#well. I blocked him then he and a meltdown and deleted all of his social media

[fragilecapric0rnn]

controversial take: I am so sick of seeing Jacob Elordi’s face everywhere

#he looks so much like my hs boyfriend and it makes my skin crawl a bit!!!! #only bc we had a 4 year situationship AFTER hs as well #that’s the reason it took me so long to watch euphoria bc he looked SOOOOOO much like him #and now everyone’s thirsting and making him their white boy of the month #AND IVE HAD ENOUGH #my ex didn’t like. hurt me or anything. we just had a messy breakup and ended up blocking each other on everything #well. I blocked him then he and a meltdown and deleted all of his social media #and then tried EMAILING ME JAHDKDJDJDJD #just a very odd situation and every time I see jac*b fucking el*rdi I AM REMINDED #tldr; Gemini’s be crazy

[winetae]

⇨ set myself on fire (m).

ex bf!yoongi. college au. 3355 words. slight age gap, slight angst. hand holding. dirty talk, possessiveness.

With him, you were always trying. Trying to be more, trying to be less. Bending, shrinking, expanding. 

.

.

Break-ups, you eventually learn, are not a good look for you.

Self-doubt keeps you awake at night more than caffeine ever has. The lack of proper sleep has disastrous consequences on your school life and your general appearance.

Even the most skilled makeup artists would consider you a lost cause. All their professional training and years of experience would not be enough to breathe new life into your dull and haggard appearance, not when your exhaustion is still so visibly apparent through the layers of concealer you regularly apply under your eyes. When you stare at yourself in the mirror you see a ghost, a creature from the past anchored in the wrong reality.

This goes on for a week, then two. You probably would have hit the third week mark if your friends hadn’t staged an emergency intervention.

“Your first big split can be hard, I get it.” Mari pats your shoulder. “That’s why you gotta listen to us. This can't go on any longer than it already has.”

Liz is a little less sympathetic. She’s always hated your ex-boyfriend and has no reservations reminding you of what an asshole he is.

You don't agree with her snide remarks but know it's useless to argue. Any objection has her rolling her eyes.

"You think being nice is ignoring your calls for a week?"

"It wasn't a week-"

"Do the details matter?" she crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. "If he really respected you, he'd let you know he was gonna be busy instead of letting you waste your time and energy worrying about him."

Maybe she's right. Maybe you need to stop finding excuses for his every action.

Thanks to your friends' gentle but firm guidance you learn that there’s a code of conduct one must follow post break-up. Detailed steps one must take to numb the side effects of heartbreak.

It’s challenging to keep track of every little thing you’re supposed to be doing - and not doing - but you’re determined to become a functioning member of society once more.

RULE 1. BLOCK THAT MF. Your friends collectively warn you to lose your ex’s number. Delete it, block it, forget it. It makes moving on easier, they insist.

RULE 2. STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. Don’t keep tabs on him. Seeing him be happy without you will make you swim in misery (and wine).

RULE 3. KEEP BUSY. Meet with friends, talk to family. Study, work out - whatever keeps your mind occupied.

The list goes on, some rules making less sense than others, but you’re so desperate to move on at this point that you’re willing to try just about anything.

It works - for the most part. You’ve never been more social in your life and the constant human to human interactions take up most of your free time and energy.

You try your best. Really, you do. It’s not enough, but it helps. So far you’ve successfully avoided any major meltdowns.

RULE 13 : NO LISTENING TO SAD SONGS/WATCHING SAD MOVIES in particular has kept you from recreating the typical kdrama scene where the lead wallows in her own sadness, a tub of ice cream in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, before a nicer, smarter, more handsome love interest sweeps her off her feet.

It’s week six, almost week seven, when your friends decide that you’re ready to take the next step.

“What you need is a distraction,” Mari says, wagging her eyebrows, the implication of her words evident.

“She’s not that kind of girl.”

“What do you mean?” Except you know exactly what she means. You just want to make her say it. 

“Well, aren’t you the relationship type?” it’s defensive, like she knows she’s said the wrong thing. 

“Sometimes.” You say, but the answer is distracted, your mind elsewhere.

You’re thinking about lists and rules, adding this one to the ever growing manual you’ve sworn to follow. RULE 26. DATE OTHER PEOPLE. THERE ARE OTHER FISH AT SEA.

“You don’t need to find the love of your life right now. Just - like go out, have fun. It doesn't have to be a big thing."

"Why don't we go clubbing!" Mari proposes, excitement building in her tone. "Even if no one catches your eyes, I think it’ll do you some good to go out. We haven’t been out together in forever!”

You think about the alternative. Going home, watering your plants, microwaving the leftover lasagna, feeling bad for yourself. Reluctantly, you nod.

“That settles it then!” Liz cheers, already making her way to her closet to dig up the perfect outfit. “We’ll help you find a hot rebound. Nothing is better than good dick to help you realize there are plenty of great options!”

Next to you, Mari nods sagely. “It’ll help you - make you realize that there are other guys out there. Your world is much bigger than one single person, no matter how great you thought they were.”

Her words of advice settle into your bones, haunting. You want to believe her but if there's anything these past weeks have taught you, it's that your heart is stubborn. It cares little about what's better or nicer or kinder.

When you return her smile, you know deep down that you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

.

.

.

.

Rule 26 is tiresome work, requiring more effort than advertised. But like every rule before this one, you give it your best shot.

It doesn’t take long for your eyes to zero in on tonight’s target.

The guy in front of you is handsome. Objectively. Prominent features with long lashes and pouty lips. Slicked back hair, well dressed, and clearly on the lookout for a one night stand. He ticks all of your boxes - if you had any to begin with. 

Somewhere over his shoulder you see Mari shoot you a thumbs up, grinning like a proud mom, and the sight helps steel your resolve. You can do this.

It doesn’t take long for the both of you to shift to the dance floor, chests pressing against one another.

His hands on your waist are warm. The way he’s moving his body - the slow grind of his hips against yours - it should be enticing.

But you feel - detached. Your brain registers everything that’s happening to you in an almost clinical way. Two hands, a set of lips, the rub of stubble against your cheek. Your body is responding in a rehearsed fashion, like it’s following a set of pre-set instructions, and all the while your mind is elsewhere. 

You’re not distracted, you realize. You’re bored. The space between your ribs and beating heart is just as hollow as it was before. Briefly you wonder if the emptiness will ever fill itself back up again, or if you’re supposed to live the rest of your life searching for the missing pieces that used to make you whole.

“Gotta go to the bathroom.” You squirm out of his grasp. There’s no point in playing this game anymore, not when the promised prize is this lackluster.

“Oh yeah. Sure.”

He nods, smiling, but his eyes are already flitting around the crowded room, on the lookout for your replacement. You wander off, weaving through the crowd of swaying bodies, and take a left instead of right, heading for the backdoor instead of the bathroom. 

The midnight air is cool against your skin and you breathe it in greedy gulps.

Your mind clears and suddenly fatigue seeps in. Here, hidden in the shadows, you allow your mask to slip. You’re tired of pretending that everything is okay, that this endless list of do's and don’ts you’ve been following is the only way to achieve happiness.

And maybe this is the universe’s way of telling you that you should stop running away from your feelings. That no matter how much you pretend, the truth is always there, sitting under the scabs you’ve covered up with makeshift bandages.

There’s a pull, a magnetism you’re weak to. Your eyes land on his familiar figure like you knew he was there to begin with and your world comes to standstill. A feeling you can’t name threatens to burst from your chest.

The gravity must be a two-way street, one of two planets circling around each other, for his gaze somehow lifts and your eyes meet for the first time in months.

The moment he spots you, a three second beat passes with him frozen in place, like his body doesn’t know whether to flee or disappear into the ground. Then, after a small eternity, he relaxes back into his signature slouch, resigning himself to whatever twisted plan fate has schemed against him.

When he doesn’t budge from his position, you decide to approach him, well aware this is going against RULE 4 : AVOID YOUR EX AT ALL COSTS. ANYWHERE HE IS LIKELY TO SHOW UP, DO NOT GO. With every step you take all of your hard work goes down the drain but -

But.

For the first time tonight, your chest thrums with nervous anticipation. You feel alive again - not a shell of the person you used to be or a puppet imitating who you wished you could become.

“It’s been a while," you start off, hoping it comes off casual. It doesn’t. 

He sneaks a glance in your direction before looking back down at the cigarette plucked between two lips. He lights it and takes a long drag before looking back at you. 

“You’ve been doing well.” 

The phrasing throws you off. It’s not a question so you don’t know how to answer. You also don’t know why he thinks that, if it’s the fact you’re out right now instead of sleeping through the pain of a broken heart, or if he’s asked one of your friends how you’ve been doing. Maybe he’s seen your life through pictures, drawn up conclusions that only reinforce his decision.

“… I’m trying to.” 

Trying. With him, you were always trying. Trying to be more, trying to be less. Bending, shrinking, expanding. 

Something in his face softens at that. Maybe he realizes it, too. 

“You will be.” He says it with a note of finality, of certitude. Like the few years he has more than you grants him knowledge you’re not privy to.

“Well, what if I won’t?” You huff, wrapping your arms around yourself. “What if - what if I feel like this forever?”

It’s a childish question, one that probably cements his view of you. In the past you’d always crafted your sentences with care, trying to match his maturity in words but the break-up has made you realize he’d always seen through your act.

A smile plays at his lips, not reaching his eyes. “Forever is a myth. You’ll see - you’ll find a guy who actually deserves you, and everything I said will start to make sense.”

It’s infuriating - the way he decides these things for you without your consent. Like your feelings don’t matter when faced with logic and facts.

“I love you. Doesn’t that count for anything?” 

“You don’t want love,” corrects Yoongi, albeit gently, like he knows his words might shatter you if he isn’t careful. “You just want me.”

You swallow, mulling his words over. Trying to understand the unsaid.

“I’m no good for you.” He repeats his words from the break-up.  

“But-” You look down, frowning. “What does that matter? I’ve always been happier with you. Now I’m just - I’m…I don’t know anymore. I don’t know.”

Your voice tapers off. You just feel so stupid. Young, stupid. Sifting through the ashes of your relationship, desperate to salvage the bits that hadn’t burned to dust. 

Unshed tears blur your vision. You clench your jaw, determined to not break down completely. Yoongi's features twist, his heart weakened by your pathetic appearance, and for a fleeting moment you can see past his unyielding veneer.

“Kitten,” it’s spoken softly, so softly you can pretend it’s a term meant solely for you. 

You can see he regrets saying it as soon as the word tumbles out, unbidden. A slip of the tongue. Yet, you latch onto the sliver of comfort offered before he can take it back.

As soon as you step into his personal space, your world shifts on its axis and adjusts. You feel all the floaty parts of yourself slot into place as they were meant to be. 

“Yoongi, I miss you.” 

When he stares into your eyes, you don’t look away, hoping he’ll see the truth for what it is. How those three words fail to sum up the extent of your never-ending yearning. 

“It’s for the best,” he says. Still, he allows you to take his free hand in between your own. It’s cold to the touch, like his skin is carved from marble, but it only makes you squeeze tighter, hoping your warmth will be enough for the both of you.

“Maybe.”

If life was a chess board, with set rules and clear winners, maybe you’d relent and accept that there was a better fit for you somewhere out there. Someone who was emotionally available, who made time for you, and gave you the validation you needed.

You didn’t start dating Yoongi expecting these things, though.

“But what relationship is perfect?” You demand hotly, fire in your veins. “I’ve never wanted that from you. I don’t care about that. You said I didn’t want love. That’s not true. I don’t believe what you gave me wasn’t love.”

Yoongi listens, patient as always. He takes another drag from his cigarette and silence hangs in the air, heavy with want and regret.

“It’s not fair to you.” He looks away, weak. “I feel like I can do anything and get away with it. I don’t want to have that kind of power over you.”

Your mind races as it processes his confession. It’s the first time he’s phrased it in other terms than ‘you should’, ‘you deserve’, you, you, you.

“I don’t…can’t we work out this out together? Is it easier for you to shut people out than fix things? Was it… was it that easy breaking up with me?”

“It’s not easy.” He wets his lips. “It hasn’t been easy. I only - I’ve only wanted what was the best for you. What I thought would be the best for you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I was hurt, though.”

Yoongi squeezes your hand back. The touch is everything you remember - secure, comforting, reassuring.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never wanted that.”

“I know.”

A pause and then, whispered in the night for only you to hear, “I’m afraid I’ll keep hurting you.”

“Whatever you’ve done in the past… It hurts more now, when we’re apart.”

He swallows audibly but his eyes never leave yours. In them, you see your emotions reflected. Logic and facts are meaningless now. The love you'd tried to smother out blazes into a wildfire, so untameable and overwhelming Yoongi can only get caught in it.

When you stand on your toes and lean in to press your lips against his, he doesn't move to stop you. What remains of his cigarette falls to the floor by his feet, forgotten.

.

.

.

It’s disgustingly easy falling back into bed with Yoongi. You’re partly to blame, though, for having built your world around him, for programming your body to only respond to him. When he kisses you and your knees go weak, you can’t imagine anyone else getting you this keyed up. His hands play you with as much skill as a virtuoso masters his instrument, plucking sigh after sigh of pleasure from your lips.

“These are cute.”

His thumb plays with the small bow adorning the front of your brand new pair of underwear. A self-care gift to yourself. They'd looked nice when you'd tried them on but now they look slightly out of place - the ruffled, pale pink fabric a stark contrast against his black bed sheets.

“Yeah…” You lift your hips, trying to entice him without needing to voice out your needs. “Wanted to get laid tonight.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi smiles but there’s an edge to it. He laughs as he snaps the band of your lace underwear against your hipbone. “You planned on bringing any old guy home tonight?”

Yoongi doesn't get jealous. But - sometimes - he gets weirdly possessive, intent on reminding you how only he affects you. It's silly, this need for validation, especially because you've never shied away from telling him how much you want him. You suppose that's just another difference between the two of you - you speak love in words, him through actions.

“Uh-huh. Wanted to forget.”

“Hmm.”

His hands continue to map out your body. He's lazy about it, like time isn't important - even though the both of you have to be up by seven to catch your morning lectures.

“Found someone but - wasn’t fun. Only thought about - ah - you.”

“He would’ve been so lucky, though. Look at you.” His hands travel up your thighs, opening up your legs further so that you’re exposed shamelessly. “So fuckin' pretty.”

Your mind flickers back to the guy you'd danced with earlier. You can't even remember what he looks like, let alone his name. All you know is that no one in that club you could have gone home with tonight could ever measure up to this.

“You still get so wet, kitten.” Yoongi kisses down your neck while deft fingers slide under the band of your underwear. He swipes through the small puddle of arousal, his fingers ice cold against your heat.

A moan escapes your lips, your hips pushing down against his hand in search for more friction. He lets you do as you please for a few drawn out seconds before pinning your hips in place, growling against your ear in warning.

“Tell me,” He forces you to hold his stare. “Would you have let him play with your pussy, hm?”

You bite your lips, hesitant. “N-no.”

“Liar.” Yoongi kisses you, tongue pressing against your own, until you can’t think straight. “You think he would’ve gotten you this wet? Sopping like this?”

His fingers thrust harder to prove his point, loud squelches ringing in your ears. It’s so fucking embarrassing to hear the proof of your desire but Yoongi smirks, amused by your discomfort.

“No, no.” You moan, pussy clamping to keep him buried deep. “Only y-you. I’m yours.”

“That’s right, kitten. I trained your pussy to take cock, get it this fuckin’ wet.” He yanks off your new - now sodden - pair of underwear and stares between your legs, famished. A shiver runs down your spine, each filthy word going straight to your core. "Gonna make you squirt all over my tongue. Remind you who this pussy belongs to."

"Fuck." You squeeze your eyes shut, afraid that the image of Yoongi's head between your thighs will be enough material to push you over.

"Look at me." Yoongi slaps your thigh, his expression unforgiving. "You're gonna watch me while I eat this pussy."

