#which she clearly isn't.

[birdmenmanga]

@raventhekittycat

hi okay so I've been mulling this one over for the past day or two and I think I have the answer. not to be using hamburger to explain anything to an american but you're my detco mutual so I'm going to try and explain it in detco terms

There's a post going around recently about how if you've read detco and only detco, the first time hakuba shows up you're going to be totally flummoxed, because damn this guy is clearly important, he gets to be even cooler than Shinichi, he's got a half-page shot of him (in such a panel-dense series such as Detective Conan, no less!!) and he's got a fucking hawk. he's CLEARLY important. everything about the narrative is indicating that you need to PAY ATTENTION to hakuba and that he's the coolest guy and he's important!!!! and then he dies in the case lol (not for real. but still.)!! and you're like huh??? what was that. why did aoyama do that.

But with the context of magic kaito this totally makes sense. He's a beloved character that people have been waiting decades to see again. Of course Aoyama is going to hype him up!! It's his big moment after years of being locked in the backrooms!!!

Anyways reading birdmen for me was kind of like that. The author's previous series, Kekkaishi, was pretty one-dimensional at the beginning, and even after the main plot started picking up at around volume 6, it still felt quite understandable. I knew what she was trying to get at, and the spectacular job she did with the anthropocene and climate change metaphor towards the end of that series really made me interested in the rest of her works. That and the way she writes familial relationships is absolutely DEVASTATING. (I mean this with the highest of praise)

But when I read BIRDMEN for the first time, I was probably in... middle school, maybe? And I read it, sure, but I didn't get it. I could see what was literally happening on the page but the narrative choices were absolutely baffling at times. Why skip over the entire part of the plot where they figure out who the birdman that saved them was? She blatantly doesn't care about that. What does she care about then?? I knew I didn't get it, I knew there were parts of it that were important and I couldn't figure out why and THAT'S how it dug its pretty little claws into me. Even after I finished catching up it nagged at me a little bit, not often at all, but enough that every once in a while I go, huh, right, that was a thing, let me go read it again.

For the record this type of story haunting has happened to me twice. First time was the Heart of Thomas, second time was BIRDMEN. I think the thing is that these are both stories which are not what other people say they are and I think I came into both of these stories with a misconception, trying to look too hard for things that weren't important and therefore missing the things that were.

Because sure, BIRDMEN is about mental illness. Yeah, it's about an evil scientific organization growing mutants in a lab. Yeah, it's about what it means to leave your humanity behind. That's all technically correct, on a surface level, and the fandom at large likely agrees with these takes for the most part, but in my opinion none of that really delves into what the thematic messaging of the story is about.

There are cryptic conversations about authority and human extinction and peculiar outfit and ability choices. You can tell these choices weren't made to serve the purpose of "writing exciting shonen manga" because that was what she did for the most part in Kekkaishi and you can tell she wasn't putting her whole pussy into doing that here. So what was she doing? What's like. All of this. Waves my hands at this.

The short answer is that it's really about the interplay between capitalism (represented by humanity) and communism (represented by birdmen), and explores the role institutional white supremacy (EDEN) plays in enforcing capitalism. It is ALSO about queer liberation and the importance of community, but hey, that double-stacks conveniently with the communism metaphor.

But also take this opinion of mine with a grain of salt. As far as I know I'm the only one who really truly deeply believes that it is not only AN interpretation of the work, but one that was fully intended by the author.

So basically, I like it, because I think it says something true and beautiful that I also believe in, even if I didn't have the words for it the first time I read it. But I don't really think that's what people really look for in a media recommendation.

Do I like it? Yes, I love it. Will I recommend it to others? Yeah, sure. But do I think it's deeply flawed? Yeah, absolutely. It's flawed in the same ways as The Witch from Mercury— a rushed ending, too many threads that were opened and never tied together. The pacing and characterization is perfect in the beginning, and too rushed at the end. There are prerequisites you basically HAVE to read in order to understand the story (tempest for G-Witch and the communist manifesto for birdmen). I think a truly good story wouldn't have any of these things so if people don't like it I never blame them.

It's my personal experiences that make birdmen so profound to me. If you are not queer I just don't think Eishi coming out as a birdman to his mom will hit the same, just as an example. Sorry that I wasn't the kid you wanted me to be. I know you love me and you just want the best for me and that's why you're so controlling, because you think I can be saved by conforming to societal expectations. But I can't live like that. I can't be like that. And that's why I must go. etc.

