#we have the most endlessly empathetic man in the world

[yellowsubiesdance]

when it comes to takuto maruki, i am just so ARF ARF ARF BARK AWOOOO

#dr maruki #takuto maruki #like literally out of all the palaces belonging to evil selfish dickheads (and one deeply depressed girl) #we have the most endlessly empathetic man in the world #the kindest gentlest soul #someone who cares so deeply for the suffering of others that he’s willing to change the entire world and carry the people’s suffering alone #instead of someone who’s so selfish he would make others suffer so he could flourish #on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. we have someone who’s willing to suffer so that others may flourish #he’s so far at the other end of this spectrum that he would erase everyone’s character development to make them all happy again #i would rather keep you at the bottom so you can never know suffering #he’s so far at the other end he thinks character development is bad bc it’s painful #i am so ARF ARF BORK BARK BORF AWOOOO #going completely feral over this man #i want to cosplay him so desperately #persona 5 royal

[gregrulzok]

What are your top 10 favorite media, like from books, anime/manga, movies, tv series, etc (if you feel like listing multiple) of all time? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them....

Now THIIIIS is way different from asking me my favourite characters.

When it comes to characters, I tend to be heavily analytical and critical. When it comes to media... Well, you'll see. Whatever the case please note that these pieces of media being my favourite doesn't mean I necessarily recommend them. There's things I love with my whole heart that I wouldn't inflict upon my mortal enemy. You've been warned.

I'm also purposefully omitting some of my favourite pieces of media to shine a spotlight on ones I don't really get to talk about, or just want more people to know about (sorry, Berserk)

I'll try and keep these ones spoiler free, since I'm thinking of them more as recommendations! NSFW media will be marked with a *, but I won't go into anything explicit here. Please look up media mindfully and with discression, some of these may be triggering.

Thank you for the ask and I'm sorry for the ridiculous lengths of information you're about to witness !

Dungeon Meshi

Lets start with a safe one. A simple one. An expected one.

Yes, Dungeon Meshi IS that good.

Dungeon Meshi is a beautifully drawn manga that starts out slow, whimsical and almost slice-of-life-y, and then descents into utter madness so slowly and skillfully that by the time you blink you're in another dimension.

The world building in this series is second to none - everything makes sense and nothing is handwaved. The genuine and honest passion in the way the world feels alive is palpable, and despite its realism it never loses its magical feeling.

The characters are charming, lovable, realistic, and complex. Each of them have an inner world to tap into, each of them feels like a real person you could hold a conversation with and would WANT to hold a conversation with. Here I'll also proudly announce that we get zero (0) gratuitous fanservice, zero (0) characters who exist as a punchline, and guaranteed Sexy-Lamp Free !

The plot... Fuck, man. The plot is the most honest and bare faced look at some of the most nuanced subjects in the world (desire, ambition, love, death, survival, trauma, neurodivergence) wrapped up in a way that feels simple, grounded and real.

It also sincerely began to heal my relationship with food. I don't think I've ever seen the subjects of cooking, eating, health, weight and body diversity portrayed so well in such an empathetic, understanding and caring way in any piece of media. Body positivity is not so much a focus, but rather an undercurrent in the whole manga.

Whew ! With one objectively good piece of media out of the way, let's move on to something more unhinged, such as ...

Honestly I can't begin to imagine what kind of person WOULDN'T enjoy Dungeon Meshi. Do yourself a favour and read it.

Cats (1998)

Cats. The Broadway musical cats. One of the longest running musicals in the world, award winning, famously bashed and hated, recently revorked into a horrible film that was even more bashed and hated, the beautiful, glorious wonderful disaster of my heart - Cats.

Specifically, the 1998 film version.

...It's so hard for me to explain this one.

At some point, while watching Cats for the second time (for a reason I cannot explain), some neurons fired the wrong direction in my brain and now I have a pathological obsession, to the point where I can name each and every single Godforsaken cat in this show, including the ones that don't even appear in the credits.

Cats. What am I even supposed to say here, like, genuinely. It's cats.

Well, here's the thing - the choreography and acting direction in this fucking musical is genuinely breathtaking. It takes a few watches for it to fully click, but once it does, I sincerely believe that Cats is one of the most endlessly fascinating pieces of media to analyze. What you have to understand about Cats is that every single character (with very few exceptions) is on screen basically for the entire show. And so while you're watching the dancing in the foreground (which is beautiful on its own), every single cat in the background is just ... There. Moving, interacting, portraying characteristics that are never stated, never so much as focused on - but you can see them. You can see the kittens playing with each-other, you can see the elders gossiping, you can see small bits and gags you won't catch your first time, or second, or fifth. You can see how rowdy Tumblebrutus and Pouncival are, you can see how excitable Electra is, you can see the quiet dignity of Coricopat and Tantomile, the friendship between Jellylorum and Jennyanydots. There's always new little bits of background characterisation you can catch, pretty much regardless of how many times you've seen it.

In that way, Cats is feels the most alive, the most ever changing and evolving. I'm completely enraptured by it and if you do want to watch it, I recommend watching it as many times as you can stomach, because your first time through it'll glide right off you like water off a duck.

Chainsaw Man (Public Safety Arc)*

The first time I finished reading Chainsaw Man, I stared at my phone for a straight minute, then started sobbing. The next morning, I drank alcohol for the first time.

I wish that was a joke.

I'll admit I'm not up to date on the second arc of Chainsaw Man - it honestly got away from me a little and I'm not entirely sure I'll be finishing it.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that the first arc is one of the most tightly written, beautiful, emotional stories I've ever read.

Sure, it's fun and funny. Sure, it's cool in it's action scenes. Sure, the art direction is absolutely breathtaking. Sure, the character design and worldbuilding are interesting and detailed.

But at its heart the core appeal of CSM, to me, is the way it speaks about trauma, abuse, assault, isolation, fear, and desire. Chainsaw Man is painfully down to earth in a gritty, real way, and while it is extremely dark, it's also uplifting and hopefull in a way a lot of dark media isn't.

Chainsaw Man makes you feel tiny, helpless in a massive world. Chainsaw Man puts you up against horrors both tangible and fantastical, and then it looks you in the eyes and says "Hey. You aren't weak. You aren't useless. The world is scary, the world is cruel, the world is harsh, but that doesn't mean you can't fight it. That doesn't mean there isn't hope".

I really don't know how else to describe it without going into spoilers. It's genuinely moving.

Arcane

Arcane is a beautiful tragedy that has no right being as impactful as it is for being a goddamn League of Legends adaptation, of all things.

The art direction in Arcane is absolutely insane - Taking a page from Into the SpiderVerse (which is another favourite of mine), it blends 3D animation with a 2D-esque art style and fully 2D effects to bring what I genuinely believe to be one of the best looking shows in the world to life. And that's not all !

Arcane is infinitely nuanced. Between it's multiple plots it introduces many, many characters, all of whom have their own wants, needs, goals, ambitions, fears, flaws and trauma, and it clashes them together beautifully. Nothing in Arcane feels like an afterthought to me, I think the most fantastic thing about it is how expertly it weaves all these different storylines together. Everything ties into something else, everything affects something else, the story changes based on every little movement of our main characters and by the time it unfolds you realize that there's nothing that could really be done to change it because EVERYTHING lead to this.

It's a tragedy in the best way possible.

Attack on Titan

I don't care what anyone says - Attack on Titan is one of the best Anime ever put on screen.

I am a person that grew up in a colonized, war-torn country. Part of our land is still occupied, and our occupants are currently seeking refuge in our city and acting like this is their vacation resort. My people have been marginalized, demonized, dismissed, our culture has been erased and we have been fed more propaganda than I can count.

And I say this because I think being in this situation lends me a pretty good perspective of what AoT is:

Propaganda. The first two seasons of Attack on Titan are literally an extended propaganda film, meant to trick and decieve the viewer into siding with the protagonists, and dismissing their enemies as mere monsters.

If I go any deeper into that statement, there will inevitably be spoilers, so I'll cap it off with this:

There are no easy answers in war. There are no heroes and no villains, there are no good guys and bad guys, and there are no winners. There is only deception, control, and death.

I've never seen a piece of fiction capture the true, real horror of war quite as well as Attack on Titan does.

Death Parade

Everybodyyyyyyy put your hands upppppp

Death Parade is the show I go to rewatch when I have nothing else to rewatch.

It is a soft, yet painful look at human nature. It's an exploration of what makes a person good or bad, and whether such things even exist. It brings into question the very nature of humanity, whether there's such a thing as being good or bad, whether our character is formed by our circumstances or our behaviour, and how those things should be judged. It asks what it means to have emotions, to have feelings, and how your own personal emotions and biased factor into how you assess other people - whether it's more unfair to judge someone objectively without empathy, or subjectively with your own narrow, biased worldview.

All of that wrapped in a beautiful aesthetic, and a somber, subtle love story. Not even necessarily a romantic one - just pure love.

Highly, highly recommend.

Oyasumi Punpun*

Oyasumi Punpun is the most direct, honest, unfiltered, unbiased look at a human being's psyche I've ever seen.

It's also one of the most triggering bits of media on here, so proceed with caution.

Oyasumi Punpun follows the life of a single boy from his childhood, through his adulthood. Every single hardship, every single setback, every victory, every memorable experience, is shown to us through the lense of his own eyes. His childhood innocence, his teenage cynicism, his adolescent hopelessness, his own naivete, his own trauma, his own biased colour the way we view the world around him.

It genuinely makes you feel like you are wearing his skin and living his life through him.

Its disturbing, uncomfortable, dark, scary, and it's funny, hopeful, and just plain bizarre.

Great Pretender

Alright, back to light-hearted things !!!

Great Pretender might be the funniest show I've ever seen, to me, personally. Its bright, saturated, expressive animation compliments the absolute insanity of this show perfectly.

The most basic premise is that Great Pretender is about two con artists desperately trying to out-con each-other, and then it all goes downhill from there. It sets up so much of its payoff in such tiny little ways that by the time I got to the end I'd be beating myself up for missing a completely innocuous detail like a characters fucking watch, because it was actually a hint towards the overall plotline.

Its clever, it's funny, it keeps you on your toes, and it can be genuinely heartfelt and delightfully homoerotic to boot !!

It's absolutely worth the watch. Please give us season two. Please. PLEASE.

Dark Heaven*

Dark Heaven is what I'd recommend to someone if they told me they liked reading BL.

As a gay man in an interracial relationship, I've yet to find a piece of media that is quite so open direct, brutal and honest about the kids of issues that gay people, people of color, and people in interracial relationships can face.

To that end - it's extremely triggering if you're sensitive to those particular topics, as well as some other things. I'd very much recommend looking up a list of triggers first if you want to read it because it does get very, very dark. (And very NSFW). (Right from chapter one)?

But yeah - Dark Heaven is a beautiful, engaging, and at times very fluffy and humorous romance between two men, that is heavily overlaid with real actual issues people face every day (and some people don't face every day, but are nonetheless very real). It's honest, soft, and uplifting where it needs to be, despite not sugarcoating absolutely anything. It also does us the wonderful favour of not fetishizing gay men, not playing into weird creepy stereotypes, and not turning their relationship into something to gawk at.

And now, the one, the only, the piece of media that captured my heart and soul and will never ever let go:

Warrior Cats

Fucking Warrior Cats.

I have read every single book in the series. The series with over 100 books (depending on how you count them). Every official piece of media, I have consumed.

I've been reading this book series since I was 11. I've loved, cherished, lived and breathed it. I keep up with them to this day. I recently completed a chronological re-read. I've made OCs. I've roleplayed it in person and online - in fact I've been a mod in a DeviantArt roleplay group.

I HAVE A GODDAMN EXCELL SPREADSHEET WHERE I ANALYZE THE STATISTICS OF THE WARRIOR CATS NAMING SYSTEM

"Oh wow, sounds like the series is really good" WRONG

Warrior Cats is one of the worst written series I've ever read. It's poorly paced, it's full of plotholes, most characters are pieces of cardboard with a furry coat. It's dumb, nonsensical, inconsistent, and infuriating. It preaches the worst lessons I've ever heard, it's full of nothing but wasted potential, and I could honestly count the number of books I'd consider to be genuinely good on both of my hands.

Out of a 100. I've read a fucking hundred of these. Send help.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I read them?

Because I'm autistic and my brain is holding me hostage.

Against my better judgement, I have such a deep and genuine love for this series, for the characters, for the content mostly created by the fans, for the world building.

And every single time one of these fucking cats dies, I end up tearing up.

I love Warrior Cats and you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

...

And that's IT !!!

Thank you again for the ask, and thanks if you read it this far !! You can really tell which ones of these I'm currently hyperfixated on haha.

Again please practice discression in looking these up - I have absolutely no triggers, and so don't think twice about consuming really dark and heavy pieces of media. This is also why I didn't just opt to put in my own trigger warnings - because I don't know everything that could be potentially triggering, and I don't want to give off the impression that you know everything you need to, in case i missed anything.

Be careful and be safe !

#dungeon meshi #cats 1998 #chainsaw man #arcane #attack on titan #death parade #oyasumi punpun #great pretender #dark heaven #warrior cats #warriors

[asturlavi]

oh boy, do i have wonderful beast oda/odazai info for you all since this may just be my favorite chapter in all of beast. it clarified a lot about oda's state in this au, and how sad it truly is, especially with all that dazai has done to ensure that oda's safety is certain

before i start, this was initially intended to be a quirky little twitter thread that’s supposed to be kicked off with a badly drawn doodle of something meme. the thread was supposed to be about how wonderfully dumb odasaku can be and how annoyingly frustrating dazai is in the latest beast chapter... and then it slowly devolved into a crudely written essay about small discoveries i’ve made that most likely haven’t been pointed out before, so i recommend that anyone interested in either oda or odazai to check this out 

so i finally got around to reading the new beast chapter and seeing how odasaku constantly devalues himself and finds that he's lesser than the average person is… sad. its been said that him and ranpo are the stars of the ada, every mission trivial with their cooperation, and yet he doesn't see any of that. thinks he struck luck when it came to his entrance exam, which he specifies that it wasn't as a result of his own skills. his inferiority complex is embedded so deep that despite his achievements, he doesn't at all believe he has any worth as a human.

i'm just a tired, ordinary man like you could find anywhere. a third-rate detective, as unexceptional as a fallen cigarette butt on the road.

and his entrance exam was just like dazai's: the azure messenger case, which we all know wasn't at all a walk in the park. one mistake, and it would spell disaster for the city that the ada was trying to protect. no--not just the city, it would also mean the end of the ada as we know it. despite it all, he resolved it much to his own surprise, and it was all thanks to an "unexpected" gift. and that gift? who would it be other than from dazai himself? 

beast light novel ch. 3

(also, this is a shaky claim at best but I feel as if oda fully holds the capabilities to solve the case alone, but dazai knew that with odasaku's persistent feelings of self-doubt, along with his lack of some of the vivacity that dazai held to weasel his way through to information, the outcome of success wouldn’t be guaranteed. and so, dazai lent him something to ensure his success)

and yet, oda is blind to see truly how much intellect and skill he possesses. he doesn't realize how integral he was to the quest of the azure messenger, doesn't acknowledge that without him these orphans would have either slipped into a life of crime, gone to a downtrodden orphanage, or simply passed away, and he doesn't know that despite it all, he's one of the purest characters in the story, even with the darkness that will forever cling to him, a reminder of the violence that marred his past.

not to mention that oda, in one way or another, effectively analyzed the current situation that they're stuck in. he noted that if things currently go the way they're going, no matter what akutagawa achieves, him and his sister are doomed. so, oda brilliantly decided to go after the port mafia itself to prepare for this possibility, and it's nothing short of genius. and dazai plays along with this… because it is oda, after all. 

and everything dazai did, everything he sacrificed, it was all for oda.

now to the underlying tragedy of this chapter. take a look at this panel: 

ever since then, i've been making a living by solving requests that come to the detective agency.

i provide for the orphans

i drink coffee.

i gamble a bit on days off.

at night, i write a novel in the kitchen. 

that's my life.

nothing unusual, right? you'd think that odasaku was satisfied with life, since he has everything he had ever wished for. but in all actuality, he still lacks one important thing.

