#I think I like it because I am a certain type of person and the author was trying to say something specifically to the type of person I am

[birdmenmanga]

@raventhekittycat

hi okay so I've been mulling this one over for the past day or two and I think I have the answer. not to be using hamburger to explain anything to an american but you're my detco mutual so I'm going to try and explain it in detco terms

There's a post going around recently about how if you've read detco and only detco, the first time hakuba shows up you're going to be totally flummoxed, because damn this guy is clearly important, he gets to be even cooler than Shinichi, he's got a half-page shot of him (in such a panel-dense series such as Detective Conan, no less!!) and he's got a fucking hawk. he's CLEARLY important. everything about the narrative is indicating that you need to PAY ATTENTION to hakuba and that he's the coolest guy and he's important!!!! and then he dies in the case lol (not for real. but still.)!! and you're like huh??? what was that. why did aoyama do that.

But with the context of magic kaito this totally makes sense. He's a beloved character that people have been waiting decades to see again. Of course Aoyama is going to hype him up!! It's his big moment after years of being locked in the backrooms!!!

Anyways reading birdmen for me was kind of like that. The author's previous series, Kekkaishi, was pretty one-dimensional at the beginning, and even after the main plot started picking up at around volume 6, it still felt quite understandable. I knew what she was trying to get at, and the spectacular job she did with the anthropocene and climate change metaphor towards the end of that series really made me interested in the rest of her works. That and the way she writes familial relationships is absolutely DEVASTATING. (I mean this with the highest of praise)

But when I read BIRDMEN for the first time, I was probably in... middle school, maybe? And I read it, sure, but I didn't get it. I could see what was literally happening on the page but the narrative choices were absolutely baffling at times. Why skip over the entire part of the plot where they figure out who the birdman that saved them was? She blatantly doesn't care about that. What does she care about then?? I knew I didn't get it, I knew there were parts of it that were important and I couldn't figure out why and THAT'S how it dug its pretty little claws into me. Even after I finished catching up it nagged at me a little bit, not often at all, but enough that every once in a while I go, huh, right, that was a thing, let me go read it again.

For the record this type of story haunting has happened to me twice. First time was the Heart of Thomas, second time was BIRDMEN. I think the thing is that these are both stories which are not what other people say they are and I think I came into both of these stories with a misconception, trying to look too hard for things that weren't important and therefore missing the things that were.

Because sure, BIRDMEN is about mental illness. Yeah, it's about an evil scientific organization growing mutants in a lab. Yeah, it's about what it means to leave your humanity behind. That's all technically correct, on a surface level, and the fandom at large likely agrees with these takes for the most part, but in my opinion none of that really delves into what the thematic messaging of the story is about.

There are cryptic conversations about authority and human extinction and peculiar outfit and ability choices. You can tell these choices weren't made to serve the purpose of "writing exciting shonen manga" because that was what she did for the most part in Kekkaishi and you can tell she wasn't putting her whole pussy into doing that here. So what was she doing? What's like. All of this. Waves my hands at this.

The short answer is that it's really about the interplay between capitalism (represented by humanity) and communism (represented by birdmen), and explores the role institutional white supremacy (EDEN) plays in enforcing capitalism. It is ALSO about queer liberation and the importance of community, but hey, that double-stacks conveniently with the communism metaphor.

But also take this opinion of mine with a grain of salt. As far as I know I'm the only one who really truly deeply believes that it is not only AN interpretation of the work, but one that was fully intended by the author.

So basically, I like it, because I think it says something true and beautiful that I also believe in, even if I didn't have the words for it the first time I read it. But I don't really think that's what people really look for in a media recommendation.

Do I like it? Yes, I love it. Will I recommend it to others? Yeah, sure. But do I think it's deeply flawed? Yeah, absolutely. It's flawed in the same ways as The Witch from Mercury— a rushed ending, too many threads that were opened and never tied together. The pacing and characterization is perfect in the beginning, and too rushed at the end. There are prerequisites you basically HAVE to read in order to understand the story (tempest for G-Witch and the communist manifesto for birdmen). I think a truly good story wouldn't have any of these things so if people don't like it I never blame them.

It's my personal experiences that make birdmen so profound to me. If you are not queer I just don't think Eishi coming out as a birdman to his mom will hit the same, just as an example. Sorry that I wasn't the kid you wanted me to be. I know you love me and you just want the best for me and that's why you're so controlling, because you think I can be saved by conforming to societal expectations. But I can't live like that. I can't be like that. And that's why I must go. etc.

