#while taking me home from school

[isdalinarhot]

when i read elantris i was going to school full time still. but i was commuting so i didnt have a meal plan. but i had an 8:30 am class and a 2:30 pm class (and on mondays a 6:30 pm class that went until 8:30 pm. pro tip to college students that follow me: don't do this) so i was at school through lunch. but at that time i was going to be moving out of my parents' house in like, a month, so i was saving up money to buy, like, ikea furniture and shit, so i couldn't just go out to eat five days a week. all this is to say, i was not eating lunch most days during that period of my life. so when raoden was like oh my god im so hungry it hurts oh my god im suffering oh my god i would do anything for food please please please i was like *ate breakfast 8 hours ago and will not get to eat for another 3 hours voice* ME TOO MAN. immersive experience

#for all those concerned about my health during december 2021: my grandma (the real goat the real mvp) would drive through burger king for me #while taking me home from school #i did get three meals a day during that time! its just. #breakfast was at 5:30 am and lunch was at 4 pm. and dinner was at 8 pm #i did occasionally get vending machine snacks as well #but yeah i would not recommend that lifestyle #if i wasnt so goddamn autistic and could eat cold sandwiches i would have packed a lunch but alas #pro tip for all commuters please for the love of god pack a lunch if you are at all able to do so #sometimes i wonder if mistborn era 2 and elantris are my least favorite cosmere books because of them actually being not as good #or if its just that i was being starved during the time i was reading them #who knows #luke.txt

[skeletoninthemelonland]

#it's me i'm the wind blowing #y'all things are a little more complicated when it comes to these two #(sits down and takes a sip from my dark blue coffee mug) #(thinks: i wish i had springtrap coffee mug) #so... #both of them have difficult pasts #both are parents trying their best on raising their children #THE THING IS #one can't let herself get too attached #while the other is still afraid all humans are the same #but at the same time. they just want to find peace and happiness #and they've found it at home #they found happiness living those very brief and mundane moments #like waking up every morning #having breakfast next to people that make you smile #making your way to school/work and seeing sunlight pass through the trees #and going home after a tough day and there are rain clouds approaching. you just know you're going to sleep well at night #this is how they heal. and in the mean time. let themselves open up to each other #I have a feeling this is gonna be a slow burn kinda thing #COUGHING REALLY HARD #ENDING THIS RIGHT HERE OKAY BYE #starbstalks #springdad au

[flamboyant-king]

I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.

So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.

#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate #cause i only got prescribed adderall this year #dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test #i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you #like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY #that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat #i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120 #like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner #and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing #average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too #babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down #i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing #although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing #i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem #when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like #he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate #and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse #i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing #and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles #and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest #dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom #he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again #he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold #so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15 #but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself #brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man #look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive #so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho #doodles #the binding of isaac

[queenlucythevaliant]

One other note: my uncle once remarked that 100+ year old hymns are the only legitimate way to worship because the writers of contemporary Christian music don't Suffer like people used to in Ye Olden Times. Which was. Definitely A Take.

#this particular uncle has some truly wild theological hot takes #he's the same guy who for a while insisted on doing home church with one other family #bc he couldn't find a church that agreed with Every Single One of his incredibly specific theological convictions #so there's that #pontifications and creations #sunday school kid #sometimes i have to remind myself that i am at most two degrees away from hardcore fundementalism. keeps me humble

[walnutcookie]

feelinggg unproductive woooo

#literally did nothing the whole day.. #stayed home from school cause i didnt feel good #i finished one commission but like #i had been working on it for a while and i JUST finished #why did it take me the whole day :( i was very focused on it tok #and it wasnt that complex #waaah. #im gonna #put my landury away #i need to feel productive before i can sleep

[autism-corner]

guy is noticing his depression coming back, but will not do anything about it.

#idk ive been diagnosed with dysthymia which was sold to me as mild but longlasting depression etc. #as i was in the process of leaving my psychiatrist she told me it was at that moment in recession =w=b #but one main thing im seeing now is that im skipping school again. (+ the horrors but we dont talk about those) #skipping school isnt BAD and all. and i do genuinely think its for the better but. that might just be the depression voice talking =3= #anyway i know itll get better again. hopefully soon. #augh also one thing i noticed is. the sleepy. getting back. #its been a while since ive had afternoon naps but now..... they sure are happening. #and these suck a bit more bc often i get home at 4pm which is in my mind too late to have a comfy nap. #yesterday and also a couple days ago i napped from like 8pm-9pm. which isnt really helping my sleep :) #but its not like i could STAY AWAKE or something. i HAD to sleep. #:/ #anyway its not like i can actually do something big about it... #maybe i should take a walk more. hm. #but my knees.... and the tired.... and things i actually have to do..... #sillyposting #yaknow. #=w=b

[wutheringmights]

.

