#which is hilarious to listen to in retrospect

[bloobluebloo]

Ganondorf Should Have Never Become the Demon King

Or: The many instances where Ganondorf should have been stopped right in his tracks.

-At the very beginning, when Ganondorf's body was first discovered, it was apparent that the Master Sword could damage Ganondorf. However, since SOMEONE had to inform our dear Demon King that a man with a magic sword named Link was going to stop him, well, he got the jump on Link before Link could even register what the fuck was happening. If Ganondorf was unaware, he would have been focused on Zelda (since he knew Zelda for sure) and Link would have at least had the chance to do something.

-On the sky islands, when Link wakes up, Rauru could have explained to Link what had happened. Rhoam literally did this for Link. Alas, for ✨plot reasons✨ Rauru doesn't even inform us he was the King of Hyrule and we just get to know him as the "Source of the Right Arm" which is hilarious in retrospect and maybe a bit of penance for that whole doxxing incident. I mean, at least he could have been warned not to trust any Zelda appearances?

-When Hyrule was literally attacked by Moldugas. Even if we really, REALLY, want to assume that Rauru did not see Ganondorf but Ganondorf somehow with his super duper eagle vision could oogle the Secret Stone, where else would a Molduga attack possibly come from? Who else could possibly order a hoard of Molduga to attack? There is only ONE nation that has made it a point to ignore all your invitations Rauru. -When Zelda hears the name Ganondorf and can probably sense his magic because ya know, she only spent 100 years shacking up with him she would probably know who he was just from the way he breathes at this point.

-When Rauru clearly states that he knows the man is evil, and decides that he will keep a close eye on him, but then even fails to do that because somehow, his wife and Zelda ended up confronting Ganondorf alone.

-When even the servants of the castle state that there is some weird Zelda lurking in the castle which suggests that Ganondorf's puppet wasn't even a convincing one

-When Zelda and Sonia lure him? Or did he lure them? ANYWAYS THEY BOTH WERE AWARE OF EACH OTHER, and I mean I guess puppet Zelda was shitty enough of a puppet that they were aware of its presence. I mean if the servants noticed it... -OKAY MAYBE THIS IS A STRETCH but, when Zelda was faced with a hacked Guardian that was about to kill Link it unlocked her Hylia powers which is what she subsequently used to keep Calamity Ganon at bay for 100 years? And this was literally the birth, the infancy of the Demon King's power? He just killed your adoptive mom Zelda, you could have JUST HNNNNNNNNN

-When Zelda literally tells Rauru that confronting Ganondorf at this stage may be a bad idea because she knows the present. She knows Link was injured when he confronted Ganondorf. Maybe she could have figured out how to unlock her powers that held the Calamity back? So that he doesn't become a problem in the present? Hello Rauru she’s sort of hinting that Link could not handle Ganondorf’s power but nope! “We rely on your knight and that legendary sword he carries.” Zelda: “Well about that-“

Anyways look, I get it, suspension of belief and whatnot but honestly, this game? Coming off of BotW as its sequel? Ganondorf got stupidly lucky. He got openings as wide as the Grand Canyon and information he should have never had to begin with like please, how did he know that he should invest in a puppet Zelda? Also Rauru is so terrible at listening to any advice because Zelda only pointed out several times that Ganondorf was a problem until she decided to confront him herself with Sonia.

#ganonthots #look okay #he's the source of the calamity so the source IN THE PRESENT should be strong I agree #but BUT #if you get sent to the past? to before this all happens? #inexcusable you had all the information and power #anyways I will die on this hill forever

[utilitycaster]

I did not know about playlist discourse but somehow it doesn't surprise me in this fandom.... What was the song, btw?

It was “She” by Dodie. I don’t recall the exact details of Liam’s response but basically he was like “it came up on my Spotify Discover and the lyrics fit how I felt Caleb felt about Jester, I was unaware of the mythos surrounding it” and he took it off. For what it’s worth, in retrospect, this is kind of hilarious in that the fans sending hate about it were people who shipped Beau and Jester, and the people defending it were people who shipped Caleb and Jester (despite the song being about an unrequited crush you have no intentions of pursuing) and neither of those ships became canon. Anyway it was literally an out of game playlist that you can just choose not to listen to or hide the song on, and people attacked Liam so hard he apologized to Dodie who I have to assume had absolutely no idea what the fuck was going on; meanwhile, this did not change how Liam played Caleb in-game one bit. It was genuinely pure mean-spiritedness that got the people participating in it absolutely nothing, which I think we can all learn from.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag

[kkglinka]

Despite watching rwby a zillion times, I've only just recently listened to the music (beyond a few pieces). Mostly because the early volumes are vague suggestions of muddled lyrics completely drowned out by frenetic drums and guitar. Which is unfortunate because many of the lyrics are great.

So, post v9, it's screamingly hilarious how many songs are, in retrospect, bumbleby related. Some are individual and others share space with the other main ships but, it's honestly pretty obvious even with some early ones, because casey begins pitching her voice to match characters.

#fandom #rwby #bumbleby #Blake's voice is low #easy to id

[thresholdbb]

For the Star Trek Ask game: 5, 16, 17, 20

5. Episode plot you wish they had handled differently?

Retrospect. I get what they were trying to do after listening to the Delta Flyer's episode about it, but it does not work. The messaging is terrible even in a context prior to Me Too. Don't believe victims; they're lying to you. I think there may have been a way to do an episode about false memories without having serious sexual assault undertones.

The other one would be The Fight. I think the concept of chaotic space is interesting, but the episode is just a hot mess of confusion and space boxing. Maybe if the boxing hadn't come out of nowhere, but Chakotay-centric episodes unfortunately tend to be pretty bad.

16. If you could steal the basic plot of an episode for one show and apply to another which would you choose?

A Deep Space Nine Rascals would be hilarious. Can you imagine little Jadzia with the symbiont, simultaneously a tiny girl and an ancient worm? Julian would probably still be an augment, but how long did his brain take to fully adjust to that change? Kira would get some childhood, like Ro did. We could have a pocket Garak! I don't think O'Brien and Sisko would change much, and Keiko's already been through it. I'm not sure if Odo would change or would he just not be able to de-goo? A mini Weyoun? A tinier, eviler Dukat? Hell, de-age the entire station and make them interact.

Actually I want all the crews to have to interact as children for an episode. Every. Single. One. Even TOS. Even Enterprise.

17. What role would you have aboard a starship?

While I would love a cool job like Captain or First Officer or something, no one has ever trusted me with a management role, though I can give a mean speech. Given my professional background, probably somewhere in communications, though I wouldn't be thrilled about it. Honestly, I'd probably be scrubbing plasma conduits and clearing out the holodeck filters.

20. Which piece of technology do you wish existed in reality?

Replicators. I don't remember who said it, (maybe a behind-the-scenes Trek person?), but their explanation was that replicators are ultimately what enables a Star Trek future. If people don't have to worry about their basic needs being met, they are free to do so many other things. A future where everyone is clothed and fed no matter what would be a good one.

