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pettyprocrastination · 3 years

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I don't even know what I am asking for but can we get some headcannons for Stitches? Maybe some NSFW ones or possibly just some cute fluff showing the family dynamics with everyone? 🥺🥺

Thank you for gracing us with all your amazing work, it's honestly just, mwah - ✨

aaaa thank you so much!!! so I know this says nsfw but i also want to talk about stitches as a general gal (aka you) so were gonna delve into that a lil bit. (also sprinkle in a lil sumsum well see more of in future chapters)

@captainsamwlsn @cinewhore @ficsilike-reblogged (idk if i should tag those on the taglist for the fic because these are just short headcanons so uhh????)

You never went to college. Never felt the need to really. You worked from a young age for your father, even if you never thought of it as working. Sweeping up the shop when you got off from school as a child, sorting fabrics and clothes. He always told you he didnt want you to help “that’s why i have employees, little bee.” but you’d just smile wide and tell him you liked helping him.

At a young age you loudly told him you demanded he teach you how to sew. Because you wanted to grow up to be just like him. He began to teach you during breaks at work and everyday after you came home from school, it was a quick hobby for you to pick up. If you weren’t sewing, you were watching him sew, and taking mental note of how calm he was and how fluid he’d move his hands to adjust the fabric and so forth. Any scraps were quickly snatched up by your tiny hands and taken off to your own sewing machine where you’d fashion it into whatever little project you were working on.

Your father did actually want you to go to college. You were a smart kid, intuitive and stubborn, if you wanted something you would work until your bones ached to get you one step closer to it. He knew you were destined for more than this old shop, but everyday after finishing your homework you’d be by his side, listening intently as he taught you how to hem a dress and then excitedly showing him the latest shirt or stuffed animal you made.

Even well into highschool, he talked to you about nearby universities and even some out of state. Sure the money would be a tight squeeze but he’d do it, for you. You were his everything.

You gave in, told him you planned on taking a few economics classes at a local community college. “So i can help keep the shop running.” you told him with a proud smile.

He didn’t want you to run the shop. The place was doing well but he knew one day itd run into the ground. A mall was opening up nearby, he knew that would put them out of business for good. He just hoped it’d be by the time you were gone, in college and pursuing a good job, a stable career. He wanted to make you proud, and he did that more than enough when you were young. He didn't want to shatter your image of your old man as a business owner by letting you know the shop was going to die.

It wasn’t until the night of your junior prom that he finally gave in. When he saw you bounce down the stairs in a magnificent gown. Something that looked like it could be seen on a runway, something that surely could cost hundreds.

But he knew. From the way you giggled and twirled, that you had made it yourself.

“Made by yours truly! All the girls are gonna be so jealous! They're gonna wish they had come to us for their dresses!”

He knew then and there, you were gonna continue to bloom and create all your life. That he’d have to keep the business running for you to take over and watch it bloom

After prom, many girls came to you for your sewing services, often coming to you to make cheap copies of the latest brands and swarming you for dresses for graduation and future dances.

You began to take classes at the community college your senior year, doubling your workload. your father often found you snoozing at the dinner table, textbook open and smushed against your face.

He couldn’t have been more proud of you.

More about your father.

His name is edmund, but goes by Eddie!

This man has so many friends. He's the type of guy who smiles and the clouds part. He makes friends literally anywhere he goes.

Which in turn means that you had a metric shitton of adult friends growing up. Just random grown ups who'd come by for every holiday, pat you on the head and ask how school was.

It was odd at times, realizing how much of a large unconventional family you had. But at some moments it was comforting.

Like the two days you spent in the hospital after your father’s car crash. Many came and went, offering their comfort to you as you hoped and prayed for his survival and strength.

They offered their comfort once more at the funeral but you were less receiving then.

One of the closest men in your non-blood related family was Rodrigo. A portly man who owned a 24 hour restaurant just down the street from your sewing shop.

In your early twenties, you and his son Benjamin dated for a few months. You laughed and traveled and did all the stupid shit you were supposed to do in your twenties together, but ultimately decided you were better as friends.

But his father would always fondly call you the one that got away because his “dumbass of a son couldn't man up and make you his daughter-in-law.”