Aesthetically I do love birdmen a lot. If I had to describe it in a few words it would probably be "chilling", "beautiful", and "powerful", which nicely coincides with the type of things I personally like to draw. It's also silly to a small degree but it's so serious and I know Tanabe can be way way way funnier (read kekkaishi for this. kekkaishi and hanazakari no kimitachi he were foundational to my sense of sequential art humor) so that's not really the standout trait of this series.

I can't let it go because I'm chewing this series like a bone. And it's taking me years but I am getting that sweet sweet marrow. By god. We are on year 3 of this shit and I am GOING to understand this series. and I'm going to make 3 video essays about it

#just thinking thoughts... #stray bird thoughts #so it's like... I don't like it because birdmen is good #I think I like it because I am a certain type of person and the author was trying to say something specifically to the type of person I am #OH #I'M THE TARGETED AUDIENCE THATS WHY I LIKE IT. #YEAH THATS REALLY IT!!! #A long time ago I said that birdmen wasn't written for the people who read it at the time it serialized. #it was written for the people they would become. #and I stand by that 100% #if it really stays with you there is going to be a reason even if you can't articulate it yet #and it may APPEAR sloppy to someone who doesn't see the queer or communist metaphor #like 'what is she doing what is she saying here she's not saying anything meaningful and emphasizing the wrong things' #but that sort of presumes she is gunning to make 'the best shonen manga ever' #which she clearly isn't. #I remember when I was reading fma with a bunch of my classmates and I'd lend them a volume or two every day #and a piece of feedback I received that has stuck with me was 'volume 15 was so boring' #(that was the volume recounting the ishval civil war. it was boring because we were middle schoolers and didn't REALLY get it.) #and like. I think to people who are looking for something like kks. the whole thing is going to feel like fma volume 15 #like WHAT is she going on about? ? ? #like witch hat and dunmesh I think are similar types of stories but I think these two are just executed way better than bm #but because of that it is just not as compelling to me you know. #like yeah yeah it's well constructed. we all see it's well constructed. #the metaphor is so well constructed that I don't feel the need to point it out. everyone is saying it already you know #but bm is cryptic enough and just slightly missed that execution enough that I feel like I'm pulling the analysis out of a smoking wreckage #recently I've been watching mentourpilot videos about airplane accidents and like. that's exactly it. #there's nothing to say about a perfectly executed flight. #it's the ones that failed. and in particular the ones that just barely failed by a little bit. that compels people the most. #cue my de communism is failure post. bc that bm sure did fail.

[sergle]

(re: sssniperwolf and jacksfilms) It's laughable that she escalated it that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure stalking him like that is illegal and it's terrifying regardless, but Jack said in a stream (can't remember which one) that he wasn't about bringing up past controversies of hers or cancelling. And now she shows up outside his house (wtf!!!). Like he was willing to only call her out for stealing and freebooting but she's gone and stalked him and Jack doesn't seem like the type of guy to take that shit. Actual WTF moment from her part. wild

omg long post below bc apparently I have opinions: YES!! THAT'S WHAT'S SO INCREDIBLE ABOUT THIS... Jack has been genuinely diligent about keeping things on-topic in his streams, and hasn't brought up any of her other Stuff, or anything Personal. Despite the fact that she kickstarted the whole thing by making it INCREDIBLY personal and attacking his physical appearance... His goal has been to call out and bring attention to content theft, and he's stuck with it. Dude's also cared about this for years, and she's not the first content thief he's criticized. He just hates the way that freebooting has become so accepted-- to the point where youtube praised her for "coming up with such creative video ideas"? Hey! Ew! Dude wasn't trying to get her cancelled though, there was no smear campaign of her character. He's been rallying to get her to CREDIT the creators that she relies on for all of her content. It would set a precedent for all other "react" channels on the platform for one of the biggest channels on youtube to actually give credit where credit is due. Or, god forbid, get permission first? It's not hard. It's already done the job of making some other people who do "react content" self-analyze whether or not their content is transformative, and to maybe care about crediting the creators they rely on for their genre to work. There is a way to make this kind of video that isn't so slimy. And making fun of her lackluster-at-best reactions is so far from even being a big deal. Bc she literally does just sit there and say nothing. Plus, his goal has a clear End built into it: if she started shouting out the creators she takes content from, and put links directly to their pages in her video descriptions, the job would be done! That's what he's asking her to do. Real bare minimum stuff. It legit would have been easy to steer away from the content theft and to also talk about her history of lying to her audience! her ghosting a dying kid with cancer who was a big fan of hers! the fact that she's been arrested for armed robbery! her history of transphobia! He would also get more clicks that way, which is what she claims is his sole goal- to get more clicks. I'll bring it up though! She's been a terrible person the whole time, and has kept a steady course of manipulating her audience of young children and/or, let's be completely honest, simps- into thinking that she's a Wholesome creator. (And now, into thinking she's an innocent victim.) All of the actual effort put in by her has gone toward optics, not the content she puts out. A carefully constructed online persona, for one, but also literal appearances. Jack totally can't say this, bc she already went off the handle and said the only reason he doesn't like her is bc he Hates To See A Woman Be Successful. But I can! That was a cheap shot for her to use that argument when, for once, it's not applicable! Much the opposite, even! Dudes online wouldn't go to bat for her if she didn't look the way she does. And it weakens any case she'd have against him by making baseless claims like that. She banks hugely on being an attractive woman to get her clicks/following. A massive amount of effort is put into her appearance. The makeup, the lip fillers, putting her hair in little pigtails, the chokers and tube tops, the big non-prescription Nerd Glasses, the thumbnails where she has her mouth open in That Expression?