You nod, already half delirious. You know you're no match for his tongue - a fact he loves reminding you the best way he knows how. Before meeting Yoongi, you'd always been wary of the idea of oral sex. What if you smelled weird? Looked weird? You'd never imagined a guy could actually get off eating you out but Yoongi literally thrives off the sounds you make when his lips are attached to your throbbing clit. He wants you loud, neighbors be damned.

"Cum whenever you want," he instructs, lowering his head so that he's eye level your soaked cunt. Hunger is set deep on every line of his face, the muscles in his jaw tense from having to hold himself back.

You blink, not believing him for a second.

"Cum," he challenges, his pupils dark with arousal. "But I'm not gonna stop until you're begging for my cock."

#posted for @lonelyending aka my sag bestie #i spent a weird amount of time mapping out their relationship in my head... maybe 1 day i will write the full fic #yoongi x reader #bts smut #bts angst #yoongi #yoongi smut #drabble.txt

[ghstandpucks]

Annoying Little Brother ~ Erik Johnson (4+1)

Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing well and staying safe! I had this idea in my head and was so excited to write it! Once again, thanks @avsfans95 for letting me bounce the idea off of her! Enjoy!

Summary:  When Nathan MacKinnon’s older sister moves in with him after a particularly bad break up, one Avs player always seems to be around. The 4 times Nate got in the way of something happening, and the 1 time he accepted it. 

Warnings: language...not a lot of it though

Master List

Nate never liked your ex. He had met him a few times when he would go home during the off season, and always thought something was off. He couldn’t tell you though, you were always so happy whenever you spoke of him, and Nate loved seeing his older sister happy. That was why when you called him one evening balling because your jerk of a boyfriend had cheated on you after three years together, he immediately bought you a one-way ticket to Denver to stay with him for a while.

           You hated feeling like you were living off of your little brother, but Nate made it very clear that he did not care. So after moping around that first week, you started taking care him just as any older sibling would. You cooked and made sure he had balanced meals, cleaned the apartment, just everyday things to keep yourself busy. A month had passed, and you were getting ready to pack your things and head home when you came across a picture on Instagram. It was of your now ex, and the girl he cheated on you with. They were on a vacation at a lake house and looked so happy it made you sick. You thought you had deleted him and blocked him on everything. Apparently though in you haste to erase him from your life, you missed some steps.

Nate was going out that evening with some of the guys from the team when he found you curled up on your floor. It broke his heart to see you like this. You were his big sister; you were always there to support and protect him and Sarah. This time he had to be there for you. Once he was able to gather you up off the floor and at least have you crying in bed, he texted the guys that he wasn’t going to make it (they knew what had happened as Nate came to practice particularly pissed after your phone call meltdown), and he cancelled your flight home. You always put everyone back together, and he was going to help mend you this time.

1.      

           A month later, you had started a new job and Nate slowly saw his bubbly big sister returning to herself. You had applied for a work visa, and it was granted. Having found the perfect job for you, you started to hold your head a little higher again, the bags under your eyes becoming less prominent. You didn’t feel like such a burden anymore, as you were able to convince Nate to let you pay for the utilities at least while you stayed with him. He agreed begrudgingly of course, still annoyed that your “mom” tone could work on him.

           Another month later and you were smiling easier, your laugh not forced. Nate decided it was time to not have you so anti-social anymore, and invited the team over for a kickback on the coming Friday evening as they had the day off on Saturday. Of course you had met the team before. One year when your mom couldn’t make it for the Mother’s trip, you took her place. And then there were the other countless times you would fly in for “vacation” (really it was usually when Nate was hurt so you could check up on him). You had gotten to know a good handful of the team, and little did you know you had always caught someone’s eye.

           Erik Johnson was enamored by you. Not only could you stare Nate down and get him to do whatever it was with a single look on your face, but you were always kind and considerate to everyone around you. You were bubbly and smart, and down right beautiful to him. He always enjoyed the times you would come to town, and made it a point to run into you one way or another. When he had heard what your ex had done to you, he was pissed. Hearing you were coming to live with Nate though, he knew he had to give you some space. But then hearing you had found a job and were staying in Denver; he couldn’t wait to see you again.

           About half the team and their significant others were over already. You were having a good conversation with Mel when the doorbell rang. Excusing yourself, you hurried to the door, opening it wide. You were met with a silly toothless grin as Erik came into view. “Hi Y/N” he said softly, and you smiled back at him.

           “Hi Erik. Come on in!” you opened the door wider and allowed him to step through the threshold. “Can I take that from you?” you asked about the six pack in one of his hands.

           “No, I got it,” he said, and you walked with him to the kitchen. As he set the beer on the counter, you finally noticed what was in his other hand.

           “Aw, did you bring those for my brother?” you joked about the beautiful bouquet of flowers Erik had in his hands. He blushed ever so slightly and shook his head.

           “Um no. These are for you actually,” he held them out to you. You stood there shocked for a moment. Besides graduations, no one had ever bought you flowers before.

           “That’s kind of you. Thank you,” you said, taking them from him. Erik had always been someone on the team that intrigued you. Whether it was the glasses, or his dorky toothless grin you couldn’t place it, but you had always enjoyed his company. Erik shrugged like it was no big deal, even though he spent way more time than he would like to admit trying to pick out the perfect bouquet. He just wanted to see you smile after what had happened.

Realizing your brother did not have a vase, you cut the stems down and placed the bouquet into an oversized glass you had found in the cupboard while telling Erik all about your new job that he asked you about. Erik kept grinning at you as you fluttered around the kitchen, telling him about something funny that had happened in the office that day. Nate walked in and made a face at the flowers.

           “Who brought you those?” he asked, just then noticing Erik was leaning against the other side of the counter. Erik straightened up a bit. It wasn’t that he was afraid of what Nate thought, but he also knew the center was fiercely protective over his sisters.

           “Erik,” you smiled up at your brother as you brushed passed them. “I’m going to put them in my room. Thank you again, I love them!” you said to Erik and he nodded, returning your smile. As you walked out of the room, Nate turned to his older teammate.

           “Why?” he asked.

           “Why what?” Erik countered. Nate rolled his eyes.

           “Why did you bring Y/N flowers?” Nate asked. Erik shrugged, coming up with the line he had thought of outside the apartment door if Nate answered and asked what the flowers were for.

           “It’s her apartment too now right? I brought you beer, so I brought her flowers,” he simply said, but Nate wasn’t fully buying it. He had seen the looks Erik had sent his sister on her trips before. The way he always seemed to find her in the room with Erik close by. Nate knew he didn’t mean any harm, but he had just gotten you back to being your old self most of the time. The last thing he needed was Erik to come in and destroy all the work he has done to build his sister back up again.

           “Leave her alone Johnson,” Nate said under his breath so that you wouldn’t be able to hear if you were on your way back from your room.

           “What’s that supposed to mean?” Erik asked, losing his casual deminer.

           “You know exactly what it means,” Nate said, grabbing a beer and heading back toward the patio where most of the guys were. Erik sighed, then perked back up before joining all of them.

2.      

           A few weeks later you had gone out with the team after a win in Denver. Everyone was having a good time as you made your way over to the bar to get yourself another drink. As the bartender was handing you your drink, you felt a hand press to the small of your back. “Hey beautiful, let me get that for you.” You looked up and saw some guy you did not know. Inching out of his reach at the crowded bar, you shook your head.

           “It’s fine. I have a tab. Thank you though,” you said, hoping that if you were polite enough he would leave you alone. Unfortunately, that did not work. He just smirked even more and stepped closer to you.

           “In that case, why don’t you buy me a drink?” he said, eyes scanning over your body.

           “I don’t think so,” you said, turning away from him. He reached for your arm, but you quickly pulled it away. “Don’t touch me.”

           “Come on, don’t be like that,” the guy said, and you tried to scan for anyone on the team over his shoulder. As you took a step back, you ran into a hard figure and an arm circled around your waist. You were about to scream when you heard a familiar voice speaking, feeling the echo on your back as the person held you close to them.

           “I was wondering where you were baby,” Erik said, and you grinned up at him in thankfulness. When you looked back in front of you, the jerk was long gone. Letting out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, you leaned back against Erik.

           “Thank you,” you said, turning to hug him. Erik held you close, happy that you seemed to find comfort in his presents.

           “Are you okay?” he asked as you pulled back, begrudgingly letting his arms leave you. A wave of sadness washed over you, as you realized you enjoyed that safe feeling that his arms had just provided you. It honestly scared you though too. You hadn’t felt that way about anyone since your ex, and all the doubts of everything that went wrong in that relationship started to creep back in, along with all your negative thoughts on yourself.

           “I’m fine. I think I want to go home though,” you said, sending him a small smile. Erik saw your mood shift, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the guy or something he did. Did he overstep a boundary?

           “I can take you home?” Erik offered. You were about to say that it was fine, you would just get an uber, when Nate appeared by your side.

           “Go get your stuff and we’ll leave,” he said, and you left the two teammates quickly. Nate let out a huff and looked at Erik before getting his card out and closing his tab. He had seen what had happened. Nate was making his way over to knock the guy out when Erik beat him to you. He saw you relax into him, but then stiffen up again, and he had a faint idea as to why that was.

           “I was just trying to help,” Erik said, and he thought it sounded pathetic. He hadn’t talked with you all night, trying to be a good teammate and not fall harder for his friend’s sister. His face fell momentarily and Nate sighed, there was no way EJ was crushing on his big sister. Nate felt he owed it to him to explain why Y/N all of a sudden seemed to pull away.

           “This was how she met her ex. Some creep was hitting on her at a bar when she was out with friends and he stepped in,” he explained, and Erik nodded along. “I’ve got her though. Dammit EJ, she was doing so good too.” Nate knew it was unfair to blame Erik for the state he knew Y/N would be in for the next few days, but he couldn’t help it. Nate found you walking back toward them and directed you out of the bar. You quickly glanced back at Erik and tried to send him another smile, but when he smiled back, it didn’t reach his eyes.

3.      

           Nate was surprised when your sad state only lasted the rest of the evening. You didn’t want to talk about it on the drive home, and went straight to your room upon entering the apartment. The next morning when you emerged though, you had a big smile on your face and hummed to yourself the whole time you cooked breakfast. Though Nate was confused at the total 360 from the night before, he decided not to question you on it.

           What he didn’t know was that later that evening, more around two in the morning because you had gotten home around one, you had DM’ed Erik to thank him for helping you out at the bar. He answered immediately and before you knew it, the two of you had exchanged numbers and he was texting you instead. You both stayed up till about four in the morning talking before you fell asleep on him, and when you woke up this morning, you saw he had sent you not only a goodnight text (figuring you had fallen asleep), but also a good morning text. You sent one back quickly before leaving your phone in your room and heading into the kitchen. You were feeling giddy, and happier than you had in a long time. Just from a simple text, your night went from feeling sorry about yourself, to realizing you would be just fine. And it wasn’t that you needed a man’s attention in order to make you feel that way. You just all of a sudden felt lighter; as if being taken out of that situation last night had opened your eyes to the fact that you were ready to move on. Yes, you may have your doubts about things here and there, but after 3 years who could really blame you? And if said moving on just happened to include your brother’s adorably goofy teammate, then so be it.

           Nate was in the shower as you sat on the couch watching tv. You had been texting with Erik since after breakfast that morning. When the doorbell rang, you slowly got up and went to see who it was. After checking the peep hole, you answered the door with a bright smile. “What are you doing here?” you asked Erik as he stood with his hands behind his back.

           “I wanted to see if you would like to get a coffee with me?” he asked, producing another beautiful bouquet of flowers from behind his back. You giggled as you took them from him.

           “Trying to bribe me with flowers?” you asked, narrowing your eyes comically. Erik grinned at you.

           “Is it working?” he asked, and chuckled when you pretended to think for a moment.

           “I would say so. Come in. Let me put these in a vase and I’ll grab my purse so we can go,” you replied, shutting the door behind him and walking to the kitchen. This time, you actually had a vase to put the flowers in, and Erik made sure to comment on that.

           “Other suitors bringing you flowers so you had to get a vase?” he teased you. You giggled and blushed slightly, keeping your eyes on fixing the flowers to try to hide it. Erik saw the slight pink tinge of your cheeks though and only smiled wider.

           “Nope. Just the one. Thought I would be prepared after the last time though,” you finally looked over at him and laughed when he sent you a wink. “I’m going to go grab my purse.” Erik watched you as you walked down the hall. Not in a creepy way, just admiring the pep in your step. He was glad you reached out to him last night. He was about to message you actually to apologize if he brought up any bad memories unintentionally. After a few messages back and forth, and getting rid of a prying Landy as he crashed at their place last night, he asked for your number so he could actually really talk to you, not just through Instagram.

           As you left your room, Nate came out of his and looked at you questioningly. “Where you going?” he asked. He didn’t remember you saying you had plans.

           “Out for coffee,” you said vaguely. You weren’t sure how to tell him it with Erik. Even though you were older, Nate made it no secret that he wasn’t just supposed to look out for Sarah, but for you too.

           “With who?” he asked, rounding the corner into the kitchen. He looked away from you and found his answer sitting on one of the barstools.

           “Erik,” you answered, even though it was obvious. You watched as your brother seemed to be short circuiting, and took that as your escape. You walked over to Erik and tugged on his arm. “See you later,” you called out behind you as you were about to reach the door. Nate stood in the kitchen for a second, looking at the flowers, then your retreating figures. He had to stop this.

           “Y/N wait! We actually have some errands to run today. We gotta go now,” Nate sped over to you. He knew he could be straight with Erik, but that would not work with you.

           “Like what?” you asked him confused, stopping to look at him. Erik looked at your brother from behind you and shook his head. Unbelievable.

           “That book shelf and shoe rack you’ve been saying you need to get. We need to go today to go get it,” Nate thought off the top of his head.

           “Why? Can’t we go tomorrow?” you asked.

           “No. We,” Nate motioned between himself and Erik, “have a road trip for the next week. So we need to go today and then get it all set up so you aren’t struggling with it while we’re gone.” Nate was mentally patting himself on the back for that one.

           “I can go get it by myself. It’s no big deal,” you said annoyed. “And I can put it together.”

           “It’s……going to be too heavy for you to carry,” Nate responded, and even Erik rolled his eyes. He knew Nate was trying to keep you from getting coffee with him.

           “Then I’ll wait till you’re back and we plan a day to go get it,” you said, turning back around to head out the door.

           “No! We need to go today. If you talk to mom while were gone, she’s going to be pissed I didn’t get it taken care of before I left,” Nate pulled the final card…the mom card. You stared at him unimpressed and shook your head briefly. Looking back at Erik, you sent him a small smile.

           “Raincheck?” you asked hopefully. Erik tried to mask his disappointment quickly and smiled kindly at you, nodding.

           “I’ll call you later,” he said, letting himself out of the apartment. As the door shut, he could hear fragments of your hushed conversation with your brother. He laughed and felt hopeful about actually taking you out when he heard you say “idiot” and “you ruin everything” dramatically to Nate.

4.      

The Avs lost the last game of their road trip. The team walked into the hotel tired and unhappy, most making their way to their own rooms. You had been talking to Erik throughout the trip. The day he left your apartment after Nate annoyingly decided to do something that you had asked him two weeks ago to help you with, Erik did call you that evening. The two of you were actually able to talk and get to know each other better without Nate somehow always interrupting. As you talked throughout the week, you found yourself falling hard for the defenseman.

Once back in his room, Erik changed out of his suit into sweats and a t-shirt before looking at his phone. You had sent a simple message half an hour earlier, saying he still did a great job tonight. He was about to answer on the bus when Gabe saw who he was texting and tapped his shoulder, motioning towards Nate boarding, and Erik put his phone away. He really didn’t feel like getting into it with your brother tonight.

Erik was about to text you, but then opted to facetime instead. “Hey,” you said softly as you answered. Erik grinned at you through the screen. He had forgone his front teeth for the night and you smiled back at him, oddly thinking it adorable. You were wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, tv on low in the back ground with an Avs sweatshirt on. In that moment Erik wished it was his sweatshirt you were huddled in.

“Hey,” he replied, lying on his back on the bed.

“You okay?” you asked after a brief silence, and Erik huffed out a laugh, shaking his head.

“We played like shit tonight,” he said.