You never met your mother. Your father didn't have any pictures of her in the house either.

You would ask about her constantly as a child, he always gave you the same response.

“Your mama and I had a fleeting relationship little bee, it just wasn't in the cards for us to stick it out together.” He would always get this wistful smile though.

“But i'm okay with that. Because she gave me you. And you're the best damn thing that could've happened to me.”

In his last moments, your father had a smile on his face and realization in his eyes as if he saw somebody before him. Some nurses said he saw an angel, ready to lead him to heaven.

You always wondered if he saw your mother.

Though you had never seen the woman, you dreamt of her often. But they were always vague. A warm smile, a gentle caress to your cheek and a sweet voice speaking to you.

You never knew what she was saying, but you always felt safe with her.

if you couldn’t tell im back on my maxwell bullshit so if yall want some asks or headcanons feed ME BABEYYY

#maxwell lord x reader #maxwell lord x you #maxwell lord #valerie lord #valerie lord x reader #maxwell lord x valerie lord x reader #roosasut #wonder woman 1984 #WW1984 #uhhh idk id im missing tags or nkr #pedro Pascal #pedro pascal characters

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''crazy train'' by ozzy osbourne

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seoulfulcity · 6 years

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January 22, 2018: How it All Started

안녕하세요,

This is the first entry for my blog and I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself on how to begin writing about this adventure. I am not really the type to write blogs since it takes up so much time and, frankly, I am the laziest person you’ll ever come across.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably one of two people: you might know me personally and are interested on this adventure of mine, or you’re scouring through the internet looking for more information about studying abroad in Korea University.

Well, dear lost soul, I am in the same boat as you are. As I’m typing this, I have a window open of a blog by a great gal named Cass. Cass is from Singapore who started her adventures in Korea University six years before mine, back in the summer of 2012. Through her blog, I have learned what to expect, what to do, and what not to do while studying in Seoul; and I am very grateful for her sharing her experiences for someone like me to read. She also continued her international studies in the Fall of 2012 in Yonsei University. If you want to read up on her story, this is her blog: http://walkingup-korea.blogspot.com.

If you know me personally, then you may have known the struggles I’ve been facing through my 2017 and 2018 new year reflections. When I started the Nursing program in the Fall of 2016, I had to give up my linguistic endeavors due to the lack of time (and, boy, do I love my languages). Two semesters later, I was mentally drained by the never ending medical terms and human physiology; that’s when I found solace in learning a new language - my target being Korean.

I did my patient-care volunteer work as part of the prerequisites to get into the Nursing program in the Korean Pavilion at a hospital in the outskirts of Koreatown in downtown Los Angeles. All my patients, nurses, and secretaries were Korean; having to constantly engage with everybody, I subconsciously picked up on the language and cultural practices after six months of volunteering there. This was probably a big part of me finding Korean easier since there was already a decent amount of exposure which minimized my culture shock. Throughout my time in the Korean Pavilion, I have met the sweetest and best patients and nurses and it wasn’t until I got into Korean when I realized how much my time in the pavilion has helped me become a better nurse despite the language barrier. So, I made a promise to myself to be certified in Korean somehow so I could go back working there as a nurse in the future and making sure my patients are comfortable communicating with me.

It was also a great help that my Korean 1 professor was such a sweet lady who acted as our mother. She gave us advice and ways on how to learn Korean easier (and more fun) by introducing to us movies, dramas, and songs in the language. The entire class was very enthusiastic on learning the language so they could understand the words of what their favorite idols are singing or saying. Honestly, the daily conversations were about BTS and While You Were Sleeping. That class was great nonetheless, since we all shared the same interest in the Korean language and culture. Everybody was welcoming and understanding; and making mistakes in front of them during speaking exams weren’t nerve-wracking because they know it’s a tough language.

Come October 25, 2017. While I was on my way to my locker, I happened to pass by the International Studies Abroad booth next to the library. I stopped and pondered whether or not I should find out more about what they were offering. Since our Nursing class schedule is set until we graduate, I did not really have any time to study abroad anywhere. Even with this thought in mind, I went back to ask about the programs. That was when I found out about the summer programs offered in South Korea.

