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saffron-nova21 · 3 years

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XIX. Secret Tours

Remember Me Masterlist

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Warnings: Strong language

A/N: I know, I’m so sorry about the lack of a read more, I might try to add one later, but currently, they aren’t working on my phone and my laptop is out of commission. I’m really, really sorry, guys.

...

With a sweet, but sleepy, smile plastered on your lips, you step away from the train with Atsumu, your bag slung over your shoulder, finding yourself excited to meet Tetsurō in person. You might not have known him for very long, nor had you met him in person yet, but all he’d been was a good friend to you. One you had come to need and depend on, with all that had been going on in your life. All of those lonely days, who had texted you and grounded you throughout all of it? Not your brother, not any of your team mates, no... It had been a stranger you’d met through Twitter, by pure coincidence.

He was the one who had knocked some sense into you to stop giving Rintarō chances. He was the one who talked you into telling Atsumu what had happened, rather than continuing to allow yourself to be manipulated. He had been the one to tell you that quitting volleyball club and practicing on your own would be best, with the way the other team members continuously made you feel like shit and gave you the cold shoulder.

When you spot he and his best friend standing there, the latter with a game in his hands, you nearly jump out of your skin as a jolt of excitement runs through you.

Looking at who who assumed to be Kenma, you found yourself touched that Kenma continuously glanced up to search for you, immediately getting the sense that he probably didn’t do that very often.

You end up walking towards them without a word to your best friend. Though Atsumu would tease you later on, saying you were borderline running to the two. When they caught sight of you, Kenma and Tetsurō go bug-eyed for a moment. Kenma’s arms fall a bit as his attention shifts to you, completely.

Both of them were quickly able to come to one conclusion: Any pictures of you did you no justice.

As you reach them, you stop just short of them, having to retrain yourself from leaping on them both... They’d been so good to you, it only felt normal to want to hug them.

“Hi,” you grin at them both, effectively breaking their momentarily stunned silence, your smile shining nearly as brightly as the sun.

A grin emerges on Tetsurō’s face as he shakes his head and offers open arms, to which you nearly jump in, hugging him tightly. Very quickly, he had become your anchor, being there for you and believing in you, when even your team lost faith in you and you could only hope your embrace conveyed all of the emotions that you couldn’t voice.

Hugging Tetsurō felt like hugging an old friend, or an older brother you never got to see. His embrace felt warm and it made this sense of security wash over you that you hadn’t felt in a very long time.

“Ready to go?”

“Of - fucking - course I am!” Your voice attracts the attention of people around you and makes Kenma look back down at his screen, being knocked from his trance. He hadn’t been staring, he hadn’t been staring, he hadn’t been stari — “I get to come and play volleyball with some of Tokyo’s best. Not to mention, Tokyo has some other-worldly pretty setters.”

Kenma doesn’t respond, his head just shooting up to give you a brief, almost confused glance look before returning his attention to his gaming device.

Though you don’t miss the reddening of his ears.

“Yeah, I meant you, Kenma, baby.” You grin, finally slipping from Tetsurō’s embrace to look at Kenma, who looks at you again.

Momentarily, the faux-blonde looks confused, before he lets out a small exhale, opening his own arms to you. Moving forward, you embrace him, without a care in the world that you hardly knew him. And as he rests his chin on your shoulder, you miss the slight smile that forms on his lips.

Pulling away after a moment, you allow Kenma back to his game, “You guys give some amazing fucking hugs. Just thought you should know.” You inform them, before turning to face an oddly quiet Atsumu.

You always complimented people a lot and borderline flirted with everyone around you, until you and Suna started dating. And now, you were back to being your normal flirty self.

Though Atsumu was the same way, consistently flirting with everything that breathed.

You both weren’t together, you’d just been flirting, putting your past feelings out in the open, and opening the doors to a relationship between you both maybe having a relationship one day.

There was nothing exclusive between you both, as far as you were aware. Not to mention that he was still talking up a storm with his fan club, just yesterday.

But apparently you were wrong.

...

You shouldn’t have been as excited as you were about touring Nekoma High. You’d be transferring for your final year of high school, leaving behind all of the people you’d met. Leaving, even if Suna could regain his memories any day now, leaving even though you and Atsumu had only just laid out all of your feelings out on the table, together.

As you approach the large gym, a smile forms on your face, eyes shining as if you’d just opened a present. Everyone around you could see the way you picked up your pace and held your head up higher, even if you didn’t quite notice it.

Entering the gym, you looked around, glancing at all of the people who looked towards you at your entrance. As much as you wanted to shy away from the attention, you couldn’t, just grinning as Tetsurō comes to stand next to you.

The realization seems to hit them, the teams walking over to speak and introduce themselves.

You were so caught up that you didn’t notice the way Atsumu watched you. Even though he introduced himself and conversed with his normal lazy smirk, he couldn’t miss the way you smiled.

For so many weeks, your smiles had been half-hearted. They hadn’t quite reached your eyes, and everyday, it seemed like you were dragging your feet, just waiting, wishing the days would come to an end. So how could he miss your first genuine smile in weeks? How could he miss the way your eyes lit up, while you looked around? How could he miss the way you spoke to them excitedly, without having to hold your tongue for fear of people attacking you for what you said? How could he miss the way you clicked so easily with these people?

That's the thing. He couldn't.

...

"I think you'll really like the people here, too. Of course, every high school can have a toxic atmosphere, but it hasn't really ever gotten half as bad over here as what you've had to deal with, in the past months." Tetsurō explains with a grin playing on his lips.

"Over here are some of our other clubs. I assumed you'd be signing up for the volleyball club, but in case you truly wanted a clean break, here you are." Reaching a hand to the bulletin, he pulls off one of the many sheets, filled with different clubs. "Do you want to look at the classrooms, or would you rather tour the courtyard?"

Thinking momentarily, you roll your shoulders in a nonchalant shrug, "Honestly, you said it yourself, the Chemistry classroom was the most interesting and you already showed it to me, so the courtyard sounds best."

With a nod and a teasing smirk cast in your direction, a 'this way, your highness' came from your friend.

Walking to the courtyard with Tetsurō, you smile, "So... Kenma. He's... Interesting."

The Captain goes bug-eyed at your words, though it's hidden behind a curtain of messy black hair, from the angle you're looking at him. He quickly hides it with a discreet shake of his head. "What happened to that setter of yours, that you were so in-love with?"

Embarrassment floods you, your face growing warm as your bring a hand to rub the back of your neck. "What-?" Your feigned ignorance doesn't fly with your new friend, though, who makes you drop your 'act' with a knowing look. "Look, I love Atsumu... But am I in love with him?" You sigh. "I told him that it might be possible that I attempted to move on with him... But I know how he's going to take it, when I tell him I'm changing schools.

"I love Atsumu, I do... But I know him better than anyone else. Except for maybe Osamu. And knowing him so well means knowing that he's not going to want to accept it. He's going to think I'm abandoning him and lash out. Then he'll feel guilty, but won't apologize, because he's prideful."

Tetsurō furrows his brows, looking at you, "Then what are you going to do? Just not say anything when you disappear, next school year?"

Looking around, you smile a bit up at the bright blue sky. A few fluffy white clouds decorated it, but otherwise, it was nothing but clear skies. It almost made you forget the fact that Atsumu wouldn't be able to handle you moving schools. He'd nearly lost his shit when you had changed middle schools and the only way that he had kept his cool was knowing you'd be going to the same high school together.

"I don't know."

Tetsurō nods a bit in understanding, opting not to say much more on the topic.

As Tetsurō continued to give you the tour, neither of you noticed the texts from Kenma, warning you that Atsumu had left the gym in search of 'the bathroom' and hadn't come back.

And you would soon find yourself regretting not checking your phone.

Tetsurō honestly hopes that you and Kenma get along. He worries about Kenma, for after he goes to university, and knowing that he's leaving someone behind who will make sure Kenma takes care of himself makes him feel a lot better.

Atsumu wants you happy. But he wants you happy with him. Even if you're not dating, he knows distance can ruin friendships.

You know that you're attracted to Kenma - of course, you wouldn't call it a crush since you only just met him, but you do want to get to know him more.

I hope you guys are enjoying, still!

You guys better be eating some food, drinking some water, and taking care of yourselves mentally and physically. But remember, no matter what, I'm proud of you and I love you. You're doing great, today. Even if you just got out of bed, keep it up, because you're doing great, alright? Things will get better, I promise.