#I did quit my job and spend 3 years cleaning a hoarder house which involved squeegeeing the roof on the regular #my career aspirations have all disappeared i am now full potato

[agentravensong]

post-hamlet thoughts

tl;dr my college did hamlet and i was in it and it was cool

first of all, in case i hadn't made this clear already, this was entirely student-produced. i mean, we got some money from the theater department, but people-wise, it was all students.

i've told the rest of the cast this time and time again, but they're so good. insanely dedicated and humbling in their talent.

our hamlet, horatio, ophelia, and laertes were all freshman, and they were all stellar. ophelia and laertes broke my heart every night in the second half with their anger and their sadness. horatio always brings top energy to scenes and had lots of funny moments (espec counting his doubling as the second gravedigger) but also made me feel things (we staged act 4 scene 6 as him alone on stage reading hamlet's letter to the audience and he killed it every time). and our hamlet was just incredible; a pleasure to act against as guildenstern and a pleasure to watch / listen to in their more emotional scenes.

and everyone else was great too! our polonius was always funny but also had genuine moments of connection with his kids; our cladius brought some great depth to the role (his take on the monologue in act 3 scene 3 was great) while still being despicable, especially in his manipulation of laertes; our gertrude brought our director's take on her to life impeccably; and, of course, i had a wonderful and hilarious partner in our rosencrantz :)

not to mention our quartet of players (who also filled out the other miscellaneous roles) who had a ton of great moments. shout-outs in particular to the guy who doubled as the first gravedigger and sang his sung lines as a sea shanty (honestly, i think he could have been a great guildenstern or rosencrantz in another universe).

the crew, of course, was also amazing. there were like 150 cues? my friend (the writer i mentioned in this post) did a fantastic job with the lights. the people behind the staging and makeup did just as well. and the costumes were so fun! everyone looked great; we had a consistent black-white-red-brown color palette that tied it all together. special shout-out to the player king wearing a white shirt with a black cape while cladius wore a zipped-up leather jacket and a white cape.

oh, and me and ros? we got fedoras :) i may share a photo later. maybe.

we did our show in the college black box theater (inside the fine arts building), which i do not currently have the brain cells to try and explain the layout of. it's a kind of weird space, but i think we made the most of it. for the majority of the show i was off stage left, meaning i was hanging out at the top of the stairs which serve as the main entrance and exit to the theater (sitting/standing where i couldn't be seen by the audience obv). you can't really see the stage at all from there but you sure can hear the actors, and by the time of the show that was (mostly) enough for me.

as far as how the actual shows went?

friday was our most engaged audience. their laughter was greatly appreciated in the early scenes ...slightly less so when everyone was dying in the final scene. i mean, i get it, people start dropping like flies and actually foaming at the mouth and spitting out (fake) blood; it's a lot. i applaud hamlet and horatio for staying in character through it. everyone did a great job that night; it was probably better than all our dress rehearsals as a whole.

saturday, at least from my pov, had kind of weird vibes at the start? i don't know how much of it was people getting to bed late the previous night, how much of it was overconfidence, and how much of it was people getting in their own heads, but it was our lowest energy show. the audience wasn't as audibly engaged either, but they did give us a big applause. i felt more good than bad about it by the end, for sure.

especially in retrospect, because, despite us having a smaller crowd at today's matinee, everyone was back on the ball. the ending in particular i think was the best we've ever done it. it was probably my best performance as well.

to be clear, i wouldn't rate any of our three shows below an 8 out of 10, for what that's worth. everyone gave so much to their performances; the funny bits were funny even when the audience didn't seem to think so, and i was always getting caught up in my feelings in the second act. you can't ask for much more than that.

now, here's a compilation of things from the production in no real order:

i already posted about this, but having the blood stains on stage where people die from the beginning of every show? *chef's kiss*

i'll also restate the thing i mentioned in the tags of that post: characters who were murderers had symbolic blood makeup after they killed someone. cladius had a bloody ear from the start of the show, the meaning of which becomes clear once you see the player king get poison poured in his ears; hamlet got blood on their face during intermission that's meant to be polonius's blood; and, arguably most significantly, gertrude had bloody handprints around her neck when she entered at the end of act 4, which, in addition to her hair and arms being dripping wet, is meant to suggest that the story she tells about ophelia's death is, in fact, a cover for something less accidental.

as mentioned above, our director's take on gertrude in general was, from my understanding, pretty different from the standard. to quote from his character spines, "you fundamentally want to prepare your son hamlet to be king; you are playing essentially a game of chess to do so." it was really compelling to see in action. the way she performed act 4 scene 7? chilling.

speaking of those character spines, the first line of horatio's is literally just, "You are in love with Hamlet." and boy howdy did that come through

prime example of that (other than just, all of his and hamlet's interactions, which were wonderful): when horatio finished reading the letter from hamlet, he sniffed it, in a very sweet and very not-platonic way

it was an unintentional running gag throughout the whole process that other cast members would forget between ros and me which character we were playing - to the point that every performance, when hamlet first greeted us, even though i would get to them first, they addressed me first, and it's written that they say my name first, they would call me rosencrantz and our ros guildenstern. ...someone should write a play about that.

i might have posted about this already, but in ros and i's first scene with hamlet, when the two of them start talking about child actors, hamlet made us sit in the thrones, and we would make moves to leave of varying boldness that they, of course, never let us follow through on. this then got basically repeated in act 3 scene 2 except that horatio got to join in on the fun of relentlessly mocking us

(the thing where hamlet handed me their copy of william shakespeare's complete works while they dud the "what is a man" mimi monologue got dropped at some point in the dress rehearsals, unfortunately. they did flip through it with the players though)

during the play within a play, polonius would keep falling asleep and ros and i would keep waking him up

(we also got to do some fun silent banter back in act 2 scene 2 while hamlet and the players were doing their thing)

then the bit after that with the recorders, aka guildenstern's defining moment, was just so fun. hamlet and horatio basically sandwiched ros and me between the two of them, and hamlet and i played off each other very well (at least imo), and though i couldn't see what horatio and ros were doing behind me i know that it got some good laughs. and i could tell every night that the scene landed despite the shakespearean language barrier, so i can't help but be satisfied.

my other best moment was when the king told me to go get polonius's body from the stairs and i got to slump and make a "do i have to?" face before my (final) exit. i managed to actually get some chuckles from that tonight, from the crowd that, again, laughed the least in general, and i can't put into words how euphoric i was to have that be my last moment playing guildenstern.

from the rest of the second half of the show, which i am not in, i will highlight a) the gravedigger eventually realizing after shoveling for minutes on end that he's been shoveling literally nothing (love me a good little fourth wall break) and b) when hamlet and laertes come to physical blows over ophelia, horatio, on his line, steps between them, draws laertes's sword, and takes a stance pointing it at laertes to hold him off, all in basically one glorious motion.

oh, and the ending, of course.

as i alluded to way earlier, we had fake blood and alka-seltzer tablets that the people who died in act 5 scene 2 used to great effect (particularly the people who died via poison)

speaking of that scene, the sword fight was very neat! well-choreographed and well-enacted. real foils btw

and the way hamlet and horatio performed the ending? more than anything, the way hamlet said "give me the cup; let go!" - that shit hurt, in the best way, every night. (and though hamlet died in the king's throne (with the king's crown on), horatio held / clung to them the whole damn time)

for a lighter final note: our polonius doubled as fortinbras and came on at the ending in this huge, heavy, vampire-ass cloak, accompanied by our director as the messenger from england who announces my and ros's death :)

thankfully, we did record our last dress rehearsal, so we do have a version of it that we'll get to watch back in the future. i won't be able to share it with any of y'all (we will apparently be in BIG trouble if we post it anywhere online) but it'll be nice to have for me.

funny thing that happened while i was typing this long-ass post out: i kept using present tense and then realizing i had to change it to past tense. and by "funny" here, i mean, uh... oof.

we never got a perfect run-through where no lines were skipped over, but, i mean, it's fucking hamlet. we did this shit in like a month and a half (with a week lost to spring break); it's more than impressive that the show turned out how it did. it was a group labor of love, and one of the best things i've ever gotten to be a part of.

and i miss it already.

...at least there's movie night on tuesday :)

#hamlet #so excited to introduce these guys to rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. they'll never see hamlet the same way again #man. i've really missed acting. or rather... being part of a production like this #shout-out to whoever was originally cast as guildenstern but dropped out because they didn't realize a shakespeare play #would be a big commitment #and thereby gave me the opportunity to be in the show despite having been too busy and insecure to audition #i might come back and add more to this tomorrow if i remember more things that i want to have a record of #i could talk more about how rehearsals went #or about the few places in which i may have perhaps done things differently than our director if it wasn't his show #but i think for now this is enough #thank you all for following along on my hamlet journey #i will say that there is a greater than 0 chance that i'll post some shitty hamlet fancomics here in the future #so. if that's something you really want. let me know. i guess. #and again i don't think any of the cast have tumblr #but if you do and you see this: pls never stop acting #i've got your back <3 #yes i am posting this at 1 am when i have class tomorrow (today technically). what of it

[greatwyrmgold]

wait what the fuck how does that work what part is homophobic how what?

—@samwise210

Figured this should be its own post. It's kind of a wild conversation.

