#what is it u ask? i dont know i just know i should do it bc a picture told me to !

[puhpandas]

how was the stream? anything super fun or cool mentioned or was it just a chill watch

for the most part chill but Jtop gave some great insight to how steel wool works also along with Scott, and in turn it helps understand how they come to Decisions they do. jtop specifically didnt answer the exact question when john asked if fans theories about the story sway their opinions and affect later story, but from what I got I think that they dont do that. it was a super cool watch tho very insightful

there WAS however a big mention that could genuinely affect the story as we know it currently as like a lore drop:

this is HUGE. Jtop basically just dropped that m.x.e.s is NOT a modern computer, so this might completely throw the concept of 3 star fam or even any character from the modern day being the original creators of m.x.e.s. he probably doesn’t even mean it as purely a design choice either to convey the ‘super computer’ vibe, he meant it literally like u can see him trying to nod along to what john was undoubtedly thinking

idk how canon mimics book backstory is to the games, or i should say how different it’s backstory would be in the games comparitevely, but gregory did say that m.x.e.s “was designed to keep it hidden”, not “we designed it”. but it also means that m.x.e.s WAS created for the mimic, but who knows how long ago or who it was that made it

#rip vanny reclaim design ig #3 star fam did totally go in the pizzaplex to set up the nodes tho #so they still were the like wardens for it #but i wonder how they found it #and WHO made it #thoughts #theory #m.x.e.s #3 star fam #fuhnaff sw interview

[yuwuta]

you ask yuuta if he wants a bite of your food and when he says yes you offer your plate to him, but he’s just sat there looking at you with his dumb big bambi boy eyes and his mouth slightly open and he will not look away or blink or close his mouth until you lift your fork to his lips to feed him and then he grins like shit’s sweet and hums about how good the food is like nothing happened like he’s not ridiculously attractive. gonna chew on steel

#he consistently does shit like this is like he's not stupidly attractive and its because he does not know. he does not know that he's hot #the yuuta/yuuji divide is that they’re both bad asl and neither know it but yuuji is Not innocent and yuuta is just naive [at first] #which is me saying yuuji is kind but yuuta is just Nice once again #insane i need to bash his head against a table. and kiss him i guess whatever #also who expects to be fed when you offer them food: toge but he KNOWS he's being annoying and whines if u dont feed him #gojo/yuuji/choso are the opposite #gojo asks if u want some of his food and then won't let u have any unless u let him feed it to you. nd if u want to avoid a scene u have to #he just babies people :((///// he does this to everyone . will cry #yuuji also does it reflexively like hes like 'oh! this is good you should try it!' and before u can even agree he's got his spoon #in your mouth and smiling like 😇 its good right!🥰......angel boy #choso...do i need to say it isn't there canonical evidence for this #oh also u offer food to toji and he just kinda tilts his head like oh what ur not gonna feed me? like no. stinky. feed YOURSELF! #yuuta okkotsu.................... when i get my hands on this boy.... #💌.yuuta

[soplapinga]

How the fuck did I learn how to efficiently help my partner through his autistic meltdowns thanks to a vashwood fanfic .what

#me reading ww help w vashs meldowns: oh well I . ?? oh ???? wait It does look similar to - OH ?? IT WOULD HELP MAYBE OH MY GOR #I followed fucking fanfic wws steps next time my bf had one #i used his way of asking and talking #the question that fictional bitch asked #and it WORKED #Fun fact were both autistic #just .completely different breeds of it #plus I cant understand ppls physical reactions to save my life #thought process ?? im a fucking expert . the BEST #but PHYSICAL oh hell naw #I just understand what I physically need but absolutely nothing more #NOW I CAN HELP HIM #U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY AM I ABOUT THAT #autism #fanfiction #vashwood #ao3 fanfic #we had obv talked about it b4 but he didnt understand how it worked either so we left it at “dw if u dont know. ure trying and i love u” #(i wanted to eat his face and cry bc I HATE NOT UNDERSTANDING SHIT I SHOULD UNDERSTAND) #oh and I couldnt do what works for me bc my body is 100% uncapable of being vulnerable in anyway in front of ppl for more than .5 min prob #so I just loose my mind a lil bit w laughing randomly and moving compulsively like rocking on the chair or slamming things etc for that time #and the close off until im alone and gave the full needed meltdown #so ive never been actually comforted or helped so I dont know what it would help bc Ive never experienced it #rant ended lads now SORRY