There were three university choices: Hanyang University, Korea University, and Pusan National University. Hanyang and Korea were a little on the expensive side, but PNU was very affordable for a 5-week summer course. This was when I realized I wanted it. I wanted it in 10th grade when my Spanish teacher told us we had the chance to study the language in Barcelona. I wanted it in 12th grade when my English teacher told us we could take summer courses in Melbourne. I still wanted it in my first few years in college when they offered seminars on studying abroad in Taipei and Tsukuba. I have had my eyes on University of Tsukuba the entire two years I’ve spent as a Pre-Nursing major. I have been wanting it, but I never had the chance to. And after four years burying my head in science books in the corners of the library, it registered to me that I needed a break from it all. Busan could be my perfect getaway.

I texted my dear mother about it excitedly. Now, she’s not really the one to just let us go anywhere alone, especially to a different country, so I half-expected for her to say no. I grabbed an extra booklet and prepared a mini-presentation about Pusan National University.

I had everything jotted down: financial estimates, the university and the city’s reputations, crime rate statistics, city life, you name it. And even after the presentation, she was still kind of iffy. No surprises there. Who was I going with? Where would I get the money to pay for it? How are the accommodations there? What about North Korea? Most of her worries were understandable - putting aside the North Korean comment; so, I told her to leave it up to me to do more research on them.

Months passed by as usual, and I didn’t find myself thinking heavily about PNU since application season doesn’t end until March. During winter break, my friend Terri, who I met in KCON LA 2017, messaged me about her abroad study in Yonsei University this upcoming spring semester (remember her since she might constantly show up in my future blogs). I recalled Yonsei being one of the top universities in South Korea, and upon further research, I found out about the SKY Universities - South Korea’s equivalent of Ivy League schools. SKY stands for Seoul National, Korea, and Yonsei. I was left thinking as to why I was settling for PNU when a SKY university was being offered in the summer? I mean, the total was twice the amount as PNU but this may be my first and only time studying abroad, and I felt like I would miss out on an amazing opportunity being educated in a prestigious university such as Korea University.

So, I met up with the International Studies adviser to ask her more about the program and Korea University itself. This was when I found out that the government of South Korea was paying for my entire summer tuition if I chose to go to Korea University. My entire tuition free… to study in a SKY university? Uhh???? YES, please? My Korean professors always praised the South Korean government for paying for all of our textbooks, workbooks, and cultural activities, and I’m always so thankful for not having to spend an extra $60 on the books; but an entire tuition being paid for by a country I have never been to? I suddenly consider myself a South Korean citizen!

Of course, I updated my dear mother about it and she was more than happy to let me go, mainly because the financial weight has been lifted off of my (and her) shoulders. And having Korea University be a SKY may have alleviated her worries somehow (although that North Korean comment never made a comeback even though Seoul is so much closer to Kim Jong Un than it is to Busan, but nobody remind her). So, having received the yes card from the queen of the household, I finished the application, wrote my essays on how this exchange program is going to be beneficial to me blah blah blah, and requested letters of recommendation from my Korean professors, in which they have generously given me.

Now, I am in the stage where I play the waiting game. I just need to persevere through the toughest semester of the program (we’re doing ICU, psychiatry, and EKG - please send your prayers my way). Expect me to update the status of my application and how this journey continues while I’m still in Los Angeles. Until then!

고마워요,

Chris 「크리스」

#south korea #korea #korea university #ku #summer #abroad #study #isc #international summer campus

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dahllaz · 7 years

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Bold What’s True

Tagged by @thejennawynn

Anybody who wants to fill this out can, I’m not tagging anyone.

APPEARANCE:

I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing (used too have ears pierced. to try and make me look less boyish. it never worked. and i’m allergic to everything but gold so constantly had infections too. so. not a fan of having piercings) I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces There is something I would change about the way I look

PERSONALITY:

My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin (I can never remember. Different tests put me in different ones I think?) I am an introvert I like meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny (sometimes anyway) Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory (eerrr I used to have a better one. and if you want x-men comic info up to the time grant morrison began writing the book, i’m your gal. haha) I’m good at doing math in my head (used to be. not anymore. :I ) I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (pretty sure. depending on how technical you want to get about scratch. or meal...) I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else (the constant mention of school makes me feel so damn old. haha. been a long time, but i was on the softball team in high school. i can’t believe it took so long to realize i was queer btw. i’m a walking god damn stereotype) I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game (well. sort of? not sure if i ever did in softball. but made the second catch in team roping that won a jackpot. so i’m counting that.) I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIP:

I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year

#meme #i can never really follow the rules to these things #oooops #tagging people still stresses me out #getting tagged? nah. but tagging others?#*runs away*#i'm such a dork

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littlecommonwealthcourier · 5 years

Text

Why I’ve stopped writing.

