#well its fine. she says now that its fine. perhaps thats just her destiny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

azucanela · 4 years

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[HOME] IS WHERE THE AVATAR IS [PT.3]

HOME MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: Iroh has been kidnapped, and by the time they get him back, they’re chasing after the Avatar before Y/N has time to unload all her problems to the old man over a nice cup of tea. Which is a shame since the list of problems is getting longer by the minute.

WORD COUNT: 5k

WARNINGS: violence, mentions of death, threats

A/N: woo!! its 1AM lads life is good and i hope this is also good <3

Iroh was missing. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out, the old man, no matter how questionable he was at times, was punctual. Y/N had yet to see him late to anything and she sincerely doubted he was going to start now, especially since Zuko had reminded him, rather rudely, that they had to leave soon if they were to catch the Avatar. Following Zuko through the forest, Y/N quickly realized that Zuko was not a genius.

Of course, if Zuko was a genius, Y/N wouldn’t be around. Her whole purpose since she’d been in the Fire Nation was to serve as his right hand, to be the things he couldn’t. If Zuko couldn’t do something, then she would, thats why they complimented each other so well. When he’s incapable of fighting, she beats enemies with ease. Where he lacked a strategic mind, she could develop revolutionary strategies, similar to the ones Zhao had referred to during their last encounter.

The man had clearly gotten under Zuko’s skin, and it seemed something about this was still bugging Zuko. Y/N had noticed his... odd behavior. He’d seemed far more withdrawn than normal, their late night talks had been far less frequent than normal. Of course, they were also no longer in the privacy of the ship, instead camping out in war torn territory of the Earth Kingdom. This left a weird atmosphere between them, and it was mostly Zuko’s fault, though Y/N probably should’ve confronted him when she first noticed. She was beginning to miss their conversations, and the more relaxed Zuko that only she saw. Now, it seemed that each time they interacted he was becoming far more awkward than normal.

Sighing as she trailed behind him, and calmly walking throw the brush of leaves in stark opposition to Zuko’s rather aggressive walk, Y/N simply sighed. “Zuko, perhaps you would get there faster if you didn’t spend all your time fighting the trees.” She gives him a sarcastic smile, eyes narrowing at him as he turns back to look at her, as though he’d finally been reminded she was nearby.

Zuko frowns, coming to an abrupt stop, “come here.” They were nearby the ‘hot spring’ Iroh had discovered, or more accurately, made. In the event that Y/N was wrong, a ‘rare’ event in her words, Zuko needed to take precautions, he would not allow Y/N to see his Uncle like that.

“Why?” Y/N asked incredulously, moving to enter the area, but Zuko yanks her back by the wrist.

She turns to look at him, just to have her eyes covered by his hand, “just in case.” He explains, taking her hand in his free one and guiding her to the hot spring. Zuko is suddenly glad that he has a hand over her eyes, because if Y/N could see him, she definitely would’ve started teasing him by now, especially since he can feel his cheeks burning as he pulls her along.

“I think you just wanted and excuse to hold my hand.” Y/N teases, a grin spreading across her face. Zuko had always been like this, protective, even when they were children and as far as he knew, she was anything but his equal. Y/N had always found it funny, seeing as she could easily handle herself in a fight, not that this fact ever stopped him.

Though she can’t seen Zuko, Y/N has a feeling he’s blushing as he grumbles out, “shut up.” He’s pushing through the final bushes, and when he freezes Y/N knows her theory was right. Zuko’s hand releases hers and Y/N dislikes the way she feels disappointed when it does, his other hand falling from her eyes to reveal the once prosperous hot spring was now sullied by raised earth.

Iroh is missing. And Y/N can’t help but feel worried as she stares at the scene, if the apparent Earthbenders caught him by surprise it’s no wonder he didn’t escape. Iroh, no matter how docile he may act, was a force to be reckoned with. Now it didn’t take a genius to figure out that it was Earthbenders, which probably explains why Zuko points it out so quickly.

Or maybe he just doesn’t need Y/N anymore. The thought brings about an odd feeling, one that Y/N can’t describe. She’d been by his side for as long as she could remember, and the thought had never crossed her mind, that one day she might not be by his side, one day he might not need her anymore. The possibility was bringing about several emotions, and now she was missing the one person she’d go to for counsel.

Counsel she definitely needed at the moment, seeing as she’d intertwined their destinies, as Zuko put it, permanently. There would be no getting rid of her.

Her list of problems was growing by the minute, and Y/N finds herself wishing that it was her list of excuses instead, seeing as she was going to need several excuses if he found out anytime soon. Iroh was missing, taken by Earth Kingdom soldiers, likely to be executed in the very city he’d once tried to overthrow. And Y/N had yet to even get any idea of how to handle Airbending, much less tell Zuko about it. Not that she could if she wanted to, seeing as he’d been avoiding any prolonged conversations with her.

And yet Y/N find herself grabbing Zuko’s hand, bringing his attention back to her and away from the thought of his missing Uncle, the man who had practically raised him. Though Zuko didn’t act like it, he cared for Iroh, and Y/N could see it in the way his body stiffened as he cursed his Uncle for his foolishness. “Everything is fine.”

This was a mess. Nothing was fine. Everything was pretty chaotic, actually.

That’s how Y/N ended up riding a Komodo Rhino in search of the old man, Zuko seated behind her as they made their way down the path. He was honestly way more stressed about the situation than he should’ve been, his Uncle was once a war general, he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Except, Zuko found the fact that he’d been captured in the first place rather concerning, especially since the man seemed to be more and more passive each day.

Zuko blamed the tea.

Though he found himself wishing for tea to calm his nerves as they the Komodo Rhino stumbles slightly, causing Zuko to fall off the animal entirely. This was mostly because he was far too awkward to place his hands anywhere near Y/N’s body, despite her warnings that something like this would happen.

Y/N brings the beast to a stop, dust rising as she maneuvered the animal towards Zuko, followed by guards that she was sure were struggling to stifle their laughs as Zuko grumbled, “go ahead and say I told you so.” He’s practically glaring at Y/N, who dons an amused look on her face as she stares down at him.

“Told you so.”

Zuko groans, allowing his head to hit the ground momentarily, wincing at the feeling before moving to stand, only to notice a shoe on the ground. One that he recognizes as his Uncle’s. Moving to pick it up, Zuko grins despite the putrid smell as he extends his hand outward to try and escape it. “I fell on purpose to retrieve this.” He couldn’t help but feel relieved, hopefully this was a sign from his Uncle, and he’d dropped the shoe on purpose.

Y/N is laughing now, “sure you did. But this is good, Iroh is probably nearby.” Her eyes scan the area, hoping to find some other indication of Iroh’s presence, Y/N notices the fading trail of Ostrich Horse tracks. “We should head in this direction,” she turns to Zuko, who is dusting himself off and climbing back onto the Komodo Rhino, “hold on this time.” Y/N says, giving him a tight lipped smile as she brings his hand to her waist, trying to ignore the way her cheeks warmed.