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franniebanana · 3 years

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CQL Rewatch - Ep 25

Every time I start these things, I say something stupid or controversial right away that probably turns people off. Honestly, it's not my fault how weird the cuts are on these CQL episodes! If you're on the fence about reading this, I mostly babble and gush about wangxian, so just ignore the other stuff, okay?

Maybe it's because I'm old and have no patience, but Wei Wuxian really needs to get over the whole Jin Zixuan thing. He wears such a scowl when the guy shows up, but at a certain point, he needs to just move on. His shijie is totally into the guy, so just accept it and move on with your life! Yes, it's all very dramatic and makes for fun television, but it's a little old. I think maybe I've seen this show too many times haha.

And I can't help myself, but it's adorable how excited Jin Zixuan gets when Jiang Yanli accepts the invitation to watch. I don't know when or how this happened, but he's suddenly head over heels for her. I'm not going to over-analyze the whens and hows of that relationship, though, because I don't think it matters. Jin Zixuan is one of those characters who I think is mostly there to move the plot forward, which is totally fine. I'm just saying I don't think there's any deep meaning to why he suddenly fell for her, so I'm going to continue thinking they are cute and adorable in this whole puppy love phase.

And it's a little annoying how Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng keep looking at her. They both know (Jiang Cheng said it in the last episode) that she's in love with Jin Zixuan, so it should be no surprise that she's accept the invitation. Again, it's like Jiang Cheng just is obsessed with keeping people at his side. Honey, there's nothing for Jiang Yanli in Lotus Pier. She's going to get married and move away, period. That's the whole thing with patriarchal societies--she's not gonna marry her brother, and obviously Wei Wuxian is out of the question. It's just--why the surprise?

Seriously, man, you're being such a dick! He will not let anything go with Jin Zixuan, he just keeps holding those grudges until the day Jin Zixuan dies! Maybe this is a hallmark of Wei Wuxian's first life, though. When he is resurrected, he learns to let a lot of this emotional baggage go. But right now, he's just being an ass, stepping in front of Jin Zixuan, not allowing him to say anything else, not letting Jiang Yanli walk him out alone--like, why are you accompanying her?! Wei Wuxian barely attends to any duties at Lotus Pier, but because he sees Jin Zixuan as this villain, he won't let his shijie be alone with him. Of course, there is propriety to consider, but then why couldn't Jiang Yanli have been accompanied by her handmaidens or something? I'm just saying, there were other ways. And also, this whole episode centers around Wei Wuxian clashing with the Jin Clan, so why did we need more of that here?

I don't have a terrible about to say about this, but everyone outside of the Jin Clan is shocked by the Wens being hauled out on a chain gang at the Phoenix Mountain hunt. Obviously Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are shocked and horrified, but also Jiang Cheng, Lan Xichen, and Nie Mingjue are also shown to be disturbed by this. At least upon first glance, it looks like they all think the Jins have gone a bit too far. And of course they have! It's no wonder that Wei Wuxian does that OP move where he shoots all the targets. He doesn't want to see less-skilled archers accidentally (or even purposefully) shoot the Wen prisoners.

I like that Jin Zixuan also does the jumpshot move. Like father, like son, I guess!

Hahaha that pout! But seriously, how does Wei Wuxian intend to use Lan Wangji's headband to cover his eyes? That thing is way too thin. Though he's probably serious here, it's nice to see that teasing side again, after seeing angry eyes Wei Wuxian for a while, now. Also fun to see Lan Wangji just not having it, and just ignoring him.

Iconic. Not much I can say here, other than he's sexy and he knows it. I noticed Lan Wangji kind of smirking as Wei Wuxian is putting on the blindfold, and I find myself wondering if that's really Lan Wangji or Yibo. Either way, I think it's safe to say that he's proud of Wei Wuxian for sticking it to the man.

The weird thing here is that he agrees to be blindfolded for the entire hunt, but then just...doesn't. It's strange that he would even agree to it, and then there's no mention of it again. Novel readers of course remember this for the infamous kiss scene (personal favorite of mine). This was cut for obvious reasons, but it's a damn shame because that's the hottest kiss I've ever read, I kid you not. Of course the reader can guess who it is--it's fairly obvious--but it's great because Wei Wuxian has no idea. He thinks it's some shy girl who just doesn't want him to know! Honestly, his cluelessness there is probably why people seem to think he's dumb. Instead of dumb, I'd say he's naive. It doesn't occur to him at all that Lan Wangji harbors any romantic feelings for him, because if it had, Lan Wangji's reaction to being seen definitely would have tipped him off. Plus the guy either punches a tree in half or cuts it--the translations vary and I obviously can't read Chinese.

I love how his expression changes when he sees Lan Wangji. It's like there's an inward gasp, and then relief. I don't want to read too much into things, but they are also alone in the woods together. Wei Wuxian doesn't have to perform for the crowd of people, he doesn't have to put on airs--he can just be himself. We get so many nice, candid moments between the two of them, but it's been a couple of episodes, I think. A good amount of time has certainly passed since they've seen each other. I'm sure Wei Wuxian looks forward to these moments as much as Lan Wangji does.

Ugh, and then he gets totally crushed, recalling what Lan Xichen said about being careful not to hurt those who care about him. And again, I think he wishes to distance himself from Lan Wangji. If there is distance, it means he cannot be harmed. Of course, Wei Wuxian thinks of Lan Wangji first because the warning came from his brother, but it can just as easily be applied to any of those who are close to him. He doesn't ever hesitate around Jiang Cheng or even Jiang Yanli, but it seems he's more protective of Lan Wangji. Some of that may have to do with the Gusu Lan principles and that he's not from the same clan or family--in that way, it's easier to put distance in between them. But maybe he doesn't realize that Lan Wangji feels the same closeness (indeed much more) than if Wei Wuxian were a fellow Gusu Lan disciple. Their relationship with each other pays no attention to clans or sects--it's just the two of them and how they feel about each other. And if Wei Wuxian doesn't realize this or perhaps chooses to ignore it, he'll think that distance is the answer. Unfortunately for him, Lan Wangji won't accept that.

I think there's a little bit of, "Shit! He's seen me!" and also "Thank God he's seen me." Wei Wuxian seems to be both panicked and relieved that Lan Wangji didn't just keep on walking. This scene does hurt my heart, because Lan Wangji is so sure of himself, so absolutely sure that he loves Wei Wuxian and wants to stay beside him, but Wei Wuxian just isn't. He's very conflicted about what his place is--at home and among the rest of the clans. He already feels ostracized because of the unorthodox cultivation, he is constantly arguing with Jiang Cheng, and he has Lan Wangji on his back all the time about coming to Gusu to be retrained. And on top of that, we're seeing his views about the Wens changing. Perhaps if he didn't see Wen Qing on that road, he would have let it all go, but once he sees her, everything changes. I tend to think that he would have done something sooner or later, because that's just who he is. Seeing Wen Qing and finding out what happened to Wen Ning only forced him to act sooner.

He says, "What do you take me for?" echoing Wei Wuxian's question, and he can't even look him in the eye. This is Lan Wangji, someone who doesn't back away from anything, yet this question has him retreating. I think he's very much afraid of the answer, maybe even regretting asking it in the first place. But I think it was done in the heat of the moment. His question, though it is the same words, is completely different than Wei Wuxian's. Wei Wuxian is exasperated, feeling stifled by Lan Wangji's attempts to help him. His question is off-hand, "Come on, I don't need this? Why are you so obsessed with figuring out how to change me?" Lan Wangji's is more serious, earnest, honest: basically questioning their entire relationship. Are they best friends? Are they even friends? Does Wei Wuxian see him as just some guy he used to know or some kind of pest? Lan Wangji makes himself really vulnerable here; his question suggests that he considers Wei Wuxian to be a very important person, he considers them close. To him, there's no question if he'll help him--he'd do anything to help him. But his fear here is that Wei Wuxian doesn't return those feelings in the slightest.

Wei Wuxian doesn't quite know what to do here. Unbeknownst to everyone else, his only path to cultivation is through unorthodox methods. If he agrees to let Lan Wangji truly help him, he knows that would mean giving up cultivation altogether. Chenqing gives him power, the amulet gives him power--without those, he has nothing. And for someone who wants to help the weak, etc., being powerless is not an option. I think he feels like he has to choose between demonic cultivation and Lan Wangji here, and he desperately doesn't want to make that choice.