I don't even have to say anything. But making a weird facial expression and putting your hair in pigtails aren't moral failings. Showing up at someone's real life home (whose address you shouldn't even have access to), filming the front of their house at night, doxxing them to your audience of millions of people? Because you were mad at them online? That is fully scary! Yeah girl I'm pretty sure that Jack can press charges! There is absolutely no way to take the moral highground now that she's literally stalked him, and doxxed his home. She tried to goad him and Erin (Jack's wife) out of the house, also, which creeps me out even more-- because what was she planning to do? The fact that she's been arrested for violent crime before does pop into my mind! lmao! Jack was streaming a game at the time that she was outside his home, and these clips of him, his friends, and Erin reacting in real time to what is genuinely a scary situation have been taken down in case he needs to use them in legal action. Shit is legitimately serious!

#sergle answers #long post #LONGEST POST ON EARTH I'M SO SORRY #saying all this out loud only takes a few minutes but typing it... girl this is a BOOK #clearly I have thoughts on this Online Drama but also this isn't online! #these are people who exist in real life. and compromising a person's safety bc he criticized you for stealing tiktoks #is a real life thing. this isn't confined to online spaces! you can turn off your computer to get away from An Argument #but someone going to your house?? that's absolutely terrifying #and all of this is just because he's been telling her to credit the creators. it could have been resolved so simply. #I hope he takes legal action against her bc he genuinely has grounds to do so. #and I can't imagine how terrified and upset I would be if someone was outside my door. filming my house for their audience. #also the 'what if the roles were reversed' argument is rarely made in good faith... but she's already brought up the topic. #this would be getting even more coverage and the optics would be Even Creepier if a strange man with millions of followers showed up #at the home of a woman- just bc she criticized his videos- filming her home address for all to see and trying to get her to come outside. #It's just as creepy that sssniperwolf did this as it would be coming from ANYONE else #it's been downplayed bc her being a little skinny woman means that A Man shouldn't be threatened by her #which. even if she wasn't going to Do anything. any one of her rabidly loyal online followers MIGHT. she's not the only one who could go to #his house now! anyone could show up. #sergle.txt #Jacksfilms #Sssniperwolf

[heartbeatbookclub]

I was looking at a few posts about autism (as one does) and it just suddenly clicked into place a fundamental thing about Yuri's character that I'd been grasping at, but hadn't really been able to adequately identify. I still have a much longer and more thorough analysis going through a whole lot of my thoughts on Yuri's character and her experience of autism that i'm working on (of which this will likely be a component), but I thought I'd share this separately just to emphasize.

Post I saw which made this click for me was making fun of the fact that most media depicting impaired empathy in autistic characters explicitly depicts them with this unflappable confidence of never having been rejected by people they love. The crux of this is that in actual reality, autistic people almost always have that experience at some point, for some behavior, for reasons they don't really understand. "There is an invisible line where people will get sick of you, and you have no warning of when you're about to cross it." So frequently, autistic people attempt to ride a razor thin edge, walking on constant eggshells to desperately attempt to avoid crossing that line.