Typical disclaimer: I'm trying NOT to start drama, so I'm not going to name names. I'll be posting screenshots of the relevant PMs (with username and PFP removed) at the end of the post, to show that I'm not just making up a guy to be mad at. Novel disclaimer: It's been a while since I actually reread the conversation in question. The simplified version has gotten a bit more extreme over time.

For the sake of sanity, I'm going to call the other party P. P did not directly say that it was homophobic for ace characters to have friends. What they said was that Lisa being ace was homophobic, because it was only there to stop Taylor from having a sapphic relationship with Lisa. Which is a conspiracy theory as hilariously low-stakes as it would be pointless, if it was a real thing.

Anyways, part of the problem is that P's argument is kinda incoherent. It's focused more on Wildbow in general, how he writes lesbians in specific, and the aforementioned conspiracy theory than anything that was actually written about Lisa. The only Lisa-relevant thing that gets brought up is the fact that she's aroace and not in a relationship with Taylor (or later Victoria).

In retrospect, I don't think I made this argument well when I was PMing with P. I pointed out that their assertions had no merit, then I said that P was basically saying that it was homophobic to write ace characters. Perhaps because of how stressed I was from all the other ace!Lisa drama flying around at the time, I forgot to explain the logic connecting those two points.

When you get down to it, the only claim P made that was both germane and accurate was that Taylor and Lisa had the sort of close friendship that shippers love (not P's framing), and that Lisa was ace and therefore couldn't be in a sapphic relationship.

The implied logic (which I failed to properly articulate at the time) is that these factors were sufficient basis to call Lisa's (lack of) sexuality homophobic. Which isn't quite what P believed; they put a lot of stock in the "Wildbow only made Lisa ace to stop people from shipping her!" conspiracy theory, and thought that was a relevant point.

Other crazy things:

Lisa's sexuality never factoring into the plot makes it a plot device. (Which is, for the record, the opposite of what a plot device is.)

On a related note, the fact that Lisa's story doesn't revolve around her sexuality is what makes her a token. (Same deal.)

Rachel is aroace in canon. (Aromantic makes sense, but post-timeskip she's having sex with Biter because "he wasn’t a bad lay, if she was in the mood for that.")

Screenshots of the relevant PMs, as promised:

I mentioned this in a later PM, but I want to point out to y'all that the timeline here doesn't make much sense. People were shipping Victoria and Lisa way before Lisa's Ward interlude.

I still hate it. Why does Tumblr not let you expand the PM box to more than 6% of your monitor. Ugh.

Anyways, the rest of the conversation was me responding to P's points, then being told that I wasn't listening well enough. And then P blocked me, which, whatever.

Also, if the "calling lesbian relationships pandering" thing is referring to what I think it's referring to, it's a comment Wildbow made about not wanting to introduce a lesbian couple until Wildbow knew the audience knew that they weren't included so he could write steamy lesbian sex scenes. Which would be pandering! (I'm paraphrasing, I didn't bother to look up the actual quote.)

#not sure how to tag this #drama #i guess #ps stop shipping the aroace queen of brockton bay

[sturionic]

Screw spotify wrapped, here's my musical retrospective for the year:

LISTENING

A lot of Jocelyn Morlock - because I miss her very much and her death was really hard, and also because everything she wrote demands repeated listening with the new perspectives each year brings.

Big in my Caroline Shaw era, also got really into some artists that had only been floating in my mental periphery before, like Unsuk Chin and Fazıl Say. Many longtime favourites in the rotation - Pärt, Saariaho, Xenakis, Borodin, Vivaldi, Lyapunov, etc. Bach (quelle surprise.) Gorillaz, Cosmo Sheldrake, The Oh Hellos, Yoko Kanno. I listened to Bone Alphabet about eight million times on repeat, idk man, my brain go BOOM BOOM RATTLE CLICK

As per usual, lots of folk music and bluegrass. Every year my tastes get a little crunchier skewing away from production value and note-perfect-ness. Except Béla Fleck, who can be as note-perfect as he likes without sacrificing an iota of crunch, bless him. SHOWS

Started off this year with HILARY HAHN in January!!! Friends surprised me with tickets ❤️ Held it together through the Sibelius and like IMMEDIATELY cried during the encore lol - she played the Bach E Major Partita, specifically the loure, which I think I've listened to probably at least once a week for the past decade. Honestly I think one of my top favourite concerts of all time.

Other highlights included Danish String Quartet in the spring (tickets were also a Christmas present from different friends, I am a very lucky person 🥺) and then Andrew Bird in the summer.

PLAYING

Took a huge step up for violin this year. My vibrato had seemingly hit a brick wall in terms of expressiveness, and violinist friends encouraged me to keep continually braining myself on that brick wall even if it didn't seem to be producing results, so I did. Then randomly over the summer it just got better!!! Literally felt like it happened overnight. It's not perfect but it feels so good to have vibrato be less of an anxiety/pain point that practice motivation is WAY up.

Ditto viola, although orchestra is out of session and I miss my section grandpas :( Alto clef is less scary than it was last year. Marginally.

Decided to take a break from Chopin this year for piano lol. This was a Bach year. Fugues just felt really good with where my brain was at (aka constant chaos that needed to be settled into some nice form of 3-voiced order.) Also got back in touch with some old friends, soundtracks and the like. My goal for 2024 is to DIG THE FUCK INTO some Lyapunov and finish the Zelda arrangements I'm working on.

Nothing really to say about guitar, alas. I got too lost in the violin sauce and I guess that was enough stringed instruments for my brain in 2023.

I bought a flute this year! Finally have the hang of embouchure - sort of - and now lung capacity will be 2024's challenge.

Probably my big playing goal for 2024 though is to get back into baroque chamber ensembles. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO COULD PROBABLY REMEMBER HOW TO PLAY HARPSICHORD WITH JUST A BIT OF NOODLING, HIT ME UP.

#classical music #mostly lol #i'm sorry i am so boring and pretentious 😂 #this was a good musical year but a hard one #I hope 2024 is both challenging and kind

[cai-yue]

Thank you @blackmonitor for the tag! Here we go! I kept thinking about how I should make this list because throughout my life I had too many fictional crushes 🤣 So I decided to make a "retrospective" of those who stayed in my mind for a greater time!

(actually, I decided to go crazy and explain the freaking list 😬 I've been working and studying so hard and I miss so much this type of silly fun thing that I completely overdid it 🤭)

1. Luke Skywalker - little me used to be obsessed with him and he remained unmatched in the Star Wars universe for several years until a certain blue guy took his place! But even now he's still a crush of mine.

2. Sirius Black - Sirius remained unmatched not only in the HP universe but for teenager me he was my absolute favorite. It all began when I developed this weird sympathy at the beginning of the 3rd book and the obsession skyrocketed at the end for obvious reasons.

3. Anakin Skywalker - judge all you want but this is a sad truth in my early teen years. He didn't top his son, obviously, but considering Luke wasn't even born 99% of the prequels... I know some people will find this very problematic, but rest assured I don't like this character the way I liked him 20 years ago but I had to list him here because it's part of my story I and think this whole thing quite hilarious today.

4. Aragorn - Aragorn was my LOTR crush back when I was younger! Even though he is not anymore I still understand all the appeal the younger me saw! Totally worth mentioning

5. Sesshoumaru - It was the beginning of my anime/manga era, which lasted many years, and if I had to pick a few crushes Sesshoumaru HAS to be one of them. I read many fics about him and these fics were the reason I managed to learn English 70% on my own (I know, speaking and writing skills are not the best, but reading and listening which are the ones I use the most are ok). I'm not much into anime/manga anymore but every time I look at him I feel I go back in time!

6. Kira Sakuya (Angel Sanctuary) - Even though I would not read this manga again because this is not the type of material I feel good reading anymore I do used to be obsessed about it and this character (be aware of great spoilers if you google it). I had to mention him because back then I had a great time.

7. Elrond - After I don't know how many times rewatching LOTR something was drastically changed (I got a little bit older I guess) inside of me and now Elrond has my heart (I won't say he is unmatched because Tolkien has simply too many characters in all his creation and well... You know...)