[onthejadedjournal]

Also what do u think abt him 😋 I'm curious

bro I'm responding on my other phone because am playing GENSHI.N RIGHT NOW!!!! if I had my meme folder here why I oughta .......!!!!!!! hi sir.....

#brooo bro never in a million years would I think to myself yow boyfriend.xml is kinda 😧😧😧 NO. NO #hey. see here. alright. okay. you should know by now I am horribly unimmunized to men who smile so deranged this this this uhhh this uhhh #jade you're bitchless have a good day #I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHINGWITH HIM BUT HHHRRR RHRRR WAOW #I don't even know what mod this is I just saw this from a pokep.asta artist I follow...... #ALSO PS 😭😭😭 THE USER U SENT ME 😭😭 ONE OF THE POKEP.ASTA PERDITION ARTISTS 😭😭MY BRAIN 😭😭😭😭 #WAKER DONT DO THISSSSSSS #I almost forgot to answer your question what the fuck #uhhhh he. I like his ummmm smile (derranged) uhhhh #I like his red sleeves uhhh lawd #help me #I HAVE NO WORDS HIS FACE JUST SURPRISED ME IN AN ATTRACTED KINDA WAY ....? (??) (???) HELP...IM SO SAD #I WOULD ASK HIM OUT MAYBEE #don't listen to this tag post I may have been still affected by the alcohol /jjj JSHHFHDHDHSHJSJSS

[bunnihearted]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[samarecharm]

So funny that i find myself w less and less new music to discover compared to what i was finding in my teen years, and i am like 98% sure its bc i havent watched frag videos or amvs in over a decade 😭

#chattin #like nearly 60% of my songs are from my ipod. #my IPOD #hundreds of songs i found from watching High Art from before 2012 #i have songs from last fm that literally do not exist ANYWHERE anymore. like i gotta make an effort to upload some of these for ppl #whereas most of my newly discovered songs are from artists i found prior to 2012 (and theyre still making music) #artists adjacent to THOSE artists #video game music #and artists related to that music #so im not like. exposed to completely mew and untethered music yanno? #mew……i meant NEW 😭 #that one insane uno video had a really REALLY good song and i have no idea if it was made for the video or if it exists on ytube or bandcamp #and i absolutely count that as an amv lmao #i think its bc i dont play games that would make for good frags anymore like ovw and halo #and i dont watch anime anymore so i havent tried to watch amvs #like. there was a really good mp100 one but i wasnt invested enough to look for more 😭 #maybe i should ask my sister for some jjk amvs….theres lots of fighting in that one right? i think that would help #u have no idea what people deem a good song for amvs and thats what makes them so fun; i love knowing what people listen to #oh i just realized; i think i am showing my age; do ppl even call it frags anymore??? #is it an amv or a fancam?? or something else…i also dont use tiktok so im unsure of the terms there too…

[luvring]

just complained about my group to my irls and i'm pretty sure this has genuinely motivated me to speak in class because i Cannot let my prof think my critical thinking abilities are the same as theirs

