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senadimell · 4 years

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If you've got time to share, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts around Snape and Lupin.

@deathdaydungeon, here you are!

After a conversation with @frederick-the-great, I’ve been thinking about Lupin, Snape, and what they say about morality in HP. I’m not talking about the troublesome white hats, black hats morality, but am instead looking at from this angle: Lupin is nice and well-liked, but often lacks a backbone, whereas Snape is mean and disliked, but incredibly brave. Which is more important? I find Harry’s last sacrifice to be a useful point by which we measure their impact.

Lupin and Snape useful to compare on several important fronts.

As foils for each others’ teaching methods

The way they deal with social disadvantage

Their connections to Harry’s father and how they pass on James’ legacy

1) They both teach at Hogwarts, and are foils for each other in many ways. Snape is mean and takes away points. He’s seen as selfish. His classes are hard and unpleasant for Harry. He’s mean to Neville, and rather than encouraging him, mocks him and belittles him, which just adds to the overall disaster of Neville’s poor self-esteem mixing badly with potions class.

However, even Umbridge admits that Snape’s teaching methods work, and she’s working for Fudge who doesn’t like Death Eaters and has been defied by Snape in GoF, so we know he’s effective for a lot of people, if not Neville.

Yet, for all that, Snape saves Harry’s life multiple times. On top of that, Snape wants to keep the fact that he saved Harry’s life a secret.

“Very well. Very Well. But never--Never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it, I cannot bear...especially Potter’s son...I want your word!

My word, Severus, that I will never reveal the best of you? Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist...”

DH 679, The Prince’s Tale

Conversely, Lupin is nice and rewards points. He’s seen as generous. His classes are fun and interesting for Harry. He’s kind to Neville, and expresses confidence in him that leads him to succeed and do well. That confidence is a huge part of Neville’s character development. I doubt he’d grow into the resistance leader in DH if not for the many times teachers expressed confidence in him, like Dumbledore in PS, Lupin in PoA, Fake!Moody in GoF, and Harry in OotP. Harry certainly approves of his methods:

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

However, it’s worth noticing that Hermione does worse on his exam than we ever see. She fails the Boggart test, and she and Harry were the only two people not permitted to experience the Boggart in class. Lupin’s teaching methods aren’t foolproof. Despite that, he’s overall seen as a nice guy and good teacher.

Yet Lupin endangers Harry’s life. The secrets he keeps are dangerous: his secret to keep is that he’s a werewolf and actively endangered three students lives with his negligence, as well as the fact that he hid a secret about a believed and convicted mass murderer to save face with Dumbledore.

“That was still really dangerous! Running around in the dark with a werewolf! What if you’d given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?”

“A thought that still haunts me,” Lupin said heavily. “And there were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless--carried away with out own cleverness.

“I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore’s trust, of course....he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmasters would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others’ safety. He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally. But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month’s adventure. And I haven’t changed...

Lupin’s face had hardened, and there was self-disgust in his voice. “All this year I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But I didn’t do it. Why? Because I was too cowardly. It would have meant admitting that I’d betrayed his tryst while I was at school, admitting that I’d led others along with me...and Dumbledore’s trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am. And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using Dark Arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it...so in a way, Snape’s been right about me all along.”

PoA 355, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Plan is emphasized because those trips that ended in “near misses” weren’t some impulsive romp. They were planned and coordinated in advance.

“I just saw Hagrid,” said Harry. “And he said you’d resigned. It’s not true, is it?”

“I’m afraid it is, said Lupin. He stared opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.

“Why?” said Harry. The Ministry of Magic don’t think you were helping Sirius, do they?”

Lupin crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.

“No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives.” He sighed. “That was the final straw for Severus. I think* the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he--er--accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast.”

“You’re not leaving because of that!” said Harry.

Lupin smiled wryly.

“This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents ....They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you...That must never happen again.

“You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we’ve ever had!” said Harry. “Don’t go!”

PoA 424, Owl Post Again

What strikes me about this conversation is how Lupin shifts the blame around. This doesn’t start with an admission of guilt. He’s not leaving because the parents are right. He’s not leaving because he’s seen how dangerous he can be, or because he owns up to making an incredibly dangerous decision. He’s leaving because Snape forced his hand. If Snape didn’t do that, he would do the same thing he’s always been doing: sweeping his misdoing under the rug and promising himself privately that he’s going to change, but never doing it.

It’s always someone else’s fault for Lupin. That’s a neat tie in to the next point of comparison:

2. Lupin and Snape both experience marginalization in wizarding society, but in very different ways. Lupin faces socio-legal** marginalization and Snape faces socio-economic marginalization.

Lupin’s a werewolf. We see how prejudice affects his life, from his inability to find a job and his worn out clothes to his people-pleasing nature. He’s always acting nice and harmless. He does nothing to play into the condemning stereotypes he’s faced since childhood. Despite that, he still can’t find a job. Nobody will hire him, and people are scared to interact with him. From the way he talks about werewolves, it’s implied that this prejudice is held blindly across Wizarding society. Both Ron and Hermione are horrified to learn Lupin’s a werewolf. *** Later on, he’s legally limited in the kinds of jobs he holds and the kind of magic he’s allowed to perform. Lupin has no control over his transformations, and did not choose his condition.

Lupin’s not really wrong when pities himself. The odds really are stacked against him when he’s treated as if he’s a wolf 24/7, not just a few predictable times a month. His prospects are honestly awful.

The problem is, his condition is dangerous. Thus, the issue of victim blaming is particularly thorny for Lupin. He can’t just accept that he’s a monster for something he has no say over, and yet he can’t escape the fact that sometimes he is monstrous for reasons out of his control. He feels guilty for the people he could have hurt, but also seems to resent that people blame him for something that’s not his fault. The problem is that he carries that lack of accountability into spheres where he should be accountable, like not taking his medication and endangering children because of it.

Snape’s story is very different. He is poor in both the wizard and muggle worlds, and half-blooded, and was sorted into Slytherin as a child. He doesn’t have one condition against him, but checks boxes that make it hard for any one side to accept him. He’s too impure and poor to survive on his own for the Slytherin, but is a Slytherin with Death Eater friends and housemates interested in dark magic, which means he’s never going to fit in with the Order of the Phoenix crowd, especially when some of its members torment him at school. ****4

This essay makes a convincing point that the wizarding world is not a meritocracy, and that people like Snape need powerful patronage to advance if they don’t have the money to support themselves.

I don’t consider the sorting a proper choice. I know Harry does, but I’m of the opinion that at age 11, very few people have been taught how to analyze different perspectives and make an informed decision. Most 11-year-olds are trained to obey their parents and accept their family’s ideology. Harry’s choice rests on very little evidence--most of what he knows is what Hagrid told him, and that he doesn’t want to be sorted into Voldemort’s house along with Draco Malfoy, someone who reminds him of Dudley. I don’t think Snape was very informed either (I’d love to know why), because he doesn’t realize why it Lily wouldn’t be sorted into Slytherin.

“You’d better be in Slytherin,” said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little. DH 671, The Prince’s Tale

Either the pureblood rhetoric just wasn’t strong in those days, or his mother didn’t tell him about that.

...“Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James lifted an invisible sword.

“’Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.”

Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned on him.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” said Snape, though his slight sneer said otherwise. “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy--”

DH 671-2, The Prince’s Tale

It seems that most people just follow familial preferences. As to why Snape wants to be in Ravenclaw over Slytherin, my preferred interpretation is that he had a family legacy, knew that Slytherin rewarded the ambitious and clever, and that Slughorn, the head of Slytherin house, had a knack for making the kind of connections that a poor, clever boy would need to succeed.

Nevertheless, once Snape was in Slytherin, the odds were stacked against him. The house in that era was full of people who would later be Death Eaters. “Dark Magic” wasn’t frowned upon among his housemates, and siding with Voldemort wasn’t yet widely acknowledged as a transgression by wider society.

“No, no, but believe me, [Sirius’ parents] thought Voldemort had the right idea, they were all for the purification of the wizarding race, getting rid of Muggle-borns and having pure-bloods in charge. They weren’t alone either, there were quite a few people, before Voldemort showed his true colors, who thought he had the right idea about things.…” OotP 112

Additionally, people like Bellatrix were in the years above him, and given how Fred and George acted with younger students, I think it’s highly likely younger students had to find a place in the hierarchy or be the target of ‘pranks.’ He was a halfblood, after all, and dirt poor.

Snape knew these people. He ate with them, slept with them, and went to class with them. It is so much easier to understand and befriend someone you spend time with. I’d say that most people who subscribe to problematic ideologies aren’t just awful to be around all the time, or else these movements wouldn’t gain any traction. They’re likely funny and nice to be around if you’re not on their bad side.

In addition to strong peer pressure to befriend the people who would be death eaters, he was also bullied four to one. His bullies received protection from the headmaster when he was nearly killed or permanently maimed. They were popular and well liked.

The best analogy I’ve heard to describe Snape's Hogwarts situation is that he’s a kid in a rough neighborhood who joins the local gang. It provides protection and the hope of social mobility, and from his perspective, the other gang fights just as dirty (his treatment by the marauders). He doesn’t stop to think that the system is flawed, or that the gang’s very existence indicates the failure of authority and threatens its members. He just sees himself as a kid with nothing who needs help with protection and advancement. We know that Voldemort hasn’t shown his true colors, and it’s possible he showed different faces to different people.

‘Now, yer mum an’ dad were as good a witch an’ wizard as I ever knew. Head Boy an’ Girl at Hogwarts in their day! Suppose the myst’ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get ’em on his side before ... probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin’ ter do with the Dark Side.

‘Maybe he thought he could persuade ’em ... maybe he just wanted ’em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Hallowe’en ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an’ – an’ –’ (“The Keeper of the Keys”)

Dumbledore’s cited as the reason they turned him down, not their blood status. I think there’s evidence that the wholesale anti-muggleborn campaign wasn’t a huge part of the first wizarding war, and wasn’t implemented until the second, even if there was anti-muggle propaganda. (Muggle=/=muggleborn). It’s implied that Tobias is abusive and that Snape hates him for what he did to him and his mother; it’s implied that faced class prejudice by the muggles around him as well:

“I know who you are. You’re that Snape boy! They live down Spinner’s End by the river,” she told Lily, and it was evident from her tone that she considered the address a poor recommendation.

DH 665, The Prince’s Tale

When you read stories about people who are able to escape cycles of gang violence and poverty, there’s almost always someone who lifts them out. There’s someone who pushes them, or extends a hand, or believes in them. There are community outreach programs, or churches, or an English teacher that pushed them to do better and try out for a scholarship. That person is usually someone who knows what it’s like and knows how hard it is to get out.

Snape doesn’t seem to get that support anywhere. Slughorn doesn’t seem to notice him, for whatever reason. Lily doesn’t approve of his friends, but also doesn’t understand at all what the pull is--that it’s hard to swim against the current of what everyone else is saying, despite the fact that she feels the same pressure to end her friendship with Snape.

“… thought we were supposed to be friends?” Snape was saying. “Best friends?” “We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with! I’m sorry, but I detest Every and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy! D’you know what he tried to do to Marry Macdonald the other day?”

DH 673, The Prince’s Tale

In the very same conversation, the fact that Snape is not allowed to share what happened to him with Lupin and the werewolf incident means that Lily will never be able to understand what Snape is facing: That the leader of the good guys makes excuses for and protects people who recklessly endanger the lives of others.

“And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Wollow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there--”

Snape’s whole face contorted and he spluttered, “Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too!...”

DH 674, The Prince’s Tale

Later in the year after SWM, she tells Snape this:

“None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you.”

DH 675 The Prince’s Tale

She expects him to reject all of his classmates and stand against the tide, despite the fact that she knows how hard it is to do that and can’t comprehend why he sticks with his classmates. She expects him to be grateful to James Potter as if what he did was altruistic, because the Headmaster swore Snape to secrecy and he keeps his promises, despite the fact that someone else was spreading the story. (The fact that she says she heard it instead of talking about it like its common knowledge implies that she heard it from a friend, so our friends the Marauders likely weren’t keeping their lips zipped even if Snape was.)

I don’t say this to shift the blame away from Snape to Lily in regards to Snape joining the Death Eaters. I just want to point out that Lily wasn't someone who could help him break the cycle. He didn’t squander some chance she offered him. She just wasn’t enough to break him out--not empathetic, motivated, or well-informed enough. (I think the fact that they were peers plays a big role in that).

Ultimately, Snape did choose to join the Death Eaters. He did yield to peer pressure. He did obey his assignment and report the prophecy to Voldemort. He spent his youth yielding, following the path in front of him, and choosing what was probably the easier choice: stick with your group, find powerful friends, do what they want, and don’t ask too many questions about their methods. That’s what makes his decision to betray Voldemort so powerful to me.