and that's friendship.

his words sounded so… empty. achieving ones dreams is but one aspect of life that brings one gratification, but doesn't necessarily mean it would guarantee lasting happiness. (think of famous actors or celebrities that spiral into depression even after they've achieved their dreams).

in that panel, he says he cares for the orphans, gambles, and writes alone in his spare time, but not a word of spending time with friends… something he had in the root universe, something that was lost to him in this one.

and he says this all with his face blacked out, as if he's somewhat implicitly dissatisfied (while the kid's faces are present, not at all concealed).

with dazai, he found peace in a place where peace is rare to find. They both completely put their guard down with each other around, and dazai can relax his overly speculative mind with oda. and they understood each other, a level of understanding rare to come by. dazai with his dark jokes easily flies past oda's ears because that's what they are, harmless jokes. and oda with his blunt honesty, which dazai cherishes and never prods him for it.

dazai also saw things in oda that oda was blind to. dazai saw a world of beauty in oda, the ray of light beneath a cloudy sky. he saw both intelligence and wisdom, kindness and generosity. and most of all, he trusted oda, despite dazai’s natural inclination to distrust.

and what oda saw in dazai was vulnerability. despite the front that dazai puts, he can be kind, even empathetic, when the situation calls for it. dazai once gave akutagawa a decision to turn his back against dazai’s offer to join the port mafia, when logic points to the fact that he didn't have to, but wanted to.

dazai also consistently gives atsushi words of advice and shows understanding when dazai was under no obligation to, such as atsushi facing the loss of his previous caretaker. dazai gave atsushi genuine advice, not laced with any malice or ill intent. dazai had even left atsushi to grieve alone, fully understanding that atsushi needed to pour his emotions out in private. there’s more than enough instances of dazai showing this side of himself in both the light novels and manga, but it seems to sometimes be brushed aside. even though the main cast of characters always dismissed this side of dazai, oda has always known that this side of dazai was his truest self.

oda and dazai also talked endlessly about trivial things, calling each other daily for two hours for no reason other than that they each enjoy one another's company. it's pure, wholesome love. they had a mutual trust and understanding between one another, which ango, another friend of theirs, severely lacked in his friendship with them.

oda's dream was to write, gone unfulfilled in the root universe, but he died happily knowing that the one he cares for is living in the path of light. dazai's was to find a reason to live, which he found in oda, and continues to use this as motivation long after oda passed.

in beast, dazai's dream was cut short, ultimately leading to his demise at the end. after all, his one reason to live is now robbed from him. however, oda's dreams have become a reality, but can one really say he achieved happiness? he has the orphans, his children, but they will never understand him like dazai had. he has peace, but is it the form of peace he wanted? spending time alone, on things like gambling, while endlessly mulling how he has no one to spend this time with?

and writing, his one true wish that dazai made absolutely sure to make a reality. but was it worth it, at the cost of a friend who brought happiness and reprieve when everyone else failed to?

i thought of this tale as a matter of equivalent exchange, you lose one life in exchange for another. the scales do remain somewhat balanced, but not over a matter of lives. it's over a matter of personal sacrifices, ones only known to us readers.

and i say "somewhat" because in the root universe, dazai remembered oda when he was alive, so well that dazai can recall memories to near perfection. but oda had completely forgotten dazai in beast, chasing after absent memories and deluding himself into thinking his life is perfect, while numbing himself from the aching hole of loneliness that consumes him inside.

also, oda is surely happy spending time with the children, but what about his lonesome hours? who is he going to spend that time with, in a world without dazai, the only person who understood him and his oddities?

ah, and remember this moment in the root universe? 

now, take a look at this again. no, look closer 

odasaku wasn’t merely gambling for the sake of it, he was gambling on a horse race. and before dazai was arrested in the root universe, he was seen doing just that. 

now, why would odasaku do this? he surely doesn’t seem the type to gamble away his money on something as silly as horse races, because what does someone gain while they pour their money into something so senseless? 

and the only reason i could arrive to is that dazai must have dragged him along to one. dazai is a port mafia executive, with more money than he knows what to do with and a boatload of depression. money probably disinterests him as much as life does, and he used gambling to kill two birds with one stone: ridding of money he doesn’t need, and distracting him from his boredom (and depression). 

and it doesn’t end there. remember when dazai in dead apple had visited bar lupin to pay his regards to odasaku, while reliving a pleasant memory dazai had with him? and he did this because he was preparing for a quest that may result in with the loss of his life, psyching himself up for what’s to come. this is probably bordering on speculation, but i believe that that’s precisely what he did once again in the horse races. dazai paid a visit to a place that oda and him had frequented, to prepare for another dangerous quest. 

also, note that immediately after exiting bar lupin in dead apple, dazai was confronted by ango, which kicked off the start of dazai’s plans. a similar thing happens in the manga, dazai spending time in a place that he and oda had gone to, this time the horse races, and his plan whirls into motion as jono arrests him. i think these similarities are deliberate, in order to establish their significance to dazai and oda. 

this long winded explanation’s purpose was only for me to go back to this panel once again, and say that everything oda spoke about doing, from spending time with his kids, to brewing coffee, to betting on horse races, and to writing in the kitchen, were all moments he had with dazai. 

and see that he has an extra chair that sits unused in the kitchen? at first, i thought it was there for the sake of being there. then, it slowly dawned on me that odasaku and dazai had noted in the dark era light novel that they made a habit of visiting each other, so it wouldn’t be illogical to conclude that it was a chair meant for dazai. a place where he can spend some private moments together with oda underneath the dimly lit kitchen, drinking in the scent of odasaku’s coffee and talking about things that distracts them from their troubles while odasaku whittles away at his manuscript. 

and one last thing before i end this out of sheer laziness, take a look at this photograph of oda from the final moments of the beast light novel.

as oda stated in the manga and light novel, he worked on his manuscript alone in the kitchen... but in the photograph, he wasn’t alone. he’s posing for a picture. relaxed, poised, as if entertaining the one taking the photo. and besides, wasn’t it dazai who insisted on taking photographs in bar lupin with ango and oda in dark era? he must have done the same in that very moment in the beast universe, but this time in anticipation of oda forgetting him. 

in the end, it seems oda and dazai left each other in similar ways, foolishly believing they've sacrificed their lives for each other to better the other's life, but all they did was create worlds where the feeling of happiness will be lost to both respective parties, while also resigning each other to a life of loneliness.

they've forgotten about their one happiness that stems from just being around one another, listening to the soothing tune of jazz playing softly as they talk into the night, the world lost to them as they're absorbed in one another's presence.

it seems like their story is a tragedy of what happens when you love someone too much, to the point that you delude yourself into thinking you're but a tool for their happiness, and with you gone, nothing will change.

but things did change, didn't they?

#odazai #bsd #bungo stray dogs #oda sakunosuke #osamu dazai #bsd beast #i'm never doing this again

[strawbearisamu]

♥︎ ship your moots! (only if you have time tho no pressure ofc)

yes my time has come.

@woahsamu + atsumu. hshjsjsj yall are so freaking annoying. you spoil him to bits bc that’s what u do and he treats you like damn royalty. still flirts and acts like he’s trying to woo you. prob does dumb shit intentionally when u have a bad day to make you laugh. unrelated but you guys do really good impressions of each other. kisses you and runs away, tries to get you to chase him, u guys fall & land on top of each other like a rom com get a room ew.

@arrogantsonofabiscuit + mattsun. BBY I KNOW U AND MATTSUN would be amazing tgt. he would tease u endlessly but also yall kinda have that sweetheart and hot guy dynamic. yeah idk what that is either HHSHS. also u guys watch horror movies tgt.

@sumine + suna. JASMINE the both of you have such chill vibes. i’m thinking cafe hopping, picnics, soft dates. but i’m also thinking waterparks, splashing water at each other and tryna see who can hold their breath the longest, you catch him cheating coming up for air halfway and you start play fighting shjsjsj. u guys are always lost in your own world. you hang out w your friends and sometimes he’ll tag along just because.

@charlie-jay + akaashi. u guys are intellectuals. the both of you just connect. you guys would talk for hours at a coffee shop, under the stars, in the sun, you name it. you share a deep and intimate connection bc you guys are so intentional about everything. akaashi probably write you love letters, and you guys have these inside jokes that no one else understands HAHA.

@etherrreal luna + osamu. LUNA imagine cooking tgt w him, youre locked between his arms and the counter and as he guides your hand, molding the rice. PLAYFUL KITCHEN FIGHTS shut up i know it’s cliche HHAHSHS but i KNOW this is u guys. osamu gives u a piggy back everywhere. dawn + oikawa!! i feel like you have similar vibes. oikawa is so whipped for u lol and sometimes you can’t help being dramatic along with him (omg i’m sorry we don’t know each other that well yet dawn please forgive me TT)

@kuroowo + osamu. i feel like the both of you are such self-starters and always pushing each other to do better? late night drives talking endlessly about everything and nothing. always hugging, or holding hands or giggling at each other. like yeah we get it you’re in love HAHASHHSHS. starts setting his alarms an hour early bc u aggressively cuddle him and tell him 5 more mins every morning.

@etherealtobio + mattsun. MAB u and mattsun👌 that super cool couple everyone is envious of. first of all visuals? also you do everything tgt. bookstore- tgt, grocery shopping- tgt. and i feel like mattsun is really good at driving so you guys regularly go on these crazy road trips, fast food, sunsets, making out in the car, u get the vibe :”.

@stationery-store + kuroo. i feel like you guys have the same vibes yk what i mean. like slight crackhead (in the most affectionate way possible), but witty and smart as well. yall would be able to like prank someone and also have deep discussions on existentialism or smth LMAO.

@sunkeiji + akaashi. WHATS NEW HAHA. we all know you guys are disgustingly sweet and unintentionally make everyone else feel really single bahshs. the small little things he does for you? he loves staring at you when you’re so intently focused on something and will spontaneously get the will to hug u HSHD.

@bokutoism + timeskip kenma. hello u guys are the hot badass power couple?? spoils you w stupidly expensive stuff. but also lazy days in bed tgt. if u play games yall r always competing but if you don’t he’ll make you sit on his lap as he plays. prob teaches you how to play a new game the same way. will plan extravagant self-care sessions for u.

@sunatooru + hirugami. b b b. u would look sooo good w hirugami (sachiro). i feel like the both of you are so sweet and caring and empathetic (and cmon he’s so hot), you’re that “love for humanity and the world” couple who’s always iniviting people over, reaching out to friends, and showing them your amazing hospitality in general. but yall do it tgt <3 cus love LOL

@thighridingsamu + iwaizumi. ok morgan i know u love football and i feel like you guys would rave about sports tgt? but more importantly he would be ur hype man 24/7 like you show him an outfit and he’ll be like “hot 💯,” “ass looks good in this.” shskkdjd he probably cooks for u too and makes sure you’re eating right.

@ioveangel + sakusa. you’re a ray a sunshine in his life. you guys balance each other. he’s clingy bc poor babie is touch and attention starved. prob puts socks on your feet on a chilly night but will vehemently deny it. a babie.

@xybi + tendou. HEAR ME OUT. yall prob sneak around tgt. giggling to each other as another one of your victims fall prey to your shenanigans. u guys hang out w each other way too much LOL but really though you guys are just two really sweet people tryna brighten someone’s day tgt. cuddles. lots of em. but also u guys are just devilish for no reason sometimes nd u love it.

@keijee + sakusa. u have a sunny infectious energy and honestly sakusa could benefit from that LMAO. lets you play w his hair but will pretend he hates it. you’re the only person he can recharge with it’s ridiculous, like he’ll randomly cuddle u in the middle of a party just to recharge.

@m3gumiis + komori. athena what can i say. two little puppies.

@oi-oikawa-chan + ushijima. addy this little olive tree will do anything for you. talk to him about anything, he listens so intentionally. and also idk why but imagine u guys w a lot of little adopted pets and plants cus u guys are absolute sweethearts.

@elitparadox + akaashi. like u guys would go on dates to the museum, slow dance in the quiet of the woods, kiss under the night sky. yall are so dramatic for no reason.

don’t boohoo to me if you don’t get your fav HAHA jk kith 😚 i’m drowning in work rn so i’m sry i couldn’t tag everyone but KNOW that ILY :”) mwaa alsoo i jumped around w this and u can 100% i got so tired w some LMAO sry shdjskajs

#mutual games 👾 #i’m sorry if i didn’t tag you it was getting too long but i still lub u 😭❤️ #moots 🍡 <3

[rotten-games]

I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but do you have a list of the gods/godly parents and their names and descriptions? I saw an ask about two of them earlier, but I don't remember seeing their names mentioned in the game. If it's just something I missed I apologize :<

I'm sure I answered this before but oh well, I can't find it. I'll just do the main Gods because they're the most relevant right now and there's been some changes to a few of them recently. Underneath I'll say who they're related to as well because I don't think that's something I've actually done yet, though some Gods mentioned in those sections either haven't been mentioned before or haven't been spoken about at length, and probably still won't for now.

Golding: arguably the 'King' of the Gods, he's typically called the Father God as he represents the sun in most legends. Golding has been said to be the protector of mortals and he is perhaps the most loving and protective of all the Gods, it is also said he gave the power of light for witches to harness as he is the God of Light. He also keeps the peace between the other Gods, ensuring they don't hurt one another or the world they all created together. Typically depicted as a lion or a man made completely of fire.

Father of Orana, Amyrus, and the seasons, currently wed to Lysandr

Lysandr: Father of Dragons and Patron God of Infernals. He is the architect of the earthly shells that all are born in as well as the harbinger of doom and ice. It is said that when he walks the earth he will bring about the destruction of all. He is also the God of darkness and shadow. He is typically depicted as a three-legged dragon, or a man made completely of ice.

Father of Dakla, and the seasons. Currently wed to Golding.

Pyrrha: Mother of the Forest and God of the Hunt, Vengeance, and War. One of the parent options, Pyrrha is God with a penchant for destruction stemming from the day her husband, the previous God of War, was slain in front of her very eyes. She is considered fickle, changing her mind time and time again just because she can and, being one of the main members of the pantheon, there are few who can stop her. She holds control over the animals of the land, and has sway with the tallest of trees and the smallest of ferns; she has ears everywhere. Long ago, it is said in her grief over the death of her husband she threatened to kill all living beings on Aebrex, and caused quite a lot of damage before she was stopped. Typically depicted as a moss-covered deer, or an armoured woman with antlers atop her head.

Sister of Padme and Leske, previously wed to Lysandr. Mother of Anathema.

Anathema: God of Plague, Famine, Rot and Rebirth. One of the parent Gods, Anathema is typically the God responsible for hunger, and for sickness, so much so that some consider him a fourth death God. What is often forgotten is that he also created the Phoenix, he's also responsible for the growth after a forest fire. He is not known to have any children or take spouses, in fact, it is said he prefers a solitary life with all the animals Pyrrha can allow. He is typically depicted as a deathly thin man with an incredibly long beard, a pair of baby birds nested in it.

Orana: Lady of the Moon, Childbirth, and the Tides. One of the parent Gods, Orana is considered a kind God, a deity unmatched in her love for mortals, but that would mean forgetting the countless lost to the seas each year. Though sailing isn't a common practice in Aebrex, it is said that for each mortal born another sailor is lost to sea. Of course, if that were the case no sailor would still live. Usually depicted as the moon, a star-flecked moth, or a woman with blue skin and a starry dress.

Daughter of Golding.

Ren: God of Sexual Attraction and Patron God of the outcast. One of the parent Gods, Ren is a infamously grumpy God who is as likely to aid someone as he is to watch them suffer depending on the time and place. Some have claimed he offers protection to those who need it, but none can definitively say what this God deems as 'need'. He has often clashed with his siblings but none more than Radhel, who is considered his counterpart. Often depicted as a viper or a naked, tattoed man of varying appearance.

Brother of Radhel, Dellios, and Farha

Radhel: God of Romantic Attraction. One of the parent Gods, Radhel is well known for being the God who broke all protocol, fell in love with a mortal, and created the first Godkin. He is a very empathetic man who hates conflict despite clashing often with his brother, Ren. Often depicted as a viper or a cornsnake, and a young man of varying appearance covered in a translucent veil.