8. Solas - I think we finally have a crush that comes from a fully adult phase of my life! When I played Dragon Age: Inquisition I was away from games for a few years and I took this one out of pure intuition from my brother's selection. My intuition was 100% right and after many stressful years I went back to a world that made me feel at home and because Solas was my crush back then I had to mention him!

9. Thrawn - My most recent obsession hahaha. Not so recent though because it's been (at least) 5 years since he appeared in my life and Luke lost his number 1 title. There are way too many things I can say about my history with this character but thinking back to when I first read the old trilogy I think is interesting to note that I remember not liking him that much at first and not considering him crush material. I've never been so wrong 😅

[guardianreadersofthegalaxy]

If I were on the Films To Be Buried With podcast:

What was the first-ever film you saw, or remember seeing? Mulan. I remember the screen being really big, but I think maybe I was just small. I got a happy-meal toy of the fat bloke that would trundle along on wheels if you pulled a string (unlike the character in the film who didn't actually have wheels). And I got the CD-ROM tie-in game, my favourite bit being the level when you pick Mulan's outfit to meet the matchmaker. Then I got older, the toxic masculinity set in, and I felt retrospectively embarrassed for liking something girly.

What was the film that scared you the most? We watched The Mummy one Christmas Eve when I was in primary school as my parents had heard it was a fun family romp. The opening 5 minutes were so fucked up I didn't sleep for a week. I like being scared now though. I love the first part of Ghost Stories, the one with Paul Whitehouse in an asylum at night with his torch flickering out. I remember thinking "I've peaked! I can't physically be more scared than this!"

What was the film that made you cry the most, and are you a cryer? I'm not usually a crier but I like it when it happens. I know it's a cliche but I always cry at Up. Bereavement's my trigger. I always get a bit choked up at Tiny Tim's death in The Muppets' Christmas Carol but last year my wife and watched it shortly after the death of a close friend and we wept buckets.

What is the film that’s made you laugh out loud the most? I recently watched The Man With Two Brains for the first time. I love that kind of silly comedy where ridiculous things happen but the characters take it seriously, no one's rolling their eyes or saying "that just happened". Also RRR is unintentionally hilarious and I love it for that.

What film is underrated but you love it? A Knight's Tale never gets the praise it deserves. It's a fun, sincere, exciting, historical-romantic-comedy about jousting. Everyone in the cast gives it their all, especially Paul Bettany, and the needle drops are sick.

What is the film you once loved but watching it recently you realise it’s not great? I watched Donnie Darko in primary school as a sort of entry-level horror film (in that it had a creepy bunny-man and a few jump-scares) and thought it was really deep all through my teens. It was my favourite film for a long time. But I watched it recently and it's just kind of pretentious, with nothing going for it but great music and good ensemble cast and a lot of teen angst.

What is the film that means the most to you, not because of the film itself, but because of the memories, you have of it? I've got two films I associate with break-ups. I saw 500 Days Of Summer at a time when I was listening to a lot of Los Campesinos and thought it was cool to be cynical about romance. My girlfriend and I broke up the next day. Two years later, I came home after breaking up with my second girlfriend. My dad poured me a whiskey and we watched the 2005 Pride And Prejudice, just cos it was on TV. It's not a great film but it took my mind off the break up.

What is the sexiest film? I never really found films sexy until I saw Steven Soderbergh's Out Of Sight. George Clooney's a fugitive and Jennifer Lopez is an FBI agent trying to catch him, but they fancy each other so much that they meet up in a hotel to have sex anyway. The music is so frigging good.

What’s a film that isn’t probably supposed to be sexy but you found yourself turned on by? Mind your own business!

[EDIT] There's something about Mrs Tweedy from Chicken Run...

Which film do you most relate to? Eighth Grade. Like Kayla, I was a social pariah for some of my teenage years and it felt like that was just the way it was, I would never have friends. But, like a lot of problems it turned out to just be temporary. If you keep putting yourself out there, stay patient, and don't lose hope, you'll get there in the end.

Which film is the one you’ve watched the most? Probably The Fellowship Of The Ring. I remember my mum walking in on me watching the video going "really Dom?! That's the second time this week!" I'd have friends over and we'd reenact the council of Elrond: "So I'll say 'You have my sword' and then you be Legolas and say 'and you have my bow'..."

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? If there's a genre I can't get behind, it's biopics. They often assume you already like the subject so don't bother making them likeable as a character. The worst of all is Good Vibrations. It makes out Terri Hooley to be a smug, cocky prick who everyone's in awe of despite him treating them all like shit. I've rarely wanted to punch a character so hard.

Which film is objectively the greatest ever? It's tough, but I'm gonna go for O Brother Where Art Thou? Great performances, incredible music, hilarious comedy. The use of colour grading revolutionised the post production process. I love how it makes fun of its characters, except when they're singing - that it takes seriously. Even the villainous KKK leader gets a song and, weird as it is to say, that guy can really croon.

#my post #films #movies #films to be buried with #brett goldstein #mulan #the mummy #ghost stories #up #the muppets christmas carol #the man with two brains #rrr #a knights tale #donnie darko #500 days of summer #pride and prejudice #out of sight #eighth grade #the fellowship of the ring #good vibrations #o brother where art thou

[oddree13]

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - Chapter 1

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

(Next Chapter)

(Read on AO3)

“I’m not going to prom. End of story,” Dustin proclaims, getting out of the car. Steve and Dustin have been having this argument for close to a month now. 

Even though they’ve seen each other at camp four summers in a row now, and their parents have chatted, Suzie’s family continues to pretend that Dustin is just a very good friend of their daughter and not the reason Suzie’s computer skills should be monitored by the government. Consequently, Suzie’s parents denied her request to come to Indiana for Dustin’s senior prom, which is why Steve is once again trying to convince Dustin to change his mind. 

“You had a great time at the Snow Ball!” Steve counters, getting out of the car to walk Dustin into the record shop Eddie runs his campaigns out of nowadays. 

“I was thirteen!” he shouts, not holding the door open for Steve. Steve sighs deeply, running a hand over his brow in frustration. “My kids are not going to be this ill-mannered,” he mutters to himself before walking into the store. 

Smash Records is located in a random strip mall barely twenty minutes outside of Hawkins. The shop is constantly in the midst of an aesthetic struggle since the owner, an aging hippie, is reluctant to change. Carpeted floors that are well-treaded hold shelves of cassettes and pricey CDs but also have bins and bins of vinyl records lining the baseboards. Shirts and memorabilia on the wall compete with incense sticks and questionable paraphernalia in glass cases with fluorescent lights that are just a tad too bright. In retrospect it’s hilarious that Eddie had been reluctant to apply, fearing his reputation preceded him. But now? Now Charlie is just happy to have someone who understands what teenagers want to listen to nowadays, more or less. Eddie’s gone from just a counter jockey to managing the store in just over two years. Who says drug dealing doesn’t have transferrable skills?

Eddie’s behind the counter when Steve walks in and beams at his boyfriend, pulling him over the counter to steal a kiss. 

“Your son is currently tucked away in the listening booth. Disintegration is playing in there so I have a feeling it is not going to help his moping. I take it the prom discussion did not go well again?” 

“Is he not my son. Our kid would have way better manners than that,” he insists, making Eddie chuckle. “It did not. Same excuses again too - all the guys have dates, it would be weird going stag, and he refuses to just ask someone platonically. As if all the guys' dates aren’t also in his pack," Steve grunts in frustration. "Did you try and talk to him?"

"I managed it once, and immediately had my head bitten off, by not just Henderson but Sinclair too."

"Lucas?"

"No, Erica. I made the mistake of suggesting Dustin take her and let's just say I contemplated finding a portal to the upside-down again to escape the teardown I received."

Steve winces in sympathy because with age Erica Sinclair has only grown into a greater force to be reckoned with. "I just need him to agree to go if only for the suit."

"You don't have a suit he can borrow? What did you go to prom in?" Eddie asks, and Steve can tell his boyfriend is trying to decide whether he likes the idea of Steve in formal wear. 