“It happens. It’s been a long week for you guys. You’ll get back home and get some rest and everything will be fine,” you spoke calmly, and Erik felt himself believing you easily. “Why did you facetime me?” you asked, as he had never done so before.

“I wanted to see your face,” Erik admitted. It was the truth. On the drive back to the hotel, the only thing he could about was wanting to see you. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you the whole trip. Grinning when he saw the slight tinge of red on your cheeks, Erik knew he was going to have to confront your brother sooner rather than later.

The two of you talked a bit longer, Erik’s mood lifting as he listened to your giggle. You told him about your day and just talked about everything that came up. There was a pause in your conversation, the two of you just enjoying the other’s company, even if it was over the phone. Erik decided to take a chance then. “What are you doing next Saturday?” he asked.  

“Nothing I don’t think. Why?” you questioned.

“The Mile High Gala is next Saturday,” he simply said, and you nodded along.

“So I’ve heard,” you laughed nervously.

“Are you going?” he asked, then cringed at his dumb question. Of course Nate wasn’t going to take you when he had his own girlfriend to take.

“Haven’t been invited,” you shook your head, unconsciously biting your lip.

“That’s a shame,” Erik teased you, and you rolled your eyes playfully.

“Do you know who you’re taking?” you asked, hoping you weren’t reading the signs wrong between the two of you.

“I know who I would like to, but her brother has been a pain in the ass lately,” Erik answered and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well he’ll just have to get over it,” you suggested.

“Is Nate the ‘getting over it’ type?” Erik asked and you thought for a second, then shook your head.

“Not really. But I am older so he needs to learn to back off,” you laughed and Erik joined you.

“That being said, would you want to go to the gala with me?” Erik asked, slightly nervous. But as you nodded his face broke into a wide grin.

“I’d love to,” you said, smiling back. The two of you talked for a little longer, before you finally called it a night. When you hung up, you crawled into bed feeling excited as ever. Unfortunately, Erik was not in for the same relaxing evening.

About 15 minutes after hanging up with you, some of the guys started to pile into his room, Nate being one of them. Everything was fine for a while, until the topic of the gala came up. “Who are you taking EJ?” Andre asked, and Erik froze. He busied himself with changing the tv channel and mumbled your name. Gabe was the only one who heard him clearly, and his head immediately shot up from his phone, looking between Erik and Nate.

“Who?” Tyson asked, not having heard Erik.

“I’m taking Y/N,” he said more clearly.

“Wait, like Nate’s sister Y/N?” JT asked, and Erik nodded.

“Like hell you are,” Nate stated, his eyes boring a hole through Erik’s skill. Gabe stood up and motioned toward the door.

“Come on you guys. Let’s give them some space,” He motioned for Andre, Tyson, and JT to leave. As he was closing the door, Gabe turned back to his assistant captains. “Don’t kill each other.” The door clicked close and the two men left in the room sat in silence. Erik cleared his throat.

“Look dude…” Erik started to say before Nate cut him off.

“No, you look. I told you to back off when she first got here and you kept pursuing her. I know it’s been a while but damn. She deserves ever…”

“Everything, yeah, I know. Or you could say she deserves better and I would agree with that too. But she’s a grown woman Nate, she can make her own decisions.” Erik said, starting to get upset that Nate was so adamantly against him dating Y/N.

“And look where that got her last time. Dumped by some asshole and in pieces. Do you even know how much it took to put her back together again? My sister is strong, but she has a soft heart,” Nate said, standing up and walking toward the window, facing away from Erik.

“I do know, because I paid attention every time you even mentioned her. I’ve always paid attention to her. Man, I think your sister is the most beautiful girl in any room she walks into. She’s smart, and caring, and her giggle is the cutest thing I ever heard, I just want to keep her laughing so I can hear it…”

“Oh please…”

“Nate I’m not fucking with you. I’m not just saying things to say them. I think your sister is amazing. I would never hurt her the way that jerk did and I wouldn’t be here trying to convince you of my feelings for her if I didn’t care. I get she’s you sister and you feel the need to protect her, but really? You think you need to protect her from me?” Erik said, and Nate finally turned around to look at him.

“I don’t want to see her hurt again,” the center mumbled.

“I won’t hurt her,” Erik spoke confidently. Nate brushed passed him and opened the door.

“You don’t know that,” he stated, and left Erik’s room. Erik had stood up at some point during the conversation, if that’s what you could call it. As he sank back down on the bed, he shook his head as he rested it in his hands. He wasn’t about to let Nate stop him from going out with you, but he wished that someone he considered a friend would have more trust in him.  

+ 1

           You could tell Nate was irritated when he got home from the trip, but he didn’t talk about it when you asked so you just assumed it was the last loss. Later that day Erik came over and the two of you went out for dinner. The rest of the week was filled with little outings like that with him, so by the time the gala happened you could confidently say you were dating. While you were ecstatic to be with Erik, it still worried you that Nate was quieter than usual. You asked Erik if anything had happened on the trip to make your brother act that way, and he would just shake his head and change the topic. The same happened whenever you asked Nate about it, but receiving the same answer you dropped it, figuring someone would say something when they actually wanted to.

           A week after the gala, Erik was over as you had the apartment to yourselves with Nate out at dinner. It was late, and you were curled up with Erik on the couch, slowly feeling your eyelids drop. The last thing you felt was Erik kissing the top of your head and the vibration in his chest as he laughed lightly as you fell asleep. Getting comfortable himself, he drifted off not long after you.

           When Nate arrived back home, that was how he found you two; curled up together on the couch with the tv playing on low in the background. He sighed, knowing he was being unreasonable. Of course EJ would take care of you, he knew he was a good guy. And since you had moved here, Nate hadn’t seen you this happy or comfortable around anyone.

           Turning off the tv, Nate nudged Erik’s shoulder, getting him to wake up. You stirred slightly at Erik’s shifting as he sat up to face your brother, but otherwise stayed asleep. The boys sat there for a moment, Erik waiting for Nate to speak as he was the one who woke him to talk. “So…” Nate started, but let the word hang between them.

           “So,” Erik responded.

           “I think I owe you an apology,” Nate said, and Erik shrugged.

           “It’s fine…”

           “No it’s not. I do trust you EJ, it was just hard thinking about trusting you with my sister’s feelings. I’m always going to think she deserves better, but I don’t know, seeing how happy she’s been recently makes me feel like an idiot for the way I treated you the other day.” Nate said, and Erik nodded.

           “I appreciate that,” he said, smiling down at you as you stirred. Nate nodded and stood up, leaving the two of you for his own room. Erik sat there for a few minutes, before deciding it was probably best to get you to bed. Not wanting to wake you, he easily picked you up and carried you to your room. Erik chuckled as you lazily snuggled in under your covers, placed a kiss on your forehead and started to leave.

           “Where are you going?” he heard you faintly whisper.

           “Home. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he responded and you sat up, staring at him with tired eyes and a pout Erik wanted to kiss off.

           “Can you stay?” you asked, and Erik didn’t have the heart to say no even if he wanted to. He smiled at you and walked over, removing his shirt and sliding under the covers with you.

           “I guess I can fight my girlfriend’s brother in the morning,” he joked, pulling you into him. You giggled, thankful the lights were out as you blushed at Erik calling you his girlfriend for the first time.

           “As long as we can get some pancakes after,” you teased. You had heard the conversation between him and Nate, just kept your eyes closed to not disrupt it. Though you knew it may get some taking used to, you were happy that your brother seemed to finally come around.

           “Pancakes it is,” Erik chuckled, lifting your chin and kissing you softly before you both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.  

Tagging: @tysojost​ @je-ne-regrette-rien​ @mollymartin4 @thesleepdeprivedsleepingchampion @stuetzlesumlaut​ @xoxoxohaleyxoxoxo @just-sarah--things​ @localcalumhoe​ @iamthetoothlessenigma 

#nhl imagines #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #nhl x reader #erik johnson imagine #erik johnson x reader #hockey imagine #colorado avalanche imagine #nhl imagine

[dynamics-of-an-asteroid]

What stalker of Andrew's? Has it been in the news? Xx

Not quite! An abbreviated version of the situation is this woman had fallen pretty hard for him in 2010, which only got worse after a stage-door meeting during a London trip. Soon after, she wanted to write a biography about Andrew to let everyone know how wonderful she thought the new love of her life was.

During her “research” for the book, which mostly consisted of bothering anyone who mentioned having interactions with Andrew to ask nosy questions about what they discussed, she found out he was gay (he hadn’t publicly stated his sexuality at the time).

This lead to her having a meltdown on Twitter that included such classic quotes in now deleted tweets like:

“Not even bi? No hope at all?!!”

“I am pretty crushed.”

“You’ve hurt me - well HE has!”

“Tell him to stop hugging women like he means it.”  

“How do you forgive someone for being who they are when it isn’t who you want them to be?“

Upset and dejected, she pressed on with her biography, but started looking closer in to Andrew’s personal life by reaching out to his family members, work colleagues, anyone from his past, and other fans who met him in the hopes to get more information for her book since clearly she wasn’t digging deep enough to not realize he was gay. So on top of never shutting up about his sexuality, her “research” lead her to bringing up his partner by name (something else he didn’t publicly state outside of having one at the time) in pay-per-click articles at her tabloid job, collecting private photos of his family members or him on social media to redistribute, editing information in his wiki and IMDB pages with rumors she stumbled upon, and other shit I can’t remember right now but it wasn’t good.

When asked about the biography during an interview with The Times, Andrew publicly addressed the situation as gently as he could: 

“I’ve heard about that and I don’t support it. I absolutely don’t. For a start, it’s too early to be writing a book about me. Plus I find it intrusive. And it will be inaccurate, that’s what it’ll be.”

This infuriated her anyway cause she really believed she was doing him a favor by putting his business out there despite the fact he is notoriously private. So she went on the Facebook page she made for the biography and stated “Andrew Scott is an asshole who doesn’t appreciate the free publicity I have given him for two years. Will be quite happy to be done with him.”

She then went on public tirades against Andrew that were often homophobic and derogatory (she’s managed to slip a couple of these in to public Q&As online where questions are submitted and a few are chosen by him to be answered live), doxxed a few of Andrew’s fans who were speaking out against her and the biography through a petition (some of whom were young teenagers) while calling them really awful names (imagine being 17 and called a ‘eurobitch’ by a woman in her late 50s with a husband and grown children), and got blocked on twitter by people who have worked with Andrew because she was spilling vitriol their way for protecting their friend. Realizing she was just making an ass of herself as time went on, she deleted or privatized all her accounts.

That was December 2012. Since then she has moments where she resurfaces on various social media platforms (including this one) under new names, asks more questions to unsuspecting people who’ve met him and have no idea who she is/what her intentions are, says really nasty things about Andrew in-between promoting whatever bullshit she ended up publishing that’s being passed around as a “biography”, and then fucks off after deleting said account so it’s harder to keep track of this stuff or warn people.

As of May 2019, she’s still at it and was last seen on twitter talking about how she wants to do a podcast where she’d “hold nothing back” on her thoughts about Andrew and basically gossip about her theories to whoever will listen. The account is gone now, but she’ll be back.

In reference to what I said on that other post, one of her theories is she’s been convinced he’s secretly in to women for a long time now because of this old article she dug up from October *2000* where he mentioned he hasn’t had a girlfriend in three years (so since 1996-1997, which would have made him like 20/21 at the time they broke up). It’s never occurred to her:

1. you can still be gay despite having past relationships that seemingly contradict what your sexuality is now, because who you’ve been with literally doesn’t define your sexuality. you do.

and

2. maybe he hadn’t quite figured out he was gay/wasn’t ready to come out yet in Hardcore Catholic, Blatantly Anti-Gay Ireland during the 90s where it wasn’t exactly safe to be who you are if you weren’t the status quo. and considering he’s told us he’s only been out since his early 20s and left for slightly-more-progressive-London shortly after, the timing makes sense with that article and everything he’s mentioned so far.

Not that it matters because none of this is our fucking business! :D

But, no, because of that article, the way he ~made her feel~ when he hugged her, a silly comment an actor friend of his made on Twitter with a photo he took with him captioned “I saw Andrew with his misses today” (which, you know, is clearly in-joke), and the overabundant amount of chemistry he always seems to have with his friends and co-stars who are women, she’s convinced he’s actually straight and she’s gonna prove it to the world one day cause the rest of us are too stupid to see it.

Yeah, good luck explaining why he can’t sit in a chair properly to save his life, sucks at math, and doesn’t know how to drive. That’s gay culture at its purest.

#long post #I just wanna stand outside her home with a megaphone and shout 'HE'S NEVER GOING TO FUCK YOU' cause that's really what this boils down to.

[jeni182]

Influenced Part II

I had a few asks about Nicky and Andrew reacting to the video, so I did a part II! You can find part one here and the rest of my fics on AO3! Hope you enjoy!

Neil played the video of Andrew high on anesthesia after his wisdom teeth removal more times that he could possibly count. When he was alone, of course. He didn’t think Andrew knew yet that he had gotten it all on video, but that was fine. Because Neil knew as soon as he found out, he’d demand Neil erase it and Neil just wasn’t ready to let it go just yet.

So, he thanked the universe again for smart phones with video capability and listened to Andrew’s voice saying ‘You have such a nice ass’ over and over and over again. Because, listen. Neil liked to feel appreciated for more than just his exy skills.

The only problem with a guy who has had very little contact with technology and the social world in general was that he had no idea how to use his phone beyond sending texts and making phone calls and now taking videos and pictures. So, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise when Neil accidentally attached the video in a text to Nicky. He had no idea how it happened. One minute he was trying to send Nicky a picture of a book he left in the dorm and the next minute his phone was blowing up with texts and calls.

Neil had never felt the kind of dread that settled in his stomach at the fact that Nicky now had possession of a very high Andrew saying all sorts of things he would never normally say.

That he liked Neil.

That he thought Neil was pretty.

That Neil had such a nice ass.

Not even when he was in that house with his father in Baltimore or in the nest with Riko or in that room with Ichirou after winning the championships had he felt the dread he was feeling right now. Nope. Neil was more afraid now than he was any of those other times. Not of Andrew per se. Never of Andrew himself. But of the drama queen goth level emo inspired shit fit that he knew would ensue from this situation.

He had just curled up in a corner of the room with his head in his hands when Nicky came bursting through the door, out of breath and sweaty and looking like he had run like his ass was on fire all the way to the dorm from his class on campus.

“OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. NEIL. OH MY GOOOOOOOOD.”

Neil closed his eyes and put his hands over his ears.

“Nicky you have to delete it. Right now. Give me your phone. You have to delete it before Andrew murders us both.”

“But it’s so cute! He’s so gay, Neil. Just. So, so gay. I’m just so proud I don’t even know what to do with myself!” He hit play on the video and Neil listened to Andrew’s voice come through the phone.

‘You’re so pretty’

‘I like you like you.’

‘I’m so glad you let me touch your ass.’

Nicky howled in delight and bent over at the waist to clutch his stomach. And that was when Neil saw him.

Andrew.

In the doorway behind Nicky.

Death in his eyes equal only to the power of a thousand burning suns.

Neil moaned, and Nicky straightened. “Oh, come on don’t be like that. I won’t show anyone. Except maybe Erik. Can I send this to Erik?

“No.”

One word made Nicky freeze. He looked at Neil and visibly swallowed. He slowly turned his head to look at Andrew and immediately paled. Neil imagined animals everywhere sensing danger and running for the hills. Freshmen on campus were taking cover at the scent of a Minyard meltdown. He was still a rabbit at heart and if Andrew hadn’t been blocking the doorway, he’s pretty sure he’d be halfway to Canada by now.

“H-hey Andrew! Ah…”

“Give me your phone.”

“Okay…”

Nicky handed Andrew his phone. Andrew hit play on the video and watched himself, stuffed full of gauze and higher than Nicky after cracker dust laced vodka shots. Completely blank faced. Completely silent. The video ended, and he pressed a few buttons to delete it from Nicky’s phone. Then he slowly, carefully. So gently. Set it on the ground and brought one booted foot down on it as hard as he could.

“Oh COME ON Andrew! That was a new phone! I had nudes on that phone! What the fuc-“ Andrew had grabbed Nicky by the front of the shirt.