Brother of Ren, Dellios, and Farha.

Rune: God of Magic and Patron of Witches. A parent God, Rune is both feared and beloved in equal measure, for all the good they have done as all Gods there is a equally catastrophic consequences for their good. Godkin by Rune are very rare. They are often depicted a being made of fire, earth, water, and air.

Wykk: The Secretkeeper of the Gods and the Thief of Time. One of the parent Gods, Wykk is a mysterious entity known for stealing time from Adeliah after falling in love with a mortal. Not much is known about Wykk other than that they are a shapeshifter and they keep the secrets of all the Gods, and because of such mystery they have often been dubbed the Patron of Criminals. Often depicted as an owl with no eyes or an owl with too many eyes, or a cloaked being with green feathers in their hair.

[REDACTED] of Adeliah.

Adeliah: One of the Three Gods of Death, she is known primarily as The Executioner for her role in severing the cord between mortal body and soul. One of the parent Gods, Adeliah is feared and loved for her parts played in the cycle of life and death; she brings life into this world and snuffs it out mercilessly, meaning she watches over the cycle of reincarnation very carefully. She is most often depicted as a white raven with black eyes or a frail old woman in a cloak with silver hair and completely black eyes.

[REDACTED] of Wykk

Arior: The second of the three Death Gods is Arior, known to ferry dead souls to their judgment. She is often described as calming, often speaking to her charges for the duration of their journey, though calm is often not something that can be found once they realise they're floating on a boat made of their own bones. Not much is actually known about her, only that she has four arms; in one pair holds your skull, in the other cradles her oar. She is depicted as a four-armed, four-eyed elf woman with endlessly black eyes.

Sister of Ataar.

Ataar: Ataar is known as The Judge, and is the final of the three Death Gods. While the concept of judgement in this world of reincarnation may seem strange, that's the only way that it can be described; he stands there with you, watching the events of your life play out and giving commentary when commentary is due, or so the stories tell. His main goal is to ensure all the memories of this life you've led are taken from your soul and placed into his own mind, though as we all know Gods are prone to mischief and sometimes... well, sometimes he keeps little slivers of memory right where they are for when the soul is placed into the next body by Adeliah. Often depicted much like his sister; four eyes, four arms, elf-like, with pitch black eyes.

Brother of Arior.

#anonymous #lore #gods #this was a lot i want to scream #Rott #rott game #regrets of the traitor game #interactive fiction

[masterwords]

Youre going to get so many more asks from me. Not many people ship hossi and it needs more content.

So anyway, how about a supper cute and fluffy way that the team finds out about Aaron and Dave?? Like the team (garcia too because I love her) is on the jet back from a case and aaron is all drugged up (your choice on why but he gets hurt on cases and ambulances and hospitals do give injured patients drugs ok) and laying on the couch being all cute and high and then bamb! Everyone know that aaron hotchner is a very sweet soft man and hes in a healthy and loving relationship with dave rossi.

Youre amazing btw ❤❤

Thank you!  Your wish is my command!  I think you’re my new muse.  I hope this doesn’t disappoint!  I agree, Hossi needs more content!  After watching (and endlessly re-watching) the show, I’ll never understand why more people don’t ship them - their relationship on the show is so pure and so beautiful, it’s screaming for attention.  Thank you for asking, please don’t hesitate to send more!  

..................

Pairing:  Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi

Genre:  Fluffy & Hurt/Comfort & Hotch whump with morphine cuteness

Warnings:  Watch out for cavities, this one is just fluffy and cute.  

That's Life

Sleeping.  Hazy, drugged sleeping – the kind of sleep that was always fitful, restless and made everyone around you nervous – that's where Aaron Hotchner was at that precise moment on the jet.  He was lying on his back, his left arm immobilized by a stiff, very restrictive sling and surrounded by whatever pillows and blankets they could find on board to help make him more comfortable.  The entire team had been called out on a case in Colorado, even Garcia this time, much to her chagrin, and thus they were all fussing over Aaron as he lie there, dead to the world and hurt.  It wasn't unlike him to come away from any case with bumps and bruises, he'd put his entire body on the line to protect people, especially his people, but this time things got out of control fast and he'd miscalculated the risk.  Falling (with the unsub on top of you) from the 2nd story window of a suburban house was no joke, as he had just found out.  Now he was on his way back to Virginia with a fractured shoulder blade, riding high on pain meds and staring down a doctor's order for six weeks off duty and possibly more at his desk.

“I wonder if Jessica will stay with him and Jack for a while?” JJ muttered under her breath, hoping to keep this conversation quiet – she knew he was out of it, but he was sharp, he'd pick up on them talking about him even through the wild, swirling world of morphine.  The hospital had loaded him up with enough in his system to get him back home so long as the team promised someone would stay with him the entire time.  They hadn't, up to that point, discussed who that person would be...it didn't matter, any one of them would do it in a heartbeat.  Whether he wanted them to was another story entirely.  

“Of course she would,” Emily replied, glancing back at Hotch sleeping behind them.  He didn't look at all peaceful, but then again, she wasn't sure that was in his wheelhouse.  “But not tonight, we can't call her this late.  One of us will have to take him home and stay.”  Everyone seemed to nod in unison, but no one seemed eager to be the one to make the offer.  In the corner, Dave was barely listening to what everyone was saying, instead he kept peeking back between the seats at Aaron's sleeping form in the shadows, his stomach in knots over his partner being in pain.  The team kept talking, each one piping in their own ideas, their own thoughts, but none of them seemed to come up with an answer befitting the problem at hand.  It didn't matter, they had a long flight ahead of them and they needed something to keep them occupied.

Garcia, the most empathetic person anyone could ever hope to meet, was staying silent – she was dying knowing Hotch was in pain.   While the rest of the team skirted the issue of who would take him home, she already knew she was going to volunteer, she just wasn't ready to join this awful, gut wrenching conversation yet.  Hotch was so tough and so brave and seeing him there made her want to break down and cry.  She kept finding excuses to walk by him, to check on him, to fluff his pillow or adjust his blankets, all while he slept.  Halfway through the flight, everyone had moved on to other things to occupy them – Emily and JJ were playing a game on their phones, Reid was talking to Morgan about something that Morgan didn't seem at all interested in, and Dave was lost in a novel.  Only Garcia was restless, pacing back and forth past Hotch, the only one who seemed to remember he was there at all.  

“Garcia,” Dave called, waving her over to sit beside him.  He'd been off on his own, surrounded by empty seats, and she'd noticed he was keeping an eye on Hotch.  Every time she walked by him, she found his eyes trained on the sleeping man, slipping back to his book occasionally and then back to Hotch. “Sit please.  You're making me nervous.”

“I'm sorry,” she muttered, taking a seat beside him and smoothing her brightly colored skirt over her thighs nervously.  Over and over, smoothing out every tiny wrinkle. Dave placed his hand on hers and smiled gently.  

“You need to relax,” Dave said quietly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.  “He's asleep.”

“Yeah, but...” she began, her voice a hushed whisper, peering around at the rest of the distracted team. “But he's all alone, Rossi.  How do you guys do it?  No one seems bothered, like this is just old hat...he's all alone and he's hurt.”

Dave smiled wistfully, like a man with a secret.  “He's not alone.”  

She stared at him a moment and shook her head.  “No, no I know we all love him...but he's all alone when he goes home at night.   And...and when he's hurt...he deserves to have someone there...”

“He's not alone.”  Dave reiterated his prior statement, giving her nothing else to go on, but she just stared at him and finally nodded.  Of course, he had Jack, and Jack wasn't a little kid anymore she thought.  No, he wasn't totally alone.  He had Jack, and Jessica, and Haley's family to help out – they hadn't abandoned him.  She excused herself to use the restroom and made her way toward the back of the jet, glancing down at him as she passed and she felt his hand swing out, brush up against her softly, intentionally.  She stopped in her tracks and looked down into his groggy, blinking eyes.  

“Hello, sir,” she whispered, crouching beside him with a smile.  “You should be sleeping.”  He blinked at her a few times, like he was trying to get his bearings, and began trying to struggle his way into a seated position.  She watched for a moment in horror, his face twisting in pain and confusion when he realized he wasn't able to use one of his arms, so she reached out to help him get upright.  He swayed in the seat a few times and leaned his head back against the cushion, sighing.  

“Dave,” he croaked, his voice barely audible.  Garcia moved closer.  

“I'm sorry sir?” she asked, seating herself beside him now to hear better.  He looked at her with dreamy eyes.  

“Dave...where's Dave?”

She glanced over at Rossi who was engrossed again in his novel, and Aaron followed her gaze slowly, trying to make sense of the lights and swirls surrounding him.  

“Please...” he whispered, swallowing hard, trying to pull himself together.  “Please.”

“You want me to get Rossi?” she asked quietly, and he nodded.  It looked slow and labored, unnatural almost, and she obliged.  She stood quickly and teetered over to Dave on her high heels, quick tiny steps.

“Excuse me,” she hissed into Dave's ear, breaking his concentration.  “Hotch is asking for you.”  

Dave, for all his mobster cool composure, clammed up quickly.  He shut his book and held it against his chest and stood, eyeing Garcia suspiciously.  “He asked for me?”  Of course, he was on morphine, his walls weren't just down, they were long gone.  He was vulnerable and on his own.  

“Yes.  You, sir.”

“Thank you Penelope.”

She watched as Dave made his way to the back of the jet and sat down beside Aaron on his left side, and what happened next was something she would never forget, so long as she lived.  It was like witnessing the birth of sunlight.  As soon as Dave was there, seated beside Aaron, she realized exactly what Dave had meant when he told her that Aaron wasn't alone.  Aaron seemed to relax immediately at just the sight of Dave, like he was some kind of angel sent to look after him.  The dreamy recognition in his eyes was undeniable.  He leaned over and rested his head gently against Dave's shoulder, his injured arm now cradled against Dave’s chest, closing his eyes.  For the first time that she'd ever known, he looked peaceful.  Dave leaned in and placed a kiss against the top of Aaron's head, his arm looping around Aaron’s shoulder gently, holding him close.  Garcia felt like she was bursting into a thousand hearts and butterflies.  When Dave opened back up his book on his lap, turning the pages with his one free hand, she turned and made her way back up to the front of the jet with the rest of the team.  

“Guys,” she hissed.  She was bursting at the seems.  “Guys, I don't think we need to worry about who will be staying with Hotch...”  She pointed quickly toward where the two men were sitting and bounced a little on her heels.  

Every single one of them turned around at the same time, and every single one of them was both relieved and somehow not at all surprised, except Garcia, who was barely able to contain her glee.  

“Good,” Morgan said, stifling a yawn.  “Good for him.”

“I knew it...” Emily muttered, and JJ reached into her purse and handed Emily a five dollar bill with a frown.  

“Knew what?” Spencer asked, furrowing his brow while he looked at them, and they all laughed a little too loud.  Dave glanced up in time to see them all looking in his direction, and he just smiled and winked at them – so now they knew.  Maybe they'd already known, maybe Spencer would figure it out someday, maybe Aaron would (definitely) be mortified when the morphine wore off. At least they all knew that tonight, Hotch wouldn't be going home alone.  (And maybe he hadn't in quite some time.)

#hotch fic #hurt aaron hotchner #sweet aaron hotchner #drugged aaron hotchner #dave rossi loves aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner loves dave rossi #emily and jj had a bet and jj lost big time #not because she didn't believe it but she thought they'd take the secret to their graves #soft hotch whump

[film-masochisme]

Trust (1990)

Directed by Hal Hartley

Doomsy’s Rating: 100/100 (My favorite film!)

Is Trust the best film ever made from a technical point of view? No. Is it my favorite film of all time? Hell yes it is. At this point, I think I’ve seen this classic going on fifty times and every time it’s just perfect and everything I could ever want in a film. 

Before you read any further, I implore you if you’ve never heard of this film (understandable if you haven’t, it’s somewhat obscure), stop what you’re doing and make the effort to find it. 

Trust, for lack of a better word, invented emo culture. 

It didn’t popularize it—the film was little seen at the time of its release outside arthouse crowds and fans of the director—but it created the first modern emo protagonist way back in 1989 with the wonderfully unpredictable icon and quote machine Matthew Slaughter, seen below in all his jet-black, chain-smoking laconism:

Matthew Slaughter may be, in my humble opinion, one of the top five greatest cinema characters ever. Martin Donovan, who has to date, appeared in nine of director Hal Hartley’s films, brings this troubled, intellectual, confrontation-prone yet empathetic soul to life in a layered performance of gruff scowl and poetic wisdom. If Holden Caulfield’s internal musings of apathy were the skeleton, Matthew Slaughter is the muscular exterior, throwing glances of possession and clouds of smoke to whoever dares to question his integrity. His permanently clenched fists and avoidance of eye contact belie the traumatic home life that in another film would be presented as more serious. Here, instead of regarding parental abuse with the utmost sincerity, Matthew’s obsessive-compulsive, violent father (played with disturbing teeth-gnashing verve by John MacKay) is shown as a near caricature, literally exploding into his son’s room with nefarious intentions, the door being cartoonishly thrown off its hinges like some Looney Tunes gag. But Matthew’s father is no joke. His gaslighting and nasty streak are instantly relatable, evoking no laughs just as Hartley surely intended. Matthew’s half of the film is sad and lonely, but insightful and warm in a way that only a humanist at heart could affect. His deadpan aphorisms are endlessly quotable and influenced many romantic depressives for decades to come, including Jim Carrey’s Joel in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Donnie Darko’s title character, the protagonist of Submarine, and so forth. But alas, Trust is a film of two protagonists and their aimless lives on Long Island and their hope in each other. So, more on Matthew a little later on. 

Trust’s other half is dominated by the luminous, adorable Adrienne Shelly in her greatest role, as Maria, a quick-witted and carefree 17-year-old girl grappling with an unplanned pregnancy at the hands of her pathetic quarterback boyfriend Anthony, and suddenly being cast adrift in a cruel and unforgiving town of sexual predators, toxic masculinity, and unstable homes. She begins the film an archetypal nubile, but through her interactions and ultimate romantic relationship with the older and likely asexual Matthew, she learns to believe in someone other than herself and to find her place and confidence. Adrienne Shelly, the beautiful, effervescent soul that was sadly murdered a mere fifteen years later, is a beaming ray of light no matter what room she enters. 

Maria, as a pregnant teen struggling to find a path and possessing an acerbic tongue and a penchant for leaving accidental disaster in her wake, precedes Juno by nearly two decades and again, has clearly influenced emo culture with her hilariously dorky glasses (seen below) and sunken, eyeliner heavy aesthetic. She begins the film by unintentionally slapping her father into a heart attack-induced untimely demise, then spends the rest of her narrative attempting to make amends with her psychopathic mother (a fantastic Merritt Nelson) and make up her mind over whether to keep her child, played out in a highly-stylized manner that some would compare to the works of David Lynch (namely the domestic areas of Twin Peaks) but more closely aligns with the literary approach of Salinger or the Bronte sisters. 

One thing that Trust managed to do, before perhaps any other piece of media at that time, was show how the alienation of youth from the commercialism of the 1980s was already blooming, and it captured, before grunge took it mainstream, the depressing lack of direction experienced by outsiders who couldn’t fit into Reagan’s model. Matthew and Maria do not fit in to the respective lives: Matthew is a thirty-year-old genius still living with a father who hates him, and despite his gifts, has sustained a failure to launch; Maria is a pregnant high school dropout with nothing on her mind besides what’s ten feet in front of her. These two, forced to rely on lethal safety nets, meet by pure happenstance on a cold night in a ramshackle building, and share four or five honest lines and a connection is forged.Their attempts to bring the other into their respective abusive homes are met with consternation and further verbal and physical altercations, almost all of which are darkly humorous in some way, but never successful. And yet, their initial desires to become responsible members of society only decay their psyches more. It is here that we realize while they may not get a happy ending, they have retained their independent identities and succeeded at what they set out to do. 