I want to see that fucking snake!!!!! SHOW ME A MONSTER!!!!!!!!! But most of all, the Stature Measuring Snake, because that just sounds hilarious and terrifying.

Lots of deep questions being asked in this episode between our couples. "Do you dislike the hunt, or dislike being with me?" I mean, I get that he has to ask that. Essentially, should he continue to pursue this relationship or not? He has to know, otherwise he's just wasting his time. If Jiang Yanli doesn't like him, then there's really nothing he can do to make her. Still, my heart squeezes a little bit for him. I'm a sucker for unrequited love ALWAYS, and he feels like his love is unrequited here.

This part bothers me. We've already established through Jiang Cheng that they basically are leaving the decision of marriage up to Jiang Yanli. That happened in the last episode. So, why is Wei Wuxian blowing in here, saying that Jiang Yanli won't have any other associations with Jin Zixuan anymore? He's totally overstepping for his position--like, she's not his sister! He has no control over what she does. Even though I don't agree with it, Jiang Cheng could probably come in here and say the same words, but at least from him, it's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but you know what I mean. It's not unorthodox for him to do that. But Wei Wuxian is basically nobody. He doesn't get to make those decisions. Even though Jin Zixuan's mother is overbearing, she at least wants to speak with Jiang Yanli about it, and nobody else.

I hate myself a little for saying this, but I think I agree with Jin Zixun--IN PART. It was unfair for Wei Wuxian to capture/kill 30% of the prey, using magic. It was unfair that he spoiled the hunt for the others. I agree with him there. And I think Lan Wangji and Jiang Yanli do as well. Jiang Yanli stands up for him, of course, because he's like her little brother, and while what he did was wrong, he didn't deserve the slurs and hatred that came at him because of it. Lan Wangji, I'm afraid, probably feels it's not his place to speak up. The clans are their barriers and this truly is not a Gusu Lan Sect matter. At the same time, he wants to keep Wei Wuxian from blowing up and killing everyone here.

I just want to point out that Lan Wangji barely takes his eyes off of Wei Wuxian this entire time. While all the other people are arguing, his focus is just Wei Wuxian. While it's insane to me to even imagine what Wei Wuxian is going through, the constant challenges, vitriol, horrible language that's being thrown at him--being in Lan Wangji's shoes is not an enviable position either. It must be hard to watch this and be unable to really do anything to stop it. His uncle and brother both see what has happened to Wei Wuxian, and they don't like what they see either. Lan Qiren barely tries to understand and instead just tries to give Lan Wangji busy work to distract him from thinking about Wei Wuxian. He drills the disciplines into him over and over again to make him remember what his priorities are. Lan Wangji is torn between helping his best friend and violating his family's rules. And when he does choose Wei Wuxian, he gets punished. I think it's obvious that Lan Wangji would choose Wei Wuxian any day, but that doesn't change the fact that he still has to go home and face his uncle and brother. He can't just abandon his sect--he has a responsibility to them too.

This is probably a top moment for me for Jiang Yanli's scenes. She is deliberate and assertive, and uses the facts to take Jin Zixun down a peg. She recognizes that Wei Wuxian acted unfairly, but she also points out basically that he's being a big crybaby, and it's not anyone's fault but his own if he can't hunt anything. This is the nature of competition: some people are just better than others. And also hearing her talk about Wei Wuxian as a brother of course makes me happy inside.

Yeah, but this scene, it's like a big "FUCK YOU!" and it's great.

Again, I hope I'm not reading too much into this, but Lan Xichen says, "Wangji, what are you doing here?" and he sounds pretty concerned. I mean, he knows Lan Wangji is participating in the hunt, so…? Maybe he doesn't see the other Lan disciples, and wonders why he's off on his own. I feel like he sees this big kerfuffle, centered around none other than Wei Wuxian, and kind of panics to see that Lan Wangji is there. I think a lot of people put all the blame on Lan Qiren for trying to stamp out Lan Wangji's desire to be with Wei Wuxian, but I'm sure Lan Xichen had a little to do with it too. I mean, he didn't do anything to try and stop it. I think he's worried that his brother is going to get caught up in something dangerous. I think he sees Wei Wuxian as potentially dangerous. He's seen how much he overreacts and how he can't quite control the dark energy. In the same way Jiang Yanli wants to protect Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen also wants to protect his little brother, and seeing this scene, I think he's growing more concerned.

He knows his brother better than anyone else, even Wei Wuxian, so I think he knows what Lan Wangji is doing. I just wonder if he ever approached him in the Cloud Recesses and tried to persuade him to stop trying to help Wei Wuxian. I'm guessing no, not at this point, but perhaps later. God, I hate to think that he had one of those "I told you so" moments. But knowing him, he probably could never say something like that!

Omg how fucking awkward is this? Wei Wuxian is practically 20 feet from them, Jin Zixuan is holding back a few feet too--like you're not far enough away to not hear what they're saying, just far enough for it to seem weird. Wei Wuxian is like a helicopter parent who can't let his kid date without spying on them. Jesus!

The absolute horror on his face here. Jiang Yanli stops on her own. I think he may even still be holding her hand here, and she digs her heels in and stops. Before, she looks as though she's reluctantly leaving, as if she's waiting for something, waiting for Jin Zixuan to speak and not let his mother do all the talking. I think she's afraid to tell Wei Wuxian and her brother how she really feels in her heart, and he's so taken aback here with the realization that she really does want to marry him.

I love the way they shot this. Jin Zixuan is finally confessing (in front of a whole crowd, no less!), and we only see Jiang Yanli as she turns around. Wei Wuxian is hidden behind something. It's really cool how they did that. It's as if he doesn't really matter. This doesn't concern him, no one else is even there. I don't know, but I like it.

I do kind of feel bad for him here. Kind of. I mean, Wei Wuxian is over there showboating, catching 30% of the prey, meanwhile Jiang Cheng has no idea it's going on. He already is a little annoyed at him for going over the top in the archery contest, and then he finds out this--well, overhears it. Because of Wei Wuxian, people are looking down on the Jiang Clan. Because of Wei Wuxian, people think Jiang Cheng is some kind of figurehead. They seem to suggest that Wei Wuxian is the real one in charge, while Jiang Cheng just has no idea what he's doing. After all, he's still so young, his parents died, and he had to take over the clan at such a young age. It's easy for him to be manipulated. I get how he must be feeling. Tons of negative thoughts are swirling around his head. And let's face it, he's always resented Wei Wuxian for being better than him.

Favorite Wen Qing look ever. By far. I don't know why, but I love it.

At this point, Lan Wangji is desperate. He sees how out of control Wei Wuxian is becoming and he feels like he needs to do something about it. The sad thing is, he never really gets the chance. Wei Wuxian finding Wen Qing sets everything off--it's the point of no return. By the time Lan Wangji is really able to ask him to come with him, Wei Wuxian can't say yes, even if he wanted to. Because of his prior decisions, his hand has been forced. The Cloud Recesses wouldn't accept him, even if Lan Wangji wanted him there, even if Lan Xichen is okay with it. Lan Qiren certainly wouldn't be all right with it, though. And Wei Wuxian doesn't intend to change his ways either. It's desperation that makes Lan Wangji say that he wants to bring a man back to Gusu, but it's desperation that makes him blind to the logic behind it. It wouldn't work. It couldn't work.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

#wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #lan xichen #jin zixun #cql #the untamed #ep 25 #cql rewatch

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theepitomeofamess · 6 years

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pt. 2

Hopefully you enjoy this continuation, even though it’s mostly setup and probably bland

Words: 3345 (too many)

Warnings: mentions of addiction, light cursing

Despite his efforts, Logan didn’t sleep a wink that night. He told himself it was just because of all the sleep he’d gotten while he was unconscious, but he knew better. He could feel all the reasons his body wouldn’t let him sleep. Curled up in the mediocre bed with overly crisp sheets and not enough pillows, gripping his stomach with trembling arms, sheets kicked off his legs because of the pool of sweat engulfing him, soaked into the bed beneath him and his standard issue blue pants and white tee shirt, matting his hair. His jaw clenched in an attempt to keep his teeth from chattering every time he got a chill, but that only led to a tension headache in addition to the all-encompassing ache that started in his bones and spread like a virus through every nerve ending in his body. Somewhere deeper in his chest than usual, his heart pounded too hard, too fast. More than once throughout the night, a nurse came in to check up on him because his heart rate was too fast or his blood pressure was too high. The nurse taking the night shift in place of Patton wasn’t as practiced in bedside manner.