She whistles, signaling for the Komodo Rhino to begin to move again, while Zuko begins to panic internally. His hands were on Y/N’s waist, and he was trying to keep his touch as light as possible so as not to disturb her, but the way she glared at him suggested he should stop freaking out. Alas, the blush that painted his cheeks persisted as he wrapped his arms around her waist to keep from falling, that was the only reason he wrapped his arms around her. It wasn’t because he missed being around her— of course the lack of her presence was mostly his fault since he was avoiding her.

Regardless, Y/N almost falters at this action, almost, at the feeling of his hands resting on her. It’s been a while since they were this close to each other, and Zuko had no choice to endure it. But, it’s the sight of a dragon along with the Avatar in the sky that causes her mouth to gape open, distracting her from steering the Komodo Rhino away from the upcoming cliff.

Zuko throws his hands forward, snatching the reins from her as he swerves the animal away from the cliff, his body enveloping Y/N’s as he breathes heavily from the sudden event. “What the hell was that?” He exclaimed, hands remaining on the reins as he continued to maneuver the animal. Though the look on Y/N’s face worries him as she nods absently.

“Nothing, it was nothing.”

Nothing didn’t cause you to nearly go off a cliff. But he’d discuss that with her later, he decided, noticing the Avatar’s Sky Bison flying through the sky. “The Avatar!” Zuko called out, bringing the Komodo Rhino to a stop entirely as he watched the Sky Bison fly across the sky.

His words brought Y/N’s attention back to the present, her eyes snapping over to the Sky Bison. Zuko may not have known it, but Aang definitely wasn’t on that Sky Bison, or maybe his body was. Y/N didn’t know how the whole spirit thing worked, and if she was honest, she wasn’t really to eager too find out. Regardless, it would be a pointless chase.

Yet she suddenly felt worry fill her, because Y/N truly didn’t know if Zuko was willing to abandon his Uncle if it meant capturing the Avatar and restoring his honor. Would he do that to her? Abandon her entirely if it meant going back to the Fire Nation? Sure, he’d left behind the possibility of returning when they’d discovered her Waterbending, but with his renewed determination Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if she would get left in the dust as he chased the Avatar across the globe.

The thought left her mouth dry as she looked to Zuko, who had paused, eyes following the Sky Bison. Then he scowled, hands still on the reins of the Komodo Rhino as he whistled, steering the animal in the direction of the fading Ostrich Horse prints.

Y/N couldn’t help but feel flooded relieved, but that didn’t quell the anxieties within her. She’d seen... an intangible Avatar and dragon, as though they were ghosts, spirits even. This was a brutal reminder of the Avatar’s duty to bridge the worlds of spirit and human, Y/N had only read stories of the Avatar’s ability to enter the realm and interact with them. It was an ability she thought she lacked, until now.

This was a problem. A very big problem.

Letting out a shaky breath, Y/N shut her eyes momentarily, “what’s wrong?” Zuko asked, her behavior was abnormal, she was distracted and Zuko didn’t have time to worry about her, his Uncle and the Avatar.

Hesitantly, Y/N relaxed against him, her back resting against his chest as she frowned, “later.”

“Right.” Comes his response, and Zuko’s face was burning as he cleared his throat before continuing to guide the Komodo Rhino in the direction of the tracks.

They don’t discuss it later, mostly because ‘later’ is when Zuko finds himself saving his Uncle, and then threatening villagers for the Avatar’s location while Y/N threatens him for his violence. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, much to Y/N and Iroh’s dismay.

If Y/N was honest, she wasn’t shocked that they didn’t have time to discuss it. Seeing as they didn’t discuss the fact that she was capable of bending multiple elements, confrontation was certainly not their strong suit, and the fact that everything seemed to revolve around the Avatar wasn’t helping. At this point, home was wherever Aang went.

What Y/N would give for a conversation with Aang right about now, not that she knew what to say. He had no idea what she was capable of, and yet Aang seemed to be the only person who would likely understand even a fraction of what she was going through.

Barreling through the Fire Nation barricade, filled with ships that Y/N recognized from General Zhao’s fleet, it appeared Y/N would be giving her life just to see Aang again. She was beginning to think that this was the worst idea Zuko had ever had, and she’d been there for a lot of foolish ideas. Especially since there was no reason for Zhao to let Zuko pass, unless he needed something, that something was likely the Avatar. Y/N was pretty sure she needed him too, now that her Airbending at shown itself, accidents were becoming more... frequent, and hiding it from Zuko and more importantly, the crew, was far more difficult.

Aside from control, Y/N couldn’t deny that Aang’s abilities were impressive, watching him block a ball of fire surging towards his Sky Bison had been a sight to behold. And she couldn’t help but consider how insane it was, that she was seeing the only Airbender left, the only demonstration of Airbending in over one hundred years.

Poor kid. He’d come back to a mess of a world.

Y/N finds herself frowning at the thought, and at the possibility of Zuko departing on another ship to go after Aang, who appeared to be heading for the Fire Sage’s temple, “are you serious?”

Zuko is rolling his eyes at her tone, already boarding the ship as he turns to her, “are you coming, or not?” He’s taking the helm as Y/N’s mouth gapes open, struggling for words, she follows him onto the ship nonetheless.

“This could go very wrong.”

He grins at her, and the smaller ship begins to move, hidden by the smoke of the larger one, “that’s why I have you around.”

Y/N really wanted to wipe the grin off his face as she sat on the bench that was against the railing of the ship. Crossing her arms, she glared at him as she leaned back, eyes on the crashing waves below. It’s rather calming, especially when compared to the harsh environment they’d been living in while moving through the war torn Earth Kingdom territory. She’d gotten used to falling asleep to the rocking of the boat during their years of travel. Maybe that’s why Y/N’s eyes begin to flutter shut as the boat begins to move once more.

There’s a dragon. Why is there a dragon?

The sight of the beast serves as a reminder of the tattoo she’d seen in her previous ‘dream’ though Y/N can’t help but wonder if they were a little more than that as she stares at the dragon. It looks exactly like the one she’d seen Aang riding not too long ago.

This was a dream, great.

Rolling up her sleeve, the tattoo is there, the black and white dragons snaking up her arm, parallel to each other. Y/N finds herself returning her gaze to the real dragon, which probably should’ve shocked her more, except there was a reason she was a talented Firebender.

Whenever a Firebender sought out to earn the title of Dragon, they needed a witness, someone who saw the defeat of the Dragon and could serve as proof of the event. The Dragon of the West, otherwise known as Iroh, had selected the young and impressionable, Y/N L/N, viewing it as a learning experience for the young girl. Y/N thought she was going to see the end of the species, not it’s salvation, and perhaps that’s why she was the way she was.

