cold sweat he often finds himself in, he learns that going next to bare was easier. 
You pull down his boxers, and are immediately exposed to a dark patch of hair. It's trimmed properly, but he prefers to have a little hair down their over being completely shaven. Something on the lines of protecting his dick from germs or whatnot. You dont listen to the details, only thinking about how hot it is.
The boxers make it past his thighs, and you glance back up at the man. He doesn't even seem to flinch when the cool air comes into contact with his skin. He snoozes peacefully into the pillow, his dark hair covering his eyes. 
His dick lays limp against his leg, and you pick it up slowly, careful to not wake him up. You run your fingers over it a couple of times, and then, holding the back of it with your fingers to support it, you run your tongue from bottom to top of the length. 
Levi doesn't move. You take that as a sigh to continue. 
Another stripe of the tongue, and then two more, and nothing happens. You grow bolder by the moment. You place his still soft cock into your mouth, and this time you do hear a reaction. Its a quiet sigh, but it was something. His eyes still remain shut.
Slowly, you begin to suckle on the tip, finding it easier to fit it in your mouth while soft. Your tongue roams the shaft, and you press sloppy, wet kisses to his veins. Blood rushes to his cock unconsciously, and Levi still has not stirred, even with his cock now hard. You chuckle with amusement, but dont stop your movements, now dragging your hands along his thighs to appreciate his body.
Levi was having a good dream. It wasnt like the past couple of nightmares, no, this one seemed to have a light hue. It was just the two of you, laying with your backs against grass. A open field, far away from everyone, and not a threat in sight. Titans were gone.
A peaceful world for the two of you. A world Levi craved. 
His hands trace your face, and he stares at you, admiring every crease and divot of your skin. You slide your way over toward him, leaning forward to kiss him. “I love you.”
He hums, eyes falling shut, as he wraps his arms around your body. “Yeah, yeah. Love ya too, brat.”
You giggle at him, and suddenly the smile on your face shifts. It turns soft, the tips of your mouth curling up in an almost feline way, while you eyes become hooded. He watches you lean forward and press your lips to his. The man doesnt stop you, gently kissing you back while your tongue slips into his mouth. Levi gulps when your hands trace down to his pants, and he quickly looks around the meadow, afraid to discover an unwelcomed guest. Of course there was nobody, it was a dream, not a nightmare. Your hand slips into his pants, and Levi’s back arches in the grass.
He twitches in his sleep and you smile fondly at the man. The tip of his cock rest against your cheek, as you admire him for a second too long, only to be rewarded with jolt of his hips from the source unknown, sending it slapping across your face. You hold back a laugh, and then grab at it again, mumbling out a, “Even a brat in your sleep, huh Captain?” 
You lean forward and wrap your lips around him again.
“D-Don't stop!” Levi groans out, hands clutching at your shirt while he squeezes his eyes shut. It doesn't stop the sun from getting past his eyelids, so he moves closer to you to hopefully block it out. You press your lips to his neck, nibbling at the space just beneath his ears.
“Would never,” You purr, and the man glances at your hand. His pants are pulled down completely now, and your pace was rutheless in its up and down motions. It sends him shivering, and covering his face with the back of his arm. He breathes through clenched teeth, and tries his best not to let out a whimper. The man hears your giggle, and before he could stop himself, the whine slips out.
The first noise of the morning was a low whimper. Not much, but definitely there, and unbelievably cute. You grip at his hips and try to take him deeper, but his hips thrusts back into your mouth with another paired whine. Your eyes widen, and you gag out at the unexpected movement, having to pull away to catch your breath. His dark hair whips back and forth, and he continues to make low mewling noises. “Huh, and you call me the pervert. What are you dreaming about, pretty?”
Levi moans into your mouth, wrapping his arms around your neck. His hips buck up into your hands, and you playfully bite his lip, earning a dramatic grunt in complaint. He grips your hair and pulls you back to his lips before you try and let out another teasing remark. Precum leaks onto your hand, and he swears that it provides more of the makeshift lube then usual. Your hand feels better than normal, strangely damp, and so warm. Did handjobs always feel this good?
He can feel his high approaching and his breaths come out quicker. “Gonna..cum. Fuck!”
You detach yourself from his lips. “No, no, no! Not yet!” You tease, voice light and almost giggly. It wasn't the first time you denied him of his release, but it was rare. You always di did pamper him. 
The man scowls at you, borderline on the cusp of baring his teeth. “Why?” He demands, short and simple, but shows exactly how peeved he is. Levi is more than surprised to feel that you didn't squeeze his cock in warning. No, still the warm, tight feeling, that does not make any sense to him.
“Can you do something for me first?”
A demand from you? Unheard of. “Get on with it, I-Im close”
Your hand movements become louder and louder, and it shouldn't sound like that. It's so lewd, and the squelching noise are never that loud. 
You press you lips to his ear, and a shiver runs down his spine at your breath, which is strangely cooler than usual. “Wake up, Captain.”
His eyes snap open immediately and he pants into the dark room. Levi hears it first, before he feels it. A loud slurping sort of noise, and the man feels his cock trapped between something warm, wet. 
A throat. Not a hand. 
He is quick to manevour himself to hold his weight on his elbows, and glances down at you, breaths coming out shallow and quick. You smile when you catch his eye, and for a second you pull away from him. You pepper his length down with kisses. “Well, well, good morning, sleepy head,” You mumble, letting another swipe of your tongue graze his thick blue vein. Then, with little hesitation, you dive back onto his cock, taking it as far as you can into your mouth.
“What are you–Fuck!” His legs instinctually bend outward, and his back arches. His head was still foggy in his half sleepen state. Was that all a dream? Was this real? He grips onto your hair, and does his best not to force you deeper onto his cock.
Levi could feel his orgasm approaching and rapidly, same as the dream. But this time it was real, and by god did it feel that way. His hips buck into your mouth and he lets out loud moans, tucking his face into the pillow to try and muffle them. 
He tries to ask for permission again to cum again, hoping that this time real you wouldnt lead him on. It comes out more as a command, but you just roll your eyes with a smile, the giggle in the back of your throat sending him spiral. 
“Cumming. Oh god. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He chants, and your eyes widen in shock, but you don't pull away from his cock. He was never the one to be polite in bed, the little brat was always barking commands and half hearted complaints. He must be really enjoying this treat if he was to thank you.
You dont have time to dwell on it much, because he forces your head lower onto his cock and cums into your mouth. You wince at the taste, but bear no mind to it as you watch your lover unravel. His back still continues to arch (which you will never get over) while his eyes are shut. The noises he lets out are soft, more of a mewl and a groan, but adorable nonetheless. His whole body trembles and his legs lay out wide, shaking under the force of the orgasm.