Very often autistic people will attempt to avoid doing anything at all which could be considered weird, or off-putting, and will try their absolute hardest to do things in a way that is acceptable to other people, sometimes to the point of outright suppressing their emotions, because they are afraid that they'll say something just wrong enough that the people they care about will push them away, and they don't understand WHY it happened, but they know it's THEIR fault. Sometimes masking is fighting to appear aloof all the time because you can't regulate your emotions in a way that is acceptable to other people.

And holy fucking Jesus, that fits the exact mold of what I've been trying to talk about with the particular way Yuri's anxieties manifest.

It really feels to me like Yuri has this constant fear of breaking the "rules" of socializing, despite not really understanding what those rules even are. She's constantly afraid of saying something wrong, when she doesn't even know what wrong would be, she's just sure everyone ELSE will know it when they hear it. I think a huge part of her social anxiety comes from her own understanding of herself as a very weird person who doesn't really get a lot of how to socialize, and it seems to me like she's probably dealt with her fair share of social rejection and isolation based on those traits. She then felt she had to take responsibility for those traits, probably because it's the one thing she can change, and she is the one common denominator in all of these bad situations (This is something which is pretty common, actually! "Everyone else can socialize just fine, and I have so much difficulty with it! I must just be broken in some way. I have to try super hard to be normal to make friends!")

I think a big part of why it's so apparent in the Literature Club is because she really thinks she's found a place where she can make friends in spite of all of her issues, so when she starts...being herself, and receives even the smallest HINT of pushback, she overcorrects and tries to rein all of herself in to fix her "mistake", because she really wants to make friends here, and doesn't want them to reject her as well.

She's had this experience of others pushing her away for being weird so often that, coupled with her acknowledged trouble for reading situations, when anybody responds poorly to something and she recognizes it, she immediately overcorrects out of fear of being an annoying burden to everyone around her, and that "correction" consists of suppressing herself into being "normal" (or at least "less weird"), because she believes nobody could actually like her just for being who she is. There's something wrong with her fundamentally, and to make friends, for people to like her and want to be around her, she has to "fix" herself.

it's just, like...

it's really hard for me to interpret Yuri's character that doesn't involve her being somewhere on the spectrum, bros. she's written with such delicately constructed autistic coding, despite the appearance of just being a hackneyed weird girl visual novel trope. she deserves the world.......

#related which i'll hopefully talk about in my bigger analysis piece; #i think it's really neat how sayori & yuri's particular kinds of neurodivergent thinking clash in understanding! #like id say sayori is big adhd energy (might talk about that at some point) & deep in the anxiety hole #& yuri is very much autistic with a lot of obvious anxiety #& despite the fact that they clearly relate to each other a lot and have a lot of the same self-destructive thinking #the conflict in understanding is the huge misunderstanding that they get because of the way they both present themselves to each other! #& sayori has a lot of issues which yuri misinterprets as her not liking the book because of her own issues! #& yuri has a lot of issues which sayori misinterprets as sayori's stupidity discouraging yuri because of her own issues! #despite them both trying to tell each other that that isn't the issue at all in different ways. until yuri finally breaks down #& SAYORI BRIDGES THE GAP BETWEEN THEM BECAUSE SHE'S THE GOAT #GRAAAHHHHH I HAVE SO MUCH TO FUCKING SAYYYYYYYYY #ddlc yuri #ddlc #doki doki literature club #musings

[muninnhuginn]

kazakami really is about obligations all the way. whether to himself or his parents, he's decided he's had his time in the first two years having 'fun' and now it's time to focus. but, the thing is, most of his 'fun' is just ticking off some checklist of all things you'd expect to do in highschool (and the one sport he did actually like, he had to stop because of injury). so, does that really count? isn't that just fulfilling a role regardless of his own wants and needs?

anyway, now he's 100% focusing on his third year. despite how kazakami is hitting all the points in the checklist, how he's showing how he's meeting expectations, it's still not enough for his parents. he has the one hobby to himself, his interest in tokusatsu, which he's into enough to have his own figures and to know obscure trivia off by heart. and his parents are just... dismissive of it. "it's for children", they say, as they ignore their own child's needs.

no wonder kazakami never lets on more about his hobbies in school and only portrays himself as the outgoing model student, if this is how he's treated for showing his genuine interests.