“It’ll be okay,” she’d said the second of three times she had to check on him that night, not even looking at him as she put something in his IV that was supposed to help his heart calm down. “I know withdrawal is hard, but with determination and a good support system, you’ll get through just fine. I remember how hard it was for me to kick cigarettes.” Logan’s entire face scrunched at the comment. He managed to sit up long enough to look the nurse in the eye before growling at her to get out. She didn’t speak the next time she showed up to adjust his medicine.

He still hadn’t shown up when someone in a pink necktie and tan sweater showed up in the chair next to his bed. He introduced himself as Dr. Picani, the hospital’s leading psychiatrist and therapist.

That was about when Logan mustered enough energy to flip himself onto his other side, his back to the doctor.

Dr. Picani kept talking to Logan’s back, though, telling him things like “I can't help you if you don't let me,” and singing lines from “Do you want to build a snowman” from Frozen. Every now and then, he’d ask a question, and there would be the sound of pencil on paper cutting the silence following the question. Eventually, Picani seemed to give up, sighing.

“Okie dokie, artichokie,” he sang, “I’m gonna be back in here in a few days, hopefully then your withdrawal agitation will have subsided a bit. In the meantime, I want you to come to my group therapy session tonight. It's all past addicts dealing with withdrawal and similar stories. I think you'll be our first heroin OD survivor, but hey, first time for everything, right?”

“I’m not going to any group therapy.”

“Patton’ll show you how to get there and meet you after to bring you back.”

“I don't do group things.”

“I’m legally required to determine whether you’re mentally fit before you can be discharged. Until then, you're going to stay here. Basically, if you want to get out of here, which I know you do, you’ll do what I say is best. Otherwise, I hope you're comfortable here.” Logan heard Picani stand up at start for the door. He desperately wanted to throw something at the guy, but there was nothing where he could get it that could be thrown with minimal effort.

“I don't do group shit,” Logan reasserted.

“All you have to do is show up, Logan. Just show up, and we’ll go from there.” The door clicked shut behind Picani, and Logan was alone again.

Not for long.

Roman showed up in Picani’s chair within what felt like five minutes of his departure. The clock on the wall said that it had been more like an hour, but Logan didn't feel like listening to some clock. What did it know, anyway? Hospitals are some of the main places where reality is distorted and time means nothing, like abandoned schools and highway rest stops and empty airports.

Roman didn't talk about anything in particular. Mostly, he rambled off about what had happened in the news that day and exciting things - aka everything - that happened at his job. There were moments in between his ramblings when Logan could hear Roman talking about what sounded like nothing but felt like everything. He actually listened to those moments. Roman talked about how he’d helped Virgil through a panic attack with a particular breathing exercise, how he’d babysat Virgil and Patton’s little brother Thomas a few days ago and some of the stuff the kid had said still stuck with him, how he was worried about all of the storms in the forecast, then talking about how listening to the rain can be just as satisfying as basking in the sun. His voice got smaller when he talked about these little thing, sounding like the soft glow of a candle in low light. When his voice started growing, flickering, Logan started to feel it rubbing him the wrong way. He knew at least part of his agitation was withdrawal, but Roman’s personality was just loud enough to irritate him.

And yet, he never told Roman to stop. He never told him to get out. He never even spoke. He just laid in his bed, listening to Roman talk for what must have been hours.

Logan had to admit, there was something comforting about having someone just there. Just being there and talking to him and not expecting him to expend energy in order to participate in conversation. Logan had always hated chatting, but if it could always be one-sided like this, then maybe he wouldn’t mind.

At some point, Logan managed to allow his eyelids to fall shut. He didn’t stop listening to Roman - he was talking about his theater’s production of The Tempest, and Logan had always had an interest in Shakespeare. Walking the line between awake and asleep, Roman stopped at some point to remove Logan’s glasses from his face so they wouldn’t bend against the pillow. Logan might’ve opened his eyes or told him to keep going, that he was listening, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Everything was just too heavy, his vocal chords pinned against the back of his throat, unable to move. After his glasses were removed, Logan felt fingers running through his hair, brushing bangs out of his face. A gentle sigh. He couldn’t bring himself to push Roman away.

“We just weren’t built for reality, were we?” Roman’s whispered musing confused Logan but burned his throat with tears. He’d never heard anything more true.

Roman’s fingers had just disappeared from Logan’s hair when he fell off the line between into unconsciousness.

No sooner had Logan fallen asleep than he was woken up by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Time to wake up, Lo. Let’s go see Dr.Picani.” Patton’s cotton candy voice made Logan sneer.

The sky had transformed from blue to orange beyond the window, pink cotton clouds floating effortlessly, carelessly. His hair was stuck where Roman had placed it, the sweat having dried to hold it in place like some sort of crappy natural hair spray. He felt filthy, like he could just rub his skin and a full layer of dirt and sweat and skin would crumble off of him. He sighed, putting all of the effort he could muster into sitting up and throwing his legs over the side of the bed to rest on the floor. The linoleum was cold under his socks.

“Sorry to wake you when you’re finally getting sleep,” Patton apologized, “but doctor’s orders. Picani really cares about his patients, keeps track of every single one, especially new ones.”

“You know him well,” Logan sighed, standing up to try and retrain his trembling legs to retrain them to hold him up.

“Well, I’ve talked to him quite a bit. It helps that we work in the same place and he works with Virgil once a month.” Logan nodded, habitually memorizing everything that Patton said for future reference. “He’s great at what he does, helped Virge a lot. Gave him a bunch of ways to manage his anxiety, got him into art as a creative outlet and look at him now. Doing commissions online, going for a degree in art therapy because of what Picani did for him. I’ve never seen him so happy.” Patton’s eyes were distant, but the amber flecks among his dark irises sparkled with pride.

“You’re a little proud of your brother, aren’t you?” Logan half chuckled as Patton started leading him out to the hallway by the IV stand.

“Wouldn’t you be proud if your little brother was finally happy after being worried about him for so long?” Logan’s heart lurched. He blinked hard, breathing harder to block the happy memories laced with pain. The smile he would never see again, the smile that would never cross his own lips again.

“Do we have to take the IV thing? Won’t it just weigh me down?”

“IV fluids are important for heroin detox patients. Don’t want you getting dehydrated, do we? And given all that nausea you’ve been having, I’m not sure if I trust your stomach.” Logan pursed his lips. He’d have to stop asking Patton questions about medicine if he wanted to keep himself from being proven wrong. “Besides, it’s not far. See? Right down the hall.

Patton opened the door to what looked to be a conference room with a long table and a bunch of swivel chairs. Dr. Picani stood up to greet them, waving the two of them in. Logan really couldn’t rule out the possibility that the two of them were long lost cousins or something. The other people in the room didn’t stand, they didn’t even look at him, for which he thanked whatever god there might be. He could stand anything but a room of Picanis. He took note of the head of vibrant blue and pink curls intently watching their phone, the Hispanic looking girl with the worry beads who was talking to Roman, the black guy squatting in the chair, perched like a bird instead of sitting properly-

Roman?

“Take a seat, Logan. Anywhere you like.” Logan nodded at Picani, eyes still locked on where Roman was talking to the Hispanic girl. He moved around the table to take a seat near the end, an empty chair separating him and the person with the vibrant curls. Logan tried not to look up when Roman caught sight of him. He kept his eyes glued to the cup of pens sitting on the table, trying to count the pens to keep his mind off his trembling body and Roman.

“I didn’t know you got Picani.” Logan just about jumped out of his skin when Roman showed up beside him, gracefully sliding into the swivel chair separating Logan and the others.

“What-”

“I could’ve come and gotten you. Here, I’ll introduce you-”

“Alright alright alright,” Picani started, taking a seat across from the rest of them. “Hello, everyone. Do you how do?”

“I’m alright, thanks.” Roman answered while the others muttered about “okay” or “fine.” Logan could only furrow his brow.