Hi guys. I know no one follows me, but there are a few people who care here.

First of all...I am a product of a broken family. I’m a child of divorce.

I’m a survivor of abuse by my own “parents.”

In December I was still working on my stories. Something went down, and my relationship with my fiance turned sour. We split. We were still in love, but we just couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t know what went wrong. My friend from Michigan came to Indiana to stay a few days because shit hit the fan where he was living. My fiance had the wrong idea and took off. My child was being watched by my abusive parents - who gained my trust over 2 years and fooled me into thinking they finally had compassion and empathy - because I needed to get my head straight. I had to go to the hospital. Michigan friend, Myles, stayed because I couldn’t be alone. My head was not on straight. I was depressed and anxious and it was eating me alive. I was disassociating constantly. I was tricked into signing a guardianship paper before I went to inpatient.

It was the biggest mistake of my life. I worked upwards of 50 hours at a factory every day and went in early. I started having a relationship with Myles. My parents stopped letting me see my son for 3 months because of something my ex said that I had nothing to do with. That made me worse. They started stalking me. I had an infection at one point that went septic. I was dying and they would not bring my 1 year old to see me. If I would’ve died, I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye to my boy.

I moved 2 hours away from him. They weren’t letting me see him and it was killing me, and the stalking got to me, my supervisor at the factory screamed at me for an entire shift for using the restroom after a kidney infection almost killed me. It was too much. I packed some clothes and my grandfather took me and Myles and my pets to his place. He has dementia, but he’s in denial. He does take his meds however, so he’s okay. I’m leaving some important and terrifying details out, but I don’t want to make anyone panic.

My ex and I are still best friends. I’ve come together with him, his family, my friends, and my biological family (I was adopted), and a few people in my stepmoms family for my son.

We found out they were trying to gain custody so my stepsister could raise him. My ex got the baby back after my lawyer told my parents they did not want me to take the stand, since I was abused by them and I have witnesses. She harassed me after my ex gained custody. I don’t have custody yet because the GAL for our case is worried about my mental health. My “parents” have made a case that I’m mentally unstable. No. I have anxiety, major depression, ADHD, and I am severely traumatized - the word PTSD has been used but I feel guilty taking it because my bio mom keeps telling me some people have it worse. I’ve shut her, my adoptive father, and my stepmother out of my life. They sabotaged my relationship with my little sister (18) with lies.

But I’m in therapy now. I’m improving. I’m getting the GAL in here if I can because I have all the boxes checked for her requirements. I’m ready. I’ve been ready for my son for 10 months. I haven’t slept next to him since Christmas. I never got to wean him off of breastfeeding, he was 15 months when they took him.

I have hope. I’m pregnant again. I’m not kidding. I’m surrounded by love and compassion. I have a relationship with my biological father. I get to see my son. I get to play with him and put him to bed at his dad’s. I’m still a bit of a mess because this year has been extremely hard, but I’m gonna be okay soon.

Once things settle I’ll get back into my favorite hobby. I miss it so much. I’ve been itching to write. And as a coping mechanism, I’m probably going to have my Deacon/Cait/Julien story reflect real things that have happened in my life, because the emotions I’ve felt are...worthy of being written.

I’m sorry I’m rambling again lol. I have to wrap this up because I have therapy in 40 minutes. Take care y’all, I’m gonna come back and write at about 9 pm.

Including pics so you know I’m not bullshitting and so you know I’m alive.