#luckily he's managed to find the one crowd that would legit not judge him for his hobbies. #skip to loafer #skip and loafer #stl manga spoilers #but ye kazakami is v relatable in how he ends up feeling ashamed for being enthusiastic about something that doesn't fit the mold #simply because he's been demeaned for it in the past. it's a common theme in this series but it's a common theme irl so. #he's internalised a lot of it too. he's 'had his fun' (what fun) so now he needs to buckle down and try harder (bc it's not enough) #also also. the way kazakami's mum is like “oh those dolls?” she hasn't even bothered to learn what they are before shipping them off to som #dolls vs figures isn't some obscure trivia. it's something you'd pick up fairly easily if you just paid attention. which she clearly hasn't

[tennessoui]

In the assigned married fic, has Anakin even begun to process Padme saying that both of them will be moving to Naboo together? Like, they spoke earlier in the chapter about Anakin moving in with her on Coruscant, but Obi-Wan apparently spilled the beans about a much more permanent relocation to Naboo, and I am looking forward to Anakin's response to that, once he gets through processing everything else and remembers that part of the "conversation"....

i think padmé views moving to naboo more as a possibility than a future concrete plan -- the offer to be a permanent advisor on naboo is something she'd like to discuss with anakin as her husband before taking it or rejecting it. she says there's a lot of work she still wants to do in the senate, and she's probably thinking that it will be a few years before she would be able to go anyway. definitely after the war, but in her mind, she thinks anakin has every intention to leave the order after the war's over....because he kind of told her that. at least, in her mind he did: (from chapter 1)

“[Obi-Wan] asked me if I planned to leave the Order after the war,” he tells his wife. “And I lied, and then I think he began to support me. That’s what he looked like, anyway.” Padmé blinks at him, eyelashes falling slowly onto the jut of her cheek and then rising. “That’s good then,” she says, sounding hesitant. “That he supports us.” “Yeah,” Anakin replies, raising his hand to tuck a tendril of hair behind her ear. “Though…I’m sorry you had to lie,” she says, pressing forward until their faces are only a hand’s width apart. “Hopefully…” she trails off, biting her lip. Then she shakes her head slightly, and her mouth turns up into a smile as if she cannot help herself. “Hopefully he will not take the truth so hard.”

so anakin never says what lie he told obi-wan, he just says that he lied when asked if he was going to leave the Order, and that lie made obi-wan support him.

from an outsider's perspective, especially a biased outsider who is married to one of the insiders and believes them to have a future together, padmé's immediate understanding of this is that obi-wan asked if he was going to leave the order and anakin lied to him and told him he planned to stay and obi-wan began to support their marriage because he thinks he won't be losing anakin (padmé, who has three braincells, has long since realized obi-wan's obsessed with her husband)

and that's why she's smiling at the end (and also why they have sex at the fade to black) -- she believes anakin has just told her that when the war ends, he'll leave the Order to be with her and build a future together <3 so the offer to go to naboo is an option she can talk to her husband about, but she knows that anakin is going to no longer be a jedi....and if he's not a jedi, and she's not a senator....what's keeping them on coruscant?

BUT it's not just obi-wan that's feeling a bit catty during that dinner party scene, so i intentionally wrote padmé as putting this idea forward as less of a possibility and more of a done deal that she knows anakin will accept -- she talks about it like it's great big BACK OFF signs picketed around anakin because obi-wan is the biggest threat to their marriage in the entire galaxy and she's always known that

(but also no anakin has not begun to process that whole thing - but padmé, who now realizes they're NOT on the same page, is absolutely going to bring it up post-haste in the next chapter)

#asks #a more perfect union #obikin #sorry for all the words no one's really asked about padmé's perspective in this and i jumped at the opportunity to talk about it lol #i really have enjoyed writing these characters being their worst selves #like padmé isn't the bad guy in this story but she's definitely a wife who is in love with her husband and WILL fight to keep him #theres a moment ive written in the next chapter where shes like i put my husband above the republic and you should put your wife there too #because she did she would she said she did in canon asking vader to run away together as the republic burnt around them #her priorities when pushed against a rock and a hard place are very much: anakin then the republic #and the crux and tension of this fic is that anakin's are very clearly: obi-wan then the republic (which is just obi-wan again) #then padmé then the jedi order