Here’s part of the passage when Snape betrays Voldemort:

...The adult Snape was panting, turning on the spot, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, waiting for something or for someone...His fear infected Harry too, even though he knew that he could not be harmed, and he looked over his shoulder wondering what it was that Snape was waiting for--

Then a sliding, jagged jet of white light flew through the air. Harry thought of lightning, but Snape had dropped to his knees and his wand had flown out of his hand.

“Don’t kill me!”

DH 676, The Prince’s Tale

He was terrified. He knew he was caught between the world’s two most powerful wizards, but it was worth it if he could save his childhood friend.

Then when Lily dies:

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the share and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?”

“DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone...dead...”

“Is this remorse, Severus?”

“I wish..I wish I were dead....”

“And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly.

DH 678, The Prince’s Tale

Whatever motivation Snape had before is gone. A person’s life who is not his own is worth more than his own, and he’s drowning in guilt. From now on, Snape works to be useful in saving Harry’s life, and later many lives, at risk of death. His choices are a black mark on his record, likely making it difficult for him to get a job when he’s been tried as a Death Eater, and all of his wizarding connections are Death Eaters or their associates. He has no money or influence. Dumbledore hires him.

So Lupin has a single ailment and faces constant social and legal discrimination. He constantly tries to undermine people’s expectations about werewolves by being mild, but unfortunately is too afraid of rejection and its consequences to stand up against bad behavior or take full responsibility for his failings. He has friends who support him, but do it by engaging in risky behavior. He does not stop them. Perhaps he fears exposure and expulsion. Perhaps he just likes belonging for once. Either way, he does not come clean until forced to.

Snape is different; instead of facing outright rejection, he’s from a poor background and grows up surrounded by peers who join something somewhere between a gang and a cult while being bullied by people groomed by a rival organization. The headmaster of his school supports the rival organization and swears him to secrecy about an incident when they endangered his life, sending the message that his life is worthless. That same group continues to publicly bully him. He continues down this path until he realizes that it endangers something he cares about, and makes a decision that puts him at risk of being killed by the two most powerful wizards alive. He changes course.

Snape seems to view his problems as challenges facing him, whereas Lupin sees his problems as part of who he is, and not something he can change. Lupin seems to accept what happens to him in a fatalist kind of way. He sees what happens as inevitable and somewhat out of his control, whereas Snape never seems to blame his circumstances for him becoming a death eater, even though they clearly limited his options. I think that attitude matters. However, because Lupin’s facing a fictional magical malady, it’s difficult to fully blame him for that attitude.

Both Lupin and Snape have to react to powerful societal pressure that makes it difficult for them to succeed. Comparing them is apples and oranges at best, because their circumstances were so different. I don’t think you can judge either’s morality based on group identity, though.

3. Finally, they both act as a window on James: who he was, and what he means to Harry, who never knew him. That means in some way, they help pass on his parental legacy to orphaned Harry.

Hogwarts is Harry’s home, which means that the teachers are more than just teachers, but play a symbolic parental role in his life.

Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here.

DH 697, The Forest Again

You can’t understand Harry without realizing what he lacks: a loving home and living parents. He’s always looking into the past to find his parents, and is saddled with a legacy he struggles to understand--why did he live, who were his parents, and what does he need to do now?

Lupin and Snape also share a connection with Harry that goes beyond a normal teacher-student relationship, unlike McGonagall or Flitwick. Snape and Lupin are more personally connected to Harry than the other professors because they know Harry’s parents and went to school with them. I will mostly focus on James from here on out since we know so little about Lily personally and Harry mostly tries to emulate or avoid his father’s behavior and legacy.

They’re also the last people who knew James to survive, and they die almost at the same time. They’re the only teachers apart from Dumbledore who give Harry private lessons. More importantly, these lessons are all tied thematically to Harry’s past. Harry’s experience with dementors and the patronus charm are his first re-encounter with his parents and his past.

Terrible though it was to hear his parents’ last moments replayed inside his head, these are the only times Harry had heard their voices since he was a very small child. But he’d never be able to produce a proper patronus if he half wanted to hear his parents again.

PoA 243, The Patronus

In the end of PoA, Harry sees himself and mistakenly thinks it’s his father.

“Come on!” he muttered, staring about. “Where are you? Dad, come on--”

But no one came. Harry raised his head to look atet he circle of dementors across the lake. One of them was lowering its hood. It was time for the rescuer to appear--but no one was coming to help this time--

And then it hit him--he understood. He hadn’t seen his father--he had seen himself--

Harry flung himself out from behind the bush and pulled out his want.

“EXPECTO PATRONUM!” he yelled.

PoA 411, Hermione’s Secret

So the patronus itself is linked up with Harry’s past, and his coming-of-age. He doesn’t rely on others to save him, but must do it himself. (Though Harry’s never really trusted the adults to save him.) It’s interesting to note that Harry actually learns the Patronus charm under Lupin’s tutelage.

On the other hand, Snape introduces Harry to the unpleasant side of his father’s legacy. Through Snape, we see that James wasn’t just a little cocky, but a bully.

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him. “I don't want you to make him apologize,” Lily shouted, rounding on James. “You're as bad as he is.” “What?” yelped James. “I'd NEVER call you a--you-know-what!” “Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can--I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.” She turned on her heel and hurried away.

....

He had no desire at all to return to Gryffindor Tower so early, nor to tell Ron and Hermione what he had just seen. What was making Harry feel so horrified and unhappy was not being shouted at or having jars thrown at him; it was that he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how Snape had felt as his father had taunted him, and that judging from what he had just seen, his father had been every bit as arrogant as Snape had always told him. OotP, Snape’s Worst Memory, emphasis added

It’s interesting note that Harry fails to learn Occlumency from Snape. (In fact, we never see Harry use magical skills he learned from Snape apart from Expelliarmus, which is...important). At the same time, he gains an important perspective.

You can’t have James without this part of him. However kind James was to Lupin, however brave James was when he saved his wife, he was neither kind nor brave when he bullied Snape. It’s uncomfortable and awkward, but it’s important.

When he had finished, neither Sirius nor Lupin spoke for a moment. Then Lupin said quietly, “I wouldn’t like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry. He was only fifteen —”

“I’m fifteen!” said Harry heatedly.

OotP

Harry rejects the idea that actively bullying someone is just folly of youth. He knows what it’s like to be disenfranchised. Regardless of what Snape and James’ relationship was, he didn’t deserve that kind of humiliation. And Lupin watched, and defends him. Harry has to grapple with that.

Ultimately, Snape and Lupin do more than just connect him to his past. They also teach him his two signature spells, Expelliarmus and Expecto Patronum. One saves his soul, and one saves his life and frees the wizarding world from Voldemort because of Voldemort’s fractured soul.

Snape and Lupin as moral counterpoints

How do we evaluate this:

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”*****5

DH 213, The Bribe

and this?

“Albus Severus, you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.

DH 758, Seventeen years later

Ultimately, I don’t think it’s really that useful to pit two people with different backgrounds against each other. At the same time, they represent two different halves of a question: when it comes down to it, should we try to be kind or brave? I don’t think you have to pick one, but when pursuing the two, there are bound to be moments of conflict.

I always come back to the lyrics to Last Midnight from Sondheim’s Into the Woods.******6

You're so nice You're not good You're not bad You're just nice I'm not good I'm not nice I'm just right I'm the witch You're the world

Snape doesn’t care about being nice. I think this is where most non-Snape fans start pulling out the pitchforks and torches. Snape isn’t nice, and he’s not nice to kids. He’s not nurturing.*******7 He’s abrasive, allergic to coddling, and petty when he can get away with it. In fact, most of the people he’s ‘nice’ to are significantly more powerful than him, or someone he needs to be on good terms with.

Lupin is nice. He’s mild. He’s often kind. However, he often picks being liked over standing up for something.

What does that result in? He doesn’t stand up for Snape. The bullying continues and keeps Snape firmly on his path. He wins the respect of the Gryffindors with the Snape Boggart incident but loses whatever credibility he had to tell Snape to ‘put their past behind him.’

On the other hand, Neville’s bravery in DH was nurtured by Lupin’s confidence. Neville kept hope alive and led a rebellion. Lupin is one of the few adults that Harry fully respects and trusts up until the Grimmauld place confrontation. (He likes Hagrid and Molly, but doesn’t necessarily trust them to make decisions in their best interest, while he usually respects Lupin’s judgement). Harry loves him, and it’s because he loved him and watched him die that he needs to act and fight back against Voldemort.

Ultimately, Harry’s relationship with James and the adults who pass on his legacy is one of the most important symbolic relationships in the book. The thematic resolution of the series is Harry’s act of sacrificial love.

He did not know what to feel, except shock at the way Snape had been killed, and the reason for which it had been done....

...He could not bear to look at any of the other bodies, to see who else had died for him. He could not bear to join the Weasleys, could not look into their eyes, when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never had died...

He turned away and ran up the marble staircase. Lupin, Tongs...He yearned not to feel....He wished he could rip out his heart, his innards, everything that was screaming inside of him.

To escape into someone else’s head would be a blessed relief....Nothing that even Snape had left him could be worse than his own thoughts.

DH 660-662, The Prince’s Tale

He rushes to the headmaster’s office to escape into Snape's memories. His memories convince Harry that sacrificing himself is the expedient thing to do, and he heads to the Forbidden Forest. To enable is last sacrifice, he uses the Resurrection stone to witness his parents and his father’s friends. Their combined testimony is enough to ameliorate his personal fears about following through with this final act.

Lupin and Snape leave entirely different legacies behind. Lupin encourages and inspires. As an authority figure, he gives people like Neville space to grow and his compassion towards Harry gives him the strength to face his demons. Harry’s decision in DH to die must have something to do with the kindness he was shown, and the sacrifices people who loved him made for him, of which Lupin is a part. Despite what he saw in Princes’ Tale, Snape wasn’t one of the people who’d make an appearance with the Resurrection stone.

Yet Snape sacrificed his life for Harry and the wizarding world, entities that Snape didn’t seem to like and that certainly weren’t kind to him. His form of bravery is about endurance, tenacity, and willingness to do what is right even when you hate your allies and no one else is going to credit you for what you do. And that’s very Harry. Even if he hates Draco, he’s not about to let him die if he can help it. Harry has much more in common with Snape than Lupin, I think.

Since this is about souls, let’s return to the Patronus charm. Snape’s not the kind of person who typically inspires that kind of emotion required to cast a Patronus in others, at least from what we see in Harry’s perspective. Yet because he has experienced that love, he can cast it and shows Harry what needs to be done. Snape enables Harry to dive under the ice. Lupin’s the kind of person who can inspire a patronus, but isn’t the one to make the sacrifice play until after Harry confronts him about his duty to his family. Ultimately, though, they both sacrifice themselves in the Battle of Hogwarts.

* Ever since I realized how blatantly tangential Order of Merlin must be to Snape’s character motivation, that line has frustrated me to no end. There’s no way frothing-at-the-mouth PoA Snape just really coveted that Order of Merlin. He’s often petty, yeah, but if Lupin believes it’s just about that and has nothing to do with Snape’s real conviction about how dangerous Lupin’s actions were, he’s deluding himself. I hate that he passes it on to his students.

**Yes, I am making up words today. Lupin’s faces prejudice and discrimination on a social level enforced by increasingly powerful discriminatory laws.

*** It’s worth noting that if we take every book as equally valid canon, then there’s either widespread ignorance towards lycanthropy, as Lockhart convinces everyone he was able to “cure” the Wagga-Wagga werewolf, and as teenage Horcrux!Riddle said Hagrid raised werewolf cubs under his bed, or else lycanthropy is actually a wide range of conditions under a wolfy umbrella ranging from treatable to incurable. Lupin is our primary source for lycanthropy: he’s the one who tells us about Greyback, for example. If we hold the first two books as equally valid, then perhaps we only know about Lupin’s particular type of condition. That’s the Watsonian analysis, anyways.

****4 These footnotes are getting ridiculous. Basically, there’s no consensus on what Dark Magic is, and on what basis it’s Evil. This essay goes into things that are labelled as curses. I’m inclined to believe that the vast majority of Dark Magic is just Magic We Don’t Like for Reasons.

The definition of what is and isn't considered Dark Magic is never explained: often it just seems to mean "a curse I don't approve of". Even "curse" has never been satisfactorily defined, but we can certainly say that not all curses are regarded as evil, since some appear to be on the Hogwarts curriculum, and are certainly performed without censure.

*****5 While I paired the quotes at the top of this section together for dramatic effect, it’d be a shame not to look at the context of the Lupin fight.