Nothing could compare to what she’d seen in that fire, alongside Iroh.

The dragon before her looks angry nonetheless, almost annoyed at her presence as though it wasn’t the weird thing about this whole dream, a translucent blue color, like this was completely normal.

Y/N ends up glaring at the dragon as she asks, “what do you need?” And as though it can sense her own annoyance, the dragon releases a low growl in response, letting out a huff of flames onto Y/N that almost has her screaming in fear as she squeezes her eyes shut in preparation for death. Could you die in a dream? Y/N didn’t really want to know seeing as normal dreams didn’t involve historical events like her last one did.

She opens her eyes to see the flames dissolving around her, but she’s in an entirely new area. If Y/N is honest, it looks similar to the palace she grew up in. Fancy pillars line the room, along with a few murals on the walls.

This must’ve been what the dragon had flown Aang to when they were... spirits? Y/N didn’t know, nor did she understand much as she carefully moved around in the room, in the middle of it lied a statue of Avatar Roku, she recognized him from history books. The Fire Nation’s greatest enemy, that had once been its pride and joy.

The dragon still stood in the room, behind her now, staring almost judgmentally at her, Y/N turns to it nonetheless, “this is what you showed Aang.” A huff in what she hoped was agreement, “I need to be here too.” She deduced, staring the the doors that lied behind the dragon.

It seemed satisfied with this deduction, and Y/N decided to continue, “mind explaining the tattoo?” She gestures to her arm.

In response, the dragon allowed more fire to escape its mouth, causing Y/N to bring her arms up to shield her face as she yelped in surprise when she became engulfed in flames.

Y/N flinches in her seat, head whipping back and forth as she scans the area, just to realize they made it to the island. “Oh good, you’re awake.”

Stupid dragon.

Y/N nods slowly, hand gripping her arm, which burns, and she’s unsure if that’s because she literally got burnt in the dream, or because of the tattoo. Y/N can’t help but let out a shaky breath as she blinks a few times, eyes adjusting to the light as she sits up, “yeah.” She mumbles, pulling up the sleeve of her Fire Nation clothing just to find her blank arm. No tattoos, just how she’d left it. She can feel Zuko’s eyes rest on her as she does, likely in confusion.

Regardless, this is good. There’s no tattoo. Sure, Zuko probably thinks she’s insane, but who cared what he thought?

“I don’t understand how you feel asleep.” The boy in question grumbles, “have you not been sleeping?” It’s his own way of showing he cares, an insult followed by a question about her wellbeing, Y/N is used to it at this point, but this time around she can’t help but feel sad, knowing he formed this habit because of his childhood. Things had been different once. He’d been different once.

As Zuko helps her out of the boat, taking her hand to help her step down and off of it, Y/N replies, “not really.”

His brows furrow at this, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Y/N is opening her mouth to respond only for an explosion to sound within the temple, tearing his attention away from her.

What a nice reminder that she wasn’t the priority. Again.

Maybe it was stupid for her to want to be his priority in the first place, because he was definitely her priority. She’d left the life, the luxury, everything she’d built in the Fire Nation after having her life torn down, just to rebuild everything again at sea, for him. And he didn’t even have to ask her to, he didn’t have to ask her to have that horrid conversation with his father that she hoped he never found out about, and he didn’t have to ask her to just be there.

Then again, it had been drilled into her mind to protect and serve Zuko since she was a child. Maybe none of this was real, maybe Y/N didn’t actually care about Zuko, maybe it was just another one of the things she’d been brainwashed to believe by the Fire Nation. Maybe the days they’d spent together as children, the nights they’d spent now, the time at sea, maybe it meant nothing.

No, this was different. This was different and Y/N knew it, she just didn’t want to admit it. This was another thing on her list of problems now.

Y/N brushed these thoughts away as they mind their way through the temple, she didn’t have time for this, the horrifying dragon had given her a task and she was going to see it through. She needed to get into the room, and if Y/N had learnt anything, it was that wherever Aang was, that was probably where she had to be as well.

As they enter the room the explosion had come from, Zuko spares her a glance, bringing his hand to his lips as he nods to her. Aang is hidden behind a pillar as the Fire Sages set the door alight, causing it to slowly move upon, the gears within working for what was likely the first time in a century. It’s then that the rest of his friends strike, restraining the Fire Sages, one of them even betraying his colleagues as they call out for the Avatar, “Aang! Now!”

But Zuko’s already captured the boy, ensuring he can’t head into the now open doors and providing the distraction that was vital to the escape of the other Fire Sages, he called out, “shut the doors!”

Y/N has about half a dozen thoughts in her head as she wonders how she’ll get into the room if they close the doors, because as much as she hates the whole Dualbending— Tribending thing, she needs answers. Which is why she’s thankful when Aang manages to escape Zuko’s grasp without her aid, though Y/N’s feet seem to move on their own as she chases after him.

The bright light is almost blinding, but she can hear the doors shut behind her as she lands rather painfully on her side, pushing up on her arm to see Aang staring at her in shock. This quickly morphs into a smile, “hey, Y/N!” His brows furrow as he tilts his head at her, “what are you doing in here?”

Moving to her feet, Y/N grimaces as she dusts off her pants, “I was threatened by a dragon.” Aang’s face becomes one of shock, but before he can respond, something akin to thunder sounds through the room, light shining onto the stone on the statue of Roku. “What the-”

A fog starts pouring out of the statue’s mouth, swirling around the pair that lock eyes once more before Y/N finds herself atop a mountain, falling onto the ground and groaning in pain. Y/N brings a hand to her face to shield it from the bright light that is the sun? Or maybe its a fake sun seeing as this can’t possibly be real, not that it matters as she places her hand in the grass to push herself upwards, just to meet the eyes of the infamous Avatar Kyoshi.

Oh god.

“So you’re the mistake.” She mused, scanning Y/N’s figure. She had read about Avatar Kyoshi, and from what she had gathered, she had by far been one of the most powerful Avatars to ever exist. And one of the most violent.

Pushing away these thoughts to try and calm herself, Y/N simply frowned at the Avatar’s words as she moved to stand, the strikingly tall woman was already intimidating, her tone and history was not helping. “You could’ve been nicer about it... but yeah.” Y/N agreed, recalling her conversation with Iroh. She was just nature’s lovely mistake.

“Interesting.”

Y/N grimaces, steadying herself as she speaks, “there are probably lots of other... mistakes, so why am I here?” Iroh had spoken of the likelihood that there were others around the world, and Y/N herself had heard the rumors of Dualbenders across the globe in their search for the Avatar. She wasn’t special—well, she was definitely special, but at the end of the day she wasn’t the Avatar.