#💬nia.rambles #rant fr// #guys im srsly sick thinking about it #LIKE THERE WERE SO MANY MOMENTS WHERE I WAS JUST ?? #'im not saying to beat your kid black and blue but discipline is different across cultures and #i just dont think this should be an area of exploration like its worked for hundreds of years' #? YOU AS A WOMAN OF COLOUR HAVE NEVER HEARD OF INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA? #like why are you implying you dont like gentle parenting why are you making a strawman DONT PISS ME OFF #then white guy speaking way too loud to my right is throwing in words he DOESNT understand and saying the same things over and over #'from a Sociological Contemporary perspective' be serious. 'it comes back to nature vs nurture again' Can you Stop Tlalkingplapewmj #and i bring up gender and he goes smth smth gender is just such a sensitive topic then the 2 other girls Agree #and they wouldnt let me talk and even if i did they obviously wouldnt know what i was talking about #because why are you asking what post structuralism is THAT WAS A MAIN TOPIC AND DEFINITION OF LAST CLASS??? 😭😭 #they wouldnt answer the question properly and repeat the same basic vaguely connected ideas the Entire time #like do i look like i gaf abt different body standards/expectations for football players MOVE ON ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES #like i want to talk about enforced binaries in queer spaces and Oh my god i just remembered #they were like. lgbt studies/discussion is just so recent and i was like. Its literally discussed In the reading. but None of u finished it #OHH IM PISSED OFF. IM SO PISSED OFF #and im so mad bc the discussion q's were Good and if i was w my irls wed have such a good convo but NO!!!! #whatever. Whatever im going to start raising my hand in class im so fr i got lightheaded complaining about this IMSOMADBSJF

[skunkg1rll]

when i love someone i WANT to learn abt their past traumas, their insecurities nd pain so that i can learn how to love them right. i want to understand how i should treat, reassure and comfort them. i want to learn their love languages so i can love them the way they need

#but why.... does no one ever want to do that for me? #i always have to bend and reshape so im as little bothersome as possible #and ppl always say stuff like omg u need to communicate nd u need to tell them blah blah blah #ok but what abt when u actually do all of that but no one listens to u???? #i actually do communicate my needs. very clearly #yet... im never heard or listened to #am i just not worth that??? idk.. i dont get it #i just ache to be loved the way i love. bc i know that i love wholly and profoundly #but im gonna run out if i cant receive the love that i need #:(((( #also it just hurts to be so understanding and supportive and want ppl to be comfortable #but then i dont get to take up any space or i dont get to have needs #i should only listen but never ask for anything in return #it just sucks #have i done smth wrong??? or am i just an awful person? delusional? #bc i have NEVER been in a space where im safe to express my feelings #not w my family. not friends. not even my therapists lmao (theyve also criticized nd judged me) #so im starting to think that maybe i actually am wrong #maybe if everywhrre i go im met by this. maybe i just need to suck it up #and be grateful for whatever scraps of love im thrown #bc clearly i am doing smth wrong!!!!!!

[jefferythejelly]

ok more kidfic: do u have any pregnancy hcs? Especially for Foolish bc I've only rarely seen him as a dad :3

u have no idea what u've just unleashed 90% of the brainrot bulletpoint list i have for this au is pregnancy headcanons asjdfadkjs

this is like 90% just copy pasted from that bulletpoint list and slightly edited and also i've had this document since may of last year and have been slowly adding on to it every once in a while since then so FAIR WARNING this post is Quite Long

they try decorating the nursery themselves but neither of them know what to get or how to make it cute so then foolish calls up tina who eventually just makes them call up an interior designer XD

can you imagine them telling their friends abt it. can u imagine how cute auntie tina would be. she would be taking it so serious like she doesnt want any of the responsibility but she wants to be like the cool aunt y'know

random tidbit but i can so imagine a conversation between tina and foosh where they start talkin about the phrase "buns in the oven." like i think tina would think that phrase is really cute. i think that phrase is really cute tbh. hes got buns in the oven :>

following in the vein of nervous-but-excited-newly-pregnant-couple them going to foolish's prenatal care appointments and taking his health like super seriously. also ultrasounds. i dont think either of them would Cry cry but theyd maybe get a little teary eyed lookin at their kids for the first time

on some more classic omegaverse bullshit: punz had always been a bit possessive/protective as a partner and that very much continues once theyre mates and foolish is pregnant. like really frequently is holding his hand or has an arm around him, tries to be really doting and get him whatever he asks. not as common when theyre in public but one of his fave things to do is hug foolish from behind with his hands on his stomach

i'd imagine they have a few arguments esp when foolish is hormonal and does/says shit that annoys punz and he cant understand why. they work it out tho, bc they love each other <3

in the time leading up to foolish's due date his nesting instincts go crazy. theres nests everywhere in the whole house. when hes not sitting chilling in a nest hes making a new one or readjusting one