[transmascutena]

these lines hit different when you read utena as transmasc

#i mean the first one is really awful regardless. #pretty sure i read somewhere that the words akio uses means something along the lines of 'you really should remain a child' #as opposed to 'you really should remain the gender that you are.' which speaks to his whole thing about keeping these kids from growing up #and there's So Much in anthy's line even without hypothetical misgendering #anyway the au where utena has already transitioned by the time he gets to ohtori is really good #and i of course have lots of headcanons about post-ohtori utena and gender #but i've been thinking about one where he's actively questioning while he's there and is not out to anyone. #and i guess not a lot would really change but akio's attempt at making utena more feminine would have a whole other layer of awful to it #and unfortunately i think in this scenario the first person he would come out to would be akio. which is so sad #like maybe it could be anthy but idk. i think it would be something he'd be apprehensive to be open about with her #(in the show utena does tend to be more vulnerable with akio than with anthy. at least the vulnerability with him comes first. #he's her go-to person for advice in the black rose arc and utena doesn't really begin opening up to anthy like that until the third arc) #maybe i should write something for this au. i can see it so clearly. #utena talking about his confusing gender feelings in one of those black rose scenes in the planetarium #and akio doing that thing where he sounds supportive and helpful but absolutely isn't. #that fake sympathy that's actually really patronizing and condescending and dismissive but subtly enough that utena doesn't realize it #and THEN the contrast when utena finally talks to anthy about it and she empathises by talking about her own confusing gender feelings #(transfem anthy realness !!!!!) #oh wow i did not mean to write so much in the tags #revolutionary girl utena #utena tenjou #my posts

[candy-pants]

my babysitter's a vampire + villains (insp) as in characters with naturally evil tendencies and actions, not just creatures/people made evil by mistake (usually benny's) or created by someone for a specific purpose

#mbav #my babysitter's a vampire #vampireedit #stern #jesse #richard waugh #joe dinicol #i am NOT tagging all these people lmao #flashing tw #long post #meus #usereris #i hated the lucia and jacob ones but i just couldn't find any shots that worked so this will have to do #debbie dazzle is in this because she became obsessed with being alive but IN MY OPINION!!!!! that had nothing to do with the spell #she became evil on her own accord #sarah being possed by the spirit from the netherlands- i mean world was because rory was stupid but the spirit was already evil #and the mask not being here was because rory put it on thus making himself 'evil' which he naturally isn't and neither is the mask tbh #it was just doing what it was meant to do which clearly does not fly in this century #and cyberdontist and evil sarah literally aren't real

[theminecraftbee]

okay the thing driving me insane in false’s latest episode is. she is... intentionally not including certain things and from the editing. i THINK the false we watch on screen is maybe... not aware of the things she’s not including? that or she’s intentionally hiding them from us, the audience. and i can’t figure out which it is. and i’m fascinated but also VERY CONCERNED FALSE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU,

#empires smp #empires spoilers #falsesymmetry #I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SHE IS SO VERY CLEARLY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF 'i can use editing to convey story' #and the story here is 'we know stuff happened that isn't being shown on screen' #'and it is IMPORTANT stuff some of which she seems aware of some of which she isn't' #'so why is our pov character hiding it from us and what does that mean' #like that's SO COOL as a character choice i LOVE editing to convey character choices #anyway i love false's empires stuff so so so much

[punbeam]

Not to assign cartoon characters mental illnesses like some sort of Youtube Clickbaiter, but the way Simon is treated in Fionna and Cake feels specifically reminiscent of how our society is hypocritical about bipolar/manic depressive people.

I don't think this is controversial to say, but in the original Adventure Time Simon-as-Ice-King just felt like a general mental illness allegory. Not to say it was executed perfectly, since again it was a generalized allegory and often focused on the people around Simon VS him, but it did manage to cover a fair amount of nuances: acknowledging when Ice King's behavior was a reflection of the mental illness Crown and not Simon; the conflicting dynamic of growing up with a mentally ill Magically Cursed parental figure; Treat People Who Are Mentally Ill Cursed As People.

But in Fionna and Cake where Simon isn't Ice King anymore? And everyone is going on about how cooler and more fun and more creative Ice King was compared to Simon? It just seems like the fantasy equivalent to people fetishizing manic depression in creatives and saying stuff like "The pills will kill your creativity" and "What if Van Gogh wasn't depressed, wouldn't his art be so much worse?"

And in the show we see Simon internalize all these comments! Over and over again people are saying he's pathetic as Simon and can't do anything special as Simon, unlike Ice King. So between all of that and his own warped nostalgia of the past, he uses the slimmest opportunity to volunteer to be Ice King again, even if it hurts him!