Kyoshi narrows her eyes at Y/N’s words, scoffing, “don’t tell me you’re dumb.”

“You are just as nice as they said you were.” Y/N grumbles, bringing a hand to the back of her neck, “care to answer my question?”

Raising a brow, the woman’s glance turns to the sky, “you are the mistake.” Kyoshi replies, “the only mistake of this cycle. The others have all be fakes.” Y/N can practically feel the disgust in Kyoshi’s words, and she doesn’t know if its because people lied about being Dualbenders, or if its because they exist in the first place. Not that she wants to know.

But what she implies rings through Y/N’s head as she speaks, “I still don’t matter. There’s a perfectly good Avatar already.” If Y/N theoretically was another Avatar, what purpose could she serve? They had an Avatar, one that was far more moral than she ever was, one that was ‘hero’ material. Iroh had also suggested that if there was only one ‘mistake’ then they were likely powerful, which could explain the possibility of Y/N being another Avatar.

Inhaling deeply, Kyoshi’s eyes fall back on Y/N as she says, “I have a feeling that when push comes to shove.” Her hand form a fist, “he will fail to do what is necessary. You on the other hand...” She trails off, her hand unclenching as she continues, “your Fire Lord seeks world domination, and it is disrupting the balance. You were made because the boy’s disappearance worsened the unbalance.”

“He’s not my Fire Lord.” Y/N grumbles, running a hand through her hair, “so what do you want me to do?” She asks, cutting to the chase, there’s no point in hopping around the subject. She’d been summoned for a reason.

Kyoshi offers her a smile, though Y/N can tell its not a friendly one as she speaks, “I chose to speak with you because you have yet to Earthbend and still, you remind me most of myself.” She raises a hand to the sky, and it darkens into a red hue as she explains, “Ozai will use Sozin’s comet to carry out his goal unless he is stopped. And you are progressing far quicker than the newest Avatar.”

The comet that aided in the destruction of an entire race, Y/N was familiar. Firebenders became unbelievably powerful during its appearance, and it would serve as the perfect opportunity for an invasion.

Y/N would know, seeing as she suggested it. She recalled the conversation in the War Room vividly, during a discussion on how they could defeat the Earth Kingdom in a quick manner. It was the first time she had outshone General Zhao, but not the last.

“You’ll have no choice but to work together, you must learn Airbending from someone, and there are no other teachers around.” Y/N can practically feel the woman’s anger, and wonders if it truly belongs to her, if she understood the Avatar Cycle properly then they were all connected somehow.

Y/N really wished this was a dream. But, this wasn’t a dream, and the fog seemed to swirl around her once more was a reminder of this fact, “Aang is the Avatar. He can handle this alone, I’m not getting involved..”

There’s a knowing look on Kyoshi’s face, and as she fades away Y/N can hear her final words, “you don’t really mean that.”

And Y/N had a feeling that she was right. A feeling that she absolutely hated.

A/N: anyways i wanna cut like at least six inches of hair and get bangs oh no also KYOSHIIIIIIII THE BADDEST BEST AVATAR writing this made me happy

TAGLISTS[lmk if you want to be added or removed via askbox or reply]

ATLA: @bubblebars @jada-cleo @Art-flirt @the-deli-meat @wemissyou3000 @ajediherowitchrunner @1-800-schmacked @the-firebender-girl @bucky-blogs @shawkneecaps @astroninaaa

ZUKO: @outerxorbit @lil-lex1 @boxofteenageideas @izzieserra @eridanuswave @royahllty @bigbuckyenergy @celamoon @savemesteeb @coldlilheart @shephard17895 @ijustwannabecanadian @duh-dobrik @anime-simp @lammello @coldlilheart @curious-trickster

HOME: @toobsessedsstuff @x-a-delama-x @haylaansmi @a-hopeless-fan @danicalifxrnia @lolaywrites @pretty-marlene @swagdaddycam @zukosvice @youngoperatorflapgoop @onesmokinbabe @astralsaf @creation-magician @fangirlingbookworm1 @Thenoblenomad @ravngers @micharamp @reclusive-chicken-nugget @jj-maybanks-wife

#zuko x reader #prince zuko x reader #zuko x y/n #zuko x you #prince zuko x y/n #prince zuko x you #zuko atla x reader #atla zuko x reader #prince zuko atla x readder #atla prince zuko x reader #atla #avatar the last airbender #lok #legend of korra

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tacittherapist · 4 years

Text

Heartbeats quicken. The tremors return. Rose opens her laptop, glancing about to make sure she’s alone. Gods forbid anyone, especially Jade, see her revisit one of her lowest points. She craves it -- to know the bitter ennui of her past mistakes is a nectar that keeps her reality grounded and the fire under her lit. This particular memory is perhaps the worst mistake of her young life though, and to correct it would be to supp deep from the ichor of sweet relief. She pulls up the log...

tacitTherapist [TT] started trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