“Awesome. So, how about we start the way we usually do so our newcomers can get accustomed. Roman, let’s start with you, then we’ll go around and come back to our newest addition.” Roman leaned forward, elbows pressed into the table, grin spreading wide across his face like butter across a hot pan.

“My name’s Roman, as this lovely man just said, and I’m doing better than expected. Currently three weeks sober after that little lapse, and reality’s horribly boring, but I got the role of Prospero in my school’s production of The Tempest, so can’t complain about that.”

“That’s awesome! Props to you!” Picani grinned at Roman before turning to the next person, who introduced themself as Talyn. Logan didn’t quite hear what they said, as they were very quiet and he was still focused on Roman. As soon as Picani’s attention shifted away from him, Roman’s smile faded and he started nodding to himself, like he was reassuring himself that he’d said the right thing.

Looking back at the cup of pens, Logan wondered what exactly had happened to Roman to land him there. He’d said that he was only three weeks sober after some kind of lapse. What was he trying to get sober from? How bad had he gotten before trying to get sober? He’d said that he thought of reality as boring, and he’d muttered something about neither of them being built for reality when he thought Logan was asleep. Eyes flicking from the pens up to Roman and back again, Logan took in the boy he barely knew bit by bit. Hair tinted with faded red dye, a red ruby red t-shirt under a white bomber jacket, lips curled into a perpetual smile but amber eyes sunken, unable to mirror the smile because it wasn’t sincere. Logan could just make out the pattern of concealer under Roman’s eyes, covering up what had to be dark circles. This man certainly was an actor.

Logan didn’t realize he was staring until he had to tear his eyes away because of Roman looking to him. It wasn’t until a moment of silence after that he realized everybody in the room was looking at him.

“Logan, you okay?” Picani’s question shook Logan back into reality. He nodded just enough to be visible to the others. Taking a deep breath, Logan quickly figured out what he was supposed to say based on Roman’s introduction. That was the only one he’d been present enough to hear.

“Logan. Heroin. In detox for a day now.” The rest of them continued to look at him, forcing him to cross his shaking arms over his chest. “That’s all you’re getting.”

“How are you doing, though,” Picani pressed.

“I’ve been in detox for a day to get off heroin, how do you think I’m doing?” A small snort escaped Roman as he tried not to laugh at the comment.

“Okay, fair point. Maybe you could tell us a bit more about what brought you here?”

“This guy,” Logan pointed his thumb at Roman, “brought me here.”

“How so?”

“He carried me.” Roman pursed his lips, trying desperately to stifle the laughter brought on by Logan’s snark. Sighing, Picani decided to stop questioning Logan and turn to the others, resolving that going back and forth with a snark machine wasn’t going to be productive for anyone.

Logan spent the rest of the meeting watching the sky outside the window behind Picani. The orange turned to red, then purple before finally turning an inky indigo. The pink in the clouds faded with the color of the sky, finally turning grey when there was no more light to illuminate them, leaving them muted and almost blending into the sky. The only reason they didn’t completely fade was the sliver of moon smiling down from the sky like the Cheshire Cat. Logan searched the sky for stars from where he sat, but a combination of obstruction by the window and light pollution, he wasn’t going to be able to see any stars from there.

“I think that’s our time for today.” It was only here that Logan started listening to Picani again. “Let’s all try to remember this week, if every pork chop were perfect…”

“We wouldn’t have hotdogs.” The unison response of all the other patients combined with the sheer absurdity of the words made Logan’s face scrunch up again. Picani might be a psychiatrist, but Logan thought he might just need one, himself.

Standing with everybody else, Logan moved a little too quickly, causing his head to fill with fuzz and his legs to give way. He only just heard his hand land against the wood of the table and felt Roman grab his arm and around his waist to help steady him. Logan shook his head, blinking hard in an attempt to clear his sight of the swarm of colored dots.

“Woah, careful,” Roman warned, his voice muffled in Logan’s head. Once Logan found himself steady again, he looked up at Roman to nod an assurance that he was okay. Taking his arm back from Roman’s grip, Logan felt his fingerprints linger on his skin. The same thing that happened last time…

“I’m all right,” Logan assured, stepping away so Roman’s other hand fell from its place on his side.

“Want me to walk you back to your room,” Roman offered, walking alongside Logan, signaling that he wasn’t going to give him much of a choice. Logan might’ve protested if he wasn’t focused on the squeaky wheel on his IV stand that he had to wheel around next to him. Tucking his hands into his pockets, Roman started up talking again. “That was pretty funny back there. I mean, people don’t usually talk to doctors like that. They’re like an authority figure, you don’t usually talk back to ‘em.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve never really liked authority.” Logan’s comment coaxed another chuckle from deep in Roman’s chest.

“Still, you should give Dr.Picani a chance. He’s a little unorthodox, but he knows what he’s talking about.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Logan ended the line of conversation.

“You seemed kind of shocked to see me there,” Roman rerouted them.

“No offense, but you don’t seem like the type dealing with addiction or withdrawal.” Another chuckle. Logan was starting to think that Roman just really liked to laugh.

“Yeah, well, I’ve had a lot of practice in the field of convincing people I’m something I’m not. Mimicking body language to convey a certain message comes naturally now. In any case,” Roman opened the door for Logan when they got back to his room, “alcoholism is a lot easier to control and quit than heroin. You picked a doozy, my friend.”

“Yeah, well…” Logan trailed off, repositioning his IV next to the bed. “I guess I’ll see you next week, or whenever the next meeting is?”

“Oh, no,” Roman corrected, “you’re not getting off that easy. Virge and I are both gonna be coming in here to keep you company during visiting hours when we’re not in class or rehearsal or something. Gotta make sure you don’t take any steps backwards.”

“You don’t need to, I don’t want-”

“Too late.” Roman strolled across the room to put his arm around Logan’s shoulders. “Like it or not, you’ve got a support system, my friend. We’re not about to leave you to suffer alone. That’s not what friends do.” Logan could only blink at Roman’s smiling assurance. In his head, where there was usually a cacophony of voices and ideas and comments, now was only the Window’s error bump noise. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lo. Try to get some sleep.”

Climbing into bed as the door clicked shut behind Roman, Logan knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep. Roman’s fingerprints still burned on his arm, the weight of his hand still pressing against his shoulder. The warmth of him being so close, the way he’d been so matter-of-fact about how he put himself and his friends with Logan as though they’d known each other for years instead of a day. Logan wasn’t quite sure if he was thrilled or terrified, if he wanted to laugh or cry. There was definitely something there - a feeling, an emotion tied to Roman and the way he talked and somehow managed to always get close enough to make contact with Logan where he’d kept people at a distance for so long. He just couldn’t put a name to what it was, or whether it was positive or negative.

Damned emotions, always confusing him more instead of helping.

@syndianites @lollingtothemax

#sanders sides #logan sanders #fanfic #fanfiction #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #writing #write #help #too many ideas #too much homework #not enough time #hope you enjoy #i'm sorry

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askmicrowaveayem · 6 years

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MAYEM: Just Like Me - Pt. 8

[Previous]

[Archive] [Cast]

Despite walking this same route often alone, it was nice to have someone with him that he trusted. It was nice to feel that familiar hum of magic and know he wasn’t alone swimming in a sea full of beings that could spin around and dust him in an instant. It was good to have help. He turned into a side street and headed for a small grocery store. There was produce sat outside in cardboard boxes and little wind chimes dangling around the entrance. It was quaint and homey. It wasn’t too busy or loud save for the occasional passing car. It was about as busy with humans as Gaster could comfortably manage. But that was okay. He had come a long way since being pulled out of his void. --

Gaster followed along, curious about where they were headed. There was definitely enough to keep him occupied looking around, everything looking so new and different.

It seemed like this was somewhere his twin had ended up going before. Maybe a lot? ...he wondered if any humans or monsters around recognized him as a regular, or something.

...he wanted to see his boys, and he wanted to go home, but at the same time--if he could, he would’ve been glad to spend more time with his twin and maybe help him on the surface.

They seemed to be all right as long as they felt they had each other’s backs.

As they approached the front of the store he looked at his double. “Still okay?” He asked while grabbing a basket. He then grabbed a few tomatoes from the bins outside, bagged them, and set them in the basket. He didn’t eat much but he knew what his boys liked. --

He nodded and followed along.

“Yeah, I think I’m fine, now. You?”