The best scene in the film comes about halfway through, where Matthew comes into a bar, casually punches two people, then sits down with a massive “keep out” sign practically stapled to his forehead when he’s approached by Peg, Maria’s older, divorced sister. The dialogue of this scene, some of the best I’ve ever seen, somehow pales in comparison to the perfectly-tuned chemistry between the sexy, sassy Peg and the nihilistic Matthew, both of them playing off the other’s perceived weaknesses like the screwball comedies of old. The scene climaxes in a poisonous barb that leaves Peg speechless, and is the only time in entire film when Matthew utilizes a lowbrow dialectic.

It’s also one of the few instances in the entire film when Matthew looks at a character other than Maria while addressing them, leading me to believe (among other reasons) that he’s somewhere on the autism spectrum. His extreme difficulty in opening up to others is shown in painstaking detail, as is his extreme intelligence and lack of upward momentum. Whenever someone or something threatens his world and paradigms, he will often react violently or impulsively. This is a man who carries around a handgrenade “just in case.” He is terrified of change, but he is also aware of the fact that life is always changing. Sometimes quickly, perhaps even painfully, but it does. 

The strange thing is that, even by the film’s end, despite his best efforts, Matthew’s changes as a character are minute. His growth, while not stunted per se, is reliant on whether he is understood, and even Maria, his soul mate, doesn’t get him sometimes. Relationships with a partner on the autism spectrum can be tricky (speaking from experience) but are so worthwhile because they are not unsure of who they are or what they want. Matthew spends much of his dialogue speaking his mind, at times perhaps even too direct (as above) but he is a singular and thoughtful person who wants to do right by the world, even when he doesn’t agree with it.

As the film progresses and Maria’s arc of the film takes precedence, the film shifts direction slightly into a powerfully feminist and deeply open-minded look at a woman’s right to choice, both in her life direction, and more bluntly, about abortion issues. A wonderful subplot involving a no-nonsense nurse (Karen Sillas) that nonchalantly offers her teenage abortion patients shots of scotch in celebration is both hysterical and sad, running the gamut of emotions with a tone of ambivalence. It is the flat prosody of the film that makes all these individual elements come to life, from top down. 

Overall, Trust is a film without Hollywood glitz, but just as achingly romantic and heartfelt and emotionally fulfilling as the silver screen can provide, and most postmodern romantics and emo culture wouldn’t exist without its influence. It’s as honest, sincere and a real as movies get. 

Please, everyone just watch this. It would be Tumblr’s favorite movie, just like it is mine. 

#film #filmreview #great movie #trust #emo #goth #postmodern #romance #hal hartley #martin donovan #adrienne shelly #matthew slaughter #filmblr #movies #cinema #romantic comedy #nihilism #cute #feminism #independent film #drama #1990 #long island #edie falco #merritt nelson #emo culture #goth culture #post-punk #emo movie #emo romance

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for christiana

sign: libra sun | cancer moon | taurus rising

lover: park jimin | soulmate: kim namjoon

This reading is for Christiana, a Jimin bias who regularly finds herself wrecked by Taehyung, Namjoon and Jungkook. The girl has taste! I hope this brings you some joy during this wildly uncertain time. Take care xoxo

Dreamy, empathic, and sociable are just three of the many words that can aptly describe you, dear Libra. As one of the most popular in the zodiac, people naturally gravitate towards your nature empathetic, enthusiastic and caring nature. Your interpersonal relationships are of great value and importance to you - people often come to you for your sound advice, to be heard, and to be understood. Your Taurus rising, however, does not let just anyone into your space, as you are prone to people trying to take advantage of you. While you supremely enjoy the company of others and enjoy a wide social circle, you are also fully comfortable to retreat into solitude at a moment’s notice. This allows you to pause before leaping forward into a job, relationship or important decision - providing you with a level of protection when it comes to your heart that many Libras lack. More than anything, you crave balance and harmony across all areas of your life, because that is when you are most at peace. You are likely to avoid anyone or anything that could disrupt said harmony like the plague.

With your sun in Libra and rising in Taurus, you are one that appreciates life’s many luxuries, and you are known to self-indulge in all that brings you joy. While you want balance in your relationships and work life, when it comes to physical and material pleasures it is likely that excess is not in your vocabulary. Often at the center of social gatherings, you love to be seen, admired, and adored with all eyes on you, preferably with a glass (or two) of champagne in hand. On one night out in standard Libra revelry, you can’t help but take notice of the dark haired boy that emerges next to you at the bar, his presence disarming as he flashes you a flirtatious smile. You can feel his eyes fixated on you with as he watches you try to order a drink before he intercepts the frazzled bartender with merely a swoop of his hair and orders a bottle of Dom. All of that for you? You tease, more than happy to talk to this handsome stranger. A devilish, smirk moves across his face as he hands you a glass. Well, there are two glasses and two of us. Why don’t you join me?

It is not long before you and Jimin - both Libras - become practically inseparable in a whirlwind relationship. Despite his sultry persona and ability to practically undress you with his eyes, you quickly discover his deeply sensitive and emotional nature, and recognize that you are kindred spirits. With his Jupiter in Sagittarius and Venus in Scorpio, he is equally charming, romantic, intense and enthusiastic. In him you see a reflection of a kind, genuine and peace-loving soul, in which you find true comfort. You are also thrilled to find that his shared love of excess extends into the bedroom, wherein he can never leave too many kisses along your neck (all over your body) whisper too many sweet nothings into your near. In bed with Jimin, time does not exist - he is fully devoted to enjoying every inch of you, however long it takes, and is not afraid of running late to his next engagement if it means making you cum back to back. You often lose yourself in intellectual conversation only to find Jimin on top of you, his eyes taking you all in as he presses his weight into you, making you whine against him as his cock hardens between your thighs. As meticulous he is with his dancing, he is equally deliberate with all of his movements, his fingers moving calculatingly over your most sensitive parts as you practically beg for him. Look how beautiful you are, and just for me.

While your affair starts of very passionate and filled with long nights into longer, blissful mornings, this fire soon subsides when you two of you emerge from the early-dating fog of sex, pillow-talk and champagne. Soon enough you two begin questioning each others actions, his jealous and possessive Venus in Scorpio emerging as your shared insecurities bubble up but never reaching the surface. Remember: you’re two Libras, after all, who are practically allergic to conflict. Eventually, your worries about where the other has been and who they were with become exhausting and at odds with to the equilibrium you both crave in a romantic partnership. Your shared inabilities to address issues head on, wanting to exist solely in the fantasy world of your romantic relationship, is not possible to maintain when faced with the complexities and hardships of the real world. You both need someone who will somewhat lead, and ultimately you cannot find that in each other. After the dust settles and emotions are quelled, this becomes a lifelong friends relationship...with the occasional benefits.

Reeling after Jimin, you’re certainly not expecting to fall into anything else so soon other than perhaps a quick rebound at most. So you are surprised to find yourself suggesting coffee exchanging numbers with the cute, tall guy you run to catch up to after picking up his abandoned airpod on the street. Its only hours later when you tell your friends about the encounter with the clumsy, slightly awkward stranger that you’re told its the Kim Namjoon. Of course, your interest is piqued further.

It is weeks before you actually meet again in person and you are happy when he invites you to a small, gorgeously designed cafe. You tend to idealize people and relationships, and you have of course had this idea of him formed in your mind since your first meeting. Namjoon is one of the few people, however, that is truly genuine and lives up to your expectations - he simply exists like that. He is a Virgo through and through, with the fully analytical, reasonable, and hard-working nature that comes along with it. He knows what he wants and the path to get him there, striving for perfection in every area of his life, and he does not shy aware from sharing his goals and dreams with you on the first date. You immediately admire how knowledgeable he is and how strong he is in his beliefs and convictions, while still open to learning more. Both cautious to trust too soon, you take time to open up to each other, falling in love with each others minds over months of long walks hand in hand through the city’s parks and many galleries. Neptune in Capricorn speaks to your sensitive, dreamy Cancer moon and he finds comfort in your ability to make even the most guarded soul relaxed and at home. His Jupiter in Scorpio grounds you - not in a restrictive way but in a way which helps you problem-solve quicker than you would on your own. Suddenly, you can begin to see all of your big plans, hopes and dreams begin to become your reality with him at your side. Your Cancer moon nurtures him, and he is elated to have someone who so openly and ardently loves and supports him and that enigmatic brain of his.

In the early stages of dating you may be intertwined - quite literally - in your own private fantasy world, discussing your current reading lists before his hands move to embrace and explore your curves.  As with everything else, Namjoon wants to be knowledgable when it comes to pleasing you, and it shows in his tender approach which is loving and affectionate with lots of touching and caressing, but also animalistic - think spanking and dirty talk into your ear as rubs your clit and fucks you from behind, endlessly enjoying watching you come undone beneath him. You can, and do, spend countless days and nights together this way, lost in each other’s presence and bodies. But it is not long before your Libra heart begins to crave more of that energy you gain from large social gatherings and groups of friends. His Saturn in Pisces protests, regularly and often. But baby, do we really have to? I’d much rather spend time with you here. His mind quickly changes when he sees you in your LBD, stilettos on, ready to paint the town red. its not long before he too is dressed and out the door to whatever night you have in store. 

Few people know how to get under this Virgo’s skin better than you, Libra. You love how easy it is to rile him up, often without even trying. Namjoon, with his Virgo in Scorpio, is equally annoyed and turned on by your sociable nature, which often has many pining for your attention. For however famous, powerful, and desired he is, he has nothing on your innately flirtatious aura which is akin to a bee to honey. This magnetism you possess is one of many things that attracted him to you, but it also is what gets his blood boiling, bringing out his jealous, controlling and possessive side. This is a man that hates acting out of character or losing himself in emotion, but you cause him to become someone else entirely. You looked so fucking good tonight, everyone couldn’t stop staring. Why do you need to be so sexy? You enjoy seeing him like this, his seeing his eyes darkening as he throws his keys onto a side table and loosening his tie before his big hands grip your waist, hoisting you up onto the kitchen counter to straggle his torso. I’ve been waiting for this all night. I couldn’t stop thinking about getting you home, away from those eyes. But I know you liked the attention, didn’t you princess? Your kitchen is fairly decorative (we know Joonie’s cooking skills) so you are happy to lean back, your legs raised supported by his hands as he devours you whole, making you drip all over the cold marble countertop. 

You and Namjoon are a true opposites-attract pairing, existing on two different wavelengths that manage to flow quite nicely and making you true partners in love. Namjoon adores you for how optimistic yet level-headed you are, and you enjoy his strong, disciplined and future-thinking persona. He needs to understand that perfection is an illusion, and life is meant to be savored. Over time, he learns to be less critical with your sensitive heart, which you remind him of whenever he goes into full Virgo-mode. Ultimately, you know that Namjoon means no harm - he simply wants you to be your best self because he sees you for not just who you are today but who you can be tomorrow. As you both crave balance and fairness, your home will overall be one with minimal turbulence as Namjoon is a problem-solver who will always seek to meet you halfway. It is likely that you cohabitate in a plant and art-filled abode high above Seoul, creating a comforting atmosphere for the two of you to retreat into and find peace. With Namjoon, you create a life that successfully balances autonomy with interdependence and teaches you how to trust in true, long-lasting love. 

#bts #bts astrology #astrology readings #horoscope #horoscope reading #bts fic #bts smut #fiction #libra #virgo

[prettytoxicrevolver]

Wait | Jack Avery

Warnings? Nah, angst maybe? idk 

Requested? By many yes 

Summary: After feelings are revealed, (y/n) has to make a choice 

Word Count: 1,366

Part One is here

“Jack! Wait up!” (y/n) says chasing after her best friend. She figured if she’s gonna get an answer out of either boy, it would hopefully be the one she’s known the longest. Jack doesn’t give her a second to catch up so she ends up jogging until she reaches Jack and grabs his arm to make him stop walking. 

“Hey,” She says out of breath. “What was all that about?” 

Jack calculates his next words carefully. He takes a long look at the girl standing in front of him, and considers telling her about his feelings. She had always been understanding and empathetic, that’s what Jack has loved about her for so long. But would she understand this? 

“Don’t worry about it,” He says trying to offer her the most genuine smile he could come up with and still falling flat anyway. 

“Bullshit,” She calls me out on it. She can see right through my wall and into the thoughts that are of one thing. Her. She sees past the block in my heart to see it beating rapidly in the rhythm of her name. She’s too damn good at this. 

“(y/n) I’m serious. You don’t want to get into the middle of this with me and Daniel. It predates anything you’ve had with him.” 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You trust me right?” He asks not wanting to give her any more information than he has already. Hell, what he said was already too much for his best friend. 

“Of course.” 

“Don’t go near this then,” He insists and then walks away from her for the second time today. 

When Daniel first met (y/n) he was practically infatuated from the start. He loved her personality, the way she was best friends with anyone from the start, how compassionate she was, everything. It didn’t hurt that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. 

But he didn’t want to push his boundaries when it came to her relationship with Jack. He knew the two were close since kids and there were clear feelings on both ends. However he also could tell that neither one had mentioned this to the other. That wasn’t his place, his place was to discuss his feelings for the girl. 

“Hey Jack? Can we talk?” He confronted the younger boy about the best friends about three months after meeting (y/n). He couldn’t handle his feelings anymore without knowing if he could act on them or had to give them up. 

“Yeah man. What’s up?” Daniel had come into his room and fell back onto Jack's bed. Jack turned in his swivel chair to look at him with a concerned look. The bandmates weren’t strangers to hanging out in each other's rooms and working on music or just relaxing but this was different and both knew it. 

Daniel had spent entirely too long wondering how to phrase this question any nicer to end up here. “What’s going on with you and (y/n)?” 

“In what context?” 

“Come on man,” Daniel says, already slightly pained that he has to have this conversation in the first place. “There’s something going on between you two.” 

“Nah man. I mean I don't know about her,” Daniel can tell he’s trying to brush this off and not answer fully. There’s definitely something more to this. 

“Jack,” He says and the younger boy turns to face him. Jack had always been terrible at hiding secrets from anyone. 

“I like her okay? I have since we were kids,” He admits to the older boy and Daniel nods in understanding. 

“Would you be mad if I dated her?” 

Jack was weary about this conversation from the start. He had kept his secret crush on (y/n) for 13 years now and he didn’t like admitting it to many people. Now that Daniel knew and was asking questions, he was even more worried. 

“Do what you want,” Jack responds even though each word is a stab to his heart. 

(y/n) had been gushing to Jack about Daniel since the moment she met him. He knew she would be over the moon if he asked her out. Jack wanted to be selfish and tell Daniel to back off but he couldn’t do that to his best friend. No matter how badly it hurt him. 

Six months into their relationship, (y/n) didn’t notice a difference in the two boys' friendship. Jack and Daniel could tell from the start that there was always going to be a problem. They had become a bit hostile, Jack was jealous that Daniel had everything he wanted. Daniel was mad that Jack had the audacity to be jealous when he had his chance. 

They’re breaking point came when (y/n) went to Jack after she had a bad day instead of going to Daniel. 

“You gotta back off man,” Daniel confronted Jack the next day. 

“She’s my best friend. I can only do so much,” Jack didn’t want to fight but he couldn’t help the anger in his voice. (y/n) was his best friend first and while he could help his feelings, he couldn’t do anything about what she did. 

“Well you can still back off. She should have come to me yesterday but you’re too close.” 

“Whatever,” Jack says and Daniel rolls his eyes. 

“I’m serious. Take a step back from the friendship. She needs to know I’m here for her and our relationship should come first,” He relents finally. Daniel didn’t want to fight either but she also wasn’t up for letting Jack push his relationship around. 

(y/n) often doesn’t take no for an answer though. So when Jack walks away, it’s his breaking point when she pulls him back again. 

“Jack! Tell me,” She insists when she catches up to him. 

She grabs his arm once more and he falters in his steps. He decides he can’t take it anymore, and wraps an arm tightly around his best friend's waist. He pulls her close and smashes his lips against hers. She’s shocked to say the least and is frozen in place before melting into his touch. 

"Jack,'' She breathes out when they pull apart. "what the hell?" 

"I didn't- I shouldn't-" He stutters helplessly. (y/n) smiles despite herself and presses her lips against his. 