TT: So. GA: So TT: It’s come to this. GA: Indeed It Has TT: And you’re still not budging. GA: Consider My Position Entirely Unmoved TT: Entirely? That seems a bit harsh. GA: This Is A Harsh Reality TT: I imagined you’d have at least granted me the niceties and lied about how malleable your convictions are. GA: Rose GA: What Is There Left To Say GA: We Have A Crucial Difference In Opinion That Cannot Be Reconciled GA: We Have Iterated Our Arguments To Each Other For Days Without Relent GA: The Underlying Basis To This Disagreement Is Presupposed On The Notion That This Infernal Game Has Shown You The Right Course Of Action Without Any Other Supporting Evidence That It Isnt Simply Lying To You Once Again TT: They aren’t lies, they’re possibilities. GA: But Only One Of Them Will Happen To Us GA: The Rest Dont Matter GA: Thus They Are Lies And There Is Just One Truth TT: Couching your beliefs that way is what I disagree with. GA: Then You Arent Fucking Listening GA: Only One Of Those Timelines Will Be The One We Are In GA: So Forgive Me If I Buttress My Language In Solipsistic Idiom GA: Unless You Can Give Me More Than One Percent Assurance That We Will All Make It Through This By Jumping On This Fantastic Savior Satellite GA: I Cannot Support Your Idea And I Suggest You Let It Go TT: I can’t. GA: I Know GA: Thats Why Theres Nothing Left To Say TT: I disagree. I think there are a variety of things left to say. GA: Do They Relate To The Problem At Hand Or Are You Stalling TT: Irrelevant. The impetus of communication isn’t inherently problem-solving, it’s to convey meaning. GA: The Impetus Does Solve A Problem GA: You Want To Convey Meaning So The Solution Is Communication TT: Semantics. I’m saying there are other avenues of thought we must explore first. GA: Rose According To You We Are Running Out Of Time GA: Is This Truly How You Want To Spend Your Last Moments With Us GA: Bickering Pointlessly On Separate Computers To Avoid Devolving Into Another Shouting Competition Which Karkat Invariably Wins TT: Would you rather I pivot into sweet nothings about how I’ve so enjoyed our time together on this desolate rock? TT: Would you rather I spin the yarn of our tale aboard this distant laboratory, slowly starving as our grist cache dwindles? TT: Must I recount our feeding calendar in which we literally take turns stemming the hunger pangs until we all eventually succumb to malnutrition and sickness simultaneously? GA: No TT: Then this is how I’m spending my last moments. Quite presumptuous of you to assume I’ve made up my mind as well. For all you know, I could be swayed and end up staying here. GA: Given You Were Just Eviscerating My Position Mere Seconds Ago As To Why We Should Stay Here Im Sufficiently Certain You Wont TT: That’s another issue. Your certainty. The Light has shown me countless avenues to success. There are literally endless timelines in which we follow my advice and everyone meets up to finish the game. TT: And yet you’re somehow unwaveringly certain that none of them will occur? GA: Your Argument Swings Both Ways TT: I don’t appreciate the implicit reference to my confusing sexuality, but go on. GA: If There Are Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Following Your Idea Then There Are Also Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Not Following Your Idea GA: Its Two Infinities GA: The Question Lies In Which Infinity Is Bigger TT: That makes no sense, infinity is infinity. GA: Yes But Some Infinities Are Larger Or Smaller Than Others GA: Some Infinities Are Not Even Truly Infinity But We Consider Them Infinity For The Sake of Mathematics TT: How does that make even remote sense? GA: While You Were Studying The Majyyk I Was Reading The Calculus TT: I didn’t realize I was speaking to Jade’s pupil. GA: You Arent GA: If I Were Jades Pupil Wed Have Met Up By Now And We Wouldnt Be Having This Inane Conversation TT: But you can become her pupil! If you just come with me. Trust me, Kanaya. Please. GA: I Trust You Rose GA: But I Cannot Go With You GA: Look GA: The Prophecy Satellite Is On The Horizon GA: You Have Not Much Time TT: Technically I have all the time I need. GA: Dave Has Sworn Off His Powers And You Know This TT: He can be convinced. GA: If Your Powers Of Persuasion On Him Are Anything Like They Are On Me I Highly Doubt That TT: Fuck you. GA: Rose

A pregnant pause passes as Rose looks over on the horizon. The satellite is indeed coming into view.

TT: I’m sorry, Kanaya. TT: I love you. GA: I Love You Too Rose GA: But This Is Goodbye TT: It doesn’t have to be. GA: What GA: Didnt We Just Go Over That Im Not Coming With You And That You Arent Staying Here TT: Yes. But if you don’t say goodbye, it means we’ll meet again. GA: Rose This Is Childish TT: If you don’t say goodbye, it isn’t the end. GA: This Is The End Rose TT: It isn’t the end. I’ll see you again. I’ll find John and Jade by myself and we’ll come get you. GA: How GA: How Long Will It Take To Find Them GA: And How Will You Find Us If You Ever Do GA: This Laboratory Is Bound To Continue Drifting Even After You Depart GA: We Wont Stay Frozen In Place Once You Leave GA: This Isnt Like One Of Those Trashy Rainbowdrinker Books You Devoured GA: This Is Real Rose GA: You Must Face This Truth TT: We are the shapers of our world. GA: Not This Again TT: We determine our own fate. GA: Rose This Is A Quote From Another Novel Please Dont Do This TT: We mold the physical to our whims and thrust it forward through our own designs. We shape destiny. We reject that which displeases us and create our own reality. TT: Can you really not indulge me? As this one last act of kindness? GA: I Will Allow You One Kindness But It Will Not Be This TT: Fine. As my last act of kindness from you, I want... GA: It Cannot Be Something Ridiculous TT: I want you to forget me. GA: What The Fuck Did I Just Say TT: Hear me out. TT: If truly everything we’ve been through thus far has meant so little that you can’t put your faith in my decision, I want you to forget it. TT: It will be as if it never happened. I was merely a phantom in this session, and should I somehow return (against your predictions), I will get to vindictively rub it in your face. TT: But if you’re right, and I never return, the pain for you is lessened. You were never in a relationship with me, so there’s nothing to mourn. I never existed. Things were simply bad, and my nagging insistence to redirect our course was never there. TT: I want you to forget me. GA: Rose You Know I Cant Do That TT: Not even for me? As your last kindness? GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Invalidate The Memories You Ensured We Would Create GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Devalue Everything You Have Done For Us GA: And I Still Cherish Those Memories Even If They Led To Something Painful TT: It will only cause you more pain if you hold onto them. I don’t want you to suffer. GA: I Want To Suffer These Memories GA: They Offer Me Some Reassurance TT: But not enough to convince you to join me. GA: No

Rose stops typing, a nerve in her snapping. Her face goes beet-red, despair swelling into wrath. She sets her claws to the keyboard once more.

TT: Then if not by your grace, I’ll make you forget through spite. GA: What TT: I want to be forgotten. I want my existence to be erased from this failure of a timeline. I never loved you. You meant nothing to me. GA: Rose TT: My departure will be a curse upon you unless you forget. Whether by magic or by will, you must forget me. All those memories I made with you meant nothing. I did those things only to ensure my own survival. Your presence was happenstance at best. TT: Now that I’m heading out on my own, our destinies are uncoupled. Whatever happens to you is beneath me. I am taking the path to victory, and you can all squander the rest of your miserable lives here. TT: I won’t come back for you. I gave you all the chances I had. This is your fault. GA: Rose Please Dont Do This TT: You won’t see me again. I’m getting on that satellite and I’m not looking back. Even if I am to die, alone on a satellite, it will be a Heroic death as the only one with any sense not to continue a cursed existence on this fucking rock. TT: I will live with only a spectre of guilt that I didn’t forcibly coerce you onto the satellite with me, chastising myself for respecting your wishes and letting you choose your own demise. TT: That is all. Goodbye.

tacitTherapist [TT] stopped trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

True to her word, Rose closed her laptop and walked briskly to the edge of the floating laboratory to wait for the satellite to pass by. Sheer anger coursed through her veins, hoping that would mask her true intent. She had never displayed that kind of fury before, let alone to Kanaya. If she played her cards right, Kanaya might still join her, moved by the pure strength of her conviction. But there was no hesitant hand on her shoulder, begging her to stay or to join her. There was no last-second plea, no ‘Rose Wait’, and not even a footstep in her general direction as she waited.

Resigned, she boarded the satellite, breaking her word and casting a desperate glance back as the satellite continued its course away. Through the tiny window, she could see Kanaya simply looking down at her grubtop, her face stained jade. Regret swelled, and for just a second, she could feel herself begin to open the hatch and jump back towards the meteor. But the second passed, and soon she was out of range to give even a cursory wave goodbye.