You pull away when he is done, and wipe your lips with the back of your hand. “Taste perfect as usual. Always so good on your diet!”
He rolls his eye at you, but it doesn't hold much bite considering that the man seemed to be basking in the post orgasm glow. “You are gross. I know that shit tastes bad.”
“Nope! Anything that the Captian makes is amazing”
He throws a pillow at your face, and you pout at him, a dramatic whine slipping past your lips. “Don't call me that, I am not even your Captain anymore, brat. And stop pouting!” He demands, pulling up his boxers before letting out a big stretch.
“Why are you so mean to me?” You complain, crawling forward to lay on his chest. “After I gave you head too!”
The frown does not drop from his face, but he does trace his fingers along your face. A silent token of affection that you purr into. “Took ya long enough. Thought you forgot about it.”
You fake hurt, taking in a dramatic breath. “Of course not! I would never lie to you.” The words are light, and holds a smile in them. “And hey, dont you think you are a little spoiled? Complaining that you got a blowjob too late.”
Levi doesnt even seem to react, his facial expression remaining neutral, and his words flat. “No ‘m not. Said thank you and everything.”
To this, you do nod, practically vibrating with affection to give. It was too hard to really be upset with him. “Super polite of you! I was so impressed!”
This does make him roll his eyes. “You really think low of me, huh?”
You poke at his cheek with a smile plastered on your face. “Aww cmon dont be dramatic again. You know I dont. Oh! Also, did it help with the nightmares?” You tease, knowing exactly what type of dream he really was having. “You sounded very….Scared in your dream.”
He seems to flush red, but alas, Levi was never the one to be on the losing foot. “....Yes. Seems like you are going to have to do this for me everyday. To stop the nightmares.”
You burst out laughing, and fail to see the small grin that creeps up the dark haired man's face.
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stwrkeys · 1 year
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smut bimbo!reader and rafe Cameron . he would be so mean
mdni¡
“rafe, please!” you beg as he pushes your head further into the soft pillows. “i cant take it anymore!” your brain was like a cloud. you felt as though you were going to mold into the bed with how hard rafe was ramming you into it. his fingers on your clit only intensified the pleasure. he had been going at it for hours now, attempting to make you cum as many times as he could. your best friend’s brother explained to you that he just had to. after you showed up to his house in that sundress, wearing nothing underneath. how could he not? showing up like that is basically begging him to fuck you into oblivion. you couldn’t get it through rafe’s head that you needed to find sarah, and that really you were just in a hurry and that’s why you weren’t wearing anything underneath, but if he said he had to, then he had to. he saw the way you got nervous whenever he would get near you, how your whole body would tense up and your cheeks would go red. he knew you were attracted to him, and he had always been attracted to you. this would be his only chance to make a move on you. “you can take it, and you will. just gimme one more, princess, and we could be all done.” tears are spilling out of your eyes, mascara running down your face, staining the silk pillow sheets black. “can i please cum?” you ask pleadingly, eyes rolling back from the pleasure. “not just yet, baby. gotta wait so i can fill you up with everything inside of me. i’m gonna have you full of my kids soon, okay?” you whine, aching for your release. pain from your previous orgasms is coursing through your body, combining with the pleasure. rafe puts a hand on your mouth and shushes you, “shhh, you don’t want anyone to hear how good your best friend’s brother fucks you, do you?” you can’t even nod, trying to hold back your release as rafe fucks you. he removes the hand from your mouth and grabs you by your hair to lift you up. “i asked you a question, pretty baby. do you want everyone to hear how i fuck you like a whore? what would sarah think about that? i don’t think she would like the idea of her best friend sneaking around with her older brother, would she?” he holds you up, his cock still pounding against your walls. you shake your head vigorously. “words, baby. words. and ill let you cum.” rafe lets go of his grip on your hair and you fall back down. you gather up enough strength to spit out a response. “no, rafe! sarah would hate me! i would hate it for her to hear how dirty you make me!” at your response, you feel his pace increase and his fingers find its way back to your clit. “there you go. i guess you aren’t as dumb as i thought, huh, bunny? go ahead and cum for me.” it was as if a dozen fireworks had gone off inside of you. you felt your final climax overcome you, rafe spilling into you at the same time. he grabs your hips and moves you in a circular motion, letting out a groan as he spreads his seed evenly. “don’t move, baby. need you to stay until sarah finds you like this.”
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second, never first
part eleven | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten |
PLEASE READ WARNINGS
chris x fem!reader
summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.
warnings - swearing, kissing, use of y/n, mention of family issues, mention of domestic violence (NOT BETWEEN THE MAIN COUPLE), BOYS (no smut… for now lol)
word count - 2k+
a/n: this part of the story contains a scene involving domestic violence so please dont read if that is a topic that triggers you! also this part is taking place 2 weeks since the last. also i made it a little lengthy for you all <333
NOT PROOFREAD
-
i was fast asleep when i heard a crash from downstairs over the show i have playing to fall asleep. instantly getting up i slipped on a robe and slowly walked to my steps.
growing up in the house hold i did meant i had to be in constant fight or flight. i stood at the top of my steps with my phone in hand. looking down at it, the time reading 12:34.
“you need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut, i am threatening you and your daughter. ever try to leave me and i will have both pf your heads.” i heard my dad yell from downstairs, my mom sobbing. common occurrence from my house hold.
“mom” i say my voice cracking up as i walk down stairs. “y/n go the fuck upstairs now.” my dad screams standing over my mom as shes sitting on the floor with both hands on her cheek as if she was just punched and her throat red. i knew my parents argued all the time but i never saw them get violent.
“i will do it.” holding my phone up i type in 911.
“sweetie you know i would never be violent, your mom just needs to be talked to like a baby since she has double left brain cells.” he switches up his tone.
“now i wont repeat myself, go to your fucking room.” he growls.
tears pool in to my eyes as i turn around.
my vision gets clouded with tears as i make my way to my room. immediately breaking down once i get to my room. feeling scared in your own house is one thing but feeling unsafe is another. i cant trust either of my parents to keep me safe anymore.
turn on my phone i call the one person who i can trust with my life, chris.
ring ri-
“hey kid whats up.” he answers. i dont say anything as i am hyperventilating, crying and shakily breathing trying to calm myself down. “y/n?” i hear him say, “chris” is all i can reply and i am sobbing on the other line of the phone. “where are you?” chris asks in a concerned tone, “i- im home.”.
“whats wrong why are you calling?” he questions. “i cant- i cant be here.”.
“im on my way kid, give me a second here ok?”
