#which sucks but thats just how i feel rn

[jrueships]

stefs ass is SO fat..... HOW isn't there more fanfiction of diggs/allen. im gonna thr*w up

#sometimes i think abt how much more loved my favs would be by others if they were basic white twinks and i wanna claw the wall #sauce would be a tumblr sexyman rn #diggs/allen would get more love if 1. allen was skinnier 2. diggs was the top 3. diggs was the bttm but he was white #sorry aometimes it's like. frustrating to see even in the simple media #shit is cruel #and i feel like i keep just encouraging more fans for the underrated #and rarely ever make stuff for it myself bcs i keep trying to hold out some hope that things can change #without me #bcs im terrified of starting things off on the wrong start but since it's the start no one notices and it just goes downhill from there #but it's like i think i have to which sucks so so bad #bcs i KNOW theres people who can do so much better than me for it but it just #idk sometimes i hate caring abt stuff no one else does sometimes like it's just so tiring #maybe i just need to leave or give up or smthin like im the outsider and thats just how it's gonna be #im always gonna be attracted to the stray and i cant ever stay it's so tiring it's so tiring #anyways this was supposed to be funny bcs it's me being all harrumph abt little ship fic lol #i need to watch fat albert again i love fat albert

[temeraire]

i need something niceys im having such a bummer time rn

#bummer tags incoming -> sorry for getting my gross sad all over you if you read them #my mums pretty sick with two things rn and my dad is.. my dad. my grandmas in hospital again and her memory is getting confused #im lonely and i have like one friend irl and i just want a hug and im so conscious of how naive and childish all my problems are #and then some people in online games are mean to me and its just the little thing that tips me over the edge and makes me cry a bit #so i feel really stupid even More now bc thats such a . babyish thing to do :( im so embarrassed by how easy it is to hurt my feelings #or make me upset or angry or sad when i should get over it. i should have thicker skin but i dont im just Really Bummed Out Right Now Pals #monologues #i always seem to nosedive my mental health around this time which. (a) sucks bc october is when my birthday is so thats a BAD present #and (b) seasonal depression is meant to happen when youre going into WINTER not when when you go into SUMMER. why this happen 2 me :( #im just a little guy :(

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

[monsterbisexual]

things have been scary n hard n a lot but i do feel good sometimes..theres good things too they might not seem like big things or as meaningful but it still matters n makes a difference! things might get scarier n harder etc overall n probs will at least sometimes.. even when it feels like things shld be easy theyre usually not but im trying ! n thats smth i suppose

#p #work was so bad today had to socialize w family which went ok but not ideal situation for me after #might see a friend tomorrow n walk my dog n thats makin me anxious for a few reasons but mostly cuz idk how to talk to my friends anymore #for reasons that arent even only just me being a freak #the next day im having cavities fixed n itll take hrs #i rly to set up a dr appointment n its been ages cuz even for a normal appointment its v stressful n scary n bad for me #for a variety of reasons but i also just fuckin hate it #n this is cuz i think there coulddd be smth more serious goin on that ive been trying to ignore n avoid bringing up #cuz what if it is actually smth #n i cant even go on abt that rn (tired) but ive been..thinkin abt it #aaaand i need to try n get an appointment w a psychiatrist so i can maybe get back on meds again cuz i think itd be a good idea #like i think on em i didnt think they made a big difference but i feel like im way worse now off em so #n i hope i dont have to go thru the regular dr abt that cuz i got my refills thru them but i guess ill be seein her anyway n overwhelmed!!! #oh n the friend thing is scary cuz my lil group is all broken up now n i feel like im choosing sides when i hang out w some of em now #which sucks so thats the main thing abt that. ok enough bye <3 #idk what the original post not the tags even meant im tryin to be . positive! or smth jeez :/ #dlt ltr !

[onocleqs]

can't fucking believe vent is still down. where else am i gonna yell about being ill