The worst part is we know that rn Simon is damned either way. Depressed as Simon, the people of Ooo avoid him and don't try to connect with him, and he is too afraid of being a burden and reaching out to Marcy for help. And if he relapses turns fully back into Ice King? They'll treat him like a party toy for a while before discarding him when he gets "too crazy" and the novelty wears off, and he'll probably lose his only support network.

That being said at this point (Episode 4) it's hard to tell which direction all of this will go. Tom Kenny has mentioned how this show features the most emotional VA work he's ever done, so it's fair to say that whatever happens next in the series with Simon will be intense and even heavier than it already has been.

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time #at #Like I said #the original show's allegory isn't perfect. Mental illnesses are complex and can't just be cleanly wiped away #and there's a lot more nuance that I'm not equipped to fully discuss #(specifically regarding medication; reasons why someone might not medicate/seek treatment ; etc) #and honestly I haven't watched every episode of AT so I don't clearly remember how happy Ice King was when people stopped beating him up #like I remember the dinner with him Marcy and PB where he internally seemed unhappy as Ice King and still wanted to be free #though I also remember the episode where he and Magic Betty went on a date but clashed bc she was angry he was Ice King/not neurotypical #which partially feels like a big downfall to Betty with her not being willing to cope with who Simon/Ice King was now

[pumpkinrootbeer]

ogfoofodoxx thinking about how the most defining character trait of haymitch is how protective he is. not in the sense it's the most obvious, but how all of his actions are fueled by this desire to protect. how hard he works at keeping katniss alive in the first games, him fighting to keep them from augmenting katniss's body, him yelling at plutarch to keep finnick from having to share his trauma, him being so involved in peeta's recovery and being the one to bring katniss home. him holding mayslee's hand as she died, fighting for plutarch to stay and rescue peeta, being the one to find katniss and finnick when johanna had an episode, begging coin to believe peeta's warning. it being heavily implied or either outright stated that he was one of the people who fought to protect effie.

makes me physically ill because no one does that for him. everyone who would of, died.

#DIES EXPLODES COMBUSTS #thg #haymitch abernathy #:v #haymitch acting like he doesn't care about anyone when he actually cares about everyone #he's acting like he's winning the idgaf war but love has disarmed him completely. #Tbc katniss and peeta would but they are literally incapable of being that for him. bc they are infant #also thinking about how we get this sense that while he has some modicum of power with the revolution his sway only goes so far #which is to say not far at all #the times we actually see what the negotiating process is like for him he has to beg coin to listen to him #and he says Plutarch didn't listen to him between cf and mockingjay when he tried to get them to stay for peeta #I just get this sense that most of the time he's in the room but isn't really allowed to make decisions #and constantly has to fight to be heard #I mean again I will always circle back to this they literally locked him in a room to detox #and the descriptions we get in cf is his withdrawal symptoms are incredibly severe #so clearly they weren't dependent on his imput #idk idk I just get this sense they valued his input up until the point he reminded them all he still views people as people. #him coaching katniss was to say in mockingjay during her speech in two also makes me chew drywall #how much of that is what he thought she needed to say to stay alive and how much is what he had always wanted to say #also thinking about how he wasn't lying when he told Plutarch he couldn't go back to twelve sober. #bc he gets katniss home and then immediately gets blackout drunk #I am of the opinion that he genuinely can't get sober while living in 12 #I like to think he lets himself leave eventually never to the capitol of course but in my hc he goes to 11 #just bc of his fondness for chaff and seeder but that's just a self indulgent headcanon #ALSO ALSO. #thinking about how he's fighting a revolution that he doesn't even believe will bring chance #well. he thinks it'll change things but that change will be temporary and fighting will break out again #my perfect pessimist idiot. in my heart of hearts he gets a therapist moves and actually recovers

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!'' #i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply) #to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3) #3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭 #also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it) #like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her. #she's his friend. #but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭 #anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

[onewholivesinloops]

it's so funny to think back of how so many people thought it was dumb that murders would happen over a doll in watanagashi/meakashi when as ever shion has been simmering for a long time and it's just the straw that broke the camel's back. yasu is the same. they said she murdered everyone because she just wanted a prince on a pony. "she just didn't want to study" we're in a time loop now. they're all just catalysts that people use to invalidate their victimhood.

satoko, shion and yasu are extremely similar in that they're all victims of abuse who interpret their complex trauma through the lens of their feelings for a specific person (rika, satoshi, battler).