Jack is shocked at his best friend's reponse. What he didn’t know is that (y/n) had been harboring feelings for him ever since she could remember. He had bound his way straight into her heart and she hadn't tried to look back since. However, as years went by her heart grew weary just as Daniel stepped into her life. 

She wanted to love him. She wanted her hopeless love, her painless crush to fade but nothing worked. She liked Daniel, and he had the potential to be loved but she couldn't seem to love him with her whole heart. 

“What are you doing? What about Daniel?” Jack finally stutters out when the two break apart again. 

“I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve loved you for half my life. And I’ve been waiting for you for longer than that.” 

“So you never loved me.” 

(y/n) practically jumps out of her skin at the sound of Daniels' voice. She didn’t want it to end like this. She never in a million years wanted to hurt the boy that gave her so much and loved her endlessly despite her feelings working against him. He deserved better, deserved the world. He certainly didn’t deserve what was happening right now. 

“Of course I loved you,” She says taking a step towards the heartbroken boy. 

“But never as much as you loved him.” 

With that, Daniel takes off and (y/n) is rooted in her place. She can’t figure out whether to cry or scream or stand numb in her place. She had her world come together and fall apart and it was all her fault. 

“(y/n),” Jack tries but it doesn’t help the pain radiating in her chest. Why did she have to be so impulsive? She follows Daniels lead, taking off in the other direction. 

“(y/n) wait!” 

#jack avery #daniel seavey #jonah marais #zach herron #corbyn besson #why don't we #jack avery imagine #daniel seavey imagine #jonah marais imagine #zach herron imagine #corbyn besson imagine #why don't we imagine #wdw #wdw imagine #part two #imagine #bravebesson

[novantinuum]

Bi the Way...

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen

Words: 2.8K~

Pairings: Steven/Connie

Summary: Connie has a question, and also something to say.

Or: the one where Connie comes out as bisexual :D Set post Steven Universe: The Movie.

You can find the AO3 link in the reblogs! (I have to omit it from the original post these days to ensure this will show up in the tags.) If you enjoyed this, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos on AO3 as well.

---

Bi the Way...

Outside the familiar coziness of Steven’s bedroom, the late autumn rain pours steadily, the choppy waters of the Atlantic crashing onto shore with a ferociousness Connie hasn’t seen for a number of months. Historically, Beach City has been blessed to be host to consistently good weather. But even the most consistently stable meteorological systems aren’t immune to the odd unexpected shake-up. It’s a necessity to clear the air with a great thunderous clap, sometimes. It relieves pressure that’s built up long term amongst the clouds. It leaves the atmosphere noticeably cleaner, the dirt below sparkling with that fresh scent that comes about after torrents of cool rain.

On this particular afternoon, she’s found that this is a lesson that holds just as true for people as it does the weather.

It begins with a stray comment, as things often do.

They’re watching TV, the two of them, tangled together on his bed. About once a week they’ll try to have one of these cuddle sessions, just some time alone together to relax and enjoy each other’s company in private. Working alongside a myriad of Gems to aid in the restructuring of an entire society can be excruciatingly stressful at points, and so can rigorous AP classes and the eye-rolling drudgery of high school drama. There’s no placing a hierarchy on these things for them, no matter their outward difficulty or importance, they’re all just... the challenges in life they have to win. And on occasion, they’re the challenges they need a quiet break from. Both of them are no stranger to throwing themselves at a problem and working endlessly towards a solution until they hit rock bottom and crash, but over the years they’ve started to recognize this tendency for the bad habit it is. It’s okay to take 'me' time, Connie’s constantly reminding Steven (and herself) whenever she catches him about to stubbornly sneak away to the galaxy warp with clear stress lines rimming his eyes. And without fail he’ll groan halfheartedly, knowing he’s been caught red-handed, and retire to his room to relax with a book or a board game or a few rounds of Lonely Blade: Resurgence instead.

Today’s workaholic distraction is a marathon of old Under the Knife episodes. It’s been a while since they’ve binged through this show, and when Steven brought it up and she started to feel super nostalgic about it, in a flash their entertainment for the afternoon was selected.

“Gosh, I honestly forgot how good this is,” he says in the middle of an episode, nudging her arm with his elbow. “The satirical nonsense, the passion, the drama? Eh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty pulpy,” she giggles, nudging him right back. Then, directed at the unhearing characters on screen: “Ughh, Marigold, come on, just go out with him already! We all know you like him!”

“I can’t believe they kept this a slow burn for five entire seasons,” he comments, pursing his lips. “They’re literally perfect for each other!”

Connie throws her arms down against the mattress, palms stretched wide open. “I know, right?? Adrien’s like, a total dreamboat of a man.”

“Yeah, he is pretty cute,” Steven says, an unmistakable blush coloring his face and ears.

Connie pauses upon hearing this, gazing at her boyfriend thoughtfully with a soft smile as he continues to watch this old episode with the same level of investment he exhibited upon its first airing. He props his chin in the cradle of his hands, which of course only further exaggerates the curve of his chubby cheeks. His eyes are blown wide with youthful endeavor, the TV’s glow glinting against his irises in a myriad of continuously shifting colors. He is pretty cute, she thinks, his own adorably smitten words echoing through her mind. And then that blush...

There’s a question she’s had for quite a while but has never asked. Something she’s suspected of him, but had no concrete proof of. The reason? Even if they’re best friends, and now— boyfriend and girlfriend on top of that— the idea of asking him something like this just felt too... what’s the word... invasive. Not that there’s anything wrong with discussing this sort of stuff, no, no, of course not! That’s definitely not what she means. But talking about something as important as this, she just knows it would turn into an in-depth conversation, as most worldly topics tend to do with Steven Universe, and it’s only inevitable this conversation would eventually turn back on her. On why she cared to ask in the first place. And that answer was... well, straightforward, but something she’s not sure she’s ready to broadcast. As if she’s taken command of but a single fragment of Garnet’s future vision, in her restless mind she’s already mapped out what feels like every possible response he could have to her. Most of them are no more than anxiety laced fabrications, things he would never ever dare think of with his upbringing, but believe her when she says she’s been burdened with considering every possible outcome in great, excruciating length.

Now that she knows for sure there’s a strong chance he’s the same way, however... that narrows down these possibilities significantly.

Connie threads her fingers together, gathering the courage.

Come on, you. It’s just Steven. No script, no planning, just... say it!

She opens her mouth to speak before her anxiety laden mind can beg to differ.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask- do you like girls and guys?”

Steven glances away from the television set to meet her curiosity head on. “Oh, you mean like, romantically?”

Running in automatic, she nods in confirmation. Here she goes. The answer to both her spoken question, and the question of which river of possibility this conversation will careen down.

He grins, scratching at the side of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I do! But I think I could like anyone, really. Guys, gals, none of the above. Doesn’t matter to me. That’s... okay, yes?”

“Silly, of course it’s okay! You don’t need my permission to like who you like. I just asked because I-“ Her heart pounds as she pauses briefly, focusing on the nervous jitters, but not in fear. Not anymore. Instead, that soft fluttering in her heart is nothing less than sheer exhilaration. She parts her lips once more, bravely speaking her inner truth into reality for the first time in her life. “I’m like that too. I... I’m bisexual.”

Her boyfriend’s whole expression lights up so bright she may as well be looking at a newborn star.

“Oh, really? That’s awesome!” he says, throwing an arm around her shoulder to side hug her. (Knowing him, his keen empathetic ability likely led him to sense the internal battle she waltzed through just to state this out loud.)

The forgotten soap opera continues to play in the background as Connie gives a bashful laugh.

“Hehe, glad you think so. You’re actually, um... the first person I’ve ever said that out loud to,” she says, blushing.

Steven looks as if he’s about to say something in response, but then he pauses— fades into a silence that’s deliberate and measured— as he gazes back at her. Drinks in the moment. Wonders how he could be so lucky to hold her trust like this, or how— heck, he could be thinking anything, she has no idea! Unlike him she can only catch small glimpses into how he feels, the truth woven like gossamer threads through his words and actions, but in this one hallowed moment she doesn’t need to guess. The spark of affection dancing within his dark eyes is soft, perhaps softer than he’s ever looked at her before.

More than anything, Connie feels seen. Years back, long before sword training and Gem missions, long before that fateful day she discovered the beautiful temple (it looked like it could very well be a Hindu goddess, and that cultural connection alone made this slice of beach instantly familiar) hidden on the other side of the hill and decided to park herself there with a book, she’d grown used to feeling invisible. Before she bravely chose to step into this world of magic, it’s as if she forgot that she even had a choice to stand out, to openly shine as the unique, extraordinary individual she is. Admittedly, she still struggles with that to this day. But whenever she’s with him, with her Steven? It’s as if her universe explodes into a kaleidoscope of dizzying color where everything is so, so beloved and worthwhile. She’s worthwhile.

She can only hope being with her makes him feel the same way.

“I know it’s silly after everything we’ve been though,” she continues in time, still having a few things on her mind she suddenly has an exhilarating need to set free, “but I always kinda worried that people... would belittle me for it, I guess. Especially my parents. That like, there’s some upper limit to the number of unusual things about my life they’ll accept.”

“It’s not that unusual, though,” Steven says with a shrug. “I mean, Ruby and Sapphire are legally married. Sure, the Gems aren’t exactly women, but they do present that way. And then Pearl was in love with Mom, of course. Oh, and Amethyst once told me, and I quote, that ‘like a whip, I swing in every direction.’”

Connie snorts at this, and even he can’t help but laugh.

“Let’s see, what else...” he muses, peering at the ceiling thoughtfully as he continues to list the queer individuals he knows of. “Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream are all dating each other. Mr. Smiley finally reconnected for real with his old comedy partner, and they’re dating. And my dad may not be seeing anyone but he’s always been openly pansexual.”

“Well, it’s not usual in my family,” she says glumly, nestling her chin into his bed’s comforter as the terrifying possibility of rejection hits her harder than expected. Her glance roams. On the television screen, the episode they were watching had paused automatically, a message asking if they’re still there popping up. Clearly it’s been a while since anyone’s handled the remote. She blinks past tears, shame settling at the pit of her stomach for even daring to cry them when others have gone through so much worse, and you’re lucky, what do you even have to feel lost about, and suddenly she begins to feels shameful just for feeling shame, and what cyclical, bittersweet irony is that, and what’s wrong with her, why can’t she stop obsessing over distant possibilities that likely have zero chances of coming to pass, why can’t she—

Steven breaks through her downward spiral with a gentle hand on her shoulder, rubbing away the physical evidence of her stress. She melts into his touch, forever smitten by this kind of casual intimacy they get to experience together here, alone. It’s innocent, still merely the wandering hands of two teenagers barely beginning to break the boundaries between close friendship and romance, but when words fail she’s discovered that touch can be a language of its own. And right here, right now, she knows he’s talking her down from the mountain of anxiety she’s marooned herself on. He’s leapt effortlessly into the stormy sky and cradled her in his arms, ready to float back to Earth’s surface together.

Outside, the rain continues to slap in rhythmic sheets against the deck. She shivers. Maybe it’s in reaction to the gloomy weather beyond the sliding glass door, maybe it’s despite it. She has no idea.

Steven scoots forward on his belly a bit, and rolls to his side so they can talk face to face without turning their heads. During this, his shirt rides up— ever so slightly— ambient light catching on the lower facets of his gem. The reassurance found in that beautiful, familiar smile of his is dizzying. “Well, at least no matter what happens with your family, you have more than one, huh?“ he says.

“Yeah,” she breathes shakily, eyes glistening with emotion at the metaphorical hand he’s extending with that statement.

Hopefully it’ll never have to come to that, though.

“I do think my parents will be fine with it, if I ever do tell them,” she continues, dabbing the dampness from her eyes. “Especially my mom. She works with queer patients all the time at the hospital, so she’s pretty used to stuff like that. I just... get anxious sometimes.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s tough dealing with identity stuff.”

She hums, mind immediately harking to the years he spent doubting his own personhood. Seeking any kind of physical connection she can get, she nuzzles her cheek against his forearm, which he’s currently leaning on. They lay there like that in comfortable silence for a good while. Steven, laying on his side, one hand lazily trailing through her wavy hair, and her, curled up close to his heartbeat, hugging his free arm.

“Hey, while we’re on the topic, can I ask you something?” he asks eventually.

She nods. “Anything.”

“How’d you distinguish bi from pan, when you were figuring all this out? I know they’re pretty similar, and my dad tried to explain it a while ago when I asked, but I still don’t exactly get the nuances.”

Connie shifts to sit up, pursing her lips as she considers her words here. She’s done a lot of research into queer identity in her time, checking out books from the school library and looking up stuff online on incognito mode, but there’s probably still a ton of holes in her knowledge. “Hmm, okay... so I’m no sole authority on any of this of course, but to the best of my knowledge bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, and pan means you’re attracted to people, but like... their gender isn’t really a factor in the way you experience that at all? I‘m pretty sure? There seems to be a lot of overlap. From what I’ve read people just sorta pick whatever feels the best to them.”

“Huh, that makes sense,” Steven says. “So picking labels is kinda like fusion, then! Whenever I fuse, we decide our own name, and it’s sorta... based on a feeling, y’know?”

“Yeah! And like, with Stevonnie... Even though Amethyst kinda inspired the name, they still had to figure out who they were as a person on their own.”

“Exactly! And then, even if two fusions are made of the same gem types, they could still have different names because they’re different people, and that’s what they choose. Anyways, that’s just what this reminded me of,” he says, glancing up at her with a bashful smile. “Honestly... I don’t actually know how I identify.”

The corner of her lips edge upwards. “That’s fine,” she reassures him with a pat, “it took me a while to sort through all this stuff.”

“I really wanna figure it out, have a word for it, but nothing’s clicked yet. For a while I thought I was pansexual like my dad, but that didn’t quite... feel right. Like—“ he too shifts to sit up, folding his feet under his legs as he continues to speak— “I love getting to kiss you, but no offense, I don’t... know if I'll ever want to have- to do anything more than that, y’know?”

She snickers at his inability to simply say the word sex. He’s seventeen now, he knows full well what that is, yet still his faux innocence on the matter remains. It’s one of his charms.

“None taken. Love and attraction is a bizarre, complicated world.”

“You can say that again.”

“Bogus.”

“Whack,” he agrees with a playful grin. Reaching for the remote, he presses play a few times to wake up their streaming site. The episode starts up right where it left off, and they continue to watch together, the air somehow feeling sweeter after her much needed release of emotion.

The satirical medical drama quickly fades into the background, though, as Steven’s hand curls around hers.

“Hey,” he says quietly, blushing. “Even if I don’t know everything about labels yet, I do know one thing for sure.”

She raises a curious brow. “What?”

“I know I love you.”

And before she can open her mouth to respond in kind, he’s kissing her cheek, swooping in like a bandit just like she did for the first time all those months ago, and her heart swells with affection for this boy. He leaves her with one kiss, then two. At the exact moment she turns her head to reciprocate— to sneak a gentle kiss to his cheek right back— he turns as well and she ends up meeting him at the lips. It’s but a quick peck, but she's almost floating. The two of them stifle a laugh as they gaze at each other, their noses almost brushing together.

“Hey, it stopped raining,” he comments then, grinning against her cheek.

She drapes her arms around his shoulders, and hugs him close. Her eyes trail to the glass sliding door. The clouds outside are still thick, but after releasing their load they’re visibly lighter now.

“Yeah,” she breathes, feeling her muscles finally relax as she sinks into her best friend’s embrace. “Yeah, I guess it finally has.”