Aesthetically I do love birdmen a lot. If I had to describe it in a few words it would probably be "chilling", "beautiful", and "powerful", which nicely coincides with the type of things I personally like to draw. It's also silly to a small degree but it's so serious and I know Tanabe can be way way way funnier (read kekkaishi for this. kekkaishi and hanazakari no kimitachi he were foundational to my sense of sequential art humor) so that's not really the standout trait of this series.

I can't let it go because I'm chewing this series like a bone. And it's taking me years but I am getting that sweet sweet marrow. By god. We are on year 3 of this shit and I am GOING to understand this series. and I'm going to make 3 video essays about it

#just thinking thoughts... #stray bird thoughts #so it's like... I don't like it because birdmen is good #I think I like it because I am a certain type of person and the author was trying to say something specifically to the type of person I am #OH #I'M THE TARGETED AUDIENCE THATS WHY I LIKE IT. #YEAH THATS REALLY IT!!! #A long time ago I said that birdmen wasn't written for the people who read it at the time it serialized. #it was written for the people they would become. #and I stand by that 100% #if it really stays with you there is going to be a reason even if you can't articulate it yet #and it may APPEAR sloppy to someone who doesn't see the queer or communist metaphor #like 'what is she doing what is she saying here she's not saying anything meaningful and emphasizing the wrong things' #but that sort of presumes she is gunning to make 'the best shonen manga ever' #which she clearly isn't. #I remember when I was reading fma with a bunch of my classmates and I'd lend them a volume or two every day #and a piece of feedback I received that has stuck with me was 'volume 15 was so boring' #(that was the volume recounting the ishval civil war. it was boring because we were middle schoolers and didn't REALLY get it.) #and like. I think to people who are looking for something like kks. the whole thing is going to feel like fma volume 15 #like WHAT is she going on about? ? ? #like witch hat and dunmesh I think are similar types of stories but I think these two are just executed way better than bm #but because of that it is just not as compelling to me you know. #like yeah yeah it's well constructed. we all see it's well constructed. #the metaphor is so well constructed that I don't feel the need to point it out. everyone is saying it already you know #but bm is cryptic enough and just slightly missed that execution enough that I feel like I'm pulling the analysis out of a smoking wreckage #recently I've been watching mentourpilot videos about airplane accidents and like. that's exactly it. #there's nothing to say about a perfectly executed flight. #it's the ones that failed. and in particular the ones that just barely failed by a little bit. that compels people the most. #cue my de communism is failure post. bc that bm sure did fail.

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[mysterywheeze]

If you've ever struggled with suicidal ideation, this has likely been a particularly difficult week. It certainly has been for me. I've lost a lot of trust in a lot of people. I hope this post doesn't make anyone lose trust in me.

You need to live. That means you, the person reading this post. I don't know your name or your situation but I know, with the same certainty that I know that the Earth is turning, that you need to live.

I know that it can be hard, crushingly hard. I know what it's like to feel so empty that getting out of bed seems impossible, or so overwhelmed that drastic action seems like the only way out.

It isn't. Death is not the answer. It sure as fuck isn't praxis. Please, please do not let anyone convince you otherwise. If you think that your death will have a net positive effect on the world, I promise you, as someone who has been there before, it won't.

And while I encourage you to do what you can to try and make the world a better place - donate to charity, pick up litter, volunteer your time, write your representatives, et cetera - I want to make it clear that those aren't requirements you need to meet to justify being alive. Your life has value, inherently.

Today things may be terrible. They may stay terrible for a while. But one day, a song will get stuck in your head that makes you feel something again. You'll meet a dog that loves you unconditionally. You'll eat a meal that tastes like it was cooked by an angel. You'll pick up a new hobby, perhaps without even realizing it, and it will bring you some sense of satisfaction. You'll watch a beautiful movie. You'll walk past a beautiful mural. Someone will compliment your outfit, someone will laugh at your joke, someone will tell you they're happy to spend time with you. One day you will wake up early enough to see the sun rise.

It's a cliche to say "it will get better". That's because it's true. It probably won't be a linear upward trend, rarely do things stay better forever, but there will come a time when you'll be glad you stayed alive. I promise.