"You know exactly what happened to my suit. After that dinner at Enzo's, you set it on fire once you realized it was still in your care. And I actually didn't go to prom. Did you?"

Eddie levels Steve with an incredulous look. "Harrington, in what world would I have gone to prom? Also, why am I finding it hard to believe that King Steve didn't go to prom?"

Steve bristles at his old nickname and knows Eddie only brings it up to irk him. "First off, don’t call me Harrington when you’ve literally, you know…”

“Knotted you? You can say it, Stevie, we aren’t puritans.”

Steve ignores him and continues his explanation. “And Eds, if you must know  I did not go to prom because I was freshly single, without friends for the first time, so I decided to opt-out. But how did you miss three opportunities to go to prom?"

"Oh, that's easy! Failed English. Failed English. Bats," Eddie lists off with a giggle. "Not that I would have gone if I hadn't been recovering. Can you picture me in a suit dancing to Madonna? No thank you."

"I can maybe picture the suit part," Steve grins, looking Eddie up and down.

"Mister Harrington, this is a place of business," Eddie gasps, clutching nonexistent pearls. "You should behave yourself before some people get the wrong idea. And by people I mean me." Eddie bites his bottom lip and returns Steve's leer, making the omega blush. 

"You know, if you chaperoned with me you could see me in a suit and even take me out of it," Steve offers. Dustin isn't the only person in his life right now refusing to go to prom. 

"Absolutely not Stevie. I'm going to get you out of your suit when you get back from watching these goblins at prom. I will be resting from the millionth Chicago road trip. Sometimes I think if I have to make that drive one more time I'm going to blow my brains out.” 

"Why have you been driving to Chicago so much?" Dustin asks, walking towards them from the listening booth, either sick of sulking or sick of The Cure.

“Wheeling and dealing Henderson,” Eddie sings, making Steve chuckle because he knows exactly why Eddie’s been driving back and forth so much, but the alpha is convinced the other shoe is going to drop. 

“I thought you stopped dealing,” Dustin frowns, and Eddie just waves him off. 

“Henderson, is the fact that you associate the word dealing with drugs something for concern? Do Steve and I need to sit down at have a talk with you again about the dangers of marijuana ?” Eddie whispers the last word, his eyes wide in mock concern, which succeeds in throwing Dustin off. 

“Don’t worry your pretty head Henderson. Steve here keeps me on the straight and narrow. Well not exactly straight, or narrow either,” he smirks, winking at Steve who blushes while Dustin pretends to barf. 

“You know sometimes I miss the days when you two were hiding your relationship.”

Eddie walks around the counter to pull Steve into a kiss, dipping him down low before righting him back up. “Fat chance, Sir Dustin. This boy is mine and I’ve got to let everyone know.”

“Is that why Steve’s parents are still in the dark about you two?” Dustin scoffs, making Steve frown and Eddie tense. 

“Low-blow Henderson.”

“I’m sorry but I just don’t get how your parents still haven’t caught on and why you haven’t told them to fuck off!” Dustin wonders.

“Langauge,” both men scold, Steve seriously, Eddie in mock support. “You of all people should know why some things are best kept away from parents.” Steve is too exhausted to keep arguing so he kisses Eddie on the cheek and heads out, waving to Will, Lucas, and Erica on his way out. 

Steve turns on the car and glances at the clock. If he speeds home he won’t miss the call from Califonia.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #omegaverse #stranger things #steddie fics #stranger things fic #dustin henderson #eddie and dustin #myfics #six kids and a winnebago

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Embarrassing Story/Confession Time

In which I share things that I cringe to remember, and then insert a moderately related moral to make the telling worthwhile.

So, once upon a time, in days of yore, when lemons were a thing and FF.net was THE place to be, I had an account. I have ZERO recollection of the login info and it is a disturbing possibility that the crap I wrote still exists somewhere (please, I beg of you, don’t look for it.)

I recently reblogged this post that reminded me of my teen years and how far I’ve come (not that the journey is over)...so I figured I might as well tell a story from my cringe problematic past for the lolsies (and the shoe-horned in moral). 

ANyhoo, I didn’t know until I was...errrm, 17 or 18?... that bisexuality existed. I knew that there were people who were gay (that was bad evil bad bad) and straight (that was good within a veeery limiting set of restrictions). In the year or two where I was just starting to hear whispers of this rumoured third option and slowly awakening to the (at the time, horrifying) possibility that it might apply to me, BL and shipping and such were part of the process of exploring that. 

(And yes, there’s plenty to be said about the fetishization of mlm relationships and the many other problematic aspects of a lot of BL, but I was essentially so sheltered as to be developmentally stunted, and those were some of my first exposures to queer romance framed in a positive light. And because they centered guys, and I was a girl, it allowed me to somehow explore my own queerness without ever admitting to myself that that was what I was doing.)

So, I was tiptoeing into queer stories, and queer ships in not-specifically-queer stories, and I wanted to write fanfic for one of my ships. But, problem! Gayness was bad evil bad bad! (I swear in retrospect that I was 17 but operating on 12-year-old software in some ways.) 

So how did I get around this? Weeeelll, I wrote one of the two guys getting magically turned into a woman. But here’s the thing...he, or rather she, was delighted by the change. She’d always felt not-quite-right as a man. She was attracted to her partner but did not feel that her attraction was correctly defined as that of one man towards another. She felt more herself, once she was a woman.

So...in attempting to de-queer my story, I accidentally wrote a moderately recognizable trans character (at least coming from the mind of a kid who had only the slightest awareness of trans folks existing). And I just find that hilarious in hindsight. 

Anyway, the moral I’m gonna tack ham-fistedly on here is this: my fellow adults, be kind to ignorant kids online. Whether they’re far right like I was raised to be, or from the new batch of “so far left they’ve circled back to purity culture” kids. And, if it’s safe for your own mental wellbeing, gently interact with them. So much of who I am now can be credited to a handful of patient and kind LGBTQ+ adults who were just chillin’ in spaces adjacent to my identity crisis, listening to me ask questions like, “doesn’t the way male and female bodies fit together prove it’s the only right option?” and just...not taking my head off for it. I’m not making excuses for grown adults acting like asses, but kids, and even young adults, are usually repeating back something that has been hammered into them. And nothing quite takes the wind out of those indoctrination sails like older folks just listening, and answering questions when they’re able, and not raging at them the way they’ve been told that their “enemies” will. 

#rambling #exvangelical #lgbtq #fanfic #bisexual #discourse or something

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 1,149

[S] Enter.

Storyboards: http://readmspa.org/storyboards/01149.swf.html

Song used: Sburban Jungle by Michael Guy Bowman

Author commentary:

Here is the end of act animation, [S] Enter. Panels are sliding around the screen. They're showing stuff. Things are happening. It's exciting.

0:47 - Look at how I was still switching her shirt logo around even in the middle of a Flash. This is called attention to detail.

1:05 - And there goes the bed. If only the bed could have burned to death on its Quest Bedbed.

1:20 - Look at Dave putting all this stuff in these terrible inconvenient locations. What a jackass!

1:28 - The real hero of Act 3: a 20 foot tall, 10 ton stone statue of Zazzerpan the Learned. Those Zazzerstats are canon btw.

1:41 - Rose was eager to play this game in the first place so she could resurrect her dead cat, AND GOD DAMMIT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S GOING TO DO. All these flaming tornadoes and flying wizards can go to hell.

1:57 - There's this whole spiel on Sburb's "entry items" and what they mean, which I won't get into now. But here's another brief spin on it. John's was an apple from a tree, obviously like the one from the bible. In that tale, the apple represented a temptation to Adam and Eve, and trouble was a-lurkin' if they took a bite. In retrospect the liquor bottle similarly represents a kind of temptation in the context of this character arc.

2:31 - Usually with acts in Homestuck, there's something that happens at the end that brings the act back full circle. Act 3 started with Nanna's inscription to John, and here we see when and how that was written, while getting a very brief glimpse of what's under the clouds and thus a peek at the much bigger story waiting for us to discover.