(this one is real long bc it is a vaguely drafted out scene oops) foolish's water breaks on stream/at least when he's in vc on someone else's stream bc like. i deffo think it would. u think this man would take a break? like the streams would get shorter especially as his hormones and instincts get more fucky but he would still be trying to be on that grindTM. and (bcuz this is the part i actually vaguely researched) he's been having like the irregular not actually real contractions (theres a name im forgetting it rn) so hes gotten used to just like feeling them, noting when the time is, and brushing it off when it doesnt happen again. so he's in vc with someone, i'm thinking tina lets just say tina, and he's in the middle of laughing really hard at a joke, but abruptly cuts off his windexing when he feels the whole "rush of fluid" thing and is all like o_o and tina's all like "foolish? you okay?" when he stops laughing like that and foolish is like "uh. i think my water just broke?" which makes tina go all "wait What?! like- like the baby's coming?" "yeah" "foolish!" (chat is freaking out. monkaS monkaW fukW) "shouldnt you like, go to the hospital?" "yeah, uh, bye chat!" (chat has been yelling at him since he said his water broke to end stream) he yells for punz who ofc comes rushing into the room like "whats going on do you need something" and when foolish tells him his water just broke he starts freaking out a little and then foolish has a contraction right then (is that realistic timing tbh its been a while since i did that google search. what i do remember is that theres apparently apps for timing contractions like isnt that neat. anyways) but then theyre like "sorry tina bye!" and then tinas like "good luck!" (is that a normal thing to say idk. even if it isnt it could be funny hashtag awkward girl swag /affectionate) and then they like drive to the hospital and stuff

i just have this image of like the night they come back from the hospital both of them in their nest with the babies laying between them oughhhhhh

listen i just think this is really cute but punz sitting on the edge of the hospital bed while foolish is in labor so he can lean into him and calm down with his scent

actually thought abt it a bit more and mayb this is more general omegaverse hcs but like i think omegas would have an instinct to give birth in a nest which obv is harder to do while also having the support of modern medicine in a hospital but maybe it is more normalized to bring some blankets/pillows/clothes/what have you to make a lil temporary nest in the hospital bed

foolish is way more absentminded/no thoughts head empty than usual (like forgets what hes saying in the middle of a sentence bad) bc of fucked up hormones pregnancy brain

he tries having one or two blankets wrapped around him on stream to be sort of like a temporary nest when his instincts start going wacky. sometimes it works sometimes he accidentally gets too sleepy and begrudgingly admits that he should probably end stream bc he can barely think thru the omega nesting instinct brain fog

actually on that note i think there a couple of times where punz basically forces him to take a break from streaming. it never lasts very long

i have decided that the timing of their baby is such that foolish is like 7/8 months when christmas rolls around bc i was at family christmas brainrotting what it would be like for them to have like cute domestic family christmas while foolish is still pregnant. he falls asleep on the couch leaning against punz's shoulder after dinner its very cute

they maybe do a thing where like they have christmas with one family on eve and one on day and have a slightly chaotic nighttime flight? do the flight times work out for that idk. but its bc their families wanna see them bc theyre all excited for the baby awwww

wait just remembered the whole scene i had imagined for this where they land in mass super late at night/early morning and once they get back to punz's parents house p much immediately go to bed but foolish cant sleep bc the babies keep moving and kicking and punz scootches down so hes all curled up next to his tummy and purrs at them so that they calm down and foolish can sleep

at the end of his pregnancy foolish is just like capital d Done like get these babies out my back hurts im tired my belly is fuckin huge. ive got tits now

punz very happily gives him back massages tho <3 even if he sometimes gets overdramatically whiny about it first

foolish is one day horrified to realize none of his usual foods are appealing and he is instead craving some weird ass food combo