“I thought you’d say [that your mission was top secret],” said Lupin, looking disappointed. But I might still be of some use to you. You know what I am and what I can do. I could come with you to provide protection. There would be no need to tell me exactly what you were up to. Harry hesitated. It was a very tempting offer.

Hermione then asks about Tonks.

“I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually”... ...“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors--a coward.”

...“Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless--unless they’ve got to.”

...“I know I shouldn’t have called him a coward.”“No, you shouldn’t,” said Ron at once. “But he’s acting like one. “ “All the same...” said Hermione.

“I know,” said Harry. “But if it makes him go back to Tonks, it’ll be worth it, won’t it?”

He could not keep the plea out of his voice. Hermione looked sympathetic, Ron uncertain. Harry looked down at his feet, thinking of his father. Would James have backed Harry in what he had said to Lupin, or would he have bene angry at how his son had treated his old friend?

DH 213, The Bribe

Harry feels personally betrayed that someone who has a family and child would abandon them. Here he is unyielding and accusing to someone he cares about in the hopes that they re-evaluate what matters. It’s a rather Snape-like tactic, actually. Or else a Dumbledore one.

I love the dialogue in this scene, but have some major issues with how Harry’s internalization drops out the window for shock value. JKR does the same thing when has Harry pull the Veritaserum trick in HBP. I don’t like it.

******6 The witch and Snape aren’t perfect analogues, since she’s decidedly more amoral in my opinion, but they’re both contractually-motivated characters whose humanity is shown by their (platonic/familial) love for a more “innocent” character and the guilt at the innocent character’s sacrificial death. Guilt doesn’t lead the witch to do anything productive, and for Snape it does, which is where they diverge on the character path.

*******7 Draco may be an exception to this. However, watching Snape struggle to build rapport with Draco in HBP leads me to think that while Snape’s been on Draco’s side, he’s still not “nurturing,” or in other words, good at cultivating trust and encouraging the strong and wholesome parts of someone’s personality to grow.

#hp meta #snape #pro snape #severus snape #remus lupin #i haven't figured out how to make this appear above the cut...

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theeternalspace · 5 years

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Redemption has Stories to Tell 1

I thought I would try a new thing.

I posted this to Ao3 for Roman’s birthday, and did a link on tumblr like I normally do but I figured I would test by posting the actual chapter as well. If you’re already read this on a03, it is the same first chapter. If this goes well I’ll keep posting this story here. Maybe even start working through some of my back catalogue. Both story and chapter title are both Switchfoot lyrics.

Title: Redemption has Stories to Tell

Chapter One: Meant to Live

Words: 5.2k

Pairings: Virgil/Remy. Eventual Roman/Virgil, Roman/Remy, Roman/Virgil/Remy.

Warnings: Demon Virgil, Demon Logan, Demon Remy. Angst. Angst with an eventual happy ending. Sympathetic Deceit (of a sort. he isn’t in this chapter). soul contracts. Ownership of souls.

Summary: For his 18th birthday, Roman Sanders had expected presents, getting drunk, maybe, in his wildest dreams, a car of his own. Not to be told his parents had sold their first born to a demon, payment to be collected on his birthday. Today. No matter what he might want from life, it seems as though his destiny is nothing more than to be dragged down to Hell.

Virgil doesn’t want a human soul but he knows he doesn’t have a choice in the matter, not after his dad insisted and he finds the human not at all what he expected. Maybe this won’t be as terrible as he feared.

And Remy? Well Remy just wants to make sure this human doesn’t steal what is his.

But nothing can ever be that simple can it? Not when forces start to meddle in the very fabric of the Underworld and the group find themselves torn apart as new battlegrounds are forged and old secrets come bubbling to the surface.

---

For his eighteenth birthday, Roman was expecting the sort of things that most kids his age got. A party, some money, maybe going out and getting super drunk now that he was legal. Probably a talk from his dad about how he was a ‘man’ now whatever that actually meant. Lots of broken up memories and then back to college to complete his degree, then get out there and see his name in lights. He was going to become a star, he was going to make it on Broadway and sing his heart out to thousands of adoring fans.

Roman had it all worked out and as excited as he was for his eighteenth birthday and the fact that it would be a day all about him - which was never a bad day in his eyes - it wasn’t the only important milestone in his life coming up or even the biggest one. He was still hopeful for some good presents of course, there were a couple of shows he was desperate to go and see, and Roman could only pray that his parents had gotten him tickets to one of them.

In his wildest dreams, he was hoping for a car but Roman was more of a realist than either of his parents probably thought and he knew that there was no way they could actually afford one, not with all of any extra money going into helping him get his degree. Roman had tried to refuse the money, had gotten a part time job to help pay for college but they had been adamant that they wanted to support him and that he should focus all his attention on his studies. Roman wasn’t sure how he had managed to get such great parents, but he certainly wasn’t complaining - even if he did quite often feel guilt at the thought of what they had to be doing to help him afford college.

So no, he didn’t think he was going to really get a car. Sure, he still hoped for one, but he wasn’t going to be upset when his big day came and went without a new key to add to his key chain.

Not when he got to at least spend some decent time with his family and really that was a gift in its own right. He had come back for the holidays, bringing a whole bag load of work that had to be done over the break and subconscious suspicions about the weird behaviour of his parents. That vague feeling had soon crystallised into a firm conviction that something very strange was going on and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

His parents had been acting funny for months now. Looking back, Roman couldn’t quite remember when he had first noticed the shift in their behaviour, when it had become something worthy of noticing and not just his parents being them. They had always been a little funny, a little odd compared to his friends parents. His mother had always been a little more wild than other mothers he had seen, often blunt and to the point, the sort of women the rest probably all secretly wished they could be. She had never been afraid to speak her mind and tell someone when they were being an idiot just as she had never been shy of telling someone when they had done something good, when they deserved a hug or a kiss, a reminder of how proud she was of her son.

His father had always said it was because she hadn’t grown up in America, but in Europe where her family had been in a position of real power once upon a time. Apparently they had lost that position a long time ago but a strain of the knowledge of power remained within them, a subconscious tic that influenced a lot of their behaviour. Roman could believe that, his mother had always been a Queen to him, someone to look up to, someone who was regal and sure of herself in a way that Roman envied. She had always promised that one day they would go and visit her family but somehow it had just never happened.

His father was another matter completely. He had always been supportive of Roman, always agreed with him and let him make his own way. He guided him but he had never been like other parents Roman had known, had never demanded he be a mini me, the sort of son that he had already imagined in his head. Whereas most boys parents had pushed their sons into sport and nothing else, Roman’s father had taken a somewhat more laid back approach, had given Roman the tools and the chance to try various activities without ever once complaining. Even when Roman had temporarily really gotten into astronomy and so needed to go to events at two, three in the morning, his father had never once complained about having to get up for that time and drive him there and back.

As much as Roman had wanted to do sport and theatre, he had known that he wouldn’t be able to give both the focus that he so badly wanted to. It was be okay at both or possibly be stunning at one. And while Roman enjoyed football, it was nothing compared to the rush he felt whenever he stepped out onto the stage in the guise of another.

Theatre it was.

They had shown up to every performance, front and centre, cheering and screaming their support with looks of utmost pride on their faces. They had been any child’s dream parents the day he had come out to them as Gay, his mother trying her best to look surprised but Roman by then was too good of an actor to be fooled by what was a very poor imitation of shocked innocence. They accepted him, they always had and that was the only thing that really mattered to Roman.

Maybe they were odd by any ‘normal’ measuring scheme, maybe it was considered weird for but they were his parents and he loved them to death. He wouldn’t have them any other way.

Their assumed oddity still didn’t explain their weird behaviour lately.

For a start, they had insisted that he celebrated his birthday almost two weeks early, only a few days after he had gotten home. His mother had said it was because he had been late coming into the world and so she wanted to celebrate the day he was meant to arrive as well as the day he actually did which made no sense since she had never shown any interest in celebrating in that manner before but if it meant he got two birthday parties and two times he was the centre of attention then he wasn’t going to really complain about it.

Roman had caught his mother crying after the party. She claimed it was because she was so overcome with emotion, with pride and joy and the realisation that her baby boy was all grown up. That he really was about to turn eighteen and the years had just flown by in a few blinks.

Maybe it was the truth. Or maybe she had just gotten better at lying to him over the years, and Roman wasn’t sure which unsettled him the most, that she would suddenly become so sentimental or that she was able to hide something important from him.

It wasn’t just the party that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up on end though. The weird behaviour went back earlier than that. Months and months of hushed meetings he had walked in on on the rare occasions he was home, stilted phone conversations and an unseen weight to every single word and glance.

At the time, Roman had thought perhaps they were planning something super special for his birthday. Perhaps he was actually getting a car. Then his thoughts had turned less positive because Roman was an actor at heart with dreams of being on Broadway. He could tell when someone was pretending to be happy and although he couldn’t work out any details or point to any one moment to prove his theory, he knew the truth.

For whatever reason, his parents weren’t happy.

Were they fighting?

Was one of them ill?

Did they have money troubles because Roman had selfishly let them help him?

The possibilities felt endless and along with being an actor, he was a creator, he lived and breathed new ideas, spinning world after world of new events. It wasn’t hard to take what little information he had and leap to possibly the worst conclusions possible. Something was going on, something bad and it was driving him mad that he didn’t know what.

Roman woke up on the morning of his birthday with what felt like a dozen rocks settled awkwardly in his stomach, a weight that he couldn’t seem to dispel. It was his birthday, it was meant to be a good day and yet dread seemed to lurk at the back of every thought. The feeling of unease carried on throughout the day, a doom that only seemed to grow more intense whenever he caught one of his parents looking in his direction with deep sorrow instead of joy. They were meant to be happy on this day of all days.

So was he. Not tormented by some unknown dread, nerves which coiled in his stomach as though snakes had strangled any butterflies that might reside there.

There was going to be a party later tonight. His parents had wanted his friends to throw it earlier in the day, and they had pushed for that, had seemed so determined for it but some of them were out of town and wouldn’t be back until later. Roman wasn’t going to celebrate his birthday without all of them. He only turned eighteen once after all and he wanted all the important people in his life to be there, no matter what weird excuses his father had as to why they should hold it sooner.

Roman had held firm and eventually they had accepted defeat, although his father had looked almost unbearably sad at knowing it would be in the evening. Try as Roman might, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, his mind twisting and turning in on itself as he futility struggled to come up with any explanation as to their behaviour.

He needed to talk to them. All this dancing around the subject was driving him mad and Roman couldn’t get through another moment like this. He certainly couldn’t imagine enjoying his party with the worry about what was really going on lingering in the back of his mind. Roman was brave. He could do this. No matter what the outcome might be. At least he would know the truth and once he had that, Roman could face it. He would be able to overcome it.

A plan always made things easier, even when the plan was as vague and ill thought out as this one. At least it was something, Roman placing down the script he had been failing to read down on the bed and heading downstairs.

Carefully, he crept down the stairs of the family home. Growing up in this house had taught him how to be sneaky, which stairs made noises and which sides he could safely step on to avoid any telltale creaks which would betray him. Roman had eaten more than his fair share of midnight snacks thanks to this knowledge and it was coming in handy once more. At the bottom of the stairs he turned and started stealthy creeping along to the kitchen. A low murmur of voices came to his ears as he moved close.

“-e should have told him years ago Ailsa, not waited until the very last day, the very last moment. It’s cruel.”

That was his father’s voice. Roman tried to hold his breath as he inched forward, acutely aware of every tiny little noise that he made, and even his breathing sounded awfully loud now that he was this close to finding out the truth. It was hard to stop breathing, move and listen all at the same time, so perhaps it wasn’t too surprising that he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Told him? How could we have had that conversation? How could we have possibly explained what we did to him in a way that he would have understood? It was better to wait.”

His mother now, Roman frowning a little as he listened, trying to understand what on earth they were talking about. It sounded as if he was the reason they were so upset?

What had he done?

Sure, he had gotten into his fair share of trouble over the years, and had probably caused them all manner of heartache and worry because he was their son and that was what kids tended to do. But Roman couldn’t think of anything serious, anything really bad. He was a pretty good kid, all things considered and it didn’t sit right with him to think he had caused them any real kind of pain.

Not to mention their words didn’t make sense if they were upset at him. It seemed more about him but somehow separate from anything he had done. They sounded upset rather than angry at him. At least his father did. His mother seemed to be wavering on the line between furious and devastated, he could hear the waver and crack in her voice in almost every word.

His heart was thudding against his rib-cage, and it was a wonder they couldn’t hear that, it was louder even than the wheezing gasps of air he could hear as he tried - and failed - to be quiet.

Both of them seemed too caught up in their own argument to notice though, Roman finally reaching the edge of the doorway and peering through the gap at them. They were stood in the kitchen face to face. His mother was standing with her back to him, arms moving as she spoke, each word accompanied by a sharp gesture but he couldn’t see her face, her expression. His dad’s face was angled a little away from her, gaze half on the counter top beside them both.