2:36 - One wonders if she was aware Dave had given Jaspers some useful tentacles to bail her out with before she jumped. It was quite a leap of faith. Or just outright suicidal. The Lalondes and Striders are basically all cuckoo bananas. But anyways, let's reflect on the teamwork involved to make everything work. Rose bringing Jaspers back, Dave making him a princess, Jaspers saving Rose… God teamwork is great. So is friendship. If your story isn't in some way basically about friendship and teamwork, you are failing hilariously at your job.

2:50 - In [this part of the] montage we see a very quick rewind of WV blasting off in his big can. Which turns out to be the cork of a huge bottle, the unsurprising shape of the exile station which formed in Rose's crater. Exile station designs are based on the entry item of that location. As if you didn't know that already.

2:58 - Sure cuttin' it close there Rose… My characters never listen to me.

3:01 - The thing being revealed here: Dave's copy of the game has been stored in this lotus time capsule for millions of years. WHAT?? Yes, the same juice-stained copies currently on the roof below his window. How do they get here? This is how most mysteries work in Homestuck. You know a thing is going to happen in the future, but you don't know why or how. So you just keep reading, while screaming.

3:02 - The animation just keeps on going, and the song "Sburban Jungle" sorta bumps it up a notch. John proceeds to climb his house while kicking imp and ogre ass. There are a few moments in the earlier acts which seem to trick you into thinking Homestuck is all about getting cool gear, gaining levels, and kicking ass like you expect to do in such games. This is kind of misleading though. In totality, HS isn't really about ass-kicking at all. It's about presenting awesome fantasy environments and situations in which ass-kicking could THEORETICALLY take place, but very rarely does except in dramatic hot points like this. Instead, those environments serve as backdrops for a huge amount of dicking around on the internet, babbling to friends about feelings, and being a bunch of stupid useless kids struggling to grow up. If you are ever under the impression HS is about anything else, you are invariably in for a world of hurt.

3:25 - The best part of the animation is when John just runs up and clocks a hapless imp in the face. Don't even try to tell me it isn't.

3:29 - Whereas this imp gets inadvertently Cosby'd into the pit. You'd think John would later find the Cosbytop lying around somewhere down there, but I don't think that's what happens. I think he just makes another one?? Why the hell not. The great thing about alchemy is it puts very little premium on almost any single object. Except ones which are Plot Critical to be unique, like the game disc, or the matriorb. It's almost like… the game knows when an item is plot critical?? It's almost like… my brain as the author of the story IS the game???

3:34 - Then John boings into the thing. The end.

#video #Youtube

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a commonplace book: may retrospective

what's up ladles and germs, i spent the month of may out of town and jumping in and out of wifi coverage, so this post is has been a long time coming!

reading brought rebecca roanhorse's black sun with me on this trip, started and finished the whole thing on various trains in france. loved the main four pov characters, didn't quite get into it until after the first third or so, but all of the details and worldbuilding were terrific. i can never get enough of a third-party perspective on a character, so seeing serapio through xiala's narration was *chef's kiss* and helped me care so much more about him than his own pov, actually. i wasn't at all convinced by the flash-forward / flash-back introduction of naranpa's situation initially (the conversation she remembers with her parents just felt stilted), but doggone it by the time we came full circle and i saw how the dramatic irony was working, i was onboard. got a kick out of trying to place the different cites around the 'crescent sea' aka gulf, which may not have been correct but was fun.excited to see book two.

honorable mention in this section to the paying guests, sarah waters, which i bought from a charity shop for £2 while visiting bath UK (also at that charity shop: a set of porcelain egg cups!!). how different life might have been if i'd been able to read sarah waters younger in life.

listening downloaded to my phone for train rides, metro rides, walks across the countryside of different countries, etc.: florence + the machine's dance fever (2022) and the eurovision 2022 playlist. i don't have developed dance fever thoughts (except that...the aesthetic for the videos/album art feels more cohesive and possibly more successful than the album? but i did like it?) but i thoroughly enjoy 'free' and 'daffodil', and there are times when 'cassandra' really does hit. apparently she worked with jack antonoff on this album; things i learned while researching this post. i wasn't swayed by the spoken moments, all that much, but 'heaven is here' is somehow captivating? 'king' remains the standout; i do in fact need my bloody sword etc.

my eurovision thoughts are that everyone should go watch the performances by serbia (konstrakta, 'in corpore sano') and norway (subwoolfer, 'give that wolf a banana'), like, right now. watch them again if you saw them live. also here's a look at the lyrics and message of 'in corpore sano,' which, yes. and my other thought is that, this year, i actually might go out and listen to the other works by a bunch of these eurovision artists, which i realize is?? probably the actual goal of the contest???

watching finished our flag means death in my buddy's hotel room in london, watched the majority of my brilliant friend: those who leave and those who stay in various hostels with @hematiterings (series thoughts in the next post!), and tried to keep up with strange new worlds when we could. this version of spock entertains me. ofmd was good, i had managed not to be spoiled for the ending.not sure i can find a comment or common thread for these three, but, shows with friends = good. especially when you're footsore and far from home. actually i do have something, showing new trek / uhura to a nontrekkie linguistics person was hilarious.

playing fallow month.

making i may not bullet journal, but i sure did accumulate a stack of interesting things to stick into a hypothetical future scrapbook of some kind. and stickers! I made some good food the week i spent in maine (lots of chicken, an eggplant stir fry that i did have to throw out when i broke the container and got glass in the leftovers, absolutely tragic)

working on this month was the month of Archives Visits so what i made were reservations and emails and notes and pictures of manuscripts. turned out okay though :D EDIT: totally forgot but while traveling i did a zoom interview for, and then found out i had gotten, a small fellowship at my institution for next year. please clap!

#up next: iclb for the first two weeks of june #in lieu of a commonplace book #weekly roundup #monthly roundup #if we’re being precise in our definition of ‘weekly’ lmao #quarterly roundup #idk man i just work here #ilcb

[missingn000]

before i begin lemme preface this ask with the fact that this may be one of my favourite chapters yet

after multiple failed instances of trying to convey that he’s on nobara’s side… finally, higuruma manages to get the message through. crystal clear. and of course it’d be through his actions, because that’s nobara’s primary mode of communication too. i mentioned in my previous analysis that while nanami’s the father figure nobara wants, higuruma’s the one she needs - and that’s because they understand each other best. subconsciously at first, but higuruma’s finally hit with that revelation in this chapter lol

I didn’t want to see myself in you, so I tried not to look.

god i love this line. in retrospect, i think higuruma’s initial refusal to (fully) acknowledge their similarities might’ve been the direct cause for their indirect friction. it resulted in nobara feeling like she wasn’t seen, even though most of everything she does is for that purpose. in this one parent-teacher conference alone higuruma has managed to establish three crucial facts: firstly, that he’s genuinely proud of nobara and unafraid to admit it; secondly, that he’s there not to control her actions, but to provide guidance (= respecting her self-agency, which we’ve already established is important to her); and thirdly, possibly the most important of all, that he has her back, as all parents should. she’s not alone in her beliefs, in her sense of justice, because he feels just the same way.

…and so it only makes sense that she would be the one to judge him, that she would be the one to deem him worthy of a second chance. even though she didn’t explicitly forgive him for murdering the sheriff, he still stuck with her - and i think nobara’s slowly starting to realise that he’s here to stay, no matter how often they butt heads

anyway. intriguing that higuruma would want to be a clockmaker, given the chance. nanami’s CT is partially time-based… i see what u did there

“There’s something about him that’s almost like my dad.”

But Nobara’s father abandoned her, or something close to it.

haha very funny. this doesn’t bode well at all. um. yeah

you gotta love how higuruma went from listening to getou rant about killing someone slowly to actually doing it himself lmfao. i’m curious what nobara’s reaction will be though - previously, higuruma was able to conceal the fact he’d killed the sheriff for her, but there’s no denying the connection in this one. that’s going to be a fun conversation to have. i guess both she and yuuta are in the same boat then huh

SPEAKING OF WHOM!! oh my god i’m so proud of him. he essentially told nobara to be herself, which, coming from him, is pretty damn direct; not to mention he hinges his self-worth on agreeing with people, not contradicting them, so this is a big step for him. unfortunately some of this progress is immediately undone when he loses control of rika, landing us back at square one. or… square[d] five (i’m hilarious, i know) because maki says this in ch25:

“Rika is your excuse for allowing yourself to be isolated from others, to spare them from your presence. If they can’t get close in the first place, then you don’t even have to try!”