#cw suicide #and uh. it's been a while since i last posted. i feel like i owe y'all a Life Update #so much has changed in my life - for better and worse - over the past two years #i have a degree and a (freelance) job and new friends. i have been through extreme stress and been taken advantage of because of it #there are a lot of things in my personal life that i wish were better. lowest points are not easy to recover from. #but at the end of the day i think it's a good thing that i'm still alive. #sidenote: this isn't the grand return of this blog or whatever. i haven't been keeping up with watcher content since early 2022 #i still love the boys it's just been a wild ride out here in meatspace #i hope to make a proper return to the fandom someday. right now a certain hat simulator has an iron grip on my brain #it's funny how a game i was barely familiar with just half a year ago has ended up helping me deal with extreme stress. #the very specific type of joy it brings me is not something i ever saw coming. i am so glad i'm here to feel it now.

[rose-ramblings]

you'll never guess what I've been playing lately

#goldic's drawings #vegito #dragon ball dokkan battle #good news everyone! I found a shading brush that I'm happy with! #i'll finish that other thing I keep mentioning eventually I swear I've only got 3 characters left to do on it #but uhhhhh y e a h I've been playing Dokkan for like a week and a half now (blame the content creators for making it look really fun) #I understand absolutely nothing other than 'it's a big number go brr type of game' #but it also gets me to use some strategy in my team building and fighting which I am very much enjoying so far #i didn't get Mr. Yosha himself or melty Zamasu (much to my personal sadness) but I did get a copy of Power-Awakening Piccolo #and enough of that PHY Zamasu with the tea set to rainbow him (and waaaay too many of a certain SR SSJ Goku that can awaken into SSG) #and a copy of that new Mai I guess (I'm not entirely sure how to use her properly in battle yet but I'll figure it out) #I've been calling that PHY Zamasu I mentioned 'Tea Time Zamasu' btw (mostly cuz of the tea set in his art) #oh yeah speaking of Tea Time Zamasu that man's been carrying my team in terms of eating hits like a champ so #definitely gonna be using him a lot; especially since *gestures to blog theme* he's one of my favorite villains in dragon ball #I haven't Dokkan Awakened the Piccolo at all yet (he's just a max level UR rn) but he's been pretty damn useful in taking hits himself #first unit I made an LR (besides the free one) was a Zamasu that turned into an LR Goku Black (F2P STR I think; he's my support unit rn) #I've also already collected all of Bardock's F2P crew and mostly maxed them out because I'm totally normal about it hehe #bardock's crew best crew I don't make the rules #goldic rambles #this is transparent because I couldn't figure out a decent background to give it

[fluffykitteninabox]

me at 15 reading about ocd on the internet: oh that sounds like a nightmare I don't think I could live like that, so glad I definitely don't have it

me getting diagnosed 7 years later:

#in my defence it feels nothing like the stereotypes portrayed on tv #like I had a school friend who was obsessed with the show monk #I've never actually seen it so idk if it does a good job portraying it or not but I know monk is the very stereotypical ocd character #and that friend would go on and on about the show and how relatable it felt to her #not sure if she also had undiagnosed ocd but she only used a certain type of pen #and would refuse to use any other to write #she even got me into it I bought them and we would share #they were nice pens #and she also had this little ritual where if you touched her neck you had to close your fingers #in a way that mimics that stereotype for Italian hand gestures #and then you had to huff on them #she literally would not let you do anything else after you touched her neck unless you finished that little ritual #and I never thought I had anything like that so that meant I didn't have ocd right? #but yeah now that I'm saying it it seems stupid #like just because I'm not a “neat person” and don't obsess over cleaning doesn't mean anything #I say I don't obsess over cleaning and then I proceed to disinfect everything I bring from outside into the house with rubbing alcohol #but that only happened after the pandemic so I'm often thinking if it really counts #do I really have ocd or am I just traumatised from the pandemic? #like if I know the when and how I started a specific behaviour then is it really part of a mental disorder? #I know the logic behind it so it's not really a problem #right? #can I tag this as ocd? am I allowed? #fuck it! #ocd #I'm sure people who know more about this than me can explain if it counts or not #maybe it doesn't #maybe it's just germophobia? #but then what would all the other stuff be? #checking to see if your relatives are still breathing in their sleep in the middle of the night isn't germophobia #but I know the cause of this too it's from losing my uncle does that mean it also doesn't count? is it considered traumatic? idk