Roman wished he couldn’t see his father’s expression. He looked defeated, as if they were talking about something truly serious. Even from this distance and through the glasses he was wearing, it was easy to see the pain in his father’s pale brown eyes, the playful spark he associated with the older man nowhere to be seen. Roman couldn’t help but inch just a fraction further out of cover, trying to get a better view as if the rest of the empty kitchen would somehow provide the clues he needed to understand what on earth was happening.

It was a good thing they were too focused on what they were fighting about, otherwise his dad would have surely have seen him out of the corner of his eye. Roman had never been the greatest at subtlety. As it was, they both carried on talking, his dad’s tone slipping into something resigned, pained.

“And this way is better? It would have given him time to prepare at least, it would have let him try to come to terms with it, rather than just letting... that thing show up and take what it wants.”

Thing? What thing? Take what? Did they owe a loan shark some money? It sounded impossible but then before the last few months he would have thought spying on his parents to uncover some truth instead of being able to talk to them face to face. They had always been a weird family in that they had actually liked each other, had been able to sit down and have conversations about the hard things.

Roman had never thought he had taken it for granted, he looked at some of his friends relationships with their parents and counted himself truly blessed. They gave him a safe haven from which to start from and Roman had never stopped being aware and grateful for it.

Now that port was gone and he was lost in strange waters.

Maybe they had taken out a loan? Maybe the bank had refused them and in desperation they had turned to some shady figure from the underworld and now it was time to repay it with interest or else... or else something bad? Something involving him it seemed and while it did still sound like something out a cheap thriller paperback, that didn't make it impossible.

People made foolhardy deals they couldn't pay all time to try and get out the problem of the moment. He wouldn't have counted his parents among those sorts of people but Roman couldn't ignore the evidence that was building up with each passing second. Roman knew he should have gotten a job and just managed. He should have refused the money and not given in. Why had he given in? Why had he let himself believe that they could somehow manage to support his education on top of everything else?

“Time to prepare? To come to terms? That implies that we have given up and I have never given up on finding some way to save him. I will never give up. There has to be a way, something we can do to stop this James.”

“We have been searching for over twenty years, if there is an answer don’t you think one of us would have found it by now? Maybe if you had tried harder to convince your parents to give us access to their library then we wouldn’t be in this mess to start with!”

“That isn’t fair James! Don’t you dare say I didn’t give everything I could to try and get the answers we needed. I ripped my family apart for you and I would do it again for our own family if I for one second thought we could get what we need from it.”

As Roman watched, his dad’s shoulder slumped, almost as though the words had actually hit him instead of merely being spoken aloud. He seemed to physically age ten years in a matter of seconds, looking so unbearably sad that it physically caused an ache in his heart. Roman had never imagined it would be possible to look at his father and feel this much pain.

James reached out, hand catching one of Ailsa’s own which were still moving in rapid little angry motions, each word accompanied by a point and jab. Her hand looked so pale against his much darker one, and Roman was almost convinced he wasn’t imagining it, that she really was so white. Even in sorrow, she was beautiful, his throat closing up a little as he stared at her, so pale, so lost.

“I’m sorry. It's not your fault they are who they are and couldn’t accept us,” James told her softly. Ailsa’s only response was a sharp intake of breath, the noise almost cutting through the air. Roman’s frown grew as he listened and this was making less and less sense. He felt more confused than he did before he had decided to eavesdrop. The urge to just stride in there and demand answers was almost overwhelming but they were talking about a secret to do with him. A secret that couldn’t be a loan shark, because why would they have needed money that long ago and only now have to worry about the outcome.

Plus, from the way they were talking, it was as though his mother’s family didn’t approve of them. Was that why they had never visited? Nothing to do with time but everything to do with the fact that they wouldn’t be welcome? He hoped they weren’t mad because James was just an American boy and they were quasi royal.

Roman loved being almost but not quite royalty. He had spent a whole summer dressed as a prince and refused to get out of the outfit. His mother had found it hilarious and even his father had merely rolled his eyes but he went out and got him a wooden sword the next day. If it turned out they didn’t approve of his father simply because he wasn’t royal, then Roman was going to have to give up all his princey outfits, crowns and behaviour. He would hate that but it was something he would do in a flash. What was fake royalty - or even real royalty - compared to family? How could they have ever picked anything over their daughter and the man she loved?

“We are out of time. He is out of time Ailsa. He deserves to face it head on. Let him have that.”

“I am not going to lose my baby boy to some... some... jumped up bailiff who thinks he can just march in here and take him!” She shook her head as she spoke, long dark hair bouncing this way and that with the motion. It was almost mesmerising and any other time Roman might have allowed himself to do just that and let her relax him. Not this time though. He couldn’t afford it this time and Roman couldn’t take hiding in the shadows any longer. They were talking about him and from the way they were talking, it was as though he was going to die or something ridiculous. As it he was somehow the collateral in whatever debt they owed.

He needed to know what they meant, his brain spinning all manner of ridiculous ideas the longer he stood there. It was time to be a hero, Roman straightening up and striding into the room without any further delay, making sure his footsteps were loud and confident. Even if he didn’t personally feel that, he knew he had to act it. Fake it, till you make it.

“Mother. Father.”

“Roman! How... um... how much did you hear son?” Somehow, impossibly, his mother’s face had managed to turn a few shades whiter as she spun to look at him with a mixture of horror and fear. Another expression to add to the list of ones that he had never wanted to see on his parent’s face, Roman’s jaw tensing tightly as he stared at them both and tried to disguise his own hurt and confusion that they would be hiding something apparently important from him.

“Not enough. What is going on?”

“Going on?” His mother’s smile was pained and wasn’t one of her best. He couldn’t help but feel a little insulted that she was trying to lie to him after all this time, after she knew he had heard something. “Why would anything be going on Roman?”

“Oh for the love of- Ailsa we have to tell him. It’s time. Stop this foolishness,” his father snapped, lifting a hand to run through greying hair in an agitated fashion, something so familiar it made Roman’s heart hurt in a completely different way.

It was the one thing he understood in this alien landscape, a comforting motion that promised the way home if only he were to follow it. Everything else was confusing, but here was a little reminder that this was still his father, that he was still the man Roman knew and loved so much. Not everything was different after all and the hand in hair was almost enough to distract him from the situation. Almost.

Roman had never heard his father to use such a tone with his mother before, they weren’t the sort of couple that fought. They had disagreements sure, silly little arguments but nothing serious, nothing like this. He wasn’t really sure what he expected to happen next. His mother to rise up to her - admittedly not very tall - height and snap back? For it to devolve into the kind of shouting match that so many of his friends had been forced to witness with their parents? For her to retreat into somewhere cold and unforgiving where his father wouldn’t be able to follow? He didn’t expect his mother’s face to crumple into one of utter agony or break down into tears, hands lifting to press against her face as her shoulders shook uncontrollably.

Helplessly, he turned to look at his father, silently begging for answers and for him to comfort his mother, to make all this pain go away. Roman was sorry he asked, sorry he had pushed because whatever it was, it couldn’t be anything good.

The older man slowly pulled off his glasses, absently cleaning the lenses. He tended to do that whenever he was trying to find the words to explain something, when he was groping in the dark and needed an extra few seconds to try and work out how to say something. Roman could feel a weight in his chest, like an impossibly heavy rock pressing down on him. It was getting heavier and heavier by the second, gravity weighing more on it, battling against his need to breathe.

Something was coming, something terrible and inescapable. Maybe it was just Roman being over dramatic as he was wont to be, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that this birthday was going to turn out to be far more important than simply him reaching official ‘adulthood’. Whatever that actually meant in practise. There was something else here in the air around them, an electric shock that he could all but stick out his tongue and taste. Unconsciously, Roman leaned forward a fraction, eyes wide as he waited with baited breath. His father slipped the glasses back on his face, expression solemn.

“We... we made a deal with a demon and the price demanded was our first born... was you.”

Whatever Roman had been expecting, it had never even come close to that.

“... okay, you got me,” Roman stated, giving them both a wobbly smile. “This is some ridiculous birthday prank right?”

Except his mother was crying. She had never been one to show her feelings so openly, she was the steel of the family, the backbone that the rest of them used as their lodestar. She gave them strength without hesitation, openly offering them her power and always ready to shift into a furious mother bear who would rage rather than wail. She was tough and soft, quite often at the same time, but she would never weep so openly. And never over something silly like some badly thought out joke.

And now she was crying. Just like on his early birthday.

“This is a joke? I mean... it has to be a joke. Dad... please, tell me it is a joke,” Roman asked faintly, brown eyes darting from parent to parent, wondering when they would drop the act. It wasn't like them to pull this sort of prank and it certainly wasn't like them to keep going. His stomach dropped away, breath knocked from him and for a moment he was balanced on the edge of some huge chasm, too deep and dark for him to see the bottom. Because if this wasn’t a joke, if they weren’t lying then that meant- that meant... but that was impossible, surely?

“I am so sorry my son,” his mother told him, tears still following freely. If nothing else, he wished she would stop crying, it wasn’t right when she cried. It felt as if Roman’s whole world was spinning dramatically on its axis by the sight of that alone and he could barely focus on anything else when he looked at her. “This is not the fate I wanted for you.”

“Lies,” a voice stated, a voice that Roman didn’t know, all three of them jumping slightly. Roman spun on the spot, mouth dropping open at the sight of someone new in the kitchen. Someone who certainly hadn’t been there a second ago and Roman’s attention might have been distracted by the bizarre and impossible conversation but he wouldn’t have missed him.

There was a young man with dark purple, almost black hair sat on the counter top, one knee drawn up almost against his chest, the other leg dangling freely down the side. His black checked hoodie seemed to almost swamp his frame, making it impossible to tell what he actually looked like under it, if he was thin or well built. The dark fabric seemed to fold in on itself, creating a black hole that made something itch at the back of his skull, his mind begging him to look away.

“Oh I’m sorry, was I not wanted at this exact second?” He flashed them all a bright and altogether too sharp a smile before glancing down at his phone and playing with the screen, apparently completely enthralled by whatever he was looking at. The light threw his face into even greater contrast, all sharp angles and deep shadows. His eyes seemed sunken into his face, or perhaps it was simply yet more shadows, darkness under those deep purple eyes that had to be thanks to contact lenses surely?

“Who the heck are you? And what do you mean lies?” Roman was trying not to freak out too badly at the way this day was going, but it was hard to remain calm when a stranger had apparently magically appeared in his kitchen and was now joining in on the conversation as if this was a perfectly normal subject they were talking about. Not to mention the subject as a whole.

It was almost as though the world really had magic in it and sure Roman had always wanted to live in a world with magic, with supernatural beings. He had dreamed of getting his letter to Hogwarts, had even half hoped that his mother's European heritage would mean he went there. Roman had been more disappointed than he was willing to admit when his eleventh birthday had come and passed without that letter.

There was still the thought of other magic, of being able to bend elements, maybe fairies or talking animals. Some grand adventure just waiting to be uncovered and that was something Roman very much yearned for, no matter how childish those wishes were. It couldn't hurt to hold them in his heart, to keep his mind open to the possibility of something beyond this world.

Demons though? Demons were not the sort of supernatural he wanted in his life. Hell and brimstone and all that terrible, unpleasant stuff that came with them. Demons couldn’t be real because if they were... then what else? Vampires? Werewolves? Sirens? Angels?

No, this whole thing was just ridiculous. It bad to be ridiculous.

Except there was a boy about his age in his kitchen, sat on the counter who hadn't walked in. One with impossible eyes and a crooked smirk that spoke of hidden knowledge. One that agreed with his parents not funny ‘joke’ and Roman knew his parents - they would never go to this length to try and make him swallow a lie. They wouldn't lie to him at all, not even for a joke so what... this was real? The reality though seemed to much to believe.

“I’m just saying,” the stranger replied at last with a casual shrug, eyes still fixed on the phone in his hand, fingers tapping lightly over the screen. “If they really didn’t want this to be your destiny or whatever, then maybe they shouldn’t have sold their first born to a demon? Seems pretty obvious to me, but then what do I know? I’m just a demon myself after all.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #fanfic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #angst #angst with a happy ending #multi chapter #redemption has stories to tell

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snickerl · 5 years

Text

I am reblogging this because I don’t know how or why the last part and thus the closure of this ficlet was missing. It’s in italics at the end if you want to find out how Ahab’s and Maggie’s conversation went on after “Did you ever...” Instead of finishing the sentence he bit his lower lip.