#also every time i see the studying complaint i just *stares in neurodivergent and mentally ill* #schools being intensive to the point of making a person want to give up and even becoming suicidal is a theme in the anime #of course it's never just one thing #people keep framing satoko as if she has 'only one reason' to do murder when she has so many layers of issues #both family and social which inform her decisions #anyway school being a huge source of her problems is fine #satoko is clearly struggling with attention and memory problems #we see her sitting in class being unable to focus and she even starts feeling sick when she forces herself for example #unlike the hinamizawa school this environment isn't one that fits her #she's also othered and abused on top of all this #you can tell who's the abled neurotypical person who never had to struggle at school growing up from what they think of satoko's motives #higurashi #higurashi gou #higurashi sotsu #umineko #gamo.txt

[keep-ur-head-low]

I once saw a youtube comment wish that Doubt Comes In didn’t include Eurydice’s part so that we could experience the trial from Orpheus’ perspective and feel the same doubt of whether she’s actually following him. I thought about this for a bit and would like to appreciate that Hadestown doesn’t go down this  route. All things considered, Eurydice is the true main character of Hadestown: she gets the dramatic final introduction in the opener, Any Way The Wind Blows is very much a traditional protagonist “I Want” song, and Act 1 closely follows her changing perspective of Orpheus whilst he just kinda stays static throughout. Although Act 2 sorta forgets about this set-up and leans more towards Orpheus as the story’s hero, she still gets an upward journey from a jaded woman bitter towards the lonely world into an intensely passionate optimist who would walk with her lover to the end of time. It would be a disgrace for her voice to be taken away at the very end of the story, as the suspense comes not from dreading that Orpheus’ doubts may actually come true, but from hoping that Eurydice’s renewed faith and assured attempts at comforting her broken lover will be enough to save her.

#act 2 leaning more heavily towards orpheus has always been a slight pet peeve of mine #it seems they realized this in the tour production #cuz they actually gave her one of Orpheus' lines in Chant Reprise #So that she's more clearly leading the workers alongside him #which is a small change but helps just a little bit #not saying that orpheus' journey isn't also great #but it does feel a little lopsided in how they're treated from act 1 to 2 #also hi I'm back lol #can't say I'll make posts like this regularly but I had a Thought #Hadestown #hadestown musical #broadway #musicals #hadestown national tour #anais mitchell #eurydice #orpheus

[death-rebirth-senshi]

Now that I've finished dungeon meshi I have to say, while I understand the disappointment with fandom's constant obsession with shipping two dudes in fandom typical ways and ignoring the women/men that don't fit a certain mold and basically ignoring the entire rest of the story...

People acting so indignant that people would do gay or even straight shipping, because this manga is such a super women-led yuri show that's all about the power of Marcille's all-consuming love for Falin, are absolutely fucking bonkers and have lost the plot.

That is not to say that these shippers are not insane or can't be annoying in the typical ways that they are, or that Marcille/Falin aren't the most shippable pairing and just about the closest you're gonna get to something romantic in Dungeon Meshi (it's a platonic ass story and I love that), or that it wouldn't be nice for the fandom around something to stay mostly devoted to the closest to a canon pairing most shippable F/F ship. It would. But like. I don't know I'm kind of upset by that attitude now

And my intention is not to be super negative about Marcille/Falin fans, because they are certainly not all like this, it's just. WHOO! That is just so not remotely what Dungeon Meshi is about to a degree I still wasn't prepared for despite being aptly warned.

#dungeon meshi tag #like this isn't a case where you'd have to shove every female character out the way to do your gay shipping exactly. #Again. I would not call these men very shippable with each other. And I would never tell anyone not to bitch and be snobby. #Bitch and be snobby always! #I'm just saying this attitude more than anything else is what gave me a different impression of what the show would be like #and the refusal to engage with a work for what it is is one of the annoying things about fandom shipping culture #like I wasn't expecting the relationship between Marcille and Falin to be SO understated. I wasn't expecting the bathroom hands #to basically be *it* with Marcille and Falin's interactions. Like there's just so little between them. Falin is barely in it. #And being super indignant that people would dare to ship Marcille with what the story clearly acts like is basically boy Falin #a character she actually spends the entire manga with and has a developed relationship with and that she clearly loves #(I think in general there are a few too many posts to my liking that toe a line towards 'gay shipping icky' for my tastes. But I get it) #I don't think I've been this gaybaited by something on tumblr for close to a decade which is also part of what's grinding my gears

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...