when foolish starts showing more and its gonna be harder to hide on stream they do a cute lil classic pregnancy announcement photo where punz like has his hands around him on his belly (maybe taken by karl? or someone? i just realized i have no idea where i hc them living like i guess its always been vaguely nc but idk if thats like. necessary? idk whatever) but im imagining the one they end up posting isnt even one of the ones they were posing for its like a candid one where theyre looking at each other over foolishs shoulder or like laughing or something idk its cute its not staged and weird lookin

oh also at some point punz convinces foolish to do a maternity photoshoot (well kind of. its just punz taking pics of him in his underwear bc he maybe has a Thing for heavily pregnant foolish) and at first foolish feels kinda embarrassed and silly and punz keeps complimenting him and making him flustered (i have a couple of lil doodles of this + a few other ones related to this au in a sketchbook somewhere but i dont feel like digging them out + taking pics rn ajfsbajskb)

final note would like everyone to know as i was typing this foolish lost his water bucket in mc and he phrased it like "my water just broke" and chat was all like "wow congratulations whos the father." like what are the chances. also why is he like this. also can u really blame me for making this au when he is like this

#long post #its under a read more but still. i just feel bad postin it cuz its so long and i know im prob the only one who cares as much as i do abt it #this au is actually quite close to my heart in the fact that it is so self indulgent so posting this feels a bit like flaying myself open #but i am being brave i am cringe but i am free etc #also i know u dont watch it but its funny to me that ur saying u've rarely seen him as a dad when for a year hes been logging onto #a mc server where he roleplays as a dad lmao #asks #funz #should i start a tag for this au idk. idek what to call it like the document title is just 'funz pregnancy slash kidfic brainrot' lmao

[natsmagi]

maybe a weird question but ive been wondering this for a while and i kinda wanna hear ur opinion, would u still consider it hetbending if i headcanon natsume as a trans man and tsmg as a trans woman and ship them like this? cuz those are my hcs and sometimes i wonder if its like problematic?? Like id get it if ppl didnt agree with my headcanons thats just differing opinions of course, and thats fine, but im scared bc i dont wanna like, turn gay ships straight and stuff? Either way i hc both of them as bi, but still :( im worried im doing something bad fhfhgjdh sry if this makes u uncomfortable to answer?? I just wanna hear opinions abt this? I truly dont wanna hurt anyone!!

waaa ur fine no worries!! i dont mind answering questions like these at all!!

i guess its sorta nuanced? i suppose by definition it would be considered hetbending, esp if one has an altered appearance to suit the assigned gender. but then theres also the headcanon aspect of it. since it is a headcanon that would make these genders be how you view the characters in their source, rather than altering them for ur own silly amusement

since these things are so nuanced i personally tend to tackle it from a portrayal point of view. Have i altered these characters to make one look like a man and the other a woman? if so, id say it should be tagged and considered as hetbend even if both or one party is trans and their sexualities are bisexual, because the point of tags such as "hetbend" or "genderbend" are so people who dont wish to see their favorite characters altered in these ways dont have to see it. these tags are used out of courtesy! Now, if you've taken the characters and headcanon one as a man and the other a woman but there have been no altercations and they look the exact same except for some pronouns and maybe some clothes change then id say it doesnt need the hetbend tag, as clothes do not have a gender and you can go by whichever pronouns you want while being a gender that said pronouns arent commonly applied to

Basically; if the appearances are altered it should be tagged accordingly out of care and consideration for those who dont wish to see that sort of thing for whatever reason. i dont get why people act like theres some morality thing at stake for tagging things like genderbend? trans or cis, the character looks different now which may be upsetting to some, so tag it!!! we're all just here to have fun!!!!

i also want to say enjoying or creating "hetbends" does not make you a bad person nor are you erasing queer rep, especially if you are keeping their queerness!! the original characters will remain the same no matter how much we may alter their gender and appearances in our niche circles, and there will always be a VAST majority of people representing the canon, so really theres no need to worry about wishing to indulge in the things that make you happy. none of us wish to hurt people with what we create!! and that is the REASON its tagged accordingly to begin with. So again; if you feel you have altered the characters to a point where some may be uncomfortable PLEASE tag it. and if there are things that make YOU uncomfortable PLEASE MUTE IT!! we tag things FOR YOU!!!!