…which he has once more resorted to doing. it might seem like a total regression at first glance, but i like to think there’s a slight difference. instead of isolating himself wholly out of self-deprecation (where he assumes his presence is intolerable and unwanted, something to “spare” people from), he’s now doing so out of a genuine desire to protect his friends. the worthlessness part comes after, when—

“Suguru is the only person to ever stand against her. He’s the only person who ever tried.”

—trying only led to more people getting hurt, so i’m sure that’ll do wonders for yuuta’s self-esteem.

finally, about getou:

he goes from “It’s not about what he would’ve wanted. It’s about what’s right” to “Would that make you happy?”, which is so interesting to me. getou claims his principles take precedence over yuuta’s desires, but specifically asks if playing with nonsorcerers would make yuuta happy. it’s a relatively small concession, but i think it’ll lead to bigger compromises - it’s like what you said about a cracked dam being doomed. already, getou’s had to make so many exceptions, for tsumiki, for maki, but they’re largely separated from his world; yuuta, on the other hand, is not, and he has to constantly strike a balance between his ideals, and yuuta’s feelings. nanako and mimiko (his biggest supporters) tagging along doesn’t help either

can’t wait to see how he justifies wiping the okkotsus from existence. mental breakdown 3.0 here we go

RESPONDING TO THIS SO LATE BECAUSE WE ALWAYS TALK METAS IN DMS THAT I FORGOT I DIDNT RESPOND TO THIS

higuruma, my pathetic wet sock of a man. yuuta, my pathetic wet sock of a child. real fun chapter huh. okay. here we go. surprising no one this got long so answer below cut.

i love your outline of the three facts higuruma was able to establish with her this chapter. i think nobara didn't realize how badly she needed someone to be proud of her until now. because she's so independent, the idea of relying on someone for external validation or support when she gets into predicaments is literally horrifying -- so how could that be something she wants to pursue, especially with someone like higuruma? higuruma who is horribly violent, extremely depressed, and far more similar to her than she'd want to admit.

in fact, higuruma's line "I didn’t want to see myself in you, so I tried not to look" goes both ways. higuruma is not someone she wants to have as any sort of caretaker or role model, so her predicament becomes:

how can you see yourself in someone you don't want to look up to?

PLUS THE PARALLELS BETWEEN GETOU & HIGURUMA HERE...ok we talked about this in our chat and you're about to see it in the insane meta doc i'm about to send you but i'll reiterate it here.

chapter 38 starts with getou killing someone for insulting yuuta despite yuuta not even being there. higuruma realizes he once would've thought this was crazy, but now he somewhat understands because that's the natural reaction of a father -- especially one like him, with a short kill fuse and attached to his children to a fault he later asks getou if it's what yuuta would have wanted. getou knows it's not, so all he can do is reply that it's not what yuuta would've wanted, but it's right. higuruma internally wonders how getou can tell when those shouldn't be the same thing, and internally concludes it must be some fatherly instinct

and the close…..

higuruma murders people for insulting nobara despite nobara not even being there. direct, clear-cut parallel, but what's so important about this is that higuruma distinctly described this as a father thing. no, he's not really processing the implications of his own actions, but it cements on a deep level that he views nobara as his daughter he, like getou, has a very short kill fuse and has been attached to nobara since the very start; he just likely didn't realize how deep it runs

here's the thing. as fucked up as it is, getou killing someone for insulting yuuta is something yuuta actually expects. but does nobara think higuruma would do that for her?

no fucking way.

in her mind, higuruma only kills people who piss him off, or people he thinks deserve it. to her, it's hard to fathom that not only would higuruma get that angry on her behalf, but he would be pushed to thinking people who hurt her don't deserve to live.

would nobara have gotten some twisted satisfaction had higuruma successfully dragged them there to beg forgiveness before her? yeah, she totally would. but if she found out he killed them?? just for insulting her?? she'd be fucking mortified.

higuruma knows this. he doesn't want her to blame herself, so he simply doesn't tell her. in his mind, he knows it's not what she would've wanted, but to him, their deaths were right.

what's so interesting about the way it contrasts with what you mentioned with getou, about him going from “It’s not about what [Yuuta] would’ve wanted. It’s about what’s right” to “Would that make you happy?” to yuuta is...not only is what higuruma did not right, but it also wouldn't make nobara happy. perhaps something theyll both have to contend with in the future. just...just a fun thought.

well, we all know now what happened with getou, the okkotsus, and yuuta. but yuuta does really go on a very nonlinear rollercoaster of character development, huh. good for him. good for getou. now time to make everything worse

#tpg #kay tag

[joyflameball]

I just. I really need to talk about my emotional reaction to the Skip Button End because god damn it effected me.

So, a bit of context. I have this friend (it/its) who loves rambling to me about its latest hyperfixations. Usually at first I'm not too invested but loving its passion, but slowly it starts sucking me in until I'm in fandom hell with it. So one day it comes to me talking about The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe, and I'm intrigued by all the lore and mysteries and buckets. And then the first thing it really rambles to me about is an ending where you, in its words, "unintentionally force the Narrator to suffer through an eternity of nothingness and slowly watch his spirit break."

So!! I was obviously horrified!!! /pos

And it kept rambling to me about that ending, about how it was fueled by the Narrator getting a few bad reviews about wanting to create a "skip button" so they didn't have to hear him, how it was fueled by him just wanting to please the players, how it absolutely wrecked him, how he would go silent for skips at a time, before he was just reduced to saying "The end is never the end" over and over and over. I was INCREDIBLY fascinated in a horrified way.

But a key here is: I was still not totally invested. I was getting secondhand knowledge of this game about some random details, and a lot more information on one specific ending. I still did not know a lot. I did not know the Narrator.

My friend kept rambling to me about TSP, aboout random little fun details or emotional details. I didn't know a lot about the game itself, I wasn't really retaining or processing a LOT of information due to other hyperfixations, but there were two things I knew: My friend adored the Narrator, and the Skip Button End was emotionally awful.

After a bit, I started asking questions and getting invested (specifically I asked if the Narrator was a bucket which is fucking hilarious in retrospect.) I started really processing what was being said and the implications. I didn't fully know what they were, but I knew they were there. I know that doesn't make full sense, but moving on.

My friend then sent me a few clips from the game - the out of bounds song ending, the Door 430 achievement (because it sent me the transcript and i wanted to actually hear it), and a few voice lines from the Zending. And finally, I asked what the fuck was up with the Skip Button End, and it sent me a video.

(Critically, the video it sent me did not have the leadup to the Skip Button. It only had Stanley stepping into the room. This will become relevant later.)

Now, something about me. I'm really, really emotional. I get attached to characters easily, and am a very easy cryer. And I felt a lot of emotion for the Narrator in this end, it was an emotionally awful experience - the dread, the sympathy, all of it.

But I didn't... Cry at it.

And I think that's because I didn't fully... Know the Narrator. At this point, I did know quite a bit about him, I was beginning to hyperfixate on TSP, and I did find him incredibly interesting. But I wasn't fully, entirely invested in him.

This is just me spitballing here, this might be wrong, but. It's just how I think it was.

Now fast forwards a bit. I got fully hyperfixated, friend sent me more clips of TSP, we rambled about it in DMs a LOT, I played the demo and cried, then a different friend BOUGHT me TSPUD, and I played through every ending you can get without going through the New Content door. And by now, I was already more emotionally attached to Narry than I had been when I first watched the Skip Button video. But actually playing the game was... Way different.

I wasn't just watching someone else unplug a phone and unlock a very derealizing (/pos) end, I was the one unplugging the phone. I wasn't just watching someone else follow the Adventure Line™, I was following It™ myself, taking my time and exploring every nook and cranny. I wasn't just listening to Narry's desperate begging for me to go back to the Zen room, I was the one putting him through that.