“mhm” i reply.
he hangs up and i slowly take deep breaths. im not one to cry often but after school the other day ive been crying for 2 weeks straight it feels like. i dont know if chris would mind but i start frantically packing a bag with clothes and things i need for tomorrow morning. i cant be here in this house with them.
i knew in the back of my mind i shouldn’t leave my mom alone but i just couldn’t bear to hear any more crashes or slams now that i know things have gotten physical.
i sit on the floor in front of my door still sobbing as i just started and me and chris’ texts waiting for-
wednesday 12:57am
chris: here
waiting for that.
i open my window not caring to be quiet as i slip through it. sliding it shut and carefully climbing down the stairs of the treehouse my father built for me when i was a baby. probably the only thing ill ever be grateful for from him.
i wipe my eye and nose trying to compose myself while walking up to chris’ truck. opening the back door first and throwing my bag in to the back seat and then making my way to the passenger side. climbing up to the seat and buckling myself in. a few tears still streaming from my face.
“y/n what happened.” chris asks in a quiet tone. the question making everything flood back in to my head and i breakdown again. i bring my hands up to my face and cry into my hands. “it cant be that bad kid whats wrong.” he says with concern. “its worse.” i reply. “can we p- please go to your house. i- i cant be hear any longer.” i ask through choked sobs. “of course.” he puts the truck in drive.
the drive is quiet, the sound of my crying and heavy breathing being the only sound coming through the vehicle.
we get to his house and he immediately gets out and goes to grab my bag from the bag and then opening my door. i sniffle and smile at him thankfully.
once i enter his house its fully of joy. warm lighting and happiness filling the walls. i stand in the door way shivering as im in a big shirt and sleep shorts with sneakers on in the middle of winter. chris comes in after me with my bag over his shoulder and closing the door behind him and locking it. “cold?” he smiles and i nod rubbing my arms.
i look around his house for a minute, “cmon” he nods towards the stairs and we start walking up them to his room. we get to his room door. he walks over to his bed turning on the white led strip lights he has and walks back to the door. “hey go sit down kid ill be right back.” i nod in response and walk over to his bed. “hey y/n is gonna sleep here tonight.” i hear chris say, his voice is muffled slightly and i hear matt and nick ask “why?”.
“i dont know she just called me crying and she wont speak, i think something happened at her house.” he replies and walks back in.
going to his closet he grabs a hoodie and tosses it to me, “thank you.” i sniffle and smile putting the hoodie on immediately feeling warmer. he walks over to his bed crounching down in front of me.
“talk to me kid, what happened?” he asks softly, “was it your parents?” he adds. i close my eyes as streams of tears flow from them. my not answering was an answer for chris. he bows his head down shaking it and letting out a breath. “how bad was it?” he looks up at me.
“bad enough for my mom to be crying on the floor with a bloody nose and a bruised neck.” i reply and wipe nose. chris’ face fills with concern as i cry into my hands.
he takes my hands and removes them from my face starring at me with my runny nose and red eyes. i move to stand up and he does the same, “chris im sorry i shouldnt even be telling you th-“ i am paused with his arms coming around my head in to a hug. i melt into his touch burying my face into his chest and hooking my arms under his. i hold on to him for dear life and sob.
“im sorry.” i keep repeating as he hugs me. “stop it. none of what happened is your fault ok? your dad is a piece of shit stop apologizing.” he comforts as he gently rubs my back. the world goes quiet as i hold on to him, everything seemed to do that when i was with chris. i pull away still holding on to his arm “chris you have no idea how grateful i am for you.” i smile fiddling with his fingers. he smiles and kisses me, “shit sorry. bad timing, im awful.” he blurts as he immediately pulls away putting his hand up to his forehead. i wipe my nose again, “its ok. never apologize for that.”
our friendship as of now felt different. we are best friends that are fake dating but occasionally kiss when no ones around. i want to ask him what this means but im afraid it will ruin what we have. so i stay quiet as he leans into me again. i go on my tip toes and grab either side of his face into a long sweet kiss. pulling apart we both sit down on his bed and get under the sheets inches apart.
both of us laying face up but chris is on his phone.
thinking about my night i wonder what i would do without chris. having him as my best friend was the biggest blessing i could have asked for. even though i was enduring the roughest two weeks of my life chris always managed to to make my rocky world a still calm path.
as i think about him i instinctually move closer to him wrapping both of my arms around him. “whats this for?” he asks looking down and me and raising him arm for me to come in, as i can hear him smiling in his voice.
“i just am in l-, i just love you so much you are the only thing that helps me constantly.” i correct myself. he chuckles and shuts his phone off grabbing his tv remote. turning on a show on a low volume and shutting off his leds.
with his free hand he slips it under his hoodie thats on me and lightly starts scratching my back. i hum at the feeling closing my eyes. “that feel good?” he says in a quiet voice. “mhm” reply lightly nodding my head thats buried in his shoulder now. the low hum of of the show playing, my comfortable position cuddling with chris, plus my exhaustion and his hand scratching me made my tired eyes even more intense.
i fall asleep happier than i was an hour ago and its all thanks to chris.
chris pov
the feeling of her breathing against my side is more calming than anything i could describe. her fragile body is fast asleep on me with her leg over mine and her arms around my neck as i continue to lightly draw shapes on her back.
i cant believe what she endured tonight let alone it being a normal occurrence for her parents to argue. she told me about them fighting before and she always said it got intense but i have never seen her this emotional. i feel happy knowing that she can trust me in such a vulnerable state.
she hums in her sleep nuzzing her head impossibly closer to me and i just admire her as she does so. i just wish our current situation could be more than it is but bringing that up would change everything and commitment to another person is like holding a new born. you have someones full trust and life in your hands never knowing if their going to fall out.
ill take what i can get as we are closer than we have ever been tonight. watching her sleep is the most beautiful thing ive ever come across.
her dark hair lays out on her back as i can smell her vanilla scented shampoo that she told me was way to expensive for what she would normally pay. my hoodie that fit her in the most adorable oversized way. her sleep shorts that are peeking out from the covers that slightly show her skin. and her cold finger tips against my neck, the feeling of them almost lulling me to sleep.
i continue to scratch her back even though she is already asleep and kiss the top of her head which i wouldn’t have the courage to do if she was awake.