“Get out. Now.”

Nicky moved quicker than Neil had ever seen. He briefly wished he’d move that quick on the court before remembering the very quiet, very still, incredibly attractive promise of death standing in the room.

“You taped me? Because I specifically remember the promise of a slow death if such a thing occurred. Why? Why do you have such a death wish? Is it the childhood trauma? Your issues never cease to amaze me.”

He was next to Neil now, crouched down on the floor in front of him. He reached out and tipped Neil’s head up to look at him. He sighed heavily.

“How would you like me to murder you?”

Neil bit his lip. He knew logically that Andrew would never hurt him. Andrew was all gentle hands and soft touches and only rough in the ways he knew Neil liked it. But the part of his brain that worked overtime to make sure he was constantly alert and constantly afraid of everything as a survival mechanism took stock of possible weapons and exits. And then his eyes made their way back to Andrew. And he couldn’t help but notice how Andrew’s eyes were glued to the spot where Neil worried his lip with his teeth.

“Hmmmmm,” Neil said, feigning thought. “Let��s see. You could force me to run myself to death. Of course, that would only help my ass wouldn’t it? You might be too distracted to make sure I die properly.”

“That…will not be a problem,” Andrew said gripping Neil’s chin a little tighter.

“No? Are you sure? I’ll let you touch it, just to make sure it won’t cause you any problems. You know. Because you like me so much.”

“I hate you.”

“That’s not what you said in that video, lover boy,” Neil said, grinning now and running a finger down Andrew’s cheek.

Andrew dropped Neil’s chin and for the first time in Neil’s entire existence with Andrew by his side, Andrew looked surprised. As much as Andrew could anyway. Which meant his eyes went a little wide and quickly narrowed. He stood abruptly and yanked Neil up by the arm.

“Delete it. Now.”

“But…but you’re so nice when you don’t know what you’re saying. Let me have this, damnit!”

“Delete it or I'll break both your racquets and will not block another goal the entire time I’m trapped in this alternate universe of hell.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Do you really think so? Do you want to risk it?”

Neil sighed and pulled out his phone. “Can I watch it one more time?”

“No. Delete it. Now. The sooner you do it the sooner we can work on your punishment.”

Neil let loose a very put-upon sigh. “Goodbye video. Goodbye evidence that Andrew likes me. Goodbye Andrew’s sexy muffled rough voice talking about my ass.” He deleted the video.

“Happy?”

“No. Now, tell me. What do you think is an appropriate punishment?” Andrew asked with the air of a parent disciplining a naughty child with their hand caught in the cookie jar.

“Well, I think really the only punishment is forcing me to reveal embarrassing confessions, too. Punishment fits the crime and all.”

“Oh? What embarrassing confessions could you possibly have left?”

“Well,” Neil smiled and stepped closer to Andrew until they were almost chest to chest and Andrew had to tip his head back just slightly to look Neil in the face. “We could start with how much I like you. How pretty I think you are. How nice…not even nice. Your ass is just…” He let out a sigh. “It’s just the best.”

Andrew was very still. Neil thought he was barely breathing. When he finally looked at Neil with something like wonder in his eyes, Neil’s dread was replaced with want.

“Yes or no?” He asked, raising a hand to cup Andrew’s face.

“Yes,” Andrew breathed. And then lifted a hand to shove Neil’s face away from his. “To you going to get me ice cream whenever I want. Right now. And you’re running there. Since it’s so helpful to your ass and all. And I swear to god if you don’t bring me back double chocolate chunk I’m making you run around the entire state of South Carolina until you find it. Go.”

“But…I have class in an hour! And practice later!”

“Ask me if I care. If you want to see me in a goalie box the rest of the season, I suggest you start running little rabbit.” Andrew made a shooing motion with his hand.

“Fine. FINE. But you can erase that video from existence and I’ll STILL KNOW that you like me.” Neil left the room before Andrew could respond. He pulled up his phone. And watched the video that was still in the text conversation he accidently sent Nicky. And smiled.

#all for the game #aftg #the foxhole court #tfc #aftg fic #tfc fanfic #andrew minyard #neil josten #Andreil #soft andreil #fanfiction #short #ficlet #all for the gay #boys who love boys #nicky hemmick