It felt a lot more personal, honestly. Narry was no longer my blorbrit-in-law, no longer just a disembodied voice who will go through incomprehensible trauma, no longer even my blorbrit. He was this silly British voice who could in one end blow me to pieces for pressing a wrong button, and in another would bring me to a colorful room in hopes the conflict would end. Who would one moment lose his mind over clicking on doors, and another be incredibly, shall we say, passive-aggresive towards me for going through the wrong (or shall I say, the right) door. I genuinely cared about Narry, loved seeing him happy, saw him as not just this funny British guy, but my friend.

Fast-forwards to five days ago.

I wanted to get my other friend into TSP, so I streamed me playing the game into Discord (albeit without game audio because computers are evil). We played a few endings, fucked with Narry as much as possible, and finally went through the New Content door, both of us experiencing it for the first time.

Now, I wanna say this: I still did not know that much about TSPUD specifically. I knew about the Skip Button End, I knew about the Bucket, I vaguely knew about the tape person, I knew the Epilogue existed but didn't know what happened in it or how to get it, you get the gist. I knew most broad strokes, but not the full picture.

So we saw the vent on the floor and made Amongus jokes, lost it over the "fine you're a dork anyway >:(" "NEVERMIND! YOU'RE NOT A DORK", and finally went through the vent. We got to the Memory Zone, and I started feeling... A bit worried. I vaguely remembered, the friend who got me into TSP had mentioned that the Skip Button end happened in the Memory Zone... But hey, that end was so emotionally loaded, they wouldn't throw that at us immediately.

So we went through the Memory Zone. Poked fun at the fact that Narry had a "PERSON OF THE YEAR" poster that had Stanley on it and the fact that he had a love song in the background of the Memory Zone. Talked about how TSP could only really exist as a game first, and no true adaptation could ever really, really exist.

And then we got to the good reviews. And then the dread started to set in.

And then we got to the Steam reviews. And it fully hit me like a fucking truck.

We were doing the Skip Button End.

I started freaking out. I did not fucking know it was this early in the game, I did not realize this was the leadup to the Skip Button, and I could not go back. I was walking from review to review, hearing Narry doubt himself and his game more and more, and I was just breaking down crying even before we got to the button because I knew what happened next.

When we finally did get to the Skip Button, I pressed it once. And I felt so guity for just that. It wasn't even doing anything bad yet, and here I was, having this strong an emotional reaction, knowing what happens, dreading it so much.

So I didn't go through with it. I reset. Went to the Zending. Sat in the pretty lights. Refused to move.

I tried everything. Asked the Discord, asked my friend, asked everyone I could if there was another way to progress, if there was another way that didn't involve putting Narry through that.

And there wasn't.

I had to put Narry through unfathomable pain and loneliness.

So the next day, I booted up the game, streaming it to my friend again (recording it, hence why this is so detailed), feeling even more dread. I started tearing up earlier because I knew what was happening this time. I started really crying by around the first or second skip. The emotions were just hitting me so, so much worse - the guilt, the grief, the anger, all of it. By the time I'd gotten to the end is never the end, I was fully breaking down sobbing, and as I kept skipping, every time the room started breaking, more and more, I kept saying "Let me out of here, let me out, I want Narry back." And when I completed the Skip Button end, I was just ecstatic, still fucking sobbing as I did the Door 430 thing. I immediately went to get the Freedom End, and afterwards went back to the Zen Room and just sat there.

Playing it felt so much worse than just watching a playthrough. Actually playing it felt so bad that I was fucking dissociating afterwards. And I don't think it's just because I was the one pulling the trigger (or shall I say pressing the button), although there is something uniquely horrible about pulling the trigger yourself.. I think it's because of me completing all the normal routes.

Which, that is still in a way because I was pulling the trigger, but the point still stands: I don't think I'd cry as much if I hadn't completed all the normal routes before going through the Ultra Deluxe. Those routes gave me an emotional bond with Narry. Fuck, when he said "I can tell I am becoming less and less real," I said "You're real to me." Narry became more real to me as I played the game and got all the dialogue and endings - some of which I didn't even know existed until I got them.

When I watched the Skip Button End for the first time, I didn't know a lot about TSP. I was just an observer, mostly. Listening to my friend's rambling, having watched a few short clips, barely having any context to any of it. When I downloaded the game, I knew more about Narry and cared way, WAY WAY WAY more about him, but when I actually played the game, it gave me... A different kind of bond with him?

He was no longer my blorbo the Narrator, he was my friend Narry. This artist, who used his writing to cope with his issues. This person who projected all his derealization and loneliness onto his OC, who would put that OC through hell and back, who cared about him so much. Someone who was implied at least three times to not be human, yet who was so, so human in everything he did and said. Someone who felt like the most real depiction of an artist I'd ever seen. Someone with both full control and no control. Someone who needed to be heard to feel real. Someone who couldn't handle being alone. Someone who just wanted to be free.

And yeah, I know I'm describing my emotional bond to a fictional character who doesn't exist and how that changed over time but just... I dunno. I haven't gotten any sleep, I don't know if this is coherent or if it's just me talking into the void, this turned out longer than I meant it to.

#the stanley parable #cassie rambles #skip button ending #the narrator #side effects of playing tsp: #horrible dissociation #reading everything in the narrator's voice #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tsp #tspud #tsp narrator #long post

[lizzybeth1986]

Hello! If you're still taking asks for the Writer's Ask Game, could you answer, please, 1, 4, 6, 17 and 19? I wish you a lovely day!

YES! I love these asks and I'm so glad you sent this ask 😃

1. When did you start writing?

A. From a non-fan content standpoint... I probably was around 6 or 7 years old? I used to write poems and short stories about all kinds of things and that's how my love for writing in general developed!

From a fanfic standpoint...it was shortly after I joined the Choices fandom in 2017 I think! I was getting treatment for a really bad back and wrote short fic in my free time. I don't think any of my stuff now could ever be that short again 🤣🤣🤣

4. What is your favourite genre to write for?

A. I used to love doing spoken word poetry, and I am fond of CNF too. Fic wise...I love exploring friendships! Funny thing is I love reading fluff (and sometimes smut) but I enjoy writing friendship fics!!

6. What topic would you love to explore in writing?

A. Over the years, food writing has something I keep coming back to! My current crop of books to read and podcasts to listen to, explore cuisines, and I am a big fan of incorporating that into my writing. There's a lot you can explore just by talking about a character's fave childhood meals.

A thing I really loved doing with series', movies, fan-stuff I love, is to explore parts of the story that are left unsaid. Like Liam and Olivia's friendship in Cabernet Franc and Chardonnay, which sprung from a dialogue Olivia made about showing Liam around the day before the Lythikos Ball in TRR1. I love making hcs and exploring such moments within the limits of canon (until the point where canon ceases to make sense...at which point I just throw my hands and say "fuck canon!").

17. Tell us a fun fact about your current WIP.

A. Oooo 😁😁 It features a character that was mentioned by Leo in RoE, but never spoken of in the actual TRR series! Also if Eleanor has been Carb Queen this whole series, then I'm happy to say that little Prince Liam is well on his way to following his Mum's footsteps, and becoming Carb King! xD

19. Show us the line you want readers to remember from your story.

A. From a recent Hayden&Sloane friendship -fic I did this year:

But already Hayden’s mind is going in a different direction, telling her stories about her own single mother. Tales from Sloane’s own childhood, coming out of a stranger’s mouth. Sloane tries not to wince.

And here's one from Ch 3 of Eleanor's Kitchen:

Kiara’s raises her chin and scowls in defiance. “Well I think that’s just a vatful of mer-”

“Language, Kiara!”

Her mother’s eyes narrow dangerously at her, and Kiara freezes mid-sentence, before frowning and folding her hands on her lap.

“- mercredi,” she mumbles instead, sulkily.

I had SO much fun writing this section, coz as a kid I've been in situations where I almost cussed at an age I was considered too young to cuss, and the end-results, in retrospect, were always quite hilarious (though a younger me at the recieving end of a parental death-glare would beg to differ! 😅)

Thank you so much for the questions!! This was so much fun ❤️❤️

Writer Ask List from here!

#ask me #ask lizzy #writer asks