“im so in love with you kid, i just have fear of making that real. it would ruin everything. i just wish you were awake for me to tell you, but it would be selfish to take you as mine you have so much love to give.” i mumble whispered against her head just seconds before i fell asleep
-
thanks for reading xx
taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims @matthewloverr @bitchydragonparadise @matthewsturnioloswifey @iloveneilperry @stunza @realuvrrr @jennss23 @tubl-mc @lilsstvrn
a/n: pls send thoughts in the comments. also i know this is a heavy topic to cover so my dms are open if anyone needs to talk. love you all🩷🩷
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aita for leaving a voice chat without telling my friends why
(were all adults)
recently me and a few friends started voice chatting every day in the evening, but ive noticed my mood dipping a lot at those times lately. today was another low point. we didnt have anything to do, so one of my friends (L) suggested watching a new show together, but i didnt really feel like watching it yet and the other friend in the vc at the time (K) didnt really reply. So we ended up playing a game together instead, and i got annoyed at something small so i told them id be gone for a moment to listen to loud music (since that usually helps me calm down/distract my brain from whatever got me feeling weird before). When i came back to the vc, I tried telling them why i got in a bad mood but they kinda brushed it off and i didnt feel like they were taking me seriously at all.
we kept playing for a bit but then i asked L to start a new topic so i could distract myself from bad thoughts and they suggested the show again, which i denied bc i really wasnt in the mood to watch it at that time. Then L started talking about how im often the one to suggest watching stuff together and they always say yes, but im never in the mood to watch anything they suggest. i started feeling even worse and asked if we can watch it together another time bc i really wasnt feeling it at the moment (i was also starting to cry but i dont think they noticed). L said that im always saying no or pushing stuff they suggest to another day and how a few years ago when we were both still in puberty i often suggested stuff and was 'always immediately in a bad mood' when they said no.
all of that wasnt helping my brain at that moment at all so i tried a few more times to kind of explain my pov and asked if we can watch it another time but they kept going on about how im 'always like that'. i was kind of spiraling the whole time and at some point i couldnt hold my thoughts back anymore and yelled back at L and told them that 'its really great to hear that weve been friends for years but this one thing i do was and is always annoying to you and you hate that i am like that and you hate everything i do and you hate me anyway' and stormed out of my room while knocking a lot of stuff over.
when i had calmed down a bit and could actually think properly again i was lying in the dark on my kitchen floor and after some minutes i got myself to get up, go back to my pc and turn if off (i had knocked down a monitor and some other stuff during my emotional reaction/escape before).
but when i did, i saw that my other screen showed me as still in the game, so i was probably still in the vc too while i was gone until i came back to turn off my pc, which probably means that after i left they tried to explain themselves and took me not replying as being bitchy or hurt about it until i turned the pc off (and left the vc), but i cant know for sure. Right now, K and L are still in the vc doing other stuff together but i dont feel well enough to message either of them or rejoin or do anything about it yet, my mind is kind of just blank.
but the tiny part of me that has the ability to think right now feels really bad about overreacting again and assuming that they hate me and just leaving without giving them the chance to explain themselves and then just turning off the pc without telling them anything. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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seongminiz · 2 months
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hello my luv!! ngl i was laughing my ass off when i found out seongmin had beat taeyoung’s horse cock allegations😭😭 but like picture this.. you’re taeyoung’s best friend who came along that exact video and decided to tease him over it when he came for movie night.
“better shut your mouth before i shove it in to shut it for you”
also would it be alright if i could become 🫙 anon? much love to youu🤍🤍🤍
(not me turning this into a whole ass fic help)(n ofc u can be 🫙 anon !!)
review : ★★☆☆☆ , not that big tbh
minors dni ; ~1.7k words
warnings not proof read its like 3am i'll fix this in the morning , dom taeyoung , bratty reader , rlly lighthearted unserious n kinda fluffy , oral (m rec) , unprotected sex :3 (its not a jo seongminiz fic without it tbh) , creampie , big dick taeyoung :') , bulge kink n a little of size kink ig ? idk taeyoung refers to reader as tiny in one instance , liiittle bit of dumbification , i used the words cock n dick so much in this they dont even feel like real words anymore send help , some of the dialog is kinda cringe sawrry abt that , the whole smut part is cringe tbh im going to set myself on fire how am i a smut writer that doesn't know how to write smut
note no bc the way they were talking abt cock n balls on national television like CAN WE HAVE SOME DECORUM PLS anyways ! THE WRITERS BLOCK HAS BEEN CURED Y'ALL cant believe it took taeyoung having a small dick to fix this i love ur brain anon bc like .. YES . i can picture this so well . n i am NAWT letting the taeyoung monster cock agenda go no matter what seongmin says ik hes lyingggg
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deep down u know what seongmin said was nothing more than a joke with barely any truth to it. it's not like you're unfamiliar with taeyoung's size, having your fair experience of accidentally rubbing ur ass against him while you were cuddling one too many times and causing some awfully awkward accidents because of it.
still, teasing taeyoung is wayyy more fun than acknowledging any of that. and for once, actually grinding down on him to get a reaction while you're cuddled up on your couch, watching a shitty movie you picked randomly, is fun too.
you can clearly feel taeyoung's bulge growing, just as you can feel him trying to move behind you to make it a little better (and ultimately making it worse each time), and you can hear the way his breath gets heavier by the minute, trying to stifle a few whines here and there you want to hear more of so badly.
when you 'innocently' grind against him once more under the pretense of stretching, taeyoung's last weak bit of restraint is gone. he groans, a hand firmly gripping your hips to hold you in place and finally stop your cruel shenanigans.
'can you stop that?' taeyoung asks, voice strained. 'stop what?' you look behind you and up at him, eyes wide in the fakest innocent expression you can come up with.
'you know what i'm talking about, you're...' he sits up, finally freeing himself from the close contact with you and quickly grabbing a pillow to hide his boner. you smirk to yourself, shaking your head as you sit up too. 'you're making me hard...' he finally says, lowering his voice so you can barely hear him over the movie playing.
'oh!' your expressions shifts to one of even faker concern, pouting a little. 'sorry about that. i didn't really feel anything, though, that's why i didn't notice...' you both know your explanation is bullshit. taeyoung knows that, he's sure of it even as you whisper something along the lines of 'i guess seongmin was right about it not being that big.'
still, he somehow finds himself trying to desperately defend his pride, barely managing to stutter out something about seongmin being a liar and how you both know you're just playing along with that whole bit for shits and giggles.
'am i?' you tilt your head to the side, keeping up your act as well as you can until the inevitable happens. 'you know, i've never really seen it, so how would i know? i guess until i do, i'll just have to trust seongmin on his word...'
for the first time that night, taeyoung actually laughs. 'if you wanted to see my dick that bad, you should've just asked,' he moves the pillow away, and you can finally shamelessly stare at his very obvious bulge as much as you want. taeyoung takes his sweet time with it , undoing the strings of his sweatpants and hooking his thumbs in the waistband before looking up at you, taking in your shocked expression and the way you're basically hypnotized by the sight of his still clothed cock.
because holy shit. you knew seongmin was just messing with him when he made that joke, you knew he was somewhat big, but this?