#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life #woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour #i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom #i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess #earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like #2 weeks straight #i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house #i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you #i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control #fucking sucks man #i hate ibs #in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work? #ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick. #it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school #while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick #but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then #but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off #and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh #this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person

[sleepii-moth]

watching sketchbook tours makes me so sad because its not even like im watching things that have very curated pretty drawings in sketchbooks instead of messy stuff- its just. they have color in them, like they use paint and markers and washi tape and stickers and it makes me soo jealous because i love color i love using different colors and mediums and making a big mess and i wanna do what these people do too but i cant because i dont ever have this stuff with me when i use my sketchbook :( nor do i have the time to play with materials when im just doodling in class and im sooo upset

#i have a couple markers with me and i use colored pencils to sketch sometimes but i just rarely have the time to do more #my sketchbooks recently have just been bothering me sjgsjevw #im at that point where i never know what to draw so i wanted to try and focus on anatomy but thats the kind of thing you cant #really practice in class.. especially since i still need to study from references and so im always just forced to do little doodles i dont #like at all instead of any practice and aah it's horrible!! its not like i have much free time at school but the breaks i take to relax and #draw or something are just so unfulfilling now it makes me sad #this is why i just wanna stay home all the time man! id be comfortable while i do work and also all my stuff is here aaaa

[staijey-the-creator]

wehhhhh...

i dont wanna change computers :[

#Staijey Speeks #shit vent #my school is taking back this chromebook cause im doin homeschool now #which means i have to tranfer all my files #AND all my accounts onto my other computers #but both of em suck because #1 just because their high quality doesnt mean its easy to navigate #2 my main home computer has touchpad/mouse issues and its just a pain in the aft #3 i cant add my new email to my main computer because its watched and while i can use it on my other one its layout is really weird #4 im still far from used to the other art programs and i feel ibis is just better for me anyway #or i might go back to using scratch and pixlr idk #and 5 I have a LOT of unfinished projects on here that i'd like to finish but now i might not be able to anymore #im realy just not happy but i think its for the better i leave that hellhole behind #dont have many positive relations there anyway so meh

[magical-girl-04]

I would be SO content being a housewife the rest of my life and yet here I am at uni becuase I can't talk to girls for the life of me 😭

#rav speaks #honestly cooking cleaning maybe looking after the kids #it sounds like work that i could enjoy #and it would be to my own schedule!! #i could listen to my music while i work #wear nice long skirts to go swish swish swish as i sweep the floor #have a nice meal waiting for my wife to come home to and listening to her day at work and gossip and whatnot #having a completely free shedual so thst when she has time off we can go on nice dates #hanging out with friends on the days when they're free from their jobs #if i have kids taking then out to the park after school #being there for them and doing fun things #even sitting at the kitchen table doung hw with them #i just want that life so bad #😭😭😭 please if your a girl around 18 in scotland who would love a loving housewife to take care of you while you're at work #hit me up

[ontologicalmoki]

I cannot get over great big epic songs about small battles and little armies.

“There armed lines of marching men In squadrons passed me by No pipe did hum, no battle drum Did sound its dread tattoo But the angelus bells o’er the Liffey’s swells Rang out in the foggy dew.”

the drama! The grandeur!! The Easter rising is a little thing by a bunch of nobody’s in the grand scheme of history. But that does not matter in this song! It is not a tiny backwater uprising on a nothing island against a global empire. It is a clash worthy of epics. It’s just, the incredible history of it!

people who were there at the battle felt it was worth writing epics about! Because it was!

the Easter Rising is no less epic than the Trojan war! It’s certainly not smaller, sheer numbers wise! The same goes for every tiny backwater fight that ever had an epic written about it. This goes for the American revolution, for the jacobites, for the wars in Yugoslavia that buskers write poems about, for songs about Moses written by slaves in code to get deliverance too, for those old cowboy songs mourning the Indian wars, all of it! The lofty events of the numinous past are here and now. The heroes of old are human beings.

not to reduce the epic events of the mythic past to petty squabbles or heroes into unremarkable people, quite the opposite! It is not that heroes are ordinary men and women, it is that ordinary men and women are heroes!

these people lived through these events which seem so small in the grand scheme of history and felt they deserved epic poetry, and they were right! No cause that anyone has ever felt ready to die for is insignificant! The age of heroes is the age in which people are heroic, when people stand up for the weak and the poor and oppressed, no matter what happens.

we tell stories of the grand, epic past, not to make people nostalgic for an age they never saw, but to inspire them to stand up here and now, in their own circumstances. We tell them because they can and will happen again. Because the people in them were ordinary people with extraordinary courage who deserve to be remembered. Great deeds are worth writing songs about.