#su #steven universe #connie maheswaran #connverse #su fanfiction #su fanfic #my writing stuff

[katstevns]

@katstevns: welp. I haven’t even started this post and I’m already crying. Happy birthday to my favorite person in the entire world my brother @ryanstevensdotcom. You are 30 today. Holy crap! I can’t believe it. We have been through so much together in this life, and I couldn’t be prouder to be your sister, to stand by your side through it all. You are the kindest, most loving, talented, empathetic, funniest person I know. You can light up a room in an instant and make every single person laugh. You’re humble, almost to a fault, sometimes not recognizing how absolutely incredible you are, but it keeps you grounded. You pick up new talents so effortlessly that it blows my mind. Whether it be singing, acting, the guitar, piano, (oh and let’s not forget the few years of clarinet and violin 😂) or writing screen plays, shorts, and stand up comedy.. I am always in awe of you, and wishing I could be more like my big brother. You will never understand how much I look up to you and adore you. I am so proud of the man that you are and continue to become. You’re moving into a new chapter in your life, surrounded by so many people who love you and root for you. Reach for all your dreams, don’t let fear stop you, and know that you are worthy of having everything you want out of this life. I couldn’t be more grateful that mom and dad gave me a lifetime best friend. I love you endlessly. Happy freakin 30th you old bag!!! I can’t wait to be with you to celebrate! 💙

#instagram

[pollylynn]

Title: O tempora WC: 900

She finds his relationship to time completely baffling. She’s known him to ask Are we there yet? four times in the same one-minute interval and only the last one was a deliberate attempt to provoke her. But she’s also known him to blink up at her from the seat in front of the murder board he’s occupied the whole night long and ask, confused, if she decided not to go home after all.

On the morning they find Lightbulb Len Levitt in the park, she’s more annoyed than baffled by the complexities of his relationship with time, because he doesn’t seem to have noticed that everything in the whole world is off by an hour. He babbles about exotic pets and when she snaps that he’s the weirdest pet she’s ever had, he misses her Daylight Savings–related discombobulation entirely and grins as though he’s pleased as punch by his new title.

He’s still clueless on Discombobulation Day 2. He’s still annoying as he zigzags along beside her, dropping literary references and looking vaguely disappointed by the fact that she’s not keeping up—she’s not even guessing—and it doesn’t seem to occur to him that she’s saving all her energy for downing the coffee he’s brought her. It doesn’t seem to occur to him that the cup she’s clutching in both hands is saving his life in at least two ways at the moment.

And then his bizarre relationship with time grants him another stay of execution. His early-morning flash of insight has led to them to the camera, to the time-stamped photos, to the only evidence they have at all related to not just their murder, but an abduction—a child abduction—and she’s suddenly downright grateful for the fact hat he’s so untethered from anything resembling a normal person’s schedule that he thinks nothing of dragging her back to a crime scene before what would have been dawn two days earlier.

She’s grateful—though not without guilt—for the way time dilates for him as soon as it’s clear that the case isn’t just a matter of solving Lightbulb Len’s murder, but bringing a young boy home. It wakens that dogged persistence of his. It opens the floodgates of his imagination, for good and for ill, and in rapid succession he has ideas about putting out calls to local schools, making the absolute most of the quick-thinking shots Len snapped off in his last moments of life.

The age difference between Alexis and their abductee collapses to nothing for him. Her stomach does an unpleasant, empathetic little flip and she thinks about the way she teases her dad—the way she used to tease her mom—about Parent Time. She almost tells him about it.

She sneaks a sideways look at his worried face and she’s on the shy edge of telling him how next week, her dad will pretend to forget what birthday it is for her her. He’ll pretend to guess and guess, and he’ll go on about how it was just yesterday that he insisted her mom bundle up to go to the hospital, even though it had been fifty-five degrees the day she was born. She’s just on the shy edge of telling him when he remembers, with absolute fidelity, the marks on Alexis’s socks from what has to be ten years ago.

Later on—and by then she’s lost all sense of how much later—he remembers, with absolute fidelity, what it was like to have lost his daughter for the space of an hour. It drives her forward. It drives them both forward, and by the same token, it grants her a vital moment’s grace to be patient with Dean Donegal, to crouch at his side and speak to him gently, to gain his trust.

It’s fitting, though, that the real breakthrough comes courtesy of his wild impatience. He notices the time discrepancy—eight minutes between the time the kidnappers shot the proof of life video and they time they sent it. It’s an unthinkable stretch of eternity for him, a man who dances with absolute fury any time his fancy-ass phone dares to hit him with the spinning dial icon when he’s trying to distract the boys with whatever kitten gif or video of some jackass leaving his pants behind as he attempts the idiotic internet stunt of the week. Eight minutes and ACE come together precisely because he cannot wait for anything, and she feels hope for the first time that they might pull this off—they might get Tyler and Dean out of this alive.

And they do get them out of it alive, and it’s due in no small part to the fact that time, in practical terms, doesn’t really exist for him. It’s due in no small part to the fact that the subway he rides endlessly some days is full of stories.

She calls him a little later.  He’s run off to see a girl about a rat. She wants to know how that whole saga has turned out. She wants to thank him between the lines, like they sometimes do, for the way he becomes unstuck in time.


“Beckett,” he says groggily. He must have been sleeping, and she wants to laugh. She does laugh. “Beckett, what time is it?  I have no idea what time it is.”

A/N: Yes, I’m projecting my own despair about sunlight on to Beckett. But the episode did air right after DST ended in the US, which I didn’t know when I homed in on timestamps as the “object.” Hmmm.

images via homeofthenutty

#Castle #Caskett #Castle: Sesaon 3 #Castle: Murder Most Fowl #Kate Beckett #Richard Castle #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Writing #Alexis Castle #Jim Beckett #Johanna Beckett #Hmmm

[griffinsandpeacocks]

Shatter My Expectations And I’m Yours (Shatter Me, Lindsey Stirling Ft. Izzy Hale)

Dorian had a set pattern. He knew that pattern well. If it were a walked path it would be well worn as much as a favored path through the forest, or maybe the faded cobbles under a guard patrol. Yet even so that well known pattern was monotonous and dull even when it had exciting outcomes they were a short reprieve from that same slow turning pattern. He was getting dizzy left to spin in this cycle endlessly. He wasn’t alive anymore with the excitement that came with something considered taboo, now he was so well established in the little steps that it had lost all charm becuase it never lasted and would end only to start again with a new contestant. 

He had no real light in his life. The one driving factor that kept him going was the passion to prove Tevinter could be great, and it need not use blood magic to be that way. It didn’t need constant power struggles, if it’s people could unite then they could prove every other nation wrong, they weren’t blood thirsty maleficar that bled slaves dry by the hundreds, they were a nation of great art, and strength that could prove mages need not be leashed like dogs. They could prove magic and mages specifically could add so much more to the world if treated as ordinary citizens and allowed their freedom. In fact the mages of the south had a much better chance of setting such an example... All they needed was the chance, but first this war and the crazed bastard from Chantry Myth had to be dealt with. 

He’s reading and trying to find the connections they need when the elf walks up to him. At first Dorian doesn’t notice him but when he sits back pinching the bridge of his nose before rubbing at his temples and looks up, all he sees is the lean form of the archer. Alarion was standing back watching him with a soft smile on his face looking slightly concerned. 

“Ah, Inquisitor, to what do I owe this visit?” Dorian says smiling and instantly masking his frustration and tiredness. Alarion isn’t fooled, in fact he rarely is. The archer was sharp eyed, even if his left was blind, he made up for it in his skill in observation. He rarely missed important details of the land around him and the minute shifts of a facial expression he was staring at. He’d learned Dorian’s facial expressions well. He’d done so with every person that followed him into danger. He even could tell you if Harding was nervous, or even if she was or wasn’t paying you actual attention rather than tuning you out. He could even give you pointers on what was giving away certain expressions. Josephine had even tested his skills out against masked Orlesian nobles. It was harder for him but he’d still hit more often than miss a mark. He was an empathetic passionate elf, who though he would focus on elves he often went out of his way to help everyone. 

“I was wondering if you were holding up alright... And there’s an issue I wanted to discuss...” He looks uncertain and Dorian only remembers that expression a few times. When they’d traveled to that twisted future and again when they’d been about to come back. Though he hadn’t just been uncertain then, he’d looked horrified and angry as well. When he’d gone after Alexius Dorian was surprised he’d chosen to spare his life. Alarion had the mage on the ground a dagger at his neck and had chosen to just knock out the mage instead of kill him as the Fereldan king swept in. Upon seeing the elf he went from bristled and ready for conflict to rather calm waiting for the elf to decide the fate of the mages. Dorian had had no idea why until he latter learned the man had to Consorts both elves and both men. Both were talented rouges. 

Alarion had decided to give the mages a second chance as allies, though made it expressly clear they would be around Templars they would need to work together with a semblance of civility and atop all of it, if they fucked up, as in one went and became an abomination, he’d cut them down personally if Templars didn’t first. Dorian later learned Alarion had had to kill his own sister after she’d fallen for an offer made by a demon of lust. The archer took no pride in the event but he was eerily comfortable when confronted by abominations. He’d cut it down rather than flinch. Though they’d learned those stories from a surviving clan member that had been dug out from The Temple. 

Apparently the young elf had been only ten when he’d landed the killing shot on his sister. He’d been in the forest edging their camp when he’d heard the screams start. He’d taken aim and moved through the bushes and taken her down even as he recognized the tattered torn remains of her robes. He’d loosened the arrow in shock and had stopped her before bursting forward and loosing a second arrow that hit her heart. He’d known the rules of the clans, should one of their own fall into the temptations of demons the clan was responsible for putting down the corrupted mage and ending their suffering. Alarion had been confronted by Solas about this and the elf had frozen.

“I did not kill her out of hatred, spite or anger.” He had admit looking down. He placed a hand over his blind eye and looked up at everyone who’d tuned in curious and eager to know more about the elf most adored and some still hated or feared, this had been as they traveled to Skyhold, so it was bound to happen that some personal history would come out for the inner members of the newborn Inquisition. 

“I killed her to end her suffering. Because I knew full well the reason she’d fallen was due to wanting to fix my eye. It was an accident she had felt responsible for that caused my to lose sight in it. Though I will never blame her... Even if it did lose my eye, if she had not done as she had I would have lost my life. Thus it was a small price to pay. She’d been looking for ways to cure the damage in the fade and a demon of lust had offered... She fell for the trap. I regret never thanking her for everything she had gone through... I was a child, but I was then seen as an adult. What better than to bear the mark of Falon’Din? I may as well wear the mark of Death.” He’d said then and Dorian had recalled how Solas had been quite in thought for quite some time after that and had looked lost in thought. 

“You feel guilt on it then.” Solas had said and Alarion had tilted his head lowering his hand and shaking his head.

“Of a sort... I regret not being able to help support her like she clearly needed. Instead I was self absorbed in my own troubles, children no matter their race can be cruel and being partially blind made me an easy target. I feel nothing at the fact I was forced to kill her. I had a choice. Die, and let others die, or kill her before she could kill me or anyone else. I chose the path that had the least blood on it. I just wish their had been a path that would have spared the blood shed altogether. There probably was... I was just blind to it until it was too late and it had become overgrown.” Alarion had said eyes sad like they were now. Dorian watched the other and frowns.

“I’m holding up well enough I suppose, though this library has all manner of volumes on whether Divine Galatia took a shit on sunday I’m afraid it has little on accurate Tevinter histories. Which makes my job difficult.” He groused and the elf smiles but it fades quickly.

“I’m not sure you’ll like this but it is a distraction. Here read this, it’s a letter Mother Giselle received, I’m getting tired of that woman... Sorry, she said it was from your father.” He says and Dorian feels his nose flare as he gets agitated he stands taking the letter and reading it only to scoff. Alarion stands perfectly still and watches.

“I know my son? Pft, he could barely fill a thimble with what he knows about me! Typical... I’d be willing to bet this ‘retainer’ is merely a henchman hired to knock me over the head and drag me back off to Tevinter.” Dorian hisses and Alarion tilts his head curiously, his black hair falls off his shoulder and rests behind him in a fall of braids and lose hair. 

“Could it be Venatori?” He asks and Dorian paused.

“Perhaps... Though this does look like my father’s penmanship. Or... He could have joined the Venatori... I doubt it but anything’s possible. Let’s go and meet this so called, ‘family retainer’, if it’s a trap we get out and kill everyone, you’re good at that, if not we send them back with a message for my father to stick his alarm in his wit’s end.” Dorian hissed and Alarion frowns and paused, he’d flinched, albeit only slightly, at being told what he was good at, he may have shrugged it off and embraced it in the most literal way he could but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. Unless the one dying was a waste of air. Then he might get some satisfaction out of sticking an arrow in their eye. 

“Bad blood between you?” He asks and Dorian snickers a cringe on his face as he grimaced a slight grin.

“Interesting turn of phrase... Let’s just say we have disagreements on my choices and me with theirs.” Dorian says evasively. Alarion frowns.

“Like not getting married or leaving Tevinter?” The elf asks and Dorian shrugs.

“Two of many other things.” He says and Alarion knows he’ll get no where so shrugs.

“Let’s go see what this is all about then.” Alarion says, he paused and looks back at Dorian with his good eye.

“Should I have any others with us? I’d say we should at least have Bull and Varric along, we could even bring Cole. Help us get a read on everything?” He says and Dorian paused.

“Cole and Bull are fine... Varric might use this as an excuse to write in daddy issues to my long list of character traits.” Dorian sighs and Alarion smiles and huffs a soft laugh.

“Alright, let’s gather them up and ride out.” He says and they walk out and over to Herald’s Rest both ignoring the Mother that watches with a frown and disapproving stare. 

“Bull, come on I have a mission I need you for, I’m grabbing Cole and we’ll head out.” Alarion says and Bull nods and stands up from the slouch he’d been in and Dorian waits knowing the other’s watching him and picking apart every little hint Dorian is unintentional putting out that he’s pissed. 

“Something have you in a tiff, Dorian.” Bull says and Dorian growls.

“Someone rather.” He snaps and Bull blinks looking a bit more directly at Dorian trying to find what’s getting his fuse so short. Alarion comes down and he’d asked Cole not to try helping Dorian quite yet. They all head out at fast as they can for Redcliff. Going into the Gull and Lantern it’s empty just Dorian and Alarion, Bull and Cole wait outside. The elf sees someone move before Dorian does. His green eyes narrow and his hands slide behind him one hand on a dagger the other silently clipping the strap keeping the blade in the sheath. Anyone who saw him, and didn’t know him, would just think he had his hands behind him in a respectful pose. 

“No one here... This doesn’t bode well...” Dorian sighs and Alarion steps closer to say something keeping his eyes on the figure but they speak before he can.

“Dorian.” It’s just his name but Dorian feels anger course through him, he knows that voice and it makes his guts turn to ice. Though it oddly brings a tiny glimmer of hope. Foolish as it was. 

“Father.” Alarion drops his hands to his sides blinking at the man and then looking at Dorian.

“So an elaborate smoke screen..? Why?” Dorian snaps steeling his irritation. 

“Then you were told...” Alarion sneers.

“I don’t like having my friends walk into possible traps blind, a shocker that.” Alarion spits hands clenching as he can practically feel the unease radiating off Dorian. 

“I apologize, Inquisitor, I never intended for you to be involved.” He says and Alarion steps up to stand at Dorian’s side.

“You wanted him with that hag that doesn’t care for him you mean.”The elf hissed and Dorian looks over at the elf and sets a hand on his lower back which makes the elf step a bit back and just glower at Halward while a sneer seems to permanently fix itself to his face. Dorian can’t blame him seeing how that disgusted look shows on his fathers face even if barely.

“Of course not, the Great Magister Pavus couldn’t be seen with the dread Inquisitor, what would people say?” Dorian snaps as his head turns back to his father. He might freeze in fear when he might have a chance at someone for more than just a night of mutual pleasure but against his father, his temper peaks.

“What exactly is this, father? Ambush, kidnapping, touching family reunion?” Dorian snarls and Alarion keeps his eye on the man he’s steadily wanting to fire arrows at. Countless arrows. He’d run out of arrows. Several times.

“It has always been like this...” Who the idiot is appealing to Dorian is unsure given he’s certain Alarion wants to tear his father into little pieces and scatter them through the Wastes. 

“Considering you lied to get him here? I wonder why he would be angry?” Alarion scoffs. Dorian piviots keeping himself facing towards his father slightly but looking at the elf.

“You don’t know the half of it! Though... Perhaps you should.” He says thoughtfully and Halward clearly grows uneasy.

“Dorian, there is no need-” Dorian looks up and sneers before looking back at the elf.

“I prefer the company of men, my father disproves.” He says and Alarion paused brain almost blowing smoke out of his ears as several images run through his mind of Dorian in several questionable posses and positions on top or under men of varying races, stature and looks. Though a popular one seems to be himself.