-- “I’ll be okay.” He said. It wasn’t great or fantastic, but… he would be okay. “I’ve been here a lot before. I don’t need the boys to escort me anymore, which is good. But it’s nice to have someone close.” Gaster lead his double inside, the aisles lined with all sorts of food that neither of them would probably find appealing. One could taste too much and the other nothing at all. But sometimes it was nice to look at. Surface food was different. “I wonder what a lot of this stuff tastes like.” He held up a bunch of grapes. “The boys have tried some of it for me, but describing it only goes so far.” --

“What are they?” He asked, looking at them closely. He was tempted to try one, but… well. In the store, that was probably not a good thing. He looked up at his double, squinting thoughtfully. “.....do you think we can build something that might augment our tastebuds somehow?”

“Grapes.” Gaster said, then put them in the basket. He would let his twin try them when they got home. At mention of augmenting their tastebuds he laughed. “Knowing us? Probably. If we tried hard enough. But… I’ll be honest, I haven’t even settled down to figure out what I’m made of.” “Kinda hesitant to find out.” --

Gaster nodded understandingly He was, well, pretty familiar with the feeling of terror and confusion about what exactly one was when they realized they were different. And the struggle to decide if it was better to just take what was in front of you or to go out seeking answers.

But that also meant he was sure his twin would become curious enough to try eventually. No rush.

He nodded again. “It makes sense. We don’t have to. Just throwing it out as an idea; it’s not exactly top priority, understandably. But it might be something to toss around.”

“Maybe I’ll start toying with it once I… well… you know.” He gestured a little. His main focus had always been Chara. Once that little beast was dealt with the world was his oyster. He lead his twin around the aisles, grabbing things he knew the boys would like. Hot dogs, ketchup, pasta, and popato chisps. “If you see anything interesting just grab it. We have plenty of money to spare.” --

Gaster nodded and looked around again. There wasn’t much he was interested in, especially with how his form was now, but he still paused, considering. Finally, he took an extra box of pasta and some hard candy.

“Interdimensional presents,” he explained. “Can you imagine my Papyrus’ face when I give him a box of space-pasta?”

Gaster chuckled at the thought, “Speaking of which, how was he doing before everything happened? Did he turn out like my Pap at all?” --

Gaster smiled, a real, wide, genuine smile.

“Yeah. He’s just… he wants to be a Royal Guard so he can protect people, once he started accepting that magic could be used for things other than violence. That’s all he wants to do, now. Use it to take care of others. He still has a lot of trouble talking with people, but it’s mostly that he’s trying too hard, I think, but he... I’m really proud of him. He used to always assume the worst of everything, you know?” He paused another moment, looking up at his twin. “...he started retraining himself to always give the benefit of the doubt, first. Someone says something mean? Maybe they’re having a bad day, or they’re scared, or they’re supposed to be saying mean things and trying to save face. He’s figured out how to not take things personally. It’s… he’s not oblivious at all. He’s just choosing to fight back against that sort of thinking. ...I’m really, really proud of him.”

Gaster’s smile only grew as his double spoke. “That’s good. I’m glad. I’m proud of him too.” Again the thoughts of how some timelines turned out bubbled up in his mind, but he roughly pushed them aside. He didn’t want to worry his double. They would get him home and everything would be okay. It had to be. They had paid for enough. They had earned it. He hoped getting back to their boys was another constant. Being a loving family together. --

He was grinning back when he caught the small flash of… something across his double’s face. “...what’re you thinking of, right now?”

Shit. Gaster looked at his double, very still. His smile faded instantly. Shit. He inhaled and continued walking as he spoke. Were this anyone else he would have said ‘nothing’, but they have both proven long ago they couldn’t hide things from one another. It was good and annoying at the same time. “I’ve seen how some timelines pan out. I’m just being paranoid.” He hoped that was enough. --

…

“...things happen to Papyrus?”

“Things happen to everyone.” Gaster said as he pulled a box of crackers off the shelf. “Remember what I said?” He asked, looking at him. “Closer to my timeline I saw many possibilities. Chara killed Papyrus. Chara killed Sans. The flower killed both of them. Sans slips and falls over a fucking ledge and cracks his head open. Just… infinite possibilities.” “I’m trying not to think about them. I didn’t want to say anything to worry you.” He looked away again and kept moving. Gaster really hadn’t wanted this to come up. --

“...all right. Sorry I brought it up,” he said, and moved along with him. “...so what’s the weirdest food on the surface?”

“It’s okay.” He said, but was very grateful for the change in subject. “Papyrus’ cooking.” Gaster laughed, “But seriously? A lot of their fruit is weird. Bananas are weird. Just by how they look. Have you ever seen a pineapple?” --

Gaster shook his head. “What the fuck is a pineapple?”

He was imagining an apple covered in… needles.

-- He turned and headed back towards the produce and went straight for a collection of pineapples. An arm thrust outwards as if to say ‘look at this weird fucking thing’. It was neither a pine nor an apple. It was… a spiney thing with a weird jagged top. “I mean… look at that.” --

“How,” Gaster asked, staring at it. His voice dropped lower. “Why.”

“...it looks like it’s going to grow arms and legs and reveal itself as a monster any minute. Are you sure it’s a fruit?”

He honestly didn’t care if any of the scattered humans around overheard that. They needed to know. They had to be aware of what this thing was.

-- “I don’t know.” Gaster picked one up. “But… yeah. Definitely a fruit. It scared me the first time I walked in here.” He laughed at himself. “The boys had to convince me this wasn’t a monster or something.” He set it down and then picked up a can of pineapple chunks that sat next to the stall. “You cut it up and eat it.” The can was held towards his twin. “Should we get it? Are we brave enough?” --

“How dare you question my bravery,” he said very seriously, eyeing the can like it was going to be painful. “Let’s do it. You’d better film whatever faces I make, though.”

-- “Oh I will.” Gaster grinned and put it into the basket before turning and heading back the way they had came. “Any other goodies you wanna get for your boys?” --

“I’m not sure. I already feel sort of weird getting them anything at all. Like. ‘Hey! I’ve been gone for years! Sorry, I was just i an alternate dimension for a few weeks. Here, I brought you souvenirs’?”

He mimed along with his words, trying to convey just how ridiculous it all felt.

Gaster laughed, “No yeah that’s pretty weird.” He lead his double to the checkout, the cashier barely giving either of them a strange look at all before letting out a chipper; “Hello! Is that everything?” before beginning to ring them out. “Yep.” Gaster said, pulling his wallet from his chest. This didn’t effect the cashier either. She must have dealt with Gaster enough to know him. --

Gaster was weirdly very happy just to watch his double interacting with the cashier? She wasn’t phased and his double wasn’t nervous around her, and that was just such a nice, refreshing thing to see that he was almost tempted to congratulate them both, just to make it uncomfortable.

He didn’t do that, it would be mean. So he stayed back, watching and enjoying seeing his double seem relaxed around a relative stranger for once.

-- There wasn’t much smalltalk, but that was okay. The cashier rung him up, bagged his things, and Gaster paid. “Here’s your change. Have a good day.” The cashier smiled at him and Gaster nodded back. “Thanks.” He didn’t give her quite something that could be called a smile, but… it was a comfortable sort of look. He wasn’t nervous to talk to her, however brief. After taking the bags he lead his counterpart out of the store. --

“Heading back to your place, or more on the way?” Gaster asked, falling into step beside his twin once they were outside.

-- “I’ll leave that up to you.” Gaster said, looking at his double. “The only other place I’m okay with going into is the park.” He pointed ahead and then veered his finger off towards the mountain to indicate direction. “It’s quiet. Mostly just pathways and trees.” “Taste of the surface that isn’t asphalt.” --

Gaster nodded. “...it sounds nice, if you’re up for it. I saw a bit of trees and shit while helping Papyrus get you both down the mountain, but I wasn’t really paying that much attention to them.

Gaster nodded and veered off the pathway they would take were they heading back home. The streets grew quieter and quieter, even more so than the one they lived on. Stores broke away for houses, and then houses broke away for trees. They passed a sign that said ‘Ebott Park’. It was all dirt pathways carved out along the base of the mountain and short distance away from the townhouses most of the monsters lived in now. The beginning of it were benches, picnic tables, and playground equipment. There were a few pavilions here and there, but Gaster didn’t stop at any of them. He lead his twin towards the smaller back paths that lead deeper into the woods. It was calm. There were no cars or loud noises. The only things that could be heard were distant children playing, the birds, and buzzing insects. --

Even though there were no loud noises, that didn’t mean it was really quiet. Not with the birds, and the insects, and the most distant sounds of the park and city. THere were lots of sounds, they were just all… soft.