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[dq1]

thinking again

#feel like i have become too complacent with watering myself down into an easily digestible identify for society #partially bc of my career is very conservative.. so #no piercings or tattoos. cut my long hair off to a mens hairstyle. i pass exclusively as a cis straight man as much as i can #especially around the old head bosses i meat #stopped learning japanese even though im mixed so i could learn French because its more useful where i live #i dont want to be useful and i dont want to be seen as some creature mimicking human anatomy like a robot i just want 2 be myself #but ive been doing this so long idk who myself would even be anymore #sometimes i get into old interests i had as a kid and i feel that spark like that 12 yr old didnt die on the inside but then its gone again #i wish a version of myself thats not palatable to my peers could exist #i want to relearn japanese and i want to ride motorcycles and i want to get into certain types of music or clothes #but it also feels like none of it really matters anymore at the same time #if i could be anything i would be a funeral director in nagoya but thats something that can never happen #i shove everything i like down so deep you have to reach to find it #this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be #but being human we r just cursed with bodies that dont feel like our own and having to cut and shape them in a way #that u feel better but not enough so that the people around you are frightened #this is mostly the fact i have avoidant personality disorder and i know i can never be what normal is for most people #i want 2 be myself but myself died somewhere in a past life i think #i am not even human on the inside. half the time i joke w people that im an rpg slime or the human version of those sponge slimes #hence my nickname irl literally being gelo / jello / jelly #and if not that then black German shepherd dogs r also literally just me #but alas i am stuck in a human body #one thats too fat too hairy too sick too broken and i have to deal with it and rebuild myself everyday so people aren't uncomfortable #ANYWAY!!! maybe ill add onto this later ...idk. #to be born again.. sighs.

[katyspersonal]

I don't understand how there are people still supporting your content after it's clear you are an emotionally unstable narcissist. I swear some people care about their dumb fandoms more than common human decency.

First - I refuse to let my lore posts, drawings and theories be called 'content'. I protest. It is a very soulless term that reduces creativity (the very expression of the soul, mind you!) to some sort of shallow and more importantly, replaceable good. "Why you consume the content from this PROBLEMATIC :( person" in the same vein as "Why you buy your car fuel from an unethical corporation" is absolutely absurd in any way, because creations are not physical goods but something unique.

Second, you seem to be confused on what the fandom entails.

Being a fan of something, in fact, doesn't... really entail all that much? Being a fan of something doesn't, and will NEVER mean that you subscribe to certain cultural, religious, political or humanity values or opinions, it will NEVER be only for the ones the loudest people in the crowd deemed "right" and "pure" enough, and certainly it will NEVER be only for people with clear history *cough cough* or people of "proper" mental state *COUGH cough*.

The only, and only, and only, and ONLY "requirement" for being a Bloodborne fan is - to care about Bloodborne. Ironically, this is something people I tend to become antagonists with often fail at, as there is a difference between 'Bloodborne fan' and 'Mariadeline fan that knows nothing about BB lore and holds only interests in how to shame men more and what kind of fans to declare "problematic"' *COUGH COUGH* god sorry guys, got a bad cough attack during this ask fhdhgfds

But, again, I think we the people that obsess with this or that media came to the conclusion that gatekeeping leads to another extreme - the whole thing with shaming artists that draw something not accurate, and think something not 100% correct to the canon is 'dirtying' the canon. You know, the whole 'oh you are fan of X band? name 40 songs' thing. So I think gatekeeping should be avoided unless someone appears who is both completely uneducated about lore AND tries to set their own rules.

*COOOOOUGH COOOOOUGH*

But, yeah. Your confusion is likely caused by the fact that people who like Bloodborne... love to read about Bloodborne, and not about what user should be blacklisted and what character is this or that identity and what this or that character is "problematic" etc. I object the idea that certain game/movie/book/etc is only for "right" kind of people and I think we as society at this rate are capable of separating interaction with the fictional universe and personality/personal lives.