Mom’s The Best

A collection of XF ficlets

I started this collection of stand-alone ficlets from Margaret Scully’s POV a while ago because she’s always been one of my favorite characters. This particular chapter has been sitting in my “yet to post” box for the longest time because I wasn’t sure if anybody would be interested in reading it. Anyway, today I decided it was time to post it and just find out...

So far, the collection contains the following ficlets:

PEPPERMINT TEA APPLE PIE ROOT BEER PEACH PUNCH CHOCOLATE COOKIES

APPLE CRUMBLE

"Hey Starbuck, have you decided which offer you want to take yet? I heard Johns Hopkins is interested."

Bill Scully, Sr. had just swallowed the last piece of roast. He was dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin and popped the question casually at his younger daughter who instantly stopped chewing. His wife sucked in her breath. Maggie somehow knew this wasn't a good after dinner topic. Dana had been avoiding to talk about what to do after her graduation from medical school lately whereas Ahab had hardly been talking about anything else.

Maggie knew he loved all his children but Dana had always been his favorite. Since the day she was born, she had been the apple of his eye. It had put her at the receiving end of his fatherly affection like none of her siblings but it had also put a lot of pressure on the girl to cope with. When she had been admitted to medical school, Maggie had seen her husband almost burst out of pride, Dana Katherine Scully, M.D. sounded like a melody in his ears. Therefore failing or, God forbid, dropping out hadn't been an option for Dana. It had turned her into an ambitious, tenacious, and determined young woman with an incredible amount of stamina who would do anything to not disappoint her daddy. To her mother's dismay, enjoying life had fallen a bit by the wayside in the process. Well, her older sister and younger brother had compensated for it more than enough.

Dana was putting the cutlery down in slow motion, then dabbed her lips thoroughly. She squinted her left eye for a brief moment and looked at her father.

"You heard? From whom?"

Maggie noticed a sensitive undertone in Dana's voice her husband obviously missed because he continued unwaveringly.

"Daniel told me."

"How did you get around talking about me with my boyfriend?"

Dana was tensing up noticeably. Maggie held her breath.

"He's as interested in your career as I am. Your move into the medical field needs to be well considered, and Daniel says Boston is offering the best opportunity for you to go into cardiology."

"Oh? Daniel says? I see." Dana chewed the inside of her cheek before she asked tight-lipped, "do I get a say in this, dad, or have Daniel and you already submitted my application?"

Bill's eyes widened at his daughter's harsh and open irony. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Dana let out an annoyed chuckle. "Does it even occur to you that I might have other plans?"

"You're not talking about that crazy FBI idea, are you? That's absolutely out of the question!"

Bill shook his head. Ever since Dana had first mentioned that she had been approached by an FBI recruiter, he refused to even talk about it, always wiping the topic away with a dismissive wave of his hand, just like he was doing now.

"Bill, please," Maggie cut in as she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

The family dinner which had started out so nice and enjoyable was at the brink of turning into a veritable family argument. They hadn't been together like this for quite a while because the final exams of med school had accounted for all of Dana's free time. Now that all the tests - written, practical, and oral - were taken and they were waiting for the results, doubting not even for a nanosecond that her marks would be anything but excellent, their daughter finally allowed herself to spend an evening away from her textbooks at her parents' house.

"It's my life we're talking about here, dad, and not that many graduates get recruited right out of medical school by the FBI. I would get the chance to specialize in forensic pathology and might be teaching at the Academy later on. That's really something I can see myself in."

Maggie noticed how Dana's tensed-up body posture relaxed a bit, how exhilaration took over. It showed clearly how excited she was about this. Unfortunately, her husband wasn't this sensitive, for he exclaimed indignantly, "pathology? A medical doctor saves lives and does not cut open dead people who can't be helped anymore. It's stupid!"

"Stupid? Pathology is a medical specialty like any other. It isn't about some morbid slicing and dicing, it's about getting to the bottom of why and how a person died. It's science. Forensic pathology is a substantial part of solving criminal cases and convicting murderers. I would be saving lives by keeping potential victims from harm by killers that I helped to put behind bars."

Dana's passionate advocacy of forensic pathology didn't impress Ahab one bit. He didn’t seem to listen to her at all actually, Maggie noticed. Instead, he was pulling another ace from his sleeve; or so he thought.

"You really want to be a Fed, Dana? Lowsy pay and small reputation included?"

"This is what this is actually all about, isn't it? Pay and reputation." It wasn't meant as a question. "Your daughter being an underpaid federal agent wouldn't be anything you'd be comfortable talking about in your old boys' circle, would it? Your offspring performing open heart surgery though would be something else, something you wouldn't hesitate a second to let your friends know. Right, Dad?"

Ahab took a step backward. Was he perhaps impressed in some way by Dana's accusatory tone, Maggie marveled. There was a kernel of truth in it somewhere, for sure. Her husband had always loved letting his environment know how well his beloved Starbuck was doing. Dana had hit a blind spot with her angry words, she read from the change in Bill's whole demeanor and facial features. He had not only taken a step away from his daughter, not towering her anymore, but his whole body posture collapsed. His arms, which he had been fidgeting with, were hanging limply all of a sudden, his chin, which had been lifted challengingly, had sunken to his chest, and his eyes, which had been boring through Dana's just a moment ago, were avoiding hers now. He gritted his teeth so hard his jaw pushed through visibly. Maggie had very rarely seen her husband searching for words; this was one of the times.

"It's just...Daniel...well, he says you're really good at it and that you'd have a bright future in cardiology," he eventually tried to defend himself, but Dana didn't want to hear any of it.

"Daniel? Daniel says? And what Daniel says is necessarily right? You don't trust me to make my own choice? To know what's good for me?"

Ahab tried to fend off the accusations he had been showered with a feeble, "you're getting it all wrong, Dana." Maggie almost felt like stepping up and pairing with him to form a consistent parental entity. It was what they had always done when serious arguments with their children occurred, she was wondering why she was somehow reluctant to do so now. Before she got to the bottom of the motivation, or rather lack thereof, Dana's voice filled the room again.

"I don’t think I'm getting anything wrong here! It's so typical for men to believe they are to make choices for us women. I mean, did mom ever had a say in whether she wanted to pursue her career after you got married?"

Maggie's heart skipped a beat and she realized that her daughter was unconsciously rubbing her nose into what was keeping her from backing her husband up in this matter.

"Your mother knew what it meant to be a Navy wife," Bill said without even looking at her as if the woman he was talking about wasn't in the same room standing just a few inches away from him.

"That does not mean she wouldn't have liked to keep working. She loved being a teacher, didn't you, mom?" Dana exclaimed, her glaring eyes meeting her mother's.

"I, uh-," Maggie started but was interrupted instantly by her husband.

"She was happy to be a housewife and mother."

"You didn't even let her answer herself just now, for Christ's sake! Was she allowed to have an opinion of her own back then? Did you even ask her or agreed upon what was good for her together with grandpa, just like you are doing for me right now with Daniel?"

Without even taking another breath Dana turned to Maggie and implored, "mom! Don't you have anything to say to this?"

"Watch your mouth, young lady! I am not to be spoken to in this tone by any of my children. And neither is your mother." Ahab's words came out of his mouth like shots out of a machine gun. Sharp, cold, deadly, but Dana would not let herself get intimidated.

"I'm an adult, dad! I'm not a kid anymore you can force to take piano lessons just so she can play Mozart to your party guests for their entertainment and your sick fatherly pride."

"How dare you-"

"Stop it! Now! Both of you!"

Maggie had been listening to what was being said about her with a mixture of shock, anger, and regret until she drowned the gamecocks in a high-pitched voice. She knew that if they went on, they would be saying something they regretted later. They had never been in an argument like this, mainly because Dana had always been a child trying to please her father, always wanting to make him proud of her. These times seemed to have come to an end. She was obviously ready to disobey his wishes, and Maggie secretly believed that it actually wasn't such a bad thing. Even though she herself had been pulled into their fight, she knew that right now was not the time to voice her own feelings about the whole FBI matter. Right now she had to protect father and daughter from getting themselves into a rage and saying something so hurtful the wounds left behind would be difficult to heal. Ahab and Starbuck had always been so close, if they tore themselves asunder over this, it would break both of their hearts; and Maggie's own heart along with it.

Both were staring at her, flabbergasted by her temperamental, forceful outburst. They weren't used to her speaking up, reining people in so openly. She usually tried to appease, to sugarcoat cracks and to smooth out disagreements within the family. "Don't look at me like this!" she said. "Did you even realize how you were yelling at each other? This is not how we talk to each other in this family!"

Maggie had a distinct need for harmony and every family member relied on it. No matter how severe the dispute was, everybody knew she would later arbitrate between the parties and make them reconcile again. Throughout her married life, she'd played the mediator between her husband and his children as well as between the siblings many times, had always tried to be impartial, to not take one side but make them see the other's point of view, to understand each other. It had always worked best like this. Until today. Today she would leave her neutral position and speak up for the person she believed had a reason.

"Dana is right, Bill," she said and was surprised about how easily the words were leaving her mouth.

"What?" her husband retorted, apparently dumbfounded by the statement which was so openly in conflict with his own opinion on this matter.

"What?" Dana whispered, equally caught off-guard like her father but in a more positive way.

"She's right. It's her choice to make, not ours."

Here she was again, Margaret Scully, a loyal wife to her husband, joining him as a parent by calling it their choice when as a matter-of-fact it had been just his. It was fair enough though, to not push him in the corner and blame him alone because if she was honest, she would have to admit that she was also not fond of her daughter's idea to join the FBI, but for totally different reasons.

Ahab's face turned red, anger creeping through his body. "What's going on in your minds, you Scully women? Very well, then," he spat but knew better than to start another argument with his wife now. He let out an exasperated huff, turned on his heel, and took a beer out of the refrigerator and mumbled under his breath, "I'm outside."

"Great," Dana hissed right after the porch door had been closed with a loud 'bang' seconds later, "now he's mad at me and you."

"That's alright, sweetheart. He's going to calm down again. We let him have his beer and give him time to think."

"I'm a disappointment for him because I'm not taking the career path he wants me to."

Maggie gasped. It hurt to see Dana being so hard on herself. Children weren't determined to fulfill their parents' dreams, they should aspire their very own goals.

"It's your life, Dana. You have to decide on your own. You've already signed the contract, haven't you?"

"No, but I really want to do this, mom."

"Yes, I can see your determination, but I always thought it was medicine you wanted to work in."

"I've never given anything else much thought until the FBI approached me."

"What is it with law enforcement that interests you so much?"

"It's not law enforcement per se but the opportunity to specialize in pathology. That's science, mom. Searching for the cause of death in a dead body is scientific work. It will challenge my intellect in many more ways than doing one heart catheter investigation after another. You remember that I wrote my undergraduate thesis about Einstein, don't you? If dad hadn't pressured me into medicine, I might've as well graduated in physics. I love science, mom."

"I know you do, but all this time you spent in medical school...you worked so hard for your degree, sweetheart. Are you willing to throw this all away?"

"I'm not throwing it away. A pathologist is a medical doctor like any other, and if I find out that the FBI is nothing for me, I can start as a resident at a hospital in cardiology or pediatrics any time. Johns Hopkins won't give me another chance probably but there are enough renowned hospitals in America." She looked at her mother with tears in her eyes, searching for some understanding. "I really want to give this a try, mom."

"You've already made up your mind," Maggie realized.

"Yes. I have an appointment with HR at the FBI headquarters this week. Field training will start next month."

Maggie tensed up. "You're going to be out in the field?"

"It's not intended. I get trained in forensic pathology and will work in the morgue and the lab mainly. Any time later, I might also be teaching at Quantico."

"Not intended? Does that mean it might happen nonetheless? That you have to go out into the field to track down criminals?"

"Mom, it's the FBI after all. I mean, it's part of the training and I have to do what I'm assigned to. If they need my expertise out in the field one day, I might be partnered up with someone. You know how it works in a federal institution, people are not asked but ordered."

Yes, being married to a naval captain, Maggie knew how it worked. Her family had been ordered to relocate to a different Navy base on short notice more than once, and her husband had been commandeered to dangerous missions around the globe never ever taking into consideration whether his wife was pregnant or his children had just made new friends at school. She also knew what it was like to worry about a beloved one on a daily basis, how to cope with the constant fear that something might happen to them. Maggie knew all of this and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to get through it once again. When Ahab had eventually retired from active military service and started working behind a desk, assuming a consulting role at the base, it had taken months until she had learned to not expect a compassionate Navy officer tell her something happened to her husband behind every nightly ring of the phone or urgent knock at the door. And now it would start all over again. How she wished her daughter would spare her dealing with this kind of fear.