The same tears begin to stream down her face as she closes the pesterlog and wraps her sheets tighter around her shoulders. She can’t keep putting off her meeting with Cetus forever... but she still doesn’t know how she’ll reckon with the shadow of her failed ploy.

#pesterlogs #long post #((by god this was brutal to write))

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 5 years

Text

oh? Typhon?

hell yeah

Here’s some transcripts and speculation

i want you guys to imagine these with a very thick new york accent.

Recording 4: “I remember the day I arrived on Promethea. Those buildings looked so majestic! I was so busy sky-gazing that a thief stole the pants right off my keister! Promethea’s no Pandora, but a city is still plenty dangerous! I knew this was the sorta place I would either find my destiny or die in a gutter! And thanks to my partner slash nemesis, Azlan DeVega, Promethea was almost both!”

Recording 5: “I thought a city like Promethea would be crammed full of opportunity. But, actually, it was a tinderbox of violence and greed. Corporations were pulling out, calling the joint a dead end. People were starving! Eating stone soup and boiled rats to get by. But, somehow, I survived. It was a real wrong place at the right time type of situation. You know, sometimes the trick to being successful is just staying in the game longer than the other guy.”

Recording 3: “Azlan DeVega: my partner slash nemesis. He talked a big game, but there was a reason why he was down on his luck. He was lazy! But I was hungry to prove myself. Then, one time, we were wandering through the Quazmarian Quarry and I fell through some brittle rock! Azlan calls down: “Nice knowing ya, Deleon!”, grabs my stuff, and splits! Well, I had to find another way up. And, bam! That’s when I found the Vault! I guess the moral is: sometimes you gotta fall before you make it big.”

Recording 1: “I saw the key just sitting there in front of the Vault. Good thing I didn’t open it! I gave the Vault Key to Atlas, got a butt-load of cash and the rest is history! Anyway, as soon as I made my money, who shows up at my door but Azlan DeVega? Sayin’ that I owe him half of the cut! Baloney! I was on my own, and after that, whenever someone wanted to find Eridian ruins, they called me! Typhon Deleon! The first Vault Hunter!”

Recording 2: “So I found that Vault! Atlas was lagging behind those other guys! They almost got wiped out during the corporate wars and were looking to rise from the ashes, like the, uh, what’s it called? The fire bird. Anyway, the Atlas CEO was getting desperate just throwing explorer(s?) at ruins. Now, I never thought growing up on Pandora would do me a lick of good, but I spent my childhood hunting Eridian ruins and that gave me the edge! How about that; Pandora is good for something!”

(I got REALLY distracted while writing this and started analyzing all the Sanctuary 3 footage we got lmao so expect a post on that soon)

So to start, I find it really interesting that Promethea already had a city on it before Typhon arrived. I had assumed the city popped up because Atlas got rich from the discovery of Eridian ruins on Promethea, but that doesn’t seem to be the case! It looks as though a bunch of different corporations all had their hands in the city, but pulled out once the going got tough.

Wild.

Ah, Azlan DeVega.

Azlan apparently means “Lion” and DeVega means “of Meadow”. This is kinda important for 2 reasons.

1. A very important lion in greek mythology is the Nemean lion, which had golden fur that was impervious to physical attacks and was the child of Typhon.

2. “of Meadow” didn’t really turn up anything of note within Greek Mythology directly, however! it did return the Epimelides, goddesses of meadows, which translates to “Protector of Sheep”. Sheep and Lions in general are usually associated with Peace, which I thought was a pretty neat connection. I wonder if Typhon is lying...

3. There’s also this neat bit of mythology here: “When a lion attacked her father's sheep, Cyrene wrestled with the lion” and “when Eurypylus was still ruling Libya, a monstrous lion was created, which was a great terror to the citizens. So Apollo sent Cyrene to kill the beast. After she succeeded, she was made the ruler of the city Cyrene”. I don’t know if this has anything to do with this story tbh but Cyrene is suspiciously similar to Tyreen lmao. Her name even means “Sovereign Queen”... Supreme queen... god queen...... I wouldn’t be shocked if Tyreen goes after Azlan DeVega and/or his descendants

So we’re 100% definitely visiting Quzmarian Quarry, right? This is somewhere on Promethea, so we’ve got a few options. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where the abandoned research base is.

I say that mostly because it looks as though there’s a door in the floor here. It’d make sense if Typhon fell somewhere and found the Vault there, that Atlas would rush on top of that and ensure nobody else was getting in.

Also, this confuses me, because in TFTBL, its mentioned that Gortys was “Atlas’s last ditch effort at opening a Vault”, but they had the opportunity here! What gives?! I imagine there was resistance, but it sounds like Typhon escaped with the Vault Key just fine, which is weird to me. I suppose if we’re considering opening the Vault being the be-all end-all then Atlas had opened a Vault on Pandora, too. It’s just that they never killed the Destroyer... since, well, y’all know what happened to Steele. And if we’re not considering the Destroyer’s Vault to be a tally in favor of Atlas, then perhaps something attacked those who 'opened’ the Vault and they could never actually access the things inside. It’s likely then, that their technological advances were due to basic Eridian treasure troves, like the one in Captain Scarelett’s DLC (y’know, just, without the Leviathan).

Furthermore, we can be certain there are at maximum 3 Vault Keys at play in BL3, and minimum there’s only 1.

The one used to open the Vault on Promethea.

The ‘Vault Map’ we see in the Holy Broadcasting Center.

And the Vault Key Lilith had in Sanctuary.

Personally, I was of the theory that the Vault Key we see in the HBC is the same Vault Key from Sanctuary. It’s literally described as a map of Vaults on other worlds, which is what Lilith discovers at the end of BL2 and obviously something happened to Sanctuary before the events of BL3. Of course, its possible this is also the Vault Key used to open the Vault on Promethea, which could mean there’s only one Vault Key (weird considering it takes 200 years to naturally charge, but considering there are Sirens about that can charge the Vault Key forcibly using Eridium, not too weird. Let’s not think about the fact that Eridium only started appearing after the opening of the first Vault for now cuz im super tired lol)

“Sometimes you gotta fall before you make it big”.

100% this is foreshadowing for the game’s story somehow and you can’t convince me otherwise.

“Whenever someone wanted to find Eridian ruins, they called me!”

I find it kinda interesting that Tannis never mentions Typhon in BL1 in any of her ECHO logs detailing her time spend on Pandora trying to find ‘evidence of alien life’, however if this is due to DAHL not wanting to use an Atlas schmuck’s info or because the writers created his character for BL3, I’m not certain. Let’s pretend it’s the first one and move on because it really bugs me that Tannis is forced to look for evidence of alien activity on Pandora when apparently Typhon grew up there and “spent [his] childhood hunting Eridian ruins”.