#ask replies #personal #disco horse #/negative #i think my line of thought started with cringe statements YEARS ago such as the stuff like uhhhhh... #like people being like 'hey CIS MEN stephen universe is for women and trans men and nb folks we take it back!!!' #i then thought 'wow bitches really think enjoying a fictional thing is only for certain type of people????' #but by now it seems to have came the full circle #that said i welcome everyone in this fandom who likes bloodborne #because art is supposed to unite people not divide them #and certainly no game or movie or book is ONLY for 'certain' type of people #art is supposed to have default capacity of reaching everyone despite everything. #yooo you remember how j k rowling claimed ppl who still love hp support her ideals? NEVER do that shit folks #granted there is grey area of people not wanting to get money from people that are on polar different side of politic/humanity compass #which is valid? but i'd appreciate it if that wasn't forced onto people who do NOT benefit anything and just want to enjoy stuff #also emotional stuff is somewhat absurd tbh #i am making conscious effort ever since sp*de blocked me without explaining why to hold people at far emotional distance #so they do not have to be exposed to possibly questionable emotional stuff they don't know how to address #like... i do not in fact cling to people nor i make friends anymore unless they are PROVEN to be as chaotic as me #but again for some people bad once = bad forever and I don't play that game anymore lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

*screenshots the highlights of my youtube to mp3 downloads folder as if it were some fancy aesthetic spotify wrapped image or whatever* 

#I don't know how spotify works I'm not sure how the images people share are actually generated but you know what I mean lol #Though I do wish the native windows music player thing kept track of like.. how many times you listened to a song or something #merely because I think it would be really funny for me since I'm very much a like 'listen to the same 3 songs on rotation for literally #4 months at a time. then eventually rotate in another few songs to replace those. never revisit any of them again' type person #And like most media I have a lot of trouble connecting with music or ascribing it the same deep meaning that most other people seem to get o #ut of it like. I think maybe it has something to do with my emotional range in general being very shallow (I am neutral 90% of the #time and even when I'm not I just don't feel things very strongly. when I do feel antyhing it's weak fleeting emotions usuually that #I don't even remember a few days from then. You know how babies don't have object permanence? It's like I don't have emotional permanence lo #l. Which is probably standard for like. severe childhood neglect situations where nobody was around for you to mirror their #emotions in early childhood or whatever usually happens when people are being raised. Like if nobody was there to encourage the development #of emotions and show what those look like then maybe your brain just doesn't develop them properly or etc. etc. ANYWAY gjhjhb) #I think maybe that has somehting to do with why it's just really hard for me to care about media of all kinds - and even when I do it's not #very deep. Also probably why I've never really been in a fandom or gone to a concert or been really into anything like that. Because people #form deep emotional connections and memories and attachments to their favorite media and I just like... don't #I can still like things!! But it's always in a more like.. intellectual kind of cognitive way if that makes sense? Like if I liked a TV show #it would never be becaise I find the message heartwarming or the characters relatable or because it made me FEEL something. It would be bec #ause the lore is cool and I like to analyze it. Or I think there's an interesting social dynamic going on which is fun to kind of pick #at the innerworkings of. And if I like a song like.. it's not because This Music Got Me Through A Hard time In My Life or because #I relate deeply to the lyrics or it makes me feel a certain way - it's usually because the overlapping of instruments or thetones that are #used interests me or there's something intruguing or cool about it to hear. Part of why I like classical or choir music is that there's oft #en so many instruments playing over each other it's like a little puzzle to try and hear each part seperately or etc. etc. #Which isn't to say that I can NEVER relate to or feel some sort of attachement or idea related to a piece of media. but just that it's not #ever very strong. like not powerful enough to be some significant motivator or pivotal aspect of my personality or etc. #BUT ANYWAY. I still can like things to a degree probably not just the same exact way as others lol. #So I rarely even listen to music that often (maybe once a week or so? I'll listen to like one song or two. but I'm not like a 'have music on #in the background playing in the house all the time' or 'listen to music while I get ready' type) but when I do it's very repetitive. I do #think it would be interesting to see the statistics then lol. I thought windows media player used to track statistics so I wonder why the #'updated' version of that on windows 10 doesnt??? Maybe bc they assume everyone is using streaming services instead? stinky #I don;t think the built in music player on my phone tracks anything either. It's more of just a file accessor or something. hmmgbb #That alone will never convince me to actually use some service to get music though lol. I don't need the statistics. yttmp3 for life babey

[neuromantis]

my biggest L as a "technically a lesbian" is that i usually don't like female characters in media at all while i am a fucking head-over-heels women respecter for actual real life women.