#me #personal #abuse #child abuse #trauma

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kuriboo · 5 years

Text

Fairy’s Hand Mirror

(also available on ao3 @ tatersalad5001, consider this post-gx and between seasons 1 and 2 of vrains)

Skye glanced down at the phone in her hand, which still hadn't made a noise or shown anything on its screen since she last looked down at it ten seconds ago.

Still nothing. She was starting to get antsy.

As a distraction, she glanced down at what she held in her other hand. The store she was standing outside of didn't just sell cards for dueling, it sold other games and accessories for those games as well. It was a smaller store, but she was always amazed by its variety. As well as its warmth. Everyone who worked there was always welcoming, and happy to help look for even specific cards. Maybe it was just good customer service. But it still felt like they really cared, and Skye found herself continuing to find excuses to continue going back.

The person working there today had probably spent around five minutes trying to help her track down the Link Monster section of the individual cards for sale, since it was so small. Link Monsters didn't seem to be in high demand there. The guy seemed like he'd gotten lost in the store somehow at least twice, but she still felt bad about how long it took. Even if it seemed like it had been worth it in the end when she found what she was looking for: Trickstar Foxglove Witch. Her newest Trickstar smiled up at her now. Behind the witch, an unopened card pack rested in Skye's hand, along with a receipt. She'd asked for a pack from one of the newest booster packs, which called itself Flames of Destruction, on a whim. What she got would be a surprise. And it'd be fun to find out what she got, but she'd resolved not to open it until she got home.

That had probably been...sixteen minutes ago, if her math was right. It probably was, she already double-checked.

Before she could decide to triple-check, however, Skye noticed the store's door open out of the corner of her eye.

Someone was exiting the store. He was definitely older than her; it seemed like he was about the same age as the guy who was working there right now. His red jacket and the purple shirt he was wearing under it looked out of place on him. That might've been because they looked a bit big on him. Maybe he was borrowing them. Maybe it was all he had at the moment, she was really in any place to judge. Between the red jacket and his spiky black hair, though, she couldn't help making a mental comparison to Shadow the Hedgehog. That look probably wasn't what he'd been looking for.

Okay, don't be weird, Skye. Don't just stare at people going in and out of the store. She checked her phone again. Still nothing. She looked up and around the parking lot. No one was entering.

Now the person who just left the store was looking at her. He'd probably noticed her staring at him. Or maybe she had just been standing her for too long, and he was going to tell her to get a move on. She didn't remember rules on things like that anymore. Where was--

"Hey, I promise I'm not trying to be like, creepy or anything." The guy held his hands up in front of him as he walked towards Skye. Well, she hadn't thought he was being a creep before, but now she was definitely trying to figure out if he was or not. Not her favorite start to a conversation. "But you have a ride home or something, right?" As he continued talking, he pointed his thumb back towards the store. "He just wanted to make sure. Said you've been standing out here on your own for awhile."

Oh, the game shop employee. She'd forgotten that he could definitely see her standing out here. "I do. My brother should be back soon, he dropped me off because he had to go to the bathroom."

She and Akira were out and about because Akira'd had some errands he needed to run, even on a day off. He'd insisted on driving himself, since he figured if he didn't drive once in awhile, sooner or later he'd forget how to completely. Since they were in the area, Skye had asked him if they could stop here, and Akira was happy to accommodate, but in a case of bad timing, her brother had had to go to the bathroom right when they stopped at the shop, and of course there wasn't a bathroom here. He'd had find one somewhere else.

Even if Skye wasn't really needed for the errands, even if she hadn't needed to actually get anything while they were out, Skye was still happy to ride along with her brother since she could. Akira was back to being in charge of security for Link Vrains. Vrains was in a maintenance period, but Akira was still as busy as ever. She rarely got to see him. She missed being a family. Before they stopped at the game shop, they'd been talking about life, talking about different places they'd passed on the road, joking about all of it... It wasn't like Akira wasn't making an effort, life just gave them so few opportunities to hang out like this.

She'd wanted to take advantage of it. Find a reason to tag along.

Red jacket guy followed Skye's gaze down to the cards she was holding, the ones she just bought. "So, you duel?"

"...I don't know."

The words came out before she even thought about them. She'd been judging this guy's choice of words just seconds before, but she wasn't doing much better. He probably didn't care. He hadn't been asking for a lead in conversation to all her personal problems. He was just trying to be nice, make sure she was getting home okay, probably was curious why she'd been there at all. He certainly wasn't her therapist or anything.