She was fearing for Bill, Jr. already, her oldest son, who had followed his father's footsteps into the Navy. But he was tall and strong. A man. Dana was so small and fragile. Not any less fierce than her older brother, probably even more tenacious than he, but wouldn't she easily be outrun and overpowered by a muscled male criminal? Wouldn't she be bullied as a woman in a male-dominated environment? Maggie knew the FBI was as much an old boys' club as the Navy. Her daughter would have to fight herself through the system day in and day out. What a tough path she was choosing for herself.

Maggie sighed quietly but wouldn't voice her inhibitions. She would swallow her fears down and would resist the temptation to ask Dana to stay in the medical field just so her mother would be able to sleep more peacefully. Her daughter had every right to do whatever she wanted. It was her life, her career, her choice, and in a way she admired her guts. She would stand up to any man who underestimated her like she had stood up to her father today. Who would have thought that the tiny rosy bundle she had held prematurely in her arms all those years ago after a complicated pregnancy and difficult childbirth would grow up to become such a powerful and strong personality.

"I'm so proud of you, Dana," Maggie said, working hard though to mask her underlying worries.

"Thanks, mom, but you're the only one I'm afraid. Dad's never going to accept it."

"Don't underestimate your father. Give him some time to get used to the idea."

Dana shook her head. "Let's face it, he's disappointed in me."

"You have to go on your own way, Dana, not on the one your father wants to see you on. He will understand eventually."

"Do you really think so?"

"He's your father, and he loves you no matter what."

Maggie was sure of it. His love for his daughter was infinite. One day he would be able to swallow down his pride and see Dana's choice for what it was, an autonomous decision by his grown-up daughter. Something else was on Maggie's mind though. Her father wasn't the only dominant male figure in Dana's life.

"What's Daniel's reaction to your decision?"

Dana looked away. It took her a moment until she answered her mother. "I'm going to break up with him, mom."

"Oh. Because of this?"

"No...yes...well, I guess it's the straw that broke the camel's back. He's been so patronizing lately. He's not only planned my residency but has also more or less outlined my whole career after that. Can you imagine? I mean, who does he think he is that he acts like my goddamn guardian?"

A wave of relief was rolling over Maggie. She'd always thought that Dana's relationship with Daniel was not sufficiently based on equality although she had never mentioned anything to Dana, Dana was old enough to decide who she dated.

Daniel was Dana's teacher in medical school. He was an accomplished man, married, which bugged Maggie in particular. Not because she saw Dana as an adulteress - it had been the man's own decision to leave his wife and teenage daughter to get involved with one of his students - but because he used her, bathed himself in how she looked up to him. He enjoyed the role of her mentor, both in the medical field as in how to lead her life. Of course, he wanted her to do her residency under his wings in his hospital. It would give him the perfect opportunity to guard her furthermore, to mold her into what he saw in her.

A clear cut was maybe for the best. A completely clean slate. Another professional environment, another city, another man eventually. Maggie would hate to see her independent-minded, self-assured, and autonomous daughter permanently with someone who didn't treat her as an equal. There had to be men out there who saw her inner height and didn’t mistake her for a little girl just because she was petite. But Maggie also knew that Dana loved Daniel, that she had thought not long ago she would share her entire life with him. Breaking up wouldn't be easy.

"I better get going, mom. I don't think dad is coming back inside as long as I'm here."

"But what about dessert? I made your favorite."

Even if it was a bit silly to believe there was even the slightest chance the three of them would be sitting at the table together having dessert, Maggie tried.

"Apple crumble with vanilla sauce and whipped cream?"

"Uh huh," Maggie confirmed.

She had even made the vanilla sauce herself this time. She hadn't done that in a while because of the time-consuming work involved, but the ones you could buy consisted more of sugar and artificial flavor than real bourbon vanilla, and that was what Ahab and Dana liked the most.

"Especially for your father and you."

"You're the best, mom." Dana flew into her arms and hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry I ruined the evening, but I had to tell dad sooner or later. As much as I love your apple crumble, I lost my appetite. I don't think I can get anything down now."

"Take some home, dear. You can have it later, or tomorrow. I made it this morning, it'll persist a few days."

Dana gifted her one of her warm, genuine smiles. "I'd love to."

After Dana had said her goodbye with two Tupperware boxes in her hand and the front door closed shut behind her, Maggie stepped through the screen door out on the patio behind the house. Ahab was sitting in one of the deckchairs. His eyes were closed but he wasn't sleeping. There was an empty beer bottle on the floor and one half-full in his hand. He put it to his mouth and took a swig.

"Has she left?" he asked without opening his eyes.

"Yes. She told me to say goodbye."

He chuckled condescendingly. "There were times she gave me a hug before she left."

"Well, you didn't really make the impression you wanted to be hugged tonight."

He snorted, sat upright, put the bottle to his lips and emptied it in one gulp.

"Shall I get you another one?"

"Are you trying to appease after having stabbed me in the back?"

"I haven't stabbed you in the back, Bill. I just spoke out what I thought was right."

"It's not right that she throws away her medical degree and goes into law enforcement instead. The FBI, for heaven's sake, Maggie! She'll spend her time in a dull governmental building behind a utilitarian desk. She'll have to fight with the audit department over expenses more than she'll take criminals into custody. She'll waste years accomplishing nothing until she realizes she made a mistake." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe the money we paid for medical school was all for naught."

"Haven't you listened at all? She told us that she would specialize in forensic pathology."

"She could be a heart surgeon but wants to become a pathologist? That doesn't make any sense! Why doesn't she see what Daniel is offering her?"

"He might actually be part of the problem."

"Huh?"

"Daniel is part of the problem, Bill," Maggie repeated with more emphasis. "Can't you see that Dana wants to stand on her own two feet? That she wants neither her father nor her partner to tell her what career path to choose? Is that really so hard for you to understand? She wants to make her own decisions."

"You mean she's doing this to get one over on me?"

Maggie sighed. "No, Bill, this has nothing to do with you. Or Daniel. That's exactly the point."

Bill shook his head and put the bottle to his lips to take another swig. Realizing it was empty, he snorted. After contemplating for a moment, he popped a question which had obviously been bothering him for the time he had been out on the patio.

"Uhm...Maggie...what Dana said..."

"Yes, dear?" she said warmly. She had an idea of what was on his mind. They had never spoken about it, not even once since they were married, and she found it ironic in a way that one of their kids had to bring the topic up.

"What she said about you...uh, you giving up teaching," Ahab continued stammering.

"Yes?"

"Would you have rather continued working? Instead of...I mean..."

"Being there for you and the kids?" she completed his thought and added with a smile, "no."

"Hmm," he grunted apparently not fully convinced.

"Times were different then, Ahab. Today, it might have been possible for me to be a teacher and a housewife and mother, but not back then. You were right when you said that I knew what it would be like to be a Navy wife, and I chose to be one. I loved you, and I wanted to have children with you."

"Did you ever..." Instead of finishing the sentence he bit his lower lip.

"Regret it? No. Not a single day." "Hmm," Bill gruntled again, staring at the empty beer bottle in his hands, peeling the label off. "Why does Dana have to be so stubborn?" "Oh, Bill," Maggie laughed good-naturedly, "because we raised her to be an emancipated woman with an independent mind and a strong will. When has Dana ever been inconsiderate or unreasonable? Huh, Bill? I'm sure she's given this much thought, and I'm also sure that the feeling she's disappointing you is hard for her to handle. She adores you, Ahab." "Weird way of showing me," he mumbled, softening a bit. His shoulders, which had been tense were slowly descending, his brows returned to their original spots, and the wrinkles on his forehead were fading. He breathed in deeply and let the tension flow out of his body with a prolonged exhale. Maggie seized the moment to go for his soft spot again. "She's still your Starbuck." His special nickname for her, being the only person allowed to call her like that, never missed having an effect on him. He was relenting even more. "Yes, sure. Of course, she is." Maggie took the empty bottle out of her husband's hand and put it on the floor next to the other. She pushed the second deckchair right beside his, placed herself in it, and intertwined her fingers with his. After a while, she asked, "are you ready for some apple crumble for dessert?" "You made apple crumble?" "It's Dana's and your favorite. The plan was to spoil you a bit tonight." "Did you buy that sugar-sweet sauce again?" "No, I made it myself. Following your mother's recipe." Bill Scully smiled lovingly at his wife and squeezed her hand tenderly. He pulled it up to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on its back. "I don't deserve you. I'm sorry the evening turned out like this. I know how much you like to have your children around. They drop by seldom enough." "It's okay, darling. You said what you had to say. Just don't be too strict with her. She's doing what she feels is right. She's not doing it to purposely contradict you." Bill left it at that for a moment. "I can't believe the money we spent on medical school," he said again and groaned. "Well, you never know, Ahab. Dana will be a medical doctor, one way or another, and who knows what the FBI has in store for her. She might become the Bureau's first female director," she said with a smile. He let that sink in for a moment, and although the fact that his daughter would not become a heart surgeon was still bugging him, this new idea soothed him a little. Maggie could imagine what was going on in his mind. If there was a woman capable of achieving this seemingly unreachable position for a female, it would have to be his Starbuck. "You did give her some dessert to take home, right? She loves your apple crumble." "Sure." Maggie smiled. Despite all the grievances Ahab had aired this evening, he cared very much for Dana. Inside the strict Navy captain was a devoted father; devoted to all his children but particularly to his younger daughter. And even if it seemed to Dana that he had been a dominant husband, having pressured her into a life as a housewife and mother, it had been her own wish to be this exactly, a supporting wife to her husband and a loving mother to her children. Maggie knew Bill treasured her, that he had never even thought of anyone else but her to share his life with. He had always been a loyal husband and family man, and she had relied on him to provide for her and the kids in return. She never had the feeling she had missed or lost anything because she had once decided to marry him. On the contrary, he had given her four wonderful children and a sheltered life. For that, she was infinitely thankful. She loved him.

#xf fanfiction #margaret scully #no mulder #pre season 1 #young scully

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ofgoldenblood · 7 years

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I had to take the time to come fangirl in your inbox because I am truly in love with your writing. I read your latest update for the 'more than a ghost au' and you managed to make me commit to the story despite my not shipping Lightstar. It's a true testament to how talented you are. My jaw dropped at the quality of this verse. I think your insight into the inner workings of Jonathan's twisted mind is extraordinary and

your portrayal is nothing short of brilliant. You make him human and it’s all that I could ask for when he is the most misunderstood character in this fandom. I especially look forward to every update of your abo verse and your hooker au since Jalec is my otp. These stories make me genuinely happy and there are no words that could possibly express how grateful my Jalec heart is for having such a wonderful writer pen my favorite pairing. From a fan

First of all, thank you so much for this lovely message. Your words really cheered me up & I loved hearing that you enjoy my portrayal(s). There’s a lot of controversy about Sebastian and it’s always nice to meet someone else who appreciates him, despite his obvious shortcomings & villainy!!Tbh, I will never understand why people watch shows like SH & then non-stop point out ‘bad’ things and complain about the bad guys. If you want drama-free & entirely harmless then maybe you should watch something like Dora the Explorer instead of hating on people who enjoy a good drama-driven story. Drama requires villains or at least people fucking up, otherwise there would be no conflict and conflict (& its resolve) is usually what makes a story thrilling or interesting. I’m sure most of us want drama-free lives, but who wants to WATCH that, really? BUT I AM SORRY FOR RANTING… so I will continue to rant under the cut.

I agree with you that Sebastian is misunderstood, even if most people in this fandom immediately start fuming when someone says that. Because they think misunderstood = poor mistreated little cupcake. That is not what he is. He is a killer, he is cruel & merciless and he knows no remorse for the things he does and the lives he takes. I am not excusing those actions.He is, however, deeply disturbed and a victim of tremendous abuse. He was drugged literally before he was born, with something that altered his very being & gave him no chance to grow up a ‘normal’ boy. His mother abandoned him because the only other choice she saw was to kill him. As far as he knos, she never even considered trying to save him. His father never loved him, called him a monster that nobody could ever love & literally whipped him (& probably other things, lbr). He isolated him from any healthy human contact & effectively stole his entire childhood. This is severe emotional and physical abuse and I wish people would stop disregarding that and instead only focus on the fact that Sebastian kissed his sister.

Valentine turned him into not a soldier but an (almost literally) soulless weapon. He made him the possibly loneliest person alive. I once saw a post in the Seb tag where someone said something along the lines of ‘I can tolerate Valentine but Sebastian is just pure evil and needs to die‘ & it pissed me off so much, because it blatantly disregards the fact that it was Valentine who made Sebastian the way he is. We’ll never know for sure, I guess, if Jon/athan Christopher hadn’t turned out to be a sociopath too (you don’t need demon blood for that), like Maia’s brother Daniel for example, but he certainly wouldn’t have been the monster that we see in the books. I really like drawing the connection to Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in Seb’s case. The monster - as the Doctor himself calls it - is presented as a vile nightmare that haunts Frankenstein and destroys his life - but really all his negative & frightening features are a result of Frankenstein’s treatment, neglect & horror. He created the monster AFTER bringing a dead person back to life. We don’t know how much of Seb’s cruelty comes from his demon blood& how much is Valentine’s influence, but I like to remind people that warlocks are half demon too, and nobody would go around saying Mag/nus is at least 50% evil.