#anyway it is Day Two and. i feel better in some ways but worse in others #had the worlds most disrupted night of sleep and now i'm coughing a lot more than yesterday and it sucks #but my throat feels less sore for sure. feels like my body is fighting this thing off super hard 💪💪💪💪 shame about the full body aching #and overall lack of energy. ooouugghhh and the lost voice of course. but this always fucking happens #i'm gonna have to pass on games night tonight if i'm still coughing a lot and/or still missing my voice #but aaaauugghhh the love of my friends will surely heal me like nothing else. unless they make me laugh and send me into a coughing fit #rambling #my god yeah thats one of the worst parts of being ill. cant watch anything that makes me laugh. im fucking dying of boredom here #sure there's other stuff to watch but no funnies and no video games when that's all i want rn. havent watched any more flapjack in DAYS #it's nowhere near as bad as covid so this is entirely unnecessary but i am once again getting thr urge to document my symptoms #with a god damn spreadsheet. but it's not as complex at all so eh. #i can't say too much about how much better i'm feeling just yet tbh bc i'm still back in bed hfkdhgkdh i can walk sure #but i need to go downstairs and make breakfast soon which is the REAL first hurdle #also the question of am i ready for toast again or do i need to stick to porridge just to be safe #not gonna lie. i didn't love the noodles i had yesterday so i'm wondering if i'll have the appetite for something else #i want a sandwich so fucking bad but i don't want to eat dry bread at the same time. aaauuggghhh #my sibling offered me a hot chocolate last night and i had to turn that down bc chocolate plus cold for me is a big no #but aaauugghhh a nice warm drink probably would’ve been rlly nice #i return once again to announce that got damn! i feel notivesbly better than i didn an hour ago and my voice is like 30% back! #which means that by tonight i might very well be at a functional enough level to hang out with friends after all #i can always dip if my energy levels tank again or whatever but like honestly hanging out with them is like. i need that #the last two days havent been great and i miss them and we have a lot to talk about so yeah i will do everything in my power #to be there tonight. but i will not force myself or push myself too far. bc i am the king of self care 💪💪💪 #god sorry back again but. it continues to fascinate me how any kind of illness affects me in the same ways consistently regardless of what #kind of illness it is??? right now i have whats mainly a cough which is honestly rare for me when i get ill #it's usually more in the nose department and sometimes the throat but rarely the chest #and yet 9 out of 10 times i lose my voice. i Always struggle with low energy (altho thats a problem outside of being ill too jfdjgdhfhd) #have a hard time falling or staying asleep and i get nauseous if i sleep laying down enough #but also i am the king of hard and fast aka i get like 24 terrible hours and then recovery is super quick. i'll be back to 100% health in #less than a week. my poor fucking step dad has been in stage one for a WEEK it's really awful. but i have the power of youth on my side 💪

[caruliaa]

AWFUL when u feel like all ur freind groups r falling apart. even worse when u can tell the seasonal depression is going to be awful this year so u prob not gonna have enough energy to do anything abt it

#its weird bc like. i feel like the individual freindships ihave w ppl r like doing good or okay at least rn #but a lot of those friendships also made up like. groups nad stuff which arennt rly a thing at all anymore and i rly miss that a lot #idk. it just kinda rly sucks i feel like everyones drifiting apart #also i say season depression i dont mean that at all its just the thing to say when ur sad in autumn/winter #like objectivly the thing thats making me miserable is more likley to be that iv been living in an enviromanent that have been slowly #suffocating me for so long and i have wanted to escape for years and now that im An Adult and Technically Can i have to confront how hard #thats gonna be and how living on own is probably also going to slowly kill me becuase itll be so difficult to afford anything so im #basically trapped and my life is already over at age 18 and all of that overwhelming and catching up on me #than like. it being bc the sun is up for slightly less oh nooo #but thats more hashtag relatable ig !! idk. #sorry im j so suddenly sad always lol. but ig i cant help it #flappy rambles #vent

[nebulouswaters]

God I forgot how bad my mental health is the few days after I get back from vacation. Literal toilet level feelings right now

#rae.post #it wasn't as bad after my last vacation bcs i had this one to look forward to #now all ive got coming up is my sister's wedding to her terrible awful creep of a boyfriend which im obviously not looking forward to #so my mind is just like hey remember how we hate our life and feel completely unfulfilled in anything #but we're also too much of a coward to change anything bcs thats also scary and terrible #maybe i should move states in april. i wasnt planning on but seriously i need better access to healthcare and like. something new #im so miserable and i kinda hate my current job but also it pays really well and is really forgiving in a lot of areas so im scared to leave #i have. one friend. here. and she's getting married and moving on with her life and im still here #idk. i feel like absolute shit rn. i know ill feel better in a few days once i get back into the swing of things but man this sucks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage #everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me #bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check #and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info #and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less #expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school #which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there #like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away #or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town #and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown #but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets #its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn #or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep #i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time #so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b #agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling #like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult #cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive #allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity #unrelated

[toastsnaffler]

man. getting a little sick of being everyones 15th option for everything. when is it my turn to be someone's first choice :^[