'this is a fucking monster cock what the fuck?'
the words leave your mouth before you can properly process them and, at the same time, with a quick motion taeyoung gets rid of both his sweatpants and boxers at once, finally snapping you out of your dick-induced trance.
just to have you plummet into an even worse one, probably. because not only is taeyoung's dick enormous, it also looks pretty as fuck.
'told you so,' he simply says, one of his hands gently lifting your chin so you can face him, his demeanor suddenly more serious. 'you're still okay with this, right?'
'of course,' you manage to say, breaking the heavy eye contact for a split second to steal yet another glance at taeyoung's dick. despite your voice shaking, and your actions not matching your words, you try to once again keep up that same act that brought you exactly where you are right now. 'plus, i was right, it's not even that big.'
'oh, really?' taeyoung's hand leaves your face and slides down to your shoulder, a silent command you follow with no objections, sliding off the couch and to your knees on the cold floor beneath you, right between his legs.
and face to face with his cock.
'let's hope it's at least big enough to shut you up, then,' taeyoung runs his hand through your hair, firmly gripping it 'maybe you'll be able to put your moth to good use for once.'
at that moment, you genuinely wish taeyoung was smaller. because no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to be able to take all of him in your mouth, using your hand to cover the part you can't reach.
truth is, taeyoung isn't as relaxed as he would want to be either. the simple fact you can't take all of him is enough to rile him up even more, fighting the urge to just take charge and fuck your mouth like he really wants to.
'so much for it not being that big, huh?' his words come out weak, broken by small moans and whimpers in between them.
of course you don't- you can't reply to taeyoung's taunts, at least verbally, so you opt for trying to take him deeper. the action makes you gag, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat. taeyoung almost cums right then and there, his resolve slowly crumbling and breaking down as he pulls you off of him.
after all, he has greater plans than just cumming down your throat. and if the way you whimper and rub your thighs together once he leaves your mouth empty is anything to go by, you do too.
taeyoung gently helps you up and back on the couch. his lips are immediately on yours, pulling you into a heated makeout as he gets rid of your shorts and underwear, sliding one hand between your legs to be met with your soaked cunt. you whine into the kiss, pulling away from him and grabbing on his wrist.
'don't tease me,' you complain. taeyoung wants to laugh at you. after all you've done and said, you are the one who doesn't want to be teased? if that's what you want, though...
'right, you said it's not that big anyways, you should be able to take it right away, no?'
or maybe you can't, but at this moment you'd rather die impaled on your best friend's cock than admit you were wrong, even when all the evidence - especially your own lived one - points to your defeat.
what taeyoung didn't expect you to do was actually agree. you desperately nod, hand still wrapped around his wrist 'i can take it, please.'
you definitely can't.
that's what you realize as taeyoung starts to push the head of his cock inside you and your eyes immediately fill with tears.
'fuck... you're so-'
'i'm not the problem here, you're just fucking big.' you cut him off. your head is spinning and, despite the pain, you can't deny how good you actually feel. how full you are, even as you look down and realize he's barely halfway inside of you.
you close your eyes, squeezing taeyoungs's hand. when did you even start holding it? you don't remember, probably somewhere between when you yelled at him to 'fucking slow down' and when you threatened to 'cut your dick off if you dare to cum before you're all the way in'.
luckily for taeyoung, your threats will have to wait and his cock - a national treasure at this point - will live to see another day.
now that he's fully buried inside your cunt, you can finally adjust to his size, slowly relaxing until it doesn't hurt (that much) anymore. 'you can move,' you say after a while, your hips bucking up in encouragement as taeyoungs's grip on your sides tightens.
'fucking finally, i thought i was going to die before i got to properly fuck you,' his joke and your laugh to it are short lived, cut off by the both of you moaning in unison as he starts picking up his face.
you're so overwhelmed, you can feel taeyoung everywhere inside you, so deep you're pretty sure you should be dead at this point. you're grateful you're not, though, you're pretty sure if you were you wouldn't be able to feel the way the tip of his cock relentlessly bullies your sweet spot, paired with his fingers right on your clit and...
'fuck look at this,' you whine when the stimulation on your clit subsides, but your disappointment doesn't last long, taeyoung places that same hand on your lower stomach, pressing on the very evident bulge formed by taeyoungs's cock ramming inside you.
'but it's not that big right? fuck... maybe you're right, i might not be that big, maybe you're just too tiny for me.'
you moan at taeyoung's words, too far gone to properly process them as you mindlessly nod. 'aw, did i fuck you too dumb? can't think properly when i'm fucking you this good?' he coos at you, and you can't do anything but nod again.
'so full... going to cum,' you can barely speak before you're clenching down even more on his cock, cumming with no further warning.
if taeyoung wasn't about to cum before, he definitely is now, his hips picking up the pace even more as he helps you ride through your high and starts to overstimulate you chasing his own.
his dick twitches inside of you, and you swear you couldn't almost cum again just from that, as his hips stutter and finally slow down, his cum filling you up.
you're both panting, trying to recover from probably the most mind blowing highs of your life.
when you make eye contact with taeyoung, he starts laughing again.
'what?' you ask.
'so? did i change your mind?'
you shrug, suppressing your own laugh 'eh, not really... it wasn't that big to be honest'
:3 thats it bye omg shitty ending everybody say thank u jo seongminiz
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This is some hallmark bullshit but Single dad! Steve and single dad! Eddie.
Single dad Steve and single dad eddie whose daughters (El and Max, respectively) go to the same school.
Steve’s daughter has always gotten bullied, a fact he’s very unhappy about, but hasn’t been able to do anything about.
Calling teachers, meeting with the principal, these assholes can’t control their kids. And Els only friend from last year isn’t in her class anymore. This year has been rough, on both father and daughter. No one likes to see their kids so unhappy when they cant do anything about it, especially Steve. His little princess is his whole world.
But lately it seems she has a friend, finally. and apparently this girl protects her at school.
The girl is new to the class, new in town he assumes. She sticks up for El, apparently, and sits with her at lunch. Teams up with her in gym. El has a friend. Finally.
And Steve wants to go talk to this kids parent, tell them how much of a great kid they’ve got, thank them, thank the kid.
And the next day at school pickup when el comes out he asks, where’s the girl whose been sticking up for you, your new friend?. And el points at a little red head whose holding the pinky of a intimidating metal head whose signing her out.
He’s really hot, the dad, Atleast that’s what Steve assumes he is to her. And his brain is melting into itself. He’s got these rings and piercing and all this hair and he’s in all black and leather and metal and he’s beautiful and Steve’s having a moment. He was expecting to shake some old housewives hand. Not talk to this guy. He didn’t think he could do it, honestly.