"You don't know, huh?" He frowned at that, but he didn't seem annoyed. Contemplative, but not annoyed. "You're buying cards, but you're not sure whether to call yourself a duelist?"

For a moment, she boiled with anger. How dare this stranger judge her uncertainty? He didn't know her, had no idea what she'd been through or why she was questioning herself now. Then, the moment passed. She gave herself a second to think about her kneejerk reaction and cooled down. She'd felt that anger every time her brother tried to convince her to be safe about what she did in Vrains, to stay away from Speed Duels, or fighting Playmaker or the Knights of Hanoi. And, in the end, he'd been right. She hadn't been able to handle it. She lost her duels and Hanoi had nearly taken everything from her. A single person made her question herself and the same uncertainty she still felt had cost her more than just a duel.

This person was right to judge her, because a true duelist wouldn't let hesitation cloud their thoughts like this.

"I've been a duelist," she said. "I thought I was. Even when it felt like no one believed in me, I figured living without taking risks wasn't really living. I wanted to live my own life. It went well for long enough that I started to get a bit cocky. The past couple of months, I've realized, maybe I'm not as good of a duelist as I thought I was. Or maybe there's a lot more people out there who are better than me than I thought. I charged into the most important duels I've ever dueled in and I lost. I don't know if I should keep going. I don't know if I'm cut out to be a duelist or not."

"You're lost, then. It's okay to be lost. I've definitely been there."

She glanced at him. His expression hadn’t changed.

”I’ve been molded into the path of a duelist for as long as I can remember. I thought I was the best, it’s what I was trained to be. Turns out I wasn’t. I lost some duels, people gave up on me. I was free to do whatever I wanted. But by then, I had no idea what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be.”

”What did you do?” Skye asked.

”Turns out I surrounded myself with some pretty good friends.” He rolled his eyes. “Or, they surrounded me all on their own. I didn’t really want them around. But they helped me figure it out. So! Listen up, because you’re about to get some free advice from The Chazz!” He flashed her a smile. “Even The Chazz couldn’t do it on his own. So expecting yourself to figure out what you want to do without help is a losing battle. Find some good friends. Open up to them, ask them for help, and they’ll do their best to help and support you until you figure it out together. No one deserves to be on their own.”

Friends... Who did Skye have that she could consider a friend?

As Blue Angel, she had her fans, but they didn’t count. They didn’t really know her, and she certainly didn’t know them. She’d worked together with Go and Playmaker. But they’d be impossible to contact now, anyway. And they probably didn’t even count, either. Playmaker for sure didn’t seem interested in anything like that. So, outside of Vrains, then.

There was her brother. He was so busy, this wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted to bother him with. ...Maybe she should, though. He worked hard to make sure they could live comfortably and that she could live a happy life. He wanted her to be happy. If she wasn’t, wouldn’t he try to do what he could to help? She should at least try. She owed Akira that much.

Ghost Gal... She was more Akira’s friend than anything. Skye never really talked to Ghost Gal before. But Ghost Gal had helped Akira when Skye was in trouble. Maybe that counted for something. She could always try. The worst Ghost Gal could do was ignore her or turn her down.

She had the duel club, too. She didn’t go out of her way to try to make friends at school. Most people didn’t really want to be friends, they just wanted something from her. But she still joined the duel club, and still went to almost every meeting. Most of the members seemed okay. The duel disks her brother had gotten for everyone, they’d never asked for them. She and Akira just wanted to do something nice for them. She wasn’t sure if she considered them friends, though. Some of them were pretty weird. Like Shima, constantly talking about how much he liked Playmaker and getting in everyone’s space even when they didn’t want him to. And Yusaku... Yusaku was definitely weird. But he’d found her and had her taken to the hospital when she’d been trapped in Vrains. Where did that put them? He liked to stick to himself most of the time. He didn’t seem interested in being friends.

Well... She had her brother at least. That was a start.

”Thank you,” she said. “I can at least give it a try.”

”Right. It’s not easy, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Not everyone’s as lucky as The Chazz.” Red jacket guy shrugged. “Anyway, I should get going, but your ride should be here soon, right? Good luck.”