“Ah... I’ve heard a bit about that... And I prefer the same.” Alarion clears his throat and glanced away flushing slightly and Dorian smirks.

“I should have known that’s what this was about.” Halward sneers and Dorian immediately gets back to spitting like an angry cat.

“No. You don’t get to make assumptions, you know nothing about the Inquisitor.” Dorian snarls. Alarion feels that blush get worse and almost wants to just drag him back to Skyhold and see exactly what Dorian preferred.

“This isn’t what I wanted.” The man gripes and Alarion snorts as if he could care what this bastard wanted. He’d known him all of maybe five minutes and wanted him to become a demented pincushion. 

“I’ve never been what you wanted, forgotten that already?” Dorian spits sneering and Alarion sighs.

“Then that’s a big deal in Tevinter?” He asks and Dorian shakes his head and looks back at the elf.

“If you want to live up to impossible standards. Every Tevinter family is inter marrying to distill the perfect mage, perfect body, perfect mind. The perfect leader. Which means ever perceived flaw, ever aberration, is deviant and shameful, it must be hidden.” Dorian snarls and Alarion winced. Every flaw is stacked against you, pressure slowly fracturing your mask no matter how carefully constructed.

“That’s what this is about?” The elf asks softly hating the fact the two were so far apart though he hates the older vint he also hates seeing children with such poor ties to their parents when he never knew his.

“Who you sleep with?” He asks and Dorian scoffs.

“Not all of it.” He says and Alarion shakes his head confused. 

“Dorian if you’d just listen..” 

“Why? So you can spout more convenient lies? He taught me to hate blood magic, ‘The resort of the weak mind’, those were his words. Yet the first thing you turn to when your precious heir refuses to play pretend the rest of his life? You try to change me!” Dorian is pacing now having gotten in his father’s face before retreating looking at the other man his pain is almost palpable. Alarion goes rigid. This fucking bastard did what to Dorian? Alarion hasn’t felt possessive in his life, but he’s beginning to understand what it might feel like.

“I only wanted what was best for you.” Halward tries to appeal but neither of the two in the tavern with him buy it or care. Dorian says what both of them are thinking.

“You wanted what was best for you! For your fucking legacy! Anything for that.” Dorian looks upset now and all the elf wants is to hold the mage. Dorian just feels so trapped and lonely like he’s just spinning in the dark. Alarion moves so he’s standing between the two and takes a deep breath. There’s the smallest chance the man is wanting to reconnect and at least try and fix his relationship with his son. 

“Don’t leave it like this Dorian... I may not like this prick, but... I can see the pain. Just a try.” He says softly. Dorian looks at him and nods. He walks up to Halward. Alarion stands back but is still ready to rip the older human apart.

“Tell me why you came.” Dorian says calmly or at least he is a bit more calm than he had been.

“If I knew I’d drive you to the Inquisition..” Dorian shakes his head and moves back a step.

“You didn’t. I joined becuase it’s the right thing to do. Once I had a father who would have know that.” Dorian turns and starts to walk to the door.

“Once I had a son that trusted me... A trust I betrayed.” Dorian paused turning to look back.

“I only wanted to hear his voice again... To talk to him and ask he forgive me.” Halward says softly and Dorian looks at Alarion who only slightly inclines his head. He sees the deep need in Dorian to fix this one burnt bridge in his past since his others were all beyond repair. The elf would do everything in his power to help the other. Alarion moves to the door and keeps it open barely a crack and waits there listening like a hawk for any sound of a scuffle or sound that isn’t hushed talking. When the mage exits he’s silent and they spend the ride back to Skyhold like that.

“He says we’re alike. Too much pride... Once I would have loved to hear that. Now... I’m not so certain... I don’t know if I can forgive him.” Dorian says staring out the window of his nook and Alarion watches him wanting to comfort the mage and woefully uncertain how.

“How’d he try to change you?” The elf asks softly.

“He was desperate. I wouldn’t play the part and marry the girl, keep everything unsavory locked away and private. Selfish, not wanting to spend my life screaming on the inside. He was going to preform some blood ritual. Alter my mind and make me... Acceptable. I found out and left.” Dorian says and Alarion feels ice run through him and he moves closer subconsciously knowing blood magic and demons were powerful enough that this was fairly possible.

“Are you alright?” He asks and the mage looks back and shakes his head looking back out the window.

“No. Not really.” He says softly. All the elf wants to do is hug the man.

“What he did was wrong.” The elf states stern and certain. Dorian shrugs.

“I think he knows that. Just struggles admitting it.” He says and Alarion can see why... Admitting a mistake was hard especially when they were proud and the Pavus family seemed to have that in spades.

“He’s a good man deep down... My father. Taught me how important principle is, he cares for me in his way. He’ll just never change.” Dorian sighs and Alarion shakes his head and swallows.

“Maybe you’ll work through it, see eye to eye.” He says though he wants to offer to kill the man. Dorian looks back at him with a slight half smile though it’s flat.

“You’re very optimistic, it’s charming really.” He says and Alarion smiles back feeling just as worn thin.

“Maker knows what you must think of me now after that display.” Dorian says as he walks up to Alarion who looks up at him feeling a sudden lightening rush over his whole form. 

“I’ll never think less of you. If it were possible I think more of you.” Alarion states certain to his core and Dorian chuckles looking amused and fond at him and butterflies are dancing in his chest. 

“My father never understood.. Living a lie it festers in you like a poison. You have to fight for what’s in your heart.” Dorian says fire and conviction in his whole form. Alarion feels it spread to him and speaks before he can think.

“I agree.” And he leans up as Dorian leans down to him and the kiss is like fire he never wants to stop. Dorian pulls back though.

“I didn’t think you’d enjoy playing with fire, Inquisitor...” He teases grinning stepping back into his safe pattern even as he wants to shatter it and burn. Damn all the consequences with the elf looking at him like he wants nothing more than him back in another kiss. He’s so terribly afraid... If he messes up he’ll fall hard. He doesn’t want to hurt like that.

“Anyway, time to drink myself into a stupor. That kind of day. Join me sometime if you’ve a mind.” Dorian says and Alarion smiles and nods and walks with the mage drinking with him and walking Dorian to his bed when the man is drunk and stumbling. He goes back to the bar after and joins Bull explaining it all and getting absolutely pissed laughing hysterically as Krem tells some ridiculous story of an old job involving tar and feathers. In the morning he wakes up curled up on Bull.

“Morning.” The Qunari says grinning as the elf goes white as a sheet.

“Not sore... Nothing happened I hope?” He asks and Bull shakes his head.

“Nah, I got morals, you were too trashed to leave alone. So... You have it hard for the vint?” He asks and Alarion looks away and curls back up.

“I want to make him happy... I want to skin his father. He’s sweet and soft under that bluster I’ve seen it... I want so much but he’s from a place that taught him it’s a shameful thing to love another man... His own father turned on him for it. Mine died protecting me and my sister. I don’t understand why family would do that.” Alarion sighs and Bull hmms.

“You’ve got work ahead of you then. He’s all tied up and content keeping those ties tight.” Bull says and Alarion hums thoughtfully.

“Let him set the pace.” He says and gets up thanking Bull he goes and the Qunari waves. Over the next weeks the elf shadows the mage and showering every hint he can making every advance and he is glowing when Dorian circles him in his rooms. He get’s flushed as Dorian purrs in his ear and Alarion pulls the mage into a kiss hungry and wanting everything Dorian will give.

“I want everything you’re willing to give me Dorian... I want you to be happy and I definitely want to be part of your life if you’ll have me.” Dorian paused in shock then just kisses the elf so very glad he’d let this elf in and shatter his walls and now there was this brilliant burning, bright light shining for him burning away everything and giving him someone to fall into.

#GET UP & WRITE! #GET UP & WRITE! July #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age inquisition #elf inquisitor #alarion lavellan #Dorian Pavus #dorian x lavellan #inquisitor x dorian #dorian has issues

[onestowatch]

10 Artists You Should Celebrate This Cancer Season

Ladies and gentleman… It’s Cancer season. From June 21 to July 23, Ariana Grande to Kevin Abstract, Cancers everywhere will be turning a year older and taking in their season in the spotlight. Before we celebrate some of our ten favorite musically-gifted water signs, let’s discuss what will be going down in July.

With a new moon in Cancer, it’s time to start something new. Since this new moon is an eclipse, any new projects can grow and flourish over the next six months rather than the typical four. On July 7, Mercury will be in retrograde until July 31. Don’t panic! Just be wary of making big decisions and keep your schedule flexible. There will also be a partial lunar eclipse on July 16.

This Cancer season means: let your emotions flow, talk to your mother, and follow your instincts. I think it’s time we all tap into our inner Cancer and reflect on some of our favorite artists born under this zodiac.

Solange – Born on June 24, 1986

Solange embodies one of Cancer’s most defining traits – strong familial affairs. Between signing with her father’s Music World Entertainment label at a young age, to working with her sister Beyoncé on multiple projects, family – along with her southern roots – are what make Solange Solange. Home is where the heart is for Cancers, and the R&B singer manifests that.

Solange’s latest project, When I Get Home, transports listeners to her hometown of Houston, Texas. The album is an ode to her roots, and is the perfect listen during this astrological season.

Cuco –  Born on June 26, 1998

Cuco’s latest single, “Feelings,” says it all. The 21-year-old Cancer makes introspective, emotional music full of synth sounds and captivating lyrics. Between songs that dive into love/hate relationships like “Bossa No Sé” to drawing inspiration from impactful experiences in “Hydrocodone,” the bilingual singer never fails to draw from his heart in his music. Like a true Cancer, he uses his vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness.

Ariana Grande –  Born on June 26, 1993

Ariana Grande exemplifies so many key traits of Cancers – she’s loyal to friends, fans, and family. She is also unafraid to share her emotions through her music, but she doesn’t let her feelings stop her from hard work. Her ability to deal with stressful and life-altering experiences, while also continuously releasing new music and touring, makes it hard not to praise this Cancer for her drive and ambition. Cancers have strong persistence to overcome obstacles, and Grande is a figure who is a symbol of that strength. 

With her latest album, thank u, next, Grande encapsulates the importance of connecting with yourself, family, and friends; and how these ties invoke growth. Watch this Cancer’s creative, comedic, and glamorous video for her track “thank u, next” below:

H.E.R. –  Born on June 27, 1997

In typical Cancer fashion, H.E.R. is not afraid to be vulnerable, and we are so thankful for that. As one of the zodiac’s most feminine, receptive signs, this Cancer dives deep into her music, full of sensuality and passion.

Cancer’s are a highly compassionate sign with deep emotional intelligence, and those vibes are woven throughout this artist’s music. H.E.R.’s music is a unified voice for women. Cancer rules the fourth house of women, home, and family, so not only are people thinking more about their families during Cancer season, they should take time to pay respect to all females everywhere.

H.E.R.’s feminist voice makes her discography the perfect listen for this Cancer season. And if you want to listen to some music about love and loss, H.E.R. is the one for you. 

Oliver Tree –  Born on June 29, 1993

Where do I begin? Oliver Tree is undeniably chaotic, but don’t judge a book by its cover. This artist encapsulates a major trait of those born in Cancer season – he has a wide imagination. He makes his vivid creativity a strength of his in order to shock fans with his projects.

Though this Cancer is often declared as an alt-rock goofball, his music dives into serious topics such as concern for loved ones and criticism of one self. He’s actually pretty empathetic and really in touch with his emotions, like those born during Cancer season.

Unwind and and let loose with Tree’s catchy yet meaningful music. You can watch the video for his track “Miracle Man” below and read what we have to say about it here.

Saweetie –  Born on July 2, 1993

Saweetie is unapologetic when it comes to assessing her feelings, needs, and wants. Cancer is a sign that values self-nurture, and Saweetie makes decisions based off of what is best for her growth.

Cancer’s spread good vibes and so does this singer’s music. Cancers are known for being extremely helpful and caring, but sometimes they are overwhelmed with a strong need for some alone time. Saweetie loves intimate studio sessions because she said sometimes, you just have to get the job done with little frills by yourself (and maybe one other person). Saweetie says that she leans towards creative people who are genuine and honest because those are the best people to work with.

Bibi Bourelly –  Born on July 14, 1994

Bibi Bourelly says she has a very good sense of judgement, something Cancer’s often have, and she moved to Los Angeles from the east coast by herself with limited connections in the city. By taking risks, Bourelly has become the artist she is today.

Cancers are creative forces, so it is to no surprise that Bourelly has written bangers for Rihanna's album Anti, along with pursuing her own solo career. She’s worked with artists such as Kanye West, Lil Wayne, GoldLink, and more. Bourelly takes risks in her songwriting and is unafraid of discussing sensitive subjects and opinions in her music. Her risks result in heavenly, passionate R&B magic.

Kevin Abstract – Born on July 16, 1996

Kevin Abstract makes music that is deeply personal and poetic. Abstract is the founding member of Brockhampton, a rap/R&B group that put out a dizzying number of albums in a short amount of time. The group was quickly catapulted into the spotlight as they continuously released new projects. In 2019, Abstract decided to shift his focus on his second full length solo project Arizona Baby. In the album, Abstract covers topics such as growing up gay in a Mormon household, broken relationships, overcoming obstacles, and more. 

In true Cancer fashion, Abstract hustles to get stuff done. When a Cancer is working on a project, they will roll up their sleeves and work as hard as they can to produce something they are proud of. Abstract is not only afraid to write about music that taps into his deep emotions and past, but he seamlessly produces evocative music that is endlessly catchy and undeniably relevant.

Kali Uchis –  Born on July 17, 1994

This Cancer season, taking a few minutes to sit down and listen to Kali Uchis’ music might help bring out those emotions you’ve been waiting to pour out. The singer’s latest track “Time” is all about taking time for yourself to grow, and with a feature from Mac Miller, how can you not be emotional? The artist has worked with many artists, from Tyler, the Creator to Steve Lacy. 

Cancers are a paradoxical – they are known as caretakers and nurtures but you would also definitely hit their line to accompany you on a fun night out. Uchis may seem like a gentle, caring Cancer at times, but she’s also the type of person you would want to hangout with at a club. 

There’s never a bad time to listen to this Cancer’s music because she has a song for every mood. Watch the video for “After The Storm,” featuring Tyler, The Creator and Bootsy Collins below.

Maggie Lindemann –  Born on July 21, 1998

Cancers are full of love and care, as well as a high intuition. Maggie Lindemann isn’t afraid to speak her mind, whether that be reading people like in her song “Obsessed” or opening up in her latest track “Friends Go.” Like a typical Cancer, her music touches themes of the importance of relationships. Uncertainty is also dabbled in a few of her songs, which is typical of those born during Cancer season. So let’s hope Lindemann is treating herself this month and indulging in her feelings positively!

Watch the video for this Cancer artist’s song “Friends Go” below, and read what Ones to Watch has written about the track and video here.

#cuco #Bibi Bourelly #solange #Ariana Grande #H.E.R. #Kevin Abstract #Kali Uchis #Oliver Tree #Maggie Lindemann #Saweetie #cancer season

[chiseler]

SWEET YOUNG INNOCENT

Coleen Gray and Sterling Hayden in The Killing

Long before Coleen Gray arrived in Hollywood, when she was still a teenager named Doris Bernice Jensen living in Staplehurst, Nebraska, doppelgängers playing the Coleen Gray role were already appearing on the big screen. In the 1940 RKO programmer The Ape, Maris Wrixon took a Coleen Gray turn as a sweet and innocent young woman with a spinal defect who becomes the focus of Boris Karloff’s affections. Unfortunately, being a mad doctor, Karloff’s efforts to find a cure for the poor girl drive him to kill a whole bunch of people. A year later in John Huston’s High Sierra, it was Joan Leslie in the Coleen Gray role, as the good hearted young woman with a club foot who very nearly convinces Bogart’s Roy Earle to change his criminal ways. Then she makes the mistake of telling him she’s engaged to someone else. And in an oddly prescient move, three years after Coleen Gray earned her first major role, Jean Hagen played Sterling Hayden’s lonely, desperate and long-suffering girlfriend in Huston’s Asphalt Jungle, some six years before Gray would at long last play the role herself in The Killing.