A key thing about Seb for me is that he doesn’t understand himself. He is literally misunderstood in that way. He’s never had a chance to figure out who he is or what he wants without someone’s influence in his ear (Valentine or Lilith). He grew up with a distorted understanding of right/good & wrong/evil, so how is he supposed to agree with the ‘good guys’ when they say that it is not okay to kill someone who poses a threat to you & your plan (which is, essentially your entire life’s purpose??)? Or that desiring your sister in a way that this society finds wrong is despicable? (We literally can’t even agree here on tumblr how ‘bad’ inc/est is!!) He never experienced love, never received, felt or understood it, so he tries to bind people to him to fight his loneliness any other way possible. He is a drowning man who can’t ever escape the water but desperately struggles to stay afloat, because there is literally no alternative.

When his hate & jealousy for Jace (who is not even Valentine’s real son but somehow ends up getting everything that’s supposed to be Seb’s - his father, the illusion of a childhood, time to develop, Clary, even Jocelyn for a while, a parabatai, LOVE) threatens to destroy him, he turns them into the opposite and starts obsessing. He binds Jace to himself, tries to consume him, perhaps to somehow make Jace’s life his own. He will never get love anyway (he doesn’t UNDERSTAND IT, it’s like wanting something you don’t even know) so he’s content to have Clary & Jace with him, even if he has to keep them by force.

Now, none of this means I excuse what he does or did. I just like to think about what makes him tick & try to understand him. I love complex villains. My favorite villain is probably Hann/ibal Lec/ter (more in NBCs Hann/ibal than in the books/movies), who absolutely deserves to sit in prison for all eternity, but still is one of the most fascinating characters ever created, imo. His world view, his morals, his motivations to kill and his excuses for it need to be looked at outside any moral judgement if we want to understand human nature better, I think. You can love a character for their complexity and still judge their actions - and I think that is what most people in this fandom don’t accept. Liking Sebastian does not mean I cheer for his murders and ra/pe attempt.

AS FOR THE MORE THAN A GHOST AU, it’s one of my absolute favorites, atm, because it actually goes against my firm belief that death was the best option for Seb at the end of COHF. He’s not prepared to survive & nobody else is either. He is forced to face the consequences of his actions but suddenly lacks the conviction that they were necessary, good or even acceptable. For the first time he recognizes himself as the villain. Not as a monster- which is something wrong & unlovable - but as someONE who did horrible things & has to take responsibility for them. He is willing to do that, even if he feels like a different person & it’s actually Alec in that verse who kind of allows him to adopt that thought of Sebastian being a different person from Jonathan. That gives Jonathan hope, but at the same time it is his ultimate kryptonite. Whenever he is disappointed in his own inability to be ‘Not-Sebastian’, he regresses to telling himself he can never be anyone other than Seb. Jonathan is an idea without an anchor in reality & on his bad days Jon is convinced Alec is just telling himself & Jon a lie everyday to not feel guilty about loving his brother’s murderer.

I also headcanon that Jon doesn’t immediately become a nice person in the beginning of the verse. He ‘learned’ how to be ‘good’ so he could be able to impersonate Sebas/tian Verl/ac, but he never really internalized it. He is still impatient, more easily angered, looks to violent solutions faster than to peaceful ones. He is used to calculating damage against gain & will choose the most effective way, not matter the cost. Since he has feelings now that he didn’t have with the demon blood (presumably) and also a conscience he wouldn’t wage a war for the hell of it or to get what he wants, or sacrifice innocent people.. but he has yet to LEARN who the innocent people are. If there was a young werewolf struggling on their first full moon, threatening to hurt people, Jon would choose to kill them, whereas Clary & Co would try to help them. He still has to unlearn the rac/ism against Downworlders Valentine nurtured in him. He still has to learn how to take and deal with rejection in a way that doesn’t completely destroy him. There are just so many aspects to this scenario & that’s why I love it so much!!

I AM SO SORRY about how long this turned out, and you didn’t even ask for ANY OF THIS *hides, ashamed*

Thank you again for your message & your kind words. I currently also really love the hooker AU and the a/b/o AU, so I’ll hopefully get to continuing those soon c:I have a drabble planned for the hooker AU in which I’ll write about the first time Jace took money for se/x, if you’re interested in that.Unrelated, Andy & I also talked about a short drabble based on ‘The Other Side’ by Ruelle, so if you enjoy having your heart broken, you have that to look forward to.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.:*

#( ooc asks. )#HERE GOES NOTHING #sebastian morgenstern #malikaesthetics #( saved. )

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mgnemesi · 7 years

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I dreamed Stucky again, so you get a non-fic

So, the details are running away from me, leaving a strange haze of ~impressions~ and convictions. It’s an AU. Somehow, it reminds me of Planet Hulk but also not. It’s strange. It’s probably some post-apocalypse world, where technology *is* there, but they use it sparingly, and clothes are more reminiscent of a land straight out of a fantasy book. There is some evil person. Of course there is. And there is also, but I learned this slowly as the -uhm- story developed? There’s also this belief that people can bond their souls, and become stronger for it. Of course, it’s all bullshit. …or is it?

Anyway, people pair up at random and start doing a series of rituals to bond and gain unparalleled strength - because being strong is the only way to survive. There are a lot of fights. Not as much in the streets but in a Coliseum and in fight rings. Fighting gives you prestige, money, fame. Sometimes you HAVE to Fight to be able to put some bread on your dinner table. Sometimes, people Fight because they enjoy the sport of killing. Sometimes, people are kidnapped off the street to offer a spectacle. There was a series of at least 3… Or 4? Rituals to go through to get a proper Bonding. I remember a tattoo over the heart that matches something of the other person (Steve is the one who gets it). This world also has a lot of magicky stuff so the tattoo had to… This is hard to explain. This world is chock full of physical manifestation of spiritual stuff. A person’s “Destiny” or “Essence” or some other similar thing manifests as a delicate chain. So basically Steve drew something himself (prob Bucky’s eyes or hands or face), picked Bucky’s chain, coiled it over the design, adding to the existing art. And then the drawing kinda… Absorbed the chain and transferred over to Steve’s skin. Second ritual: the two gems that represent each person’s “Soul” are somehow united/fused/I have no idea together into a single pendant (that Bucky wore on a choker with the pendant nestled in the hollow of his neck) …and I cannot for the life of me remember the other two. There were more Rocks, though. I also remember Steve carrying around his mother’s pearls as a powerful remainder and good luck charm, and I remember it helping unexpectedly in the binding but I don’t know how. The great part of all this, is that most of the ritual stuff *is* bullshit. Rituals hardly, if ever, work, but Fighters perform them anyway and try to convince themselves that they are unbeatable and will live to see another day.

In this complex and deadly world, Steve is a very strong person who loathes Fighting, and managed to Fight only rarely, never to the death,by choice and to protect something or someone.

Bucky is… Not like that. He also LOATHES Fighting, but he’s good at it, very strong and resilient, so he’s been used and abused his whole life, until he managed to escape and become a Wanderer.

Neither of them is bonded, because, 1) they’re plenty strong enough and 2) come ON. Bonding? Souls? That will NEVER work, let’s be serious (besides, Steve thinks privately, I wouldn’t use someone for strength. Besides, Bucky thinks, who’d ever want to be saddled with the Soul of someone like me? Besides,they both think, why drag someone with me in this quest to stop the Fighting, when I’m not sure that I… or Them… have a chance to survive? Why would I be so cruel?) The two of them meet accidentally in their way to the Fighting Coliseum, which they plan to infiltrate and destroy, and then they want to erase the Fighting and completely overthrow the system… The usual “save-the-world” routine. They don’t… Hit it off immediately. There’s not full blown Cap VS the Winter Soldier violence between them, but they are truly NOT bosom buddies. TRULY NOT.

They bicker and they glare and they close off in sullen silences and pout and sassy one another and discover they’re accidentally and incredibly attuned in everything, not just fighting. They warm up to one another, not even that slowly AND BOND COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT. Like, they get noticed during their quest to dismantle the Fighting Rings by whoever runs the Coliseum (Hydra?) and goons come to kidnap them. Bucky’s Chain gets snagged off as he is dragged away by some assailants. Steve panics, and to keep the chain safe he curls it gently and carefully between the pages of his sketchbook, trying not to ruin the delicate, silvery string, coiling it softly with slow concentration… and as soon as he lets the chain go. BOOM! Insta-tattoo. To say he’s stunned is an understatement. SINCE WHEN DOES SOMEONE’S CHAIN DO THAT? DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN? IS THIS PART OF THE RITUAL OMG. He proceeds to go and save Bucky, who honesty didn’t need saving anyway. Steve has no time to explain about the chain when they meet up, because they have enemies to fight off. They’re being overwhelmed. Steve is down and about to get killed and Bucky, in some fit of helpless rage, presses his palm to Steve’s Soul Stone, in such a way they it comes into contact with his own, too, even if it’s not deliberate. Blood and sweat is running between their skin and their Stones, and desperately, with his teeth gritted as he braces for the end, he thinks: “Save Steve! Save Steve! I don’t care if I die here in the bloody dirt like a dog but Steve deserves to live!” And BOOM! Insta-joining of the Soul Gems and a surge of power for Steve, who fights off the goons pinning him. They end up thrown inside the Coliseum anyway, where they bicker and sass each other some more… Even as they care for each other’s wounds, washing and bandaging them with slow, careful hands, heads bent close enough their eyelashes are touching. They complete (again, by TOTAL accident, the two dorks) the rest of the Ritual and THEY DON’T EVEN REALISE IT, OMG. My dream ended with the two of them gearing up to Fight in the Coliseum. Steve had his shield at this point, which maybe was a physical manifestation of the Bond. Schmidt (I think he was either the Head of the Coliseum, or the Champion… Or both. Both work too, but I can’t imagine who he’s Bonded with. UNLESS HE USES SOME KIND OF DARK MAGIC DISGUISED AS THE BOND, AND HE PICKS UP RANDOM PEOPLE TO USE AS “BATTERIES” WHEN HE FIGHTS, PEOPLE WHO GET DRAINED AND DIE AFTER EACH ROUND. This works, too. Maybe that’s what most Hydra Fighters do, and that is why Steve wants so bad to destroy them and stop the Fighting) Schmidt, like I was saying, is gleefully waiting for them to get in the arena, because he’s looking forward to properly crush the fools who dared to try and overthrow Hydra. Steve is all leap-into-fight-first-I’ll-think-about-strategy-later-if-ever, whereas Bucky is burning with righteous fury and takes the time to prepare himself (I don’t wanna say long bath and oils but. Uh…), to wear ALL HIS ARMOUR, STEVE YOU FOOL, to prepare and wear his weapons… And also to wear all the physical manifestation of the bond, so not just the choker but at least another trinket and… I think the Arm is a result of the bond, too. Steve is on his way to get his ass handed to him, but Bucky swoops in and saves the day. However it happens, I’m sure they win, anyway (UNLIKE Planet Hulk… I’ll NEVER be over THAT ending). As for the reason why they bonded so effortlessly and actually DID get stronger, unlike many others: the Bonding ritual is NOT bullshit, but it’s a commitment based on compatibility and strong feelings. You have to build up to it. You can’t just stitch two souls grueling together and cross your fingers for the best. It’s basically a slight twist were soulmates do exist, but it’s not all so “inevitable”. Happily Never After is NOT optional, here. I can so see them kissing for the first time after their last Fight… Surrounded by a cheering crowd… All bloody and sweaty, with mussed hair and torn clothes… And perhaps they “collected” the Avengers along the way, or the Howling Commandos, and there is this Resistance who storms the Coliseum while Steve and Bucky fight and kill Schmidt… And then Tony, Nat, Sam, and all are there to witness the kiss and cheer (and betting money is exchanged. Just saying) I don’t know if later they keep up their life as wandering heroes or if they settle down and are pushed into becoming, like, King Rogers and King Barnes *rotfl*. I like both.

#stucky #stevexbucky #neme rambles #not fic #theories #dream #imma gonna go add the read more cut now have patience please im on my phone #sorry #long post #The Fighting Bond AU

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

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President Donald Trump is set to announce his nominee for Anthony Kennedy’s seat on the Supreme Court Monday evening at 9 pm, and by many accounts, a frontrunner for the position is Third Circuit Court of Appeals judge Thomas Hardiman.