He kept beside his double, grinning a bit, looking around.

He switched to signing, not wanting to be any louder than the things around them. My Sans would like this place.

Gaster joined with the signing, ‘Yeah? Does he like nature?’ That was a little surprising. His Sans didn’t hate it, but he wasn’t super interested. He liked space. --

Gaster shook his head, Not nature specifically, no. But he always liked exploring. The minute he got the hand of signing, he asked more questions than I knew what to do with, and then he could move on his own, and there was no stopping him.

He grinned, thinking about his eldest. This place looks like it has a lot of places he could spend time looking around.

‘I see. I guess having limited mobility will do that.’ Gaster thought about whether or not he would bring them here someday. Maybe he would if they didn’t manage to break the barrier themselves. Maybe. He tried not to think too much. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Get his double home first. They continued along the pathway, the trees casting them both in shadow and flecking their black forms with sunlight whenever the leaves parted enough. Gaster couldn’t feel it, but he could see it, and that was nice. That made him think. ‘Can you feel the sun?’ He asked. --

...I don’t know, he said at length.

That wasn’t a very satisfactory answer. But it was what he had.

He supposed he could. He could feel particles hitting him and the UV radiation and knew photons hit him on one side and were not hitting him on the other, but it was hard to pull that all apart from all the other things he was also experiencing.

That didn’t mean this wasn’t nice.

-- Gaster nodded and accepted his answer, even if it wasn’t really an answer at all. It implied that his double could feel something, which is good. Maybe too much just like his sense of taste? A bit overwhelming to describe? That was fine. He fell into a comfortable silence as they walked. --

He let the silence continue, unbothered by it this time, and just tried to take in all their surroundings as they continued down the path.

It didn’t seem like this area was used much, at least not at this time of day. He could definitely tell why his counterpart liked it.

Eventually they did run out of trail.

-- “Back home?” Gaster asked once they had looped around and ended up at the entrance of the park again. “Time to try pineapple, wait for the boys to get home, and then watch the stars.” He smiled. --

He smiled back. “Sounds like a good day.”

He followed him home.

It had been a long time since he had such a relaxing, non-rushed day like this. They happened, of course, he didn’t want his boys to constantly be ‘on the road’ hunting the anomaly and ditching their friends and a slightly more normal life. But things had been really hectic the past week or so and it was nice to not be worried about dying. He lead his double back home, unlocking the door and walking to the kitchen. The first thing out of the bag was the can of pineapple chunks, then the rest was put away. --

While his double put everything away, Gaster got to work finding a can opener and getting the can of chunks open. Anything else you wanna see me try to eat?

-- Gaster was way ahead of him. He set down the grapes, a bag of chisps, and a cookie. Then he pulled out his tablet, sat across from him, and started recording. He grinned over at him. --

He got the sudden feeling this was going to go on the… it wasn’t the undernet anymore, was it?

He still got the feeling that was going to probably happen.

Save me if I start dying, he signed, and picked up a piece of pineapple.

He ate it and tried to chew.

He really tried.

He ended up doubling over and twisting a bit before finally giving up and pulling it out. “Are these acid?!”

-- Gaster couldn’t stop laughing. He couldn’t respond. It was all he could do to keep the tablet upright and recording. Black goo appeared in the corners of his eyes and he gripped his chest, unable to stop himself from nearly falling off the chair in laughter. --

“Shut up!!” He said, also starting to laugh at his double’s difficulty staying on the chair. He took another piece of pineapple and chucked it at his twin.

-- He ducked, the pineapple still managing to hit his shoulder before falling on the floor. Gaster reached down and picked it up, then tried to sign through his laughter. He couldn’t manage talking. ‘Does it really fucking taste like acid?’ --

He hesitated, but just for a moment. “W-well not like I’ve actually tasted acid! But yes!!!”

-- “Oh man.” Gaster finally said, laughing a bit. He popped the piece he had picked up into his mouth, but like everything else couldn’t taste it. He swallowed it anyway. After calming down a little he gestured to the grapes. “Try those next?” --

Gaster huffed and tried to gather himself again to look somewhat dignified, but failed a bit. Still, he nodded and leaned over to pick a grape, watching it much more warily after his experience with the pineapple.

...it squished a bit. He was tempted to just squish it instead of eating it.

He ate it. He made a face, crossing his eyes a bit, but swallowed it with a lot less trouble than he expected. “It’s doing the sugar thing, and it’s really fucking squishy. Like. I don’t know, I’m thinking of goo? What d’you think’d happen if we microwaved some of these things?”

“Hell yeah. I loved microwaving random things when I found a microwave for the first time.” Gaster said, sounding excited. “But first, tasting.” He reached over, taking a grape for himself and squishing it around before popping it into his mouth just because. Chisps and cookies were next. --

Cookies next. Chisps for last.

He had an idea of what to expect when he went for the cookies, at least. The most he ate, the more he was starting to anticipate the reactions, even if his actual responses to those reactions were still a thing in themselves. And it was always different to have the memories rather than the experience all over again.

The cookie was sweet. Far too sweet. And he might have blocked most of it out as he ate, blinking, before staring blank faced at his counterpart and slowly shaking his head.

Gaster blinked back, “Explosions?” --

“Explosions and dirt,” Gaster said. “They need better quality flour.”

He chuckled, “Gross.” The last was the chisps. --

He picked up the chisps, shaking his head and signing, dedicated to Sans, before trying one.

They were very pointy. And a little bit painful. But that was pretty much expected at this point.

“Yeah, Sans can have them,” he said, handing the bag over to his double, trying to unscrunch his face. “It’s…. The salt is sparks? I think?”

If he’d known the word for ‘poprocks’ he would have used it.

“Neat.” Gaster grinned and took one of the chisps to eat it. It didn’t crunch, merely popping into his mouth and… going somewhere. He never seemed to chew. He stopped recording and set his tablet down. “Do you think you’ll ever need food again?” --

He paused and considered that. “...I don’t know. I didn’t eat anything at all between you finding me and the soul extraction, so… I’m assuming I don’t. But I still got a burst of energy from that breakfast? Maybe my baseline of energy altered, somehow?”

He glanced at his twin again. “...do you need food at all, or does it affect you?”

“Nope. It doesn’t do much of anything for me. Usually all I need is rest. I still eat though. Papyrus likes it when I eat his cooking.” He smiled, “And coffee is just… familiar.” --

“That’s definitely an up-side to not having tastebuds,” he said. “...it makes sense.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I don’t need to. Might be depressing.” He gave a dry chuckle before standing up and grabbing a bowl. A few pineapple chunks were dumped inside. “We’ll have to get the boys to try these too.” --

Gaster nodded. “I want to know what it tastes like to normal monsters. Especially those hell chunks.”

Gaster started to get the giggles again as he threw the bowl of chunks into the microwave and punched in a number.

“That was so good.” --

“Woah, woah, wait,” he said, before picking up the tablet again and starting a new recording. “Okay, go.”

Gaster was still giggling as he shut the door of the microwave and watched the pineapple start to rotate inside. “I’m going to rewatch that video forever.” --

Oh, fuck, his double’s giggles were infectious. “You fucking loser,” he said, shaking his head. “You’d better get me a copy somehow.”

He kept the tablet trained on the microwave.

“Maybe I can copy it onto something you have when we’re back home. Or put it on a flash drive.” Gaster said, then continued to watch the pineapple chunks. “... Think anything will happen with these?” --

Gaster leaned forward, squinting at the fruit. “They’re definitely getting hotter. Serves the bastards right.”

… Gaster started to giggle again, eventually clearing his throat and taking a breath to stop himself. “Ah. Haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.” He continued to watch, but nothing looked particularly interesting. “Should we move onto something else?” --

Gaster nodded. “Cookies and chisps won’t be that interesting. Grapes?”

“Grapes.” Gaster nodded and opened the microwave, pulling out the pineapple and setting it aside before reaching for a few grapes. “Should we cut them into pieces or put them in whole?” --

“Will it make much of a difference?” Gaster asked. “Maybe just cut them in half and they won’t try to roll out of the center or anything that way.”