#like from the characters i blog about you'd think i'm into men #which is very much not what i am at all #i mostly like certain types of fictional men because i relate to them more easily #this is an excercise in being entirely irrevocably self-centered #or like searching for my identity and exploring self-expression through characters i think are similar to me #you know gender identity is a bullshit when you're a woman who always related only to personality traits considered 'masculine' #or used exclusively with male characters in media #i am yet to see a woman who's pathetic in the same way i am pathetic #i just have a toxic basic white boy personality and i am so sorry

[birdmenmanga]

don't know if I"m doing better per se. but it's a new day. I have dance tonight and I've never wanted to go less, etc. etc. etc. time to uhhhh hmm draw yeah that's all I can do

#just thinking thoughts... #it's so interesting looking back on the illustrations I've posted about the ballroom blorbos #because every time there's been huge changes to their characters #visually and like. in terms of personality #the themes are coming together which is insane #I didn't used to be this kind of person. I used to put plot before thematic material. #unfortunately birdmen completely rewired my entire concept of storytelling. you know how it is #and I mean. the plot follows naturally from the themes... #if I know that I'm using the tournament setting for ballroom dancing as a parallel to the manga industry #where you can win and lose at making art #the critiques and therefore the plot comes really easily #that you have to be a certain way in order to even qualify for the rat race you know #and so what if you have artistic goals or a sense of identity that you're not willing to compromise. what then. #(this is about gender roles and dancing as a trans man who will never be able to gain access to surgeries and hormones.) #((this is also about being unwilling to pander to the anime dudebros nor the fujoshis by refusing to objectify any of the characters)) #and if I am using the partnered dance as a way to discuss qprs #where they are in a committed relationship that is not friendship or lovers and is not inherently better or worse than those types #the plot from that perspective also follows naturally #mumbling to myself. sorry for the spoilers everyone.

[cluescorner]

I love being able to curate the content I see online. Like, there’s this one thing in this one fandom I’m in that makes me very uncomfortable. And I can just...block it! Like, nope I’m not gonna see this I am going to block the tag. I don’t have to see things I don’t like for ANY REASON and I don’t have to like...moralize it like I do IRL. I am uncomfy with this specific thing so I’m gonna block it and never talk about it, it’s as simple as that. Another under-rated part of this is that I don’t misplace my anger at things that are happening to me IRL onto strangers on the internet. IDK why people are always like ‘you shouldn’t block people or subjects just because you don’t like them’ when, like, it’s better for literally everyone involved if I don’t see this stuff and me not seeing it is harming literally nobody. It’s different for topics that are really important and that SHOULD make me uncomfortable (why I don’t have tags about current events in my country blocked even though they make me DEEPLY UPSET), but for stuff like fandom bs (which for me is just for fun) nobody loses in this scenario. It’s why my block-list is so long ngl. There’s a tag that’s dedicated to a ship that I think reinforces gender-stereotypes and makes me angry because of that, but makes other people feel empowered in their masculinity/femininity for a reason I don’t quite understand? I’m glad it exists to make others happy, but I’m blocking it. There’s an account that exclusively posts about a character from a video-game who reminds me of some fucked up shit in my personal life, even if the account owner seems like a perfectly decent person? Have a good life random stranger, but bye bye. If I’m like ‘hey can we please not talk about x’ irl everyone wants to know WHY I don’t want to talk about x. Here, I can just block the subject from appearing entirely (assuming people are tagging shit properly, which in my experience most people in my communities DO) and not need to justify it to a larger audience. And it’s better for LITERALLY EVERYBODY INVOLVED if I don’t engage with certain subjects. 

TLDR; I love having the ability to block tags and accounts without needing to justify it. 

#idk why I wrote this #I think it's because I just had a deeply uncomfortable conversation about something that I heavily dislike #and I couldn't get out of it #while online I can just prevent that conversation from even happening #it's pretty neat #and mutually beneficial #again #I don't see things I don't want to see and the people posting things I don't want to see don't deal with me and my bs #btw I am working on that #it was just my least-harmful coping mechanism for so long that it's hard to grow out of #it's why I deleted some of my earlier rants #because there's no reason for me to be mean to things other people like when in reality I can just...not do that #esp when there's no harm actually being done #it's different when Bioshock: Infinite does some bullshit with Daisy Fitzroy or Genshin is just...not including certain types of people #when the region in the FUCKING GAME Is based on an area that has a large population of those people #but the more I think about it the more I am seeing a pattern #Bad thing happens in Clue's personal life translates into Clue posting an angry rant about something she doesn't actually care about #yeah #not fun for anyone involved #so I'm just blocking tags so that I get less mad about things that don't matter in the first place