“Do legends walk on the green earth?” The rider asked Aragorn, scoffing.

“That may be,” answered Aragorn, “but the green earth is a mighty matter of legend.”

#I’m rambling and just got off school don’t @ me #I love stories so much #please do not take this as a defense of #every group that’s ever written themselves a cool song #it’s not #that doesn’t mean the song isn’t cool #also that quote is not exact I read it two days ago #and am just dumping it from memory #but I was teaching my fifth graders about the fall of the temple in Jerusalem #both temples #and was so caught up in how #these are people #whose home has been violated #and while this is a high #charged #important narrative #it happens all the time #the chronicler makes the same kinds of notes #that the chroniclers of the Anglo saxons made #And these little squabbles #are things some people were ready to die for #and that never means nothing.

[lesbiacnh]

omg i get a little stressed and to cope i end up playing esthetician until 130 am and go to bed feeling worse than before. and like id pluck every leg hair out but haven’t brushed my teeth yet. and after that my skin gets soo bad and im like whattttt why is this uappening.

#text #the past couple of months have been crayzeeeeeee but now things are cslm. but im still 🫨🫨🫨 mentally bc im not in a good routine or anything #it always starts bc im like ‘i need to take better care of myself’ and then ends badly. lol #tiktok ‘everything shower’ joke kinda made me get back into the strange habit of doing the absolute bare minimum + doing everything in one #night and feeling worse. instead of like having a more consistent routine #rly i need to start working out again. it helps me regulate things bc i like to plan ahead lol #im on anxiety meds now so im gonna TRYYYYYY to help myself by getting in a better routine #AND BY THAT. i mean SLOWLY bc ive gone through this cycle before and and starting things all on the same day is a variant of this. #and i gotta get off my phone. my neck fucking hurts from sitting weird and scrolling too long #tiny bit cringy to admit but i want to find a stim toy that i could do the same scroll motion on. if that makes sense #like a smooth peice of metal or something. maybe i’ll buy a little keychain and see if that could replace the motion while im chillin doing #something else #SORRY if anyone does read this usually i reread my posts to make sure im coherent before posting but its 140 something am and im high again #ALSO 2024 resolution im done being high on most week nights. i need to calm down w it #ok last thing bc this is funny #phoebe bridgers song came on while i was driving home and the one lyric was like im not afraid of going back to school……. #and it hit me in that exact moment bc I AMMMMMM AFRAID TO go back to school but im not‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ it’s fine‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i am not gonna #ok goodnight. i brushed my teeth #sabotage this.

[forerussake]

I used to want to become an important person when i grew up. I wanted to grow into a ceo position of a big company or go into politics and become prime minister or go into research and become an important name in my chosen field. But now increasingly i’m starting to understand that i really just need to find a job i can survive for more than a month.

#rl #i’m at the point where i don’t even crave to be challenged intellectually in a potential job anymore #i just want to survive the days while still having enough energy to interact with my interests #i will screw bottlecaps onto bottles all day if that is what it takes for me to live #anyway #i just got home from an evening of socializing and i am dead #it’s moments like these where i wonder if i could even hold a job #how did i use to do this when i was in high school and had 9 to 5 days every day? #(i mean i know how… i would spend weeks in april-july having a permanent headache)

[deus-ex-mona]

little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3

#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~? #so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent #he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends. #he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap #he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t. #like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year. #he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol #he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all. #he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll #he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam #heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is #(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still) #and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries) #our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:((((( #i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!! #he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus #idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :( #2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :(((( #but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really. #but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol #and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me #so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3 #and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be #but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~? #sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂

[cheemken]

Knight you got me feeling

After reading bout the Unova kids. Like.. they’re each other’s friends. Each other’s family. But even if she never voiced it, Iris always felt a small bit of resentment towards the Twins because people always gave the credit to them. Even though she gave everything to protect Unova from harm, she was outshined by the two Hero’s. Even though she was a Hero herself

But goddd Bianca liking both Iris and Hilda. And these two being respectful of each other and agreeing to let Bianca decide. But now Iris is reminded of all the little things Hilda had stolen from her. The fame, the credit, the title, the respect. And now she’s trying to steal Bianca from her, just like she had with everything else. But she’s not going to let Hilda get away with stealing from her ever again. She’s been passive about it for to long