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [fam christmas woooo when you ain't talked to your sister in 4 months either just to make it more awks] Rio: [what a fun time for all, when you are constantly on your phone so much 'cos Ryan won't stop messaging you and wants a play by play Buster: [he'd be drunk before he even got there ffs boy] Rio: [when it's that point in the evening when everyone is playing stupid games tipsy and you just cannot so you go hide in the kitchen] Buster: [let's say he bumps into her literally cos yeah what you need is another drink boy] Rio: [when you literally jump back like 'oh'] Buster: [when you do the thing peeps do to me & go twenty miles out of your way round her] Rio: ['Don't fall, McKenna'] Buster: ['Only for you, babe' too drunk & voice too loud] Rio: [When you swipe his drink off the counter 'fore he can stop you can take a sip and put your finger to your lips like 'shh, idiot' and hand it back to him, shaking your head] Buster: [When you down that drink so you have to get another & be in there longer] Rio: ['tis the season' when even when you're talking you're constantly on your phone and not that bitch and they love eye contact but she's not smiling like 😍 it's more like 😑] Buster: [when you take her phone before she can stop you & put it down where she can't reach it] Rio: [the lowkey panic in your eyes that you try to mask, 'Come on, don't be a dick'] Buster: ['Don't be rude'] Rio: ['Your territory, I know'] Buster: ['You trying to come for my crown now?'] Rio: ['Maybe' trying to move a chair to wherever he's put her phone] Buster: ['Antisocial is closer to the other twin. Try harder' Lifts her up so she can get it cos drunk & shameless] Rio: [When you stop breathing 'til you're back on the ground and then you breathe out so heavily, 'You wanna be social now? Party's in there' points to the lounge] Buster: ['Hopeless romantic is more her thing too' throws the words over his shoulder as he leaves cos he knows about the bf through stalking them socials] Rio: What are you talking about Buster: You love him Buster: It's cute Rio: It's not even been a month Buster: Moving fast is more of a lesbian thing, like I said, Nance will either be thrilled or threatened Rio: Talk to her and see Rio: though you've definitely got better things to catch up on than my dating history Buster: Put your phone down & try it yourself Rio: I see her every day Buster: Run out of shit to say then? Understandable Buster: Probably don't tell her that though Buster: So rude Rio: I'm not trying to take away from your sibling bonding time Rio: soz Buster: You can't take something that don't exist Rio: It exists, you both just choose to ignore it Rio: least it's mutual though so Buster: Nah, it's been scratched out the schedule instead of penciled in Buster: Still siblings no time to bond Rio: Hmm Rio: you're SO busy, yeah Buster: Yeah Rio: Lovely Buster: Not the word Rio: Not so miserable I'm here to listen to the 'stresses' in your life, tah Buster: Never said it was negative, I just don't use old lady vocab, like Buster: You sound like a teacher Rio: 🙄 Rio: Now you're gonna chat shit on my vocabulary, alright private school Buster: I am a pleasure to have in class if you wanna let my parents know Rio: That was the whole point, remember Rio: how would I know Buster: Play really well with others too but probably don't let 'em know how you know that Rio: You'll be wanting to delete that, I presume Rio: surprised you've even got the balls to talk to me at all Buster: How many convos did you start? Buster: I weren't expecting you to jump out of a cake but a happy birthday would've been polite Rio: Likewise Rio: Expecting or fantasizing, you'd have to make a booking Rio: not showing up uninvited, heaven forbid Buster: Mine was first, babe & I ain't never pretended to be that Rio: So if I'd have said it to you, you'd have returned the favour Rio: You're so childish Buster: We'll never know now Buster: What I might've said Buster: Or gifted you Rio: Save it up for sweet 16 Rio: maybe you'll be allowed to talk to me then Buster: Maybe I'll show up in time to stop the wedding Buster: Fingers crossed you don't get knocked up like your mum Rio: Shut up Buster: Only so much your good looks could do to beat the odds of it being an ugly kid Rio: What would you know Buster: Flawless + Fuck ugly = you're right I don't know Buster: Don't wanna Rio: You've never even seen him Rio: don't be so judgmental Buster: Wrong again, babe Buster: Factual more like Rio: Well I clearly don't think so if I love him so much, do I Buster: That'll be all the cum in your eye Rio: So mature Buster: They don't age check on those vids, it's fine Rio: should run a basic IQ test on you Rio: someone who claims to be such a pleasure in class, like Buster: I've done one but I know you hate when I brag about numbers Rio: That's universal Rio: no one but your hanger-on mates wants to hear that Buster: Your friend loved it, she thinks hers is lucky Rio: I'm glad you found someone officially more stupid than you then Buster: That's universal Buster: Applicable in every case, like Rio: Sure she loved being told that too Rio: such a bullshitter Buster: We didn't do that much talking Buster: Once I'd told her what to do, not much else left to say Rio: Why are you still talking Buster: Why are you still replying? Rio: Gotta be on my phone ain't I Buster: Not in this convo though Rio: Well you're blocking my notifications Rio: you'll pussy out soon enough and be gone Buster: Well I'm drunk. Mute me Rio: Take some responsibility for yourself Rio: you always want me to do everything Buster: So you don't want a line then? More for me Rio: That explains why you're talking so much shit Rio: go on then Rio: have to be here so Buster: [brings it to her cos gentlemanly] Rio: [goes off to the bathroom, 'cos learnt something about getting caught, humming white christmas like] Buster: [lols] Rio: Cheers Buster: Merry Christmas Rio: Merry Christmas, Buster Rio: [bringing the baggie back, assuming there's plenty to go around here] Buster: [does his off the kitchen counter cos wants to be where she is] Rio: [rolls her eyes but licks a finger to clean up the excess and sucks it off] Buster: [is 😏] Rio: ['still like danger, do you?] Buster: ['Don't you?'] Rio: ['Obviously'] Buster: [picks her up & puts her on the counter cos throwback & is standing between her legs like close af 'good to know'] Rio: ['How gone are you?' cos what else can you say rn] Buster: [whispers 'depends who you ask' in her ear and puts a finger to his lips like its such a big secret okay boyyy] Rio: [lols, 'thanks for inadvertently answering my question there' but is just looking at him still like #conflict] Buster: [reaches round her to take her drink cos left his in the other room] Rio: ['oi!' pouty face] Buster: [rather than just giving her it back like a normal person, feeds her the drink like this is crepes 2.0] Rio: [into it.com, 'sharing is caring today, huh?'] Buster: [a nod because so much eye contact so much tension who can speak] Rio: [when you're so close now your phone is the only thing between you and then it goes off and you shit yourself] Buster: [angry.com idk whose house they are in but blatantly walks off & punches the wall in potential full view of the fam cos coke ain't your friend boy] Rio: [when you gotta go outside to have that call 'cos not only not wanting him to hear but everyone tbh] Buster: [when everyone's like umm wtf buster but you ain't having it so you storm out & are also outside but the front while she's in the back] Rio: [when every convo is like talking him off a ledge 'cos he's that bitch do not need this Ryan, even a little bit, going back in finally to get a drink 'cos 1. need and 2. hoping he's had the same idea] Buster: [when you're just having a meltdown lowkey] Rio: I'm just sending this in case you want anything but me to fuck off Buster: I can't Buster: Want anything but that Rio: I'm sorry Rio: genuinely Buster: Don't Buster: Just fucking do not Rio: What can I do Rio: tell me and I'll do it Buster: Nothing Rio: that's what you need? Buster: Don't talk to me, don't talk to me, fucking none of it Buster: *Look Rio: Okay Rio: I will Rio: I'm not gonna give out totally empty promises it'll be hard but I will Buster: [When you just yeet like where do you think you're going at Christmas babe] Rio: [Later] Rio: Tell someone where you are Buster: Why would I do that? Buster: & Why would you ask me to? That's a broken promise already Rio: That's what I do Rio: I'm a shit person, like you don't know by now Rio: but they're gonna go out looking if you don't soon so heads up Buster: Let 'em, I don't care about ruining their fun in case you didn't know by now Rio: Alright Rio: if you don't wanna stay where you are Buster: Why? Rio: Know they'll find you Buster: No, why do you love him? Rio: Honestly? Rio: I don't, you can believe that or not but I don't Rio: I'm just trying, you know Buster: I believe it, if only 'cause I want to Buster: That & I've seen him Rio: Alright 😂 Rio: it's not all about looks, general statement, not a declaration of love Buster: He's got that good of a personality, yeah? Rio: Well Rio: said I weren't it love with him, didn't I Rio: he's alright but it really don't go much deeper than that right now Buster: There's no chance he knows that Buster: Unless he's just that chatty with everyone Rio: Yeah Rio: he's a lot Rio: just that type, you know Buster: Do you want me to chat to him? Buster: I can be a lot Rio: Don't think that means you should be besties Rio: it's fine though, honestly Rio: I can handle him, and whoever else Buster: Alright Rio: are you Buster: Don't ask me questions you already know the answer to Buster: You ain't meant to even be talking to me Rio: Yeah Rio: just want the answer to be different Rio: can't be acting surprised, notoriously bad at keeping any kind of promise, and leaving you alone Buster: Maybe Santa will bring you what you want next year, babe Buster: Don't waste your birthday wish though Rio: 🤞 Rio: Sure some other fucker's got to the wishbone too Rio: keep an eye out for shooting stars Buster: Do my best Buster: Any less isn't an option, like Rio: Nah Rio: what can I say if you don't? Rio: see, best gift of all yeah Rio: room to breathe Buster: I know that ain't yours to me, someone's fucked with that tag Rio: Yeah, I just got you socks but worth trying to claim it Rio: you got me Buster: Socks have their uses Buster: Cold feet or otherwise Rio: Yeah, think of me whenever your feet are cold Rio: 😂 Buster: Obviously Rio: Where are you then Buster: You're not getting an invite Rio: Just curious Rio: Anyway, with you gone and them out looking, I've got the drinks to myself now so tah Buster: Shame it's not the house Buster: That'd be worth coming back for Rio: Stay gone a few hours more maybe the search party will include rugging up all the kids Rio: keep you posted on how special you are Buster: Cheers Rio: it's just your da and granddad Rio: which I did point out probably wasn't the best team when assumedly you've found a pub that's open Rio: might have to stop for a pint, even if you ain't Rio: rude not to Buster: & I had my money on mum & Nance, gutted Buster: The fan club's a fucking sham Rio: shit state of affairs, honestly Rio: where's janis when you need her Rio: sure she'd find you Buster: Only if you'd started searching first Buster: & Were about to find me Rio: That would've been a well good excuse Rio: just tryna find enlightenment it's okay Rio: my ma would buy it and she's the nosiest so Buster: There was a ticket to Heaven on offer so Rio: should've come on the search, like Rio: knew I'd fuck up the talking one so reckoned I could at least go a day or two without looking Rio: if I played it right Buster: I still haven't been found Buster: If you wanna do the honours Rio: Hide and seek Rio: what do I win? Buster: I told you not to ask when you already know the answer Rio: Okay Rio: wish its me that finds you 'cos awkward if it's them Buster: I don't need hope or wishes, remember Buster: Neither do you Buster: Not for this Rio: Okay Rio: no cheating, I'll know Buster: I swear Buster: Head boy's honour, like Rio: are you actually head boy now Buster: Did you actually think I wouldn't be? Rio: Didn't doubt you for a second Rio: hot Rio: in a nerdy way Buster: I'd have brought the badge if I'd have known you were so into it Rio: I know this christmas was going pretty shocking but you've really ruined mine now Buster: [sends her a pic of him when he was wearing it] Buster: You bring me problems, I offer you solutions Rio: 😍 Rio: If you ever go proper missing, make sure they use that Rio: well inspiring Buster: I can do better, but they can't show that level of inspiring on the news Rio: not even the 10 o'clock one Buster: Probably keep 'em your eyes only, babe Rio: Fine by me Rio: I wanna be the one to find you anyway Buster: I want you to Rio: Lemme sniff this out Rio: did you have your keys on you Buster: I always have my keys on me Rio: if you've gone home that's so funny Buster: You know I'm hilarious Rio: Your dad is Rio: if we wanna keep ruining the festivities tell your mum how dumb he is Rio: be a hoot Buster: Will do Buster: Hold on Rio: Alright? Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: Well if you've had an empty house this whole time and you're only just telling me Rio: don't know if this is even you tbh Rio: convincing serial killer maybe Buster: I just needed Buster: That breathing room I got as a mystery gift Rio: Makes sense Rio: I don't have to come Rio: if you still wanna be left alone, I won't tell Rio: they can worry a bit longer Buster: You do have to Buster: I wanna be alone with you Rio: I want that too Rio: hold on Buster: Okay Rio: Promise you'll take my phone away when I get there Buster: If you promise not to tell anyone that I think my hand is fucked Rio: How fucked Rio: like, if you show me how to strap it we can do that or sneaky trip to A&E fucked Buster: Like I can already hear the lecture about punching walls instead of bags Rio: We'll sort it Rio: I won't tell anyone Buster: Thanks Rio: doesn't mean I don't get to fuss though Buster: Such a mum Buster: I ain't got that many issues that its a turn on for me, you know Rio: Shut up Rio: so rude Buster: You're cute Rio: 😒 yeah and as unsexy as a mum Buster: You couldn't be unsexy if you tried Rio: swear you got just enough issues? Buster: Talking about them would take all night Buster: But so would what I'd rather do Rio: Well Rio: think they'll clock before then but Rio: take whatever time we can get Buster: Well then I swear I'll make it worth it Buster: Even if we have to be quick Rio: Jesus Rio: I know it'll be worth it Rio: how could it not be Buster: Yeah, but you don't know how worth it yet Buster: You will Rio: You too Rio: I swear Buster: Tell me this is actually fucking happening this time Buster: I need you Rio: It has to Rio: 'cos all that's happening is I'm caring less and less about the risks and more and more about just making it happen Buster: I know I'm drunk but I never cared about anything but this Buster: I don't Rio: We're both drunk but it's still true Rio: I can't stop, Buster Rio: whatever the fuck this is Buster: You don't have to Buster: Be with me, that's all I want Rio: I'm coming Rio: I'm sorry but even if your family walks in at this point I ain't fucking stopping Rio: I'm so sick of not getting what I want Buster: I can't not give it to you Buster: Everything you want Rio: You Rio: that is all I want right now Buster: I'm not even offended that you don't reckon I'm everything Buster: Easily proved wrong Rio: Exactly Rio: show me Buster: Fuck Buster: Say that again Rio: Show me, baby Rio: I want you to be everything, 'cos you're all I can think about Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: Hurry up & be at my house for fuck's sake Rio: you know I live in the middle of nowhere Rio: [cos figure cali gaff has the most space so logic they'd have been there] Rio: it's the biggest cockblock, modern day princess in a tower basically Buster: 😂 Buster: I'm surrounded by princesses all day, you ain't Rio: Bit rude but I've been called worse Buster: It's the opposite of rude the way I mean it Rio: Let you off then Buster: Don't you know that you're on another level? Buster: Doesn't he tell you that in all those texts you get? Rio: He says a lot of things Rio: I'd be lying if I said I was always tuned in, like Buster: Of course not, like you said, I'm all you can think about Rio: Literally Rio: it's stupid Buster: Nah, 'cause if it was it'd be shared stupidity & I'm too smart for that Rio: 😂 Rio: very self-serving, but I'll take it Buster: Plus, I fucking hate sharing Rio: I know Rio: but you know you don't have to with me Rio: not really Buster: You're gonna dump him, yeah? Rio: I can Rio: we can talk about that later though Rio: what we wanna do for the rest of the time and all that Rio: don't think about it right now Buster: I can't think Buster: Not properly Rio: Then don't Rio: you know I want you more than anyone else right now Buster: Yeah Buster: More than anyone else ever Rio: Yeah Rio: Whatever it is Rio: I know I ain't felt it before Rio: wanting someone so hard all the time Buster: Me either Buster: Wanting someone this hard Buster: Never mind all the time Rio: I know it's crazy Rio: but I don't care Rio: can't Buster: Folie à deux, like Rio: You and your French obsession 😏 Buster: I had to learn to kiss somehow, you didn't teach me shit Rio: You wouldn't let me Rio: so NOT a pleasure to have in class Buster: You could've made you move any time Buster: Including before I was dared to make mine Rio: You take the piss enough that I was in love with you without that Rio: you'd have been even more unbearable if I had, like Buster: No Buster: I only was 'cause you made me do it & then it went like that Rio: I didn't dare you Buster: You didn't have to Buster: Don't act like there weren't loads of chances before that Buster: You could've took one Rio: Better late than never, ain't it Rio: be there in 5 Buster: Of course Buster: Be here now though Rio: Could hardly ask for a lift like hey, think he's here but give me like 15 alone, k dad Buster: Can't your boyfriend drive? Perfect way to dump him Rio: Yeah that'd go well Buster: You'd soon forget all about him Buster: We don't need 15 minutes for that Rio: Not gonna time you, like but Rio: hold you to it Buster: You don't need to, give me one second & you won't remember his name Rio: Fuck Rio: I'm so ready for this Rio: for you Buster: Show me Buster: I'm done waiting Rio: [when you show up and see 'em like hell no] Rio: This is beyond an actual joke Buster: [when you can't even answer cos you're beyond angry like if you thought he was mad before peeps] Rio: Fuck this Buster: [later cos you have to deal with them] Buster: Meet me tomorrow Rio: I can't Rio: we go to see my da's family Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know Rio: can't get out of it though we stay over Rio: there's no way they'd let me stay home Buster: When are you back? Rio: 30th Rio: you're staying for new year's eve, aren't you Buster: Barely but yeah Buster: My flight's next day Rio: We'll make it work Rio: they'll all be so gone Buster: We're gonna have to, it ain't no commuter flight this time Rio: Yeah Rio: you're so lucky Buster: Not how I feel right now Rio: No, me either Rio: really not in the mood, they're all in my face constantly Buster: My dad's lucky he ain't going to A&E Rio: Not condoning that but I could've easily jumped 'em myself so Rio: this is bullshit, swear they left us alone constantly as kids Buster: I'd lift you up, babe. Teamwork Buster: & Yeah, you can swear to that 'cause they did Rio: 😂😍 Rio: #goals Rio: getting my own place as soon as I can Buster: See, I do play well with others Buster: Come to London, I'm always on my own there Buster: Fucking typical Rio: I will Rio: and you can't be mad because that's an invite Rio: however casual Buster: Mad ain't the word Buster: You're always trying to put the wrong ones in my mouth Rio: Don't make my mind go there Buster: If your mind is anywhere else, tell me how you did it Rio: it ain't Rio: but your mouth specifically now Buster: Shame my mouth ain't specifically where it wants to be Rio: Shame ain't the word Rio: for a white boy you got really good lips, you know Buster: I know Rio: ugh Rio: be here Buster: I'm here, that's all I can do Rio: I'm glad we're talking Buster: You missed me, yeah? Rio: You know I did Buster: Tell me Rio: I missed you loads Rio: I thought about you all the time Buster: You're not gonna go see that lad now are you? Rio: No Rio: he wants me to but I don't have time anyway Buster: Don't. I didn't turn you on for his benefit Rio: I don't want him Rio: you don't either, okay Buster: Okay Rio: Not today Rio: you were mine Buster: I still am Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: it feels so good saying your name Rio: I wanna say it for you Buster: Call me Rio: [does, 'cos you gotta do something poor bastards] Buster: [you deserve this lads] Rio: [when even this is gonna be fire] Buster: [literally better than anything I could ever do] Rio: That was Rio: I feel a bit better now Buster: If you think you feel good now, wait until NYE Rio: I don't wanna wait Rio: but fine Rio: try my best Buster: I don't wanna either but I do wanna make up for lost time so behave & I'll make you cum for every day you've had to Buster: Hold me to it Rio: Damn Rio: you're really daddy, huh Rio: 😇 Buster: It's not that high of a number yet Buster: You can be impressed when I make the offer after being away for ages Rio: You better Rio: gotta have some incentive to come back, right Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm so jealous Buster: Put your teacher voice on & come with Rio: 😏 I'll get the 'fit Buster: I look forward to seeing it Rio: You're there to actually learn, babe Rio: maybe I'll tutor you, if I have time Buster: You're saying you don't have enough to teach me full time? Disappointing Rio: Plenty Rio: 'nuff to take it stateside Buster: Start packing then Rio: When we going Buster: Why not now Buster: Fuck it Rio: That's what I need Rio: you, distance from this fam and a place no one knows us Buster: Exactly Rio: One day Buster: Hold me to it too Rio: Can we stop doing the thing where you leave and we don't talk for months now Rio: like, it's exhausting pretending I hate you and don't wanna fuck you, you know Buster: I have to leave, but yeah, we also have to talk Rio: I know you're going Rio: I mean like I see you for a week or something and then that's that 'til the next family function Buster: I know what you mean Buster: It's not like that's how I want it Rio: Why'd it always end up happening, like Buster: What can I say? Buster: What do you want me to? Rio: I ain't blaming you Rio: it's both of us Rio: just, let's not let something happen between now and when you go so you won't talk to me alright Buster: Whatever happens, I still wanna Buster: It's not that black & white though, is it? Rio: nah Rio: I dunno Rio: we got separate lives to live Rio: obviously, and that's cool Rio: but idk why that means we have to end up hating each other Rio: like it is black and white, all or nothing Buster: I can't hate you Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: alright, pretend then Rio: you're quite convincing sometimes Buster: Well I need to be Buster: Sometimes Rio: Yeah Buster: Just don't break my fucking heart, yeah? Buster: Simple Rio: Why would I do that Buster: All or nothing Rio: that's not how I want it either, I'm telling you Rio: we can do better Buster: Obviously Buster: I can always do better & you always keep up Rio: 😏 Rio: thanks Rio: I think Buster: It's a compliment Buster: Nobody else can Buster: Not that I've found yet anyway Rio: Maybe you'll find yourself an American girl who can Buster: Maybe Rio: just don't get married Rio: can only deal with the accent for so long Buster: Before I've done uni & got a career? My mum would kill me Buster: She'd turn up with a shotgun to stop it, fuck encouraging it Rio: 😂 Rio: Nance is the hopeless romantic, I remember Buster: Good Buster: I don't do repeats never mind wedding vows Rio: Never? Buster: Like I said, they can't keep up Buster: I'm not running a charity Rio: You are funny Buster: I'm also too good at it to be having shit hook ups Buster: Tell your friends Rio: 🙄 Rio: No one's forcing you, to my knowledge Rio: so don't think you can complain Buster: I ain't Buster: You asked & I answered Rio: I did not ask you to specifically tell me how good anyone is Rio: let alone people I know Buster: I haven't Rio: Come on Rio: I know what that comment implies and about who Rio: not seen her for ages anyway so can't say I'm heartbroken over her, like Buster: I'm just saying for future reference, let you friends know that anyone can always do better Rio: It is truly amazing anyone wants to sleep with you Buster: They don't want to talk to me Buster: I told you it ain't easy Rio: It ain't hard Rio: stop flattering yourself for a sec, babe Buster: Start flattering me then, babe Rio: 😏 Buster: Can you really not meet me tomorrow? Rio: I really wanna Rio: but we leave so early Buster: You should go then Buster: Sleep Rio: but Buster: I know Buster: But I'll be there, won't I, you always dream about me Rio: Hmm so you reckon Buster: Come on Rio: You Rio: don't you wanna offer to make me sleepy? Rio: amateur Buster: Sleepy ain't the word Rio: I don't reckon you can get me to pass out from there but alright Buster: You don't? Rio: Nope Rio: don't feel bad, like 😉 Buster: Answer your phone & do exactly what I tell you, let's see how we both feel then Rio: [does, duh] Buster: [opened pandoras box here lads] Rio: [least you can do this to your hearts content no matter where y'all is, 'cept when Ryan is around, which is sadly too often] Buster: [god bless technology especially the waterproof phones of the future] Rio: [defs a thing] Buster: [they should fall asleep on the phone together though] Rio: [deffo]

[covered-in-ash-archive]

eddie is horribly abusive and y’all need to be aware of him

i really did not want to have to resort to this. i fully intended to not call eddie out and just let this die off. since it hasn’t, multiple friends have convinced me to come forward with the abuse, stalking, harassment, manipulation, gaslighting, misgendering, etc i have been subjected to at the hands of eddie over the past week+. i haven’t used tumblr in... ages, so i’ve completely forgotten how to use coding in tumblr posts. sorry in advance for that. this is going to be both a call out and a “hey, this is what really went down” type of thing.

before i hop into covering the hot garbage that has been happening, here’s is where to find eddie. i fully encourage everyone to block him and warn others. he has been getting away with abusing people for years.

his twitter: https://twitter.com/mrgluskin

his horror blog: https://outlastwikia.tumblr.com/

if anyone knows the url for his main blog, please let me know.

update: been told his main blog is gluskin. i have not confirmed it for myself because i simply want nothing to do with eddie.

this is going to be long, sorry. tw for... pretty much everything. reblogs are encouraged and appreciated. let’s expose this abuser before he can abuse anyone else.

alright. for background’s sake, eddie followed me on twitter because we had a mutual friend, catherine. right off the bat, he bombed me with positive attention, liking all of my tweets, complimenting me, etc. a friend has since pointed out that abusers often do this before abusing their victims. i just figured he was a friendly guy and didn’t think anything of it. catherine and i had a falling out because she kept frequently using the r slur, despite not being autistic, and it was really making me, an autistic person, feel extremely uncomfortable (this is a whole different can of worms, though. catherine has also been outed as an abuser and a suicide baiter). disgruntled by the situation, i posted this to vent my frustration.

this is my personal opinion on the issue, as an autistic person with autistic friends and family, all who agree with my stance. i’m not here to debate this. i want this to focus on eddie and not get derailed.

eddie absolutely flipped his shit at me. he claimed that since he has adhd (which he went on to say is EXACTLY LIKE AUTISM... not even gonna bother to explain how wrong that is. i have both. i should know) he is entitled to use that slur, my feelings be damned. he said that me saying he should not use the r slur erases the ableism people with adhd face. again, this is... not how it works. i wish i had grabbed screencaps because it seems that his tweets have been deleted. all i have is my side of the conversation, where you can see that i was perfectly calm and polite.

i ended things by explaining that i could agree to disagree for the sake of our friendship & that as long as he didn’t use the slur around me i would be fine. he stopped replying to the thread after that.

a while later, i received this message from eddie.

i’m going to point out real quick that the last time i posted to twitter about my makeup was months ago. eddie could only know this if he dug through MONTHS worth of tweets. this was where his stalking began. he went through hundreds upon hundreds of tweets looking for any tiny thing he could use to attack me over. he was actively looking for conflict & things to be mad about. he needed something to demonize me over, because “they asked me to not say r*tard” is obviously going to make him look bad if he cites that as his reason why he has beef with me. we discussed jeffree star briefly & then he blocked me. i wrongly assumed that was going to be the end of it.

i noticed that, during all of this eddie/catherine drama, someone had stolen my url. i thought it was petty/funny, and posted this to twitter. this is the only thing i said about the url. this is literally it. i did not and have not accused anyone of stealing it. i honestly don’t care because i very rarely am on tumblr nowadays.

i’m not sure of exactly what happened, but i’m assuming either catherine told eddie i had said it was him, or eddie somehow convinced himself of it. eddie unblocked me instantly and sent this.

he reblocked me after this. at that point, i consider it harassment.

as i’m combing through his twitter for all of this shit he did to me, i just now saw that he posted screenshots of our conversations in an attempt to turn people against me, while omitting that this whole thing began because he wanted to use SLURS. he posted a handful of tweets gossiping about me.. he has been attempting to paint me as a racist transphobe and he has been telling everyone i accused him of stealing my url, even though i told him i hadn’t accused anyone.

a mutual friend of ours (who has since ditched him) then contacted me saying eddie was posting screenshots of my social media while shit talking me.

the green thing is a screenshot of my listography. i don’t like or associate with q*eer because it’s a slur. i’ve been distancing myself from the lgbt community as of late due to the influx of rape threats, misgendering, harassment, racism, and overall nastiness i’ve been dealing with from lgbt people. i shouldn’t have to justify this. i have my reasons. this is, again, eddie grasping for anything he can use against me.

because liking problematic things makes someone a bad person, amiright? it’s not like i’m an adult who can recognize when something is problematic & still have the capacity to enjoy aspects of it. to put into perspective... eddie is vocally kin with a serial killer from a game that demonizes mentally ill people. he has no room to talk.

this whole time, eddie has been telling people that he cut me off as a friend over me owning jeffree star makeup and was incessantly trashing my name publicly while spreading lies about me. we have mutual followers, so i posted this, trying to keep his name out of things in an attempt to not escalate the drama.

eddie continues to vague and obsess. meanwhile, i’m trying to move on with my life.

not wanting to be associated with a community that treats me poorly doesn’t mean i suddenly don’t face the same struggles as them or can’t have an opinion on the issues i face, just so you know.

at this point, i sent him a message politely asking him to stop talking about me all over his twitter and to move on with his life. he deleted the response but the preview is still on his twitter.

here he is, again, lying about me. i have not contacted a single one of his friends once. i have harassed no one. i haven’t even spoken with catherine since this all began.

anyway.