“Alright.” Gaster grabbed a knife and cut a few grapes with medical precision before setting them in the microwave and punching in a number. --

The grapes were all very close to each other, most of them just a hair’s width apart from touching.

Gaster wasn’t really expecting anything to happen, assuming that, like the pineapple, they’d probably just heat up and he could insult them a bit.

And then, a few seconds into microwaving, something flashed.

“Woah--woah! I didn’t imagine that, right?”

It kept pulsing and flashing.

“Woah, holy shit.” Gaster blinked, leaning closer rather than flinching back. “What the hell was that? What the hell is that?” Now he was curious. --

“Um, whatever it is,” Gaster said, unfocusing his eyes and looking more at the idea of things than what was there and--haha, wow, that looked an awful lot like an extremely hot gas or high voltage current? “It’s destroying your microwave.”

The microwave began sparking uncontrollably.

“Wh-” Gaster’s eyes went wide and he quickly stopped the microwave before yanking out the plug and looking panicked. He had blown up a lot of microwaves. He did not want his sons scolding him for doing it to one they actually used. --

It was Gaster’s turn to start laughing at his twin. He set the tablet down and covered his mouth, snorting at his double’s face and trying hard to stay upright.

He started applauding, still cackling.

Laughter was infectious. Gaster started to join in. “That was cool!” He said through his chuckles. “But… seriously if I broke this thing the kids are going to be pissed.” He kept laughing anyway. --

Gaster nodded, grinning and still laughing as he went up to the microwave and opened it carefully, taking the grapes out.

“If it doesn’t look broken, it wasn’t our fault, right?”

“Hell yeah. Okay.” Gaster started to walk around the room dumping out the pineapple chunks and putting everything away. “Make it look like nothing happened. We didn’t do shit.” There was a sound of the door opening and Papyrus’ voice was soon to follow. “WE’RE HOME!” Gaster abruptly grabbed the grapes with telekinesis and flung them into the trash.

Gaster turned off the tablet, quickly motioning for his double to go out and say ‘hi’ to the kids while he handled the rest of the kitchen.

I got it. Tell them I just tried to eat food and ended up needed to spit things out and that’s why we’re in the kitchen. They really had no business being in the kitchen.

Gaster nodded and strolled out. “Hey, how’s the lab going?” “SLOW, BUT… WE MADE PROGRESS. IT’S CLEANED UP NOW. WE CAN START REBUILDING EVERYTHING TOMORROW.” “why were you in the kitchen?” Sans was nothing if not observant in any timeline. “We went to the store. Kidster wanted to try some weird food. I showed him what a pineapple was.” “DID IT SCARE HIM?” Papyrus started to laugh a little. “Not as much as it scared me, but… yeah. Then he tried some and said it tasted like acid.” --

As if on cue, Gaster took that moment to come out of the kitchen, looking miserable and wobbling a bit more than he had a moment before.

Without giving a greeting or second glance to anyone, he made a beeline to the remaining pineapple chunks in the can, picked the can up, and brought it over to the boys.

“W̥̜̹ha͇̻̬͕̲̩̪t̠ ̭i̮̟̤̟s͕̯͙͚ ̰͇̻ṱ̬̠̮h̗is͓ͅ ̩h̹̮̟̦̯͓̬e̬̬̥̜̝̪̝l͚l̼̳.͖͎͇̲̩”

The distorted voice was a nice touch, Gaster thought. Sans and Papyrus looked at the can before the taller of the two took it and stared at the label. “I DON’T THINK I EVER TRIED PINEAPPLE BEFORE.” He said, looking down at his brother who shrugged. He reached a finger into the can and pulled out a piece before handing it down to Sans, who did the same. They both popped it into their mouth at roughly the same time. “IT… IT’S KIND OF WEIRD…” Papyrus narrowed his eye sockets. “yeah. not a big fan, but it’s edible.” Sans said, then popped another in his mouth to be sure. --

He paid the most attention to Papyrus’ response, definitely interested to see if he would elaborate.

He really wanted to know what the fuck was up with pineapples.

“IT’S… TINGLY?” Papyrus said after a moment of being watched, he wasn’t sure how else to describe it. “MAYBE A LITTLE FRUITY, BUT NOT MUCH.” Sans was reading the back label of the can now. “yeah. maybe it has a high acidity level? like… higher than most fruits or something?”

None of them knew too much about food in general, despite how much Papyrus liked to cook. --

“A̙͕̥̟̤͙͎l͖͈̠̮̖̼͖l ͔̯̣̖t̹̞̜̝͖h̟e̠͔͇̹̗s̖̭̰̫̖e͚ br̖̝͓̦a̮̤̭n̯̦̘c̩̥h͕͙̪e͉̥̟͇̖̼s͕͎̙̮̫ o̫̮̟̹̫̜f͖̞ ͙̪s̱̙͍c̞͇̩̼̯i͓͓̲̬̹͉e̗̥̠͎̻n̘̘̤ce͙̜͚̬̤͕̬ ̱a̼n͙̻̦̬͖̲d͇͔͖̝̪ͅ ͓͕n̜͙̝̩̦̩o̻̫͕̯̲n̩̺̹̗e͚̞̲̻̻͈ ͚̟̠̞o̭f̺͔̗͈̪ ̦̫̖us̞̼̺ ̼̻̦͓̦̭ͅk̮̱n̥̞o̭w̱ͅ ̰̣̤̻̖͇̣s̻͈̠̝̦̻h̬̟̬i̖̲̩͙t̼̹̝̹̫.̜͎͉̙,” Gaster said.

...he hoped they’d figure out the answer before he headed back to his universe, because otherwise, he was probably going to try to become a botanist next.

He looked up at Papyrus a moment later, though, ready to fully stop the situation or move it elsewhere. “W̟̺͖͎̗e̩̝͉̦ ̣͎͚̥g̥͉̳̻̲̪ͅo͇͕̘̬͎t͈͔͔̣̳͙͙ ̹̠̬͈̲̱y͚̣̳̜̼o͍͙̘̙̖u ͔̤̻ͅm̲̭͇͖͎ͅo͕̬̰͚̮̜re͍͉̱̭ p̻̲a̩̪͍st̝̬͓a̞̰̤,̱ ̩to̲͔̯̱o͙̟̬͔̬.”

Gaster laughed at that. “Hey, you were Mr. All Knowing Everything weren’t you?” He asked playfully, knowing that dumb information like that was probably the first thing to go. “OH GOODIE! THANK YOU!” Papyrus started to remove his shoes. “I SHOULD START DINNER. NEITHER OF YOU WILL EAT TONIGHT, I GUESS?” “Not me. One meal is good. Save the food for you two.” He took the can of pineapple from Sans to read the label as well. “We’re gonna drive up Ebott tonight to give Kidster a nice look at the stars.” --

“I’m ruined for food for a while,” he said, letting the distortion face and gesturing to the pineapple. But he grinned at the reminder of tonight’s mission.

“Are you two coming, or..?”

Papyrus was already starting towards the kitchen. “WE CAN IF YOU LIKE. OR I CAN JUST DRIVE YOU AND DAD UP THERE. WE DON’T MIND.” They had seen the stars plenty of times before and still loved to see them, but both sons had sort of reached a silent agreement to give the other some space. It was probably hard to see his boys that weren’t really his when he hadn’t been around them in so long. --

It was hard to see them. It was also horrible to not see them. Even if they weren’t his kids, they were… still sort of his kids. Different timeline kids. But still.

He might’ve started to understand what his double had initially felt upon meeting CS-1 all those years ago.

“It’s up to you,” he said. But. It would be nice to see the stars with his own kids, and--

...he couldn’t get sad right now. There were a lot more days of waiting to come.

-- Sans was still stood by the two Gasters and seemed to infer enough to start walking away while addressing Papyrus who was now in the kitchen. “Isn’t your favorite show on tonight, Pap?” “OH YOU’RE RIGHT! I GUESS I’LL JUST DRIVE YOU UP THEN.” Gaster looked at his twin, “You think you’re up for heading into the lab tomorrow? Even if you can’t help, I’m feeling well enough to get started.” --

Gaster nodded. “Sounds good. The sooner the better, right?”

He kept his tone light, but he really was eager to get home.

#undertale #RP log #mayem #just like me #goop #kid #sans #papyrus

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