(But ough, I am being sane about this. Like Iris had been relatively okay with Hilda and Hilbert taking the credit from her because she knew they didn’t mean to. The public just liked them better then her. But now that she’s losing it she’s taking her anger out on everyone about anything, including her friends)

GOD RIGHT CBXMCBMDNFMDBD

Your honour everytime I make a concept abt them I have to be my own goddamn therapist they make me so fucking ill😭😭

Like yeah Iris really hated the fact that the public liked the twins better than her, but they're her friends yknow, they were so supportive of her, they were nice to her and told her how strong she was, that out of all of em, they always felt safe w her bc she's strong and capable yknow, that they could really trust her. But shit they didn't really do much abt all the comments Iris gets. Like they'd tell her to just not listen to them yknow, that those comments aren't worth anything, the people of Unova were just being very bitter. But it's also the fact that they say that while bending over backwards trying to please the Unovan people too. That they never got any hate from them, that even N, who was formerly Plasma's king, was better off than her and it's so fucking unfair man.

What was it abt her that was so easy to hate? She kept repeating that question over and over and over again until she cries herself to sleep. She asked Drayden abt it, he pulled her in for a hug, telling her to not mind those comments. Told her the same thing her friends said. If anything he'll make sure that the people of Opelucid doesn't see her as weak, they should know better. But that didn't change anything, fake smiles and promises managed to fool Drayden, and still she suffered.

Then a tournament at Kalos, all the Champions are there, she still hears those whispers, how they doubt she could even get past the first round. It messes her up ofc, she told Diantha and Lance abt it. They were not happy, not one bit, and they actually did something. They went and confronted the people who looked down on her, told them off, told them how Iris was stronger than she seemed. And that actually shut them up, when Iris got to the semi finals they cheered for her, even if she lost to Lance. They became her fans, supporting her too. And that really made her happy.

So why can't her friends do that too? Did they secretly hate her? Years later she really believed that, that maybe they liked being in the limelight, that they liked the praise being said to them, that the people of Unova hold them is such high regards. She hears how Hilbert should've won against Iris, she hears how Hilda was such a hero helping around Unova. She hears how the twins were just so perfect, how they're doing a much better job than Iris, but she was doing the same as them tenfold. She's already struggling as it is, yet even w that the people of Unova just didn't like her and she doesn't understand why. She ended up hating her friends bc of that

But now she has smth yknow. She has Diantha and Lance as her parents, and they actually do smth to stop the hate. She has Kyurem, her very own legendary dragon who trusts her so much, who was so lonely before he met her. She has the Shadow Triad, despite it all, they grew close, somehow they confided w each other, and they grew loyal to her. She has Team Plasma, and they were so loyal to her as well, giving her the respect she deserves. She has Bianca,, well, had. Ofc, the person Iris wanted to be in her life still, the person who she wanted to share her future w, Hilda took her away.

Was she not satisfied with everything else she took? She had to take Bianca away from her despite Bianca telling Iris that she loves her. Hilda is so fucking unfair. For Iris, it felt like one final fuck you before she takes everything else that she finally has in her life away from her too.

#real quick sorry if this took a while i just got home from school cbmdnd hahah #and holy shit the ride home was something else™ o w o hahahah #anyways #OUVNDHCKDXMDHCMDND YOUR HONOUR PLEASE THEY MAKE ME SO ILL #like😭😭😭 #iris had enough man like she is so fucking tired of the twins taking everything from her #imagine a younger iris asking herself whatever she or a past life did to deserve this #and as she grew older she grew very bitter abt it bc no one was there for her #they all said its going to be fine she was strong she can handle it #but man shes tired yknow shes so fucking tired #and she was so lonely #well its fine. she says now that its fine. perhaps thats just her destiny #to go through all those hardships before ascending to become a god #ough your honour cbndbdnd #villain iris au #an ask and an answer #jerseyk112

[jamesunderwater]

Dude what is even the point of this dumb life if we don't just DO THE THING

Buy the fucking tickets

Eat the fucking cake

Kiss your fucking crush

Jump in the water, go trick or treating, make the snow angel, plant the strawberry seeds, literally what else really matters

#charlie chats #idk im just so worried about money and school and all this useless shit like who even cares if im in debt i could literally die #on my way home tonight. i should buy the merch #get the drink #flirt with a cutie #dance like a fool #literally who cares nothing matters enjoy everything you can while it lasts #i dont want to keep letting Them take all the goodness of life from me #goodness #things to remember