”Thank you.” Skye nodded. I’ll do my best.”

He left. It was still a few minutes before Akira came back, apologizing several times about how long he’d been gone. Skye insisted just as many times that it wa fine, so he should stop worrying about it.

It wasn’t until she was in the car and they were driving away that Skye realized she’d just been talking to Chazz Princeton, one of the more popular professional duelists at the moment because of his dueling strategies. And he’d been pretty nice. Nicer than he made himself seem sometimes on camera, anyway.

And he’d been in a similar position to her. Despite the way he talked and acted, like he didn’t need anyone but himself, he’d had friends to count on. He hadn’t been alone.

Maybe Skye could afford to open up a little and srop trying to take on the world by herself.

#yugioh gx #yugioh vrains #tater writes #sworn my allegiance to magic queue

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uniquewastelandmiracle-blog · 7 years

Photo

It is 12: 46 a.m. March 2, 2017 I did not take the Nyquil. I still cannot stop crying. It’s 12: 49 now, and I am 21 crying and crying. My eyes ache. I’m hungry. I already felt terrible because I spent since 8 p.m. I spent trying to understand the simplest form of Music theory from Edinburg University. Coursera really is a gift that I’m too mentally incapable to use to its fullest potential. Aside from knowing the shaft and semitones are, and abbreviations used within like EGBDF and FACE, I’m dull beyond hope. I spent four hours trying to learn a skill I was truly passionate about, and still am for some reason, and did not make any progress. I spent four hours trying to jot down a melody on an online music software and I failed miserably. At one point I nearly felt embarrassed, like I was being watched by a group of people who were silently watching me, but I knew they were watching at how pathetic I was at making music, and trying to grasp how I was this challenged.

Remembering Max Martin say in his early twenties that he had no idea what the hell a producer was or what one did, that he spent day and night trying to figure it out does make me feel a little better, but not better enough. I promised I would never harm myself again. No more cuts. No more pills. No more attempts. I would really have stooped low, even for me, to start carving my skin in my twenties. That’s some shit I left behind in my teenage and elementary years. No more. But then there’s the news. It always breaks my heart to hear of those certain things that take place. I know no one will ever read this, and yet I’m still petrified to open up. I feel like I’ve been mocked for the way I feel about certain things so much that its not even worth talking about it anymore. It’s just something that lingers on in the back of my head till it pushes itself forward sooner or later and the next thing you know its 12:59 a.m. and I’m bawling my eyes out wishing I had an ounce of contentment in my life.

I’m trying very hard not to let anyone make me feel silly for the way I feel. I’m crying out of empathy, hopelessness, and frustration. If only I could play god for one fucking day and wipe out every form of evil on this planet. Fucking sewer rats, all of them. I’m friendless, and crying all by myself in the middle of the night with snot constantly running down my top lip as I wipe it over and over and over and over again. It’s like being thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty all over again. I should just do it and get it over with. I’m scared of life. I’m also scared of death and I’m stuck in the middle of deciding which one will bring me more peace and calm me the fuck out. I do have a cool uncle and this cool cousin who I’d terribly miss. I don’t think I’d miss my mother at this point. The woman who claims to see me as her number one priority but leaves our most heartfelt talks to play Stepford wife to a husband that abused her daughter for years. The woman who can cook like a pro, and clean like a champion but never has given me the slightest interest in my own interests. The same virtuous woman who can draw, paint, design, speak four languages, do henna, dance, teach, knit, stitch, sculpt, bake, and maintain her physique like its second nature to her but must force herself to listen to my ‘problems’ and give me fifteen minutes of her time. Right in the middle of us talking, he calls to her and without a warning she’s gone out of my sight and won’t be available, my own mother, in my ‘my’ home for hours to come or even till tomorrow. At least in India my mother was actually my mother.

I feel worthless. I convinced my self over the past year that I was an alright gal with something decent to offer to the world but today that feeling is not there. I feel completely useless, unintelligent and hideous. I don’t feel like attempting to write another song, or listen to Edinburg’s music theory videos, or playing around with the Midi. I don’t feel attempting vocal warm ups or covers. In fact, there is only one thing I feel like attempting.