#went on a bit of a tangent SORRY i just hate it when i see obvious femstars art and its not tagged properly #i also dont like the argument some femstarries make where its like “why do ppl cw tag femstars ?? do women scare u ???” #BC WHILE I DO AGREE THERES A FUCK TON OF MISOGYNY IN THIS FANDOM #AND THAT ALOT OF THE TIME IT GENUINELY IS JUST PPL WHO HATE WOMEN COMPLAINING ABT THIS STUFF #there is also the people who get genuinely upset over this sort of content #be it because that character resonates with them deeply so they dont want to see them altered #or because theyre simply in it for the source material and dont wish to see a basically entirely new cast #and it should still be tagged for these people!! #even if its trans!! even if its cis!!!! #please look out for one another!!!!! #the amount of times ive seen people not tag femstars/genderbend bc “oh its trans” upsets me #we dont TAG to let people know whats in their pants #we tag so people who dont want to see potentially upsetting things dont need to see it #does this make sense #idk. i just get annoyed with how everything turns into some act of morality in this fandom #even when your actions are done FOR them #TLDR JUST TAG ACCORDINGLY AKSDHFKUAJHSDG #ask

[toastsnaffler]

ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out #not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her #like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool #it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun #i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again #but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too #to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together #thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything. #and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all #like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing. #im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad #and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do #and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends #im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for #but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen #to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it #i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and #decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space' #when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen #and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree #but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most #and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen #and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway #so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me #which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its #crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it #idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her #i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of #resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different #and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has

[hiddenbeks]

more than a month after my previous kotor update i am happy to announce that i have finally met jolee and had him join me <3

#el plays kotor #yes im still on kashyyyk dont look at me #i was distracted by other games for a sec lmao but sth made me return to kotor yesterday #and now the party is complete!!! #and i have found 3 star maps and the plot is thickening!!!! #i keep wondering. if i hadn't been spoiled abt the pc's true identity would i have pieced it together by now #bc the foreshadowing isn't exactly subtle #or maybe it just feels unsubtle to me precisely because i know what is being foreshadowed.... #but like. from the very beginning carth is like hmm its kinda sus that you happened to be on the endar spire #and then all those conversations with bastila that make u go hmmmm what's that supposed to mean #and then... when getting the star map on kashyyyk the hologram says sth abt you matching the required behavioral patterns or whatev #and that the last time it was used was five years ago And you can reply with 'hey revan was in these parts five years ago right' #like!!! yeah!!!! it was me!!!! i was the last user five years ago thats why i match the pattern i am revannnnnnnn #i have to know. did the first kotor players back in 2003 figure it out by this point hngngngnhng #or like any other players after 2003 who played and managed to avoid spoilers #anyway back to jolee. he is so cool but also so squishy on god #apparently some ppl give him a blaster to keep him out of melee but like you cant give a blaster to a jedi..... so uncivilized....... #i set him to use force powers until he runs out of force points #but the moment he runs out of force points and jumps into the fray he goes down. sigh #maybe im doing something wrong again. maybe i should let go of my jedi pride and just give him a blaster #i should also probably use all those energy shields and battle stimulants i have hoarded. i keep forgetting abt them lmao #also!!! @ the mutual who sent me that kotor related ask also more than a month ago i just wanted to let u kno. i have replied to it #i mean if u missed it or if u didnt get a notif or forgot or anything else that's cool !! #i just get all worried that ppl might think i havent answered and that im ignoring them if they dont indicate they've seen the reply gfhgfh #but that's a me issue. i just wanted to make sure u knew 🫶 #anyway!! next stop manaan maybe #but first a detour to tatooine to deal with mission's useless deadbeat brother

[arthur-r]

(stupid vent in the tags i’m maybe struggling a lot. not feeling particularly real or handling my life and relationships maturely at all)