Widely viewed as the runner-up to replace Antonin Scalia last year, Hardiman has been a Trump favorite for a while, but has picked up steam in recent days. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell recommended Hardiman, along with Sixth Circuit judge Raymond Kethledge, to Trump, saying that the two would face fewer obstacles to confirmation than Amy Coney Barrett or Brett Kavanaugh, two other finalists. A report by New York Times’s Maggie Haberman suggested that Trump spent Monday morning “seeking input” from various sources about Hardiman and Kavanaugh; the other rumored finalists, Barrett and Raymond Kethledge, “were not the focus of Mr. Trump’s morning discussions, according to those familiar with the discussions.”

Hardiman has a long and solidly conservative record as a federal judge, both in his current post and in his prior role on a district court. His past nominations have been approved without controversy. He was twice appointed by George W. Bush, and the Senate confirmed him 95-0 for his court of appeals job, with 18 current Democratic senators including Chuck Schumer, Patty Murray, and Bernie Sanders voting yes.

If appointed and confirmed this time around, he will be the only Supreme Court justice to not have attended Harvard or Yale for law school. He went to Georgetown Law Center, which bizarre as it may seem adds a bit of diversity of background to the Court. He was the first in his family to go to college, turning down a Harvard scholarship to attend Notre Dame, paying his way by working as a taxi driver. Hardiman also comes highly recommended by an important person in Trump’s orbit: his sister, Judge Maryanne Trump Barry, a colleague of Hardiman’s on the Third Circuit.

The prospect that Hardiman will vote to overturn Roe v. Wade, and thus that his replacement of Kennedy will end the constitutional right to abortion in America, hangs over a possible confirmation battle. Pro-abortion rights Republican senators, notably Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski, will be under considerable pressure both from their co-partisans (to back the pick) and by abortion rights groups, who are sure to oppose him vigorously.

The fact that Trump (acting on the advice of the Federalist Society’s Leonard Leo) is considering him strongly suggests that Hardiman is anti-Roe, although Leo told ABC’s George Stephanopoulos that Hardiman is “a little bit less known by conservatives” and his “record … a little bit lighter” than Barrett or Kavanaugh.

But besides being on Trump’s shortlist, Hardiman has not left many clues as to his views on abortion and hasn’t ruled on it during his time on the Third Circuit. That’s helped stoke conservative worries that Hardiman would be a “stealth nominee,” in the mold of former justice David Souter, a Republican choice without a sufficient background record who could become a moderate or even liberal if picked for the Court.

As SCOTUSblog’s Amy Howe and Vox’s Dara Lind have noted, Hardiman’s rulings in his 10 years on the appeals court bench are reliably conservative, and particularly so on matters of crime and punishment. He has repeatedly ruled against death row inmates, joined an opinion upholding Delaware’s protocol for lethal injections, ruled that strip-searching jail inmates is acceptable under the Fourth Amendment, and concluded that the First Amendment doesn’t give citizens the right to videotape police officers, a position which, if applied nationally, could make it much harder to hold officers accountable for police brutality.

He is a consistent supporter of gun rights, writing a dissenting opinion arguing the Court should have struck down on Second Amendment grounds a New Jersey law limiting handgun carry permits to people showing a “justifiable need” to carry handguns in public. He also sided with two plaintiffs challenging a federal law banning felons and some misdemeanants from owning guns; he did not argue that the whole law was unconstitutional, but contended that because the two plaintiffs were only convicted of nonviolent misdemeanors (corrupting a minor and carrying a handgun without a permit, respectively), a ban that applies to them overly burdens Second Amendment rights.

Adam Winkler, a law professor at UCLA and expert on Second Amendment issues, has described Hardiman as a “Second Amendment extremist” who would vote to strike down gun control laws in states like California and New York if put on the Supreme Court.

He has a mixed record on the First Amendment, but it’s mixed in a way that should be amenable to conservatives. He sided with an anti-abortion protester who was convicted of violating the terms of a permit and interfering with agency function after he refused orders from park rangers to leave a sidewalk in front of the Liberty Bell Center. And he dissented to side with a mother and son who had been barred from reading from the Bible in a kindergarten “show and tell” session, arguing that barring religious texts infringed on free speech and religious liberty rights.

He wrote an opinion striking down a Philadelphia charter provision barring donations from police officers to the police union’s PAC. While pro-union, the implication of this ruling is that he’s sympathetic to First Amendment challenges to campaign finance regulation, like Citizens United.

On the other side, he sided against the NAACP in a case where it tried to place an ad criticizing mass incarceration in the Philadelphia airport, writing, “I view the City’s restriction a reasonable attempt to avoid controversy at the airport.” He dissented in a case involving a middle school that banned breast cancer awareness bracelets reading, “I boobies! (KEEP A BREAST)”; the Court ruled that the middle schoolers had a First Amendment right to wear the bracelets, whereas Hardiman wrote in dissent that “the Majority’s approach vindicates any speech cloaked in a political or social message even if a reasonable observer could deem it lewd, vulgar, indecent, or plainly offensive.”

Donald Trump and Maryanne Trump Barry in 1990. Sonia Moskowitz/Getty Images

But despite rulings like those, Hardiman has prompted concern among a number of conservative activists who worry he could be a moderate or liberal in disguise, starting in 2017 when he was floated as a contender for Scalia’s seat:

They better be prepared to lose even more of their base if they make a David Souter 2.0 pick like Hardiman because of Trump’s liberal sister https://t.co/Maillzsrhi

— Jeff B/DDHQ (@EsotericCD) January 29, 2017

For one thing, there’s Hardiman’s reported backer, Maryanne Trump Barry. Barry has fairly strong Republican bona fides. She was first appointed to a district court by Ronald Reagan, and then picked for the Third Circuit by Bill Clinton as an attempt to balance out some Democrats he was appointing. Matthew Stiegler, who runs the Third Circuit–focused blog CA3, has described her as a “moderate-conservative Republican centrist.”

But a lot of conservative activists hate Barry, mostly for a 2000 ruling she made overturning New Jersey’s ban on so-called “partial-birth” abortions. Barry argued that the ban was unconstitutionally vague, potentially encompassing many other types of abortion clearly protected under Roe. The decision also came down shortly after Stenberg v. Carhart, a Supreme Court case striking down a nearly identical Nebraska law. For that reason, even Samuel Alito, then on the Third Circuit, concurred in Barry’s judgment.

That said, because Barry argued in her opinion that the ban was arbitrary for its focus on cases where fetuses are partially outside the uterus, many anti-abortion advocates attacked her for, in the words of Ramesh Ponnuru, “beginning to rationalize a constitutional right to commit and procure infanticide.” It makes sense that anyone Barry endorses might, from the perspective of someone who thinks of her as an infanticide apologist, be suspect by extension.

The influential pseudonymous conservative blogger Allahpundit, in an otherwise quite positive piece on Trump’s shortlist, flagged as concerning this quote from a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette profile of Hardiman:

Richard Heppner Jr., who went to Harvard Law, served as one of four law clerks for Judge Hardiman in 2010. The one-year appointment, he said, was a great experience.

“Every day, there was thoughtful, careful attention to the law and arguments,” he said.

The judge, he continued, was conscientious and strove to get the law right, while adhering to the Constitution and precedent.

Although Judge Hardiman tends toward conservative values, Mr. Heppner said, those don’t color his work on the court.

“I don’t think he really has set ideas about particular hot-button issues that would lead him to pre-judge a case that came before him,” he said.

“True, you don’t want a justice ‘prejudging’ cases,” Allahpundit wrote. “But after the psychological scarring Republicans have suffered from William Brennan and David Souter (and, to a lesser extent, Anthony Kennedy), the idea of a Court nominee who doesn’t have ‘set ideas about particular hot-button issues’ makes me nervous.”

There are a handful of Hardiman decisions, flagged by SCOTUSblog’s Howe, that defy conservative orthodoxy by siding with claims of discrimination from marginalized groups. He wrote an opinion allowing a gender stereotyping claim from a self-described “effeminate” gay man, concluding that he was “harassed because he did not conform to [his employer’s] vision of how a man should look, speak, and act.”

He ruled in favor of African-American firefighters challenging a fire department’s residency requirement, on the grounds that it was a form of discrimination against black firefighters not living in the overwhelmingly white area served by the fire department. He noted that while only 3.4 percent of the population covered by the department is black, 0.62 percent of the firefighting force is, concluding, “minority workforce representation that low suggests discrimination.”

He’s also ruled in favor of a Honduran asylum seeker fleeing gang violence, a decision that has earned him the enmity of the pro-Trump white supremacist site VDARE.

Finally, the Judicial Common Space score, an influential measure of judicial ideology, places Hardiman somewhere to the left of John Roberts and only slightly to the right of Kennedy: that is, right in the middle of the Court.

FiveThirtyEight

Cards on the table: I don’t think conservatives have much to worry about with Hardiman. Basically all the evidence marshaled against him is weak.

Take the Judicial Common Space score graphed above. The score attempts to infer the ideology of appellate judges from their appointing president and their two home-state senators, relying on the tradition of “senatorial courtesy” in which the Senate refuses to confirm nominees opposed by senators from their home state (and in which the White House usually consults those senators before making an appointment).

Hardiman’s home-state senators were Arlen Specter (then a moderate Republican, soon to become a moderate Democrat) and Bob Casey (an anti-abortion but otherwise liberal Democrat). So it’s unsurprising that given their scores, he’d wind up appearing pretty moderate. But the score doesn’t rely at all on how Hardiman actually voted as a judge. That limits its effectiveness as a metric.

The Maryanne Trump Barry issue is pure Kremlinological speculation. Whatever you think about her abortion jurisprudence, the idea that she’s pushing Hardiman as part of a secret, shadowy plot to spring a pro-abortion rights justice on her brother seems very far-fetched, especially compared with the more sensible inference that she worked with him for years and respects him as a colleague, and so thinks he’s worthy of a promotion.

As National Review’s Ed Whelan — a leading judicial conservative and Hardiman supporter — notes, Barry testified to the Senate in support of the nomination of her colleague Alito, who proved to be a consistent social conservative once confirmed. “If you are alarmed,” Whelan writes, “I suppose that you also would have been suspicious of this fellow named Antonin Scalia, whom President Carter’s liberal White House counsel, Lloyd Cutler, testified in favor of at his Supreme Court confirmation hearing in 1986.”

And the handful of liberal rulings by Hardiman are easily outweighed by the bulk of his judicial record, which leans strongly conservative and is, if anything, more accepting of government censorship of indecent or politically charged materials than Scalia was. Surely his rejection of the right to film cops and backing of strip searches and the death penalty outweighs a single pro-asylee ruling when judging his law-and-order bona fides.

Obviously, one can’t predict with absolute precision how a circuit court judge will rule on the Supreme Court. The jobs are different; a Supreme Court judge is less obliged to follow precedents she doesn’t like, for instance. And any judge is guaranteed to face issues on the Supreme Court that he didn’t encounter at the appellate level. But based on what we know about Hardiman, he seems like a reliable, law-and-order conservative in the mold of Alito, not a liberal in sheep’s clothing.

Underlying all of these concerns is a worry that Donald Trump himself is not very personally committed to social conservative issues like abortion and religious liberty. He identified as pro-abortion rights for years before flip-flopping to run for president as a Republican, he is on his third marriage and had several affairs over the years, he faces numerous credible accusations of sexual assault, and he is by all accounts not personally very religious.

All of this caused the social conservative movement consternation during the primaries and into the general election, but the deal, such as it was, was that they’d go along with his candidacy so long as he appointed judges they liked. That was why Trump released a list of potential Supreme Court candidates as early as May 2016, to reassure judicial conservatives that he would have their back.

Picking Gorsuch, a very vocal and reliable social conservative, did a lot to rebuild trust among that faction. Indeed, “But Gorsuch” is a cliché in right-leaning circles at this point, where Trump’s Supreme Court nomination record has become an all-purpose rationale to excuse his wrongdoing in other areas.

By the same token, though, Gorsuch is one of the few bright areas of Trump’s record for social conservatives, and selecting Hardiman could counteract the progress the Gorsuch pick made in shoring up the group. It would be one thing if Trump had nominated another Gorsuch-like judge who was on the record on issues of importance to social conservatives; that would prove that he was taking their concerns seriously and wanted to honor the deal. But if he went with Hardiman, he would be picking a judge who is conservative on law and order issues that everyone knows Trump is conservative about too, and who is a bit of a cipher on social issues.

With a president who social conservatives trusted more, like George W. Bush, that might not be a problem. But when they already have doubts about Trump’s commitment, a pick like Hardiman without an anti-abortion paper trail is not reassuring.

Original Source -> Thomas Hardiman, Donald Trump’s Supreme Court finalist, explained

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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