But there is not a single soul out there that would love the rodent as heavily as I do and have. The little cherub has never licked anyone else besides me anyway. Who would every caress him, cuddle with him and sleep beside him the way I do? Who would hold him so close that you can hear the life through the meat of his little body and feel your heartbeat and your favorite family member’s together? I can’t do anything that would hurt myself, because overall it will hurt him, and the little rabbit is turning only three on March 19. A gentle, over emotional, anxiety filled Pisces like me. I knew this little episode of self-hatred, anxiety mixed with depression and panic was coming. I started doing things that should’ve given me clues but even I can’t recognize my own indirect behavior. I stop brushing my hair and stopped eating healthy. I have not done cardio for weeks now and I have no cleaned my drawers and organized my closet like I do. I started letting myself go in little ways. I started looking for my old contacts to help me self-destruct. But I’m fine as long as no one can tell right?

I am rambling on and on. I stopped crying but my heart still hurts. I’m just another, over emotional young girl that’s just being ungrateful yea? No. I don’t think so. For years I have felt extremely alone. I’m just some emotionally crippled bitch that pities herself a little too often to the world of men and a few women perhaps too yeah? My tears almost returned. I’m too alone. Too out of touch with my identity, if I even have one. Too away from home and the people who make me feel like I’m at home. I’m too far away from my passions and my ability to help oppressed people and creatures. I’m too far from anything I want to have, create, or give and no matter how good I claim my intentions to be, I can’t reach happiness. The top of my shirt is wet from my tears from before. My stomach is rumbling because I’m fucking starving. I’ve got no appetite. I don’t want chocolate or pizza. K actually maybe pizza.

And I’m not even mad at whatever celestial little fucker is out there because of what happens or doesn’t happen to ME. Nope. I know I am damn blessed, even when I’m sobbing so hard because I don’t understand why I can’t grasp basic music theory and how I’ll find a job to support myself. It’s what you’ve done to others. I’m not even talking about my family! “God”, if you’re out there, I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done to the people of color in the past. You’ve made every single one of them suffer. You didn’t leave any one of us out! Fair play fucker, fair play indeed. Reading about the ‘contributions of men’, the colonization, the raping, stealing, plundering lands that belonged to the default peoples of the land, bombing the life out of them for sources you can exploit, the sex trafficking and tourism….Its illogical at this point to even believe that there is good out there, that there is someone out there that is ‘god’.

What god makes people kill in its name? What god allows all these crimes against women, against the children, against Africa? What god let’s Nazis in 2017 gain presidential power? A bad god. Fuck you god, I hope you fucking die. The people’s ignorance, evil, intolerance has made me almost as intolerant of them as they are in general. Religion is the fucking devil. All that rape, crime, oppression of women, texts written by fucking men, rituals that make no fucking sense, false sense of morality, I’m through all of it. I’ve decided from today on wards I will never step in another temple again. Going to temple made me realize how false religion is. The Indian Americans at my temple are nearly all wealthy, educated, well rounded but so disgusting. They all hate each other and talk about each other behind their backs, all of them. They all are judgmental, kiss ups, that are about materialism and prestige. It irks me to talk so bad about the people who are descendants of my own nationality, but these first and second generation immigrants are a disgrace to Mother India. They don’t act like the real Indians in India. Where there is genuine hospitality even in the street vendors and among rickshaw drivers. I have never been able to identify with the 2nd generation of Indian Americans that I’ve seen come and go in the temples I’ve been to. They are nothing like the Indians in India, I mean aside from their looks I suppose, almost nothing else is similar. Not the same amount of culture, nationalism, understanding and deep appreciation of our strengths and abilities- none of it.

So what did I learn about myself after writing 1700 words? That I’m an atheist, piece of shit that rambles on so much, everyone must think I’m annoying and that’s why no one talks to me. And that when I want to fucking die like right now at 1:47 a.m., I can’t because I’ll feel bad for my cousin, her father who is my uncle, and my pet rabbit and yes I suppose my mother. Everyone else doesn’t mean shit to me anymore. I am going to go take a piss and then cry myself to sleep. Maybe I’ll get lucky and won’t wake up.

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