#i love i LOVE how i can write out three fucking pages of how well and normal my life is going and then just fall apart #is this directly correlated to whether i take my anxiety medication? certainly but the side effects are SHIT and its not mandatory anymore #(realizing the amount of my shit relationship that i spent fucking drugged up by myself is SHIT!! i wasn’t a real human being i was so #fucking out of it all the time and he DIDNT FUCKING CARE and i’m upset. that being said i’m anxious as shit now without my meds) #anyway i’m meeting up with two people tomorrow and they’re both the most fucked up sorts of relationships where they’ve been almost my #entire life at certain points of time but are also people who have made me FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE but with no ill will just fucked situation #problem is one is just an asshole but the other is an incredible person with delusions attached. i think. i’m struggling #i was so fucking healthy two days ago and i thought its a good idea to say hi when i’m in town. but no actually i’m fucked in the head #i feel like he’s either going to kill me or fall in love with me. he’s ten years older than me. and has done NOTHING WRONG IM JUST INSANE #should i not show up?? this is a normal fucking person this is a normal person and i want to say hi. already sent him a long fucking email #so we’re a little late to lose this relationship. and it’s FUCKING NORMAL. normal fucking person. mentor figure positive fucking role model #what the fuck is wrong with me!!!! i’m so fucking normal i just get insane. i’m being like my nemesis actually. ex-bandmate who fucked me u #and didn’t fucking care about anyone and saw me as a character i’m doing her fucking thing. im talking about a normal man who cares about m #a normal amount. ​and interacts with me in a NORMAL FUCKING WAY. who SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. what is WRONG WITH ME #aside from that…. i’m just feeling sick and awful. my little sister is really struggling and so am i. and i talk so much and never listen #and i could have fucking sworn that i was doing well. fucking LAST NIGHT i wrote all about how fucking stable i am. how i’m going to be oka #AND I AM. i just feel like shit. and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i’m going on testosterone TOMORROW if all goes well. why can’t i #just fucking focus on that?!!?!?!?? and i’m dysphoric as shit it’s half of what’s wrong with me right now. maybe t will just fucking fix me #but what the fuck. what the fuck. i dont know. all of a sudden i’m in a bad place. i just want to be okay. #i hope everyone is well and i’m sorry for venting. i would almost not post this but i don’t feel real #i don’t know. sending love…. let me know if you need anything please. be well 💛 #friends only #vent cw #like if read #delete later #ask to tag

[ajdrawshq]

on the note of you not getting the best grade at DMing (but a good grade at friend!!!) did you ever get around to reading Kay's zero escape fic I don't even remember when I mentioned it but surely I mentioned it to you right did I :0

... also I have been getting a bad grade in getting back into playing rpgs I'm sory 😭

OH SHIT DID I...... I DONT THINK I HAVE..... i swear i remember u mentioning it to me at some point but i mustve just completely forgot after a while im so sorry;; maybe its somewhere in our dms.. ill check for it there after i wake up (< FOR REAL THIS TIME..) but maybe itd be easier if u sent it again just in case? thank u SO much for reminding me bc i would Not have remembered this myself,,

#ik theres a few things i either have yet to read or have yet to like . write down my thoughts on and i dont remember which this one was.. #i have a feeling its the former bc i dont even remember anything besides the fact that its a ze fic.. 0(-( #also!! no worries abt getting a bad grade in playing rpgs KXHSKD it wouldnt be as fun if u tried to rush thru it!! play at ur own pace :3 #WAIT ON THAT NOTE BEFORE I FORGET THO. do u happen to remember what part of isat ur at. either the act number or #whatever happened last or smth like that. i can probably figure out p easily based on that #(asking specifically so i know what posts i can let escape my drafts so i dont risk spoiling u on something Big) #oh ALSO also. are u open to recieving hints for things . that are both Major Important Secret Stuff and also Super Fricking Missable #hints can range from very vague to just telling u directly #the only reason im asking is bc u probably wouldnt wanna play the game twice just for This One Thing KXHSKS but also its. its so. . yeah. #oh shit i should probably ask kay that at some point too . hm. #oh and by telling u directly i mean telling u how to do the thing that does the thing not just telling u what the actual secret is #if that . made any sense #ANYWAY. #i might look thru our dms before sleeping tbh just to cnfirm its there but im gonna pass out right after either way #TY FOR THE ASK!!!!! :3 #ask #mortellanarts