For all the doppelgängers who came along before and after—and there were plenty—none of them could top Gray herself as the embodiment of lovely, wide-eyed, corn-fed All American innocence—though an innocence, while incorruptible, that often wandered unknowingly into some shadowy territory and the company of some pretty rough characters.

After getting her BA in Dramatic Arts from Hamline University, Gray (still Doris Jensen at that point) set out to see more of the country, stopping first in La Jolla. She worked as a waitress for a few weeks before making the headlong plunge into Hollywood. She enrolled in an acting school, began appearing in some small theatrical productions around L.A., and, as the classic story goes, was spotted by a talent agent who offered her a contract with 20th Century Fox. In an early magazine interview, gray told the reporter of her girlhood dreams of being a movie star, particularly how she would decorate her dressing room and buy gifts for her staff—all the standard dreams of a typical Coleen Gray character. But as so often happened with her characters, after getting what she wanted she soon realized it wasn’t nearly as glamorous as the movie magazines would have us believe.

First came the name change, from Doris Jensen to Coleen Gray, the single “l” to make her unique, and the “Gray” to subconsciously remind people of Betty Grable.

After an uncredited role in 1945’s State Fair was followed by two other uncredited roles, in 1947, the year film noir really came into its own, the newcomer Gray established herself as a genre stalwart, nearly as inescapable as Ida Lupino, but with her own unique character and persona. In counterpoint to all those devious, dime-a-dozen femme fatales out there, and counter even to Lupino’s streetwise and world wary dames, Gray was redemption, a sign of hope within a dark and nihilistic world.

Her big break came as the narrator and co-star of Henry Hathaway’s seminal and groundbreaking Kiss of Death. Working opposite Victor Mature and a young Richard Widmark (making his unforgettable screen debut as sociopath Tommy Udo), it was Gray’s opening narration that established her screen persona for time immemorial.

Over shots of the snow falling on Midtown Manhattan, her gentle Midwestern voice explains:

“Nick Bianco hadn't worked for a year. He had a record - a prison record. They say it shouldn't count against you but when Nick tried to get a job the same thing always happened: ‘Very sorry. No prejudice, of course, but no job either.’ So this is how Nick went Christmas shopping for his kids.”

While most Noir Era opening narration tended to be stern and authoritarian, warning audiences about the scourge of crime, the dangers to be found in the shadows of the big city and what have you, Gray’s voice is empathetic and, yes, innocent, the voice of a young woman in love, and so willing to overlook a few of her beau’s minor character glitches. She understands nick’s circumstances and makes no moral judgment about his decision to rob a jewelry store in the Chrysler Building in order to buy Christmas presents for his family. What we don’t learn until later is that our narrator, Nettie, was actually the criminally young Bianco family babysitter when the events of the opening scene take place. 

Gray herself doesn’t appear onscreen until much later, when she shows up at the prison and breaks down, telling nick his wife has killed herself, his daughters have been put in an orphanage and, oh, yes, she’s been in love with him for years.

That seems A-OK with Nick, and through the narrative economy that so marked Hathaway’s film. The moment he’s sprung we jump months, even a couple years ahead to find Nick and Nettie married, settled down and living a deliriously happy suburban existence. Nick’s finally found work as a bricklayer, and Nettie has given her inner Midwestern girl free reign, keeping house and making dinner in a dress and apron. Even as things go to hell soon afterward, with Nick drawn back into the shadows to try and ensnare that cackling Tommy Udo, Netti’s perhaps naive optimism never falters.

It was a very good year for Gray, who also found herself co-starring opposite Tyrone Power in another, much darker noir touchstone. Her role in Edmund Golding’s Nightmare Alley (based on the William Gresham novel) would at first blush seem a radical departure from the sweet young innocence of Nettie, but you watch closely, and there’s still plenty of Nettie in Molly. Yes, Molly is a carny working a sideshow electric chair gag in a seedy traveling show , but for all the men lusting after her she remains sweet and virginal. Even when she takes up with the mercenary con man Stanton Carlisle (Power) and the two split the carnival to shoot for the big time with a mentalist act, her conscience comes with her. Once the act morphs from a simple nightclub routine into a spiritualist scam preying on the fragile emotions of the mourning and desperate, pretending to offer comforting contact with lost loved ones, that conscience rears up and Molly splits the show. She returns at film’s end, however, back at the sane carnival where Stanton himself lands after falling as hard and low as a man can manage. While all the other women Stanton has dealt with along the way proved themselves just as conniving and wicked as he is, Molly reappears as a singular symbol of possible redemption. Unlike the book, her presence offers that hope, however slim, Stan might pull himself together yet.

Five years later in Phil Karlson’s Kansas City Confidential (with Lee Van Cleef, Neville Brand, Jack Elam and John Payne), Gray doesn’t appear until late in the film, but works the same redemptive magic. Sweet and innocent as ever, she’s unaware that her retired cop father has turned criminal mastermind. She’s also wholly unaware her father’s about to settle a score with his three cronies while the patsy he framed for a million dollar armored car heist is closing in to settle a few scores of his own. She just decides to pay a visit, like any loving daughter, because she hadn’t seen her dad in awhile. Worse, during her unwittingly ill-timed visit, she falls for the patsy in question (Payne) even though she knows he’s already got a recored, because as ever she can see beyond such trifles.

The crowning jewel, and the perfect bookend to her role as noir’s ever-present symbol of goodness and light and hope within the darkness came in 1956 with Stanley Kubrick’s The Killing.

Losing the chewing gum and the cheap eyelashes, Gray essentially reprises Jean Hagen’s role in Asphalt Jungle, but with a certain melancholy purity that makes the role all her own.  Kubrick made it clear he signed Sterling Hayden specifically on account of his performance in Asphalt Jungle, and yes, Fay’s relationship with Johnny Clay (Hayden) echoes the relationship in the Huston film in many ways—the sad young woman yearning for little more out of life than a scrap of attention from her outlaw boyfriend. More interesting within the context of the film is how the relationship acts as a mirror image of that scheming Sherry (Marie Windsor) and her sap of a husband George (Elisha Cook) across town. Sherry endlessly belittles George, having not the slightest inkling he’s involved in planning a massive heist. Fay, meanwhile, is a simple kid who—like Nettie in Kiss of Death—knows full well what Johnny’s business is, and loves him anyway. Again, all she wants is a little attention in return, but knows she’ll have to wait to get it. Despite the company she keeps, she’s as wide-eyed and innocent as ever, and at film’s end, when everything goes to hell, she doesn’t run, doesn’t scream or panic. She offers a few gentle suggestions about possible escape, but when a clearly defeated Johnny shrugs off her suggestions, she waits again as he turns to face the cops, and you know she’ll keep waiting until he gets out of prison.

For noir nuts, that was the high water mark, though afterward gray was busier than ever, mostly on television and mostly in Westerns, where her midwestern beauty made her a natural. There were a few weirdies dropped in along the way, including her starring role in the 1960 low-budget drive-in hit The leech Woman. Essentially a knockoff of the previous year’s The Wasp Woman, and one of her very few villainous turns, Gray plays a middle aged woman who learns the secret to eternal youth lay in a formula that calls for the pineal gland of a male. Given the serum’s youth-restoring properties are only temporary, well, that means she’s going to have to start collecting a lot of pineal glands. In another less than wholesome turn in 1962’s The Phantom Planet, she plays the blond and manipulative daughter of a…well, to be honest it’s a bit too much and too mind boggling to get into here, but Gray does seem to be having fun playing against type.

In an era when such a thing wasn’t the kiss of death (so to speak), Gray was an outspoken political conservative and Christian, and as early as  1964 was lobbying Congress for a Constitutional amendment allowing prayer in public schools. She continued working steadily into the mid-Eighties, retiring from show business while only in her sixties. Along with her third husband Joseph Fritz Ziesier, she devoted the last three decades of her life to social work, from the Red Cross and Girl Scouts to an evangelical fellowship group aimed at prison inmates. Which is pretty much what you’d expect from a Coleen Gray character.

by Jim Knipfel

#Jim Knipfel #Coleen Gray #Sterling Hayden #The Chiseler

[politicsprose]

2017 Holiday Newsletter

Welcome to the 2017 Politics and Prose Holiday Newsletter. As always, we’re proud to present a selection of some of the year’s most impressive books. Happy holidays to all!

American Fiction

Jennifer Egan’s Manhattan Beach (@scribnerbooks) captures a time and place on the verge of momentous change. Set in Brooklyn in the 1940s, the novel tells the story of Anna Kerrigan, a young woman who has dropped out of Brooklyn College to contribute what she can to the American war effort. Unsatisfied with her job of inspecting and measuring machine parts, she attempts to enter the male-only world of deep-sea diving. Manhattan Beach is rich and atmospheric, highlighting a period when gangs controlled the waterfront, jazz streamed from the doors of nightclubs, and the future for everyone was far from certain. - Mark L.

Shaker Heights is a perfectly planned town full of people with seemingly perfectly planned lives, but when Mia and her daughter Pearl move in they start a series of little fires, small rebellions, that shake the community to its core. Celeste Ng brilliantly explores the nature of art, family, and identity in her second novel, Little Fires Everywhere (@thepenguinpress). The writing is beautifully elegant and layered, and you’ll find yourself immediately swept up in the lives of the characters. At the heart of the story are four mothers: one whose carefully planned family was nearly derailed by a high-risk pregnancy and who watches her youngest daughter so carefully that she forgets to show her love; one who leaves her child at a firehouse to save her life in a hopeless moment; one who longs for a child and fears her chance will be snatched away before she can experience the wonder of motherhood; and one who made a dangerous choice to raise her child on her terms. Whether you are a mother or a child, the story of these women and their families will stay with you long after you turn the last page. - Tori O.

Larry McMurtry has always been ambivalent about the success of the fiction in which he portrays the cowboy myth and the rugged Texas machismo that comes with it, but as you read the three novels collected in Thalia: A Texas Trilogy  (Liveright) you won’t be of two minds. Actually, upon learning that McMurtry wrote all these books in his twenties and that they were the very first three he wrote, you’ll be burning with envy. In Horseman, Pass By, McMurtry sets Lonnie Bannon with his love of his Granddad’s ranch and way of life against Hud, his step-brother, who is endlessly crude and cruel. At the center of Leaving Cheyenne are Gid, Johnny, and Molly, a rancher, his cowboy hand, and the woman they both love. They each take a turn telling the story of their unconventional lives in small-town Texas. Finally, there’s The Last Picture Show, in which we see Thalia as a dead-end place. Of the three, this is perhaps the most darkly comic, as nearly every character engages in self-deception in order to eke out an existence in a town where every day is the same. Amid the fantastic and perhaps unbelievably melodramatic events, McMurtry finds a bottomless well of compassion for his characters. This is one time capsule was worth re-opening. - Sharat B.

Described as an “illustrated novella,” and looking like a quirky coffee table book, A Field Guide to the North American Family (Knopf), by Garth Risk Hallberg, is neither. This work, which Hallberg wrote before his 2015 New York epic, City on Fire, is an ingenious maze of a narrative based on the concept of the North American Family. Reminiscent of Lydia Davis’ seemingly quotidian pieces of pointed brilliance, Hallberg’s work is multi-layered, surprising, and deft. At one level the book uses a series of flash-fictions to recount the story of two families. At another, it’s an index of terms that readers can reference while reading the main plot—or savor for the wisdom they offer on their own. Then there are the photos. Each episode comes not only with its keywords but with a visual image. These are sometimes directly related to the text, like conventional illustrations, but often their relationship to the narrative is more elusive. Some pages look as if they’ve been torn from one scrapbook and pasted into this one, others look fresh and new. Grab this emotional map of North American family life and get ready to wander – it’s sure to be a warm, nostalgic trip. - Justin S.

In Paul La Farge’s The Night Ocean (@penguinrandomhouse), Marina Willett’s husband, a famous-turned-infamous literary historian, has disappeared, seemingly a suicide case but maybe that’s just what he wants people to think. From this hook, the book’s tentacles spread into a kaleidoscopic series of investigations, as Marina double-checks her spouse’s leads to get to the bottom of a mysterious bit of H. P. Lovecraft apocrypha called “The Erotonomicon.” Cameos extend from Lovecraft to William Burroughs, Isaac Asimov, and more, becoming something like “The Savage Detectives of American weird fiction.” To follow this book’s incredible story, you don’t need to like, or even know, these figures, which are all fictionalized creations anyway, despite the author’s deep knowledge of their histories. La Farge critiques and parodies but does not romanticize these writers. He’s deeply attuned to how our human sympathies toward icons we learn about from afar can morph into blind obsession despite our best intentions. His narrative is a seamless combination of trickster humor and utter heartbreak, plumbing the depths to which people will go to forgive, embody, and take revenge upon their former idols, all while preserving their own reputation. The best writing lives inside you —even possesses you. The Night Ocean does just that. - Jonathan W.

Lily Tuck, whose novel The News from Paraguay won the National Book Award in 2004, is one of our finest writers of novels-in-vignettes, and her latest, Sisters (@theatlantic), takes compression to extremes. Its “chapters” are often over in a page, a paragraph, sometimes a sentence, but they’re such vivid shards that you feel like you’re catching all the other pieces in a mosaic without having to see them spelled out. This is the story of a woman reflecting on her shaky marriage, whose trappings—her husband’s children, passions, and memories—all come courtesy of a prior spouse. Tuck centers on her narrator’s relationship with this other woman, who, though living across town, always seems to be in the air. What could turn spiteful in another writer’s hands comes off as gentle and empathetic in Tuck’s, as her lead character seizes on snatches of imagery (“a messy ponytail,” “did not wear rings”), to think through what her ostensible rival’s life must be like. Is it the narrator and not the man who links the two of them who truly understands this woman, she who sees that the bouillabaisse dinner he fondly remembers from France might have made her pregnant body sick? For such a short novel, Sisters is full of these kinds of insights, simply but inimitably framed. - Jonathan W.

One of the most talked about books this autumn, and my favorite, was My Absolute Darling (@riverheadbooks), by Gabriel Tallent. Shocking and unsettling, at times difficult to read, the novel follows fourteen-year-old Turtle Alveston, who feels more at home in nature than she does with her survivalist and damaged father, as she searches for freedom and fights for her soul. Roaming the woods one night, wondering if her father would be able to find her, she meets two lost teenage boys and guides them safely out. And that is the moment she starts questioning her home life. The way Tallent brings you steadily into Turtle’s mind makes you almost feel her pain. He manages to capture her deepest thoughts, her internal struggle, her will to survive. Obviously suffering from Stockholm syndrome, she debates with herself over whether to stay or leave, doubting her worth every step of the way. But she fights and she survives. She is the kind of girl, brave and determined, with whom readers are almost duty-bound to fall in love. Tallent grew up in Mendocino and spent a lot of time outside. His love for the region is evident in Turtle’s view of the place and Mendocino itself is a strong character in the book. This is Tallent’s debut novel. And what a remarkable debut it is! - Marija D.

Friendships seldom get the sustained literary treatment that romances do, but Claire Messud’s insightful novel The Burning Girl (@wwnorton) shows that these relationships strike as deep, stir as many emotions, and do as much to shape a person, for better or worse. They can have special force when formed early in life, and Messud’s protagonists, Julia and Cassie, are best friends from nursery school to roughly seventh grade. Narrating the friendship and its aftermath, Julia, the one who takes paths already there rather than striking out into untrodden territory—the one who sets limits—insists that she and Cassie are as close as sisters. Their two families never mesh, however, and Julia comes to realize that her notion of “home” is not Cassie’s. Much of Cassie’s home life is guesswork, and while Julia does that work, her version of Cassie is partly made up; at times Cassie seems like one of the characters Julia, an aspiring actress, inhabits on stage. Messud uses the inherently self-dramatizing period of adolescence as a lens to view more difficult questions of how well any two people can know each other, and she brilliantly demonstrates how the typical rites of passage—fantasizing about an alternative family, surviving junior high cliques—can suddenly yield “one of those events that that was little and big at the same time,” bringing about the kind of understanding that a person never forgets. - Laurie G.

#books #Holidays #american fiction #2017