A reference to the “fire bird”. I know, I know, its a reference to a phoenix, but honestly? how fuckin’ cool would it be if this was actually a reference to the ‘Firehawk’? the mass murdering bounty hunter like the Lilith Firehawk? like if the Firehawk was actually a mythological thing in the borderlands universe. I mean, there’s a pistol called Firehawk in BL1 (y’know, before Lilith starts her cult), so I wouldn’t put it past them to pull that shit. It would kinda make sense for the bandits (who are usually DAHL workers in the first place) to start worshiping the Firehawk as a god if there was a precedent for it already. Even better if it was a dude god, which, outside of Jack not knowing Lilith was alive, could explain her usage of the voice changer.

As for my shitpost? Because you all knew it was coming....

Tannis, Tyreen, and Troy are all descendants of Typhon Deleon in one way or another.

Look at that poster. You tell me it doesn’t look like he’s wearing that giant-ass feather collar Troy’s got going on.

All their names start with T (oh, such compelling evidence I have here, I know!)

Tannis and Typhon both have yellow goggles

Typhon is basically known as the father of all monsters lmao and he worked with Atlas and baby you KNOW im in love with the Atlas and the Calypsos theory. maybe perhapeth they used Typhon’s dna or his cryo-frozen body to create the twins and thats why they believe the vaults are their birthright, hmmmm?

but hey maybe that’s just because he helped lead to the opening of the first Vault which, y’know, lead to the opening of all the other Vaults. all of which house Vault Monsters

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #bl3 #typhon deleon #typhon

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

ask your destiny to dance [16] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“I can’t speak to her.” Roger’s got his head on a bar in a pub that’s not Ash’s.

“Can I go back to pretending I don’t know what was going on?” Brian asks, taking a long sip of his drink and gazing out at the crowd. It’s been over a week since Ash had stayed over, and they hadn’t seen her since. It’s not like she’d even asked about him, or made a move to contact him; sometimes they go a full fortnight before seeing one another, but Roger’s been fretting for almost eight days internally, and for the past twenty minutes externally, since he’d finished his first drink.

“She said she loves me.” Roger groaned, lifting his head to weakly order another pint.

“From what you’ve told me, she wasn’t even fully conscious; it’s not like it counts.” Brian had never seen Roger downright distressed like this, it would be funny if it wasn’t bordering on annoying.

“No, that means she was extra honest,” Roger groaned, downing half his beer in on go, to which Brian could only roll his eyes.

“Or she was still asleep and thought you were Jack Nicholson.” After a beat, Brian goes back to watching Roger brood over his glass. “Boo hoo, Rog,” he shoved the blonde lightly, to which Roger just leveled a glare at him, “a girl you’ve been seeing for months maybe has feelings for you. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”

“It’s only been since I broke up with Kristin,” he’s adamant about that and Brian lets him have it, for now. In retrospect, he feels like an idiot for not seeing it sooner; Brian’s not sure when it started, but it’s definitely a lot longer than Roger’s willing to admit. “And it doesn’t mean nothing, but it also... it’s never meant something. Like it’s something but it’s not something. It’s just fucking around and having fun.” And Roger swivels on the bar stool, joining Brian in looking out over the crowd, before they spot Freddie crashing through the door, making a beeline for them once he’d spotted them.

“Alright, what did I miss?” Freddie asked, though the other two were quiet as he ordered a beer. Before either could get a word in edgewise, Freddie props his chin on his hand on the bar, and announces; “Roger you look like shit, what’s wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s in love with Ash, and he thinks she’s in love with him.” Brian says blithely, and Freddie nods with understanding as Roger tells them to both sod off, and he stalks through to join the crowd on the dance floor. “She said she loved him in her sleep.” Brian explains, taking the chair Roger just freed, sliding into place beside Freddie.

“I’ve never seen him this worked up about someone before.” Freddie admitted, and Brian nodded in agreement, the two of them barely able to see his blonde hair for the crowd, and they lost sight of him soon enough.

“What do you think? Has Ash said anything?” Brian’s gaze slides to Freddie’s who just rolls his eyes.

“I think my dear Ash has never in her life loved a man who’s deserved it,” Freddie mused, though his lips twisted into a smirk, “that’s not to say she’s a saint, far from it, but compared to the others, Roger is a breath of fresh air.”

“Isn’t that a sad thought.” Brian said faintly, before heaving a sigh. “Well, I know we haven’t been here long,” he got to his feet, finishing off his drink and looking around for his housemate, “but if I don’t drag him home he’s going to do something stupid in his current state.”

“Like that pretty, brunette thing over there?” Freddie asks, pointing to where Roger’s already got his lips on a wavy-haired brunette at the side of the room. Freddie’s pretty sure he sees Brian’s soul leave his body for a moment, and watches everything play out like a terrible Shakespearean comedy for which he was the only audience member.

“He’s a danger to himself.” Brian takes Freddie’s drink from his hands and takes a long gulp before passing it back, though Freddie doesn’t seem likely to complain.

“He seems rather fine,” Freddie watches Roger go in for a hickey on the girl with a morbid, voyeuristic interest, taking another sip of his drink, “and you know he and Ash aren’t technically exclusive.”

“Yeah but there’s three options here; Ash finds out and gets pissed and I have to hear about it because apparently now that I know I’m all in on this disaster,” Brian lists on his fingers with a theatricality Freddie had rarely seen from him before, though he’d rarely seen Brian this exasperated before, so perhaps it was merely that, “two, Ash isn’t pissed, sleeps with someone else, and Roger gets pissed because he’s in love with her-”

“Which is unfair, what a tremendous double standard.”

“Yes, we all know Roger’s a hypocrite.” Brian sighed, casting a glance over his shoulder at Roger, before turning back to Freddie.

“And three?” The other man prompted, and Brian picked up his empty pint glass.

“I kill him with this glass because I’m sick of his sulking.” He says bluntly, and Freddie’s all for the third option, but he begrudgingly helps pull Roger away, to which the drummer complains the whole time.

“Where are we going?” Roger demands to know when they head in the opposite direction of his apartment, a sentiment that Brian mirrors, though he doesn’t seem inclined to question Freddie’s direction outright. Freddie always had a plan. The man in question wrapped an arm around Roger’s shoulders.

“You’re going to confront your problems, Rog.” He sounds so decisive, as if it wasn’t a plan he’d come up with as they were leaving the bar, and Roger tries to scramble his way out of it, but Brian’s fed up enough with Roger’s complete inability to do anything but run from his problems that he’s willing to take Roger’s arm in an almost iron grip.

“It’ll do both of us a world of good.” Brian tells him as Roger glowers at his housemate.