[hellofears]

having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.

i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.

its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid

#*txt🗣️ #real world issues #i instantly think of counter points before i say anything especially online and i hate it because its like im accustomed to ppl being accus #atory. at being contrary. shitting on vulnerability. shitting on emotions. shitting on hhumanity. shitting on the ability to care. #women can be pieces of shit men can queer folk can i can be you can be to me theres an ability just as people and the world of choice that #-e have. im not saying everyones on the brink of doing the worst and makes a choice not to either if ur going through that u need to seek #help or some sort of sincere dialogue well and truly. but the world around me has made me who i am just as much as my reaction. not all etc #is a no brainer. ppl dont have a neon sign on their forehead. its understandable why the caution has been fckn drilled into so many afab so #many women in the hearts of many and thats hurt fear and absolute rage simmering anger for bs. i understand proventitive cautions to ppl #especially those who tend to be the direct target demographic but to drill in fear to woman to afab not even just on a personal level imsur #everyones experience is different on that front and their thoughts but on a society level and then take no action to then be like atleast t #my knowledge or its just not fckn working bitch its crickets. men should be able to feel safe enough to share their fears and worries to be #vulnerable but that isn't coddling bs and pointing the fingers at women at afab. theres weight in the way both sexes have been socialized #its cause and effect i refuse that it can't be helped. i refuse it. i reject it. thats not me discrediting or trying to come at gender(s) #at ppls gender identity etc. i mean everything makes us who we are. its all part of a journey. ones sex doesn't invalidate such a thing. #humans are so complex to say someones just pulling shit out their ass for the giggles is wild. no matter what it rings true for people #its not for us to choose for eachother we don't choose what others want to share we can't decide how someone else feels we can't read them- #back a book they feel like they've never heard or is bs and give them the finger. u can't tell someone they're the authour and they didn't #write the book or they didn't hire you or agree and want u to write it for them? ur not a ghostwriter bitch ur writing perception #i mean the way we're brought up the way society has become accustomed it effects results its a world in of itself made #to no fruitful benefit atleast to me for any party. when desire grips you at the throat when you allow your will you allow your every whim #the desire isnt even desire anymore. now you're creating a loop you're creating a possibility for a life with no balance #if men are so upstanding they aren't like one another they aren't the bad ones why is the refusal to move forward and write past men up #write them wrong feel so heavy or resound so heavily atleast to me. write for better because you're better. know you're better. #excitement as it once was turns into not enough then again and again. and the core issue even thbere i care for other parties responsibilit #relationships are a back and forth dont choose for others what they want dont decide for others. ask them. #u shouldn't have to constantly prove ur different but heres the thing if in ur life those who know you atleast if u have walked the road #u speak of the valiant road you've trecked supposedly there'd be nothing to prove. you've walked it. if a new person comes along you dont #need effort to show you have basic respect for another. and if u dont have that respect dont get mad at those who dont want u in their live #u took yourself out their market. life is a in moment custom experience. buckle up. not me talking about love like a business worker or smt

[taeyongruinedcitylights]

feel like i’m going insane w several of my friends being confused when i say i’m not gonna watch the pjo series like how can all of u be so unaware of the current boycotts like ppl have been calling for boycotting this show for over a month……..and seeing bitches going “um actually disney is just on the pressure list not the boycott list” now that it’s coming out is sooooo. what do u think pressure means. bc it SHOULD mean not watching that shit on their platform and not promoting & discussing the show. like yall cant even not post abt a tv show.

#but then everyone gets uncomfortable when i bring it up. like yea yall SHOULD be uncomfortable there is a genocide going on #yet ppl cant be bothered to do the smallest things being asked of us! #ppl arguing that posting abt the series on tumblr or the like isnt gonna make any difference is so cold to me like. i just dont know how #some of u are not desperate to do everything that u can to support palestinians. how can u see whats going on and not feel guilty.