“Pappa?” El asks yanking on Steve’s shirt hem, snapping him back into reality.
The dilf is picking up the girls yellow backpack and getting ready to leave, so Steve realizes he has to do this now or never.
“Hey, scuse me, sorry-“
Before Steve can talk more els friend is smiling and hugging her. “El!” And the man is grinning, eyes flicking between he display and Steve’s eyes. He’s got this grin and look in his eyes like he knows something.
“Maxxie is this that new friend of yours? The one who likes Wonder Woman too?”.
And oh my god, is that why els comics keep disappearing? Because she’s giving them to her friend? Steve thought she was loosing them, or even worse the bullies were taking them. But now Steve can’t be mad. That’s… that’s so sweet. That’s his kid. He’s doing okay too, if his kid is sharing her prized comics with her new friend.
The little red head grins and nods. “She’s my best friend!”.
Steve smiles, watching El blush while she hugs her friend. It’s so cute. It’s too fucking cute.
“Hey, I’m eddie” Eddie introduces. “Steve, nice to meet you man”.
Eddie nodds.
“Wanted to come say thank you, to you and your daughter. Els has it really hard here, and Max has really stood up for her. It means a lot to both of us, you uh, you’ve got a great kid.”
Eddie beams with pride, squeezing max’s shoulders.
“That’s what we do, right? We look out for other people, right?”.
She nods.
And it blooms into a beautiful friendship. Kids and adults alike.
Problem is both men assume the other must be straight.
“I like your rainbow converse max! They’re very cool!” Steve compliments the 7 year old. The girl beams with her missing front teeth on full display. “They match my daddy’s!” She proudly states. Steve chuckled to himself. “Your dad has rainbow converse? Are you sure were talking about the same guy?”.
The little girl runs back to el on the playground giggling, as Eddie approaches Steve.
Sure enough, in rainbow vans. “We’ll I’ll be damned”. Eddie chuckles and shakes his head. “You can say what you want about corporate pride, but giving Nike $80 sure beats getting the shit kicked out of me for liking guys” Eddie winks.
“Oh- you’re gay?”
Eddie nods. But it’s a curt nod. A little defensive. Steve hates it. “That a problem for you, big boy?”.
Steve isn’t sure he’s ever heard eddie so defensive, so hostile. And he hates it.
“No! No way not at all man! It’s cool, it’s all cool. I’m bi”
Eddies jaw drops a little bit. But closes quickly.
“You dress so fucking stupid I figured you were straight this whole time” Eddie teases elbowing Steve’s ribs.
“Ouch, this is coming from the guy in the worlds most gaudy converse?”
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pluralcultureis · 7 months
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Plural culture is I just dont get it...why do endos want to be this? and why do people think others want or are faking all of this? Plural culture is I cant LIKE anything anymore. Plural culture is even if im ACTIVLY TRYING to not split and to ignore it all and just keep on keeping on and pretend my system isnt there I STILL split. I cant sit down and enjoy my day because my brain will take SOMETHING, ANYTHING, NOT EVEN A PERSON SOMETIMES and if I got enjoyment or even suffering out of it then its just THERE now and a part of me is missing. Plural culture is missing parts of yourself, loosing a skill or talent you loved that shaped who you were, forgetting the faces and voices of your loves ones, getting your memories rewriten for you, blinking and missing days or sometimes years. And thats just MY experience as host! Others in my system having to live their lives in the backseat, never being able to have one of their own or feeling like their hole point of existence is to make me happy or make sure we dont die. Sometimes I see how tired and drained the protectors are, how strung out the care takers are, the gatekeepers putting on a brave face for the good of the system to make us feel like maybe at least ONE of us has SOME kind of control only to find out that even they dont know everything or have control over it all. I see alters who are dating in our system wish and beg for a body just so they can hold hands like normal. Or others still who have had relationships outside the system wish they had a body independent of this one to go and be with who they want and do whatever they want. Its NOT all suffering and disorder yes of course and thats so very valid but like...even the most well adjusted systems deal with flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks I mean for fuck sake its not just some fun game or even a coping skill! Id RATHER NOT split or disassociate to be able to cope! Honestly id MUCH RATHER do things myself then switch but unfortunately I simply CANT no matter how much I want to! I HATE how low our split tolerance is because SPLITTING ISNT FUCKING FUN even when its painless! Even when its so subtle you dont notice! Because you loose something, a memory, your feelings, your sense of self gets rocked off its balance and honestly sometimes not knowing a split happed is WORSE cause youll just randomly start feeling like your not you anymore with no explanation as to why! Its so frustrating to see a bunch of people emulate the "fun parts" of my disorder and then when I get RIGHTFULY upset and say "hey its not like that it actually kinda sucks" they turn around and emotionally manipulate a group of people who are NUTORIOUS for not being believed by saying "Well because no one believes you then you should believe me because everyone has a different brain so actually I say that you dont need to be traumatized and have any of the bad shit your talking about and I get to have all the cool parts of it and your trying to oppress me by not letting me in your spaces" like???? Okay, so sorry for the rant and talking about endos and systemcorse and all. Sometimes it just all seems so ridiculous to me. When I see people say "real systems arnt hurt by people faking DID" and like??? no??? dont fucking speak for me???? Like yes stop fakeclaiming but like no dont say endos arnt "real systems problem" like I guess in practice sure but no and also BIG NO cause enods directly HAVE caused me problems so no, fuck that.
.
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blackbeauty15 · 1 year
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📺 TV 📺
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Neteyam x poc!reader
summary ; when the two people you love the most die and you cant do anything to save them
warning; angst, hurt , I might have cried a little
You didn’t think the war was coming this fast , but it did and there’s no turning back. You were scared the most for your family, mostly Neteyam and your father.
I don't wanna talk right now
I just wanna watch TV
They were everything to you, the wings that made you fly to the highest mountain, the creativity in your brain when you created tops for the village . You just couldn’t lose them, you wouldn’t know what to do.
I'll stay in the pool and drown
So I don't have to watch you leave
Your father has been a single parent the moment you were born into his planet. Your mother died from natural childbirth out cold before she could even see your lively Eyes. But being an only father did not discourage him, it only made him work smarter and work harder. Jake and your mother had been best friends before Pandora talking about each other's kids going on playdates together but that never happened and it killed him inside. Neytiri loved your mother, her spunk, her fire and excitement. And she saw it in you, they helped raise you with your father the best they could with other responsibilities on them. But while they tried your dad was the only one who understood you the most.