[thedevotionaltour]

in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️

#can someone also get him better inkers rn i am begging. pleading even. HE MAKES GOOD STUFF THEY JUST GIVE HIM SHIT INKERS WHO DONT GET IT. #MY FIRM BELIEF. im sorry. i like his stuff. there are certain things not quite my taste but i think he does good overall im a fan. BE NICE #static.soundz #sorry that last post was so directly inspired by seeing someone go can u guys be nice he is on a fucking nutbag schedule. which he is. #i dont think some people understand the insanity of comic production. and how much it takes a toll on you. #many have said and i will say it too: comics is a killing industry. it is a beautiful fun job. it is fulfilling. it will also destroy you. #the most common and easiest to use example is in fact the manga industry. they want chapters in a week. 20 page type chapters in a week. #A WEEK!!! and currently look at things like webtoon as well which also expect the same amount of pages. in a week. an issue in a week #is an insane demand. it is an unreasonable demand. it is scheduling that leads you to a crash and burnout and health issues #because it is fully finished polished pages. as much as i poke and complain about how some things look there #i am also highly aware of production schedules. even if some styles are not my taste that still doesnt mean it isnt insane work #and it's the same in american big industry comics too. it isnt weekly demand the way those are. but it's still an intense schedule #you are working on pages and can get behind years before those comics even hit shelves. #and as it becomes more individualized too as we lose the team element and work becomes more one person doing all pencils and inks #that schedule is a lot. it just is. it doesnt matter if theres more time in comparison to other parts of the industry #the point is that it is all very demanding and exploitative. there is a drive yourself to your grave mentality here and i've had ppl try #to shove that mindset onto my and my peers which is the worst thing possible to encourage. highly alarming and disheartening to encourage #impressionable students already so worried about making it to drive themselves to an early grave. abuse substances to get through work. #work excessive hours while you still can because when you hit your 30s youre gonna lose that ability #become bitter and prepared for rejection as opposed to success because this industry sucks! #it's just such an unhealthy depressing mindset. i've had more artists preach the exact opposite as that and more ppl have been trying to #shift over to valuing your time and health. but still a lot of people are in that other mentality. and it's very very very sad. #i am only a student doing very low stakes homework for classes. i have no industry experience. and i still get it taken out of me #to do fully fledged out pages in my style in one week. this is also just a thing for me bc certain personal factors just make it hard #but still. comics are fun. they are fun. they are fulfilling. they will lead you to so many fucking issues if you are not highly careful #there is a reason why so so so many fucking comic artists have very well known issues. why you hear about so many ppl with substance issues #artists with very poor mental health. when you are in comics this is how it is. #i am glad there has been a big shift in recent years towards taking care of yourself as an artist. and that more ppl try to value it so tha #things can hopefully change at large in a broader sense. but please remember. we are an exploited chew up spit out industry too.

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

HEY! Just because I am now 20 I think having something to kind of re establish boundaries would be good! Considering the ones I put all those times ago have changed :D GENERAL RULES! Do not be racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, or discriminatory against anyone for any reason. Please if someone is calling you out for things you have done or said, please self-reflect and take the proper steps to change or remove yourself from the community. If you see something you do not like, and it IS MADE WORSE BY BRINGING ATTENTION TO IT, THEN IGNORE IT! Bringing attention to problems that just arent really problems with either the community or me in general are not worth it! Please use common sense when thinking about what/what not to engage with! I personally wish that people in the community do NOT engage with people who just obviously do not like me! Chances are they want a reaction from it so it is MUCH better to just not argue with someone whos mind you will not change! ALLOW CRITICISM OF ME AND MY CONTENT! IF YOU DONT AGREE OR DONT LIKE THEN DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT!!!! ALL IT WILL DO IS CAUSE UNESSICARY DRAMA!!! DO NOT make ANY comments or content about me that is explicitly sexual. I completely understand that lately there have been bits due to the changes in how I’ve been presenting myself and how I’ve been presenting more femininely, but that does not allow anyone to use that as an excuse to sexualize any features and such that are more feminine or masculine. Remember that femininity is not sexual and should not be seen or created as such just because its there! (for example, the Vtuber costume and chat being overly weird over the added boobs where there was no need for it). DO NOT draw me in ways that are sexual either, such as highlighting any aspects in a sexual way, or making the content something sexual. I am completely okay with being drawn as any body type, masculine presenting or feminine presenting, as long as you stick to this! PLEASE DO NOT SPECULATE ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!!! Making jokes about certain topics CAN be fine, but a line is crossed when it becomes a legitimate speculation or if a joke is said when I have expressed my discomfort! RESPECT MY FRIENDS!!! All of my friends are their own, incredible people. And they do not deserve to be lumped in or referred to as JUST "my friend". Be respectful in their chats even when im not there, and be respectful to all of them everywhere else! IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU MAY BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG PLEASE LISTEN!!! There has been a lot of times in which I have seen people be unwilling to change in the face of a genuine discussion, and that is not something I want in the community! I should NOT have to police every single thing because it should NOT take me saying something in order to change your mind! As my words are not worth more or less when it comes to a lot of subjects! And lastly, do good. Whenever you have the ability to. BE POSITIVE!!! The hater mindset is very draining and can be very toxic to both you and the people around you, so highlight the good instead of the bad if you have the ability to! I am so incredibly proud of how far this community has come, and I cannot wait for the future!!! I have spent some time writing this, but it may not be perfect, so I will update this as time goes on and I think of more, or if something needs to be SUPER cleared up, but for now these are the main ones! I will NOT be updating this after every little thing however, as I do not want you guys to feel like the only way that something is wrong is if I talk about it! As you guys should be able to sustain yourself as a community without my consistent input! Imma go enjoy my birthday by eating a pizza :) thank you all!