“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me; what’s good for me was that girl at the bar, she smelled nice and was about three minutes away from banging me in that bathroom.” Roger snarled, wrenching himself out of their grips, though he didn’t run this time, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked with them.

“Rog, we’re not gonna let you ruin a good-” But Brian’s gentle sigh was cut off by more of the blonde blustering.

“That’s so presumptuous!” He stopped in his tracks, scowling between both of his band-mates. “You’re both wankers, selfish fucking wankers. This is kidnapping.” He snaps.

“Fine; if you want to leave, we’re not stopping you.” Freddie offers, gesturing freely at the path behind them. “We’re just trying to help.”

Roger stomped the entire walk to Ash’s apartment.

“What the fuck, guys.” She opens the door with her hair in a messy bun, wearing a pair of sweat pants and a ratty, oversized Beatles shirt. “How did you get in?”

“Your RA let us in; sorry for the interruption, just had to deliver this idiot.” Brian gave Roger’s shoulder a nudge. Roger is looking at anything but Ash. His latest drink had hit him about the same time as he got to her block, and now that he can smell the vanilla candle she likes to burn in her room just beyond her, he just wants to curl up and go to sleep under her duvet. Or fuck her. He’s not quite sure.

“Can I return to sender?” She asks without hesitation, and Roger rolls his eyes. Freddie shoves him forward.

“No.”

Ash doesn’t move, just frowns as Roger stumbles into her space, and she’s automatically got a hand on his chest to steady him. Roger doesn’t seem like he’s there completely of his own free will, but he doesn’t move away from her, even as both Brian and Freddie leave, muttering something about him being ‘her problem now’.

“Care to explain?” She asked, gently walking him backwards and closing her door behind herself. The two of them make their way to the common area, and Roger sits up on the kitchen counter as Ash pours him a glass of water.

“Not really.” He said, sipping the water loudly and swinging his legs so his heels kick the cupboards below. Ash looks like the very sight of him exhausts her, but she rests her hands on her thighs, pressing herself against his legs to still them. “We can fuck whoever we want, Ash.” He says, seriously, and he sees the exact moment she realised the reason for his forced meeting, and he watched her expression fall.

“Yeah of course.” She agrees, crestfallen expression turning quickly to faux apathy. “Did you have fun?” But her heart wasn’t in it.

“They pulled me away, brought me here before anything really happened.” He huffed, taking another long sip. Ash stepped away, yawning loudly and sinking into a chair at the dining table. After a beat, Roger hums thoughtfully. “Ash, what do I mean to you?” And it’s so nonchalant it actually hurts Ash a little.

“I think that’s a really shitty thing to ask right now.” Her answer is automatic, she can’t look at him. “And I think you’re drunk.”

“Ash...” It does register in his mind that he’s said the wrong thing, and it breaks his heart to see her too tired to repress her emotions like she usually would in this situation. Perhaps she assumes he won’t even remember this tomorrow. “Ash, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Yeah, I know.” She says softly. “You’re always sorry, and I’m always sorry, and there’s always someone else that feels like a mistake, even though we don’t technically need to apologise.” Shaking her head, she sighs deeply. “This isn’t the time for this conversation.” She admits, and standing, she takes his hand. “Come to bed, Rog.”

When they’re back in her room, she pulls off her sweat pants and offers them to him without even thinking about it, and he’s quiet, forlorn when he takes them, changing into the borrowed pyjamas. Ash is already tucked into bed when he turns back, back to him, pressed as close to the wall as she can get with her head pillowed on her hand, not even attempting to co-opt some of the pillow for herself. There’s sewing equipment out, obviously still in use in the corner of her room, a blouse half sewn and still in the machine where it was left when it’s creation had been interrupted by a knock at the door.

When he slides into bed beside her, reaches out to rest a hand on her shoulder - an apology? a reassurance? just a need for human contact? - she shrugs him off, murmurs a quiet ‘don’t’.

“I panicked.” They’re back to back, and the bedside lamp has been turned off. Roger isn’t even sure if Ash is still awake. He speaks into the silence, made honest by the hour and his inebriation. “You told me you loved me and I panicked.”

“Roger... I never said that.” Ash’s voice was confused in the darkness, and Roger feels like his whole world has fallen out from under him. He’s spent over a week considering whether or not she’d remember; if it had been real, whether she’d really meant it, but he’s never quite sure which answer would hurt more.

“You... were mostly asleep.” He admits, and he can feel the way Ash sighs heavily, the shift of her back against his as she tries not to hear it.

“Wow, imagine what kinky shit you and the girl from the bar would have gotten up to if I’d meant it.” She just sounds tired, as though she was trying to end the conversation, as though she hadn’t just shattered Roger’s heart. After a beat, she laughed humorlessly. “What are we doing, Roger?”

“I think Brian’s right.” And his words are enough to startle a weak laugh from Ash. “I want this to be about more than sex, I think.”

“You’re drunk and panicking; don’t worry, I’ll still work with the band if this goes south.” Ash says. Roger won’t take that, can’t let himself fall into the trap of panicking like he’d already fallen into that night. Turning, Roger presses his lips to the back of her neck, and Ash doesn’t like to think about how good it makes her feel.

“I’m sorry-” He tries, but she cuts him off.

“I heard you the first time.” Voice terse, she crosses her arms awkwardly over her chest. “Roger the idea of being with you fucking terrifies me.” She admits, raw and honest, glad he can’t see how conflicted she was. “You were so worried that I was in love with you that you almost slept with someone else, and for what? Were you worried you were losing control of your life? Didn’t want to be tied down?” Roger’s got an arm on her shoulder, rubbing comfortingly as she speaks, and he can feel her shaking.

“I know I’m not a saint, okay, love?” Roger admits, and Ash takes a long moment to consider his words, leaning back a little into his touch, before answering.

“Neither of us are, Roger, and that’s why what we have is so good right now.” Her voice has softened, and Roger stays quiet. “We can talk about it tomorrow.” She says gently, before reaching to link her fingers with his where he’s got his hand on her shoulder. She pulls him closer, and Roger makes a low hum, pressing a quick kiss to her shoulder.

When the morning comes, things are quiet and golden. Neither one knows what to say to the other, but Ash still gets him a cup of tea in the morning, and when he sees the cup with the little cat face on it, Roger feels something tighten in his chest.

“Let’s try this, please.” He asks, expression sincere when he looks at where Ash is tucking herself back into bed, pressing herself against his side. The look she gives him is confused, and then it blooms into something hopeful. “I’m not fucking around here, I mean it.”

When she kisses him, her hand is warm where it had been holding her teacup, and she’s smiling against her lips. There’s a tension in her shoulders, and he can’t stop playing her words back over again in his head, ‘the idea of being with you fucking terrifies me’ and it’s clear that feeling hasn’t vanished over night.

But she’s willing to try.

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