I put on Survivor just to watch somebody suffer
Maybe I should get some sleep
“Calm down child“ your father says following your short figure threw the woods chuckling you Turn your body happily towards your father “ I cannot father, I can finally fly on my own.” you said gleaming “ I’m a big girl now.” You say gleaming. Your father caught your shoulders and kneeled down you “ ah yes a big girl. But even if you are a big girl you will still be my small flower.” He says kissing your nose. You wrap your arms around his neck hiding your face in his neck. “ I love you father” you say sighing happily ‘ I love you to my little flower’
Sinking in the sofa while they all betray each other
What's the point of anything?
You and Neteyam were inseparable since the day you later laid eyes on eachother. It was like you both knew you would be promised to each other before Eywa. The older you got the more your friendship changed into romantic feelings. Both so Stubborn with the feeling carrying in your heart ,Lo’ak was actually the one who got you together. He was tired of seeing you guys swoon over each other but he loved you together.
All of my friends are missing again
That's what happens when you fall in love
“ I cannot hide what I feel for you anymore. You make my days brighter than the stars in the sky.” Neteyam says taking your hand and putting it on his beating heart. “ my heart only beats for you, my love” the love in his eyes sent you flying “ oh Neteyam” your eyes water not knowing what to say. “ Oh my Fucking god just kiss already.”You hear Lo’ak in the background say. Making Neteyam roll his eyes and you laugh a bit. He placed his hand on your cheek connecting his sweet lips to yours and that’s when you became official.
You don't have the time, you leave them all behind
You tell yourself it's fine, you're just in love
Those two men were the only ones who understood you.
Don't know where you are right now
Did you see me on TV?
That's why you never thought this would happen. The bullet went straight through your father, through his heart, protecting you. You could stop the tears flowing down your face. “ Father! Please! Father. I-“ you cried out loud but they could not be heard due to the guns that shot your father going off. You dragged his body to the sullys it never occurred to you the reason why they were sitting in a circle until you got there. “Ma’Neteyam. No please Eywa no.” Laying your father down to Neteyam Jake and Neytiri's eyes became wide, two deaths in one day. “ please.” You cry out holding your fathers cold clammy hand crying into your lost lovers chest.
I'll try not to starve myself
Just because you're mad at me
they were the only ones who understood you and now there gone.
And I'll be in denial for at least a little while
What about the plans we made?
tell me what you think
@uwunuggetchan
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fatuismooches · 7 months
Note
SLIDES SHADES ON, KICKS DOOR DOWN AND FALL ONTO YOUR FLOOR, GUESS WHOS BACKKK!;!!;
🌕💗!!!!
BUT AHHHHHFHDH LATIN DOTTORE STILL MAKJNG ME LOSE MY SHIT
and so many of the other posts that i was binginf just now too oh em GEEEEEEE, specifically fragile/coma reader comjng back to sumeru and all that AHHFHEHHHH
ANF ALSO I CANT BELIEVE U REMEMBERED ABT MT EXAMS AND STUFF 😭💗 i got my results recently!! A* EEEKFK back on the grind tho unfortunately
also rlly rlly thinking bout dottore randomly giving fragile reader academic/research-y things to do cus he knows they crave and miss the days where they could get on wit their stuff YKKK??
also omg sometimes i’m scared to like send any kind of brainrot in cus what if someone else has said a similar thing AND AHHDHH
but yea also thinkjng bout tutor zandik + akademiya reader MNNNFFNF
ALSO ZANDIK X POET READER i feel like zandik from like the akademiya days wojld be all poetry’s stupid 🫤 but like one day findinf readers lil poetry notebook whilst tryna find his own research in their dorm and flipping through and finding it littered with references to cerulean blue locks and vermillion irises..and maybe just maybe, poetry isn’t so bad after all
smooches i’ve missed bombarding ur inbox
SMOOCHESSSS :( <33333
🌕 ANONNNN AHHH IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you've been doing well, congrats on your exams!! I'm glad your hard work paid off, such a scholar 😍 But you better not overwork yourself that hard again! ALSO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SEND ANYTHING IN!! I LOVE!! hearing what you have to say okay?? Ily 🌕 anon!! PLEASE BOMBARD MY INBOX. I LOVE IT.
HAHAHA it seems like a ton of Dottore brainrot has been infiltrating your brain huh 😅 Dottie speaking Latin really revolutionized ours brains hngg bUT WAIT I LOVE YOUR IDEA. THAT'S SO CUTE. Oh my gosh newdndow how do I phrase this. He knows you still have a love of knowledge and other things you used to be so into :( But nowadays it's died down since you don't think you're cut out for that stuff anymore, even though you miss it. Dottore being the one who respects and acknowledges your intelligence the most would not let you think that way! He'll let you indulge in as much knowledge as you want to. It's far better here anyway, with no restrictions. He'll even let you sit on his lap while you flip through his notes and try to analyze them. Okay and bear with me, this sounds strange but he would make up fake scenarios/brain teasers for you, and these would be PAGES long and you'd have to figure out the answer and report back to him 😭
Also made me think of this angsty af scenario of the day you officially got kicked out from the Akademiya... The sages and profs were so unsympathetic with your condition despite multiple proofs and notes of it being real... no matter how much you begged and sobbed, they refused to accommodate you and revoked your position in the school. Yes, it could be absolutely freaking brutal in there with the workload of assignments and all, on top of your illness too, but you still had dreams. Dreams that you were working so, so hard to pursue... you were trying your best, why couldn't they work with you? You go back to your room to try and pack since they want you out but your stuff just ends up strewn on the floor while you cry. When Zandik comes back you don't even bother hiding your tears or the reason behind them. You can see he's absolutely furious and about to let pure foulness leave his mouth but you interrupt him with a few simple words - "Zandik, just hold me, please." You don't want to hear any words at this moment, because you know nothing will be alright, but at least his touch grounds whatever is left of you to this world.
Okay moving on... Nah I need tutor Zandik. If he saw my dumb ahh while doing math... gone 😭 HEHE I love this trope... i can imagine initially being very serious about trying to learn. But then their tutor is this cutie? Welp, all of that going down the drain. Though, I think it would be pretty sweet if reader ends up learning anyway. Because the professor's way of teaching is so outdated or simply doesn't work for you but somehow when Zandik explains it you're like ?? oh! That's so much simpler! Another possibility - reader purposely flunking so they can get assigned to Zandik for tutoring 🤭 Bro would be flabbergasted that you're wasting both his and your time... because you thought he was... c-cute? Disgusting.
YEAAAA I ADORE DOT AND POET READER I THINK IT'S SOOO ROMANTIC 😭❤️ lmao yea that man would think poetry/non-academic writing is sooo boring like why would you even waste your time on that 😒 You gave up LONG ago trying to convince him why you love it so much but all of a sudden he becomes a teensy more receptive to it... i wonder why? Totally not because he freaking read every single one of your poems, from the serious to silly ones, most definitely not because he found one named after him with a bunch of sweet references... he doesn't care but they were not that bad... he guesses.