1) i’m 22 but that’s irrelevant

2) anyone else think him calling my friend ‘babe’ is kind of creepy? just saying

eddie began implying if not outright saying that i’m abusive. he posted this while talking about me. he was “confronting” me at the time so... who else could it possibly be about?

i tweeted these in response, because i take abuse allegations extremely seriously. as an abuse survivor, i do not appreciate even having it be IMPLIED that i am abusive.

after posting these, i hopped in the shower. eddie proceeds to have a meltdown. he had me blocked but i had not blocked him. at this point, i had blocked our mutuals. the only way he could have seen these tweets was by refreshing my twitter over and over again, waiting for me to say something about him/the situation. eddie unblocked me & quoted my tweets with this.

i haven’t lied about anything, as my screencaps illustrate. he just wants to be absolved of any responsibility. i also did not “throw a fit” - i very politely requested that he stop gossiping about me publicly. he also messaged me around the time he quoted my tweets.

again, have not lied about anything. he attempted to gaslight me by saying he was actually calling jeffree star abusive, which is absolutely not what he did. check the screencaps.

i was tired of being nice to the person who had so far harassed and stalked me, lied about me, and attempted to gaslight me.

*drops this here*

well i mean, at least he admits he’s been harassing me?

this tweet below was confirmed about me. in it, he calls me a trans man. i have explicitly stated many times that i am not a trans man. i am nonbinary. i have told my twitter following countless times that calling me a man is misgendering. it is in my bio.

@ranunculae aka fawn reached out to me late at night on the 21st. we had a 5+ hour long conversation in which they explained to me that eddie had abused them and has spent the past 2 years harassing and stalking them like he was doing to me. eddie and catherine had teamed up and suicide baited fawn until fawn had to go inpatient. eddie and catherine have been attempting to socially isolate fawn for 2 years now by spreading lies and doctored screencaps in a sketchy “call out”. you can read fawn’s statements here.

https://ranunculae.tumblr.com/post/166659734265/i-never-abused-eddie/amp

https://ranunculae.tumblr.com/post/166779554950/ranunculae-ranunculae-keythecoward

the 2nd link includes a conversation in which a minor talks about eddie grooming him and attempting to be sexual with him.

i’m going to post some things that fawn sent to me over chat just because they’re semi-relevant.

my irl best friend, cat, was close friends with catherine. fawn and i felt that cat needed to know that catherine was involved in suicide baiting and abusing fawn with eddie. so, we approached cat about it and fawn explained their entire side of things to cat.

eddie, through his relentless stalking of me, noticed we were all in contact.

i want to clarify that fawn/katie has not been on his twitter once throughout all of this. fawn’s boyfriend periodically checks eddie’s twitter to see if he’s still stalking and obsessing over fawn. fawn’s boyfriend saw eddie harassing me, and he let fawn know that eddie had picked a new target to abuse. then fawn contacted me. it literally is a smear campaign. and fawn said the smear campaign was against ME, not them, even though eddie has been posting libel about fawn for years. 

1) actual minors have come to me and fawn to tell us about eddie preying on them and grooming them

2) this was a response to cat taking mine and fawn’s sides

3) eddie called cat a ‘cuntbag’, which is misogynistic 

4) these ‘victims’ have not come forward because they don’t EXIST. meanwhile, i am nearly the 30th victim of eddie’s that has ACTUALLY COME FORWARD.

eddie attempting to guilt trip and manipulate cat, a csa/incest survivor, for siding with fawn.

again, more lying about me. as you can clearly see, i never threw a fit. i have been calm during this entire ordeal. also... this is, once again, him trying to divert attention away from what really started this; his NEED to use the r slur around someone who is uncomfortable with it.

cyberfuneral = cat’s twitter handle

cat sent me screenshots. eddie does not have her blocked. this is, again, lies and manipulation. if it looks like we’re sneaking around a block, then we’re obviously the bad guys, right? 

when cat confronted catherine about eddie calling her misogynistic insults, eddie lied to catherine and claimed he never called cat a cunt. he didn’t even bother to delete the tweets to hide his lies. 

scroll up to see him calling me a man, which i am not, thus it was misgendering. also, childish insults.

this is referring to something i added at the bottom of my listography. i’d like to point out that he posted this within minutes of me updating my listography. further stalking right there.

this is what my listography currently says. it is a temporary placeholder in lieu of an actual call out. it will be replaced or updated with the link to this post after it is published. you wanted the screencaps posted, eddie, so you’re getting your wish.

i can only imagine what filth eddie is saying on his locked personal twitter. i think i’d rather not know, though.

it has been more than an entire week of stalking, harassment, gaslighting, manipulation, lying, smear campaigns, misgendering, misogyny, etc etc from eddie. he is awful. he is abusive and a manipulator. do not befriend him. the second you upset him, he will turn on you and treat you like he has countless others. i am just one victim out of many. stay away. block him. spread this to warn people.

@eddieabuser2

#outlastwikia #ranunculae #avas demon #call out post #abuser call out #gluskin #gayfreddy #edgiegluskin #ptsdgluskin

[westboast]

Quarantine

January 29, 2020

Quarantine—“ORIGIN mid 17th century : from Italian quarantina ‘forty days.’”

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 (“coronavirus”) in Seoul: 4.

Days sober: 5.

“Teachers, please wear masks at all times. Please check your temperature at the beginning of work every morning and record in the log in the lobby.”

Keep coming back.

“I don’t know if I love you or not.”

I’m doing this because I want to feel better, be better.

“I know you’re trying to be better, but I can’t really feel that.”

But I wanted to be better for you.

Keep coming back.

“Are you sure you want to delete Grindr? All data and messages will be lost.”

“How’s the new book coming?”

“This is the end of a chapter, not the end of a book.”

“Sometimes you have to walk alone for a while.”

Seoul to Chicago, one way, 575 dollars (U.S.).

“I wonder what you would look like if you lost weight.”

According to the New York Times, a face mask can cut the risk of spreading the virus by 85 percent.

“I wanted you to try to be more attractive for me.”

“I don’t want negative energy in my house. If I let strange people in, I know I’ll have to cleanse and burn sage.”

The blanket that you came on.

The towel that you dried off with.

The ice cream that we couldn’t finish.

“You’re taking this too seriously.”

Keep coming back.

“They found me in a ditch. I had swallowed my own tongue.”

“We aren’t alcoholics. It’s circumstances.”

[Subway doors open] If you are experiencing symptoms of upper respiratory infection... [Subway doors close].

I don’t know how seriously I should be taking this.

“I heard a conspiracy theory that the Chinese government made the virus and they were planning to unleash it on Hong Kong. But it got out of control.”

“Avoid bars and clubs when you’re starting.”

“You’re obsessed with one thing I said.”

“Teachers, please stay out of confined, crowded spaces this weekend.”

“Do you want to go to the club?”

Yes, I don’t want to be at home.

Keep coming back. 

“It looks like the Apocalypse in here, everyone dancing in their masks.”

February 27, 2020, second day of Lent

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 (“coronavirus”) in Seoul: 55.

Days sober: 33.

2020 is not a fin de siècle, but it feels that way to me. Things have ended swiftly since January. For one thing there is the longing that has appeared throughout these posts since leaving Seattle, the idea that I need someone to complete me. I don’t, actually. For too long I have tried to be someone for someone else, many someones. But I don’t need to, actually. And really, I can’t.

Last weekend the confirmed cases of COVID-19, colloquially “the coronavirus,” skyrocketed in Korea. On February 27, the country was at around two thousand cases. This event has been attributed to the activities of a cult based in Daegu which had meetings in Wuhan. Its members contracted the virus and have been hiding from health authorities. Fingers are being pointed in many directions, mostly toward China, often toward President Moon Jae-in. 

Several small countries have barred people from entering from Korea. Taiwan has instituted a 14-day quarantine for anyone entering from here. At present the United States has not yet implemented widespread quarantines for people traveling from East Asia, though plans are in place.

I’m writing this for the future self who reads it. I want him to remember what was going on in late winter. Things are going to change again soon, I think.

Classes were cancelled this week. My coworkers and I had to go in on Friday to prepare for the upcoming term, though it is unclear when that will begin. The mood at work was somber, morose. We wondered if we would have jobs a month from now. “I’ve never experienced something like this,” my coworker said.

The city does not feel right. There are fewer people on the streets. Many restaurants are closed. There are no symphonies, no dance classes. Movie theaters are empty. Airplanes are flying half-full. My coworkers and I went to Lotte World and it wasn’t empty. I liked the knockoff Space Mountain the best. It felt very good, almost defiant, to laugh that much.

The masks are everywhere. The mask itself has become a potent symbol of the last six months. The protesters in Hong Kong wore black masks to identify themselves to each other and obscure themselves from facial recognition software. Now there are lines around the block in Korea for people to buy the dwindling supplies of them. There aren’t enough.

The virus itself is a respiratory condition. It is only dangerous for the elderly, the very young, and those with compromised immune systems. But the panic it has sparked would suggest that it is unusually dangerous. The western media’s coverage of the virus bears all the hallmarks of a racist hysteria. It came from China, from an outdoor market. A place full of raw meat and seafood. It is a foreign, Asian disease. There is a rumor that it originated in a bat that someone ate, a baldly racist suggestion, mingling the vampiric and the Victorian with general cultural ignorance. The New York Times always shows pictures of the masks. Masks, masks, masks. People wear masks in Asia. People use hand sanitizer compulsively in the United States. The hygiene culture of one place looks strange from another.

Ling Ma already told the story of this disease in Severance. That book imagines an airborne fungus from China that spreads around the world and turns people into brain-dead walking corpses. The pandemic is a metaphor for xenophobia against Chinese immigrants. Now we experience the nausea of seeing that xenophobia unfold in real time, as it did during SARS several years ago. The same story will emerge again in another few years. It is socially permissible—totally logical—to fear a disease. It socially impermissible to admit fear of someone Asian. In the case of this disease, these phenomena are one in the same. The recurring story of the Chinese disease creates a pressure valve for people to release their racist fantasies into the public square.

They release those fantasies like steam, soothing, jasmine-scented steam. I am not like them, they think, looking at pictures of Asian cities full of people in masks—sick people, unsanitary people, open-air-market people. No, I am clean. Panic justifies fear justifies racism and intolerance. I’m not racist, I just don’t want your sickness. I’m not racist, I just don’t want you anywhere near me.

Vancouver, 2015:

A CBC report concludes that many new property purchases are being made by Chinese buyers, confirming the widespread belief that this has been the case for years. One catch: they’re mostly Chinese-Canadian.

Seattle, 2014:

“They’re going to be speaking Mandarin in the schools soon!” said a panicked mother at an Italian restaurant.

“Are they?” I said. I was sort of listening. Mostly I was looking at her husband’s third thumb. We had seafood for dinner. It didn’t smell fresh. 

February 28, 2020, third day of Lent

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 (“coronavirus”) in Seoul: 74.

Days sober: 34.

“Why is your mask red?” said my friend James. We were standing on the mezzanine at Apgujeongrodeo Station, near Gangnam.

“It’s all they had left at E-Mart,” I said, as we boarded the escalator. “It’s red so when I start coughing up blood people don’t get upset.” At this point I began pantomiming a tubercular fit.

“You’re being that obnoxious white guy.”

“Oh, sorry.”

That one didn’t land.

I wanted Italian food but my credit card didn’t work. James bought me arrabbiata.

“Red is a good color on you,” he said, looking at the mask, “because you’re white.”

“Thank you. It really brings out my sunburn.”

He laughed. That one landed.

“Could you look over a work email for me?” he said. “I’m worried about my English.”

“Your English is fine.”

“I don’t want it to be fine. I want it to be good.”

“Okay, it’s good.”

“I want it to be great.”

“It’s great.”

“I want it to be more than great.”

“Fine, you’re Shakespeare. Jesus Christ.”

“I’m just forgetting a lot of words.”

“It’s normal. Even I forget words because I don’t hear English all the time.”

“Really?”

“Really. Me and my friends talk about it a lot. I’m forgetting Japanese too. I forgot the word for strawberry the other day.”

“In English?”

“No, Japanese. If I forgot the English word for strawberry that would be a serious problem.”

We finished eating and moved toward the escalator.

“I think there might be a recession,” I said, looking at my phone. “The stock market in the U.S. is tanking.”

“Yeah.”

“All because of what’s essentially a bad cold.”

“It makes no sense.”

“This is what happens when people panic.”

James and I get along well because we roast each other. We took the escalator to the main floor of the mall. The perfume department.

“Oh, they have Chanel,” I said. “I dated a guy who worked at Chanel once and he broke my heart. This used to be very triggering for me. Do they have...” I looked around for it: his cologne. “They do.”

Bleu de Chanel.

I approached the sacred vial and asked for a sample. The clerk sprayed a little card with it. James and I went out the front doors into the night. I began having a meltdown and rubbing the card all over my neck, contaminating myself with memory.

“BREAK MY HEART, BABY!” I yelled hysterically.

“You look really weird right now.”

“OH YEAH!”

“Oh my God, please stop,” he said, grabbing the card and throwing it in the trash.

“You know, the fact that I can joke about this is actually progress. A year ago I would have been destroyed.”

We left the mall in search of an ATM and cigarettes.

“Can we go to a coin noraebang?” I said.

“Sure.”

“Just for one song. There’s a song that I want to sing.”

If you lose your one and only,

There’s always room here for the lonely

To watch your broken dreams 

Dance in and out of the beams 

Of a neon moon.

“Fuck, they don’t have it,” I said, shaking the controller in the booth.

“You only have two minutes to choose.”

“Do people have sex in here?”

“I don’t think so. There’s CCTV.”

I think they do.

“Oh, I’ll do ‘Islands in the Stream’ instead.”

The song started and a disco ball turned on.

[three minutes later]

James: “Your voice is terrible.”

Me: “Fuck you.”

We went back outside.

“Maybe Korea isn’t your country,” he said.

“That’s abundantly clear to me.”

“What will you do tonight?”

“I don’t know. My friend lives around here but I don’t know where.”

“She’s probably going out.”

“Maybe.”

“This is the city of foreigners now. Koreans aren’t going outside because of the virus.”

“I have a flight tomorrow anyway.”

“They’re blaming us now,” he said. “They’re saying Korea is spreading the virus.”

“It’s not really anyone’s fault.”

“Exactly.”

Anyone attempting to find logic in all this will be sorely disappointed.

“Why don’t we have boyfriends?” he said later.

“You said you didn’t want one.”

“That’s true.”

“I might. I think I do. But it turns out you have to be emotionally stable to let someone into your life like that. Plot twist!”

“I can understand that. That’s why I’m not trying. I don’t want to burden someone with my problems.”

“You’re not a burden. You just have to find someone who accepts you. You don’t want someone relentlessly positive. ‘You should try to be happier.’ Yeah, thanks, I hadn’t thought of that. If you think about things, you’ll see that there’s actually a lot to be depressed about.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m tired of seeking people’s approval anyway. Who the fuck are you? I don’t even know who these people are, and they expect me to care about their opinions of me.”