[meadowsofmay]

i reeeally shouldn't have read the comments on those early eps of vox machina campaign because the amount of people not understanding the fucking reality of stressful situations, piling of factors — such as morals, beliefs, previous experiences that make you either resistant or prone to more explosive reactions, — and actual need of diverse characters and hence, their diverse way of coping with/after traumatizing events... it's astonishing. everyone has their own breaking point, everyone has their own moral line that they would not overstep. and just because one character acts stupid or impulsive or explosive — just fucking irrational, doesn't mean its bad. it means that it's humane because humans tend to act irrational. why? because all of us have their own level of sanity preserved for stressful situations and me and my friends would act in completly different ways pre-during-post emergency happening.

and yes, humans do act fucking cringe. deal with that as you wish but don't be disgusting pile of shit towards a person doing a role playing for a tabletop game.

#these people never role fucking played a minute in their life #i am at the stage where my experience in the internet doesn't make me rage at comments but yk #it makes me disappointed #because no one ever asks to love a certain character #it is natural to discuss the ways one has been unfair #but yk #i am done thank you very much #character fucking analysis needs you to see a bigger picture #the reasons and yes post battle and mid loss of a friend moment IS a good explanation(!) for unleashing an unjustifiable amount of rage #and yet you look at the reasons and connect the dots #YOU DO NOT FUCKING BASH A PLAYER LIKE YOUR LIFE IS FUELED BY PURE HATE #that's what I fucking HATE #people thinking that their hate is justifiable when it's fucking not #attacking a player personally is not a way to judge a character #morons #it's almost five am i am in the middle of ep 8 #and i am pretty sure i am pulling an old isssue back to the surface #i will let it rest i promise #i just needed to rest as this type of behavior baffles me #i am sorry #vox machina #critical role #cr #may rambles

[theeverdream]

Piece of highly-anticipated media: releases on a Friday

Person, on Monday: are spoilers still an issue?

Me: ......... what

#THANKS FOR ASKING BUT YES YES THEY ARE #Like it's not anybody's responsibility to not post something at all just please tag it but like I don't feel like it has to be off your blo #completely until a certain point or anything - it's released already so just do what you want with ideally the appropriate tags #But I kind of feel like it's #not in any way respectful to think that everybody who cares about spoilers is going to have watched it in the first few days? #Idk but this is a disability related issue for me #I am absolutely not going to be able to watch everything in the first few days even if I have access to the streaming platform it's on #And I know that some people consider a week to be their limit for when they spoiler things for theatrical releases and it's like... #Some of us can't get to the theater! #From what I'm seeing of certain comments on certain other platforms that aren't tumblr there seems to be an increase in people #feeling free to express how much they relish the world revolving around them because nobody else could possibly be different from them #Which is very much not what the person in my post was doing but the type of thing I see in youtube comments for example just does #not give me a very good tolerance for things that I feel like people could have figured out with a few minutes thinking about how people #might engage with the world differently from how they do