#or even second tbh I'll take it #i had a couple old friends from college msg me recently to tell me what theyve been up to #which is sweet and i care abt them n wanna hear it! but they dont ask after me or show any interest in how I'm doing #and it makes me feel like I'm just their journal or smth. a brick wall they happen to be standing near #don't get me wrong I love to be useful. but when ppl only ever interact w u bc they need smth from u. well. #rly not doing anything good for this complex im developing where my self worth is directly tied to my usefulness to other ppl lmfao #i dont want to be ppls fucking dog!! or not any more than i already am but whatever thats all im good for i guess!! #and i desperately want someone to be my fave person rn bc all my energy is going nowhere + im at my best when im at my most devoted #so ppl treating me like this rn is just making me incredibly vulnerable to being taken advantage of. #like yeah i am eager to please and ill follow anyone around and do whatever for a crumb of attention but maybe #if you're actually my friend u shouldnt be encouraging that behaviour. even if it makes u feel good like cmon thats not so cool man #or if you ARE going to encourage it then maybe u should acknowledge the power dynamic ur creating + try not to abuse it. idk 🤷‍♂️ #urgh idk maybe im just saying words rn im very tired #I just feel like all the friendships etc I have atm are slipping into that dangerously unbalanced zone + becoming v one way #and I don't know what I'm doing wrong I'm trying the best I can and I guess its just not enough for anyone and that really really sucks #I'm doing better mentally rn but I dont currently have a support system + there are a lot of destabilising forces in my life #so im just. worried abt the direction things could take if I lose this foothold I've dragged myself onto yknow. #and I wouldnt have to be so worried abt that all of the time if I just had someone literally anyone I could rely on or even trust #but oh well. it is what it is. doing all I can to take care of myself so hopefully it won't come to that anyway. #sorry for rambling on so much if u read this far I'm giving u a kiss on the cheek don't worry abt me honey I've got this #anywayy goodnight #.vent #.diaries

[noxtivagus]

:<<

#🌙.vents #i'll be alright in a bit i shld use my spam account for these things but i'm #nervous to head there i think i mostly used that account when i was in one of the worst points of my life last month so yeah #i feel used #which sucks i hate feeling this way bcs #one irl rn n. she's one of my longest friends she's like a little sister to me after all these years n i do care for her but #recently i think. i really can't deny that she'd been a rather draining friend #for quite a while now. for around a year now actually i think #she.. idk i really don't expect anything from others n ppl have their own ways of showing love #i know that very well but i think this esp is damaging me bcs i can't feel that it's reciprocated at all #comforting her when she was down. helping her w stuff. listening to her n #i do know why she isn't as good at giving to others. i know how she's like w her family ik the pain she went through w her other friends in #middle school. i know how dependent she can be on others. as always the youngest she's usually the one following others #i want the best for her. i know to be patient n all bcs we all grow at our own pace. but it hurts #when i know she's. very likely hiding a lot of pain. she usually smiles she's usually bubbly but #:^) n then she disappears here n then n ngl is a ghoster n i wonder if it's just bcs she found new friends or wtvr reason #i feel.. used. we've been friends for nearly 7 years. but recently she only comes to us if she's lonely it seems #she doesn't keep promises. i can't remember the last time she kept one. #bday gift my.. two longest n closest friends technically didn't give me n apollo anything at all n i really dont expect gifts genuinely lik #thats a Me thing but. it hurt i guess. the cake they hyped up never replied n ^ was supposed to deliver it they said but it never came n #she never followed up. but w. that guy she likes she uses money n. idm that at all i'm not clingy or possessive but it's the fact that #i'm trying rlly hard to see what she's done to show how she cares for like us yh but i can't. rlly find anything n that hurts bcs i feel #used n i hate it bcs ik she's still a good person at heart. but to be forgotten n replaced n. #another close friend asked her a favor. bcs she cant do it herself she asked ^ to buy w the money <- gave her #she.. she didnt follow through so my friend the one who asked the favor told me n apollo that the gift she meant to give is now sold out #she. i hate feeling this way but i can't deny that i did feel v invalidated on the day before my bday w their actions n words #i.. i cried a lot that day but i was the one that apologized. #i think she's busy. or maybe she's the same as before n still isn't exactly the best at managing a lot of things. maybe she's tired in gene #general. i wld ask her but i hate this part of me that tells myself that. says i'm better left gone or forgotton or wtvr n. aghh i can't #i can't reach out. i care for her still a lot but she rlly has been draining so i. i don't know what to do

[jwonsite]