“Exactly. Who the fuck are you?”

A few minutes later we were going back down into the train station. Apgujeongrodeo Station is outside of my emotional quarantine zone. It’s where a lot of memories, blissful, drunk, heart wrenching, have occurred. It’s where I began to realize things were not going to work out with one person. Its where I became friends with my coworkers. It’s where I became friends with James.

“You should change your singing voice,” James said, laughing on the escalator.

“Oh, that’s great. I’ll add that to the suggestion list I’ve gotten here. So I should change my voice, my body, my personality. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, my nationality.”

“Your nationality? What nationality did they want?”

“Australian, apparently, which is hilarious because everyone knows Australian guys are trash.”

“And racist.”

“Yeah.”

In January, around the time the virus appeared in Korea, I decided that things needed to change drastically. I was walking with my friend near Sungshin University Station, another emotionally contaminated point, one night.

“I’m just really hung up on the idea of the quarantine right now,” I said. “It’s like, there’s the literal quarantine with the virus. But then for me personally there is the quarantine from dating, from alcohol. I don’t want these guys, these—what’s the word? I keep forgetting English words...It’s a scientific word...Variables! I don’t want any more variables in my life right now. I wish I could disinfect my house and get the memories out, because they’re all I can see when I’m in that room. And now if I do wind up quarantined, literally quarantined, I’ll be trapped in the room with the memories, even though I’ve quarantined myself from dating.”

I suppose that is what a quarantine is: being trapped in a room with your own problem. The purpose of a quarantine isn’t so much to protect yourself as it is to protect others from you. Here is where my dating metaphor breaks apart. I’m not quarantining myself from anyone, actually, because there’s nothing wrong with me. 

To another friend: “Love in the Time of Coronavirus.”

That one didn’t land.

The Catholic observance of Lent began on Wednesday. It is forty days of fasting. Lent is a time to reflect on desire, among other things. It is a season to eschew something that brings one pleasure, in order to more fully appreciate it once it’s returned. This year I’m not fasting, because I haven’t given up anything that I actually enjoy. How can one fast from something never savored? How can one give up what was never really there?

—Seoul

[throwawayblog-blog1]

Dirk @prettyboypng or mod jas @gbptboys is a pedophile and manipulative

@prettyboypng other URLs he’s used include aroacehawkeye, planet-eater, dyscalculiacdonnie, officialbrobot, ocpdmaxie, bipolardirk, deadglitchkid, circuitsbreaker, swordself, deadmettaton, soulrxsonance, chipotanakni, and shadeslayer

i’ve included specific warnings in front of paragraphs and receipts, but global cws for suicide baiting, emotional abuse, csa, pedophilia, and child porn solicitation.

whether you read this or not, i would strongly recommend blocking and staying far away from dirk if you’re a minor.

uhh, i’ve never made one of these things before. i am writing this post because he’s continually managed to brush his actions off and manipulate how people perceive him so he just seems like a victim of unfortunate friend drama, and with the content of his actual actions, i find this frankly really fucking disturbing and i don’t want other people to be hurt or taken advantage of by him. I’m tired of him escaping accountability.

i’ll split this into two parts. the account concerning csa will be first, and then i’ll be adding mine and other’s experiences with him below.

#child porn cw #pedophilia cw #csa cw this section will address csa and child porn solicitation

so this doesnt come from me, but from a minor who had been friends with dirk for a while and recently began suspecting they’d been sexually abused by him. i’ve been asked to rewrite what they told me in my own words and keep it totally anonymous in the interest of their comfort and safety, so i’ll be replacing any mentions of their name with lark.

lark mentioned that when they first met dirk they admired and idolized him and made that very apparent to him, and also that they dont ever remember being excessively complimented and praised by him like most everyone else was (i describe this happening below), which they believe is evidence of emotional manipulation and not just a coincidence.

lark confided in me that, despite how immediately beforehand dirk would ask lark if they were a minor and they would say yes, he talked to them about intensely personal nsfw subjects, such as masturbation, and his sexual desires. he would also express frustration when lark would mention having a crush on anyone but dirk, even though dirk shouldn’t have any reason to want a minor to be interested in him, even jokingly. he did this after he had turned 18, and while knowing that lark was a minor having literally just asked them himself, as if that absolves him of any fucking responsibility.

lark also recalled another incident where they and a friend (who was an older minor at the time) got onto the subject of drugs, alcohol, and nudes and other sexual pictures while in a conversation with dirk. their friend sent a suggestive picture of themself, and dirk sent one that he’d accidentally taken while taking photos for his nsfw blog (which lark stressed they and their friend ended up having access to, something that dirk brushed off because it was a ‘cool URL’). it eventually culminated in lark feeling pressured to send a suggestive photo of their own, which dirk did nothing to stop beyond reverse-psychological platitudes like “dont feel pressured to just because we’re doing it”. dirk did nothing to tell lark or their friend “hey maybe dont send sexual pictures of your bodies to me, because theres no reason that i would want to encourage that sort of thing as an 18 year old adult man, unless i’m a fucking predator.”

i understand this is a very serious thing to be presenting especially without receipts, but i’m an adult and wouldn’t feel comfortable handling receipts of that nature because it concerns sexual events with a minor, and warning people about dirk while maintaining anonymity is really important to lark.

this section will address emotional manipulation and bullying, specifically concerning me and my wife @gendfleur​

i should start by saying that i don’t have many receipts for my own claims about him because i don’t have access to all of his old blogs where some of the worst of the posts were, and i’ve also changed computers so i can’t grab any of our old Skype logs. i’m conscious of how this might make people even more critical of my claims, and so i’ve taken care to remember as much as i can and to be as detailed as possible with the receipts i do have.

some brief background about my friendship with him: we met in september 2014 through a homestuck fictionkin skype group, and were close until june 2015, when i cut off our friendship. rose had been qpps with him since before the network was made, and they broke up in december 2015.

towards the latter half of our friendship he started flipping between showering me in positive attention and then ignoring me cold shoulder, which was kind of a red flag for what was about to happen.

dirk has a habit of giving people excessive praise and admiration often in public tumblr posts, making them feel special and wanted, and then making extreme emotional demands and using passive-aggressive bullying tactics, such as deliberate ignoring and vagueposting, to manipulate his friends into complying with them. he’s done this in private with almost everyone i know who has experience with him, and he’s also done this publicly with his mutuals in the past.

example posts of this from his old blog @circuitsbreaker, plus transcripts:

http://archive.is/qnrRl

[sorry i know you guys don’’t care i'l geta round to replying to the nice replies i got earlier later okay]

http://archive.is/fD6F3

[*keeps refreshign to see if someone wil lsay “no i care!”* *nothing* okay]

http://archive.is/3znpI

[mkay yall will get Up in Arms when i make a joke abt a dairy product but when i have my posts tagged #like/reply if u read# or im asking for help or posting about something thats important to me yall drop off the face of the blogosphere……. alright]

http://archive.is/hqHC5

[nobody cares about me and nobody cares about what i say and nobody cares about things that are important to me and nobody listens to me anyway and nobody cares about me !! haha nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

http://archive.is/0ronD

[i really am leaving i was jsut saying gn to rose but js Proof most everonye deosnt actually cae: really big difference on notes on my post saying no one cares and then on all my other posts. yall just dont want me to be Sad well heres a thing u can prevent it by Liking my Posts if you Read them like i have In the Tags now! conveicneit right. whatever]

and because these posts are a little old (the most recent of those was january 27 2015) here’s an example from a more recent blog of his, @soulrxsonance, proving that even half a year later (this was posted august 25 2015) with less frequent guilt-trip posts, he hadn’t actually changed his behaviour

#self harm cw http://archive.is/XECIx

[thanks like, the one personwho said anything to glaceon (note: a system member of his) when she asked for thanks for stopping me from self hamring,thaks everyone else for not,caring,atall,thanks,the intrents abotut o be turned off so bye]

wrt me specifically, i’m schizophrenic and autistic so social interaction is really exhausting. this is something i made very obvious by talking about it casually around him and in tumblr posts that he could see, but despite that he went out of his way to make me feel shitty for not being able to live up to his demands (they were random and hard to discern because he would never be straightforward about it but usually if i failed to be present for his breakdowns, like all his posts, tell him frequently that i loved him, talk to him whenever i had free time, or other exhausting bullshit then he would start the guilt-tripping), and often in a very roundabout way through vagueposting and ignoring me, which he would also get increasingly frustrated at me for not understanding... despite the fact that i’m...... schizo and autistic, so i’m shit at understanding social subtleties and hidden messages in peoples behaviour. i have no doubts that he understood this about me also, and yet he did nothing to de-escalate his behaviour.

one clear example of this that i can remember but can’t find a receipt for is when he was having a meltdown on tumblr and was asking for people to tell him they loved him, but after it was over he confessed it was just because he was trying to get someone specific to say it, who he was afraid didnt like him as a friend anymore. this was really obviously about me, because it was around the end of our friendship when he was already namedropping me when he thought i wasnt online like ‘i dont think cerb cares about me anymore’ (which is relatively innocuous but when aggregated with everything else he did, really goddamn bothered me)

another example i remember is when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian after id’ng as a trans guy for the entirety of my friendship with him up to that point. i came out through a post on my blog and stated that i’d had to contest with internalized trauma and abuse to get to a point where i could admit i was lesbian, and he vagued about this later on, saying roughly ”a lot of my friends who used to be trans dudes have been coming out as nonbinary girls lately and it makes me feel like my boyness might be fake too”. i understand that he’s also trans and so i can imagine the thought process behind making a post like that, but i still found that incredibly insensitive and maybe even borderline misogynistic of him.

being friends with dirk was making me suicidal because of the stress of his manipulation (and at this point, trying to interact with him when i was able seemed to be fruitless because he would usually ignore me anyway). so, one night in june 2015 i sent a very diplomatic message to him saying, in essence, “i love you but this isnt healthy for the both of us, and im sorry if im misreading but i think this is for the best”, and then deleted him and unfollowed him.

this is where i remember things getting really, really scummy and panick-inducing for me, because he started vagueing and namedropping me even more frequently, on his public blog for all his friends and my friends to see. i dont know the real extent of this because it seems he deleted certain posts at some point and i was never interested in checking his blog to see for myself back then, but i had mutual mutuals coming to me for months, telling me that he was running his shit off saying something vicious about me.

an example of this (i know this is kin drama lol, and i want to emphasize that i’m aware dragging petty kin drama into posts like these is usually frowned upon, but what i’m focusing on here is how wildly he blows me just fucking finding a kintype out of proportion and the fact that i only talked about this on my blog after i cut him off, strongly implying that 1) he was stalking my blog 2) he was getting someone else to stalk my blog or 3) someone following me was relaying info about me to him for kicks)

http://archive.is/0s9QJ

[tfw someone who told you you couldnt be friends with them anymore is now kin of yourere favorite fucking pokemon thats also incredibly personallyyl important to you because it reminds you of good parts of your childhood and of good memories of your family an firneds and its just a really personal thing and now it FUCKGGKKNGNG  RIUIIENEND  OFOOFOOFREVVVVVVVVVVVEER]

here’s a statement by @comorbird​, a good friend of mine who was also mutuals with dirk and had access to his vent blog after i deleted him

#death wish cw #stalking cw

it kind of speaks for itself. this also proves my suspicions that he stalked my blog.

like, i get being upset over losing a friend. i’d understand it if, instead he vented about it in private.

but the fact that i knew he berated me openly, on his public blog for all our friends and mutuals to see, was fucking humiliating, triggered my paranoia very badly, and kept me on edge for months. i’m still appalled that he would do that instead of at the very least keeping it to private conversations, especially since he knew that i’m schizophrenic and that i struggle with paranoid delusions and that sort of shit. and even then, wishing someone who very politely distanced themselves from you was dead and stalking their blog is a ridiculous, extreme reaction to have.

rose was part of our friend group, and shie had been dirk’s qpp since before i knew them both. in the latter half of dirk and i’s friendship, hyr and i became pretty close, at some point even admitting we’d developed crushes on each other. in our talk about this (probably sometime in april or march 2015?) rose told me, roughly in hyr words “i’d totally be down for romantic dating but dirk gets jealous really easily so i’m afraid of broaching the subject with him. maybe sometime in the future though.” eventually rose came to realize that this was evidence that shie felt like dirk was controlling hyr romantic life despite them only being platonic partners, and we said fuck it and started dating in august 2015, after i stopped being friends wtih him just to clarify.

dirk noticed that we stayed close after i cut him off, and he unapologetically guilted rose for being friends with me and then eventually for dating me, bringing up how much he hated me in front of hyr and expecting hyr to go along with it, and getting very frustrated when shie would defend me or shy away from the topic. this had a really negative affect on hyr for a long time, forcing hyr into meltdowns and making hyr suicidal to the point of being institutionalized involuntarily around july or august 2015, and he did nothing to stop himself or tend to hyr hurt feelings. shie felt like shie couldn’t publicly talk about me lest shie would make him upset, while i was genuinely suffering panic attacks whenever i saw him on my dash.

so like i mentioned, rose was institutionalized against hyr will, and as this was happening dirk decided it would be a great time to contact me in an effort to... reconcile for rose’s sake, i guess. i don’t doubt he only decided to do so at that point to escape possible accountability for allowing the situation to boil over like that, and so he could safely make me feel like shit in a situation where i was under tremendous pressure to just smooth things over, especially since he brought in a friend of his to 'mediate’ or whatever (not their fault, i totally blame him for that). for the whole time he just told me how shitty he felt for me to “cut him off so suddenly”, how it “fucked him up”, that “he couldn’t really trust anyone after that” - and when i asked if i could also unload, he refused on the grounds that it would “just make him angry again and ruin his mood”.

rose has also confided in me countless times about the endless emotional demands he made on hyr, and the vicious guilt-tripping he would subject hyr to when shie couldn’t meet them. shie is also very mentally ill and was struggling a lot at this point in hyr life with being homeless and going in and out of inpatient care.

it’s also important to mention that dirk called both rose and i his “dependeds” (a term for people with dpd to refer to specific people they tend to rely on emotionally more than others), and he used that as a tactic to turn us into objects with no needs of our own, and to force us to feel morally responsible for him. this was something he dropped on me with no warning a couple months before i cut things off, and to be forced into that kind of responsibility without even asking me if it was okay made me very uncomfortable. i’m not blaming him for having dpd or saying all people with dpd are like that, but it was just another thing he specifically did.

i do have some receipts for what i described above.

these are some examples of him vagueing about rose on tumblr, which i feel demonstrate some of the guilt-tripping tactics he used, making sure that rose would come back to his blog and see how badly he was doing when shie couldn’t be there.

http://archive.is/IKY2k

[nattt (note: a nickname dirk had for rose) isn t onlune i skyed fleur (note: old pronouns rose used to use) when i s=woke up and fleur hasnt responded pelase goet back online so i ew can wtchsomething]

http://archive.is/75VVb

[lms if yo u like me more than you like horizon (note: an alternate name that rose uses) edit.// and dontnn fucking lie to make me feel better]

http://archive.is/Lar3j

[“hm wow my depended isnt here and idk when fleurs coming back so i guess i better throw myself into listening to aesthetic and/or angsty indie bands and only caring about that” - me, apparenalty,]

http://archive.is/po2Cn

[i know im fukkincg pathetic i know im a huge fucking loser for not doing anyhting like this earlier and i know im gonna be in the club with people who have been fucking doing this since like middle shcool or some shit!!!! jsut tell me if i should go to the meeting or not ffuckkginf my dpended is unreachable ust fukcing tell me what to do please thankss]

this chain of posts is specifically about times when rose was in the hospital, which goes to show how goddamn classy he is for using hyr suicide attempts to make hyr feel like shit

#overdose cw http://archive.is/nMGV4

[the last tiem the ac went out rose fucking ovserdosed so im (:]