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anonymous-eggy · 3 months
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i had been talking to a friend and we had an idea that had been stuck with me for a while😃
um. vampire au👀 mc can also be a vamp but VAMPIRE AU…Nicky with sharp teeth..hehe… and red glowing eyes…
apparently i lied when i said i wasnt very interested in Nicky anymore. i think its just seasonal. warm weather brings back the need to think ab him. time to go through my dusty old inbox and spout gibberish at the ghosts.
jealous of anon for having a friend to talk ab Nicky with fr. if only fictif didnt suck and get abandoned, I'd force my friends to play it.
AS HOT AS VAMPIRE NICKY WOULD BE...I HAVE TO TALK AB VAMP MC
poor Nicky trying to hide the fact that he, a catholic (or so he swears, despite not acting very catholic) sicilian mob boss, is in love with a chaotic arsonist (possibly queer as hell) vampire mc is so so funny.
Like. suddenly he's also completely nocturnal bc he wants to spend time around his love and Chris is like "dude you never wanna do meetings during the day anymore, why do i have to go to all your daytime meetings" and Nicky has to try to pass off an excuse.
----
Chris: whatcha got there?
Nicky, holding a parasol over his vampire lover while holding their drink: alcohol :D
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also... him allowing mc to bite his neck and then practically begging for it next time you need blood bc surprise this 6 foot somethin' mafia boss found out he gets a lil hot, bothered, and submissive when you bite him and drink his blood. straddle his lap while doin it to feel the effects what who said that. anyway. uh. 👀
the absolute confusion this man would feel in terms of whats possible and his faith. can someone be catholic and horny for a vampire lover? surely he can bc he also finds it hot how "wrong" it is despite how good it feels. but yeah tbh he wouldnt think too much bc he canonically doesn't think too hard ab love he just goes with what he feels and doesnt question much further than that.
(side tangent: i adore him so much for being one of the only love interests I've ever seen that canonically uses no labels for his sexuality. no label representation. i adore that he doesnt wanna be put in a box. and its not just because he lives in the 1920s and doesnt have the word for his sexuality, he just truly doesnt vibe with labelling his sexuality. good for him. if you didnt know this, surprise! thats a fun fact from this dumbass who knows practically everything about his character bc i cant be chill about anything and must know everything)
anyway for example with my self insert(ish) mc: trans gay little vampire man who turns into a sgrunkly little bat and hangs from his chandelier in protest that Nicky had to go to a daytime meeting for once? Nicky comes out of the kitchen with a lil platter of fruits to lure him down for a cuddle by the fire place while sweetly apologizing bc god forbid he do his job and not suffer the wrath of a little clingy dustball squeaking at him.
OR NICKY TUCKING LITTLE BAT MC IN HIS COAT DURING THE DAY WHILE HE DOES HIS ROUNDS CHECKING ON HIS BUSINESSES?! he just reaches into his coat every now and then to give his love a little scritch on the head 😭 and everyone around him gets nervous that he's hiding something super valuable or dangerous that he doesnt wanna lose (which is true, but not in the way they think)
see also: Nicky getting into some trouble during the night and being all chill ab it and saying to the guys "oh im not the one you gotta be afraid of" and the guys laughing until guard dog Mc appears, absolutely pissed, hungry, and ready to hunt their fill for the night.
and mc just randomly one day being like "you realize im a good 200 years older than you, right." after Nicky says something that implies Mc is younger and Nicky immediately lights up and just begins asking baseball history questions, not even phased by Mc saying that. which is much to Mc's dread.
my brain worms have recently been obsessed with the concept of a mob boss falling in love with a vampire anyway, so this is prime thinks for me.
i shall continue rotating this in my mind.
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thesimulacrasimp · 3 months
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So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.
HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!
So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.
Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.
Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.
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That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...
Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD
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BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP
Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-
Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-
Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."
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I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.
Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????
And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!
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Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!
soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!
My review/thoughts on eps 1-2
My review/thoughts on eps 5-6
My review/thoughts on eps 7-8
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ovaruling · 1 year
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negative self talk incoming for whoever needs that idek
regular daily update that i regret having my like 99999 cosmetic surgeries so much and i dont even want to put the exhaustive energy into accepting my face and body atp anymore bc they remain utter strangers who i hate
and despite all of the feminist theory i have read and comprehended and applied to the way i see the world i STILL cannot rid myself of this very specific form of self-hatred and im not even being defeatist when i say i truly know that i will never be at peace bc of the choices i have made. like how can i ever be ok with this. i’d have to be lobotomized to be cool with this
and even besides that the chronic physical pain and damage to my actual nervous system won’t allow me a moment of forgetfulness. like on an amazing day where i’m full of caffeine or xanax i can MAYBE forget what i look like for an hour but it’s impossible to forget that i literally cant physically feel my entire torso and abdomen and buttocks and my upper back and my inner thighs and upper arms and underarms and my jaw and cheeks
but also at the same time i can feel incredible levels of stabbing numb shocks of pain in all of them lmfao.
exercising helps for a bit and reminds me that i can at least move my body around but i always gotta come back to reality where i have to confront that i’m genuinely permanently ill and legitimately brain damaged. like neurologically
and bc of that i went from being a normal adult 10 years ago to now i cant hold a job, cant go back and attend school, cant drive a car anymore, need IV treatments weekly, no independence, no ability to even volunteer for longer than an hour at local animal shelters before i start having problems bc i cant explain to anyone why i need to lie down every 2 hours or else i legitimately go numb and pass out no matter how little exertion im doing, no future where i can help the world the way i want to. i cant even read 2 chapters of a fucking favorite book that i LOVE without getting dizzy for no fuckjng reason. i have to REST from reading a fucking BOOK
and doctors are just like “oh well that’s what happens when you fucking almost die two times from elective surgery lol kinda your fault tbh. you really should’ve just accepted how viciously hated by men your body was. but the human body is so mysterious huh!!! like this is crazy dude lmao. 🤪 so yeah here’s a pamphlet for a support group that doesn’t really fit your needs and some medication that won’t work bc we still don’t really know how to diagnose or treat plastic surgery victims like this bc technically you weren’t in a car crash or anything so we don’t really have enough research rn to fully apprehend what’s going on w your mysterious ass. also you had more surgeries than most ppl ever will be stupid enough to undertake so like we have no idea what to do w you lol!!!!!! there isn’t really data that fits your situation but maybe in 30 years 😌”
just in case anyone was wondering if i changed my mind on cosmetic surgery being true evil!!!!!! lol
ok sorry for the pity party i just really am feeling the weight of it all rn
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