Just imagine Jungwon edging you for hours out of jealousy because one of his members were flirting with you. Like he’d ram you up for hours, not allowing you to cum until you’re begging him, sobbing your eyes out (which I’m doing rn I’m reading too much smut😭)

this was way longer than i intended for it to be LMAOOO but yeah also sorry this took so long PLS i've been so busy

jungwon x fem!reader

smut! mdni!

oh my gosh he would be so😭😭 we all know that won is such a jealous boy like, he can’t even stand when we look at other idols or have pictures of them in our phones, so i just KNOW if one of the members was flirting w you he would not be able to control himself.

like you were just hanging out with him at the dorms, the boys were all playing video games together or something when jake asked if you want to play for a round. you declined, much rather preferring to stay cuddled up onto your boyfriend, watching as he scrolled on his phone. jake insisted, heeseung joining in, saying how he wants to play with you so he could beat you. you didn’t really know how to play the game, asking jake which buttons did what. jake moved closer to you, pointing to the buttons on the controller as you sat shoulder to shoulder, even taking it as far as putting his hand over yours to help you when the game started. you could feel won’s gaze on you; well not really on you more so on his bandmate that was currently holding your hands on the controller, his face so close to yours that they were almost touching, and that’s when jungwon snapped. he got up from the chair on the side of the room walking over to you and jake, your heads both snapping up to look at him when you hear his loud sigh as he got up.

“alright that’s enough,” he would say, looking at you both with a stern look, “y/n let’s go,” he says as he grabs your arm, pulling you up from the couch, your hand dropping the controller onto the couch as your boyfriend pulled you away and into his room. you could feel the stares of all the boys on you both as you walked away, the room completely silent other than the sound of the video game still running on the tv screen. jungwon pulled you into his room, closing the door and pushing you up against it before smashing his lips onto yours, kissing you messily as his hands groped your ass. your eyes widened at the sudden kiss, but you soon wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as you rolled your crotch into his, trying to feel some friction where you needed it most. his hands moved to your waist, grabbing you to stop your movements.

“you think you get to pull a little stunt like that and still get to be all needy for me? thats not the way it works baby, you’re gonna take whatever i give you, okay?” he said while kissing down your neck. you whined, half in protest and half in pleasure but you knew he was going to do whatever he wanted no matter what you said. he moved you both to his bed, kissing down your body before pulling your pants and underwear off in one swift movement. you moaned as he kissed your thighs, wanting him to move to your pussy.

“shh baby, we wouldn’t want any of the boys to hear your pretty moans would we? then again you might like that, knowing they’re hearing how good i’m making you feel in here, knowing that they’re wishing it was them in here between your legs instead of me,” he says before kitty licking your cunt. you put a hand over your mouth trying to muffle your moans, eyes rolling to the back of your head in pleasure. he began sucking and licking your clit suddenly, sticking his tongue inside of you every now and then. the sounds that were coming from his mouth on your pussy were so lewd, the squelching and sucking sounds resonating in his bedroom. your hand moved to tangle in his hair, tugging on it slightly as he continued his ministrations in between your legs.

“fuck wonnie im so close,” you moaned out, pulling on his hair harshly causing him to moan into your pussy, sending you closer to the edge, that was until he abruptly pulled away from you causing you to whine in frustration

“won please, i want to cum,” you cried out as he edged you for the 6th time that night, tears streaming down your face

“aww my pretty girl wants to cum? do you deserve it after letting jake flirt with you? letting him put his hands all over you?”

“yes please wonnie, please,” you cried out again, pushing his head back down to your dripping cunt

he began eating you out again, his grip on your thighs sure to leave a mark. you were finally close again, feeling the knot in your stomach threatening to come undone.

“you were such a good girl for me today baby, come on cum all over my tongue, cum for me baby,” he says sticking two fingers inside of you, pushing you over the edge. you rode out your long awaited orgasm, and then watched as your boyfriend licked up all your juices from your pussy and his fingers, coming up to kiss you after. you could taste yourself on his tongue, and it drove you insane. he laid down next to you, and you moved to lay on his chest, his arm wrapping around your figure

“you know i wasn’t flirting with him, right won,” you said with a slight pout, looking up at him with doe eyes

“i know my love, just couldn’t stand to see him all over you like that. you’re mine,” he said, bringing a hand up to caress your face before capturing your lips in a kiss

“all yours baby” you said, smiling into the kiss before laying back down onto his chest and letting sleep take over you

#heewonenthusiast asks! #enhypen #enhypen smut #jungwon hard thoughts #jungwon smut #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #jungwon x reader #yang jungwon #jungwon #enhypen imagines #enhypen hard headcanons