#suicide cw http://archive.is/duyCL

[LIk   e  last time fleur was ther e for fuckkkign 2 weeks or a month o r something and we called each other nearly every day and i stil lwanted to fucking kms adn now its been like a week minus the weekend and i havent heard a fucking wor d and idk if fleurs okay or if fleurs staying longer or if fleur thinks im mad or if fleurs mad at me or fi fleur doesnt want to talk to me or hates me or is leaving me  o r if fleurs calling someoen elese nstead of me or if fleur s even  fc uk kign  A l i v e anymore and its tearing me up. thats meant  to be tering like tearing paper not taering like crying]

http://archive.is/jKwGV

[i keep having dreams that fleur will just pop up in the group chat im in with fleur, replying to smth, with no explanation, no hello, no hey im back, and ill be like “woah woah woah,, are you back? is that u?” and fleurs like yeah ofc and im like “ur really here right, its not a Dream,” and fleurs like “no im really back!!!” and im like “im not gona wake up and u  wont be htere right” an d fleurs like no dw omf but. here we fucking are.]

http://archive.is/1pPmq

[i bet rose hmfucking hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again or doesnt care about me at all its either that or fkeurs Afuckign DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

these posts are from after they broke up, but also show how guilt-trippy he was

http://archive.is/61QZf

[fleur didnt “see me in fleur life anymore really :/” and then when i shut down and fleur asked to break up and i said fine fleur was all relieved bc fleur was worried abt my reaction like 1. i guess im that fucking pathetic and predicatlbe and fucjckkdfnknlsd fscc d tht fleur just knows im gonna flip out and was already scared to talk to me bc of it Lol 2. ii fucking was already broken up w fleur ever since fleur said fleur didnt see me in fleur life anymore but didnt want to brekau p uwu like what the fuck does that mean who says that everyone i lvoe is just going t o  fuckingn tlel me they dont see me in their life none of them really do rn anyywaso]

#gore text cw #neck trauma cw http://archive.is/ilXdx

[idk  i just idk fleur cares so much for hym and i cant do it it makes me want to cut my throat open and i dont even care about fleur anymore but im still upset about it i just cant do it im gonna take out my contacts and have a big cryfest]

these are examples of him playing the victim wrt to me cutting him off

http://archive.is/L9VFF

[no wonder he cut me off i deserved it i deserve all bad thigns i m such an annoying piece of shit im surprised he was even friends with me in the first place no wonder he cut me off im horrivle and annoying and more work than im worth no wonder they left me im not worth it im not worth anything no wonder fleur didnt fight for me or take my side or care at all im not worth it i dont deserve anything]

http://archive.is/uRTlR

[i thought i was one of hys closest friends but he cut me off like i was nothing and no one even fucking knew he did it until i told them he did. also fleur fucking knew that he was planning on doing it and didnt say a word to me this entire time until months after when i was having yet another massive breakdown about it so glad to know i mean absolutely nothing to the people who i see as literally the most important people in my life and that my not being in their life doesnt effect them at all and they dont even care to tell me when theyre talking about me behind my back about how annoying i am and how one of them is going to leave me in the dust]

http://archive.is/yKvpZ (it’s pretty long so i’ll just paste some choice bits)

[because of one of my past close friendships im fucking terrified everyone whos important to me is actually just planning on and thinking about how/if they should abandon me.] [mm fuffkkcinng iim so sfucked up over this honestly it was suppsoed to be ““““““““the best dcisisiong uuwuuwuwu” or sommemthing and its fucking ruining my life i cant thin k  and i cant talk to anyone and i cant not talk to anynoen] [and i dont ahve any sort of reason to know or think or beleive that this wont happen because that ther person was thinking about it for fucking weeks and weeks] [fucking weeks and weeks of planning on leaving me and pretending everyhting was fine, of me thinking we were friends! of me trusting that person! of caring! i cant  fucking trust anyone and that person doing that literally just prved it]

http://archive.is/QEIH2

[i dont even remember how long ago that happened honestly . its just kind of melting into “last month” the same way missioui is just “last year” #adn im fucking reliving it over constantly just like missouri how great! the 'clean break' systme really fucking works doesnt it! really fuc]

#suicide baiting cw for this last paragraph. eventually rose and dirk broke up around december 2015 (idr exactly) and then he blocked hyr unceremoniously, and it was at this point that rose went to his vent blog to unfollow it and saw a post that said, roughly “i hope cerb fucking kills hymself and that rose is devastated about it”. i don’t have a receipt for this because he’s since changed the url of the blog or deleted it altogether. it’s not all that surprising to me anymore anyway, with what i learned from sid telling me that he wished death on me pretty frequently.

that’s the end, i guess. if you have any questions i can try to answer to the best of my ability, i’m doing my best to be honest and transparent about this so i’m happy to clear up any confusion. please block dirk for your own safety, especially if you’re a minor.

#ok to reblog

[redqueenmusings]

They say once you have mastered being alone, if you are okay with solitude – life is easy.

So when the lock-down was announced, I wasn’t worried. We live in a world where we’re always surrounded by people; at work, in stores, on our phones and through social media.

I knew it was something most would hate, but I saw it as an opportunity. A chance to get those long overdue jobs completed and to not have to find an excuse for going out. As I have got older I have become a little agoraphobic. I’m OK if I plan ahead but these days, unlike in my youth, I can no longer do things on the spur of the moment.

Day 1 Sunday – passed in a blur. It was the same as any normal day, I was busy adding updates about the virus and the measures being taken by the government, I cooked Sunday dinner, watched a bit of TV, spent time on Facebook deleting a few groups that no longer interest me and applied to join a couple that were being recommended. At midnight, the same as usual I went to bed, read until the eyes got heavy and turned off the light.

Day 2 Monday – woke to a chilly but sunny morning then settled into the daily routine breakfast in bed while I checked official notifications to pass on. I expected as things were now in place these would get a lot less. Oh no, it was as busy as ever, as the mainland announced closing its borders and the Canaries announced drastic reductions in flights. My email and PM facility on facebook went into meltdown. Still it made the day go quickly, even though I hadn’t got around to my list of jobs. The first being clean the dust left by the numerous calimas off the top of the blades on the ceiling fans. Well, there is always tomorrow!

Day 3 Tuesday – dawned with a sheet of cloud the colour of steel and as I looked at it, cosy under my duvet, I thought it was the kind of day that could bring rain or sunshine. I also realised that my sleep pattern had changed. I’m no longer wide awake in the middle of the night, I’m not even getting up to pee and I’m waking like normal folk at around 7.00am rather than 8.00am. I’ve no idea why, as I’m not doing much different to normal. I kept myself quite busy reading, writing and pottering. It was a cold afternoon, so I had a little indulgence by filling the bath up to the brim and soaking until I turned into a prune. At teatime I had a message from Beccy, who lives in the village, making sure us oldies were coping and if there was anything we needed to let her know. It’s very comforting that there are young families who will put themselves out to check on their neighbours.

Day 4 Wednesday – and reality is starting to kick in. Surrounded by four walls, there was nothing else to do but stare at them to pass time, slowly going mad. Not me of course, but Jim is getting twitchy. He decided to go to Mercadona. We didn’t need anything, as whatever I use I always keep a spare in the cupboard. But he wanted cakes making so thought I may need more flour and eggs. I asked if he was going to go to Iceland as I wouldn’t mind some kippers, I quite fancied kedgeree but never found smoked haddock here. But he decided that was a great excuse to go out the following day.

As it turned out he left for the supermarket at 11.30 and there was a queue, he was 3rd so within 5 minutes he was in and shopping. Like the organised queue outside the checkouts were also marked making it easy to see where you should stand to allow the correct space between customers. There was no shortage of anything, except toothpaste and as it was on the list, he picked up the last one, although we’ve never heard of the make! Because he was so quick he decided to also go to Iceland and was back home by 12.15. It all sounded very civilised unlike the images I saw later on ITV News of what was happening in the UK.

Day 5 Thursday – Slipping back into the old ways I was wide awake at 4.00am but so were lots of others, it is amazing how many are on Facebook at the witching hour. So while we may be separate, we are together too.

This should have been a busy week, nails with Beccy on Monday, they are getting long and as I hit the keyboard all I can here is tap tap and all I see is spelling mistakes. Dentist for a clean on Tuesday, dinner with Chris and Dave on Wednesday and of course our usual Thursday night with the Quayles and now nothing!

This is the first time this week that any cleaning has been done, and we started upstairs in the bedrooms. Now everything is shiny and sparkling. While having lunch had a message to go to our main gate at 2.00pm as Beccy’s daughter Ellé had been baking. She had made us a little treat for afternoon tea.

Jim’s day was made because after being 2 weeks late his Military Magazine arrived so that will keep him amused for a few days. And for dinner I had a takeaway curry in the freezer, so we closed our eyes and pretended we were eating in Sher y Punjab with our besties Christine and Andrew 🙂 .

Day 6 Friday – I had anticipated with such relish to escape everything and everyone, but now it was here I longed for some company. This was also the day I realised I wasn’t a member of Facebooks Residents of Tenerife. My initial thought was my application had got lost due to a large influx of applications, I answered the questions, I met the criteria as a resident and would never dream of advertising. So I decided to re-apply but the group no longer existed, at least not for me. Totally vanished off facebook, so the only conclusion is I have been blocked. I wonder why?

Official information is gradually slowing down, at least enough for me to enjoy conversations with friends, albeit via messages. Chelsea and I had a long chat about crochet and cross-stitch. I spoke with my daughter on the phone and learnt that my granddaughter’s boyfriend who she lives with in the UK has the dreaded virus. After speaking with 111 they were both advised to stay home. If they were OK in 7 days they could return to work, but nobody is taking any tests, they are just looking at areas of the country generally and assessing how many cases there may be. It all sounds a bit hit and miss to me and I know where I would rather be even if at times it feels a pain.

Day 7 Saturday –  Not sure what the day will bring as I have scheduled this to be published early. Nevertheless, come tomorrow we will have completed a whole week. The experience has made me realise that for us introverts the thought of being alone might seem perfect except when being alone starts to feel a little lonely. I also realise, although this wait is tough, to do it now and do it properly is the only way through. Ignore the rules and there is the danger of it being extended.

And… The dust is still on top of the ceiling fans, maybe I will get that done today but if not, no worries, there is always next week.

  Check Queenie’s Daily Snippets for Tenerife news & events

Living with Lockdown They say once you have mastered being alone, if you are okay with solitude - life is easy.

[shakeel786blog]

Eight times celebrities messed up on social media

Image copyright BBC/Getty Images/ITV

Roseanne Barr has had her sitcom axed after posting a racist tweet about a former aide to President Obama.

Within just a few short hours of the offensive remark made about Valerie Jarrett, Roseanne’s recently-revived (and hugely popular) show had been cancelled.

In a statement, ABC confirmed the cancellation, calling Barr’s tweet “abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values”.

But Roseanne isn’t the first celebrity to have damaged her career via comments made on social media.

Here’s a look at eight other stars who have suffered serious consequences:

1. Jack Maynard

Image copyright ITV/REX/Shutterstock

Image caption Jack Maynard said he was “young” and “careless” when he posted racial and homophobic tweets

Jack Maynard pulled out of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! in 2017 after just three days in the jungle.

The YouTube star, who has 1.4 million followers, left after a series of tweets – most of which dated from 2011 to 2013 – were published in the Sun while he was in Australia.

It emerged that as well as racist and homophobic tweets, Jack had also asked a 14-year-old fan to send him nude pictures on his Facebook account.

Maynard later apologised saying he was “young” and “careless” when he sent the posts, adding: “Don’t put anything online you wouldn’t say to your mum.”

2. James Arthur

Image caption James Arthur had to cede control of his social media to his management in 2013

The pop star had to cancel his engagements in November 2013 after suffering a Twitter meltdown.

The Say You Won’t Let Go singer used abusive language to One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson and former X Factor winner Matt Cardle.

Things came to a head when he unveiled a rap song in which he used a homophobic slur against musician Micky Worthless and advised him to shoot himself.

The star apologised on Twitter saying he was “deeply deeply sorry to any gay or lesbian people out there”.

A few months later Arthur was officially dropped from Simon Cowell’s record label Syco, with Cowell commenting: “I think James, unfortunately, has had so many issues with what he has done publicly – which is a real issue with me. Somebody should have told him to shut up and just put the records out.”

3. Azealia Banks

Image copyright AFP/Getty Images

Image caption “Words hurt…”

The 212 rapper was dropped from her UK booking agency and axed from her headline slot at grime and hip-hop festival Born & Bred following racist and homophobic tweets to Zayn Malik.

Her Twitter account was also blocked after the string of aggressive tweets aimed at the Pillowtalk singer.

The row started when Banks claimed Malik had copied her work for his new video, Like I Would.

Banks also posted a string of derogatory comments about the UK rap scene, saying that British rappers “never have swag” and British rap music was a “disgrace” to the genre.

The US rapper later apologised for using homophobic language in a Facebook post saying: “Words hurt. And while I may be immune to every word and be thicker skinned than most, it doesn’t mean that I get to go around treating people with the same toughness that made my skin so thick.

“Because, that IS how people get thick skin… by being subjected to name calling/belittlement/abuse and it’s not fair.”

4. PewDiePie

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption YouTube cancelled the release of the Swedish star’s series Scare PewDiePie 2

The Swedish YouTube star used the N-word in one of his videos in January 2017 and was accused of anti-Semitism later in the same month.

As a result, Disney announced in February 2017 they would cut cut ties with PewDiePie – real name Felix Kjellberg – who at the time was the world’s highest-paid YouTuber.

He was also dropped from the Google Preferred advertising programme, and his YouTube Red series was cancelled.

The Swede later apologised for using the racial slur during a video live stream, saying he was an “idiot”, but defended himself against claims of anti-Semitism, saying the comments had been taken out of context.

5. Kathy Griffin

Image copyright CNN

Image caption Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper had co-hosted CNN’s New Year programme for years

US broadcaster CNN ditched comedian Kathy Griffin from its New Year programme after she posed with a fake decapitated head of President Donald Trump.

Griffin apologised after it provoked outrage – her New Year’s Eve co-host Anderson Cooper said he was appalled.

In addition, Griffin lost a number of other jobs as a consequence of the joke.

Trump said it was “sick” and his wife Melania called the photo “disturbing”.

“Kathy Griffin should be ashamed of herself,” said the president. “My children, especially my 11-year-old son, Barron, are having a hard time with this.”

In a video message posted on Twitter, Griffin “begged” for forgiveness and said she had “crossed a line” – however she later retracted the apology telling ABC’s The View: “I’m not holding back on this family. This family is different.”

6. Josh Rivers

Image copyright Gay Times

Image caption Josh Rivers lasted as Gay Times Editor for just a few weeks

The Gay Times editor was sacked in 2017 just weeks after taking up the role when anti-Semitic and sexist tweets were discovered on his account.

Rivers sent a series of tweets between 2010 and 2015 making offensive comments about women, Jewish people, Chinese people, lesbians, transgender people, and people he thought were overweight or ugly.

Gay Times issued a statement saying it “does not tolerate such views”, adding that all articles written by Rivers had been removed.

Following the termination of his post, Josh Rivers apologised, telling the BBC he was “appalled” by his posts.

7. Ten Walls

The DJ and producer was dropped from major festivals including Creamfields and Sonar as well as being axed from the books of his UK agency following homophobic comments on Facebook.

The Walking with Elephants star compared gay people to paedophiles in a post that’s now been removed.

He also described the LGBT community as a “different breed”.

The Lithuanian musician, whose real name is Marijus Adomaitis, apologised for his post: “I’m really sorry about its insulting content which does not reflect my true opinion. I hope this misunderstanding will not provoke any more thoughts and opinions. Peace.”

Read more:

8. Katie Hopkins

Image copyright PA

Image caption LBC staff “cheered and applauded” when it was announced Hopkins had been sacked, according to BBC media editor Amol Rajan

The presenter was sacked from her LBC phone-in show after a tweet that called for a “final solution” to Islamic terrorism.

She posted the tweet – which has since been deleted – in the wake of the Manchester terror attack, and some suggested it was a reference to the Nazi extermination of the Jews.

Hopkins later altered the post to read “true solution”, describing the earlier version as a “mis-type”.

Several high-profile personalities had vowed not to appear on the station until she was removed.

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